Original subtitles

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

[LAUGHING MANIACALLY]

Welcome back.

Huh? Clovenhoof. Let me guess. Another crazy experiment?

[SQUEAKING]

Who is this? This is Clovenhoof. He's a real screwball.

He's always inventing stuff that never really works.

So what are you up to this time, huh?

Today I need your help testing out my new age machine.

Age machine? What's that?

Well, with this device I can convert us to any age I want,

past, present or future.

You can re-experience the greatest moments of your life. [LAUGHS]

-Here, allow me to demonstrate. -Clovenhoof, don't, no, no.

-[BUGS EXCLAIMING] -[ZAPPING]

Oh, looks like my age machine brought us back to when we were babies.

[BABBLING]

Is that smell you or me?

Well, being a baby ain't so bad.

Just look at these cute little hooves. [GURGLING]

Oh, that is just disgusting.

Well, if it isn't my first robot.

Nothing beats my auto baby bottle buddy.

Ugh, yuck! Get that baby bottle out of my mouth.

Well, actually... [SUCKING] That's not half bad.

With the age machine, you'll still be you,

but you might find yourself with some urges from that age.

[CRYING]

Excuse me, a little help.

[BOTH GRUNTING]

How did you get your head stuck in there?

Oh, it was an accident.

Well, let's get you out of here before I have an accident.

In my pants.

Now give me that remote.

-Mine! Mine! -Give me, give me!

[ZAPPING]

[LAUGHS] The awkward teen years.

-And we're at the middle school dance. -[RADIO STATIC BUZZING]

RADIO ANNOUNCER: It's 4:15, a quarter after the hour, 45 minutes before 5:00.

Did you say something?

No, I didn't say anything.

I think I'm getting some radio stations through my headgear.

RADIO ANNOUNCER: And no for the weather on the ones.

It's cold out there. You may want a jacket if you're headed out for...

[SQUEAKING]

No, I'm not gonna go over there and ask that girl if she likes you.

[SQUEAKING]

Ah, looks like someone's becoming a man.

[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING OVER RADIO]

Oh, come on.

[GRUNTING]

Oh, no. It appears that the young lady

Squeaks is interested in is coming over this way.

-[SQUEAKS WHIMPERING] -Oh, and she's bringing her girlfriends.

[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING OVER RADIO]

I don't know how to talk to a girl. What do I do?

Press the button and get us out of here before we die of embarrassment.

[ZAPPING]

Hey, we're high school aged but why are we dressed like this?

[GRUNTING]

[CRASHING]

Oh, no, the remote is all the way down the field.

-[GASPS] -[GROWLING]

It appears we'll have to play the game to get the remote.

Great idea, Doc. I'll call the play.

Twenty-five, 47. Red Omaha. Red Omaha.

I'm Red Omaha. Yee-haw!

Get out of here. I'm calling a play here. Hike!

[CLOVENHOOF SCREAMING]

I did it. I got the remote and I made a home run.

No, it's a touchdown, Doc.

Now push the button so we can get back to our actual age.

[GRUNTING]

[SQUEAKING]

BUGS: Squeaks, now's not the time to celebrate.

We gotta get out of here.

[GRUNTING]

[PLAYERS GRUNTING]

[ZAPPING]

Oh, no, we're so old. You zapped us into old age.

-[SHOUTS] What? -I said, I think you took us to the wrong age.

You took us too far in time.

Mime? Why would I wanna see a mime? I hate mimes.

All the white faces and the pretending to be in a box

and the fake wind blowing.

Time, time. We went too far, and we're too old.

Oh, no, you don't. My programs are on.

It's my time to watch the TV.

Doc, that's not a remote for the TV.

Squeaks, come on, help me get the remote back.

Hey, why are you eating dinner?

It's 3:30 in the afternoon.

[CLOVENHOOF GRUNTING]

Hey, Doc, get back here.

I hadn't gotten my chocolate pudding yet.

-[GRUNTS] -Pudding.

I'm not ready to be this old yet.

[TIRES SCREECHING]

Must get pudding.

[SQUEAKS]

Pudding.

Almost gotcha.

Hey, you. Don't hog the pudding.

[GROANING] Pudding.

[GRUNTING]

En garde!

Get your own pudding!

Give me that remote. Bingo!

It's time for bingo?

