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♪♪
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HI. I'M JOE JACKSON.
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NOW, WITH MY SON MICHAEL
OUT THE COUNTRY, WHO
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AM I SUPPOSED TO BORROW
MONEY FROM... TITO?
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I DON'T THINK SO.
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00:00:18,419 --> 00:00:21,353
I NEED TO MAINTAIN MY
HIGH STYLE OF LIVING.
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THAT'S WHY WE'RE HAVING
THE NEVER NEVERLAND SALE.
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YOU'LL NEVER FIND A BARGAIN
LIKE THESE. EVERYTHING GOTTA GO.
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COME ON, BOY. BRING YOUR BEHIND.
10
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NOW, TAKE THIS
LLAMA, FOR INSTANCE.
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THIS LITTLE BEAUTY COSTS THOUSANDS
OF DOLLARS IN A BIG CITY ZOO.
12
00:00:36,437 --> 00:00:38,737
BUT, SEE, DOWN HERE
AT THE NEVER NEVERLAND,
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00:00:38,806 --> 00:00:42,540
YOU CAN WALK IT OFF
THE LOT FOR JUST 99.99.
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00:00:42,609 --> 00:00:45,276
THAT'S RIGHT, 99.99.
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00:00:45,345 --> 00:00:48,847
FUR'S SO SOFT YOU COULD
RIDE 'IM BUTT NAKED! MICHAEL DID!
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00:00:48,916 --> 00:00:52,251
GET THAT OUT MY FACE NOW!
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00:00:52,319 --> 00:00:55,232
COME ON, BOY. BRING
YOUR BEHIND. COME ON.
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NEED BLANK VIDEOTAPES? WE
LITERALLY HAVE THOUSANDS.
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00:00:59,193 --> 00:01:02,505
THESE HOME VIDEOS HAD TO BE
BULK ERASED TO AVOID PROSECUTION,
20
00:01:02,529 --> 00:01:04,896
AND NOW WE PASS
THE SAVINGS ON TO YOU.
21
00:01:04,965 --> 00:01:07,499
GO ON NOW!
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00:01:07,568 --> 00:01:11,069
AND WHILE YOU'RE WATCHING YOUR
HOME MOVIES, HOW ABOUT SOME POPCORN?
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00:01:13,139 --> 00:01:16,041
THE ELEPHANT MAN'S SKULL
MAKES A GREAT POPCORN BOWL!
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00:01:16,109 --> 00:01:17,942
"I AM NOT AN ANIMAL!"
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COME ON, MARLON,
BRING ME THAT BOX, MAN!
26
00:01:23,584 --> 00:01:26,151
HOW ABOUT SOME
CHILDREN'S CLOTHES?
27
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THESE USED TO BELONG TO MICHAEL'S
LITTLE MONKEY NAMED BUBBLES.
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BUT HE'S DEAD AND THIS
STUFF IS PRICED TO MOVE.
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LOOK AT THESE CUTE OVERALLS.
LOOK AT THIS HERE SWEATER.
30
00:01:34,728 --> 00:01:37,729
LOOK AT THIS CUTE LITTLE
PAIR OF SATIN UNDERDRAWERS...
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WAIT A MINUTE.
THESE ARE LA TOYA'S.
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NOW, GO ON, GET
OUT OF HERE. GO ON!
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COME ON, BOY. COME
ON, COME ON, COME ON.
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YOU GOT A SKIN
PROBLEM? NO PROBLEM.
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WE GOT CASES AND
CASES OF FADE CREAM.
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ALSO GREAT FOR REMOVING
BIRTHMARKS AND INCRIMINATING MOLES.
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LOOK HERE.
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ARE YOU HAVIN' TROUBLE SLEEPING?
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CHECK OUT THIS HYPERBARIC
SLEEPING CHAMBER.
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NO REASONABLE OFFER
WILL BE TURNED DOWN.
41
00:02:08,395 --> 00:02:10,695
AND IT'S GOT OTHER USES, TOO.
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SAY YOU GOT A CRAZY
DAUGHTER WON'T KEEP HER
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DAMN MOUTH SHUT, WRITIN'
ALL THEM DAMN BOOKS.
44
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LOCKS FROM THE OUTSIDE.
45
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AND IT'S SOUNDPROOF TOO!
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GET DOWN HERE IN THE NEXT 20 MINUTES
AND I'LL THROW IN LA TOYA ABSOLUTELY FREE.
47
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BETTER HURRY, 'CAUSE 20 MINUTES
OF AIR IS ABOUT ALL SHE'S GOT LEFT.
48
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GET YOUR HANDS OFF THERE, BOY!
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JOE JACKSON. HE BEATS
PRICES LIKE HE BEATS HIS KIDS.
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♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
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♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
52
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♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
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♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
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00:02:52,906 --> 00:02:54,806
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
55
00:02:56,176 --> 00:02:58,176
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
56
00:02:58,245 --> 00:03:00,311
♪ YOU CAN WALK ON THE
MOON FLOAT LIKE A BALLOON ♪
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♪ YOU SEE, IT'S NEVER TOO
LATE AND IT'S NEVER TOO SOON ♪
58
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- ♪ TAKE IT FROM MEIT'S A'IGHT TO BE ♪
- HI-YAH!
