Original subtitles

(clock ticking)

(sighs)

Well, Gabby?

Sometime today would be nice.

(chuckles)

Find the surface area...

Area of the surface... (chuckles)

Area... area rug...

Rug... rug burn...

You know, I'm really more of a "visual" learner,

so I'm just going to close my eyes for a moment

and visualize myself inside the cube.

Susie: Come on!

She's obviously stalling because she doesn't know the answer!

Staller!

(ticking)

I'm not a staller, and I'm not stalling.

If anything, you're stalling.

What are you so afraid of, Susie?

Why is it that you don't want me to solve this problem?

What is it about you that you don't want me...

(bell ringing)

Class dismissed.

Oh, no! Just as I was about to solve this problem!

What's up with that?

Till next time, hombre.

(theme song playing)

? Oh, yeah ?

? I do normal like a fish rides a bicycle ?

? Fit in like summer and an icicle ?

? Don't fight it, just be an original ?

? Ooh, ooh, ooh ?

? I roller skate outside the lines ?

? When I try to stay in, it's no surprise ?

? It's a fail, it's okay, I'm one of a kind ?

? One of a, one of a kind ?

? So anytime I feel some type of way ?

? Don't understand the human race ?

? So what, so what, so what ?

? I do my thing, I do my thing ?

? You do your thing, You do your thing ?

? When we don't fit in ?

? We stand out in the crowd and we shout it loud ?

? I do my thing, I do my thing ?

? I'm the one and only, I'm the one and only ?

? Don't try to fit in, Don't try to fit in ?

? Mm-hmm, I do my thing ?

Hey , Gab, got a sec?

- Not really. - Great.

Because I just wanted to say how hard it was

to watch you up at the board today,

unable to solve the most basic math problem.

Like a kitten stuck in a bag,

mewing, floundering, helpless.

But not as cute.

Yeah, yeah. You know, I'm plenty smart,

thank you very much.

Math and I just have a...

"I don't like you, you don't like me" relationship.

Kinda like what we have.

Uh-huh? Sure.

Well, if you're ever interested,

I do offer tutoring services.

I usually work with third graders, though, so...

you'll have some catching up to do.

(scoffs)

Jeremy: I hate being sick!

This blanket is too scratchy!

What did I do to deserve this?

Here.

It's too scratchy!

Uh... okay, how about a book?

- "Once upon..." - I hate your voice!

It's too scratchy!

Ugh. Are you always such a baby when you're sick?

(raspy cough)

And now I'm losing my teeth!

- (tooth clatters to floor) - Uh...

No big deal.

Nobody needs all their teeth.

- Why don't you just... - Ah!

- Try and rest... - Ah!

- And let me... - Ah!

(sneezes)

(gagging)

(continues gagging)

We both agree that was your fault, right?

If that was an apology, I find it deficient in the extreme

and, frankly, somewhat supercilious!

You're super-silly!

- (gagging) - Also, what?

What did I just say?

Your voice is still too scratchy!

(door opens)

Hola, familia. Tengo hambre y quiero un bocadillo.

You're hungry, you want a snack,

and you're speaking Spanish!

Yeah, that's weird.

I didn't know I was fluent.

I guess all those years of yelling at you in Spanish

have finally paid off.

Nice work, Dina.

Ugh! Stupid history essay.

I don't know what to write about.

Here, let me see.

Maybe write about how one of the tertiary causes

of the American Revolution were The Intolerable Acts.

The British used them as a way to punish the colonists for the Boston Tea Party.

Yeah. That's can actually work.

Whoa, Gabby, since when have you become a history buff?

Hmm.

I wish you could help me on my taxes.

The error is on line 12-A. It should have been 642.

And you can't write off that many mani-pedis.

That's an audit waiting to happen.

You're right!

What has gotten into you?

(sneezes)

Snot.

Snot's gotten into me.

I'm a genius.

(fly buzzing)

(grunts) It's getting worse.

I think... I smell like death.

- (raspy cough) - Yes.

Your illness does appear to be getting quite dire.

Unfortunately, there aren't any Earth doctors

versed in Gor-Monite physiology...

but I believe I have a solution.

The dumb... Orb?

(sighs)

Orb: Have we considered letting him pass?

No one would judge you.

And I could have his room.

So there you have it.

According to my calculations,

Jeremy's Gor-Monite mucus flooded my neurons,

thereby changing their chemical make-up,

accelerating synaptic activity,

and making my brain more efficient!

So... you're a genius?

I think the technical term is super-genius, but yeah.

Also, I gotta say, it feels pretty good.

