Original subtitles

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

PORKY: This road trip is gonna be fantas...fantas...

[STAMMERING] It's gonna be great.

Time to get this show on the road.

[RV BEEPING]

-[EXCLAIMS] -[GASPS]

[SHRIEKS]

Oh, no. [STAMMERING] Not again!

Oh, woe is me. My limbs are broken.

My beak is strained!

My credit score is terrible!

I'm gonna sue the pants off of you

or whatever you've got going on downstairs.

Oh, no! [STAMMERING] What should I do?

I'd get me in the RV.

-Right. -Nurse me back to health.

[STAMMERING] Now, don't worry.

I'll have you feeling better in no time.

I'll make you a comfy little bed in this box.

Huh?

-Uh, wake up, Mr. Duck. -[MUMBLES]

Sleeping. Come back later.

[STAMMERING] Come on, Mr. Duck. That's my bed!

Your bed is over here. This is where you belong.

What? All right, no more messing around.

Stay put, Duck.

Not again!

This is my bed.

This is yours.

[PANTING] Oh, forget it.

-[ENGINE STARTING] -Hmm? [STAMMERING] What are you doing up here?

The only one who should be driving this RV is...

[STAMMERS] Me...

-Porky Pig! -Never heard of him, chum.

Just sit back and relax,

and enjoy the sounds of this soothing mixtape.

[STAMMERING] "Relax"?

-[SMOOTH JAZZ PLAYING] -I'm not gonna relax until you... Oh!

Is that smooth jazz?

[STAMMERING] Now, listen... Oh!

Listen to that sweet, sweet groove.

[STAMMERING] I should be drive... [SNORES]

-[LOUD ROCK MUSIC PLAYING] -[GASPS]

-Woo-hoo! -[STAMMERING] Watch out for that chicken coop!

Watch out for that hot dog stand!

Watch out for that water balloon factory!

Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

Ooh! Ooh!

[STAMMERING] Gently put it in reverse and back up...

...very slowly.

[SEAT WHIRRING]

Not back up the seat!

-[STAMMERING] Back up the RV. -Back of the RV?

Don't mind if I do! Woo-hoo!

Woo-hoo! Woo-hoo! Woo-hoo!

-Woo-hoo! -[PINBALL MACHINE SOUNDS]

Phew! [STAMMERING] That was close. We had too much weight up front.

I mean, even a single bowling ball might have sent us...

Hey, Piggy! Watch me make a strike!

No! Huh?

Huh. [STAMMERING] I guess I was wrong.

Why do you got so many bowling balls, anyhow?

I like to have a spare?

Whatever happens next, we all deserve it.

[BOTH SCREAMING]

DAFFY: Yoink!

Why'd you stop? I was finally having fun.

[STAMMERING] I've had enough of your shenanigans.

You're gonna get what's coming to ya.

OFFICER: Excuse me, gentlemen.

You're parked on a train trestle.

Is everything okay?

[STAMMERING] Oh, yes, sir, Officer.

Just pulled over so I could, uh, give my baby here some snuggles and cuddles.

-"Baby"? -Now, now, baby.

-[CHUCKLES] Don't fuss. -He is so cute!

I'm still hungry, Daddy.

[STAMMERING] He's a growing boy.

Certainly is nice to see a father be so generous with his son.

He ate everything except for the one donut!

Don't mind if I do.

Just be safe out there. Next time, stay on the road?

-Boy, she was nice! -You! You ate all my food!

Whoa, you seem pretty hot. You need to cool off, pal.

Why not take a cold shower?

The joke is I put him in the toilet.

Woo-hoo!

[PORKY SCREAMING]

[PANTING]

-All right, Mr. Duck. You're gonna be so... -[SPLASHING]

-[SCREAMS] -[THUDS]

[PANTING]

[SPLASHING]

-[SCREAMS] -[THUDS]

I could do this all day.

Huh? Whoa!

You snuck up on me there.

Hey, we're okay. We're okay. No hard feelings, right?

[DAFFY GRUNTING]

DAFFY: Woo-hoo!

-There. [STAMMERING] That oughta hold ya. -Oh, please.

This is the lousiest job of tying someone up I've ever seen.

You think you can do better?

With one hand tied behind my back,

which it is. Just do as I say.

Loop that end through there, now pull that end taut.

Tighten the loose end. Okay, over there. Put that around,

and back through, again. There. Over. Up. Down.

Around. Back. Through. Again. Back through again.

Over. Under. In. Out. Up. Down. Over. And voila!

This pig's been hogtied!

[STAMMERING] I can't wait for this trip to be over.

Over? It hasn't even started!

[STAMMERING] What do you mean it hasn't even started?

