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1
00:01:27,522 --> 00:01:29,437
Does the Colonel wish
to dictate a letter?
2
00:01:29,480 --> 00:01:31,265
No, no, I was just gonna
write one to my wife.
3
00:01:31,308 --> 00:01:33,223
Our anniversary's
coming up shortly.
4
00:01:33,267 --> 00:01:35,399
Oh. Congratulations, sir.
5
00:01:35,443 --> 00:01:37,271
Thank you.
Are you married, Radar?
6
00:01:37,314 --> 00:01:39,316
No, sir.
7
00:01:39,360 --> 00:01:41,536
I'm just a kid.
8
00:01:42,580 --> 00:01:43,886
Well, when you
get back home,
9
00:01:43,929 --> 00:01:45,279
you oughtta find
yourself a nice girl.
10
00:01:46,584 --> 00:01:48,978
Uh, first I wanna
get a '46 Chevy.
11
00:01:49,021 --> 00:01:52,286
I've had 27 wonderful years
with Mrs. Potter.
12
00:01:52,329 --> 00:01:53,765
Well, yes, sir.
13
00:01:53,809 --> 00:01:56,594
Can't get that kind of
mileage out of a Chevy.
14
00:01:56,638 --> 00:01:59,119
Oh, I never ride
the clutch, sir.
15
00:02:04,254 --> 00:02:05,516
Finished
the daily report?
16
00:02:05,560 --> 00:02:08,128
Uh, yes, I did, sir.
17
00:02:08,171 --> 00:02:09,955
Notify the officer
of the day?
18
00:02:09,999 --> 00:02:12,262
Done.
I've done and
did everything
19
00:02:12,306 --> 00:02:15,570
you told me to done
and, uh, do, sir.
20
00:02:15,613 --> 00:02:18,050
Relax, Radar.
Smoke if you've got 'em.
21
00:02:18,094 --> 00:02:20,531
I'm just a kid, sir.
22
00:02:22,054 --> 00:02:23,969
Would you like
to clean up the office?
23
00:02:24,013 --> 00:02:25,884
Oh, yes, sir.
That would be nice.
24
00:02:25,928 --> 00:02:28,017
That's-- I did--
That's one of my best things.
25
00:02:34,545 --> 00:02:36,068
POTTER :
"My dearest Mildred..."
26
00:02:41,726 --> 00:02:43,554
"My dearest Mildred.
27
00:02:43,598 --> 00:02:45,817
"Well, one more year
has rolled around,
28
00:02:45,861 --> 00:02:47,776
"and we are facing
another anniversary
29
00:02:47,819 --> 00:02:49,125
"away from each other.
30
00:02:49,169 --> 00:02:51,083
"Thanks for
the talcum powder.
31
00:02:51,127 --> 00:02:54,609
"Took a long walk
yesterday and didn't
chafe a lick.
32
00:02:54,652 --> 00:02:57,220
"Tickled to hear you
got your corn removed.
33
00:02:57,264 --> 00:02:59,309
"Wish I were there
to dance with you.
34
00:02:59,353 --> 00:03:01,050
"As for me,
35
00:03:01,093 --> 00:03:03,531
"I'm still tryin' to
get used to this outfit.
36
00:03:03,574 --> 00:03:04,967
"It's not easy.
37
00:03:05,010 --> 00:03:06,708
"I'm the new kid
on the block,
38
00:03:06,751 --> 00:03:09,450
"and they've all got
their own little ways.
39
00:03:09,493 --> 00:03:12,975
"Like my company clerk,
a young boy they call 'Radar.'
40
00:03:13,018 --> 00:03:15,630
"Nice enough, but...
little squirrelly.
41
00:03:19,895 --> 00:03:22,332
"Of course, he's been
over here a long time.
42
00:03:22,376 --> 00:03:24,073
"As your cousin
Natalie said,
43
00:03:24,116 --> 00:03:26,118
"and she's been
quoted by so many,
44
00:03:26,162 --> 00:03:27,729
"'War is hell.'"
45
00:03:29,121 --> 00:03:31,036
"Someone's at
the door, dear."
46
00:03:31,080 --> 00:03:32,037
Uh, yes, sir.
47
00:03:36,303 --> 00:03:37,304
Colonel.
48
00:03:37,347 --> 00:03:38,783
-Major. Major.
-Colonel.
49
00:03:38,827 --> 00:03:40,176
What can I do you for?
50
00:03:40,220 --> 00:03:41,482
Uh, with-- with
your permission, sir,
51
00:03:41,525 --> 00:03:43,048
we'd like to take
your picture.
