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1
00:00:02,720 --> 00:00:06,160
-It's so lovely to finally meet you.
-Yeah, great, likewise.
2
00:00:06,240 --> 00:00:10,560
God, doesn't the smell of school
make you want to kill yourself?
3
00:00:13,480 --> 00:00:15,839
-Where's Marion tonight?
-Your guess is as good as mine.
4
00:00:15,919 --> 00:00:18,760
Apparently my mother no longer
has any interest in maintaining
5
00:00:18,839 --> 00:00:22,000
the welfare of my children. Look...
I can't... I can't be here long,
6
00:00:22,079 --> 00:00:24,760
I've got a massive thing to prep for work,
7
00:00:24,839 --> 00:00:27,160
so if you could just sort
of stick to the headlines.
8
00:00:27,239 --> 00:00:28,879
Just the lowdown.
9
00:00:28,960 --> 00:00:30,440
Like, a sneak peek, I suppose.
10
00:00:30,519 --> 00:00:33,560
Basically, what would the trailer
be for this parents' evening?
11
00:00:35,679 --> 00:00:37,640
I'm not sure,
if you don't mind me saying,
12
00:00:37,719 --> 00:00:40,200
I don't really understand
your parenting style.
13
00:00:40,280 --> 00:00:42,439
Because you're never here,
and when you are, you're late,
14
00:00:42,520 --> 00:00:44,840
and you barely get involved in
any of the school activities so...
15
00:00:44,920 --> 00:00:46,759
OK, OK.
I think I know what this is about.
16
00:00:46,840 --> 00:00:49,320
Is this because I forgot to buy
you a bottle of wine at Christmas?
17
00:00:49,399 --> 00:00:50,840
-No, it's because...
-If it is,
18
00:00:50,920 --> 00:00:53,119
I really don't think that's
very fair, because I didn't know
19
00:00:53,200 --> 00:00:55,159
about the present-giving
culture at this school.
20
00:00:55,240 --> 00:00:56,439
-It's not.
-What do you want me to do?
21
00:00:56,520 --> 00:00:59,079
Do you want me to bring
you an apple every day?
22
00:00:59,159 --> 00:01:01,560
Do you want me to tip you at
Christmas, like the binmen?
23
00:01:01,640 --> 00:01:04,840
-Pardon?
-Oh, God, it's like a bloody racket here.
24
00:01:04,920 --> 00:01:07,640
What is this?! Can you
all just back off a bit?
25
00:01:07,719 --> 00:01:09,560
It's not the Antiques Roadshow.
26
00:01:11,439 --> 00:01:12,400
Jesus!
27
00:01:20,719 --> 00:01:23,640
-Anne's doing the drinks?
-Oh, for God's sake.
28
00:01:23,719 --> 00:01:26,519
-Anne's measures are too small.
-It's not Glastonbury, Liz.
29
00:01:26,599 --> 00:01:31,519
Exactly! It's a bloody school fundraiser.
We need alcohol, Kevin, proper measures.
30
00:01:31,599 --> 00:01:34,040
You were the one who said Anne
should do the drinks last time.
31
00:01:34,120 --> 00:01:37,079
I was going by her being
Irish, it's before I knew her.
32
00:01:37,159 --> 00:01:39,719
Am I going insane?
33
00:01:39,799 --> 00:01:42,920
That looks like Caroline Lacy.
34
00:01:43,000 --> 00:01:45,879
Caroline, yeah, Rueben's mum.
Just come back from Thailand.
35
00:01:45,959 --> 00:01:48,599
Thailand for a family
holiday --dear, oh, dear.
36
00:01:48,680 --> 00:01:51,760
Caroline Lacy goes to our school?
37
00:01:51,840 --> 00:01:53,680
-Hi, babe.
-Do you know her?
38
00:01:53,760 --> 00:01:56,120
Do I know her?!
How do you NOT know her?
39
00:01:56,200 --> 00:01:58,560
I do know her, we're talking
about her because we know her.
40
00:01:58,640 --> 00:02:01,200
-And you don't.
-Excuse me, Liz, I know her,
41
00:02:01,280 --> 00:02:04,920
we started with the same company together.
We were quite close at one point.
42
00:02:05,000 --> 00:02:08,439
Until she won every bloody award going.
Follow me, kids. Caroline!
43
00:02:09,159 --> 00:02:11,159
Hello! Hi.
44
00:02:11,240 --> 00:02:14,240
Hello, you! I didn't know
you went to this school.
45
00:02:14,319 --> 00:02:16,800
Yeah! Yeah, I do. These are mine.
46
00:02:16,879 --> 00:02:19,039
What? I thought they were Marion's?
47
00:02:19,120 --> 00:02:21,560
No, no, that's my mother.
48
00:02:22,039 --> 00:02:24,319
-Oh! Love Marion.
-Who doesn't?
49
00:02:24,919 --> 00:02:27,120
Here we go. See you around.
50
00:02:27,199 --> 00:02:28,960
Yes, see you around!
51
00:02:30,199 --> 00:02:31,840
She remembered me!
52
00:02:31,919 --> 00:02:34,120
-Didn't say your name.
-What?
53
00:02:34,960 --> 00:02:38,719
-Didn't she? I'm sure she did.
-No. Unless your name is "Around".
54
00:02:50,800 --> 00:02:52,560
Is this You've Been Framed?
55
00:02:52,639 --> 00:02:55,719
No, no, that was my wedding.
That's my dad.
56
00:02:57,120 --> 00:03:00,240
Oh, God! That cake looks nice.
57
00:03:00,319 --> 00:03:03,319
I might go and get some cake, unless
you want to share that with me?
58
00:03:03,400 --> 00:03:05,240
No, I want to eat all of it on my own.
