Original subtitles

[instrumental music]

Come on, J.T., when are you gonna be done

carving the pumpkin?

Just one more thing.

Check it out.

It's spooky, it's scary.

Ah! It's Dana.

If this doesn't scare the trick-or-treaters

I don't know what will.

How about you on the porch in your boxer shorts?

Come on, you guys, we've been living together

as a family for seven years.

Can't you stop taking shots

at each other?

- No. - No.

Bad news.

I just talked to Jennifer who talked to Kim

who talked to Tyler, who talked to James--

Who lived in the house that Jack built!

Get to the point.

Garrett cancelled his Halloween party.

- Oh, man, that's lame. - 'I know.'

Oh, I was really lookin' forward to that party.

Oh, well, honey, that means we'll just have to stay home

and do some trick-or-treating of our own.

Uh, I've seen your tricks and, yeah, it's a real treat

and everything, but I wanna go to a party.

Why don't we quit whining and just have a party of our own?

- You think? - Yeah, let's do that.

Hey, you know what? We can have it right here.

Sorry, I already promised the house

to Lilly for her first Halloween party.

What? She's six years old.

How much room do her and her little rug rat friends need?

I say we stick 'em in the tool shed.

Hey, I don't wanna be stuck in the tool shed.

Ow!

Lilly, don't worry

the house is yours for the party.

Yippee!

I get the house. I get the..

Honey, great news.

I won the bid to demolish the Montgomery House.

Oh.. Mm, that's wonderful.

I know how much you love knocking stuff down

with that big bulldozer.

Man, it's about time someone knocked down

that creepy old place, it gives me the willies.

Wait. A creepy, old abandoned house?

That sounds like the perfect place

to have our Halloween party.

- Ooh! That's it. That's it. - Oh, my God.

Hey, hey, hey. Wait a minute, guys.

You can't have a party in that house.

What if you break somethin'?

Frank, you're gonna demolish it.

What are you afraid of? They'll nick the banister?

Right. Ah-ha! What the heck. Trash the place!

Alright!

[theme music]

♪ Step by step ♪

♪ Day by day ♪♪ Day by day ♪

♪ A fresh start over ♪

♪ A different hand to play ♪

♪ The deeper we fall ♪

♪ The stronger we stay ♪

♪ We'll make it better ♪

♪ The second time around ♪♪

[instrumental music]

[door creaking]

Hey, this place gives me the creeps.

Should be on the cover of "Better Homes In Graveyards."

What's the matter, pal, you afraid

you might run into a ghost?

[laughs]

Oh, that's funny, yeah, like I'm really afraid

of a haunted house. Ooh, I'm really scared.

Ooh!

- Ah! - Oh-ho!

You two wanna be alone?

J.T., I wish you would stop picking me up

every time you get scared.

Ah-ha. Yeah, right.

- I'll work on it. - Ah!

Come on, let's get started.

- Oh, man! - Yeah.

- This should take us a while. - Ugh! Yeah.

I haven't seen a place this disgusting

since the last time I was in Rich and J.T.'s apartment.

- Aah! Oh. - What is it?

This mirror is so dirty, it looked like I had a zit.

Why doesn't somebody clean this place?

Karen, it's an old abandoned house.

Who do you expect to clean it, ghosts?

Hey, being dead is no excuse for being messy.

[rumbling]

Did you guys hear that?

That's probably just a squirrel in the attic.

[shrieks]

Yeah, squirrel in combat boots.

Not-not that I'm-I'm scared or anything.

You are okay, honey.

I mean, come on, haven't you guys heard about that, uh

ghost woman livin' in the attic?

Yeah, right, Rich, and Santa Claus

and the Easter Bunny are playing poker in the basement.

I'm serious. Come on, you guys heard that story.

About that 19-year-old chick, Abigail Montgomery

who died up there on the turn of century.

What if that noise was her?

Karen, relax. There's nobody up there.

But I can see why Rich might believe

in horrible scary things.

After all, he's dating Dana. Heh-heh!

Very clever, J.T. Uh..

By the way, Eddie Munster called.

He wants his hair back.

Would you guys knock it off?

I'd like to start putting up Halloween decorations

before Christmas.

