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1
00:00:04,613 --> 00:00:06,832
- Smells like betrayal in here.
2
00:00:06,876 --> 00:00:10,097
[tense music]
3
00:00:10,140 --> 00:00:12,664
- Okay, let me backtrack
for a second here.
4
00:00:12,708 --> 00:00:15,450
So we now think your father
is the Architect,
5
00:00:15,493 --> 00:00:16,973
and we're basing that
on information
6
00:00:17,017 --> 00:00:19,149
we got from one of your farts?
7
00:00:19,193 --> 00:00:21,760
- Looks like someone's
finally playing chess.
8
00:00:23,675 --> 00:00:27,070
Think about it.
Whoever smelt it, dealt it.
9
00:00:27,114 --> 00:00:31,031
From birth, that simple axiom
is drilled into our heads,
10
00:00:31,074 --> 00:00:32,858
and for good reason.
11
00:00:32,902 --> 00:00:34,730
It's never wrong.
12
00:00:34,773 --> 00:00:35,992
See, when one farts,
13
00:00:36,036 --> 00:00:38,168
they always blame it
on someone else,
14
00:00:38,212 --> 00:00:41,215
but studies show that
in 100% of the cases,
15
00:00:41,258 --> 00:00:44,044
that fart actually
came from inside of them,
16
00:00:44,087 --> 00:00:45,741
the initial fart detector.
17
00:00:45,784 --> 00:00:47,917
It's the most classic con
in the book,
18
00:00:47,960 --> 00:00:50,876
but if you somehow figure out
who smelt it,
19
00:00:50,920 --> 00:00:53,053
then you will, without fail...
20
00:00:56,099 --> 00:00:57,753
Find the dealer.
21
00:00:59,146 --> 00:01:00,234
- Right.
22
00:01:02,105 --> 00:01:05,152
- No entry my ass.
23
00:01:05,195 --> 00:01:07,197
Shit.
- Are you sure about this?
24
00:01:07,241 --> 00:01:10,766
- Vicki, people lie.
Buttholes don't.
25
00:01:10,809 --> 00:01:13,595
[yells]
26
00:01:17,555 --> 00:01:20,776
- See, the Architect had to be
someone with access to Queeth,
27
00:01:20,819 --> 00:01:23,474
ties to the military,
and a score to settle.
28
00:01:23,518 --> 00:01:25,607
So when my father
farted Kernst's name at me,
29
00:01:25,650 --> 00:01:26,869
it made sense.
30
00:01:26,912 --> 00:01:29,393
I mean, Kernst ticked
all the right boxes,
31
00:01:29,437 --> 00:01:32,918
but my father
overplayed his hand.
32
00:01:32,962 --> 00:01:34,572
He smelled it too hard,
33
00:01:34,616 --> 00:01:37,227
and that's how I knew
he dealt it.
34
00:01:37,271 --> 00:01:38,489
- Science.
35
00:01:43,190 --> 00:01:44,887
[hollow thud]
36
00:01:44,930 --> 00:01:47,281
- Cowabunga.
37
00:01:50,501 --> 00:01:53,200
Six, nine, six, nine,
six, nine.
38
00:01:53,243 --> 00:01:54,723
[keypad beeps]
39
00:01:54,766 --> 00:01:58,466
Like father,
like son of father.
40
00:01:58,509 --> 00:02:02,296
[suspenseful music]
41
00:02:02,339 --> 00:02:05,777
♪
42
00:02:05,821 --> 00:02:07,475
Good God.
43
00:02:07,518 --> 00:02:11,131
This whole time, it was
right under my fucking schnozz.
44
00:02:12,915 --> 00:02:14,395
- I'm gonna hop
on your dad's computer
45
00:02:14,438 --> 00:02:16,484
and see if I can find anything
on this flash drive.
46
00:02:18,877 --> 00:02:20,183
- Heavens to Henry.
47
00:02:20,227 --> 00:02:21,880
He has counterfeit passports
and currency
48
00:02:21,924 --> 00:02:24,840
for, like,
every country in the world.
49
00:02:29,236 --> 00:02:30,759
- Oh, my God.
50
00:02:32,978 --> 00:02:35,198
Ecuador was just the beginning.
51
00:02:37,244 --> 00:02:38,680
- Haven't seen
these many pins
52
00:02:38,723 --> 00:02:41,378
since I read that book
about ATM machines.
53
00:02:41,422 --> 00:02:44,164
He's gonna hit, like,
everywhere.
54
00:02:44,207 --> 00:02:45,904
Why? Why is he doing this?
55
00:02:45,948 --> 00:02:49,038
- I don't know, Vick,
but we have to stop him.
56
00:02:49,081 --> 00:02:51,475
- Guys,
I think I got something.
57
00:02:51,519 --> 00:02:53,521
His computer's automatically
decrypting the files.
58
00:02:53,564 --> 00:02:55,827
Any of this mean
anything to you?
59
00:02:58,874 --> 00:03:00,571
- There, there.
60
00:03:02,269 --> 00:03:05,010
- Havencroft?
61
00:03:05,054 --> 00:03:07,056
- We need to move.
62
00:03:07,099 --> 00:03:09,493
- Where the hell are we going?
63
00:03:09,537 --> 00:03:11,843
- MacGruber Country.
64
00:03:11,887 --> 00:03:18,807
♪
65
00:03:19,938 --> 00:03:22,898
[dramatic music]
66
00:03:22,941 --> 00:03:29,905
♪
67
00:03:42,222 --> 00:03:47,270
- ♪ MacGruber
68
00:03:47,314 --> 00:03:49,272
[fire crackles]
69
00:03:50,360 --> 00:03:53,276
[suspenseful music]
70
00:03:53,320 --> 00:04:00,240
♪
71
00:04:00,283 --> 00:04:02,285
- Black River Valley.
