Original subtitles

ETIENNE: Car, bar, far.

AINE: [laughs] Yes, exactly.

Now, English people, 'cause they're weird,

would say it like, "Cah...bah...fah..."

ETIENNE: That would be great.

AINE: [laughs] That would be great.

Ri‐Ri‐Richard,

you have to hear Etienne's Irish accent.

‐ [in Irish accent] That would be great.

AINE: [laughs]

Oi, yay, yeah...

‐ Oh, my God.

Is that glitter and a tenner?

‐ It's a card from my mum.

It's for my birthday tomorrow.

AINE: Aww.

God, I can't really imagine you being a child.

Like, I feel like you came out with the strong,

serious jaw line and an‐‐ an opinion on Chekhov.

‐ Listen, I'm not the one wearing red cowboy boots

nowhere near a ranch.

‐ Oh, zing.

Look at you giving me that drag queen shade.

‐ Uh, no, no, I didn't understand most of that.

‐ [laughs]

So what are your birthday plans, then?

‐ Yeah, probably head into town,

get some shots, hit the clubs, you know.

‐ [chuckles] RICHARD: Hey, Etienne,

do you want come to a‐‐ a nightclub?

‐ I'm busy. ‐ [laughs]

RICHARD: Just me then.

AINE: [laughs] ‐ [laughs]

‐ So what age are you then?

‐ 46.

AINE: Oh.

‐ How old do you think I was?

‐ 70.

No, what, 72.

RICHARD: 72?

‐ Mm‐hmm.

‐ So... [clears throat]

46, uh, too old for you then?

‐ What, for me to live until?

Uh, well, no, you know...

‐ Yeah, I know, yeah.

Um...

well, I mean, it's all about vibes, Richard, isn't it?

‐ Vibes? AINE: Yeah, mm.

‐ Okay.

‐ I don't read books, Richard. I read vibes.

ETIENNE: [in Irish accent] Make me a cuppa tea, will ya?

ETIENNE: [laughs]

Well, on that note, make me a cup of tea, will you, Richard?

[laughs]

[sighs]

Right, what's the next thing? Four letter words.

SINGER: ♪ Tell me not to come back ♪

♪ Beg me not to go ♪

VISH: Ah, no avocados?

No way.

‐ An avocado shortage?

Thoughts and prayers with you, Vish.

‐ Eh...what do I owe this displeasure, then?

‐ Do you think Shona's dead or just late?

I only have a plan for the former.

VISH: For what?

‐ Well, for a dance class we're going to.

‐ Yeah, yeah, Shona's not going to a dance class

‐ We are. She promised me.

And I booked it, and it's expensive.

So I don't know where she is.

‐ Shona is with Charlotte, as usual.

It's a dance class; go on your own.

It's not Noah's Ark.

You don't have to go in pairs.

‐ Oh, I can't go in on my own. I'll look stupid.

VISH: Yeah, well, I go to the gym all the time on my own,

every day.

‐ Point proven, then.

VISH: Ahh.

‐ Hey, are you excited about the weekend?

‐ I am excited about this sandwich,

and I am terrified about the weekend.

All right, go dance.

‐ Yeah, I am. I am.

VISH: Bye. ‐ Bye.

SINGER: ♪ Want to stay in your arms forever ♪

♪ Only love can set you ♪

‐ [mouthing words]

‐ Grand, thanks. Bye.

‐ ♪ Free ♪

♪ When I wake each morning ♪

♪ ♪

♪ As the storm beats down on me ♪

♪ And I know we belong together ♪

‐ Oh, uh, sorry.

AINE: Oh, Jesus. BRADLEY: We interrupting?

AINE: [muttering] BRADLEY: [laughs]

I‐‐I didn't think you were gonna be in this evening.

Oh, hi, Emma. Glad you're back. EMMA: Hi.

BRADLEY: Yeah, she just wanted to come round and watch some...

EMMA: Just watch some... BRADLEY: Watch a bit of telly.

EMMA: Yeah. AINE: Oh, right, yeah.

