Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:07,206 --> 00:00:10,068
[indistinct chatter]
2
00:00:10,137 --> 00:00:11,620
[Nora]
Grandma?
3
00:00:11,689 --> 00:00:12,931
Edmund.
4
00:00:13,000 --> 00:00:15,551
Oh, hey, Nora.
5
00:00:15,620 --> 00:00:17,482
What's going on here, huh?
6
00:00:17,551 --> 00:00:19,482
What's this?
Best friends all of a sudden?
7
00:00:19,551 --> 00:00:21,448
Huh? You gonna throw me
down the river, Grandma?
8
00:00:21,517 --> 00:00:24,862
Well, Edmund offered to come
with me to the store.
9
00:00:24,931 --> 00:00:26,758
He-- he's a good boy.
10
00:00:26,827 --> 00:00:28,655
Now, I took Grandma
to H Mart
11
00:00:28,724 --> 00:00:32,068
and bought her
a $500 rice cooker.
12
00:00:32,137 --> 00:00:34,103
You do that too sometimes,
right, Nora?
13
00:00:34,172 --> 00:00:36,482
Eat my ass, Edmund.
14
00:00:36,551 --> 00:00:37,862
We're making dumplings!
15
00:00:37,931 --> 00:00:39,206
Oh, that's cool
'cause I just thought
16
00:00:39,275 --> 00:00:40,448
that was something
that just me and you did,
17
00:00:40,517 --> 00:00:43,000
A and B, Grandma and Nora,
you know, our thing.
18
00:00:43,068 --> 00:00:45,517
You know what I mean,
'cause you love me
more and all, right?
19
00:00:45,586 --> 00:00:47,344
Oh, Grandma's gonna
teach me,
20
00:00:47,413 --> 00:00:49,689
and I can't wait
to learn from the best.
21
00:00:49,758 --> 00:00:51,379
[Grandma laughs]
22
00:00:51,448 --> 00:00:53,896
I wanna learn, too.
I call middle seat.
23
00:00:53,965 --> 00:00:56,724
Oh, but we've made
dumplings together
24
00:00:56,793 --> 00:00:58,655
2,000 times, Nora.
25
00:00:58,724 --> 00:01:02,413
And Edmund and I have
never made dumplings before.
26
00:01:02,482 --> 00:01:06,689
Yeah, but I want to do it
2,001 times.
27
00:01:06,758 --> 00:01:08,482
Race you there.Race you where?
28
00:01:08,551 --> 00:01:10,965
Uh, here.I've been here.
29
00:01:11,034 --> 00:01:12,517
Yeah, I know.
Grandma loves me more.
30
00:01:12,586 --> 00:01:13,827
What?
What?
What?
31
00:01:13,896 --> 00:01:15,137
What?What?
32
00:01:15,206 --> 00:01:16,172
Grandma loves me more.
What?
33
00:01:16,241 --> 00:01:18,172
What? What?What?
34
00:01:18,241 --> 00:01:21,137
♪♪
35
00:01:31,137 --> 00:01:33,206
[camera clicking]
36
00:01:33,275 --> 00:01:34,758
[grunting]
37
00:01:37,413 --> 00:01:38,517
Damon.
38
00:01:38,586 --> 00:01:40,793
You mind if
I squeeze in a set?
39
00:01:40,862 --> 00:01:42,862
One sec, bro.
Let me just take one more pic.
40
00:01:42,931 --> 00:01:44,344
Ah...
41
00:01:44,413 --> 00:01:46,206
gymselfies.
42
00:01:46,275 --> 00:01:48,034
You on IG?Huh?
43
00:01:48,103 --> 00:01:50,000
Instagram, you on it?No.
44
00:01:50,068 --> 00:01:51,862
I look around
on Facebook sometimes.
45
00:01:51,931 --> 00:01:53,482
That's about it.[laughing]
46
00:01:53,551 --> 00:01:55,517
What?Facebook? Wally!
47
00:01:55,586 --> 00:01:57,724
Facebook is dead, bro.Oh, yeah?
48
00:01:57,793 --> 00:01:59,482
It is all about the Gram.
Check it out.
49
00:01:59,551 --> 00:02:00,896
Whoa!No, look it at.
50
00:02:00,965 --> 00:02:02,689
Damon!The chicks dig it.
51
00:02:02,758 --> 00:02:04,172
I get so many dates
off of this.
52
00:02:04,241 --> 00:02:06,172
You're single, right?Yeah.
53
00:02:06,241 --> 00:02:08,000
It's the Gram, baby.
54
00:02:08,068 --> 00:02:09,275
Oh, no, I...
55
00:02:09,344 --> 00:02:11,827
I don't need to post
intimate pictures like that.
56
00:02:11,896 --> 00:02:13,827
Well, you better
get crackin'.
57
00:02:13,896 --> 00:02:16,448
No.Yeah, look.
58
00:02:16,517 --> 00:02:19,586
If a chick can't
find you on Instagram,
59
00:02:19,655 --> 00:02:21,448
she's gonna think
you're a serial killer.
60
00:02:21,517 --> 00:02:22,620
That's the truth.
61
00:02:23,827 --> 00:02:25,172
Really?All you gotta do
62
00:02:25,241 --> 00:02:27,620
is go on Amazon Prime,
buy a ring light,
63
00:02:27,689 --> 00:02:29,206
then you go home
to the bathroom.
64
00:02:29,275 --> 00:02:31,793
You put up a leg,
maybe two,
65
00:02:31,862 --> 00:02:33,379
click, pussy.
66
00:02:33,448 --> 00:02:35,344
No, no, no.
Don't listen to this loser.
67
00:02:35,413 --> 00:02:37,724
My kids think your Instagram
is a meme account.
68
00:02:37,793 --> 00:02:40,034
If I'm such a loser,
then how come I have
69
00:02:40,103 --> 00:02:43,241
over 300 followers?