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♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
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00:03:06,887 --> 00:03:08,531
♪ AND HOW WOULD YA... HOW
WOULD YA... HOW WOULD YA F... ♪
61
00:03:08,555 --> 00:03:10,533
♪ HOW WOULD YOU FEEL KNOWING
PREJUDICE WAS OBSOLETE ♪
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00:03:10,557 --> 00:03:12,724
♪ AND ALL MANKIND
DANCED TO THE EXACT BEAT ♪
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00:03:12,792 --> 00:03:16,261
♪ AND AT NIGHT IT WAS SAFE
TO WALK DOWN THE STREET ♪
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♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
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♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
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♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
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♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WAN...
WAN... ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
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♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WAN...
WAN... WAN... ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
69
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♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WAN...
WAN... ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
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♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WAN...
WAN... WAN... ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
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♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪♪
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HEY, DID YOU HEAR WHO OUR
SUBSTITUTE TEACHER WAS TODAY?
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YEAH, OLD D.A.,
THE RELIEF PITCHER.
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GREAT. WE'RE GONNA HAVE SOME FUN TODAY.
I HEARD HIS ARM HAS NO FEELING IN IT.
75
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LET'S COME TO ORDER.
76
00:04:01,842 --> 00:04:03,909
SORRY I'M LATE.
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MRS. BAILEY ISN'T FEELING WELL TODAY, SO
I'M GOING TO BE YOUR SUBSTITUTE TEACHER.
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MY NAME IS MR. ARMSTRONG.
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OKAY.
80
00:04:17,257 --> 00:04:19,424
AND THAT'S SPELLED...
81
00:04:26,333 --> 00:04:31,837
ALL RIGHT. NOW, FROM HER LESSON PLAN, I
SEE YOU WERE WORKING ON WORLD GEOGRAPHY.
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00:04:31,905 --> 00:04:34,739
UH, RIGHT? AM I RIGHT?
YES, YOUNG MAN?
83
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MRS. BAILEY USUALLY WRITES THE DAY
OF THE WEEK ON THE BOARD AS WELL.
84
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YEAH, THE DAY.
85
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SHE ALWAYS DOES THAT.
86
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AH. WELL, I WOULDN'T
WANT TO BREAK TRADITION.
87
00:04:44,851 --> 00:04:47,853
OKAY, UH...
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ALL RIGHT!
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OKAY.
90
00:04:54,027 --> 00:04:57,072
MRS. BAILEY ALSO PUTS DOWN WHAT
SHE HAD FOR BREAKFAST AS WELL.
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00:04:57,096 --> 00:05:00,898
YEAH, BREAKFAST!
SHE ALWAYS DOES THAT.
92
00:05:00,967 --> 00:05:03,134
WELL, THAT'S KINDA STRANGE.
93
00:05:03,203 --> 00:05:06,204
OKAY, WELL, I HAD
SOME PANCAKES...
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00:05:07,574 --> 00:05:10,241
HEY, WAIT A MINUTE.
95
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YOU GUYS HAVE TO WAKE UP PRETTY EARLY
TO PULL THE WOOL OVER MY EYES, BUDDY BOY.
96
00:05:16,283 --> 00:05:18,950
NOW, LET'S GET DOWN
TO BUSINESS. OKAY?
97
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WE FORGOT THE
PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE.
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WE ALWAYS DO IT.
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YOU GUYS STILL
DO THAT, HUH? YEAH!
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WELL, YOU COME
UP AND LEAD IT THEN.
101
00:05:31,331 --> 00:05:34,865
OKAY, EVERYBODY, GET READY. PUT
YOUR LEFT HAND OVER YOUR HEART.
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READY?
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READY?
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HEY! HEY! HEY, HEY.
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IT'S THE RIGHT HAND
OVER THE HEART.
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YOU LITTLE SNOT-NOSED
BRAT! SIT YOUR BUTT DOWN.
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YOU DON'T GOTTA TWIST MY ARM!
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00:05:53,387 --> 00:05:56,754
OKAY, WHO CAN TELL ME WHAT YOU
WERE DOING IN CLASS YESTERDAY?
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YESTERDAY, MRS. BAILEY WAS
POINTING TO LOCATIONS ON THE MAP,
110
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AND WE WOULD HAVE TO
GUESS WHAT COUNTRY IT WAS.
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WE ALWAYS DO THAT.
112
00:06:04,565 --> 00:06:06,543
OH. OKAY. ALL RIGHT.
113
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OKAY.
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OKAY, WHO CAN TELL ME WHAT
PART OF THE WORLD THIS IS?
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BURBANK!
116
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- NO!
- IS IT THE DEAD SEA?
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NO. THE DEAD SEA IS OVER HERE.
118
00:06:32,292 --> 00:06:34,292
HOW ABOUT THE NORTH POLE?
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COME ON, EVERYBODY KNOWS
THE NORTH POLE'S OVER HERE.
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ALL RIGHT, SETTLE DOWN.
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MR. ARMSTRONG, WHY DO WE HAVE
TO STUDY GEOGRAPHY ANYWAY?
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WELL, TO UNDERSTAND
MORE ABOUT WILDLIFE.
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TAKE THAT BULLFROG, FOR
INSTANCE. THAT COMES FROM AFRICA.
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WHAT BULLFROG? WHERE?
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OVER THERE.
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WHERE?
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GIMP!
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I HEARD THAT, SON.
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00:07:04,725 --> 00:07:06,657
HEY!
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00:07:06,727 --> 00:07:10,094
SORRY ABOUT THAT. COULD YOU
GIVE ME BACK THAT ERASER, PLEASE?
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I DIDN'T SAY THROW IT!
