All language subtitles for Playboy Video Magazine Volume 5 (1984)

For your home-viewing pleasure, join us
for a loving look at 30th anniversary

playmate, Penny Baker.

Then, a mansion memory, the Village
People, in a lively performance of Are

You Ready for the 80s?

I wasn't one of those cute little girls
that every little boy wanted to carry

the books for. In an exclusive Playboy
interview, sex symbol Morgan Fairchild

reveals her innermost thoughts.

I didn't want to be Grace Kelly. I
wanted to be Sophia Moran. I wanted to

be sultry and dark.

Next, a portrait of a man and his work.

Playboy photographer Richard Fegley.

Then we go behind the scenes with the
creators of an irreverently funny parody

of Playboy magazine.

It was the best-defined, most
institutionalized magazine in America.

And for us to be able to sink our teeth
into such a juicy project was to us

nirvana.

In Playboy's own version of Candid
Camera, you'll see some pranks you

wouldn't see anywhere else.

Smile, you're on candid camera.

Use the word fuck in three different
sentences with three different meanings

for me, please. Okay. I got fucked.

Okay. What the fuck's going on?

This is fucking crazy.

And finally, we journey back into the
Old West for a tall tale of a young

cowboy's first taste of love.

Let's begin with the Playmate calendar
for 1984.

Since 1958, Playboy has published
calendars featuring Playmates.

This form of pin-up art has remained
popular throughout the years, and early

Playmate calendars are now collector's
items.

Playboy continues this tradition with
its 1984 calendar, bringing to

bookstores pictures of girls that you
see not only in the pages of Playboy

magazine, but also on Playboy Video.

It took James Joyce seven years of
constant research and diligent editing

to create the classic novel of the
modern era, Ulysses.

Uh, cut.

Mr. W., let's just take a little sip
this time. Very well, very well. All

right, take two.

It took John Milton 12 tortuous years to
complete Paradise Lost, a

rambling poetic discourse on original
sin.

Written ironically by a blind old man
who took it up the ass. Cut!

Please, can we stick to the examples
that we agreed upon? Yes, very well.

It took Robespierre 17 years to conquer
the provinces of France and behead a

large portion of the aristocracy, itself
the bloodiest carnage to hit Europe

since the atrocities of the Inquisition.

Now there is this atrocity. Cut!

Sir, we really need your cooperation
here.

Young man, just roll your camera and
watch an altar work.

Here we go.

The truly great works of art take no
time at all.

Citizen Kane was slapped together in a
week by the war of the worlds on a

toilet seat.

What really takes time is driving a
flourishing career straight into the

ground, taking flaming genius and...

sticking him with this time store swill.
Cut!

That's all for today.

No, no, wait. I'll get the file, too.
No, no.

I'll tell you.

Is he okay?

What'd he say? Did you hear what he
said?

He started to ask for a rosé, but he
changed it to bud or something.

A Portrait of a Playboy Photographer
Richard Fegley

Basically, I think you could say I'm an
outdoor person.

I'd like to shoot outdoors, best of all.

And when I mean outdoors, I mean really
getting away from it all.

Down at the beach or up in the
mountains.

There's a question that a lot of people
ask. Are you a people photographer or

are you a place photographer?

The other category of photographer is
shooting people in places.

That's the best combination.

Just let's just take this light here.
Just bring it in from around from the

back a little bit more I think part of
photography that I really care about is

lighting. I love lighting I'm
experimenting with the light constantly

always trying to come up with another
way to see pictures During any shooting

I work with many different kinds of
cameras and Basically after we get our

lighting said I like to start shooting
with a 35 millimeter

And I've been using my same Nikons for
about the last 10 years.

And it works well for me.

Basically, I have three lenses I use in
the studio most of the time, which is a

50mm, an 85mm, and a 105mm.

Outdoors, I may go into some longer
lenses.

Ten years ago, Mary Jo and I were
married.

Probably the most stabilizing thing I
could have done is to have this

relationship with my wife.

