Original subtitles

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

This week, I'm gonna show you

how to turn this old cabin into the home of your dreams.

All I need is a cooler full of food and a shed full of tools

and I'm good to go!

Now I'm over here!

As you can see,

I've rigged this whole house with cameras,

so you viewers at home can watch me fix every room in the house.

The first thing you wanna do is to flush out all the vermin that are squatting inside.

You'll wanna get 'em out in the most humane way possible.

So, I like to use an air horn.

-[AIR HORN BLARING] -[GRUNTS]

Fellas! Where are you going?

I thought we were gonna play Scrabbit?

Those were some strong rabbits.

Shame they escaped.

Had I caught one,

I would've shown you how to make a meal out of an entire family of rabbits.

I love eating rabbits.

Now, let's start renovating this house.

[CRASHING]

[STAMMERING] Wait, hold up.

Maybe I'll be eating rabbit yet.

Hello! Bugs Bunny here.

This week, I'm gonna be showing you

how to renovate Tad Tucker's bloated ego.

[SIGHS] No luck, but no biggie.

I came prepared with plenty of my own food.

[YELLS] My food!

My koala chips! My dingo jerky!

My spicy emu meat! Ow!

-[CREAKING] -Morning!

Now, before we do anything, let's do a quick walk-through of the house.

First thing we have to do is test out the floorboards.

Ahhh! [GROANING]

That's a bite in the knickers.

Ahhh!

Ha! That Taekwondo class sure paid off.

I guess the floors are a tad spongy.

Ah, well. No matter. Let's check the stairs.

Well, there's a bit of good news.

These stairs are as solid as...

Ahhh!

[EXCLAIMING]

[GROANS]

Okay.

Let's get this over with and inspect the attic.

This guy's got a screw loose.

[EXCLAIMING]

[EXCLAIMING CONTINUES]

[GROANING]

Ahhh!

The next thing we need to do

is patch up some of these holes in the wall,

using some drywall.

Before we install the drywall, we need to measure the hole.

Remember the old saying, "Measure twice, cut once."

There! That ought to...

Huh?

I could've swore I, uh...

Now that I think of it... [CHUCKLES]

The saying was, "Measure thrice, cut once."

Ah! Come on!

"Measure four times, saves more time."

There! Perfect!

Ahhh!

Since the first and second floors are in rough shape,

I'm gonna... [YAWNS]

...sleep up here in the attic.

See you in the morning!

[SNORING]

[THUDDING]

I'm never gonna get any rest, if I keep tumbling about.

This bungee cord attached to my leg

will prevent me from falling.

[TAD SNORING]

BUGS: He wanted to eat your entire family.

[EXCLAIMING]

[STRAINING]

[EXCLAIMING]

Mommy, Daddy, Mommy, Mommy, Daddy, Mommy!

[STRAINING] Gotcha! Crikeys, I've had it!

Since this house is in a bit rougher shape than I anticipated,

I'm gonna spend the night outside, under the stars.

Just listen to the soothing sounds

of those crickets out there.

[CHIRPING]

Their chirping is nature's sweet, gentle lullaby.

I'm gonna get closer, so I can hear every single one.

-[AIR HORN BLARING] -[TAD YELLS]

-The attic! -[THUDDING]

-Not the stairs! -[THUDDING]

-Floorboard! -[THUDDING]

Okay, I've fallen out of the window,

been covered in molasses for some reason,

and now, I'm standing in poison ivy.

They say that bad things happen in threes,

so by that reasoning, the worst is over.

Fire ants! That's four things!

Ahhh!

[GASPING] Here's a tip for you.

If you're ever covered in horrible fire ants

find the closest water source and submerge yourself.

Hmm. That's funny.

I've got some sort of tingling sensation going on down under.

Leeches! Now that's five things.

Feeling sleepy.

Maybe I should just go back to...

My tent!

That's six.

Morning. [CHUCKLES]

Today, we'll be installing a new floor.

Nailed it!

What?

I could've sworn I just hammered that nail in there.

[GRUNTING] There!

Huh? Now I know I nailed that one in.

What?

Ahhh!

[STRAINING]

[LAUGHING]

I don't think this house is worth saving!

I'm gonna tear this thing down to the foundations!

[GRUNTING]

[EXCLAIMING]

[LAUGHING]

Tad Tucker knows when to quit!

Oh, yeah! Tad Tucker's a quitter!

[PANTING]

Uh-oh.

Here's your new home. The keys are on the armoire.

[GRUNTING]

[THUNDER RUMBLING]

Rain?

Well, at least I still have my tool shed for shelter.

[STRAINING]

Oi! Let me in!

When someone messes with your house,

the first thing you do is change the locks.

Welcome to the Porklight Theater.

Today's film is Hamlet.

The film version of William Shakespeare's classic play...

