All language subtitles for MASH.S11E15.As.Time.Goes.By.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DD+2.0.H.264-AJP69_track3_[eng]

-Two beers, two scotches.
-Thanks, Igor.

-Sergeant, is the general's
jeep ready?

Right away, sir!

Yeah, I'm just
changing the oil.

-Good. You're sure
you're not oiled yourself?

Hey. Hey, what's the big idea?

Take it easy, Rizzo.
It's just a joke.

Hardy-har-har.

"Time capsule to be buried
in cornerstone of new
Los Angeles skyscraper."

Laughable.

What makes that
so laughable?

I'll bet
a hundred years from now

people will find
that really interesting.

Margaret, why on earth
would anyone

find Los Angeles of interest
in the future?

Certainly no one finds it
of interest now.

What the hell
are they gonna bury?

Suntan lotion?
A carhop?

You know, we could make
one of those here.

-It's hard to find
a carhop in Korea.
-No, really.

We could put something
in the ground

that would remind people
that we were here.

I thought that's what
land mines were for.

Oh, why can't you
ever be serious?

We could leave something
that says who we were
and why we were here,

like a duty roster
or a medal.

Why don't we just leave
a copy of Dante's "Inferno"?

Who needs any of you?

-I can do it all by myself.
-Okay, fine. I'll help.

-You?
-Yeah.

Our delegate to the
united insubordinations?

Well, everybody else is making
holes in this country.

We might as well fill
one of them with something
constructive.

-How about dirt?
-Oh, poo on you turkeys.

Don't put words in my beak.
I wanna help, no kidding.
Really.

I thought he could hold
his liquor better than that.

♪ "M" is for the many things
you gave me ♪

♪ "O" is for the other
things you gave me ♪

Holy Moly!

Igor, I came in here
to get blasted,
but not like that.

You mean this? It's a dummy.
They use it in basic.

I thought it'd make
a nice reading lamp for my mom.

Oh, it's a dummy, huh?

Listen, before you get that
thing fitted for a shade,

can I borrow it off you?

In exchange for what?

Well, uh, you know
that date you got tonight?

You could get to first base
a whole lot faster in
a Rizzo rent-a-jeep.

Yeah. Women are pushovers
for a convertible.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Okay, Pierce,
what's the catch?

Why does there have to be
a catch? I've been here
as long as you.

I've worked as hard as you.
I just want to be part of it.

Okay. All right. Okay.
But I'm warning you.

If this is another one
of your jokes,

I've got a curling iron
in there that has
your name on it.

Pierce,
you're really serious

about this
time capsule business.

I thought
you were just drunk.

Well, you know
how Margaret is.

She sees the world through
khaki-colored glasses.

I just want to get in a few
licks for us malcontents.

Ah, Hawk, how could I have
ever doubted your insincerity?

I not understand.
Where we go?

To a U.N. refugee camp
outside of Monsan-ni.

We cannot.
Daughter not know
where to look for us.

Was working in field
when village attacked.
Not see her since.

Oh, dear.
Well, tell the U.N. people!
They'll help you find her!

MAN :
Attention, all personnel.

We interrupt
your sweet dreams

to bring you
the following nightmare.

Okay, that's it.
Tomorrow we get
an unlisted number.

-Need a unit here. Maybe two.
-Right away.

-Are you the C.O. here, sir?
-I ain't here to model
bathrobes.

What is it, Sergeant?

Well, we got a prisoner.

The sniper who shot
that kid this afternoon.

-What kid?
-Stoddard, from Able Company.

-We sent him on the chopper.
-No chopper came in here
this afternoon.

Uh-oh. We shipped him
about 1700 hours.

-I see. Klinger?
-Sir?

Battalion Aid sent us
a chopper this afternoon,

and it ain't
here yet.

-Get on the horn
and track it down.
-Yes, sir.

But first, ring up G-2
and tell 'em we've got

a prisoner they may want
to interrogate.

-Yes again, sir.
-And before you do that,

incarcerate that prisoner
someplace.

