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1
00:00:02,180 --> 00:00:07,285
Dear Starla,
how are things in solitary?
2
00:00:08,547 --> 00:00:12,384
Is it true that they throw you
in the hole naked?
3
00:00:14,113 --> 00:00:18,084
Anxiously awaiting your reply, Bud.
4
00:00:18,847 --> 00:00:22,150
Daddy, I love Lonnie.
And I'll die if I can't have him.
5
00:00:22,313 --> 00:00:25,883
Suit yourself.
A funeral's cheaper than a wedding.
6
00:00:26,047 --> 00:00:29,684
Dad, don't worry. Kelly can't wait
for Lonnie to get out of prison.
7
00:00:29,847 --> 00:00:33,317
I mean, she cheats on a guy
if he takes too long in the bathroom.
8
00:00:34,547 --> 00:00:35,548
Good point, son.
9
00:00:35,714 --> 00:00:39,017
Besides, he's a vicious criminal.
They probably locked him up for life.
10
00:00:39,180 --> 00:00:41,282
They turned me loose.
11
00:00:41,447 --> 00:00:44,617
They said the prison
was too overcrowded.
12
00:00:44,780 --> 00:00:48,484
God forbid prisoners don't
have enough legroom.
13
00:00:48,647 --> 00:00:52,017
Oh, look how much he loves her.
14
00:00:52,180 --> 00:00:53,715
The man just got out of prison.
15
00:00:53,880 --> 00:00:56,683
He'd be happy kissing anything
without stubble.
16
00:00:56,847 --> 00:01:00,951
Sir, I have come to ask
for your daughter's hand.
17
00:01:01,113 --> 00:01:02,414
Is that all?
18
00:01:02,580 --> 00:01:06,884
Yeah, why stop there?
No one else does.
19
00:01:07,047 --> 00:01:11,752
Sir, I may not be the smartest man
in the world or the most successful...
20
00:01:11,914 --> 00:01:15,217
...but I love your daughter
and I would give my life for her.
21
00:01:15,380 --> 00:01:16,414
Deal.
22
00:01:16,580 --> 00:01:19,883
Dad, what are you doing?
Get your hands--!
23
00:01:21,780 --> 00:01:23,582
He tried to strangle me.
24
00:01:23,747 --> 00:01:27,351
Well, that's just how
we show affection.
25
00:01:33,280 --> 00:01:34,281
Hey, Mom.
26
00:01:34,647 --> 00:01:36,949
Do you see that shade of blue
that Dad's turning?
27
00:01:37,113 --> 00:01:40,516
Don't you think that would be a good
color for the bridesmaids' dresses?
28
00:01:41,146 --> 00:01:44,383
Actually, I was thinking
a little more purple-y.
29
00:01:45,080 --> 00:01:47,115
There, that's it.
30
00:01:50,146 --> 00:01:52,782
Oh, speaking of the wedding,
I almost forgot.
31
00:01:52,947 --> 00:01:56,651
Kelly, this is for you.
32
00:01:59,480 --> 00:02:02,984
That is the biggest cubic zirconia
I've ever seen.
33
00:02:03,146 --> 00:02:06,216
Genuine cubic zirconia? Oh, Lonnie.
34
00:02:06,380 --> 00:02:08,382
Oh, my God.
35
00:02:13,046 --> 00:02:16,016
You stole my daughter
an engagement ring...
36
00:02:16,180 --> 00:02:18,949
...and it's not even a real diamond?
37
00:02:21,146 --> 00:02:22,548
Sir, I love Kelly very much...
38
00:02:22,714 --> 00:02:26,084
...and I promise you, she'll be
very happy as Mrs. Lonnie Tot.
39
00:02:29,347 --> 00:02:32,817
Wait a second.
Did you say your name was Tot?
40
00:02:32,981 --> 00:02:35,083
I don't know. Did I?
41
00:02:36,313 --> 00:02:40,284
Tot, as in the Tots,
owner of Tot Industries...
42
00:02:40,447 --> 00:02:43,783
...maker of Weenie Tots,
nature's most perfect food?
43
00:02:45,113 --> 00:02:46,381
Yeah, that's us.
44
00:02:46,547 --> 00:02:51,385
Al, Al. This ring is real.
