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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,804 --> 00:00:07,156 Hello. I'm Mister Ed. 2 00:00:07,224 --> 00:00:09,207 ♪♪ 3 00:00:11,495 --> 00:00:13,490 ♪ A horse is a horse, of course, of course ♪ 4 00:00:13,514 --> 00:00:15,658 ♪ And no one can talk to a horse of course ♪ 5 00:00:15,682 --> 00:00:17,627 ♪ That is, of course, unless the horse ♪ 6 00:00:17,651 --> 00:00:19,651 ♪ Is the famous Mister Ed ♪ 7 00:00:19,720 --> 00:00:22,054 ♪ Go right to the source and ask the horse ♪ 8 00:00:22,122 --> 00:00:23,366 ♪ He'll give you the answer ♪ 9 00:00:23,390 --> 00:00:24,706 ♪ That you'll endorse ♪ 10 00:00:24,775 --> 00:00:26,653 ♪ He's always on a steady course ♪ 11 00:00:26,677 --> 00:00:28,693 ♪ Talk to Mister Ed ♪ 12 00:00:35,652 --> 00:00:37,102 Good morning, Ed. 13 00:00:45,178 --> 00:00:46,628 I said, good morning, Ed. 14 00:00:46,696 --> 00:00:50,532 Sorry, my mind was on something else. 15 00:00:52,153 --> 00:00:53,718 No. 16 00:00:53,787 --> 00:00:56,521 Hello. 17 00:00:56,590 --> 00:00:57,806 No, Operator. 18 00:00:57,875 --> 00:01:01,059 Nobody here put in a call to Pimlico Racetrack. 19 00:01:03,297 --> 00:01:05,564 There must be some mistake, Operator. 20 00:01:08,118 --> 00:01:09,501 Ed? 21 00:01:09,569 --> 00:01:13,471 I haven't made a long-distance call in weeks. 22 00:01:15,776 --> 00:01:18,577 Let's see. Bills, bills, bills. 23 00:01:18,629 --> 00:01:22,580 Grocery bill, electric bill, gas bill. 24 00:01:22,649 --> 00:01:25,200 You see a telephone bill that was right here? 25 00:01:28,422 --> 00:01:29,354 Ed? 26 00:01:29,423 --> 00:01:30,856 Don't ask me. 27 00:01:30,925 --> 00:01:34,242 Don't you look at me with those baby-brown eyes. 28 00:01:34,311 --> 00:01:35,727 Hand it over. 29 00:01:38,415 --> 00:01:40,165 Here it is. 30 00:01:47,324 --> 00:01:52,026 Six calls to Pimlico, and why are you calling a racetrack? 31 00:01:52,095 --> 00:01:53,245 Well, I'm worried. 32 00:01:53,313 --> 00:01:56,531 My niece is about to run her maiden race. 33 00:01:56,617 --> 00:01:58,700 Six calls... that's a fortune. 34 00:01:58,785 --> 00:02:03,038 Wilbur, I promised my sister I'd keep an eye on her kid. 35 00:02:06,260 --> 00:02:08,688 By any chance have you seen Kay this morning? 36 00:02:08,712 --> 00:02:09,973 There's nobody at my house. 37 00:02:09,997 --> 00:02:11,624 Yeah, she and Carol went shopping. 38 00:02:11,648 --> 00:02:13,560 They're having dollar day downtown. 39 00:02:13,584 --> 00:02:15,529 The last time they had dollar day downtown, 40 00:02:15,553 --> 00:02:16,935 Kay bought downtown. 41 00:02:19,306 --> 00:02:22,057 Oh, we must be in the wrong store. 42 00:02:22,125 --> 00:02:24,659 Nothing in here looks like it only costs a dollar. 43 00:02:24,728 --> 00:02:27,445 Oh, Kay, look at all these beautiful pieces. 44 00:02:29,349 --> 00:02:33,201 Hmm. That was me before my diet. 45 00:02:35,572 --> 00:02:37,052 Oh. 46 00:02:39,710 --> 00:02:42,127 Good morning. May I help you? 47 00:02:42,195 --> 00:02:43,923 Good morning. I like this. 48 00:02:43,947 --> 00:02:45,330 Isn't it darling? 49 00:02:45,382 --> 00:02:47,299 It's really a conversation piece. 50 00:02:47,368 --> 00:02:48,450 How much is it? 51 00:02:48,518 --> 00:02:50,085 Only $300. 52 00:02:50,153 --> 00:02:52,421 That's the end of that conversation. 53 00:02:53,740 --> 00:02:55,206 Oh. 54 00:02:55,275 --> 00:02:57,058 May I help you? 55 00:02:57,127 --> 00:02:59,611 This is so different. 56 00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:01,780 I could wear it to the theatre. 