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1
00:00:07,708 --> 00:00:10,618
Hi! I'm Esmeralda Grand,
2
00:00:10,619 --> 00:00:13,329
and you are watching
history being made.
3
00:00:13,330 --> 00:00:16,499
An ancient oil drum
4
00:00:16,500 --> 00:00:20,378
has been discovered
in the abyss of the lake.
5
00:00:20,379 --> 00:00:23,422
I did a solo
cocktail cruise last week
6
00:00:23,423 --> 00:00:27,051
and came across this
while magnet-fishing.
7
00:00:27,052 --> 00:00:28,553
Now, I was raised in a household
8
00:00:28,554 --> 00:00:31,222
where we learned
not to open unmarked oil drums,
9
00:00:31,223 --> 00:00:32,557
but I don't know,
10
00:00:32,558 --> 00:00:35,184
I guess Esmeralda
didn't grow up that way.
11
00:00:35,185 --> 00:00:39,021
And now, I'm about to unveil
12
00:00:39,022 --> 00:00:44,652
the wildest treasures
beyond your most local dreams.
13
00:00:44,653 --> 00:00:45,903
What's inside?
14
00:00:45,904 --> 00:00:48,614
Silver coins? Golden rubles?
15
00:00:48,615 --> 00:00:53,703
Three, two, one!
16
00:00:53,704 --> 00:00:56,455
Show me the gold!
17
00:00:56,456 --> 00:00:57,498
Oh, no.
18
00:00:57,499 --> 00:01:00,543
[both groaning]
19
00:01:00,544 --> 00:01:01,627
Ugh...
20
00:01:01,628 --> 00:01:06,716
A treasure trove
of little bones.
21
00:01:06,717 --> 00:01:08,426
Travis:
You know, it smells awful.
22
00:01:08,427 --> 00:01:09,885
Esmeralda:
Rodent ivory.
23
00:01:09,886 --> 00:01:11,470
- Ann!
- Uh, yeah?
24
00:01:11,471 --> 00:01:13,556
- Get me Legal.
- Esmeralda: Enervate.
25
00:01:13,557 --> 00:01:16,183
- The energy to innovate!
- [Travis groans]
26
00:01:16,184 --> 00:01:18,394
- And Crisis PR.
- Them too.
27
00:01:18,395 --> 00:01:21,540
{\an8}[The Scrantone's "Song
From The Ninth Floor" playing]
28
00:01:47,507 --> 00:01:50,051
{\an8}Ned: Hello, welcome back
to Dueling Pencils.
29
00:01:50,052 --> 00:01:51,927
{\an8}The only podcast
to take on the issues
30
00:01:51,928 --> 00:01:53,346
{\an8}that Toledoans care about most.
31
00:01:53,347 --> 00:01:55,139
{\an8}All right, Mare,
what are we looking at today
32
00:01:55,140 --> 00:01:56,641
{\an8}from all two sides?
33
00:01:56,642 --> 00:02:00,102
{\an8}It is a hot topic
on a cold subject.
34
00:02:00,103 --> 00:02:01,937
- Ice cream.
- Ned: Mmm!
35
00:02:01,938 --> 00:02:03,356
I've loved it since I was 5.
36
00:02:03,357 --> 00:02:05,191
What are we gonna choose?
Let's get into it.
37
00:02:05,192 --> 00:02:08,736
Oscar: They have something.
Yes, there is something there.
38
00:02:08,737 --> 00:02:10,279
It's not fully emerged.
39
00:02:10,280 --> 00:02:14,909
But, um, is it fun
to watch a baby being born?
40
00:02:14,910 --> 00:02:15,910
Not always.
41
00:02:15,911 --> 00:02:17,536
Fritzie Freeze is one note.
42
00:02:17,537 --> 00:02:19,205
I've got three words
for you, Mare.
43
00:02:19,206 --> 00:02:20,790
"Fritzie's Moose Tracks."
44
00:02:20,791 --> 00:02:22,583
- Here's two words for you.
- Uh-huh?
45
00:02:22,584 --> 00:02:24,502
- "No thanks."
- [laughs]
46
00:02:24,503 --> 00:02:27,755
Adelola: Ned is laughing a lot
during the podcast.
47
00:02:27,756 --> 00:02:30,341
It's so contagious.
48
00:02:30,342 --> 00:02:32,176
Ned: You do not understand.
You have to have a base.
49
00:02:32,177 --> 00:02:34,637
- Oh, I do not understand?
I do not understand? - No, you do.
50
00:02:34,638 --> 00:02:36,222
Hang on a second.
Dueling Pencils
51
00:02:36,223 --> 00:02:37,682
is brought to you
by Circuit City,
52
00:02:37,683 --> 00:02:40,643
where satisfaction
is still very much guaranteed.
53
00:02:40,644 --> 00:02:43,437
So Circuit City, they've been
out of business since 2009,
54
00:02:43,438 --> 00:02:45,064
but Ned and Mare's podcast,
55
00:02:45,065 --> 00:02:46,357
they don't have
any sponsors yet.
56
00:02:46,358 --> 00:02:48,442
So I figured
if I create a fake ad
57
00:02:48,443 --> 00:02:51,654
and other businesses hear it,
they might get FOMO.
58
00:02:51,655 --> 00:02:53,322
I think-- I think it's legal.
59
00:02:53,323 --> 00:02:55,825
Like, who-who cares?
It's a podcast.
60
00:02:55,826 --> 00:02:58,494
Circuit City, serving
North Towne Square since 1981.
61
00:02:58,495 --> 00:03:01,163
How do you Circuit City?
62
00:03:01,164 --> 00:03:03,541
- And now we're out of time.
- Oh!
63
00:03:03,542 --> 00:03:05,710
Thank you all so much
for listening,
64
00:03:05,711 --> 00:03:08,438
and as always,
stay sharp, pencils.