59
00:03:05,319 --> 00:03:06,680
Pig!
60
00:03:07,840 --> 00:03:10,360
I think that's the meeting
for the fundraiser.
61
00:03:10,439 --> 00:03:11,759
Shouldn't we be over there?
62
00:03:11,840 --> 00:03:13,919
I'm doing drinks,
you're doing the cloakroom.
63
00:03:14,000 --> 00:03:15,719
Why do we need to go to a meeting?
64
00:03:15,800 --> 00:03:19,360
And don't complicate it, Kevin.
They hate it when you complicate things.
65
00:03:19,439 --> 00:03:21,039
Why would you want to get involved?
66
00:03:21,120 --> 00:03:23,840
-Well, you have to do your bit.
-Do you, though, do you really?
67
00:03:23,919 --> 00:03:26,080
-Yeah, you do.
-Do you, though?
68
00:03:26,159 --> 00:03:28,439
-Yes.
-I'm just going to go over and...
69
00:03:29,639 --> 00:03:30,840
I'll just go over.
70
00:03:34,120 --> 00:03:35,639
Do you, though?
71
00:03:36,240 --> 00:03:37,159
Fundraiser!
72
00:03:38,280 --> 00:03:40,319
-Kevin!
-I'm so sorry.
73
00:03:40,400 --> 00:03:42,520
-You frightened Anne.
-I'm all right.
74
00:03:42,599 --> 00:03:44,280
-I'm so sorry, Anne.
-I'm fine now.
75
00:03:44,360 --> 00:03:46,759
I'm just saying, you know...
76
00:03:46,840 --> 00:03:48,599
Here we go.
77
00:03:48,680 --> 00:03:49,840
Let's do it.
78
00:03:51,000 --> 00:03:54,159
Let's do it for all the kids who
need this kind of specialised
79
00:03:54,240 --> 00:03:57,719
-equipment in the music room.
-You're doing the cloakroom, right?
80
00:03:57,800 --> 00:03:58,800
-Yes.
-Great.
81
00:03:58,879 --> 00:04:01,919
-See you tomorrow.
-Yes, yes. See you tomorrow.
82
00:04:03,759 --> 00:04:05,719
Oh, dear. What happened?
83
00:04:05,800 --> 00:04:07,520
I don't...
84
00:04:07,599 --> 00:04:08,800
really know.
85
00:04:14,599 --> 00:04:15,719
What's going on there?
86
00:04:15,800 --> 00:04:18,439
Charlie and Manus are best friends
since Manus got a drone.
87
00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:21,680
So me and Cersei Lannister are
being civil for the children.
88
00:04:22,360 --> 00:04:23,360
Manus!
89
00:04:30,079 --> 00:04:31,800
That's weird.
90
00:04:31,879 --> 00:04:33,839
-What?
-Well, it's just whenever...
91
00:04:35,800 --> 00:04:38,720
No. Forget it. I'm being paranoid.
92
00:04:38,800 --> 00:04:42,079
Go on, what is it? Tell me.
Maybe I can...
93
00:04:42,160 --> 00:04:43,759
Caroline!
94
00:04:44,759 --> 00:04:46,160
Hello! Again.
95
00:04:46,240 --> 00:04:48,040
Hi. Not working today?
96
00:04:48,120 --> 00:04:50,519
Not today, Spoken Orchid are
pretty good with flexitime.
97
00:04:50,600 --> 00:04:52,480
Don't work Fridays,
do half day Wednesdays.
98
00:04:52,560 --> 00:04:54,879
Essentially means I've
got a three-day week.
99
00:04:54,959 --> 00:04:57,680
Oh, that's sick! That's brilliant.
100
00:04:57,759 --> 00:04:59,920
Yeah, it stops me running
around like a mental patient.
101
00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:01,600
God, yeah, I imagine it does.
102
00:05:01,680 --> 00:05:04,480
-Have you heard about this fundraiser?
-Oh, God.
103
00:05:04,560 --> 00:05:05,800
No way...
104
00:05:05,879 --> 00:05:08,560
-I'm organising it.
-...would I miss that,
105
00:05:08,639 --> 00:05:11,439
because I think we have to do our bit.
106
00:05:11,519 --> 00:05:14,279
As parents, we have to do our bit.
107
00:05:14,360 --> 00:05:16,839
-Got to.
-Anything I can do, just say the word.
108
00:05:16,920 --> 00:05:18,839
We're having a planning meeting,
if you'd like to come to that.
109
00:05:18,920 --> 00:05:20,720
You bet I would! Any time.
110
00:05:20,800 --> 00:05:22,439
Over there.
111
00:05:22,519 --> 00:05:24,079
Oh, it's happening now.
112
00:05:24,160 --> 00:05:26,439
Er, OK, yeah. I'll just
get my bits and bobs.
113
00:05:30,439 --> 00:05:32,040
She still hasn't said your name.
114
00:05:36,399 --> 00:05:38,279
Should... should Kevin come?
115
00:05:44,519 --> 00:05:47,160
I'd like to take this opportunity
to be a little bit creative,
116
00:05:47,240 --> 00:05:51,120
and think a little bit
outside the box, as it were.
117
00:05:51,199 --> 00:05:55,319
Last year I was Nibbles
King, do you remember?
118
00:05:55,399 --> 00:05:59,279
I had all the bags of crisps
and nuts pinned to me.
119
00:05:59,360 --> 00:06:00,920
That was fun, wasn't it?
120
00:06:02,319 --> 00:06:05,360
But I thought this year,
I'd go one better...
121
00:06:05,439 --> 00:06:07,120
human cloakroom.
