All language subtitles for Some Assembly Required s03e09 My Last Dolly

Here we go.

All right, Adelaide, lift on three.

One, two, three.

Mom,

I thought you said lift on three. No, I
said Adelaide lift on three.

Fine.

This is going to be the greatest
sabotage we've ever done.

Replacing the grass couch with a cactus

couch.

You want to offer Candace a job?

She seems so... prickly.

Yeah, she's perfect for this. I'll text
her and see how fast she can get here.

I'm here, boss.

What can I do for you? Vice president?
President? Want me to be your boss?

Done! You're fired!

Candace? What are you wearing?

We don't do Cactus Fridays.

Not on Thursday.

Anyway, I'm glad to see you're here.

I want to offer you a job.

Great! Hold on.

Me as me or me as someone else?

Well, someone else does sound better,
but you as you.

Great! Hold on.

Does this job involve cleaning and or
pretending to clean when you're actually

doing something else?

No and or, huh?

It's a job in toy research and
development.

Hold on.

Does this job include medical benefits?

Yes, of course.

Then I'll take it.

Ow! Ow!

So here we go.

Here we go.

Yeah, here we go.

You got me.

I got you.

Here we go.

Hello.

Ma'am?

Can I help you?

I'm reporting for Judy for my new job.

I work here.

Wow. I wonder what that's like.

Hello, Candace. You're looking... here?

I dress to impress.

You know what?

If no one else is going to participate
in Cactus Friday, we may as well stop

doing it.

What do you want me to work on? Well, I
realize that we make tons of great toys

for kids, but toys for old people is an
untapped market.

So you want me to write up a business
plan?

No.

I want you to be part of our focus
group.

What?

You hired me because I'm... Super old,
yeah.

Wouldn't Mrs.

Bubkiss have been a better choice?

How so? We need old people.

I'm not old, but I am.

Leaving. Your choice.

Unless in your advanced and fragile
state you've signed a living will and

it's someone else's choice.

Okay, everyone.

Before we get started, I thought we
could have a snack. Who'd like a pudding

cup?

You didn't say there were pudding cups.

Maybe I could stay for a few minutes.

Because I like pudding cups, not because
I'm old.

This hard surface is going to flare up
my hemorrhoids.

Why are you packing up Bowie's stuff?

Did you get fired?

Let me help you.

We're packing up these toys for charity.

So Bowie's not fired?

We started a charity, Knick Knack
Replay.

We collect old used toys, use
knickknacks equipment to repair them,

then give them to underprivileged kids.

So Bowie's definitely not fired.

Maybe you could help out. Use your
sewing skills to fix some stuffed

animals. Like this gently used teddy
bear.

Look, I'll see if I have any old toys at
home I can donate.

But I don't have time I can spare today.

Someone in upper management wore a
striped skirt with plaid socks and I

need to make fun of them.

Just saying.

Everything goes with cactus.

Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.

Okay, we've come up with a few toy ideas
for people your age.

Just give us your honest feelings.

I often sit in my room and cry because
my grandchildren never call.

Okay, that was honest.

But maybe let's just stay focused on the
toys.

Kids love Mr. Potato Head, but who wants
to be reminded they can't eat solid

food?

That's why we came up with... Mr.

Mashed Potato Head.

He reminds me of my grandson.

I think.

It's been so long since he's visited.

This is a terrible toy.

Needs more butter.

Okay, so you guys don't like that one.

We have other ideas.

You all know the classic toy that walks
downstairs.

But what about a more relatable toy that
can't use stairs?

It's just a spring.

Spring?

That's the last time my granddaughter
called.

These people hate everything.

Not their grandchildren.

Did someone say grandchildren?

Where? Where?

Geneva, you just gave me a great idea.

I finally had an idea and I gave it
away?

What was it? Give it back!

To make a toy that old people will
really love.

A realistic grandchild doll.

Presenting... My Last Dolly.

Why would people our... their age like
this?

Because My Last Dolly does everything a
real grandchild does.

