All language subtitles for Motherland 1.00 Pilot

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:10,796 --> 00:00:13,999 - Stop it! Give it! Give it back! - A total mess. 2 00:00:14,000 --> 00:00:15,999 A total mess! OK, when we get there, we need to be really quick. 3 00:00:16,000 --> 00:00:17,395 I'm just going to drop you in the playground, OK? 4 00:00:17,420 --> 00:00:18,530 Really, really quickly, no hugs, 5 00:00:18,554 --> 00:00:19,722 - no kisses, nothing. - [VAN HONKS HORN] 6 00:00:19,747 --> 00:00:21,746 Baby on board, arsehole! 7 00:00:23,000 --> 00:00:26,000 [AN ELECTRONIC TOY SPEAKS IN THE BACK-SEAT] 8 00:00:27,935 --> 00:00:32,000 Why do we even need them? Why do we need to slow people down? It's ridiculous! 9 00:00:36,224 --> 00:00:39,411 Go on, you're supposed to do it there, that's what they're there for. 10 00:00:39,436 --> 00:00:41,434 That's why they plant them. 11 00:00:42,000 --> 00:00:43,498 Don't do that, don't do that! 12 00:00:43,523 --> 00:00:45,076 Marie! Hi, at last. 13 00:00:45,101 --> 00:00:47,498 Erm... can you... No, my hands-free isn't working. 14 00:00:47,523 --> 00:00:49,332 Listen, can you, uh, can you put me on the phone to... 15 00:00:49,357 --> 00:00:50,654 Can you give Andrew a message for me? 16 00:00:50,679 --> 00:00:52,943 Can you just tell him that I'm running a bit late? 17 00:00:53,561 --> 00:00:55,999 I've got to drop the kids off at school. 18 00:00:56,000 --> 00:00:58,000 What? My kids, yeah. 19 00:00:58,725 --> 00:01:01,421 Uh, a boy and a girl. Listen, I can't, uh, can't talk now, Marie. 20 00:01:01,446 --> 00:01:03,827 - OK, bye. - [TOY SPEAKS AND CHIRPS] 21 00:01:05,000 --> 00:01:06,627 Give me the Bop It. Give me the Bop It. 22 00:01:06,652 --> 00:01:08,134 Give me the Bop It! 23 00:01:09,336 --> 00:01:11,336 Someone's in a hurry, aren't they? 24 00:01:13,872 --> 00:01:15,841 What is this? What is this?! 25 00:01:15,866 --> 00:01:16,866 What?! 26 00:01:23,000 --> 00:01:24,351 Come on, there's nothing there. 27 00:01:24,375 --> 00:01:26,375 There's nothing here, there's no hole, there's no roadworks, 28 00:01:26,400 --> 00:01:27,952 there's no traffic jam, there's nothing here. 29 00:01:27,976 --> 00:01:30,577 Why are you here? Why are you here?! 30 00:01:31,608 --> 00:01:33,905 OK, I'm going to go. I'm going to go. 31 00:01:33,930 --> 00:01:34,930 Go. 32 00:01:39,523 --> 00:01:41,620 [CAR HORN HONKS] 33 00:01:43,711 --> 00:01:46,711 [SECOND CAR JOINS THE HONKING] 34 00:01:47,500 --> 00:01:49,629 Can you...? I'm sorry! 35 00:01:49,654 --> 00:01:51,475 Can you move back? 36 00:01:51,500 --> 00:01:54,499 Sorry. I'm so sorry. Can you go back? 37 00:01:54,500 --> 00:01:57,499 Just reverse! Move! Go back! 38 00:01:57,524 --> 00:02:00,244 Just go back! I'm stuck in again! 39 00:02:00,854 --> 00:02:03,148 [SHE SCREAMS] 40 00:02:03,354 --> 00:02:07,473 Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx www.addic7ed.com 41 00:02:09,844 --> 00:02:11,500 Come on, faster! 42 00:02:18,257 --> 00:02:20,842 Come on, quicker! In we go, in we go. 43 00:02:20,867 --> 00:02:23,276 In, in! Which one is it? 44 00:02:23,300 --> 00:02:24,370 Here. 45 00:02:26,917 --> 00:02:28,962 All right, which is your classroom? I know it's not that one. 46 00:02:28,987 --> 00:02:31,799 Hello? Hello. 47 00:02:31,800 --> 00:02:34,799 Hello, Ivy. Hello, James. Sorry, you are? 48 00:02:34,800 --> 00:02:37,799 - I'm Julia, I'm their mum. - Oh, of course. 49 00:02:37,800 --> 00:02:40,800 - Have you got an appointment? - No. I was just here to... 50 00:02:43,800 --> 00:02:45,800 Did you forget it was half-term? 51 00:02:48,205 --> 00:02:49,502 No. 52 00:02:49,527 --> 00:02:51,799 Children are in their school uniforms. 53 00:02:51,800 --> 00:02:54,767 Yeah. That's because they're going to a... 54 00:02:55,455 --> 00:02:59,166 back to school disco/children theme party. 55 00:03:00,800 --> 00:03:02,799 Are you here to see Mrs Lawson? 56 00:03:02,800 --> 00:03:05,799 - Who? - The headmistress. 57 00:03:05,800 --> 00:03:09,055 Yes. Yes, that's why I'm here, that's what I'd like to do. 58 00:03:09,080 --> 00:03:10,461 OK. OK. 59 00:03:14,475 --> 00:03:17,138 Ivy didn't mention anything about being bullied. 60 00:03:17,163 --> 00:03:19,412 It's classic victim behaviour. 61 00:03:19,437 --> 00:03:20,811 Who's doing this? 62 00:03:23,800 --> 00:03:26,800 - Leo Martin. - Leo Martin?! 63 00:03:28,377 --> 00:03:30,079 But you know he's five? 64 00:03:30,104 --> 00:03:31,104 Yes. 65 00:03:32,259 --> 00:03:36,800 Yes, my understanding is that he is an evil... 66 00:03:38,171 --> 00:03:39,800 ...child prodigy type. 67 00:03:41,257 --> 00:03:42,800 Let me speak to Leo's teacher. 