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1
00:00:01,835 --> 00:00:05,938
HI, I'M LOOMIS SIMMONS.
2
00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:08,840
LADIES, DO YOU LONG
FOR THE PITTER-PATTER...
3
00:00:08,909 --> 00:00:11,776
OF TINY LITTLE FEETS
IN YOUR HOUSE?
4
00:00:11,845 --> 00:00:15,213
ARE YOU WORRIED THAT THE CUCKOO
BIRD IN YOUR BIOGRAPHICAL CLOCK...
5
00:00:15,282 --> 00:00:17,682
HAS STOPPED LAYING EGGS?
6
00:00:17,751 --> 00:00:22,754
I HOPE SO. BUT YOU DON'T HAVE
TO WORRY WHEN YOU LET ME...
7
00:00:22,822 --> 00:00:25,757
KNOCK YOU UP!
8
00:00:27,895 --> 00:00:29,895
THE PLAN IS SIMPLE TO FOLLOW.
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00:00:29,963 --> 00:00:32,063
CALL ME, LOOMIS,
10
00:00:32,132 --> 00:00:35,834
AND I WILL SEND YOU ONE
OF MY MOTIVATIONAL TAPES...
11
00:00:35,903 --> 00:00:41,139
RECORDED ON THESE HIGH
QUALITY EIGHT-TRACK CARTRIDGES.
12
00:00:41,208 --> 00:00:45,243
IT'LL GET YOU IN THE MOOD FOR ONE
OF OUR ROMANTICAL ENCOUNTERS.
13
00:00:45,312 --> 00:00:48,880
LET'S LISTEN. ♪♪
14
00:00:48,949 --> 00:00:52,884
MY CHÉRI "AMOIVRA."
THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE!
15
00:00:52,953 --> 00:00:55,253
AIN'T NO MAN IN HIS
RIGHT MIND WANT YOU!
16
00:00:55,322 --> 00:00:58,623
YOUR OVARIES AIN'T NO
GOOD. THEY LOOK LIKE RAISINS.
17
00:00:58,692 --> 00:01:02,293
LOOMIS IS THE MAN.
LOOMIS IS THE MAN.
18
00:01:02,362 --> 00:01:06,030
LOOMIS IS THE MANNN!
19
00:01:06,099 --> 00:01:08,099
MMM!
20
00:01:08,168 --> 00:01:11,770
DON'T THAT JUST MAKE
YOUR NATURE RISE?
21
00:01:11,839 --> 00:01:16,107
NEXT, I, LOOMIS SIMMONS, WILL
COME UP IN THROUGH YOUR CRIB...
22
00:01:16,176 --> 00:01:19,478
AND INTRODUCE YA TO MY PARTNER.
23
00:01:19,546 --> 00:01:21,546
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKIN' ABOUT?
24
00:01:21,615 --> 00:01:24,616
MAYBE TWO OR THREE
TIMES IF NECESSARY.
25
00:01:24,685 --> 00:01:27,519
NOW, YOU MAY
THINK, "BUT, LOOMIS,
26
00:01:27,588 --> 00:01:31,222
I'M TOO BUTT UGLY FOR EVEN
YOU TO WANT TO KNOCK ME UP."
27
00:01:31,291 --> 00:01:35,126
AND YOU'RE PROBABLY RIGHT.
BUT WHEN I GENTLY APPLY...
28
00:01:35,195 --> 00:01:40,332
MY SPECIAL BEAUTY
ENHANCER OVER YOUR MUG,
29
00:01:40,401 --> 00:01:44,102
EVEN I CAN GET THE JOB DONE.
30
00:01:44,170 --> 00:01:47,572
AND DON'T FORGET LOOMIS'S
NO-RETURN GUARANTEE.
31
00:01:47,641 --> 00:01:51,476
AS SOON AS YOU DROP THAT
CALF, I AIN'T COMIN' BACK.
32
00:01:52,946 --> 00:01:56,415
LET'S LISTEN TO ONE OF
MY SATISFIED CUSTOMERS.
33
00:01:56,483 --> 00:01:59,250
MY WIFE AND I WANTED
TO START A FAMILY,
34
00:01:59,319 --> 00:02:03,489
BUT OUR SCHEDULES ALWAYS SEEMED
TO CONFLICT, SO WE CALLED LOOMIS.
35
00:02:03,557 --> 00:02:05,723
NOW WE'RE ONE BIG HAPPY FAMILY.
36
00:02:05,792 --> 00:02:08,994
THANK YOU, LOOMISESES.
37
00:02:09,063 --> 00:02:13,498
SO DO WHAT THOUSANDS OF
OTHER HARD UP HEIFERS HAVE DONE.
38
00:02:13,567 --> 00:02:18,770
CALL 1-900-K-N-O-C-K-UP TODAY,
39
00:02:18,838 --> 00:02:23,108
AND BEFORE YOU KNOW IT, YOU'LL BE
CARRYIN' YOUR OWN BUNDLE OF JOY...
40
00:02:23,177 --> 00:02:28,080
OR AS I, LOOMIS, LIKE TO
CALL IT, "A FRUIT OF LOOMIS"...