70
00:02:43,310 --> 00:02:44,379
[Damon laughs]
71
00:02:44,448 --> 00:02:46,103
You know what
this is about?
72
00:02:46,172 --> 00:02:47,827
You just want a piece
of me, Janeane.
73
00:02:47,896 --> 00:02:50,000
Everybody knows it.
Wally knows it.
74
00:02:50,068 --> 00:02:51,551
How many times do
I have to tell you
75
00:02:51,620 --> 00:02:52,655
I'm a raging lesbian?
76
00:02:52,724 --> 00:02:54,172
Whatever, Janeane.
77
00:02:55,275 --> 00:02:56,551
Janeane?
78
00:02:56,620 --> 00:02:58,103
You wanna get like
a coffee after this?
79
00:02:58,172 --> 00:02:59,620
I'm hanging out
with my wife.
80
00:02:59,689 --> 00:03:01,310
Oh, you were serious?Yeah.
81
00:03:03,413 --> 00:03:04,551
[camera clicks]
82
00:03:04,620 --> 00:03:07,551
♪♪
83
00:03:14,000 --> 00:03:16,931
Oh! Ant-Man.
84
00:03:17,000 --> 00:03:19,827
These dumplings
are beautiful.
85
00:03:19,896 --> 00:03:23,620
You certainly have
a knack for crimping.
86
00:03:23,689 --> 00:03:25,965
Yeah, well, thank you, Grandma.
I learned from the best.
87
00:03:26,034 --> 00:03:28,000
[both laughing]
88
00:03:28,068 --> 00:03:29,344
Who?The best!
89
00:03:29,413 --> 00:03:30,413
Oh!
[laughs]
90
00:03:30,482 --> 00:03:32,275
You know who else?
Talented me.
91
00:03:32,344 --> 00:03:34,068
[chuckling]
92
00:03:34,137 --> 00:03:36,103
[snickers]
Yes.
93
00:03:36,172 --> 00:03:37,275
Let's see.
94
00:03:37,344 --> 00:03:40,758
This one I named
Beautiful Flower
95
00:03:40,827 --> 00:03:43,000
from All Generations
to the End of Time for you.
96
00:03:43,068 --> 00:03:45,724
Oh...Just be careful because
97
00:03:45,793 --> 00:03:47,413
it has-- the inside
comes out a little bit,
98
00:03:47,482 --> 00:03:48,689
so it is
an open floor plan.
99
00:03:48,758 --> 00:03:51,655
Nice try, Nora."Nice try, Nora." See that?
100
00:03:51,724 --> 00:03:53,862
See?
Feel dumb now, huh?
101
00:03:53,931 --> 00:03:55,482
Don't you feel dumb now
a little bit?
102
00:03:55,551 --> 00:03:57,344
I get you some water.
103
00:03:57,413 --> 00:03:59,310
Thanks, Grandma.
Love you.
104
00:03:59,379 --> 00:04:01,413
Mm, your dumplings look
like the Pillsbury Doughboy
105
00:04:01,482 --> 00:04:02,655
got hate-crimed.
106
00:04:02,724 --> 00:04:04,241
You wanna shut
the hell up, bitch?!
107
00:04:04,310 --> 00:04:05,758
Oh, nice.Yeah, yeah.
108
00:04:05,827 --> 00:04:07,586
Calling me a bitch.You're third-wheelin'.
109
00:04:07,655 --> 00:04:09,241
I've seen this movie before.
110
00:04:09,310 --> 00:04:10,793
You come in and you wanna
take my skin.
111
00:04:10,862 --> 00:04:12,310
That's what you wanna do.
112
00:04:12,379 --> 00:04:14,172
You wanna come up in here
and take my skin.
113
00:04:14,241 --> 00:04:16,379
Ugh, my God.
Nora...
114
00:04:16,448 --> 00:04:18,586
And also,
look at that one.
115
00:04:18,655 --> 00:04:20,275
That one looks like
a fuckin' butthole, dude.
116
00:04:20,344 --> 00:04:22,344
That means it'll be
delicious, yum, yum, yum.
117
00:04:22,413 --> 00:04:24,310
2020, Year of the Ass.
118
00:04:24,379 --> 00:04:27,137
♪♪
119
00:04:27,206 --> 00:04:31,000
[slurping]Okay, perfect.
120
00:04:31,068 --> 00:04:34,137
"Post workout
smoothie vibes."
121
00:04:35,620 --> 00:04:37,310
You sure I don't
look like a douche?
122
00:04:37,379 --> 00:04:38,689
Everybody looks like
they're trying too hard.
123
00:04:38,758 --> 00:04:40,000
It's kinda the point.
124
00:04:40,068 --> 00:04:41,758
But you gotta post more
than one photo, though,
125
00:04:41,827 --> 00:04:43,448
because otherwise
you'll look like a creep
126
00:04:43,517 --> 00:04:44,758
who just trolls people.
127
00:04:44,827 --> 00:04:47,172
And so I can tell if
I'm following somebody
128
00:04:47,241 --> 00:04:48,379
and they're following me,
right?
129
00:04:48,448 --> 00:04:50,655
I see what's happening here.
What's her name?
130
00:04:50,724 --> 00:04:52,827
Brenda Moreno.
131
00:04:52,896 --> 00:04:55,310
Brenda Moreno.
Okay.
132
00:04:56,655 --> 00:05:00,551
Oh, her screen name
is ArtfulBrenda.
133
00:05:00,620 --> 00:05:02,172
She's very pretty...
134
00:05:02,241 --> 00:05:03,413
and very artsy.
135
00:05:03,482 --> 00:05:04,551
Let me see.
136
00:05:04,620 --> 00:05:05,965
Yeah.
137
00:05:06,034 --> 00:05:08,655
That's her.Yeah.
138
00:05:08,724 --> 00:05:10,241
So, listen, if you wanna
thirst trap her,
139
00:05:10,310 --> 00:05:12,137
I think you're gonna have
to post some better pics.