Is your TV broken? ‐ No, no.

Uh... AINE: No. No.

‐ No. Uh, have you‐‐uh, do you not have any pants on?

‐ Oh, no, I am, yeah. No, they're under there.

‐ Oh. ‐ So, there you go.

‐ What's that smell?

‐ Oh, it's probably my pants, Bradley.

‐ No, it smells like bread or something.

‐ Yeah, exactly. [laughs]

Oh, I'm making a cake. Yeah, baking a cake, uh‐‐

‐ Who for?

AINE: Um, just a friend whose birthday it is.

‐ Ooh. Come on, tell old Bradley who this friend is.

‐ I mean, can't a‐‐ a woman not bake a cake

for a gentleman friend without this questioning?

‐ Yeah, I've literally never seen you bake before, so...

‐ I mean, well, I've had no one to cook for.

BRADLEY: You've yourself.

AINE: Well, no one that I like, then.

‐ We're gonna watch‐‐we're gonna watch TV now, Bradley.

‐ Yeah, but we're not in a rush, are we?

‐ Well, I probably only have an hour

before I'm too sleepy to do anything.

‐ I do need a sleep, actually.

EMMA: Yes. ‐ Very tired.

So I'm just gonna‐‐ gonna get this cake out.

Ooh, ooh, ooh.

BRADLEY: Oh, I see you smiling in there.

‐ I'm not smiling.

BRADLEY: [laughs]

[upbeat music]

‐ Hey, sorry I missed the dance thing.

AINE: Yeah, I know.

I felt like an absolute no pals dumbo.

‐ Well, you know, I'm trying to fix the world, Aine.

Takes a minute.

CHARLOTTE: Have you got‐‐ SHONA: What's up?

‐ Nothing's up. I just wanted to see how my womb‐mate was on her big day.

You know, we haven't spoken in ages.

‐ Is everything okay?

AINE: Yeah, everything's okay.

Um, so I made a cake for Richard.

It might be a bit much. It's his birthday.

But I think yesterday he might have actually tried to ask me out.

‐ Ah, Aine, just don't get over exci...

[loud feedback]

Oh, shit. ‐ [gasps]

SHONA: Sorry.

[laughter]

Just be careful.

‐ Ah, Shona, don't be silly.

You can't question every decision in life.

It's too short. Oh, and also, by the way,

I sent you two different pictures

of the things I might wear this evening,

and you haven't replied yet, so...

‐ Well, just don't wear a silky shirt and pastel pants, okay,

'cause I'm wearing that, and we'd look like leftover Nolans.

All right, I'll see you later. Bye.

‐ Bye.

SHONA: Is that not working? CHARLOTTE: It's not‐‐

SHONA: Well, troubleshoot, troubleshoot.

CHARLOTTE: I don't understand what's going on.

SHONA: Well, let's just Bluetooth it.

‐ You say that like you know what you're talking about.

[laughter]

‐ Hi.

ETIENNE: Bonjour. Nous avons une classe aujourd'hui?

‐ Er, no, c'est une surprise visit.

I made your dad a cake.

‐ Pourquoi?

‐ Why? It can be from the two of us if you want.

‐ Non. ‐ Non.

What do you mean, "non, non"? Where is he anyways?

‐ There's a woman here.

‐ What woman? Who woman? What woman?

‐ Aine, hey, I wasn't expecting you.

Uh, did you leave something here, or are we...

Why‐‐why are you here?

BARBARA: Hello. RICHARD: Um...

AINE: Hi. BARBARA: What's this?

‐ Um...happy birthday.

‐ Richard. [laughs]

I didn't know it was your birthday.

I probably should have known.

I know everything else about you.

[chuckles] You made a cake for him?

‐ Yeah, I did, if‐‐ if you can believe it now,

this wasn't actually made in a professional bakery.

‐ [laughs] ‐ That's...

God, I can't remember the last time someone made me a cake.

‐ Um, it's actually from myself and Etienne.

