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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:07,206 --> 00:00:10,068 [indistinct chatter] 2 00:00:10,137 --> 00:00:11,620 [Nora] Grandma? 3 00:00:11,689 --> 00:00:12,931 Edmund. 4 00:00:13,000 --> 00:00:15,551 Oh, hey, Nora. 5 00:00:15,620 --> 00:00:17,482 What's going on here, huh? 6 00:00:17,551 --> 00:00:19,482 What's this? Best friends all of a sudden? 7 00:00:19,551 --> 00:00:21,448 Huh? You gonna throw me down the river, Grandma? 8 00:00:21,517 --> 00:00:24,862 Well, Edmund offered to come with me to the store. 9 00:00:24,931 --> 00:00:26,758 He-- he's a good boy. 10 00:00:26,827 --> 00:00:28,655 Now, I took Grandma to H Mart 11 00:00:28,724 --> 00:00:32,068 and bought her a $500 rice cooker. 12 00:00:32,137 --> 00:00:34,103 You do that too sometimes, right, Nora? 13 00:00:34,172 --> 00:00:36,482 Eat my ass, Edmund. 14 00:00:36,551 --> 00:00:37,862 We're making dumplings! 15 00:00:37,931 --> 00:00:39,206 Oh, that's cool 'cause I just thought 16 00:00:39,275 --> 00:00:40,448 that was something that just me and you did, 17 00:00:40,517 --> 00:00:43,000 A and B, Grandma and Nora, you know, our thing. 18 00:00:43,068 --> 00:00:45,517 You know what I mean, 'cause you love me more and all, right? 19 00:00:45,586 --> 00:00:47,344 Oh, Grandma's gonna teach me, 20 00:00:47,413 --> 00:00:49,689 and I can't wait to learn from the best. 21 00:00:49,758 --> 00:00:51,379 [Grandma laughs] 22 00:00:51,448 --> 00:00:53,896 I wanna learn, too. I call middle seat. 23 00:00:53,965 --> 00:00:56,724 Oh, but we've made dumplings together 24 00:00:56,793 --> 00:00:58,655 2,000 times, Nora. 25 00:00:58,724 --> 00:01:02,413 And Edmund and I have never made dumplings before. 26 00:01:02,482 --> 00:01:06,689 Yeah, but I want to do it 2,001 times. 27 00:01:06,758 --> 00:01:08,482 Race you there.Race you where? 28 00:01:08,551 --> 00:01:10,965 Uh, here.I've been here. 29 00:01:11,034 --> 00:01:12,517 Yeah, I know. Grandma loves me more. 30 00:01:12,586 --> 00:01:13,827 What? What? What? 31 00:01:13,896 --> 00:01:15,137 What?What? 32 00:01:15,206 --> 00:01:16,172 Grandma loves me more. What? 33 00:01:16,241 --> 00:01:18,172 What? What?What? 34 00:01:18,241 --> 00:01:21,137 ♪♪ 35 00:01:31,137 --> 00:01:33,206 [camera clicking] 36 00:01:33,275 --> 00:01:34,758 [grunting] 37 00:01:37,413 --> 00:01:38,517 Damon. 38 00:01:38,586 --> 00:01:40,793 You mind if I squeeze in a set? 39 00:01:40,862 --> 00:01:42,862 One sec, bro. Let me just take one more pic. 40 00:01:42,931 --> 00:01:44,344 Ah... 41 00:01:44,413 --> 00:01:46,206 #gymselfies. 42 00:01:46,275 --> 00:01:48,034 You on IG?Huh? 43 00:01:48,103 --> 00:01:50,000 Instagram, you on it?No. 44 00:01:50,068 --> 00:01:51,862 I look around on Facebook sometimes. 45 00:01:51,931 --> 00:01:53,482 That's about it.[laughing] 46 00:01:53,551 --> 00:01:55,517 What?Facebook? Wally! 47 00:01:55,586 --> 00:01:57,724 Facebook is dead, bro.Oh, yeah? 48 00:01:57,793 --> 00:01:59,482 It is all about the Gram. Check it out. 49 00:01:59,551 --> 00:02:00,896 Whoa!No, look it at. 50 00:02:00,965 --> 00:02:02,689 Damon!The chicks dig it. 51 00:02:02,758 --> 00:02:04,172 I get so many dates off of this. 52 00:02:04,241 --> 00:02:06,172 You're single, right?Yeah. 53 00:02:06,241 --> 00:02:08,000 It's the Gram, baby. 54 00:02:08,068 --> 00:02:09,275 Oh, no, I... 55 00:02:09,344 --> 00:02:11,827 I don't need to post intimate pictures like that. 56 00:02:11,896 --> 00:02:13,827 Well, you better get crackin'. 57 00:02:13,896 --> 00:02:16,448 No.Yeah, look. 58 00:02:16,517 --> 00:02:19,586 If a chick can't find you on Instagram, 59 00:02:19,655 --> 00:02:21,448 she's gonna think you're a serial killer. 60 00:02:21,517 --> 00:02:22,620 That's the truth. 61 00:02:23,827 --> 00:02:25,172 Really?All you gotta do 62 00:02:25,241 --> 00:02:27,620 is go on Amazon Prime, buy a ring light, 63 00:02:27,689 --> 00:02:29,206 then you go home to the bathroom. 64 00:02:29,275 --> 00:02:31,793 You put up a leg, maybe two, 65 00:02:31,862 --> 00:02:33,379 click, pussy. 66 00:02:33,448 --> 00:02:35,344 No, no, no. Don't listen to this loser. 67 00:02:35,413 --> 00:02:37,724 My kids think your Instagram is a meme account. 68 00:02:37,793 --> 00:02:40,034 If I'm such a loser, then how come I have 69 00:02:40,103 --> 00:02:43,241 over 300 followers? 