41
00:02:28,148 --> 00:02:32,417
WHEN YOU LET ME KNOCK YOU UP!
42
00:02:36,857 --> 00:02:40,125
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
43
00:02:40,193 --> 00:02:44,129
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
44
00:02:44,197 --> 00:02:45,897
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
45
00:02:47,467 --> 00:02:52,137
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
46
00:02:52,205 --> 00:02:54,373
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
47
00:02:55,442 --> 00:02:57,375
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
48
00:02:57,444 --> 00:02:59,422
♪ YOU CAN WALK ON THE
MOON FLOAT LIKE A BALLOON ♪
49
00:02:59,446 --> 00:03:01,491
♪ YOU SEE, IT'S NEVER TOO
LATE AND IT'S NEVER TOO SOON ♪
50
00:03:01,515 --> 00:03:03,426
- ♪ TAKE IT FROM MEIT'S A'IGHT TO BE ♪
- HI-YAH!
51
00:03:03,450 --> 00:03:04,883
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
52
00:03:04,952 --> 00:03:07,553
♪ AND HOW WOULD YA... HOW
WOULD YA... HOW WOULD YA F... ♪
53
00:03:07,621 --> 00:03:09,599
♪ HOW WOULD YOU FEEL KNOWING
PREJUDICE WAS OBSOLETE ♪
54
00:03:09,623 --> 00:03:11,790
♪ AND ALL MANKIND
DANCED TO THE EXACT BEAT ♪
55
00:03:11,858 --> 00:03:15,327
♪ AND AT NIGHT IT WAS SAFE
TO WALK DOWN THE STREET ♪
56
00:03:15,395 --> 00:03:18,863
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
57
00:03:18,932 --> 00:03:20,999
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
58
00:03:22,069 --> 00:03:23,568
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
59
00:03:23,637 --> 00:03:27,172
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WAN...
WAN... ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
60
00:03:27,240 --> 00:03:31,510
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WAN...
WAN... WAN... ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
61
00:03:31,578 --> 00:03:36,281
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WAN...
WAN... ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
62
00:03:36,350 --> 00:03:40,285
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WAN...
WAN... WAN... ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
63
00:03:40,353 --> 00:03:42,287
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪♪
64
00:03:48,394 --> 00:03:52,297
AND NOW A WORD FROM
THE CORLICK SISTERS.
65
00:03:52,366 --> 00:03:55,066
ACTUALLY, THIS COMMERCIAL IS
MEANT TO SERVE AS AN APOLOGY.
66
00:03:55,135 --> 00:03:57,581
RIGHT. BELIEVE IT OR NOT,
THEY'VE HAD SOME COMPLAINTS...
67
00:03:57,605 --> 00:03:59,583
FROM SOME OF THE BLACK
CUSTOMERS HERE AT LENNY'S.
68
00:03:59,607 --> 00:04:01,318
THAT'S "DENY'S." OH.
69
00:04:01,342 --> 00:04:03,662
AND YOU BLACK PEOPLE, I REALIZE
THAT WHOLE SLAVERY THING...
70
00:04:03,711 --> 00:04:05,644
MIGHT HAVE BEEN A
LITTLE UNPLEASANT.
71
00:04:05,713 --> 00:04:08,614
OH, IT'S A DARN SHAME. BUT WE'RE
NOT HERE TO CHANGE THE WORLD.
72
00:04:08,682 --> 00:04:10,660
MY, MY, NO. WE'RE
JUST HERE TO SERVE...
73
00:04:10,684 --> 00:04:14,152
THE KIND OF FOOD WEIRDOS
AND INSOMNIACS LOVE TO EAT.
74
00:04:14,221 --> 00:04:16,499
AND ANY OTHER RELIGION.
MAKES NO DIFFERENCE TO US.
75
00:04:16,523 --> 00:04:19,658
OH, YOU ARE A MORON! WE'RE
THROUGH TALKING ABOUT RELIGION.
76
00:04:19,726 --> 00:04:21,704
LET'S TALK ABOUT ALL THE
NEW BLACK PEOPLE WE BOUGHT.
77
00:04:21,728 --> 00:04:24,340
YOU MEAN "HIRED"! PEOPLE
USED TO COMPLAIN... YEAH.
78
00:04:24,364 --> 00:04:28,199
THERE WAS ONLY ONE BLACK GUY WORKING
HERE, AND HE WAS MOPPING THE FLOORS.
79
00:04:28,268 --> 00:04:33,038
NOW WE HAVE FOUR GUYS MOPPING THE
FLOOR, AND WE'VE CHANGED OUR VENUE.
80
00:04:33,107 --> 00:04:35,573
THAT'S "CHANGE OF MENU." RIGHT.
81
00:04:35,643 --> 00:04:38,276
WE SERVE THE SAME FOOD
FULL OF FLAVOR AND GERITOL.
82
00:04:38,345 --> 00:04:40,378
THAT'S "CHOLESTEROL"!
THAT'S RIGHT.