A lot of people find it very unusual
that I have a wife who can put up with

me working with nude women all the time.
His job at Playboy has never bothered

me. I like him so much that it doesn't
really matter to me whether he's a

banker or owns a little grocery store in
the corner.

The man, as I relate to him, that I
really enjoy.

Take a ride around the park.

Take a carriage ride.

I suppose the image that people have of
a Playboy photographer is that they are

lecherous and always out chasing girls,
where I found that this is not the case.

That they are very interested in their
home life, very devoted to their family,

and they are not what people think that
they are.

Richard does travel quite a bit,
extensively.

I'm a flight attendant, so it does allow
me the privilege of traveling with

Richard quite a bit.

And it's always fun to meet him in some
exotic place.

When

shooting

the centerfolds, or the gatefold as we
call it here we use an 8x10 camera which

is a very large stationary camera and
because of that there's absolutely no

maneuverability with the camera so we
have to already have our pose pre

-planned which is part of the 35
millimeter test shooting because with

the 8x10 you don't move at all but the
reason for using a camera like that is

it gives you this incredible quality

The bigger the film, the better
sharpness you're going to get when it's

blown up to the centerfold size.

That's good.

Okay, right now. Shoot it.

I think in the 10 years I've been at
Playboy, I may have shot about 25

centerfolds.

One of the reasons is that I do so many
other types of photography at Playboy.

The most I've ever done is five in one
year.

In fact, I think that's the most
anybody's ever done in five in one year.

But the average is, for any
photographer, is three or four.

Whatever you do, Shannon, don't move
forward or backward. The focus is

extremely critical here.

A few years ago, I had a great
opportunity to do an assignment for

Playboy where in the book division, the
editor in charge asked me if I'd like to

do a book.

And it was quite an honor because at
that time, no Playboy photographer had

ever done his own book.

So we talked about it and came up with a
concept which...

It was perfect for the way I like to
work, and it was shooting 12 women all

over the world, each one in a different
exotic location, and put it together and

called it Dreams.

Working at Playboys has really been a
great experience as far as seeing the

world. I think that probably having that
much opportunity to travel makes

this job really special.

I love it. I wouldn't want to work
anywhere else.

There was a young man of Madras.

whose balls were constructed of brass.

When jangled together, they played
stormy weather, and lightning shot out

of his ass.

So right now I want us all together just
to say the word fuck three times. Here

we go. Fuck. Fuck.

When it's least expected, you're
elected, you're the star today.

Smile, you're on Candid Camera.

Presenting the Playboy Candid Camera.

Hello everybody, I'm Alan Funt. Welcome
to a Candid Camera show that's a little

different than anything you've ever seen
on commercial TV.

I enjoy doing this show because it's...

Not double meaning, and it's not
suggestive. We don't try to be coy.

We call this show the Candid Candid
Camera because it's like the other

Candid Camera shows, only a little more
so.

For example, if you come along with us
now, we're going to take you to a

horseback riding stable where a young
lady is going to be taught some of the

fundamentals of riding.

Her teachers are going to be some
cowboys who volunteered to get her

started. And here comes the young lady
now.

Now, what are you going to do?

Well, everybody said I should ride
bareback. They said that was the best

way to do it.

Well, what do you want to learn about
bareback riding?

What should I know about it? How to get
on in the first place.

Okay. So it's okay if I ride bareback,
though? Sure. I don't care how you ride.

Good.

Well, we're going to teach you how to
get on.

Okay.

They said this is the way to ride it.

Get up there once and let's find out.

What are

you

doing? Is it safe for her to be on the
horse with a bare ass that way?

That's as safe as it is with her pants
on.

Only thing, tomorrow or next day, she's
going to have it. But she thinks that

this is bareback.

Isn't it? Let her try it once.

Put your foot up here and go on. This
man really knows.

She's really going to ride bareback.

When a horse is well behaved, the rider
often gives it a pat on the neck.

But here's a time when the rider gets a
pat, and really not on the neck.

Okay, thank you.

Is there some value in riding without
your britches?

Well, all I know is the Indians did it
that way.

Without their britches?

Yeah. I thought they took the saddle off
the horse.