Yeah, I know.

So what now?

Are you going to use your newfound intelligence

to solve the world's problems?

Hmm? I was thinking of something a little more fun.

Gabby: "Guess how many skulls. Win a free taco."

One hundred ninety-eight skulls.

Whoa... that's exactly right.

(video game sounds)

Come to mama.

??

(bell rings)

(bell rings)

(bell rings)

(bell dinging)

(bell ringing)

I'll take two... of everything.

But... that's my taco.

(crunch)

Just livin' that genius life.

Get yourself something nice.

(beeping)

Orb: The virus is progressing rapidly.

It appears to be lethal.

Sweet.

I always wanted to be lethal.

(sighs) That doesn't mean you're lethal.

It means that you may die.

Is there nothing we can do?

There are two other options.

We are not letting him die so that you can have his room.

There is one other option.

An infusion of healthy Gor-Monite cells

may energize his own immune system.

Brilliant! Uh, where do we get these healthy cells?

From you.

Farewell, Jeremy. Good luck in the afterlife.

Arcade prizes!

Ooh, fresh haircut. Hey, have a toy.

Check it. Who loves ya?

- There you go. - Girl: Ooh.

You're welcome.

Ooh. Hey, guys.

You wanna know why math class was so long?

Because Mr. Pinchman went off on a tangent!

(all laugh)

Get it? Tangent.

Yep. So funny.

But the grown-ups are doing math now, so... shh.

The answer is X equals 30 degrees,

or one-sixth pi radians.

Oh, Gabby. It's so cute the way you try.

- But I'm pretty sure it's... - Boy: No, Susie.

She's correct.

You're solving extra credit math problems in your head now?

I don't know what's gotten into you, Gabby Duran.

But something's up.

Oh, poor salty Susie.

You're like an obtuse angle...

never right.

(all laughing)

Gabby Duran, I challenge you to a Math Smack-down!

A what?

A Math Smack-down.

You know, you and me face-off in a math-based competition.

It's a thing.

Yeah, I'm not so sure that it is.

She won't do it. She's cheating or something.

We all know Gabby's not that smart.

Okay, fine.

You want to have a Math Smack-down,

let's have a Math Smack-down.

But let's make it interesting.

Loser has to eat Howard's locker hoagie.

(gasps)

- (fly buzzing) - Boy: That's nasty.

But I'm saving it for a special occasion!

Fine. You're on.

Tonight.

I hope everyone's ready to watch Gabby eat disgusting locker hoagie!

You're eating the hoagie!

- You are. - You are!

- You are! - You are!

You are!

Hmm.

I guess we both knew this day would come.

(Swift sighs)

Ooh...

(sighs)

Ugh...

On the one hand,

Jeremy is my beloved nephew,

and I am specifically sworn to look after his well-being.

I definitely do not want him to die.

On the other hand, that is a very large needle.

Oh, come on!

(sighs) Fine, fine. We'll do the needle.

Sigh. So long, room.

(Swift yells) Oh, my!

Yeah. (Chuckles) That's really in the bone.

I don't know why I agreed to this.

Why did I agree to this?

Ohh! Ooh!

Well, that was horrible, but it's over now.

All right then, Jeremy. Your turn.

Jeremy.

(Jeremy grunts)

I'm cured.

It's a miracle.

No needles for me.

Hooray!

(mimicking Susie): "We all know Gabby's not that smart..."

Well, let's just see how much you have to say

when your mouth's full of locker hoagie, Susie.

(sighs)

What? (groans)

Something wrong?

This thing makes no sense to me.

That makes two of us.

What is happening?

Give me a math problem! Any problem!

Uh... okay... what's 7 times 23?

It's like you're speaking a different language!

Why can't I count the skulls?

Speak to me! Speak to me!

(clatter)

It's gone.

My genius is gone.

(sobs)

Okay...

I understand that you're going through something right now,

but you know you've gotta clean this up, right?

(groans)

Jeremy, we know you're scared.

But you need this injection.

No way.

Stay back or I'll... I'll use this!

Uh, that is literally just a stapler.

This seems like a lot of work.

I say we call it off and I get his room.

Jeremy, I need your phlegm!

- What? - Your phlegm!

Your snot! Your nose jelly!

- Hit me! - Now!

(screams)

There, it's done.

I'll return to my cubby now.

That's right. I live here.

But sure, let's save the ungrateful snot factory.

My teeth are back!

Baller!

And we're all super happy about that!

Now give me some snot.

Sneeze in my face.

No can do, Gabby. I'm all better now.