70 00:02:43,310 --> 00:02:44,379 [Damon laughs] 71 00:02:44,448 --> 00:02:46,103 You know what this is about? 72 00:02:46,172 --> 00:02:47,827 You just want a piece of me, Janeane. 73 00:02:47,896 --> 00:02:50,000 Everybody knows it. Wally knows it. 74 00:02:50,068 --> 00:02:51,551 How many times do I have to tell you 75 00:02:51,620 --> 00:02:52,655 I'm a raging lesbian? 76 00:02:52,724 --> 00:02:54,172 Whatever, Janeane. 77 00:02:55,275 --> 00:02:56,551 Janeane? 78 00:02:56,620 --> 00:02:58,103 You wanna get like a coffee after this? 79 00:02:58,172 --> 00:02:59,620 I'm hanging out with my wife. 80 00:02:59,689 --> 00:03:01,310 Oh, you were serious?Yeah. 81 00:03:03,413 --> 00:03:04,551 [camera clicks] 82 00:03:04,620 --> 00:03:07,551 ♪♪ 83 00:03:14,000 --> 00:03:16,931 Oh! Ant-Man. 84 00:03:17,000 --> 00:03:19,827 These dumplings are beautiful. 85 00:03:19,896 --> 00:03:23,620 You certainly have a knack for crimping. 86 00:03:23,689 --> 00:03:25,965 Yeah, well, thank you, Grandma. I learned from the best. 87 00:03:26,034 --> 00:03:28,000 [both laughing] 88 00:03:28,068 --> 00:03:29,344 Who?The best! 89 00:03:29,413 --> 00:03:30,413 Oh! [laughs] 90 00:03:30,482 --> 00:03:32,275 You know who else? Talented me. 91 00:03:32,344 --> 00:03:34,068 [chuckling] 92 00:03:34,137 --> 00:03:36,103 [snickers] Yes. 93 00:03:36,172 --> 00:03:37,275 Let's see. 94 00:03:37,344 --> 00:03:40,758 This one I named Beautiful Flower 95 00:03:40,827 --> 00:03:43,000 from All Generations to the End of Time for you. 96 00:03:43,068 --> 00:03:45,724 Oh...Just be careful because 97 00:03:45,793 --> 00:03:47,413 it has-- the inside comes out a little bit, 98 00:03:47,482 --> 00:03:48,689 so it is an open floor plan. 99 00:03:48,758 --> 00:03:51,655 Nice try, Nora."Nice try, Nora." See that? 100 00:03:51,724 --> 00:03:53,862 See? Feel dumb now, huh? 101 00:03:53,931 --> 00:03:55,482 Don't you feel dumb now a little bit? 102 00:03:55,551 --> 00:03:57,344 I get you some water. 103 00:03:57,413 --> 00:03:59,310 Thanks, Grandma. Love you. 104 00:03:59,379 --> 00:04:01,413 Mm, your dumplings look like the Pillsbury Doughboy 105 00:04:01,482 --> 00:04:02,655 got hate-crimed. 106 00:04:02,724 --> 00:04:04,241 You wanna shut the hell up, bitch?! 107 00:04:04,310 --> 00:04:05,758 Oh, nice.Yeah, yeah. 108 00:04:05,827 --> 00:04:07,586 Calling me a bitch.You're third-wheelin'. 109 00:04:07,655 --> 00:04:09,241 I've seen this movie before. 110 00:04:09,310 --> 00:04:10,793 You come in and you wanna take my skin. 111 00:04:10,862 --> 00:04:12,310 That's what you wanna do. 112 00:04:12,379 --> 00:04:14,172 You wanna come up in here and take my skin. 113 00:04:14,241 --> 00:04:16,379 Ugh, my God. Nora... 114 00:04:16,448 --> 00:04:18,586 And also, look at that one. 115 00:04:18,655 --> 00:04:20,275 That one looks like a fuckin' butthole, dude. 116 00:04:20,344 --> 00:04:22,344 That means it'll be delicious, yum, yum, yum. 117 00:04:22,413 --> 00:04:24,310 2020, Year of the Ass. 118 00:04:24,379 --> 00:04:27,137 ♪♪ 119 00:04:27,206 --> 00:04:31,000 [slurping]Okay, perfect. 120 00:04:31,068 --> 00:04:34,137 "Post workout smoothie vibes." 121 00:04:35,620 --> 00:04:37,310 You sure I don't look like a douche? 122 00:04:37,379 --> 00:04:38,689 Everybody looks like they're trying too hard. 123 00:04:38,758 --> 00:04:40,000 It's kinda the point. 124 00:04:40,068 --> 00:04:41,758 But you gotta post more than one photo, though, 125 00:04:41,827 --> 00:04:43,448 because otherwise you'll look like a creep 126 00:04:43,517 --> 00:04:44,758 who just trolls people. 127 00:04:44,827 --> 00:04:47,172 And so I can tell if I'm following somebody 128 00:04:47,241 --> 00:04:48,379 and they're following me, right? 129 00:04:48,448 --> 00:04:50,655 I see what's happening here. What's her name? 130 00:04:50,724 --> 00:04:52,827 Brenda Moreno. 131 00:04:52,896 --> 00:04:55,310 Brenda Moreno. Okay. 132 00:04:56,655 --> 00:05:00,551 Oh, her screen name is ArtfulBrenda. 133 00:05:00,620 --> 00:05:02,172 She's very pretty... 134 00:05:02,241 --> 00:05:03,413 and very artsy. 