Well, that's bareback riding. Call it
bareback riding. What do you call the

other? Well, I don't know. Skin riding,
I suppose.

This is what they mean by bareback.

I've seen all... kinds of people ride
bareback but with their pants on.

Say that again?

They were doing it wrong.

I'd like to ask you, is there such a
thing as a dirty word, or does it all

depend on who says it and where?

If James Joyce in one of his famous
novels uses a four-letter word, does

that make it any cleaner than the same
word used by a carpenter when he bangs

his thumb with a hammer?

Well, you're about to hear some words
that you'll rarely hear on television.

So I warn you, if you're sensitive about
this, watch out.

But on the other hand, maybe it's good
if you learn to use any word in the

right place and time without fear or
fuss.

In any case, come on, join this class,
which is about to begin. The subject is

linguaphobia. Good afternoon.

We are here this afternoon to discuss
the implementation of a new course that

will be offered at our local community
college.

This course will be a branch of our
English department, and it will be

called Linguaphobia.

Linguaphobia specifically deals with the
fear of words.

We will be talking about words that have
a shock value or a fear value in our

culture. For example, the word fuck.

Now the word fuck a lot of times when
you see it on the movie screen will

immediately create a real aversion in
some people. So right now I want us all

together just to say the word fuck three
times. Here we go.

Fuck, fuck,

fuck.

Let's turn now to the word that has a
great deal of shock value, cocksucker.

And the word cocksucker, I want each one
of you to use it in a sentence. It can

be a long one or a short one, unless you
start with you, ma'am. You haven't given

me a sentence yet.

You're a real cocksucker.

You're a cocksucker.

You used it in the homosexual
connotation. Now use it in a connotation

referring to something that a female
would do. Could you give me a sentence

along that line?

Are you a good cocksucker?

just asking a lady a question I don't do
that

I'm sorry I

couldn't hear you very well what did you
say I said I call my husband that every

time we have a fight okay ma'am can you
give me a word that perhaps your son or

daughter or you know what you would have
as a connotation of a dirty word

I don't know what the word cunt means.

I don't know.

Nobody's ever said that word to me. I
never heard it up until now.

Seriously. Never? Never heard it up
until now.

Cunt.

What does it mean?

What's that over there?

Well, it's time for you to meet the lady
who's going to do the paperwork.

This is strange for a conference room,
you know?

There's a pretty strange subject for a
candid camera, too.

Yeah, it's a little more risque.

Say it.

Say it any time.

It doesn't bother me anymore. Five years
ago, I wouldn't have said it. You can

say it right now.

Say it. Fuck you.

This is fucking crazy.

Our tale of the Old West, The Raffle.

The winning of the West has created many
legends, like the James Brothers and Bat

Masterson. Others were about
lesser-known people involved in intimate

incidents.

These stories were kept alive by the old
campfire storytellers.

The tale the old man is telling concerns
a youth of 18 who lost his virginity to

the most beautiful woman in the world.
It happened a while back in the mining

town of Corner Creek, Nevada.

This town has seen better days, although
there's the usual saloon, general store,

blacksmith shop.

What the town has never had is a
beautiful woman until now.

Entertainer Lily Lamour, the most
beautiful woman of pleasure, is due to

stop in Corner Creek for one night on
her way to San Francisco.

Every man and boy in town would pay any
price to spend this one unforgettable

night with Luscious Lily, but her price
for a night of pleasure, $1,000, is

beyond their means.

The blacksmith of the town thinks of a
plan.

To hold a raffle at $1 a chance.

The drawing consists of 1,000 chances.

The lucky winner gets the $1,000 pot and
the opportunity to spend the night with

the goddess of love, Lily Lamour.

Jeremy, the shy blacksmith's helper, is
the only male in town who didn't even

buy one chance.

The blacksmith has collected only $999.

There is one chance still for sale.

A smithy offers it to Jeremy.

Jeremy says he can't afford it. A dollar
is a week's pay.

Lily is planning a quiet evening alone.

She can't wait to relax in her tub.

No one in Coroner Creek can afford her.

