Original subtitles

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

Ah, the peaceful tranquility of train travel.

That gentle [STAMMERS] clickety-clack of a track

-just lulls me right to... -[INDISTINCT ARGUING]

-Huh? -MAN: Hey, watch it!

WOMAN: Sorry! Pardon me.

Sorry.

-Oh, hi. I'm Petunia. -I'm Porky.

Do you mind if I store some of my bags here next to you?

Sure, go right ahead.

I love traveling by train. Don't you?

It's so much better than going by car.

Although, I do miss having a rear-view mirror to help me do my makeup.

But I probably shouldn't put in on while I'm at the red light.

-[LAUGHS] Am I right? -[STAMMERS] Well, I...

And it's nice to not have to deal with those super gross highway rest stops.

-You know what I'm talking about? -Yeah, I guess.

Of course you do. I mean, who wants to buy a 90-ounce diet soda,

four bandanas, and a two-disk set

of the greatest hits of the Doobie Brothers?

Nobody!

All right, I did. Once. But have you heard China Grove?

It's transcendent.

Blech! My lips, they're totally chapped.

I'm flaking like a snowman here.

[GASPS] I need my orange-cinnamon lip gloss.

-I always pack it in the same place. -[GRUNTING]

I know exactly where it is.

Why isn't it usually where it is?

-[GRUNTING] -Oh, wait, I think it's in my trunk.

-[GRUNTS] -No! No, no, no!

-It has to be in one of these. I need it! -[GRUNTING]

-Hey, what's going on? -Can you hold this?

-[GRUNTS] -Thank you.

[SHOUTS] Now, where is that lip gloss?

Maybe you left it at home?

You're not helping!

-Stop the train! -[STAMMERS] No!

[BRAKES SCREECHING]

-[SCREAMS] -[CRASHES]

Great idea, Porky!

-Spread the bags out on the floor. -[SPITS]

You keep looking in there and I'll cover the rest.

Mr. Pig, you can't have all your bags all over the place!

They're supposed to be checked-in stuff.

These aren't my [STAMMERS] bags.

I don't want to hear it! Either you clean up these bags,

or I throw you and your bags in the luggage caboose.

Capisce?

[STAMMERING] Uh...

I understand.

-[CHUCKLES] I found it! -[GRUNTS]

It was in my pocket the whole time.

-[LAUGHS] -[GRUNTS]

Petunia, we got to clean up these bags or we're gonna get in trouble.

[SMACKS LIPS] Ooh. You're afraid of getting in trouble?

That's so adorable. I'm always getting in trouble.

One time, I had a library book that was five years overdue.

What happened?

I replaced it with one of my diaries.

Whoever checks out that book next time will not be bored.

-Let's get some food. Your treat! -[STAMMERS] My treat?

[PIANO PLAYING]

It's been a long time since I've been in a swanky place like this.

I'm totally broke.

I'm in seven weddings this month

and maxed out my credit cards on bridesmaid's dresses.

And they're all so ugly! Woof!

And so are the dresses.

Holy moly! This fettucine alfredo is amazing!

This is the best pasta I've ever had!

I need to share this dish with the world.

Attention everyone!

Send back whatever you're eating

and get the fettucine alfredo!

It is to die for!

Oh, that fettucine really made me sweat.

-I gotta go powder my nose. -[CLATTERS]

[SIGHS] I just wanted a nice, quiet train trip.

[GASPS]

I gotta complaint that there was a pig in here

screaming at everyone to send their food back!

It wasn't me. It was [STAMMERS] Pet...

Oh, no! You going straight to the baggage caboose where you belong!

PORKY: [STAMMERS] Petunia?

-[SHOUTS] Petunia? -Pigs gonna fly!

[EXCLAIMS]

[CREAKS]

[SHOUTS]

Ah!

Whoa!

Porky, look! I made you a little swan out of toilet paper.

Porky? Porky?

Porky? Porky?

Porky!

Porky!

Porky!

Porky! There you are!

[GROGGILY] Uh, hi.

Oh, I've been looking all over for you.

-Whoops! -[CLANKS]

Ooh! I wonder what's in this trunk.

Hey! That doesn't belong to you.

-Ugh! -You can't just...

[GASPS]

[STAMMERS] The train!

Check out my hula-hoopin'.

-You try it! -[STRUGGLES]

-[STRAINING] -Porky!

-Get back in here and pay attention to me. -[STRAINS]

[CREAKS]

[PORKY SCREAMING]

[BOTH SCREAMING]

-PETUNIA: Woo-hoo! -[PORKY SCREAMS]

-[GRUNTS] -Come on, Porky. Live a little.

You know what? I'm sick and tired of your baggage.

[STAMMERS] Literally and figuratively.

Ah-ha! [STAMMERS] That's it.

The baggage!

[STAMMERS] Petunia, follow my lead. Get over here.

Now, over here.

Now, to the back. To the left.

Now, the right.

PETUNIA: Woo-hoo!

[BOTH SCREAMING]

-Oh! [CHUCKLES] -Oh! Um...

[CHUCKLES]

We made it back safe on the track.

I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Porky! That light! It's the train!