Prisoner's over
here, Sergeant.

-This is the prisoner?
-They caught her with this.

-She's all yours.
-Oh, that's cute.

Shooting at us
with our own guns.

I not shoot anybody!

Must find family.
Please let me go.

Hey, save it for the judge.

-A time capsule, eh?
-Exactly.

We want everyone
to contribute one item

they feel symbolizes
their experience in Korea.

-How about one
of my gray hairs?
-That's not bad.

Well, I was thinking
of something a little
more substantial.

How about your
army field manual?

It would show people
the rules and regulations

-that have made this
the finest army in the world.
-Yeah, that's good.

"How to defend freedom
and democracy through
unquestioned obedience."

There's nothing wrong
with that, Pierce.

I'm putting in
a nurses' manual.

Well, I don't know, Margaret.

I never thought of myself
exactly as a by-the-book man.

Unless you want one
of my Zane Greys.

With all due respect, Colonel,
Zane Grey isn't very military.

-That's just nothing
but shooting and killing.
-What's wrong with Zane Grey?

After 24 hours on my feet,
there's nothing better

than soaking my tootsies
and losing myself
in "Last of the Plainsmen."

I got a better idea.

How about commemorating
your tootsies
with a bunion pad?

-A bunion pad?
-Pierce, that's
a class "A" symbol.

Hold on.

I got Zeno pads up the wazoo.

You can't be serious.

Even Zane Grey
is better than that.

-Come in.

Sir, finally got some word
from G-2.

Fine, fine.
Tell you what, folks.
I got real business here.

-You two go on and work out
your differences.
-Colonel, can't you give us--

Take 'em both.
Pick one, bring back the other.

Zeno pads.
That's the best.

All right, son.
It's all yours.

G-2 says
the local Korean police

want to interrogate
our lady of the carbine.

They're sending somebody
to pick her up later
this afternoon.

-Got it. What about
the missing chopper?
-Still missing.

Battalion Aid
confirms the pilot

and Corporal Stoddard
took off yesterday afternoon.

They haven't landed
or made radio contact since.

Well, I guess we better
list 'em M.I.A.

Top of the morning to you,
Captain!

-Rizzo, I didn't recognize you
with your eyes open.
-Ha-ha.

Oh, my goodness!

I don't believe that I brung
this with me into the shower.

-What's that, your pillow?
-Nope. My hand grenade.

-Hand grenade?
-Yeah.

Got it from a wounded guy
last night.

Thought I'd defuse it,
fill it with pebbles,

and make a rattle
for little Billy Bubba.

-I don't think you ought
to play with that thing.
-Come on, Captain.

-These things are made
of the finest U.S. steel.
-Rizzo...

- Oh, my goodness!
-What?

-The pin came out!
Get the hell out of here!

-B.J.: What the hell
is so funny?

RIZZO:
That wasn't no real grenade!

-That was a fake!
-B.J.: A fake?

-You dirty--

You slimy--

But you sure do have
"purty" legs.

Rizzo, I'll get you for this.

Oh, come on, Captain.
Just a joke.

Oh, come on, Charles.
Think. It can be anything.

-How about a bottle of cognac?
-Oh, come off it!
A bottle of booze?

-Yeah, let people remember
we drank to forget.
-Pierce.

Now, now, Margaret,
the lad may be onto something.

I happen to have
a bottle of cognac.

It isn't very good,
and I certainly won't miss it.

Is it so hard
to find something

that stands for
the work we do?

-We save lives.
-So take the cognac
and throw in a Saint Bernard.

Oh, that does it!
All you've done
for this project

is make stupid, dumb jokes.

First job I've ever had
where I could use
my natural talents.

Well, you're out of
a job, Mr. Mirth.

And you!
I'll be back, and you better
come up with something.

Well, well, Pierce,
your skills as a saboteur
seem to be a bit rusty.

Not only have you not scuttled
this Korean garage sale,

you seem to have strengthened
her resolve to see it through.