Or would do if they ever even thought
about you for a minute.

It'll stay and listen to you for hours.

Can I hear... Is there a story about how
things were better in your day?

It'll happily eat your hard candy.

Mmm! I love butterscotch. And you,
Grandma and or Grandpa.

Before long, don't forget it's not your
real grandchild.

And not just because you guys forget
everything.

Grandma people don't use that word
anymore.

It's offensive

Terrible

first I thought I was old

to go down there and confirm it for
them.

And then, despite my best effort, they
came up with a toy that's going to be a

huge seller.

My Last Dolly.

What's so great about having a kid this
tall around that talks to you and gives

you hugs?

I just don't get the appeal.

You just described me.

You're right.

I think I just came up with a scheme to
sabotage their new toy and make those

old people hate it.

I assume it involves an elaborate
costume.

Two, actually.

One for you, and one for me.

Still needs butter.

Wow, it was great of your mom to donate
these old toys of yours to our charity.

Yeah, but I was the one who told her to
go to the alley behind the liquor store

to find an empty box, and watched her
climb the rickety drop-down ladder to

our attic, and listen to her fight her
way through cobwebs, asbestos, and a

colony of bats to find a few broken toys
for your worthless charity.

You're an inspiration.

Actually, some of these toys are in
great shape.

Like this cute little sewing machine.

Mighty Bitsy Stitchy, that shouldn't be
in the box.

Your mom said these were all things you
never play with anymore.

Only because it was on a high shelf.

The Itsy Bitsy Stitchy was my favorite
toy growing up.

Word.

Ish.

I used it to make my first tuxedo, which
I ruined by getting strained peas all

over. I was such a baby.

Well, I'm sure the kid who gets it will
love it just as much as you.

Well, not quite as much as you. A
normal, healthy amount.

You're not giving that away!

It's mine!

Actually, it used to be yours. Now it's
gonna go to a needy kid.

I'm needy! I need that back!

Sorry, Aster. Neck Neck Replay gives
toys to the poor. You're not poor.

His ability to jump is poor.

There's an empty chair today.

Given their ages, I'm expecting two more
empty chairs by lunch.

Candace isn't here.

This is Bubkiss. Do you know where
Candace is?

Oh, uh, bring

her pudding cups.

Okay, well, we're gonna do our focus
group without her.

Okay.

Everyone, today we're gonna talk about
what additional features you'd like my

last dolly to have.

What is it, Mrs. Bubkus? Hey, is
everything okay?

Really?

It doesn't look... broken.

Everyone stand back.

I'm an expert on head injuries because
I've had so many.

Like that time I... And there was that
other time I...

I think once I... We'll just go get some
ice.

Why, did you hit your head on something?

I found a hard candy in my pocketbook.

There you go, darling.

I hate hard candy. And you, Grandma and
or Grandpa.

It's hard to tell what you are with all
that chin hair.

How dare you speak to your elder that
way!

I ought to wash your mouth out with
soap!

Are you geezers gasping or just savoring
one of your final few breaths?

We're doing both.

I know you have memory issues, but the
freezer door always opens out.

What's going on?

Aren't you guys having fun playing with
my last dolly? No!

We've had it with your nasty toy.

But we're not finished with the focus
group.

And we can't get out of here fast
enough!

Some of these old toys people donated
are in terrible shape.

Like this hula hoop.

just get kookier and kookier.

This is not a designer outfit.

This is just an old barrel and
suspenders.

I got rid of my designer barrel and
suspenders.

Along with the rest of my clothes.

What are you talking about?

I donated every outfit I own to charity.

I don't have any fancy clothes anymore,
so you can give me my itsy bitsy stitchy

now!

Just because you don't have any nice
clothes doesn't mean you're poor.

It's true. Bowie doesn't have any nice
clothes, and he's not poor.

I see why you enjoy that.

Just give me the sewing machine!

Sorry, you're not poor.

You have a good job. You work here.

Fine! I quit! Now give me!