122
00:06:08,839 --> 00:06:10,240
So everyone puts their coats on me,
123
00:06:10,319 --> 00:06:13,399
instead of hanging them
up in the cloakroom.
124
00:06:13,480 --> 00:06:15,959
I wear everyone's coats!
125
00:06:16,040 --> 00:06:19,720
What a sight! And then when
everyone's ready to go,
126
00:06:19,800 --> 00:06:21,959
the cloakroom comes to them.
127
00:06:23,040 --> 00:06:26,160
Let's say we charge a pound a coat.
128
00:06:26,240 --> 00:06:28,759
Why don't we just charge
a pound a coat in the cloakroom?
129
00:06:28,839 --> 00:06:30,199
Why?!
130
00:06:31,360 --> 00:06:32,959
My God, Amanda.
131
00:06:33,040 --> 00:06:35,120
Why are there rainbows?
132
00:06:35,199 --> 00:06:36,920
Why is there Ant and Dec?
133
00:06:37,000 --> 00:06:38,279
Because it's fun.
134
00:06:38,360 --> 00:06:42,279
It's fun, goodness!
Well, I'm going to do it anyway,
135
00:06:42,360 --> 00:06:45,000
so set up a normal cloakroom
if you want.
136
00:06:45,079 --> 00:06:48,759
But it's going to have stiff competition
from the human cloakroom.
137
00:06:48,839 --> 00:06:52,079
Let the battle
of the cloakrooms commence!
138
00:06:53,759 --> 00:06:56,519
Caroline, I just noticed
there's no tombola,
139
00:06:56,600 --> 00:06:58,199
and I usually do the tombola.
140
00:06:58,279 --> 00:07:01,079
Well, I just thought it didn't feel
like a tombola sets the right tone,
141
00:07:01,160 --> 00:07:03,639
-if that makes sense?
-Sure. Of course.
142
00:07:03,720 --> 00:07:06,360
I mean, sorry, Amanda,
I'm not blocking you.
143
00:07:06,439 --> 00:07:09,279
I just think we should be a bit
more ambitious for this one.
144
00:07:09,360 --> 00:07:12,759
This fundraiser is close
to my heart, as you know,
145
00:07:12,839 --> 00:07:15,600
with Rueben, and what the
music room means to him.
146
00:07:17,360 --> 00:07:20,839
-Rueben's mythraxic.
-Oh, I'm so sorry.
147
00:07:20,920 --> 00:07:23,680
-Oh, no, it means he's musically gifted.
-Oh, how lovely.
148
00:07:23,759 --> 00:07:26,560
Well, I'm more than happy to melt
into the background, Caroline.
149
00:07:26,639 --> 00:07:30,120
I don't know, maybe
this year I could just... host it.
150
00:07:31,480 --> 00:07:34,920
Is Liz really doing the drinks?
Because her measures are demented.
151
00:07:35,360 --> 00:07:37,319
I mean, do you remember
the last time she did them?
152
00:07:37,399 --> 00:07:39,199
No. I don't think anyone does.
153
00:07:39,279 --> 00:07:42,279
Ladies, ladies.
Is everyone listening? Everyone?
154
00:07:42,360 --> 00:07:45,279
We're talking about prizes now.
155
00:07:45,360 --> 00:07:50,199
I really want to make sure we don't get
the same old cake sale crap this year.
156
00:07:50,279 --> 00:07:52,519
Can't we just do something
a bit fresher?
157
00:07:52,600 --> 00:07:56,800
Why don't we make it
so that everyone gets a chance to host?
158
00:07:56,879 --> 00:07:58,240
That would be fun, wouldn't it?
159
00:07:58,319 --> 00:08:00,600
-We could all...
-We're doing prizes now, Kevin.
160
00:08:00,680 --> 00:08:02,920
Anyone have any ideas?
About prizes?
161
00:08:07,439 --> 00:08:14,000
Just off the top of my head, we could do
an... auction of promises.
162
00:08:14,079 --> 00:08:18,639
Like, you get a gardener to promise
to trim your hedge, or something.
163
00:08:18,720 --> 00:08:22,160
-OK.
-They do it a lot at Hollywood events.
164
00:08:22,240 --> 00:08:23,959
Yeah, I love that.
165
00:08:24,040 --> 00:08:27,000
Like Richard Gere promises
to go on his yacht.
166
00:08:27,079 --> 00:08:29,800
Ricky Martin does... something.
167
00:08:30,199 --> 00:08:34,720
Uma Thurman auctioned a kiss at Cannes,
and she made 200,000 or something mad.
168
00:08:36,159 --> 00:08:37,879
I love it. We're doing that.
169
00:08:37,960 --> 00:08:40,600
I agree. Let's do it.
170
00:08:40,679 --> 00:08:43,240
-I agree.
-Agreed!
171
00:08:45,320 --> 00:08:47,399
There she is!
172
00:08:47,480 --> 00:08:48,960
My saviour!
173
00:08:50,159 --> 00:08:52,159
Auction of promises... brilliant.
174
00:08:52,240 --> 00:08:57,440
Oh, please! It's great to be able
to contribute to... this cause.
175
00:08:57,519 --> 00:09:01,240
Listen. Between ourselves, Spoken Orchid
are looking for people at the moment.
176
00:09:01,320 --> 00:09:03,679
Just in case you want to pass
along your resume.
177
00:09:03,759 --> 00:09:07,720
Great, I didn't even know that
you were looking for people.
178
00:09:07,799 --> 00:09:09,480
You're coming tonight, right?
179
00:09:09,559 --> 00:09:11,759
Am I? I mean, I can.
180
00:09:12,759 --> 00:09:14,759
I mean, I definitely am.
181
00:09:14,840 --> 00:09:18,120
I love to do events at the school.
