All language subtitles for still.standing.s03e21.still.mothers.day.xvid

Hey, Dad?

Yeah? Yeah, I need your help with
something really quick.

Okay, Dad, you can't answer me and then
pretend to be asleep.

All right, what do you need?

Well, I was just trying to... Okay,
fine, I guess I won't tell you about the

delicious ham.

What ham?

No ham. Okay, anyway, I'm trying to
figure out what to get Mom for Mother's

Day. She likes a delicious ham.

No, I'm serious, Dad. Last year, I just
got her some stupid flowers. This year,

I want to give her something...

Really nice.

Ooh, you're headed down a dangerous gift
path, son. What you really want to do is

set the bar low.

Oh, I see what you're saying. And then
just skitter something a tiny bit nicer

every year.

No, you set the bar low and you leave it
there.

Do what I do with my mom. Every year, I
show up at her place bright and early

with a gift that has my face on it. A
Bill t-shirt, a Bill coffee mug, a

billow. Wait, let me guess. A pillow
with your face on it. And this year,

she's getting a toasty Bill blanket to
go with it.

It's amazing you can sleep at night.

My head rests easy on my billow.

They're cheaper if you buy two.

I'm still in love with you today cause
you make me happy.

All right, Mom, I'll see you Saturday.
Bye, love you.

Oh, my mom's so looking forward to
Mother's Day at the Palm Court.

Oh, you mean that tea thing you do every
year?

Not just tea.

High tea. Oh, high tea.

Well, that's the only way I could get
through it.

This year's going to be even better
because we're bringing Lauren for the

first time. And Lauren can't wait.

You're going to love it. We get dressed
up. There's flowers and candles.

Oh, great.

So it's like a more boring version of
church.

This is a rite of passage. I knew my
mother finally thought of me as a woman

when she invited me to my first high
tea.

Oh, high tea? Count me in.

Honey,

it's just the girls.

Or you could go with me. I could loan
you a dress.

How about that purple one I caught you
in?

I told you I was in a play.

Pick a team, son. Pick a team.

Great that you showed up without calling
ahead.

I just wanted to come by to tell you
that I'd like to spend Mother's Day with

my Billy boy instead of making you get
me some silly gift.

What about Johnny?

What was the point of getting you
married?

Well, first of all, I'm not Johnny's
mother.

Oh, but sometimes he does shout out, Oh,
Mama!

St. Louis visiting his mother. Why
didn't you go with him?

Oh, because I don't like that woman.

She has no boundaries and she's so
manipulative.

I can't even imagine how he puts up with
her.

It's brutal and it sucks away a little
bit of your soul every day.

Unless you don't want to spend the whole
day with your mother.

Although I spent the whole day with you
in labor. Pushing and pushing and...

You can stop now. I'm out.

It'd be fun to get dressed up and go
someplace fancy.

Fancy? Hey, you know what's fancy? High
tea at the Palm Court.

Oh, you want to take me to high tea?

No, but you know who does?

Judy.

Really? Oh, that would be wonderful.

I... have always dreamed of going to the
palm court for tea.

I've heard it's so classy.

Oh, I'll have to take my bean hole.

Hey, Louise.

Oh, Judy, the answer's a big yes.

Yes to what? What was the question?

Oh, Billy told me you want to take me to
tea for Mother's Day.

What? Well, you're already going. Would
it kill you to add one more?

that somebody might die.

Uh, look, Louise, it's already myself,
Linda, and Lauren, my mom, and it's just

a table for four.

Oh. Lauren doesn't even want to go.
Maybe you could take my mom instead.

Can I see you in the kitchen, please?

You're not unloading your mom on me.
She's gonna ruin everything.

Judy, it's old ladies drinking tea and
eating tiny sandwiches. How do you ruin

that?

is very special for me, and it's
Lauren's first time, and I don't want

your mother ruining it by taking over
the whole thing and making it all about

her. Judy, my mom's not gonna take over.

Judy, I've got the popcorn on the line,
and they said they can give us a bigger

table.

You called them? But it'll have to be at
9 o'clock in the morning, which is

great, because then all us gals can
drive out to Joliet and see the house I

grew up in.

Okay, so just put us down for...

We'll call you back.

Listen, Louise, this is something my
sister and I have been doing with our

mom for many years. It's kind of a
Michael's family tradition.

Oh.

Tradition. I see.

I wouldn't want to intrude on your
tradition.

Thanks for understanding.

Oh, I understand. I'll be the only woman
in the family not invited.

Again, thanks for understanding.

Did you change your hair? You look five
years younger.

Oh, thanks, Mom.

Mom?

Mom?

I changed my hair, too. I threw up my
bangs. You must not have noticed because

you didn't say anything.

I noticed.

I don't know. Did you two have a chance
to catch up last night?

Yeah, yeah. It was great. It was really,
really great. We talked and talked.