57 00:03:01,849 --> 00:03:02,997 What is it? 58 00:03:03,066 --> 00:03:05,467 It's a rug. 59 00:03:05,536 --> 00:03:07,169 Kay, look. 60 00:03:07,237 --> 00:03:10,889 Wouldn't this make a perfect lamp base for my living room? 61 00:03:10,958 --> 00:03:14,993 Isn't it interesting? It has its origins in mythology. 62 00:03:15,062 --> 00:03:19,797 It's a Chinese piece and a steal at only $50. 63 00:03:19,866 --> 00:03:23,251 $50? Oh, I just love it, 64 00:03:23,337 --> 00:03:24,931 but I'm afraid my husband would think 65 00:03:24,955 --> 00:03:26,416 I was being too extravagant. 66 00:03:26,440 --> 00:03:28,006 Honey, buy it. 67 00:03:28,075 --> 00:03:30,308 Wilbur will always be around. 68 00:03:30,377 --> 00:03:32,810 The statue may not. 69 00:03:34,247 --> 00:03:36,047 What a beautiful lamp base. 70 00:03:39,303 --> 00:03:43,371 - Carol? - Yes, dear. 71 00:03:43,440 --> 00:03:46,040 Honey, we are loaded with bills this month. 72 00:03:46,109 --> 00:03:48,960 We've just got to start saving money. 73 00:03:49,029 --> 00:03:51,029 You're right, dear. 74 00:03:51,098 --> 00:03:52,858 I mean... yeah, this one... 75 00:03:52,899 --> 00:03:54,749 Andre's Beauty Shop. 76 00:03:54,818 --> 00:03:57,480 What are you doing, patronizing him or adopting him? 77 00:03:57,504 --> 00:03:59,449 I like to keep attractive for you, honey. 78 00:03:59,473 --> 00:04:02,790 Hmm. And this, this little beauty... 79 00:04:02,859 --> 00:04:04,509 The electric light bill. 80 00:04:04,578 --> 00:04:06,756 You would think we were holding night baseball games. 81 00:04:06,780 --> 00:04:08,746 You're absolutely right, honey. 82 00:04:10,717 --> 00:04:13,385 - Carol. - Yes, dear. 83 00:04:13,453 --> 00:04:15,498 I don't want you to think I'm picking on you, 84 00:04:15,522 --> 00:04:18,006 I think we should try to hold expenses down. 85 00:04:18,074 --> 00:04:20,609 Oh, I couldn't agree with you more. 86 00:04:20,677 --> 00:04:22,555 I don't want to deny you anything, dear, 87 00:04:22,579 --> 00:04:26,814 I think for a while we should try to just buy the essentials. 88 00:04:26,883 --> 00:04:29,050 You're absolutely right, honey. 89 00:04:29,119 --> 00:04:32,603 I-I don't mean to suggest that you should stop going to the beauty parlor 90 00:04:32,672 --> 00:04:34,172 or stop buying clothes, 91 00:04:34,240 --> 00:04:36,541 but promise me you'll use a little discretion? 92 00:04:36,610 --> 00:04:38,576 Okay, honey. 93 00:04:38,645 --> 00:04:40,779 That's my girl. 94 00:04:46,169 --> 00:04:47,797 It didn't cost much, darling. 95 00:04:47,821 --> 00:04:49,420 Do you like it? 96 00:04:49,489 --> 00:04:50,806 That depends. 97 00:04:50,874 --> 00:04:52,023 How much did it cost? 98 00:04:52,092 --> 00:04:53,241 50. 99 00:04:53,309 --> 00:04:54,309 50? 100 00:04:54,361 --> 00:04:55,361 50. 101 00:04:55,412 --> 00:04:57,011 Cents? 102 00:04:57,080 --> 00:04:58,529 No. 103 00:05:02,769 --> 00:05:05,698 Honey, there's a fascinating story connected to this statue. 104 00:05:05,722 --> 00:05:07,183 Would you like to hear about its past? 105 00:05:07,207 --> 00:05:08,634 No, but I can tell you its future. 106 00:05:08,658 --> 00:05:11,943 - It is going back. - I can't take it back. 107 00:05:12,011 --> 00:05:13,422 There was a sign in the store... 108 00:05:13,446 --> 00:05:14,796 "All sales final." 109 00:05:14,865 --> 00:05:16,665 Then I'll take it back. 110 00:05:16,734 --> 00:05:21,369 Honey, from now on let's really try to economize. Shall we? 111 00:05:21,438 --> 00:05:25,941 Yes, Operator, I'm ready for the Pimlico call. 112 00:05:26,009 --> 00:05:30,411 Hello, are you the trainer of the filly Little Princess? 