By the way, where is Sam? She was supposed to help.

Maybe she decided not to come.

Hey, what's that supposed to mean?

Well, come on, J.T., ever since

you worked for her at the garage

you two have been fighting like cats and dogs.

There's an understatement.

Sam and I are getting along fine.

Fine? Ike and Tina get along better than you two.

Ridiculous. Sam and I are doing just great.

You selfish, irresponsible jerk!

Hi, pookie.

Don't pookie me.

You were supposed to pick me up.

Where the hell were you?

I think pookie's peeved.

I wasn't supposed to pick her up.

I told you my truck wasn't running.

How else am I supposed to get here?

That was three days ago, Sam. You're a mechanic.

I figured you would've fixed it by now.

Well, you know, J.T., some people have jobs

and actually work for a living

and we don't have time to fix our own things.

[J.T.] 'Okay. Chill, alright.'

There's a 100-year-old dead chick in this house

that's more fun than you.

[Sam] Oh, yeah?

Well, she probably died waiting

for a bonehead like you to pick her up.

[J.T.] 'Okay, that's it.'

We're here to set up for a party

so let's just have fun.

- Okay? - Fine!

Fine!

See, everything's fine. It's cool.

[instrumental music]

Look, mommy, I'm a sunflower girl!

[gasps] Oh, Lilly, you are a darling.

And I'm so proud of you, you got dressed all by yourself.

Yeah, but I think my tights are on backwards.

They're giving me a major wedgie.

Well, that's okay, just don't pull 'em

when your friends are here. Here, I'll help.

- Ah! - There we go.

[Frank] Hey, everybody! Get ready.

Make way for Teddy T-Rex.

[Carol] 'Oh! Oh, Frank!'

Frank, are you okay?

I think I figured out what killed off the dinosaurs.

Stairs.

That was funny, daddy. Do it again.

No, I-I don't think so, honey.

I'm afraid daddy broke his tail.

Come here, Frank.

Yeah, my friends are here!

This is gonna be the best

Halloween party ever.

[growls] I'm gonna get you.

[screaming]

Ha-ha, I scared her.

Well, aren't you the cute little son of Satan.

- Lilly, come down here. - Candy!

[kids giggling]

Lilly?

[sighs] Lilly, come on out.

Please, honey, come on. I know you're under there.

[Lilly] 'No, I'm not.'

'I mean, Lilly is not here.'

'I'm the tooth fairy.'

Oh, I see, okay, well, if you happen to see Lilly

will you tell her that she's missing

a really great party downstairs

with candy and games and everything?

[Lilly] 'Lilly doesn't care.'

'That party is full of monsters and scary people'

'and I'm not letting her go down there.'

Honey, those aren't monsters those are your friends.

They're just wearing costumes.

But I thought they were gonna be cowboys and superheroes.

Jimmy has nails in his head.

Well, Jimmy's just having fun.

You know, sometimes doing scary things is fun.

Like, remember when we went to the amusement park

and you were afraid to go on the roller coaster?

Yeah.

And then you saw how much fun

your friends were having?

- Yeah. - And so you decided to go.

And then you had a really great time.

Mommy, can you start over?

I'm really confused.

What I am trying to say is your Halloween party

is, is kind of like that roller coaster was.

I promise, if you go downstairs

you're gonna have a really great time.

- Maybe next year. - Honey! Oh-ho.

Are you still afraid of your friends?

I guess not.

But now I'm worried they're gonna make fun of me.

Because I was a fraidy-cat.

No, they won't.

Everybody is afraid sometimes

there's nothing to be ashamed of.

But what if Kenny tries to scare me again?

Don't worry, honey. If Kenny does

I'll nail his pointy little tail to the banister.

Now, come on. Come on.

Please, come on.

[instrumental music]

Rich, who are you supposed to be?

What? Are you kidding?

I am Ricky Ricardo.

Hey, watch this.

♪ Babalu ♪

♪ Babalu ♪♪

[imitating Ricky] Oh, Lucy, I'm home. Ha-ha!

Ricky, I wanna be in the show.

Now, Lucy, I explain this to you before.

You cannot be in the show.

And stop bothering John Wayne.