140
00:05:12,206 --> 00:05:13,758
Oh, will you take
some for me?
141
00:05:13,827 --> 00:05:15,379
Yeah, but let's not
take 'em in the gym.
142
00:05:15,448 --> 00:05:16,551
You don't want everybody
thinking all you do
143
00:05:16,620 --> 00:05:17,620
is hang out in the gym.
144
00:05:17,689 --> 00:05:19,310
But that is all I do.
145
00:05:23,206 --> 00:05:24,206
[slurping]
146
00:05:24,275 --> 00:05:26,068
[music plays on phone]
147
00:05:26,137 --> 00:05:28,103
[cat meowing]
148
00:05:28,172 --> 00:05:30,896
Okay, to start off, you take a little flour
149
00:05:30,965 --> 00:05:32,896
and we spritz it around the table.
150
00:05:32,965 --> 00:05:34,517
And now we take the skin.
151
00:05:34,586 --> 00:05:36,482
See?
152
00:05:36,551 --> 00:05:37,965
Oh, that's enough.
153
00:05:39,551 --> 00:05:40,724
[line ringing]
154
00:05:40,793 --> 00:05:42,931
Oh, my God, Edmund!
Come quick!
155
00:05:43,000 --> 00:05:44,448
Something's happened to Grandma
156
00:05:44,517 --> 00:05:45,896
and it's really bad! What?
157
00:05:45,965 --> 00:05:47,758
I think she took
a nasty spill.
158
00:05:47,827 --> 00:05:49,758
Oh, my God!Come straight to the garage.
159
00:05:49,827 --> 00:05:52,655
Don't call anybody. Just come
straight to the garage!
160
00:05:52,724 --> 00:05:54,137
Okay, I'll be right--[beep]
161
00:05:54,206 --> 00:05:57,172
[creepy music playing]
162
00:05:58,448 --> 00:05:59,793
[panting]
163
00:05:59,862 --> 00:06:01,034
Oh, God, I hate running.
164
00:06:01,103 --> 00:06:03,172
Where's Grandma?
Is she okay?
165
00:06:03,241 --> 00:06:05,103
She's fine.
166
00:06:05,172 --> 00:06:06,931
But I'm not.
167
00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:08,137
Oh, what?
168
00:06:11,000 --> 00:06:14,379
[creepy music playing]
169
00:06:14,448 --> 00:06:16,551
What's your endgame
with my grandma, bitch?
170
00:06:18,310 --> 00:06:21,448
What?
171
00:06:21,517 --> 00:06:22,827
What are you talking
about, you psycho?
172
00:06:22,896 --> 00:06:24,000
She's my grandma, too.
173
00:06:24,068 --> 00:06:25,586
Well, why don't you go
to the grandma store
174
00:06:25,655 --> 00:06:26,896
and get your own grandma?
175
00:06:26,965 --> 00:06:28,103
My other grandma's dead,
so Grandma's
176
00:06:28,172 --> 00:06:29,413
the only grandma I have.
177
00:06:29,482 --> 00:06:31,551
Yeah, my mom's dead
so Grandma's not only my mom,
178
00:06:31,620 --> 00:06:33,413
she's my grandma
and my grandpa.
179
00:06:33,482 --> 00:06:35,689
Okay, now I'm walking
away from this. I'm--
180
00:06:35,758 --> 00:06:37,448
What are you...?Ah.
181
00:06:37,517 --> 00:06:39,137
Don't-- What is this?
182
00:06:39,206 --> 00:06:40,655
Stop.
You're box-stepping?
183
00:06:40,724 --> 00:06:42,275
I'm not movin'...
184
00:06:42,344 --> 00:06:43,551
until you give me
some answers.
185
00:06:43,620 --> 00:06:45,172
Jesus, answers to what?
186
00:06:45,241 --> 00:06:46,586
To why you're hanging out
with Grandma
187
00:06:46,655 --> 00:06:49,517
when you should be
working on your top-secret app.
188
00:06:49,586 --> 00:06:52,206
Hah? Hah?
189
00:06:52,275 --> 00:06:54,827
All right, fine,
but I need you to back off.
190
00:06:56,068 --> 00:06:57,103
Have a seat.
191
00:06:57,172 --> 00:06:58,620
Oh, what now?
192
00:07:00,172 --> 00:07:01,344
[sighs]
193
00:07:02,551 --> 00:07:04,482
Start talking, Edmund.
194
00:07:05,758 --> 00:07:07,689
I was gonna come up
with an app,
195
00:07:07,758 --> 00:07:09,965
but then I didn't.
196
00:07:10,034 --> 00:07:12,793
And I still
haven't and...
197
00:07:12,862 --> 00:07:14,413
it's bad.
198
00:07:14,482 --> 00:07:16,000
So you stole $15 million?
199
00:07:16,068 --> 00:07:18,172
No, it's called
an investment.
200
00:07:18,241 --> 00:07:19,413
What's it called,
Ponzi scheme?
201
00:07:19,482 --> 00:07:20,482
No, an investment!
202
00:07:20,551 --> 00:07:21,827
Look, I have to come up
with an idea
203
00:07:21,896 --> 00:07:24,103
for the investors
this week.
204
00:07:24,172 --> 00:07:27,344
And if I still don't
have anything, then...
205
00:07:27,413 --> 00:07:28,620
I'm screwed.
206
00:07:28,689 --> 00:07:30,965
So why don't you go
work on the app
207
00:07:31,034 --> 00:07:32,172
instead of hanging out
with Grandma
208
00:07:32,241 --> 00:07:33,482
and trying to steal
my skin?
209
00:07:33,551 --> 00:07:34,862
Because it's stressful
210
00:07:34,931 --> 00:07:36,310
and she makes me feel
less anxious.