83
00:04:40,447 --> 00:04:43,615
AND WE'VE GIVEN OUR NEW NAME TO
APPEAL TO AFRICANS AND FARRAKHAN.
84
00:04:43,684 --> 00:04:46,652
OH, THAT'S "AFRICAN-AMERICAN"!
OKAY, SMARTY-PANTS.
85
00:04:46,720 --> 00:04:49,021
LET'S TALK ABOUT
THE BIBS. THAT'S "RIBS."
86
00:04:49,089 --> 00:04:52,657
JUST LOOK AT OUR NEW
"BABY'S GOT BACK" RIBS.
87
00:04:53,861 --> 00:04:55,993
OH, GOD, THIS SUCKS!
88
00:04:56,062 --> 00:04:57,995
THAT'S NOT ALL THAT SUCKS.
89
00:04:58,065 --> 00:05:00,665
THERE'S ALSO OUR SPECIAL
DRIVE-BY BREAKFAST.
90
00:05:00,733 --> 00:05:03,000
I JUST LOVE THOSE
DEAD PIGS IN A BLANKET.
91
00:05:03,070 --> 00:05:06,605
AND BE SURE TO TRY OUR ALL
NEW GRAND SLAMBO DINNERS.
92
00:05:06,673 --> 00:05:09,052
AND WE'VE ADDED EXTRA
WATERMELON TO OUR STOLEN CAR.
93
00:05:09,076 --> 00:05:12,110
THAT'S THE "SALAD
BAR"! EAT UP, HOUSE FLY.
94
00:05:12,179 --> 00:05:14,579
THAT'S "HOMEBOY"!
95
00:05:14,648 --> 00:05:18,883
DENY'S... WHERE BLACK MONEY
IS AS WELCOME AS ANYBODY'S.
96
00:05:18,952 --> 00:05:22,120
♪ MMM ♪
♪ WE BACK UP IN THIS PLACE ♪
97
00:05:22,189 --> 00:05:23,955
♪ YO, YO, YO ♪
98
00:05:24,024 --> 00:05:26,358
♪ I DON'T KNOW ABOUT
YOU BUT I'M A-RAISE IT UP ♪
99
00:05:26,426 --> 00:05:28,826
♪ SOME OF THE OLD SCHOOL
PLAYAS GONNA RAISE IT UP ♪
100
00:05:28,895 --> 00:05:31,162
♪ AND WE DON'T STOP ROCKIN' ♪
101
00:05:31,231 --> 00:05:33,831
♪ WE KEEP ON POPPIN'
WE AIN'T PLAYIN' ♪
102
00:05:33,900 --> 00:05:36,167
♪ I DON'T KNOW ABOUT
YOU BUT I'M A RAISE IT UP ♪
103
00:05:36,236 --> 00:05:39,037
♪ ALL THE OLD SCHOOL
PLAYAS GONNA RAISE IT UP ♪
104
00:05:39,106 --> 00:05:41,039
♪ AND WE DON'T STOP ROCKIN' ♪
105
00:05:41,108 --> 00:05:43,574
♪ WE KEEP ON POPPIN'
WE AIN'T PLAYIN' ♪
106
00:05:43,643 --> 00:05:45,877
♪ I DON'T KNOW ABOUT
YOU BUT I'M A-RAISE IT UP ♪
107
00:05:45,946 --> 00:05:48,713
♪ ALL THE OLD SCHOOL
PLAYAS GONNA RAISE IT UP ♪
108
00:05:48,782 --> 00:05:50,681
♪ AND WE DON'T STOP ROCKIN' ♪
109
00:05:50,750 --> 00:05:54,652
♪ WE KEEP ON POPPIN'
WE AIN'T PLAYIN' ♪♪
110
00:05:57,524 --> 00:05:59,857
NOW, FROM THE DIRECTOR
OF BOYS IN THE HOOD...
111
00:05:59,926 --> 00:06:02,027
COMES A FILM STARRING
JANET JACKSON...
112
00:06:02,095 --> 00:06:05,030
AS A SINGER WHO SHOULDN'T
TRY TO DO MOVIES...
113
00:06:05,098 --> 00:06:07,598
AND TUPAC AS A RAPPER
WHOSE MOTHER NAMED HIM...
114
00:06:07,667 --> 00:06:10,635
HIM AFTER A CHEAP WAY
TO BUY TOILET PAPER.
115
00:06:10,703 --> 00:06:15,006
THEY WERE BOTH LOOKING
FOR A LITTLE UNPOETIC JUSTICE.
116
00:06:16,209 --> 00:06:18,343
YEAH, CHICAGO, HE FINE.
117
00:06:18,412 --> 00:06:21,045
THERE HE IS. ISN'T HE CUTE?
118
00:06:24,885 --> 00:06:28,320
GIRL, YOU NEED TO ROLL
UP TO OAKTOWN WITH US.
119
00:06:28,388 --> 00:06:32,190
GIRL, YOU TRIPPIN'. JANET JACKSON
DON'T RIDE IN NO MAIL TRUCK.
120
00:06:32,259 --> 00:06:35,894
HOW LONG YOU BEEN
DOIN' HAIR ANYWAY?