68 00:03:42,801 --> 00:03:44,628 - Please do. - Janet. 69 00:03:45,182 --> 00:03:47,571 Oh, Leo's teacher, you are Leo's teacher. 70 00:03:47,597 --> 00:03:49,400 Listen to this. Leo Martin. 71 00:03:49,425 --> 00:03:51,375 Leo? Has something happened to him? 72 00:03:51,400 --> 00:03:53,988 No, no, he's been bullying little Ivy. 73 00:03:54,013 --> 00:03:55,376 Bullying? 74 00:03:55,401 --> 00:03:57,399 What kind of bullying? 75 00:03:57,977 --> 00:04:00,663 Mind... games. 76 00:04:00,688 --> 00:04:03,765 Overtly condescending, tapping into her insecurities, 77 00:04:03,790 --> 00:04:07,005 I think he said some things about her online. 78 00:04:10,400 --> 00:04:12,957 - So, what's going on now? - I'm calling Leo's mum. 79 00:04:12,982 --> 00:04:15,005 Don't worry, we will get to the bottom of this. 80 00:04:15,030 --> 00:04:16,355 Go for it. 81 00:04:18,641 --> 00:04:20,641 [INTERNAL RING TONE] 82 00:04:22,227 --> 00:04:24,832 Do you know what? I just, I think, um... 83 00:04:26,841 --> 00:04:28,991 I think I should just check the facts with Ivy first, 84 00:04:29,015 --> 00:04:30,132 because now I come to think of it, 85 00:04:30,133 --> 00:04:34,561 she can be a little untrustworthy and manipulative herself. 86 00:04:37,400 --> 00:04:38,400 [SHE EXHALES] 87 00:04:38,401 --> 00:04:40,398 Thank you so much for this. 88 00:04:41,400 --> 00:04:42,695 It's like a weight off. 89 00:04:42,720 --> 00:04:45,375 I already feel so much better about it already. 90 00:04:45,595 --> 00:04:48,208 Thank you. Thank you. 91 00:04:49,903 --> 00:04:53,269 Actually, while I'm here, are there any clubs on this half-term? 92 00:04:53,294 --> 00:04:55,090 Chess? Latin? 93 00:04:55,115 --> 00:04:57,090 I just don't like them to switch off. 94 00:04:57,115 --> 00:04:58,635 Is there anything happening today? 95 00:04:58,660 --> 00:05:01,039 Like now? Is anything happening right now? 96 00:05:03,400 --> 00:05:06,400 OK, kids, forget school, we're not doing school. 97 00:05:08,993 --> 00:05:10,307 Right. 98 00:05:10,939 --> 00:05:11,939 OK. 99 00:05:13,029 --> 00:05:15,712 Two minutes, two minutes, I'll be back. 100 00:05:25,087 --> 00:05:26,366 Mum? 101 00:05:27,978 --> 00:05:29,155 Mum?! 102 00:05:29,361 --> 00:05:30,881 Oh, my God! 103 00:05:32,670 --> 00:05:36,833 I can see you. I know you're in there, hiding behind the sofa. 104 00:05:36,858 --> 00:05:38,400 Mother! 105 00:05:41,717 --> 00:05:44,399 - Mother! - Julia, is that you? 106 00:05:44,400 --> 00:05:45,928 Yes, it's me. 107 00:05:48,329 --> 00:05:50,375 Were you hiding? 108 00:05:50,400 --> 00:05:53,524 No, I-I was having a lie down. 109 00:05:54,400 --> 00:05:55,630 Behind the sofa? 110 00:05:56,708 --> 00:05:58,581 I had a fall. 111 00:05:58,606 --> 00:06:01,309 Why are you acting like you're 90 years old or something? 112 00:06:01,334 --> 00:06:02,614 Oh, right. 113 00:06:03,400 --> 00:06:06,765 I see. Yeah, nice, yeah. They really suit you. 114 00:06:07,400 --> 00:06:09,544 Uh, so when did you get back from your cruise? 115 00:06:09,569 --> 00:06:11,069 - Yesterday. - Oh, that's funny, 116 00:06:11,094 --> 00:06:13,638 because Paul saw you in Waitrose on Saturday. 117 00:06:13,663 --> 00:06:15,577 I must still be on Caribbean time. 118 00:06:15,602 --> 00:06:17,914 You're here now, that's the main thing. I'll go and get the kids. 119 00:06:17,939 --> 00:06:20,102 - Julia. Julia! - What? 120 00:06:20,126 --> 00:06:21,477 - We talked about this. - Talked about what? 121 00:06:21,502 --> 00:06:23,799 I'm not doing it any more, I can't. 122 00:06:23,824 --> 00:06:27,472 I love them to bits, but I can't look after them any more. 123 00:06:29,058 --> 00:06:31,027 Sorry, I thought that's what the holiday was for, 124 00:06:31,051 --> 00:06:32,972 - I thought... - No. No. 125 00:06:33,660 --> 00:06:36,604 In fact, the holiday made me even more certain. 126 00:06:37,292 --> 00:06:38,511 After my lung collapsed... 127 00:06:38,535 --> 00:06:40,229 - It didn't collapse! - My lung did collapse! 128 00:06:40,254 --> 00:06:43,719 OK, I'm not having this argument again. If you're really serious about this, 129 00:06:43,744 --> 00:06:47,556 how about we think about starting that in the new year, 130 00:06:47,954 --> 00:06:51,665 and we can work out a way of getting you some free time. 131 00:06:51,690 --> 00:06:55,180 - No, Julia, from now. - OK. What about next month...? 