135 00:05:03,482 --> 00:05:04,551 Let me see. 136 00:05:04,620 --> 00:05:05,965 Yeah. 137 00:05:06,034 --> 00:05:08,655 That's her.Yeah. 138 00:05:08,724 --> 00:05:10,241 So, listen, if you wanna thirst trap her, 139 00:05:10,310 --> 00:05:12,137 I think you're gonna have to post some better pics. 140 00:05:12,206 --> 00:05:13,758 Oh, will you take some for me? 141 00:05:13,827 --> 00:05:15,379 Yeah, but let's not take 'em in the gym. 142 00:05:15,448 --> 00:05:16,551 You don't want everybody thinking all you do 143 00:05:16,620 --> 00:05:17,620 is hang out in the gym. 144 00:05:17,689 --> 00:05:19,310 But that is all I do. 145 00:05:23,206 --> 00:05:24,206 [slurping] 146 00:05:24,275 --> 00:05:26,068 [music plays on phone] 147 00:05:26,137 --> 00:05:28,103 [cat meowing] 148 00:05:28,172 --> 00:05:30,896 Okay, to start off, you take a little flour 149 00:05:30,965 --> 00:05:32,896 and we spritz it around the table. 150 00:05:32,965 --> 00:05:34,517 And now we take the skin. 151 00:05:34,586 --> 00:05:36,482 See? 152 00:05:36,551 --> 00:05:37,965 Oh, that's enough. 153 00:05:39,551 --> 00:05:40,724 [line ringing] 154 00:05:40,793 --> 00:05:42,931 Oh, my God, Edmund! Come quick! 155 00:05:43,000 --> 00:05:44,448 Something's happened to Grandma 156 00:05:44,517 --> 00:05:45,896 and it's really bad! What? 157 00:05:45,965 --> 00:05:47,758 I think she took a nasty spill. 158 00:05:47,827 --> 00:05:49,758 Oh, my God!Come straight to the garage. 159 00:05:49,827 --> 00:05:52,655 Don't call anybody. Just come straight to the garage! 160 00:05:52,724 --> 00:05:54,137 Okay, I'll be right--[beep] 161 00:05:54,206 --> 00:05:57,172 [creepy music playing] 162 00:05:58,448 --> 00:05:59,793 [panting] 163 00:05:59,862 --> 00:06:01,034 Oh, God, I hate running. 164 00:06:01,103 --> 00:06:03,172 Where's Grandma? Is she okay? 165 00:06:03,241 --> 00:06:05,103 She's fine. 166 00:06:05,172 --> 00:06:06,931 But I'm not. 167 00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:08,137 Oh, what? 168 00:06:11,000 --> 00:06:14,379 [creepy music playing] 169 00:06:14,448 --> 00:06:16,551 What's your endgame with my grandma, bitch? 170 00:06:18,310 --> 00:06:21,448 What? 171 00:06:21,517 --> 00:06:22,827 What are you talking about, you psycho? 172 00:06:22,896 --> 00:06:24,000 She's my grandma, too. 173 00:06:24,068 --> 00:06:25,586 Well, why don't you go to the grandma store 174 00:06:25,655 --> 00:06:26,896 and get your own grandma? 175 00:06:26,965 --> 00:06:28,103 My other grandma's dead, so Grandma's 176 00:06:28,172 --> 00:06:29,413 the only grandma I have. 177 00:06:29,482 --> 00:06:31,551 Yeah, my mom's dead so Grandma's not only my mom, 178 00:06:31,620 --> 00:06:33,413 she's my grandma and my grandpa. 179 00:06:33,482 --> 00:06:35,689 Okay, now I'm walking away from this. I'm-- 180 00:06:35,758 --> 00:06:37,448 What are you...?Ah. 181 00:06:37,517 --> 00:06:39,137 Don't-- What is this? 182 00:06:39,206 --> 00:06:40,655 Stop. You're box-stepping? 183 00:06:40,724 --> 00:06:42,275 I'm not movin'... 184 00:06:42,344 --> 00:06:43,551 until you give me some answers. 185 00:06:43,620 --> 00:06:45,172 Jesus, answers to what? 186 00:06:45,241 --> 00:06:46,586 To why you're hanging out with Grandma 187 00:06:46,655 --> 00:06:49,517 when you should be working on your top-secret app. 188 00:06:49,586 --> 00:06:52,206 Hah? Hah? 189 00:06:52,275 --> 00:06:54,827 All right, fine, but I need you to back off. 190 00:06:56,068 --> 00:06:57,103 Have a seat. 191 00:06:57,172 --> 00:06:58,620 Oh, what now? 192 00:07:00,172 --> 00:07:01,344 [sighs] 193 00:07:02,551 --> 00:07:04,482 Start talking, Edmund. 194 00:07:05,758 --> 00:07:07,689 I was gonna come up with an app, 195 00:07:07,758 --> 00:07:09,965 but then I didn't. 196 00:07:10,034 --> 00:07:12,793 And I still haven't and... 197 00:07:12,862 --> 00:07:14,413 it's bad. 198 00:07:14,482 --> 00:07:16,000 So you stole $15 million? 199 00:07:16,068 --> 00:07:18,172 No, it's called an investment. 200 00:07:18,241 --> 00:07:19,413 What's it called, Ponzi scheme? 201 00:07:19,482 --> 00:07:20,482 No, an investment! 202 00:07:20,551 --> 00:07:21,827 Look, I have to come up with an idea 203 00:07:21,896 --> 00:07:24,103 for the investors this week. 204 00:07:24,172 --> 00:07:27,344 And if I still don't have anything, then... 205 00:07:27,413 --> 00:07:28,620 I'm screwed. 206 00:07:28,689 --> 00:07:30,965 So why don't you go work on the app 207 00:07:31,034 --> 00:07:32,172 instead of hanging out with Grandma 208 00:07:32,241 --> 00:07:33,482 and trying to steal my skin? 209 00:07:33,551 --> 00:07:34,862 Because it's stressful 210 00:07:34,931 --> 00:07:36,310 and she makes me feel less anxious. 