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1
00:01:10,000 --> 00:01:12,400
l believe in
the Church of Baseball.
2
00:01:12,500 --> 00:01:15,900
l've tried all the major religions
and most of the minor ones.
3
00:01:16,000 --> 00:01:19,200
l've worshipped Buddha,
Allah, Brahma, Vishnu...
4
00:01:19,300 --> 00:01:22,700
Siva, trees, mushrooms
and lsadora Duncan.
5
00:01:23,500 --> 00:01:24,900
l know things.
6
00:01:25,000 --> 00:01:28,200
For instance, there are 108 beads
in a Catholic rosary...
7
00:01:28,300 --> 00:01:31,300
and there are 108 stitches
in a baseball.
8
00:01:31,400 --> 00:01:33,900
When l learned that,
l gaveJesus a chance.
9
00:01:35,100 --> 00:01:37,400
But it just didn't work out
between us.
10
00:01:37,400 --> 00:01:39,900
The Lord laid
too much guilt on me.
11
00:01:40,500 --> 00:01:43,300
l prefer metaphysics
to theology.
12
00:01:43,400 --> 00:01:45,400
You see, there's no guilt
in baseball...
13
00:01:45,500 --> 00:01:47,200
and it's never boring...
14
00:01:47,200 --> 00:01:49,200
which makes it like sex.
15
00:01:50,200 --> 00:01:52,400
There's never been a ballplayer
who slept with me...
16
00:01:52,400 --> 00:01:54,700
who didn't have
the best year of his career.
17
00:01:55,900 --> 00:01:58,500
Making love
is like hitting a baseball-
18
00:01:58,600 --> 00:02:00,900
you just gotta relax
and concentrate.
19
00:02:02,300 --> 00:02:05,200
Besides, l'd never sleep
with a player hitting under 250...
20
00:02:05,300 --> 00:02:09,300
unless he had a lot of RBl's or was
a great glove man up the middle.
21
00:02:12,000 --> 00:02:15,700
You see, there's a certain amount
of life wisdom l give these boys.
22
00:02:15,800 --> 00:02:18,100
l can expand their minds.
23
00:02:18,200 --> 00:02:20,100
Sometimes when l've got
a ballplayer alone...
24
00:02:20,200 --> 00:02:23,500
l'll just read Emily Dickinson
or Walt Whitman to him.
25
00:02:23,500 --> 00:02:26,300
And the guys are so sweet,
they always stay and listen.
26
00:02:27,100 --> 00:02:30,200
Of course, a guy will listen
to anything if he thinks it's foreplay.
27
00:02:32,000 --> 00:02:35,700
l make them feel confident,
and they make me feel safe...
28
00:02:36,400 --> 00:02:38,500
and pretty.
29
00:02:38,500 --> 00:02:41,300
Of course, what l give them
lasts a lifetime.
30
00:02:41,400 --> 00:02:44,500
What they give me
lasts 142 games.
31
00:02:44,600 --> 00:02:47,700
Sometimes it seems
like a bad trade...
32
00:02:47,800 --> 00:02:50,000
but bad trades
is a part of baseball.
33
00:02:50,000 --> 00:02:54,100
Who can forget Frank Robinson
for Milt Pappas, for God's sake?
34
00:02:54,200 --> 00:02:57,300
lt's a long season,
and you gotta trust it.
35
00:02:57,300 --> 00:02:59,300
l've tried 'em all,
l really have.
36
00:02:59,300 --> 00:03:02,100
And the only church
that truly feeds the soul-
37
00:03:02,100 --> 00:03:05,700
day in, day out-
is the Church of Baseball.
38
00:03:41,900 --> 00:03:44,300
Hey, Skip, that Max,
hell of a guy.
39
00:03:45,800 --> 00:03:47,000
Where's Ebby?
40
00:03:47,100 --> 00:03:49,200
Ain't he warming up yet?
41
00:03:49,300 --> 00:03:52,700
No. His professional debut tonight,
and he forgets about it.
42
00:03:52,800 --> 00:03:55,000
Better find our "bonus baby."
43
00:03:55,900 --> 00:03:56,900
Have you seen Ebby?
44
00:03:57,000 --> 00:03:58,600
No.
45
00:04:06,500 --> 00:04:08,700
Ebby!
46
00:04:10,800 --> 00:04:12,900
Jesus.
47
00:04:13,000 --> 00:04:16,500
Game starts in four minutes.
Why ain't you warm?
48
00:04:16,600 --> 00:04:18,500
l am warm.
49
00:04:18,500 --> 00:04:21,000
Jesus, this is your
professional debut tonight.
50
00:04:21,100 --> 00:04:24,200
Million guys give their left nut
to be in your shoes.
51
00:04:24,200 --> 00:04:27,200
You're leaving your fastball in
the locker room for some piece of ass.
52
00:04:27,200 --> 00:04:29,400
Skip, it is me.
53
00:04:29,500 --> 00:04:33,500
l am not some, quote,
piece of ass, unquote.
54
00:04:34,400 --> 00:04:36,500
Oh, Millie.
55
00:04:36,500 --> 00:04:39,300
Jeez, sorry.
Didn't recognize you.
56
00:04:40,800 --> 00:04:43,700
Don't take this personally, Millie,
but if l catch you in here again...
57
00:04:43,800 --> 00:04:45,600
you're banned from the ballpark.
58
00:04:45,700 --> 00:04:47,600
You can't ban me
from the ballpark...
59
00:04:47,700 --> 00:04:49,800
'cause my daddy
donated that scoreboard.
60
00:04:49,900 --> 00:04:53,100
And if you ban me, he just might
take that scoreboard away.
61
00:04:53,200 --> 00:04:55,400
What do we need
a scoreboard for?
62
00:04:55,500 --> 00:04:57,700
We ain't scored any runs
all year.
63
00:04:57,700 --> 00:05:00,100
Now you get your ass out there!
64
00:05:00,200 --> 00:05:01,800
Hey, boss, l got a question.
65
00:05:01,900 --> 00:05:03,500
What?
66
00:05:03,600 --> 00:05:06,100
You think l need a nickname?
l think l need a nickname.
67
00:05:06,100 --> 00:05:08,200
We were talking about it.
All the great ones have nicknames.
68
00:05:08,300 --> 00:05:10,600
Like "Oil Can," "Catfish."
What was the one you were-
69
00:05:10,700 --> 00:05:11,800
"Pokey."
70
00:05:11,900 --> 00:05:13,700
What do you think of"Pokey"?
71
00:05:13,700 --> 00:05:16,300
You got three minutes.
72
00:05:16,400 --> 00:05:19,200
Goddamn, son of a bitchin',
motherfuckin' shithead!
73
00:05:19,300 --> 00:05:21,300
Time for another quickie.
74
00:05:21,400 --> 00:05:24,600
Jesus, you got
a game to pitch.
75
00:05:24,700 --> 00:05:26,700
We got three minutes.
76
00:05:37,100 --> 00:05:40,700
Come on, folks.
Let's hear it for Max Patkin-
77
00:05:40,800 --> 00:05:42,900
the clown prince of baseball.
78
00:05:42,900 --> 00:05:45,000
You gonna sit there all day?
79
00:05:45,000 --> 00:05:47,200
And now
"The Greatest Show on Dirt"...
80
00:05:47,300 --> 00:05:50,300
your own Durham Bulls!
81
00:05:55,100 --> 00:05:57,900
l'm there. l'm ready.
82
00:06:02,300 --> 00:06:04,500
And now WRDU radio presents...
83
00:06:04,600 --> 00:06:07,100
the voice of the Durham Bulls,
Teddy Garland.
84
00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:09,900
The Bulls off to a slow start,
having dropped their first three games.
85
00:06:10,000 --> 00:06:12,700
But hope to turn it around tonight
with the professional debut...
86
00:06:12,800 --> 00:06:16,700
of heralded young pitcher,
Ebby Calvin LaLoosh.
87
00:06:19,700 --> 00:06:21,600
Millie, you gotta stay out
of the clubhouse.
88
00:06:21,700 --> 00:06:23,200
You're gonna get everybody
in trouble.
89
00:06:23,300 --> 00:06:25,200
l got lured.
90
00:06:25,200 --> 00:06:27,400
You did not get lured.
Women do not get lured.
91
00:06:27,400 --> 00:06:29,600
They are too strong and powerful
for that. Now say it...
92
00:06:29,600 --> 00:06:36,000
"l did not get lured. l accept
full responsibility for my actions."
93
00:06:36,100 --> 00:06:39,900
That's better.
You got your radar ready?
94
00:06:39,900 --> 00:06:41,800
- Ready.
- Go to it.
95
00:06:43,400 --> 00:06:45,100
Steppin' in
for the Peninsula White Sox...
96
00:06:45,100 --> 00:06:47,100
is leadoff hitter Willie Foster.
97
00:06:47,200 --> 00:06:49,300
Word on LaLoosh is that
the good-looking, young pitcher...
98
00:06:49,400 --> 00:06:53,000
has a major-league fastball, but
sometimes has problems with control.
99
00:07:07,900 --> 00:07:09,800
Damn.
100
00:07:09,900 --> 00:07:12,700
One ball, no strikes
to Willie Foster.
101
00:07:18,200 --> 00:07:19,800
No problem!
102
00:07:19,900 --> 00:07:21,900
Go get 'em, one, two, three, babe.
Get 'em, big guy.
103
00:07:23,600 --> 00:07:25,900
Ninety-five miles an hour.
104
00:07:25,900 --> 00:07:28,400
That's great.
He looks just great.
105
00:07:36,400 --> 00:07:39,300
Stepping in
for the Peninsula White Sox...
106
00:07:39,300 --> 00:07:41,600
second baseman Allen Powley.
107
00:07:41,700 --> 00:07:42,900
What's it say?
108
00:07:43,000 --> 00:07:46,500
lt says he's not bending his back
on his follow-through.
109
00:07:47,600 --> 00:07:51,400
Scotty, baby, take this
to Ebby Calvin.
110
00:07:52,900 --> 00:07:56,900
All right, let's get down to it.
How was Ebby Calvin LaLoosh?
111
00:07:57,000 --> 00:07:59,500
Well, he fucks
like he pitches.
112
00:07:59,600 --> 00:08:02,200
Sort of all over the place.
113
00:08:27,300 --> 00:08:29,000
My!
114
00:08:38,300 --> 00:08:40,000
He walked 18.
115
00:08:40,100 --> 00:08:42,200
A new league record.
116
00:08:43,300 --> 00:08:46,400
- Struck out 18.
- Another new league record.
117
00:08:46,500 --> 00:08:48,700
ln addition, he hit
the sportswriter...
118
00:08:48,800 --> 00:08:52,100
the public address announcer,
the Bull mascot twice.
119
00:08:52,200 --> 00:08:54,900
Also, new league records.
120
00:08:56,300 --> 00:08:58,700
But,Joe...
121
00:08:58,800 --> 00:09:02,000
this guy's got
some serious shit.
122
00:09:02,100 --> 00:09:05,100
Yeah, serious shit.
123
00:09:11,600 --> 00:09:14,100
Who are you?
Who's he?
124
00:09:14,100 --> 00:09:16,600
l'm "the player
to be named later."
125
00:09:16,700 --> 00:09:19,900
Crash Davis?
l'm Joe Riggins.
126
00:09:21,200 --> 00:09:23,500
And you, Larry Hockett,
should recognize me...
127
00:09:23,600 --> 00:09:26,600
'cause five years ago
in the Texas League...
128
00:09:26,700 --> 00:09:29,700
you were pitching for El Paso,
l was hitting cleanup for Shreveport.
129
00:09:29,700 --> 00:09:33,200
You hung a curveball
on an 0-2 pitch in a 3-2 game...
130
00:09:33,200 --> 00:09:37,400
in the bottom of the eighth,
and l tattooed it...
131
00:09:37,400 --> 00:09:40,100
over the Michelin Tire sign,
beat you 4-3.
132
00:09:40,100 --> 00:09:42,100
l remember. l should have
thrown a slider.
133
00:09:42,100 --> 00:09:43,700
Damn, Crash, how ya doin?
134
00:09:43,800 --> 00:09:46,100
l'm too old for this shit.
135
00:09:46,900 --> 00:09:49,400
Why in the hell
am l back in A ball?
136
00:09:49,500 --> 00:09:52,900
'Cause of Ebby Calvin LaLoosh.
137
00:09:52,900 --> 00:09:54,700
Big club's got
a hundred grand in him.
138
00:09:54,800 --> 00:09:57,400
He's got a million-dollar arm
with a five-cent head.
139
00:09:58,300 --> 00:10:00,200
Had a gun on him tonight.
140
00:10:00,300 --> 00:10:03,300
Last five pitches he threw
were faster than the first five.
141
00:10:04,100 --> 00:10:07,300
He's got the best young arm
l've seen in 30 years.
142
00:10:07,400 --> 00:10:09,100
You've been around.
143
00:10:09,100 --> 00:10:11,500
You're smart.
You're a professional.
144
00:10:12,500 --> 00:10:14,500
We want you to mature the kid.
145
00:10:14,500 --> 00:10:17,400
We want you to room with him
on the road.
146
00:10:17,500 --> 00:10:21,000
Stay on his case all year.
He can go all the way.
147
00:10:21,800 --> 00:10:24,600
Yeah? Where can l go?
148
00:10:24,700 --> 00:10:26,200
You can keep going
to the ballpark...
149
00:10:26,300 --> 00:10:29,000
keep getting paid to do it.
150
00:10:29,100 --> 00:10:31,000
Beats the hell out of
working at Sears.
151
00:10:31,000 --> 00:10:35,400
Sears sucks. l once worked there.
Sold Lady Kenmores.
152
00:10:35,500 --> 00:10:37,200
Nasty work.
153
00:10:38,300 --> 00:10:40,200
Even if it is
the Carolina League...
154
00:10:40,300 --> 00:10:42,200
this is a chance
to play every day.
155
00:10:42,200 --> 00:10:44,500
You don't want a player.
You want a stable pony.
156
00:10:44,600 --> 00:10:45,500
No.
157
00:10:45,500 --> 00:10:47,500
My triple A contract
gets bought out...
158
00:10:47,500 --> 00:10:50,000
so l can hold the flavor
of the month's dick.
159
00:10:50,000 --> 00:10:52,900
ls that it?
Fuck this fucking game!
160
00:11:02,200 --> 00:11:04,400
l fuckin' quit, all right?
161
00:11:23,700 --> 00:11:25,100
Who we play tomorrow?
162
00:11:25,200 --> 00:11:28,500
Winston-Salem.
Batting practice, 11:30.
163
00:11:32,900 --> 00:11:35,100
How's it feel to get
your first professional win?
164
00:11:35,100 --> 00:11:38,700
lt feels out there.
lt's a major rush.
165
00:11:38,800 --> 00:11:42,900
lt doesn't just feel out there,
it feels out there.
166
00:11:43,000 --> 00:11:45,800
Kind of radical
in a kind of tubular way.
167
00:11:45,900 --> 00:11:47,600
But most of all,
it's out there.
168
00:11:47,700 --> 00:11:52,400
This is hopeless.
This is utterly, fucking hopeless.
169
00:12:04,500 --> 00:12:06,500
Hey, l'm Millie.
170
00:12:08,300 --> 00:12:09,600
l'm Tony.
l play second base.
171
00:12:09,600 --> 00:12:10,700
l know.
172
00:12:12,600 --> 00:12:15,900
How do you just keep
coming back every year?