-That's true.
-There! What are you doing?

Going into business
for myself.

Eat.
You need your strength.

For what?

Well, it takes strength
to eat that stuff.

How I find my parents when
I'm chained here like a dog?

I got to find them
before they're too far away.

-Come in.

Klinger, we just got
a call from G-2.

They won't be able send anyone
to pick up the prisoner
for at least six hours.

Six hours!
You've got to let me go.

Family be anywhere by then!

You should have
thought of that

before you used our boys
for target practice.

I not shoot anybody!

I suppose the gun
was to kill mosquitoes.

I find gun in field
while plowing!

I tell soldiers that already.

Plowing?

Did you say
plowing in a field?

Yes. It is my job
to plow parents' farm.

Yesterday, when bombs come,
I run.

Not see father
and mother since.

Oh, my Lord.
I think I saw them.

-Where?
-Here. Yesterday.

There was a refugee couple
who was worried about
their daughter.

Did they say my name?
Soon-Lee?

No, but they mentioned
that their daughter
was working in the field.

Ai! That must be them.
Where they now?

At a refugee camp
outside of Monsan-ni.

But they won't be allowed
to stay there for more
than a day.

You--- You--
Please, you must let me go.

If you don't, maybe
I never see them again.

Please, don't you believe
I'm innocent?

Well, I guess,
but I can't let you go.

They'd put
one of these on me.

Please! Please!

-I'm sorry.

Listen.

-Type and cross match
and get him into X-ray.
-Got it.

Tell them to give me
a lateral as well as a frontal.

I heard the whirlybird.
How many we got?

Just the one, Colonel.
I got it.

-Doc?
-Yeah?

-Is Stoddard gonna make it?
-You bet.

I'm putting
my best man on it.

Did you say Stoddard,
the sniper victim?

That's him.

You guys left
Battalion Aid yesterday.

-Where the hell have you been?
-Sorry, sir.

-I had some engine trouble.
-Why didn't you radio?

Well, we got shot at.
A bullet hit one of the tubes.

Another one 86'd my fan belt.
Can you help me get it fixed?

Sure.
Go see my company clerk.

And have him call I-Corps
and tell 'em to take you
out of Lost

-and put you in Found.
-Thanks, sir.

What do you mean,
you can't get her
for another two hours?

Give me a break.
Did you ever get hit
with 50-mile-an-hour Spam?

-Are you the company clerk?
-Yeah. Be right with you, sir.

You know,
the girl could be innocent.

According to her,
she found the gun in a field.

She was just trying to
catch up with her folks.

Besides, how could she be
a sniper with that face?

Never mind.

Just send somebody
down here, will ya?

Now, what can I
do for you, sir?

I need a new fan belt
for my chopper.
Where's the motor pool?

-Come on. I'll show you.
-Klinger?

What do you have
for the time capsule?

Oh, right!

Excuse me one second,
Lieutenant.

I got just
the perfect thing, Major.

This was always
one of my favorites.

It's a designer original
from Mr. Sid of Toledo.

You dodo!
I can't use that!

Gee, it's a lot more
practical than what
I gave Captain Pierce.

He insisted on
my Scarlett O'Hara ensemble.

Pierce? What does he
want with a dress?

He's making
a time capsule too.

But I bet his
is funnier than yours.

He's a dead man.
And so are you

if you don't find me
something I can use!

You just can't
please her.

Basic black
goes with anything.

Oh, yeah.
The fan belt.

Take a left and follow
the smell of grease.

Thanks.
And will you call my unit

and tell 'em I'm here
and alive,

and so is the guy
who got shot by the sniper?

He is?

Getting warm.

Warmer.

Got it. Hot lead.

It's all yours.

Thanks, Doc.
You're a real lifesaver.

Now think, Igor.

Whatever goes in there has
to last for a hundred years.

-How about a piece of toast?
-Perfect!

In a hundred years,
it'll be 200 years old.

You low-life, disgusting
son of a sewer pump!

Has anybody ever told you
you have the voice

of a songbird drowning
in hot tar?

