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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,590 --> 00:00:06,600 [Laughter] 2 00:00:04,319 --> 00:00:09,200 That's when Okay. 3 00:00:06,600 --> 00:00:12,160 Um, well, I was thinking the interview 4 00:00:09,200 --> 00:00:14,480 could be set up in a public space. Um, 5 00:00:12,160 --> 00:00:16,560 what do you have in mind? Well, the idea 6 00:00:14,480 --> 00:00:18,800 is I'm always being stared at when I'm 7 00:00:16,560 --> 00:00:22,240 in public spaces. And basically, 8 00:00:18,800 --> 00:00:25,199 everybody see you as like a clown, some 9 00:00:22,240 --> 00:00:28,480 guy dressed in women's clothing. Mhm. 10 00:00:25,199 --> 00:00:29,610 Well, let's say I'm maybe I'm in a 11 00:00:28,480 --> 00:00:31,239 laundromat. 12 00:00:29,610 --> 00:00:34,399 [Music] 13 00:00:31,239 --> 00:00:36,960 And I mean, I'm just trying to do my 14 00:00:34,399 --> 00:00:39,040 laundry, but somebody is just staring me 15 00:00:36,960 --> 00:00:41,719 down. And you can feel the eyes burning 16 00:00:39,040 --> 00:00:44,640 into you from 17 00:00:41,719 --> 00:00:46,480 behind. And you know, part of me always 18 00:00:44,640 --> 00:00:50,920 fantasized about just staring back and 19 00:00:46,480 --> 00:00:53,199 going like, I see you staring at 20 00:00:50,920 --> 00:00:55,039 me. I wonder if you would still stare at 21 00:00:53,199 --> 00:00:57,520 me if you knew my whole story like from 22 00:00:55,039 --> 00:00:59,600 the beginning. Actually, I think that 23 00:00:57,520 --> 00:01:03,680 could be the beginning of the movie. 24 00:00:59,600 --> 00:01:03,680 Yeah. All right, let's 25 00:01:14,520 --> 00:01:21,660 begin. I used to live in a small fishing 26 00:01:17,200 --> 00:01:25,280 town called Prospect in Nova Scotia. 27 00:01:21,660 --> 00:01:26,720 [Music] 28 00:01:25,280 --> 00:01:30,960 Don't get me wrong, it's a beautiful 29 00:01:26,720 --> 00:01:30,960 place, but it's really 30 00:01:32,970 --> 00:01:39,000 [Music] 31 00:01:34,520 --> 00:01:42,820 boring. Growing up there as a 32 00:01:39,000 --> 00:01:46,000 kid. There's just nothing to 33 00:01:42,820 --> 00:01:46,000 [Music] 34 00:01:46,200 --> 00:01:53,680 do. But it was warm and comfortable and 35 00:01:51,119 --> 00:01:53,680 simple. 36 00:02:01,870 --> 00:02:08,479 [Music] 37 00:02:04,960 --> 00:02:08,479 Well, back then I was just one of the 38 00:02:09,319 --> 00:02:18,599 boys. But it seemed like already people 39 00:02:12,640 --> 00:02:18,599 could tell that I was a bit different. 40 00:02:19,840 --> 00:02:24,959 I remember at the time I was completely 41 00:02:22,319 --> 00:02:27,959 oblivious to all of society's 42 00:02:24,959 --> 00:02:30,400 expectations of me being a boy and all 43 00:02:27,959 --> 00:02:32,480 that. I just didn't think about it at 44 00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:34,959 all. I I just looked and acted the way 45 00:02:32,480 --> 00:02:36,480 that felt normal to me. One memory that 46 00:02:34,959 --> 00:02:38,879 really sticks out to me from my 47 00:02:36,480 --> 00:02:42,280 childhood. I was dancing in the living 48 00:02:38,879 --> 00:02:45,640 room to music videos with my 49 00:02:42,280 --> 00:02:48,239 sisters and we were all dancing pretty 50 00:02:45,640 --> 00:02:49,760 femininely and my dad walked in and he 51 00:02:48,239 --> 00:02:52,200 was like, "No, no, no, no, Coop, you 52 00:02:49,760 --> 00:02:55,360 don't do that part. You do the guy's 53 00:02:52,200 --> 00:02:56,920 part." The guy's part in this music 54 00:02:55,360 --> 00:02:59,000 video was 55 00:02:56,920 --> 00:03:01,120 just 56 00:02:59,000 --> 00:03:03,530 standing. That didn't look like much fun 57 00:03:01,120 --> 00:03:19,319 to me. I'd rather shake it all 58 00:03:03,530 --> 00:03:22,319 [Music] 59 00:03:19,319 --> 00:03:25,319 around. When puberty hit, everything 60 00:03:22,319 --> 00:03:25,319 changed. 