121
00:06:35,962 --> 00:06:40,598
I DON'T DO HAIR. I MAKE UP
POEMS AND SAY THEM TO MYSELF.
122
00:06:40,667 --> 00:06:44,302
TODAY, THIS MOVIE OPENS.
TOMORROW, THE VIDEO SHELF.
123
00:06:44,371 --> 00:06:46,937
GIRL, WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?
124
00:06:48,608 --> 00:06:51,809
HEY, BABY. DAMN,
THEM JEANS IS TIGHT!
125
00:06:55,449 --> 00:06:57,415
TIGHT. MY JEANS ARE TOO TIGHT.
126
00:06:57,484 --> 00:07:01,019
IT TAKES FOUR PEOPLE TO
PULL THEM OFF ME AT NIGHT.
127
00:07:01,088 --> 00:07:03,021
LET'S CUT THE BULL.
128
00:07:03,089 --> 00:07:05,023
I KNOW WHAT YOU REALLY WANT.
129
00:07:05,091 --> 00:07:07,102
WHAT I REALLY WANNA KNOW IS,
WHAT YOU DOIN' IN THIS MOVIE...
130
00:07:07,126 --> 00:07:10,006
WHEN YOU'VE NEVER BEEN TO THE
HOOD A DAY IN YOUR LIFE, UNDERSTAND ME?
131
00:07:10,030 --> 00:07:12,797
I DO NOT LIKE BEING IN THE HOOD.
132
00:07:12,866 --> 00:07:15,300
I DO NOT LIKE IT,
THOUGH I SHOULD.
133
00:07:15,369 --> 00:07:18,703
I DO NOT LIKE GREEN
EGGS AND HAM.
134
00:07:18,771 --> 00:07:21,539
I DO NOT LIKE THEM, SAM I AM.
135
00:07:21,608 --> 00:07:24,253
TELL ME, BABY, HOW YOU
GET A NAME LIKE JUSTICE?
136
00:07:24,277 --> 00:07:27,511
IT'S A LONG STORY. HEY
Y'ALL, I JUST REMEMBERED.
137
00:07:27,581 --> 00:07:30,949
THIS IS A JOHN SINGLETON
MOVIE! OH, YEAH.
138
00:07:31,018 --> 00:07:32,562
BLEEP YOU! WELL, BLEEP YOU!
139
00:07:32,586 --> 00:07:35,331
WELL, BEEP YOU! WELL,
BEEP, BLEEP, BLEEP, BLEEP!
140
00:07:35,355 --> 00:07:38,389
WELL, BLEEP, BLEEP, BLEEP, BLEEP
YOU! WELL, BEEP, BLEEP, THEN...
141
00:07:38,458 --> 00:07:40,725
BLEEPY BLEEP, BLEEP!
142
00:07:40,793 --> 00:07:45,797
NOW THAT THE CURSING'S OVER,
IT'S TIME TO HEAR SOME MORE VOICES.
143
00:07:49,236 --> 00:07:51,736
WHERE IS THE LIBRARY?
144
00:07:51,805 --> 00:07:54,072
WHY COULDN'T I GET WHITNEY'S
ROLE IN THE BODYGUARD?
145
00:07:54,140 --> 00:07:57,475
OH! OH, YOU TOO GOOD FOR US NOW!
146
00:07:57,544 --> 00:07:59,477
ATTENTION KMART SHOPPERS.
147
00:07:59,546 --> 00:08:01,513
WE HAVE A BLUE-LIGHT
SPECIAL ON AISLE 3.
148
00:08:01,581 --> 00:08:05,182
NOW AVAILABLE, VIDEO COPIES OF
JOHN SINGLETON'S POETIC JUSTICE.
149
00:08:05,251 --> 00:08:09,887
JUST 3.99. WAIT A
SECOND. MAKE THAT 1.99.
150
00:08:12,692 --> 00:08:14,626
UNPOETIC JUSTICE.
151
00:08:14,694 --> 00:08:19,063
IT'S NOT JUST A
MOVIE, IT'S A... A-A-A...
152
00:08:19,132 --> 00:08:21,466
WE DON'T KNOW
WHAT THE HELL IT IS.
153
00:08:23,937 --> 00:08:27,605
SOME OF YOU ARE STUNNED BY THOMAS HEARNS'S
CHOICE OF A CHALLENGER FOR HIS COMEBACK.
154
00:08:27,674 --> 00:08:31,609
HIS OPPONENT, A VIRTUAL UNKNOWN BY
THE NAME OF CARL "THE TOOTH" WILLIAMS,
155
00:08:31,678 --> 00:08:36,313
UNRANKED BY THE W.B.A., THE
W.B.C., THE I.B.F. AND THE W.B.F.
156
00:08:36,382 --> 00:08:40,184
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
CARL "THE TOOTH" WILLIAMS.
157
00:08:48,762 --> 00:08:51,630
TOOTH, WHERE WERE
YOU BORN, TOOTH?
158
00:08:51,698 --> 00:08:53,831
BASICALLY, I WAS
BORN THOUGH IN C.P.T.