52
00:03:43,092 --> 00:03:44,963
For the unit
yearbook, sir.
53
00:03:45,007 --> 00:03:46,617
I didn't know
you had a yearbook.
54
00:03:46,661 --> 00:03:48,097
-Oh, yes.
-Oh, yes. We've had
one every year.
55
00:03:48,140 --> 00:03:49,403
Starting with
this one.
56
00:03:52,057 --> 00:03:53,842
What kind of pose
would you like?
57
00:03:53,885 --> 00:03:56,758
-Um, standing.
-Sitting.
58
00:03:56,801 --> 00:03:58,934
-Standing would be
better, Major.
-Not sitting?
59
00:03:58,977 --> 00:04:02,024
Standing is very difficult
to do when you're sitting.
60
00:04:02,067 --> 00:04:04,026
Why don't I stand?
61
00:04:04,940 --> 00:04:06,811
Uh, uh...
62
00:04:06,855 --> 00:04:09,379
-MARGARET: An F-4 and 1/100th.
-FRANK: Yes, yes.
63
00:04:09,423 --> 00:04:11,076
-Uh, sir.
-FRANK: Huh?
64
00:04:11,120 --> 00:04:12,730
I think it would be better
with a 2.8 and a 1/25th.
65
00:04:12,774 --> 00:04:14,776
Keep your exposures
to yourself! Hold it!
66
00:04:16,256 --> 00:04:17,605
Now a side view.
67
00:04:17,648 --> 00:04:20,477
No, you stay, sir.
He'll move. Move!
68
00:04:24,916 --> 00:04:26,309
Protection.
Protection, yes.
69
00:04:27,832 --> 00:04:29,791
Neat.
70
00:04:29,834 --> 00:04:31,836
Thank you, Colonel.
Thank you very much.
71
00:04:31,880 --> 00:04:33,534
No sweat, I'm sure.
72
00:04:33,577 --> 00:04:35,840
Major.
Colonel.
73
00:04:39,496 --> 00:04:41,063
Curious,
aren't they?
74
00:04:42,456 --> 00:04:45,589
Oh, just about
each other.
75
00:04:45,633 --> 00:04:47,722
Well, sir,
I'm all finished now,
76
00:04:47,765 --> 00:04:50,377
unless you've got
some more dirt that
I don't know about.
77
00:04:50,420 --> 00:04:53,815
That's all.
Were my shirts delivered
by that laundry woman?
78
00:04:53,858 --> 00:04:56,383
She's a little slow, sir.
Her ox is sick.
79
00:04:56,426 --> 00:04:58,080
Oh, sorry
to hear that.
80
00:05:03,215 --> 00:05:05,348
-RADAR: Sirs.
-Hm?
81
00:05:05,392 --> 00:05:07,785
Um, I-- I was
just wondering, uh,
82
00:05:07,829 --> 00:05:11,615
would you mind taking
a picture of me
with your camera?
83
00:05:11,659 --> 00:05:14,226
"Neither a borrower
nor a lender be."
84
00:05:19,362 --> 00:05:21,799
Morning, Radar.
85
00:05:21,843 --> 00:05:23,932
Uh, good morning,
Father.
86
00:05:23,975 --> 00:05:29,329
Um, I was just testing
the wind direction.
87
00:05:29,372 --> 00:05:31,287
Ah, it's north.
88
00:05:32,941 --> 00:05:34,595
How about a date
right after chow?
89
00:05:34,638 --> 00:05:35,857
They ran out of poodle.
90
00:05:35,900 --> 00:05:37,119
What will we do?
91
00:05:37,162 --> 00:05:38,338
We could go to
the generator shed
92
00:05:38,381 --> 00:05:40,688
and watch the valves
go up an down.
93
00:05:40,731 --> 00:05:43,560
-Captain,
can I talk to you, sir?
-Uh, just a second, lad.
94
00:05:43,604 --> 00:05:45,562
-There's bird watching.
-At night?
95
00:05:45,606 --> 00:05:47,521
-Bat watching?
-It's not important, sir.
96
00:05:47,564 --> 00:05:48,870
Meet me in the Swamp,
Radar.
97
00:05:48,913 --> 00:05:50,611
Oh, thank you, sir.
98
00:05:50,654 --> 00:05:53,004
-Why don't we just
go to your tent?
-Uh-uh.
99
00:05:53,048 --> 00:05:54,266
What's the matter,
you live with your folks?
100
00:06:08,498 --> 00:06:10,631
You know how to
knock, soldier?
101
00:06:10,674 --> 00:06:11,719
Sure, sir.
102
00:06:14,156 --> 00:06:17,246
Just traipsing in.
