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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:12,296 --> 00:00:15,499 - Stop it! Give it! Give it back! - A total mess. 2 00:00:15,500 --> 00:00:17,499 A total mess! OK, when we get there, we need to be really quick. 3 00:00:17,500 --> 00:00:18,895 I'm just going to drop you in the playground, OK? 4 00:00:18,920 --> 00:00:20,030 Really, really quickly, no hugs, 5 00:00:20,054 --> 00:00:21,222 - no kisses, nothing. - [VAN HONKS HORN] 6 00:00:21,247 --> 00:00:23,246 Baby on board, arsehole! 7 00:00:24,500 --> 00:00:27,500 [AN ELECTRONIC TOY SPEAKS IN THE BACK-SEAT] 8 00:00:29,435 --> 00:00:33,500 Why do we even need them? Why do we need to slow people down? It's ridiculous! 9 00:00:37,724 --> 00:00:40,911 Go on, you're supposed to do it there, that's what they're there for. 10 00:00:40,936 --> 00:00:42,934 That's why they plant them. 11 00:00:43,500 --> 00:00:44,998 Don't do that, don't do that! 12 00:00:45,023 --> 00:00:46,576 Marie! Hi, at last. 13 00:00:46,601 --> 00:00:48,998 Erm... can you... No, my hands-free isn't working. 14 00:00:49,023 --> 00:00:50,832 Listen, can you, uh, can you put me on the phone to... 15 00:00:50,857 --> 00:00:52,154 Can you give Andrew a message for me? 16 00:00:52,179 --> 00:00:54,443 Can you just tell him that I'm running a bit late? 17 00:00:55,061 --> 00:00:57,499 I've got to drop the kids off at school. 18 00:00:57,500 --> 00:00:59,500 What? My kids, yeah. 19 00:01:00,225 --> 00:01:02,921 Uh, a boy and a girl. Listen, I can't, uh, can't talk now, Marie. 20 00:01:02,946 --> 00:01:05,327 - OK, bye. - [TOY SPEAKS AND CHIRPS] 21 00:01:06,500 --> 00:01:08,127 Give me the Bop It. Give me the Bop It. 22 00:01:08,152 --> 00:01:09,634 Give me the Bop It! 23 00:01:10,836 --> 00:01:12,836 Someone's in a hurry, aren't they? 24 00:01:15,372 --> 00:01:17,341 What is this? What is this?! 25 00:01:17,366 --> 00:01:18,366 What?! 26 00:01:24,500 --> 00:01:25,851 Come on, there's nothing there. 27 00:01:25,875 --> 00:01:27,875 There's nothing here, there's no hole, there's no roadworks, 28 00:01:27,900 --> 00:01:29,452 there's no traffic jam, there's nothing here. 29 00:01:29,476 --> 00:01:32,077 Why are you here? Why are you here?! 30 00:01:33,108 --> 00:01:35,405 OK, I'm going to go. I'm going to go. 31 00:01:35,430 --> 00:01:36,430 Go. 32 00:01:41,023 --> 00:01:43,120 [CAR HORN HONKS] 33 00:01:45,211 --> 00:01:48,211 [SECOND CAR JOINS THE HONKING] 34 00:01:49,000 --> 00:01:51,129 Can you...? I'm sorry! 35 00:01:51,154 --> 00:01:52,975 Can you move back? 36 00:01:53,000 --> 00:01:55,999 Sorry. I'm so sorry. Can you go back? 37 00:01:56,000 --> 00:01:58,999 Just reverse! Move! Go back! 38 00:01:59,024 --> 00:02:01,744 Just go back! I'm stuck in again! 39 00:02:02,354 --> 00:02:04,648 [SHE SCREAMS] 40 00:02:11,344 --> 00:02:13,000 Come on, faster! 41 00:02:19,757 --> 00:02:22,342 Come on, quicker! In we go, in we go. 42 00:02:22,367 --> 00:02:24,776 In, in! Which one is it? 43 00:02:24,800 --> 00:02:25,870 Here. 44 00:02:28,417 --> 00:02:30,462 All right, which is your classroom? I know it's not that one. 45 00:02:30,487 --> 00:02:33,299 Hello? Hello. 46 00:02:33,300 --> 00:02:36,299 Hello, Ivy. Hello, James. Sorry, you are? 47 00:02:36,300 --> 00:02:39,299 - I'm Julia, I'm their mum. - Oh, of course. 48 00:02:39,300 --> 00:02:42,300 - Have you got an appointment? - No. I was just here to... 49 00:02:45,300 --> 00:02:47,300 Did you forget it was half-term? 50 00:02:49,705 --> 00:02:51,002 No. 51 00:02:51,027 --> 00:02:53,299 Children are in their school uniforms. 52 00:02:53,300 --> 00:02:56,267 Yeah. That's because they're going to a... 53 00:02:56,955 --> 00:03:00,666 back to school disco/children theme party. 54 00:03:02,300 --> 00:03:04,299 Are you here to see Mrs Lawson? 55 00:03:04,300 --> 00:03:07,299 - Who? - The headmistress. 56 00:03:07,300 --> 00:03:10,555 Yes. Yes, that's why I'm here, that's what I'd like to do. 57 00:03:10,580 --> 00:03:11,961 OK. OK. 58 00:03:15,975 --> 00:03:18,638 Ivy didn't mention anything about being bullied. 59 00:03:18,663 --> 00:03:20,912 It's classic victim behaviour. 60 00:03:20,937 --> 00:03:22,311 Who's doing this? 61 00:03:25,300 --> 00:03:28,300 - Leo Martin. - Leo Martin?! 62 00:03:29,877 --> 00:03:31,579 But you know he's five? 63 00:03:31,604 --> 00:03:32,604 Yes. 64 00:03:33,759 --> 00:03:38,300 Yes, my understanding is that he is an evil... 65 00:03:39,671 --> 00:03:41,300 ...child prodigy type. 66 00:03:42,757 --> 00:03:44,300 Let me speak to Leo's teacher. 