61 00:03:37,360 --> 00:03:42,799 If I were to explain 62 00:03:40,200 --> 00:03:44,840 dysphoria, I would probably say that it 63 00:03:42,799 --> 00:03:47,159 feels 64 00:03:44,840 --> 00:03:51,959 like you are 65 00:03:47,159 --> 00:03:57,480 trapped inside an outer 66 00:03:51,959 --> 00:03:57,480 crust and it's just weighing you down. 67 00:04:06,080 --> 00:04:13,070 There was this deep feeling inside me of 68 00:04:09,000 --> 00:04:16,259 dread, like something bad was going to 69 00:04:13,070 --> 00:04:16,259 [Music] 70 00:04:20,199 --> 00:04:26,440 happen. Somehow I felt that the more 71 00:04:22,639 --> 00:04:26,440 masculine I became, 72 00:04:26,639 --> 00:04:30,560 the more panicked I 73 00:04:32,280 --> 00:04:37,919 felt. And I was secretly fantasizing 74 00:04:34,880 --> 00:04:40,919 about having boobs, too. So, that was 75 00:04:37,919 --> 00:04:40,919 confusing. 76 00:04:53,840 --> 00:05:01,000 Once I realized that what I was going to 77 00:04:57,600 --> 00:05:03,120 was somehow linked to my body and my 78 00:05:01,000 --> 00:05:07,560 appearance, I figured that I should 79 00:05:03,120 --> 00:05:07,560 start doing research online. 80 00:05:10,720 --> 00:05:15,120 And at first, I kind of just thought I 81 00:05:13,199 --> 00:05:17,199 must have some sort of genetic disease 82 00:05:15,120 --> 00:05:19,600 or disorder that was making me feel this 83 00:05:17,199 --> 00:05:22,639 way because I knew that it was unusual 84 00:05:19,600 --> 00:05:25,479 to feel so distant from your own body, 85 00:05:22,639 --> 00:05:28,720 so at odds with your own physical 86 00:05:25,479 --> 00:05:32,800 form. I began to realize I was looking 87 00:05:28,720 --> 00:05:37,120 for a particular type of human, just a 88 00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:39,440 girl with a penis. Can that exist? It 89 00:05:37,120 --> 00:05:42,080 turns out it can in a genetic context, 90 00:05:39,440 --> 00:05:43,919 but it can also exist completely outside 91 00:05:42,080 --> 00:05:47,160 of that context. I mean, you're looking 92 00:05:43,919 --> 00:05:47,160 at it 93 00:06:12,400 --> 00:06:15,160 I remember when I first started 94 00:06:13,840 --> 00:06:17,199 accepting my own 95 00:06:15,160 --> 00:06:19,199 femininity. It was going against 96 00:06:17,199 --> 00:06:22,199 everything I had learned up until that 97 00:06:19,199 --> 00:06:22,199 point. 98 00:06:29,919 --> 00:06:36,319 I guess I knew that I was a woman 99 00:06:32,880 --> 00:06:40,240 because when I thought those words, it 100 00:06:36,319 --> 00:06:43,759 felt more right than anything else I'd 101 00:06:40,240 --> 00:06:43,759 ever said to myself in my own 102 00:06:46,360 --> 00:06:54,080 head. Everything started to make sense. 103 00:06:50,319 --> 00:06:56,840 I liked being referred to as a woman. 104 00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:59,360 I liked to engage in feminine 105 00:06:56,840 --> 00:07:01,440 activities. And I realized that this 106 00:06:59,360 --> 00:07:04,319 whole time I had been prevented from 107 00:07:01,440 --> 00:07:04,319 accessing these 108 00:07:07,800 --> 00:07:12,639 things. Which makes me wonder how 109 00:07:10,880 --> 00:07:14,960 different would my life have been if I 110 00:07:12,639 --> 00:07:17,759 was allowed to access femininity from a 111 00:07:14,960 --> 00:07:20,800 young age. I don't know if I would have 112 00:07:17,759 --> 00:07:24,160 changed myself in any way. I don't think 113 00:07:20,800 --> 00:07:24,160 I would have needed to. 114 00:07:28,800 --> 00:07:32,960 My dad was mostly just concerned about 115 00:07:30,720 --> 00:07:32,960 my 116 00:07:40,759 --> 00:07:50,280 safety. Every day I'm afraid that 