YOU KIDS ARE TERRIBLE!
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THAT'S IT! THAT'S IT, YOU
LITTLE TROUBLEMAKERS.
133
00:07:27,013 --> 00:07:31,349
I DIDN'T WANT TO HAVE TO SHOW YOU THIS
SIDE OF ME, BUT YOU'VE FORCED MY HAND!
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00:07:31,417 --> 00:07:34,485
HYAH!
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00:07:34,554 --> 00:07:39,290
OKAY, NOW, NEXT TIME
IT'LL BE YOUR HEADS.
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00:07:39,359 --> 00:07:43,228
OKAY, NOW, TURN TO PAGE
94 IN YOUR GRAMMAR BOOKS.
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YES, MR. ARMSTRONG.
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AND NOW A FEW MINUTES
WITH RANDY ROONEY.
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♪♪
140
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I'VE BEEN DOING A LOT OF
THINKING ABOUT STEREOTYPES.
141
00:08:03,383 --> 00:08:06,584
DID YOU EVER NOTICE HOW MANY
THERE ARE ABOUT BLACK PEOPLE?
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TAKE SPORTS, FOR INSTANCE.
143
00:08:09,156 --> 00:08:13,091
WHEN A BLACK MAN KNOWS A LITTLE SOMETHING
ABOUT BASKETBALL, THEY CALL HIM A NATURAL.
144
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BUT WHEN A WHITE GUY KNOWS A
LITTLE SOMETHING ABOUT BASKETBALL,
145
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THEY CALL HIM THE
OWNER OF THE TEAM.
146
00:08:19,366 --> 00:08:23,268
AND HOW COME WHITE PEOPLE ARE SO
ANXIOUS TO HAVE THE HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMP?
147
00:08:23,336 --> 00:08:25,336
YOU KNOW, A "GREAT WHITE HOPE."
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00:08:25,405 --> 00:08:28,006
WHAT DO WHITE
PEOPLE NEED HOPE FOR?
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THEY ALREADY HAVE EVERYTHING.
150
00:08:30,577 --> 00:08:34,512
AND WHY IS IT WHENEVER SOMETHING
GOES WRONG, THEY CALL IT BLACK?
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00:08:34,581 --> 00:08:37,782
WHEN THE STOCK MARKET
CRASHED, IT WAS BLACK MONDAY.
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WHEN YOU'RE KICKED OUT OF
A PLACE, YOU'RE BLACKBALLED.
153
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AND THE WORST DISEASE EVER
WAS CALLED THE BLACK PLAGUE.
154
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AND BY THE WAY, WHAT WOULD THE
WHITE PLAGUE BE? TENNIS ELBOW?
155
00:08:50,230 --> 00:08:52,621
AND DID YOU EVER NOTICE
WHEN A WHITE GUY GETS
156
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A GOOD JOB, HE GETS
A GOOD LINE OF CREDIT?
157
00:08:54,967 --> 00:08:59,137
BUT WHEN A BLACK GUY GETS A
GOOD JOB, HE'S "A CREDIT TO HIS RACE."
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TRY AND BUY A COUCH WITH THAT.
159
00:09:01,774 --> 00:09:05,142
YOU KNOW, IT'S NOT LIKE THERE'S NOT ALREADY
ENOUGH CREDIT CARDS OUT THERE TODAY.
160
00:09:05,211 --> 00:09:09,581
THERE'S VISA, AMERICAN
EXPRESS, DISCOVER.
161
00:09:09,649 --> 00:09:12,583
ONLY THING I DISCOVERED
IS, I CAN'T GET ONE.
162
00:09:12,652 --> 00:09:15,052
AND WHAT ABOUT MASTERCARD?
163
00:09:15,121 --> 00:09:18,790
I GUESS I'M JUST A LITTLE TOO
SENSITIVE ABOUT THE WORD "MASTER."
164
00:09:18,858 --> 00:09:21,792
WHEN I GO SHOPPING, I WANT TO
THINK ABOUT PICKING OUT A SHIRT,
165
00:09:21,861 --> 00:09:24,595
NOT PICKING COTTON.
166
00:09:24,664 --> 00:09:28,733
AND DID YOU EVER NOTICE THAT EVERY
STORE SEEMS TO HAVE A WHITE SALE?
167
00:09:28,802 --> 00:09:31,602
I GUESS IT'S A GOOD THING
THEY DON'T HAVE A BLACK SALE.
168
00:09:31,671 --> 00:09:35,607
LAST ONE I HEARD OF, KUNTA
KINTE WAS MARKED 20 PERCENT OFF.
169
00:09:37,677 --> 00:09:40,812
THAT'S THE POLICE GOING BY.
THEY SURE ARE A HELPFUL BUNCH.
170
00:09:40,880 --> 00:09:43,815
YOU KNOW, THEIR JOB IS
TO PROTECT AND TO SERVE.
171
00:09:43,883 --> 00:09:45,200
BUT WHAT THEY
DON'T TELL YOU IS THAT
172
00:09:45,224 --> 00:09:46,862
USUALLY THEY'RE
PROTECTING THEIR IDENTITY...
173
00:09:46,886 --> 00:09:49,887
WHILE THEY'RE SERVING
YOU UP AN ASS-WHUPPIN'.
174
00:09:51,257 --> 00:09:54,191
AND WHY DO THEY PAINT
THOSE CARS BLACK AND WHITE?