65
00:03:09,506 --> 00:03:10,548
Ned:
Beautiful.
66
00:03:10,549 --> 00:03:12,133
Man, Detrick, what a sponsor.
67
00:03:12,134 --> 00:03:14,528
Why did I think the North
Towne Square got torn down?
68
00:03:16,680 --> 00:03:19,348
Loving the podcast, Nicole.
69
00:03:19,349 --> 00:03:21,183
It's innovative. Disruptive.
70
00:03:21,184 --> 00:03:22,393
Thank you, sir.
71
00:03:22,394 --> 00:03:25,479
How does
"head of circulation" sound?
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00:03:25,480 --> 00:03:27,356
You report directly to me.
73
00:03:27,357 --> 00:03:29,984
- What about Esmeralda?
- Mm.
74
00:03:29,985 --> 00:03:34,530
Yeah. The straw that broke the
camel's back was that oil drum.
75
00:03:34,531 --> 00:03:36,198
I'm just thinking,
76
00:03:36,199 --> 00:03:41,036
it would really help me focus
on all my new responsibilities
77
00:03:41,037 --> 00:03:43,205
if I had my own office.
78
00:03:43,206 --> 00:03:44,832
Maybe Esmeralda's?
79
00:03:44,833 --> 00:03:47,251
Good for you, Nicole.
Get yours.
80
00:03:47,252 --> 00:03:48,753
[both chuckle]
81
00:03:48,754 --> 00:03:51,297
Did I say that right?
It sounded like "up yours."
82
00:03:51,298 --> 00:03:52,798
Do people still say that?
83
00:03:52,799 --> 00:03:55,885
- Ann: You're good, Marv.
- Ah. Get yours.
84
00:03:55,886 --> 00:03:57,845
[chuckles]
85
00:03:57,846 --> 00:03:59,430
This afternoon
we have that coffee
86
00:03:59,431 --> 00:04:00,556
with council member Keith.
87
00:04:00,557 --> 00:04:02,099
- You good for that?
- Yeah.
88
00:04:02,100 --> 00:04:04,769
Is it coffee or lunch,
by the way? And are we paying?
89
00:04:04,770 --> 00:04:06,979
Oh. We have to pay
'cause we invited him.
90
00:04:06,980 --> 00:04:08,397
So we wait for him to order,
91
00:04:08,398 --> 00:04:10,399
and if he gets food,
then we just have waters.
92
00:04:10,400 --> 00:04:12,067
[knocking]
93
00:04:12,068 --> 00:04:13,402
- Hey.
- Marv: Hey.
94
00:04:13,403 --> 00:04:14,904
There they are.
95
00:04:14,905 --> 00:04:16,339
Opie and Anthony.
96
00:04:17,741 --> 00:04:18,824
Sorry, who?
97
00:04:18,825 --> 00:04:20,576
- Caught your last show.
- Oh. - Oh.
98
00:04:20,577 --> 00:04:23,996
- Yeah. Best room temperature?
- I think it was ramen.
99
00:04:23,997 --> 00:04:26,373
- Good noodle content.
- Thanks, Marv.
100
00:04:26,374 --> 00:04:28,918
- You two have chemistry.
- I think so, too.
101
00:04:28,919 --> 00:04:32,546
- It's... No.
Just part of the act. - Yeah.
102
00:04:32,547 --> 00:04:34,715
It's two professionals
just being professional.
103
00:04:34,716 --> 00:04:37,760
Did you know that Hall and Oates
can't stand each other offstage?
104
00:04:37,761 --> 00:04:40,554
But you would never know it
from their killer grooves.
105
00:04:40,555 --> 00:04:43,474
[chuckling]
Well, you could've fooled me.
106
00:04:43,475 --> 00:04:46,578
In real life, I like
brunettes with big naturals.
107
00:04:47,938 --> 00:04:48,871
Me too.
108
00:04:48,872 --> 00:04:51,774
Well, you guys
have nowhere to go but up.
109
00:04:51,775 --> 00:04:52,691
Push yourselves.
110
00:04:52,692 --> 00:04:54,461
- Thanks, Marv.
- Thank you.
111
00:04:55,904 --> 00:04:59,240
How do we push ourselves?
Harder hitting topics?
112
00:04:59,241 --> 00:05:00,908
- Maybe. I don't know.
- Hm...
113
00:05:00,909 --> 00:05:03,202
I'm down for discussing
something a little edgier.
114
00:05:03,203 --> 00:05:04,703
- You are? Me too.
- Yeah.
115
00:05:04,704 --> 00:05:06,997
Hey, chief. Working on a story
if you got a minute.
116
00:05:06,998 --> 00:05:08,582
Yeah, yeah. Sure, what's up?
117
00:05:08,583 --> 00:05:10,626
This private Facebook group,
called "Is This Your Man?"
118
00:05:10,627 --> 00:05:11,961
"Is This Your Man?"
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00:05:11,962 --> 00:05:12,628
Where women post about
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00:05:12,629 --> 00:05:14,004
the shady men they've dated.
121
00:05:14,005 --> 00:05:15,631
There's a local guy,
Steven Crupo.
122
00:05:15,632 --> 00:05:17,383
He says a woman
from the Toledo page
123
00:05:17,384 --> 00:05:18,968
put him on blast for ghosting.
124
00:05:18,969 --> 00:05:20,553
And now he's a pariah.
125
00:05:20,554 --> 00:05:22,555
Ned:
They've got 20,000 members?
126
00:05:22,556 --> 00:05:25,307
And I can't see any of it.
It's all private.
127
00:05:25,308 --> 00:05:27,393
Yeah, because
it's only for women.
128
00:05:27,394 --> 00:05:28,644
And he wants to sue Facebook
129
00:05:28,645 --> 00:05:30,312
and the woman, Cynthia,
for defamation
130
00:05:30,313 --> 00:05:31,647
but nobody will take his case.