67 00:03:44,301 --> 00:03:46,128 - Please do. - Janet. 68 00:03:46,682 --> 00:03:49,071 Oh, Leo's teacher, you are Leo's teacher. 69 00:03:49,097 --> 00:03:50,900 Listen to this. Leo Martin. 70 00:03:50,925 --> 00:03:52,875 Leo? Has something happened to him? 71 00:03:52,900 --> 00:03:55,488 No, no, he's been bullying little Ivy. 72 00:03:55,513 --> 00:03:56,876 Bullying? 73 00:03:56,901 --> 00:03:58,899 What kind of bullying? 74 00:03:59,477 --> 00:04:02,163 Mind... games. 75 00:04:02,188 --> 00:04:05,265 Overtly condescending, tapping into her insecurities, 76 00:04:05,290 --> 00:04:08,505 I think he said some things about her online. 77 00:04:11,900 --> 00:04:14,457 - So, what's going on now? - I'm calling Leo's mum. 78 00:04:14,482 --> 00:04:16,505 Don't worry, we will get to the bottom of this. 79 00:04:16,530 --> 00:04:17,855 Go for it. 80 00:04:20,141 --> 00:04:22,141 [INTERNAL RING TONE] 81 00:04:23,727 --> 00:04:26,332 Do you know what? I just, I think, um... 82 00:04:28,341 --> 00:04:30,491 I think I should just check the facts with Ivy first, 83 00:04:30,515 --> 00:04:31,632 because now I come to think of it, 84 00:04:31,633 --> 00:04:36,061 she can be a little untrustworthy and manipulative herself. 85 00:04:38,900 --> 00:04:39,900 [SHE EXHALES] 86 00:04:39,901 --> 00:04:41,898 Thank you so much for this. 87 00:04:42,900 --> 00:04:44,195 It's like a weight off. 88 00:04:44,220 --> 00:04:46,875 I already feel so much better about it already. 89 00:04:47,095 --> 00:04:49,708 Thank you. Thank you. 90 00:04:51,403 --> 00:04:54,769 Actually, while I'm here, are there any clubs on this half-term? 91 00:04:54,794 --> 00:04:56,590 Chess? Latin? 92 00:04:56,615 --> 00:04:58,590 I just don't like them to switch off. 93 00:04:58,615 --> 00:05:00,135 Is there anything happening today? 94 00:05:00,160 --> 00:05:02,539 Like now? Is anything happening right now? 95 00:05:04,900 --> 00:05:07,900 OK, kids, forget school, we're not doing school. 96 00:05:10,493 --> 00:05:11,807 Right. 97 00:05:12,439 --> 00:05:13,439 OK. 98 00:05:14,529 --> 00:05:17,212 Two minutes, two minutes, I'll be back. 99 00:05:26,587 --> 00:05:27,866 Mum? 100 00:05:29,478 --> 00:05:30,655 Mum?! 101 00:05:30,861 --> 00:05:32,381 Oh, my God! 102 00:05:34,170 --> 00:05:38,333 I can see you. I know you're in there, hiding behind the sofa. 103 00:05:38,358 --> 00:05:39,900 Mother! 104 00:05:43,217 --> 00:05:45,899 - Mother! - Julia, is that you? 105 00:05:45,900 --> 00:05:47,428 Yes, it's me. 106 00:05:49,829 --> 00:05:51,875 Were you hiding? 107 00:05:51,900 --> 00:05:55,024 No, I-I was having a lie down. 108 00:05:55,900 --> 00:05:57,130 Behind the sofa? 109 00:05:58,208 --> 00:06:00,081 I had a fall. 110 00:06:00,106 --> 00:06:02,809 Why are you acting like you're 90 years old or something? 111 00:06:02,834 --> 00:06:04,114 Oh, right. 112 00:06:04,900 --> 00:06:08,265 I see. Yeah, nice, yeah. They really suit you. 113 00:06:08,900 --> 00:06:11,044 Uh, so when did you get back from your cruise? 114 00:06:11,069 --> 00:06:12,569 - Yesterday. - Oh, that's funny, 115 00:06:12,594 --> 00:06:15,138 because Paul saw you in Waitrose on Saturday. 116 00:06:15,163 --> 00:06:17,077 I must still be on Caribbean time. 117 00:06:17,102 --> 00:06:19,414 You're here now, that's the main thing. I'll go and get the kids. 118 00:06:19,439 --> 00:06:21,602 - Julia. Julia! - What? 119 00:06:21,626 --> 00:06:22,977 - We talked about this. - Talked about what? 120 00:06:23,002 --> 00:06:25,299 I'm not doing it any more, I can't. 121 00:06:25,324 --> 00:06:28,972 I love them to bits, but I can't look after them any more. 122 00:06:30,558 --> 00:06:32,527 Sorry, I thought that's what the holiday was for, 123 00:06:32,551 --> 00:06:34,472 - I thought... - No. No. 124 00:06:35,160 --> 00:06:38,104 In fact, the holiday made me even more certain. 125 00:06:38,792 --> 00:06:40,011 After my lung collapsed... 126 00:06:40,035 --> 00:06:41,729 - It didn't collapse! - My lung did collapse! 127 00:06:41,754 --> 00:06:45,219 OK, I'm not having this argument again. If you're really serious about this, 128 00:06:45,244 --> 00:06:49,056 how about we think about starting that in the new year, 129 00:06:49,454 --> 00:06:53,165 and we can work out a way of getting you some free time. 130 00:06:53,190 --> 00:06:56,680 - No, Julia, from now. - OK. What about next month...? 