Jeremy blurts out that he has come to
spend the night with her.

Doesn't he know her price for an evening
of pleasure is $1,000?

There's the money. Does she want to
count it?

Lily is touched by the shy young man.

Lily, with all her experience, realizes
that this is Jeremy's first time with a

woman. It's been a while since she's
been with a boy.

Jeremy feels his heart pounding,
grateful that the soapy water covers his

excitement.

The men have never heard a story like
this. It sure warms a feller up on a

cold night.

Hold on a minute. The story isn't
finished.

When Jeremy knocked on Lily's door, he
was a scared kid.

But after one night with Lily, she
taught him more about loving than most

men learn in a lifetime of living.

A boy of 18 came into this room last
night. A man of 18 is leaving it.

For him, it was an experience he will
never forget.

Lily, however, seems puzzled. How could
a blacksmith's helper afford a thousand

dollars?

Jeremy tells her about the raffle.

How most of the men in town emptied
their pockets to buy chances to win a

night with the fabulous Lily Lamour.

Jeremy was the lucky winner.

Lily is moved.

All those men gambling their life
savings for the chance of sharing her

bed.

But only Jeremy knows she is worth a
thousand dollars.

Although his dollar is a week's pay, it
is the best money he has ever spent.

This night with Lily has changed his
whole life.

He will never forget her.

She also will remember this night, and
as a token to recall their night of

love, Jeremy's dollar will be with her
for all time.

Lily will never part with it, for Jeremy
has awakened in her tender feelings.

Lily wants Jeremy to have a keepsake
from her.

She gives him a silk garter.

as a remembrance of their night
together.

The storyteller has finished his tale of
Jeremy and Lily.

The cowboys do not believe a word of it.
They've heard some tall tales in their

time, but this is the tallest yet.

Does he think they're fools?

Why, no one in their right mind would
believe that wild yarn.

Coming soon, the sprawling saga so vast
it sweeps the others aside.

Their passions are destroying their own.
This is Empire.

The Waringthins, the wealthiest family
in America.

Carter Waringthin, billionaire
industrialist trapped by his own

boundless ambition.

Of course I want the business to grow,
but there's nothing left we don't own.

Jennifer Waringthin, the woman who knew
him better than she knew him herself.

But darling, you don't own the rest of
the world, do you?

Holstead brought me the papers this
morning.

It's just not fun anymore.

The Waring Thins. Together they control
78% of the corporate wealth of America.

And it's not enough.

Eric, goalless, frustrated, and
self-destructive.

I'm leaving you because I love you,
Eric.

But I can offer you everything.

And Amy, who loved him too much to marry
him. But if you give me everything,

you'll still have everything plus me.

And you'll only become more goldless,
frustrated, self-destructive.

Without me, you don't have everything.

And that's why this is our last time
together.

God, I'm hot. Me too.

Julie, caught between hating her love
for the man she dared not want and her

love for the hatred for her want of the
need of his love, and Father Dan, the

brilliant young doctor, torn between his
love for Julie and the knowledge that he

is both her psychiatrist, her priest,
and her brother.

What's wrong, Dan?

Brother? Father?

It's nothing, Julie.

Sis, my child, it's nothing at all.

Brett, insecure child brought up in an
exclusive boarding school, now a twisted

man bent on revenge against the father
he could only see by appointment.

And Alexandra, the only thing she hated
more than Carter and Jennifer and Eric

and Amy and Julie and Dan and Brent was
herself.

Wearing thin international, oil,
aerospace, banking, shipping,

agriculture, drugs, prostitution, cancer
research, disaster aid, armaments and

leisure suits.

Find out who shot everybody on the
special six-hour premiere of Empire.

Playboy has been parodied since the
first decade of its existence, by

universities from Harvard to Berkeley,
by respected humor magazines such as

England's Punch, and Playboy has even
parodied itself.

1983 has brought a double assault, with
Playboar, featuring former Playboy cover

girl, Barbie Benton. And now, Playboy
the parody.

Playboy on the Scene went to New York
City to meet the creative team that put

together Playboy the parody.