I suppose that piece of toast
is for your time capsule!

You certainly don't
expect me to eat it.

I am trying to do something
with meaning and heart,

two things about which
you know nothing!

Well, let me tell you
something I do know.

If you want to symbolize
what we're doing here,

bury an empty box.

Ah, go bury yourself!

Still want the toast?

Sure. At least it'll be
in the ground where it
can't hurt anybody.

Watch what you're doing,
you bayou boob.

Say what?
You rear-ended me!

If you'd get out of the way,
instead of standing there
like a pile of chitlins.

That man's gonna
kiss my chitlins.

Unfortunately,
the refugee center
is terribly overcrowded.

They're shipping out as many
people as possible by train.

No, no.
If parents get on train,
I never catch up with them.

-Good news! A reprieve
from the government!
-What?

Hunnicutt just took
the bullet out of Stoddard.

It was too big to
have come from your gun.

That was proof enough to G-2
you didn't shoot the fella.

Which means
you're free to go.

I'm sorry for
the inconvenience, ma'am.

Wish we had a sawbuck
and a new suit to give you.

I know something
we can give her--

a jeep ride
to the refugee depot.

-Why? What for?
-Her parents may be there!

We'll be back
by suppertime.

Yeah, that seems, uh,
like the least we could do.

Your stomach is coming along
just fine, Stoddard.

Lucky for you the bullet
didn't perforate your bowel.

You'll be on solid food
in no time at all.

Thanks, ma'am.

Uh, excuse me, Major,
but where is the file
on Private Panzera?

It's on my desk, Captain.
I'm surprised you
have time for us.

I thought you were busy
picking out dresses.

I want to bury
a time capsule,
not a patient.

Excuse me.
Do either of you know

if Lieutenant Brannum
was still around?

Lieutenant Brannum?
Who's that?

He's the chopper pilot
that brought me in.

Oh, him. Yeah.
He left a while ago.

I was hoping I'd get
a chance to see him.

He saved my life.

Yeah, well, that's all
in a day's work for those guys.

This was a lot more
than just a day's work.

Oh, yes. We heard
he had engine trouble.

-Is that all he told you?
-Yeah. Why?

We got shot at.
Next thing I know,
we're landing.

Lieutenant said that
they got the fan belt

and that the engine was
overheating,

and we could only fly
200 yards at a crack.

So, he walked that far ahead
and found a clearing.

Then he came back and got me.

By that time,
the engine was cool.

So, we flew up and landed
at the new place,

by which time
the engine was hot again.

We did that all afternoon.

My God.

After it got dark
we couldn't fly anymore,

so he, uh, kept me warm

with a blanket
till this morning.

Then as soon as it was light,

he started the whole thing
all over again.

That's how we got here,

200 yards at a time.

He sure left out
the best part.

You've had a long trip,
or a bunch of short ones.

-Better get some rest.
-All right.

-Lucky kid.
-Oh, shut up, you.

Well, hello there, Major.

Sergeant Rizzo.

Thank you so much
for knocking.

You seem to be a little more
chipper since our collision.

Is it safe to assume
you're not here to
sue me for whiplash?

What? Oh, no, no.
It ain't nothing like that.

I've been thinking about it,
and I just want to say

that I was all wrong,
and you was all right.

What's that?

I was all wrong,
and you was all right.

No, no. What you're
holding in your hand.

Oh. Oh, this?
This is my lucky grenade.

Are you crazed, man?
That thing could go off!

Well, it ain't so far.
That's why it's lucky.

-Sergeant, please.
-Oh, no, no, Major. It, uh...

Oh, my gosh.
The pin came out!

-Clear the hell out of here!
-Save yourself, man!

Major! Major! We gonna
get blowed to kingdom come!

Don't worry about me!
Run! Run!

Wait a minute.

It didn't go off.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I noticed that too.

It must be a dud.

Thank the Lord!
It's a miracle!

A dud.
That could just explain it.

We can only be grateful
that no one was injured.