45
00:02:51,914 --> 00:02:54,850
-Son!
-Dad!
46
00:03:32,313 --> 00:03:35,984
Or perhaps you would prefer
our platinum elite account?
47
00:03:36,146 --> 00:03:38,983
Now, that requires
$100,000 minimum balance...
48
00:03:39,146 --> 00:03:43,584
...but you get free checks
and a SaladShooter.
49
00:03:44,380 --> 00:03:47,350
-I love you.
-I love you.
50
00:03:47,513 --> 00:03:51,384
-I love you.
-I love you.
51
00:03:52,647 --> 00:03:54,382
I love you both.
52
00:03:55,347 --> 00:03:58,950
Kelly. Kelly.
53
00:03:59,113 --> 00:04:00,982
Kelly.
54
00:04:02,780 --> 00:04:03,915
Hey, isn't that Big Bird?
55
00:04:04,080 --> 00:04:05,715
-Where?
-Where?
56
00:04:06,313 --> 00:04:07,881
You missed him.
57
00:04:08,046 --> 00:04:10,949
Now, Kelly, honey,
on this very special occasion...
58
00:04:11,113 --> 00:04:15,884
...I want you to wear the dress that
I wore on the happiest day of my life.
59
00:04:16,046 --> 00:04:19,083
Unfortunately,
the football team kept it.
60
00:04:19,747 --> 00:04:23,884
But I do have my wedding dress.
61
00:04:24,046 --> 00:04:27,383
And it is very nice too.
62
00:04:27,547 --> 00:04:29,482
Gee, Mom, it's....
63
00:04:29,980 --> 00:04:30,981
What is it?
64
00:04:31,146 --> 00:04:35,918
Genuine snow leopard.
Isn't it stunning?
65
00:04:38,313 --> 00:04:41,083
Peggy, as the wedding coordinator...
66
00:04:41,247 --> 00:04:45,551
...may I suggest
something a little less whorish?
67
00:04:47,280 --> 00:04:48,348
Oh, come on, Kelly.
68
00:04:48,513 --> 00:04:50,515
We better go color
our wedding invitations.
69
00:04:50,680 --> 00:04:52,649
-Dibs on magenta!
-Dibs on magenta!
70
00:04:55,247 --> 00:04:59,017
My God.
Their children will be rutabagas.
71
00:04:59,180 --> 00:05:03,384
Yeah, it's possible.
Root vegetables run in my family.
72
00:05:03,547 --> 00:05:05,082
Now, about the wedding dinner.
73
00:05:05,247 --> 00:05:10,151
I was thinking an open bar,
hors d'oeuvres and six courses.
74
00:05:10,313 --> 00:05:15,285
Yeah, well, Al was thinking
a cash bar and a cover charge.
75
00:05:16,280 --> 00:05:19,149
Well, that's what we're planning
for his funeral.
76
00:05:26,714 --> 00:05:28,382
Thanks.
77
00:05:28,547 --> 00:05:33,385
I can't believe how cheap they are.
They got me a bowl with holes in it.
78
00:05:34,480 --> 00:05:38,117
Honey, don't be silly.
That's not a bowl.
79
00:05:38,280 --> 00:05:39,948
It's a hat.
80
00:05:41,146 --> 00:05:43,148
Oh, okay.
81
00:05:43,980 --> 00:05:47,149
Yeah! Thanks.
82
00:05:47,313 --> 00:05:50,650
Kelly,
you really shouldn't be wearing that.
83
00:05:51,146 --> 00:05:53,682
Oh, yeah, right. Bad luck, huh?
84
00:05:55,080 --> 00:05:59,017
Anyway, you know, it's so nice
of you guys to give me this shower...
85
00:05:59,180 --> 00:06:01,549
...and I wanna give something to you.
86
00:06:01,747 --> 00:06:05,751
My little black book.
87
00:06:13,547 --> 00:06:19,086
Johnny Parker, David Petrocelli,
Max Pullman.
88
00:06:19,247 --> 00:06:21,616
Hey, that name sounds familiar.
89
00:06:21,780 --> 00:06:23,649
That's your father.
90
00:06:26,647 --> 00:06:29,683
And Mr. Owens,
our chemistry teacher?
91
00:06:29,847 --> 00:06:33,150
Yeah, well, I passed, didn't I?