72
00:04:02,329 --> 00:04:06,071
My father's down there.
I can feel it.
73
00:04:06,115 --> 00:04:08,813
- Gruber, are you sure
you want to do this?
74
00:04:08,857 --> 00:04:10,467
- You mean,
am I sure I want to confront
75
00:04:10,511 --> 00:04:12,469
the man I've worshipped
my entire life
76
00:04:12,513 --> 00:04:13,905
and battle him to the death?
77
00:04:13,949 --> 00:04:15,907
Most likely, my death?
78
00:04:15,951 --> 00:04:18,910
Am I sure I want the love
of my life to watch me die
79
00:04:18,954 --> 00:04:21,565
and void my bowels
into my Wrangler denim jeans?
80
00:04:21,609 --> 00:04:24,133
No, Vicki, I'm not sure,
81
00:04:24,176 --> 00:04:27,267
but I don't really have
a choice now, do I?
82
00:04:29,356 --> 00:04:30,922
But you do.
83
00:04:32,228 --> 00:04:33,490
- What? What do you mean?
84
00:04:33,534 --> 00:04:35,840
- I can't let you do this.
This is my fight.
85
00:04:35,884 --> 00:04:37,625
- Oh, MacGruber,
we're in this together.
86
00:04:37,668 --> 00:04:40,062
- No, I can't let
you two risk your lives
87
00:04:40,105 --> 00:04:42,194
because of my fucked up dad.
88
00:04:42,238 --> 00:04:43,848
This is a family affair.
89
00:04:45,502 --> 00:04:46,938
- MacGruber, I can't believe
I'm saying this,
90
00:04:46,982 --> 00:04:50,420
but the three of us
are kind of like a family.
91
00:04:50,464 --> 00:04:52,944
[heartfelt music]
92
00:04:52,988 --> 00:04:54,381
- Checkers is right.
93
00:04:56,905 --> 00:04:59,342
- I never really thought
about it like that.
94
00:05:00,604 --> 00:05:03,346
That's really nice.
95
00:05:03,390 --> 00:05:06,567
Hell, my family's
been broken so long,
96
00:05:06,610 --> 00:05:11,876
I almost forgot what it's like
to have a real family.
97
00:05:11,920 --> 00:05:16,316
But because of you two,
I remember again.
98
00:05:16,359 --> 00:05:18,405
So thanks.
99
00:05:18,448 --> 00:05:21,712
- You're welcome.
100
00:05:21,756 --> 00:05:25,194
- Here's another thing
I can't believe I'm saying.
101
00:05:25,237 --> 00:05:26,674
Bring it in.
102
00:05:30,112 --> 00:05:31,374
- Are you pranking me?
103
00:05:31,418 --> 00:05:34,159
Are you gonna pull
your arms back?
104
00:05:34,203 --> 00:05:35,813
Checkers?
105
00:05:35,857 --> 00:05:42,777
♪
106
00:05:50,915 --> 00:05:53,918
- Fucking family.
There's nothing like it.
107
00:05:57,531 --> 00:05:59,576
Now let's go kill my father.
108
00:06:05,190 --> 00:06:06,844
- Welcome to Havencroft.
109
00:06:06,888 --> 00:06:08,542
Our fucking summer home.
110
00:06:08,585 --> 00:06:11,196
- Wait, so you were a rich kid?
- Nice try.
111
00:06:11,240 --> 00:06:13,808
I assure you this place
is very modest.
112
00:06:13,851 --> 00:06:15,200
Okay, now, let's split up.
113
00:06:15,244 --> 00:06:16,941
Vicki, you check out
the vineyard.
114
00:06:16,985 --> 00:06:18,900
Checkers, you start
in the antiquities hall,
115
00:06:18,943 --> 00:06:21,946
and I'll take
the servants' ballroom.
116
00:06:21,990 --> 00:06:24,993
[Sophie Tucker's "He Hadn't Up
Till Yesterday" playing]
117
00:06:25,036 --> 00:06:27,996
[soft jazz music]
118
00:06:28,039 --> 00:06:34,481
♪
119
00:06:34,524 --> 00:06:37,614
- ♪ There's a boy
I'm crazy about ♪
120
00:06:37,658 --> 00:06:40,878
♪ And I know
he's wild about me ♪
121
00:06:40,922 --> 00:06:44,142
♪ At the love stuff
he's not a real chic man ♪
122
00:06:44,186 --> 00:06:45,796
♪ 'Cause I'm
the roaring lion ♪
123
00:06:45,840 --> 00:06:47,319
♪ He's the poor weak lamb
124
00:06:47,363 --> 00:06:48,843
♪ Has he squeezed me? No
125
00:06:48,886 --> 00:06:50,497
- What the fuck?
126
00:06:50,540 --> 00:06:53,761
♪ Has he told me
tales of France ♪
127
00:06:53,804 --> 00:06:56,633
♪ Has he ever
kissed me unawares ♪
128
00:06:56,677 --> 00:06:59,984
♪ And whispered
"Honey, take a chance" ♪
129
00:07:00,028 --> 00:07:01,203
♪ Well--
130
00:07:01,246 --> 00:07:03,423
[music distorts, stops]
131
00:07:06,382 --> 00:07:08,079
[music distorts, resumes]
132
00:07:08,123 --> 00:07:10,430
♪ Never called
for his mother ♪
133
00:07:10,473 --> 00:07:14,564
♪ Then I guess
he will tonight ♪
134
00:07:14,608 --> 00:07:17,698
[tense music]
135
00:07:17,741 --> 00:07:24,400
♪
136
00:07:24,444 --> 00:07:27,621
- Got some kind of
fiber optic setup here.
137
00:07:27,664 --> 00:07:29,361
I'm gonna see where it leads.
138
00:07:34,279 --> 00:07:37,108
- Copy that, Piper.
