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1
00:00:07,691 --> 00:00:08,824
Ned:
When I was a kid,
2
00:00:08,825 --> 00:00:10,201
I wanted to be Clark Kent,
3
00:00:10,202 --> 00:00:11,661
saving the world,
by working at a newspaper.
4
00:00:11,662 --> 00:00:13,996
- Have you read this paper?
- Uh-huh. It sucks.
5
00:00:13,997 --> 00:00:16,374
- Mare: You--
- Ned: We are going
to make it better.
6
00:00:16,375 --> 00:00:18,334
Why don't we talk after you
meet your new boss, though.
7
00:00:18,335 --> 00:00:21,337
My name is Esmeralda Grand,
managing editor.
8
00:00:21,338 --> 00:00:23,798
I'm also in charge of
TTT Online.
9
00:00:23,799 --> 00:00:25,424
They hired me to be
the editor-in-chief.
10
00:00:25,425 --> 00:00:26,968
- Mare: Above Esmeralda?
- Ned: Yeah.
11
00:00:26,969 --> 00:00:28,970
Esmeralda:
Ned has cockroach DNA.
12
00:00:28,971 --> 00:00:32,682
You try to smash it, but then
it doesn't die? That's Ned.
13
00:00:32,683 --> 00:00:35,393
Outstanding print coverage,
Toledo Truth Teller.
14
00:00:35,394 --> 00:00:36,519
Yeah!
15
00:00:36,520 --> 00:00:38,854
Oh, my God! Thank you so much.
16
00:00:38,855 --> 00:00:41,566
- Announcer: And the winner is
Mare Pritti.
- Oh, my God.
17
00:00:42,334 --> 00:00:45,861
Oscar Martinez for Mr. Digit.
18
00:00:45,862 --> 00:00:47,989
Ah, for-- Goddamn it.
19
00:00:47,990 --> 00:00:51,701
- I think we need to break up.
- We aren't in that kind
of a relationship.
20
00:00:51,702 --> 00:00:53,953
I kind of was, though.
21
00:00:53,954 --> 00:00:56,163
- You don't think
I wanna kiss you?
- I have no--
22
00:00:56,164 --> 00:00:58,291
I wanna kiss you.
This would be the classic,
23
00:00:58,292 --> 00:01:00,102
fastest way
to mess everything up.
24
00:01:01,545 --> 00:01:03,045
God.
25
00:01:03,046 --> 00:01:04,231
Oh, shit.
26
00:01:05,757 --> 00:01:07,675
Ned:
What do you do
when you get everything
27
00:01:07,676 --> 00:01:09,802
you ever wanted in one night?
28
00:01:09,803 --> 00:01:11,887
You ask for more.
29
00:01:11,888 --> 00:01:13,389
It's called momentum.
30
00:01:13,390 --> 00:01:16,976
Two nights ago, we swept
the Ohio Journalism Awards.
31
00:01:16,977 --> 00:01:20,396
And so now is the perfect time
to get what we need from Marv.
32
00:01:20,397 --> 00:01:24,108
I have a wish list, right?
Of a hundred thousand dollars.
33
00:01:24,109 --> 00:01:26,569
And today I am gonna get it.
34
00:01:26,570 --> 00:01:28,988
Woo, woo.
35
00:01:28,989 --> 00:01:30,239
Oh.
36
00:01:30,240 --> 00:01:33,409
- Hey. The light's red.
- All right.
37
00:01:33,410 --> 00:01:36,037
The important thing
is picking the right moment...
38
00:01:36,038 --> 00:01:38,664
- Driver: I'm talking to you,
you ginger f--
- ...to ask Marv.
39
00:01:38,665 --> 00:01:40,124
My main man Gabe.
40
00:01:40,125 --> 00:01:43,085
May I present to you
the award-winning staff
41
00:01:43,086 --> 00:01:44,462
of the Toledo Truth Teller?
42
00:01:44,463 --> 00:01:46,422
Oscar, tell the man
what you won for.
43
00:01:46,423 --> 00:01:50,051
Oh, Mr. Digit.
Maybe you're familiar?
44
00:01:50,052 --> 00:01:51,761
We are having
some celebratory drinks
45
00:01:51,762 --> 00:01:53,387
this afternoon
at the Macaroni Barn.
46
00:01:53,388 --> 00:01:55,139
Best ziti in that neighborhood.
47
00:01:55,140 --> 00:01:56,932
For floor nine
from a Marv Putnam.
48
00:01:56,933 --> 00:01:59,477
- Oh, my God,
Marv got us flowers.
- Oscar: Whoa.
49
00:01:59,478 --> 00:02:01,270
I haven't gotten flowers
since prom.
50
00:02:01,271 --> 00:02:03,439
Shoot.
I should have thought of that.
51
00:02:03,440 --> 00:02:06,484
What's...
What's better than flowers?
52
00:02:06,485 --> 00:02:08,944
- Edible arrangements?
Oh.
- Balloons.
53
00:02:11,406 --> 00:02:12,883
Hold it up, hold it up.
54
00:02:17,120 --> 00:02:19,038
Ha!
55
00:02:19,039 --> 00:02:21,957
Had to have high, high hopes
For a living
56
00:02:21,958 --> 00:02:24,669
Shooting for the stars when
I couldn't make a killing
57
00:02:24,670 --> 00:02:26,962
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh.
58
00:02:26,963 --> 00:02:29,882
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Good God, Ned, turn that off!
59
00:02:29,883 --> 00:02:33,260
Had to have high, high hopes
For a living
60
00:02:33,261 --> 00:02:35,888
- What's going on?
- Use your eyes, pal.
61
00:02:35,889 --> 00:02:37,306
A man is dead.
62
00:02:37,307 --> 00:02:39,934
Siri, turn down.
63
00:02:39,935 --> 00:02:42,853
Siri: Playing "Turn Down for
What" by DJ Snake and Lil Jon.
64
00:02:42,854 --> 00:02:44,814
No. Turn it off, turn it off.