211
00:07:36,379 --> 00:07:38,172
So you're not trying
to steal my Grandma
away from me?
212
00:07:38,241 --> 00:07:40,448
No, absolutely not.Good. Good.
213
00:07:43,275 --> 00:07:44,482
Edmund, I was
gonna kill you.
214
00:07:44,551 --> 00:07:47,103
What?But I'm not, I'm not now.
215
00:07:47,172 --> 00:07:49,344
You know, and the supplies
are refundable.
216
00:07:49,413 --> 00:07:51,517
So I have a-- I have
an Ace Hardware card.
217
00:07:52,793 --> 00:07:55,724
♪♪
218
00:07:58,172 --> 00:08:00,655
Oh, yeah, forgot
about all this stuff.
219
00:08:03,551 --> 00:08:04,724
Yeah!
220
00:08:05,862 --> 00:08:07,482
Hey, Mom, Ma.
221
00:08:07,551 --> 00:08:09,310
Have you seen
my tuxedo pants?
222
00:08:09,379 --> 00:08:11,586
Yeah.
You sat on a brownie
223
00:08:11,655 --> 00:08:13,551
at your cousin
Jimmy's wedding.
224
00:08:13,620 --> 00:08:15,724
We had to throw it away,
remember?
225
00:08:15,793 --> 00:08:17,827
Yeah, everyone thought
I shit myself.
226
00:08:17,896 --> 00:08:19,000
[chuckling]
227
00:08:19,068 --> 00:08:21,172
What are you doing
in here anyway?
228
00:08:21,241 --> 00:08:22,586
I'm just tidying up.
229
00:08:22,655 --> 00:08:25,724
I'm just, you know,
deciding which sparks joy.
230
00:08:25,793 --> 00:08:27,034
Ahh...
231
00:08:27,103 --> 00:08:29,620
Guess what sparks my joy.
232
00:08:29,689 --> 00:08:31,103
Not Marie Kondo.
233
00:08:32,931 --> 00:08:34,517
Fuck Marie Kondo.
234
00:08:35,655 --> 00:08:38,551
[music playing on laptop]
235
00:08:40,551 --> 00:08:42,448
You got investors
off of this?
236
00:08:42,517 --> 00:08:46,827
This shitty PowerPoint
stock template?
237
00:08:48,931 --> 00:08:52,206
Yeah, it's sort of
industry standard.
238
00:08:52,275 --> 00:08:54,689
God, Silicon Valley's
such bullshit.
239
00:08:54,758 --> 00:08:57,413
Ooh, very hot take, Nora.
240
00:08:57,482 --> 00:08:59,344
Really, they're investing
in my reputation.
241
00:08:59,413 --> 00:09:01,620
But there are no good
app ideas anymore.
242
00:09:01,689 --> 00:09:03,241
Everything's already been done.
243
00:09:03,310 --> 00:09:04,517
That's not true.
244
00:09:04,586 --> 00:09:06,551
Netflix for Dogs.
245
00:09:06,620 --> 00:09:08,793
Uh, a poop emoji.
246
00:09:08,862 --> 00:09:10,448
But it's like pictures
of your own poop,
247
00:09:10,517 --> 00:09:12,379
and you put eyes on it.
248
00:09:12,448 --> 00:09:14,758
What about an app
that takes a picture
of a place,
249
00:09:14,827 --> 00:09:18,620
and you can find out what--
what used to be there?
250
00:09:18,689 --> 00:09:19,827
I don't know if anyone's
done that already,
251
00:09:19,896 --> 00:09:21,137
but that's actually good.
252
00:09:21,206 --> 00:09:25,103
What about like
a flesh mold of a vagina,
253
00:09:25,172 --> 00:09:26,827
right, but it's portable?
254
00:09:26,896 --> 00:09:29,620
And we call it
a pocket pussy.
255
00:09:29,689 --> 00:09:32,068
Okay, this might take a while,
but keep going.
256
00:09:32,137 --> 00:09:34,103
An app that tells you
if you're ugly or not.
257
00:09:34,172 --> 00:09:36,379
An app that you could
look at your vagina
like in a mirror.
258
00:09:36,448 --> 00:09:37,931
What else?
259
00:09:38,000 --> 00:09:39,344
An app that shows you
what you would look like
260
00:09:39,413 --> 00:09:41,137
as a decaying corpse,
that's tight, that's a good one.
261
00:09:41,206 --> 00:09:42,758
No!An app that tells you
262
00:09:42,827 --> 00:09:45,034
if a ghost is friendly or not.What?
263
00:09:45,103 --> 00:09:47,413
An app that finds
your long-lost friends.
264
00:09:47,482 --> 00:09:49,758
An app that lightly stimulates
your butthole.
265
00:09:49,827 --> 00:09:51,862
An app that lightly
stimulates your friends'.
266
00:09:51,931 --> 00:09:53,827
An app that beckons
squirrels.
267
00:09:53,896 --> 00:09:55,931
An app that-- it's like Tinder
but for parakeets.
268
00:09:56,000 --> 00:09:57,000
I need more!
269
00:09:58,275 --> 00:09:59,758
But I have to poop.
270
00:09:59,827 --> 00:10:01,517
You should be
pooping ideas!
271
00:10:03,655 --> 00:10:05,000
[camera clicks]
272
00:10:10,793 --> 00:10:12,034
[sighs]
273
00:10:13,413 --> 00:10:14,758
Oh...
274
00:10:14,827 --> 00:10:17,413
"I really liked
that movie."
275
00:10:19,137 --> 00:10:20,206
[sighs]
276
00:10:32,275 --> 00:10:34,482
[Nora sighs]
We have so many good ideas.
277
00:10:34,551 --> 00:10:37,206
We just haven't found
the one yet!
278
00:10:37,275 --> 00:10:38,724
I gotta get outta here.
279
00:10:38,793 --> 00:10:41,068
[grunts]
I haven't seen any daylight.