211 00:07:36,379 --> 00:07:38,172 So you're not trying to steal my Grandma away from me? 212 00:07:38,241 --> 00:07:40,448 No, absolutely not.Good. Good. 213 00:07:43,275 --> 00:07:44,482 Edmund, I was gonna kill you. 214 00:07:44,551 --> 00:07:47,103 What?But I'm not, I'm not now. 215 00:07:47,172 --> 00:07:49,344 You know, and the supplies are refundable. 216 00:07:49,413 --> 00:07:51,517 So I have a-- I have an Ace Hardware card. 217 00:07:52,793 --> 00:07:55,724 ♪♪ 218 00:07:58,172 --> 00:08:00,655 Oh, yeah, forgot about all this stuff. 219 00:08:03,551 --> 00:08:04,724 Yeah! 220 00:08:05,862 --> 00:08:07,482 Hey, Mom, Ma. 221 00:08:07,551 --> 00:08:09,310 Have you seen my tuxedo pants? 222 00:08:09,379 --> 00:08:11,586 Yeah. You sat on a brownie 223 00:08:11,655 --> 00:08:13,551 at your cousin Jimmy's wedding. 224 00:08:13,620 --> 00:08:15,724 We had to throw it away, remember? 225 00:08:15,793 --> 00:08:17,827 Yeah, everyone thought I shit myself. 226 00:08:17,896 --> 00:08:19,000 [chuckling] 227 00:08:19,068 --> 00:08:21,172 What are you doing in here anyway? 228 00:08:21,241 --> 00:08:22,586 I'm just tidying up. 229 00:08:22,655 --> 00:08:25,724 I'm just, you know, deciding which sparks joy. 230 00:08:25,793 --> 00:08:27,034 Ahh... 231 00:08:27,103 --> 00:08:29,620 Guess what sparks my joy. 232 00:08:29,689 --> 00:08:31,103 Not Marie Kondo. 233 00:08:32,931 --> 00:08:34,517 Fuck Marie Kondo. 234 00:08:35,655 --> 00:08:38,551 [music playing on laptop] 235 00:08:40,551 --> 00:08:42,448 You got investors off of this? 236 00:08:42,517 --> 00:08:46,827 This shitty PowerPoint stock template? 237 00:08:48,931 --> 00:08:52,206 Yeah, it's sort of industry standard. 238 00:08:52,275 --> 00:08:54,689 God, Silicon Valley's such bullshit. 239 00:08:54,758 --> 00:08:57,413 Ooh, very hot take, Nora. 240 00:08:57,482 --> 00:08:59,344 Really, they're investing in my reputation. 241 00:08:59,413 --> 00:09:01,620 But there are no good app ideas anymore. 242 00:09:01,689 --> 00:09:03,241 Everything's already been done. 243 00:09:03,310 --> 00:09:04,517 That's not true. 244 00:09:04,586 --> 00:09:06,551 Netflix for Dogs. 245 00:09:06,620 --> 00:09:08,793 Uh, a poop emoji. 246 00:09:08,862 --> 00:09:10,448 But it's like pictures of your own poop, 247 00:09:10,517 --> 00:09:12,379 and you put eyes on it. 248 00:09:12,448 --> 00:09:14,758 What about an app that takes a picture of a place, 249 00:09:14,827 --> 00:09:18,620 and you can find out what-- what used to be there? 250 00:09:18,689 --> 00:09:19,827 I don't know if anyone's done that already, 251 00:09:19,896 --> 00:09:21,137 but that's actually good. 252 00:09:21,206 --> 00:09:25,103 What about like a flesh mold of a vagina, 253 00:09:25,172 --> 00:09:26,827 right, but it's portable? 254 00:09:26,896 --> 00:09:29,620 And we call it a pocket pussy. 255 00:09:29,689 --> 00:09:32,068 Okay, this might take a while, but keep going. 256 00:09:32,137 --> 00:09:34,103 An app that tells you if you're ugly or not. 257 00:09:34,172 --> 00:09:36,379 An app that you could look at your vagina like in a mirror. 258 00:09:36,448 --> 00:09:37,931 What else? 259 00:09:38,000 --> 00:09:39,344 An app that shows you what you would look like 260 00:09:39,413 --> 00:09:41,137 as a decaying corpse, that's tight, that's a good one. 261 00:09:41,206 --> 00:09:42,758 No!An app that tells you 262 00:09:42,827 --> 00:09:45,034 if a ghost is friendly or not.What? 263 00:09:45,103 --> 00:09:47,413 An app that finds your long-lost friends. 264 00:09:47,482 --> 00:09:49,758 An app that lightly stimulates your butthole. 265 00:09:49,827 --> 00:09:51,862 An app that lightly stimulates your friends'. 266 00:09:51,931 --> 00:09:53,827 An app that beckons squirrels. 267 00:09:53,896 --> 00:09:55,931 An app that-- it's like Tinder but for parakeets. 268 00:09:56,000 --> 00:09:57,000 I need more! 269 00:09:58,275 --> 00:09:59,758 But I have to poop. 270 00:09:59,827 --> 00:10:01,517 You should be pooping ideas! 271 00:10:03,655 --> 00:10:05,000 [camera clicks] 272 00:10:10,793 --> 00:10:12,034 [sighs] 273 00:10:13,413 --> 00:10:14,758 Oh... 274 00:10:14,827 --> 00:10:17,413 "I really liked that movie." 275 00:10:19,137 --> 00:10:20,206 [sighs] 276 00:10:32,275 --> 00:10:34,482 [Nora sighs] We have so many good ideas. 277 00:10:34,551 --> 00:10:37,206 We just haven't found the one yet! 278 00:10:37,275 --> 00:10:38,724 I gotta get outta here. 279 00:10:38,793 --> 00:10:41,068 [grunts] I haven't seen any daylight. 