173
00:12:15,900 --> 00:12:19,200
'Cause l love the game, Annie.
l love it.
174
00:12:19,200 --> 00:12:21,300
- Here you go.
- We didn't order these.
175
00:12:21,400 --> 00:12:23,200
- He did.
- Who?
176
00:12:23,300 --> 00:12:25,200
The guy in the booth.
177
00:12:28,700 --> 00:12:29,800
Who's that?
178
00:12:31,100 --> 00:12:34,500
That's Crash Davis.
Hey, Crash, come here.
179
00:12:34,500 --> 00:12:36,000
Get over here.
180
00:12:37,800 --> 00:12:39,800
He's kinda cute.
181
00:12:39,900 --> 00:12:42,400
He's played in more ballparks
than l have.
182
00:12:42,500 --> 00:12:43,900
Hell of a guy.
183
00:12:43,900 --> 00:12:46,000
He's really different.
184
00:12:46,000 --> 00:12:49,100
l actually saw him read a book
without pictures once.
185
00:12:51,700 --> 00:12:54,300
- Hi, Max.
- How you doing?
186
00:12:54,400 --> 00:12:57,000
Come over and sit down.
187
00:12:57,000 --> 00:12:59,000
l'm Crash.
188
00:12:59,100 --> 00:13:02,200
Annie Savoy.
Wanna dance?
189
00:13:02,300 --> 00:13:03,800
l don't dance.
190
00:13:03,900 --> 00:13:06,100
How embarrassing.
191
00:13:09,200 --> 00:13:11,400
What is that?
192
00:13:24,200 --> 00:13:26,000
Who's he dancing with?
193
00:13:26,100 --> 00:13:28,300
All of them, l think.
194
00:13:42,200 --> 00:13:44,000
You Annie Savoy?
195
00:13:44,000 --> 00:13:46,000
Thanks for your note. You're right.
l wasn't bending my back.
196
00:13:46,100 --> 00:13:47,900
You have a live arm there.
197
00:13:47,900 --> 00:13:49,800
Thanks.
198
00:13:49,900 --> 00:13:52,300
Ebby Calvin LaLoosh.
199
00:13:52,400 --> 00:13:54,100
You need a nickname, honey.
200
00:13:54,100 --> 00:13:56,200
l've been telling
everybody that.
201
00:13:57,500 --> 00:13:59,900
- You wanna dance?
- Yeah.
202
00:14:00,000 --> 00:14:01,900
She's dancing with me.
203
00:14:02,000 --> 00:14:04,100
'Fraid not, pal.
204
00:14:04,200 --> 00:14:07,000
You boys gonna fight
over little ol' me?
205
00:14:10,100 --> 00:14:11,900
- No.
- Let's go.
206
00:14:12,000 --> 00:14:14,000
Step outside and party, man.
207
00:14:16,800 --> 00:14:19,300
Don't be such guys.
208
00:14:19,400 --> 00:14:21,200
Max, let's dance.
209
00:14:29,100 --> 00:14:31,100
You comin' or not, homeboy?
210
00:14:44,800 --> 00:14:47,800
Let's go. Come on.
We're waitin'.
211
00:14:47,900 --> 00:14:50,500
- Let's go, homeboy.
- Come on, Ebby. There he is.
212
00:15:00,100 --> 00:15:03,400
l don't believe in fighting.
Let's just-
213
00:15:04,900 --> 00:15:08,700
That's really sweet.
Fuck you, you pussy.
214
00:15:11,500 --> 00:15:14,800
All right.
Take the first shot at me.
215
00:15:14,900 --> 00:15:17,300
No way.
l don't hit no man first.
216
00:15:21,100 --> 00:15:22,500
All right, then.
217
00:15:24,500 --> 00:15:26,100
Hit me in the chest
with that.
218
00:15:29,800 --> 00:15:30,900
l'd kill you.
219
00:15:31,000 --> 00:15:33,600
From what l hear,
you couldn't hit water...
220
00:15:33,700 --> 00:15:35,700
if you fell out of
a fuckin' boat.
221
00:15:40,500 --> 00:15:41,700
Go ahead, man.
222
00:15:41,800 --> 00:15:44,600
Go ahead, come on.
Right in the chest.
223
00:15:44,600 --> 00:15:46,900
- No way.
- Come on, Meat.
224
00:15:47,000 --> 00:15:49,800
You're not gonna hit me 'cause
you're thinking about it already.
225
00:15:51,400 --> 00:15:53,300
Starting to think
how embarrassing it would be...
226
00:15:53,400 --> 00:15:56,400
to miss in front of these people,
how somebody might laugh.
227
00:15:57,300 --> 00:16:00,100
Come on, Rook.
Show us that million-dollar arm...
228
00:16:00,200 --> 00:16:04,900
'cause l got a good idea
about that five-cent head of yours.
229
00:16:05,000 --> 00:16:06,400
Hit 'im, man!
230
00:16:10,800 --> 00:16:12,300
Fuck!
231
00:16:14,500 --> 00:16:15,700
Ball four.
232
00:16:15,700 --> 00:16:18,100
Who the fuck are you?
233
00:16:22,800 --> 00:16:25,200
Good punch.
234
00:16:25,200 --> 00:16:27,200
l'm Crash Davis.
l'm your new catcher...
235
00:16:27,200 --> 00:16:30,100
and you just got
lesson number one:
236
00:16:30,200 --> 00:16:31,300
Don't think.
237
00:16:31,300 --> 00:16:33,400
lt can only hurt the ball club.
238
00:16:39,900 --> 00:16:41,800
Come inside,
l'll buy you a drink.
239
00:16:49,200 --> 00:16:50,600
He's my new catcher.
240
00:17:02,500 --> 00:17:04,900
We fight, she gets the clown.
How's that happen?
241
00:17:06,200 --> 00:17:08,000
God, l like this song.
242
00:17:19,900 --> 00:17:23,000
Did you boys stop fightin'?
243
00:17:23,100 --> 00:17:24,600
Pals now?
244
00:17:24,700 --> 00:17:26,800
That's good.
245
00:17:26,900 --> 00:17:30,200
l love a little
macho male bonding.
246
00:17:30,300 --> 00:17:32,200
l think it's sweet.
l do.
247
00:17:32,300 --> 00:17:35,300
Even if it probably is latent
homosexuality being rechanneled.
248
00:17:35,300 --> 00:17:37,600
l'm all for rechanneling,
so who cares, right?
249
00:17:43,000 --> 00:17:45,100
Okay, shall we go to my place?
250
00:17:46,900 --> 00:17:48,900
Which one of us?
251
00:17:48,900 --> 00:17:51,000
Both of you, of course.
252
00:18:27,600 --> 00:18:29,500
These are the ground rules.
253
00:18:29,600 --> 00:18:31,200
l hook up with one guy a season.
254
00:18:31,300 --> 00:18:33,800
Usually takes me a couple weeks
to pick the guy.
255
00:18:33,800 --> 00:18:36,000
Kind of my own spring training.
256
00:18:36,100 --> 00:18:40,800
You two are the most promising
prospects of the season so far.
257
00:18:41,500 --> 00:18:44,300
l just thought we should kinda
get to know each other.
258
00:18:44,300 --> 00:18:48,700
Time-out.
Why do you get to choose?
259
00:18:48,800 --> 00:18:51,100
- Why?
- Why do you get to choose?
260
00:18:51,200 --> 00:18:54,200
Why don't l get to choose?
Why doesn't he get to choose?
261
00:18:54,200 --> 00:18:58,400
Actually, nobody on this planet
ever really chooses each other.
262
00:18:58,400 --> 00:19:00,700
lt's all a question
of quantum physics...
263
00:19:00,800 --> 00:19:02,700
molecular attraction
and timing.
264
00:19:02,800 --> 00:19:05,700
Laws we don't understand that
bring us together and tear us apart.
265
00:19:06,400 --> 00:19:08,900
lt's like pheromones.
266
00:19:09,000 --> 00:19:11,700
You get three ants together,
they can't do dick.
267
00:19:11,800 --> 00:19:15,400
You get 300 million of them,
they can build a cathedral.
268
00:19:18,400 --> 00:19:20,900
ls somebody gonna go to bed
with somebody?
269
00:19:20,900 --> 00:19:23,300
Honey, you are a regular
nuclear meltdown.
270
00:19:23,400 --> 00:19:25,100
You better cool off.
271
00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:30,200
Where you going?
272
00:19:30,200 --> 00:19:33,300
After 12 years in the minor leagues,
l don't try out.
273
00:19:33,400 --> 00:19:35,100
Besides...
274
00:19:35,200 --> 00:19:38,300
l don't believe in quantum physics
when it comes to matters of the heart.
275
00:19:39,500 --> 00:19:41,800
What do you believe in, then?
276
00:19:41,900 --> 00:19:44,500
l believe in the soul...
277
00:19:44,600 --> 00:19:47,200
the cock, the pussy...
278
00:19:47,300 --> 00:19:49,300
the small of a woman's back...
279
00:19:49,400 --> 00:19:52,300
the hanging curveball,
high-fiver, good scotch...
280
00:19:52,400 --> 00:19:55,900
that the novels of Susan Sontag
are self-indulgent, overrated crap.
281
00:19:56,000 --> 00:19:58,100
l believe Lee Harvey Oswald
acted alone.
282
00:19:58,100 --> 00:20:00,400
l believe there oughta be
a constitutional amendment...
283
00:20:00,400 --> 00:20:02,700
outlawing Astroturf
and the designated hitter.
284
00:20:02,800 --> 00:20:05,800
l believe in the sweet spot,
soft-core pornography...
285
00:20:05,800 --> 00:20:08,500
open your presents Christmas morning
rather than Christmas Eve...
286
00:20:08,500 --> 00:20:11,600
and l believe in long, slow,
deep, soft, wet kisses...
287
00:20:11,700 --> 00:20:13,300
that last three days.
288
00:20:15,400 --> 00:20:17,200
Good night.
289
00:20:17,200 --> 00:20:18,500
Oh, my.
290
00:20:20,900 --> 00:20:23,500
Hey, what's all
this molecule stuff?
291
00:20:26,100 --> 00:20:27,200
Crash, wait!
292
00:20:27,300 --> 00:20:28,800
All's l want is a date.
293
00:20:28,900 --> 00:20:31,200
l'm not gonna fall in love
with you or nothing.
294
00:20:31,200 --> 00:20:34,800
l'm not interested in a woman
who's interested in that boy.
295
00:20:34,900 --> 00:20:36,000
Good night.
296
00:20:36,100 --> 00:20:38,500
- l'm not interested yet.
- Who you calling a boy?
297
00:20:38,600 --> 00:20:40,200
See you at the yard, Meat.
298
00:20:40,300 --> 00:20:43,800
Damn, nobody's ever said no
to a date with me before.
299
00:20:43,900 --> 00:20:45,700
He's crazy.
300
00:20:45,800 --> 00:20:47,300
l want you bad.
301
00:20:55,800 --> 00:20:58,200
Honey, hold on.
Slow down.
302
00:20:59,800 --> 00:21:01,500
l wanna watch.
303
00:21:04,700 --> 00:21:06,700
Go ahead.
Put it back on.
304
00:21:08,100 --> 00:21:10,400
Jesus, what kind
of chick are you?
305
00:21:12,000 --> 00:21:14,900
When you know how to make love,
then you'll know how to pitch.
306
00:21:16,500 --> 00:21:18,200
l know how to pitch.
307
00:21:19,300 --> 00:21:20,700
Good.
308
00:21:20,800 --> 00:21:24,100
Now take it off slowly.
309
00:21:36,900 --> 00:21:38,200
That's nice.
310
00:21:45,300 --> 00:21:48,300
Oh, my, what a nice back.
311
00:21:50,000 --> 00:21:53,800
Honey. Sweetheart.
312
00:21:53,800 --> 00:21:56,400
Try taking off
your shoes and socks first.
313
00:21:56,500 --> 00:21:59,100
My socks?
lt's cold in here.
314
00:22:00,800 --> 00:22:01,900
What?
315
00:22:01,900 --> 00:22:04,200
You think Dwight Gooden
leaves his socks on?
316
00:22:36,800 --> 00:22:38,200
Ebby, honey.
317
00:22:40,800 --> 00:22:43,200
Have you ever been
tied up in bed?
318
00:23:13,900 --> 00:23:15,900
Bring it on, baby!
319
00:23:16,000 --> 00:23:18,100
l heard about shit like this.
320
00:23:18,200 --> 00:23:20,200
You ever heard
about Walt Whitman?
321
00:23:20,200 --> 00:23:21,400
Who's he play for?
322
00:23:21,500 --> 00:23:23,900
He sort of pitches
for the Cosmic All-Stars.
323
00:23:24,000 --> 00:23:26,200
- Never heard of him.
- Oh, good.
324
00:23:26,300 --> 00:23:27,600
Listen to this.
325
00:23:30,800 --> 00:23:33,000
"l sing the body electric.
326
00:23:33,100 --> 00:23:37,000
The armies of those l love
engirth me and l engirth them.
327
00:23:37,000 --> 00:23:39,700
They will not let me off
till l go with them...
328
00:23:39,700 --> 00:23:41,700
respond to them
and discorrupt them...
329
00:23:41,800 --> 00:23:44,900
and charge them full
with the charge of the soul.
330
00:23:47,700 --> 00:23:52,800
But the expression of a well-made man
appears not only in his face...
331
00:23:52,900 --> 00:23:55,600
it is in his limbs
and joints also."
332
00:23:55,700 --> 00:24:00,700
Excuse me.
Are we gonna fuck or what?
333
00:24:03,100 --> 00:24:08,000
"lt is curiously in the joints
of his hips and wrists.
334
00:24:08,100 --> 00:24:11,600
Love flesh swelling
and deliciously aching.
335
00:24:11,600 --> 00:24:17,000
Limitless limpid jets of love,
hot and enormous."
336
00:24:24,200 --> 00:24:27,400
Listen up, guys.
Can l have your attention a minute?
337
00:24:27,500 --> 00:24:29,800
l'm gonna be leading a daily chapel
service here in the locker room...
338
00:24:29,800 --> 00:24:32,200
- at 3:00 in the afternoon.
- Amen, brother!
339
00:24:32,300 --> 00:24:35,600
Y'all are invited to stop on by
and worship before batting practice.
340
00:24:35,600 --> 00:24:38,500
Jimmy, goddamn it.
Loosen up and get laid.
341
00:24:40,300 --> 00:24:44,100
l know y'all think
l'm pretty square, but...
342
00:24:44,200 --> 00:24:45,800
l believe what l believe.
343
00:24:49,400 --> 00:24:52,500
Jesus, Ebby, you look like
a truck ran over you.
344
00:24:53,400 --> 00:24:56,300
Nuke. Call me Nuke.
345
00:24:57,500 --> 00:25:00,200
Annie says
it's my new nickname.
346
00:25:00,300 --> 00:25:02,900
Okay, Nuke. Go get 'em.
347
00:25:03,000 --> 00:25:04,800
Annie nailed you?
Annie did?
348
00:25:04,800 --> 00:25:07,100
That's great. That means
you're gonna have a great year.
349
00:25:07,200 --> 00:25:11,500
ls she as good as they say?
350
00:25:13,500 --> 00:25:15,400
No, man, we didn't fuck.
351
00:25:17,100 --> 00:25:19,900
No, she read poetry
to me all night.
352
00:25:20,000 --> 00:25:22,300
lt's more tiring than fucking.