65
00:02:44,815 --> 00:02:47,692
- Ned!
- Siri, I-- Siri! Turn off!
66
00:02:49,361 --> 00:02:51,463
Who--? Who died?
67
00:02:52,197 --> 00:02:53,656
Bill Patterson is dead.
68
00:02:57,244 --> 00:02:58,911
One of the Softees guys.
69
00:02:58,912 --> 00:03:02,123
One of the human beings you've
been working with for months.
70
00:03:04,167 --> 00:03:05,876
Bill!
71
00:03:05,877 --> 00:03:08,170
Oh, no! Why?
72
00:03:08,171 --> 00:03:10,840
Oh, Bill!
73
00:03:12,092 --> 00:03:13,443
Who turned off the music?
74
00:03:47,919 --> 00:03:50,856
Mare:
Yeah, it was a magical weekend.
75
00:03:52,174 --> 00:03:53,674
Whoa, heh, magical?
76
00:03:53,675 --> 00:03:56,218
Who am I, Minnie Mouse? Uh...
77
00:03:56,219 --> 00:03:57,821
I just mean professionally.
78
00:03:58,889 --> 00:04:02,683
I was excited for Sunday to end
and Monday to begin.
79
00:04:02,684 --> 00:04:04,453
That's never happened before.
80
00:04:05,395 --> 00:04:08,230
But, um, sad for Bill.
81
00:04:08,231 --> 00:04:09,940
Whenever they make a sale,
the Softees guys
82
00:04:09,941 --> 00:04:12,443
ring this gong
right behind Adelola.
83
00:04:12,444 --> 00:04:14,069
Oh!
84
00:04:14,070 --> 00:04:17,072
Bill was one of the ones
that loved to surprise you.
85
00:04:17,073 --> 00:04:18,574
Bill loved to ring that gong.
86
00:04:18,575 --> 00:04:20,242
I will think of him every time
87
00:04:20,243 --> 00:04:21,786
I hear a loud surprising noise.
88
00:04:21,787 --> 00:04:25,080
We could focus on this
last weekend and who won awards,
89
00:04:25,081 --> 00:04:28,667
or who was tricked into drinking
more than she should have,
90
00:04:28,668 --> 00:04:33,923
but I think that Marv wants us
to be focused on Bill.
91
00:04:33,924 --> 00:04:37,176
- Do we know what happened?
- It sounds like it was a fire.
92
00:04:37,177 --> 00:04:39,094
That's awful.
93
00:04:39,095 --> 00:04:41,472
Poor Bill.
Bill, Bill, Bill.
94
00:04:41,473 --> 00:04:44,642
Bill-- Bill was the one
with the birthmark, right?
95
00:04:44,643 --> 00:04:45,619
No.
96
00:04:48,188 --> 00:04:52,107
He's dead? Our Bill gone?
97
00:04:52,108 --> 00:04:53,460
No, no, no.
98
00:04:54,820 --> 00:04:59,424
He's dead. Our Bill. Gone.
99
00:05:00,575 --> 00:05:02,284
Yes, eccolo. Brava.
100
00:05:02,285 --> 00:05:03,828
He's dead.
101
00:05:03,829 --> 00:05:05,246
Our Bill.
102
00:05:05,247 --> 00:05:07,039
Gone.
103
00:05:07,040 --> 00:05:10,417
Marv, I just wanted to apologize
104
00:05:10,418 --> 00:05:12,002
for the music
and dancing earlier.
105
00:05:12,003 --> 00:05:13,838
- It's all right, buddy.
- I did not know. I didn't know.
106
00:05:13,839 --> 00:05:17,466
- You were in shock.
- Sweet Bill.
107
00:05:17,467 --> 00:05:19,552
Where does the soul go,
I wonder?
108
00:05:19,553 --> 00:05:22,638
I know the salary is
funneled back into the company
109
00:05:22,639 --> 00:05:24,765
to be repurposed for the living,
110
00:05:24,766 --> 00:05:28,102
who knows, maybe even some
to his beloved Truth Teller.
111
00:05:28,103 --> 00:05:32,731
No, because that would be
spitting on his grave.
112
00:05:32,732 --> 00:05:36,360
To be honest,
he had no respect for you, Ned.
113
00:05:36,361 --> 00:05:38,654
- He thought you were all nerds.
- It's true.
114
00:05:38,655 --> 00:05:40,072
Marv:
You know, uh, Esmeralda,
115
00:05:40,073 --> 00:05:44,159
I was unaware that you and Bill
were so close?
116
00:05:44,160 --> 00:05:45,661
Yes, we were.
117
00:05:45,662 --> 00:05:47,830
Esmeralda made out once
with Bill.
118
00:05:47,831 --> 00:05:50,833
In his car
outside the Macaroni Barn.
119
00:05:50,834 --> 00:05:53,752
I don't think she made
eye contact with him after that.
120
00:05:53,753 --> 00:05:56,755
Are you guys
able to continue today?
121
00:05:56,756 --> 00:05:59,341
Of course.
The Truth must be told.
122
00:05:59,342 --> 00:06:02,177
Even if it's difficult
or expensive.
123
00:06:02,178 --> 00:06:05,681
Well, for me, I might
need paid leave.
124
00:06:05,682 --> 00:06:07,766
Details can be discussed later.
125
00:06:07,767 --> 00:06:11,729
But to be honest
I fear to be alone right now.
126
00:06:11,730 --> 00:06:15,232
You know, look, I'm shaking.
127
00:06:15,233 --> 00:06:16,942
- Marv: You're only human.
- Esmaralda: I can't.
128
00:06:16,943 --> 00:06:18,694
- Marv: We're all
in this together.
- I can't. Yeah.
129
00:06:18,695 --> 00:06:21,030
You know, we should write up
something nice for Bill.
130
00:06:21,031 --> 00:06:23,449
- I mean, he really was
the best of us.
- Mmm.
131
00:06:23,450 --> 00:06:24,867
You know what?
132
00:06:24,868 --> 00:06:27,661
We can put it
on TTT Online immediately.