182
00:09:18,200 --> 00:09:21,000
I love being at school, out of hours.
183
00:09:21,080 --> 00:09:23,360
What do you think of this?
We thought it would be fun
184
00:09:23,440 --> 00:09:26,600
to do a thermometer that showed
how much money was coming in.
185
00:09:26,679 --> 00:09:29,240
-That is such fun.
-Would you mind knocking one up?
186
00:09:30,600 --> 00:09:33,840
Love to. No problem.
I've got plenty of time for crafts.
187
00:09:33,919 --> 00:09:36,799
You need to be able to see it from
the back of the hall.
188
00:09:36,879 --> 00:09:38,320
Bye.
189
00:09:39,639 --> 00:09:41,159
Still didn't say your name.
190
00:09:41,240 --> 00:09:42,720
Perfect chance there, and all.
191
00:09:42,799 --> 00:09:44,840
Liz, she as good as offered me a job.
192
00:09:44,919 --> 00:09:48,200
She just wants to see your CV
so she can find out your name.
193
00:09:51,440 --> 00:09:53,039
-On the roof.
-I'm an idiot.
194
00:09:53,120 --> 00:09:55,320
I won't argue with that! Joking!
195
00:09:55,399 --> 00:09:56,879
It happens to the best of us.
196
00:10:04,519 --> 00:10:06,399
Did you see that?
197
00:10:12,120 --> 00:10:15,639
Caroline Lacy, yeah.
She's with Spoken Orchid.
198
00:10:15,720 --> 00:10:18,720
Spoken Orchid. I mean, this could
be so useful for us, Paul...
199
00:10:18,799 --> 00:10:20,279
I mean, me especially.
200
00:10:20,360 --> 00:10:23,960
I mean, the flexitime
alone could change my life.
201
00:10:24,039 --> 00:10:26,000
I mean, if you could just
have them for an hour or so,
202
00:10:26,080 --> 00:10:28,039
that would be great.
What do you think?
203
00:10:28,120 --> 00:10:29,120
Julia, I can't.
204
00:10:29,200 --> 00:10:32,279
I think this thing's going to go
on for another couple of hours.
205
00:10:32,360 --> 00:10:33,799
Sorry, what is it again?
206
00:10:33,879 --> 00:10:37,399
It's just some team-building
bollocks, it never ends.
207
00:10:37,480 --> 00:10:39,000
Baby, I'd better go.
208
00:10:39,080 --> 00:10:42,000
Good luck with the baby-sitter,
whatever you want to do,
209
00:10:42,080 --> 00:10:43,399
I'm right behind you.
210
00:10:52,639 --> 00:10:54,360
-Will you be long?
-Not at all.
211
00:10:54,440 --> 00:10:55,919
It will be like I've barely left.
212
00:10:56,000 --> 00:10:58,840
Help yourself to beers,
the kids are asleep, so...
213
00:10:58,919 --> 00:11:00,840
I'm not much of a night owl.
214
00:11:00,919 --> 00:11:03,600
Oh, dear.
What will keep you awake?
215
00:11:05,000 --> 00:11:07,759
Sherry? Literally, help
yourself to anything.
216
00:11:07,840 --> 00:11:09,399
I can't be up late.
217
00:11:09,480 --> 00:11:11,320
And you won't be, Barbara.
218
00:11:11,399 --> 00:11:14,159
You know, if you're feeling tired,
feel free to have a lie-down.
219
00:11:14,919 --> 00:11:16,840
Oh, don't look so worried.
220
00:11:16,919 --> 00:11:19,679
My mother is dead old,
she did this for years.
221
00:11:21,200 --> 00:11:23,159
Do you like MasterChef?
222
00:11:23,240 --> 00:11:25,039
Let's get a bit of MasterChef on.
223
00:11:27,200 --> 00:11:29,720
There you go.
Egg Wallace. Have fun.
224
00:11:35,799 --> 00:11:37,360
Fantastic.
225
00:11:41,159 --> 00:11:44,200
Actually, if you could help me
pop that on, maybe. Brilliant.
226
00:11:48,039 --> 00:11:49,559
Tickets, tickets?
227
00:11:51,279 --> 00:11:53,600
I'll remember, it's fine.
I'll remember.
228
00:11:53,679 --> 00:11:56,360
-Thank you.
-It's fun, isn't it?
229
00:12:11,440 --> 00:12:13,679
You all right?
You look very uncomfortable.
230
00:12:13,759 --> 00:12:15,720
Oh, no, having a great time.
231
00:12:15,799 --> 00:12:18,159
It's fun, isn't it? Isn't it fun?
232
00:12:18,240 --> 00:12:21,480
-Everyone's responding really well to it.
-You look like you're melting.
233
00:12:21,559 --> 00:12:23,840
-Do you want some water?
-Oh, yeah, sure.
234
00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:29,080
I can't bend my arm.
235
00:12:31,519 --> 00:12:33,840
Someone's phone's ringing.
236
00:12:33,919 --> 00:12:36,440
-Don't touch anything, Anne.
-I was just looking.
237
00:12:37,759 --> 00:12:40,559
Oh, hey, go easy there now.
Your measures are very large.
238
00:12:40,639 --> 00:12:44,039
They're not, they're normal.
Normal for a school fundraiser.
239
00:12:44,120 --> 00:12:46,279
Yeah, well, just don't get
high off your own supply
240
00:12:46,360 --> 00:12:47,639
and start acting the giddy goat.
241
00:12:47,720 --> 00:12:48,720
Oh, shush.
242
00:12:48,799 --> 00:12:51,879
Last time you did the drinks,
I woke up in the park.
