Original subtitles

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

What an amazing day, the sun is shining, the birds are chirping,

that adorable rabbit is getting sawed in...

[GASPS] Huh?

You can't hurt my friend here.

And you three, you're filming? What is this?

Why, this is a magic show.

And I am the greatest magician in the world.

Viktor Mageek.

Ah, presto! Change-o. Your minds have been blown. You're welcome.

ALL: Oh, Viktor. You're amazing!

Well, I don't care what kind of a magician you are.

We're getting out of here.

-Chicken vindaloo. -What the...

Keep your magic to yourself, buddy.

San Fernando Valley!

How about this? If I volunteer to be your assistant,

-will you let the bunny go? -Hmm. All right.

Tell you what. If you can survive one show with me,

-I'll let the little bunny go. -It's a deal.

VIKTOR: Deal.

Mr. Bunny, pick a card, any card.

Okay, now take a look-see.

Now, you put your card back in the deck.

Now, I shouffles the deck.

-Say, I think you have something in your teeth. -What?

Viktor Mageek!

ALL: Oh, Viktor. You're the greatest.

Please, Viktor isn't done.

What's up that rabbit's nose? One soggy queen of hearts.

And is that a king in your ear?

And a jack in your tail?

[LAUGHS] Oh, and look, an ace in your pants.

Rabbits don't even wear pants, genius.

Or do they? Look down.

-What the... -Viktor Mageek!

-[PANTS POP] -So magical. Ohhh!

Wow, doc. That's great. My turn. Pick a card. Any card.

Now, put it back in the deck. Then I "shouffles" the deck.

All right, is it this one here? The ace of spades?

-No. -How about the two of clubs?

Not even close.

-Five of hockey stick? -Nope.

I'm embarrassed for you. Try again.

-BUGS: How about the king of pile drivers? -[VIKTOR EXCLAIMS]

That was it.

Go to a commercial.

For my next trick, my assistant will get into this box.

But Viktor, you're the star here.

Shouldn't you get in the box first?

I mean, all the magic happens on the inside of the box.

I never thought of it that way.

And now, my assistant will close the lid.

-Okay, what do I do now? -Stick the sword through the box.

Are you sure you don't want to tell me how the trick works first?

VIKTOR: A magician never reveals his secrets.

Okay.

[VIKTOR EXCLAIMING IN PAIN]

Viktor, are you okay in there?

VIKTOR: Call an ambulance!

Okay, I changed my mind. I'm going to reveal my secret.

For this next trick, take this food and hide it in the box.

-Got it? -Got it.

For my next death-defying feat,

I will be sealed in this glass box,

while my assistant buries me alive

without food or water for 10 days!

My only contact with the outside world

will be through this primitive breathing tube.

Now I must go to the cold, deadly earth.

But first, I must instruct my assistant to never release me,

no matter how scared I am or how loud I beg.

Lower [TAKES DEEP BREATH] the box!

Viktor Mageek.

-Are you okay? -VIKTOR: I am fine but I can't find the food.

Oh right, I have the food. It's right up here. Whoops.

Whoops? I'm buried under 10 feet of dirt

and all you can say is, "Whoops"?

Relax, boss. I'll just pass the food down through this breathing tube.

[GRUNTS] I think I clogged the breathing tube.

What? I didn't get that last bit.

I'm starting to feel faint.

I'm sending down some rats to eat through the clog.

-What? Where's the food? -[RATS CHITTERING]

[ELECTRICITY FIZZLES]

-VIKTOR: Pickled herring! -Doesn't seem like the rats are coming up this end.

I'm sending some snakes in to clear out the rats.

-[VIKTOR SCREAMS] -Probably not safe

to have so many poisonous snakes down there.

Hang tight. I'm sending down a honey badger.

The... What? [SHRIEKS]

Okay, I'm gonna send down a lion to flush out the honey badger.

No, no, no. Ouch. Please don't send down... A lion!

-[LION ROARING] -[VIKTOR SCREAMING]

[GRUMBLES] Rabbit!

-Do you mind? -Sorry.

Oh! Huh?

Hmm. Ooh!

The bunny gave me the pinchies.

-Oof! [YELLING] -Ta-da!

ALL: Yay, Bugs! You're so magical!

[VIKTOR GROANING]

Put me back together!

Not until you let my little friend go.

Deal. Walla Walla.

Okay, kid. Let's put Humpty Dumpty back together again.

Magic words and finger twiddles,

fix fancy boy before he piddles.

Abracawabbit!

It took you long enough. Now, step aside. I have a show to do.

VIKTOR: Hey! My kit is over my caboodle!

I said I'd put him back together but I didn't say how.

[IMITATING VIKTOR] Bugso Mageek!