133
00:06:27,662 --> 00:06:30,623
Instead of their worst night,
headline,
134
00:06:30,624 --> 00:06:34,835
"He really was the best of us,
from Marv Putnam."
135
00:06:34,836 --> 00:06:37,713
The headline's gonna read,
"from Marv Putnam"?
136
00:06:37,714 --> 00:06:39,548
The most important part, yeah.
137
00:06:39,549 --> 00:06:41,550
The biggest part. Shut up.
138
00:06:41,551 --> 00:06:43,177
- That's great, Esmeralda.
- Yeah.
139
00:06:43,178 --> 00:06:45,554
Maybe, Ned,
you can get your team together?
140
00:06:45,555 --> 00:06:47,181
Write up something special.
141
00:06:47,182 --> 00:06:49,391
You know,
something his family can frame.
142
00:06:49,392 --> 00:06:50,726
- For Bill.
- For Bill.
143
00:06:50,727 --> 00:06:53,062
- For Bill.
- For Bill.
144
00:06:53,063 --> 00:06:55,397
No, no, no.
145
00:06:55,398 --> 00:06:56,398
That's-- It's--
146
00:06:57,609 --> 00:06:59,068
Thank you so much.
147
00:06:59,069 --> 00:07:00,402
I really appreciate it.
148
00:07:00,403 --> 00:07:02,071
- Marv: It's gonna be okay.
- It won't.
149
00:07:02,072 --> 00:07:03,948
It's gonna be okay.
150
00:07:03,949 --> 00:07:04,782
It's all right.
151
00:07:04,783 --> 00:07:06,926
Ned, nice touch, bud.
152
00:07:09,788 --> 00:07:11,580
Ken:
Bill will be sorely missed.
153
00:07:11,581 --> 00:07:15,000
There is a huge void
around here.
154
00:07:15,001 --> 00:07:17,461
If you could choose one person
to die on this floor,
155
00:07:17,462 --> 00:07:19,088
it would not be Bill.
156
00:07:19,089 --> 00:07:21,465
Purely in terms of earnings
and how much he'd be missed,
157
00:07:21,466 --> 00:07:23,550
Alexander's gotta be
in the conversation.
158
00:07:23,551 --> 00:07:25,094
But God has chosen to take Bill.
159
00:07:25,095 --> 00:07:28,263
And you can't argue with God.
Al might be next.
160
00:07:28,264 --> 00:07:30,784
So I've stepped up to
the plate, is what I've done.
161
00:07:31,726 --> 00:07:33,644
In a sales capacity.
162
00:07:33,645 --> 00:07:35,270
For Bill.
163
00:07:35,271 --> 00:07:37,999
And he left some bloody
big shoes to fill.
164
00:08:07,971 --> 00:08:10,556
Is Bill's death really
a front page event, Ned?
165
00:08:10,557 --> 00:08:13,726
Yes. Fragility of life.
It's universal.
166
00:08:13,727 --> 00:08:15,477
It's the tightrope
we're all walking.
167
00:08:15,478 --> 00:08:17,479
You could be murdered tonight.
168
00:08:17,480 --> 00:08:18,772
- Wow.
- Mm-hm.
169
00:08:18,773 --> 00:08:20,441
It's usually someone you know.
170
00:08:20,442 --> 00:08:22,151
- Ned: Hey.
- How's it going team?
171
00:08:22,152 --> 00:08:23,218
Well, one of the boys
172
00:08:23,219 --> 00:08:26,280
at the toilet paper company
died today, Marvin.
173
00:08:26,281 --> 00:08:28,115
That's right, Barry.
174
00:08:28,116 --> 00:08:30,993
Uh, Mare, could you shrink
the part about the awards down?
175
00:08:30,994 --> 00:08:33,412
- No boasting today.
- Sure thing.
176
00:08:33,413 --> 00:08:35,515
- Oh.
- More.
177
00:08:36,207 --> 00:08:37,666
- Oh.
- More.
178
00:08:37,667 --> 00:08:39,334
Smaller. A little more.
179
00:08:39,335 --> 00:08:41,462
Smaller.
180
00:08:41,463 --> 00:08:43,547
- Oh...
- Yep, that'll do.
181
00:08:43,548 --> 00:08:45,799
Now bring it down
to the bottom. Yep.
182
00:08:45,800 --> 00:08:47,843
- Are we sure?
- It's tone-deaf.
183
00:08:47,844 --> 00:08:51,138
Now, who's working on the life
and death of Bill today?
184
00:08:51,139 --> 00:08:54,850
- Uh... Nicole. Nicole's on it.
- Marv: I want them all on it.
185
00:08:54,851 --> 00:08:56,769
Team, I want you to write
186
00:08:56,770 --> 00:08:59,396
the best article
you've ever written.
187
00:08:59,397 --> 00:09:01,607
Research the hell
out of our guy.
188
00:09:01,608 --> 00:09:03,984
I wanna send him to Valhalla
with our words.
189
00:09:03,985 --> 00:09:05,986
- Everyone, come on! Let's do it.
- Bill!
190
00:09:05,987 --> 00:09:08,530
- For Bill! For Bill!
- Yeah.
191
00:09:08,531 --> 00:09:09,698
- Okay.
- Fart!
192
00:09:09,699 --> 00:09:10,925
Where's Valhalla?
193
00:09:16,247 --> 00:09:17,182
Hey, what's up?
194
00:09:21,878 --> 00:09:23,504
I'm doing amazing.
195
00:09:23,505 --> 00:09:24,647
Why?
196
00:09:25,465 --> 00:09:28,592
So were you guys friends?
197
00:09:28,593 --> 00:09:30,219
We were more like comrades.
198
00:09:30,220 --> 00:09:32,221
We saw a lot of crazy shit
together.
199
00:09:32,222 --> 00:09:35,140
- Selling toilet paper?
- Exactly.
200
00:09:35,141 --> 00:09:38,310
- Did he have any hobbies?
- I think he liked to cook.