280
00:10:41,137 --> 00:10:42,551
I took a poop
in the corner.
281
00:10:42,620 --> 00:10:44,620
Eww, why?[groans]
282
00:10:44,689 --> 00:10:47,206
No, wait, incubation
takes time, okay?
283
00:10:47,275 --> 00:10:49,241
We'll get there.
We just need to keep going.
284
00:10:49,310 --> 00:10:50,586
[phone chimes]
285
00:10:51,862 --> 00:10:54,068
Your dad followed me
on Instagram.
286
00:10:54,137 --> 00:10:56,310
Holy shit!What?
287
00:10:56,379 --> 00:10:57,896
Look.
288
00:10:57,965 --> 00:10:59,758
So?
289
00:10:59,827 --> 00:11:02,551
[screaming, gagging]
290
00:11:02,620 --> 00:11:04,275
Uncle Penis! Uncle Penis!Uncle Penis!
291
00:11:04,344 --> 00:11:05,344
It's a damn penis!
292
00:11:05,413 --> 00:11:07,482
[both stammering, gasping]
293
00:11:07,551 --> 00:11:09,103
Why would you
show it to me?!
294
00:11:09,172 --> 00:11:10,620
He must've accidentally
posted it
295
00:11:10,689 --> 00:11:12,310
and just didn't
see the mirror behind him.
296
00:11:12,379 --> 00:11:14,620
[gasps]It has like 200 likes
297
00:11:14,689 --> 00:11:16,310
which proportionately
doesn't make sense
298
00:11:16,379 --> 00:11:18,551
because he has 17 followers.
299
00:11:18,620 --> 00:11:20,206
We need to delete
that thing.
300
00:11:20,275 --> 00:11:22,137
He-- he's gonna
become a meme.
301
00:11:22,206 --> 00:11:23,827
Even if he deletes it
off his personal account,
302
00:11:23,896 --> 00:11:25,896
other people have
screenshotted it.
303
00:11:25,965 --> 00:11:28,172
No, no, no, we need
to get the original off.
304
00:11:28,241 --> 00:11:30,275
We need to get
the screenshots off,
any duplicates.
305
00:11:30,344 --> 00:11:32,000
We need to scrub the Internet
of that picture.
306
00:11:32,068 --> 00:11:35,310
That needs to go.
Ahh! That needs to go.
307
00:11:35,379 --> 00:11:38,793
You are an idiot
but also a goddamn genius.
308
00:11:38,862 --> 00:11:40,758
Mwah!
Okay, I gotta go.
309
00:11:40,827 --> 00:11:43,034
I gotta go!
Um, I gotta go.
310
00:11:43,103 --> 00:11:44,103
Where are you going?!
311
00:11:44,172 --> 00:11:45,931
To go and code "Scrubr."
312
00:11:46,000 --> 00:11:47,137
It shouldn't take long.
313
00:11:47,206 --> 00:11:48,758
I just have to match
a proprietary data set
314
00:11:48,827 --> 00:11:50,448
to an image-labeling model,
and then it'll be deleted...
315
00:11:50,517 --> 00:11:52,103
[muttering]
316
00:11:52,172 --> 00:11:53,379
You're leaving?Yeah.
317
00:11:53,448 --> 00:11:55,000
And you won't be back
for a while?
318
00:11:55,068 --> 00:11:57,862
Yeah. Bye.Can I-- Can I ask you
one more thing?
319
00:11:57,931 --> 00:12:00,931
What?Did you just feel anything?
320
00:12:01,000 --> 00:12:03,586
Eww, no!
Disgusting.
321
00:12:03,655 --> 00:12:05,689
I didn't either.
I didn't either!
322
00:12:08,310 --> 00:12:09,620
[Nora muttering]
323
00:12:09,689 --> 00:12:12,137
Still won't close.
324
00:12:12,206 --> 00:12:14,517
Have patience
and you'll get it.
325
00:12:14,586 --> 00:12:16,379
You know, I always wish I was
one of those Asian girls
326
00:12:16,448 --> 00:12:18,586
that could draw
Pokémon freehand
327
00:12:18,655 --> 00:12:20,655
and rip paper
in a straight line.
328
00:12:20,724 --> 00:12:22,034
I can't even roll
a joint right.
329
00:12:22,103 --> 00:12:24,344
Origami is boring.
330
00:12:24,413 --> 00:12:26,862
And plus, maybe your talent
isn't in your fingers.
331
00:12:26,931 --> 00:12:28,448
Maybe it's somewhere else.
332
00:12:28,517 --> 00:12:29,724
Hm, that's true.
333
00:12:29,793 --> 00:12:31,551
[Edmund panting]
334
00:12:32,689 --> 00:12:34,896
I've been coding
all night.
335
00:12:34,965 --> 00:12:36,206
And I finally
finished the beta.
336
00:12:36,275 --> 00:12:38,413
And I think this app
could be huge.
337
00:12:38,482 --> 00:12:41,413
Oh, wow, I'm so proud
of you, Edmund.
338
00:12:41,482 --> 00:12:43,620
Well, the harder part
is thinking of the app,
339
00:12:43,689 --> 00:12:46,517
which I did
in 3.5 seconds and counting.
340
00:12:46,586 --> 00:12:49,241
Oh-ho, so I'm proud
of you too, Nora.
341
00:12:49,310 --> 00:12:54,344
Yeah, I literally invented
an entire server, okay, so...
342
00:12:54,413 --> 00:12:55,758
Yeah, well, Grandma
loves me more,
343
00:12:55,827 --> 00:12:56,896
so I hope you're
all right with that.
344
00:12:56,965 --> 00:12:58,103
Okay, just Nora,
345
00:12:58,172 --> 00:12:59,448
you don't know
what's about to happen.
346
00:12:59,517 --> 00:13:02,137
Okay, if this app
gets up and running,
347
00:13:02,206 --> 00:13:05,482
we are looking at potentially
raking in millions.