Its staffers come from National Lampoon
and Saturday Night Live. Their previous

efforts produced best-selling parodies
like Off the Wall Street Journal and Not

the New York Times.

We asked publishers Jerry Taylor and
Edward Shane why they decided to parody

Playboy. To us, Playboy was the ultimate
book. It was the best-defined, most

institutionalized magazine in America.
It had the best graphics. It had the

best writing. Everybody knew it.
Everybody knew what it was, what it

stood for. And for us to be able to sink
our teeth into such a juicy project was,

to us, nirvana.

So then you have to find interesting
ways of presenting the sexual aspects of

it.

So we thought of, and then Playboy is a
lifestyle magazine as well. Well, you

put those two things together, say
lifestyle, well, that includes cars and

gourmet and hi-fi and wines and things
like that. And we started discussing

that. We thought, why don't we do
Tasting the Great Wives of California?

And it was like a freakout, because you
have three wives, and they're spread

open, and they're waiting to be tasted.
Now the panel gets down, or goes down,

as the case may be, to the job.

And these wives are from the Ingle
Nookie, a quinyard, and they are never

opened until the age of scent.

It was wonderful.

We wanted to have something that you
could play with the magazine with. I

mean, you know, create your own, like a
busy box.

That's how we developed Make Your Own
Playmate. If you want a girl who's

blonde with a black muff or a girl who
has dark hair with a blonde muff or a

redhead, then we have one with kind of
sort of regular tits and one a little

better and one a little more. So we
thought, give them a chance to do their

own number.

Deciding on the centerfold probably gave
us the most problem.

We had 112 candidates on the list, and
we had some pretty wild candidates. I

mean, you know, you have to say all of
these things in order to get them out

first. Indira Gandhi, nah, it's not sexy
enough.

Then you were Margaret Thatcher. Then we
said, well, how about Jamie Farr?

You know, he always dresses as a woman
and will put his head on a woman's body.

Now, Hefner, wow, yeah, let's do Hefner.
Who cares?

You know, so there's a naked guy, even
if Hef said he wanted to do it.

And finally, we wanted to pick the woman
who more people would like to get

a Playboy centerfold look at. The ideal
girl next door.

Whenever we have parodied anything,
we've had to mimic exactly the feel, the

style, the look, the cost of the book.
Now, you could do a cheap version. And

what you have is a cheap version. But
Playboy doesn't do a cheap version.

So in order to look like Playboy, you've
got to spend the money.

At this point, I would say that we feel
that this is the parody to end all

parodies. Our biggest problem right now
is we have no idea what to do next.

Playboy may be the capper on the bottle.

Playboy interviewer Larry Grobel talks
to Hollywood femme fatale Morgan

Fairchild.

Morgan Fairchild was born Patsy McLennie
in Texas 33 years ago.

A shy, introverted child, her mother
started her acting in community

theaters. At 14, she was runner-up in
the Miss Teenage Dallas contest.

At 23, after the breakup of her six-year
marriage, she officially changed her

name. She became a model, went to
Hollywood, and landed a role in the

daytime soap Search for Tomorrow.

A bitch was born.

She followed that with Flamingo Road,
which brought her national fame.

When that program was canceled, she made
a movie about voyeurism and obsession

called The Seduction, which she now
regrets doing.

I was not happy artistically with how it
turned out, so I don't want to do

exploitation things.

I want to do something good.

After appearing in a Broadway play,
she's now putting together another TV

series, looking for other movie scripts,
and trying to find the right man.

How many times have you been told that a
good bitch is hard to find? Oh 500.

Because I'm always pleading to play
something else, and they're always

saying, yeah, but we can get an ingenue
anywhere.

But it's very difficult. I finally
started seeing what they meant, because

it is very difficult to find someone in
my age range who looks like me, who not

only can walk and chew gum at the same
time, but can actually come in and take

over a scene, which is what you always
have to leave up to the bad character,

frequently runs the scene and is the
keynote to the energy and the focus of

the scene.