113 00:05:30,497 --> 00:05:32,642 That's right. This is Joe King. Who are you? 114 00:05:32,666 --> 00:05:34,582 Mr. Edwards. 115 00:05:34,651 --> 00:05:39,437 I understand Little Princess is running her maiden race tomorrow. 116 00:05:39,506 --> 00:05:41,067 That's right. What about it? 117 00:05:41,091 --> 00:05:44,659 You shouldn't work her out too early in the morning. 118 00:05:44,727 --> 00:05:46,278 Why not? 119 00:05:46,346 --> 00:05:50,781 I know her family. They're late sleepers. 120 00:05:50,850 --> 00:05:53,835 She hasn't been training too well lately. 121 00:05:53,904 --> 00:05:55,749 Are you sure you know what you're talking about? 122 00:05:55,773 --> 00:05:59,124 Buddy, you're getting it right from the horse's mouth. 123 00:05:59,193 --> 00:06:02,176 Well, I'll try anything. 124 00:06:04,948 --> 00:06:07,332 Call you back later. 125 00:06:15,892 --> 00:06:17,792 What have you got there, Wilbur? 126 00:06:17,861 --> 00:06:20,028 Oh, nothing, just a statue. 127 00:06:20,097 --> 00:06:21,412 Oh. 128 00:06:24,234 --> 00:06:26,734 Ming Dynasty, huh? 129 00:06:26,803 --> 00:06:27,819 How do you know? 130 00:06:27,888 --> 00:06:30,138 Maybe I didn't go to college, 131 00:06:30,207 --> 00:06:31,856 but I'm not stupid. 132 00:06:31,925 --> 00:06:34,776 Oh, Wilbur, how about nine holes, huh? 133 00:06:34,845 --> 00:06:37,245 Love to but afraid not, Rog. 134 00:06:37,313 --> 00:06:39,480 Hey, wait a minute. What's that? 135 00:06:39,549 --> 00:06:42,311 Oh, Carol made a foolish purchase. I'm taking it back. 136 00:06:42,335 --> 00:06:44,902 Imagine paying $50 for that? 137 00:06:44,971 --> 00:06:47,405 - What is it? - Don't ask me. 138 00:06:47,458 --> 00:06:49,602 All I know is she wants to make it into a lamp. 139 00:06:49,626 --> 00:06:51,837 Well, if she wanted a lamp, why didn't she buy a lamp? 140 00:06:51,861 --> 00:06:53,412 You don't know my wife. 141 00:06:53,480 --> 00:06:56,898 If she bought a lamp, she would want to make it into a vase. 142 00:07:01,471 --> 00:07:03,215 Something I can do for you, sir? 143 00:07:03,239 --> 00:07:05,991 Yes, I'd like to return something. 144 00:07:06,059 --> 00:07:07,241 Oh. 145 00:07:09,179 --> 00:07:12,397 My-My wife bought this here, 146 00:07:12,465 --> 00:07:13,827 and she's changed her mind. 147 00:07:13,851 --> 00:07:16,417 I'm sorry, sir. 148 00:07:19,673 --> 00:07:21,383 She only bought it an hour ago. 149 00:07:21,407 --> 00:07:22,935 I mean, it's still warm. 150 00:07:22,959 --> 00:07:26,044 I'd like to keep my cash box the same way. 151 00:07:29,232 --> 00:07:31,332 I wish you would take it back. 152 00:07:31,401 --> 00:07:33,701 We really have no use for it. 153 00:07:33,770 --> 00:07:36,332 I thought your wife wanted to make a lamp out of it. 154 00:07:36,356 --> 00:07:38,434 No, she wants to make a lamp out of everything. 155 00:07:38,458 --> 00:07:39,652 You stand still for a second, 156 00:07:39,676 --> 00:07:41,676 she shoves a bulb in your mouth. 157 00:07:47,100 --> 00:07:48,917 Then you'll take it back? 158 00:07:48,985 --> 00:07:50,819 No. 159 00:07:58,645 --> 00:08:03,398 I know you're not obligated to take the statue back, but... 160 00:08:03,467 --> 00:08:07,152 you'd be doing me a very big favor. 161 00:08:08,705 --> 00:08:09,754 Please? 162 00:08:09,823 --> 00:08:13,491 I do so hope you're not going to cry. 163 00:08:19,016 --> 00:08:22,767 Oh, all right, 164 00:08:22,836 --> 00:08:25,956 but promise me you won't tell anyone that I refunded your money. 