348
00:13:05,551 --> 00:13:07,000
We need to get my dad's
dick off the Internet
349
00:13:07,068 --> 00:13:09,413
before fuckjerry
finds it and shit.
350
00:13:09,482 --> 00:13:11,137
Okay, just--
It's fine, whatever.
351
00:13:11,206 --> 00:13:12,931
Can I just run my app
presentation for you guys?
352
00:13:13,000 --> 00:13:15,413
'Cause I just need to practice
before the investor meeting
tomorrow and...
353
00:13:15,482 --> 00:13:17,241
No.Of course!
354
00:13:18,689 --> 00:13:20,862
Janeane, I got of likes
from complete strangers
355
00:13:20,931 --> 00:13:23,034
and also
two verified likes
356
00:13:23,103 --> 00:13:24,586
from Olivia Jade.
357
00:13:24,655 --> 00:13:26,000
Who the hell's that?
358
00:13:26,068 --> 00:13:27,862
But nothing from Brenda.
359
00:13:27,931 --> 00:13:30,517
I don't understand why
she didn't like my photo.
360
00:13:30,586 --> 00:13:31,931
Let me see it.
361
00:13:34,068 --> 00:13:36,034
It's beautiful composition
and lighting.
362
00:13:36,103 --> 00:13:37,172
Thank you!
363
00:13:39,379 --> 00:13:40,482
Oh.
364
00:13:42,034 --> 00:13:44,344
Uh-oh.What?
365
00:13:47,172 --> 00:13:48,862
Holy shit!
My dick is out!
366
00:13:48,931 --> 00:13:50,655
Yeah.Janeane, my dick is out!
367
00:13:50,724 --> 00:13:52,068
What happened?!
368
00:13:52,137 --> 00:13:53,620
That explains
all the likes.
369
00:13:53,689 --> 00:13:54,793
I gotta delete it.
370
00:13:54,862 --> 00:13:56,724
Oh, no, I think
I just sent it my story!
371
00:13:56,793 --> 00:13:57,931
Oh, shit!
372
00:13:58,000 --> 00:13:59,103
I've gotta take
some more pictures
373
00:13:59,172 --> 00:14:00,137
to take the heat off
the first one.
374
00:14:00,206 --> 00:14:02,241
Okay, Wally,
you're spiraling.
375
00:14:02,310 --> 00:14:03,862
Bananas.
Bananas are good, right?Wally...
376
00:14:03,931 --> 00:14:05,586
Bananas.
Banana boomerang.
377
00:14:05,655 --> 00:14:07,137
Take deep breaths.Bananas are fine!
378
00:14:07,206 --> 00:14:09,965
I'm gonna help you.[Wally panting]
379
00:14:10,034 --> 00:14:11,793
Okay, okay, good news.
380
00:14:11,862 --> 00:14:13,344
ArtfulBrenda
is not following you,
381
00:14:13,413 --> 00:14:16,034
and I deleted the pic.Yes! Thank you!
382
00:14:16,103 --> 00:14:18,551
Bad news is...
383
00:14:18,620 --> 00:14:19,758
Damon reposted it.
384
00:14:19,827 --> 00:14:20,862
No!
385
00:14:22,310 --> 00:14:23,551
Oh, shit!
386
00:14:26,034 --> 00:14:28,827
[Wally panting]You want a chip?
387
00:14:28,896 --> 00:14:31,620
You know I'm allergic
to sour cream, Janeane!
388
00:14:31,689 --> 00:14:32,793
I didn't know that.
389
00:14:32,862 --> 00:14:34,379
I haven't known you
for that long.
390
00:14:34,448 --> 00:14:35,448
[crunching]
391
00:14:35,517 --> 00:14:38,413
♪♪
392
00:14:38,482 --> 00:14:40,241
Red leather, yellow leather.
393
00:14:40,310 --> 00:14:42,241
Red leather,
yellow leather.
394
00:14:42,310 --> 00:14:44,551
The dragon will come
when he hears the drum
395
00:14:44,620 --> 00:14:45,931
at a minute or two till two.
396
00:14:47,758 --> 00:14:49,206
Y'all ready for this?
397
00:14:51,172 --> 00:14:53,448
"Scrubr" is an app
that can change the world
398
00:14:53,517 --> 00:14:55,758
"by using micro-patterns
compiled from each
399
00:14:55,827 --> 00:14:58,068
"binary-based
representation of a pixel
400
00:14:58,137 --> 00:15:01,827
"or local binary pattern
or a patented LBP,
401
00:15:01,896 --> 00:15:04,620
"we can run the image
through our neural network
402
00:15:04,689 --> 00:15:06,827
"and this outputs a set
of measurements
403
00:15:06,896 --> 00:15:08,758
"that serve as a unique...
404
00:15:08,827 --> 00:15:10,482
"identifier.
405
00:15:10,551 --> 00:15:14,724
Send nudes?
More like unsend nudes."
406
00:15:14,793 --> 00:15:17,206
You know, I'm just gonna...
[stammering]
407
00:15:17,275 --> 00:15:21,034
I'm just gonna start over
and, um, oh! Okay.
408
00:15:21,103 --> 00:15:22,551
Leg cramp.
Leg cramp.
409
00:15:22,620 --> 00:15:24,827
[Edmund snorts]
Oh, my God, I'm burning up.
410
00:15:24,896 --> 00:15:26,103
It's like I'm on--
411
00:15:26,172 --> 00:15:27,931
It's like I'm on the beach
in Mykonos.
412
00:15:28,000 --> 00:15:29,103
Oh, my God.
413
00:15:29,172 --> 00:15:31,000
You're sweating
very profusely right now.
414
00:15:31,068 --> 00:15:32,172
[sniffs]
Do you smell that?
415
00:15:32,241 --> 00:15:33,482
It smells like turmeric.