175
00:09:54,260 --> 00:09:58,095
I GUESS TO MATCH THE PASSENGERS. BLACKS
IN THE BACK SEAT AND WHITES IN THE FRONT.
176
00:09:59,532 --> 00:10:02,801
NOW, THAT'S NOT THE RULE.
THAT'S JUST ANOTHER STEREOTYPE.
177
00:10:02,869 --> 00:10:06,738
LIKE THE ONE ABOUT BLACK
MEN BEING SO WELL-ENDOWED.
178
00:10:06,807 --> 00:10:09,974
WELL, MAYBE THAT'S NOT
SUCH A GOOD EXAMPLE.
179
00:10:10,043 --> 00:10:13,978
THIS HAS BEEN A FEW MINUTES
OF DISSING WITH RANDY ROONEY.
180
00:10:14,047 --> 00:10:16,481
♪♪
181
00:10:18,285 --> 00:10:22,453
ERSEY, WHAT WOULD YOU
DO IF CROWNED MISS 'MERICA?
182
00:10:22,522 --> 00:10:26,657
I WOULD STOP ALL THE
CHILDRENS FROM BEING HUNGRY...
183
00:10:26,726 --> 00:10:28,759
ALL OVER THE WIDE WORLD...
184
00:10:28,828 --> 00:10:33,264
BY BEING IN PARADES AND
WEARING A CROWN ON MY HEAD.
185
00:10:33,333 --> 00:10:37,367
OKAY, MISS PARIS,
FRANCE, WHAT ABOUT YOU?
186
00:10:37,436 --> 00:10:40,638
OOH-LA-LA! I WOULD
ALSO WANT TO...
187
00:10:40,707 --> 00:10:43,407
HEY, DERONDA! YOU UP
THERE? NO! NOBODY'S HERE!
188
00:10:43,476 --> 00:10:45,410
THEN WHO IS THAT TALKIN'?
189
00:10:45,478 --> 00:10:49,514
MY MOTHER. THAT AIN'T YOUR MOTHER.
THAT'S YOU, GIRL. YOU UP THERE!
190
00:10:50,616 --> 00:10:52,550
WHAT'S THE PASSWORD?
191
00:10:52,618 --> 00:10:54,829
DERONDA HIGHTOWER
DIDN'T WET IN HER PANTS.
192
00:10:54,853 --> 00:10:59,190
SHE JUST SPILLED SOME
LEMONADE ON HERSELF. OKAY.
193
00:10:59,258 --> 00:11:03,193
ALTHOUGH NOBODY KNOWS WHERE SHE GOT
A GLASS OF LEMONADE FROM IN MATH CLASS.
194
00:11:03,262 --> 00:11:05,963
SHUT UP! SHUT UP!
SHUT UP! SHUT UP!
195
00:11:06,032 --> 00:11:08,944
OKAY. OKAY, OKAY. LET'S
PLAY COPS AND RAPPERS.
196
00:11:08,968 --> 00:11:11,268
NO, WE'RE PLAYING OFFICE.
197
00:11:11,337 --> 00:11:13,515
I DON'T LIKE TO PLAY
OFFICE. HOW COME?
198
00:11:13,539 --> 00:11:15,606
BECAUSE I END UP
BEIN' THE JANITOR.
199
00:11:15,675 --> 00:11:18,742
I'LL LET YOU BE CHAIRMAN
OF THE BLACKBOARD.
200
00:11:18,811 --> 00:11:21,545
OKAY, I CAN DO THAT.
201
00:11:21,614 --> 00:11:25,783
- I WANT A JOB.
- OKAY. WHAT ARE YOUR
"QUALICATIONS"?
202
00:11:27,353 --> 00:11:32,390
I GOT A BACHELOR'S DECREE AND
A MASTER'S DECREE AND AN N.B.A.,
203
00:11:32,458 --> 00:11:35,492
AND I WAS AN ASTRONAUT
ON THE SPACE "SHUFFLE."
204
00:11:35,561 --> 00:11:37,461
GOOD. YOU CAN TYPE.
205
00:11:37,529 --> 00:11:40,876
WAIT A MINUTE. I GOT MORE
QUALITIES THAN THAT MAN!
206
00:11:40,900 --> 00:11:43,234
HOW COME HE GETS
TO BE A 'ZECUTIVE?
207
00:11:43,302 --> 00:11:47,404
'CAUSE HE GOT ONE OF THESE! OH,
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! OKAY, I'LL TYPE!
208
00:11:47,473 --> 00:11:49,807
TYPE, TYPE, TYPE,
TYPE, TYPE, TYPE.
209
00:11:49,876 --> 00:11:53,511
CHILD, YOU LOOKIN'
SO GOOD TODAY.
210
00:11:53,580 --> 00:11:56,513
DO YOU HAVE ON YOUR
LITTLE MERMAID UNDERWEAR?
211
00:11:56,582 --> 00:11:58,515
OH, NONE OF YOUR BEESWAX!
212
00:11:58,585 --> 00:12:01,485
HEY, THAT'S SATCHMO HARASSMENT!
213
00:12:01,554 --> 00:12:04,889
THAT'S NOT SATCHMO
HARASSMENT. THIS IS.
214
00:12:04,958 --> 00:12:07,724
WHO PUT THIS "PUBLIC"
HAIR IN MY APPLE JUICE?
215
00:12:07,793 --> 00:12:12,597
EEEW! THAT'S NOT NO PUBLIC HAIR!
216
00:12:12,665 --> 00:12:14,599
HEY, LET'S XEROX YOUR BEHIND.