201
00:09:38,311 --> 00:09:40,729
Every time I asked him
what he did over the weekend,
202
00:09:40,730 --> 00:09:43,690
he was like "cooking"
or "I cooked"
203
00:09:43,691 --> 00:09:45,859
or "I spent my time cooking."
204
00:09:45,860 --> 00:09:48,737
It's kind of fitting
that he loved to cook,
205
00:09:48,738 --> 00:09:50,280
and then he was cooked.
206
00:09:50,281 --> 00:09:51,448
Yeah.
207
00:09:55,036 --> 00:09:56,620
Detrick:
Was anyone else killed?
208
00:09:56,621 --> 00:09:58,122
No. He was the only fatality.
209
00:09:58,123 --> 00:09:59,748
The fire was limited
to that apartment.
210
00:09:59,749 --> 00:10:03,001
Do you know if he like, warned
everybody else in the building?
211
00:10:03,002 --> 00:10:06,046
Or I don't know, sacrificed
himself to save others?
212
00:10:06,047 --> 00:10:07,881
- Anything heroic?
- No, no.
213
00:10:07,882 --> 00:10:09,258
It looks like
he just panicked in there
214
00:10:09,259 --> 00:10:10,225
and died like an animal.
215
00:10:10,226 --> 00:10:12,010
You can see fingernail scratches
on the door.
216
00:10:12,011 --> 00:10:14,113
Do you think he was in pain?
217
00:10:15,098 --> 00:10:16,116
Yeah.
218
00:10:17,559 --> 00:10:19,059
That guy sucked.
219
00:10:19,060 --> 00:10:20,978
He showed his guns to my kids.
220
00:10:20,979 --> 00:10:23,272
Well, maybe he was
a veteran, sir?
221
00:10:23,273 --> 00:10:24,249
Neighbor:
Hey!
222
00:10:25,358 --> 00:10:28,902
We keep our mouths shut
on this block.
223
00:10:28,903 --> 00:10:30,904
Let me handle this.
Hey, what's up, OG.
224
00:10:30,905 --> 00:10:33,740
- Look, we ain't trying
to get you to snitch.
- Move along, young brothers.
225
00:10:33,741 --> 00:10:35,117
We're not the police.
I just wanna get--
226
00:10:35,118 --> 00:10:37,035
I know you heard what I said.
227
00:10:37,036 --> 00:10:38,495
- I think we should go.
- Yeah.
228
00:10:38,496 --> 00:10:39,997
- Yeah, let's go.
- Sorry.
229
00:10:39,998 --> 00:10:42,416
I'm about to ask Marv
for a $100,000,
230
00:10:42,417 --> 00:10:44,168
and these are the best
quotes you could get?
231
00:10:44,169 --> 00:10:46,336
You couldn't find anything
even remotely positive?
232
00:10:46,337 --> 00:10:48,922
Ned, something
was really up with this guy.
233
00:10:48,923 --> 00:10:50,799
Nah.
We did not get good vibes, man.
234
00:10:50,800 --> 00:10:52,759
Well, what are we supposed
to write then?
235
00:10:52,760 --> 00:10:57,472
That he showed guns to kids
and burned slowly in a fire?
236
00:10:57,473 --> 00:10:58,700
Esmaralda:
Uh...
237
00:11:00,268 --> 00:11:04,521
I didn't know how,
but now I know how.
238
00:11:04,522 --> 00:11:05,689
Why, Ned?
239
00:11:05,690 --> 00:11:08,650
- Insensitive.
- I-- I'm sorry.
240
00:11:08,651 --> 00:11:12,237
So, what have we learned
about my Bill?
241
00:11:12,238 --> 00:11:15,073
We've... We've learned a lot,
actually, Marv.
242
00:11:15,074 --> 00:11:16,783
- It's gonna be great.
- Marv: Good.
243
00:11:16,784 --> 00:11:18,202
Macaroni Barn's gonna be
244
00:11:18,203 --> 00:11:20,204
a celebration of life
for Bill now.
245
00:11:20,205 --> 00:11:22,998
What about our party,
for the Academy Award?
246
00:11:22,999 --> 00:11:24,958
No, that's-that's a great idea.
247
00:11:24,959 --> 00:11:26,460
It's very,
very appropriate, yes.
248
00:11:26,461 --> 00:11:28,545
Nicole: We need to turn
the Victory Vermouth
249
00:11:28,546 --> 00:11:30,214
into Bill on the Rocks then.
250
00:11:30,215 --> 00:11:32,901
I'll make sure
there's no Fireball in it.
251
00:11:34,969 --> 00:11:36,303
She's really on it.
252
00:11:36,304 --> 00:11:38,388
Is your piece
gonna be ready in time?
253
00:11:38,389 --> 00:11:40,641
- Yes. Yes, of course.
- Marv: Okay, good.
254
00:11:40,642 --> 00:11:43,977
I am going to read it
out loud today at the memorial.
255
00:11:43,978 --> 00:11:46,480
And Bill's sister and mother
are gonna be there.
256
00:11:46,481 --> 00:11:47,856
Oh...
257
00:11:47,857 --> 00:11:50,025
Great. Will do, sir.
258
00:11:50,026 --> 00:11:54,404
It's gonna be the best summation
of a wonderful life ever.
259
00:11:54,405 --> 00:11:56,240
Keep it up, guys.
260
00:11:56,241 --> 00:11:57,216
Thank you.
261
00:11:58,159 --> 00:12:00,202
Hey, uh, interesting Photoshop.
262
00:12:00,203 --> 00:12:02,454
Ned: Oh.
263
00:12:02,455 --> 00:12:06,351
- Yeah, huh?
- This weekend
was pretty great, right?
264
00:12:07,585 --> 00:12:09,002
Yeah, it was great.
265
00:12:09,003 --> 00:12:10,587
I think everyone
had a good time.
266
00:12:10,588 --> 00:12:13,340
Hey, could you gather everyone
in the conference room?
267
00:12:13,341 --> 00:12:17,195
- We have to finish Bill's piece.