-[TRAIN HORN BLOWING] -[SCREAMS]

[BOTH EXCLAIMING]

Listen, Petunia. I like you.

You can be very charming and you're very pretty.

[STAMMERING] But at times, you can be really...

[STAMMERS] You can be really... A real train wreck!

So...

You like me, huh?

Yes! What?

-[STAMMERING] Oh, no... -Mwah!

Bye, cutie.

I know we seem like an unlikely couple,

but I guess the hog wants [STAMMERS] what the hog wants.

[STAMMERS] This is pilot, Porky Pig.

I've lost all power in the rear engines.

[STAMMERING] I'm going...

I gotta make an emergency landing.

Ah!

-ELLIOT: Pig! -[EXCLAIMS]

What are you doing?

Oh! Nothing, sir.

Just finishing up this work order. [CHUCKLES]

Print, print, print. [CHUCKLING] Copy, copy, copy.

That's what you do in a copy store.

Uh-huh.

Listen, there's a duck in the break room.

And he's eating everybody's lunch.

My Greek yoghurt and macadamia nuts are MIA.

And I need you to get him out of there right now!

[STAMMERING] Right away, Mister...

I'm on it, sir. [EXCLAIMS]

Let's see what else we got here.

Mmm. A turkey club.

Sure, I'll join. [GULPS]

Pudding cup?

I'll be putting you in my mouth.

[GULPS]

Some people say, "Why quinoa?"

And I say, "Quinoa not?"

[GOBBLING]

Mr. Duck, customers aren't allowed back here.

I can't have you in the break room,

[STAMMERING]

chowing down my food.

Your food?

I don't see your name on it.

PORKY: It says "Porky" right there on the bag.

Well, in some languages,

Porky translates to, "Free food. Please eat."

Don't mind if I do!

[GULPS]

That's it! You need to leave now!

And you need to chill out!

-[STRAINS] -[BEEPS]

[BEEPING]

[AIR WHOOSHES]

[SHIVERING]

Look! A porksicle!

Down the hatch!

[GRUNTS]

[STAMMERS] It's time for you to get out of here!

But I'm a customer. And the customer is always right.

[STAMMERS] Not on my watch, Mr. Duck.

[GRUNTS]

[GIGGLING]

Well, that takes care of that.

[DAFFY LAUGHING]

I thought I told you to get out of here!

-I gotta make some copies. -[BEEPS]

[GRUNTING]

Of your face!

[LAUGHING]

[PORKY STRAINING]

Extra! Extra! Read all about it!

Pig gets face stuck in copier and can't get out!

[STRUGGLES]

Hey! Give me those!

You asked for it.

Forget getting beaten to a pulp.

He got beaten by the pulp.

Woo-hoo!

[MUTTERING]

Time for some arts and crafts.

Hey, Santa.

I want a bicycle, a skateboard, and world peace.

I'm [STAMMERS] not gonna give you anything.

Well, then I'll give you something. How about some holiday punch?

Oof!

[PORKY SCREAMS]

[LAUGHS]

Happy holidays!

[GROANS]

Hey! Look out!

[GRUNTS]

Halt! Who dares attack the fortress of copy paper?

Me, [STAMMERS] Porky Pig!

Oh. Never heard of him.

-[PORKY GRUNTS] -That got him right in the papyrus.

You need [STAMMERS] to come down here right now!

And you need to look out for those three-ring binders.

[EXCLAIMS]

[SQUEALS]

Ow!

-[THROBBING] -DAFFY: Release the fax machine!

-[CLANKS] -[GROANS]

Don't worry, buddy. You'll bounce back.

-[GRUNTS] -[PORKY GRUNTS]

Told ya.

Now, go have a ball!

[GRUNTS]

[GRUNTING]

[WHINES]

There's oil in them there copy machines!

-[GRUNTS] -Oh, my!

It's a gusher! [LAUGHS EXCITEDLY]

[STAMMERS] Stop! You're destroying my copiers!

Don't you tell an old oilman his business, son.

[STAMMERS] Now, look here, Mr. Duck.

[STAMMERS] You, uh...

Woo-hoo! [LAUGHING EXCITEDLY]

[GASPS]

-Porky! What have you done? -[DAFFY CONTINUES LAUGHING]

It wasn't me. It was the duck.

He's the one that did it!

Thank you, Porky.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

Mr. Duck. Might I have a word with you for a moment?

I don't know what this is all about...

But I love it!

Destroying these copy machines was just the bold move our business needed.

It was?

Ink and paper are obsolete technology.

We've got to move into the future.

-We do? -We need to be selling computers and smartphones.

All the latest gadgets and gewgaws.

Mr. Duck, you've revolutionized our business.

How would you like to be the new manager?

[HUMMING]

[BLOWS RASPBERRY] I'd love it!

Great! Porky, the duck's your new boss.

Do whatever he says.

[STAMMERS] Whatever he says?

[CHUCKLING]

[LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY]

[BLOWS RASPBERRY]

Whoo! [STAMMERING]

[MIMICS PLANE ENGINE]

Boy, he really flew off the deep-end.

That's okay. 'Cause this business is about to take off.

Right, Mr. Manager?

Now let's get this place cleaned up.

Whelp. I quit.

Huh?

[GROANS]

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]