243
00:12:51,960 --> 00:12:53,480
My husband was furious.
244
00:12:55,000 --> 00:12:56,039
What is that anyway?
245
00:12:56,120 --> 00:12:58,679
-I don't know. Sangria?
-What is sangria? Red wine?
246
00:12:58,759 --> 00:13:01,919
Anything.
Sangria's red wine and anything.
247
00:13:02,000 --> 00:13:05,080
In Spanish,
sangria means "any old shit".
248
00:13:06,919 --> 00:13:08,799
Can I have some alcohol,
please? I don't care what.
249
00:13:08,879 --> 00:13:11,360
-I've got just the thing.
-Look, I'm manning the thermometer now.
250
00:13:11,440 --> 00:13:14,799
I made it, and I'm working it all night.
It's like building your own gallows.
251
00:13:14,879 --> 00:13:16,519
I want to be able to get straight home.
252
00:13:16,600 --> 00:13:19,720
I've got this sleepy-looking old
woman looking after the kids.
253
00:13:22,279 --> 00:13:25,279
God, I wish he hadn't
put my coat on first.
254
00:13:36,360 --> 00:13:37,799
The drinks are out already.
255
00:13:37,879 --> 00:13:40,360
I'd better get a move on
before you're all legless!
256
00:13:42,559 --> 00:13:44,320
OK. Now.
257
00:13:44,399 --> 00:13:45,480
Can I get a "hey, girl"?
258
00:13:48,080 --> 00:13:50,080
Hey, girl. No? OK...
259
00:13:51,720 --> 00:13:53,720
OK, welcome, everybody.
260
00:13:53,799 --> 00:13:55,639
Are we going to have fun?
261
00:13:56,799 --> 00:13:59,519
OK, well, the answer to that
question is, you bet we are.
262
00:13:59,600 --> 00:14:04,080
Now. We're going to do things
a little bit differently this year.
263
00:14:04,159 --> 00:14:08,519
We're doing an auction of promises.
264
00:14:12,799 --> 00:14:16,320
Yeah, just pop your promise on a
piece of paper, anything you like,
265
00:14:16,399 --> 00:14:17,919
and stick it in the box.
266
00:14:18,000 --> 00:14:19,919
As you know, it's for a good cause.
267
00:14:20,000 --> 00:14:25,039
We've been trying to get a Yamaha keyboard
for the music room for a few years.
268
00:14:25,120 --> 00:14:27,240
Now...
269
00:14:27,320 --> 00:14:30,120
I can see there's only two
promises in here so far
270
00:14:30,200 --> 00:14:33,440
so, come on, everybody,
let's get those promises in!
271
00:14:34,639 --> 00:14:35,799
OK. Thank you.
272
00:14:36,960 --> 00:14:39,000
Have you noticed how
Amanda hoses herself down
273
00:14:39,080 --> 00:14:40,799
every time she interacts with
me and my kids?
274
00:14:40,879 --> 00:14:41,879
Does she?
275
00:14:41,960 --> 00:14:44,799
I thought I was imagining
it at first, but, yeah.
276
00:14:44,879 --> 00:14:46,799
What are you eating?
Are those onion rings?
277
00:14:46,879 --> 00:14:49,240
-Where did you find those?
-Found them in the back.
278
00:14:50,480 --> 00:14:52,399
Oh, from 2002.
279
00:14:52,480 --> 00:14:54,080
They're 15 years old?!
280
00:14:54,159 --> 00:14:57,840
It's fine. They are 90% E numbers.
These crisps will outlive us.
281
00:14:57,919 --> 00:15:01,159
Go on, then. God, no wonder
Amanda thinks you're Dirty Jezzy.
282
00:15:01,240 --> 00:15:02,519
A dirty jezzy?
283
00:15:03,639 --> 00:15:05,639
Oh, my dad used to say it.
284
00:15:05,720 --> 00:15:08,279
Short for Jezebel. We were watching
Top Of The Pops and he'd say,
285
00:15:08,360 --> 00:15:12,000
-"Look at those dirty jezzies."
-Exactly, she thinks I'm a dirty jezzy.
286
00:15:12,080 --> 00:15:13,600
Oh, don't let it get to you.
287
00:15:14,919 --> 00:15:17,919
Look, if she was a REAL friend,
then it might mean something but...
288
00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:19,360
Coming, Caroline.
289
00:15:41,559 --> 00:15:44,440
-Would you like a drink, Amanda?
-I never drink when I'm performing.
290
00:15:44,519 --> 00:15:45,840
-Here you go.
-Great.
291
00:15:46,360 --> 00:15:48,840
Do you want to... You can just
pop them in the box yourself.
292
00:15:51,399 --> 00:15:53,000
No, you only have to do one.
293
00:15:53,080 --> 00:15:56,039
Oh, no. I'm doing Kevin
and Julia's for them.
294
00:15:57,279 --> 00:16:00,080
Don't worry.
I barely touched them.
295
00:16:00,159 --> 00:16:01,120
Sorry?
296
00:16:03,000 --> 00:16:05,279
-Did you think I was funny?
-Yeah, funny!
297
00:16:13,279 --> 00:16:16,600
OK, everybody, I think
that's everyone now.
298
00:16:16,679 --> 00:16:18,480
Let's get this show on the road!
299
00:16:19,879 --> 00:16:21,279
Yay, thanks, Caroline!
300
00:16:23,120 --> 00:16:27,320
OK, and our first one is...
301
00:16:27,399 --> 00:16:29,159
Keith Carter.
302
00:16:29,240 --> 00:16:31,519
Where's Keith? There he is.
Hello, Keith.
303
00:16:31,600 --> 00:16:36,440
And Keith says he'll do a...
portrait of your pet.