353
00:25:27,600 --> 00:25:29,700
"Limpid jets of love."
354
00:25:31,700 --> 00:25:35,700
Hey, Crash. Does that mean
what l think it means?
355
00:25:35,700 --> 00:25:37,500
"Limpid jets of love."
356
00:25:37,600 --> 00:25:40,000
Your shower shoes
have fungus on them.
357
00:25:40,100 --> 00:25:44,300
You'll never make it to the bigs
with fungus on your shower shoes.
358
00:25:44,400 --> 00:25:47,100
Think classy,
you'll be classy.
359
00:25:47,100 --> 00:25:48,800
lf you win 20 in the Show...
360
00:25:48,900 --> 00:25:51,400
you can let the fungus
grow back on your shower shoes...
361
00:25:51,400 --> 00:25:53,400
and the press will think
you're colorful.
362
00:25:53,500 --> 00:25:56,400
Until you win 20
in the Show, however...
363
00:25:56,500 --> 00:25:59,200
means you're a slob.
364
00:26:03,700 --> 00:26:06,800
Y'all don't forget
Saturday is Bull Day...
365
00:26:06,900 --> 00:26:08,700
down at the Northgate Mall.
366
00:26:09,800 --> 00:26:10,900
Strike!
367
00:26:11,000 --> 00:26:13,000
Whoa, too bad, Butch.
368
00:26:15,900 --> 00:26:17,300
Charge!
369
00:26:18,600 --> 00:26:21,300
Not getting that cheese
by me, Meat.
370
00:26:21,400 --> 00:26:25,600
And now batting for the Bulls,
number eight, Crash Davis.
371
00:26:35,800 --> 00:26:37,200
Foul ball!
372
00:26:37,300 --> 00:26:39,900
God, stupid fuck, Crash.
373
00:26:39,900 --> 00:26:41,900
What'd you swing
at a breaking ball for?
374
00:26:41,900 --> 00:26:43,100
Fuck me.
375
00:26:47,900 --> 00:26:50,300
You usually start me off
with a hammer.
376
00:26:50,400 --> 00:26:54,300
You're thinking too much, Crash.
Get out of your fuckin'head.
377
00:26:54,300 --> 00:26:56,300
Don't let him in your kitchen.
378
00:26:56,300 --> 00:27:00,000
Come on, Crash.Just relax.
You got it, honey.
379
00:27:00,100 --> 00:27:03,000
All right, here we go.
Stay back. Relax.
380
00:27:03,100 --> 00:27:04,500
Quick bat.
381
00:27:05,600 --> 00:27:06,900
Foul ball!
382
00:27:11,400 --> 00:27:15,000
Throw that shit again, Meat.
Throw that weak-ass shit again.
383
00:27:16,000 --> 00:27:19,700
Okay, get close.
You got it. One more, baby.
384
00:27:20,500 --> 00:27:23,300
He's gonna throw the deuce now.
385
00:27:23,400 --> 00:27:25,000
He's gotta waste one.
386
00:27:25,100 --> 00:27:28,700
Stay back and wipe that
silly grin off his face.
387
00:27:28,800 --> 00:27:31,400
Come on. Bring it.
388
00:27:32,100 --> 00:27:33,300
Jesus Christ!
389
00:27:33,300 --> 00:27:35,300
What the hell was that?
390
00:27:35,300 --> 00:27:37,100
What goes around,
comes around.
391
00:27:37,200 --> 00:27:39,100
Son of a bitch throws hard.
392
00:27:41,100 --> 00:27:43,800
lt's okay, Crash.
You take it easy, honey.
393
00:27:46,400 --> 00:27:50,300
All right, one and two.
You can eat this shit. Relax.
394
00:27:50,400 --> 00:27:53,100
Annie.
395
00:27:53,200 --> 00:27:55,000
Who's this Annie?
396
00:27:55,100 --> 00:27:57,800
Jesus, get out of the box, idiot.
Where's your head?
397
00:27:57,900 --> 00:27:59,800
Get the broad
outta your head!
398
00:27:59,900 --> 00:28:01,000
Time-out!
399
00:28:04,300 --> 00:28:05,400
Give me a rag.
400
00:28:08,700 --> 00:28:10,500
Get a hit, Crash.
401
00:28:11,400 --> 00:28:12,600
Shut up.
402
00:28:20,500 --> 00:28:23,000
All right, you've seen
all his pitches.
403
00:28:23,100 --> 00:28:24,800
You've seen them all.
404
00:28:24,900 --> 00:28:29,300
Shorten up, Crash.
Bring me the gas, kid.
405
00:28:33,900 --> 00:28:35,800
Quick bat.
406
00:28:36,800 --> 00:28:38,000
Strike!
407
00:28:43,200 --> 00:28:46,100
Scotty, baby,
take this to Crash.
408
00:28:47,300 --> 00:28:50,600
Folks, we have
a little lost girl up here.
409
00:28:50,700 --> 00:28:54,400
Says her name is Lana Ann Baker.
410
00:28:54,500 --> 00:28:56,500
- She'll be waiting...
- lt's for Crash.
411
00:28:56,500 --> 00:28:58,700
at the ticket box
for her daddy, Cedar Baker.
412
00:28:58,800 --> 00:29:00,800
Cedar, come get
your little girl.
413
00:29:00,900 --> 00:29:03,400
- What?
- From Annie.
414
00:29:03,500 --> 00:29:04,700
Read it.
415
00:29:08,500 --> 00:29:11,100
"Dear Crash, you have
a lovely swing...
416
00:29:11,200 --> 00:29:13,800
but you're pulling
your hips out too early.
417
00:29:13,900 --> 00:29:17,600
l'd be happy to meet you tomorrow
at the batting cage to discuss it.
418
00:29:17,700 --> 00:29:19,300
Signed, Annie."
419
00:29:20,300 --> 00:29:22,800
lf there's one chick who'd know
you were pulling your hips out early...
420
00:29:22,900 --> 00:29:24,200
it'd be Annie.
421
00:29:33,000 --> 00:29:35,800
lt's kind of a personal note, kid,
so don't read it.
422
00:29:35,900 --> 00:29:37,000
There you go.
423
00:29:45,800 --> 00:29:47,700
Here, Millie.
424
00:29:47,800 --> 00:29:49,300
What's it say?
425
00:29:50,400 --> 00:29:54,600
lt says, "l wanna make love
to you. Crash."
426
00:29:55,300 --> 00:29:56,400
Oh, my.
427
00:30:05,300 --> 00:30:06,600
See my hips?
428
00:30:06,700 --> 00:30:07,800
Yep.
429
00:30:09,400 --> 00:30:13,300
And l think Susan Sontag
is brilliant.
430
00:30:14,400 --> 00:30:16,900
ls this gonna happen? Us?
431
00:30:19,500 --> 00:30:21,700
l'm committed to Nuke
for the season.
432
00:30:21,800 --> 00:30:22,900
Oh.
433
00:30:24,000 --> 00:30:26,800
You had your chance
the other day.
434
00:30:26,900 --> 00:30:28,900
What is it you see in this guy?
435
00:30:29,000 --> 00:30:32,900
He's a young, wild...
436
00:30:33,000 --> 00:30:34,800
dim, pretty boy.
437
00:30:34,900 --> 00:30:38,100
Young men are uncomplicated.
438
00:30:38,100 --> 00:30:42,100
And he's not dim.
He's just inexperienced.
439
00:30:42,900 --> 00:30:44,800
lt's my job
to give him life wisdom...
440
00:30:44,900 --> 00:30:48,000
and help him get on
to the major leagues.
441
00:30:48,100 --> 00:30:50,500
That's funny,
that's my job too.
442
00:30:51,500 --> 00:30:53,000
Damn!
443
00:30:54,800 --> 00:30:56,000
You're pulling your hips.
444
00:30:56,100 --> 00:31:00,000
l know,
but they're nice hips.
445
00:31:00,100 --> 00:31:01,900
l looked up your records.
446
00:31:02,000 --> 00:31:03,000
You what?
447
00:31:03,100 --> 00:31:05,700
You hit 227 home runs
in the minors.
448
00:31:05,800 --> 00:31:07,500
That's not bad.
449
00:31:07,600 --> 00:31:09,200
Don't tell anybody.
450
00:31:09,300 --> 00:31:11,300
Why not?
You hit 20 more this year...
451
00:31:11,300 --> 00:31:13,300
you're gonna be the all-time
minor-league champ.
452
00:31:13,300 --> 00:31:14,500
The record's 246.
453
00:31:14,500 --> 00:31:17,500
Well, 247 home runs
in the minor leagues...
454
00:31:17,500 --> 00:31:20,700
would be a kind of
dubious honor.
455
00:31:20,700 --> 00:31:23,700
l think it would be great.
The Sporting News should know it.
456
00:31:23,800 --> 00:31:27,200
No.Just no. Please.
457
00:31:28,400 --> 00:31:30,000
Okay.
458
00:31:31,200 --> 00:31:35,100
Last chance,
your place or mine?
459
00:31:35,200 --> 00:31:38,100
Despite my rejection
of most Judeo-Christian ethics...
460
00:31:38,100 --> 00:31:42,200
l am, within the framework
of the baseball season, monogamous.
461
00:31:44,300 --> 00:31:45,900
- Gimme a break.
- lt's true.
462
00:31:46,000 --> 00:31:47,100
Stop it.
463
00:31:50,100 --> 00:31:52,400
Jeez, the fact is...
464
00:31:52,400 --> 00:31:54,900
you're afraid of meeting a guy
like me, 'cause it might be real...
465
00:31:55,000 --> 00:31:58,700
so you sabotage it with some,
what is it...
466
00:31:58,800 --> 00:32:01,800
bullshit about commitment
to a young boy you can boss around.
467
00:32:01,800 --> 00:32:03,700
That's a great deal.
468
00:32:03,800 --> 00:32:04,900
Nice.
469
00:32:05,000 --> 00:32:06,700
l know women like you.
470
00:32:09,600 --> 00:32:11,900
You're a regular
patron saint.
471
00:32:12,000 --> 00:32:15,200
Stray cats, lost causes...
472
00:32:15,300 --> 00:32:19,100
or 6'3" homeless studs.
473
00:32:19,200 --> 00:32:22,000
Oh, Crash,
you do make speeches.
474
00:32:37,600 --> 00:32:39,700
Crash, that was fabulous.
475
00:32:41,500 --> 00:32:42,600
Crash?
476
00:32:44,200 --> 00:32:47,000
You mean Nuke.
You said Crash.
477
00:32:50,200 --> 00:32:53,400
No, l said Nuke.
478
00:32:53,400 --> 00:32:54,900
You said Crash.
479
00:32:55,000 --> 00:32:56,500
Oh, no.
480
00:32:56,600 --> 00:32:58,500
Sweetie, you shouldn't listen
to what a woman says...
481
00:32:58,600 --> 00:33:01,800
when she's in the throes
of passion.
482
00:33:01,900 --> 00:33:04,100
They say the darndest things.
483
00:33:04,200 --> 00:33:06,000
Yeah, you said Crash.
484
00:33:07,500 --> 00:33:09,400
Honey...
485
00:33:09,500 --> 00:33:12,000
would you rather l'd be making love
to him using your name...
486
00:33:12,000 --> 00:33:15,200
or making love to you
using his name?
487
00:33:20,900 --> 00:33:22,900
Yeah, maybe you're right.
488
00:33:26,400 --> 00:33:29,700
Welcome to the Eastern Seaboard
Tobacco Growers...
489
00:33:29,700 --> 00:33:32,800
City Council Little League
Cash Drop Day.
490
00:33:32,900 --> 00:33:37,300
These young fellas- young men,
l should say- over here to my left.
491
00:33:37,400 --> 00:33:40,400
Hi, 18. Hi, 12.
492
00:33:40,500 --> 00:33:42,000
Hey, Dino.
493
00:33:46,600 --> 00:33:48,200
Hey, Millie.
494
00:33:51,600 --> 00:33:54,300
Hey. l'm Millie.
495
00:33:55,100 --> 00:33:56,500
l'm married.
496
00:34:03,900 --> 00:34:05,400
What is that?
497
00:34:05,500 --> 00:34:07,600
Chicken bone cross.
498
00:34:07,700 --> 00:34:10,000
Takes the curse off the bat
that brings me hits.
499
00:34:11,000 --> 00:34:13,500
What are you,
a goddamn witch?
500
00:34:13,600 --> 00:34:16,600
Yes, a switch-hitting witch.
501
00:34:17,800 --> 00:34:19,800
Will that work for me?
502
00:34:19,800 --> 00:34:21,900
lf you believe in voodoo.
503
00:34:21,900 --> 00:34:24,800
Jose, l am zero for 16.
504
00:34:24,900 --> 00:34:26,900
A big fucking
doughnut hole for 16.
505
00:34:27,000 --> 00:34:29,600
l can't remember the last time
l had a base hit.
506
00:34:29,700 --> 00:34:31,500
Let me have
some of that stuff.
507
00:34:31,600 --> 00:34:34,200
That is not belief.
That's desperation.
508
00:34:34,300 --> 00:34:37,500
Jose, come on.
Just touch my bat once.
509
00:34:39,000 --> 00:34:41,400
Come on, just once. l won't
bother you the rest of the day.
510
00:34:41,400 --> 00:34:43,400
l swear to God.
Just touch the bat once.
511
00:34:43,400 --> 00:34:47,400
Ladies and gentlemen,
five, four...
512
00:34:47,400 --> 00:34:51,100
three, two, one.
513
00:34:51,100 --> 00:34:53,700
Let it go!
514
00:34:53,800 --> 00:34:56,400
One thousand big ones!
515
00:35:10,600 --> 00:35:12,400
That batter ain't nothin'.
Come on, Nuke.
516
00:35:23,700 --> 00:35:24,800
Cut it!
517
00:35:27,300 --> 00:35:28,300
Time-out.
518
00:35:28,400 --> 00:35:30,500
Let's play ball!
519
00:35:31,200 --> 00:35:33,400
Stay there.
Give me the ball.
520
00:35:34,600 --> 00:35:35,500
Hey.
521
00:35:37,000 --> 00:35:38,900
Relax, all right?
522
00:35:38,900 --> 00:35:41,400
Don't try to strike
everybody out.
523
00:35:41,500 --> 00:35:44,900
Strikeouts are boring.
Besides that, they're fascist.
524
00:35:45,000 --> 00:35:47,300
Throw some ground balls.
525
00:35:47,300 --> 00:35:49,700
More democratic.
526
00:35:49,800 --> 00:35:51,800
What's this guy know, anyway?
527
00:35:51,900 --> 00:35:54,900
lf he's so great, how come he's
been in the minors for ten years?
528
00:35:55,000 --> 00:35:58,200
lf he's so hot, how come Annie
wants me instead of him?
529
00:35:58,300 --> 00:36:01,700
And another thing, Meat,
you don't know shit.
530
00:36:01,800 --> 00:36:03,900
You wanna make it to the Show,
you'll listen to me.
531
00:36:04,000 --> 00:36:06,800
Annie only wants you 'cause
she can boss you around. Got it?
532
00:36:08,500 --> 00:36:10,300
Relax. Let's have
some fun out here.
533
00:36:10,400 --> 00:36:12,500
This game's fun.
534
00:36:12,600 --> 00:36:14,700
Fun, goddamn it.
535
00:36:14,800 --> 00:36:17,300
And don't hold the ball so hard.
536
00:36:17,300 --> 00:36:20,300
lt's an egg.