[imitates bawling]

Hercules, I'm hungry.

Go slay me something to eat.

Huh?

- Get me some food. - Oh, okay.

You know, he's the first guy I've ever gone out with

who's as pretty as me.

Oh, but he's not quite as bright.

Boy, that's a scary concept.

[J.T.] Come on, Sam, move it.

Left, right, left.

Don't you know your left from your right?

Oww!

- What was that? - My left.

- Come on, move! - Bite me!

[J.T.] You know, I could from here.

Oww!

[groans]

This is worst Halloween I've ever had.

Really? Because I'm havin' a ball!

Hey, I thought you two were coming

as Mark Anthony and Cleopatra?

We were until someone forgot to reserve the costumes.

So, instead of being Queen of the Nile

I'm a horse's head.

And J.T., of course, just came as himself.

Oh, I can see where this is headed

and it ain't gonna be pretty.

Bye-bye.

Look, the mix-up with the costumes wasn't my fault.

It was yours, you didn't drop off the deposit.

You said you would take care of it.

You know, if you would just listen to me when I talk to you

instead of tuning me out, none of this stuff would happen.

Well, I wouldn't have to tune you out, if you stop

talkin' to me like I'm a child.

Well, I will when you stop acting like one.

Want to dance?

Forget it, Frankenstein.

She doesn't wanna dance with a monster.

[scoffs] Oh, yes, I do.

It beats dancing with the horse's ass.

[instrumental music]

[dramatic music]

I don't get it. We fight over everything.

I say black, she says white.

Is it me?

J.T., why are you askin' me this, man?

I mean, well, you know I'm not a real priest.

Man, I run the grease gun down at the Jiffy Lube.

I'm sorry, it's just in that outfit

you looked like a good listener.

Hey, well, look, man.

I'm about to go dance with my girlfriend, okay?

Eh, can I come?

Get some help, J.T.

Hey, guys.

Can I hang out with you? I kinda had a fight with Sam.

Oh, terrible.

Yeah, you want me to beat this Sam guy up for you?

No, you don't understand.

Sam is my date.

Oh.

That's cool with me. I'm not here to judge.

[scoffs]

I'll be with you in a second.

He's not too bright..

...but he's got a butt like a wrecking ball.

Hey, guys, what are you doin'?

J.T., didn't I explain this to you before?

I am trying to love Lucy, do you mind?

Yeah, J.T., why aren't you with Sam?

Because she wanted to dance with some big, ugly guy

with a flat head.

I repeat, why aren't you with Sam?

Not now, Barky. Sam and I just had a fight.

Oh, J.T., I'm sorry, man.

I didn't realize, you know.

You being alone at a party like this.

[sighs] I'll catch you later.

Fine. Go! I don't need anybody.

I'll get by without you guys.

God, I'm a horse's rear and I'm all alone.

[wind howling]

[chiming]

Are you okay?

Wow. Where did you come from?

Upstairs.

You did?

Hi. I'm J.T.

I'm Abby.

- Great costume. - Oh, this old thing.

I feel like I've been wearing it for a hundred years.

[dramatic music]

[Frank] Hey, kids, I got some more Halloween cupcakes.

Ooh. Ooh, here is the best part of the movie.

This is where the giant tomato smooshes the guy.

[kids screaming]

I don't like this movie.

I want my mommy.

[Frank] Well, it's kind of scary

but, hey, don't worry, I'm here.

Well, you're kind of scary, too.

Mommy, Kenny is afraid just like I was.

I know. Well, what do you think we should do about it?

I'll handle this.

You're scared, aren't you, Kenny?

Yeah. Uh-huh.

I don't like those mean tomatoes.

They eat people.

It's okay to be afraid.

It can even be fun.

Like going on a roller coaster

except movies won't make you barf.

Obviously, she hasn't seen

"Earnest Goes To Camp."

If you promise to stay

I'll turn off the TV.

- Deal. - Aha.

[all] Oh!

Well, hey, kids, I guess this is the end

of our Halloween movie.

What are we going to do now?

I have an idea.

Everybody pile on Teddy T-Rex.

[cheering]

[laughter]

[dramatic music]

Well, it can't be much fun for you

being in a relationship where you argue all the time.