- Uh-huh. Yeah.
268
00:12:20,014 --> 00:12:21,390
Okay, so everything
on this guy's
269
00:12:21,391 --> 00:12:23,267
start paperwork
seems to be false.
270
00:12:23,268 --> 00:12:26,019
His home phone number
starts with 5-5-5,
271
00:12:26,020 --> 00:12:27,980
and he spelled Illinois wrong.
272
00:12:27,981 --> 00:12:29,356
No, that's right.
273
00:12:29,357 --> 00:12:31,775
But I'm not seeing
any school records.
274
00:12:31,776 --> 00:12:33,568
At least not by the name
we knew him by.
275
00:12:33,569 --> 00:12:35,279
I found this in his desk.
276
00:12:35,280 --> 00:12:37,364
Do you think
he was in the army, Mare?
277
00:12:37,365 --> 00:12:39,950
It's no U.S. branch
that I know of.
278
00:12:39,951 --> 00:12:41,868
Wait, but you can see
his last name.
279
00:12:41,869 --> 00:12:44,138
- Egorov.
- Ned: Egorov?
280
00:12:45,498 --> 00:12:47,791
What military
has a skull as their insignia?
281
00:12:47,792 --> 00:12:50,460
Travis: Okay, I just found
Bill Egorov's SoundCloud.
282
00:12:50,461 --> 00:12:54,089
He has one song called
"Morphine and Ice Cream."
283
00:12:54,090 --> 00:12:56,508
Bill: I regret every moment
284
00:12:56,509 --> 00:13:00,137
that I let hate win
in my life.
285
00:13:00,138 --> 00:13:03,598
I was judging people just by
the color of their skin.
286
00:13:03,599 --> 00:13:06,143
That's called being racist.
287
00:13:06,144 --> 00:13:10,147
And then I met
This beautiful girl
288
00:13:10,148 --> 00:13:16,403
She was a Peruvian and she
Changed my whole world
289
00:13:16,404 --> 00:13:19,156
Travis,
can you please turn it off?
290
00:13:19,157 --> 00:13:21,325
Not everybody
should have a creative outlet.
291
00:13:21,326 --> 00:13:24,953
Okay, the flag they're holding?
It's the Wagner Group.
292
00:13:24,954 --> 00:13:26,788
- It's mercenaries.
- What?
293
00:13:26,789 --> 00:13:28,623
Who the hell is this guy?
294
00:13:29,709 --> 00:13:31,335
See?
295
00:13:31,336 --> 00:13:33,253
Yeah. Hello?
296
00:13:33,254 --> 00:13:36,548
Yes, we can be there
in 10 minutes. Great, thank you.
297
00:13:36,549 --> 00:13:39,509
- Who was that?
- It's the morgue.
They have Bill's remains.
298
00:13:39,510 --> 00:13:41,178
They said we could
come ask some questions.
299
00:13:41,179 --> 00:13:44,198
- Mare, let's go.
- Sure. Love the morgue.
300
00:13:45,099 --> 00:13:46,350
Oh, and also Travis.
301
00:13:46,351 --> 00:13:48,226
Travis, you come too, buddy.
302
00:13:48,227 --> 00:13:49,770
We'll take your truck.
303
00:13:49,771 --> 00:13:51,188
I don't drive a truck.
304
00:13:51,189 --> 00:13:52,689
I find that kind of offensive.
305
00:13:52,690 --> 00:13:56,377
I drive a regular car,
it's small. Two doors.
306
00:13:59,572 --> 00:14:00,989
The fire started at 1 a.m.
in his kitchen.
307
00:14:00,990 --> 00:14:02,449
What was he cooking at 1 a.m.?
308
00:14:02,450 --> 00:14:05,035
- A roast?
- For the homeless, maybe?
309
00:14:05,036 --> 00:14:07,120
Show us the body, sir.
Let's see him.
310
00:14:07,121 --> 00:14:09,247
Oh.
311
00:14:09,248 --> 00:14:10,332
Bill.
312
00:14:10,333 --> 00:14:12,376
Which end is which?
313
00:14:12,377 --> 00:14:15,295
- My God, what's that long thing?
- Is that his penis?
314
00:14:15,296 --> 00:14:16,963
Oh, no, his penis is long gone.
315
00:14:16,964 --> 00:14:21,426
What we thought was Bill's penis
turned out to be his tailbone.
316
00:14:21,427 --> 00:14:23,053
The penis
is actually quite fragile.
317
00:14:23,054 --> 00:14:24,388
It's all sponge.
318
00:14:24,389 --> 00:14:25,931
It's the first thing
to go up in a fire.
319
00:14:25,932 --> 00:14:30,394
And Bill's bladder was
unfortunately full of alcohol.
320
00:14:30,395 --> 00:14:31,728
So in this case,
321
00:14:31,729 --> 00:14:33,105
his penis was almost like
322
00:14:33,106 --> 00:14:35,440
the wick to a Molotov cocktail.
323
00:14:35,441 --> 00:14:37,359
I've actually seen
a couple of cases like this.
324
00:14:37,360 --> 00:14:39,361
Looks like he was working
with some type of accelerant.
325
00:14:39,362 --> 00:14:41,780
Accelerant?
Well, he loved to cook.
326
00:14:41,781 --> 00:14:43,782
Maybe he was trying
some sort of gourmet dish?
327
00:14:43,783 --> 00:14:46,451
If you consider high-quality
meth a gourmet dish.
328
00:14:46,452 --> 00:14:48,912
He was a meth dealer?
329
00:14:48,913 --> 00:14:51,123
- I mean...
- Goddamn it.
330
00:14:52,750 --> 00:14:54,393
Oh, man.
331
00:15:01,467 --> 00:15:04,237
Ken speaking.
332
00:15:05,471 --> 00:15:09,391
No, Bill has, um, stepped out
momentarily.
333
00:15:09,392 --> 00:15:11,685
So you are in my safe hands now.
334
00:15:11,686 --> 00:15:13,287
How can I help you?