And if you don't have somebody giving
you momentum from that, particular side

the scene won't go anywhere um so i i
take it as a compliment that they keep

casting me that way in a way the only
thing is i don't i don't want to do that

forever i mean i want a chance to do
some other things too now you and and

jane fonda both have framed pictures of
marilyn monroe in your homes or offices

i always want to ask you what does
marilyn symbolize to you marilyn

symbolized for me i think what she
symbolized for probably jane and for for

a lot of people of our generation was um
an incredible vulnerability

that got lacerated by human nature

and

Being an extremely vulnerable person
myself, which is another thing that most

people don't realize because of some of
the bitch characters that I play, is

that actually the bitch character is
sort of the antithesis of what I'm

really like in person and that I am
still that shy kid and very vulnerable

and very easily hurt and trying to
survive in this world and in this

town.

uh with all of the things that people do
to each other all the time when i was a

teenager i never thought i'd survive to
being 21 just from the pressure of i

couldn't believe the way people did
things to each other how uncaring they

were and i've sort of kept that over the
years that's another thing i never

wanted hollywood to

to blunt for me was that same feeling of
of caring for another human being no

matter who they are which is what you
see a lot in this town is everybody

cares a lot if you're famous but uh
superficially but um one of

the guys i was going out with for a
while commented one time because we'd

been at a a big dinner, and he was
saying on the way home, he says, you

know, the funny thing is you talk to the
waiters the same way you talk to Herb

Ross, you know? It's like you treat
everybody the same, and I do. I mean, I

just believe in treating everybody as
people, as what you'd want to.

Now, when you were a kid, did you dream
of growing up to be like Marilyn Monroe,

or was that a fantasy? Oh, I always
wanted to be gorgeous and sexy.

I can remember in the first grade
daydreaming about coming back to my

first grade class in a silver sequined
gown and all beautiful and grown up and

sexy and everything.

But I never thought it would ever
happen.

I mean, in the 50s, you either were
going to be very pretty or you were

going to be very smart and develop a
personality.

And I always figured I'd better develop
smarts and a personality because there

was no way the other was going to
happen.

So it sort of caught me off guard when I
got to be a teenager and suddenly people

started thinking I was attractive
because they never had before.

I wasn't one of those cute little girls
that every little boy wanted to carry

the books for.

So it caught me off guard when suddenly
people, you know, you'd walk into a room

and people are staring at you and it
scared me at first because I didn't know

why.

Is your IQ really over 140? Is that part
of your PR?

It's not something I try to push, no,
but it is actually, yes.

I haven't had my IQ tested since I was
11.

I mean, if you're really interested, it
was 127 when I was 6 and 147 when I was

11. I haven't had it tested since then.
Well, that happened in the years 6 to

11. Yeah, but I mean...

A lot of people, it upsets me sometimes
when people do sort of talk down to you

because you're blonde and you're an
actress and all of that kind of stuff,

and then don't take into consideration
that I'm quite capable of abstract

thought. You don't have to talk down to
me. I may not have a degree in physics

or something, but if you can explain
certain things like that in layman's

terms, I can usually pretty well follow
it.

Speaking of being blonde, the silly
question. What?

Do blondes have more fun? Definitely.

I always wanted to be Sophia Loren when
I was growing up.

I did everything different from what
they say to do when you're a little kid

in Texas and you're growing up. And I
didn't want to be blonde. And my mother

would say, oh, but you're going to look
like Grace Kelly.

And I didn't want to be Grace Kelly. I
wanted to be Sophia Loren. I wanted to

be sultry and dark and this mad,
passionate kind of thing.

And I never resigned myself to being the
sort of bland blonde that I thought I

was going to be.

stuck being. That's another thing of
when I decided I was going to make my

life an adventure.

I was going to be a blonde Sophia Loren.

I was going to take all the stuff that I
like, the sultriness and the warmth and

the fire and all that kind of stuff, and
I was just going to be a blonde version

of that. I mean, there's not much I can
do about being blonde, but I just never

wanted to be sort of one of those washed
out little southern women that age

gracefully behind their husbands having
nice cocktail parties for the company,

you know?

Are you a monogamous person?

