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1
00:00:29,942 --> 00:00:31,857
That's the point.
2
00:00:36,601 --> 00:00:40,649
One square mile,
three minutes.
3
00:00:40,692 --> 00:00:42,520
Everything is dead.
4
00:00:42,564 --> 00:00:44,914
Brimstone is fully functional.
5
00:00:47,221 --> 00:00:48,526
Burn it.
6
00:01:21,951 --> 00:01:26,912
♪ MacGruber
7
00:01:33,223 --> 00:01:35,573
Well, someone was
in a rush this morning.
8
00:01:35,617 --> 00:01:37,575
You didn't even neatly
make your side of the bed
9
00:01:37,619 --> 00:01:39,577
while I was still sleeping
like you usually do.
10
00:01:39,621 --> 00:01:40,622
Big day.
11
00:01:40,665 --> 00:01:42,189
I'm probably gonna
be home late.
12
00:01:42,232 --> 00:01:44,147
Oh, but it's Christmas Eve.
13
00:01:44,191 --> 00:01:45,757
Oh, believe me,
I would much rather
14
00:01:45,801 --> 00:01:48,108
spend the day tracking down
one of your famous
15
00:01:48,151 --> 00:01:50,414
homemade cinnamon rolls.
16
00:01:50,458 --> 00:01:51,763
Listen, I'm really sorry
about everything
17
00:01:51,807 --> 00:01:53,287
that I've put you through
the last few days.
18
00:01:53,330 --> 00:01:54,592
I promise
I'll make it up to you.
19
00:01:54,636 --> 00:01:56,464
I'm just so happy
to have you home, honey.
20
00:01:56,507 --> 00:01:57,334
Oh.
21
00:01:57,378 --> 00:02:00,468
I have something for you.
22
00:02:01,686 --> 00:02:04,167
Oh, wow.
23
00:02:04,211 --> 00:02:06,213
This is great.
24
00:02:06,256 --> 00:02:08,476
Did you make this?
25
00:02:08,519 --> 00:02:11,174
No, I don't know how to do
advanced metalwork.
26
00:02:11,218 --> 00:02:14,351
If I had that kind of skill,
I think you would know that.
27
00:02:14,395 --> 00:02:15,961
Yeah.
28
00:02:16,005 --> 00:02:19,791
Besides, it's not from me.
It's actually from MacGruber.
29
00:02:19,835 --> 00:02:21,445
- MacGruber?
- He came by last night.
30
00:02:21,489 --> 00:02:23,317
Only for a little bit,
but I swear,
31
00:02:23,360 --> 00:02:24,361
it's not a big deal.
He was just--
32
00:02:24,405 --> 00:02:25,841
I understand.
33
00:02:25,884 --> 00:02:26,972
Mm-hmm.
34
00:02:27,016 --> 00:02:28,104
Oh.
35
00:02:28,148 --> 00:02:29,540
Okay.
36
00:02:29,584 --> 00:02:32,804
I got the feeling he was...
saying goodbye.
37
00:02:32,848 --> 00:02:34,154
Mm.
38
00:02:34,197 --> 00:02:36,504
Anyway, he said that was
his good luck charm,
39
00:02:36,547 --> 00:02:37,896
and he really wanted you
to have it.
40
00:02:37,940 --> 00:02:39,507
And there's actually
a story attached to it
41
00:02:39,550 --> 00:02:40,595
that I would like
to share with you now.
42
00:02:40,638 --> 00:02:41,900
Uh-huh.
43
00:02:41,944 --> 00:02:43,467
After the first night
that we made love--
44
00:02:43,511 --> 00:02:46,644
Hon, I just--
I should really get going.
45
00:02:46,688 --> 00:02:48,342
Okay, well, I'll tell you
the story next time.
46
00:02:48,385 --> 00:02:49,865
- Okay.
- Here, let me put it on you.
47
00:02:49,908 --> 00:02:51,954
Okay.
48
00:02:51,997 --> 00:02:54,435
Just FYI, there's something
of mine inside.
49
00:02:54,478 --> 00:02:56,176
- Oh.
- Just don't open it
50
00:02:56,219 --> 00:02:58,308
over a cup of coffee.
Mm.
51
00:02:58,352 --> 00:03:00,615
Sorry, his neck sweat
52
00:03:00,658 --> 00:03:02,704
probably rusted the clasp
a little bit...
53
00:03:02,747 --> 00:03:04,836
oh, got it.
54
00:03:04,880 --> 00:03:06,186
All right, thanks.
55
00:03:06,229 --> 00:03:08,231
- Hey.
- Yeah?
56
00:03:08,275 --> 00:03:09,319
Is everything okay?
57
00:03:09,363 --> 00:03:10,712
It's just
this Queeth business.
58
00:03:10,755 --> 00:03:13,410
It's just taken over my mind
and...
59
00:03:13,454 --> 00:03:15,499
Look, I've just gotta
get through today
60
00:03:15,543 --> 00:03:17,458
and everything should be
different.
61
00:03:17,501 --> 00:03:18,763
I mean, better.
62
00:03:18,807 --> 00:03:22,027
All right, well,
good luck, honey.
63
00:03:22,071 --> 00:03:24,595
Thank you, Victoria.
64
00:03:28,208 --> 00:03:29,948
Say...
65
00:03:29,992 --> 00:03:31,472
after this is all over,
what do you say we fly
66
00:03:31,515 --> 00:03:33,256
down to Aruba, get out of here?
67
00:03:33,300 --> 00:03:34,518
Second honeymoon.
68
00:03:34,562 --> 00:03:37,347
Wipe the slate clean.
Start fresh.
69
00:03:37,391 --> 00:03:38,914
Yeah, I'd really like that.
70
00:03:38,957 --> 00:03:40,611
Me too.
71
00:03:40,655 --> 00:03:41,612
Me too.
72
00:03:41,656 --> 00:03:46,356
Love you so goddamn much.
73
00:03:46,400 --> 00:03:48,097
Oh, honey, you left your...
74
00:03:53,102 --> 00:03:54,669
How did the test go, sir?
75
00:03:54,712 --> 00:03:57,976
Well, it depends who you ask.
76
00:03:58,020 --> 00:04:01,066
The cows were not a fan.
77
00:04:01,110 --> 00:04:03,373
Merry Christmas to all...
78
00:04:03,417 --> 00:04:06,071
and to all a good...
79
00:04:06,115 --> 00:04:07,899
fuck!
80
00:04:07,943 --> 00:04:09,727
Oh, don't worry, Queeth.
81
00:04:09,771 --> 00:04:13,644
You'll get yours soon enough,
I promise you that.
82
00:04:13,688 --> 00:04:16,865
For my mother, for my father,
83
00:04:16,908 --> 00:04:18,910
for justice and honor,
84
00:04:18,954 --> 00:04:20,695
for the millions of p--
85
00:04:22,131 --> 00:04:24,264
Oh, shit, fuck, fuck, fuck! Ah!
86
00:04:34,448 --> 00:04:36,928
I got something here.
87
00:04:36,972 --> 00:04:39,540
Oh, these blankets
are so comfortable.
88
00:04:39,583 --> 00:04:41,281
Wait, is somebody there?
Is somebody there?
89
00:04:41,324 --> 00:04:43,021
Look, I mean no harm.
90
00:04:43,065 --> 00:04:45,415
Please, I have money.
Don't hurt me.
91
00:04:45,459 --> 00:04:47,504
Don't hurt me.
Please don't hurt me,
92
00:04:47,548 --> 00:04:49,637
you fucking piece of shit.
93
00:04:49,680 --> 00:04:52,117
Ah!
94
00:04:52,161 --> 00:04:53,771
Got your nose.
95
00:04:53,815 --> 00:04:54,685
What the fuck?
96
00:04:54,729 --> 00:04:55,991
Hey, got a joke for you.
97
00:04:56,034 --> 00:04:58,602
What did the hunting knife
say to your head?
98
00:05:00,474 --> 00:05:01,475
Just passing through.
99
00:05:07,655 --> 00:05:10,962
Now he has
an all-terrain vehicle.
100
00:05:11,006 --> 00:05:12,355
Got another ping
from Southern Command.
101
00:05:12,399 --> 00:05:13,965
They're requesting access
to Delta files.
102
00:05:14,009 --> 00:05:15,184
Approved.
103
00:05:15,227 --> 00:05:17,708
Sir, you have a phone call.
It's them.
104
00:05:17,752 --> 00:05:21,016
- Get me a secure line, Major.
- Yes, sir.
105
00:05:25,716 --> 00:05:27,457
Enos Queeth, I presume?
106
00:05:27,501 --> 00:05:28,806
Oh, no, General.
107
00:05:28,850 --> 00:05:31,200
This is the ghost
of Christmas future.
108
00:05:31,243 --> 00:05:34,638
And the future is looking
very bright indeed.
109
00:05:34,682 --> 00:05:36,858
Oh, yeah, why is that?
110
00:05:36,901 --> 00:05:40,992
Because you are about
to pay me 50 billion dollars.
111
00:05:41,036 --> 00:05:42,603
50 billion?
112
00:05:42,646 --> 00:05:43,908
What are you planning?
113
00:05:43,952 --> 00:05:45,649
Let's just say
that tomorrow morning
114
00:05:45,693 --> 00:05:47,825
Santa and his reindeer
are going to deliver
115
00:05:47,869 --> 00:05:50,480
the biggest present
the world has ever seen.
116
00:05:50,524 --> 00:05:52,090
And if we don't get
that money,
117
00:05:52,134 --> 00:05:53,744
that will just be
the beginning.
118
00:05:53,788 --> 00:05:56,312
You know damn well
the United States government
119
00:05:56,356 --> 00:05:58,793
does not negotiate
with terrorists.
120
00:05:58,836 --> 00:06:00,490
We'll see if you still
feel that way
121
00:06:00,534 --> 00:06:02,492
after tomorrow morning.
122
00:06:02,536 --> 00:06:04,276
Damn it, Queeth,
you listen to me!
123
00:06:04,320 --> 00:06:05,626
Bye.
124
00:06:11,196 --> 00:06:14,852
Santa's starting to
get on my goddamn nerves.
125
00:06:16,941 --> 00:06:21,598
Well, well, well, Queeth's
got himself quite the army.
126
00:06:21,642 --> 00:06:23,731
So we got two options.
127
00:06:25,210 --> 00:06:29,084
Option A, we pack up our shit
and throw in the towel.
128
00:06:29,127 --> 00:06:35,177
Option B, we go down there
and kill everything in sight.
129
00:06:35,220 --> 00:06:36,396
What do you say, bud?
130
00:06:39,660 --> 00:06:42,053
Looks like the nose have it.
131
00:06:44,882 --> 00:06:47,189
Time to go make some widows.
132
00:07:09,124 --> 00:07:12,475
Smells like Queeth in here.
133
00:07:12,519 --> 00:07:15,043
All right.
134
00:07:15,086 --> 00:07:17,698
Time to hand out
the party favors.
135
00:07:29,274 --> 00:07:31,799
Things that make you go boom.
136
00:07:39,850 --> 00:07:43,463
Hope you weren't planning on
not exploding tonight.
137
00:07:50,121 --> 00:07:53,734
You can dish it out,
but can you take it?
138
00:08:09,706 --> 00:08:12,535
Ready to be part of
throat rip history?
139
00:08:19,237 --> 00:08:21,457
The ol' reverse throat rip,
140
00:08:21,501 --> 00:08:23,938
the holy grail of throat rips.
141
00:08:23,981 --> 00:08:26,331
And they said
it couldn't be done.
142
00:08:26,375 --> 00:08:31,380
But we did it, didn't we,
you dead piece of fucking shit?
143
00:08:31,423 --> 00:08:33,817
Ah.
144
00:08:33,861 --> 00:08:37,952
Looks like our little
barbecue's about to begin.
145
00:08:37,995 --> 00:08:39,954
Hope you like
your meat well-done.
146
00:08:52,706 --> 00:08:54,142
Tonight, it begins!
147
00:08:56,623 --> 00:08:59,930
Tonight, it ends.
148
00:08:59,974 --> 00:09:03,064
20 years ago,
we were exiled.
149
00:09:03,107 --> 00:09:06,633
Spit out, left for dead.
150
00:09:06,676 --> 00:09:08,156
We are the forgotten.
151
00:09:08,199 --> 00:09:10,811
The discarded.
152
00:09:10,854 --> 00:09:13,161
We're ghosts.
153
00:09:13,204 --> 00:09:15,380
Tomorrow,
the children of the world
154
00:09:15,424 --> 00:09:18,732
will receive
a very special present.
155
00:09:18,775 --> 00:09:20,864
Not a sweater.
156
00:09:20,908 --> 00:09:23,127
Not a Beanie Baby.
157
00:09:23,171 --> 00:09:25,347
Not a shiny new trike.
158
00:09:25,390 --> 00:09:29,873
No, this present is something
far more interesting.
159
00:09:29,917 --> 00:09:31,701
This present...
160
00:09:31,745 --> 00:09:33,224
it melts faces.
161
00:09:33,268 --> 00:09:36,663
It makes your eyes
pour out of your sockets
162
00:09:36,706 --> 00:09:38,186
like water.
163
00:09:38,229 --> 00:09:41,189
It closes throats,
it voids bowels.
164
00:09:41,232 --> 00:09:44,192
Kills by the millions.
165
00:09:44,235 --> 00:09:47,325
And it all could've been
avoided.
166
00:09:47,369 --> 00:09:52,722
The United States does not
negotiate with patriots.
167
00:09:52,766 --> 00:09:54,071
Well, fuck them.
168
00:09:55,856 --> 00:09:57,553
They may have forgotten
169
00:09:57,597 --> 00:10:00,643
the hell that they
put us through.
170
00:10:00,687 --> 00:10:02,906
But tomorrow,
171
00:10:02,950 --> 00:10:07,084
they will remember our names.
172
00:10:07,128 --> 00:10:09,347
To vengeance!
173
00:10:09,391 --> 00:10:11,306
To vengeance.
174
00:10:19,619 --> 00:10:21,142
Sir,
there's a bogey approaching.
175
00:10:21,185 --> 00:10:23,753
MacGruber.
176
00:10:31,587 --> 00:10:33,067
Take him out.
Fire!
177
00:10:38,376 --> 00:10:40,335
Hold your fire!
178
00:11:02,096 --> 00:11:03,358
Get back!
179
00:11:15,239 --> 00:11:16,676
Find him!
180
00:11:22,203 --> 00:11:23,291
God!
181
00:11:31,995 --> 00:11:34,955
Damn it, fall back!
182
00:12:00,545 --> 00:12:04,288
Fuck you, Queeth!
Come and fucking get it.
183
00:12:06,856 --> 00:12:09,467
Look likes we got
a little rodent problem.
184
00:12:18,215 --> 00:12:20,870
Where are you, MacGruber?
185
00:12:20,914 --> 00:12:22,306
We know you're in here.
186
00:12:27,485 --> 00:12:30,184
There's no escape, MacGruber!
187
00:12:30,227 --> 00:12:32,534
Gonna find you.
188
00:12:32,577 --> 00:12:34,797
Where the fuck are you,
MacGruber?
189
00:12:34,841 --> 00:12:37,452
Dick shot!
190
00:12:39,497 --> 00:12:42,283
Oh, my fucking dick!
191
00:12:42,326 --> 00:12:44,154
You shot me in the dick.
192
00:12:44,198 --> 00:12:46,591
Don't worry, guys,
I got this.
193
00:12:50,378 --> 00:12:52,249
I know where you're hiding now,
MacGruber.
194
00:12:55,426 --> 00:12:56,819
No, you don't.
195
00:12:56,863 --> 00:12:59,126
You know the best thing
about this weapon?
196
00:12:59,169 --> 00:13:02,738
It fires
armor-piercing bullets.
197
00:13:02,782 --> 00:13:05,393
Well, Queeth, as long as
we're doing riddles,
198
00:13:05,436 --> 00:13:06,960
I got one for you.
199
00:13:07,003 --> 00:13:09,179
You know the best part
about seeing your mother
200
00:13:09,223 --> 00:13:10,877
get killed in front
of your eyes?
201
00:13:10,920 --> 00:13:12,139
What's that?
202
00:13:12,182 --> 00:13:14,228
Nothing.
203
00:13:14,271 --> 00:13:16,186
Drop your fucking piece.
Okay, okay.
204
00:13:16,230 --> 00:13:17,579
All right, just please--
205
00:13:17,622 --> 00:13:19,537
please don't,
just don't--don't shoot me.
206
00:13:19,581 --> 00:13:21,191
Okay? Just please
just don't shoot me.
207
00:13:21,235 --> 00:13:22,410
I'm beg--I'm...
208
00:13:22,453 --> 00:13:24,238
I'm--I'm--I'm begging you.
209
00:13:24,281 --> 00:13:25,326
I'm begging you, please!
210
00:13:25,369 --> 00:13:28,024
You--you--you bested me again.
211
00:13:28,068 --> 00:13:30,722
Seeing you there
on the ground, crying,
212
00:13:30,766 --> 00:13:33,247
pleading, begging for your life
213
00:13:33,290 --> 00:13:36,598
is such "Chicken Soup
for the Soul."
214
00:13:36,641 --> 00:13:38,469
I've been waiting
to do this to you
215
00:13:38,513 --> 00:13:41,255
since I was five
fucking years old.
216
00:13:42,473 --> 00:13:45,476
I got good news
and I got bad news, bud.
217
00:13:45,520 --> 00:13:47,914
The good news, not gonna
shoot you with bullets.
218
00:13:47,957 --> 00:13:51,047
And the bad news...
219
00:13:51,091 --> 00:13:53,484
I'm gonna shoot you with fists.
220
00:13:53,528 --> 00:13:56,923
Get on your feet,
come on, let's dance!
221
00:14:00,665 --> 00:14:02,798
Oh, what's so funny, huh?
222
00:14:02,842 --> 00:14:05,148
You think about
your favorite "Dilbert" quote?
223
00:14:05,192 --> 00:14:08,282
Huh, you little fuckin' dumbass
"Dilbert" fan?
224
00:14:08,325 --> 00:14:10,371
Oh, no, I'm--
225
00:14:10,414 --> 00:14:12,112
I'm--I'm laughing about this.
226
00:14:12,155 --> 00:14:13,635
Mother fuck!
227
00:14:13,678 --> 00:14:16,203
That's right,
I had a second gun.
228
00:14:16,246 --> 00:14:18,814
It's pretty funny, isn't it?
229
00:14:18,858 --> 00:14:20,598
By the way...
230
00:14:20,642 --> 00:14:22,209
I am a "Dilbert" fan.
231
00:14:22,252 --> 00:14:26,039
Knew it.
You suck so hard!
232
00:14:26,082 --> 00:14:29,129
Goodbye, MacGruber.
233
00:14:37,441 --> 00:14:38,921
General.
234
00:14:38,965 --> 00:14:40,009
Hello, MacGruber.
235
00:14:40,053 --> 00:14:42,185
Enos.
236
00:14:42,229 --> 00:14:44,840
Just put the gun down.
237
00:14:44,884 --> 00:14:46,450
Let's just talk about this
for a minute.
238
00:14:46,494 --> 00:14:49,018
I think the time
for talking is over.
239
00:14:49,062 --> 00:14:51,978
Think about
what you are doing.
240
00:14:52,021 --> 00:14:53,805
Ah!
241
00:14:53,849 --> 00:14:56,286
Oh!
242
00:14:56,330 --> 00:14:58,941
Oh, my God, General,
you got here just in time.
243
00:14:58,985 --> 00:15:00,203
Thank you so much!
244
00:15:00,247 --> 00:15:02,553
You saved my life!
245
00:15:02,597 --> 00:15:04,164
And look...
246
00:15:04,207 --> 00:15:06,906
I owe you a huge apology.
247
00:15:06,949 --> 00:15:08,690
I am so sorry.
248
00:15:08,733 --> 00:15:10,170
- MacGruber--
- No, I need to say this.
249
00:15:10,213 --> 00:15:12,172
I need to say this!
250
00:15:12,215 --> 00:15:15,001
Look, I've called you
so many nasty things
251
00:15:15,044 --> 00:15:17,090
behind your back.
252
00:15:17,133 --> 00:15:18,395
I've called you a dirty diaper
253
00:15:18,439 --> 00:15:20,484
with arms, legs,
and half a brain.
254
00:15:20,528 --> 00:15:23,183
Yeah, I said that about you.
255
00:15:23,226 --> 00:15:26,012
I called you a fucker,
a fuckhead, fuckface.
256
00:15:26,055 --> 00:15:30,016
I said you're a motherfucker,
a dicknose, dickface, dickhead,
257
00:15:30,059 --> 00:15:31,800
shiteater, shitmouth,
258
00:15:31,843 --> 00:15:35,325
fuckin' tool, fuckin' asshole,
fuckin' buttwipe,
259
00:15:35,369 --> 00:15:37,806
shitdick, shittitty, tittydick,
260
00:15:37,849 --> 00:15:40,635
a little bitch, piece of fuck,
piece of shit.
261
00:15:40,678 --> 00:15:41,984
And I'll put 'em together
and call you
262
00:15:42,028 --> 00:15:43,507
a piece of fucking
titty-dick shit.
263
00:15:43,551 --> 00:15:46,554
You know,
I called you all that stuff.
264
00:15:46,597 --> 00:15:48,643
But I was wrong.
265
00:15:48,686 --> 00:15:51,994
'Cause you're not
a piece of fuckin' shit.
266
00:15:52,038 --> 00:15:54,954
You're a piece
of fucking friend.
267
00:15:54,997 --> 00:15:57,913
And I mean that.
268
00:15:57,957 --> 00:15:59,610
Thank you, MacGruber,
and now it's time for me
269
00:15:59,654 --> 00:16:01,221
to apologize to you.
270
00:16:01,264 --> 00:16:02,918
For what?
271
00:16:02,962 --> 00:16:03,875
For this.
272
00:16:03,919 --> 00:16:05,399
What the hell are you doing?
273
00:16:05,442 --> 00:16:08,880
Just finishing up the job
my dead colleague started.
274
00:16:08,924 --> 00:16:11,709
Oh, you piece of fucking
titty-dick shit!
275
00:16:11,753 --> 00:16:13,450
So you're in on this too?
276
00:16:13,494 --> 00:16:14,756
Let's just say
Queeth and I
277
00:16:14,799 --> 00:16:17,063
had a mutually beneficial
relationship.
278
00:16:17,106 --> 00:16:18,760
I helped him get you
out of jail,
279
00:16:18,803 --> 00:16:20,544
so he could get his hands
on Brimstone,
280
00:16:20,588 --> 00:16:22,633
and he gave me the one thing,
281
00:16:22,677 --> 00:16:25,941
the one thing in this world,
that I want most:
282
00:16:25,985 --> 00:16:27,899
your death.
283
00:16:27,943 --> 00:16:29,901
See, as long as you're alive,
284
00:16:29,945 --> 00:16:32,513
Victoria will never be able
to give me her whole heart.
285
00:16:32,556 --> 00:16:34,950
And that is why
I have to kill you.
286
00:16:34,994 --> 00:16:37,779
Barrett, look,
I got a news flash for ya.
287
00:16:37,822 --> 00:16:40,434
Vicki married you.
She adores you!
288
00:16:40,477 --> 00:16:42,784
This is all
just in your imagination.
289
00:16:42,827 --> 00:16:46,048
Oh, it's in my imagination
every time I caught her
290
00:16:46,092 --> 00:16:47,441
looking through
your wedding album?
291
00:16:47,484 --> 00:16:49,182
Every time
she shouted your name
292
00:16:49,225 --> 00:16:50,661
when we were making love?
293
00:16:50,705 --> 00:16:52,794
Don't you understand?
294
00:16:52,837 --> 00:16:54,709
So this whole thing,
295
00:16:54,752 --> 00:16:58,321
all the death,
all the destruction,
296
00:16:58,365 --> 00:16:59,714
it's all just for Vicki?
297
00:16:59,757 --> 00:17:01,803
That's right, MacGruber.
298
00:17:01,846 --> 00:17:03,718
I did it all for the nookie.
299
00:17:03,761 --> 00:17:05,981
Vicki would be
so disappointed.
300
00:17:06,025 --> 00:17:08,331
Well, it's a good thing
she's not gonna find out.
301
00:17:08,375 --> 00:17:09,941
'Cause now that Queeth is dead,
302
00:17:09,985 --> 00:17:11,769
there's only two people
in the whole world
303
00:17:11,813 --> 00:17:13,380
that know about this,
304
00:17:13,423 --> 00:17:16,644
and one of them
is about to die.
305
00:17:24,521 --> 00:17:26,349
You sure about that, Barrett?
306
00:17:28,134 --> 00:17:30,701
Victoria? What are you doing
here?
307
00:17:30,745 --> 00:17:32,660
Oh, I'd ask you
the same thing
308
00:17:32,703 --> 00:17:34,705
but I think I've heard enough.
309
00:17:34,749 --> 00:17:36,490
Please, baby, I can explain.
310
00:17:36,533 --> 00:17:38,405
Don't you "baby" me, baby!
311
00:17:38,448 --> 00:17:40,102
You got it all wrong, baby.
312
00:17:40,146 --> 00:17:42,235
No, you know what,
I think for the first time
313
00:17:42,278 --> 00:17:43,932
I got it all right.
314
00:17:43,975 --> 00:17:45,847
When I told you MacGruber
came by last night,
315
00:17:45,890 --> 00:17:47,109
you didn't clench your fist
316
00:17:47,153 --> 00:17:49,590
or snap a pencil
like you usually do,
317
00:17:49,633 --> 00:17:51,505
and that struck me as strange.
318
00:17:51,548 --> 00:17:55,509
And then you happened to leave
a classified dossier at home.
319
00:17:55,552 --> 00:17:56,858
General Barrett Fasoose
320
00:17:56,901 --> 00:17:59,078
doesn't normally
make mistakes like that.
321
00:17:59,121 --> 00:18:01,167
That's when I knew
something was up.
322
00:18:01,210 --> 00:18:04,344
So I followed the coordinates
on your little map
323
00:18:04,387 --> 00:18:06,868
and I ended up here.
324
00:18:06,911 --> 00:18:11,699
And to think I trusted you
with my heart, and my body...
325
00:18:11,742 --> 00:18:13,570
and my song.
326
00:18:14,963 --> 00:18:18,706
♪ And you betrayed
my precious ♪
327
00:18:18,749 --> 00:18:23,711
♪ Trust
328
00:18:23,754 --> 00:18:29,673
♪ Let me make it up
to you, baby ♪
329
00:18:31,153 --> 00:18:32,285
All right, look,
I did it all for you
330
00:18:32,328 --> 00:18:34,069
and you want to
throw it away on that?
331
00:18:34,113 --> 00:18:36,202
"That?"
332
00:18:36,245 --> 00:18:40,162
That is the most perfect man
I have ever laid eyes on.
333
00:18:40,206 --> 00:18:43,209
And yeah, sure,
he's impetuous, brash,
334
00:18:43,252 --> 00:18:46,908
hotheaded, conceited, selfish,
thoughtless, reckless,
335
00:18:46,951 --> 00:18:51,173
but he also has a major problem
with impulse control.
336
00:18:51,217 --> 00:18:53,175
But none of that matters.
337
00:18:53,219 --> 00:18:56,439
'Cause he is by far
the least endowed lover
338
00:18:56,483 --> 00:18:58,180
I have ever had.
339
00:18:58,224 --> 00:19:01,314
So yeah, he may be
hung like a butterfly,
340
00:19:01,357 --> 00:19:04,317
but he stings like a gnat.
341
00:19:04,360 --> 00:19:05,361
Please, Victoria.
342
00:19:05,405 --> 00:19:08,886
It's Vicki, Barrett!
343
00:19:08,930 --> 00:19:13,021
Vicki Gloria Saint Elmo...
344
00:19:13,064 --> 00:19:14,762
MacGruber.
345
00:19:14,805 --> 00:19:17,286
Oh my stars, really?
346
00:19:17,330 --> 00:19:18,940
If you'll have me.
347
00:19:18,983 --> 00:19:21,247
Yes, yes,
a thousand times yes!
348
00:19:21,290 --> 00:19:24,728
Consider yourself divorced,
you butthole.
349
00:19:24,772 --> 00:19:25,947
Roundhouse!
350
00:19:25,990 --> 00:19:27,905
Whew, whew!
351
00:19:33,650 --> 00:19:35,348
You came for me.
352
00:19:35,391 --> 00:19:38,481
MacGruber, I never left you.
353
00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:02,331
Well, my love,
354
00:20:02,375 --> 00:20:05,813
I think it might be time
for a little R&R.
355
00:20:05,856 --> 00:20:09,295
Oh, yes, I could use
some rest and relaxation.
356
00:20:09,338 --> 00:20:10,644
No.
357
00:20:10,687 --> 00:20:12,907
The other R&R.
358
00:20:12,950 --> 00:20:15,083
Ramming and rimming.
359
00:20:15,126 --> 00:20:18,956
Oh, MacGruber.
360
00:20:19,000 --> 00:20:21,611
♪ Joy to the world
361
00:20:21,655 --> 00:20:24,571
♪ The Lord is come
362
00:20:24,614 --> 00:20:29,750
♪ Let Earth receive her king
363
00:20:41,805 --> 00:20:43,764
Oh, MacGruber!
364
00:20:46,767 --> 00:20:49,291
Gonna go fast now!
Gonna go fast now!
365
00:21:04,872 --> 00:21:07,788
Oh, still got a little bit.
It's going.
366
00:21:07,831 --> 00:21:10,573
- What?
- Oh, just a little bit more.
367
00:21:10,617 --> 00:21:13,315
- Oh, I thought you were done.
- It's transferring into you.
368
00:21:18,102 --> 00:21:20,148
Ooh.
369
00:21:20,191 --> 00:21:22,803
Oh.
370
00:21:24,152 --> 00:21:26,894
Oh, yeah, yeah.
371
00:21:39,210 --> 00:21:41,169
- Oh.
- Merry Christmas, Vicki.
372
00:21:41,212 --> 00:21:44,868
Oh, MacGruber.
373
00:21:44,912 --> 00:21:47,262
Open it.
374
00:21:47,306 --> 00:21:50,744
My very own locket.
375
00:21:50,787 --> 00:21:52,615
I thought we could
fill it together.
376
00:21:52,659 --> 00:21:54,008
Oh.
377
00:21:54,051 --> 00:21:55,096
Give me your hand.
378
00:22:05,889 --> 00:22:10,024
♪ Errant heat to the star ♪
379
00:22:10,067 --> 00:22:12,026
♪ And the rain let in
380
00:22:17,510 --> 00:22:21,296
♪ And the hawser rolls,
the vessel's whole ♪
381
00:22:21,340 --> 00:22:23,211
♪ And Christ, it's thin
382
00:22:28,738 --> 00:22:32,742
♪ Well, I'd know
that you'd offer ♪
383
00:22:37,181 --> 00:22:40,097
♪ Would reveal it,
though it's soft and flat ♪
384
00:22:44,667 --> 00:22:47,235
♪ Won't repeat it,
cull and coffers that ♪
385
00:22:47,278 --> 00:22:50,412
♪ For the soffit,
hang this homeward ♪
386
00:22:53,459 --> 00:22:55,983
All the best to you,
my love,
387
00:22:56,026 --> 00:22:58,464
on this special hallowed day.
388
00:22:58,507 --> 00:23:01,815
Your love is the greatest
gift I've ever received.
389
00:23:01,858 --> 00:23:03,991
And mine yours.
390
00:23:04,034 --> 00:23:05,427
MacGruber.
391
00:23:05,471 --> 00:23:08,256
Come here.
392
00:23:11,477 --> 00:23:13,783
Oh, what a beautiful day.
393
00:23:16,786 --> 00:23:20,181
Thanks to us,
the world goes on.
394
00:23:20,224 --> 00:23:22,531
Do you want me to go
rustle us up some coffees?
395
00:23:22,575 --> 00:23:23,924
That can be arranged.
396
00:23:26,840 --> 00:23:30,409
♪ All the news at the door
397
00:23:30,452 --> 00:23:33,934
♪ Such a revelry
398
00:23:38,982 --> 00:23:41,898
They ran out of coffee,
so I got you some apple ju--
399
00:23:48,122 --> 00:23:49,645
MacGruber!
400
00:23:49,689 --> 00:23:51,386
Oh, God.
401
00:23:51,430 --> 00:23:53,475
Hey, just gotta do
a teeny bit more cleanup
402
00:23:53,519 --> 00:23:55,477
then I'm ready for round two.
403
00:23:55,521 --> 00:23:56,913
I think you better see this.
404
00:23:56,957 --> 00:24:00,047
I'm almost tempted to say
that you better see this.
405
00:24:00,090 --> 00:24:02,615
This is a major
chemical weapon attack...
406
00:24:02,658 --> 00:24:04,486
- Angle it over here!
- In Quito, Ecuador,
407
00:24:04,530 --> 00:24:06,314
home to over 2 million people
408
00:24:06,357 --> 00:24:09,056
and right now, as you
can see from this footage,
409
00:24:09,099 --> 00:24:10,405
there are crowds of people
410
00:24:10,449 --> 00:24:11,928
running from
what appears to be
411
00:24:11,972 --> 00:24:14,278
clouds of some sort
of orange gas.
412
00:24:20,023 --> 00:24:25,855
Oh...my...God.
28507
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