Original subtitles

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

Wow, we spend all this time getting out of cages,

and these gals want to get into them.

Oh! I'm done for!

Right in the kidneys!

Is this the end of Rhoda Roundhouse's career?

Psych!

[WHIMPERS]

[GRUNTS]

[GRUNTS]

Oh, yeah!

Another victory for Rhoda Roundhouse!

Hey! Wait a minute!

That little pistol's cheating!

Who's the undisputed champion, going on four years?

[EXCLAIMS] Rhoda Roundhouse, that's who!

Anyone else here have the guts to step into the ring

and challenge me?

Boo! Boo!

Roundhouse is a dirty cheat!

Boo! This match stinks... [LAUGHS NERVOUSLY]

[SIGHS] Hello.

Oh! So you think you can handle the Roundhouse?

Normally, yes,

but, you see, my back has been bothering me,

and I've been meaning to go to the chiropractor...

[JOINTS CRACKING]

[SCREAMS] That's better.

[GRUNTS]

Okay, that's enough.

Huh?

You wouldn't hit a girl, would you?

What? I'd never hit a girl!

My momma would be ashamed of me! [GRUNTS]

Bam, baby! Rhoda rage!

Okay. What Momma don't know won't hurt her.

WOMAN: Go kick her butt, son!

Thanks, Ma!

Thank you! Thank you!

Rhoda rage, baby! [LAUGHS]

[BLOWS WHISTLE]

All right, Roundhouse, you've been cheating.

Rhoda's gotta rage.

Well, not this next fight. Here are the rules.

-No eye-poking. -Argh!

-No elbow-spikes. -Ow!

No biting.

[SCREAMING]

Okay, that seems fair.

And I assume there's no tickling.

[LAUGHING]

-No wet-willies. -Ugh!

-And no noogies. -[GROANING]

Nope. No cheek-pulling. No nose-tweaking.

No undie-grundies.

Huh? I can't see,

but I can smell something awful!

No shin-kicking!

Ow! Oh, oh, oh!

That's correct. All that, and no wristie-twisties.

[SCREAMING]

And this! None of those! Or those! Or this!

Only on Tuesdays! Not that!

-[YELPING] -That's a nope! This! That!

[EXCLAIMING]

-What, where, when and why! -[SCREAMS]

Good to know.

You're out!

Wait! The bell didn't ring!

One bell, coming up!

[CLANGING]

[ROARING]

Hey, what's the Wi-Fi password here?

Uh, firedup218.

Oh, all one word.

-[GROANS] -What are you...

Just checking up on a package I ordered.

Should be arriving...

-[BOX THUDS] -Now!

Do you mind?

Oh, man, this is perfect!

What is it?

Nah, it's really not that interesting.

Oh, come on. Let me see.

Please?

Nah, you're building it up too much.

You're going to think it's silly.

No, no. I won't. I promise.

Well, I suppose...

[GRUNTS]

[STRUGGLING]

I don't know where the octopus came from,

but I think he's in the wrong section.

Roundhouse attacks a right to the octopus,

but it's too quick for her.

She gives herself a right! And a left!

She keeps hitting herself! Now, she's kicking herself!

Stop hitting yourself left! Stop hitting yourself right!

Stop hitting yourself! Stop hitting yourself!

Say uncle! Say uncle!

-[BELL RINGS] -And the octopus wins!

That's it! It's time for Rhoda to rally!

[MACHINERY WHIRRING]

This Rhoda's under destruction!

[ROBOT STOMPING]

Oh, yeah! Rhoda rage, baby!

I better do something, or Rhoda's gonna wreck me!

Hmm. In case of emergency, use encased meats.

Uh-huh! Rhoda's gotta rage!

Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh! Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh!

BUGS: Hey, Rhod-hog!

Huh?

I'm taking a stand!

A concession stand!

-[ARM POPS] -Huh?

Let's do this!

[BELLOWING]

Okay. [BELLOWS WEAKLY]

[METAL CLANGING]

[HEAD BOINGS]

Think you can ketchup?

Or is that all you can mustard?

[SHRIEKS]

Enough with the puns!

Just one more?

You're really gonna relish it!

I'm gonna turn this bunny into Rhoda-kill!

[STRAINING]

Time to meet your biggest fan!

Ahhh! I thought you said no more puns!

[CACKLING MANIACALLY]

Ow. [GROANS]

Rhoda's got to...

One...

Two... Three...

Four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, you win!

Just get me out of here!

[BELL RINGS]

I will. Just a soon as I celebrate my big win.

[BELLOWING] Yeah!

-[CROWD CHEERING] -The thrill of victory...

[RHODA CRYING]

And the agony of the cheat.

VIKTOR: Ladies and gentlemen,

welcome to Circus Lame',

the most pretentious circus in the world!

Please turn on your cell phones

and video-tape every second of...