Follow your nose.
139
00:07:39,415 --> 00:07:41,591
Wait.
140
00:07:41,635 --> 00:07:42,984
Think I just saw something.
141
00:07:43,027 --> 00:07:46,466
I'm gonna go check it out.
Set stunners to phase.
142
00:07:49,077 --> 00:07:50,600
- All right, be careful, Vicki.
143
00:07:50,644 --> 00:07:53,951
And, guys, just remember,
we need to fly under the radar.
144
00:07:53,995 --> 00:07:55,257
Now, let me know
if either of you guys
145
00:07:55,300 --> 00:07:56,867
need any pointers
on how to do that.
146
00:07:56,911 --> 00:07:58,478
- Master MacGruber.
147
00:07:58,521 --> 00:08:01,350
Your presence is requested
in the dining room.
148
00:08:01,393 --> 00:08:02,612
This way.
149
00:08:05,093 --> 00:08:06,877
- After you, tough guy.
150
00:08:06,921 --> 00:08:09,140
- I'm afraid I'll be needing
your communication device
151
00:08:09,184 --> 00:08:11,099
and your gun.
152
00:08:11,142 --> 00:08:15,451
- Hmm.
Well, how about this?
153
00:08:15,495 --> 00:08:17,235
Why don't you roll
the fucking dice
154
00:08:17,279 --> 00:08:19,237
and try taking it from me?
[yelps]
155
00:08:19,281 --> 00:08:22,414
[choking]
Ow.
156
00:08:24,547 --> 00:08:27,376
[coughing]
157
00:08:30,161 --> 00:08:33,208
As I said, I will go first.
158
00:08:40,302 --> 00:08:43,131
- Freeze! Federal agent!
159
00:08:43,174 --> 00:08:44,480
Well, sort of.
160
00:08:44,524 --> 00:08:45,612
Technically, I'm not one now,
but I was one.
161
00:08:45,655 --> 00:08:47,701
So freeze!
162
00:08:47,744 --> 00:08:52,836
I want you
to turn around very slowly.
163
00:08:52,880 --> 00:08:55,535
- Hello, Vicki.
164
00:08:55,578 --> 00:08:59,626
- Bex?
I thought you were dead.
165
00:08:59,669 --> 00:09:01,018
- No.
166
00:09:01,062 --> 00:09:06,589
Just very badly burned.
167
00:09:06,633 --> 00:09:09,113
- Ooh, oh.
168
00:09:09,157 --> 00:09:12,943
Um, I mean, I can hardly tell.
[chuckles]
169
00:09:12,987 --> 00:09:16,338
I mean, maybe I can see
a little bit of burnt-ness
170
00:09:16,381 --> 00:09:20,037
on the top part of your face.
171
00:09:20,081 --> 00:09:22,083
And maybe,
now that I'm looking,
172
00:09:22,126 --> 00:09:25,303
it's a little burned down here,
but other than those two spots,
173
00:09:25,347 --> 00:09:27,349
and maybe a couple others,
174
00:09:27,392 --> 00:09:31,092
you can't really tell that
you're horribly disfigured.
175
00:09:31,135 --> 00:09:35,662
- Fuck you.
- Don't even think about it.
176
00:09:35,705 --> 00:09:37,664
You move one muscle,
177
00:09:37,707 --> 00:09:39,666
and your head will suffer
the same fate
178
00:09:39,709 --> 00:09:41,798
as that vase over there.
179
00:09:41,842 --> 00:09:45,672
[gunshots]
180
00:09:49,589 --> 00:09:50,590
Ha!
181
00:09:52,200 --> 00:09:55,595
So what'll it be?
182
00:09:55,638 --> 00:09:58,859
[dramatic music]
183
00:09:58,902 --> 00:10:02,602
♪
184
00:10:02,645 --> 00:10:04,255
Ahh!
185
00:10:08,129 --> 00:10:11,262
[screaming]
186
00:10:20,881 --> 00:10:24,101
Did I get you?
Be honest.
187
00:10:26,930 --> 00:10:28,149
Uh-oh.
188
00:10:28,192 --> 00:10:31,152
[tense music]
189
00:10:31,195 --> 00:10:38,289
♪
190
00:10:42,685 --> 00:10:45,079
- Son.
191
00:10:45,122 --> 00:10:46,602
You made it.
192
00:10:48,256 --> 00:10:49,605
Have a seat.
193
00:10:59,659 --> 00:11:01,269
Please, eat.
194
00:11:01,312 --> 00:11:03,750
- No, I'm not hungry,
but maybe that's because
195
00:11:03,793 --> 00:11:08,145
I've been fed a steady diet
of bullshit my entire life.
196
00:11:08,189 --> 00:11:11,192
- Aww.
When have I ever lied to you?
197
00:11:11,235 --> 00:11:13,455
[thunder crashes]
198
00:11:16,153 --> 00:11:17,807
Forgive me.
199
00:11:17,851 --> 00:11:20,201
The inclement weather
is wreaking havoc
200
00:11:20,244 --> 00:11:22,594
on our local power grid.
201
00:11:22,638 --> 00:11:25,119
I hope you're not still afraid
of the dark.
202
00:11:25,162 --> 00:11:27,556
- Ha!
Afraid of the fucking dark.
203
00:11:27,599 --> 00:11:29,297
You wish.
204
00:11:29,340 --> 00:11:33,954
So, Mr. The Architect.
205
00:11:33,997 --> 00:11:35,912
You knew I was coming.
206
00:11:35,956 --> 00:11:37,348
- Of course.
207
00:11:37,392 --> 00:11:40,569
You were instrumental
to my plan.
208
00:11:40,612 --> 00:11:45,095
So I planted a tracking device
in your widdle teddy bear.
209
00:11:45,139 --> 00:11:47,271
- I don't have
a teddy bear, idiot.