165 00:08:25,989 --> 00:08:28,056 Oh, I won't even tell my wife. 166 00:08:30,910 --> 00:08:32,688 And I said to this antique dealer of yours, 167 00:08:32,712 --> 00:08:34,106 "Look, either I get my money back..." 168 00:08:34,130 --> 00:08:35,747 Yes, you told me, dear. 169 00:08:35,816 --> 00:08:38,232 Look, doesn't that trout look delicious? 170 00:08:39,619 --> 00:08:41,485 What is going on around here? 171 00:08:41,554 --> 00:08:43,588 Dear, you told me to economize, 172 00:08:43,656 --> 00:08:45,018 and you'll be very proud of me. 173 00:08:45,042 --> 00:08:46,919 There was a sale on fish downtown, 174 00:08:46,943 --> 00:08:49,811 and I bought 30 pounds. 175 00:08:49,879 --> 00:08:52,013 30 pounds? 176 00:08:52,082 --> 00:08:54,015 We'll be eating fish for days. 177 00:08:54,084 --> 00:08:56,634 Yes, but think of all the money we'll save 178 00:08:56,703 --> 00:08:59,337 on chicken and steak and roast beef. 179 00:08:59,406 --> 00:09:02,457 Wait a minute. I had fish balls for hors d'oeuvres, 180 00:09:02,525 --> 00:09:05,309 I just had clam chowder, and now trout. 181 00:09:05,378 --> 00:09:07,778 What have you got for desert, fish cakes? 182 00:09:07,847 --> 00:09:09,814 Oh, you spoiled my surprise. 183 00:09:16,156 --> 00:09:18,422 Well, honey, what's for breakfast? 184 00:09:18,491 --> 00:09:19,808 Fried fish. 185 00:09:21,611 --> 00:09:24,178 They look delicious. 186 00:09:26,416 --> 00:09:28,716 Well, bring them on. 187 00:09:36,543 --> 00:09:38,409 See? 188 00:09:43,266 --> 00:09:45,566 There you are. 189 00:09:45,635 --> 00:09:47,469 And here's another. 190 00:10:10,576 --> 00:10:13,895 - Hi, Carol. - Hi, Kay. 191 00:10:13,964 --> 00:10:15,324 - Well, how... - Shh. 192 00:10:15,348 --> 00:10:17,348 He's upstairs. 193 00:10:17,417 --> 00:10:19,451 How's the fish campaign? 194 00:10:19,519 --> 00:10:23,387 Well, it's the third day. He should be growing fins by now. 195 00:10:23,456 --> 00:10:24,984 Well, keep punching, sweetie. 196 00:10:25,008 --> 00:10:26,853 As soon as you get him off that economy kick, 197 00:10:26,877 --> 00:10:29,010 you go right out and buy that statue back. 198 00:10:29,079 --> 00:10:30,528 Shh, here he comes. 199 00:10:31,714 --> 00:10:32,942 Oh, hi, Wilbur. 200 00:10:40,424 --> 00:10:43,991 I wonder if Mr. Phillips has sold my beautiful statue yet. 201 00:10:44,060 --> 00:10:46,761 Look, Carol. I've got a great idea. 202 00:10:46,829 --> 00:10:48,989 Why don't you let me buy it and hold it for you 203 00:10:49,032 --> 00:10:51,099 until you break Wilbur down. 204 00:10:51,167 --> 00:10:54,485 Oh, I couldn't ask you to do a thing like that, Kay. 205 00:10:54,554 --> 00:10:56,654 Well, it was just an idea. 206 00:10:56,723 --> 00:10:59,373 You better hurry. The stores close at 6:00. 207 00:10:59,442 --> 00:11:02,176 You say this is an original, huh? 208 00:11:02,245 --> 00:11:03,745 Absolutely. 209 00:11:03,813 --> 00:11:06,731 I like it very much. 210 00:11:06,799 --> 00:11:08,127 How much are you asking for it? 211 00:11:08,151 --> 00:11:09,767 $50. 212 00:11:09,836 --> 00:11:11,936 And how much will you take? 213 00:11:12,005 --> 00:11:13,872 $50. 214 00:11:13,940 --> 00:11:15,773 This is a one-price store. 215 00:11:15,842 --> 00:11:18,509 Okay, don't get excited. I told you I like it. 216 00:11:18,562 --> 00:11:20,862 Would you wrap it, please? 217 00:11:20,931 --> 00:11:22,613 Gladly. 218 00:11:29,739 --> 00:11:31,322 Pardon me. 219 00:11:31,391 --> 00:11:33,457 How much is he asking for it today? 220 00:11:33,526 --> 00:11:34,892 Today? 