217
00:12:14,667 --> 00:12:18,035
YOU CAN'T SEE MY
BEHIND. YOU'RE MARRIED.
218
00:12:18,104 --> 00:12:23,040
BUT MY WIFE SAID I WORK ON HER
NERVES. WHY DON'T YOU LOOSEN UP, BABY?
219
00:12:23,108 --> 00:12:28,545
I DON'T WANNA HAVE A 'FAIR. AND I
REFUSE TO PLAY SECOND GRIDDLE.
220
00:12:28,614 --> 00:12:32,849
WELL, I PROMISE YOU I WILL LEAVE
MY WIFE AND I WILL MARRY YOU.
221
00:12:34,087 --> 00:12:36,487
OKAY.
222
00:12:36,556 --> 00:12:38,489
YEAH!
223
00:12:38,557 --> 00:12:41,359
OH! OH! OH! OH! OOH!
OOH! OOH-OOH-OOH!
224
00:12:41,427 --> 00:12:44,667
WHOSE TONKA TRUCK IS THIS? WHOSE
TONKA TRUCK IS THIS? YOU ANIMAL, YOU!
225
00:12:44,731 --> 00:12:47,832
YOU BRING OUT THE WOMAN IN ME.
226
00:12:47,901 --> 00:12:50,301
NOW GO LEAVE YOUR WIFE.
227
00:12:50,369 --> 00:12:54,638
OH, NO! THIS WE NEED TO RETHINK.
228
00:12:56,408 --> 00:12:58,709
THIS IS INSANITY.
229
00:12:58,778 --> 00:13:01,245
WE HAVE TO BE ADULTS HERE.
230
00:13:01,314 --> 00:13:03,447
STOP THE MADNESS!
231
00:13:03,516 --> 00:13:08,519
OKAY, I GUESS NOW I'M
GONNA BE THE "MYSTERY-IST."
232
00:13:08,588 --> 00:13:13,056
SO YOU GOTTA GIVE ME SOME CREDIT
CARDS AND SET ME UP IN A 'PARTMENT...
233
00:13:13,125 --> 00:13:16,194
WITH A "KAJUZI" AND CABLE TV!
234
00:13:17,230 --> 00:13:20,531
DANG, GIRL, YOU
JUST A NOSE-DIGGER.
235
00:13:22,068 --> 00:13:24,802
CABLE TV? YOU
DON'T EVEN LOVE ME.
236
00:13:24,871 --> 00:13:26,849
YOU AIN'T NOTHIN'
BUT AN H.B.O. HO.
237
00:13:28,774 --> 00:13:30,941
AND YOU'RE FIRED!
238
00:13:31,010 --> 00:13:33,377
OKAY, WHAT YOU WANNA PLAY NOW?
239
00:13:33,446 --> 00:13:36,147
UM, LET'S PLAY THE
POLICEMAN. OKAY.
240
00:13:46,459 --> 00:13:49,179
PULL OVER! PULL OVER! OH!
241
00:13:50,630 --> 00:13:53,664
WHAT'S THE PROBLEM,
MR. POLICEMAN? YOU BLACK.
242
00:14:03,476 --> 00:14:07,711
WHEEL... OF... DOZENS!
243
00:14:07,780 --> 00:14:11,315
COMPETING TONIGHT FOR A
FORTUNE IN FABULOUS PRIZES,
244
00:14:11,384 --> 00:14:13,684
PLEASE WELCOME AMFENY CLARK,
245
00:14:13,753 --> 00:14:17,588
T-DOG JENKINS AND SCOTTY J.!
246
00:14:17,657 --> 00:14:21,559
NOW, THE HOST OF WHEEL
OF DOZENS, STU DUNFEY!
247
00:14:21,627 --> 00:14:26,730
HELLO, AND WELCOME TO WHEEL OF DOZENS,
WHERE TALKIN' TRASH CAN GET YOU CASH.
248
00:14:26,799 --> 00:14:30,701
SO WHEN THE WHEEL'S TURNIN',
IT'S YO MAMA WE'RE BURNIN'.
249
00:14:30,770 --> 00:14:35,038
AH, BUT FIRST LET'S WELCOME
MY LOVELY ASSISTANT, PAJAMAY!
250
00:14:38,111 --> 00:14:43,180
OH! PAJAMAY, MAY I JUST SAY YOU
ARE ALL THAT AND A BAG OF CHIPS.
251
00:14:43,249 --> 00:14:45,482
GO TO HELL, STU.
252
00:14:45,551 --> 00:14:50,154
OKAY, THANKS, PAJAMAY. SHOW US WHAT
OUR CONTESTANTS ARE PLAYING FOR TONIGHT.
253
00:14:50,223 --> 00:14:52,183
WELL, STU, IT'S A
CLASSIC LOW-RIDER...
254
00:14:52,224 --> 00:14:54,959
WITH DUAL OVERHEAD CAMS AND
FOUR-WHEEL HYDRAULIC SHOCKS...
255
00:14:55,027 --> 00:14:56,961
TO KEEP YOU
BOUNCING TO THE BEAT.
256
00:14:57,029 --> 00:15:00,564
THIS IS NOT YO MAMA'S
OLDSMOBILE. BACK TO YOU, STU!
257
00:15:00,632 --> 00:15:03,500
ONE OF YOU MIGHT JUST
BE DRIVING IT HOME TONIGHT.