131
00:05:31,648 --> 00:05:33,148
- Because it's Facebook.
- Yep.
132
00:05:33,149 --> 00:05:35,276
Right? Facebook has
this weird legal protection
133
00:05:35,277 --> 00:05:36,861
where they're defined as
a phone company.
134
00:05:36,862 --> 00:05:39,363
If we ran rumors or gossip,
we'd get sued,
135
00:05:39,364 --> 00:05:41,240
but we have to get it right.
136
00:05:41,241 --> 00:05:43,659
- To protect the innocent.
- Women.
137
00:05:43,660 --> 00:05:45,202
- Man.
- Oh.
138
00:05:45,203 --> 00:05:47,454
Thank God someone's finally
looking out for you guys.
139
00:05:47,455 --> 00:05:49,039
No, no, in this case,
it's a man.
140
00:05:49,040 --> 00:05:52,126
But in future, it could be a
defamed lesbian, with a family.
141
00:05:52,127 --> 00:05:54,336
Defamed? Not if they're guilty.
142
00:05:54,337 --> 00:05:56,565
Why would you assume
they're guilty?
143
00:05:59,801 --> 00:06:00,634
Us--
144
00:06:00,635 --> 00:06:01,844
Right? A Pencils?
145
00:06:01,845 --> 00:06:03,679
It's spicy but not flammable.
146
00:06:03,680 --> 00:06:06,849
It is the perfect level of heat,
like black pepper.
147
00:06:06,850 --> 00:06:09,727
- Hey, I challenge you to a duel.
- You're on.
148
00:06:09,728 --> 00:06:12,104
- [Ned shouting]
- [Mare laughing]
149
00:06:12,105 --> 00:06:14,064
En garde! Whoo!
150
00:06:14,065 --> 00:06:16,066
Cool, cool.
151
00:06:16,067 --> 00:06:18,944
I just researched that for
the last few days for nothing,
152
00:06:18,945 --> 00:06:22,364
but can't wait
to hear their takes.
153
00:06:22,365 --> 00:06:23,842
Pew, pew!
154
00:06:27,996 --> 00:06:29,580
You sadistic pig!
155
00:06:29,581 --> 00:06:31,081
Love you. Love you.
156
00:06:31,082 --> 00:06:34,001
Now the jewelry,
the most important part
157
00:06:34,002 --> 00:06:35,035
on my little body.
158
00:06:35,036 --> 00:06:38,297
But you really have to put
all your back in it.
159
00:06:38,298 --> 00:06:40,567
We do Brazilian.
160
00:06:43,219 --> 00:06:45,262
Marv! One moment!
161
00:06:45,263 --> 00:06:46,889
Good Lord! Esmeralda,
162
00:06:46,890 --> 00:06:50,100
uh, when you're done in there,
uh, we gotta chat.
163
00:06:50,101 --> 00:06:51,560
This is not a demotion.
164
00:06:51,561 --> 00:06:54,271
No. Think of it
as a lateral relocation.
165
00:06:54,272 --> 00:06:57,149
With an added perk reduction.
166
00:06:57,150 --> 00:06:58,359
Why is she here?
167
00:06:58,360 --> 00:06:59,985
Moral support.
168
00:06:59,986 --> 00:07:01,671
And compliance.
169
00:07:04,157 --> 00:07:05,950
Do you wanna go?
170
00:07:05,951 --> 00:07:06,750
Ladies, please.
171
00:07:06,751 --> 00:07:08,869
Look. We can do this
the easy way
172
00:07:08,870 --> 00:07:10,537
or we can do this the hard way.
173
00:07:10,538 --> 00:07:12,414
Don't you have something
in the middle?
174
00:07:12,415 --> 00:07:14,416
- [crackling]
- Marv.
175
00:07:14,417 --> 00:07:17,628
- Why are you doing this to me?
- Barrel of monkeys.
176
00:07:17,629 --> 00:07:19,380
Well, I was surprised too.
177
00:07:19,381 --> 00:07:23,384
But I think we can be grateful
that it was not human remains.
178
00:07:23,385 --> 00:07:27,471
It was coming from the cosmetics
lab, so it's not a big deal.
179
00:07:27,472 --> 00:07:29,640
It's natural bones, you know.
180
00:07:29,641 --> 00:07:33,102
Enervate: What's in Your Barrel?
181
00:07:33,103 --> 00:07:34,728
Okay. Esmeralda, please.
182
00:07:34,729 --> 00:07:37,231
I can't lose my office,
I'm a woman.
183
00:07:37,232 --> 00:07:39,316
- I'm a woman too.
- I'm an immigrant.
184
00:07:39,317 --> 00:07:41,110
I'm third-generation,
and I'm on Lexapro.
185
00:07:41,111 --> 00:07:44,571
Once I thought I had
endometriosis,
186
00:07:44,572 --> 00:07:46,365
but then it was just
a little IBS.
187
00:07:46,366 --> 00:07:48,325
Girl, same. Same thing happened
to me, but reversed.
188
00:07:48,326 --> 00:07:50,577
Did they think you were crazy
and deny your pain?
189
00:07:50,578 --> 00:07:52,079
- Yes! Yes!
- [scoffs]
190
00:07:52,080 --> 00:07:54,331
[gasps]
Being a woman is so hard.
191
00:07:54,332 --> 00:07:55,666
Men will never understand.
192
00:07:55,667 --> 00:07:57,876
- Sisters.
- [laughs]
193
00:07:57,877 --> 00:08:00,546
- We are sisters.
- We're sisters.
194
00:08:00,547 --> 00:08:02,190
But pack up your shit,
you gotta go.
195
00:08:05,343 --> 00:08:09,346
Esmeralda: This lateral
relocation, as they call it,
196
00:08:09,347 --> 00:08:11,992
it's actually a promotion.
197
00:08:12,809 --> 00:08:14,143
Nicole is the one
198
00:08:14,144 --> 00:08:17,229
eating the stick end
of the shit.