103
00:06:17,289 --> 00:06:19,553
Now, suppose I'd been
engaged in some top-secret,
104
00:06:19,596 --> 00:06:22,077
hush-hush, confidential
activity, huh?
105
00:06:22,120 --> 00:06:25,863
Oh, I peeked first to
see if Major Houlihan
was here, sir.
106
00:06:25,907 --> 00:06:27,169
You little fink!
107
00:06:27,212 --> 00:06:30,390
-Who's a little fink?
-I am, sir.
108
00:06:30,433 --> 00:06:32,653
You may think it's
all right to give
enlisted men
109
00:06:32,696 --> 00:06:33,871
free run
of our quarters.
110
00:06:33,915 --> 00:06:36,483
-I disapprove.
-I told him to meet me.
111
00:06:36,526 --> 00:06:38,354
Oh, well, who do you
think you are?
112
00:06:38,398 --> 00:06:39,964
Captain
Benjamin Franklin Pierce,
113
00:06:40,008 --> 00:06:41,879
surgeon, U.S. Army
involuntary.
114
00:06:41,923 --> 00:06:43,315
Your hand is filthy.
115
00:06:43,359 --> 00:06:45,056
I was leaning against
a dusty nurse.
116
00:06:45,100 --> 00:06:46,362
For a change.
117
00:06:46,406 --> 00:06:47,885
Where you goin',
Frank?
118
00:06:47,929 --> 00:06:50,322
That's for me to know
and you to find out.
119
00:06:50,366 --> 00:06:52,847
Witty dog.
120
00:06:52,890 --> 00:06:55,284
I'm probably responsible
for his leaving.
121
00:06:55,327 --> 00:06:56,590
Ah. Come in
more often.
122
00:06:57,808 --> 00:07:00,115
What's up, Radar?
123
00:07:00,158 --> 00:07:02,770
Oh.
It's Colonel Potter.
124
00:07:02,813 --> 00:07:05,642
Gee, I just can't get
relaxed around him.
125
00:07:05,686 --> 00:07:08,471
It's like staying
with your aunt instead
of your mother.
126
00:07:08,515 --> 00:07:10,473
You gotta say "please."
127
00:07:10,517 --> 00:07:13,563
You can't dunk your
Zwieback in your Bosco.
128
00:07:13,607 --> 00:07:14,738
You're not used
to him yet, Radar.
129
00:07:14,782 --> 00:07:17,480
-Give him time.
-Oh, no, no, no!
130
00:07:17,524 --> 00:07:19,961
I spent 15 summers
with my aunt.
131
00:07:20,004 --> 00:07:22,180
Always came home
with hyperacidity.
132
00:07:25,880 --> 00:07:27,577
Ol' Henry Blake
was like his father.
133
00:07:27,621 --> 00:07:29,405
Oh, yeah.
134
00:07:29,449 --> 00:07:31,363
Taught me everything
about life and everything.
135
00:07:31,407 --> 00:07:33,453
Even women.
136
00:07:33,496 --> 00:07:36,499
-HAWKEYE: I know.
-I can't wait to get home
and try it out.
137
00:07:36,543 --> 00:07:39,546
Give Potter a chance, Radar.
He's okay.
138
00:07:39,589 --> 00:07:42,940
No, no, it's not the same!
It's my aunt all over again.
139
00:07:45,856 --> 00:07:47,118
-Chopper.
140
00:07:47,162 --> 00:07:48,380
MAN :
Incoming chopper.
141
00:07:48,424 --> 00:07:51,253
No wounded.
Repeat, no wounded.
142
00:07:51,296 --> 00:07:52,950
Just mail
for a few luckies.
143
00:07:58,869 --> 00:08:00,610
-MAN: Here you go, Corporal.
-Thank you, sir.
144
00:08:00,654 --> 00:08:02,394
I wanna check
the tail rotor cables,
145
00:08:02,438 --> 00:08:04,658
and then, uh, y'all got
a sharpshooter around here?
146
00:08:04,701 --> 00:08:06,921
We've got four rifles
in this outfit,
147
00:08:06,964 --> 00:08:08,531
and one of them's
a reading lamp.
148
00:08:08,575 --> 00:08:10,141
Well, we got
a wounded horse up north.
149
00:08:10,185 --> 00:08:11,621
Left there
by the Chinese.
150
00:08:11,665 --> 00:08:14,102
I wanna put the critter
out of its misery.
151
00:08:14,145 --> 00:08:15,799
Hey, hey, hey,
wait a minute!
152
00:08:15,843 --> 00:08:17,584
You just gonna shoot it?