It was Etienne's idea really. Etienne wanted to do it.

There you go, Etienne.

Now give your dad the cake that you wanted to give to him.

There you go.

Ah, look at that.

‐ Ah, that...thanks, Etienne. That's...

‐ [chuckles]

‐ Sorry, you are? ‐ Oh, God, sorry.

‐ God, sorry, this is, uh, the tutor, um...

‐ I'm Aine.

RICHARD: Yeah.

‐ Yeah, I'm the tutor.

‐ I'm Barbara.

Etienne's English has gotten so good.

You‐‐you're doing a fab job.

‐ She‐‐she really is.

‐ Yeah, I'm doing a job.

Um, well, listen,

I hope it doesn't have a soggy bottom.

‐ [laughs] ‐ A‐‐a what?

‐ She knows.

‐ That was very funny.

It's a reference to The Great British Bake Off.

‐ Yeah.

Uh, right, well, uh, happy birthday.

Lovely to meet you, but I've got to get to class.

And stay out of trouble, young madman.

Bye. RICHARD: Bye.

BARBARA: Mmm.

[Clans' Ride]

SINGER: ♪ White teeth and black leather ♪

♪ You and I would go good together baby ♪

♪ Black soul, white feathers ♪

FREDDIE: [grunting]

AINE: [chuckles]

FREDDIE: [exhales] AINE: [chuckles]

FREDDIE: Let me make you come. AINE: Huh?

FREDDIE: Come on. AINE: No, no, no, no, no.

‐ Come on, you didn't let me last time either.

‐ No, I don't need to. It's fine.

Just hold me instead.

‐ All right.

‐ Will you stroke my arm?

‐ That's a new approach. ‐ [laughs]

Yeah.

Do you want to go again?

‐ Are you all right?

‐ Yeah, what are you‐‐yeah, I'm grand.

Just...

‐ Hey, um,

can I ask you something?

‐ Yes, yes, Freddie.

You may look Madonna in the eye and ask her a question.

‐ Were you in rehab a few months back?

‐ What?

No, you idiot.

Who told you that?

‐ Well, Charlotte mentioned it.

Don't worry; she only told me 'cause she assumed

I'd have known,

which in fairness, I should have.

‐ No, it was like a spa, not rehab.

God, and you didn't need to know,

'cause we'd broken up.

‐ So you were? ‐ No.

‐ Jesus, Aine, you should have told me.

I still love you. ‐ No, I was just tired.

I was just‐‐like, it was just a break.

I just needed a break.

What do you mean you still love me?

‐ Of course I love you... in, like, the way...

you‐‐you know the way.

Jesus.

Aine, was‐‐was it really a spa?

I mean, you‐‐you didn't do anything to yourself, did you?

Charlotte mentioned that‐‐

‐ Oh, fuck Charlotte.

What the fuck does Charlotte know,

the gossipy bitch.

I'm grand. God, I'm grand.

God, no need to be so dramatic.

We're not in an episode of EastEnders.

‐ Hey, don't joke with me.

‐ Honestly, I'm grand.

Charlotte just got the wrong end of the stick.

Honestly, I could kill Shona.

It's so stupid.

It was a spa, Freddie, like, you know,

like a‐‐like a retreat thing,

like, there was Jacuzzis and stuff.

[scoffs]

‐ Okay.

‐ God, Shona‐‐actually, do you know what?

I, um‐‐mwah!

I actually‐‐ I've got Shona's thing,

so I have to scoot.

Can I borrow a cardigan?

The thing I'm wearing is just a bit light.

‐ Yeah.

‐ Whose clothes are these?

Do you have a girlfriend?

‐ No,

Uh... [sighs]

she's away a lot, so we're‐‐ we're kind of taking things slow.

‐ By fucking your ex. That's nice.

‐ Aine, don't.

You know I love you.

‐ Oh, no, no, I actually don't know anything at all, Freddie.

Can you, um, pass me my knickers?

‐ Aine. ‐ Just pass me my knickers.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

VISH: You know, Aine's been trying you all week.