131 00:06:56,705 --> 00:06:59,900 No, now, Julia. Starting from now. 132 00:07:04,930 --> 00:07:05,930 OK. 133 00:07:07,900 --> 00:07:11,372 - I'm sorry. - No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, 134 00:07:11,397 --> 00:07:14,279 I haven't got time for sorry. Unless it's "Sorry, I've changed my mind." 135 00:07:14,304 --> 00:07:16,021 - Is it "Sorry, I've changed my mind"? - No. 136 00:07:16,046 --> 00:07:17,948 Right! Haven't got time for sorry. 137 00:07:18,924 --> 00:07:21,899 No, no. Haven't got time for that. 138 00:07:21,900 --> 00:07:23,462 [CAR ENGINE STARTS] 139 00:07:30,658 --> 00:07:33,052 You know, it was your idea to have grandchildren, Mother! 140 00:07:38,045 --> 00:07:39,324 What about Jelenka? 141 00:07:39,349 --> 00:07:41,899 She's a cleaner, she's not a baby-sitter! 142 00:07:41,900 --> 00:07:44,101 Anyway, I really don't trust Jelenka. 143 00:07:44,126 --> 00:07:46,386 I'm almost certain it was her that ate my Easter egg that time. 144 00:07:46,411 --> 00:07:49,700 - Why don't we have a nanny again? - What? No, I've told you... 145 00:07:50,590 --> 00:07:53,817 I really want the children to be brought up the way I was. 146 00:07:53,842 --> 00:07:55,899 - By my mother. - What can I get you? 147 00:07:55,900 --> 00:07:58,044 Look, I've got to go. Let's talk more later. 148 00:07:58,068 --> 00:07:59,933 What am I going to do for the rest of the week? 149 00:07:59,958 --> 00:08:01,899 You know, I work too, you know. 150 00:08:01,924 --> 00:08:04,686 Oh, God. There's this Peter Mandelson thing on Thursday. 151 00:08:04,711 --> 00:08:09,173 Yeah, I know, and listen, whatever you decide, I am right behind you. 152 00:08:09,571 --> 00:08:11,290 - Bye. - Paul! 153 00:08:12,352 --> 00:08:14,530 Paul! Paul! 154 00:08:14,555 --> 00:08:16,596 Oh, you go ahead, I haven't decided yet. 155 00:08:16,620 --> 00:08:19,783 Thanks. I'll have a Matcha please, and a... 156 00:08:24,900 --> 00:08:28,301 Charlie, drop it. You're not getting an iPad. 157 00:08:28,326 --> 00:08:31,899 Santa doesn't do them, the elves don't have the technology. 158 00:08:32,521 --> 00:08:36,120 I wonder if Amanda knows about the situation up at Toasty's. 159 00:08:36,145 --> 00:08:39,652 Situation at Toasty's? What situation at Toasty's? 160 00:08:39,677 --> 00:08:41,676 Another breast-feeding incident. 161 00:08:41,701 --> 00:08:43,449 They asked Deirdre to cover up. 162 00:08:44,613 --> 00:08:46,566 I tell you, Liz, if it was men doing the feeding, 163 00:08:46,591 --> 00:08:49,260 there'd be blokes all over this cafe with their breasts out. 164 00:08:49,900 --> 00:08:50,933 Hmm. Yeah. 165 00:08:50,957 --> 00:08:52,899 I'm just going to see if Amanda heard about it. 166 00:08:52,900 --> 00:08:54,899 - Don't! - What? 167 00:08:54,900 --> 00:08:57,499 - It's not going to happen, Kevin. - What's not? 168 00:08:57,523 --> 00:09:00,515 We're not getting on the big table, they don't want us there. 169 00:09:00,540 --> 00:09:02,539 You're going to have to accept it. 170 00:09:02,900 --> 00:09:04,900 I'm just going to have a word. 171 00:09:05,682 --> 00:09:07,682 [INDISTINCT CHATTER] 172 00:09:07,707 --> 00:09:12,037 "Oh, hi, Amanda, just wondering if you heard about the war on tits at Toasty's?" 173 00:09:12,062 --> 00:09:15,622 "Oh, sorry, Kevin, my friends and I were hoping you'd died." 174 00:09:15,647 --> 00:09:18,899 "OK, great, I'll send round an e-mail to discuss an appropriate response." 175 00:09:18,900 --> 00:09:22,224 "Do whatever you like, my computer shits all your e-mails to a spam folder." 176 00:09:22,248 --> 00:09:25,457 - "OK then, bye." - "Bye. Go away forever." 177 00:09:37,302 --> 00:09:39,900 - I'm going to send round an e-mail. - Yeah. 178 00:09:45,590 --> 00:09:49,899 No, no, Duncan, today's out, okay? Just forget about today. 179 00:09:49,900 --> 00:09:51,548 I'm minding my kids. 180 00:09:53,338 --> 00:09:55,481 Boy and a girl. Five and nine. 181 00:09:55,506 --> 00:09:56,755 Look, Duncan, 182 00:09:56,779 --> 00:10:00,474 I don't need to be there to watch Elaine print out a press release. 183 00:10:00,499 --> 00:10:02,281 I'll definitely be there on Thursday. 184 00:10:02,306 --> 00:10:04,306 I'm working on it, OK? 185 00:10:13,945 --> 00:10:17,433 [SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY] 186 00:10:17,772 --> 00:10:19,411 - We can go swimming. - Yes. 187 00:10:19,436 --> 00:10:21,764 - That'd be OK. - And Miguel is watching yours and mine, 188 00:10:21,789 --> 00:10:24,287 - and we're getting the money paid...? - Guys. Guys. 189 00:10:25,900 --> 00:10:27,900 Go play with those kids over there. 