221 00:11:34,961 --> 00:11:37,962 I thought $25 was quite expensive. 222 00:11:38,031 --> 00:11:40,915 25? I'm paying him 50. 223 00:11:40,984 --> 00:11:43,567 Oh, that's for two, of course. 224 00:11:43,636 --> 00:11:44,568 Two? 225 00:11:44,621 --> 00:11:46,461 He told me it was an original. 226 00:11:48,408 --> 00:11:50,742 He's got a back room full of them. 227 00:11:50,810 --> 00:11:52,410 No kidding. 228 00:11:52,479 --> 00:11:55,079 He must stamp them out with a cookie cutter. 229 00:11:55,147 --> 00:11:57,699 Here you are, sir. 230 00:11:57,767 --> 00:11:59,350 An original, huh? 231 00:12:00,887 --> 00:12:02,937 Thank you. 232 00:12:03,023 --> 00:12:04,805 Here's the $50. 233 00:12:08,094 --> 00:12:11,696 Kay. Anybody home? 234 00:12:11,764 --> 00:12:13,347 It's me. 235 00:12:45,849 --> 00:12:48,349 - Hello. - Oh, hello, Wilbur. 236 00:12:48,418 --> 00:12:53,471 Roger, can I come over to your place for a sandwich or something? 237 00:12:53,540 --> 00:12:57,191 Why... y-well, of course. Yeah, sure. 238 00:12:57,277 --> 00:13:00,695 Yeah, we're well stocked. What do you want? 239 00:13:00,763 --> 00:13:02,730 Anything that doesn't swim. 240 00:13:03,883 --> 00:13:05,366 I beg your pardon? 241 00:13:05,434 --> 00:13:09,570 Carol's had me on a steady diet of fish the last few days 242 00:13:09,639 --> 00:13:12,184 all because I returned that silly statue she bought. 243 00:13:12,208 --> 00:13:15,810 You won't believe this, but Kay bought one just like it, 244 00:13:15,879 --> 00:13:17,539 and she's been hiding it from me. 245 00:13:17,563 --> 00:13:18,879 You're kidding. 246 00:13:18,965 --> 00:13:20,993 - What are you going to do? - Return it of course. 247 00:13:21,017 --> 00:13:22,494 Look, let me give you a little tip. 248 00:13:22,518 --> 00:13:24,213 If the owner won't take it back, 249 00:13:24,237 --> 00:13:26,403 just say please and look miserable. 250 00:13:26,472 --> 00:13:27,972 He's very soft-hearted. 251 00:13:28,040 --> 00:13:30,207 It won't be difficult to look miserable. 252 00:13:30,276 --> 00:13:32,176 I'll just think of the price. 253 00:13:38,201 --> 00:13:40,168 Yes, sir, may I show your something? 254 00:13:40,236 --> 00:13:41,519 No, thank you. 255 00:13:41,587 --> 00:13:43,521 I'd like to return something. 256 00:13:43,589 --> 00:13:46,507 I'm sorry. We have a no-return policy. 257 00:13:46,576 --> 00:13:47,959 Oh, I don't blame you. 258 00:13:48,028 --> 00:13:50,489 As a businessman, I realize you can't make a profit 259 00:13:50,513 --> 00:13:52,747 if you keep taking back merchandize you've sold. 260 00:13:52,815 --> 00:13:55,316 Exactly. Good day. 261 00:13:55,385 --> 00:13:57,885 May I ask a favor of you please? 262 00:13:57,971 --> 00:14:02,707 Would you call my wife and tell her you positively will not refund the money? 263 00:14:02,776 --> 00:14:04,370 What don't you call her yourself? 264 00:14:04,394 --> 00:14:06,005 Well, to be perfectly frank, 265 00:14:06,029 --> 00:14:07,389 just before I left the house, 266 00:14:07,413 --> 00:14:08,979 we had a terrible argument. 267 00:14:09,048 --> 00:14:11,382 She's very sensitive about making mistakes. 268 00:14:11,451 --> 00:14:14,568 And I'm very sensitive about returning money. 269 00:14:16,839 --> 00:14:18,322 Then you won't call her? 270 00:14:18,391 --> 00:14:19,574 No. 271 00:14:23,813 --> 00:14:26,164 Would you write her a note? 272 00:14:26,232 --> 00:14:28,048 Please? 273 00:14:28,117 --> 00:14:29,067 Please? 274 00:14:29,135 --> 00:14:31,619 Write her a note? 275 00:14:31,688 --> 00:14:33,003 Please? 