SHONA: Jesus. Give me a break.

I'm snowed under.

I called her back earlier anyway.

‐ Mm, it's just not like you. That's all.

[cell phone rings]

‐ Oh, shit.

Hey, hi.

[laughs]

Yeah, no, I'm‐‐I'm‐‐ I just need to get dressed,

and then I'm en route.

Yeah, Vish is coming.

Blessed is he amongst women, yeah.

‐ [chuckles]

SHONA: I'll see you in a bit.

Bye, bye, bye, bye.

[chuckles]

What?

‐ Nothing. Just...you‐‐

you kept this weekend free, right?

‐ Yeah.

‐ Definitely keep tomorrow free.

‐ Why?

VISH: Because. ‐ What are we doing?

‐ No, nothing, I just have something nice planned

for the two of us, that's all.

‐ Oh, my God. VISH: What?

‐ Are you gonna propose to me tomorrow?

‐ [laughs] Why... why would I even‐‐

‐ Oh, Jesus Christ. You would have said no by now.

‐ It was going to be a surprise.

‐ Why are you telling me this now?

‐ I'm not telling you. You just guessed.

‐ Fucking hell. We haven't even talked or‐‐

we haven't talked about‐‐ VISH: Fuck it.

You know what? Just‐‐I'm...

SHONA: What are you‐‐ Jesus, mind the lamp. Vish.

‐ I'm gonna do it right now. I'm gonna do it right now.

[exhales]

I love you, Shona.

And I would like for the two of us

to spend our lives together.

That's a no. ‐ No.

‐ Yeah. ‐ I mean, but...

It's‐‐it's‐‐ I don't even know if‐‐

if it's something I want to do ever, you know?

It's just not a no to you or‐‐ or a yes to you.

It‐‐ ‐ Right.

SHONA: I mean, it's not about you.

It's‐‐it's a big‐‐ it's a big contract decision.

‐ Contract decision.

Do you want me to lay out the terms?

‐ Yes. ‐ All right, well, uh...

‐ Not now.

‐ The terms are that I love you,

and the conditions are that you love me back.

‐ Yeah, and I agree with both of those things,

but Jesus Christ, I've got the speech in an hour.

‐ No, I'm sorry, I was just gonna do it properly.

‐ No, it's just‐‐you can't just make life decisions

like that on the hoof.

Fuck.

Oh, God, I feel a bit...

VISH: Oh...

‐ I think I just need to‐‐ I'm gonna make a waffle.

VISH: Ca‐‐calm down. Calm down.

I will make you your waffle, all right.

‐ Oh, fucking hell. ‐ Just go and calm down.

Oh, Aine said that you would say yes.

‐ You told Aine?

‐ Well, I wasn't going to ask you without asking her first, was I?

‐ No, you‐‐you ask me. Not Aine, me.

‐ It was supposed to be a surprise.

‐ Yeah, well, I'm surprised.

I hate surprises.

‐ [chuckles]

Um, I'm gonna go.

‐ Huh?

VISH: Yeah.

‐ Wait, what?

VISH: No, it...

SHONA: Vish, I‐‐I'm sorry.

You just‐‐you just threw me, and I...

[door closes]

Oh, my God.

[dog barking and alarm blaring]

WAYNE: Here, I got something for you.

‐ Oh, fuck's sake.

Why would I want to see your shitting cock?

WAYNE: Yeah, well, fuck you.

‐ Well, I'm not whopping out my vag at you, am I?

Jesus. And it's a four at best.

WAYNE: Fuck off.

‐ Oh... that's me being generous.

God.

[cell phone buzzing]

Hiya, Vish.

‐ I think she said no.

AINE: What?

‐ I didn't mean to ask her, but then she guessed that I was going to,

and then I didn't want to lie, so‐‐

‐ And she said no?

VISH: I think so. I don't know.

‐ I'll kill her.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

‐ You said no?

‐ I don't even want to talk to you right now, okay?

AINE: What? ‐ I am so angry with you.