159
00:08:53,900 --> 00:08:57,002
UH, MR. WILLIAMS, WHAT WOULD
YOU SAY TO THOSE WHO CONTEND...
160
00:08:57,070 --> 00:08:59,048
THAT YOU'RE COMPLETELY
OUT OF YOUR LEAGUE...
161
00:08:59,072 --> 00:09:02,707
AND NO MATCH FOR MR. "HITMAN,"
THOMAS HEARNS OR SOMETHIN'?
162
00:09:02,776 --> 00:09:04,842
WELL, I THINK THEY SHOULD
READ THE PARAPHERNALIA.
163
00:09:08,682 --> 00:09:12,350
- WELL, WHAT ABOUT YOUR RECORD?
- MY RECORD SPEAKS FOR ITSELF.
164
00:09:12,419 --> 00:09:15,620
UH, TOOTH, YOUR
RECORD IS 0 AND 217.
165
00:09:15,689 --> 00:09:17,889
YEAH, BUT I'M CLOSING
IN FAST ON THAT NUMBER.
166
00:09:17,958 --> 00:09:20,891
BUT, UH, LIKE I SAID, MY
RECORD SPEAKS FOR ITSELF,
167
00:09:20,960 --> 00:09:24,361
BUT IT DON'T NECESSARILY
SPEAK FOR MYSELF.
168
00:09:24,430 --> 00:09:26,363
WHATEVER I HAD SAID.
169
00:09:26,432 --> 00:09:30,301
AND, ANYWAY, I GOT NEW
TECHNIQUES RIGHT NOW.
170
00:09:30,370 --> 00:09:33,182
- AH, TRAINING TECHNIQUES?
- NO, ACTUALLY,
I GOT NEW BRUSHIN' TECHNIQUES.
171
00:09:33,206 --> 00:09:38,242
SEE, I FEEL THAT A CLEAN
TOOFUS IS A HAPPY TOOFUS.
172
00:09:41,281 --> 00:09:43,281
TOOTH, I'VE GOT A
QUESTION FOR YOU.
173
00:09:43,349 --> 00:09:45,283
WHAT WOULD YOU SAY
THAT MUHAMMAD ALI,
174
00:09:45,351 --> 00:09:47,752
JOE FRAZIER AND GEORGE
FOREMAN ALL HAVE IN COMMON?
175
00:09:47,821 --> 00:09:50,922
UH, BASICALLY, UH,
THEY ALL KICKED MY ASS.
176
00:09:53,493 --> 00:09:55,871
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, TOMMY
HEARNS IS ENTERING THE BUILDING NOW!
177
00:09:55,895 --> 00:09:58,362
WHERE HE AT? WHERE HE AT?
178
00:09:58,431 --> 00:10:00,364
UH, MR. HEARNS...
179
00:10:12,045 --> 00:10:13,651
TOOTH, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
180
00:10:13,675 --> 00:10:14,490
I'M STARING HIM DOWN.
181
00:10:14,514 --> 00:10:16,914
I'M GETTING INTO HIS HEAD.
182
00:10:16,983 --> 00:10:21,386
- BUT THAT'S HIS MANAGER.
- OH, SAY, YEAH, I KNEW THAT. I KNEW THAT.
183
00:10:24,457 --> 00:10:26,924
UH, MR. HEARNS... MR. HEARNS,
CAN I ASK YOU A QUESTION?
184
00:10:26,993 --> 00:10:29,705
THERE ARE SOME PEOPLE OUT THERE WHO
THINK THAT CARL "THE TOOTH" WILLIAMS...
185
00:10:29,729 --> 00:10:31,941
POSES NO DANGER TO YOUR TITLE.
186
00:10:31,965 --> 00:10:35,433
WELL, THAT'S NOT TRUE. EVERY
BONE IN HIS BODY HAS BEEN BROKEN,
187
00:10:35,502 --> 00:10:38,235
SO THAT MAKES HIM FLEXIBLE.
188
00:10:38,304 --> 00:10:41,972
TOOTH, YOU'VE GOTTA FEEL LIKE YOU'RE
PRETTY MUCH COMPLETELY OUT OF YOUR LEAGUE.
189
00:10:42,041 --> 00:10:44,020
WELL, YOU KNOW, BASICALLY,
THAT'S WHAT THEY HAD SAID...
190
00:10:44,044 --> 00:10:46,844
WHEN I FOUGHT SUGAR
RAY LEONARD AND CHAVEZ.
191
00:10:46,913 --> 00:10:49,124
RIGHT. AND SUGAR RAY LEONARD
BROKE YOUR SPINE AND YOUR JAW...
192
00:10:49,148 --> 00:10:51,081
AND KNOCKED YOU
OUT IN 12 SECONDS.
193
00:10:51,150 --> 00:10:53,129
WELL, HE DID, BUT A LOT
OF PEOPLE DIDN'T REPORT...
194
00:10:53,153 --> 00:10:56,287
THAT I WAS BACK ON SOLID
FOODS WITHIN 10 WEEKS.