335
00:15:14,355 --> 00:15:15,522
Right.
336
00:15:15,523 --> 00:15:19,943
And what sort of quantity
for the order would that be?
337
00:15:19,944 --> 00:15:21,445
Twenty grams?
338
00:15:21,446 --> 00:15:25,031
You have correctly identified me
339
00:15:25,032 --> 00:15:27,260
as being a man
from a metric country.
340
00:15:29,954 --> 00:15:32,622
Detrick: Yeah, I've been going
through it the last few days.
341
00:15:32,623 --> 00:15:35,333
Just been ruminating
on the shortness of life.
342
00:15:35,334 --> 00:15:37,169
But also, how long
it always feels
343
00:15:37,170 --> 00:15:38,545
between breakfast and lunch.
344
00:15:38,546 --> 00:15:40,130
Travis:
From what I've deduced,
345
00:15:40,131 --> 00:15:41,673
I think Detrick
developed a little hole
346
00:15:41,674 --> 00:15:43,425
in his love life
over the weekend.
347
00:15:43,426 --> 00:15:45,844
And that is a hole
that I'm looking to fill.
348
00:15:45,845 --> 00:15:49,699
I'm about to stuff myself
all up in there. Mm.
349
00:15:50,683 --> 00:15:51,483
Um...
350
00:15:51,484 --> 00:15:54,269
Platonically speaking,
of course.
351
00:15:54,270 --> 00:15:56,980
Just with some
classic friendship.
352
00:15:56,981 --> 00:15:59,024
Uh...
353
00:15:59,025 --> 00:16:00,859
Could we do take two, actually?
Please?
354
00:16:00,860 --> 00:16:04,654
- Pretty insane, huh?
- This shit is crazy, bro.
355
00:16:04,655 --> 00:16:07,032
- Were you guys tight?
- No, not really.
356
00:16:07,033 --> 00:16:09,701
- It's hard to be tight
with people you intimidate.
- Mm.
357
00:16:09,702 --> 00:16:12,370
Hey question for you,
after Macaroni Barn tonight,
358
00:16:12,371 --> 00:16:15,373
do you want to go get
up with me?
359
00:16:15,374 --> 00:16:17,209
- It's a Monday.
- Exactly.
360
00:16:17,210 --> 00:16:19,211
It's Margarita Mondays
at O'Shays.
361
00:16:19,212 --> 00:16:21,004
Which means affordable liquor
362
00:16:21,005 --> 00:16:23,298
and at least five fine-as-hell
urgent care nurses
363
00:16:23,299 --> 00:16:24,883
who just got off shift
next door.
364
00:16:24,884 --> 00:16:26,110
What do you think?
365
00:16:27,512 --> 00:16:29,304
- Let's do it. Yup.
- You down? Bro.
366
00:16:29,305 --> 00:16:31,223
- That's what I'm talking about.
- Boys' night out?
367
00:16:31,224 --> 00:16:35,203
- What's up?
- You got--
You got room for another boy?
368
00:16:36,145 --> 00:16:37,771
- Um...
- I mean, it was maybe--
369
00:16:37,772 --> 00:16:40,690
- We had planned--
- I can get the drinks.
370
00:16:40,691 --> 00:16:41,733
- Okay.
- Yeah?
371
00:16:41,734 --> 00:16:43,401
- Yeah.
- Cool.
- Ned: Whoo.
372
00:16:43,402 --> 00:16:44,819
- Travis: Yeah, raise the roof.
- Ned: Absolutely.
373
00:16:44,820 --> 00:16:47,906
I didn't know Ned
liked margaritas that much.
374
00:16:47,907 --> 00:16:50,092
Or the whole urgent care crowd.
375
00:16:51,577 --> 00:16:54,222
It's just interesting,
that's all.
376
00:16:56,290 --> 00:17:00,228
Right. So that is one 12-pack.
377
00:17:01,087 --> 00:17:03,255
For the special price.
378
00:17:03,256 --> 00:17:05,757
And how much is that again?
379
00:17:05,758 --> 00:17:06,692
Bloody hell.
380
00:17:08,427 --> 00:17:11,221
That's how much Bill
was charging for a 12-pack?
381
00:17:11,222 --> 00:17:12,264
That's fantastic.
382
00:17:12,265 --> 00:17:13,765
I knew Bill was all salesman,
383
00:17:13,766 --> 00:17:15,183
but, uh, my goodness.
384
00:17:15,184 --> 00:17:17,894
You can't teach that.
The up-charging on that.
385
00:17:17,895 --> 00:17:19,437
Fantastic.
386
00:17:19,438 --> 00:17:21,147
I'll say this,
I hope the angels
387
00:17:21,148 --> 00:17:23,066
are watching their wallets
up there.
388
00:17:23,067 --> 00:17:25,777
Because Bill
was an absolute shark.
389
00:17:25,778 --> 00:17:28,238
What are we gonna do?
We have to get this out by 6.
390
00:17:28,239 --> 00:17:30,782
I know. I'm just-- This is...
391
00:17:30,783 --> 00:17:32,450
Oh, man. My head hurts.
392
00:17:32,451 --> 00:17:33,761
I've got you, boss.
393
00:17:35,037 --> 00:17:36,496
It's all right, Barry.
394
00:17:36,497 --> 00:17:39,291
Oh.
395
00:17:39,292 --> 00:17:40,625
- Relax.
- Oh, wow. It's--
396
00:17:40,626 --> 00:17:43,562
- Relax.
- Oh, this feels amazing.
397
00:17:46,215 --> 00:17:47,858
Okay. Ned.
398
00:17:48,968 --> 00:17:49,968
Ned?
399
00:17:49,969 --> 00:17:51,219
Are we going to be able
400
00:17:51,220 --> 00:17:52,887
to put the awards
on the front page?
401
00:17:52,888 --> 00:17:55,348
Not that it's the only thing
I care about.
402
00:17:55,349 --> 00:17:57,392
I just told my mom already.