258
00:15:03,569 --> 00:15:07,871
ALL RIGHT THEN, ROUND ONE! SCOTTY
J., TIME TO SPIN THE WHEEL OF DOZENS!
259
00:15:07,940 --> 00:15:12,476
LET'S DO THIS! COME ON! YO MAMA'S
SO STANK! YO MAMA'S SO STANK!
260
00:15:12,545 --> 00:15:14,278
YO MAMA'S FEET SO BIG.
261
00:15:14,346 --> 00:15:16,858
UH, YO MAMA'S FEET SO BIG, HER SNEAKERS
GOTTA HAVE LICENSE PLATES ON 'EM.
262
00:15:16,882 --> 00:15:19,817
YES! T-DOG, ON TO YOU.
263
00:15:19,886 --> 00:15:22,420
RIGHT. OKAY, STU.
264
00:15:22,488 --> 00:15:25,322
- HERE WE GO.
- COME ON! YO MAMA'S SO HAIRY!
265
00:15:25,391 --> 00:15:28,258
YO MAMA SO HAIRY!
YO MAMA SO HAIRY!
266
00:15:28,327 --> 00:15:32,029
YOUR MAMA'S BUTT,
T-DOG, IS SO BONY.
267
00:15:32,097 --> 00:15:35,137
YO MAMA'S BUTT SO BONY, SHE PUT
HER DRAWERS ON AND CUT 'EM IN TWO.
268
00:15:35,167 --> 00:15:38,836
YEAH!
269
00:15:38,905 --> 00:15:40,838
OH, YEAH. YEAH!
270
00:15:40,906 --> 00:15:42,840
AMFENY, THE WHEEL IS YOURS!
271
00:15:42,908 --> 00:15:46,743
OKAY. ALL RIGHT. YO
MAMA SO FAT! HERE WE GO!
272
00:15:46,812 --> 00:15:49,880
MAMA SO FAT!
273
00:15:49,949 --> 00:15:53,217
YO MAMA SO BEAUTIFUL. AMFENY?
274
00:15:53,286 --> 00:15:56,420
- WHAT? SO BEAUTIFUL?
- MAN, WHAT'S...
275
00:15:56,489 --> 00:15:59,022
SORRY, TIME'S UP! NOT AN
EASY CATEGORY, AMFENY.
276
00:15:59,091 --> 00:16:01,458
BUT PLENTY OF TIME TO
MAKE IT UP IN ROUND TWO,
277
00:16:01,526 --> 00:16:03,961
WHERE YOU DOUBLE YOUR
DOLLARS IF YOU DOUBLE YOUR DIS.
278
00:16:04,030 --> 00:16:07,798
SCOTTY J., LET HER
RIP. HERE WE GO.
279
00:16:07,867 --> 00:16:10,300
YEAH! DOUBLE YOUR DOLLAR VALUE!
280
00:16:10,369 --> 00:16:13,637
ALL RIGHT, LET'S GO! COME
ON, BABY! COME ON, BABY!
281
00:16:13,706 --> 00:16:15,639
YO MAMA SO HAIRY.
282
00:16:15,708 --> 00:16:18,386
YO MAMA SO HAIRY, SHE LOOK
LIKE A CHIA PET WITH A SWEATER ON.
283
00:16:18,410 --> 00:16:20,344
YES.
284
00:16:20,413 --> 00:16:23,658
YO MAMA SO HAIRY, UH, SHE
GOT AFROS ON HER NIPPLES!
285
00:16:23,682 --> 00:16:25,616
YES!
286
00:16:25,685 --> 00:16:28,619
OH, BEAUTIFUL! A
DEUCE! T-DOG, YOU'RE UP!
287
00:16:28,688 --> 00:16:30,621
RIGHT, RIGHT! LET 'ER RIP.
288
00:16:30,690 --> 00:16:33,757
HERE WE GO.
289
00:16:33,826 --> 00:16:37,161
COME ON, NOW! COME ON,
NOW! YO MAMA SO STUPID!
290
00:16:37,230 --> 00:16:39,363
T-DOG, YOU'VE GOT A STUPID MAMA.
291
00:16:39,431 --> 00:16:42,377
HEY, IF YOU DON'T CHECK YOURSELF TALKIN'
'BOUT MY MAMA... WHAT'S UP WIT' YOU, MAN?
292
00:16:42,401 --> 00:16:45,135
JUST PLAYING THE GAME.
293
00:16:45,204 --> 00:16:48,739
OKAY. JUST PLAYIN' THE GAME.
294
00:16:48,808 --> 00:16:51,074
STU, YO MAMA'S SO STUPID,
295
00:16:51,143 --> 00:16:53,944
I TOLD HER IT WAS CHILLY OUTSIDE,
SHE WENT AND GRABBED A SPOON.
296
00:16:54,012 --> 00:16:56,013
YES!
297
00:16:59,318 --> 00:17:03,253
YO MAMA'S SO STUPID, SHE GOT FIRED AT THE
M&M FACTORY FOR THROWING AWAY THE W's.
298
00:17:03,322 --> 00:17:05,255
YES!
299
00:17:05,324 --> 00:17:08,559
RIGHT! RIGHT! RIGHT!
DOUBLE DIS! DOUBLE DIS!
300
00:17:08,628 --> 00:17:10,561
AMFENY, YOUR TURN!
301
00:17:10,630 --> 00:17:12,608
OKAY. ALL RIGHT. OH, MAN!
302
00:17:12,632 --> 00:17:15,665
HERE WE GO, AMFENY.