[GRUNTS] I am Ponce de Calzone.

The greatest explorer of all time.

I will find the Fountain of Youth

and be young forever!

I know it is around here somewhere.

Perhaps, behind these reeds.

-A-ha! -[MONKEY SHRIEKING]

[EXCLAIMS]

That is the problem with being an explorer,

I have no idea where I'm going. I give up.

[GASPS] Could it be?

[WHISTLING SLOWLY]

[WHISTLING RAPIDLY]

The Fountain of Youth!

Hello, duck. A moment ago, you were old.

-Now, you are medium-aged. -Medium-aged?

I just saw you go into that fountain old and come out young.

Thanks to you, I have just discovered the Fountain of Youth.

Fountain of Youth? [LAUGHS] Oh, you must've seen Lucius.

Hey, Lucius. Come over here.

This old pith helmet thought you and I were the same person.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

[GRUMBLES] Stop laughing at me, you...

[YELLS]

-See you later, Lucius. -[GROWLING]

Sheesh, pal. Take it easy.

If it's that big of a deal to you,

I can take you to the Fountain of Youth.

-You can? -Sure, chum. Follow me.

Now, remember, the forest is fraught with danger.

Danger? I laugh at danger. Ha-ha! I eat danger for breakfast.

In fact, this morning I had two scrambled dangers,

a side of crispy danger and a bottomless cup of danger.

The waitress tried to bring me decaf

but I told her, "No, no, no. I only drink regular danger."

Yeah, yeah, yeah. The fountain is that-a-way.

-Oh, youth. Here I come! -[SQUELCHING]

Quicksand?

Duck, what do I do?

Oh, man. You're, like, way in there, buddy.

I think when you're stuck in quicksand,

you're supposed to struggle and move as much as you can.

-So, run real fast. -[PANTING]

Stop, stop, stop. What was I thinking?

You're not supposed to struggle.

You're supposed to not move at all.

-But I'm still sinking. -Huh.

-Did you try struggling? -Yes, just a second ago.

-Did it work? -No.

Well, I'm out of ideas.

Get me out of here!

-Wait, I've got something. -Okay, but hurry.

-Here, grab this rope. -Salvation! [GRUNTS]

Huh? That isn't a rope, you fool. That was a snake!

Sorry, everyone's human.

-Well, I'm not. I'm a duck. -Get me out of here!

All right, this should do the trick.

This is just a bigger snake.

[EXCLAIMING]

No more snakes, okay?

Come on, pal. I'm doing my best. Try this.

[SHUDDERS]

Well, at least this one does not have a face or scales.

[GRUNTS]

-[LION ROARS] -[PONCE SCREAMING]

Nina! Pinta! Santa Maria!

Huh? Who would've guessed? You use a mountain lion to get out of quicksand.

Now, how do you get out of a mountain lion?

I hate you.

Now, I think it's around here somewhere.

Maybe over there by that shiny puddle?

Puddle? Out of the way, duck.

Look at the shimmering water! So shiny, so chrome.

This must be the Fountain of Youth.

[SLURPING] I feel so much stronger.

Uh, you know you're drinking garbage water, right?

[GAGS]

Don't worry, pal. I'll give you something to get that taste out of your mouth.

-Try this peach. -[CHOMPING]

-[GAGS] It is rotten! -Take a swig of this milk.

[GAGS]

It is sour and chunky.

Try the chow mein.

-It is moving in my mouth. -Woopsie.

Those are mealworms for my pet iguana.

[GAGGING]

Are you okay, buddy?

[PONCE VOMITING]

All right, buddy. I'm pretty sure this is the Fountain of Youth.

Just get in the water.

Now, just relax and let the water wash over you.

Ah, yes, this feels nice.

I can feel myself slowly becoming... [GRUNTS]

Whoa! Argh! [EXCLAIMS]

[COUGHING]

-Ahhh! -Don't worry, I'll throw you a rope.

Oh, no. I am not falling for that again. It will be a snake.

Do not throw me a rope.

-How about I throw you a snake then? -Fine, anything but a rope.

Wait, what?

No! [STRAINING]

[METAL CLANGS]

Yeah, so, my bad. That was definitely not the Fountain of Youth.

You win, duck. I give up.

Gee, pal. Don't be so dramatic.

The fountain's right over there.

[WHISTLING]

[SLURPS] Whoo! That's some good youth water.

[EXCLAIMS]

The Fountain of Youth!

Yes, I have found it! [GULPING]

Not too much now, that's powerful stuff.

Cal?

I have done it! I will be young forever.

Ooh!

I got a... Boo-boo.

Oh, you're okay, buddy. Uh, shake it off.

Who's a big boy, huh?

[WAILING]

For a world class explorer, he sure is a baby.

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]