All language subtitles for MASH (1972) - S04E18 - Hawkeye (1080p AMZN WEB-DL x265 ImE)_track3_[eng]

Easy. Easy.
Are you all right?

I didn't see you
till the last second.

You shouldn't play
in the road like that.

Wait a minute.
I want my bag.

Here. Hold it.
You wanna take that.

I was on my way back
to camp, you know,

from an aid station.

Not so fast, kids. Easy.

GIRL:

Please don't fight,
okay? Don't fight.

Please, I hate
coming home to a fight.

I don't suppose anybody
speaks English here, huh?

English?
You speak English?

You speak English?

I speak a little Korean,

but just enough
to get my face slapped.

Can I have
that bag, please?

The bag.
Yeah. That's it.

That's the one.
On the floor.

Right, that.
With the red cross.

Thank you.

I'm a doctor.
You know? Doctor?

How can I make you
understand "Doctor"?

Maybe if I sent you a bill
or an old magazine.

Here. Here, look. See?
See, I'm with the 4077th.

4077. You know?

American army hospital.
G.I. Joe. You know?

The good guys.
Doris Day.

♪ You smile,
a song begins ♪

♪ You speak,
and I hear violins ♪

♪ It's magic

Oh, thank you.
Thank you.

Look, no offense,
ma'am,

but the water here
has enough germs in it

you could sell it
by the slice.

Please don't holler.

I have an enormous
pain in my head.

It's really enormous.

You could sell
advertising space on it.

You know? Advertising?

♪ Halo everybody
Halo ♪

The 4077.

It's about 20 miles south
of here in Oijongbu.

Oh. Oijongbu.

Oh. Oijongbu.

MAN: Oijongbu.

Oijongbu. Oijongbu.
You know?

Oijongbu, Korea.
Right?

All right.
I'm writing to them.

I'm telling them to come
and get me because I'm hurt.

I must be,
because I'm a doctor,

and it says right here
I'm hurt.

I want somebody
to take this note

to the 4077th
in Oijongbu.

Oijongbu.

Oijongbu.
Oijongbu. Fast.

As fast
as you can go.

Please. Go fast.

Go as fast as you can.

Does she know where
Oijongbu is?

-Oijongbu?
-Oh, great.

Uh-oh.

Uh, we may have a little
problem here, folks.

My head is bleeding.
I'm sweating.

My pulse feels
like it's playing

"The Minute Waltz."

Oh. Look at him.

And I thought I was
in trouble.

What you may have here

is you may have a seat
at a public concussion.

I gotta hold on.
I don't want to lose
consciousness.

I have a feeling if
I-I go to sleep here,

I'm gonna wake up at
the family plot in Maine.

People come from
all over the state

to look at
our tombstones.

The Pierces have been
in Maine since 1680.

Some of them are dead now.

1680! Huh.

We came over early.

Alexander Pierce played
piano in the cocktail lounge

on the Mayflower.

But getting back to me,
concussion-wise,

just talking off the top of my
possibly late, great skull--

Oh, thanks.

I have eight bones in my head.

You do, too. It's not just
because I make $400 a month.

But what my problem
is now, mainly,

is that one of my bones
may have split two for one.

You'd be getting a check soon
if you had stock in my head.

Believe me, this hurts me
a lot more than it hurts me.

But enough of this
technical talk.

Putting it simply,

what has happened is
I have suffered a blow

to my occipital bone

right where it articulates
with the parietal.

What that's called is
that's called a contrecoup.

Ohh.

See, what's happened here is
that my brain has sloshed over

to the other side
of my skull,

and is right now, even
while I'm talking to you,

turning purple.

You may have noticed
certain purple patches

of literary excess
in my spoken word.

But don't worry.

I'll keep it clean
in front of the children.

Actually, class...

it is a medical fact that
there is no danger of dying

if you fall asleep
while you have a concussion.

But on the other hand,

I have a reason
for staying awake,

which is that
I'm afraid I'll die

if I fall asleep
while I have a concussion.

I'm just gonna keep
talking, all right?

I remember at a party
once in college

I got sick on beer.

So, what happened was
this football player,

this big football player
came over to me,

this guy named, uh,
Tank O'Melinski.

Big guy.
You may remember him.

He was, uh, almost
made all-American.

Yeah. That's the one.
So, anyway, uh...

Tank came over and he said,
"Hold onto yourself."

He said, "Hang on to reality.
Don't get sick.

If you let yourself go,
you're finished. Just hold on."

I threw up all over his shoes.

Nice guy.

Beat the hell out of me.