117 00:07:44,800 --> 00:07:50,280 somebody is going to attack and kill me. 118 00:07:50,560 --> 00:07:56,800 But I don't want that to happen. Not 119 00:07:54,639 --> 00:08:00,759 because I don't want to die, but because 120 00:07:56,800 --> 00:08:00,759 I don't want them to win. 121 00:08:08,479 --> 00:08:15,800 Despite all of the threats and violence 122 00:08:12,520 --> 00:08:19,680 and general stigma 123 00:08:15,800 --> 00:08:21,840 surrounding transness in our society, I 124 00:08:19,680 --> 00:08:24,400 still knew that this was the right way 125 00:08:21,840 --> 00:08:26,160 to go. This was my path. It was as 126 00:08:24,400 --> 00:08:27,560 though I had no choice at all. And even 127 00:08:26,160 --> 00:08:29,840 though I knew it was going to be 128 00:08:27,560 --> 00:08:35,080 difficult, nothing would have been more 129 00:08:29,840 --> 00:08:35,080 difficult than not transitioning. 130 00:08:41,200 --> 00:08:46,560 In Nova Scotia, the health system is 131 00:08:44,080 --> 00:08:46,560 super 132 00:08:49,480 --> 00:08:53,440 old-fashioned. First step, a social 133 00:08:51,839 --> 00:08:57,399 worker has to validate if you feel 134 00:08:53,440 --> 00:08:57,399 enough gender dysphoria. 135 00:08:59,600 --> 00:09:03,760 Second step, the results of your test 136 00:09:01,600 --> 00:09:05,680 are sent to an endocrinologist, which is 137 00:09:03,760 --> 00:09:07,880 basically the most overqualified human I 138 00:09:05,680 --> 00:09:11,200 could possibly be talking 139 00:09:07,880 --> 00:09:15,399 to. The waiting list in Nova Scotia was 140 00:09:11,200 --> 00:09:17,600 so long, it was driving me 141 00:09:15,399 --> 00:09:19,120 insane. I figured by the time they 142 00:09:17,600 --> 00:09:20,920 actually gave me the call and said, 143 00:09:19,120 --> 00:09:24,399 "Okay, come on. Get your 144 00:09:20,920 --> 00:09:26,380 hormones." By that point, I would be 145 00:09:24,399 --> 00:09:29,529 gone. 146 00:09:26,380 --> 00:09:29,529 [Music] 147 00:09:32,000 --> 00:09:36,160 In the course of just one night, I 148 00:09:34,720 --> 00:09:38,880 decided to get the heck out of Nova 149 00:09:36,160 --> 00:09:40,030 Scotia and pack up all my things and 150 00:09:38,880 --> 00:09:43,240 move to 151 00:09:40,030 --> 00:09:43,240 [Music] 152 00:09:46,600 --> 00:09:51,279 Montreal. I knew there was no time to 153 00:09:49,040 --> 00:09:54,560 waste, so I basically sprinted to the 154 00:09:51,279 --> 00:09:56,320 nearest sexual health clinic. 155 00:09:54,560 --> 00:09:58,720 The doctor told me everything should go 156 00:09:56,320 --> 00:10:00,640 fine. I would grow boobs. I would get 157 00:09:58,720 --> 00:10:02,360 the hips and the butt. My skin would 158 00:10:00,640 --> 00:10:05,839 change. I would even smell 159 00:10:02,360 --> 00:10:08,640 different. But to my surprise, there was 160 00:10:05,839 --> 00:10:11,640 one thing that would not change. My 161 00:10:08,640 --> 00:10:11,640 voice. 162 00:10:24,240 --> 00:10:27,920 Once the pitch of your voice is lowered 163 00:10:25,920 --> 00:10:30,720 by testosterone, it can never come back 164 00:10:27,920 --> 00:10:33,519 up again. So for me, that means my voice 165 00:10:30,720 --> 00:10:36,079 could never go to a point where the 166 00:10:33,519 --> 00:10:39,519 pitch is considered more feminine. So, 167 00:10:36,079 --> 00:10:42,079 my options were either get surgery, 168 00:10:39,519 --> 00:10:47,120 which is way too invasive and way too 169 00:10:42,079 --> 00:10:49,839 expensive for me, or you can be the most 170 00:10:47,120 --> 00:10:52,720 passable and the most beautiful 171 00:10:49,839 --> 00:10:54,839 transgender girl in the whole wide 172 00:10:52,720 --> 00:10:58,160 world, but your 173 00:10:54,839 --> 00:11:00,320 voice sounds like this. You got to add 174 00:10:58,160 --> 00:11:03,440 airflow to this sound. You got to make 175 00:11:00,320 --> 00:11:04,959 it sound really breathy. Okay, so here I 176 00:11:03,440 --> 00:11:06,720 am. I'm speaking and I'm just going to 177 00:11:04,959 --> 00:11:08,320 slowly start to shift the vocal tract 178 00:11:06,720 --> 00:11:11,320 resonances and I'm going to lower the 179 00:11:08,320 --> 00:11:11,320 lyrics. 