280 00:10:41,137 --> 00:10:42,551 I took a poop in the corner. 281 00:10:42,620 --> 00:10:44,620 Eww, why?[groans] 282 00:10:44,689 --> 00:10:47,206 No, wait, incubation takes time, okay? 283 00:10:47,275 --> 00:10:49,241 We'll get there. We just need to keep going. 284 00:10:49,310 --> 00:10:50,586 [phone chimes] 285 00:10:51,862 --> 00:10:54,068 Your dad followed me on Instagram. 286 00:10:54,137 --> 00:10:56,310 Holy shit!What? 287 00:10:56,379 --> 00:10:57,896 Look. 288 00:10:57,965 --> 00:10:59,758 So? 289 00:10:59,827 --> 00:11:02,551 [screaming, gagging] 290 00:11:02,620 --> 00:11:04,275 Uncle Penis! Uncle Penis!Uncle Penis! 291 00:11:04,344 --> 00:11:05,344 It's a damn penis! 292 00:11:05,413 --> 00:11:07,482 [both stammering, gasping] 293 00:11:07,551 --> 00:11:09,103 Why would you show it to me?! 294 00:11:09,172 --> 00:11:10,620 He must've accidentally posted it 295 00:11:10,689 --> 00:11:12,310 and just didn't see the mirror behind him. 296 00:11:12,379 --> 00:11:14,620 [gasps]It has like 200 likes 297 00:11:14,689 --> 00:11:16,310 which proportionately doesn't make sense 298 00:11:16,379 --> 00:11:18,551 because he has 17 followers. 299 00:11:18,620 --> 00:11:20,206 We need to delete that thing. 300 00:11:20,275 --> 00:11:22,137 He-- he's gonna become a meme. 301 00:11:22,206 --> 00:11:23,827 Even if he deletes it off his personal account, 302 00:11:23,896 --> 00:11:25,896 other people have screenshotted it. 303 00:11:25,965 --> 00:11:28,172 No, no, no, we need to get the original off. 304 00:11:28,241 --> 00:11:30,275 We need to get the screenshots off, any duplicates. 305 00:11:30,344 --> 00:11:32,000 We need to scrub the Internet of that picture. 306 00:11:32,068 --> 00:11:35,310 That needs to go. Ahh! That needs to go. 307 00:11:35,379 --> 00:11:38,793 You are an idiot but also a goddamn genius. 308 00:11:38,862 --> 00:11:40,758 Mwah! Okay, I gotta go. 309 00:11:40,827 --> 00:11:43,034 I gotta go! Um, I gotta go. 310 00:11:43,103 --> 00:11:44,103 Where are you going?! 311 00:11:44,172 --> 00:11:45,931 To go and code "Scrubr." 312 00:11:46,000 --> 00:11:47,137 It shouldn't take long. 313 00:11:47,206 --> 00:11:48,758 I just have to match a proprietary data set 314 00:11:48,827 --> 00:11:50,448 to an image-labeling model, and then it'll be deleted... 315 00:11:50,517 --> 00:11:52,103 [muttering] 316 00:11:52,172 --> 00:11:53,379 You're leaving?Yeah. 317 00:11:53,448 --> 00:11:55,000 And you won't be back for a while? 318 00:11:55,068 --> 00:11:57,862 Yeah. Bye.Can I-- Can I ask you one more thing? 319 00:11:57,931 --> 00:12:00,931 What?Did you just feel anything? 320 00:12:01,000 --> 00:12:03,586 Eww, no! Disgusting. 321 00:12:03,655 --> 00:12:05,689 I didn't either. I didn't either! 322 00:12:08,310 --> 00:12:09,620 [Nora muttering] 323 00:12:09,689 --> 00:12:12,137 Still won't close. 324 00:12:12,206 --> 00:12:14,517 Have patience and you'll get it. 325 00:12:14,586 --> 00:12:16,379 You know, I always wish I was one of those Asian girls 326 00:12:16,448 --> 00:12:18,586 that could draw Pokémon freehand 327 00:12:18,655 --> 00:12:20,655 and rip paper in a straight line. 328 00:12:20,724 --> 00:12:22,034 I can't even roll a joint right. 329 00:12:22,103 --> 00:12:24,344 Origami is boring. 330 00:12:24,413 --> 00:12:26,862 And plus, maybe your talent isn't in your fingers. 331 00:12:26,931 --> 00:12:28,448 Maybe it's somewhere else. 332 00:12:28,517 --> 00:12:29,724 Hm, that's true. 333 00:12:29,793 --> 00:12:31,551 [Edmund panting] 334 00:12:32,689 --> 00:12:34,896 I've been coding all night. 335 00:12:34,965 --> 00:12:36,206 And I finally finished the beta. 336 00:12:36,275 --> 00:12:38,413 And I think this app could be huge. 337 00:12:38,482 --> 00:12:41,413 Oh, wow, I'm so proud of you, Edmund. 338 00:12:41,482 --> 00:12:43,620 Well, the harder part is thinking of the app, 339 00:12:43,689 --> 00:12:46,517 which I did in 3.5 seconds and counting. 340 00:12:46,586 --> 00:12:49,241 Oh-ho, so I'm proud of you too, Nora. 341 00:12:49,310 --> 00:12:54,344 Yeah, I literally invented an entire server, okay, so... 342 00:12:54,413 --> 00:12:55,758 Yeah, well, Grandma loves me more, 343 00:12:55,827 --> 00:12:56,896 so I hope you're all right with that. 344 00:12:56,965 --> 00:12:58,103 Okay, just Nora, 345 00:12:58,172 --> 00:12:59,448 you don't know what's about to happen. 