Hold it like an egg.
537
00:36:24,100 --> 00:36:27,900
What's he know about fun?
l'm young. l know about fun.
538
00:36:27,900 --> 00:36:30,700
Old man, he don't know
nothin' about fun.
539
00:36:30,700 --> 00:36:33,000
Nobody's goin' out there.
540
00:36:35,700 --> 00:36:37,900
Why's he calling
for a curveball?
541
00:36:39,100 --> 00:36:40,600
l wanna bring heat.
542
00:36:42,100 --> 00:36:45,200
Shake him off.
Throw what you want.
543
00:36:50,300 --> 00:36:51,600
Goddamn it. Time-out.
544
00:36:51,600 --> 00:36:55,100
Hey, why you shaking me off?
545
00:36:56,000 --> 00:36:59,100
l wanna bring the heater.
Announce my presence with authority.
546
00:36:59,100 --> 00:37:01,500
- To announce what?
- Announce my presence with authority.
547
00:37:01,600 --> 00:37:03,500
"Announce your presence
with authority"?
548
00:37:03,600 --> 00:37:05,700
This guy's a fastball hitter,
looking for heat.
549
00:37:05,800 --> 00:37:07,700
So what.
He ain't seen my heat.
550
00:37:11,100 --> 00:37:13,700
All right, Meat.
Give him your heat.
551
00:37:16,100 --> 00:37:18,600
Why does he always call me Meat?
552
00:37:18,700 --> 00:37:20,600
l'm the guy driving a Porsche.
553
00:37:22,200 --> 00:37:23,900
Fastball.
554
00:37:27,100 --> 00:37:30,300
Come on, Nuke. Settle down.
Take your time.
555
00:37:40,900 --> 00:37:44,900
Home run for Bud Shelton
of the Fayetteville Generals.
556
00:37:45,000 --> 00:37:48,000
What are you doing standing here?
l gave you a gift.
557
00:37:48,000 --> 00:37:51,100
You stand here showing up
my pitcher? Run, dummy!
558
00:37:54,200 --> 00:37:55,900
Give me the ball.
559
00:37:57,400 --> 00:37:59,800
He really hit the shit
out of that one, didn't he?
560
00:38:01,500 --> 00:38:02,900
Held it like an egg.
561
00:38:03,000 --> 00:38:05,700
And he scrambled the son of a bitch.
He hit the fuckin' bull.
562
00:38:05,800 --> 00:38:08,000
Guy gets a free steak.
563
00:38:09,700 --> 00:38:11,100
You havin' fun yet?
564
00:38:11,100 --> 00:38:12,700
Oh, yeah,
l've havin' a blast.
565
00:38:12,800 --> 00:38:13,900
Good.
566
00:38:15,100 --> 00:38:18,100
Sucker teed off on that like he knew
l was gonna throw a fastball.
567
00:38:18,200 --> 00:38:21,000
- He did know.
- How?
568
00:38:21,100 --> 00:38:22,400
l told him.
569
00:38:24,200 --> 00:38:26,200
One down now!
570
00:38:26,200 --> 00:38:29,400
Come on, Nuke. You're the man.
No batter. Chuck hard, baby.
571
00:38:29,500 --> 00:38:32,000
Don't think, just throw.
572
00:38:43,600 --> 00:38:45,100
Strike!
573
00:38:46,500 --> 00:38:49,200
God, that was beautiful.
What did l do?
574
00:38:56,600 --> 00:38:58,900
Hang on, Millie.
Here we go again.
575
00:39:22,400 --> 00:39:25,900
That's the first home run
of the year for Crash Davis.
576
00:39:25,900 --> 00:39:30,300
That brings the score to
Fayetteville 14, Durham 2.
577
00:39:32,400 --> 00:39:35,000
Hell of a shot.
578
00:39:35,100 --> 00:39:37,000
Sorry it got wasted.
579
00:39:38,700 --> 00:39:41,200
l don't know what to do
with these guys.
580
00:39:41,300 --> 00:39:45,000
l beg. l plead.
l try to be a nice guy.
581
00:39:45,100 --> 00:39:47,100
l'm a nice guy.
582
00:39:48,300 --> 00:39:50,100
They're kids. Scare 'em.
583
00:39:52,600 --> 00:39:54,200
That's what l'd do.
584
00:39:55,800 --> 00:39:56,900
Yeah.
585
00:40:04,100 --> 00:40:05,700
Everybody into the shower!
586
00:40:05,800 --> 00:40:09,600
Anybody ain't in this shower
in ten seconds gonna get fined $100.
587
00:40:09,700 --> 00:40:11,600
- Larry.
- One Mississippi...
588
00:40:11,700 --> 00:40:13,600
two Mississippi,
three Mississippi...
589
00:40:13,700 --> 00:40:16,500
- four Mississippi.
- Get in there! Hurry it up!
590
00:40:16,600 --> 00:40:19,400
seven Mississippi,
eight Mississippi...
591
00:40:19,500 --> 00:40:21,200
nine Mississippi,
ten Mississippi.
592
00:40:21,300 --> 00:40:26,500
You guys, you lollygag the ball
around the infield.
593
00:40:26,600 --> 00:40:29,200
You lollygag your way
down to first.
594
00:40:29,200 --> 00:40:32,800
You lollygag
in and out of the dugout.
595
00:40:32,900 --> 00:40:35,800
You know what that
makes you? Larry.
596
00:40:35,800 --> 00:40:37,700
Lollygaggers.
597
00:40:38,800 --> 00:40:41,200
- What's our record, Larry?
- Eight and sixteen.
598
00:40:41,200 --> 00:40:44,200
Eight and sixteen.
599
00:40:45,000 --> 00:40:46,600
How'd we ever win eight?
600
00:40:46,700 --> 00:40:48,700
lt's a miracle.
601
00:40:50,100 --> 00:40:53,700
This is a simple game.
602
00:40:54,600 --> 00:40:57,000
You throw the ball.
603
00:40:57,100 --> 00:40:58,800
You hit the ball.
604
00:41:00,200 --> 00:41:02,200
You catch the ball.
605
00:41:02,200 --> 00:41:04,000
You got it!
606
00:41:05,400 --> 00:41:08,600
We have got a 12-day road trip...
607
00:41:08,700 --> 00:41:11,700
starting tomorrow.
608
00:41:12,800 --> 00:41:14,400
Bus leaves 6:00 in the morning.
609
00:41:15,900 --> 00:41:19,300
Goddamn, son of a bitchin',
motherfuckin' shithead. Goddamn it!
610
00:41:23,700 --> 00:41:25,700
Yeah, Skipper,
you wanted to see me?
611
00:41:25,700 --> 00:41:29,200
Yeah, Bobby.
Shut the door.
612
00:41:38,900 --> 00:41:42,700
This the toughest job
a manager has.
613
00:41:42,700 --> 00:41:47,400
But the organization
has decided to make a change.
614
00:41:47,500 --> 00:41:49,700
They're releasing you
from your contract.
615
00:41:49,800 --> 00:41:53,500
Skip, l know l'm in a goddamn slump,
but l hit the ball hard today.
616
00:41:53,600 --> 00:41:56,500
Couple flares drop in for me,
l'm right back in the groove.
617
00:41:58,400 --> 00:42:00,100
Sorry.
618
00:42:10,300 --> 00:42:11,500
Let's go. Come on.
619
00:42:11,500 --> 00:42:13,700
Nuke, honey!
620
00:42:14,500 --> 00:42:17,000
Let's go.
We got five hours.
621
00:42:21,700 --> 00:42:24,200
Honey, l want you to wear these
when you're pitching on the road.
622
00:42:24,300 --> 00:42:26,200
- What are they?
- They're garters.
623
00:42:26,300 --> 00:42:28,500
They're gonna hug your waist
and snuggle...
624
00:42:28,500 --> 00:42:30,700
and dangle off your thighs
and buns in such a wonderful way.
625
00:42:30,800 --> 00:42:32,500
lt'll help you see things
differently.
626
00:42:32,500 --> 00:42:34,900
Plus, it'll remind you of me,
which is a lot nicer...
627
00:42:34,900 --> 00:42:37,300
than thinking about
all those nasty hitters.
628
00:42:37,400 --> 00:42:40,200
Jesus, Annie, l don't know.
629
00:42:40,300 --> 00:42:42,200
You've been pitching
on the wrong side of your brain.
630
00:42:42,300 --> 00:42:44,400
This will help put things
on the right side.
631
00:42:44,900 --> 00:42:47,100
Big-league pitchers
don't use these.
632
00:42:47,200 --> 00:42:49,700
They did when they were
in the Carolina League.
633
00:42:49,800 --> 00:42:53,200
Nuke, excuse me.
Time to go to work.
634
00:42:53,300 --> 00:42:54,300
All right.
635
00:43:02,000 --> 00:43:03,700
Bye, y'all.
636
00:43:03,700 --> 00:43:05,000
Gimme a break.
637
00:43:06,400 --> 00:43:08,700
Go get 'em, boys!
Hit 'em where they ain't.
638
00:43:27,800 --> 00:43:31,000
She may get woolly
639
00:43:32,600 --> 00:43:36,100
Young girls
they do get woolly
640
00:43:36,100 --> 00:43:39,700
'Cause of all the stress
641
00:43:40,300 --> 00:43:43,000
Yeah
642
00:43:43,000 --> 00:43:45,800
When they get woolly
643
00:43:45,800 --> 00:43:51,100
Try a little tenderness
644
00:43:51,200 --> 00:43:53,000
Stop it.
645
00:43:53,100 --> 00:43:55,000
Thank you.
646
00:43:55,100 --> 00:43:56,100
What?
647
00:43:56,200 --> 00:43:58,200
lt's not "woolly."
648
00:43:58,300 --> 00:44:00,400
Nobody gets "woolly."
Women get "weary."
649
00:44:00,500 --> 00:44:02,700
They don't get "woolly."
650
00:44:02,800 --> 00:44:05,100
Nobody's got "stress,"
they're wearing a "dress."
651
00:44:05,200 --> 00:44:07,400
Damn, l hate people
that get the words wrong.
652
00:44:10,300 --> 00:44:11,900
How come you don't like me?
653
00:44:12,000 --> 00:44:15,000
You don't respect yourself,
which is your problem.
654
00:44:17,100 --> 00:44:19,900
But you don't respect the game,
and that's my problem.
655
00:44:20,000 --> 00:44:22,900
- You got a gift.
- What do l got?
656
00:44:22,900 --> 00:44:25,400
You got a gift. When you were
a baby, the gods reached down...
657
00:44:25,500 --> 00:44:27,700
and turned your right arm
into a thunderbolt.
658
00:44:27,700 --> 00:44:30,500
You got a Hall-of-Fame arm,
but you're pissing it away.
659
00:44:30,500 --> 00:44:33,200
l ain't pissing nothing away.
l got a Porsche already.
660
00:44:33,200 --> 00:44:36,400
l got a 9-11,
with a quadraphonic Blaupunkt.
661
00:44:36,400 --> 00:44:38,400
You don't need
a quadraphonic Blaupunkt.
662
00:44:38,500 --> 00:44:40,400
What you need is a curveball.
663
00:44:40,500 --> 00:44:42,700
ln the Show, everybody
can hit a fastball.
664
00:44:42,800 --> 00:44:44,800
How would you know?
665
00:44:44,900 --> 00:44:46,700
You've been in the majors?
666
00:44:50,300 --> 00:44:52,100
Yeah, l've been in the majors.
667
00:44:52,200 --> 00:44:54,500
You were?
668
00:44:54,500 --> 00:44:56,500
You've been in the Show?
669
00:44:56,600 --> 00:44:58,600
Yeah, l was in the Show.
670
00:44:59,700 --> 00:45:03,700
l was in the Show
for 21 days once.
671
00:45:05,300 --> 00:45:07,500
Twenty-one greatest days
of my life.
672
00:45:08,500 --> 00:45:10,700
You never handle your luggage
in the Show.
673
00:45:10,800 --> 00:45:12,500
Somebody else
carries your bags.
674
00:45:12,500 --> 00:45:14,400
lt's great.
675
00:45:14,500 --> 00:45:17,000
You hit white balls
for batting practice.
676
00:45:18,300 --> 00:45:21,300
Ballparks are like cathedrals.
677
00:45:22,900 --> 00:45:25,100
The hotels
all have room service.
678
00:45:26,800 --> 00:45:29,400
The women all have
long legs and brains.
679
00:45:32,800 --> 00:45:34,100
They're really hot?
680
00:45:34,100 --> 00:45:35,800
Yeah, and so are the pitchers.
681
00:45:35,900 --> 00:45:38,400
They throw ungodly breaking stuff
in the Show.
682
00:45:38,400 --> 00:45:40,100
Exploding sliders.
683
00:45:43,100 --> 00:45:45,000
You could be one of those guys.
684
00:45:45,700 --> 00:45:49,100
Nuke could be one of those guys,
but you don't give a fuck, Meat.
685
00:45:49,100 --> 00:45:52,600
l am sick and fuckin' tired of you
calling me Meat.
686
00:45:54,100 --> 00:45:56,100
You wanna step outside?
687
00:45:56,200 --> 00:45:58,700
Yeah, l'll step outside.
688
00:46:04,900 --> 00:46:08,500
What's the problem?
What's happening?
689
00:46:08,600 --> 00:46:12,500
l was just gonna ask Crash to show me
how to throw a breaking ball.
690
00:46:12,600 --> 00:46:16,200
Good idea.
Did anybody bring a ball?
691
00:46:53,400 --> 00:46:55,300
Double off the wall by Higgins.
692
00:46:55,400 --> 00:46:58,300
Once again, Durham pitchers are unable
to get the first out of the inning.
693
00:47:19,800 --> 00:47:22,500
The Bulls will attempt to end
a six-game losing streak...
694
00:47:22,500 --> 00:47:25,600
against the Greensboro Hornets
with Nuke LaLoosh on the hill.
695
00:47:36,200 --> 00:47:38,400
Base hit to center field
off LaLoosh.
696
00:47:45,000 --> 00:47:47,100
That closes the book
on LaLoosh today.
697
00:47:47,200 --> 00:47:49,800
Five earned runs,
five hits, five strikeouts...
698
00:47:49,800 --> 00:47:52,100
five walks
and five wild pitches.
699
00:47:52,200 --> 00:47:54,500
lt's time to tell it
like it is, sports fans.
700
00:47:54,600 --> 00:47:57,800
This is the most wretched
road trip l've seen in 20 years.
701
00:47:57,900 --> 00:48:01,000
And possibly the worst Durham team
in half a century.
702
00:48:01,100 --> 00:48:04,200
ls the modern-day athlete a pale
imitation of the great warriors?
703
00:48:04,300 --> 00:48:06,300
Only Crash Davis
stands out this year.
704
00:48:06,300 --> 00:48:08,700
Begging the question, what are
these boys thinking about?
705
00:48:08,800 --> 00:48:10,500
'Cause it sure ain't baseball.
706
00:48:28,900 --> 00:48:31,900
Hey, Mr. Hormone,
check out this.
707
00:48:32,000 --> 00:48:35,300
lce-skaters.
God, look at 'em.
708
00:48:35,300 --> 00:48:37,600
Hey, fellas,
that's what we need, man.
709
00:48:37,700 --> 00:48:40,300
One night with these skaters,
we can get right back on track.
710
00:48:40,300 --> 00:48:41,300
Yeah, right.
711
00:48:41,300 --> 00:48:43,900
Just need a night off
to end our losing streak.