Did I tell you

that th-the skull
has eight bones?

It does, you know. Mm-hmm.
Have I ever lied to you?

The occipital, the temporal,

uh, the frontal,
two temporal,

sphenoid, ethmoid,
two parietal.

Why do I have the feeling
I'm losing you?

Look-look,
forget about my skull.

For-forget about
my concussion.

I mean, uh, a person
needs a concussion

like he needs a hole
in the head, you know?

Let's keep it light.

♪ I'm a Yankee
Doodle Dandy ♪

♪ Yankee Doodle do or die

I can't dance.
My head hurts.

♪ I can't dance
my head hurts ♪

♪ I can't dance
my head hurts ♪

That smells terrific.

You'd laugh if I told you

what I have a taste for
right now.

You ready?

A small piece of whitefish...

or some herring
in sour cream with onions.

Marinated herring. Mmm.

When I was in medical school,

trying to remember how many
bones I have in my head,

I spent an untold
number of hours

at the fabulous Sol
and Sol's Delicatessen.

Not the Sol and Sol's
on Third Avenue.

The original Sol and Sol's.

They were brothers.
Sol and Sol.

Nobody could ever figure out

why their parents gave them
both the same name.

Anyway, after a day
of cutting up the odd cadaver,

and while the parts
and organs of the body

were rattling
around in my head,

I would dissect
a whitefish.

Ah, you may have your moments
that you hold dear,

my good sir, madam,
ma'am, children,

fellow chickens.

Your hearts may flutter,
your flag unfurls.

Your breaths may quicken
to your national anthem.

But for myself,
I shall never forget the ease,

the grace, the earnestness

with which that whitefish
gave itself up to me.

One eye turned chastely
toward its plate.

The other staring unconcerned
at its consumer: me,

Benjamin Franklin Pierce, M.D.
"Mental Deficient."

As casually...
almost thoughtlessly...

Yes...

Even wantonly,

I devoured it.

And without a murmur
of dissent,

without so much as
a whitefish whimper,

it gave itself up to me.

Its very molecules
of protein

melding with my own
until today,

That whitefish sings to you.

♪ I'm a Yankee
Doodle Herring ♪

♪ Yankee Doodle do or die

Not bad, huh? You thought
I was gonna be lousy.

♪ Yankee Doodle went to London
riding on a pony ♪

♪ I am that Yankee Doodle
boy-y-y-y-y ♪♪

I always had certain
problems with pitch.

Though it's very hard
when I'm half dead like this.

I'll be much better later
when I'm immortal.

Well, enough about me.
Let's talk about you.

How do you like me so far?

I wanted to say something.

What was it?
What'd I wanna say?

MAN:

No, no, I'll think of it.
Don't help me.

Uh, Yankee Doodle,
occipital, whitefish...

Oh. Oh, yeah. I remember.
Sol and Sol's. Yeah.

They had the most fantastic
waitress in there.

I mean fantastic.

Her name was Lefty.

I think she was,
uh, Sol's daughter.

Sol's. Not Sol's.

I went with her my last
year at medical school.

After she finished work,
I'd sneak her into the dorm.

What a terrific kid.

And talk about
your parts of the body.

This girl was built
like a brick autopsy.

I'm making you crazy,
right?

I'll tell you later.
Here comes the wife.

For me?

Oh-oh. It's some moonshine.

Thank you.
That's very generous of you.

I really shouldn't
drink it, though.

Well, maybe just a little.

That's, uh, terrific.

Battery acid, right?

Beautiful kids.

I wish I had
something for you.

Some, uh, you know, some
presento or something.

I don't-- I don't--
I don't have a present.

Oh, wait. Maybe I do.
Wait a minute. In my bag.

You're, uh-uh, brother
and sister, right?

I'm an only child.
No siblings.

I guess after they
had me my parents decided
not to sibble anymore.

Here we go.

It's not much,
but it's really nothing.

Yeah, we fool around at the
hospital with these a lot.

Uh-huh.

I think you
better blow this up.

I'm not a big fan
of fainting.

Just think of it as
a balloon with fingers.

Or an udder
in search of a cow.

That's udderly
ridiculous.

If they don't come soon and
put a Band-Aid on my memory,

it's gonna all
come spilling out.

Good. That's enough.
Let me have it. Okay.

Why do I have the feeling

that my entire life
is knocking on my tongue

trying to come out
between my teeth?

There we go.

There.

Eh? Oh, yeah.
Good. Okay, yeah.

Go outside and play
where there's plenty of
fresh air and land mines.