DAFFY: Boring!

I'm sorry, did someone say something?

Lost my train of thought.

Anyway, the exits are on the other... [STAMMERING]

DAFFY: Put your arms down, I can smell your B.O.

-All right, who said that? -[CELL PHONE RINGING]

Hello?

Sure, I've got time to take a survey.

[CLEARS THROAT] The use of cell phones is strictly prohibited...

-[STAMMERING] -[CELL PHONE RINGING]

Sorry, folks, this is embarrassing.

-Hello? -I thought you said, "No cell phones?"

Okay, wise guy.

If we can't use cell phones, how about cymbals?

[CYMBALS CRASHING]

No cymbals.

How about a didgeridoo?

[DIDGERIDOO PLAYING]

No... [STAMMERING]

-How about a tuba? -[TUBA PLAYING]

-Or a blender? -[WHIRRING]

-Or a chainsaw? -[WHIRRING]

-Or one of these things? -[RATTLING]

No... [STAMMERING] Whatever that thing is.

[POPPING]

No, no, no, no, no!

Excuse me, pardon me, pardon me, excuse me, pardon me.

-Where'd he go? -[WHIRRING]

Yoo-hoo! Hey there, big boy.

Excuse me, pardon me, excuse me, pardon me.

Excuse me.

[WHIRRING]

-Excuse me, sir? -Fine! You take over.

I have a movie to watch.

All righty, that's enough!

Hey, bub!

You can't march in here without a ticket.

But I work here.

You do? When does your shift start?

-Two hours ago. -Coming in late, huh?

You're fired!

Fired? You can't fire me.

Say, I like your gumption, kid.

-You're hired! -Phew.

Thanks.

Here are your duties for today.

First, clean the toilet.

Now, churn the butter. Pop the corn.

Get my dry cleaning!

Paint my fence!

Clean the bridge of the Queen Mary.

♪ I am the very model of a modern Major-General ♪

Am I done? [GRUNTS]

What do I care? I don't even work here!

-[WHOOPING] -[GROWLS]

-Mr. Duck? -What'll it be, pal?

-Huh? -Hey, buddy, no outside food or drink allowed.

But I don't have any outside...

Good! Then have a soda.

For 25 cents more, you can upgrade to a medium.

For 35 cents, you can upgrade to a large.

And it also comes with a tub of popcorn.

-Butter? -I really shouldn't.

Oh, come on. Indulge.

Don't forget about dessert!

That'll be $911.12.

Whoo-hoo!

HAMLET: [ON SCREEN Alas, I've been slain.

[LAUGHING]

-Now, that's it. -Shh!

HAMLET: Heaven make thee free of it.

I follow thee.

Wretched queen, adieu.

Now listen, Mr. Duck.

Shh! Hey! Eyes on the screen, pal.

Oh, sorry.

But listen, Mr. Duck, I need you to be quiet and watch the movie

if you're going to be in here, understand?

Huh? Uh-oh.

Listen, Mr. Duck, I need you to be quiet and watch...

Oh.

I need you to be quiet and watch the...

Oh.

I need you to be quiet and watch the...

I need you to be quiet...

To be quiet and watch the...

To be quiet and watch the...

Do you mind?

I need you to be quiet and watch the movie if you're gonna be in here.

[WHISPERING] Oh, sorry.

I'm just kidding ya, pal.

-[WHOOPING] -[EXCLAIMING]

You need to leave, Mr. Duck.

Eat spicy meat stick, Mr. Pig!

[BOTH GRUNTING]

Whoo-hoo! Gonna fly...

[EXCLAIMS]

[EXCLAIMS]

DAFFY: Cha-cha-cha, cha-cha-cha!

-A-goochy-goochy-goo-ga! -Stop it! Let me go!

-If you insist. -Ahhh!

-[GROWLS] -Ahhh!

[GULPS]

[CHOKES]

[PORKY SCREAMING]

[ROARING]

[SCREAMING]

[GRUNTS]

Oh. This is actually quite nice.

[BLOWING]

[GRUNTING]

[SCREAMING]

[STAMMERING]

[SCREAMS]

Hey, chum. You're not enjoying the full effect.

You need to see this in 3D.

Then you get to experience the movie up close and personal.

It's almost like you're in the movie.

[SCREAMING]

Pretty cool, right? But it gets better. Watch!

Whoo-hoo!

Whoo-hoo!

This is incredibly realistic. [SPLUTTERING]

It's like I'm there.

Mmm. Banana cream.

You think that's impressive.

Wait till you see this.

I don't know what can top a pie,

but show me what you got!

Sock it to me, Daddio!

-[WHISTLE BLOWING] -[GRUNTS]

This 3D is spectacular. [STAMMERING] I love it!

Boy, this movie sure got derailed.

-[WHOOPING] -[WHISTLE BLOWING]