210
00:11:47,315 --> 00:11:49,796
- But don't you?
211
00:11:49,839 --> 00:11:56,803
♪
212
00:11:56,846 --> 00:12:00,328
[tracker beeping]
213
00:12:00,371 --> 00:12:02,025
- How do you think Queeth
followed you
214
00:12:02,069 --> 00:12:03,940
to your little hiding place?
215
00:12:14,081 --> 00:12:16,736
I see you haven't lost
your taste for boogers.
216
00:12:23,917 --> 00:12:26,093
- You son of a bitch.
217
00:12:26,136 --> 00:12:28,617
- I've been watching you
this whole time.
218
00:12:28,660 --> 00:12:32,490
Yeah, I've been watching you
your whole life, MacGruber.
219
00:12:32,534 --> 00:12:37,017
Ever since you were a tiny,
ugly, stupid little baby.
220
00:12:37,060 --> 00:12:39,759
[thunder crashes]
221
00:12:46,461 --> 00:12:48,332
- Holy shit.
222
00:12:48,376 --> 00:12:49,551
Guys, I think I found
the uplink
223
00:12:49,594 --> 00:12:51,031
he's gonna use
to trigger the poison.
224
00:12:51,074 --> 00:12:53,860
[grunts]
225
00:12:53,903 --> 00:12:55,339
[groans]
226
00:12:55,383 --> 00:12:57,733
- Hello, Dixon.
227
00:12:57,777 --> 00:12:59,039
- Baker Jaxx.
228
00:12:59,082 --> 00:13:01,911
- No, the Grim Reaper.
229
00:13:01,955 --> 00:13:08,831
♪
230
00:13:13,923 --> 00:13:17,535
- So let's cut to the chase.
What's your play here?
231
00:13:17,579 --> 00:13:20,712
- To create a new world,
of course.
232
00:13:20,756 --> 00:13:23,237
From the ashes of the old.
233
00:13:23,280 --> 00:13:25,892
The earth's resources certainly
can't support everyone
234
00:13:25,935 --> 00:13:28,938
on the planet,
but they can support,
235
00:13:28,982 --> 00:13:34,857
say, me and a bunch
of Russian business guys.
236
00:13:34,901 --> 00:13:39,601
So there needs to be
a little thinning of the herd.
237
00:13:39,644 --> 00:13:43,474
And in return, I get
a bunch of money and shit.
238
00:13:45,912 --> 00:13:47,435
Can you believe it?
239
00:13:47,478 --> 00:13:50,003
I'm gonna be some kind of
fucking oligarch.
240
00:13:50,046 --> 00:13:52,875
- You sick bastard.
241
00:13:52,919 --> 00:13:54,703
- Cheers.
242
00:14:02,493 --> 00:14:05,061
- Hey, remember earlier?
243
00:14:05,105 --> 00:14:09,631
When I said that thing
about your face burns?
244
00:14:11,633 --> 00:14:15,898
I lied. Totally noticeable.
245
00:14:15,942 --> 00:14:16,856
[balloon pops]
246
00:14:24,080 --> 00:14:25,516
Where's her gun?
247
00:14:32,872 --> 00:14:34,351
- How long have you been
planning all this?
248
00:14:34,395 --> 00:14:36,266
- Decades.
249
00:14:36,310 --> 00:14:40,618
Every beautiful detail laid out
like the gears on a clock.
250
00:14:40,662 --> 00:14:44,622
Tick-tock, tick-tock,
but it'll all be worth it
251
00:14:44,666 --> 00:14:48,017
when we bring in the New Year
with a big fucking bang.
252
00:14:48,061 --> 00:14:50,324
- So you're gonna kill
millions of people--
253
00:14:50,367 --> 00:14:51,847
- Billions.
254
00:14:51,891 --> 00:14:55,024
- Billions, and you're okay
with that?
255
00:14:55,068 --> 00:14:56,765
- It's an important cause.
256
00:14:56,808 --> 00:14:58,071
- So important
that you're willing
257
00:14:58,114 --> 00:15:00,029
to sacrifice your own son.
258
00:15:01,988 --> 00:15:05,034
- I was willing to sacrifice
your mother, wasn't I?
259
00:15:06,906 --> 00:15:08,516
- What?
260
00:15:08,559 --> 00:15:11,823
- Unfortunately, your mother
found out about my little plan,
261
00:15:11,867 --> 00:15:16,002
and she just would not
shut up about it.
262
00:15:16,045 --> 00:15:22,051
So she had to be dealt
with accordingly.
263
00:15:23,661 --> 00:15:26,969
- You killed Mom?
264
00:15:27,013 --> 00:15:30,494
- Oh, yeah,
and you watched me do it.
265
00:15:33,062 --> 00:15:34,890
But you were so young
at the time
266
00:15:34,934 --> 00:15:37,545
that somehow,
I was able to convince you
267
00:15:37,588 --> 00:15:40,678
that you didn't see
what you saw.
268
00:15:40,722 --> 00:15:43,333
I told you it was Queeth,
and your little brain
269
00:15:43,377 --> 00:15:45,988
ate that shit up
like a fucking pot roast.
270
00:15:46,032 --> 00:15:48,686
[smacks lips]
271
00:15:48,730 --> 00:15:53,561
You were such a dumb little kid
and so annoying.
272
00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:59,480
Heck, in a way,
you inspired this whole thing.
273
00:15:59,523 --> 00:16:00,872
The minute you were born
274
00:16:00,916 --> 00:16:04,746
just kind of put me
into a funk.
275
00:16:06,791 --> 00:16:08,924
Well, you've got
a lot of think about.
276
00:16:10,621 --> 00:16:12,884
And I do have
a button to press.
277
00:16:12,928 --> 00:16:15,322
So I guess I'll be on my way.