132 00:06:55,205 --> 00:06:58,400 No, now, Julia. Starting from now. 133 00:07:03,430 --> 00:07:04,430 OK. 134 00:07:06,400 --> 00:07:09,872 - I'm sorry. - No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, 135 00:07:09,897 --> 00:07:12,779 I haven't got time for sorry. Unless it's "Sorry, I've changed my mind." 136 00:07:12,804 --> 00:07:14,521 - Is it "Sorry, I've changed my mind"? - No. 137 00:07:14,546 --> 00:07:16,448 Right! Haven't got time for sorry. 138 00:07:17,424 --> 00:07:20,399 No, no. Haven't got time for that. 139 00:07:20,400 --> 00:07:21,962 [CAR ENGINE STARTS] 140 00:07:29,158 --> 00:07:31,552 You know, it was your idea to have grandchildren, Mother! 141 00:07:36,545 --> 00:07:37,824 What about Jelenka? 142 00:07:37,849 --> 00:07:40,399 She's a cleaner, she's not a baby-sitter! 143 00:07:40,400 --> 00:07:42,601 Anyway, I really don't trust Jelenka. 144 00:07:42,626 --> 00:07:44,886 I'm almost certain it was her that ate my Easter egg that time. 145 00:07:44,911 --> 00:07:48,200 - Why don't we have a nanny again? - What? No, I've told you... 146 00:07:49,090 --> 00:07:52,317 I really want the children to be brought up the way I was. 147 00:07:52,342 --> 00:07:54,399 - By my mother. - What can I get you? 148 00:07:54,400 --> 00:07:56,544 Look, I've got to go. Let's talk more later. 149 00:07:56,568 --> 00:07:58,433 What am I going to do for the rest of the week? 150 00:07:58,458 --> 00:08:00,399 You know, I work too, you know. 151 00:08:00,424 --> 00:08:03,186 Oh, God. There's this Peter Mandelson thing on Thursday. 152 00:08:03,211 --> 00:08:07,673 Yeah, I know, and listen, whatever you decide, I am right behind you. 153 00:08:08,071 --> 00:08:09,790 - Bye. - Paul! 154 00:08:10,852 --> 00:08:13,030 Paul! Paul! 155 00:08:13,055 --> 00:08:15,096 Oh, you go ahead, I haven't decided yet. 156 00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:18,283 Thanks. I'll have a Matcha please, and a... 157 00:08:23,400 --> 00:08:26,801 Charlie, drop it. You're not getting an iPad. 158 00:08:26,826 --> 00:08:30,399 Santa doesn't do them, the elves don't have the technology. 159 00:08:31,021 --> 00:08:34,620 I wonder if Amanda knows about the situation up at Toasty's. 160 00:08:34,645 --> 00:08:38,152 Situation at Toasty's? What situation at Toasty's? 161 00:08:38,177 --> 00:08:40,176 Another breast-feeding incident. 162 00:08:40,201 --> 00:08:41,949 They asked Deirdre to cover up. 163 00:08:43,113 --> 00:08:45,066 I tell you, Liz, if it was men doing the feeding, 164 00:08:45,091 --> 00:08:47,760 there'd be blokes all over this cafe with their breasts out. 165 00:08:48,400 --> 00:08:49,433 Hmm. Yeah. 166 00:08:49,457 --> 00:08:51,399 I'm just going to see if Amanda heard about it. 167 00:08:51,400 --> 00:08:53,399 - Don't! - What? 168 00:08:53,400 --> 00:08:55,999 - It's not going to happen, Kevin. - What's not? 169 00:08:56,023 --> 00:08:59,015 We're not getting on the big table, they don't want us there. 170 00:08:59,040 --> 00:09:01,039 You're going to have to accept it. 171 00:09:01,400 --> 00:09:03,400 I'm just going to have a word. 172 00:09:04,182 --> 00:09:06,182 [INDISTINCT CHATTER] 173 00:09:06,207 --> 00:09:10,537 "Oh, hi, Amanda, just wondering if you heard about the war on tits at Toasty's?" 174 00:09:10,562 --> 00:09:14,122 "Oh, sorry, Kevin, my friends and I were hoping you'd died." 175 00:09:14,147 --> 00:09:17,399 "OK, great, I'll send round an e-mail to discuss an appropriate response." 176 00:09:17,400 --> 00:09:20,724 "Do whatever you like, my computer shits all your e-mails to a spam folder." 177 00:09:20,748 --> 00:09:23,957 - "OK then, bye." - "Bye. Go away forever." 178 00:09:35,802 --> 00:09:38,400 - I'm going to send round an e-mail. - Yeah. 179 00:09:44,090 --> 00:09:48,399 No, no, Duncan, today's out, okay? Just forget about today. 180 00:09:48,400 --> 00:09:50,048 I'm minding my kids. 181 00:09:51,838 --> 00:09:53,981 Boy and a girl. Five and nine. 182 00:09:54,006 --> 00:09:55,255 Look, Duncan, 183 00:09:55,279 --> 00:09:58,974 I don't need to be there to watch Elaine print out a press release. 184 00:09:58,999 --> 00:10:00,781 I'll definitely be there on Thursday. 185 00:10:00,806 --> 00:10:02,806 I'm working on it, OK? 186 00:10:12,445 --> 00:10:15,933 [SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY] 187 00:10:16,272 --> 00:10:17,911 - We can go swimming. - Yes. 188 00:10:17,936 --> 00:10:20,264 - That'd be OK. - And Miguel is watching yours and mine, 189 00:10:20,289 --> 00:10:22,787 - and we're getting the money paid...? - Guys. Guys. 190 00:10:24,400 --> 00:10:26,400 Go play with those kids over there. 