92
00:06:35,447 --> 00:06:39,985
I love Lonnie so much that
it's worth giving up all those guys.
93
00:06:40,347 --> 00:06:42,749
Even page 41.
94
00:06:45,280 --> 00:06:49,351
You know, honey, I never wanted
another man after I met your father.
95
00:06:49,513 --> 00:06:53,284
Every time he would look at me,
I'd get butterflies in my stomach.
96
00:06:53,447 --> 00:06:55,215
Well, does that still happen?
97
00:06:55,380 --> 00:06:59,484
Well, now it's more like a churning.
98
00:07:00,013 --> 00:07:02,382
But at least
something's going on down there.
99
00:07:02,547 --> 00:07:04,482
You guys are still in love, aren't you?
100
00:07:04,647 --> 00:07:06,115
Absolutely.
101
00:07:06,280 --> 00:07:09,984
You know, after 25 years,
we may not be as lovey-dovey...
102
00:07:10,146 --> 00:07:12,115
...but at least two times a year...
103
00:07:12,280 --> 00:07:16,751
...your father makes me feel
like a teenager all over again.
104
00:07:16,913 --> 00:07:19,449
That's because he has no money
and a bad car.
105
00:07:21,180 --> 00:07:24,316
True, but he's still
my Prince Charming.
106
00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:29,250
Behold the power of Beercules.
107
00:07:37,080 --> 00:07:40,016
Damn, you've blown
a lot of dough, Al.
108
00:07:40,180 --> 00:07:44,684
I've never seen you buy a drink,
even for yourself.
109
00:07:45,347 --> 00:07:48,350
Well, when you're part of one
of America's wealthiest families...
110
00:07:48,513 --> 00:07:50,983
...it's your responsibility
to show a little class.
111
00:07:51,146 --> 00:07:54,350
Hey, Cheez Doodles for everyone,
the puffy kind.
112
00:07:55,780 --> 00:07:57,882
No one listens, just like at home.
113
00:07:59,247 --> 00:08:01,515
Some guy must have
more money than you.
114
00:08:01,680 --> 00:08:04,883
Who'd have more money
than a Tot-in-law?
115
00:08:07,647 --> 00:08:09,916
A Tot in heat.
116
00:08:11,647 --> 00:08:14,216
Hey. What are you doing here?
117
00:08:14,380 --> 00:08:17,583
Dad, I'm here every Friday night.
I can't believe I've never seen you.
118
00:08:17,780 --> 00:08:21,117
Oh, well, Friday is full-price night.
119
00:08:22,046 --> 00:08:24,983
But I'm surprised at you,
a soon-to-be-married man.
120
00:08:25,146 --> 00:08:27,749
Well, you're here, Dad,
and you've been married, what...
121
00:08:27,913 --> 00:08:29,748
...50, 60 years?
122
00:08:30,714 --> 00:08:32,215
At least.
123
00:08:32,380 --> 00:08:34,749
Yeah, but that's my whole point.
I've earned it.
124
00:08:34,913 --> 00:08:37,148
See, your future wife
deserves more respect.
125
00:08:37,313 --> 00:08:38,581
Well, what about your wife?
126
00:08:38,747 --> 00:08:43,418
That's different. My wife is my wife,
and your wife is my daughter.
127
00:08:43,580 --> 00:08:45,315
Get out.
Don't let me catch you again.
128
00:08:45,480 --> 00:08:49,551
-But I already paid for a lap dance.
-Don't worry, I'll put it to good use.
129
00:08:56,146 --> 00:08:59,683
The sacrifices I make for this family.
130
00:09:03,480 --> 00:09:07,818
Oh, Al, we got a welcome-to-the-family
present from the Tots.
131
00:09:07,980 --> 00:09:11,483
Remind me to send them
a go-to-hell thank-you card.
132
00:09:11,780 --> 00:09:13,716
There will be no wedding, Peg.
133
00:09:13,879 --> 00:09:18,517
I saw our former future son-in-law
tonight at the nudie bar.
134
00:09:18,680 --> 00:09:20,282
He's a dog, Peg.
135
00:09:20,447 --> 00:09:24,150
Al, you go to the nudie bar all the
time and you don't cheat on me.