712
00:48:44,000 --> 00:48:46,100
What we need is a rain-out.
713
00:48:46,200 --> 00:48:47,900
l can get us a rain-out.
714
00:48:47,900 --> 00:48:50,400
There ain't been a cloud
in the sky in weeks.
715
00:48:52,200 --> 00:48:54,800
Hundred bucks says l can get us
a rain-out for tomorrow.
716
00:49:01,600 --> 00:49:03,400
You're on.
717
00:49:10,300 --> 00:49:12,900
l ain't paying for this.
Crash, pay for this.
718
00:49:13,000 --> 00:49:15,300
Shut up. You're gonna
wake everybody up.
719
00:49:15,400 --> 00:49:17,400
Let the bonus baby
pay for it.
720
00:49:19,900 --> 00:49:21,500
Jesus, man.
721
00:49:39,800 --> 00:49:41,900
Crash, what are you doing?
722
00:49:51,700 --> 00:49:53,200
Oh, my goodness!
723
00:49:55,800 --> 00:49:59,000
We got ourselves
a natural disaster.
724
00:51:44,300 --> 00:51:46,000
Wake up.
725
00:51:46,000 --> 00:51:48,100
You're awake.
726
00:51:48,100 --> 00:51:49,200
You're okay.
727
00:51:50,800 --> 00:51:52,200
You were dreaming.
728
00:51:54,800 --> 00:51:55,900
You're okay.
729
00:51:57,000 --> 00:51:59,400
l was playing damn near naked.
730
00:51:59,400 --> 00:52:02,300
- What?
- l was naked.
731
00:52:02,400 --> 00:52:03,500
Playing naked.
732
00:52:05,500 --> 00:52:06,600
l know.
733
00:52:07,700 --> 00:52:10,100
l know. l had that dream
all the time too.
734
00:52:12,000 --> 00:52:13,700
We're almost home.
735
00:52:21,100 --> 00:52:23,000
Watch your head.
736
00:52:23,100 --> 00:52:25,600
Here you go.
Let me get that back there.
737
00:52:25,700 --> 00:52:28,300
- l'm not your slave.
- No, that one over there.
738
00:52:37,700 --> 00:52:38,700
Hi.
739
00:53:01,000 --> 00:53:02,500
God, l'm tired.
740
00:53:03,900 --> 00:53:05,200
What a trip.
741
00:53:06,400 --> 00:53:09,800
l was lousy.
l was worse than lousy.
742
00:53:09,800 --> 00:53:14,400
But every time l pitched, it was
like throwing gasoline on a fire.
743
00:53:19,200 --> 00:53:20,100
l mean-
744
00:53:20,200 --> 00:53:23,400
What is all this l, l, l?
What about me?
745
00:53:23,400 --> 00:53:25,400
Aren't you glad to see me?
746
00:53:25,500 --> 00:53:27,600
Don't l look nice?
747
00:53:28,700 --> 00:53:31,100
You look great.
l'm sorry.
748
00:53:31,100 --> 00:53:33,500
l'm just totally exhausted.
749
00:53:33,600 --> 00:53:36,800
Good. Physical exhaustion
can be spiritually fabulous.
750
00:53:36,900 --> 00:53:40,300
What you need
is a good game of catch.
751
00:53:40,300 --> 00:53:41,400
Catch?
752
00:53:42,800 --> 00:53:45,500
Baby, come on.
Fire one in here.
753
00:53:45,600 --> 00:53:47,900
This is ridiculous.
l'm a professional.
754
00:53:48,000 --> 00:53:50,600
Will you just give it a try
and lean in?
755
00:53:53,200 --> 00:53:54,300
Thank you.
756
00:53:56,600 --> 00:53:58,800
l want you to breathe
through your eyelids.
757
00:53:58,900 --> 00:53:59,800
My eyelids?
758
00:53:59,900 --> 00:54:02,100
Like the lava lizards
of the Galapagos lslands.
759
00:54:02,200 --> 00:54:05,300
Some have a parietal eye behind their
heads so they can see backwards.
760
00:54:05,400 --> 00:54:07,700
Haven't you ever noticed
how Fernando Valenzuela...
761
00:54:07,800 --> 00:54:10,900
he just doesn't even look
when he pitches?
762
00:54:11,000 --> 00:54:13,000
He's a Mayan lndian.
763
00:54:13,100 --> 00:54:15,200
Or an Aztec. l forget which one.
l get 'em confused.
764
00:54:15,300 --> 00:54:17,500
- So do l.
- Stand up for a second.
765
00:54:17,600 --> 00:54:19,500
l want you to be aware
of the chakra connection...
766
00:54:19,600 --> 00:54:21,500
between your feet
and your testicles.
767
00:54:21,600 --> 00:54:24,600
- Chakra.
- Your right leg and left testicle...
768
00:54:24,600 --> 00:54:26,200
and your left leg
and your right testicle.
769
00:54:26,300 --> 00:54:27,600
l like that.
770
00:54:27,700 --> 00:54:29,000
l bet you do.
771
00:54:29,100 --> 00:54:31,200
Give me the ball.
l'm tired of hearing this.
772
00:54:31,300 --> 00:54:33,200
Fire one in there.
Come on.
773
00:54:34,500 --> 00:54:35,800
Okay.
774
00:54:38,100 --> 00:54:40,900
You're patronizing me,
and l will not be patronized.
775
00:54:41,000 --> 00:54:44,100
lf l throw too hard,
l'm gonna hurt the girl.
776
00:54:44,100 --> 00:54:46,200
This girl has handled
a lot of pitchers...
777
00:54:46,300 --> 00:54:49,200
whose records
are a lot better than 1-7.
778
00:54:49,300 --> 00:54:52,300
1-6. Give me
the goddamn ball.
779
00:55:00,500 --> 00:55:02,700
- How do you like that?
- That was much better.
780
00:55:02,800 --> 00:55:04,900
You see that? Because your delivery
was fully integrated...
781
00:55:05,000 --> 00:55:07,800
'cause you weren't thinking about it
'cause you were pissed off at me.
782
00:55:07,900 --> 00:55:10,400
That's progress.
Get your butt up here.
783
00:55:10,500 --> 00:55:12,400
Let's bend over,
and l'm gonna show you-
784
00:55:12,500 --> 00:55:16,700
l give up. Let's go inside
and make love and fall asleep...
785
00:55:16,800 --> 00:55:18,900
until it's time
to go to the ballpark.
786
00:55:20,800 --> 00:55:24,800
Or we could just take
all that sexual energy...
787
00:55:24,900 --> 00:55:28,000
and kind of hold
onto it for a few hours...
788
00:55:28,100 --> 00:55:31,500
and then rechannel it
into your pitching tonight.
789
00:55:34,000 --> 00:55:36,700
You're a powerful young thing,
Ebby Calvin.
790
00:55:39,700 --> 00:55:41,600
You want something
for that sore shoulder?
791
00:55:41,600 --> 00:55:44,500
l want that shit
that don't smell bad.
792
00:55:44,500 --> 00:55:47,500
- lt's on back order.
- Give him some of that shit.
793
00:56:00,400 --> 00:56:01,800
That's hot.
794
00:56:02,900 --> 00:56:04,700
l mean it,
that's very hot.
795
00:56:06,900 --> 00:56:09,200
Annie says it'll keep
one side of my brain...
796
00:56:09,300 --> 00:56:12,300
occupied while l'm on the mound,
keeping my brain slightly off center...
797
00:56:12,400 --> 00:56:14,900
which is where it should be
for artists and pitchers.
798
00:56:16,800 --> 00:56:17,900
Okay.
799
00:56:20,000 --> 00:56:24,200
She also said l should throw
whatever pitches you call for.
800
00:56:25,700 --> 00:56:27,600
Annie's a very smart lady.
801
00:56:30,900 --> 00:56:32,000
What?
802
00:56:35,200 --> 00:56:37,500
The rose goes in the front,
big guy.
803
00:56:42,300 --> 00:56:44,300
Now batting
for the Salem Buffs...
804
00:56:44,300 --> 00:56:46,800
center fielder, Joe McCorkle.
805
00:56:49,500 --> 00:56:51,700
This underwear
feels kinda sexy.
806
00:56:52,900 --> 00:56:55,200
That don't make me
queer, right? Right.
807
00:57:00,400 --> 00:57:02,300
Breaking ball.
808
00:57:06,900 --> 00:57:07,900
Yeah!
809
00:57:07,900 --> 00:57:10,100
All right!
Way to start, baby.
810
00:57:13,300 --> 00:57:15,300
l ain't queer.
No, l ain't.
811
00:57:20,500 --> 00:57:22,100
Fastball.
812
00:57:25,000 --> 00:57:26,300
Strike!
813
00:57:28,100 --> 00:57:30,400
Ninety-six miles an hour.
He looks good...
814
00:57:30,500 --> 00:57:32,400
but why is he all
twisting up like that?
815
00:57:32,400 --> 00:57:35,100
He's using his parietal eye,
just like Fernando.
816
00:57:36,100 --> 00:57:37,400
That was a humdinger.
817
00:57:39,000 --> 00:57:39,900
Yeah.
818
00:57:43,900 --> 00:57:45,600
Fastball again?
Why's he want the heat?
819
00:57:45,700 --> 00:57:48,100
l just threw heat.
Don't think, Meat.
820
00:57:48,200 --> 00:57:50,200
Just give 'em the gas.
821
00:57:54,000 --> 00:57:55,100
Strike!
822
00:57:56,300 --> 00:57:59,500
Jesus, what's got into Nuke?
823
00:57:59,600 --> 00:58:01,000
He's wearing garters...
824
00:58:01,000 --> 00:58:04,300
and he's breathing out of his eyelids
like a lava lizard.
825
00:58:04,400 --> 00:58:06,000
lt's an old Mayan deal.
826
00:58:06,000 --> 00:58:07,900
- Aztec.
- Aztec deal.
827
00:58:14,800 --> 00:58:16,000
Got it!
828
00:58:16,100 --> 00:58:17,100
l got it!
829
00:58:20,100 --> 00:58:21,600
Way to go. Hustle in!
830
00:58:24,300 --> 00:58:26,900
Have my mojo working.
831
00:58:26,900 --> 00:58:29,000
You know what a mojo is?
832
00:58:29,100 --> 00:58:30,700
- Sure.
- No, you don't.
833
00:58:30,700 --> 00:58:32,800
l was great, huh?
834
00:58:34,000 --> 00:58:36,700
Your fastball was up.
Your curveball was hanging.
835
00:58:36,700 --> 00:58:39,500
ln the Show,
they would have ripped you.
836
00:58:40,900 --> 00:58:42,800
Can't you even let me
enjoy the moment?
837
00:58:42,900 --> 00:58:44,400
The moment's over.
838
00:58:48,200 --> 00:58:49,500
Come on, Crash.
839
00:58:49,500 --> 00:58:51,800
This guy starts me off
with a breaking ball...
840
00:58:53,200 --> 00:58:55,800
l'm taking him downtown.
841
00:59:01,300 --> 00:59:03,300
l dare you
to throw me the hammer.
842
00:59:04,200 --> 00:59:05,600
You ain't that stupid.
843
00:59:05,700 --> 00:59:08,700
Stepping up to the plate
for Durham, our own Crash Davis.
844
00:59:08,800 --> 00:59:11,400
Come on. Put your hands
together for Crash.
845
00:59:11,400 --> 00:59:12,600
Let's hear it!
846
00:59:15,300 --> 00:59:16,400
Let's go.
847
00:59:16,500 --> 00:59:20,400
Come on, Meat.
Bring me that weak-ass shit.
848
00:59:20,500 --> 00:59:21,900
Bring it.
849
00:59:27,800 --> 00:59:29,900
Oh, my.
850
00:59:38,600 --> 00:59:40,300
Two-nothing
Bulls in the second.
851
00:59:40,400 --> 00:59:42,300
First time the Bulls have been
ahead in weeks, eh, Whitey?
852
00:59:42,300 --> 00:59:43,400
Mm-hmm.
853
00:59:43,500 --> 00:59:45,500
Let's see if the real
Nuke LaLoosh will show up.
854
00:59:47,200 --> 00:59:50,000
There you go!
Dig in there!
855
00:59:58,900 --> 01:00:00,300
Back!
856
01:00:00,400 --> 01:00:02,100
Crash, you got room!
857
01:00:12,200 --> 01:00:14,600
What are you doing out here?
l'm cruising.
858
01:00:15,500 --> 01:00:17,700
l want you to throw
the next one at the mascot.
859
01:00:17,800 --> 01:00:19,800
l'm finally throwing it
where l want to throw it.
860
01:00:19,900 --> 01:00:22,000
Just throw it at the bull,
all right?
861
01:00:22,100 --> 01:00:23,200
Trust me.
862
01:00:26,400 --> 01:00:27,900
He's the boss.
863
01:00:33,500 --> 01:00:35,200
A staggering start by LaLoosh.
864
01:00:35,300 --> 01:00:38,400
He's thrown five outs
on nine pitches, all of'em strikes.
865
01:00:38,400 --> 01:00:41,100
He's got pinpoint control
here tonight, Bull fans.
866
01:00:41,200 --> 01:00:42,400
Here's the pitch.
867
01:00:52,300 --> 01:00:53,600
This guy's crazy.
868
01:00:53,700 --> 01:00:56,600
Yep. l wouldn't dig in there
if l was you.
869
01:00:56,600 --> 01:00:58,600
Next one might be
at your head.
870
01:01:00,000 --> 01:01:02,200
l don't know
where it's gonna go.
871
01:01:02,300 --> 01:01:03,600
Swear to God.
872
01:01:19,700 --> 01:01:22,800
You're the man!
Easy game!
873
01:01:25,800 --> 01:01:27,200
Top of the ninth.
Two outs.
874
01:01:27,300 --> 01:01:30,800
One out away from a stunning
two-hit shutout for LaLoosh.
875
01:01:31,700 --> 01:01:34,700
Bring it on, Meat.
Don't let up.
876
01:01:34,800 --> 01:01:36,400
You own these guys.
877
01:01:38,000 --> 01:01:40,000
Dad would love a shutout.
878
01:01:44,500 --> 01:01:46,700
No.
879
01:01:48,300 --> 01:01:52,000
No, he's looking for heat.
880
01:01:52,100 --> 01:01:53,400
Let me give him the deuce.
881
01:01:54,500 --> 01:01:56,300
Play ball!
882
01:01:56,300 --> 01:01:59,500
Oh, no, he's shaking off
the signs.
883
01:01:59,600 --> 01:02:00,700
Big mistake.
884
01:02:00,800 --> 01:02:03,400
This son of a bitch
is throwing a two-hit shutout.
885
01:02:03,500 --> 01:02:05,800
He's shaking me off.
You believe that shit?
886
01:02:07,700 --> 01:02:11,200
Charlie,
here comes the deuce.
887
01:02:11,300 --> 01:02:13,300
And when you speak of me,
speak well.
888
01:02:19,000 --> 01:02:20,600
No, serve it up.
889
01:02:20,700 --> 01:02:21,800
Yeah.
890
01:02:31,000 --> 01:02:33,000
Home run.
891
01:02:34,100 --> 01:02:35,400
Give me the ball.
892
01:02:42,000 --> 01:02:44,100
You told him l was gonna
throw a deuce, right?
893
01:02:44,100 --> 01:02:45,100
Yep.
894
01:02:46,900 --> 01:02:49,100
That ball got out of here
in a hurry.