191 00:10:30,634 --> 00:10:32,450 No, the other ones! The other ones. 192 00:10:33,681 --> 00:10:36,375 Yeah, I'd love to see it. 193 00:10:36,400 --> 00:10:38,399 - Bit long. Bit long. - It was. 194 00:10:38,400 --> 00:10:41,399 - Because you do lose concentration... - I do, I do. 195 00:10:41,400 --> 00:10:43,689 And Friday, you and I could do yoga... 196 00:10:43,714 --> 00:10:47,531 Awwww. Aw, they're getting on really well, aren't they? 197 00:10:47,556 --> 00:10:49,556 Sweet. 198 00:10:50,348 --> 00:10:52,632 It's Julia, isn't it? 199 00:10:52,657 --> 00:10:55,254 That's right. And you're...? 200 00:10:58,400 --> 00:11:01,162 - Could you just say your name? - Amanda. 201 00:11:01,186 --> 00:11:03,186 - That's right. - [LAUGHTER] 202 00:11:03,983 --> 00:11:07,001 - How do we know each other? - Our kids are in the same class. 203 00:11:07,026 --> 00:11:10,032 Yes! Yes, yes, that's right, because... 204 00:11:10,057 --> 00:11:12,399 Ivy's always talking about... 205 00:11:12,400 --> 00:11:14,400 Erm... your... 206 00:11:15,271 --> 00:11:17,400 - Manus. - Manus! Yeah. 207 00:11:19,009 --> 00:11:21,504 Have a seat. Budge up, Anne. 208 00:11:23,910 --> 00:11:27,399 So, where's your mum this morning? She still on her holiday? 209 00:11:27,400 --> 00:11:31,222 Uh, no, no, she's back all right. 210 00:11:31,247 --> 00:11:34,722 I, uh... just thought I'd give her a break, so I took the day off. 211 00:11:36,213 --> 00:11:39,212 You work so hard. 212 00:11:39,237 --> 00:11:42,399 I really admire how you can just switch off your family 213 00:11:42,400 --> 00:11:46,345 and focus on your job, because... this is my personal thing... 214 00:11:47,251 --> 00:11:49,858 I would just hate myself too much. 215 00:11:51,400 --> 00:11:54,199 Yeah, I, I hate myself too much... 216 00:11:54,224 --> 00:11:58,035 - No, but I think I'd really hate myself. - But I have to... 217 00:11:59,400 --> 00:12:02,284 I just love my kids too much. 218 00:12:02,309 --> 00:12:04,945 Yeah, I love my kids too much, too, but I... 219 00:12:04,970 --> 00:12:06,970 I'd die for my kids. 220 00:12:10,400 --> 00:12:13,339 Yeah... I'd die for my kids. 221 00:12:13,649 --> 00:12:16,050 If I had to, if I had... no choice. 222 00:12:19,400 --> 00:12:20,774 Melissa's sitting there, sorry. 223 00:12:20,799 --> 00:12:22,399 Oh, absolutely. 224 00:12:22,423 --> 00:12:23,561 [HE CHUCKLES] 225 00:12:23,586 --> 00:12:26,399 So, Amanda, I'll pop a few ideas in an e-mail, 226 00:12:26,400 --> 00:12:28,746 what to do about the Toasty's situation. 227 00:12:29,957 --> 00:12:32,871 - OK, Kevin. - Great. Let me know your thoughts. 228 00:12:33,400 --> 00:12:35,113 You all have my phone number, don't you? 229 00:12:35,138 --> 00:12:38,631 Well, I did put it in my last e-mail, so everyone should have it. 230 00:12:39,732 --> 00:12:42,731 Did everyone get my last e-mail? 231 00:12:42,756 --> 00:12:45,182 It had the subject heading, 'Urgent'. 232 00:12:45,207 --> 00:12:46,791 Tell Melissa we said hi. 233 00:12:49,486 --> 00:12:51,962 - Slut. - Kevin? 234 00:12:51,987 --> 00:12:54,103 - No, Liz. - Oh, right. 235 00:12:54,697 --> 00:12:58,187 Oh, sorry, everyone, I've got a flat on Airbnb, 236 00:12:58,212 --> 00:13:00,531 and the idiots have locked themselves out. 237 00:13:00,556 --> 00:13:03,556 Ugh! Manus, Georgie. 238 00:13:03,922 --> 00:13:05,009 Anne? 239 00:13:05,033 --> 00:13:08,225 Is there any chance you could take Manus and Georgie back to yours 240 00:13:08,249 --> 00:13:10,888 - while I sort this out? - Oh, God, I'm sorry. 241 00:13:10,913 --> 00:13:13,399 Chris is at home from work, playing a computer game with swearing in it, 242 00:13:13,400 --> 00:13:16,400 - so we're staying out the house. - I'll take them. 243 00:13:17,600 --> 00:13:20,100 - I could take them. - You would? 244 00:13:20,866 --> 00:13:23,062 Oh. Are you sure? 245 00:13:23,272 --> 00:13:24,835 Yeah! Yeah, totally sure. 246 00:13:24,860 --> 00:13:27,375 You go, go and do your thing, it's no problem. 247 00:13:27,400 --> 00:13:29,399 I can take them, it's fine. 248 00:13:29,400 --> 00:13:31,606 That's what we do, isn't it, us mums? 249 00:13:31,607 --> 00:13:33,786 Scratch each other's backs, so I could take... 250 00:13:33,811 --> 00:13:38,037 I could take them today, and you could, say, have mine on Thursday, for example. 251 00:13:39,210 --> 00:13:41,710 Well... thank you. 252 00:13:42,400 --> 00:13:44,399 I'll give you my address. Anne, write it down. 253 00:13:44,400 --> 00:13:47,399 I'm having some mums and kids over later for spag bol. 254 00:13:47,400 --> 00:13:49,318 You and your lot are included. 