276 00:14:35,041 --> 00:14:38,009 - Oh, all right. - Oh, thank you. 277 00:14:38,077 --> 00:14:40,628 I knew a kind heart went with that face. 278 00:14:48,939 --> 00:14:51,405 Oh, no. 279 00:14:51,474 --> 00:14:52,657 It's back again. 280 00:14:52,726 --> 00:14:54,625 I believe she paid $50. 281 00:14:54,694 --> 00:14:58,246 What is this, some sort of parlor game, musical statues? 282 00:14:58,314 --> 00:15:00,148 Please? 283 00:15:00,216 --> 00:15:01,632 Please? 284 00:15:07,223 --> 00:15:08,943 Please? Please? 285 00:15:10,760 --> 00:15:14,311 Oh, thank you. You have just saved a marriage. 286 00:15:24,640 --> 00:15:26,290 Honey. 287 00:15:27,827 --> 00:15:30,027 I brought you some lunch. 288 00:15:30,096 --> 00:15:31,879 Set it down, Carol. 289 00:15:34,868 --> 00:15:37,368 I'll reel it in later. 290 00:15:44,994 --> 00:15:48,045 Oh, I'm cracking up. 291 00:15:48,114 --> 00:15:49,625 That fish looks just like a chicken. 292 00:15:49,649 --> 00:15:52,549 Go ahead, dear. You deserve a good meal. 293 00:15:52,618 --> 00:15:54,652 You mean you're giving up? 294 00:15:54,720 --> 00:15:56,331 You're throwing in the flounder? 295 00:15:56,355 --> 00:16:01,442 I just couldn't stand to see you suffer anymore. 296 00:16:01,510 --> 00:16:03,989 I don't know who to kiss first, you or the chicken. 297 00:16:04,013 --> 00:16:06,147 The chicken. Enjoy it, dear. 298 00:16:16,592 --> 00:16:17,708 Mmm. 299 00:16:19,362 --> 00:16:20,995 She's out to get you. 300 00:16:21,064 --> 00:16:22,613 It's good. 301 00:16:22,682 --> 00:16:26,066 Are you going to eat that without a food taster? 302 00:16:26,135 --> 00:16:28,853 Ed, stick to being a horse. 303 00:16:28,922 --> 00:16:31,806 The confirmed prisoner ate a hearty meal. 304 00:16:31,874 --> 00:16:35,059 I've got the greatest little wife in the world, 305 00:16:35,127 --> 00:16:38,478 and what's more, I want to surprise her and buy that statue back. 306 00:16:38,547 --> 00:16:40,614 I knew you would weaken. 307 00:16:40,683 --> 00:16:42,783 So did I. 308 00:17:07,276 --> 00:17:09,726 Good, you haven't sold it. 309 00:17:09,795 --> 00:17:12,162 That'll be $50, I believe. 310 00:17:12,231 --> 00:17:14,376 Didn't you return this statue just a few days ago? 311 00:17:14,400 --> 00:17:15,749 That's right. 312 00:17:15,818 --> 00:17:18,547 - As I recall, you wife had just bought it. - Yes. 313 00:17:18,571 --> 00:17:20,265 She bought it, you returned it, 314 00:17:20,289 --> 00:17:22,167 and now you want to buy it again? 315 00:17:22,191 --> 00:17:24,975 Yes, but... Tell me this... 316 00:17:25,044 --> 00:17:29,680 Has my competitor hired you people to drive me out of my mind? 317 00:17:29,749 --> 00:17:32,283 Look, I'd like to buy that statue. 318 00:17:32,352 --> 00:17:35,302 I'll sell it to you under one condition. 319 00:17:35,371 --> 00:17:36,453 What's that? 320 00:17:36,522 --> 00:17:38,133 That you'll sign a written statement 321 00:17:38,157 --> 00:17:42,042 to the effect that you will never return this statue again. 322 00:17:42,111 --> 00:17:44,111 - Well, really... - Oh... 323 00:17:44,180 --> 00:17:46,480 All right, I'll sign it. 324 00:17:51,003 --> 00:17:54,322 Repeat after me, please. 325 00:17:54,390 --> 00:17:57,224 I do solemnly swear... 326 00:17:57,293 --> 00:18:01,328 I do solemnly swear... 327 00:18:01,397 --> 00:18:05,132 Better raise your right hand. 328 00:18:05,201 --> 00:18:06,984 I do solemnly swear... 329 00:18:09,122 --> 00:18:10,962 Carol, are you in the kitchen? 330 00:18:16,929 --> 00:18:18,212 Carol? 331 00:18:28,891 --> 00:18:31,025 Oh, no. 332 00:18:37,050 --> 00:18:39,900 Carol? Are you upstairs, honey? 