278
00:16:15,365 --> 00:16:20,022
- Like hell you will! Ahh!
279
00:16:20,066 --> 00:16:22,982
[screaming]
280
00:16:28,465 --> 00:16:30,380
Where'd you go, you coward!
281
00:16:30,424 --> 00:16:36,996
♪
282
00:16:37,039 --> 00:16:40,216
- It's a lot like baseball,
if you think about it.
283
00:16:40,260 --> 00:16:42,349
[yells]
284
00:16:42,392 --> 00:16:43,959
[laughs]
285
00:16:44,003 --> 00:16:46,570
Strike one.
286
00:16:46,614 --> 00:16:49,356
[yells]
287
00:16:49,399 --> 00:16:52,533
Strike two.
288
00:16:52,576 --> 00:16:54,056
[yells]
289
00:16:54,100 --> 00:16:56,406
- Ahh, motherfucker!
290
00:16:56,450 --> 00:16:59,583
- Base hit! Yeah!
The crowd goes wild.
291
00:16:59,627 --> 00:17:01,107
[imitates crowd yelling]
292
00:17:01,150 --> 00:17:03,848
Whoo!
[yells]
293
00:17:14,772 --> 00:17:17,688
[soft music box playing]
294
00:17:17,732 --> 00:17:24,869
♪
295
00:17:49,677 --> 00:17:51,113
- What's that song?
296
00:17:54,725 --> 00:17:56,249
- It's whatever
you want it to be.
297
00:18:03,734 --> 00:18:05,606
♪ MacGruber
298
00:18:05,649 --> 00:18:09,914
♪ He's such a little lovey
and I'm proud to be his mommy ♪
299
00:18:09,958 --> 00:18:13,396
♪ MacGruber, he is
the best son ever ♪
300
00:18:13,440 --> 00:18:15,833
♪ And I love him to pieces
301
00:18:15,877 --> 00:18:19,881
♪ MacGruber,
I'll never ever leave him ♪
302
00:18:19,924 --> 00:18:22,318
♪ MacGruber
303
00:18:26,670 --> 00:18:29,630
[tense music]
304
00:18:29,673 --> 00:18:35,984
♪
305
00:18:36,027 --> 00:18:37,942
- Daddy?
306
00:18:40,162 --> 00:18:42,077
- Never cared much
for that song.
307
00:18:47,822 --> 00:18:50,346
Welcome to the nerve center,
MacGruber.
308
00:18:50,390 --> 00:18:52,392
- Love what you've done
with the place.
309
00:18:52,435 --> 00:18:55,656
Although, I think I might
change the wall color.
310
00:18:55,699 --> 00:18:58,093
Maybe put some big splotches
of red
311
00:18:58,137 --> 00:19:00,617
right behind
where your brain is.
312
00:19:00,661 --> 00:19:02,619
- [chuckles]
313
00:19:02,663 --> 00:19:04,491
Can you believe
this little panel here
314
00:19:04,534 --> 00:19:06,406
can cause so much destruction?
315
00:19:06,449 --> 00:19:10,192
Just one little press
of this button, and poof.
316
00:19:10,236 --> 00:19:12,020
Billions dead.
317
00:19:12,063 --> 00:19:14,370
- You can save your breath,
Dad.
318
00:19:14,414 --> 00:19:18,635
'Cause I will never ever join
your little evil plan.
319
00:19:18,679 --> 00:19:21,203
- No one's asking you to,
you fucking dode.
320
00:19:21,247 --> 00:19:22,465
- How dare you!
321
00:19:22,509 --> 00:19:24,989
- What do you say
we get this party started?
322
00:19:27,340 --> 00:19:29,168
- Countdown activated.
323
00:19:29,211 --> 00:19:34,999
♪
324
00:19:35,043 --> 00:19:38,960
- Just so you know,
I can throw my voice.
325
00:19:39,003 --> 00:19:40,744
So if you think you have
my location locked down,
326
00:19:40,788 --> 00:19:42,181
you're probably wrong,
327
00:19:42,224 --> 00:19:45,923
'cause you probably think
I'm standing right here...
328
00:19:47,490 --> 00:19:50,841
[in silly voice] But maybe
I'm standing over here.
329
00:19:52,669 --> 00:19:55,281
[in gruff voice]
Or maybe over here.
330
00:19:55,324 --> 00:19:57,152
[in high-pitched voice]
I could be standing over here.
331
00:19:57,196 --> 00:19:59,720
[balloon pops]
332
00:19:59,763 --> 00:20:01,852
[empty chamber clicking]
333
00:20:14,517 --> 00:20:21,394
♪
334
00:20:33,623 --> 00:20:35,930
- Okay, now I'm pissed.
335
00:20:37,671 --> 00:20:41,501
Fucked up my leg
and my new cargos.
336
00:20:41,544 --> 00:20:42,850
- Call it even?
337
00:20:42,893 --> 00:20:44,112
- You wish.
338
00:20:44,155 --> 00:20:46,506
You see, Lon was like
a brother to me.
339
00:20:46,549 --> 00:20:49,204
You killed my fucking family.
340
00:20:49,248 --> 00:20:52,512
After I kill you, I'm gonna
kill your fucking family.
341
00:20:52,555 --> 00:20:56,777
Then we're even.
342
00:20:56,820 --> 00:20:58,822
You just had
a little baby, right?
343
00:21:04,872 --> 00:21:06,395
- [groans]
344
00:21:06,439 --> 00:21:08,528
- You don't have to do this.
345
00:21:08,571 --> 00:21:10,312
- Oh, but I do.
346
00:21:10,356 --> 00:21:13,228
- You know that means
I have to kill you.
347
00:21:13,272 --> 00:21:15,709
- Now, now.