304
00:16:36,519 --> 00:16:38,039
That sounds rather lovely.
305
00:16:39,480 --> 00:16:41,879
Shall we start the bidding at £10?
306
00:16:41,960 --> 00:16:45,360
Anyone? £10.
307
00:16:45,440 --> 00:16:49,240
Keith, if someone doesn't have a pet,
would you do a family member?
308
00:16:49,919 --> 00:16:50,879
I can't do hands.
309
00:16:51,799 --> 00:16:52,840
OK.
310
00:16:52,919 --> 00:16:54,960
-£10.
-And we're off.
311
00:16:58,519 --> 00:16:59,960
There you are.
312
00:17:00,039 --> 00:17:02,080
I've had three people asking for you,
313
00:17:02,159 --> 00:17:04,559
could you please just hang
everything up in the cloakroom.
314
00:17:04,640 --> 00:17:06,759
Caroline, are you kidding?!
315
00:17:06,839 --> 00:17:10,920
I've had a brilliant response
to the human cloakroom from...
316
00:17:11,000 --> 00:17:12,759
Keith and...
317
00:17:13,880 --> 00:17:15,680
Keith just loved it.
318
00:17:15,759 --> 00:17:18,240
Now, if you'll excuse me.
319
00:17:18,319 --> 00:17:20,559
I need some water.
320
00:17:24,640 --> 00:17:28,279
Fantastic, Samantha!
There you go. Congratulations!
321
00:17:31,880 --> 00:17:34,599
Free haircuts for a week.
I wish I'd bid on that one.
322
00:17:34,680 --> 00:17:36,279
Free haircuts for a week?
323
00:17:36,359 --> 00:17:37,839
Isn't that just one haircut?
324
00:17:40,119 --> 00:17:46,119
Ah, this next one is... very exciting.
325
00:17:46,200 --> 00:17:47,599
Kevin Brady.
326
00:17:47,680 --> 00:17:48,640
Where's Kevin?
327
00:17:50,000 --> 00:17:50,960
Kevin.
328
00:17:52,559 --> 00:17:55,400
Kevin has offered a couple's massage.
329
00:17:56,400 --> 00:18:00,279
Would anyone like a couples
massage from Kevin Brady?
330
00:18:00,359 --> 00:18:01,880
I didn't put that in.
331
00:18:02,880 --> 00:18:06,480
I'll do it if you want, but
I haven't got any training.
332
00:18:06,559 --> 00:18:09,359
I put it in. I put a few in.
333
00:18:09,440 --> 00:18:12,119
Kevin, I presume that you'll
come to someone's house,
334
00:18:12,200 --> 00:18:14,039
or do they have to come to you?
335
00:18:15,519 --> 00:18:18,640
OK. Well, we can work that out later.
336
00:18:18,720 --> 00:18:20,240
Shall we start the bidding at...
337
00:18:21,799 --> 00:18:23,640
£25?
338
00:18:23,720 --> 00:18:25,480
Anyone?
339
00:18:25,559 --> 00:18:27,279
£25?
340
00:18:27,359 --> 00:18:30,759
Come on, who's up
for a lovely couple's massage?
341
00:18:30,839 --> 00:18:32,640
With Kevin.
342
00:18:32,720 --> 00:18:34,799
Give me a drink.
343
00:18:34,880 --> 00:18:36,519
No-one's bidding on this shit.
344
00:18:36,599 --> 00:18:38,880
No offence, Kevin, but come on.
345
00:18:38,960 --> 00:18:40,880
Well, I didn't write it, Liz did.
346
00:18:44,240 --> 00:18:45,839
You've been very generous so far.
347
00:18:45,920 --> 00:18:49,000
Christ, Anne! What is in that?!
348
00:18:49,079 --> 00:18:50,359
-Liz made it.
-We can do this.
349
00:18:50,440 --> 00:18:51,720
I'm watching this thermometer.
350
00:18:51,799 --> 00:18:54,799
If someone bids on this,
you have to do it, Liz.
351
00:18:54,880 --> 00:18:57,119
I'm not giving a couple a massage.
352
00:18:57,200 --> 00:19:00,720
OK, well, no bids on that one yet.
353
00:19:00,799 --> 00:19:02,559
Maybe we'll come back for it later.
354
00:19:02,640 --> 00:19:05,480
But thank you anyway, Kevin.
355
00:19:05,559 --> 00:19:06,920
Ladies and gentlemen.
356
00:19:11,160 --> 00:19:12,960
I still haven't done my one yet.
357
00:19:16,599 --> 00:19:17,960
I know.
358
00:19:19,920 --> 00:19:20,960
OK.
359
00:19:27,880 --> 00:19:29,839
Just a little surprise for later.
360
00:19:31,160 --> 00:19:34,200
You saw me
after I had the sports jacket?
361
00:19:34,279 --> 00:19:38,519
I think I had the blue
anorak on when I saw you.
362
00:19:38,599 --> 00:19:41,119
That's here. How could
I have got to this one,
363
00:19:41,200 --> 00:19:43,039
and not got to your one?
364
00:19:44,720 --> 00:19:47,160
Oh, wait. I had to take them all off
365
00:19:47,240 --> 00:19:49,359
when I went to the toilet.
366
00:19:51,279 --> 00:19:52,920
Someone's... phone's ringing.
367
00:19:55,039 --> 00:19:58,680
So that's £45 for a meal
for two at Alfresco's,
368
00:19:58,759 --> 00:20:00,799
courtesy of Giuseppe and Lorna!
369
00:20:00,880 --> 00:20:04,240
Thanks, L and G, and
congratulations, Nicky.
370
00:20:04,319 --> 00:20:06,079
Enjoy those dough balls.