255 00:13:49,343 --> 00:13:51,075 So, do you want to bring them back for that later? 256 00:13:51,100 --> 00:13:53,099 - Say, six? - Six?! 257 00:13:53,825 --> 00:13:55,399 OK, OK. 258 00:13:55,400 --> 00:13:57,135 - Or four? - No. Six. 259 00:13:57,159 --> 00:13:58,447 Six it is. 260 00:14:01,611 --> 00:14:04,010 This is very kind of you, Julia. 261 00:14:04,035 --> 00:14:06,926 - I'll get you back another time. - Yeah, say, Thursday? 262 00:14:07,329 --> 00:14:08,645 Thursday? 263 00:14:11,775 --> 00:14:14,088 I just said I haven't got any money. 264 00:14:14,113 --> 00:14:16,080 Yeah, I will be there, Andrew, I will. 265 00:14:16,105 --> 00:14:18,799 I just have some childcare issues today, so... 266 00:14:19,888 --> 00:14:20,990 A boy and a girl. 267 00:14:21,591 --> 00:14:24,200 Aah, Jesus! Five and nine! Who cares? 268 00:14:25,400 --> 00:14:26,400 Andrew? 269 00:14:27,586 --> 00:14:30,019 [CHILDREN PLAYING] 270 00:14:30,891 --> 00:14:32,120 Ow! 271 00:14:34,792 --> 00:14:37,399 Manus, can I have a crisp? I didn't have any breakfast. 272 00:14:37,400 --> 00:14:38,843 No! 273 00:14:39,156 --> 00:14:41,818 - Can I just have one crisp? - Stupid horse. 274 00:14:41,843 --> 00:14:44,400 Just sit on it. Just sit on it! Rock it. 275 00:14:45,771 --> 00:14:47,770 Stick two pennies together. 276 00:14:47,795 --> 00:14:48,889 What? 277 00:14:48,913 --> 00:14:51,701 If you stick two one-pences together, it thinks it's a pound. 278 00:14:53,618 --> 00:14:55,046 Thanks. 279 00:14:58,836 --> 00:15:01,399 [HORSE PLAYS MUSIC AND SOUNDS] 280 00:15:01,400 --> 00:15:02,640 - [THE KIDS SQUEAL HAPPILY] - Thanks. 281 00:15:06,400 --> 00:15:07,699 You all right? 282 00:15:08,400 --> 00:15:11,293 Yeah, I'm just not really used to being with my kids like this. 283 00:15:11,318 --> 00:15:13,375 Now there's all these other ones. 284 00:15:13,400 --> 00:15:16,400 The one with the plait's just been really mean to me. 285 00:15:17,400 --> 00:15:20,855 Look, I live just over there. Do you want to come and have a cup of tea? 286 00:15:24,992 --> 00:15:27,914 I'll just wait for the horse to finish, cos I just want to get my money's worth. 287 00:15:27,938 --> 00:15:29,101 Sure. 288 00:15:37,977 --> 00:15:40,373 Here we are. Downton Abbey. 289 00:15:43,853 --> 00:15:44,853 Tea? 290 00:15:45,401 --> 00:15:47,399 Yeah. You haven't got any herbal, have you? 291 00:15:47,400 --> 00:15:51,052 Fennel, ginger, jasmine or mint? 292 00:15:51,077 --> 00:15:53,527 Ooh. I'll have a mint, please. 293 00:15:53,552 --> 00:15:55,399 I'm joking, I don't have any herbal tea. 294 00:15:55,958 --> 00:15:58,399 Yorkshire. I've got tea from Yorkshire, how's that? 295 00:15:58,424 --> 00:16:00,784 - Yeah, OK. - Hey, guys... 296 00:16:03,377 --> 00:16:06,064 Oh. No milk. 297 00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:10,934 - So, what about you? Do you work? - Yes, I organise corporate events. 298 00:16:10,959 --> 00:16:12,557 - Wow. - On Thursday, 299 00:16:12,582 --> 00:16:16,901 I've got Peter Mandelson presenting the Women In Construction Awards. 300 00:16:16,926 --> 00:16:19,400 Was it Mandelson who was on I'm A celebrity? 301 00:16:20,580 --> 00:16:21,871 No. 302 00:16:22,400 --> 00:16:24,399 Don't know who you're thinking of there. 303 00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:27,434 Wish I could restart my career by eating worms. 304 00:16:27,459 --> 00:16:29,734 [THE KIDS YELL AND CHATTER IN BACKGROUND] 305 00:16:29,759 --> 00:16:31,759 Paul Burrell. That's who it was. 306 00:16:33,400 --> 00:16:36,982 Should they be doing that? Is that not... um... 307 00:16:37,006 --> 00:16:38,562 - No, it's fine. - Wheee! 308 00:16:38,587 --> 00:16:40,326 That's why I put the mattress there. 309 00:16:41,893 --> 00:16:44,556 - Do you work? - I was at Citizens Advice, 310 00:16:44,581 --> 00:16:48,399 but one of my calls got recorded for training purposes, so... 311 00:16:48,400 --> 00:16:50,400 that was that. 312 00:16:52,797 --> 00:16:55,399 - What time is it now? - Just past midday. 313 00:16:55,400 --> 00:16:57,400 Fucking hell. 314 00:16:59,090 --> 00:17:01,098 Are you going to this spag bol thing? 315 00:17:01,123 --> 00:17:03,004 Nah, none of that lot like me. 316 00:17:03,029 --> 00:17:06,207 I'm single, so they're afraid I'm going to steal one of their fat husbands away. 317 00:17:07,504 --> 00:17:09,262 I'm going to make a pizza for the kids. 318 00:17:09,287 --> 00:17:11,399 Charlie gets a bit punchy if he hasn't eaten. 319 00:17:11,400 --> 00:17:13,778 All right, let's get these lunatics rounded up. 320 00:17:16,270 --> 00:17:18,948 Uh-uh, excuse me, we are not animals. 