Yes, it was wonderful.

I'll stay here next time.

Why? Mom, you have your own room at my
house. Here you have to sleep on the

couch with your head in Bill's ass dent.

You're so alive in this house.

Oh, as opposed to my house where you
feel dead?

No, honey, not dead. Just less alive.

Bill, Mom's here.

Busy. My mom.

Oh, hi, Helen.

How was your night at Linda's? Still
smell like cats?

It's like sleeping in a litter box.

So, uh, can I get you something to
drink?

Well, it's a little early in the day for
a martini.

How about a screwdriver?

Oh, good.

Louise is here, and she brought that
voice.

Oh, Helen!

I got married.

I know. Congratulations.

Now, don't go making any Asian jokes
because my husband's Japanese.

I wasn't going to.

Oh, sure you were. Everybody does.

But not all Asians are terrible drivers,
although Johnny is.

Speaking of drivers, where's Bill with
that screwdriver?

I'll go check.

Oh, Tina!

Welcome to Nana. Welcome to Grandma.

Who's your favorite grandma?

Really, who's your favorite?

Mommy! Lauren!

Hi, darling.

Oh, Lauren, tomorrow's your very first
Mother's Day tea with the girls. You

must be so excited.

Yeah, I am. Actually, I have a surprise.

What? What surprise?

Well, you know how you said I can't come
to tea with you because traditions are

so important. Well, I agree.

So I've decided to start my own
tradition.

Oh, Louise, that's great. You should
have your own tradition.

Exactly. I'm going to spend Mother's Day
outlet shopping with my granddaughter,

Lauren. Sounds great.

For the whole day.

That sounds great.

Whoa.

Not great, Lauren. You're coming to tea
with us.

Yeah, remember?

You're excited.

Well, if she goes to tea, how will she
be able to spend this $100 gift card?

Tradition. You've never done it before.

Well, Lauren's never gone to tea with
you before, but suddenly that's a

tradition. How come your tradition is a
tradition and my tradition's not a

tradition? All right, stop saying
tradition.

Don't I get a say in what I want to do?

You know, if Lauren really wants to go
with my mom... She could always come

with us next year. No!

It's Mother's Day.

Mother, you're spending it with your
mother, and you are going to spend it

with your mother, and I'm going to spend
it with my mother, and we're all going

to have a happy...

That's Mother's Day.

I'll just go in there. I know how to
talk to her.

Well, this is awkward.

Yeah, Mom, we should probably head back
to my apartment. Not that awkward.

If anybody has their keys handy, we
should probably get to the hospital.

Why? Because I kind of stabbed her, Mom.

The nurse said my mom's going to be
fine. She just needs a couple of

stitches.

I don't know what happened.

Well, as I understand it, you stabbed my
mother.

She must have come up behind me and I
didn't see her and I turned with the

knife and I... Stabbed my mother.

It was an accident.

On the arm.

Barely. I gotta tell you, I'm impressed.

I mean, we've all thought about it. Did
you actually...

Here she is.

Oh, again, Louise, I'm so sorry.

I'm sorry. I just thought I saw
something shiny in your hand.

Hello, I'm Dr.

Gibbons. Oh, and this is my son, Bill,
and his lovely wife, Judy, who stabbed

me.

How are you feeling, Louise? Pretty
good.

For a woman who just came out of a coma.

You were in a coma. You just passed out
for a second.

Oh, Judy, I didn't realize you had a
medical background.

So anything we should know, doctor? Just
change the dressing twice a day. Make

sure she takes her pain pills.

And read this pamphlet.

Managing rage?

I don't have rage. I told you it was an
accident.

All right, calm down.

Try to get her to read that.

And you take it easy on that arm for a
few days, okay?

I don't know how I'm going to be able to
manage on my own.

Someone's going to have to help me cook,
wash my hair.

How am I even going to be able to pull
up my tights?

Bill. Hey, I didn't stab her.

Lauren, you need to get ready for the
tea.

I am.

Didn't you see the dress I laid out for
you on your bed?

Yeah, I sat on it when I put on my
pants.

Going to your tea, can't I just wear
what I want?

Well, yeah, I suppose.

It's just that I do a lot for you, and I
was just hoping you'd give me this one

day.

After all, it is... Oh, what do they
call it? Oh, yes, Mother's Day.

Fine, I'll go put on the stupid dress.

Or any dress you want.

I'll be up in a minute to pick it out.

Happy Mother's Day, everybody excited
about the... Of course.

Well, as excited as I can be,
considering I was up half the night,

someone was talking gibberish in their
sleep.

Mom, I wasn't asleep. I was sitting on
the edge of your bed telling you all

about my hopes and my dreams.

Oh.

Well, good luck with those, honey.

You think you're tired?

Louise is milking this whole incident. I
had to go over and cook her dinner,

clean her house, and if I say no to
anything, she points to her arm.