153
00:08:17,627 --> 00:08:19,150
Well, I think
he's pretty badly hurt.
154
00:08:19,194 --> 00:08:20,630
Well, you can't
do that.
155
00:08:20,674 --> 00:08:22,066
Radar, the animal's
probably suffering.
156
00:08:22,110 --> 00:08:23,633
Well, that doesn't mean
you have to kill it.
157
00:08:23,677 --> 00:08:26,201
-It's got rights.
-Well, what else can I do?
158
00:08:26,244 --> 00:08:28,203
Well, these sirs
are doctors, sir.
159
00:08:28,246 --> 00:08:29,726
So maybe they can
save it.
160
00:08:29,770 --> 00:08:31,119
Come on.
I'll go with ya.
161
00:08:31,162 --> 00:08:32,163
Would youse, huh?
162
00:08:32,207 --> 00:08:34,470
Please?
Pretty please?
163
00:08:34,514 --> 00:08:36,907
-You get the feeling
we're in a Lassie movie?
-Please?
164
00:08:36,951 --> 00:08:37,995
-All right, okay.
-Okay.
165
00:08:38,039 --> 00:08:40,258
-Will you help us?
-Sure.
166
00:08:40,302 --> 00:08:41,564
POTTER :
"Sorry I had to leave you
for a minute,
167
00:08:41,608 --> 00:08:43,261
"Mildred, dear.
168
00:08:43,305 --> 00:08:45,220
"I walked over from
my office to the mess tent
169
00:08:45,263 --> 00:08:47,135
"for a cup of Joe.
170
00:08:47,178 --> 00:08:49,311
"Can't say much
for the coffee here.
171
00:08:49,354 --> 00:08:52,967
"But if I run out of ink,
I'm covered. Ha, ha."
172
00:08:53,010 --> 00:08:55,404
-Colonel?
-Padre.
173
00:08:55,447 --> 00:08:57,145
-Little coffee break?
-Yes, sir.
174
00:08:58,625 --> 00:09:01,410
I've been hearing
confessions all morning.
175
00:09:01,453 --> 00:09:03,499
It gets me right in
through here.
176
00:09:03,543 --> 00:09:05,196
Enjoyed the sermon Sunday.
177
00:09:05,240 --> 00:09:08,417
Oh, yes.
"Do unto thy brother."
178
00:09:08,460 --> 00:09:11,551
You know, you can't miss
if you've got good material.
179
00:09:14,118 --> 00:09:16,991
Well, if you'll excuse me,
I have to run.
180
00:09:17,034 --> 00:09:18,819
More confessions?
181
00:09:18,862 --> 00:09:19,950
Dysentery.
182
00:09:19,994 --> 00:09:22,387
Ah, well,
"This too shall pass."
183
00:09:28,176 --> 00:09:30,874
POTTER:
"Excuse me, Mildred.
That was Father Mulcahy.
184
00:09:30,918 --> 00:09:34,661
"You'd like him.
Very dedicated,
fine young priest.
185
00:09:34,704 --> 00:09:38,447
"Every once in a while
he'll surprise
the putteez of ya.
186
00:09:38,490 --> 00:09:40,754
"The other night we were
watching a movie...
187
00:09:45,802 --> 00:09:47,499
Three to one,
I'll take the Indians.
188
00:09:47,543 --> 00:09:49,589
It's a bet.
Five bucks.
189
00:09:49,632 --> 00:09:52,330
-What's the name of
this picture?
-"Custer's Last Stand."
190
00:09:52,374 --> 00:09:54,202
Hey, you're ruining
my picture!
191
00:10:03,080 --> 00:10:06,693
-KLINGER: Lights. Lights.
192
00:10:06,736 --> 00:10:09,260
-Can you fix it, Corporal?
-I think so, sir.
193
00:10:09,304 --> 00:10:10,305
Don't you have
another picture?
194
00:10:10,348 --> 00:10:11,872
Just one,
a training film.
195
00:10:11,915 --> 00:10:12,916
"Fungus of the Feet."
196
00:10:12,960 --> 00:10:14,396
Starring
Fred Astaire.
197
00:10:14,439 --> 00:10:16,267
How long will it take,
Corporal?
198
00:10:16,311 --> 00:10:17,921
Uh, few minutes, sir.
199
00:10:17,965 --> 00:10:20,054
ALL: Aww.
200
00:10:20,097 --> 00:10:22,360
Patience is its
own reward, folks.
201
00:10:22,404 --> 00:10:24,232
Perhaps,
with your permission,
202
00:10:24,275 --> 00:10:26,974
Lieutenant O'Connor and I
can give you a little preview
203
00:10:27,017 --> 00:10:29,585
of a number
we've been rehearsing
for the orphan show.