I'm sorry, sir. I'm not sure how you got
in here, but this is a restricted area.

Employees only.

We're gonna have to ask you to leave.

I'm not leaving without my toy!

Then we'll just have to kick you out.

Well, as far as toys for the elderly go,
we need to go back to the drawing board.

We showed them the drawing board.

They hated that idea, too.

Hey, kids.

So sorry I couldn't make it to the focus
group earlier.

That's okay.

Mrs. Bubkiss said you were homesick. Oh,
I wasn't homesick. I was homesick, so I

went home. Then I didn't miss home
anymore, so here I am.

Anyway, how did it go with that
wonderful toy, My Last Dolly? Oh, great.

Terribly. Oh, yeah.

Terribly.

Oh, what a shame.

No one liked your obnoxious little doll.
Speaking of which, where is your

obnoxious little doll?

Well, since we abandoned the project, I
gave the prototype to one of the focus

group members.

Apparently, she collects dolls.

There you go.

You're gonna love the view from your new
home.

It's five o'clock.

Time for my sponge bath.

You gave her to that old woman?

You've got to get her back!

The doll?

Who cares about that thing?

I do!

I signed something saying I would.

At least until she turns 18.

What are you talking about?

I adopted a daughter. I didn't tell you
because I mostly use her for sabotage

and to drive in the carpool lane.

Wait, did you disguise your daughter as
my last dolly? Yes, and I have to go

save her, and it's rush hour, and
without the carpool lane, it's gonna

take forever!

Don't worry.

We'll come and help you get her back
from the nursing home. The woman lives

in a nursing home?

Those places don't let you in unless
you're on the visitors list.

At least, that's how it worked when I
put my mother in one ten years ago.

I wonder how she's been doing.

Okay, so we're not on the list.

We'll just have to look like we belong
there by dressing like a nurse, a

wheelchair, and an old lady.

Not old.

Now let's get going.

Oh.

Now let's get going.

There. Fix this boomerang.

Hello? Okay. I have no clothes, no job,
and I've been kicked out of the

building. I'm poor.

Now can I have my toy?

Where are you calling us from?

I'm at home.

So you have a home?

How un-unfortunate for you.

See? It worked. No one gave you a second
look. Especially none of the old lonely

widowers.

Perfect. She's asleep.

Who has heard of the War of 1812?

There's Adelaide.

Which one is she?

It's locked.

So we'll have to break the glass.

Stand back, Adelaide.

Whichever one you are.

Stop. That'll wake the old lady up.

You're already up.

The key is in the lock.

At your age, you really need to start
wearing your glasses.

Adelaide, are you okay?

No, what took you so long?

We got here as fast as we could. We used
the carpool lane and a handicap parking

spot.

You're the old hag from the focus group.

Apparently she doesn't like to be called
old.

Just go with hag.

Get your wrinkled hands off my guy!

Hey, one of those dollies is her
daughter.

Stay out of this wheelchair.

Ow! Ow!

Ow! Ow!

Ow!

That's right.

It's a hula...

sleeping in the courtyard?

Because I'm homeless now. I have no
home, no job, and no clothes.

That's my outfit.

Where'd you get it?

From a charity.

But you're not poor.

Some charities just don't stick to their
mission.

Okay, look at me. I must qualify for
your toy charity now.

Okay, okay.

Here you go.

That's right.

It's a boom...

in perfect shape.

Ow! Ow! Stop it!

Lady, I'm not a doll.

I'm her daughter.

I know. I figured that out a while ago.

But this is the most fun I've had in
years!

Me too!

Me too.

I think we found our toy for seniors.

A walking cane!

I don't know if I'm still part of that
focus group, but I have some thoughts on

that idea.

Ooh!

Ooh!

the toy that's become all the rage. It's
Springy, it's Springy, the toy for those

in old age, for geezers and for old
maids.

Springy from Knickknack, sold wherever
you buy hemorrhoid pillows.

I'm P Everett Knickknack. The P stands
for...