303
00:17:15,734 --> 00:17:19,503
- COME ON, COME ON.
- YO MAMA SO GOOD AT MATH.
304
00:17:19,572 --> 00:17:23,173
MAN, WHAT KIND OF
CATEGORY IS THAT?
305
00:17:23,242 --> 00:17:26,576
OH! SORRY, AMFENY.
NO POINTS AGAIN.
306
00:17:26,645 --> 00:17:29,579
YEAH, BUT WHO EVER HEARD OF
"YO MAMA SO GOOD AT MATH," MAN?
307
00:17:29,648 --> 00:17:31,581
HEY, IT'S ON THE WHEEL, MAN!
308
00:17:31,650 --> 00:17:35,085
I'VE SAID IT BEFORE
AND I'LL SAY IT AGAIN...
309
00:17:35,154 --> 00:17:38,088
THE WHEEL CAN BE A HO.
310
00:17:38,157 --> 00:17:40,542
THAT BRINGS US TO ROUND
THREE... THAT'S TRIPLE
311
00:17:40,566 --> 00:17:42,660
DOZENS... AND IT'S
STILL ANYBODY'S GAME.
312
00:17:42,728 --> 00:17:44,861
SCOTTY J., GIVE IT A SPIN!
313
00:17:44,930 --> 00:17:48,465
UH, LET'S GO. UH...
314
00:17:48,534 --> 00:17:51,068
WE'RE LOOKING FOR A
GREASY MAMA. SCOTTY J.?
315
00:17:51,136 --> 00:17:54,171
GREASY MAMA, GREASY MAMA. YO
MAMA'S SO GREASY, SHE SWEATS CRISCO.
316
00:17:54,240 --> 00:17:56,173
YES.
317
00:17:56,242 --> 00:17:59,176
YO MAMA'S SO GREASY, SHE
USE BACON AS A BAND-AID.
318
00:17:59,245 --> 00:18:01,112
YES!
319
00:18:01,180 --> 00:18:04,548
YOU MAMA'S SO GREASY, WHEN SHE SLID INTO
SECOND BASE HER A... ENDED UP IN DETROIT.
320
00:18:04,616 --> 00:18:08,018
AND HE HITS THE
TREY! NICELY DONE!
321
00:18:08,087 --> 00:18:11,788
T-DOG, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO GO THREE
FOR THREE TO STAY ALIVE. GIVE IT A SPIN.
322
00:18:11,857 --> 00:18:15,125
AIN'T NOTHIN', "G." HERE WE GO.
323
00:18:15,194 --> 00:18:18,529
COME ON! COME ON! YO
MAMA SO FAT! COME ON! YEAH!
324
00:18:18,597 --> 00:18:20,430
YO MAMA SO FAT, T-DOG.
325
00:18:20,499 --> 00:18:26,236
YO MAMA SO FAT, SHE PLAY HOPSCOTCH LIKE
THIS... L.A., CHICAGO, NEW YORK, DETROIT.
326
00:18:26,305 --> 00:18:29,306
YES! RIGHT! RIGHT! RIGHT!
327
00:18:32,078 --> 00:18:34,578
YO MAMA'S SO FAT, SHE
GOTTA WAKE UP IN SECTIONS.
328
00:18:34,647 --> 00:18:36,814
YES!
329
00:18:40,185 --> 00:18:43,120
RIGHT! RIGHT! RIGHT!
330
00:18:43,188 --> 00:18:46,590
YO MAMA'S SO FAT, SHE STOOD IN FRONT OF
THE HOLLYWOOD SIGN, IT JUST SAID "H... D."
331
00:18:46,659 --> 00:18:48,591
LOOK OUT!
332
00:18:48,660 --> 00:18:53,263
TRIPLE PLAY! AND
THE GAME IS TIED!
333
00:18:53,331 --> 00:18:55,265
AMFENY, SPIN!
334
00:18:55,333 --> 00:18:58,101
GO, AMFENY! GO, AMFENY!
335
00:18:58,170 --> 00:19:00,971
MAN, YOU HEARD HIM.
COME ON! LET 'ER RIP!
336
00:19:01,040 --> 00:19:03,040
HERE WE GO.
337
00:19:05,778 --> 00:19:08,512
YO MAMA SO HARD
TO BUY SHOES FOR.
338
00:19:08,581 --> 00:19:11,715
OH, NO, HOLD ON A SECOND,
MAN! THIS IS FOUL, MAN!
339
00:19:11,784 --> 00:19:14,684
AND WE'RE OUT OF TIME!
340
00:19:14,753 --> 00:19:17,687
T-DOG, SCOTTY J.,
YOU'RE TIED AT 600 POINTS.
341
00:19:17,756 --> 00:19:20,524
AND AMFENY... AMFENY...
342
00:19:20,592 --> 00:19:23,860
LET'S GO. LET'S GO. YO, I
AIN'T GOIN' OUT LIKE THAT, MAN.
343
00:19:23,930 --> 00:19:26,408
IT'S A'IGHT. GO AHEAD.
STU, MAN, TELL HIM TO STEP!
344
00:19:26,432 --> 00:19:28,365
AMFENY NO LONGER IN THE HOUSE.
345
00:19:28,434 --> 00:19:30,879
DON'T BE SCARED OF
'IM, NOW. THIS AIN'T FAIR!
346
00:19:30,903 --> 00:19:33,103
WELL...