190 00:10:32,134 --> 00:10:33,950 No, the other ones! The other ones. 191 00:10:35,181 --> 00:10:37,875 Yeah, I'd love to see it. 192 00:10:37,900 --> 00:10:39,899 - Bit long. Bit long. - It was. 193 00:10:39,900 --> 00:10:42,899 - Because you do lose concentration... - I do, I do. 194 00:10:42,900 --> 00:10:45,189 And Friday, you and I could do yoga... 195 00:10:45,214 --> 00:10:49,031 Awwww. Aw, they're getting on really well, aren't they? 196 00:10:49,056 --> 00:10:51,056 Sweet. 197 00:10:51,848 --> 00:10:54,132 It's Julia, isn't it? 198 00:10:54,157 --> 00:10:56,754 That's right. And you're...? 199 00:10:59,900 --> 00:11:02,662 - Could you just say your name? - Amanda. 200 00:11:02,686 --> 00:11:04,686 - That's right. - [LAUGHTER] 201 00:11:05,483 --> 00:11:08,501 - How do we know each other? - Our kids are in the same class. 202 00:11:08,526 --> 00:11:11,532 Yes! Yes, yes, that's right, because... 203 00:11:11,557 --> 00:11:13,899 Ivy's always talking about... 204 00:11:13,900 --> 00:11:15,900 Erm... your... 205 00:11:16,771 --> 00:11:18,900 - Manus. - Manus! Yeah. 206 00:11:20,509 --> 00:11:23,004 Have a seat. Budge up, Anne. 207 00:11:25,410 --> 00:11:28,899 So, where's your mum this morning? She still on her holiday? 208 00:11:28,900 --> 00:11:32,722 Uh, no, no, she's back all right. 209 00:11:32,747 --> 00:11:36,222 I, uh... just thought I'd give her a break, so I took the day off. 210 00:11:37,713 --> 00:11:40,712 You work so hard. 211 00:11:40,737 --> 00:11:43,899 I really admire how you can just switch off your family 212 00:11:43,900 --> 00:11:47,845 and focus on your job, because... this is my personal thing... 213 00:11:48,751 --> 00:11:51,358 I would just hate myself too much. 214 00:11:52,900 --> 00:11:55,699 Yeah, I, I hate myself too much... 215 00:11:55,724 --> 00:11:59,535 - No, but I think I'd really hate myself. - But I have to... 216 00:12:00,900 --> 00:12:03,784 I just love my kids too much. 217 00:12:03,809 --> 00:12:06,445 Yeah, I love my kids too much, too, but I... 218 00:12:06,470 --> 00:12:08,470 I'd die for my kids. 219 00:12:11,900 --> 00:12:14,839 Yeah... I'd die for my kids. 220 00:12:15,149 --> 00:12:17,550 If I had to, if I had... no choice. 221 00:12:20,900 --> 00:12:22,274 Melissa's sitting there, sorry. 222 00:12:22,299 --> 00:12:23,899 Oh, absolutely. 223 00:12:23,923 --> 00:12:25,061 [HE CHUCKLES] 224 00:12:25,086 --> 00:12:27,899 So, Amanda, I'll pop a few ideas in an e-mail, 225 00:12:27,900 --> 00:12:30,246 what to do about the Toasty's situation. 226 00:12:31,457 --> 00:12:34,371 - OK, Kevin. - Great. Let me know your thoughts. 227 00:12:34,900 --> 00:12:36,613 You all have my phone number, don't you? 228 00:12:36,638 --> 00:12:40,131 Well, I did put it in my last e-mail, so everyone should have it. 229 00:12:41,232 --> 00:12:44,231 Did everyone get my last e-mail? 230 00:12:44,256 --> 00:12:46,682 It had the subject heading, 'Urgent'. 231 00:12:46,707 --> 00:12:48,291 Tell Melissa we said hi. 232 00:12:50,986 --> 00:12:53,462 - Slut. - Kevin? 233 00:12:53,487 --> 00:12:55,603 - No, Liz. - Oh, right. 234 00:12:56,197 --> 00:12:59,687 Oh, sorry, everyone, I've got a flat on Airbnb, 235 00:12:59,712 --> 00:13:02,031 and the idiots have locked themselves out. 236 00:13:02,056 --> 00:13:05,056 Ugh! Manus, Georgie. 237 00:13:05,422 --> 00:13:06,509 Anne? 238 00:13:06,533 --> 00:13:09,725 Is there any chance you could take Manus and Georgie back to yours 239 00:13:09,749 --> 00:13:12,388 - while I sort this out? - Oh, God, I'm sorry. 240 00:13:12,413 --> 00:13:14,899 Chris is at home from work, playing a computer game with swearing in it, 241 00:13:14,900 --> 00:13:17,900 - so we're staying out the house. - I'll take them. 242 00:13:19,100 --> 00:13:21,600 - I could take them. - You would? 243 00:13:22,366 --> 00:13:24,562 Oh. Are you sure? 244 00:13:24,772 --> 00:13:26,335 Yeah! Yeah, totally sure. 245 00:13:26,360 --> 00:13:28,875 You go, go and do your thing, it's no problem. 246 00:13:28,900 --> 00:13:30,899 I can take them, it's fine. 247 00:13:30,900 --> 00:13:33,106 That's what we do, isn't it, us mums? 248 00:13:33,107 --> 00:13:35,286 Scratch each other's backs, so I could take... 249 00:13:35,311 --> 00:13:39,537 I could take them today, and you could, say, have mine on Thursday, for example. 250 00:13:40,710 --> 00:13:43,210 Well... thank you. 251 00:13:43,900 --> 00:13:45,899 I'll give you my address. Anne, write it down. 252 00:13:45,900 --> 00:13:48,899 I'm having some mums and kids over later for spag bol. 253 00:13:48,900 --> 00:13:50,818 You and your lot are included. 