We're not taking those
land mines with us

when we go, you know.
They're yours.

Kids. Nice.

I had a nice kidhood.

You knew where you stood
in those days.

Franklin Roosevelt
was always the president.

Joe Louis
was always the champ.

And Paul Muni
played everybody.

Eloise McKay,
eighth grade.

Ah, you have to understand,
those were the old days.

I mean, we were brought up
to think

that girls were different,

and, uh, and I was
young, you know.

I mean,
girls were martians.

Eloise McKay
let me touch her slip.

She brought it
to school in a box,

and I took it behind
the science building

and touched it.
That was it.

The whole transaction could
have been conducted by mail.

I hope I haven't
shocked anyone.

I mean,
we're all adults here.

By the way,
I'm a doctor,

and I can tell you
for certain that
you're pregnant.

And we know what causes
that nowadays, too.

The smartest doctor
I ever knew was Samuel Sacks,

head of our medical school.

What a terrific guy.

I remember one day
a student was talking to him,

and he said,
"Doctor, what would you do

"if a patient died just as
he was leaving your office?"

And without missing
a beat, Sacks said,

"I'd turn him around
so it'd look like
he was coming in."

A lovely man.

Do you know who I hated?
Mrs. Tomassino,

my geometry teacher.

She terrified me.
She stood over me with a--

in the front row
with this big yardstick.

I used to look up
into her nose.

She had three nostrils.

I guess she thought it was
symmetrical or something.

But she was really nice
if I got something wrong.

She was very helpful.
She'd look down at me and say,

"You got it wrong!"

-No, no, no, that's all right.

That's okay.
She's not here now.

-It's all right.

I really didn't
need that yelling.

Wish I wasn't standing
so close to me

when I said that.

They really ought
to be here by now.

Somebody from the camp.
I'm gonna wait in the lobby.

Uh, just talk among
yourselves, huh?

Maybe they're never coming.

Maybe this is it for me.

I'm Ronald Colman,
and this is my Lost Horizon.

And you're Margo.

I guess you never
saw that movie, eh?

You probably never see any.

You really ought to,
you know.

There have been
some great ox movies.

The Ox-Bow Incident...

A Yank at Oxford...

The Wizard of Ox?

Cow Green was My Valley?
No, that's cheap.

Come on, Radar.

Come on. Somebody.

Anybody.

Nothing. Nobody.
I can't understand it.

Sorry. Here.

I don't wanna get any dirt
on your wall-to-wall dirt.

There's a nice
bit of chauvinism.

But I always say, there's
no vinism like chauvinism.

♪ Like no vinism I know ♪

Merman.

Did I tell you I used to have
a practice back in Boston

before I came over here
to work for Harry Truman.

The doctor tell you to
stay away from tobacco?

You know the great thing
about Boston?

It's where all the
musicals come to try out

before they go on to Broadway.

Yeah, yeah. You know,
to fix the book,

add a few songs,
stuff like that.

I saw all the
great ones there.

Oklahoma! King and I.

South Pacific.

♪ Some enchanted evening

♪ You may meet a stranger

You know what was
great about that?

The way he did the ending.

♪ Once you have found her,
never let her go ♪

♪ Once you have found her

♪ Never let her

♪ Go

I think your dog
is better.

I didn't just see hits
there though, you know.

Before I left,
I saw this real turkey.

A musical, Up Your Love.

I remember the big song
from that show... a ballad.

♪ You're mine,
I'm yours, we're ours ♪

♪ Who but you, who but me

♪ Could be us
better than we? ♪

It was a real turkey.

Closed at intermission.

I love the theater,
but I never come late.

That's why the doctor
is a tramp.

And what's wrong with drama?

Watch this. Watch this.

This is-- you're gonna
love this one. Watch this.

Laurence Olivier.
Richard III.

Now is the winter
of our discontent,

made glorious summer
by this sun of York.

Now that's really good.
Let's hear your dog do that.

Come on. Bring him in.
Come on.

HAWKEYE:
Huh? What? Forgive me.

I don't understand
what you're saying.

Oh, I-I'm sorry.
I didn't know

I was standing
in the dining car here.

Can I help you? Oh.

-What?

Oh, oh! Thank you.
Okay. Thank you.

I-I don't know why
nobody's here yet.

I'm sorry.

Sometimes the war hots up,

and the hospital gets
very busy, you know.

Then at other times you could
shoot off a cannon in there.

Of course,
when they do that,

then the war hots up
all over again.

I get the feeling I'm speaking

in ever-diminishing circles

until I disappear
up my own mouth-hole.