348
00:21:15,752 --> 00:21:17,058
You know what happens
349
00:21:17,101 --> 00:21:19,930
when little boys are rude
to their daddies.
350
00:21:19,974 --> 00:21:22,063
- What's that?
351
00:21:22,106 --> 00:21:23,107
[groans]
352
00:21:23,151 --> 00:21:25,414
- They get a time-out.
353
00:21:25,458 --> 00:21:28,548
- Fuck you, Dad! Ah!
354
00:21:28,591 --> 00:21:31,594
- Watch your language.
355
00:21:31,638 --> 00:21:38,427
♪
356
00:21:48,002 --> 00:21:53,486
- Oh, Vicki.
I think I found you.
357
00:21:53,529 --> 00:21:55,836
- [in silly voice]
Uh, no you didn't.
358
00:21:55,879 --> 00:22:00,014
- No, I think I did.
359
00:22:00,057 --> 00:22:01,842
Goodbye, Vicki.
360
00:22:01,885 --> 00:22:04,323
- Ow! Ow! Ow!
361
00:22:04,366 --> 00:22:11,330
♪
362
00:22:16,509 --> 00:22:18,249
- Told you I could
throw my voice.
363
00:22:18,293 --> 00:22:19,947
Now let me show you
how to throw yours.
364
00:22:28,912 --> 00:22:31,306
Eww!
365
00:22:31,350 --> 00:22:34,091
[balloon squeaking]
Eww.
366
00:22:35,658 --> 00:22:42,535
♪
367
00:22:53,328 --> 00:22:57,506
- Oh, you're on your feet.
368
00:22:57,550 --> 00:22:58,899
- Yeah.
369
00:22:58,942 --> 00:23:00,553
I thought it'd be
a better way to kill you.
370
00:23:00,596 --> 00:23:02,816
- How you gonna do that?
371
00:23:02,859 --> 00:23:05,166
- Well, actually I had
a pretty complicated plan.
372
00:23:05,209 --> 00:23:07,429
Lots of moves and countermoves,
373
00:23:07,473 --> 00:23:09,344
and I thought
why not just keep it simple
374
00:23:09,388 --> 00:23:12,956
and talk shit about that piece
of shit brother of yours?
375
00:23:13,000 --> 00:23:17,265
Get you so bent out of shape
that you start making mistakes.
376
00:23:17,308 --> 00:23:19,006
Use your own weapon
to cut your head off.
377
00:23:19,049 --> 00:23:20,921
- [chuckles]
378
00:23:20,964 --> 00:23:23,053
Yeah.
Like that would ever work.
379
00:23:23,097 --> 00:23:25,186
- I don't know,
you seem pretty dumb.
380
00:23:25,229 --> 00:23:28,232
- What?
- But Lon seemed even dumber.
381
00:23:28,276 --> 00:23:30,278
- Fuck you!
[yell]
382
00:23:32,715 --> 00:23:34,238
- Checksmate.
383
00:23:43,073 --> 00:23:44,553
Sorry about your pants.
384
00:23:46,076 --> 00:23:48,035
- Two minutes remaining.
385
00:23:48,078 --> 00:23:55,216
♪
386
00:24:03,180 --> 00:24:05,182
- I'll rip your
fucking throat out
387
00:24:05,226 --> 00:24:07,446
and shove it down your throat.
388
00:24:11,058 --> 00:24:15,236
- Can't do it, can you?
What a surprise.
389
00:24:15,279 --> 00:24:18,935
But then again, you and I
never were much alike.
390
00:24:18,979 --> 00:24:23,505
I was always a breast man.
You were way more into butts.
391
00:24:37,954 --> 00:24:40,130
I'm gonna give you
a choice, son.
392
00:24:41,610 --> 00:24:43,873
You can either die now,
393
00:24:43,917 --> 00:24:45,440
or I can let you live
just long enough
394
00:24:45,484 --> 00:24:47,660
to see the end of the world
as we know it.
395
00:24:47,703 --> 00:24:51,054
- Oh, you'd do that for me?
- Ah, you're family.
396
00:24:51,098 --> 00:24:52,534
- You wish.
397
00:24:52,578 --> 00:24:55,494
You have no idea
what a family is.
398
00:24:55,537 --> 00:24:58,888
- Aw, that hurts my feelings.
- Aww, I'm sorry.
399
00:24:58,932 --> 00:25:01,195
- Now, hopefully,
this hurts yours.
400
00:25:09,508 --> 00:25:12,467
- No!
401
00:25:12,511 --> 00:25:14,643
- Oh, Vicki. Hi.
402
00:25:14,687 --> 00:25:18,125
Did you get to see me
shoot MacGruber in the heart?
403
00:25:18,168 --> 00:25:21,258
- MacGruber! No, no, no.
404
00:25:21,302 --> 00:25:24,479
MacGruber. MacGruber!
MacGruber, can you hear me?
405
00:25:24,523 --> 00:25:26,307
Don't go towards the lights.
Stay in the dark.
406
00:25:26,350 --> 00:25:28,439
Whatever you do.
Just stay in the dark!
407
00:25:33,706 --> 00:25:36,622
[sentimental music]
408
00:25:36,665 --> 00:25:41,670
♪
409
00:25:41,714 --> 00:25:44,151
- Casey?
410
00:25:44,194 --> 00:25:47,807
- Do you feel it, MacGruber?
411
00:25:47,850 --> 00:25:49,373
- Oh, my God.
412
00:25:49,417 --> 00:25:52,507
It's like I have
a thousand penises,
413
00:25:52,551 --> 00:25:55,075
and they're all shooting
at the same time.
414
00:25:56,598 --> 00:25:59,514
- That's what it feels like
for women too.
415
00:25:59,558 --> 00:26:02,386
Like we have
a thousand penises.
416
00:26:03,562 --> 00:26:07,870
Now, come to me.
Come to the light.