254 00:13:50,843 --> 00:13:52,575 So, do you want to bring them back for that later? 255 00:13:52,600 --> 00:13:54,599 - Say, six? - Six?! 256 00:13:55,325 --> 00:13:56,899 OK, OK. 257 00:13:56,900 --> 00:13:58,635 - Or four? - No. Six. 258 00:13:58,659 --> 00:13:59,947 Six it is. 259 00:14:03,111 --> 00:14:05,510 This is very kind of you, Julia. 260 00:14:05,535 --> 00:14:08,426 - I'll get you back another time. - Yeah, say, Thursday? 261 00:14:08,829 --> 00:14:10,145 Thursday? 262 00:14:13,275 --> 00:14:15,588 I just said I haven't got any money. 263 00:14:15,613 --> 00:14:17,580 Yeah, I will be there, Andrew, I will. 264 00:14:17,605 --> 00:14:20,299 I just have some childcare issues today, so... 265 00:14:21,388 --> 00:14:22,490 A boy and a girl. 266 00:14:23,091 --> 00:14:25,700 Aah, Jesus! Five and nine! Who cares? 267 00:14:26,900 --> 00:14:27,900 Andrew? 268 00:14:29,086 --> 00:14:31,519 [CHILDREN PLAYING] 269 00:14:32,391 --> 00:14:33,620 Ow! 270 00:14:36,292 --> 00:14:38,899 Manus, can I have a crisp? I didn't have any breakfast. 271 00:14:38,900 --> 00:14:40,343 No! 272 00:14:40,656 --> 00:14:43,318 - Can I just have one crisp? - Stupid horse. 273 00:14:43,343 --> 00:14:45,900 Just sit on it. Just sit on it! Rock it. 274 00:14:47,271 --> 00:14:49,270 Stick two pennies together. 275 00:14:49,295 --> 00:14:50,389 What? 276 00:14:50,413 --> 00:14:53,201 If you stick two one-pences together, it thinks it's a pound. 277 00:14:55,118 --> 00:14:56,546 Thanks. 278 00:15:00,336 --> 00:15:02,899 [HORSE PLAYS MUSIC AND SOUNDS] 279 00:15:02,900 --> 00:15:04,140 - [THE KIDS SQUEAL HAPPILY] - Thanks. 280 00:15:07,900 --> 00:15:09,199 You all right? 281 00:15:09,900 --> 00:15:12,793 Yeah, I'm just not really used to being with my kids like this. 282 00:15:12,818 --> 00:15:14,875 Now there's all these other ones. 283 00:15:14,900 --> 00:15:17,900 The one with the plait's just been really mean to me. 284 00:15:18,900 --> 00:15:22,355 Look, I live just over there. Do you want to come and have a cup of tea? 285 00:15:26,492 --> 00:15:29,414 I'll just wait for the horse to finish, cos I just want to get my money's worth. 286 00:15:29,438 --> 00:15:30,601 Sure. 287 00:15:39,477 --> 00:15:41,873 Here we are. Downton Abbey. 288 00:15:45,353 --> 00:15:46,353 Tea? 289 00:15:46,901 --> 00:15:48,899 Yeah. You haven't got any herbal, have you? 290 00:15:48,900 --> 00:15:52,552 Fennel, ginger, jasmine or mint? 291 00:15:52,577 --> 00:15:55,027 Ooh. I'll have a mint, please. 292 00:15:55,052 --> 00:15:56,899 I'm joking, I don't have any herbal tea. 293 00:15:57,458 --> 00:15:59,899 Yorkshire. I've got tea from Yorkshire, how's that? 294 00:15:59,924 --> 00:16:02,284 - Yeah, OK. - Hey, guys... 295 00:16:04,877 --> 00:16:07,564 Oh. No milk. 296 00:16:08,900 --> 00:16:12,434 - So, what about you? Do you work? - Yes, I organise corporate events. 297 00:16:12,459 --> 00:16:14,057 - Wow. - On Thursday, 298 00:16:14,082 --> 00:16:18,401 I've got Peter Mandelson presenting the Women In Construction Awards. 299 00:16:18,426 --> 00:16:20,900 Was it Mandelson who was on I'm A celebrity? 300 00:16:22,080 --> 00:16:23,371 No. 301 00:16:23,900 --> 00:16:25,899 Don't know who you're thinking of there. 302 00:16:25,900 --> 00:16:28,934 Wish I could restart my career by eating worms. 303 00:16:28,959 --> 00:16:31,234 [THE KIDS YELL AND CHATTER IN BACKGROUND] 304 00:16:31,259 --> 00:16:33,259 Paul Burrell. That's who it was. 305 00:16:34,900 --> 00:16:38,482 Should they be doing that? Is that not... um... 306 00:16:38,506 --> 00:16:40,062 - No, it's fine. - Wheee! 307 00:16:40,087 --> 00:16:41,826 That's why I put the mattress there. 308 00:16:43,393 --> 00:16:46,056 - Do you work? - I was at Citizens Advice, 309 00:16:46,081 --> 00:16:49,899 but one of my calls got recorded for training purposes, so... 310 00:16:49,900 --> 00:16:51,900 that was that. 311 00:16:54,297 --> 00:16:56,899 - What time is it now? - Just past midday. 312 00:16:56,900 --> 00:16:58,900 Fucking hell. 313 00:17:00,590 --> 00:17:02,598 Are you going to this spag bol thing? 314 00:17:02,623 --> 00:17:04,504 Nah, none of that lot like me. 315 00:17:04,529 --> 00:17:07,707 I'm single, so they're afraid I'm going to steal one of their fat husbands away. 316 00:17:09,004 --> 00:17:10,762 I'm going to make a pizza for the kids. 317 00:17:10,787 --> 00:17:12,899 Charlie gets a bit punchy if he hasn't eaten. 318 00:17:12,900 --> 00:17:15,278 All right, let's get these lunatics rounded up. 319 00:17:17,770 --> 00:17:20,448 Uh-uh, excuse me, we are not animals. 