333 00:18:39,969 --> 00:18:42,536 Carol, look what I... 334 00:19:36,426 --> 00:19:38,459 Oh, hiya, doll. 335 00:19:38,528 --> 00:19:40,961 Don't "doll" me, shifty. 336 00:19:46,719 --> 00:19:48,485 Oh, you found the statue. 337 00:19:48,554 --> 00:19:51,706 Pretty sneaky, getting Carol to buy it back for you. 338 00:19:51,774 --> 00:19:53,451 What? I don't understand, darling. 339 00:19:53,475 --> 00:19:54,770 I returned this statue once today, 340 00:19:54,794 --> 00:19:56,210 and I'm returning it again. 341 00:19:56,278 --> 00:19:59,262 But sweetheart, that's not ours. It's Carol's. 342 00:19:59,331 --> 00:20:01,398 Oh, please. Wilbur returned Carol's. 343 00:20:01,467 --> 00:20:02,661 You bought this for yourself. 344 00:20:02,685 --> 00:20:04,485 I wasn't born yesterday. 345 00:20:04,554 --> 00:20:06,281 If you don't lower your voice, 346 00:20:06,305 --> 00:20:07,749 this may become Exhibit A 347 00:20:07,773 --> 00:20:08,855 at a coroner's inquest. 348 00:20:08,924 --> 00:20:10,386 Kay, are you trying to tell me 349 00:20:10,410 --> 00:20:13,005 this is the same statue Wilbur showed me in the barn? 350 00:20:13,029 --> 00:20:14,912 What was it doing in the barn? 351 00:20:14,980 --> 00:20:16,346 I hid it in the closet. 352 00:20:16,415 --> 00:20:19,094 That was before I returned it to the store. 353 00:20:19,118 --> 00:20:22,069 Returned what to what store? 354 00:20:22,138 --> 00:20:25,018 Kay, when you married me, was it for love or revenge? 355 00:20:26,108 --> 00:20:29,043 Now, don't forget, with Little Princess 356 00:20:29,112 --> 00:20:32,879 you got to break fast and stay close to the rail. 357 00:20:32,948 --> 00:20:34,298 Got it. 358 00:20:34,367 --> 00:20:36,762 Now, when do you want the jockey to go to the whip? 359 00:20:36,786 --> 00:20:42,056 Uh, no whips. She cries so easily. 360 00:20:42,125 --> 00:20:43,624 Mr. Edwards, 361 00:20:43,693 --> 00:20:46,137 I was thinking maybe of using blinkers on Little Princess. 362 00:20:46,161 --> 00:20:49,614 - What do you think? - No, no blinkers. 363 00:20:49,682 --> 00:20:53,417 She likes to read the odds on the tote board while she's running. 364 00:21:15,775 --> 00:21:17,207 I put it right down... 365 00:21:22,248 --> 00:21:24,315 Carol, where are you? 366 00:21:25,918 --> 00:21:27,601 Carol, are you upstairs? 367 00:21:36,345 --> 00:21:38,963 Oh, not again. 368 00:21:58,517 --> 00:22:00,362 When I put the statue in the closet, 369 00:22:00,386 --> 00:22:02,313 that was just before you brought it back. 370 00:22:02,337 --> 00:22:03,715 I was keeping it for Carol 371 00:22:03,739 --> 00:22:05,601 until Wilbur gave her the money, 372 00:22:05,625 --> 00:22:06,835 but when you brought it back, 373 00:22:06,859 --> 00:22:10,244 he hadn't given in yet, so it was premature. 374 00:22:10,312 --> 00:22:11,628 Don't you understand? 375 00:22:11,697 --> 00:22:13,931 Is it necessary that I do? 376 00:22:13,999 --> 00:22:16,467 I'm sorry, darling. I should have told you. 377 00:22:16,535 --> 00:22:19,519 Kay, forgive my busting in like this, 378 00:22:19,588 --> 00:22:23,057 but why do you keep putting this back in my living room? 379 00:22:26,812 --> 00:22:28,579 It was a mistake, dear. 380 00:22:28,647 --> 00:22:32,065 We didn't realize that you had gone back and bought the statue again. 381 00:22:32,134 --> 00:22:34,935 Me? But I didn't buy it back. 382 00:22:35,020 --> 00:22:36,470 No? 383 00:22:36,539 --> 00:22:37,654 Well, who did? 384 00:22:41,760 --> 00:22:43,761 Wilbur. 