Thank you. Oh,
this is wonderful.

I'm glad I called ahead
for a reservation.

Mmm. Good.

Aaah. Hot. Spicy.

Your baby's gonna need
asbestos diapers.

Pretty soon, huh?

Don't you sometimes
wonder about babies?

I mean, how do they know
what to do in there?

They start out looking
like little hairless mice,

and they wind up
looking like us.

How's it all work?

I've... I've held
a beating heart in my hand.

I've poked into kidneys and
crocheted them together again.

I've pushed air
into collapsed lungs

like beat-up old pump organs.

I've squeezed and probed
and prodded my way...

through hundreds of miles
of gut and goo...

and I don't know
what makes us live.

I mean, what keeps us
in motion?

What keeps the heart beating
without anybody rewinding it?

Why do the cells reproduce

and re-re-reproduce
with such gay abandon?

What force
brought us together

in such fantastic complexity?

I've seen a lot
of bodies...

and they never cease
to amaze me.

Did you ever see Ann Corio

or Margie Hart?

Strippers.

For a long time
it was a toss-up

whether I'd marry
a stripper or a whitefish.

I remember Polly O'Day.

She worked with a parrot.

He didn't help her
strip or anything.

While she got undressed,

he stood on the side
and talked dirty.

It was an exciting act.

What a body.

She was built great, too.

Yeah, yeah. But what
I don't understand

is how she got that way
any more than how we did.

I mean,
look at your hand.

It's one of the most
incredible instruments

in the universe.

Of all the bones in the body,

one fourth are in the hand.

Forget the hand.
Look at your thumb.

That wondrous mechanism
that separates us

from the other animals.

The world-famous
opposable thumb,

that amazing device
that has transported

more students to college
than the Boston Post Road.

Ideal for sucking,
especially as a baby.

And lauded in song
and story

as the perfect instrument
for pulling out a plum.

Or, in the case
of the Caesars,

for holding it down
for the gladiator to die,

or holding it up,

which means
"See you later at the orgy."

My friends,

for getting up
and down the pike,

in your pie,
in your eye,

I give you the thumb.

Have you any idea,
Farmer Brown,

of the incredible
complexity

of this piece
of human apparatus?

Of course not.
Never having spent

any time at all
at Sol and Sol's,

swilling borscht and jamming
Latin into your brain

while trying to imagine

if Lefty the waitress
is wearing a garter belt,

you have no idea
of the balletic
interplay of parts

that make up the human thumb.

The flexor ossis
metacarpi pollicis

flexes the metacarpal bone.

That is, draws it inward
over the palm,

thus producing
the movement of opposition

and the Boy Scout salute.

Because of this
magical engineering,

we could do this.

And this.

And this.

But our greatest triumph

comes not from flexing
the metacarpal bone

and making a fist,

which always seems to be
thirsting to be clenched.

No, no, no, no, no.

Our greatest moment
is when we open our hand,

cradling a glass of wine,
cupping a loved one's chin.

And the best...
the most expert of all...

keeping all the
objects of our life

in the air
at the same time.

My friends,

for your amusement
and bemusement,

I give you
the human person.

Thumb and fingers
flexing madly,

straining to keep aloft
the leaden realities of life:

ignorance, death,
and madness.

Thus we create for ourselves

the illusion
that we have power,

that we are in control,
that we are... loved.

Thank you.
For my next trick,

I will attempt to become
stiff as a board.

I hate to eat
and faint like this,

but I don't know if I can
even make it down to my knees.

That's him.
It's gotta be. Radar!

Lassie, it's Radar!

I'll be right there.
Wait a second.

Give me my stuff.
Will you grab my bag.

Wait a minute. Don't...
Wait a minute. My shoes.

Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you.

Thank you.

The love I'll leave with you.

Thank you.
Good-bye, Margo.

Anybody home?

You get it?
"I have returned"
in Korean.

I brought you
some presentos.

For vegetables.
Very good.

You're welcome.

Kids, some comics
and some candy.

Not very good for you.

You better eat the comics
and read the candy.

Sir, some tobacco.

I think you'll find
it's a little better

than the manure
you've been smoking.

-Thank you.

Here's my name
and my unit in Korean.

I want you to contact me

when it's time
for the baby, okay?

Boy, that smells
delicious.

What are you cooking?
What is that?

-Oh, thank you.

That smells so good.

Mmm. Meat!
Where'd you get meat?

Wait a minute.
Where's the dog?

-Ah. That is delicious.

Mm. Tasty.
What do you--

So what do you put in it?