195
00:10:58,191 --> 00:11:00,758
TOOTH, WHOM DO YOU
CREDIT YOUR SUCCESS TO?
196
00:11:00,827 --> 00:11:04,028
I CREDIT ALL MY SUCCESS
TO THE MAN UPSTAIRS.
197
00:11:04,097 --> 00:11:06,164
- GOD?
- NO, MR. JOHNSON IN 2-B.
198
00:11:06,233 --> 00:11:08,666
HE USED TO RUN ME DOWN
TO THE GYM EVERY DAY.
199
00:11:08,735 --> 00:11:11,302
AND I ALSO GIVE IT UP TO
MY MAMA. COME ON OUT, MOM!
200
00:11:11,371 --> 00:11:14,371
M-M-MRS. WILLIAMS!
201
00:11:16,576 --> 00:11:18,642
JUST CALL ME "GUMS."
202
00:11:18,712 --> 00:11:21,290
OH. OH, LISTEN, SON, YOU
FORGOT YOUR TOOTH PROTECTOR.
203
00:11:21,314 --> 00:11:23,447
THERE YOU GO, BABY.
THANK YOU. AH. AH.
204
00:11:23,516 --> 00:11:27,084
THERE YOU GO. UH, MRS., UH...
205
00:11:27,153 --> 00:11:30,888
MRS. GUMS, WHAT WAS IT LIKE
BRINGING UP, UH, YOUR... YOUR SON?
206
00:11:30,957 --> 00:11:33,991
I REMEMBER THE VERY
FIRST DAY OF SECOND GRADE.
207
00:11:34,060 --> 00:11:36,428
HE COME HOME, HIS
EYE ALL SWOLL UP SHUT.
208
00:11:36,496 --> 00:11:39,497
AND HE JUST KEPT SAYIN', "CUT
ME, MOMMY. CUT ME, MOMMY."
209
00:11:39,566 --> 00:11:43,301
HE WAS SO CUTE. YOU KNOW, WE DIDN'T
HAVE MUCH MONEY BACK IN THEM DAYS,
210
00:11:43,369 --> 00:11:46,838
BUT LUCKILY, IT SEEMED LIKE THE TOOTH
FAIRY WOULD BE THERE EVERY OTHER DAY.
211
00:11:46,907 --> 00:11:50,174
MM-HMM. MM-HMM. YEAH, AND
BASICALLY, AS MOM HAD REITERATED,
212
00:11:50,243 --> 00:11:52,176
I WAS TRYIN' TO... DON'T
INTERRUPT YOUR MAMA!
213
00:11:54,714 --> 00:11:58,416
THAT WAS A CHEAP SHOT, 'CAUSE
IT WAS AFTER THE BELL HAD RANG.
214
00:11:58,485 --> 00:12:00,485
I FEEL I WILL REGAIN MY TITLE.
215
00:12:00,554 --> 00:12:03,199
BUT AFTER THAT FALLING DOWN, I
FEEL LIKE I'M KINDA WARMED UP NOW.
216
00:12:03,223 --> 00:12:05,367
LOOK OUT!
217
00:12:05,391 --> 00:12:08,125
YOU WARMED UP, HUH? COME
ON. I GOT SOMETHING FOR YOU.
218
00:12:08,194 --> 00:12:11,095
YOU FALL TO ALL THE
CONTENDERS FROM TYSON TO ALI,
219
00:12:11,164 --> 00:12:14,065
BUT, BOY, YOU MUST BE CRAZY
TO STEP INTO THE RING WITH ME.
220
00:12:14,134 --> 00:12:17,135
WHOA!
221
00:12:17,203 --> 00:12:20,003
I GOT YOUR BACK, SON. DON'T
WORRY. DON'T... HEY, HEY!
222
00:12:20,039 --> 00:12:22,073
HOLD ON. IT WASN'T LIKE
THAT. YOU GOTTA UNDERSTAND.
223
00:12:22,142 --> 00:12:25,810
LISTEN TO ME. LISTEN TO ME. LET ME
TALK TO YOU. I WANNA TALK TO YOU.
224
00:12:27,047 --> 00:12:30,815
OH, I DON'T BELIEVE IT!
225
00:12:30,883 --> 00:12:33,362
THE TOOTH'S MOM HAS JUST
KNOCKED OUT TOMMY "HITMAN" HEARNS!
226
00:12:40,392 --> 00:12:43,027
YES, SIR, I UNDERSTAND
COMPLETELY.
227
00:12:43,095 --> 00:12:45,729
I ASSURE YOU, SIR. WE ARE
GONNA FIND A NEW HIT SHOW.
228
00:12:45,798 --> 00:12:49,266
WE'LL HAVE THIS NETWORK BACK
ON TOP IN-IN NO TIME, ALL RIGHT?
229
00:12:49,334 --> 00:12:51,268
I PROMISE. I GUARANTEE IT.
230
00:12:51,336 --> 00:12:54,571
ALL RIGHT. YES, SIR. I
UNDERSTAND. GOOD-BYE, SIR.
231
00:12:54,640 --> 00:12:58,742
WHERE AM I GONNA
FIND A HIT SHOW?