136
00:09:24,313 --> 00:09:27,683
That's right, because I show
the nudie bar its due respect.
137
00:09:27,846 --> 00:09:32,351
A man looks, drools, dreams,
but does not cheat.
138
00:09:32,747 --> 00:09:35,116
Technically,
they're not even married yet.
139
00:09:35,280 --> 00:09:37,916
They're engaged,
and that's the same thing.
140
00:09:38,180 --> 00:09:43,252
An engagement ring is circular.
It means "out of circulation."
141
00:09:45,113 --> 00:09:47,816
Well, it's all hooked up.
142
00:09:47,980 --> 00:09:50,549
Dad, did you see our gift
that our new in-laws sent us?
143
00:09:50,714 --> 00:09:52,949
They're not going to be our in-laws.
144
00:09:53,547 --> 00:09:55,716
You lie.
145
00:09:55,879 --> 00:09:59,516
Your father thinks
that Lonnie's cheating on Kelly.
146
00:10:00,380 --> 00:10:02,582
Mom, Dad...
147
00:10:02,747 --> 00:10:07,151
...there's a rumor floating around town
that Kelly herself is no longer a virgin.
148
00:10:07,313 --> 00:10:10,516
A rumor that's been
a-floating since '79.
149
00:10:11,380 --> 00:10:15,284
I know that Kelly has sown
a few wild oats...
150
00:10:15,447 --> 00:10:18,149
...among God knows
what other things.
151
00:10:18,313 --> 00:10:20,682
But I cannot knowingly allow
my pumpkin...
152
00:10:20,846 --> 00:10:23,282
...to marry a rogue and a scoundrel.
153
00:10:23,447 --> 00:10:29,519
He's not, Dad. He can't be.
He's a Tot. Tots are good people.
154
00:10:29,680 --> 00:10:35,319
Would bad people send us
a gift like this?
155
00:10:35,879 --> 00:10:37,114
What is it?
156
00:10:37,280 --> 00:10:40,516
It's a big-screen projector, Dad.
157
00:10:40,680 --> 00:10:46,586
Isn't that worth the small sacrifice
that we laughingly call Kelly?
158
00:10:46,747 --> 00:10:48,382
No, Bud, your dad's right.
159
00:10:48,547 --> 00:10:54,720
We can't sacrifice our only daughter's
happiness, even for a big-screen TV.
160
00:10:54,879 --> 00:10:58,350
Exactly. How big?
161
00:10:59,347 --> 00:11:01,582
It's 10 feet wide, Dad.
162
00:11:02,447 --> 00:11:04,249
Ten feet?
163
00:11:04,846 --> 00:11:07,515
And they sent over
a LaserDisc player too...
164
00:11:07,680 --> 00:11:11,150
...with a movie, Dad,
a John Wayne movie.
165
00:11:11,846 --> 00:11:13,514
The Duke?
166
00:11:14,747 --> 00:11:18,884
Well, I'm sorry. They're just
going to have to send it back.
167
00:11:20,046 --> 00:11:22,148
Let's not lose our heads here, Dad.
168
00:11:22,313 --> 00:11:24,882
Now, do you have any proof
of your accusations?
169
00:11:25,046 --> 00:11:26,781
Well, no.
170
00:11:26,946 --> 00:11:31,351
Shame, Dad. Shame, shame, shame.
171
00:11:32,080 --> 00:11:33,815
You know, Bud's right, Al.
172
00:11:33,980 --> 00:11:37,283
Well, I'm not sure.
173
00:11:38,046 --> 00:11:40,349
Let's just ask the Duke.
174
00:11:46,714 --> 00:11:48,816
My Lord in heaven.
175
00:11:48,980 --> 00:11:50,681
Oh, I've seen this one.
176
00:11:50,846 --> 00:11:55,317
This is where the Duke kills a bunch of
Indians who are really asking for it.
177
00:11:56,647 --> 00:11:58,415
Hello, family.
178
00:11:58,580 --> 00:11:59,748
Look who's here.
179
00:11:59,980 --> 00:12:03,016
Kelly, I think Dad has something
he'd like to say to you.
180
00:12:03,180 --> 00:12:06,583
-What is it, Daddy?
-Kelly....
181
00:12:11,846 --> 00:12:14,082
Kelly, go to your room.