199
00:08:17,230 --> 00:08:20,190
Look at her in my old,
tiny office.
200
00:08:20,191 --> 00:08:22,026
It's like a coffin.
201
00:08:22,027 --> 00:08:23,610
[laughs]
202
00:08:23,611 --> 00:08:27,531
I am in the space of a queen,
203
00:08:27,532 --> 00:08:31,035
out there for all to see.
204
00:08:31,036 --> 00:08:33,495
Hey, Esmeralda. Cool setup.
205
00:08:33,496 --> 00:08:34,955
Don't be jealous, Mare.
206
00:08:34,956 --> 00:08:38,375
If you work hard enough,
maybe Marv will reward you too.
207
00:08:38,376 --> 00:08:39,835
We're working pretty hard.
208
00:08:39,836 --> 00:08:41,503
We're putting out
our second Dueling Pencils
209
00:08:41,504 --> 00:08:43,106
in one day. So...
210
00:08:44,074 --> 00:08:46,759
- Hey, congrats on the promotion.
- Thank you.
211
00:08:46,760 --> 00:08:49,303
And the podcast?
Such a great idea.
212
00:08:49,304 --> 00:08:52,181
We are loving it. The fans
are loving it. Thank you.
213
00:08:52,182 --> 00:08:53,223
Fans?
214
00:08:53,224 --> 00:08:54,475
What fans?
215
00:08:54,476 --> 00:08:56,185
Mommy, daddy, and who?
216
00:08:56,186 --> 00:08:57,219
No, they have fans.
217
00:08:57,220 --> 00:09:00,105
I just made a deal
with the bookstore downtown
218
00:09:00,106 --> 00:09:02,024
to have them featured
in their window.
219
00:09:02,025 --> 00:09:04,735
And they said we can record
today's podcast there,
220
00:09:04,736 --> 00:09:06,028
live with an audience.
221
00:09:06,029 --> 00:09:06,862
[chuckles]
222
00:09:06,863 --> 00:09:09,406
Yikes. I don't know.
A live audience?
223
00:09:09,407 --> 00:09:11,408
What are you talking about?
You'd be so great.
224
00:09:11,409 --> 00:09:14,953
A-And also, the topic today
is a little spicier than usual.
225
00:09:14,954 --> 00:09:16,538
It'll really
get the crowd going.
226
00:09:16,539 --> 00:09:17,539
- Nice work, Nicole.
- Yeah.
227
00:09:17,540 --> 00:09:18,999
Sign here.
228
00:09:19,000 --> 00:09:21,126
What is this?
I didn't order anything.
229
00:09:21,127 --> 00:09:24,856
That's me. And hey, if you see
we're on calls, sign for us.
230
00:09:28,676 --> 00:09:30,987
Do you think
I'm the receptionist?
231
00:09:31,679 --> 00:09:32,906
You got the desk.
232
00:09:37,393 --> 00:09:38,661
[camera shutter clicks]
233
00:09:46,277 --> 00:09:47,253
Yeah.
234
00:09:49,489 --> 00:09:51,573
Hello.
235
00:09:51,574 --> 00:09:53,826
- I've got some, uh...
- Thank you.
236
00:09:53,827 --> 00:09:55,953
...pretty good takes
on this Facebook thing.
237
00:09:55,954 --> 00:09:56,687
Mmm...
238
00:09:56,688 --> 00:09:58,622
- Just letting you know.
- Me too.
239
00:09:58,623 --> 00:10:00,165
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
240
00:10:00,166 --> 00:10:00,958
After you.
241
00:10:00,959 --> 00:10:02,459
- Now? All right.
- Yeah.
242
00:10:02,460 --> 00:10:04,628
I think that I would start with,
243
00:10:04,629 --> 00:10:08,215
"Print journalism is more
accountable than Facebook."
244
00:10:08,216 --> 00:10:09,299
Then I could say,
245
00:10:09,300 --> 00:10:10,342
"Before social media,
246
00:10:10,343 --> 00:10:11,760
there wasn't an effective outlet
247
00:10:11,761 --> 00:10:13,637
for women to warn other women
about bad men.
248
00:10:13,638 --> 00:10:15,889
But lucky for us, now there is."
249
00:10:15,890 --> 00:10:17,474
Well, that's good.
I love that. Okay.
250
00:10:17,475 --> 00:10:19,810
- This could get
a little zesty... - Okay.
251
00:10:19,811 --> 00:10:22,104
...but I could counter
that what you're really
252
00:10:22,105 --> 00:10:25,232
advocating for there
is mob justice.
253
00:10:25,233 --> 00:10:28,152
Don't point at me. I mean,
if you're cool setting me up
254
00:10:28,153 --> 00:10:30,487
- with that weak
"mob justice" thing... - Mm-hm.
255
00:10:30,488 --> 00:10:31,989
...I could bang back with,
256
00:10:31,990 --> 00:10:34,908
"The only way ethical reform
literally ever happens
257
00:10:34,909 --> 00:10:36,827
is through 'mob justice.'"
258
00:10:36,828 --> 00:10:39,204
[imitates cheering]
Go, Mare!
259
00:10:39,205 --> 00:10:41,206
Is that you choking
on your horrible argument?
260
00:10:41,207 --> 00:10:43,876
'Cause then I'd be like, "Are
you talking about mob justice?
261
00:10:43,877 --> 00:10:45,002
Or vigilantism?
262
00:10:45,003 --> 00:10:46,253
Cool, Mare, are you sure
263
00:10:46,254 --> 00:10:48,672
you wanna be defending
John Wick?" Ooh!
264
00:10:48,673 --> 00:10:51,008
John Wick's the hero,
you ding dong.
265
00:10:51,009 --> 00:10:53,760
Name-calling.
Okay, cool. That's fun.