No, no, no, no, no. I need that mucus!

Does anyone mind filling me in on what's going on here?

I need Jeremy's snot so I can beat Susie

in a Math Smack-down and not have to eat

Howard's gross locker hoagie.

Well, I thought he was saving that for a special occasion.

It just felt so good to be super smart for once.

Preach.

And now I have a Math Smack-down in a few hours

and I'm gonna look like a complete idiot

in front of the whole school.

I can train you if you want.

- Really? - But I warn you,

once we start, there's no going back.

- Are you ready? - Yes. I'll do anything.

So, what are you thinking?

A fun math game?

Or like a cool rap

that helps me divide fractions?

Or are you gonna show me all the places in my everyday life

where I already use math,

and then I'll realize I knew how to do it all along?

Nope. It's just studying.

Aww.

I thought this was gonna be fun.

There's no other way.

You just have to sit down and do the work.

But math is the worst! And I hate studying it!

Oh, I'm sorry.

I thought you didn't want to eat locker hoagie.

(sighs)

Wrong.

Wrong.

Picture of a flower.

Wrong.

Do them again.

But my brain hurts.

Good. That means it's working.

(snoring)

- (blaring) - Uh...

It's time for the Math Smack-down. Are you ready?

As ready as two hours of cramming and a cat nap can get you.

(bell dings)

Wow.

I stand corrected.

Math Smack-down is totally a thing.

These are my people.

Mr. Pinchman?

What are you doing here?

It's a Math Smack-down, Gabby.

Plus, I really want to see someone eat Howard's locker hoagie.

I'm cool with it.

It's time.

Welcome, number-heads!

Who's ready to Math Smack-down?

(all cheering, applauding)

Tonight we have the challenger, Gabby Duran...

versus our reigning champion, Susie "The Doozie" Glover!

(all cheering, applauding)

(booing)

Yep, that's a little much.

Cell phones in the basket.

No pictures, no posting, no cheating.

All right, you both know the rules.

Actually, I hadn't heard of a Math Smack-down until, like,

six hours ago, so maybe run through them quick?

I give you both a math question.

First one to answer correctly gets a point.

Whoever has the most points after ten questions wins.

Oh, and... I've never been beaten.

- Audience: Ooh! - I've never even missed a single question.

Perfect ten to zero, every time.

And most importantly,

loser gets a mouthful of locker hoagie!

(cheering, applauding)

You're eating that sandwich.

Oof. Smells like you already did.

Let's do this!

First question...

What is the volume of a six-centimeter diameter sphere?

??

Ninety-seven centimeters squared.

- You're right! - (all cheering)

(indistinct)

(indistinct)

(indistinct)

(indistinct)

(indistinct)

(cheering)

Okay, we're down to the final question.

The score so far:

Susie... nine.

(cheering)

Gabby... zero.

Told you, Gabby. Perfect score.

I think she's had enough.

Mercy rule?

No way. I'm finishing this.

Then let's do this!

(cheering)

Your final question category is...

surface area!

Surface area!

Good luck.

You're not going to be able to stall your way out of this one.

Staller!

Calculate the surface area of a 7 centimeter

by 10 centimeter by 14 centimeter rectangular prism.

- And... - Come on, Gabby, you can do this.

Begin!

??

I've got it! 616 square centimeters!

Correct!

Boom, baby!

(all cheering, applauding)

But... but my perfect record!

How did you...

Simple, really. I studied.

And now I'm slightly better at math than I was before.

You did it, Gabby!

I guess studying really does work!

No! No! She didn't "do it."

Hello? I still won!

- Nine to one! - Gabby: Maybe.

But that's one more right than anyone has ever gotten against you.

And that feels like a win to me.

Come on.

(audience chattering)

What?

Don't you shake your head at me!

I still won!

Don't leave.

I'm still "The Doozie."

Please... I've lost so many teeth.

Should we save him?

He did save me when I was in this exact same situation.

Or we can let nature take its course.

He does have the best room in the house.

Yes, he does.

This blanket is too scratchy!

He's such a baby when he's sick.

This is going to be epic.

I bet she's gonna barf. I bet...

- (gasps) - Gabby: Not bad.

Could use a little mustard.

Olivia: Next time

on Gabby Duran and the Unsittables...

Gabby: Our first school dance is in two days.

It's supposed to be the most fun night of our lives.

Now I'm gonna be a third wheel to Wes and Rhonda.

She's weird when it's just me and her.

Please don't back out on me.

The name's Joey Panther.

Will you...

go to the dance with me?

(theme music playing)

Man: Gorgeous!

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