She won't let up on this whole stabbing
thing.

Oh, thanks for dropping me off, Betty. I
would have driven myself, but I got

stabbed.

Oh, Judy, I brought you some laundry.

These are my delicates, and they have to
be washed by hand. I would do it myself,

but as you know... I know, I'll do them
later.

Hey, Mom. Happy Mother's Day. What are
you doing here? I was going to pick you

up for lunch later.

Oh, I thought we could skip lunch. I
don't want to get too full before my tea

with the ladies.

Wait a minute, Louise. What makes you
think you're coming with us?

Oh, I just thought in polite society
that one is invited to tea after one is

stabbed.

She does make a point. In the kitchen,
now.

Ten bucks, he comes out bleeding.

Okay, buddy, step up. You are taking
that woman to every annoying, horrible

place that she wants to go to until
Mother's Day is over.

You owe me this.

I've pulled up tights.

And what's worse, I've had to pull them
down. All right.

And show her a good time. Don't buy her
just any cheap piece of crap with your

face on it.

See, Lauren, isn't this fun? Getting all
dressed up and acting like proper

ladies.

Grandma, what are you drinking? I
thought they only served tea here.

It is tea.

Iced tea.

Long Island iced tea.

Hey, it's my mother's day, too, okay?

Judy, what's wrong? You don't look like
you're having any fun.

Louise, I can't believe I'm actually
feeling guilty for not letting her come

today. I don't know how she does it.
Stop letting that woman upset you so

much. Forget about her. She's not here.

Oh, but she's here.

She picks and she picks and she picks
until you just can't take it anymore and

you just want to tie those tights around
her neck.

Hey, this place is fancy, huh, Lauren?

Oh, I get it. We're pretending Mom
didn't just have a meltdown.

You know what, sweet girl?

I'm letting Louise ruin my day. I'm
going to put her...

and have a wonderful Mother's Day.

Good for you, Judy.

Waiter, she'll have what I'm having.

And I'll have another.

Oh, I'm really starting to have a good
time.

I'm so glad.

Oh, waiter, could you take our picture,
please? Sure.

Are all you girls sisters?

Thanks.

Everybody say cheese.

Oh, crap.

Crap.

Why are you here?

My mom wanted to have tea at the Drake
Hotel. Your mom's here?

Yeah, she's downstairs in the powder
room. What are you doing here?

You were supposed to be at the Palm
Court.

The Palm Court at the Drake Hotel, you
jackass.

This woman, she just won't take no for
an answer.

Well, I've had it. If she thinks she can
show up here and expect us to welcome

her with open arms...

She's

gonna be

fine. The nurse said that the
painkillers from her knife wound relaxed

her so she was limber for the fall.

Good thing you stabbed her first.

I can't believe I hurt her again.

You think it wasn't an accident?

Do you think I have it out for her?

You're really starting to look that way,
Ma.

Honey, I was right there. The stairs
were a total accident.

That said, didn't see the stabbing,
can't comment.

She drives me so crazy. She pushes and
manipulates and digs her heels in until

she gets her way.

I know what that's like.

What are you saying?

Nothing. Are you saying I'm like Nana?

Well, you did push me into coming to
this tea with you.

Lord, it's Mother's Day.

Yeah, and I was going to make you
breakfast like I always do, but suddenly

that wasn't good enough.

I couldn't even wear what I wanted to
wear. You guilted me into doing

everything your way. I did not.

guilt you. Besides, I gave birth to you.
I think that entitles me. Oh, my God.

Ha, ha. You're like my mother.

I married my... Oh, my God.

This is never going to happen again. I
never want to be the kind of mother who

guilts you into doing stuff with her.

It's okay, Mom. I forgive you. Really?

Yeah. I mean, I don't want to be on your
bad side.

I've seen you in action.

Please, I am so sorry.

Doctor, you remember my son Bill and my
lovely daughter-in-law Judy who stabbed

me and shoved me down the stairs?

You didn't read that pamphlet, did you?

Bill, can you and mom go bring the car
around? I want to speak to your mom

alone. Sure.

So this is how I'm going to die.

Louise, please forgive me. I never meant
to hurt you.

Well, I guess I'm just starting to
realize that I may have a short fuse

with you sometimes because maybe I see a
little part of me in you.

A little? We're exactly alike.

The point is, we're both mothers and
strong-willed women.

And we both love our children so much.

And I think of you as my daughter.

Ah!

I guess the reason I wanted to go to the
tea so badly is that I'm a little

jealous that Helen gets to have you all
to herself.

Oh, Louise, that's so sweet.

Judy, call the mob.

Louise, don't speak.

You're very weak.

Let's get you home safe and sound.

Can I bring you anything else?

Oh, no, thank you. I'm fine. I'm just
waiting for my mother. She went to the

restroom a while ago. I hope she's all
right.

Isn't that your mother over there?

table is just so much more alive.