321 00:17:18,973 --> 00:17:20,971 Use a magazine, please. 322 00:17:21,971 --> 00:17:23,971 Actually, Liz, I will have something. 323 00:17:23,996 --> 00:17:27,626 I didn't have any breakfast and I forgot to eat at the cafe. 324 00:17:27,651 --> 00:17:30,375 Oh, shit, sorry, there's no more pizza. 325 00:17:30,868 --> 00:17:34,400 - Cheese sandwich? - If it's not a hassle. I am starving. 326 00:17:37,400 --> 00:17:40,400 - You can freeze cheese? - You can freeze anything. 327 00:17:43,242 --> 00:17:44,990 - Do you want a hand with that? - No, it's fine. 328 00:17:45,015 --> 00:17:49,731 I just need to hack into it to carve out some slices. 329 00:17:51,793 --> 00:17:53,887 - Oh, shit. - What? 330 00:17:53,912 --> 00:17:56,895 Can you call a cab? I think I need to go to A&E. 331 00:17:56,896 --> 00:17:59,119 - What? Why? - Cut my finger off. 332 00:17:59,144 --> 00:18:01,111 You cut your finger off? 333 00:18:01,136 --> 00:18:02,605 - Aaah! - Oh... 334 00:18:02,630 --> 00:18:05,113 - Aaaah! - Don't, don't! Just keep it together. 335 00:18:05,138 --> 00:18:06,831 - Your finger is off! - Focus. 336 00:18:06,855 --> 00:18:08,399 - Aaah! - Just focus! 337 00:18:08,400 --> 00:18:10,181 An ambulance, yes? 338 00:18:10,206 --> 00:18:11,859 An ambulance. You need an ambulance. 339 00:18:11,884 --> 00:18:14,399 - Just call a cab. - OK. 340 00:18:14,400 --> 00:18:15,477 [SHE HYPERVENTILATES] 341 00:18:15,502 --> 00:18:16,902 Neil's Taxis... 342 00:18:16,927 --> 00:18:18,734 0207... 343 00:18:18,759 --> 00:18:20,208 ...9. 344 00:18:20,531 --> 00:18:22,631 Hi, I need a taxi. 345 00:18:22,632 --> 00:18:25,182 - What's your address? - 29 Minell Street. 346 00:18:25,207 --> 00:18:27,080 29 Minell Street. 347 00:18:29,080 --> 00:18:31,663 They said it's £50 if you bleed on the seat again. 348 00:18:31,688 --> 00:18:33,291 - That's fine. - That's fine. 349 00:18:34,180 --> 00:18:35,400 OK. 350 00:18:35,401 --> 00:18:37,399 Aaah! 351 00:18:37,400 --> 00:18:39,696 Ooh! 352 00:18:40,367 --> 00:18:42,781 - Oh, will you be OK? - Yeah, I think so. 353 00:18:42,805 --> 00:18:44,639 I'll try and get back as quick as I can. 354 00:18:44,664 --> 00:18:46,724 Great, just out as quick as you can. 355 00:18:46,748 --> 00:18:47,792 - Yeah. - Yeah. 356 00:18:47,817 --> 00:18:49,519 Any idea how long these things take? 357 00:18:49,544 --> 00:18:52,399 Liz? Any idea how long these things take? 358 00:18:52,400 --> 00:18:54,400 [THE KIDS YELL AND BICKER] 359 00:18:55,680 --> 00:18:58,749 Hi, Liz. I was just phoning to see how you are, 360 00:18:58,774 --> 00:19:01,977 and I was just wondering what to do with your kids. 361 00:19:02,002 --> 00:19:04,676 I have to go to this spag bol thing. 362 00:19:04,701 --> 00:19:10,399 I am so hungry and all your food is frozen. 363 00:19:10,400 --> 00:19:14,399 Um, no pressure, but it is half-five now. 364 00:19:14,400 --> 00:19:18,093 OK, see if you could just give me a call. Bye. 365 00:19:23,718 --> 00:19:24,905 I've got it! 366 00:19:27,118 --> 00:19:28,600 Keith! 367 00:19:28,922 --> 00:19:31,637 Keith! Keith! 368 00:19:32,223 --> 00:19:34,364 Keith! Keith! 369 00:19:36,552 --> 00:19:38,072 Ah, Keith! 370 00:19:38,097 --> 00:19:39,688 It's Kevin! 371 00:19:39,713 --> 00:19:41,384 Keith! Keith! 372 00:19:42,580 --> 00:19:45,095 - Kevin! - Wait there, wait there! 373 00:19:46,986 --> 00:19:48,637 My God, is she all right? 374 00:19:48,662 --> 00:19:51,399 No, no, she's fine, she just cut off a bit of her finger. 375 00:19:51,400 --> 00:19:53,671 But listen, I have now got... 376 00:19:54,343 --> 00:19:57,850 just a massive amount of children. 377 00:19:57,875 --> 00:20:00,399 Could you help me with all these children? 378 00:20:00,400 --> 00:20:03,685 - Oh, yeah, yeah. Of course. - I'm just so hungry, Kevin. 379 00:20:04,278 --> 00:20:08,191 Amanda's having a dinner, are you sure? I haven't heard anything about it. 380 00:20:08,216 --> 00:20:10,715 That's just an informal thing. It's just a... 381 00:20:11,097 --> 00:20:13,697 It's a spag bol drop-in thing. 382 00:20:13,722 --> 00:20:15,399 Oh, wow. 383 00:20:15,595 --> 00:20:17,598 What are we waiting for? 384 00:20:18,530 --> 00:20:19,842 Hey, everyone. 385 00:20:19,866 --> 00:20:23,155 We're all going for spag bol at Amanda's. 386 00:20:26,477 --> 00:20:30,076 [THE KIDS CONTINUE TO YELL AND BICKER] 387 00:20:31,923 --> 00:20:34,601 [DOORBELL RINGS] 388 00:20:34,626 --> 00:20:35,923 Something smells good! 389 00:20:37,134 --> 00:20:40,126 Can somebody else keep an ear out for the door? 390 00:20:42,082 --> 00:20:44,677 That's not the point, the point is they're being picky 391 00:20:44,702 --> 00:20:47,304 because they know they can be. Yeah. 392 00:20:47,710 --> 00:20:50,608 Well, we just have to play the same game that they're playing. Aren't we? 393 00:20:50,632 --> 00:20:52,210 What are you doing?! 