232
00:13:06,419 --> 00:13:11,221
♪♪
233
00:13:11,290 --> 00:13:13,223
PARDON ME, HOME SKILLET.
234
00:13:13,292 --> 00:13:17,728
DID I HEAR TELL SOMEONE
MENTION A HIT SHOW?
235
00:13:17,797 --> 00:13:20,931
DIG THAT, 'CAUSE WE DOWN WITH
THAT, MAN. WHO THE HELL ARE YOU GUYS?
236
00:13:20,999 --> 00:13:24,346
I'M GLAD YOU ASKED. MY NAME'S
CLAVELL. AND I AM HOWARD TIBBS III.
237
00:13:24,370 --> 00:13:26,648
AND WE ARE FUNKY
FINGER PRODUCTIONS.
238
00:13:26,672 --> 00:13:31,041
I BELIEVE ME AND YOU MET
AT THE RICKY JAMES TRIAL.
239
00:13:31,109 --> 00:13:33,110
DIG IT. AND THE
COURTROOM WAS SMOKIN'.
240
00:13:33,178 --> 00:13:35,046
LOOK HERE. BEFORE
WE GO ANY FURTHER,
241
00:13:35,114 --> 00:13:38,816
ANYBODY EVER TELL YOU YOU
LOOK LIKE A SWOLLEN TOM CRUISE?
242
00:13:38,884 --> 00:13:42,853
DON'T HE? ALL UP HERE. LET
ME GIVE YOU ONE OF MY CARDS.
243
00:13:42,922 --> 00:13:44,888
YOU KNOW, I'M FRESH OUT. HOWARD.
244
00:13:44,957 --> 00:13:46,991
BAM! LOOK OUT.
245
00:13:49,295 --> 00:13:51,561
NOW, THE NUMBER ON
THE BACK IS OURS. DIG THAT.
246
00:13:51,630 --> 00:13:55,465
NOW, THIS COUPON WILL SAVE YOU 25
CENTS ON MISS B.J.'S COLLARD GREENS.
247
00:13:55,534 --> 00:13:59,269
- JOANNA, GET ME SECURITY, FAST.
- HEY, WELL, HOLD UP JO-JO.
248
00:13:59,338 --> 00:14:01,638
YOU AND YOUR BIG LEGS.
249
00:14:01,708 --> 00:14:04,608
NOT SO FAST, HOME
SHOPPING NETWORK. STOP THAT.
250
00:14:04,677 --> 00:14:08,011
WE'VE BEEN WATCHING THIS LATE NIGHT
THING, AND WE GOT OUR OWN LITTLE DITTY.
251
00:14:08,080 --> 00:14:10,292
I'M GONNA HAVE TO ASK YOU FELLAS TO
LEAVE. AND I'M GONNA HAVE TO ASK YOU...
252
00:14:10,316 --> 00:14:12,483
TO SIT DOWN, HAYSTACKS.
253
00:14:12,552 --> 00:14:17,087
LOOK, I GOT AN IDEA THAT IS SO PHAT,
RICHARD SIMMONS WANTS TO OUTLAW IT.
254
00:14:17,156 --> 00:14:20,992
FINGER-LICKIN' GOOD. YOU CAN GAIN
THREE POUNDS JUST LOOKIN' AT IT.
255
00:14:21,060 --> 00:14:22,636
YOU GUYS HAVE NO
REFERENCES. YOU HAVE NO
256
00:14:22,660 --> 00:14:24,461
EXPERIENCE. WHY WOULD
I EVER GIVE YOU A SHOW?
257
00:14:24,530 --> 00:14:27,743
YOU KNOW, I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT
HAVE SOME DOUBTS, HOME BOX OFFICE.
258
00:14:27,767 --> 00:14:30,234
CAN I CALL YOU HBO?
259
00:14:30,302 --> 00:14:32,302
SO, UH, LOOK HERE.
260
00:14:32,371 --> 00:14:35,172
WE BROUGHT WHAT WE LIKE
TO CALL THE TOP THREE LIST.
261
00:14:35,241 --> 00:14:37,407
HOWARD, WHERE DID I PUT THAT?
262
00:14:37,476 --> 00:14:39,877
YOU GOT IT, HOWARD?
263
00:14:39,946 --> 00:14:43,480
WHOO. B-B-B-BAM! BAM!
264
00:14:45,250 --> 00:14:47,351
OH, YES. OH, YES.
265
00:14:47,419 --> 00:14:50,888
NOW, STRAIGHT FROM THE
HOME OFFICE OF COMPTON, C-A,
266
00:14:50,957 --> 00:14:52,890
TONIGHT'S TOP THREE LIST.
267
00:14:52,959 --> 00:14:56,961
TOP THREE REASONS WHY YOU
SHOULD GIVE US OUR OWN LATE SHOW.