266
00:10:53,761 --> 00:10:55,262
Do you consider Yelp
mob justice?
267
00:10:55,263 --> 00:10:58,348
Because that's also
unverified community protection.
268
00:10:58,349 --> 00:11:00,184
And then Adelola
would play the buzzer sound,
269
00:11:00,185 --> 00:11:02,060
- because it's game over.
- No, no, no,
270
00:11:02,061 --> 00:11:04,354
because then she'd be like,
"Whoops, I hit that too early."
271
00:11:04,355 --> 00:11:06,356
And I can be like,
"Well, businesses, at least,
272
00:11:06,357 --> 00:11:09,276
can respond on Yelp,
unlike on this Facebook group,
273
00:11:09,277 --> 00:11:11,570
where Steven never had
the chance to defend himself,
274
00:11:11,571 --> 00:11:13,405
you dummy." If...
275
00:11:13,406 --> 00:11:15,782
The name-calling thing,
if that's working.
276
00:11:15,783 --> 00:11:17,051
Oh, it's working.
277
00:11:23,917 --> 00:11:27,085
Barry, don't you think
it's a bit boring
278
00:11:27,086 --> 00:11:29,922
to work in the same spot
for years?
279
00:11:29,923 --> 00:11:32,090
Keep it moving.
280
00:11:32,091 --> 00:11:34,635
Barry: It's not that I don't
like Esmeralda.
281
00:11:34,636 --> 00:11:38,555
It's just that my desk is
50 feet away from the bathroom.
282
00:11:38,556 --> 00:11:42,267
If I go 94 times a day,
I get my steps in.
283
00:11:42,268 --> 00:11:43,852
But if I have
to move it closer,
284
00:11:43,853 --> 00:11:45,270
then I've got to go
the bathroom
285
00:11:45,271 --> 00:11:46,855
more than a hundred times
a day,
286
00:11:46,856 --> 00:11:49,542
and people might think
I'm weird.
287
00:11:53,112 --> 00:11:55,030
Oscar:
I don't have kids or plants,
288
00:11:55,031 --> 00:11:57,175
but I consider myself
a nurturer.
289
00:11:58,284 --> 00:12:00,535
Especially when people
hit rock bottom.
290
00:12:00,536 --> 00:12:03,038
You can sit right here.
291
00:12:03,039 --> 00:12:05,040
And you can relax now.
292
00:12:05,041 --> 00:12:07,042
Because you're one of us.
293
00:12:07,043 --> 00:12:09,294
Hey. You wanted to see me?
294
00:12:09,295 --> 00:12:12,756
Yeah. I wanna go over
your ad sales.
295
00:12:12,757 --> 00:12:14,299
- You do?
- I do.
296
00:12:14,300 --> 00:12:17,177
Detrick and I aren't
sleeping together anymore,
297
00:12:17,178 --> 00:12:21,014
but that doesn't mean
I don't wanna screw him.
298
00:12:21,015 --> 00:12:24,309
- I usually just export them
to the revenue dashboard. - Mm...
299
00:12:24,310 --> 00:12:26,395
I mean, unless this is,
like, a new protocol?
300
00:12:26,396 --> 00:12:31,650
Well, it is a new position,
so yeah, new protocols.
301
00:12:31,651 --> 00:12:33,902
- EOD?
- Huh?
302
00:12:33,903 --> 00:12:37,322
End of day?
303
00:12:37,323 --> 00:12:40,993
- For what I asked for? Yeah.
- Got it.
304
00:12:40,994 --> 00:12:43,161
Ned: Councilman Keith,
now you've got your food,
305
00:12:43,162 --> 00:12:45,289
we'd love to discuss
the Glass Club.
306
00:12:45,290 --> 00:12:46,748
You sure you're not hungry?
307
00:12:46,749 --> 00:12:48,041
- Water's fine.
- I don't know,
308
00:12:48,042 --> 00:12:50,210
how do you
just seize a golf course, right?
309
00:12:50,211 --> 00:12:51,753
I mean, it's private property.
310
00:12:51,754 --> 00:12:54,840
The idea is that you would use
eminent domain, okay?
311
00:12:54,841 --> 00:12:57,759
And you would propose that at
the next city council meeting.
312
00:12:57,760 --> 00:12:59,803
That's political suicide.
313
00:12:59,804 --> 00:13:01,513
Glass Club members
are my donors.
314
00:13:01,514 --> 00:13:03,849
Yeah, but park users
are your voters.
315
00:13:03,850 --> 00:13:07,853
Right, this could be a massive
win for you, for our paper,
316
00:13:07,854 --> 00:13:11,857
but most importantly for the
everyday people of Toledo.
317
00:13:11,858 --> 00:13:13,191
- What?
- I guess mob justice
318
00:13:13,192 --> 00:13:15,193
isn't so bad
when it's something you support.
319
00:13:15,194 --> 00:13:17,362
I don't know, sounds risky,
but it is interesting.
320
00:13:17,363 --> 00:13:18,989
Steven had every right
to break up
321
00:13:18,990 --> 00:13:21,575
with those women the moment
he wasn't feeling it anymore.
322
00:13:21,576 --> 00:13:23,118
They had every right
to express themselves
323
00:13:23,119 --> 00:13:24,536
while being ghosted
to their friends.
324
00:13:24,537 --> 00:13:26,204
Mare, nobody's got
20,000 friends.
325
00:13:26,205 --> 00:13:27,706
Still talking eminent domain?
326
00:13:27,707 --> 00:13:30,167
- No!
- No! Why don't you finish your $12 burger.
327
00:13:30,168 --> 00:13:32,044
Listen, Steven
doesn't have to share
328
00:13:32,045 --> 00:13:34,129
what's in his head, okay?
That is private.
329
00:13:34,130 --> 00:13:35,714
Do you realize
how sociopathic it is
330
00:13:35,715 --> 00:13:37,215
to make promises to a woman
331
00:13:37,216 --> 00:13:39,384
and then just throw her
in the dirt like some used toy?