394 00:20:53,190 --> 00:20:56,182 Down there! Down there! 395 00:20:58,190 --> 00:21:00,081 Yeah. I don't know. 396 00:21:00,106 --> 00:21:01,799 Mad woman and a load of kids. 397 00:21:03,066 --> 00:21:06,746 - Something smells good. - Oh, hey! 398 00:21:06,771 --> 00:21:09,557 Aw, Julia, thank you so much. 399 00:21:09,582 --> 00:21:11,399 Oh, they were as good as gold. 400 00:21:11,670 --> 00:21:13,990 - Hello. - Kevin's also here. 401 00:21:14,595 --> 00:21:15,595 Oh. 402 00:21:17,686 --> 00:21:19,701 - Yes. - A blackboard wall. 403 00:21:20,279 --> 00:21:22,399 I've always wanted a blackboard wall. 404 00:21:23,189 --> 00:21:24,876 What do you write on it? 405 00:21:25,673 --> 00:21:28,181 Just... what's written on it. 406 00:21:30,876 --> 00:21:32,400 Walnuts. 407 00:21:32,678 --> 00:21:35,280 - [SHE CHUCKLES] Yeah. - What are you going to do with walnuts? 408 00:21:35,305 --> 00:21:37,084 I'd love to eat a walnut. 409 00:21:37,109 --> 00:21:40,780 Liz cut her finger off, so Kevin's been helping me with the kids. 410 00:21:41,400 --> 00:21:44,069 - Liz cut her finger off? - Yeah, just the top half. 411 00:21:44,094 --> 00:21:48,036 Oh. Well... help yourself to wine, um... 412 00:21:48,037 --> 00:21:51,375 - and we'll probably start serving soon. - Great. 413 00:21:51,400 --> 00:21:54,611 I've always wanted a look around your house, Amanda. 414 00:21:55,054 --> 00:21:57,413 There's nothing I like better than going into other people's houses 415 00:21:57,437 --> 00:21:59,437 and having a good old poke around. 416 00:22:06,656 --> 00:22:07,866 Yeah, yeah. 417 00:22:07,891 --> 00:22:10,266 Those two seem to have gotten over the Liz thing. 418 00:22:10,291 --> 00:22:12,985 Passed by Monday. Storm in a teacup. 419 00:22:14,294 --> 00:22:16,708 The Liz thing? What, her finger? 420 00:22:17,400 --> 00:22:20,013 Ian gave Liz a lift home a few nights ago. 421 00:22:24,878 --> 00:22:26,399 No, sorry, you lost me. 422 00:22:26,400 --> 00:22:30,722 So, Ian gave Liz a lift home... 423 00:22:30,747 --> 00:22:32,222 You don't know? 424 00:22:32,551 --> 00:22:34,375 Liz slept with Melissa's husband. 425 00:22:34,400 --> 00:22:37,856 Fuck! God, really? 426 00:22:39,400 --> 00:22:41,399 I did not know that. 427 00:22:41,400 --> 00:22:45,007 You sure? She doesn't seem like the type who'd be arsed. 428 00:22:47,781 --> 00:22:49,399 Where are the kids? 429 00:22:49,400 --> 00:22:50,867 Gone a bit quiet. 430 00:22:56,033 --> 00:22:57,341 Ah. 431 00:23:00,517 --> 00:23:01,855 Hello. 432 00:23:02,400 --> 00:23:04,066 Just here to pick up my kids. 433 00:23:04,091 --> 00:23:05,847 - Hello, hello. - Oh! 434 00:23:06,253 --> 00:23:10,911 Liz! No, you should stay, it's turned into a bit of a free-for-all. 435 00:23:11,400 --> 00:23:15,399 So, um... help yourself to a glass of wine. 436 00:23:15,400 --> 00:23:17,247 Oh, I shouldn't, I'm on painkillers. 437 00:23:17,272 --> 00:23:20,399 Oh! Finger... Julia said. How is it? 438 00:23:20,424 --> 00:23:22,695 It's not too bad. Still works. 439 00:23:25,069 --> 00:23:28,061 [CHATTER] 440 00:23:44,789 --> 00:23:46,399 They're not feeding the adults, Liz! 441 00:23:46,400 --> 00:23:48,400 They're not feeding the adults! 442 00:23:53,475 --> 00:23:55,391 None of these dicks like me. 443 00:23:55,992 --> 00:23:57,109 Dicks! 444 00:23:58,535 --> 00:24:01,128 - I'm sure that's not true. - They hate me. 445 00:24:01,963 --> 00:24:03,270 Dicks! 446 00:24:03,559 --> 00:24:05,106 You know why that is, don't you? 447 00:24:05,131 --> 00:24:06,574 - What? - You know. 448 00:24:06,598 --> 00:24:08,871 - No, I don't know, Kevin. What? - Well... 449 00:24:10,353 --> 00:24:12,863 Because you slept with Melissa's husband. 450 00:24:17,180 --> 00:24:19,179 Is that what they're saying? 451 00:24:19,204 --> 00:24:20,204 Yeah. 452 00:24:21,970 --> 00:24:23,400 That's interesting. 453 00:24:25,774 --> 00:24:29,213 Yeah, so we went to the hospital on Wednesday and they had the results 454 00:24:29,238 --> 00:24:33,399 of the scan, and basically they think it was a small stroke. 455 00:24:33,619 --> 00:24:35,917 - Oh, no. - Oh, no! 456 00:24:39,722 --> 00:24:42,207 Sorry, I heard "small stroke", I don't know who that was, 457 00:24:42,232 --> 00:24:45,399 but that is terrible, whoever that was. 458 00:24:45,400 --> 00:24:46,707 My husband. 