No, it's time to get us out of here. [BEEPS]

[ZAPPING]

-We did it. We're back to normal. -Aw.

Let's make sure this doesn't happen again.

[GLASS BREAKING]

But what about me? I'm still a baby.

Well, two out of three ain't bad.

But I don't wanna be a baby. [WAILING]

Well, that's one way to get in touch with your inner child.

PORKY: Boy, this is a very important mission to Mars.

ROBOT: You can say that again.

We've got to deliver this transmitter to Martian soil.

I gotta admit, I'm a bit ner... [STAMMERS] I'm anxious.

Don't worry, sir. We have clear skies for lift-off.

[PANTS] Whew! This small budget flight to Hawaii is taking forever.

Hey, that little puppy ought to get me there faster.

Well, here we go.

Aloha!

[CLANGING]

-Thanks for taking my bags, bellboy. Mahalo! -Huh?

So long, Earth.

Hello... Ma... Ma... [STAMMERS] Outer space.

-Aloha! -Huh

Yeah, no peanuts, just a pillow and a blanket, please.

Yeah, but this isn't an airplane.

It's a... [STAMMERS] A rocket!

[EXCLAIMING]

[SNORING]

[YAWNS]

Slept through the entire flight.

Now, let's take a look at those Hawaiian beaches.

Did I miss my connecting flight?

Eeh, [STAMMERS] that's what I was trying to tell you.

This isn't an airplane, it's a rocket ship.

Now quit messing around and activate your gravity boots.

Like this?

[CRASHES]

Hey, I'm floating. [WHOOPING]

I'm flying. I'm a bird!

Hey, get down from there this minute.

There's a protocol we have to... [STAMMERS]

Just get down!

Boy, all this aimless floating is making me peckish.

Order up.

Stop, you're ruining everything!

Well, I know when I'm not welcome.

I'll just show myself out.

Wait! Open that and we might get sucked into space.

[TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING]

[GASPING]

You know, you're right. We opened that and we did get sucked into space.

Well, at least the mess is cleaned up.

[GASPS] The transmitter flew out of the airlock.

Well, I think it looks better out there.

But it's supposed to be on Ma... [STAMMERS]

On that little red planet.

Oh, you're never gonna get it all the way over there.

Well, I've got to.

[VOCALIZING THEME FROM 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY]

Got the transmitter, Mr. Duck.

Now, give it to me so I can take it back to the ship.

Hey, let's play piggy in the middle.

Mr. Duck, stop it. This is no time for games.

[GASPS] Be careful with that.

This is a multi-million dollar piece of equipment.

Really? This piece of junk costs a million bucks?

[SPUTTERING]

[GRUNTS] I got it, I got it.

Now, to float back to the ship.

[GASPS] My power cord. [SCREAMS] Help!

Don't worry, buddy. I'll save ya.

Just float right there.

[DOOR SLAMS]

Oh, no! [SCREAMING]

Okay, Daffy, you can do this.

No, probably not. Easy now.

Careful, careful.

Careful.

Careful.

[GRUNTING]

Where'd I go?

We're way off course. Earth is all the way over there,

and Mars is all the way over there!

Captain's log, stardate 189.2, carry the one.

The pig has pointed out that we're further from our goal than anticipated.

Fortunately, I'm an experienced star captain.

And I know exactly what to do.

Panic!

[SCREAMING]

Quick. Which one of these buttons that takes us back to Earth?

Never mind. I'll just press them all.

We're going too fast. We gotta... [STAMMERS] Slow down!

Hands off, mister.

We're going back to Earth.

No, we're not. We're going to Mars.

-Earth. -Mars.

DAFFY: Earth. PORKY: Mars.

[BOTH REPEATING]

[EMERGENCY ALARM BLARING]

[BOTH SCREAMING]

Mission accom... [STAMMERS] I did it.

So this is Mars, huh?

Meh, I'm bored. Well, back to Earth.

Thanks for nothing, Mars.

Hey! You can't leave me here.

Uh... Huh.

You know what? I'd rather be all alone on Mars

than back on the ship with that crazy duck.

You can say that again.

I guess I can handle one alien.

-You can say that again. -[YELPS]

You can say that again.

[YELLS]

ALL: You can say that again.

[SCREAMING]

PORKY: Boy, it looks like I'm in a real jam.

A space jam.