403
00:17:57,393 --> 00:17:59,311
At this point, absolutely not.
404
00:17:59,312 --> 00:18:00,729
- Okay.
- Sorry.
405
00:18:00,730 --> 00:18:03,565
Barry. I love you.
406
00:18:03,566 --> 00:18:07,169
It's kind of like
the awards night never happened.
407
00:18:08,154 --> 00:18:09,195
It's kind of like
408
00:18:09,196 --> 00:18:11,615
the awards night never happened.
409
00:18:16,912 --> 00:18:18,204
Marv: Esmeralda, thank you
410
00:18:18,205 --> 00:18:19,372
for enlarging
this beautiful photo.
411
00:18:19,373 --> 00:18:21,333
And I showed Bill's mom
what you posted.
412
00:18:21,334 --> 00:18:25,295
So nice to see Bill
in that light.
413
00:18:25,296 --> 00:18:27,547
No one ever spoke about him
that way.
414
00:18:27,548 --> 00:18:30,359
I did. I did, mama.
415
00:18:31,218 --> 00:18:33,553
So sorry for your loss.
416
00:18:33,554 --> 00:18:35,906
I remember seeing Bill...
417
00:18:38,476 --> 00:18:41,269
Ned's team runs
the Toledo Truth Teller.
418
00:18:41,270 --> 00:18:43,271
They've worked up
a wonderful profile
419
00:18:43,272 --> 00:18:45,273
on your Bill
that's gonna run tomorrow.
420
00:18:45,274 --> 00:18:49,069
- Oh.
- I thought I'd have Ned read it,
if that's okay with you?
421
00:18:50,863 --> 00:18:54,407
Maybe after Ned,
I could read my piece.
422
00:18:54,408 --> 00:18:55,909
To headline.
423
00:18:55,910 --> 00:18:57,327
And for closure.
424
00:18:57,328 --> 00:18:58,745
Whatever you need.
425
00:18:58,746 --> 00:18:59,412
Thank you.
426
00:18:59,413 --> 00:19:02,082
Marv, could I have a moment?
427
00:19:02,083 --> 00:19:03,667
- Sure.
- Nice to meet you.
428
00:19:03,668 --> 00:19:07,087
Jesus on a merry-go-round!
The Wagner Group?
429
00:19:07,088 --> 00:19:08,421
The headline on TTT
430
00:19:08,422 --> 00:19:11,424
has me saying
he's the best guy I know.
431
00:19:11,425 --> 00:19:14,010
- I can't believe this.
- Yeah, it's bad.
432
00:19:14,011 --> 00:19:16,554
Hey, could the paper
have a hundred thousand dollars
433
00:19:16,555 --> 00:19:18,949
- for overtime and new laptops?
- What?
434
00:19:20,101 --> 00:19:21,351
No.
435
00:19:21,352 --> 00:19:22,936
Ned, is this true?
436
00:19:22,937 --> 00:19:26,648
Yes, yes. Unfortunately, yes.
437
00:19:26,649 --> 00:19:28,817
Well, I don't know what to say.
438
00:19:28,818 --> 00:19:30,878
I guess
I really can't pick them.
439
00:19:32,613 --> 00:19:34,280
So I-- I shouldn't read it?
440
00:19:34,281 --> 00:19:36,675
Ned, what's the name
of our paper?
441
00:19:38,244 --> 00:19:39,244
All right.
442
00:19:39,245 --> 00:19:42,122
Bill was a complicated man.
443
00:19:42,123 --> 00:19:45,792
He kept to himself,
he sold toilet paper.
444
00:19:45,793 --> 00:19:47,711
He loved to wear
the Enervate "E"
445
00:19:47,712 --> 00:19:49,629
at our company
Christmas can drive
446
00:19:49,630 --> 00:19:51,131
where he delighted
many children,
447
00:19:51,132 --> 00:19:54,610
although he probably delighted
more teenagers...
448
00:19:55,678 --> 00:19:58,763
because he also made
and distributed methamphetamine.
449
00:19:58,764 --> 00:20:00,640
- What?
- Ned: What else?
450
00:20:00,641 --> 00:20:03,685
He had 47 confirmed kills
as a mercenary.
451
00:20:03,686 --> 00:20:06,479
I just verified that
with an old--
452
00:20:06,480 --> 00:20:08,356
I wanna say army buddy of his.
453
00:20:08,357 --> 00:20:09,566
Mm-hm.
454
00:20:09,567 --> 00:20:11,735
He was a world traveler.
455
00:20:11,736 --> 00:20:17,699
He traveled everywhere,
the Congo, Syria, Darfur.
456
00:20:17,700 --> 00:20:21,077
That's our Bill.
Total piece of shit.
457
00:20:21,078 --> 00:20:23,955
- Remember when he robbed...
- Hey, Esmeralda,
458
00:20:23,956 --> 00:20:26,291
I think you said you wanted
to speak last, right?
459
00:20:26,292 --> 00:20:28,710
- Yeah. But I might be good,
actually.
- Everybody!
460
00:20:28,711 --> 00:20:32,172
Everybody, Bill's girlfriend,
Esmeralda.
461
00:20:32,173 --> 00:20:33,590
You know her here.
462
00:20:33,591 --> 00:20:36,551
She'd like to say
a few words about her boo.
463
00:20:36,552 --> 00:20:38,386
- Esmaralda: Thank you.
- You're welcome.
464
00:20:38,387 --> 00:20:40,221
Give it up for Esmeralda Grand, everybody.
465
00:20:45,019 --> 00:20:46,770
Allora, uh...
466
00:20:46,771 --> 00:20:49,397
Yes, we are all here
to remember Bill, sure.
467
00:20:49,398 --> 00:20:51,149
But let's not forget
468
00:20:51,150 --> 00:20:54,986
the original purpose
of this celebration.
469
00:20:54,987 --> 00:20:59,491
The many awards
for the Toledo Truth Teller!
470
00:20:59,492 --> 00:21:01,534
Three awards!
471
00:21:01,535 --> 00:21:03,828
Let's have a round of applause.