332
00:13:39,385 --> 00:13:42,054
He has to be allowed
to change his mind.
333
00:13:42,055 --> 00:13:43,972
Steven has the right
to end it with a woman
334
00:13:43,973 --> 00:13:46,224
- right up until the moment
that he gets married. - Okay.
335
00:13:46,225 --> 00:13:48,393
Let me get this straight,
women aren't allowed
336
00:13:48,394 --> 00:13:50,163
to have expectations
in your world?
337
00:13:51,147 --> 00:13:52,397
You know who else thinks that
338
00:13:52,398 --> 00:13:53,857
they're owed romantic attention
339
00:13:53,858 --> 00:13:55,484
without fear of rejection?
Incels.
340
00:13:55,485 --> 00:13:57,903
- You're defending incels,
all right? - That's insane.
341
00:13:57,904 --> 00:14:00,030
Thank you. I'll be in touch.
342
00:14:00,031 --> 00:14:01,174
No, I won't.
343
00:14:03,743 --> 00:14:06,578
- Travis: Jamal Mashburn.
- Detrick: Earl Boykins.
344
00:14:06,579 --> 00:14:09,122
Keith Closs.
Kristaps Porzioiis.
345
00:14:09,123 --> 00:14:10,665
Sandro Mamukelashvili.
346
00:14:10,666 --> 00:14:12,584
Detrick:
Nikola Jokic.
347
00:14:12,585 --> 00:14:13,685
Travis:
Jusuf Nurkiae.
348
00:14:13,686 --> 00:14:16,296
- Detrick: Andriss, uh, Biedrioo.
- [monitor inflating]
349
00:14:16,297 --> 00:14:18,256
- Travis: Dusan Kecman.
- Detrick: Demar Derozan.
350
00:14:18,257 --> 00:14:21,152
- [Baby Sinclair shouting on TV]
- [laughing]
351
00:14:23,054 --> 00:14:25,364
[popcorn popping]
352
00:14:29,060 --> 00:14:31,662
[phone ringing]
353
00:14:34,690 --> 00:14:37,109
[Coworker's sounds intensifying]
354
00:14:37,110 --> 00:14:38,419
- Adam [laughs]: Oh, God.
- [sniffs]
355
00:14:39,404 --> 00:14:40,505
Oh, my God.
356
00:14:41,989 --> 00:14:44,574
- [gong clangs]
- [cheering]
357
00:14:44,575 --> 00:14:45,593
Yeah!
358
00:14:53,626 --> 00:14:56,795
Um... You can't just pop in
without an appointment.
359
00:14:56,796 --> 00:14:58,130
I'm very busy.
360
00:14:58,131 --> 00:14:59,965
Yeah. So I did
a little research,
361
00:14:59,966 --> 00:15:03,343
- and Sales doesn't report
to Circulation. - What do you mean?
362
00:15:03,344 --> 00:15:06,471
- Sales can request data
from Circulation. - So?
363
00:15:06,472 --> 00:15:10,642
So that means you... You kind
of work for my department.
364
00:15:10,643 --> 00:15:12,644
So I'd like to take
this opportunity
365
00:15:12,645 --> 00:15:14,146
to request some data.
366
00:15:14,147 --> 00:15:15,814
Where should I put it?
367
00:15:15,815 --> 00:15:19,276
Doesn't matter. There's about
70 requests for data here.
368
00:15:19,277 --> 00:15:22,529
And I expect it "B.E.O.D."
By End Of Day.
369
00:15:22,530 --> 00:15:25,031
As a matter of fact,
let's change that to this a--
370
00:15:25,032 --> 00:15:26,175
This afternoon.
371
00:15:30,163 --> 00:15:32,056
[chair squeaking]
372
00:15:38,129 --> 00:15:39,963
[car dinging]
373
00:15:39,964 --> 00:15:41,357
Put your seatbelt on.
374
00:15:45,261 --> 00:15:47,155
Thank you for your concern.
375
00:15:48,139 --> 00:15:49,973
I just didn't like the noise.
376
00:15:49,974 --> 00:15:51,284
But you're welcome.
377
00:15:52,727 --> 00:15:54,352
[Ned sighs]
378
00:15:54,353 --> 00:15:57,105
We didn't get this upset
over ramen.
379
00:15:57,106 --> 00:15:59,566
No, we didn't.
But then again,
380
00:15:59,567 --> 00:16:03,695
that was a recorded
conversation about soup.
381
00:16:03,696 --> 00:16:05,113
Well, it's a pasta.
382
00:16:05,114 --> 00:16:06,364
- No.
- In broth.
383
00:16:06,365 --> 00:16:08,384
- Don't. It's soup. It's soup.
- What--?
384
00:16:11,913 --> 00:16:13,055
But if I...
385
00:16:14,165 --> 00:16:15,665
I don't know,
if I've misunderstood--
386
00:16:15,666 --> 00:16:17,709
- Oh, or if I have
misunderstood, yes. - Right?
387
00:16:17,710 --> 00:16:19,669
Because I could have easily
misunderstood
388
00:16:19,670 --> 00:16:21,421
- what you were saying.
- Totally, no, I know.
389
00:16:21,422 --> 00:16:23,048
'Cause I know that
you would never say
390
00:16:23,049 --> 00:16:25,926
that a man's good name should
be dragged through the mud--
391
00:16:25,927 --> 00:16:27,219
- Oh, my God, Ned.
- What? What?
392
00:16:27,220 --> 00:16:28,720
Women's safety!
393
00:16:28,721 --> 00:16:30,263
I champion women's safety.
394
00:16:30,264 --> 00:16:32,224
Not unless it hurts
your friend's feelings.
395
00:16:32,225 --> 00:16:33,558
- How dare you?
- How dare you?