895
01:02:50,800 --> 01:02:53,700
Anything that travels that far
oughta have a damn stewardess on it.
896
01:02:53,800 --> 01:02:55,100
Don't you think?
897
01:03:31,800 --> 01:03:35,600
When Nuke started listening to Crash,
everything fell into place.
898
01:03:35,700 --> 01:03:38,900
He started throwing strikes,
and we started to win.
899
01:03:39,000 --> 01:03:41,300
But Nuke was still confused.
900
01:03:41,400 --> 01:03:43,300
He was so encouraged
by his victory...
901
01:03:43,400 --> 01:03:46,100
that he vowed not to have sex
until he lost.
902
01:03:46,200 --> 01:03:48,200
Unfortunately, however,
he kept on winning...
903
01:03:48,300 --> 01:03:50,800
and for one extraordinary
June and July...
904
01:03:50,900 --> 01:03:52,700
the Durham Bulls
began playing baseball...
905
01:03:52,800 --> 01:03:56,200
with joy and verve and poetry.
906
01:03:57,100 --> 01:04:00,800
The two sides of my own brain
werejumbled up and cross-wired.
907
01:04:00,900 --> 01:04:03,600
While one side
was being neglected...
908
01:04:03,700 --> 01:04:05,400
the other was in paradise
watching our Bulls play...
909
01:04:05,500 --> 01:04:07,100
like big leaguers.
910
01:04:07,200 --> 01:04:09,400
We swept a four-game series
at Kinston...
911
01:04:09,500 --> 01:04:11,000
two games at Winston-Salem...
912
01:04:11,100 --> 01:04:14,300
and kicked the holy shit
out of Greensboro in a three-game set.
913
01:04:14,300 --> 01:04:15,900
And Crash,
who kept hitting dingers...
914
01:04:16,000 --> 01:04:19,100
was approaching
the minor-league record...
915
01:04:19,200 --> 01:04:20,600
though l told nobody.
916
01:04:22,000 --> 01:04:24,200
After sweeping
theJuly 4 doubleheader...
917
01:04:24,300 --> 01:04:27,100
the Durham Bulls
were tied for first.
918
01:04:27,200 --> 01:04:31,700
Beautiful as the winning streak was,
l was getting damn lonely.
919
01:04:31,700 --> 01:04:33,800
Something had to be done.
920
01:04:33,800 --> 01:04:35,600
l needed a man.
921
01:04:45,400 --> 01:04:47,600
l love winning, man.
922
01:04:47,700 --> 01:04:50,100
l fuckin' love winning.
923
01:04:50,200 --> 01:04:53,600
You know what l'm saying?
lt's like better than losing.
924
01:04:55,400 --> 01:04:57,800
Teach me something new.
l need to learn.
925
01:04:58,400 --> 01:05:00,500
Teach me something.
926
01:05:00,600 --> 01:05:02,100
You got something
to write with?
927
01:05:02,200 --> 01:05:04,200
Good. lt's time to work on
your interviews.
928
01:05:04,300 --> 01:05:06,600
My interviews?
What do l gotta do?
929
01:05:06,600 --> 01:05:08,700
You have to learn
your cliches.
930
01:05:08,800 --> 01:05:12,200
You're gonna have to study them,
gonna have to know them.
931
01:05:12,300 --> 01:05:15,000
They're your friends.
Write this down.
932
01:05:16,200 --> 01:05:18,900
"We gotta play 'em
one day at a time."
933
01:05:19,000 --> 01:05:21,900
"Got to play-"
934
01:05:22,000 --> 01:05:23,700
- lt's pretty boring.
- Of course it's boring.
935
01:05:23,800 --> 01:05:25,400
That's the point.
Write it down.
936
01:05:25,500 --> 01:05:28,700
"One day at a time."
937
01:05:28,800 --> 01:05:31,900
"l'm just happy to be here.
938
01:05:31,900 --> 01:05:34,000
Hope l can help the ball club."
939
01:05:35,100 --> 01:05:37,100
l know.
Write it down.
940
01:05:38,000 --> 01:05:42,100
"l just wanna give it
my best shot.
941
01:05:42,200 --> 01:05:46,400
And the good Lord willing,
things will work out."
942
01:05:47,300 --> 01:05:50,700
"Good Lord willing...
943
01:05:50,700 --> 01:05:52,600
things will work out."
944
01:05:53,600 --> 01:05:54,900
How's Annie?
945
01:05:58,800 --> 01:06:01,200
She's getting
pretty steamed, actually...
946
01:06:01,300 --> 01:06:04,200
'cause l'm still rechanneling
my sexual energy.
947
01:06:07,300 --> 01:06:09,400
l'm figurin' l'm just gonna cave in
and sleep with her.
948
01:06:09,500 --> 01:06:12,600
You know, calm her down.
949
01:06:12,600 --> 01:06:14,500
Are you out of your mind?
950
01:06:14,500 --> 01:06:16,800
l'm just-
Talking about one time.
951
01:06:16,900 --> 01:06:19,700
lf you give in now,
you might start losing.
952
01:06:23,800 --> 01:06:27,500
Never fuck
with a winning streak.
953
01:06:33,400 --> 01:06:34,800
Hi, boys.
954
01:06:36,000 --> 01:06:38,200
Hi, darlin'.
Get in here.
955
01:06:38,300 --> 01:06:40,200
Hey,Jimmy!
956
01:06:40,200 --> 01:06:41,500
Want a ride?
957
01:06:42,900 --> 01:06:46,600
Have you accepted Jesus Christ
as your personal savior?
958
01:06:47,500 --> 01:06:48,900
No.
959
01:06:49,000 --> 01:06:51,400
Can l give you my testimony?
960
01:06:52,500 --> 01:06:54,700
You can do anything you want.
961
01:06:59,600 --> 01:07:00,700
Hop in.
962
01:07:05,100 --> 01:07:07,500
l am so proud of you guys.
963
01:07:12,200 --> 01:07:13,400
You want
some more soup, honey?
964
01:07:13,400 --> 01:07:15,600
No, thanks.
That was great.
965
01:07:19,800 --> 01:07:23,000
How about a little back rub?
966
01:07:23,000 --> 01:07:24,800
No, l'm okay.
967
01:07:24,900 --> 01:07:26,800
l think l'll just take
a little nap.
968
01:07:27,600 --> 01:07:29,300
You want me to tuck you in?
969
01:07:29,400 --> 01:07:31,700
Annie, you can't seduce me.
970
01:07:33,000 --> 01:07:36,300
Sweetie, l'm not gonna
try to seduce you.
971
01:07:39,300 --> 01:07:40,400
What's that?
972
01:07:40,400 --> 01:07:42,100
That's my leg.
973
01:07:42,100 --> 01:07:43,300
l know what it is.
974
01:07:43,400 --> 01:07:45,700
l thought maybe we could work on
some fundamentals...
975
01:07:45,800 --> 01:07:50,300
since we're not gonna make love and
improve your hand-eye coordination.
976
01:07:50,400 --> 01:07:51,800
My hand-eye coordination?
977
01:07:51,900 --> 01:07:54,000
Unsnap my stocking.
978
01:07:55,700 --> 01:07:59,800
The other day, Crash called
a woman's pu-
979
01:07:59,900 --> 01:08:00,900
pussy-
980
01:08:01,700 --> 01:08:05,200
You know how the hair
is kind of in a V-shape?
981
01:08:06,100 --> 01:08:07,100
Yes, l do.
982
01:08:07,200 --> 01:08:09,800
He called it
the Bermuda Triangle.
983
01:08:09,900 --> 01:08:13,200
He said a man could get lost in there
and never be heard from again.
984
01:08:13,300 --> 01:08:15,500
What a nasty thing to say.
985
01:08:15,500 --> 01:08:17,000
He didn't mean it nasty.
986
01:08:18,700 --> 01:08:22,600
He said getting lost and disappearing
from the face of the earth...
987
01:08:22,700 --> 01:08:26,500
was sometimes a good thing to do,
especially like that.
988
01:08:26,600 --> 01:08:29,200
But, he also said
that there were times...
989
01:08:29,300 --> 01:08:32,700
for discipline and self-control.
990
01:08:32,800 --> 01:08:35,000
And l think this is
one of those times.
991
01:08:35,000 --> 01:08:37,600
Crash is a very smart man.
992
01:08:37,700 --> 01:08:40,100
Honey, let's give it a try.
993
01:08:45,800 --> 01:08:47,300
Here, wait. Watch.
994
01:08:53,300 --> 01:08:54,800
You try. Go ahead.
995
01:09:05,200 --> 01:09:07,100
Yep.
996
01:09:11,800 --> 01:09:13,100
You're playing with my mind.
997
01:09:13,100 --> 01:09:14,800
l'm trying to play
with your body.
998
01:09:14,800 --> 01:09:16,400
You're trying to seduce me.
999
01:09:16,400 --> 01:09:18,500
Of course
l'm trying to seduce you.
1000
01:09:18,600 --> 01:09:21,000
l'm doing a damn poor job of it.
Aren't l pretty?
1001
01:09:21,100 --> 01:09:23,500
God, l think you're real cute.
1002
01:09:23,600 --> 01:09:26,200
Cute?
Baby ducks are cute.
1003
01:09:26,200 --> 01:09:28,000
l hate cute.
1004
01:09:28,100 --> 01:09:31,100
l wanna be exotic
and mysterious.
1005
01:09:31,100 --> 01:09:34,900
You're exotic
and mysterious and cute.
1006
01:09:36,600 --> 01:09:38,300
That's why l better leave.
1007
01:09:38,400 --> 01:09:40,300
Nuke, you got it all wrong.
1008
01:09:40,400 --> 01:09:43,000
There's no relationship
between sex and baseball.
1009
01:09:43,100 --> 01:09:44,700
- Ask Crash.
- l did.
1010
01:09:44,800 --> 01:09:46,300
What did he say?
1011
01:09:46,300 --> 01:09:48,900
lf l give into you,
l'll start losing again.
1012
01:09:48,900 --> 01:09:50,900
He did?
1013
01:09:50,900 --> 01:09:52,400
Yeah.
1014
01:09:52,400 --> 01:09:54,900
l'll be back when we lose.
1015
01:10:00,800 --> 01:10:02,000
Damn it!
1016
01:10:15,900 --> 01:10:18,900
How dare you tell Nuke
to stay out of my bed.
1017
01:10:18,900 --> 01:10:22,000
You are messin'
with my private life!
1018
01:10:22,100 --> 01:10:24,200
Knock-knock, you know?
Come in.
1019
01:10:24,300 --> 01:10:26,300
- You're confusing him.
- Like, thank you.
1020
01:10:26,400 --> 01:10:28,200
You're bending his mind
all out of shape.
1021
01:10:28,200 --> 01:10:29,900
- l'm what?
- You're confusing him!
1022
01:10:29,900 --> 01:10:33,400
l'm confusing him? You got him
breathing out of the wrong eyelid.
1023
01:10:33,500 --> 01:10:35,800
You got him parading around
the locker room like a fruit.
1024
01:10:35,900 --> 01:10:39,600
That is a religious ritual
and happens to be working.
1025
01:10:39,600 --> 01:10:42,400
Wait a second.
Who dresses you?
1026
01:10:42,400 --> 01:10:44,500
- What?
- Who dresses you?
1027
01:10:44,600 --> 01:10:47,000
You think this is a little excessive
for the Carolina League?
1028
01:10:47,100 --> 01:10:51,000
"The road of excess leads to
the palace of wisdom." William Blake.
1029
01:10:51,100 --> 01:10:53,300
William Blake?
1030
01:10:54,600 --> 01:10:57,500
- What do you mean "William Blake"?
- l mean "William Blake."
1031
01:11:00,700 --> 01:11:01,900
Who are you?
1032
01:11:02,000 --> 01:11:03,800
Do you have a job?
1033
01:11:03,900 --> 01:11:07,000
l teach part-time
at Alamance Junior College-
1034
01:11:07,100 --> 01:11:09,900
English 101
and Beginning Composition.
1035
01:11:09,900 --> 01:11:14,000
Having a conversation
with you is like-
1036
01:11:14,000 --> 01:11:16,600
is like a martian
talking to a fungo.
1037
01:11:16,700 --> 01:11:20,400
That's really cute.Just because
sometimes you manage to be clever...
1038
01:11:20,500 --> 01:11:23,000
and have a nice smile,
does not mean you are not full of shit.
1039
01:11:23,100 --> 01:11:25,100
l'm full of shit?
1040
01:11:25,100 --> 01:11:26,600
You are full of shit.
1041
01:11:26,700 --> 01:11:29,500
- Chastity was your idea.
- l know!
1042
01:11:29,500 --> 01:11:31,300
- Keep your hands out of this.
- l never told him...
1043
01:11:31,300 --> 01:11:33,300
- to stay out of your bed.
- You certainly did.
1044
01:11:33,400 --> 01:11:35,000
l never told him
to stay out of your bed.
1045
01:11:35,100 --> 01:11:38,600
l told him a player on a streak
has to respect the streak.
1046
01:11:38,700 --> 01:11:40,600
- Fine.
- You know why?
1047
01:11:40,700 --> 01:11:42,200
They don't happen
very often.
1048
01:11:42,300 --> 01:11:44,400
lf you believe you're playing well
because you're getting laid...
1049
01:11:44,500 --> 01:11:47,900
or you're not getting laid,
or you wear women's underwear...
1050
01:11:47,900 --> 01:11:50,900
then you are,
and you should know that.
1051
01:11:56,200 --> 01:11:58,800
Come on. Think of something
clever to say.
1052
01:12:00,700 --> 01:12:04,900
Something full of magic
and religion bullshit.
1053
01:12:05,700 --> 01:12:07,900
Come on. Dazzle me.
1054
01:12:10,600 --> 01:12:12,600
l want you.
1055
01:12:12,600 --> 01:12:14,400
What?
1056
01:12:14,400 --> 01:12:16,300
l said, "l want you."
1057
01:12:16,400 --> 01:12:18,300
Stop it.
1058
01:12:23,800 --> 01:12:25,300
You're scared.
1059
01:12:30,500 --> 01:12:32,100
Maybe l am.
1060
01:12:33,000 --> 01:12:35,500
But l still think
you should leave.
1061
01:12:38,500 --> 01:12:41,100
Okay. Well...
1062
01:12:41,200 --> 01:12:44,000
this is the damnedest season
l've ever seen.
1063
01:12:44,100 --> 01:12:47,100
The Durham Bulls can't lose,
and l can't get laid.
1064
01:12:53,300 --> 01:12:55,300
Come on. Show 'em what you got,
Super Nuke!
1065
01:12:55,400 --> 01:12:57,200
Show 'em there, Super Nuke!
1066
01:12:58,300 --> 01:12:59,700
LaLoosh. L.A. Loosh!
1067
01:13:03,000 --> 01:13:05,700
Just relax out there.
Don't aim the ball.
1068
01:13:09,100 --> 01:13:11,800
Nuke's overthrowing tonight.
Don't look loose.
1069
01:13:11,900 --> 01:13:14,000
Anything bothering him?
1070
01:13:14,100 --> 01:13:15,800
He says his chakras are jammed.
1071
01:13:15,900 --> 01:13:18,200
He's having trouble breathing
out of his left eye.
1072
01:13:18,200 --> 01:13:19,400
- Left eye?
- Right eyelid.
1073
01:13:19,500 --> 01:13:20,600
Right eyelid.