Me, the spectacular

and handsome Viktor the Humble,

the greatest circus performer in the world!

Drumroll, please.

[DRUMROLL PLAYS]

[CROWD CHEERS]

MEN: [TOGETHER] Oh, Viktor!

You are the greatest circus performer in the world!

MAN 1: Look! He's trapped behind a glass window,

and he wants to pet a puppy, but he can't reach it!

I can't believe I snuck in here,

and this is the only seat I could find.

I can't see a thing!

Much better. Now, let's see what all the fuss is about.

MAN 1: Now, it's like he's drinking herbal tea!

I can smell the chamomile.

This is the show?

I should have stayed behind the pole.

Oh, you're trapped. That's how I feel

watching your lame show!

Is that invisible rope going to pull something entertaining onstage?

Oh, no. A windstorm.

Maybe it'll blow you back to the box office,

so you can give us our money back!

Hey! What is your problem?

Listen, buster.

I like mime as much as the next mopey theater student,

but this is not my idea of a circus.

No wonder you call it "Circus So-Lame."

This is the circus! The pretentious circus!

And it's pronounced "lam-ay."

Where are the death-defying stunts?

The human cannonball!

Where are the clowns?

I am the clown!

You?

Clowns don't run around making pretend boxes.

They spray seltzer in your face!

-They slip on banana peels. -[GRUNTS]

-They get hit a lot. -[GRUNTS]

[GRUMBLES] Enough!

No one clowns around but me!

-[DAFFY SCREAMS] -[GLASS SMASHING]

Sorry about the interruption, folks.

Soon, it will be a distant memory,

as I am about to glide through the air

like you've never seen before.

Hey, what are you doing?

I'm going to show you what a real circus looks like.

You're throwing me too high!

Real circuses have thrills and chills.

Ingrid Bergman!

[YELLS]

[GRUNTS]

-Put me down! -Will do.

[EXCLAIMING]

[GASPS]

To make it more riveting,

I've replaced the net with a tank of man-eating sharks.

Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo!

[SHRIEKING]

[CROWD CHEERING]

Get out of here, you crazy duck.

Whoo-hoo!

Ladies and gentlemen, feast your eyes on me!

It's okay if my beauty makes you cry,

because I brought handkerchiefs!

[EXCLAIMING]

Nice simple stunt, Viktor, but let's kick it up a notch.

Ow! Warn me first!

-DAFFY: Okay. Heads up! -[GRUNTS]

-DAFFY: And the spare! -[GRUNTS]

I'm a sad clown.

-DAFFY: Electric eels coming! -[ELECTRICITY CRACKLING]

[GRUNTING IN PAIN] Thank... You...

For... The... Warning!

Just look at him, folks! Juggling everything at once!

He's even off-balance!

Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo!

And now, for the big finish!

Actually, I think he's Swedish. Whoo-hoo!

Abe Vigoda!

Gotcha, big fella!

-Ta-da! -[GRUNTS]

Wait, where's the electric eel?

-[ELECTRICITY CRACKLING] -Peter Forsberg!

He was right. It did bring a tear to my eye.

MEN: [TOGETHER] Viktor and Daffy are the greatest combination

since meatballs and anything.

They're eating this up!

I told you my old-school circus would be a hit!

I want to put a foot in your caboodle!

-[GROWLS] -Whoo-hoo!

You gotta catch me first! Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo!

-Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo! -[GRUNTING]

Let's show them some real aerial ballet!

The hunter! The distressed mermaid!

The bouncing ball!

The dueling banjo!

And finally, the snip!

Ahhh!

[GRUNTING]

[VIKTOR WHIMPERING]

[WHIMPERING]

[GROWLS]

[GRUNTS]

Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo!

And now...

The ball of terror,

where Viktor the Humble will stand in the middle of this ball

while I repeatedly run him over

with this motorcycle!

What?

On your right! On your right!

On your right! On your right! On your right!

I'm always on your right. It's a circle.

And now, the Swedish missile!

Leslie Nielsen!

[GRUNTS AND GROANS]

[TENT CRASHING]

You crazy duck! You destroyed my circus!

Are you kidding? I made it better!

-[CROWD CHEERING] -Just listen to that crowd!

MEN: [TOGETHER] We love you, Daffy!

But, they are cheering for you!

If you want to win them back, you need a more exciting act!

-[CROWD CHEERING] -DAFFY: Ladies and gentlemen,

step right up and watch,

as Viktor the Humble jumps from that high-dive

into this bucket of sauerkraut!

But first, he must make it through three rings of fire,

all the while, wearing a suit made of sausages!

-[ELECTRICITY CRACKLING] -[SHRIEKS]

[SCREAMING] Swedish meatballs!

I did it! I made it into the sauerkraut.

Wow, this circus really took a turn for the wurst.

[CHEWING]