416
00:15:33,551 --> 00:15:35,482
[whispers]
What is wrong with him?
417
00:15:35,551 --> 00:15:36,896
I don't know.
418
00:15:36,965 --> 00:15:39,448
Okay.
[inhales, then exhales][flatulence]
419
00:15:39,517 --> 00:15:40,655
Oh...
[sniffs]
420
00:15:40,724 --> 00:15:42,000
Mm...Mm...
421
00:15:42,068 --> 00:15:43,827
I'll leave you with this.
422
00:15:43,896 --> 00:15:46,172
We're all born
the same way--
423
00:15:46,241 --> 00:15:48,034
naked and screaming.
Thank you so much.
424
00:15:49,655 --> 00:15:51,517
[whispering indistinctly]
425
00:15:51,586 --> 00:15:53,137
That's good, right?
Had a good flow.
426
00:15:53,206 --> 00:15:54,793
Had a good... structure.
427
00:15:54,862 --> 00:15:57,482
Yeah. Yeah.
428
00:15:57,551 --> 00:15:58,517
No notes?
429
00:15:58,586 --> 00:16:00,482
I'm good.Mm...
430
00:16:00,551 --> 00:16:02,172
Good.
431
00:16:02,241 --> 00:16:03,724
[fighting retching]
432
00:16:03,793 --> 00:16:05,000
Oh...Oh...
433
00:16:06,965 --> 00:16:09,517
Oh, Nora,
you need to help him.
434
00:16:09,586 --> 00:16:11,068
He's gonna fail.
435
00:16:11,137 --> 00:16:13,344
I know.
Um, did you wanna go
436
00:16:13,413 --> 00:16:15,931
get your PediEgg refill
tomorrow, like in the morning?
437
00:16:16,000 --> 00:16:18,482
Oh, no, we gotta take
care of him first.
438
00:16:18,551 --> 00:16:19,620
He needs help.
439
00:16:19,689 --> 00:16:21,172
I don't care.
I don't wanna help him.
440
00:16:21,241 --> 00:16:22,862
If this was your idea,
441
00:16:22,931 --> 00:16:25,310
then you should pitch it
with him.
442
00:16:26,482 --> 00:16:29,413
Fine.Okay, that's my good girl.
443
00:16:29,482 --> 00:16:31,172
Oh, shit, he's coming back.
444
00:16:31,241 --> 00:16:32,931
Can I do it one more time?No!
445
00:16:33,000 --> 00:16:35,379
♪♪
446
00:16:36,517 --> 00:16:38,413
[phone vibrating]
447
00:16:44,896 --> 00:16:46,137
Oh, no.
448
00:16:54,103 --> 00:16:56,034
[Edmund sighs]
I just wanna get
this over with.
449
00:16:56,103 --> 00:16:57,241
I'm shaking like a leaf.
450
00:16:57,310 --> 00:16:58,793
You'll be fine.
451
00:16:58,862 --> 00:17:00,551
Just pretend
you're naked.
452
00:17:00,620 --> 00:17:02,172
Stare-- stare
into their eyes.
453
00:17:02,241 --> 00:17:03,551
I'm pitching
in a conference room,
454
00:17:03,620 --> 00:17:04,862
not a sauna.
455
00:17:04,931 --> 00:17:06,586
You know what,
this is gonna be a disaster
456
00:17:06,655 --> 00:17:08,758
and I-- I should go,
I should go, I'm gonna go.
457
00:17:08,827 --> 00:17:10,896
No, no, look.
I know you're nervous.
458
00:17:10,965 --> 00:17:12,310
Okay? So am I.
459
00:17:12,379 --> 00:17:14,137
But now's the time
to see who has a heart.
460
00:17:14,206 --> 00:17:15,965
Now's the time to prove
to yourself
461
00:17:16,034 --> 00:17:17,655
and everybody else
462
00:17:17,724 --> 00:17:19,620
that even though
you're locked up,
463
00:17:19,689 --> 00:17:21,000
you're somebody.
464
00:17:21,068 --> 00:17:22,275
All right?
465
00:17:22,344 --> 00:17:23,931
That you can do
something special
466
00:17:24,000 --> 00:17:25,655
that no one else
in the world can do.
467
00:17:25,724 --> 00:17:27,793
You get to walk through
those doors,
468
00:17:27,862 --> 00:17:30,344
hold your head up high,
469
00:17:30,413 --> 00:17:32,827
and call yourself
a Mustang!
470
00:17:34,379 --> 00:17:37,896
Is that The Rock's speech
from "Gridiron Gang"?
471
00:17:37,965 --> 00:17:40,482
Go with it.
You'll be all right.
472
00:17:40,551 --> 00:17:42,689
Are you ready to go up
in there and blow them away?
473
00:17:42,758 --> 00:17:44,068
Yeah.Are you ready to scrub
474
00:17:44,137 --> 00:17:45,655
my dad's side dick
off the Internet?
475
00:17:45,724 --> 00:17:46,862
Hell yeah!
476
00:17:48,827 --> 00:17:51,103
[stomach gurgling]
477
00:17:55,655 --> 00:17:56,931
[flatulence]
478
00:17:58,379 --> 00:18:00,103
All right, I know what
you guys are thinking.
479
00:18:00,172 --> 00:18:03,965
Look, look at this poor,
very depressing soul
480
00:18:04,034 --> 00:18:07,000
just standing there
frozen in fear
481
00:18:07,068 --> 00:18:08,620
because his jealous ex
just posted
482
00:18:08,689 --> 00:18:10,551
a picture of him
on all fours
483
00:18:10,620 --> 00:18:12,793
dressed as
"The Legend of Zorro."
484
00:18:12,862 --> 00:18:13,965
[chiming]
485
00:18:15,241 --> 00:18:17,517
Yeah, devastating.
486
00:18:17,586 --> 00:18:19,034
And tell me this,
how many of you guys
487
00:18:19,103 --> 00:18:20,275
have photos like this
up on the Internet?