It's not. And I don't get it.

Because Sam and I, we used to be so great together.

- Maybe it's all my fault. - Maybe it's nobody's fault.

Some relationships just aren't meant to be.

I know, I have been through something like this myself.

- Really? - Oh, yes.

Cornelius and I.. Well..

Cornelius?

With a name like that, he must've taken

a lot of heat at school.

No.

Actually there were three other

Corneliuses in his class.

Anyhow, we were deeply in love.

But then, we grew apart.

We fought and fought, but neither one of wanted to admit

that the relationship was over.

It ended very badly.

Messy break up, huh?

I'll say.

He rode his horse off a cliff

and I drank poison.

You drank poison?

Wouldn't that kill you?

Oh, yes, I'm dead as a door nail.

I'm sorry, I never formally introduced myself.

I'm Abigail Montgomery.

The ghost who haunts this house.

You know, like, boo!

Oh, ho, man.

I get it.

The hair, the costume, the weird story.

You came to the party as the ghost.

Man, you had me goin'.

J.T., I have one piece of advise for you.

Life's too short to stay

in an unhappy relationship.

Believe me.

I found out the hard way.

[Sam] 'J.T.'

Oh, I have been looking all over for you.

I was just here talking to..

[wind howling]

[wind bell chiming]

Did you just see a girl sitting next to me?

Brown hair. Old time dress.

Smelled a little like moth balls?

No. Are you okay?

I'm not really sure.

Look.

I want to apologize.

I'm sorry about all the fighting we've been doing lately.

Sam, you don't have to apologize.

It's not your fault.

It's both of us.

I don't get it.

I mean, we used to be so good together.

What happened?

I guess we just kinda grew apart.

Neither one of us wants to admit it.

Yeah, maybe you're right.

It's probably better to...end things now

while we're still friends.

Maybe so.

Are you goin' to be alright?

Yeah.

You?

I guess so.

You know, Sam, I just realized something.

We're breaking up for the first time

in a long time.

We're not fighting.

So what do you say? You wanna have one last dance?

I'd love to.

♪ Neither one of us ♪

♪ Wants to be the first to say ♪

♪ Farewell my love ♪

♪ Goodbye ♪

♪ Good-bye ♪♪

[Chad on TV] 'So, I guess this is it, huh?'

'We're really breaking up.'

[Jessica on TV] 'I'm so tired of all the fighting, Chad.'

'I just don't know what else to do.'

[crying]

Welcome to my world, Chad.

It hurts, doesn't it?

[sobbing] Aw!

Oh, God.

It's been a week since he broke up with Sam.

He's still in the couch.

Well, he did make some progress.

At least, he got off the floor.

You think he's ready?

He better be. Couch is starting to smell.

Hey, J.T.

How is it goin'?

Jessica just broke up with Chad.

Well, they kind of had to once they found out

they were brother and sister.

Look, J.T. Look, bud. Uh..

We know, you're in a lot of pain here, okay?

But, as the old expression goes

you have just got to get right back on that horse.

[sobbing] Horse.

Sam and I were horse for Halloween.

Sam was the horses head and I was the horse's--

We know.

Listen.

We've got a little surprise for you.

- Surprise? - Yeah.

There's a new girl from school we want you to meet.

A new girl? No, I'm not ready.

I can't do it, I can't do it.

I can't do it.

Alright, well, too bad

'cause she's in the kitchen and I'm gonna get her.

Now, sit up, and...close your robe.

No, Karen, I can't do this, I can't.

Uh, try not to talk directly to her.

Hello.

Oh, my God, it's you!

- Have we met? - Of course, we have.

Abby, it's me, I'm, J.T.

U-uh, Abby?

Oh, you must be mistaken. My name's Sarah.

J.T., would you cut it out?

You're gonna scare her away.

Me? Scare her? She's a ghost! Remember?

You drank the poison

and then your boyfriend Cornelius

rode his horse off the cliff?

Maybe I should go.

I'm sorry, this was a mistake.

He's obviously not ready to see people.

Abby, Abby, tell her the truth

you're a 100-year-old ghost.

Karen, smell her, she smells like moth balls.