Yeah. Are you in a relationship at the
moment?

I'm in transit at the moment.

When I am in love, it's very easy for me
to be monogamous. If I'm totally

committed now, it's hell getting that
commitment out of me. But once you've

got a commitment, then you've really got
something.

It's just I've been burned enough times,
and I am...

leery enough of things that I don't just
commit right off the bat. I'm not one of

those people who goes out and two dates
later, you know, hey, we both like the

color blue, why don't we move in
together?

I mean, I'm not that kind of person.

Have you lived with anyone since your
marriage? No.

Were you very in love when you married?

Well, yes, I think everybody's always in
love when they get married, or at least

they think they are. How bitter were you
when the marriage broke up? You married

for, I think, six years.

Were you very bitter?

i was devastated whose decision was it
to leave mine

it was my decision to file uh mainly
because uh

emotionally he had already left he
didn't want a divorce i think he kept

saying he didn't but um but i couldn't
live the way things were with us so i'm

the one who filed

Was it a case of infidelity that you
were dealing with? It was a case of

everything.

What are your greatest fears?

I don't know at the moment. I can't
really

think of a big fear of mine.

I'm a pretty fearless person. Sometimes
too much so, people tell me.

Basically, fear is a no.

You know, fear is a no that you put in
your way, just like somebody telling you

you're not going to get a part or you
can't do drama or you're not funny or

all the other things that people can
tell you that if you listen to them, you

might as well stop right there.

And fear is one of those things, too.
Fear will stop you cold if you let it

get hold of you.

Now, your ex-husband used to say that
you were like a little bird beating its

wings against a brick wall you were
never going to get over.

Where did you hear that?

That's part of the research.

Is that true? That's true.

He was always encouraging.

Yeah, no, that's true. And where are you
now?

I think I'm sort of... halfway up the
wall and perched gasping for breath at

the moment and how hard are you flapping
i'm just sort of i'm just sort of

treading water at the moment trying to
get my bearings as to what i want to do

next and i'm just i'm in a real
transition period of my life and my

career and everything of where i've had
a large measure of media attention i've

had a large measure of fame and and not
a large measure of

of response to go with it to whatever
talent i might possess and and a lot of

people trying to capitalize on what i
look like and and i'm tired of having

that capitalized on i don't i mean i
would like to do fun parts where

maybe i would look totally different or
where it would be a good part where i

could look like what i look like but not
to just have exploitation

uh kinds of things offered to me so i'm
just sort of i've just sort of pulled

back to to let some of the furor die
down and and let people

get a new perspective and let me get a
new perspective and see what happens

Hi, Leon here with an exciting new offer
from the insurance company of Leon.

Today, we pay the police to protect us.

Sometimes we pay the police to protect
us from them.

If you get mugged, you never see your
stuff and they never find a dude.

Now, if a member mugger approach you in
the park or the alley, he don't rip you

off. He don't mush you up. He simply...

Validate the sticker of Leon, which you
display on your hat or your coat.

However, after 20 validations, you got
to turn in your stuff to me, Leon.

But Leon, you may ask, what about a
non-member mugger?

Here's the really exciting part.

The police, they never find the dude
that ripped you off.

But at the insurance company of Leon, we
know where the dude live.

And for $9.95, we bring the dude to your
house, let you beat the living shit out

of him. Sound good?

God bless you, Leon.

Ain't nothing, baby.

So right today, the insurance company of
Leon, a division of Leon International,

a wholly owned subsidiary of me, Leon.

There was a young lady named Gloria who
was had by Sir Gerald de Moria, and then

by six men, Sir Gerald again, and the
band at the Waldorf Astoria.

Boy's 30th anniversary playmate, Penny
Baker.

Century City, Los Angeles.

The Great Hunt is on.

7,000 girls from New York to Hawaii are
screened and tested by Playboy

photographers in the search for that one
special anniversary girl.

The process of narrowing down the
entries begins.

while the search goes on.

At the end, Hugh Hefner and the
editorial staff gathered at Playboy

Mansion West to select the winner.

Well, I think all things considered.