And I'm gonna be late, and I'm upset, and I'm nervous.

‐ You're upset with me? ‐ Yes.

‐ Why? ‐ 'Cause you knew he was gonna propose.

‐ It was supposed to be a surprise, Shona.

He was supposed to do it down on the South Bank tomorrow

where you first had your date,

not here with all your tea towels hanging around.

‐ How does nobody know that I hate surprises?

‐ Oh, you hate surprises, do you?

Well, imagine my surprise when Freddie asks me

whether I've been to rehab or not,

because fucking Charlotte told him.

‐ Are you seeing Freddie again?

Oh, my God.

I can't‐‐I could kill you.

‐ Not if I kill you first.

‐ Why? I mean, why do you even care

what he thinks anyway.

He's moved on.

‐ You knew he had a girlfriend?

Why didn't you tell me?

‐ Because you never told me

that you were seeing him again, you idiot.

‐ That wasn't your secret to tell, Shona.

God, if you'd had seen the way he looked at me.

Because who wants to go out with a bloody mad woman?

Honestly.

A man goes mental, and all of a sudden,

he's Bob Dylan with a fucking guitar.

But a woman has one more emotion than she should,

and all of a sudden, I'm Lindsay fucking Lohan.

And no one wants to go out with Lindsay Lohan,

even though I'm sure she's a lovely person in real life.

‐ I told Charlotte

because I had to tell someone, okay?

I'm sorry that I found it difficult to deal with

finding my sister full of pills

when we were about to fly to Ireland

for our father's anniversary.

I'm sorry.

Your life isn't your own, Aine, okay?

It's mine too.

‐ I'm a grown adult, Shona.

‐ Well then, you know, act like one,

because sometimes it's like dealing with a baby.

‐ Because you treat me like a baby.

‐ Because you act like a baby.

‐ Because you treat me like a baby.

Chicken and fucking egg, Shona.

[loud pop]

‐ Shit! What the fuck was that?

‐ Waffles.

VISH: Hey.

SHONA: Hey.

VISH: I, uh, called you an Uber.

He's about four minutes away.

So I just assumed you were gonna be late, which you are.

So I'll just butter your waffles.

You can put on some shoes and...

wear some trousers maybe.

SHONA: Yeah.

AINE: Go on, stay and finish your eyes, I'll tong your hair.

SHONA: I don't want you tonging my hair.

‐ I'm tonging your hair You've only four minutes.

Can I have one of those waffles, Vish?

SHONA: No, you can't have one of those waffles,

'cause I've got two waffles left.

Please don't eat my waffles.

AINE: Can't I even have a bite?

‐ Oh, my God. You can have half of one, okay?

‐ Thank you.

[water rushing]

‐ You're so brilliant

and annoyingly good at all of this stuff.

And your hair looks really nice.

‐ I'm sorry. AINE: I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

SHONA: I just worry about you all the time.

Like, I worry so much I can't sleep.

And I see you go out for walks

late at night on that app thing,

and I just can't trust that you're not...

Because you did, Aine, didn't you?

I mean, you did try and kill yourself.

‐ I don't wanna lie to you, Shona,

but I don't wanna make you sad.

‐ Oh, Aine.

‐ [whispers indistinctly]

I just‐‐just snapped, Sho.

I'm so sorry. I just... I'll never do it again.

And I'll never‐‐I'll never do‐‐ I'll never do it again, Shona.

‐ You promise?

‐ I promise. ‐ Now you promise?

AINE: Promise.

I will never die.

‐ [laughs]

AINE: [laughs]

Ow. ‐ Don't‐‐ow.

AINE: Oh, I was trying to lighten the mood.

CHARLOTTE: Hey.

They're half a bottle in. Let's start.

Hi, Aine.

‐ Hiya.

CHARLOTTE: You okay?

SHONA: Yeah.

Okay, I'm gonna head out.

‐ Right, yeah, you're‐‐ you're so good.

I'll be outside with Vish.

SHONA: I don't think she is a nice person, by the way.