459 00:24:46,732 --> 00:24:50,731 Ugh... yeah. Must've been a real pain in the arse. 460 00:24:51,400 --> 00:24:52,808 How did that happen? 461 00:24:54,400 --> 00:24:56,562 He was playing a computer game, 462 00:24:56,586 --> 00:25:00,615 and I noticed his arm just dropped down the side of the sofa, 463 00:25:00,640 --> 00:25:04,399 and when I went to take his hand, it just... 464 00:25:04,400 --> 00:25:08,399 - [JULIA SCOFFS THE LEFTOVERS] - ...it felt like... a little dead bird. 465 00:25:08,400 --> 00:25:11,400 [ANNE WEEPS] 466 00:25:23,242 --> 00:25:25,742 Oh, there's some more. I'll just put that in the bin. 467 00:25:30,741 --> 00:25:32,054 Julia! 468 00:25:33,538 --> 00:25:35,038 What are you doing? 469 00:25:36,845 --> 00:25:38,233 Oh, I was just... 470 00:25:39,400 --> 00:25:41,399 Uh, I was just picking up the leftovers. 471 00:25:41,400 --> 00:25:44,399 If you were hungry, you could've just asked. 472 00:25:44,400 --> 00:25:46,399 You're making me feel like a bad hostess. 473 00:25:46,400 --> 00:25:49,217 - Oh, I'm sorry. - Do you want me to cook you something? 474 00:25:49,242 --> 00:25:52,399 I can't bear to see you eat out of the bin like a homeless person. 475 00:25:52,400 --> 00:25:55,399 No, no, I wasn't eating out of the bin, it's just I... 476 00:25:55,400 --> 00:25:56,747 I was just, you know, 477 00:25:56,772 --> 00:25:59,216 I just thought there would be food here for the adults. 478 00:25:59,724 --> 00:26:01,400 - Oh, God. - Wow. 479 00:26:02,400 --> 00:26:05,417 Well, Julia, I've been dealing with something, 480 00:26:05,620 --> 00:26:08,399 and I'm sorry I didn't have time to lay on a banquet. 481 00:26:08,400 --> 00:26:09,595 No, I didn't mean... 482 00:26:09,620 --> 00:26:11,258 Do you want me to cook you an omelette? 483 00:26:11,282 --> 00:26:12,835 - Honestly, I'm fine... - No! 484 00:26:12,860 --> 00:26:16,368 I insist. I can't have my guests eating out of the rubbish. 485 00:26:16,758 --> 00:26:18,890 Does anyone else want food? 486 00:26:19,265 --> 00:26:21,890 Anyone? I'm making Julia an omelette. 487 00:26:22,781 --> 00:26:23,984 Anyone? 488 00:26:24,773 --> 00:26:27,172 I'll have an omelette, actually, Amanda. 489 00:26:27,882 --> 00:26:30,869 Saves me defrosting some eggs when I get home. 490 00:26:30,894 --> 00:26:34,399 And while I get the chance, Melissa, I should say I feel bad. 491 00:26:34,699 --> 00:26:37,565 I feel bad. I should've cleared the air and apologised 492 00:26:37,590 --> 00:26:42,143 for taking your fat husband's virginity 20 years ago. 493 00:26:43,761 --> 00:26:45,440 And while I'm at it, Anne, 494 00:26:45,761 --> 00:26:48,214 can you RSVP to Charlie's birthday party, 495 00:26:48,239 --> 00:26:50,059 because he really wants Darius there, 496 00:26:50,084 --> 00:26:53,375 and it'll break his fucking heart if his best friend doesn't make it. 497 00:26:53,746 --> 00:26:55,111 - Yeah. - Thank you. 498 00:26:56,400 --> 00:26:58,400 [TOILET FLUSHES] 499 00:27:01,169 --> 00:27:03,844 - What's going on? - Amanda's making us an omelette. 500 00:27:03,869 --> 00:27:05,482 Ooh, yes, please! 501 00:27:09,434 --> 00:27:12,325 Wow, you must give me the recipe for that omelette. 502 00:27:13,637 --> 00:27:15,028 Eggs. 503 00:27:15,239 --> 00:27:17,482 Yeah. Keep it simple. 504 00:27:18,294 --> 00:27:19,972 So, um... 505 00:27:19,997 --> 00:27:22,982 shall we, um, firm up Thursday...? 506 00:27:23,007 --> 00:27:24,555 Thursday's not going to work for me now. 507 00:27:24,579 --> 00:27:26,579 - Lovely to see you all. - Oh, I... 508 00:27:30,352 --> 00:27:32,400 Did she just slam the door in my face? 509 00:27:34,400 --> 00:27:38,399 That's a whole network of helpful mums I have no access to any more. 510 00:27:38,400 --> 00:27:42,596 Oh, well. You can't make an omelette without telling a few skinny bitches 511 00:27:42,621 --> 00:27:43,808 to go fuck themselves. 512 00:27:43,833 --> 00:27:46,833 I can have a word with them if you like, that might help. 513 00:27:48,191 --> 00:27:50,808 Oh, screw them. We don't need them. 514 00:27:50,833 --> 00:27:53,399 We've got our own little gang right here. 515 00:27:53,400 --> 00:27:55,677 Oh, all right, I'll take them Thursday. 516 00:27:55,702 --> 00:27:57,489 Oh! Thank...! 517 00:27:57,872 --> 00:27:58,989 Oh! 518 00:27:59,400 --> 00:28:01,400 I really appreciate it. 519 00:28:05,400 --> 00:28:07,400 - And Friday, can you do Friday? - Ugh. 520 00:28:07,627 --> 00:28:12,627 Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx www.addic7ed.com 39351

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