347
00:19:33,172 --> 00:19:35,553
BUT THAT MEANS WE DO
HAVE A TIE. THAT MEANS YOU'RE
348
00:19:35,577 --> 00:19:37,741
BOTH GOING TO ADVANCE
TO THE LIGHTNING ROUND.
349
00:19:37,809 --> 00:19:40,744
COME ON DOWN
HERE FOR BONUS PLAY!
350
00:19:40,813 --> 00:19:42,746
YOU KNOW HOW THE RULES ARE DONE.
351
00:19:42,815 --> 00:19:45,749
YOU'VE GOT ONE MINUTE TO PROVOKE
OUR MYSTERY GUEST TO VIOLENCE.
352
00:19:45,818 --> 00:19:47,751
HEY, BRING HIM ON. WHATEVER.
353
00:19:47,820 --> 00:19:50,798
OUR MYSTERY GUEST TONIGHT WAS A
RECIPIENT OF THE 1990 NOBEL PEACE PRIZE.
354
00:19:50,822 --> 00:19:53,231
SHE HAS DEDICATED
HER LIFE TO HELPING THE
355
00:19:53,255 --> 00:19:55,926
SICK, ORPHANED AND
DISEASED FOLK OF CALCUTTA.
356
00:19:55,995 --> 00:19:57,956
SHE'S EVERYBODY'S
FAVORITE MAMA. CERTAINLY NO
357
00:19:57,980 --> 00:20:00,097
ONE COULD MAKE THIS SWEET
WOMAN LOSE HER TEMPER.
358
00:20:00,165 --> 00:20:02,832
GIVE IT UP FOR MOTHER TERESA!
359
00:20:05,504 --> 00:20:08,439
MOTHER TERESA, IT'S DELIGHTFUL
TO HAVE YOU ON THE GAME.
360
00:20:08,507 --> 00:20:11,019
YES, IT'S A PLEASURE TO
BE HERE, STU. THANK YOU.
361
00:20:11,043 --> 00:20:13,210
SIXTY SECONDS ON
THE CLOCK. AND BEGIN.
362
00:20:13,279 --> 00:20:15,079
YEAH, YEAH. YO MAMA'S SO SKINNY,
363
00:20:15,147 --> 00:20:18,515
I GAVE HER A PIECE OF POPCORN
AND SHE WENT INTO A DAMN COMA.
364
00:20:20,119 --> 00:20:22,652
YO MAMA GOT ONE ARM.
SHE SWIM IN A CIRCLE.
365
00:20:22,721 --> 00:20:25,656
YOU SEE, I HAVE NOTHING
BUT LOVE IN MY HEART.
366
00:20:25,724 --> 00:20:29,260
AND YOU NEED A TIC TAC
IN YOUR MOUTH. TIC TAC?
367
00:20:29,328 --> 00:20:31,328
WHAT... YEAH, YOU HEARD HIM.
368
00:20:31,397 --> 00:20:36,666
YEAH, YEAH! YOUR MOTHER GOT
ONE EAR AND A BURNT POTATO CHIP.
369
00:20:36,735 --> 00:20:38,835
YES, BUT, UH...
370
00:20:38,905 --> 00:20:42,506
YO MAMA'S GUMS SO BLACK,
SHE CAN SPIT CHOCOLATE MILK.
371
00:20:42,574 --> 00:20:45,809
YOUNG MAN, YOU DON'T KNOW
WHAT YOU SAY. I STILL LOVE YOU.
372
00:20:45,877 --> 00:20:48,117
YOU STILL NEED A TIC TAC.
373
00:20:49,748 --> 00:20:54,485
YO MAMA SO FAT, WHEN SHE WEAR A RED
DRESS EVERYBODY YELL, "HEY, KOOL-AID!"
374
00:20:56,956 --> 00:21:00,790
YO MAMA'S SO SMALL,
SHE POSE FOR TROPHIES.
375
00:21:00,859 --> 00:21:03,005
WHY MUST YOU BE
DISRESPECTFUL TO MY MOTHER?
376
00:21:03,029 --> 00:21:04,962
SHE NEVER DOES NOTHING TO YOU.
377
00:21:05,031 --> 00:21:07,964
THAT'S YO MAMA. AIN'T
MY MAMA. YOU HEAR ME?
378
00:21:08,033 --> 00:21:11,635
YO MAMA GOT SO MANY CIRCLES AROUND
HER STOMACH, SHE LOOK LIKE THE HAMBURGLAR.
379
00:21:11,704 --> 00:21:15,139
HOW CAN YOU SAY THIS ABOUT
MY MOTHER? SHE'S A GOOD MOTHER.
380
00:21:15,207 --> 00:21:17,708
AND SCOTTY J. HAS DONE IT!
381
00:21:17,776 --> 00:21:19,754
HE WINS THE CAR!
382
00:21:19,778 --> 00:21:22,757
HERE ARE YOUR KEYS. THAT'S ALL
THE TIME WE HAVE FOR TONIGHT.
383
00:21:22,781 --> 00:21:25,949
WE'LL SEE YOU NEXT TIME.
GOOD NIGHT, EVERYBODY!
384
00:21:29,255 --> 00:21:33,190
THANKS FOR WATCHING. THANKS
FOR LAUGHING. COME BACK NEXT WEEK.
385
00:21:33,259 --> 00:21:37,260
♪♪
386
00:22:03,922 --> 00:22:08,925
♪♪
387
00:22:27,913 --> 00:22:30,914
♪♪
29742
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