1074
01:13:25,800 --> 01:13:27,100
Give me the ball.
1075
01:13:27,200 --> 01:13:28,500
Fuck!
1076
01:13:31,600 --> 01:13:32,600
Time-out!
1077
01:13:32,700 --> 01:13:35,100
Up to the plate,
Junior Chavley.
1078
01:13:35,200 --> 01:13:36,600
What's wrong?
1079
01:13:36,700 --> 01:13:38,700
l'm a little nervous.
My old man's here.
1080
01:13:38,800 --> 01:13:41,100
Your dad's here?
Where's he at?
1081
01:13:41,200 --> 01:13:43,800
He's right behind home plate.
Don't look.
1082
01:13:47,200 --> 01:13:49,600
Look, he's waving,
and he's just your old man.
1083
01:13:49,700 --> 01:13:51,500
He's as full of shit
as anybody.
1084
01:13:51,600 --> 01:13:52,600
What's going on?
1085
01:13:52,700 --> 01:13:55,000
You breathing through
the wrong fucking eyelid again?
1086
01:13:55,100 --> 01:13:57,400
- Shut up.
- You hear about Jimmy and Millie?
1087
01:13:57,500 --> 01:14:00,100
They got engaged.
Can you believe that?
1088
01:14:00,200 --> 01:14:03,200
Yeah? Wait till l tell him she's gone
down on half the Carolina League.
1089
01:14:03,300 --> 01:14:06,600
Anybody says anything bad
about Millie, l break his neck.
1090
01:14:06,700 --> 01:14:09,200
Excuse me. l've got
a game to pitch here.
1091
01:14:12,100 --> 01:14:14,100
Hey, you guys.
Don't throw me anything.
1092
01:14:14,100 --> 01:14:15,800
My girlfriend put a curse
on my glove.
1093
01:14:15,800 --> 01:14:18,200
l'll take the hex off.
Give me the glove.
1094
01:14:18,300 --> 01:14:20,100
You gotta cut the head off
a live rooster.
1095
01:14:20,200 --> 01:14:22,300
Play ball!
1096
01:14:24,100 --> 01:14:26,500
What the hell's
going on out there?
1097
01:14:26,500 --> 01:14:29,400
Looks like a convention.
Pretty soon they're gonna call roll.
1098
01:14:31,100 --> 01:14:33,100
Get your ass out there
and check it out.
1099
01:14:33,100 --> 01:14:34,200
You bet.
1100
01:14:37,700 --> 01:14:39,800
Let's play some baseball!
1101
01:14:39,900 --> 01:14:41,300
Hurry up!
1102
01:14:41,800 --> 01:14:45,100
Excuse me. What the hell's
going on out here?
1103
01:14:45,100 --> 01:14:46,900
Well, Nuke's scared...
1104
01:14:46,900 --> 01:14:49,700
'cause his eyelids are jammed
and his old man's here.
1105
01:14:49,800 --> 01:14:52,300
We need a live-
ls it a live rooster?
1106
01:14:52,300 --> 01:14:54,800
We need a live rooster to take
the curse off Jose's glove...
1107
01:14:54,800 --> 01:14:57,500
and nobody seems to know
what to get Millie or Jimmy...
1108
01:14:57,600 --> 01:14:59,200
for their wedding present.
1109
01:14:59,300 --> 01:15:02,100
That about right?
We're dealing with a lot of shit.
1110
01:15:03,500 --> 01:15:06,500
Okay, well, candlesticks
always make a nice gift.
1111
01:15:06,600 --> 01:15:08,700
And maybe you could find out
where she's registered.
1112
01:15:08,800 --> 01:15:11,300
Maybe a place setting
or a silverware pattern's good.
1113
01:15:11,400 --> 01:15:13,700
Let's get to it.
Go get 'em.
1114
01:15:14,800 --> 01:15:17,000
Come on.
Get your ass in gear.
1115
01:15:20,600 --> 01:15:23,600
LaLoosh looks in for the sign.
Here's the pitch.
1116
01:15:23,700 --> 01:15:26,500
Ball hit deep in the right field,
off the wall.
1117
01:15:26,600 --> 01:15:28,600
You should be
at the game, Annie.
1118
01:15:28,600 --> 01:15:30,100
No, l'm fine.
1119
01:15:30,200 --> 01:15:32,600
Beautiful night for baseball
here in Durham.
1120
01:15:32,700 --> 01:15:34,500
And as the batter steps in-
1121
01:15:34,500 --> 01:15:38,300
How much time did you and Jimmy
spend together...
1122
01:15:38,400 --> 01:15:40,600
before he proposed?
1123
01:15:40,700 --> 01:15:42,800
About five hours, l guess.
1124
01:15:42,900 --> 01:15:44,400
We both just knew.
1125
01:15:44,500 --> 01:15:46,500
Once again,
he goes to the resin bag.
1126
01:15:46,600 --> 01:15:48,800
Annie...
1127
01:15:48,800 --> 01:15:51,200
do you think l deserve
to wear white?
1128
01:15:52,400 --> 01:15:54,100
Honey, we all deserve
to wear white.
1129
01:15:54,200 --> 01:15:55,400
Ball two, in the dirt.
1130
01:15:59,300 --> 01:16:01,400
Shit! Piss! Fuck!
1131
01:16:03,000 --> 01:16:03,900
Bring it!
1132
01:16:05,000 --> 01:16:06,000
Come on!
1133
01:16:06,000 --> 01:16:07,500
He's coming. Go home!
1134
01:16:07,600 --> 01:16:09,500
We got 'im!
1135
01:16:10,900 --> 01:16:13,700
- Safe!
- No, l got him!
1136
01:16:13,800 --> 01:16:15,700
- You missed him!
- l didn't miss him!
1137
01:16:15,800 --> 01:16:19,200
- Don't bump me.
- He still hasn't touched the plate!
1138
01:16:19,900 --> 01:16:22,200
He still ain't
touched the plate!
1139
01:16:22,300 --> 01:16:25,800
Fuck it!
lt's a cocksucking call!
1140
01:16:25,900 --> 01:16:28,300
Did you call me a cocksucker?
1141
01:16:28,400 --> 01:16:31,000
l said it was a cocksucking call!
You can't throw me for that.
1142
01:16:31,000 --> 01:16:33,200
You missed the tag!
1143
01:16:33,200 --> 01:16:36,300
- You just spit on me!
- l did not spit on you!
1144
01:16:36,400 --> 01:16:39,400
You're in the wrong business!
You're Sears & Roebuck material!
1145
01:16:39,500 --> 01:16:42,000
You're pushing it, buddy!
You want me to run you out?
1146
01:16:42,100 --> 01:16:44,900
- You want me to call you a cocksucker?
- Go ahead. Try it.
1147
01:16:45,000 --> 01:16:48,100
Beg me!
Pretty please, beg!
1148
01:16:48,200 --> 01:16:50,600
Call me a cocksucker,
and you're outta here!
1149
01:16:50,700 --> 01:16:52,600
You're a cocksucker.
1150
01:16:52,700 --> 01:16:54,200
- You're outta here!
- Shit!
1151
01:16:55,200 --> 01:16:57,800
- What the fuck is that?
- Holy shit!
1152
01:17:02,800 --> 01:17:05,700
He called me a cocksucker!
He missed the tag!
1153
01:17:05,800 --> 01:17:08,200
l've never seen Crash so angry.
1154
01:17:08,300 --> 01:17:10,500
And frankly, sports fans,
he used a certain word...
1155
01:17:10,600 --> 01:17:12,600
that's a no-no with umpires.
1156
01:17:14,800 --> 01:17:17,200
Crash must have called
the guy a cocksucker.
1157
01:17:18,200 --> 01:17:20,500
God, he's so romantic.
1158
01:17:22,900 --> 01:17:26,000
When Crash got thrown out,
the game got out of hand.
1159
01:17:26,800 --> 01:17:30,100
Jose made three errors
with his cursed mitt...
1160
01:17:30,200 --> 01:17:33,700
Nuke never quite got in the groove,
though he didn't pitch bad...
1161
01:17:33,700 --> 01:17:37,400
and the winning streak
came to an end with a 3-2 loss.
1162
01:17:37,400 --> 01:17:40,800
The good news was that a man
was about to come calling.
1163
01:17:41,400 --> 01:17:44,500
Bad news was
it was the wrong guy.
1164
01:18:20,500 --> 01:18:22,500
Annie.
1165
01:18:26,900 --> 01:18:28,200
Annie.
1166
01:18:30,400 --> 01:18:33,700
l know you're in there.
l can hear that crazy Mexican singer.
1167
01:18:39,600 --> 01:18:41,000
We lost.
1168
01:18:41,900 --> 01:18:43,300
lt's okay.
1169
01:18:44,900 --> 01:18:47,800
Oh, Annie, l'd like you
to meet my father.
1170
01:18:47,800 --> 01:18:49,200
Oh, my!
1171
01:18:49,200 --> 01:18:51,800
Ebby's told me
a lot about you.
1172
01:18:51,900 --> 01:18:56,200
Ebby tells me you taught him a lot
about discipline and self-control.
1173
01:18:56,300 --> 01:18:58,900
We were worried that he might
get involved in the wrong crowd.
1174
01:18:59,000 --> 01:19:01,200
We're so pleased
he met a Christian woman.
1175
01:19:01,300 --> 01:19:04,800
Praise the Lord.
1176
01:19:04,800 --> 01:19:06,200
Excuse me.
1177
01:19:06,300 --> 01:19:07,600
Excuse me, Dad.
1178
01:19:12,000 --> 01:19:13,100
What?
1179
01:19:15,700 --> 01:19:18,200
- We got a lot of catching up to do.
- Your father is right there.
1180
01:19:18,300 --> 01:19:20,200
Crash tells me l gotta quit
worrying about him...
1181
01:19:20,300 --> 01:19:22,800
so l think it's a good opportunity
to go for a quickie.
1182
01:19:22,900 --> 01:19:25,200
We gotta talk.
1183
01:19:25,300 --> 01:19:26,800
Hello?
1184
01:19:27,600 --> 01:19:30,600
Yes, he most certainly is here.
1185
01:19:30,600 --> 01:19:32,100
lt's for you.
1186
01:19:33,400 --> 01:19:34,900
Hey, Skip, it's me.
1187
01:19:39,700 --> 01:19:40,800
What?
1188
01:19:43,300 --> 01:19:44,500
My God.
1189
01:19:47,700 --> 01:19:48,900
Okay.
1190
01:19:49,800 --> 01:19:51,800
Yeah. All right.
1191
01:19:51,800 --> 01:19:53,700
What?
1192
01:19:53,700 --> 01:19:55,300
l'm going to the Show.
1193
01:20:01,600 --> 01:20:03,000
Dad!
1194
01:20:03,100 --> 01:20:06,100
They're sending me up to the majors.
l leave first thing in the morning.
1195
01:20:06,200 --> 01:20:07,800
Can you believe it?
1196
01:20:09,900 --> 01:20:11,800
Let's have a quick word
of prayer.
1197
01:20:11,900 --> 01:20:13,400
Oh, let's not.
1198
01:20:14,500 --> 01:20:16,100
l gotta find Crash.
Come on. l'll dump you off.
1199
01:20:16,200 --> 01:20:17,100
Wait.
1200
01:20:19,000 --> 01:20:21,500
Not so fast.
He'll be right with you.
1201
01:20:21,600 --> 01:20:25,100
Come on, sweetie. l just want to
have you alone for a second...
1202
01:20:25,200 --> 01:20:27,600
so we can say good-bye.
1203
01:20:27,700 --> 01:20:29,200
l'll be back.
1204
01:20:29,200 --> 01:20:31,700
When somebody leaves Durham,
they don't come back.
1205
01:20:31,800 --> 01:20:33,400
l mean later.
1206
01:20:37,200 --> 01:20:38,300
Oh.
1207
01:20:48,500 --> 01:20:50,700
Oh, God, Annie.
1208
01:20:50,800 --> 01:20:51,900
Jeez.
1209
01:20:53,900 --> 01:20:55,900
What do you have in there?
1210
01:20:56,000 --> 01:20:58,400
Nothing.
1211
01:20:58,500 --> 01:21:01,300
You're not going to
be needing these anymore.
1212
01:21:01,300 --> 01:21:04,300
- l'd better take them.
- No, you're ready.
1213
01:21:04,400 --> 01:21:06,700
You think l'm ready for this?
1214
01:21:07,700 --> 01:21:10,300
Ebby Calvin "Nuke" LaLoosh.
1215
01:21:13,800 --> 01:21:15,800
Don't think too much.
1216
01:21:18,700 --> 01:21:20,500
l won't.
1217
01:21:23,300 --> 01:21:25,200
You know something, Annie.
1218
01:21:27,000 --> 01:21:29,800
You can't breathe
through your eyelids.
1219
01:21:30,900 --> 01:21:32,800
Of course you can't breathe
through your eyelids.
1220
01:21:32,900 --> 01:21:36,000
Whoever told you
such a ridiculous thing?
1221
01:21:49,800 --> 01:21:51,600
Now, get. Come on.
1222
01:21:55,800 --> 01:21:57,700
Drive careful.
1223
01:22:00,300 --> 01:22:01,800
Oh, my.
1224
01:22:17,800 --> 01:22:19,600
Hey, there you are.
1225
01:22:20,600 --> 01:22:22,400
Crash.
1226
01:22:23,500 --> 01:22:25,500
Hey, Crash...
1227
01:22:25,600 --> 01:22:26,700
guess what.
1228
01:22:31,500 --> 01:22:33,200
l'm going to the Show.
1229
01:22:34,800 --> 01:22:37,600
Big club's expanding its roster
to finish out the season.
1230
01:22:37,700 --> 01:22:38,900
Nice shot.
1231
01:22:39,000 --> 01:22:41,000
And l am going to the Show.
1232
01:22:42,200 --> 01:22:44,200
So why don't you go then?
1233
01:22:44,300 --> 01:22:46,200
Let's celebrate!
1234
01:22:47,700 --> 01:22:49,400
Congratulations.
1235
01:22:51,300 --> 01:22:53,100
Hope you end up on the cover
of Sports lllustrated...
1236
01:22:53,200 --> 01:22:54,800
or maybe a cereal box.
1237
01:22:56,400 --> 01:22:58,400
What's your problem, man?
1238
01:22:59,300 --> 01:23:01,100
l'm trying to thank you.
Let's get out of this dump.
1239
01:23:01,200 --> 01:23:02,900
- l'll buy you a beer.
- Hey.
1240
01:23:03,000 --> 01:23:04,800
You callin' my place a dump?
1241
01:23:04,900 --> 01:23:06,700
No, he's not.
1242
01:23:08,100 --> 01:23:09,100
He's not. Are you?
1243
01:23:09,200 --> 01:23:10,600
- No.
- He's not.
1244
01:23:10,700 --> 01:23:13,100
All right?
1245
01:23:13,100 --> 01:23:14,500
Do you know who this is?
1246
01:23:15,200 --> 01:23:17,200
This is Sandy Grimes.
1247
01:23:17,300 --> 01:23:20,600
Sandy Grimes hit 371
in Louisville in 1967.
1248
01:23:20,700 --> 01:23:22,800
376.
1249
01:23:22,900 --> 01:23:25,800
l'm sorry.
He hit 376.
1250
01:23:25,900 --> 01:23:28,100
That's a career, man.
1251
01:23:30,300 --> 01:23:32,200
- ln any league.
- Got that right.