346 00:12:59,517 --> 00:13:02,137 Okay, if this app gets up and running, 347 00:13:02,206 --> 00:13:05,482 we are looking at potentially raking in millions. 348 00:13:05,551 --> 00:13:07,000 We need to get my dad's dick off the Internet 349 00:13:07,068 --> 00:13:09,413 before fuckjerry finds it and shit. 350 00:13:09,482 --> 00:13:11,137 Okay, just-- It's fine, whatever. 351 00:13:11,206 --> 00:13:12,931 Can I just run my app presentation for you guys? 352 00:13:13,000 --> 00:13:15,413 'Cause I just need to practice before the investor meeting tomorrow and... 353 00:13:15,482 --> 00:13:17,241 No.Of course! 354 00:13:18,689 --> 00:13:20,862 Janeane, I got of likes from complete strangers 355 00:13:20,931 --> 00:13:23,034 and also two verified likes 356 00:13:23,103 --> 00:13:24,586 from Olivia Jade. 357 00:13:24,655 --> 00:13:26,000 Who the hell's that? 358 00:13:26,068 --> 00:13:27,862 But nothing from Brenda. 359 00:13:27,931 --> 00:13:30,517 I don't understand why she didn't like my photo. 360 00:13:30,586 --> 00:13:31,931 Let me see it. 361 00:13:34,068 --> 00:13:36,034 It's beautiful composition and lighting. 362 00:13:36,103 --> 00:13:37,172 Thank you! 363 00:13:39,379 --> 00:13:40,482 Oh. 364 00:13:42,034 --> 00:13:44,344 Uh-oh.What? 365 00:13:47,172 --> 00:13:48,862 Holy shit! My dick is out! 366 00:13:48,931 --> 00:13:50,655 Yeah.Janeane, my dick is out! 367 00:13:50,724 --> 00:13:52,068 What happened?! 368 00:13:52,137 --> 00:13:53,620 That explains all the likes. 369 00:13:53,689 --> 00:13:54,793 I gotta delete it. 370 00:13:54,862 --> 00:13:56,724 Oh, no, I think I just sent it my story! 371 00:13:56,793 --> 00:13:57,931 Oh, shit! 372 00:13:58,000 --> 00:13:59,103 I've gotta take some more pictures 373 00:13:59,172 --> 00:14:00,137 to take the heat off the first one. 374 00:14:00,206 --> 00:14:02,241 Okay, Wally, you're spiraling. 375 00:14:02,310 --> 00:14:03,862 Bananas. Bananas are good, right?Wally... 376 00:14:03,931 --> 00:14:05,586 Bananas. Banana boomerang. 377 00:14:05,655 --> 00:14:07,137 Take deep breaths.Bananas are fine! 378 00:14:07,206 --> 00:14:09,965 I'm gonna help you.[Wally panting] 379 00:14:10,034 --> 00:14:11,793 Okay, okay, good news. 380 00:14:11,862 --> 00:14:13,344 ArtfulBrenda is not following you, 381 00:14:13,413 --> 00:14:16,034 and I deleted the pic.Yes! Thank you! 382 00:14:16,103 --> 00:14:18,551 Bad news is... 383 00:14:18,620 --> 00:14:19,758 Damon reposted it. 384 00:14:19,827 --> 00:14:20,862 No! 385 00:14:22,310 --> 00:14:23,551 Oh, shit! 386 00:14:26,034 --> 00:14:28,827 [Wally panting]You want a chip? 387 00:14:28,896 --> 00:14:31,620 You know I'm allergic to sour cream, Janeane! 388 00:14:31,689 --> 00:14:32,793 I didn't know that. 389 00:14:32,862 --> 00:14:34,379 I haven't known you for that long. 390 00:14:34,448 --> 00:14:35,448 [crunching] 391 00:14:35,517 --> 00:14:38,413 ♪♪ 392 00:14:38,482 --> 00:14:40,241 Red leather, yellow leather. 393 00:14:40,310 --> 00:14:42,241 Red leather, yellow leather. 394 00:14:42,310 --> 00:14:44,551 The dragon will come when he hears the drum 395 00:14:44,620 --> 00:14:45,931 at a minute or two till two. 396 00:14:47,758 --> 00:14:49,206 Y'all ready for this? 397 00:14:51,172 --> 00:14:53,448 "Scrubr" is an app that can change the world 398 00:14:53,517 --> 00:14:55,758 "by using micro-patterns compiled from each 399 00:14:55,827 --> 00:14:58,068 "binary-based representation of a pixel 400 00:14:58,137 --> 00:15:01,827 "or local binary pattern or a patented LBP, 401 00:15:01,896 --> 00:15:04,620 "we can run the image through our neural network 402 00:15:04,689 --> 00:15:06,827 "and this outputs a set of measurements 403 00:15:06,896 --> 00:15:08,758 "that serve as a unique... 404 00:15:08,827 --> 00:15:10,482 "identifier. 405 00:15:10,551 --> 00:15:14,724 Send nudes? More like unsend nudes." 406 00:15:14,793 --> 00:15:17,206 You know, I'm just gonna... [stammering] 407 00:15:17,275 --> 00:15:21,034 I'm just gonna start over and, um, oh! Okay. 408 00:15:21,103 --> 00:15:22,551 Leg cramp. Leg cramp. 409 00:15:22,620 --> 00:15:24,827 [Edmund snorts] Oh, my God, I'm burning up. 410 00:15:24,896 --> 00:15:26,103 It's like I'm on-- 411 00:15:26,172 --> 00:15:27,931 It's like I'm on the beach in Mykonos. 412 00:15:28,000 --> 00:15:29,103 Oh, my God. 413 00:15:29,172 --> 00:15:31,000 You're sweating very profusely right now. 414 00:15:31,068 --> 00:15:32,172 [sniffs] Do you smell that? 415 00:15:32,241 --> 00:15:33,482 It smells like turmeric. 