371
00:20:10,599 --> 00:20:12,039
This is my one.
372
00:20:13,400 --> 00:20:15,119
I can't believe I did this.
373
00:20:15,200 --> 00:20:16,599
Anyway. Bit of fun.
374
00:20:21,799 --> 00:20:23,240
I auction...
375
00:20:25,400 --> 00:20:26,400
a kiss.
376
00:20:27,839 --> 00:20:29,039
That's right.
377
00:20:30,680 --> 00:20:33,480
A kiss to the highest bidder.
378
00:20:35,640 --> 00:20:38,240
Shall we start the bidding at £50?
379
00:20:38,319 --> 00:20:42,039
Who wants a kiss for £50?
380
00:20:44,640 --> 00:20:47,400
Anyone? A kiss from a lady.
381
00:20:50,519 --> 00:20:52,039
Oh, come on, don't be shy.
382
00:20:52,119 --> 00:20:53,920
This is for charity.
383
00:20:54,000 --> 00:20:56,680
Anyone? Any bids?
384
00:20:56,759 --> 00:20:58,000
50 pence.
385
00:20:59,680 --> 00:21:04,519
Thanks, Liz.
Any raise on 50 pence?
386
00:21:05,839 --> 00:21:08,880
Come on, everyone. This is for
children, for the music block.
387
00:21:08,960 --> 00:21:10,599
We can get those keyboards.
388
00:21:10,680 --> 00:21:13,039
We're so close, come on.
389
00:21:13,119 --> 00:21:14,519
Anyone?
390
00:21:14,599 --> 00:21:16,640
-£1.
-No-one raised it.
391
00:21:16,720 --> 00:21:18,599
Oh, 50 pence still.
392
00:21:18,680 --> 00:21:22,119
50 pence still. Still 50 pence.
393
00:21:22,200 --> 00:21:24,799
Any raise over 50 pence?
394
00:21:26,079 --> 00:21:27,640
£1?
395
00:21:27,720 --> 00:21:29,720
Does anyone want to bid £1?
396
00:21:29,799 --> 00:21:31,400
-£1.
-No-one raised it!
397
00:21:31,480 --> 00:21:34,039
Oh, sorry. Sorry, that's it, isn't it?
398
00:21:34,119 --> 00:21:37,160
Have I won?
No-one else is bidding on it.
399
00:21:37,240 --> 00:21:39,039
Who else? OK, well.
400
00:21:39,119 --> 00:21:42,319
I think that Liz is having a
little bit of fun with me right now,
401
00:21:42,400 --> 00:21:45,000
because I don't think that 50...
402
00:22:19,799 --> 00:22:21,000
There's that phone again.
403
00:22:23,759 --> 00:22:26,240
Can somebody help me find it?
404
00:22:26,319 --> 00:22:27,680
Look, I really need to leave.
405
00:22:27,759 --> 00:22:31,720
Let's make a real push
to get our target up.
406
00:22:31,799 --> 00:22:35,400
We are so close, guys,
to getting this keyboard.
407
00:22:36,720 --> 00:22:41,319
I know how important music is
to our kids, my son, Reuben,
408
00:22:41,400 --> 00:22:43,519
is very musically gifted.
409
00:22:43,599 --> 00:22:46,720
And he really found his voice
when he got his first euphonium.
410
00:22:46,799 --> 00:22:50,079
Which, for those of you who don't
know, is a dinky little tuba.
411
00:22:50,160 --> 00:22:55,400
So let's dig deep, and shell out.
412
00:22:55,480 --> 00:22:57,680
Can I grab that for a minute?
413
00:22:57,759 --> 00:23:02,599
Sorry. I just wanted to take this
opportunity to ask the parents,
414
00:23:02,680 --> 00:23:04,119
and everybody here,
415
00:23:04,200 --> 00:23:06,720
to give a massive round of applause
416
00:23:06,799 --> 00:23:09,480
to Miss Caroline Lacy, who has
417
00:23:09,559 --> 00:23:12,240
organised this whole bloody thing.
418
00:23:12,319 --> 00:23:13,599
Caroline Lacy.
419
00:23:17,759 --> 00:23:21,160
Thank you. So much.
420
00:23:21,240 --> 00:23:22,839
Shall I do the next promise?
421
00:23:22,920 --> 00:23:23,920
Yeah.
422
00:23:24,720 --> 00:23:29,359
This one is from Julia Johnston...
423
00:23:29,440 --> 00:23:30,640
Where's Julia?
424
00:23:31,960 --> 00:23:34,640
I'm Julia.
425
00:23:34,720 --> 00:23:36,079
Julia.
426
00:23:37,559 --> 00:23:39,359
Of course.
427
00:23:39,440 --> 00:23:42,200
Oh, my goodness.
This is an interesting one!
428
00:23:42,279 --> 00:23:45,319
Maid for a week...
429
00:23:45,400 --> 00:23:48,960
You're going to be someone's
maid for a whole week?
430
00:23:49,039 --> 00:23:52,079
That's wonderful! Oh, my God!
431
00:23:52,160 --> 00:23:54,240
Julia, thank you.
432
00:23:54,319 --> 00:23:57,000
-What?
-That's so good of you.
433
00:23:57,079 --> 00:23:58,960
Sorry,
I don't know what's happening now.
434
00:23:59,039 --> 00:24:02,119
I think this is a bit of a special
one, so shall we start it at £25?
435
00:24:02,200 --> 00:24:03,720
-£25.
-£25! Already!
436
00:24:04,319 --> 00:24:07,079
-I don't know what's happening now.
-Any advance on 25?
437
00:24:07,160 --> 00:24:08,160
£30.