417
00:26:07,914 --> 00:26:09,524
- But I can't leave Vicki.
418
00:26:09,568 --> 00:26:12,745
- That's not your choice
to make.
419
00:26:12,788 --> 00:26:16,052
When it's time, it's time.
420
00:26:19,360 --> 00:26:22,972
- Mommy, I'm coming home.
421
00:26:23,016 --> 00:26:30,110
♪
422
00:26:37,508 --> 00:26:41,643
- You killed him.
You killed your own son!
423
00:26:41,687 --> 00:26:44,646
- Well, as a parent, you can't
be afraid to discipline.
424
00:26:44,690 --> 00:26:48,389
- 60 seconds
to worldwide destruction.
425
00:26:48,432 --> 00:26:51,305
- You're a monster,
426
00:26:51,348 --> 00:26:54,613
and I am gonna tear you
a new butthole!
427
00:26:54,656 --> 00:26:56,745
- Isn't it a little soon
to be getting intimate
428
00:26:56,789 --> 00:26:58,660
with another guy?
429
00:26:58,704 --> 00:27:00,880
Let alone his dad?
430
00:27:00,923 --> 00:27:02,272
Kinky.
431
00:27:02,316 --> 00:27:03,447
- I wouldn't get intimate
with you
432
00:27:03,491 --> 00:27:06,581
for all the Jelly Bellies
in the world.
433
00:27:06,625 --> 00:27:08,235
- Your loss.
434
00:27:08,278 --> 00:27:10,498
- Go ahead. Shoot me.
435
00:27:10,541 --> 00:27:12,674
I would rather be dead
than live in a world
436
00:27:12,718 --> 00:27:14,371
without MacGruber.
437
00:27:14,415 --> 00:27:16,286
- Ah, the lady means business.
438
00:27:16,330 --> 00:27:18,898
- Oh, yeah, you bet I do,
because you just killed
439
00:27:18,941 --> 00:27:23,076
the greatest living man
to ever walk this earth.
440
00:27:23,119 --> 00:27:24,512
- If you're dumb enough
to believe that,
441
00:27:24,555 --> 00:27:27,254
then you two really
were meant for each other.
442
00:27:27,297 --> 00:27:29,169
- You could say that
443
00:27:29,212 --> 00:27:31,737
we were like two peas in a pod.
444
00:27:31,780 --> 00:27:33,652
Bangers and mash.
445
00:27:33,695 --> 00:27:36,916
Brooks & Dunn.
Jack and the Box.
446
00:27:36,959 --> 00:27:38,091
- Ten seconds.
447
00:27:38,134 --> 00:27:42,095
We were so locked
into a rhythm.
448
00:27:42,138 --> 00:27:43,444
- Seven.
449
00:27:43,487 --> 00:27:45,315
It was almost like we could
450
00:27:45,359 --> 00:27:49,363
read each other's minds.
451
00:27:49,406 --> 00:27:52,366
[dramatic music]
452
00:27:52,409 --> 00:27:56,109
♪
453
00:27:56,152 --> 00:27:58,241
[MacGruber yelling]
454
00:27:58,285 --> 00:28:05,161
- No!
455
00:28:20,176 --> 00:28:25,181
- Sequence terminated.
456
00:28:31,361 --> 00:28:33,799
- MacGruber, we did it.
457
00:28:33,842 --> 00:28:35,975
- [laughs]
458
00:28:36,018 --> 00:28:37,890
We sure did.
459
00:28:37,933 --> 00:28:39,892
- Where did you get
a rocket launcher?
460
00:28:39,935 --> 00:28:42,111
- I got it from my brother.
461
00:28:42,155 --> 00:28:44,766
- You have a brother?
462
00:28:44,810 --> 00:28:46,289
- He does now.
463
00:28:48,814 --> 00:28:51,773
[triumphant music]
464
00:28:51,817 --> 00:28:57,605
♪
465
00:28:59,085 --> 00:29:02,566
[laughter]
466
00:29:13,360 --> 00:29:17,451
- For distinguished service
to the country and the world,
467
00:29:17,494 --> 00:29:21,368
we salute Lieutenant Colonel
Dixon Piper,
468
00:29:21,411 --> 00:29:23,283
MacGruber,
469
00:29:23,326 --> 00:29:27,113
and Vicki St. Elmo
MacGruber Fasoose MacGruber.
470
00:29:27,156 --> 00:29:29,855
[applause]
471
00:29:29,898 --> 00:29:33,815
[victorious music]
472
00:29:33,859 --> 00:29:35,382
- [mouths word]
473
00:29:39,212 --> 00:29:40,648
Get in here.
474
00:29:40,691 --> 00:29:47,786
♪
475
00:29:53,879 --> 00:29:56,316
So then I shot
a rocket-propelled RPG
476
00:29:56,359 --> 00:29:59,362
straight through Vicki's legs
right into my dad's face,
477
00:29:59,406 --> 00:30:01,408
and it was just dad chunks
for days.
478
00:30:03,062 --> 00:30:04,715
- I think I'm gonna go
put her down.
479
00:30:04,759 --> 00:30:06,195
- But hurry back.
480
00:30:06,239 --> 00:30:08,328
I got a primo story about
rippin' a dude's nose off
481
00:30:08,371 --> 00:30:10,460
and then stabbin' him
through the brain.
482
00:30:10,504 --> 00:30:11,766
- Hey, wait a second.
483
00:30:11,810 --> 00:30:12,854
How the hell did you survive
484
00:30:12,898 --> 00:30:15,074
a gunshot point blank
in the chest?
485
00:30:15,117 --> 00:30:18,381
- That, my friend,
was all Vicki.
486
00:30:18,425 --> 00:30:21,036
- Wow. What is that?
487
00:30:21,080 --> 00:30:23,430
- That's a locket
with Vicki's pubic hair in it.