416 00:15:33,551 --> 00:15:35,482 [whispers] What is wrong with him? 417 00:15:35,551 --> 00:15:36,896 I don't know. 418 00:15:36,965 --> 00:15:39,448 Okay. [inhales, then exhales][flatulence] 419 00:15:39,517 --> 00:15:40,655 Oh... [sniffs] 420 00:15:40,724 --> 00:15:42,000 Mm...Mm... 421 00:15:42,068 --> 00:15:43,827 I'll leave you with this. 422 00:15:43,896 --> 00:15:46,172 We're all born the same way-- 423 00:15:46,241 --> 00:15:48,034 naked and screaming. Thank you so much. 424 00:15:49,655 --> 00:15:51,517 [whispering indistinctly] 425 00:15:51,586 --> 00:15:53,137 That's good, right? Had a good flow. 426 00:15:53,206 --> 00:15:54,793 Had a good... structure. 427 00:15:54,862 --> 00:15:57,482 Yeah. Yeah. 428 00:15:57,551 --> 00:15:58,517 No notes? 429 00:15:58,586 --> 00:16:00,482 I'm good.Mm... 430 00:16:00,551 --> 00:16:02,172 Good. 431 00:16:02,241 --> 00:16:03,724 [fighting retching] 432 00:16:03,793 --> 00:16:05,000 Oh...Oh... 433 00:16:06,965 --> 00:16:09,517 Oh, Nora, you need to help him. 434 00:16:09,586 --> 00:16:11,068 He's gonna fail. 435 00:16:11,137 --> 00:16:13,344 I know. Um, did you wanna go 436 00:16:13,413 --> 00:16:15,931 get your PediEgg refill tomorrow, like in the morning? 437 00:16:16,000 --> 00:16:18,482 Oh, no, we gotta take care of him first. 438 00:16:18,551 --> 00:16:19,620 He needs help. 439 00:16:19,689 --> 00:16:21,172 I don't care. I don't wanna help him. 440 00:16:21,241 --> 00:16:22,862 If this was your idea, 441 00:16:22,931 --> 00:16:25,310 then you should pitch it with him. 442 00:16:26,482 --> 00:16:29,413 Fine.Okay, that's my good girl. 443 00:16:29,482 --> 00:16:31,172 Oh, shit, he's coming back. 444 00:16:31,241 --> 00:16:32,931 Can I do it one more time?No! 445 00:16:33,000 --> 00:16:35,379 ♪♪ 446 00:16:36,517 --> 00:16:38,413 [phone vibrating] 447 00:16:44,896 --> 00:16:46,137 Oh, no. 448 00:16:54,103 --> 00:16:56,034 [Edmund sighs] I just wanna get this over with. 449 00:16:56,103 --> 00:16:57,241 I'm shaking like a leaf. 450 00:16:57,310 --> 00:16:58,793 You'll be fine. 451 00:16:58,862 --> 00:17:00,551 Just pretend you're naked. 452 00:17:00,620 --> 00:17:02,172 Stare-- stare into their eyes. 453 00:17:02,241 --> 00:17:03,551 I'm pitching in a conference room, 454 00:17:03,620 --> 00:17:04,862 not a sauna. 455 00:17:04,931 --> 00:17:06,586 You know what, this is gonna be a disaster 456 00:17:06,655 --> 00:17:08,758 and I-- I should go, I should go, I'm gonna go. 457 00:17:08,827 --> 00:17:10,896 No, no, look. I know you're nervous. 458 00:17:10,965 --> 00:17:12,310 Okay? So am I. 459 00:17:12,379 --> 00:17:14,137 But now's the time to see who has a heart. 460 00:17:14,206 --> 00:17:15,965 Now's the time to prove to yourself 461 00:17:16,034 --> 00:17:17,655 and everybody else 462 00:17:17,724 --> 00:17:19,620 that even though you're locked up, 463 00:17:19,689 --> 00:17:21,000 you're somebody. 464 00:17:21,068 --> 00:17:22,275 All right? 465 00:17:22,344 --> 00:17:23,931 That you can do something special 466 00:17:24,000 --> 00:17:25,655 that no one else in the world can do. 467 00:17:25,724 --> 00:17:27,793 You get to walk through those doors, 468 00:17:27,862 --> 00:17:30,344 hold your head up high, 469 00:17:30,413 --> 00:17:32,827 and call yourself a Mustang! 470 00:17:34,379 --> 00:17:37,896 Is that The Rock's speech from "Gridiron Gang"? 471 00:17:37,965 --> 00:17:40,482 Go with it. You'll be all right. 472 00:17:40,551 --> 00:17:42,689 Are you ready to go up in there and blow them away? 473 00:17:42,758 --> 00:17:44,068 Yeah.Are you ready to scrub 474 00:17:44,137 --> 00:17:45,655 my dad's side dick off the Internet? 475 00:17:45,724 --> 00:17:46,862 Hell yeah! 476 00:17:48,827 --> 00:17:51,103 [stomach gurgling] 477 00:17:55,655 --> 00:17:56,931 [flatulence] 478 00:17:58,379 --> 00:18:00,103 All right, I know what you guys are thinking. 479 00:18:00,172 --> 00:18:03,965 Look, look at this poor, very depressing soul 480 00:18:04,034 --> 00:18:07,000 just standing there frozen in fear 481 00:18:07,068 --> 00:18:08,620 because his jealous ex just posted 482 00:18:08,689 --> 00:18:10,551 a picture of him on all fours 483 00:18:10,620 --> 00:18:12,793 dressed as "The Legend of Zorro." 484 00:18:12,862 --> 00:18:13,965 [chiming] 485 00:18:15,241 --> 00:18:17,517 Yeah, devastating. 