396
00:16:33,559 --> 00:16:35,519
- How dare you--?
- It's my car. Stop talking.
397
00:16:35,520 --> 00:16:37,145
- Stop talking, it's my car.
Stop talking. - What?
398
00:16:37,146 --> 00:16:38,581
I'm driving, stop talking.
399
00:16:42,568 --> 00:16:44,587
[car dinging]
400
00:16:52,703 --> 00:16:53,403
[gong clangs]
401
00:16:53,404 --> 00:16:55,348
- [tea spills]
- [cheering]
402
00:16:59,252 --> 00:17:00,669
[whispers]
Oscar.
403
00:17:00,670 --> 00:17:01,962
{\an8}[sighs] Hey.
404
00:17:01,963 --> 00:17:03,713
Do you like the gong?
405
00:17:03,714 --> 00:17:04,649
{\an8}Frankly no.
406
00:17:05,967 --> 00:17:08,778
{\an8}- Why don't you say something?
- Maybe I will.
407
00:17:10,012 --> 00:17:11,489
{\an8}After I finish my tea.
408
00:17:19,522 --> 00:17:20,730
Nicole:
You aren't gonna believe this,
409
00:17:20,731 --> 00:17:22,440
I booked guests
for your podcast.
410
00:17:22,441 --> 00:17:23,942
I got both Steven and Cynthia.
411
00:17:23,943 --> 00:17:27,171
- Unh!
- Yes, perfect. - Love it. Bring it on.
412
00:17:33,578 --> 00:17:35,328
{\an8}Good to Great to Gone:
413
00:17:35,329 --> 00:17:38,349
{\an8}The 60 Year Rise and Fall
of Circuit City.
414
00:17:41,502 --> 00:17:43,336
Podcast.
415
00:17:43,337 --> 00:17:44,671
Hell, no!
416
00:17:44,672 --> 00:17:47,358
I'll just get my books online.
417
00:17:49,260 --> 00:17:52,012
I sound more nasal in this
than I do in real-life, so...
418
00:17:52,013 --> 00:17:53,888
- One, one, one-- One, two.
- Nicole: Over there.
419
00:17:53,889 --> 00:17:56,808
Hello. Steven. I will be
representing your side.
420
00:17:56,809 --> 00:17:58,685
- It's an honor. Thank you.
- Thanks, man.
421
00:17:58,686 --> 00:18:01,914
You look like someone
drew David Bowie from memory.
422
00:18:03,024 --> 00:18:04,482
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
423
00:18:04,483 --> 00:18:05,734
- I'm really good.
- Hi.
424
00:18:05,735 --> 00:18:07,485
- Hi!
- You must be Cynthia.
425
00:18:07,486 --> 00:18:09,571
- Oh, hi.
- Nice to meet you.
426
00:18:09,572 --> 00:18:11,448
- Nice to meet you.
- What's she doing here?
427
00:18:11,449 --> 00:18:13,617
Nicole: When a man
and a woman breaks up,
428
00:18:13,618 --> 00:18:17,162
I like to see when the man
is forced to sit down
429
00:18:17,163 --> 00:18:19,205
and face the woman
that he's still
430
00:18:19,206 --> 00:18:21,225
secretly harboring feelings for.
431
00:18:22,159 --> 00:18:24,979
Okay, Susan, we'll be in touch.
Thank you.
432
00:18:27,089 --> 00:18:29,382
- Kimberly.
- Yeah?
433
00:18:29,383 --> 00:18:31,301
I have to ask you a big favor.
434
00:18:31,302 --> 00:18:36,431
Oscar Martinez, the little man,
who is also your accountant?
435
00:18:36,432 --> 00:18:38,975
The gong...
436
00:18:38,976 --> 00:18:40,727
- it upsets him.
- So?
437
00:18:40,728 --> 00:18:43,521
So everyone on this floor knows
438
00:18:43,522 --> 00:18:46,650
how great
the Softees sales team is.
439
00:18:46,651 --> 00:18:50,570
- [chuckles]
- To ring a bell, it's unnecessary.
440
00:18:50,571 --> 00:18:53,615
If you stop it,
I will not forget.
441
00:18:53,616 --> 00:18:56,576
And maybe one day
I can repay you the favor.
442
00:18:56,577 --> 00:19:00,497
I made Enervate
$900,000 this year.
443
00:19:00,498 --> 00:19:02,874
You numpties lose us money.
444
00:19:02,875 --> 00:19:04,501
Now get out of my way.
445
00:19:04,502 --> 00:19:07,087
I just sold 15 grand of two-ply.
446
00:19:07,088 --> 00:19:08,296
[gong clangs]
447
00:19:08,297 --> 00:19:10,608
- [whooping]
- Yeah!
448
00:19:16,764 --> 00:19:17,806
Big deal, lady.
449
00:19:17,807 --> 00:19:20,058
I lie to get laid.
I have sex.
450
00:19:20,059 --> 00:19:22,227
I tell my friends.
I get my points. I ghost.
451
00:19:22,228 --> 00:19:24,896
Well, what do you mean
by points, Steven, because...?
452
00:19:24,897 --> 00:19:27,607
Oh, yeah. Well, me and my
friends have a point system.
453
00:19:27,608 --> 00:19:29,609
One to ten, ten is the best.
454
00:19:29,610 --> 00:19:32,570
Totally based on looks, only,
no personality involved.
455
00:19:32,571 --> 00:19:35,031
So Steven's different
than I expected.
456
00:19:35,032 --> 00:19:38,451
I had pictured someone
a little bit like me, I guess.
457
00:19:38,452 --> 00:19:40,578
But he turns out
to be more like a guy
458
00:19:40,579 --> 00:19:43,707
who would kill a neighbor,
with a brick.
459
00:19:43,708 --> 00:19:46,251
- How many points was I?
- No, please don't enable him.
460
00:19:46,252 --> 00:19:48,586
- Seven.