320 00:17:20,473 --> 00:17:22,471 Use a magazine, please. 321 00:17:23,471 --> 00:17:25,471 Actually, Liz, I will have something. 322 00:17:25,496 --> 00:17:29,126 I didn't have any breakfast and I forgot to eat at the cafe. 323 00:17:29,151 --> 00:17:31,875 Oh, shit, sorry, there's no more pizza. 324 00:17:32,368 --> 00:17:35,900 - Cheese sandwich? - If it's not a hassle. I am starving. 325 00:17:38,900 --> 00:17:41,900 - You can freeze cheese? - You can freeze anything. 326 00:17:44,742 --> 00:17:46,490 - Do you want a hand with that? - No, it's fine. 327 00:17:46,515 --> 00:17:51,231 I just need to hack into it to carve out some slices. 328 00:17:53,293 --> 00:17:55,387 - Oh, shit. - What? 329 00:17:55,412 --> 00:17:58,395 Can you call a cab? I think I need to go to A&E. 330 00:17:58,396 --> 00:18:00,619 - What? Why? - Cut my finger off. 331 00:18:00,644 --> 00:18:02,611 You cut your finger off? 332 00:18:02,636 --> 00:18:04,105 - Aaah! - Oh... 333 00:18:04,130 --> 00:18:06,613 - Aaaah! - Don't, don't! Just keep it together. 334 00:18:06,638 --> 00:18:08,331 - Your finger is off! - Focus. 335 00:18:08,355 --> 00:18:09,899 - Aaah! - Just focus! 336 00:18:09,900 --> 00:18:11,681 An ambulance, yes? 337 00:18:11,706 --> 00:18:13,359 An ambulance. You need an ambulance. 338 00:18:13,384 --> 00:18:15,899 - Just call a cab. - OK. 339 00:18:15,900 --> 00:18:16,977 [SHE HYPERVENTILATES] 340 00:18:17,002 --> 00:18:18,402 Neil's Taxis... 341 00:18:18,427 --> 00:18:20,234 0207... 342 00:18:20,259 --> 00:18:21,708 ...9. 343 00:18:22,031 --> 00:18:24,131 Hi, I need a taxi. 344 00:18:24,132 --> 00:18:26,682 - What's your address? - 29 Minell Street. 345 00:18:26,707 --> 00:18:28,580 29 Minell Street. 346 00:18:30,580 --> 00:18:33,163 They said it's £50 if you bleed on the seat again. 347 00:18:33,188 --> 00:18:34,791 - That's fine. - That's fine. 348 00:18:35,680 --> 00:18:36,900 OK. 349 00:18:36,901 --> 00:18:38,899 Aaah! 350 00:18:38,900 --> 00:18:41,196 Ooh! 351 00:18:41,867 --> 00:18:44,281 - Oh, will you be OK? - Yeah, I think so. 352 00:18:44,305 --> 00:18:46,139 I'll try and get back as quick as I can. 353 00:18:46,164 --> 00:18:48,224 Great, just out as quick as you can. 354 00:18:48,248 --> 00:18:49,292 - Yeah. - Yeah. 355 00:18:49,317 --> 00:18:51,019 Any idea how long these things take? 356 00:18:51,044 --> 00:18:53,899 Liz? Any idea how long these things take? 357 00:18:53,900 --> 00:18:55,900 [THE KIDS YELL AND BICKER] 358 00:18:57,180 --> 00:19:00,249 Hi, Liz. I was just phoning to see how you are, 359 00:19:00,274 --> 00:19:03,477 and I was just wondering what to do with your kids. 360 00:19:03,502 --> 00:19:06,176 I have to go to this spag bol thing. 361 00:19:06,201 --> 00:19:11,899 I am so hungry and all your food is frozen. 362 00:19:11,900 --> 00:19:15,899 Um, no pressure, but it is half-five now. 363 00:19:15,900 --> 00:19:19,593 OK, see if you could just give me a call. Bye. 364 00:19:25,218 --> 00:19:26,405 I've got it! 365 00:19:28,618 --> 00:19:30,100 Keith! 366 00:19:30,422 --> 00:19:33,137 Keith! Keith! 367 00:19:33,723 --> 00:19:35,864 Keith! Keith! 368 00:19:38,052 --> 00:19:39,572 Ah, Keith! 369 00:19:39,597 --> 00:19:41,188 It's Kevin! 370 00:19:41,213 --> 00:19:42,884 Keith! Keith! 371 00:19:44,080 --> 00:19:46,595 - Kevin! - Wait there, wait there! 372 00:19:48,486 --> 00:19:50,137 My God, is she all right? 373 00:19:50,162 --> 00:19:52,899 No, no, she's fine, she just cut off a bit of her finger. 374 00:19:52,900 --> 00:19:55,171 But listen, I have now got... 375 00:19:55,843 --> 00:19:59,350 just a massive amount of children. 376 00:19:59,375 --> 00:20:01,899 Could you help me with all these children? 377 00:20:01,900 --> 00:20:05,185 - Oh, yeah, yeah. Of course. - I'm just so hungry, Kevin. 378 00:20:05,778 --> 00:20:09,691 Amanda's having a dinner, are you sure? I haven't heard anything about it. 379 00:20:09,716 --> 00:20:12,215 That's just an informal thing. It's just a... 380 00:20:12,597 --> 00:20:15,197 It's a spag bol drop-in thing. 381 00:20:15,222 --> 00:20:16,899 Oh, wow. 382 00:20:17,095 --> 00:20:19,098 What are we waiting for? 383 00:20:20,030 --> 00:20:21,342 Hey, everyone. 