1252
01:23:32,300 --> 01:23:36,100
Did you hear what l said?
l'm going to the Show.
1253
01:23:37,200 --> 01:23:40,700
You know what the difference
between hitting 250 and 300 is?
1254
01:23:41,400 --> 01:23:44,000
lt's 25 hits.
1255
01:23:44,100 --> 01:23:48,400
Twenty-five hits
in 500 at-bats is 500 points.
1256
01:23:48,500 --> 01:23:51,700
There's six months in a season.
That's about 25 weeks.
1257
01:23:51,700 --> 01:23:54,900
That means if you get
one extra flare a week.
1258
01:23:55,000 --> 01:23:57,500
A gork. You get a ground ball.
1259
01:23:57,500 --> 01:23:59,800
You get a ground ball
with eyes.
1260
01:23:59,900 --> 01:24:02,200
You get a dying quail.
1261
01:24:03,600 --> 01:24:06,400
Just one more dying quail a week...
1262
01:24:06,400 --> 01:24:08,100
and you're in Yankee Stadium.
1263
01:24:10,000 --> 01:24:12,300
You still don't know
what l'm talking about.
1264
01:24:12,400 --> 01:24:14,300
Get the hell outta here.
1265
01:24:14,400 --> 01:24:16,600
All right.
1266
01:24:16,700 --> 01:24:18,300
Fuck.
1267
01:24:18,400 --> 01:24:20,400
Send you a postcard.
1268
01:24:20,400 --> 01:24:22,300
Send me a postcard?
Hey, l made it.
1269
01:24:22,400 --> 01:24:24,100
You made it.
You made shit.
1270
01:24:24,200 --> 01:24:26,100
Hey!
1271
01:24:29,400 --> 01:24:30,700
You crazy?
1272
01:24:30,800 --> 01:24:32,400
What the hell's
wrong with you?
1273
01:24:32,500 --> 01:24:35,400
- l'll be all right.
- l'm talking about my mirror.
1274
01:24:36,900 --> 01:24:39,300
Shit, l'm sorry. Hey!
1275
01:24:39,400 --> 01:24:41,100
l'm not gonna fight you.
1276
01:24:41,100 --> 01:24:43,300
What do you mean you're not gonna
fight me, you fuck?
1277
01:24:43,400 --> 01:24:45,700
Why am l a fuck?
1278
01:24:45,700 --> 01:24:47,000
Because you got talent.
1279
01:24:47,100 --> 01:24:49,800
l got brains,
but you got talent.
1280
01:24:51,300 --> 01:24:54,700
See this right arm?
Worth a million bucks a year.
1281
01:24:54,800 --> 01:24:57,500
All my limbs put together
aren't worth seven cents a pound.
1282
01:24:57,600 --> 01:24:59,500
What are you talking about?
You're a great catcher.
1283
01:24:59,500 --> 01:25:02,500
l'm a great catcher?
1284
01:25:02,500 --> 01:25:04,600
- Forget it.
- Hey.
1285
01:25:04,700 --> 01:25:06,200
- Fucking forget it.
- Hey, Meat.
1286
01:25:09,300 --> 01:25:11,100
Damn!
1287
01:25:12,100 --> 01:25:14,000
l didn't mean to hit you.
1288
01:25:17,200 --> 01:25:19,400
You hurt my eye!
1289
01:25:20,600 --> 01:25:22,200
Sorry.
1290
01:25:22,300 --> 01:25:26,200
Did you hit me with
your right or left?
1291
01:25:28,000 --> 01:25:30,900
Did you hit me with your right hand
or with your left?
1292
01:25:30,900 --> 01:25:31,900
My left.
1293
01:25:32,000 --> 01:25:33,900
That's good.
1294
01:25:33,900 --> 01:25:37,200
You get in a fight with a drunk,
you don't hit with your pitching hand.
1295
01:25:38,200 --> 01:25:41,400
l can't keep giving you
these free lessons.
1296
01:25:41,500 --> 01:25:44,100
Quit screwing around
and help me up.
1297
01:25:50,800 --> 01:25:52,300
You look great, man.
1298
01:26:03,800 --> 01:26:06,300
Be careful with those now.
1299
01:26:06,300 --> 01:26:08,300
We got a boy going to the Show.
1300
01:26:38,000 --> 01:26:39,900
Sorry about last night.
1301
01:26:44,200 --> 01:26:45,600
Forget it.
1302
01:26:48,500 --> 01:26:51,700
l have been known
on occasion to...
1303
01:26:51,800 --> 01:26:53,600
howl at the moon.
1304
01:26:55,000 --> 01:26:56,600
You understand?
1305
01:27:01,700 --> 01:27:03,200
No.
1306
01:27:03,300 --> 01:27:05,400
Well, you will.
1307
01:27:07,700 --> 01:27:09,600
Look, Nuke...
1308
01:27:09,700 --> 01:27:12,700
these big-league hitters are going to
light you up like a pinball machine...
1309
01:27:12,800 --> 01:27:15,400
for a while, all right?
1310
01:27:15,500 --> 01:27:17,300
Don't worry about it.
1311
01:27:17,300 --> 01:27:21,200
You be cocky and arrogant,
even when you're getting beat.
1312
01:27:22,900 --> 01:27:24,400
That's the secret.
1313
01:27:26,600 --> 01:27:30,600
You gotta play this game
with fear and arrogance.
1314
01:27:32,600 --> 01:27:34,100
Fear and ignorance.
1315
01:27:35,600 --> 01:27:40,400
No, fear and arrogance,
you hayseed, not ignorance.
1316
01:27:40,400 --> 01:27:42,900
l know.
1317
01:27:43,000 --> 01:27:45,400
l just like seeing you
get all worked up.
1318
01:27:51,800 --> 01:27:52,900
Listen.
1319
01:27:56,800 --> 01:27:58,000
Thanks.
1320
01:28:15,200 --> 01:28:16,400
Hey, Nuke.
1321
01:28:18,600 --> 01:28:20,600
Good luck.
1322
01:28:20,700 --> 01:28:23,300
You too...
1323
01:28:23,300 --> 01:28:24,600
Meat.
1324
01:28:44,200 --> 01:28:46,700
l now pronounce you
husband and wife.
1325
01:28:46,800 --> 01:28:48,400
You may kiss the bride.
1326
01:29:21,400 --> 01:29:26,000
Jimmy, we all pitched in,
and we got you a little gift.
1327
01:29:26,100 --> 01:29:27,100
Tony.
1328
01:29:27,100 --> 01:29:30,000
Kind of a special wedding cake
from the Durham Bulls.
1329
01:29:33,000 --> 01:29:35,100
Oh, my Lord!
1330
01:29:40,500 --> 01:29:43,400
Yeah, Skip?
1331
01:29:43,400 --> 01:29:45,400
You wanted to see me?
1332
01:29:46,100 --> 01:29:49,600
Crash, shut the door.
1333
01:29:54,700 --> 01:29:55,800
l wanna thank everyone!
1334
01:29:55,800 --> 01:29:57,600
Gimme a piece of that!
1335
01:30:10,000 --> 01:30:13,000
This is the toughest job
a manager has.
1336
01:30:16,300 --> 01:30:17,400
But...
1337
01:30:20,500 --> 01:30:23,000
the organization
wants to make a change.
1338
01:30:24,300 --> 01:30:29,100
Now that Nuke's gone, they wanna
bring up some young catcher.
1339
01:30:29,200 --> 01:30:31,800
Some kid hitting 300
in Bluefield.
1340
01:30:31,800 --> 01:30:34,200
He's probably a bust.
1341
01:30:34,300 --> 01:30:37,600
l put in a word for you
with the organization.
1342
01:30:37,600 --> 01:30:42,000
Told them l thought you might make
a fine minor-league manager someday.
1343
01:30:44,600 --> 01:30:49,100
There might be an opening
at Visalia next year.
1344
01:30:52,100 --> 01:30:54,100
You had a hell
of a year, Crash.
1345
01:30:55,700 --> 01:30:56,900
But...
1346
01:30:58,100 --> 01:31:00,000
you know how it is.
1347
01:32:23,300 --> 01:32:25,300
l got released.
1348
01:32:26,500 --> 01:32:28,000
l heard already.
1349
01:33:44,500 --> 01:33:46,400
Oh, my.
1350
01:34:44,600 --> 01:34:47,100
l think probably with my love
for four-legged creatures...
1351
01:34:47,100 --> 01:34:50,000
and hooves and everything,
that in another lifetime...
1352
01:34:50,100 --> 01:34:52,800
l was probably Catherine the Great
or Francis of Assisi.
1353
01:34:52,900 --> 01:34:54,800
l'm not sure which one.
1354
01:34:56,100 --> 01:34:57,800
What do you think, honey?
1355
01:35:00,000 --> 01:35:02,300
How come in former lifetimes...
1356
01:35:02,400 --> 01:35:04,400
everybody is somebody famous?
1357
01:35:14,100 --> 01:35:17,100
How come nobody ever says
they were "Joe Schmoe"?
1358
01:35:17,200 --> 01:35:20,500
Because it doesn't work
that way, you fool.
1359
01:35:29,000 --> 01:35:30,700
God, you are gorgeous.
1360
01:35:33,600 --> 01:35:35,300
You wanna dance?
1361
01:35:50,600 --> 01:35:51,700
Yes.
1362
01:35:52,600 --> 01:35:54,500
l guess you do.
1363
01:38:28,100 --> 01:38:31,000
Crash took off at dawn.
1364
01:38:31,100 --> 01:38:33,200
Said he heard there might be
an opening for a catcher...
1365
01:38:33,300 --> 01:38:35,300
in Asheville
on the South Atlantic League.
1366
01:38:36,500 --> 01:38:41,200
A woman should be so strong
that she's not affected by such things.
1367
01:38:41,300 --> 01:38:43,800
lt wasn't the first time
l went to bed with a guy...
1368
01:38:43,900 --> 01:38:46,300
and woke up with a note.
1369
01:38:46,400 --> 01:38:49,000
At least the son of a bitch
left me breakfast.
1370
01:38:51,700 --> 01:38:55,800
You have to respect a ballplayer
who's trying to finish the season.
1371
01:38:55,900 --> 01:38:58,100
At least,
that's what l told myself.
1372
01:38:59,200 --> 01:39:02,400
Baseball may be a religion
full of magic cosmic truth...
1373
01:39:02,500 --> 01:39:05,600
in the fundamental ontological
riddles of our time...
1374
01:39:05,700 --> 01:39:07,700
but it's also a job.
1375
01:39:09,500 --> 01:39:12,500
Come on, Meat.
Throw me that weak-ass shit.
1376
01:39:14,000 --> 01:39:16,300
You ain't gettin'
that cheese by me.
1377
01:39:16,300 --> 01:39:18,700
Bring it.
1378
01:39:21,400 --> 01:39:26,300
When Crash hit his 247th home run,
l knew the moment it happened.
1379
01:39:26,400 --> 01:39:28,100
But l'm sure nobody else did.
1380
01:39:28,200 --> 01:39:31,600
And The Sporting News
didn't say anything about it.
1381
01:39:33,400 --> 01:39:36,700
"Full many a flower is born
to blush unseen.
1382
01:39:36,700 --> 01:39:39,400
And waste its sweetness
on the desert air. "
1383
01:39:39,500 --> 01:39:41,600
Thomas Gray.
1384
01:39:41,700 --> 01:39:43,300
Or William Cullen Bryant.
1385
01:39:43,300 --> 01:39:45,300
l don't know.
l get 'em mixed up.
1386
01:39:45,400 --> 01:39:49,200
Anyway, my attempts at housekeeping
were feeble as usual.
1387
01:39:49,300 --> 01:39:52,300
l sometimes
get easily distracted.
1388
01:39:52,400 --> 01:39:55,700
Funny thing was
l stopped worrying about Nuke.
1389
01:39:55,800 --> 01:39:58,500
Somehow l knew
nothing would stop him.
1390
01:39:58,600 --> 01:40:02,700
The world is made for people
who aren't cursed with self-awareness.
1391
01:40:02,700 --> 01:40:05,800
Crash was right-
Nuke had a gift.
1392
01:40:05,900 --> 01:40:09,900
l'm just happy to be here,
and l hope l can help the ball club.
1393
01:40:09,900 --> 01:40:11,900
You know, l just wanna
give it my best shot...
1394
01:40:11,900 --> 01:40:14,200
and good Lord willing,
things will work out.
1395
01:40:14,200 --> 01:40:16,500
You gotta play them
one day at a time, though.
1396
01:40:16,500 --> 01:40:18,500
Raye Anne, right?
That's a beautiful name.
1397
01:40:18,500 --> 01:40:21,900
ls that Greek?
lt's a beautiful name.
1398
01:40:22,000 --> 01:40:24,500
There's a great song by Motley Crue.
Do you know it?
1399
01:40:24,500 --> 01:40:27,000
"Raye Anne, she's a stay in."
1400
01:40:27,000 --> 01:40:29,200
Anyway, a good friend of mine
used to say...
1401
01:40:29,200 --> 01:40:31,000
"This is a very simple game.
1402
01:40:31,100 --> 01:40:33,700
You throw the ball, you catch
the ball, you hit the ball.
1403
01:40:33,800 --> 01:40:37,000
Sometimes you win,
sometimes you lose.
1404
01:40:37,100 --> 01:40:40,100
Sometimes it rains."
1405
01:40:40,200 --> 01:40:41,800
Think about that for a while.
1406
01:42:14,500 --> 01:42:15,900
What happened?
1407
01:42:17,700 --> 01:42:18,800
l quit.
1408
01:42:21,500 --> 01:42:23,700
Hit my dinger
and l hung them up.
1409
01:42:30,700 --> 01:42:32,600
l'm quittin' too.
1410
01:42:32,700 --> 01:42:34,900
l mean boys,
not baseball.
1411
01:42:37,500 --> 01:42:41,600
There might be an opening for
a manager in Visalia next spring.
1412
01:42:46,100 --> 01:42:48,600
Think l could make it
to the Show as a manager?
1413
01:42:51,100 --> 01:42:53,100
You'd be great.
1414
01:42:58,400 --> 01:43:03,000
Because you understand about
nonlinear thinking.
1415
01:43:03,000 --> 01:43:07,100
Baseball seems like a linear game
with all those lines and box scores.
1416
01:43:07,100 --> 01:43:11,000
But the fact is, it's a spacious
non-time kind of time to it.
1417
01:43:12,100 --> 01:43:13,300
What?
1418
01:43:13,400 --> 01:43:17,100
l got a lot of time
to hear your theories.
1419
01:43:17,200 --> 01:43:19,900
And l wanna hear
every damn one of them, but...
1420
01:43:22,100 --> 01:43:25,400
now l'm tired and l don't want to
think about baseball.
1421
01:43:25,500 --> 01:43:28,200
And l don't wanna think
about quantum physics.
1422
01:43:28,300 --> 01:43:30,200
And l don't wanna
think about nothing.
1423
01:43:34,700 --> 01:43:37,200
l just wanna be.
1424
01:43:38,800 --> 01:43:40,700
l can do that too.
1425
01:43:43,200 --> 01:43:47,500
Walt Whitman once said,
"l see great things in baseball.
1426
01:43:47,600 --> 01:43:50,800
lt's our game.
The American game.
1427
01:43:50,900 --> 01:43:54,200
lt will repair our losses
and be a blessing to us."
1428
01:43:55,000 --> 01:43:56,900
You could look it up.
1429
01:43:57,900 --> 01:44:02,300
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