182
00:12:14,247 --> 00:12:17,917
All of you, go to your rooms.
183
00:12:25,447 --> 00:12:27,882
Friend of the bride.
184
00:12:30,714 --> 00:12:34,351
Friend of the bride.
I think you know where to sit.
185
00:12:38,347 --> 00:12:42,251
Wedding video,
Kelly's First Marriage.
186
00:12:43,980 --> 00:12:47,450
Un film de Jefferson D'Arcy.
187
00:12:50,247 --> 00:12:53,950
Yes. Luckily, I have my bazoom lens.
188
00:13:00,313 --> 00:13:03,683
There's the villain of our little story.
189
00:13:05,980 --> 00:13:08,315
Al, I don't see
any of my relatives here.
190
00:13:08,480 --> 00:13:11,950
-Didn't you send out the invitations?
-Well, of course I did, pookie.
191
00:13:12,980 --> 00:13:16,283
Hey, hey,
what do you got there, boy?
192
00:13:18,846 --> 00:13:21,716
Al, Peggy,
I'd like you to meet the Tots.
193
00:13:21,879 --> 00:13:23,281
I've just been telling them...
194
00:13:23,447 --> 00:13:28,051
...about the wonderful investment
opportunities at Kyoto National Bank.
195
00:13:28,580 --> 00:13:33,418
There's a line to kiss their ass,
and it starts behind me.
196
00:13:33,580 --> 00:13:37,918
So while you're back there,
why don't you kiss mine too?
197
00:13:39,513 --> 00:13:41,382
Enjoy the wedding.
198
00:13:41,547 --> 00:13:44,883
-Hi. I'm Earl Tot.
-And I'm Pearl Tot.
199
00:13:45,046 --> 00:13:46,915
And I'm Al Bundy.
200
00:13:47,080 --> 00:13:49,916
-Who's this pretty little creature?
-Where?
201
00:13:51,313 --> 00:13:53,716
This creature. Well, this here's Peg.
202
00:13:54,380 --> 00:13:56,182
You have such a lovely home.
203
00:13:56,347 --> 00:13:59,383
It reminds me of when we started out.
204
00:13:59,547 --> 00:14:05,486
Earl had nothing but 2 pounds of cow
lips, a bucket of nitrates and a dream.
205
00:14:05,879 --> 00:14:10,317
You know, that's funny. Al had all that.
Except for the dream.
206
00:14:10,480 --> 00:14:12,649
And the bucket.
207
00:14:13,380 --> 00:14:17,618
Well, just being here
just brings tears to my eyes.
208
00:14:17,779 --> 00:14:20,048
Al, I told you to close your hamper.
209
00:14:21,746 --> 00:14:24,549
So, Lonnie, tell me again.
What does your sister look like?
210
00:14:24,714 --> 00:14:28,284
Well, kind of like her,
but with bigger waloobies.
211
00:14:28,913 --> 00:14:31,716
I think we may just be related twice.
212
00:14:31,879 --> 00:14:34,282
Oh, Mama, Daddy, this is Bud.
213
00:14:34,447 --> 00:14:37,984
Remember? He's the one I told you
would be perfect for Tatum.
214
00:14:39,846 --> 00:14:41,581
Here's my little sugar bear now.
215
00:14:42,980 --> 00:14:45,916
-Lonnie!
-Tatum!
216
00:14:48,879 --> 00:14:51,549
I thought you said
she had big waloobies.
217
00:14:51,713 --> 00:14:55,717
Oh, she does. In my family, waloobies
is a pet name for butt cheeks.
218
00:14:57,513 --> 00:15:02,085
You're right, Lonnie. He's a cutie-pie.
219
00:15:05,980 --> 00:15:08,849
Now, don't they make
a darling couple?
220
00:15:09,313 --> 00:15:12,850
She makes a darling couple
all by herself.
221
00:15:13,980 --> 00:15:18,317
Al, if we can get both our kids hitched,
I'd have to make you a partner.
222
00:15:18,846 --> 00:15:23,084
Attention, everyone. I would like to
announce the engagement of my son.
223
00:15:24,180 --> 00:15:26,782
Damn you, Dad.
224
00:15:29,713 --> 00:15:31,748
Come on, people.
We have a wedding to do.