384 00:20:21,366 --> 00:20:24,655 We're all going for spag bol at Amanda's. 385 00:20:27,977 --> 00:20:31,576 [THE KIDS CONTINUE TO YELL AND BICKER] 386 00:20:33,423 --> 00:20:36,101 [DOORBELL RINGS] 387 00:20:36,126 --> 00:20:37,423 Something smells good! 388 00:20:38,634 --> 00:20:41,626 Can somebody else keep an ear out for the door? 389 00:20:43,582 --> 00:20:46,177 That's not the point, the point is they're being picky 390 00:20:46,202 --> 00:20:48,804 because they know they can be. Yeah. 391 00:20:49,210 --> 00:20:52,108 Well, we just have to play the same game that they're playing. Aren't we? 392 00:20:52,132 --> 00:20:53,710 What are you doing?! 393 00:20:54,690 --> 00:20:57,682 Down there! Down there! 394 00:20:59,690 --> 00:21:01,581 Yeah. I don't know. 395 00:21:01,606 --> 00:21:03,299 Mad woman and a load of kids. 396 00:21:04,566 --> 00:21:08,246 - Something smells good. - Oh, hey! 397 00:21:08,271 --> 00:21:11,057 Aw, Julia, thank you so much. 398 00:21:11,082 --> 00:21:12,899 Oh, they were as good as gold. 399 00:21:13,170 --> 00:21:15,490 - Hello. - Kevin's also here. 400 00:21:16,095 --> 00:21:17,095 Oh. 401 00:21:19,186 --> 00:21:21,201 - Yes. - A blackboard wall. 402 00:21:21,779 --> 00:21:23,899 I've always wanted a blackboard wall. 403 00:21:24,689 --> 00:21:26,376 What do you write on it? 404 00:21:27,173 --> 00:21:29,681 Just... what's written on it. 405 00:21:32,376 --> 00:21:33,900 Walnuts. 406 00:21:34,178 --> 00:21:36,780 - [SHE CHUCKLES] Yeah. - What are you going to do with walnuts? 407 00:21:36,805 --> 00:21:38,584 I'd love to eat a walnut. 408 00:21:38,609 --> 00:21:42,280 Liz cut her finger off, so Kevin's been helping me with the kids. 409 00:21:42,900 --> 00:21:45,569 - Liz cut her finger off? - Yeah, just the top half. 410 00:21:45,594 --> 00:21:49,536 Oh. Well... help yourself to wine, um... 411 00:21:49,537 --> 00:21:52,875 - and we'll probably start serving soon. - Great. 412 00:21:52,900 --> 00:21:56,111 I've always wanted a look around your house, Amanda. 413 00:21:56,554 --> 00:21:58,913 There's nothing I like better than going into other people's houses 414 00:21:58,937 --> 00:22:00,937 and having a good old poke around. 415 00:22:08,156 --> 00:22:09,366 Yeah, yeah. 416 00:22:09,391 --> 00:22:11,766 Those two seem to have gotten over the Liz thing. 417 00:22:11,791 --> 00:22:14,485 Passed by Monday. Storm in a teacup. 418 00:22:15,794 --> 00:22:18,208 The Liz thing? What, her finger? 419 00:22:18,900 --> 00:22:21,513 Ian gave Liz a lift home a few nights ago. 420 00:22:26,378 --> 00:22:27,899 No, sorry, you lost me. 421 00:22:27,900 --> 00:22:32,222 So, Ian gave Liz a lift home... 422 00:22:32,247 --> 00:22:33,722 You don't know? 423 00:22:34,051 --> 00:22:35,875 Liz slept with Melissa's husband. 424 00:22:35,900 --> 00:22:39,356 Fuck! God, really? 425 00:22:40,900 --> 00:22:42,899 I did not know that. 426 00:22:42,900 --> 00:22:46,507 You sure? She doesn't seem like the type who'd be arsed. 427 00:22:49,281 --> 00:22:50,899 Where are the kids? 428 00:22:50,900 --> 00:22:52,367 Gone a bit quiet. 429 00:22:57,533 --> 00:22:58,841 Ah. 430 00:23:02,017 --> 00:23:03,355 Hello. 431 00:23:03,900 --> 00:23:05,566 Just here to pick up my kids. 432 00:23:05,591 --> 00:23:07,347 - Hello, hello. - Oh! 433 00:23:07,753 --> 00:23:12,411 Liz! No, you should stay, it's turned into a bit of a free-for-all. 434 00:23:12,900 --> 00:23:16,899 So, um... help yourself to a glass of wine. 435 00:23:16,900 --> 00:23:18,747 Oh, I shouldn't, I'm on painkillers. 436 00:23:18,772 --> 00:23:21,899 Oh! Finger... Julia said. How is it? 437 00:23:21,924 --> 00:23:24,195 It's not too bad. Still works. 438 00:23:26,569 --> 00:23:29,561 [CHATTER] 439 00:23:46,289 --> 00:23:47,899 They're not feeding the adults, Liz! 440 00:23:47,900 --> 00:23:49,900 They're not feeding the adults! 441 00:23:54,975 --> 00:23:56,891 None of these dicks like me. 442 00:23:57,492 --> 00:23:58,609 Dicks! 443 00:24:00,035 --> 00:24:02,628 - I'm sure that's not true. - They hate me. 444 00:24:03,463 --> 00:24:04,770 Dicks! 445 00:24:05,059 --> 00:24:06,606 You know why that is, don't you? 446 00:24:06,631 --> 00:24:08,074 - What? - You know. 447 00:24:08,098 --> 00:24:10,371 - No, I don't know, Kevin. What? - Well... 448 00:24:11,853 --> 00:24:14,363 Because you slept with Melissa's husband. 449 00:24:18,680 --> 00:24:20,679 Is that what they're saying? 450 00:24:20,704 --> 00:24:21,704 Yeah. 451 00:24:23,470 --> 00:24:24,900 That's interesting. 452 00:24:27,274 --> 00:24:30,713 Yeah, so we went to the hospital on Wednesday and they had the results 453 00:24:30,738 --> 00:24:34,899 of the scan, and basically they think it was a small stroke. 