438
00:24:08,240 --> 00:24:13,880
Anyone else like to bid on Julia being
your maid for a whole week?
439
00:24:13,960 --> 00:24:18,480
-I presume that's weekdays, Julia?
-No, I can't be a maid for a week, I...
440
00:24:18,559 --> 00:24:19,599
Any more for any more?
441
00:24:19,680 --> 00:24:22,000
I can't do the thing that
I'm moving the arrow for.
442
00:24:22,079 --> 00:24:24,319
-£50.
-50, thank you!
443
00:24:24,400 --> 00:24:26,799
-That's wrong as an amount, because I...
-I can't...
444
00:24:26,880 --> 00:24:28,200
-£100!
-Thank you!
445
00:24:28,960 --> 00:24:30,519
-200!
-Thank you!
446
00:24:31,920 --> 00:24:35,000
Well, ladies and gentlemen,
447
00:24:35,079 --> 00:24:38,799
we did it.
We hit the target, we did it!
448
00:24:41,119 --> 00:24:45,279
We didn't do it, no.
No, no, no, no. We didn't do it.
449
00:24:45,359 --> 00:24:47,599
We didn't do it.
I can't be a maid for a week.
450
00:24:47,680 --> 00:24:50,599
I can't do this.
I didn't write this.
451
00:24:50,680 --> 00:24:53,920
This isn't me. I didn't do this.
I didn't write this. Can I see that?
452
00:24:54,000 --> 00:24:55,400
Can I see that? Can I see it?
453
00:24:55,480 --> 00:24:57,880
Can I see it? Thank you.
This isn't my handwriting.
454
00:24:57,960 --> 00:24:59,799
Who wrote this? Liz?
455
00:24:59,880 --> 00:25:02,720
I'm so sorry.
I can't commit to this.
456
00:25:02,799 --> 00:25:07,039
This is some kind of, someone's
idea of a very funny joke.
457
00:25:07,119 --> 00:25:13,440
I'm a working mother, and I can't
possibly be a maid for a week.
458
00:25:15,640 --> 00:25:18,839
Maybe I could do a Saturday.
But I definitely can't do this Saturday,
459
00:25:18,920 --> 00:25:22,599
because we have to go and see
my husband's family this Saturday.
460
00:25:22,680 --> 00:25:23,839
But I could check my iCal,
461
00:25:23,920 --> 00:25:26,319
there might be a Saturday
at the end of September.
462
00:25:26,400 --> 00:25:28,920
But that would have to be
a very, very light pencil.
463
00:25:30,359 --> 00:25:32,759
I'm so sorry. It's just
the practicalities of...
464
00:25:35,200 --> 00:25:37,960
I'll tell you what. Listen.
Why don't we just...
465
00:25:38,039 --> 00:25:41,440
Let's take it off the table, off the
table, off the table, off the table.
466
00:25:41,519 --> 00:25:43,240
Let's start again. Let's start again.
467
00:25:43,319 --> 00:25:45,000
Caroline, what's the next promise?
468
00:25:45,079 --> 00:25:46,960
Julia, please can I
have the microphone back?
469
00:25:47,039 --> 00:25:48,559
No. I'll bid on it.
470
00:25:48,640 --> 00:25:51,519
Whatever it is, I will bid on it,
let's have a little look in the box.
471
00:25:51,599 --> 00:25:53,960
And we have two nights
in a cottage in Margate.
472
00:25:54,039 --> 00:25:56,359
What do we need for the
total? We need £200.
473
00:25:56,440 --> 00:25:57,920
I'll pay 200!
474
00:25:58,000 --> 00:26:00,119
I'll pay £200!
475
00:26:00,200 --> 00:26:03,559
Boom! And we've done it!
476
00:26:04,839 --> 00:26:06,920
We've done it, everybody.
477
00:26:07,000 --> 00:26:09,079
Can I get a "whoop, whoop"!
478
00:26:16,440 --> 00:26:18,400
We did it!
479
00:26:18,480 --> 00:26:20,319
Thank you, Julia.
480
00:26:20,400 --> 00:26:21,759
No problem.
481
00:26:21,839 --> 00:26:24,119
It's for a great cause.
482
00:26:24,200 --> 00:26:26,680
I can't believe I just spent
£200 on a shit hole in Margate.
483
00:26:26,759 --> 00:26:29,160
That's my summer home.
That was my promise.
484
00:26:35,480 --> 00:26:40,400
I've a message for the owner
of the teal Alice coat.
485
00:26:40,480 --> 00:26:44,400
Your phone went off numerous times.
486
00:26:45,920 --> 00:26:49,160
Apparently there's been
a flood in your bathroom.
487
00:26:50,839 --> 00:26:54,279
The people downstairs have
gone to a hotel for the night.
488
00:26:54,359 --> 00:26:57,960
Your children are safe,
the baby-sitter's safe.
489
00:26:58,039 --> 00:27:01,880
The fire brigade have been around,
so there's nothing to worry about there.
490
00:27:01,960 --> 00:27:04,480
The cat is unaccounted for,
491
00:27:04,839 --> 00:27:07,319
but it's unlikely there is a sad ending.
492
00:27:07,400 --> 00:27:09,640
You know cats.
493
00:27:09,720 --> 00:27:13,960
But unfortunately, it doesn't sound
like the hallway rug is salvageable.
494
00:27:14,039 --> 00:27:18,440
So hit me up at the back of the hall,
if you want to call Jenny.
495
00:27:19,519 --> 00:27:23,279
Although she says there's not
a lot you can do about it now, so...
496
00:27:24,480 --> 00:27:26,000
so enjoy your evening.
497
00:27:30,519 --> 00:27:33,759
Although the evening is,
of course, over.
38701
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