225
00:15:31,913 --> 00:15:33,214
Al, go check on the bride.
226
00:15:33,380 --> 00:15:38,018
And remember, when you walk
down the aisle, try to walk upright.
227
00:15:38,180 --> 00:15:40,882
No problem.
I only double over when I see you.
228
00:15:42,046 --> 00:15:45,717
Oh, Marcy. I have more butterflies now
than I did for my own wedding.
229
00:15:46,313 --> 00:15:49,583
I would have thought you would have
been nauseous for your wedding.
230
00:15:50,046 --> 00:15:53,783
Well, I was that too.
But that was from morning sickness.
231
00:15:54,447 --> 00:15:58,184
Hey, Peg, you look great.
Can I take you out now?
232
00:15:59,180 --> 00:16:02,750
Griff, we have a wedding to go to.
233
00:16:04,146 --> 00:16:06,349
But you can call me tomorrow.
234
00:16:07,380 --> 00:16:09,749
I was talking about
taking you to your seat.
235
00:16:12,580 --> 00:16:14,115
Sure.
236
00:16:15,580 --> 00:16:19,084
Now, where is my best man
and my maid of honor?
237
00:16:19,247 --> 00:16:22,950
Oh, God! The horror! The horror!
238
00:16:23,113 --> 00:16:26,783
Come back here
and let me finish that hickey!
239
00:16:29,180 --> 00:16:32,483
She moves a lot faster
since she lost all that weight.
240
00:16:33,146 --> 00:16:35,215
Oh, here. Let me help you with that.
241
00:16:35,380 --> 00:16:38,883
Okay, that's good.
Gee, you look very handsome.
242
00:16:39,046 --> 00:16:42,550
Well, thank you, Mrs. D'Arcy.
You look handsome too.
243
00:16:43,513 --> 00:16:46,083
-Pretty.
-Well, thank you again.
244
00:16:46,247 --> 00:16:48,282
You look pretty too.
245
00:16:49,113 --> 00:16:50,181
Listen, Lonnie.
246
00:16:50,347 --> 00:16:53,683
I want you to know that I wanna be
more than just your banker.
247
00:16:53,846 --> 00:16:55,114
I wanna be your friend.
248
00:16:55,280 --> 00:16:58,750
So if you ever need or want anything,
I'm available.
249
00:16:58,913 --> 00:17:00,982
Well, that's good,
because I gotta tell you...
250
00:17:01,146 --> 00:17:05,985
...there's something about a little
bony banker that really turns me on.
251
00:17:09,380 --> 00:17:12,583
What are you, crazy?
You're about to get married.
252
00:17:13,046 --> 00:17:17,284
That'll only take about 10 minutes.
What are you doing after?
253
00:17:18,313 --> 00:17:20,315
Not you.
254
00:17:36,247 --> 00:17:39,516
Your sister looks beautiful, Bud.
255
00:17:39,679 --> 00:17:42,716
The white dress is a bit of a stretch.
256
00:17:43,513 --> 00:17:46,083
It wouldn't be on me.
257
00:17:46,247 --> 00:17:48,983
No, I think it would be.
258
00:17:56,046 --> 00:17:57,214
Dearly beloved...
259
00:17:57,380 --> 00:18:01,884
...we are gathered together to join
this man and woman in holy matrimony.
260
00:18:02,480 --> 00:18:06,584
And if anyone can show just cause
why they may not be joined together...
261
00:18:06,746 --> 00:18:09,916
...let him speak now
or forever hold his peace.
262
00:18:10,879 --> 00:18:14,116
Okay, that's it. This wedding's off.
263
00:18:14,746 --> 00:18:20,085
Well, good. I still have time to make
the Edelstein funeral.
264
00:18:20,480 --> 00:18:22,782
Daddy, you're ruining my wedding.
265
00:18:22,946 --> 00:18:26,516
He's ruining your wedding.
How dare you?
266
00:18:26,679 --> 00:18:28,781
How dare he what?
267
00:18:28,946 --> 00:18:32,984
I now have proof that
this no-good idiot jailbird...
268
00:18:33,146 --> 00:18:36,917
...while coming from a fine,
upstanding weenie family...
269
00:18:37,146 --> 00:18:39,182
...is a two-timing snake.
270
00:18:39,347 --> 00:18:40,414
Hear, hear.