454 00:24:35,119 --> 00:24:37,417 - Oh, no. - Oh, no! 455 00:24:41,222 --> 00:24:43,707 Sorry, I heard "small stroke", I don't know who that was, 456 00:24:43,732 --> 00:24:46,899 but that is terrible, whoever that was. 457 00:24:46,900 --> 00:24:48,207 My husband. 458 00:24:48,232 --> 00:24:52,231 Ugh... yeah. Must've been a real pain in the arse. 459 00:24:52,900 --> 00:24:54,308 How did that happen? 460 00:24:55,900 --> 00:24:58,062 He was playing a computer game, 461 00:24:58,086 --> 00:25:02,115 and I noticed his arm just dropped down the side of the sofa, 462 00:25:02,140 --> 00:25:05,899 and when I went to take his hand, it just... 463 00:25:05,900 --> 00:25:09,899 - [JULIA SCOFFS THE LEFTOVERS] - ...it felt like... a little dead bird. 464 00:25:09,900 --> 00:25:12,900 [ANNE WEEPS] 465 00:25:24,742 --> 00:25:27,242 Oh, there's some more. I'll just put that in the bin. 466 00:25:32,241 --> 00:25:33,554 Julia! 467 00:25:35,038 --> 00:25:36,538 What are you doing? 468 00:25:38,345 --> 00:25:39,733 Oh, I was just... 469 00:25:40,900 --> 00:25:42,899 Uh, I was just picking up the leftovers. 470 00:25:42,900 --> 00:25:45,899 If you were hungry, you could've just asked. 471 00:25:45,900 --> 00:25:47,899 You're making me feel like a bad hostess. 472 00:25:47,900 --> 00:25:50,717 - Oh, I'm sorry. - Do you want me to cook you something? 473 00:25:50,742 --> 00:25:53,899 I can't bear to see you eat out of the bin like a homeless person. 474 00:25:53,900 --> 00:25:56,899 No, no, I wasn't eating out of the bin, it's just I... 475 00:25:56,900 --> 00:25:58,247 I was just, you know, 476 00:25:58,272 --> 00:26:00,716 I just thought there would be food here for the adults. 477 00:26:01,224 --> 00:26:02,900 - Oh, God. - Wow. 478 00:26:03,900 --> 00:26:06,917 Well, Julia, I've been dealing with something, 479 00:26:07,120 --> 00:26:09,899 and I'm sorry I didn't have time to lay on a banquet. 480 00:26:09,900 --> 00:26:11,095 No, I didn't mean... 481 00:26:11,120 --> 00:26:12,758 Do you want me to cook you an omelette? 482 00:26:12,782 --> 00:26:14,335 - Honestly, I'm fine... - No! 483 00:26:14,360 --> 00:26:17,868 I insist. I can't have my guests eating out of the rubbish. 484 00:26:18,258 --> 00:26:20,390 Does anyone else want food? 485 00:26:20,765 --> 00:26:23,390 Anyone? I'm making Julia an omelette. 486 00:26:24,281 --> 00:26:25,484 Anyone? 487 00:26:26,273 --> 00:26:28,672 I'll have an omelette, actually, Amanda. 488 00:26:29,382 --> 00:26:32,369 Saves me defrosting some eggs when I get home. 489 00:26:32,394 --> 00:26:35,899 And while I get the chance, Melissa, I should say I feel bad. 490 00:26:36,199 --> 00:26:39,065 I feel bad. I should've cleared the air and apologised 491 00:26:39,090 --> 00:26:43,643 for taking your fat husband's virginity 20 years ago. 492 00:26:45,261 --> 00:26:46,940 And while I'm at it, Anne, 493 00:26:47,261 --> 00:26:49,714 can you RSVP to Charlie's birthday party, 494 00:26:49,739 --> 00:26:51,559 because he really wants Darius there, 495 00:26:51,584 --> 00:26:54,875 and it'll break his fucking heart if his best friend doesn't make it. 496 00:26:55,246 --> 00:26:56,611 - Yeah. - Thank you. 497 00:26:57,900 --> 00:26:59,900 [TOILET FLUSHES] 498 00:27:02,669 --> 00:27:05,344 - What's going on? - Amanda's making us an omelette. 499 00:27:05,369 --> 00:27:06,982 Ooh, yes, please! 500 00:27:10,934 --> 00:27:13,825 Wow, you must give me the recipe for that omelette. 501 00:27:15,137 --> 00:27:16,528 Eggs. 502 00:27:16,739 --> 00:27:18,982 Yeah. Keep it simple. 503 00:27:19,794 --> 00:27:21,472 So, um... 504 00:27:21,497 --> 00:27:24,482 shall we, um, firm up Thursday...? 505 00:27:24,507 --> 00:27:26,055 Thursday's not going to work for me now. 506 00:27:26,079 --> 00:27:28,079 - Lovely to see you all. - Oh, I... 507 00:27:31,852 --> 00:27:33,900 Did she just slam the door in my face? 508 00:27:35,900 --> 00:27:39,899 That's a whole network of helpful mums I have no access to any more. 509 00:27:39,900 --> 00:27:44,096 Oh, well. You can't make an omelette without telling a few skinny bitches 510 00:27:44,121 --> 00:27:45,308 to go fuck themselves. 511 00:27:45,333 --> 00:27:48,333 I can have a word with them if you like, that might help. 512 00:27:49,691 --> 00:27:52,308 Oh, screw them. We don't need them. 513 00:27:52,333 --> 00:27:54,899 We've got our own little gang right here. 514 00:27:54,900 --> 00:27:57,177 Oh, all right, I'll take them Thursday. 515 00:27:57,202 --> 00:27:58,989 Oh! Thank...! 516 00:27:59,372 --> 00:28:00,489 Oh! 517 00:28:00,900 --> 00:28:02,900 I really appreciate it. 38915

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