Each one of the girls has a version.

Yeah, I find myself with mixed emotions.
Yeah, it's not easy.

I would be happy if you said any one,
and I'm unhappy if you said any one. No,

I'm true, and I really like them all.
And I do, too. I think the penny would

be the... Buffalo, New York. Never had
it so good.

It'd be good. Good on promotions. Good.

In the magazine.

Living Buffalo.

And the story would be much better.

We can have her in a slicker underneath
Niagara Falls.

I can remember how excited I was when I
found out that

I was the 30th anniversary playmate. Me,
out of 7,000 women interviewed, I just

couldn't believe it. I was so excited.

It was cold outside, but I didn't feel
it.

Like the future was in my hands, I had
it made.

I grew up on a farm in Springville, New
York. And I remember running around

without any clothes on, naked in the
field at times.

I'm going out where the lights don't
shine so bright.

I'm going out where the lights don't
shine so bright.

When I get back, you can treat me like a
Saturday night.

I would describe myself as a sensitive
person down to earth as much as

possible. And I think that I really know
what I want in life.

I have found that love isn't the easiest
thing to find, and I'm not in a hurry to

get involved in a serious relationship
because I want to find a good one, and

I'm willing to wait for it to happen.

I like real athletic type men.

I love their muscles.

Also, I love a man who can look real
good in a suit, someone who's

sophisticated.

Besides looking good in a suit, a man
should look real good, comfortable in

his jeans, out on the farm, bailing the
hay, just like me.

During the summertime, I like to walk
through the woods.

It's so peaceful and calm out there that
you never had any problems.

And if you did have a problem, they went
away so easily because you could be by

yourself and work them out.

I'm going out where the lights don't
shine so bright

When I get back you can treat

me like a Saturday night

A few years ago, my ambitions were to be
a professional model in fashion

magazines.

But now I realize that there's a lot
more to an ambition.

Right now, I would love to be a
successful woman, whether it be a

computer scientist, an architect, a
housewife with a few kids on a ranch

somewhere.

Wherever my life takes me, as long as
I'm happy, that's what I'd like to do.

I seem to think that my mother is very
excited about me becoming a playmate.

She's happy because she knows how
important it is for me to get out there

and accomplish something.

My parents were always supportive of me
while I was growing up.

My mother was always around.

She would take me into Buffalo on
modeling jobs when I only got paid $20

for a day in the gas mileage. Getting
there would be ten times more almost.

And she was very helpful to me as I was
growing up.

It's such a big contrast between the
city and the country.

It's really nice to be able to enjoy the
best of both.

New York is a wonderful place to me.
There's no place I would rather be in

the whole entire world.

I'm turned on by New York because of its
massive energy.

Because everyone in that city is trying
to get somewhere. They're striving for

some sort of accomplishment.

I know I'm another one of those people,
and I'm trying just as hard.

Just think to yourself, wow, I'm here.

and I'm part of this big world.

I love all the people in the city just
as much as I did on the farm, but the

energy in the city is almost insane.

Every street in New York is totally
different from the others.

I love the people. I love their variety.

On the weekends, I can escape everything
by going to Central Park,

riding on the carriages, or see
Rockefeller Center,

grab an Italian ice.

There's just so much variety that
there's something to do wherever you go.

I think being a playmate is going to
open a lot of doors for me in New York.

Anyone will want to work with me now, or
a lot more people will.

Also, I can get a lot more notoriety.

I can get a boyfriend if I want a
boyfriend.

The hardest part of starting to model in
New York is to develop a portfolio.

It took a lot of work up early in the
morning and no partying at night because

you had to look good the next day.

That was the hardest part.

But I would say I did pretty well.

Sometimes when I'm alone in New York, I
like to envision a faraway place where

it's peaceful and serene, unlike the
common hustle and bustle that I'm seeing

every day.

It's a place of peace and serenity.

It's a comfortable feeling that I can
only have with myself, and I enjoy it.

It's unlike anything in New York.

I'm really happy with my life right now.

I always seem to fall into the right
situations.

I guess that's why they call me Lucky
Penny.