271
00:18:40,580 --> 00:18:44,718
What are you yammering about?
Our son has done nothing wrong.
272
00:18:44,879 --> 00:18:50,452
Your boy, madam,
who I like to refer to as Dummard...
273
00:18:50,779 --> 00:18:53,282
...is still hitting on
good-looking women.
274
00:18:53,447 --> 00:18:54,548
Thanks, Al.
275
00:18:54,713 --> 00:18:57,782
And on top of all that, he just
hit on one who looks like a man.
276
00:19:00,013 --> 00:19:04,985
Is that all? Lonnie here is just--
Oh, you know. --fickle.
277
00:19:05,146 --> 00:19:07,282
Sure. Who cares?
278
00:19:07,646 --> 00:19:08,914
Well, I care.
279
00:19:09,080 --> 00:19:11,482
-You do?
-Yeah.
280
00:19:12,146 --> 00:19:16,184
Well, now that I think about it,
it kind of upset my other wives too.
281
00:19:17,280 --> 00:19:21,684
Your other wives? His other wives?
282
00:19:21,846 --> 00:19:24,916
Yeah, well, I said he was fickle.
All of us Tots are.
283
00:19:25,080 --> 00:19:27,115
I've been married five times myself.
284
00:19:27,280 --> 00:19:29,782
And I got a boyfriend.
285
00:19:33,280 --> 00:19:37,351
So that's the kind of lowlife scum
you people are.
286
00:19:37,513 --> 00:19:41,417
No respect for the torturous
sanctity of marriage.
287
00:19:41,580 --> 00:19:43,616
Well, let me tell you something.
288
00:19:43,779 --> 00:19:46,148
We Bundys may have our faults--
289
00:19:46,313 --> 00:19:48,382
-Oh, yeah.
-You said it.
290
00:19:48,547 --> 00:19:51,750
--but we believe that marriage
should be forever.
291
00:19:51,913 --> 00:19:54,349
No matter how pitiful
or disgusting it may be...
292
00:19:54,513 --> 00:19:57,883
...to wake up to the same
horrifying face each day...
293
00:19:58,046 --> 00:20:00,983
...that's what the marriage vows
are all about.
294
00:20:01,146 --> 00:20:05,618
And anyone who can't stand
the nagging, bonbon-eating heat...
295
00:20:05,779 --> 00:20:10,150
...should stay out of the
whining, sex-starved kitchen.
296
00:20:11,347 --> 00:20:13,515
You tell them, Al.
297
00:20:14,080 --> 00:20:17,516
Mom, he just called you
fat and whiny.
298
00:20:17,980 --> 00:20:21,183
Well, I just heard the part
about staying out of the kitchen.
299
00:20:22,113 --> 00:20:25,383
Lonnie, we do not have to take this.
We are Tots.
300
00:20:25,547 --> 00:20:30,218
Gee, I'm sorry, Kelly. Are you sure
you don't wanna be a Tot?
301
00:20:30,380 --> 00:20:32,682
You know,
I never thought I'd ever say this...
302
00:20:32,846 --> 00:20:35,449
...but right now,
I'd rather be a Bundy. So:
303
00:20:40,913 --> 00:20:41,947
Thanks, Dad.
304
00:20:42,480 --> 00:20:47,852
There went my last chance
at unlimited wealth. Unless....
305
00:20:49,946 --> 00:20:52,115
I just can't do it.
306
00:20:54,679 --> 00:20:56,281
Are you okay, honey?
307
00:20:56,713 --> 00:21:01,184
Yeah, I guess so.
I mean, I'm gonna miss Lonnie...
308
00:21:01,347 --> 00:21:04,483
...but at least I have something
that'll always remind me of him.
309
00:21:04,646 --> 00:21:07,682
A $10,000 wedding debt?
310
00:21:08,347 --> 00:21:11,583
No, Daddy, that's yours.
311
00:21:12,513 --> 00:21:14,549
I've got this.
312
00:21:14,713 --> 00:21:18,183
And, of course,
my loved ones to console me.
313
00:21:18,913 --> 00:21:20,314
We're here for you, Kel.
314
00:21:20,480 --> 00:21:22,515
Not you.
315
00:21:24,313 --> 00:21:25,982
Them.
25034
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