Original subtitles

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

-[ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING] -And welcome back to

The Available Guy with Tad Tucker.

The show where me, Tad Tucker,

tries to find love among a group of insanely jealous women.

I've already given koala roses to Kendra and Brittany.

BOTH: Ooh!

And now, I must decide

who gets tonight's last koala rose,

Theresa or Jennifer.

[BOTH GIGGLING]

-Theresa... -[GASPS]

...will you accept this koala rose?

Oh, yes, I do. I do!

-Our trip to the Great Wall of China was amazing. -Mmm!

-[GASPS] -It truly is one of the Wonders of the World.

-[KISSING] -[MOANING]

And so am I!

Sorry, Jenn, babe,

our hot air balloon date was hotter than hot

but I was disappointed

that you refused to eat the rabbit entree

that I cooked you for dinner.

I just can't see myself ever being with a girl

who can't eat an entire family of rabbits.

Sweet... [SUCKS FINGER]

Delicious... [SUCKS FINGER]

Defenseless... [SUCKS FINGER]

...rabbits.

-Let's go, Theresa. -[GIGGLING]

Fortunately, you girls love eating rabbits, don't you?

All right, now, who's ready for Hawaii?

[ALL CHEERING]

Hawaii, huh?

Let's make sure it's a date they'll never forget.

[ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING]

-[TROPICAL MUSIC PLAYING] -It's my first night here in Hawaii

and I feel I need to know Kendra a little better.

I've decided to set up a fire

and have a lobster boil here on the beach.

-Kendra, welcome to my beachfront paradise. -[LAUGHING]

[GROWLS]

-Oh, Tad, you are so... -Handsome?

Ha! It's not the first time someone's told me that.

Let me get you a sparkling cider.

Here we go...

Ah! [CHOKING]

It burns!

Get me a towel, quick!

Oh, thanks, Kendra.

Ouch! What the...

[SCREAMING] Ow! Ahh! Ahh!

-Kendra! -[SCREAMS]

Get them off me!

-[THUDDING] -You're not...

...hitting the lobsters!

You're hitting... [SCREAMS IN PAIN]

[WHIMPERS]...my face!

[ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING]

Morning! My date with Kendra didn't end up like I'd hoped.

I feel like we didn't connect

as often as that oar connected to my face.

So let's see how I do with Theresa zip-lining.

Theresa,

I admire your courage

to join me on this exciting leap of faith.

-You first. -Gee, we're awfully high up.

-Kendra did it. -[NERVOUSLY] Okay.

Whee!

[ZIP-LINE SLIDING]

And now it's my turn.

[WHOOPING]

[GROANS]

I appear to be stuck smack dab in the middle.

[SCREAMS]

Oh, no! Oh!

[ALLIGATORS HISSING]

-[SAWING] -[BLOWS]

TAD: Ah! Not the face!

[ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING]

Good evening. After watching me get attacked by alligators,

Theresa has decided to leave the show,

which only makes my choice that much easier.

So today I've got a snorkeling date with Brittany.

It's been great exploring this coral reef with you, Brittany.

I'm really starting to feel a connection.

[KISSING]

Shark!

Eat her first!

She's got more meat on her bones!

Excuse me?

[GASPS] What's this?

A remote-controlled shark fin.

[CHUCKLES] Well, I...

How dare you try to feed me to a shark.

And I do not have more meat on my bones!

-[GRUNTS] -[GROANS]

Okay, I deserve that.

Oh, no.

You're not gonna fool me this time.

-[ROARS] -[SCREAMS]

[ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING]

Today's the big day. I've decided that...

[FRIGHTENED] Lobsters?

...ask one of the girls...

[FRIGHTENED] Gators?

...to marry me.

[FRIGHTENED] Sharks?

I wanted to make the proposal to Kendra perfect.

That's why I've got rose petals, cologne,

and scented candles.

You see, if you want romance,

you need to create ambience.

-[SPRAYS] -[SNIFFS]

[SCREAMS] My whole suit smells like skunk!

While that washes

I'll just freshen up with a quick shower. [GRUNTS]

♪ I'm so hungry

♪ I could eat a family of rabbits

♪ Not one, not two rabbits

♪ But five

♪ Five makes a family of rabbits ♪

Oh, my suit's shrunk!

Oh! [GRUNTING]

Remember, folks,

he ate an entire family of rabbits.

Not one, not two, but five.

Five makes a family.

-[KNOCKING AT DOOR] -Coming, my love.

[ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING]

Hello, Kendra. Come on in.

My goodness, you're...

Ew. You've got something on your face!

Uh, you've got something on your face!

Well, it looks worse on your face.

[GASPS]

[EXHALES] Oh, no! It's the roses!

They're poison ivy!

[BOTH SCREAMING]

[ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING]

-Kendra? -KENDRA: You're on fire!

Dirty dingoes!

[SCREAMING]

-[GASPS] -Don't worry, folks,

there's still love waiting for Tad.

[SCREAMS]

Unfortunately, she's a real man-eater.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]

[FRENCH CAFE MUSIC PLAYING]

[EXPLODING]

[SNAPS FINGERS]

[ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING]

[GLASS SHATTERS]

[SPRAYS]

[SLAPS]

[SPRAYS]

[DISHES CLATTERING]

[DISHES SHATTERING]

[SINISTER MUSIC PLAYING]

[METAL CLANGING]

[WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING]

[CAMERA CLICKS]

[ALL CHEERING]

[SINISTER MUSIC PLAYING]

[SLAPS]

[ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING]

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]