Thanks again, Rebecca.

-Can I put this on my resume? -You know, I wouldn't.

[STAMMERING] Huh? You mean we haven't even left yet?

Well, we had to take a test drive, silly.

Now sit back and enjoy the sounds of this soothing mixtape.

-[STAMMERING] Now, listen here. I... -[SMOOTH JAZZ PLAYING]

Oh! Is that smooth jazz?

Mmm. That is one sweet groove.

[RUMBLING, BUZZING]

BUGS: What the...

[SHRIEKS]

[INHALES DEEPLY] [QUIETLY] Timber.

-[CHAINSAW RATTLING] -[LAUGHS MANIACALLY]

Hey, you hipster, what gives?

You nearly flattened me with all those trees.

[IN THICK FRENCH ACCENT] Of course I did! I'm Blacque Jacque Shellacque,

the lumberjack!

And I'm cutting down all the trees in the forest!

You can't cut down these trees!

There are squirrels with really high voices that live up there.

[SQUEAKING ANGRILY]

-[SQUEAKS YELLS] -Your high-pitched friend

is squeaking up the wrong tree.

These trees are mine.

I'm going to turn them into toothpicks to get the food out of my teeth!

Look, shark, I'm not gonna let you get away with this.

Nobody speaks like that to Blacque Jacque Shellacque!

I'm not nobody! I'm Bugs Bunny, doc.

Well, Mr. Bugs Bunny Doc,

now you must face me in a lumberjack challenge!

Yes, now I must!

What's a lumberjack challenge?

It is a competition between lumberjacks.

You win, I leave the forest.

But if I win, I will cut down every single tree

so there will not be a forest to live!

The first challenge is the wood chop!

Whoever splits the wood in the fewest chops wins!

Un, deux, trois. Troischops! Beat that.

Troischops. No prob.

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Whoops!

Ah, well, whaddaya know? One chop.

Was luck of beginner.

Any little dweeb can cut wood.

But I can cut anything!

Really? Anything?

-Can you cut this bed? -Oui!

-How about this refrigerator -Oui.

How about these rare commemorative plates

featuring the Stanley Cup-winning Montreal Canadiens?

Oui! Oui! Oui! Wait a minute.

I have rare, commemorative plates of the Montreal Canadiens.

Yeah, all of this is yours.

I got it from your cabin.

[SOBBING] Oh, no, no, no!

Oh, no, no, no!

Aw. I sure do hate to see a grown lumberjack cry.

What's next, pressing wild flowers?

Double Dutch? Jumping Jacques?

The poutine and maple syrup guzzle.

Only a true lumberjack can eat a lumberjack breakfast like moi!

[LAUGHS MANIACALLY]

Oh, yeah?

Ooh, viscous!

[COUGHS]

Your turn.

Oh, no, I'm not eating that. I forfeit.

Yep, looks like we both lost.

I lost the challenge, and you lost your pants.

All right, rabbit.

We are tied, one to one.

Let's see you beat me in log rolling!

-Gee, doc, that sounds hard. -Oh, it is.

-Whoever stays on the log the longest is the winner. -All right.

Don't start spinning until you heard the word "go".

-Got it? -Got it.

-Ready, set... -Go!

Hey, no fair!

You went too early!

But I heard the word "go".

That is because you said it!

I'm supposed to say it!

Don't start spinning until I say "go".

-You did it again! -You said the word "go".

I was explaining the rules!

What's the difference?

You need the rule so you know when to go.

Okay! New rule! I will say "Un, deux, trois,"

and then we begin.

-Okay. -Un, deux, trois...

What are you doing?

I heard "Un, deux, trois..."

But I didn't say "go..."

[EXCLAIMS]

Un, deux, trois,go!

[ROARING]

[YELLS]

Boy, Squeaks, that cave really amplifies your voice.

[GROWLS SQUEAKILY]

Log rolling was a draw.

We're still tied, one to one.

That makes tree climbing the final challenge.

Whoever wins this wins the forest.

And I will win!

I will be the, how do you say, "The victor"?

Actually, in this country, it's pronounced "loser."

Fine! Then I will be the loser!

Ha-ha! Climb, Jacque.

Climb like the loser you are!

Hee-hee! What a Luddite.

[SPEAKING FRENCH]

[AIR HORN BLARING]

Celine Dion! Ow! Ow! Ow!

[GRUNTS] Oh! I surrender!

I have just one more challenge for you before you go.

Hey, Jacque, did you finish putting the forest back?

I'm tired of this! I quit!

You hear that, Squeaks?

[ROARS SQUEAKILY]

[WHIMPERING]

He really is a Blacque Jacque of all trades,

but a master of none.

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]