488
00:30:23,473 --> 00:30:25,519
- Huh?
- Yeah.
489
00:30:25,562 --> 00:30:27,521
- He literally dodged a bullet.
490
00:30:27,564 --> 00:30:29,088
- By the thinnest of hairs,
491
00:30:29,131 --> 00:30:31,133
but there are
some fake ones in there too.
492
00:30:31,177 --> 00:30:33,483
- Thanks.
493
00:30:33,527 --> 00:30:35,442
- Hey, Pipe, I'm gonna go grab
another Molson.
494
00:30:35,485 --> 00:30:37,270
You want one?
- You know it, Grubes.
495
00:30:37,313 --> 00:30:39,228
- You got it.
496
00:30:39,272 --> 00:30:41,665
- My locket has his pubic hair.
Wanna see?
497
00:30:41,709 --> 00:30:42,928
- Peekaboo.
498
00:30:42,971 --> 00:30:45,887
- Oh, my God. Mom.
499
00:30:45,931 --> 00:30:48,237
- Hello, MacGruber.
500
00:30:48,281 --> 00:30:50,892
Hey, know why Molson
is my favorite beer?
501
00:30:50,936 --> 00:30:52,198
- Why?
502
00:30:52,241 --> 00:30:54,548
- Because it has
the word "son" inside of it.
503
00:30:54,591 --> 00:30:57,246
- [laughs]
Oh, you.
504
00:30:57,290 --> 00:30:59,118
Well, then you'll love Vicki,
505
00:30:59,161 --> 00:31:02,512
because she also has
your son inside of her.
506
00:31:02,556 --> 00:31:04,253
I mean, not right now.
507
00:31:04,297 --> 00:31:07,561
- [laughs]
Oh, MacGruber.
508
00:31:07,604 --> 00:31:09,606
I've missed you so.
509
00:31:09,650 --> 00:31:11,173
- I've missed you so.
510
00:31:11,217 --> 00:31:14,002
But someday,
we'll be together again.
511
00:31:14,046 --> 00:31:17,049
- Not for a while,
because you're about to go
512
00:31:17,092 --> 00:31:20,226
on the most important mission
of your life.
513
00:31:20,269 --> 00:31:23,620
- What do you mean? What--
514
00:31:23,664 --> 00:31:26,536
Mom. Mom? Mom!
515
00:31:30,889 --> 00:31:32,194
- Ah, I love it,
especially when
516
00:31:32,238 --> 00:31:33,543
one little hair peeks out.
517
00:31:33,587 --> 00:31:35,023
It's like he's tickling me.
518
00:31:35,067 --> 00:31:36,677
- Ah, here you go, brother.
- Thanks, Grubes.
519
00:31:36,720 --> 00:31:37,765
- Hard lemonade, Vick?
520
00:31:37,808 --> 00:31:39,462
- Oh, no thanks.
521
00:31:39,506 --> 00:31:41,203
- I can't believe
what I'm hearing here.
522
00:31:41,247 --> 00:31:44,032
This one's usually loves
lemonade with vodka in it.
523
00:31:44,076 --> 00:31:47,601
What gives, Vick? Pussy.
524
00:31:47,644 --> 00:31:50,996
- What gives is,
525
00:31:51,039 --> 00:31:52,475
I'm pregnant.
526
00:31:53,999 --> 00:31:55,087
- Oh, my God.
- What?
527
00:31:55,130 --> 00:31:56,044
- Congratulations.
- What?
528
00:31:56,088 --> 00:31:58,655
- I can't--oh, my!
529
00:31:58,699 --> 00:32:00,048
- A little Gruber.
530
00:32:00,092 --> 00:32:02,224
[sentimental music]
531
00:32:02,268 --> 00:32:05,314
- And the fatherless
becomes the fatherer.
532
00:32:08,535 --> 00:32:10,885
Hey, you guys, let's all go
celebrate and dance!
533
00:32:10,929 --> 00:32:12,495
- Yeah!
- Whoo-hoo.
534
00:32:12,539 --> 00:32:15,542
- ♪ I got a good job
I work hard for my money ♪
535
00:32:15,585 --> 00:32:19,241
♪ When it's quittin' time
I hit the door, honey ♪
536
00:32:19,285 --> 00:32:21,809
♪ I fire up my pickup truck
537
00:32:21,852 --> 00:32:23,985
♪ And let the horses run
538
00:32:24,029 --> 00:32:26,205
[Brooks & Dunn's
"Boot Scootin' Boogie"]
539
00:32:26,248 --> 00:32:28,903
♪ I go flyin'
down that highway ♪
540
00:32:28,947 --> 00:32:32,602
♪ To that hide-a-way
stuck out in the woods ♪
541
00:32:32,646 --> 00:32:36,911
♪ To do
the boot scootin' boogie ♪
542
00:32:36,955 --> 00:32:39,522
♪ Yeah, heel, toe, do-si-do,
543
00:32:39,566 --> 00:32:42,699
♪ Come on baby
let's go boot scootin' ♪
544
00:32:42,743 --> 00:32:44,310
♪
545
00:32:44,353 --> 00:32:48,705
♪ Oh, Cadillac, blackjack,
baby meet me out back ♪
546
00:32:48,749 --> 00:32:51,534
♪ We're gonna boogie
547
00:32:51,578 --> 00:32:55,277
♪ Oh, get down,
turn around, go to town ♪
548
00:32:55,321 --> 00:32:57,758
♪ Boot scootin boogie
549
00:32:57,801 --> 00:33:04,939
♪
550
00:33:20,999 --> 00:33:24,872
♪ I said, get down
turn around, go to town ♪
551
00:33:24,915 --> 00:33:27,483
♪ Boot scootin' boogie
552
00:33:27,527 --> 00:33:31,531
♪
37882
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