472
00:21:05,865 --> 00:21:08,249
I really appreciate
all the hard work today, guys.
473
00:21:08,250 --> 00:21:09,751
- Sure.
- It's good.
474
00:21:09,752 --> 00:21:13,046
Mare, what did we end up
going with for the front page?
475
00:21:13,047 --> 00:21:15,089
Mare:
There it is.
476
00:21:15,090 --> 00:21:17,217
Ooh. Well, better than nothing.
477
00:21:17,218 --> 00:21:20,845
- I guess.
- All right, 6 p.m.
Good work today.
478
00:21:20,846 --> 00:21:24,015
Thank you very much.
I'll send that to the printers.
479
00:21:24,016 --> 00:21:25,225
Sweet.
480
00:21:25,226 --> 00:21:26,744
I'll see you tomorrow?
481
00:21:27,394 --> 00:21:28,853
Yeah.
482
00:21:28,854 --> 00:21:30,730
- See you tomorrow, everybody!
- Good night, Ned.
483
00:21:30,731 --> 00:21:31,999
- Night.
- Good night.
484
00:21:48,624 --> 00:21:49,767
Mare:
Whoa.
485
00:22:03,681 --> 00:22:05,181
What the?
486
00:22:05,182 --> 00:22:07,559
I can't believe
we got away with it all day.
487
00:22:07,560 --> 00:22:09,185
We totally--
We totally fooled them.
488
00:22:09,186 --> 00:22:12,272
- Yeah, you fooled everybody.
- You were so amazing.
489
00:22:12,273 --> 00:22:14,399
At one point I thought
you were really scowling at me.
490
00:22:14,400 --> 00:22:16,609
Mare: Well, yeah, you've barely
looked at me all day.
491
00:22:16,610 --> 00:22:18,570
Ned: I know, I know.
It was such a long day.
492
00:22:18,571 --> 00:22:20,631
But at least now we know
we can do it, right?
493
00:22:22,199 --> 00:22:23,551
And at 6:01...
494
00:22:24,785 --> 00:22:26,452
- off the clock.
- Okay. Okay.
495
00:22:26,453 --> 00:22:30,039
But, um, just because
we have to keep this a secret,
496
00:22:30,040 --> 00:22:32,476
doesn't mean you need
to keep it a secret from me.
497
00:22:34,336 --> 00:22:36,504
- You didn't know?
- No.
498
00:22:36,505 --> 00:22:38,214
Ned:
I thought you knew. I'm sorry.
499
00:22:38,215 --> 00:22:40,550
You are a psychopath.
500
00:22:40,551 --> 00:22:41,968
But I get it.
501
00:22:41,969 --> 00:22:43,720
Okay, what are you
doing tonight?
502
00:22:43,721 --> 00:22:44,971
Oh, you know what?
503
00:22:44,972 --> 00:22:47,807
I'm chasing tail
with the fellas.
504
00:22:47,808 --> 00:22:50,643
Just to provide cover for us,
so...
505
00:22:50,644 --> 00:22:53,229
- Thank you?
- You're welcome.
506
00:22:53,230 --> 00:22:54,898
Tomorrow night?
507
00:22:54,899 --> 00:22:58,693
- No, I'm interviewing
the lottery lady.
- All right.
508
00:22:58,694 --> 00:23:01,446
Okay. Well,
we can do the weekend maybe.
509
00:23:01,447 --> 00:23:02,989
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
510
00:23:02,990 --> 00:23:05,158
- I'll take you somewhere.
- Okay.
511
00:23:05,159 --> 00:23:06,409
Yeah?
512
00:23:06,410 --> 00:23:07,785
Please, um...
513
00:23:07,786 --> 00:23:09,621
Forgive me for what
you're about to hear.
514
00:23:09,622 --> 00:23:10,764
Okay.
515
00:23:12,616 --> 00:23:14,667
Where are my MILF hunters at?
516
00:23:14,668 --> 00:23:16,502
Mare:
Uh-oh.
517
00:23:16,503 --> 00:23:18,338
Whoo!
518
00:23:18,339 --> 00:23:20,506
Hey! You ready to get laid?
519
00:23:20,507 --> 00:23:22,008
We're gonna put it
in some nurses?
520
00:23:22,009 --> 00:23:23,676
I'm gonna have to call you
on that.
521
00:23:23,677 --> 00:23:25,637
- Those nurses are heroes, okay?
- Absolutely.
522
00:23:25,638 --> 00:23:26,721
- Be careful.
- I agree.
523
00:23:26,722 --> 00:23:28,640
I support all our heroes
524
00:23:28,641 --> 00:23:30,224
in and out of uniform.
525
00:23:30,225 --> 00:23:31,517
Who wants to bang a coward?
526
00:23:32,728 --> 00:23:35,021
- Three guys out on the town?
- I know.
527
00:23:35,022 --> 00:23:38,775
- When was the last time
you guys were in love?
- Travis: Mm.
528
00:23:46,241 --> 00:23:48,701
Oh, showtime.
529
00:23:48,702 --> 00:23:50,036
Come on, Ken.
530
00:23:50,037 --> 00:23:53,373
One 12-pack of toilet roll
for you.
531
00:23:53,374 --> 00:23:55,875
And I wouldn't mind seeing
the $10,000, if you please.
532
00:23:55,876 --> 00:23:57,585
- Pure.
- Pure, yep.
533
00:23:57,586 --> 00:24:00,213
Pretty good. Two-ply, the best.
534
00:24:00,214 --> 00:24:03,859
- It's uncut?
- Well, it's perforated,
which is useful.
535
00:24:05,302 --> 00:24:09,097
But it's, uh, meth, right?
536
00:24:09,098 --> 00:24:10,682
Meth...
537
00:24:10,683 --> 00:24:12,392
amphetamine?
538
00:24:12,393 --> 00:24:14,560
Yeah, cheerio then. Off we go.
539
00:24:14,561 --> 00:24:16,104
Let's get you home, Ken.
39398
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