180 00:11:13,740 --> 00:11:19,760 [Music] 181 00:11:16,320 --> 00:11:22,270 Take that idea and bring the larynx 182 00:11:19,760 --> 00:11:28,579 high. 183 00:11:22,270 --> 00:11:28,579 [Music] 184 00:11:29,040 --> 00:11:31,839 Hi, my name's 185 00:11:33,959 --> 00:11:37,760 Cooper. Hi, my name's 186 00:11:39,000 --> 00:11:47,519 Cooper. Hi, my name's Cooper. Hi, my Hi, 187 00:11:44,000 --> 00:11:51,040 my name's Cooper. It Hi, my name's 188 00:11:47,519 --> 00:11:54,000 Cooper. Hi, my name's Cooper. Hi, I'm 189 00:11:51,040 --> 00:11:57,120 Cooper. It's nice to meet you. Hi, I'm 190 00:11:54,000 --> 00:11:57,120 Cooper. It's nice to meet 191 00:11:58,200 --> 00:12:06,440 you. Hi, I'm Cooper. It's nice to meet 192 00:12:01,160 --> 00:12:06,440 you. Hi, nice to meet you. I'm Cooper. 193 00:12:18,480 --> 00:12:23,200 It's easy 194 00:12:20,200 --> 00:12:23,200 to 195 00:12:23,720 --> 00:12:28,240 place the last 196 00:12:30,279 --> 00:12:34,279 ever space. 197 00:12:52,440 --> 00:13:00,360 only for the 198 00:12:55,399 --> 00:13:05,519 moment. And I just don't even know 199 00:13:00,360 --> 00:13:05,519 why I might be the last 200 00:13:06,680 --> 00:13:12,120 nonsiver as big as the night. 201 00:13:16,320 --> 00:13:22,079 And in the space of a moment, everything 202 00:13:18,639 --> 00:13:22,079 became totally clear to 203 00:13:23,000 --> 00:13:27,360 me. Everything else in my transition up 204 00:13:25,920 --> 00:13:28,920 until that point had been about 205 00:13:27,360 --> 00:13:32,079 accepting 206 00:13:28,920 --> 00:13:33,839 myself. But changing my voice was the 207 00:13:32,079 --> 00:13:36,240 opposite of that. It was paradoxical to 208 00:13:33,839 --> 00:13:38,639 the rest of my transition. 209 00:13:36,240 --> 00:13:40,160 I was changing my voice only for the 210 00:13:38,639 --> 00:13:43,240 benefit of others because it's what I 211 00:13:40,160 --> 00:13:48,519 thought I should do. Once I realized 212 00:13:43,240 --> 00:13:48,519 this, I could finally start to heal. 213 00:14:09,760 --> 00:14:13,079 I just 214 00:14:48,720 --> 00:14:53,360 Well, I hope that clears some stuff up 215 00:14:50,320 --> 00:14:56,519 for you. I really do hope you have a 216 00:14:53,360 --> 00:14:56,519 good night. 217 00:15:00,650 --> 00:15:08,690 [Music] 218 00:15:14,079 --> 00:15:19,920 Oh, what have you got there, mister? 219 00:15:17,839 --> 00:15:22,079 What is it? Give yourself another one, 220 00:15:19,920 --> 00:15:25,079 bro. 221 00:15:22,079 --> 00:15:25,079 Yay. 222 00:15:26,000 --> 00:15:35,639 from Cooper. That's great. See, there 223 00:15:28,800 --> 00:15:35,639 you go. It tastes like vanilla. Mhm. 224 00:15:37,460 --> 00:15:43,040 [Music] 225 00:15:39,839 --> 00:15:45,440 Yeah. No, I want to be Luke Skywalker. 226 00:15:43,040 --> 00:15:45,440 Luke 227 00:15:45,880 --> 00:15:51,070 Skywalker. It's Ellie Tummy. Look at his 228 00:15:48,959 --> 00:15:57,279 pretty dress. 229 00:15:51,070 --> 00:16:00,079 [Music] 230 00:15:57,279 --> 00:16:04,560 What's that? 231 00:16:00,079 --> 00:16:08,680 Can I see? Can I see in there? Hi. Say 232 00:16:04,560 --> 00:16:08,680 hi, Cooper. Hi. 233 00:16:14,160 --> 00:16:22,920 And I just don't even know why. 234 00:16:19,199 --> 00:16:26,880 I might be the last known 235 00:16:22,920 --> 00:16:29,880 survivor on an island as big as the 236 00:16:26,880 --> 00:16:29,880 night. 237 00:16:30,750 --> 00:16:35,990 [Music] 15290