Major, I just don't know
what to say.

I mean, you throwed yourself
on that thing faster than
Snider's hounds.

You was willing
to give your life for mine.

Oh, now, Luther,
you would have done
the same thing for me.

Oh, yeah, I would.
Yeah, I would.

I'll take that pineapple
off you now, sir.

No, no, my friend.

You've had a frightful scare.
You go curl up in
a nice, warm jeep.

Oh, it's all right, sir.
I'm fine.

No, I will dispose
of this permanently.

Oh. Well, yeah.

That's a good idea.

-Major?
-Yeah.

I want you to know, sir,
that I am eternally
in your debt.

And that if you are ever
in Baton Rouge,
you just come by,

and I'll have Zola fix up

the finest mess of pigs' feet
that ever carried a pig.

My mouth
is already watering.

So many people.

Yeah, and these
are the lucky ones.

Wait! I think I see them!

It is you!
Heaven be praised!

Father. You come
all this way from MASH?

Yes. And I have something
wonderful.

Look, look.
I brought your daughter.

Father...

Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.

And this spark plug,
a donation from
Sergeant Rizzo,

symbolizes quality,
craftsmanship

and good old Yankee know-how.

-Major, it was made in Japan.

Well, they're on our side.

Next, from
Lieutenant Nakahara.

A donation
of her favorite pair of--

Uh-oh. Cover your eyes.

Her favorite pair of
army boots, gutter brain.

-And they stand for--

Standing.

Right. And finally...

from our illustrious
commanding officer,

a copy of "Last of
the Plainsmen" by Zane Grey.

Personally, I think she should
have gone with the Zeno pads.

MARGARET:
Well, that's everything.

And I know that each
and every one of you hopes

that when somebody opens
this up in a hundred years,

he or she will know
that this land was occupied

by good, decent--

Hold it right there!
You guys are not gonna do this.

-You slime bags can't
bury that thing here.
-We wouldn't dream of it.

We're gonna bury this
in a much more fitting place.

-How about right over there?
-Will you just get out of here!

Okay, but before we go,
I got something in here

that's a little more
appropriate for
your time capsule.

Yeah, like what?
Your dirty socks
or your dirty magazines?

Just a broken fan belt.

From the chopper.

Nobody noticed that pilot
when he was here,

but it would be nice
if people remembered him
a hundred years from now.

That's very appropriate.
Thank you.

What else
do you have there?

This is my contribution.
Radar left me this.

Let it stand for all
the soldiers who came
over here as boys

and went home as men.

That's very lovely.

I fished with this
a couple of times.

Hawk told me it belonged
to Colonel Blake.

It's for all the men
who never made it home.

-And I would like to donate--
-No, no, not the booze!

But, Margaret, when the time
capsule is opened,

this cognac will be
over 100 years old.

Oh, all right.

These are courtesy
of Father Mulcahy.

In the future,
if countries feel
they need to go to war,

they can use these
to settle it.

-Amen to that, Padre.
-ALL: Amen.

Amen, indeed.
Okay, I'm putting it all in.

No, no! One more thing.

Klinger's
Scarlett O'Hara gown.

No, no, no!
I draw the line, no!

Come on, Major.
That's not fair.

This could stand
for something.

How about all the girls
we left behind?

Okay, okay, okay, okay,
but not that awful getup.

-The black one.
-Madame has impeccable taste.

Pierce, very nice.
Thank you.

Well, I figure since we're
burying everything else,

why not the hatchet?

Oh, by the way, you realize
you didn't include

anything in the time capsule
from the infamous Major Burns.

I was thinking about putting
in his scalpel,

but I didn't want to include
any deadly weapons.

Hey guys,
mind if we join you?

I'm taking Soon-Lee to
the "O" Club to listen
to a little music.

-Sure, come on.
You can sit with us.
-Thank you.

Oh, look at this crowd.
The place is packed.
We'll never get a table.

Don't despair,
gentlemen.

I have a feeling a few tables
will open up shortly.