488
00:18:22,758 --> 00:18:24,620
Really?
Cocky bunch.
489
00:18:24,689 --> 00:18:27,000
Yeah, okay.
That's cool.
490
00:18:27,068 --> 00:18:29,206
Because I googled every
single one of you guys
491
00:18:29,275 --> 00:18:32,241
and found a trove
of horrible,
492
00:18:32,310 --> 00:18:34,103
uncompromising,
embarrassing photos.
493
00:18:34,172 --> 00:18:37,172
Tom, 2004 Halloween,
494
00:18:37,241 --> 00:18:39,517
dressed as a slutty
Pocahontas.
495
00:18:39,586 --> 00:18:42,068
Cultural insensitivity
mixed with misogyny.
496
00:18:42,137 --> 00:18:43,275
That's a double yikes.
497
00:18:43,344 --> 00:18:44,655
How would you like
to get this photo
498
00:18:44,724 --> 00:18:45,689
off the Internet forever?
499
00:18:45,758 --> 00:18:48,827
Yeah, please.
500
00:18:48,896 --> 00:18:50,344
That's why, luckily,
Edmund and I
501
00:18:50,413 --> 00:18:53,551
came up with
an app we call...
502
00:18:53,620 --> 00:18:55,482
♪♪
503
00:18:55,551 --> 00:18:57,068
...Scrubr.
504
00:18:57,137 --> 00:18:58,931
With a push of a button,
505
00:18:59,000 --> 00:19:00,689
our Scrubr app
can delete
506
00:19:00,758 --> 00:19:03,034
any unwanted photo ever
507
00:19:03,103 --> 00:19:06,206
off the Internet
for all eternities.
508
00:19:06,275 --> 00:19:09,448
We use an image similarity
algorithm to remove
509
00:19:09,517 --> 00:19:11,413
all your bad photos
from the Internet.
510
00:19:11,482 --> 00:19:13,965
Every bunghole,
every one-night stand,
511
00:19:14,034 --> 00:19:16,137
every mistake that's
ever gone public
512
00:19:16,206 --> 00:19:18,517
so that never again
will you google yourself
513
00:19:18,586 --> 00:19:20,551
and have your drunken
college mugshot
514
00:19:20,620 --> 00:19:22,517
staring back at you.
515
00:19:22,586 --> 00:19:24,827
Thank you so much!
516
00:19:28,551 --> 00:19:30,000
Wow.
517
00:19:31,413 --> 00:19:33,896
Well, uh, we love it.
518
00:19:33,965 --> 00:19:35,551
Let's talk about
upping your valuation
519
00:19:35,620 --> 00:19:37,068
for the next round
of funding.
520
00:19:37,137 --> 00:19:38,310
So there'll be a next round.
521
00:19:38,379 --> 00:19:39,724
[man]
Oh, hell yeah.
522
00:19:39,793 --> 00:19:41,827
We're very glad that
we invested in you, Edmund.
523
00:19:41,896 --> 00:19:44,862
Thank you, Tom,
and Maxwell, Amalin,
524
00:19:44,931 --> 00:19:49,793
Riford,
and I wanna say Bryson?
525
00:19:49,862 --> 00:19:51,448
Jason.Jason.
526
00:19:51,517 --> 00:19:52,931
Got one syllable.
527
00:19:53,000 --> 00:19:55,172
Well, to be honest,
528
00:19:55,241 --> 00:19:56,517
this didn't really
come together
529
00:19:56,586 --> 00:19:58,448
until Nora got on board.Oh!
530
00:19:58,517 --> 00:20:00,241
That's beau--
That's so beautiful.
531
00:20:00,310 --> 00:20:02,103
It's been a contentious
working relationship.
532
00:20:02,172 --> 00:20:03,275
She's...A bit contentious.
533
00:20:03,344 --> 00:20:05,896
Speaking of, can I--
Is this up for...?
534
00:20:07,275 --> 00:20:08,310
Uh-huh.
535
00:20:08,379 --> 00:20:10,068
Bye, everyone.
536
00:20:10,137 --> 00:20:11,310
[Nora]
Love you.
537
00:20:11,379 --> 00:20:12,689
That's gonna feed her
for a month.
538
00:20:12,758 --> 00:20:16,827
[laughter]
539
00:20:16,896 --> 00:20:19,034
Nora, these dumplings
are actually really good.
540
00:20:19,103 --> 00:20:21,206
Yeah, a lot better
than your public speaking.
541
00:20:21,275 --> 00:20:24,379
[laughter]
542
00:20:24,448 --> 00:20:25,896
Yo, yo, yo!
543
00:20:27,068 --> 00:20:28,482
Oh, dumplings.
544
00:20:35,620 --> 00:20:38,034
You're all thinking
about my dick now, aren't you?
545
00:20:38,103 --> 00:20:39,965
No!Get over it.
546
00:20:41,931 --> 00:20:43,172
It's a dick.
547
00:20:46,758 --> 00:20:48,482
Anyway, do you like
the dumplings, Grandma?
548
00:20:48,551 --> 00:20:51,034
Oh, yes,
they're very tasty.
549
00:20:51,103 --> 00:20:52,724
I'm so proud of you.
550
00:20:52,793 --> 00:20:55,000
Oh, my two dumplings!
551
00:20:56,758 --> 00:20:58,172
[whispering]
Just blink if
you love me more.
552
00:20:58,241 --> 00:20:59,655
It's okay.
He's not looking.I'm right here.
553
00:20:59,724 --> 00:21:02,379
Oh, no,
I can't do that.
554
00:21:06,034 --> 00:21:07,482
♪♪[bell dings]
555
00:21:11,275 --> 00:21:14,172
♪♪
556
00:21:36,275 --> 00:21:38,137
[man]
Who the [bleep] is Awkwafina?
38255
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof