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1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:02,966
Can anyone tell me
what I'm holding?
2
00:00:03,000 --> 00:00:04,400
Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!
3
00:00:04,433 --> 00:00:05,133
Chris?
4
00:00:05,166 --> 00:00:06,600
An egg?
5
00:00:06,633 --> 00:00:08,100
No, Chris.
6
00:00:08,133 --> 00:00:11,566
For the next week,
this is not an egg.
7
00:00:11,600 --> 00:00:13,933
These will be your children.
8
00:00:13,966 --> 00:00:16,566
Each and every one of you
will be paired
9
00:00:16,600 --> 00:00:18,833
with a member
of the opposite gender,
10
00:00:18,866 --> 00:00:22,866
and the two of you will be
the proud parents
11
00:00:22,900 --> 00:00:26,566
of a brand new
baby boy or girl.
12
00:00:26,600 --> 00:00:28,666
Make my baby sunny-side up.
13
00:00:28,700 --> 00:00:29,900
You'll have to care
for the child,
14
00:00:29,966 --> 00:00:31,600
and at the end of the week,
15
00:00:31,633 --> 00:00:34,766
you'll give a report
on your experience as parents.
16
00:00:34,800 --> 00:00:37,133
When you say
"care for the egg..."
17
00:00:37,166 --> 00:00:38,933
Uh-- you mean the baby.
18
00:00:38,966 --> 00:00:41,500
The baby. How do you mean?
19
00:00:41,533 --> 00:00:44,966
You have to treat your egg
like it's a real baby.
20
00:00:45,000 --> 00:00:47,466
They were a lot more
advanced on this subject
21
00:00:47,500 --> 00:00:49,666
in my old school.
22
00:00:49,700 --> 00:00:52,600
So the assignment
is to treat your egg
23
00:00:52,633 --> 00:00:54,133
like it's a real baby.
24
00:00:54,166 --> 00:00:56,866
Do we have
to do this?
25
00:00:56,900 --> 00:00:58,866
You have to name it,
feed it,
26
00:00:58,900 --> 00:01:02,166
watch it at all times,
and plan its future.
27
00:01:02,200 --> 00:01:03,633
What if we break it?
28
00:01:03,700 --> 00:01:05,900
This is worth 25% of your grade,
29
00:01:05,933 --> 00:01:10,433
so if you crack, break,
lose or eat your baby,
30
00:01:10,466 --> 00:01:11,966
it's an automatic F.
31
00:01:12,000 --> 00:01:14,533
Okay, but if our egg
misbehaves, can we beat it?
32
00:01:14,566 --> 00:01:16,566
What's CJH?
33
00:01:16,600 --> 00:01:17,866
Is that my egg's initials?
34
00:01:17,900 --> 00:01:21,433
No, that's my
Corleone Junior High stamp,
35
00:01:21,466 --> 00:01:24,000
so I'll know
you don't switch eggs.
36
00:01:24,033 --> 00:01:26,200
Now, look inside your
baskets and you'll see
37
00:01:26,233 --> 00:01:28,433
see the name of your
partner for the week.
38
00:01:28,466 --> 00:01:32,433
Chris, we have an uneven number
of boys and girls,
39
00:01:32,466 --> 00:01:34,633
so I thought I'd make you
a single father.
40
00:01:34,666 --> 00:01:36,100
I know it's something
you can relate to
41
00:01:36,133 --> 00:01:37,533
with your childhood and all.
42
00:01:37,600 --> 00:01:38,966
I have a father.
43
00:01:39,000 --> 00:01:40,733
Oh, I know, Chris.
44
00:01:40,766 --> 00:01:43,000
If only your mom knew his name.
45
00:01:43,033 --> 00:01:44,933
Just so you
46
00:01:44,966 --> 00:01:46,966
embrace this project
to the fullest,
47
00:01:47,000 --> 00:01:49,900
I brought something
special for you.
48
00:01:49,933 --> 00:01:53,033
If it's my baby's mama, I
hope she doesn't have feathers,
49
00:01:54,933 --> 00:01:58,066
A brown egg?
50
00:01:58,100 --> 00:02:01,966
They're all the same...
on the inside.
51
00:02:02,000 --> 00:02:04,233
Except my egg's gonna get
pulled over by the police more.
52
00:02:04,266 --> 00:02:07,766
Oh... a brown egg.
53
00:02:07,800 --> 00:02:09,633
Stop!
Ah! What?
54
00:02:09,666 --> 00:02:10,766
That egg is my
school project.
55
00:02:10,800 --> 00:02:12,233
What are you talking about?
56
00:02:12,266 --> 00:02:14,200
The egg is my baby.
57
00:02:14,266 --> 00:02:15,833
I'm supposed to take
care of it for a week
58
00:02:15,866 --> 00:02:17,966
and then give a report on what
it's like to be a father.
59
00:02:18,000 --> 00:02:20,766
So what's it doing
in my refrigerator?
60
00:02:20,800 --> 00:02:23,366
Just chillin'.
61
00:02:23,400 --> 00:02:24,900
You're not funny.
62
00:02:24,933 --> 00:02:27,433
I'm just gonna leave it in there
until it was time
63
00:02:27,466 --> 00:02:28,800
to turn it in
and give the report.
64
00:02:28,833 --> 00:02:30,433
I already know
what I'm gonna say.
65
00:02:30,466 --> 00:02:31,533
It's an easy "A."
66
00:02:31,566 --> 00:02:33,666
An easy "A"?
67
00:02:33,700 --> 00:02:36,200
So you think that taking
care of a baby is easy?
68
00:02:36,233 --> 00:02:37,966
No, but it's not a baby.
69
00:02:38,000 --> 00:02:39,433
It's an egg.
70
00:02:39,466 --> 00:02:41,900
But your assignment is to take
care of this egg
71
00:02:41,933 --> 00:02:43,733
as if it were a baby.
72
00:02:43,766 --> 00:02:45,533
Do you think I left you
in the refrigerator
73
00:02:45,566 --> 00:02:46,866
whenever I had
something else to do?
74
00:02:46,900 --> 00:02:48,800
Is it bad?
75
00:02:49,733 --> 00:02:51,333
Not if you got
a thousand dollars.
76
00:02:51,366 --> 00:02:53,766
Ain't that right, baby?
77
00:02:53,800 --> 00:02:56,833
(whistle blowing)
78
00:02:58,733 --> 00:03:00,700
Break time, baby.
79
00:03:00,733 --> 00:03:01,900
Break time.
80
00:03:01,933 --> 00:03:03,833
You are gonna do
this assignment,
81
00:03:03,866 --> 00:03:05,600
and you're gonna
do it right.
82
00:03:05,633 --> 00:03:06,633
Damn!
83
00:03:06,766 --> 00:03:08,733
We have a new addition
to the family.
84
00:03:08,766 --> 00:03:10,800
What?
You having a baby?
85
00:03:10,833 --> 00:03:12,300
He ain't sleeping in my room.
86
00:03:12,333 --> 00:03:13,833
I'm not
having a baby.
87
00:03:13,866 --> 00:03:15,466
Chris did.
88
00:03:15,500 --> 00:03:17,533
I thought you said
if we bring home a baby,
89
00:03:17,600 --> 00:03:18,800
you'd slap
the Similac out of us.
90
00:03:18,833 --> 00:03:21,666
It's not a real baby;
it's an egg.
91
00:03:21,700 --> 00:03:23,800
It's Chris's new school project.
92
00:03:23,833 --> 00:03:26,666
Oh, cool.
So what's the baby's name?
93
00:03:26,700 --> 00:03:27,833
I didn't really name it.
94
00:03:27,866 --> 00:03:29,500
Can we call him
Junebug?
95
00:03:29,533 --> 00:03:30,800
Junebug?
96
00:03:30,833 --> 00:03:31,833
What kind of name is Junebug?
97
00:03:31,866 --> 00:03:33,800
It's better than what
I was thinking of--
98
00:03:33,833 --> 00:03:35,933
The Incredible Edible Baby.
99
00:03:35,966 --> 00:03:39,233
I'm going to show you
just how hard it is
to raise a baby,
100
00:03:39,233 --> 00:03:40,433
Chris, wake up.
The baby's crying.
101
00:03:40,466 --> 00:03:41,466
What's wrong?
102
00:03:41,500 --> 00:03:43,700
You got to change
his diaper.
103
00:03:46,466 --> 00:03:48,600
Chris, wake up.
The baby's crying.
104
00:03:48,633 --> 00:03:50,633
What's wrong?
He's hungry.
105
00:03:54,333 --> 00:03:55,600
Chris?
Huh?
106
00:03:55,633 --> 00:03:56,733
The baby's crying.
107
00:03:56,766 --> 00:03:57,900
Is it hungry?
No.
108
00:03:57,933 --> 00:03:58,600
Is it wet?
109
00:03:58,633 --> 00:04:00,500
No.
What's wrong with it?
110
00:04:00,533 --> 00:04:02,300
He's got gas.
111
00:04:02,333 --> 00:04:04,466
(grunts)
112
00:04:12,566 --> 00:04:14,500
Chris.
113
00:04:16,866 --> 00:04:18,600
(sighs)
114
00:04:39,100 --> 00:04:40,233
ROCHELLE:
Hey, sweetie.
115
00:04:40,266 --> 00:04:42,266
You ready for your
big report?
116
00:04:42,300 --> 00:04:44,766
No, I was ready
to have egg on my face.
117
00:04:45,600 --> 00:04:47,533
I lost my egg.
118
00:04:47,566 --> 00:04:49,900
Oh. That's not your egg?
119
00:04:49,933 --> 00:04:51,900
No, this is the one I took
from the refrigerator
120
00:04:51,933 --> 00:04:53,500
when I lost
the other one.
121
00:04:53,566 --> 00:04:55,000
Wait a minute.
122
00:04:55,033 --> 00:04:56,500
You got me here like Columbo
trying to figure
123
00:04:56,533 --> 00:04:57,966
how my food is disappearing,
124
00:04:58,000 --> 00:04:59,366
and it's right there
in your hand?
125
00:04:59,400 --> 00:05:01,066
I was scared to tell you
what happened.
126
00:05:01,100 --> 00:05:02,533
I didn't want you to get mad.
127
00:05:02,566 --> 00:05:04,833
See, Chris?
That's my point.
128
00:05:04,866 --> 00:05:07,500
If your real child was missing,
would you hide it from me?
129
00:05:07,533 --> 00:05:08,566
Yes.
No.
130
00:05:08,600 --> 00:05:10,933
Would you steal a white kid
and paint him brown?
131
00:05:10,966 --> 00:05:11,866
Yes.
No, sir.
132
00:05:11,900 --> 00:05:13,500
See, you thinking
about the wrong thing.
133
00:05:13,533 --> 00:05:15,433
The hardest thing
about being a father
134
00:05:15,466 --> 00:05:17,266
is not learning how
to care for somebody;
135
00:05:17,300 --> 00:05:19,333
it's learning how to quit
thinking so much about yourself.
136
00:05:19,366 --> 00:05:20,833
You know, I can't
137
00:05:20,866 --> 00:05:22,833
let you go
to class with a fake egg.
138
00:05:22,866 --> 00:05:24,166
But I'm going to get an "F."
139
00:05:24,200 --> 00:05:26,100
No, you're not.
140
00:05:29,900 --> 00:05:31,500
Junebug? What...?
141
00:05:31,533 --> 00:05:32,533
Monk brought it over.
142
00:05:32,566 --> 00:05:35,000
Apparently, when you weren't
paying attention,
143
00:05:35,033 --> 00:05:37,266
it got mixed in with another
customer's groceries.
144
00:05:37,300 --> 00:05:39,100
Well, why didn't you tell me
you had it?
145
00:05:39,133 --> 00:05:40,533
Why didn't you tell me
you lost it?
146
00:05:41,600 --> 00:05:42,566
Here.
147
00:05:44,900 --> 00:05:46,500
And the next time you bring
a baby in my house,
148
00:05:46,533 --> 00:05:50,600
you better bring his mother,
and she better be your wife.
149
00:05:54,166 --> 00:05:56,266
What I thought
would be an easy "A"
150
00:05:56,300 --> 00:05:58,266
ended up being one
of the hardest grades
151
00:05:58,300 --> 00:05:59,500
I've ever earned.
152
00:05:59,533 --> 00:06:00,966
You know, I
made fun of you
153
00:06:01,033 --> 00:06:02,133
for taking this
project so seriously,
154
00:06:02,166 --> 00:06:03,266
but I actually
learned something.
155
00:06:03,300 --> 00:06:06,900
Me, too: women are nuts
and private school's expensive.
156
00:06:06,933 --> 00:06:09,566
Yeah, I don't want to be father
any time soon.
157
00:06:09,600 --> 00:06:11,033
MORELLO:
All right, class,
take your seats
158
00:06:11,066 --> 00:06:12,166
so we can get started.
159
00:06:12,200 --> 00:06:14,300
I can't wait to hear
all your reports.
160
00:06:15,533 --> 00:06:17,500
(crunching)
Junebug!
11150
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