Original subtitles

Alyssa, turn down the music.

Alyssa, turn up party lights.

Wow, this looks great.

Yes, I get my water from only the finest Swedish Alps.

Wow, you're so smart.

Stop!

Never be the first one in the conversation to pay someone a

compliment.

I mean, haven't you read my book?

How to Pick Up Chicks for Chicks?

Bye, chick.

I mean, I haven't read the whole thing, but I'm eager to learn.

Well, it is a good thing that you paid for this course.

We're going to have to start at chapter one, taking stock.

In that, we will do a little role-playing exercise.

We're going to pretend that I'm at a bar, and we're going to test your pickup

skills. Okay, I think I can handle that.

Hey, how's it going?

Do you know what she's saying? Gosh, it's so loud in here.

Um, well, um...

I really love that eyeshadow.

It really distracts me from your whole face.

Um, thanks, but don't you think that's kind of rude?

Exactly. And that's my next technique.

Ignore and call her a whore.

In which I ignore you and then insult you.

That seems kind of strange.

Why would you insult me?

It's called negging.

It's when you insult someone so they feel bad about themselves so they're

easier to pick up.

Um, I just don't see how that would work.

Oh, well, it does. Everything that I do works. Which brings us to part two.

Be the alpha female.

Um, okay, what does that mean?

Well, after you insult somebody, you take on the role as the alpha.

Female. The alpha female is aggressive, assertive, and confident.

So, what do you want for breakfast in the morning?

See what I did there?

I'm already assuming that you're gonna fuck me.

And I'm irresistible to you, aren't I?

Um, I mean, not really.

Well, if that doesn't work, there is another technique that you could switch

to, which is... You gotta touch.

Okay.

In this technique, you must always be touching, always making her feel wanted,

always wanting her knowing what's coming next.

Aren't you getting into it?

No, I mean, to be honest, it kind of feels like something some skeezy perv at

a bar would do to me trying to fill me up.

Oh, that is...

Absolutely ridiculous.

My book wasn't number 127 on the bestseller list for two weeks in a row.

But if you insist, I do have one more technique.

Go big or go home.

Watch this.

What are you doing?

Okay, no, honestly, this seems like a scam to me. And honestly, some of these

techniques seem like they could be illegal.

Okay, I'm the expert here.

What do you know? You're just a naive little girl. Okay, well, I know that

being real with people is good, and, like, when I tell you I think you're

beautiful, that's real. And why not just... I mean, this is also

superficial, to be honest. I don't know how any of this could ever create a real

connection with someone.

Well, they are proven techniques, and they've been working for me, and you

don't know what you're talking about.

I mean, I think that you put out this tough exterior of yourself, but...

Underneath all this bullshit, you're actually a sweet person.

I mean, have you ever tried just being yourself?

That would never work.

I mean, how do you know if you won't try?

Wait, I thought you weren't impressed by any of my pickup techniques.

I'm not impressed by your techniques. I'm impressed by you.

See, doesn't it feel better like this?

It feels good right now.

Meow.

See, you just need to be your beautiful self and not worry so

much about all of that.

No, you're the first girl who likes me for just me and not the

pickup lines.

See who needs pick up lines with their mouth like that.

You really are so beautiful.

I like your mouth a lot better when it's on me.

It feels so good, yes.

Oh,

yes.

Oh,

yes, just like that. Oh my God, yes, just like that.

I would have done this before.

Oh,

man.

Put your fingers inside me.

Fuck yeah, it's so good

Oh, you're trying to feel so good under there.

I don't know

Can you use it?

Don't stop. You're gonna need to come. Don't fucking stop.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yes.

Fuck. Oh my god, yes. It's been a long fucking time.

It feels so good.

Sticking it nice and deep.

Fuck, yeah.

Get out all that fucking cum.

This is uncharted territory for me.

Actually, I have a confession to make.

I really did read your book, cover to cover.

And I mean, that stuff really does work. I mean, I nagged you.

I brought you down. I put you beneath me.

And in the end, I presented myself as the alpha female.

I mean, it worked. You fucked me.