486 00:18:17,586 --> 00:18:19,034 And tell me this, how many of you guys 487 00:18:19,103 --> 00:18:20,275 have photos like this up on the Internet? 488 00:18:22,758 --> 00:18:24,620 Really? Cocky bunch. 489 00:18:24,689 --> 00:18:27,000 Yeah, okay. That's cool. 490 00:18:27,068 --> 00:18:29,206 Because I googled every single one of you guys 491 00:18:29,275 --> 00:18:32,241 and found a trove of horrible, 492 00:18:32,310 --> 00:18:34,103 uncompromising, embarrassing photos. 493 00:18:34,172 --> 00:18:37,172 Tom, 2004 Halloween, 494 00:18:37,241 --> 00:18:39,517 dressed as a slutty Pocahontas. 495 00:18:39,586 --> 00:18:42,068 Cultural insensitivity mixed with misogyny. 496 00:18:42,137 --> 00:18:43,275 That's a double yikes. 497 00:18:43,344 --> 00:18:44,655 How would you like to get this photo 498 00:18:44,724 --> 00:18:45,689 off the Internet forever? 499 00:18:45,758 --> 00:18:48,827 Yeah, please. 500 00:18:48,896 --> 00:18:50,344 That's why, luckily, Edmund and I 501 00:18:50,413 --> 00:18:53,551 came up with an app we call... 502 00:18:53,620 --> 00:18:55,482 ♪♪ 503 00:18:55,551 --> 00:18:57,068 ...Scrubr. 504 00:18:57,137 --> 00:18:58,931 With a push of a button, 505 00:18:59,000 --> 00:19:00,689 our Scrubr app can delete 506 00:19:00,758 --> 00:19:03,034 any unwanted photo ever 507 00:19:03,103 --> 00:19:06,206 off the Internet for all eternities. 508 00:19:06,275 --> 00:19:09,448 We use an image similarity algorithm to remove 509 00:19:09,517 --> 00:19:11,413 all your bad photos from the Internet. 510 00:19:11,482 --> 00:19:13,965 Every bunghole, every one-night stand, 511 00:19:14,034 --> 00:19:16,137 every mistake that's ever gone public 512 00:19:16,206 --> 00:19:18,517 so that never again will you google yourself 513 00:19:18,586 --> 00:19:20,551 and have your drunken college mugshot 514 00:19:20,620 --> 00:19:22,517 staring back at you. 515 00:19:22,586 --> 00:19:24,827 Thank you so much! 516 00:19:28,551 --> 00:19:30,000 Wow. 517 00:19:31,413 --> 00:19:33,896 Well, uh, we love it. 518 00:19:33,965 --> 00:19:35,551 Let's talk about upping your valuation 519 00:19:35,620 --> 00:19:37,068 for the next round of funding. 520 00:19:37,137 --> 00:19:38,310 So there'll be a next round. 521 00:19:38,379 --> 00:19:39,724 [man] Oh, hell yeah. 522 00:19:39,793 --> 00:19:41,827 We're very glad that we invested in you, Edmund. 523 00:19:41,896 --> 00:19:44,862 Thank you, Tom, and Maxwell, Amalin, 524 00:19:44,931 --> 00:19:49,793 Riford, and I wanna say Bryson? 525 00:19:49,862 --> 00:19:51,448 Jason.Jason. 526 00:19:51,517 --> 00:19:52,931 Got one syllable. 527 00:19:53,000 --> 00:19:55,172 Well, to be honest, 528 00:19:55,241 --> 00:19:56,517 this didn't really come together 529 00:19:56,586 --> 00:19:58,448 until Nora got on board.Oh! 530 00:19:58,517 --> 00:20:00,241 That's beau-- That's so beautiful. 531 00:20:00,310 --> 00:20:02,103 It's been a contentious working relationship. 532 00:20:02,172 --> 00:20:03,275 She's...A bit contentious. 533 00:20:03,344 --> 00:20:05,896 Speaking of, can I-- Is this up for...? 534 00:20:07,275 --> 00:20:08,310 Uh-huh. 535 00:20:08,379 --> 00:20:10,068 Bye, everyone. 536 00:20:10,137 --> 00:20:11,310 [Nora] Love you. 537 00:20:11,379 --> 00:20:12,689 That's gonna feed her for a month. 538 00:20:12,758 --> 00:20:16,827 [laughter] 539 00:20:16,896 --> 00:20:19,034 Nora, these dumplings are actually really good. 540 00:20:19,103 --> 00:20:21,206 Yeah, a lot better than your public speaking. 541 00:20:21,275 --> 00:20:24,379 [laughter] 542 00:20:24,448 --> 00:20:25,896 Yo, yo, yo! 543 00:20:27,068 --> 00:20:28,482 Oh, dumplings. 544 00:20:35,620 --> 00:20:38,034 You're all thinking about my dick now, aren't you? 545 00:20:38,103 --> 00:20:39,965 No!Get over it. 546 00:20:41,931 --> 00:20:43,172 It's a dick. 547 00:20:46,758 --> 00:20:48,482 Anyway, do you like the dumplings, Grandma? 548 00:20:48,551 --> 00:20:51,034 Oh, yes, they're very tasty. 549 00:20:51,103 --> 00:20:52,724 I'm so proud of you. 550 00:20:52,793 --> 00:20:55,000 Oh, my two dumplings! 551 00:20:56,758 --> 00:20:58,172 [whispering] Just blink if you love me more. 552 00:20:58,241 --> 00:20:59,655 It's okay. He's not looking.I'm right here. 553 00:20:59,724 --> 00:21:02,379 Oh, no, I can't do that. 554 00:21:06,034 --> 00:21:07,482 ♪♪[bell dings] 555 00:21:11,275 --> 00:21:14,172 ♪♪ 556 00:21:36,275 --> 00:21:38,137 [man] Who the [bleep] is Awkwafina? 38256