268
00:14:57,029 --> 00:14:59,229
HERE WE GO. ♪♪
269
00:14:59,298 --> 00:15:01,998
♪♪
270
00:15:02,068 --> 00:15:04,601
NOW, LOOK, IF LITTLE
TOOTIE IS LIVIN' SINGLE,
271
00:15:04,670 --> 00:15:08,539
THEN WHY CAN'T ME AND
CLAVELL BE LIVIN' LARGE? ♪♪
272
00:15:08,608 --> 00:15:11,242
NUMBER TWO. NUMBER TWO?
273
00:15:11,310 --> 00:15:13,277
♪♪
274
00:15:13,346 --> 00:15:18,081
ARSENIO MAY HAVE A LONG FINGER, BUT
HE AIN'T GOT NO FUNKY FINGER. SAY WHAT?
275
00:15:18,151 --> 00:15:20,784
- YOU HEAR THAT?
- I HEARD THAT.
276
00:15:20,853 --> 00:15:23,654
AND NUMBER THREE.
277
00:15:28,661 --> 00:15:30,627
YOUR WIFE WON'T
THINK IT'S TOO NICE...
278
00:15:30,696 --> 00:15:32,663
WHEN SHE FINDS OUT THAT
YOU KNOW HEIDI FLEISS.
279
00:15:32,732 --> 00:15:37,367
- HEY, NOW!
- YOU GUYS ARE INSANE!
280
00:15:37,436 --> 00:15:39,636
WELL, HOLD ON THERE
NOW, HOME IMPROVEMENT.
281
00:15:39,705 --> 00:15:42,639
YOU KNOW, WE HAPPEN
TO HAVE A LITTLE TASTE...
282
00:15:42,708 --> 00:15:45,009
OF WHAT WE LIKE TO CALL
THE SEASON PREMIERE.
283
00:15:45,077 --> 00:15:48,512
- HOWARD?
- WATCH IT! BAM!
284
00:15:48,581 --> 00:15:51,982
NOW, IT'S A CROSS
BETWEEN THE TONIGHT SHOW,
285
00:15:52,051 --> 00:15:55,218
THE TOMORROW SHOW
AND THE TODAY SHOW.
286
00:15:55,287 --> 00:15:58,455
WE LIKE TO CALL IT
YESTERDAY AND THEN SOME MO'.
287
00:15:58,524 --> 00:16:01,925
ALL RIGHT. IS THIS BAD
MAMMER JAMMER ON?
288
00:16:05,164 --> 00:16:07,331
OKAY, WE'RE BACK.
289
00:16:07,399 --> 00:16:09,377
NOW, WE GOT A GREAT
SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT.
290
00:16:09,401 --> 00:16:13,036
ANTONIO FARGAS ALL
UP IN THROUGH HERE.
291
00:16:13,105 --> 00:16:15,806
HUGGY BEAR IS IN THE HOUSE.
HUGGY BEAR'S IN THE HOUSE.
292
00:16:15,875 --> 00:16:20,744
YOU HERE ME? ALSO, RODNEY ALLEN
RIPPY AND THE MUSIC OF ROCKWELL.
293
00:16:20,813 --> 00:16:22,825
BROTHER, DID YOU
SEE HIM LAST NIGHT, T.?
294
00:16:22,849 --> 00:16:27,017
MAN WAS OUT THERE
ON THAT TIP. SAY WHAT?
295
00:16:27,086 --> 00:16:29,765
YES INDEED. UH-OH! UH-OH!
296
00:16:29,789 --> 00:16:33,256
HOWARD'S WEARING THE BOOTY
CAM! GO, HOWARD! GO, HOWARD!
297
00:16:33,325 --> 00:16:35,737
WITH THE BOOTY CAM. WITH
THE BOOTY CAM. BREAK IT DOWN.
298
00:16:35,761 --> 00:16:38,295
♪♪
299
00:16:38,364 --> 00:16:40,442
ON THE BOOTY CAM. ON THE
BOOTY CAM. AND I'M WAVING.
300
00:16:40,466 --> 00:16:42,577
I'M WAVING... ON THE
BOOTY CAM. HEY, NOW!
301
00:16:42,601 --> 00:16:45,235
WE GOT ANOTHER TAPE
OF STUPID PET TRICKS.
302
00:16:45,304 --> 00:16:47,972
GOT CLAVELL'S FERRET ON
THERE. WEARS A SNAP CAP TOO.
303
00:16:48,040 --> 00:16:51,442
HE'S ALL THAT. HEY, NOW!
304
00:16:51,510 --> 00:16:54,345
IT'S ABOUT TIME! GET
THESE GUYS OUTTA HERE!
305
00:16:54,413 --> 00:16:56,747
SO I GUESS YOU GONNA CALL
THE NUMBER THAT'S ON THE CARD?
306
00:16:56,815 --> 00:16:59,460
HEY, LOOK HERE. CALL MY
AGENT, SIDNEY. IT'S S-I-D-NAY.
307
00:16:59,484 --> 00:17:02,119
OUR JOB WAS SECURITY
GUARD FOR POPEYE'S...
308
00:17:07,527 --> 00:17:10,828
LIVE, LOVE AND LAUGH. SEE
YA NEXT WEEK. PEACE OUT.
309
00:17:10,897 --> 00:17:14,898
♪♪
24759
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