- Seven?
461
00:19:48,587 --> 00:19:50,964
That's actually so sweet,
I thought you'd say five.
462
00:19:50,965 --> 00:19:53,550
Don't fall for that,
where's your self-esteem?
463
00:19:53,551 --> 00:19:55,844
I have amazing self-esteem.
464
00:19:55,845 --> 00:19:57,637
A bunch of my friends
dated Steven
465
00:19:57,638 --> 00:19:59,305
and he ghosted all of them.
466
00:19:59,306 --> 00:20:00,890
That's when I got interested.
467
00:20:00,891 --> 00:20:04,644
I was like, "I can fix him,
I've got that gorilla grip."
468
00:20:04,645 --> 00:20:05,937
Jesus.
469
00:20:05,938 --> 00:20:07,272
So I asked him out.
470
00:20:07,273 --> 00:20:08,982
I thought Cynthia's argument
471
00:20:08,983 --> 00:20:12,193
was undermined
a little bit by, um...
472
00:20:12,194 --> 00:20:14,279
how stupid she is?
473
00:20:14,280 --> 00:20:15,989
Quick question
for the boys and girls.
474
00:20:15,990 --> 00:20:18,408
- What's a "gorilla grip"?
- Not for the boys and girls.
475
00:20:18,409 --> 00:20:20,160
Oh, all right.
476
00:20:20,161 --> 00:20:24,330
- I think we're going to take
a quick five-minute break. - Mm-hm.
477
00:20:24,331 --> 00:20:26,851
Right after these words
from T.W.A.
478
00:20:35,593 --> 00:20:36,634
[gong clangs]
479
00:20:36,635 --> 00:20:38,529
[whooping, cheering]
480
00:20:49,356 --> 00:20:51,691
- So sorry. I didn't know
he was like that. - No.
481
00:20:51,692 --> 00:20:53,193
I just--
I assumed he was normal.
482
00:20:53,194 --> 00:20:55,278
Same. Cynthia went in
knowing he was bad news
483
00:20:55,279 --> 00:20:58,424
- and still expected a fantasy.
- I'm not bad news.
484
00:20:59,617 --> 00:21:01,785
I'm good news, I think.
485
00:21:01,786 --> 00:21:04,537
So you should have expectations.
You deserve them.
486
00:21:04,538 --> 00:21:05,830
It's-- We...
487
00:21:05,831 --> 00:21:07,540
We really don't need to--
488
00:21:07,541 --> 00:21:09,685
I need to say something.
I just...
489
00:21:12,046 --> 00:21:13,105
Ten points.
490
00:21:14,924 --> 00:21:16,257
[Mare laughs]
491
00:21:16,258 --> 00:21:17,634
- Ten points. Yeah.
- Really?
492
00:21:17,635 --> 00:21:19,427
I was arguing for 11,
but it's apparently,
493
00:21:19,428 --> 00:21:20,428
it's a strict 10-point system.
494
00:21:20,429 --> 00:21:21,763
- Wow.
- Yeah.
495
00:21:21,764 --> 00:21:24,057
Just so we're clear...
496
00:21:24,058 --> 00:21:26,851
I don't mind
being your secret girlfriend.
497
00:21:26,852 --> 00:21:28,353
You're not my secret girlfriend.
498
00:21:28,354 --> 00:21:32,541
You're my girlfriend
that we're keeping a secret.
499
00:21:33,776 --> 00:21:36,277
And you're my secret boyfriend.
500
00:21:36,278 --> 00:21:37,755
Because I'm ashamed of you.
501
00:21:39,657 --> 00:21:41,908
After today, I don't blame you.
502
00:21:41,909 --> 00:21:43,451
Okay.
503
00:21:43,452 --> 00:21:44,595
Are we...?
504
00:21:46,288 --> 00:21:47,431
Are we good?
505
00:21:48,874 --> 00:21:51,060
Yeah, very good.
506
00:21:53,379 --> 00:21:55,171
Okay, how do we get out of here?
507
00:21:55,172 --> 00:21:58,258
- Should we wrap this up, or--?
- No, [bleep] those losers.
508
00:21:58,259 --> 00:21:59,968
- Let's ghost them.
- Oh, nice.
509
00:21:59,969 --> 00:22:00,945
Come on.
510
00:22:04,557 --> 00:22:06,659
[heavy breathing]
511
00:22:09,270 --> 00:22:14,500
[The Scrantone's "Song
From The Ninth Floor" plays]
512
00:22:21,115 --> 00:22:22,949
{\an8}Kimberly:
We don't need a gong.
513
00:22:22,950 --> 00:22:25,285
{\an8}I could see
how it'd be annoying.
514
00:22:25,286 --> 00:22:27,203
{\an8}And culturally insensitive.
515
00:22:27,204 --> 00:22:29,956
{\an8}We could get them a gong,
if that's what they want.
516
00:22:29,957 --> 00:22:32,625
{\an8}Have they told you what they
want? We could get anything.
517
00:22:32,626 --> 00:22:35,795
{\an8}We could get an espresso machine
or a pizza oven?
518
00:22:35,796 --> 00:22:39,632
{\an8}Power comes from personality.
519
00:22:39,633 --> 00:22:41,634
{\an8}I don't need my own office.
520
00:22:41,635 --> 00:22:45,388
{\an8}This whole floor is my office.
521
00:22:45,389 --> 00:22:48,784
{\an8}Everyone's desk is my desk.
522
00:22:50,144 --> 00:22:51,870
{\an8}Everyone's lunch...
523
00:22:52,980 --> 00:22:54,707
{\an8}is my lunch.
524
00:22:59,445 --> 00:23:01,321
{\an8}Especially Nicole's.
525
00:23:01,322 --> 00:23:08,679
{\an8}[The Scrantone's "Song
From The Ninth Floor" plays]
526
00:23:08,729 --> 00:23:13,279
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