‐ What? Who?

‐ Lindsay Lohan.

[laughter]

[applause]

Hi.

Um, it's so good to‐‐

to see you all here tonight.

Women, eh? [audience cheers]

Who knew?

So my partner refuses to be defined by race.

She, um, Charlotte,

is a‐‐a great inspiration,

and she's gonna be talking to you in a bit.

But while she has the insistence

of not being defined by her outside,

my other partner,

he proudly embraces his race.

For him, it sets him apart in a good way.

For him, it's power.

Uh, I say partner.

Um, I should probably say fiancé. [cheers and applause]

[mouths words]

Oh, God, please, no.

I refuse for so many reasons

to accept a round of applause for getting engaged.

If you want to applaud me for something,

let me, um, read you out my CV.

[cheers and applause]

[laughs]

[cell phone buzzing] How to use that power,

the thought Charlotte and I had

when we decided to, um, set up the...

‐ Oh, my God. CHARLOTTE: That was brilliant.

SHONA: Oh, my God. Was it? CHARLOTTE: That was so great.

SHONA: How was it? Was it okay?

CHARLOTTE: Oh, come on. You were great.

SHONA: You were great. CHARLOTTE: You were so great.

SHONA: Honestly. CHARLOTTE: And you‐‐

you are so great.

[pulsating electronic music]

♪ ♪

‐ Hi, yeah, sorry, um, I'm at my,

uh, my sister's thing, so I missed your call.

I'm kind of like her emotional support animal tonight, so...

‐ Okay, well, I won't keep you.

I was just, uh, I was just calling to say, uh,

thanks for the cake.

Um, I'm still alive.

It hasn't poisoned me.

AINE: Oh, right. so you'll, uh, you'll‐‐

you'll make it 73, then?

RICHARD: Yeah, seems so. Yeah.

Um, listen,

I'm sorry if it was a bit, uh, tense earlier.

Uh, Barbara was, uh, is the‐‐the social worker.

I was just a bit, uh, thrown trying to make an impression

with her, so, um, I was,

I'm not sure if it came across that that was,

uh, what was going on,

so I thought I should, you know, let you know.

‐ Yeah, anyways...

Um...

‐ Aine.

‐ Oh. ‐ Do you need to go?

AINE: Uh, yeah, I do, sorry.

I'm being called.

‐ Okay.

Uh, well, uh, I and Etienne will see you Monday.

‐ Yeah. Yeah, you will, yeah.

‐ Okay, bye.

‐ Okay, uh, bye.

THERAPIST: You haven't been here for three months.

I was getting worried.

‐ Oh, you were worried about me?

Oh, no.

I mean, you know, this is all expensive.

So if I had to choose between going to therapy and rent,

it's like, "Yeah, I'll choose rent, thanks."

THERAPIST: And so why come back now?

‐ I suppose the same reason people spend money

on expensive shampoo.

At some point you think, "Mmm, maybe I am worth it."

THERAPIST: Do you plan on keeping coming?

‐ Yeah, I hope so, hope so.

You know, I do‐‐ I do want to get better.

Live.

It's hard, man, it's... it's hard.

You know, the...

the dailyness of it can be sort of relentless.

But all we can do is give it a go.

Hey, do you wanna‐‐ do you wanna hear a joke?

THERAPIST: Go on.

‐ Um, so it's an old one.

Um, How many therapists does it take to change a light bulb?

THERAPIST: How many therapists does it take to change a light bulb?

‐ One, but the light bulb has to really want to change.

THERAPIST: Hmm.

AINE: [chuckles]

‐ ♪ Mama told me don't ever go shy ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Oh, I believe her, and when I grow bigger ♪

♪ She promise I will figure it out ♪

♪ Some days I feel like I'm about shy ♪

♪ Something holds me from crossing the line ♪

♪ Don't know what it is ♪

♪ Don't like how it feels ♪

♪ I say ain't no dreamer like me ♪

♪ I'm high as a mountain ♪

♪ Oh ♪