385 00:22:43,829 --> 00:22:47,214 Oh, isn't he sweet? He wanted to surprise me. 386 00:22:47,283 --> 00:22:49,883 You've certainly got a wonderful husband. 387 00:22:49,952 --> 00:22:52,219 And I'm going to tell it to him, too. 388 00:22:52,288 --> 00:22:53,788 Excuse me. 389 00:22:56,358 --> 00:22:59,009 How's your head, Addison doll? 390 00:22:59,078 --> 00:23:00,861 Kay, do me a favor. 391 00:23:00,930 --> 00:23:02,229 Sure, sweets. 392 00:23:02,298 --> 00:23:04,443 The next time you want to help your neighbor, 393 00:23:04,467 --> 00:23:07,434 give me five minutes notice so I can leave town. 394 00:23:25,671 --> 00:23:27,938 You put that there. 395 00:23:28,006 --> 00:23:30,006 What's going on around here? 396 00:23:30,075 --> 00:23:31,775 Thank you, darling, 397 00:23:31,844 --> 00:23:33,989 but I have been spending too much money lately, 398 00:23:34,013 --> 00:23:36,758 and, well, maybe we should take it back to the store. 399 00:23:36,782 --> 00:23:37,798 Oh, no. 400 00:23:37,884 --> 00:23:39,244 The way that storekeeper feels, 401 00:23:39,268 --> 00:23:41,446 I would be safer taking you back to your mother. 402 00:23:41,470 --> 00:23:42,497 I'm afraid you can't, darling. 403 00:23:42,521 --> 00:23:43,704 Hmm? 404 00:23:43,773 --> 00:23:45,784 You know what they stamped on our marriage license. 405 00:23:45,808 --> 00:23:49,426 - What? - Absolutely no returns. 406 00:23:58,837 --> 00:24:01,739 Well, thanks for calling, Mr. King. 407 00:24:01,807 --> 00:24:04,291 Ed, get off that phone. 408 00:24:04,360 --> 00:24:06,260 Good news, Wilbur. 409 00:24:06,328 --> 00:24:08,996 My niece won her first race. 410 00:24:15,704 --> 00:24:19,273 Ed, you promised you would cut out those long-distance calls. 411 00:24:19,341 --> 00:24:21,809 Relax, I'm paying for this one. 412 00:24:21,878 --> 00:24:23,260 You? 413 00:24:23,329 --> 00:24:28,281 The trainer bet five for me, and I won a hundred bucks. 414 00:24:28,350 --> 00:24:30,851 - You did? - Yup. 415 00:24:30,920 --> 00:24:34,955 Well, when is your niece going to be running again? 416 00:24:35,024 --> 00:24:37,323 Oh, wouldn't you like to know. 417 00:24:37,392 --> 00:24:39,059 Oh, come on. 418 00:24:44,449 --> 00:24:48,002 Closed-Captioned By J.R. Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA 419 00:24:48,070 --> 00:24:50,181 ♪ A horse is a horse, of course, of course ♪ 420 00:24:50,205 --> 00:24:52,472 ♪ And no one can talk to a horse, of course ♪ 421 00:24:52,541 --> 00:24:54,586 ♪ That is, of course, unless the horse ♪ 422 00:24:54,610 --> 00:24:56,610 ♪ Is the famous Mister Ed ♪ 423 00:24:56,679 --> 00:24:58,690 ♪ Go right to the source and ask the horse ♪ 424 00:24:58,714 --> 00:24:59,974 ♪ He'll give you the answer ♪ 425 00:24:59,998 --> 00:25:01,248 ♪ That you'll endorse ♪ 426 00:25:01,317 --> 00:25:03,161 ♪ He's always on a steady course ♪ 427 00:25:03,185 --> 00:25:05,285 ♪ Talk to Mister Ed ♪ 428 00:25:05,354 --> 00:25:07,287 ♪ People yakkity-yak a streak ♪ 429 00:25:07,356 --> 00:25:09,389 ♪ And waste your time of day ♪ 430 00:25:09,458 --> 00:25:11,425 ♪ But Mister Ed will never speak ♪ 431 00:25:11,493 --> 00:25:13,594 ♪ Unless he has something to say ♪ 432 00:25:13,662 --> 00:25:15,774 ♪ A horse is a horse, of course, of course ♪ 433 00:25:15,798 --> 00:25:17,975 ♪ And this one will talk till his voice is hoarse ♪ 434 00:25:17,999 --> 00:25:20,634 ♪ You never heard of a talking horse? ♪ 435 00:25:21,988 --> 00:25:24,338 ♪ Well, listen to this ♪ 436 00:25:24,406 --> 00:25:28,291 ♪ I am Mister Ed ♪ 437 00:25:32,832 --> 00:25:35,849 This has been a Filmways television presentation. 31129