204
00:10:29,629 --> 00:10:34,416
-Here, here.
205
00:10:34,459 --> 00:10:35,896
Come, my child.
206
00:10:38,289 --> 00:10:39,813
-O'CONNOR: Yeah.
207
00:10:39,856 --> 00:10:41,815
MULCAHY:
208
00:10:41,858 --> 00:10:46,471
♪ When you're all dressed up
and no place to go ♪
209
00:10:46,515 --> 00:10:50,127
♪ Life seems weary,
dreary and slow ♪
210
00:10:50,171 --> 00:10:55,045
♪ My heart has ached and bled
for the tears I've shed ♪
211
00:10:55,089 --> 00:10:59,789
♪ When I've no place to go
unless I went back to bed ♪
212
00:10:59,833 --> 00:11:04,664
♪ I've had a sad, sad life
and whenever I go ♪
213
00:11:04,707 --> 00:11:10,670
♪ To that peaceful spot
where the violets grow ♪
214
00:11:10,713 --> 00:11:17,981
♪ Upon a nice white stone
will be written below ♪
215
00:11:18,025 --> 00:11:22,812
♪ He was all dressed up
and no place to go ♪
216
00:11:46,140 --> 00:11:47,837
Can you see him, Dan?
217
00:11:47,881 --> 00:11:50,840
He's about a mile west
of your position.
218
00:11:50,884 --> 00:11:53,713
You're gonna have to
get off the road.
219
00:11:54,975 --> 00:11:58,413
Dan, any unfriendlies
around?
220
00:11:58,456 --> 00:12:00,023
Good question.
221
00:12:00,067 --> 00:12:01,503
Negative.
222
00:12:05,812 --> 00:12:07,030
This is crazy!
223
00:12:07,074 --> 00:12:10,642
As opposed to just
being in Korea?
224
00:12:10,686 --> 00:12:12,470
Turn right at that tree,
225
00:12:12,514 --> 00:12:14,777
and you'll see him
about 2 o'clock.
226
00:12:32,839 --> 00:12:34,710
RADAR: Great!
227
00:12:34,754 --> 00:12:36,494
HAWKEYE: Perfect, Dan.
Good spotting!
228
00:12:36,538 --> 00:12:38,018
B.J.: We're fine from here.
229
00:12:42,457 --> 00:12:44,807
RADAR: This is good.
Stop. Not too close.
230
00:12:51,596 --> 00:12:53,468
You know anything
about horses?
231
00:12:53,511 --> 00:12:56,297
-I stepped in
some manure once.
-You're in charge.
232
00:12:59,866 --> 00:13:01,215
Ah, come on,
come on, come on.
233
00:13:03,870 --> 00:13:05,436
-Oh!
-Ooh!
234
00:13:05,480 --> 00:13:07,656
Look at him!
Wow, he's beautiful!
235
00:13:07,699 --> 00:13:09,353
I just hope it's not
two Chinese in a horse suit.
236
00:13:09,397 --> 00:13:10,964
Let's just get him
and get outta here.
237
00:13:11,007 --> 00:13:12,835
Well, wait a minute.
Maybe we should
talk to him first.
238
00:13:12,879 --> 00:13:14,141
Radar, if he's got
anything to say,
239
00:13:14,184 --> 00:13:15,838
he'll tell you
in the truck.
240
00:13:19,407 --> 00:13:20,843
Easy. Easy.
241
00:13:20,887 --> 00:13:23,063
Don't scare him.
He might hurt himself.
242
00:13:23,106 --> 00:13:24,760
Did you ever
lasso anything?
243
00:13:24,804 --> 00:13:26,980
My little sister.
Owed me a nickel.
244
00:13:29,286 --> 00:13:31,027
Hawkeye, get over there
and draw his attention
245
00:13:31,071 --> 00:13:33,638
-away from me.
-You got it, Tex.
246
00:13:33,682 --> 00:13:36,380
Careful.
Don't hurt him.
247
00:13:44,736 --> 00:13:46,260
Throw it.
He's giving me the eye.
248
00:13:56,879 --> 00:13:58,272
Gimme that rope.
249
00:13:58,315 --> 00:13:59,795
-It's still my turn.
-Come on. Come on.
250
00:14:02,015 --> 00:14:04,713
What you gotta do is make
him think you're just...
251
00:14:04,756 --> 00:14:07,194
headin' for the bunkhouse
for a cup of coffee.
252
00:14:11,459 --> 00:14:13,591
He knows you're not
goin' to the bunkhouse.
253
00:14:13,635 --> 00:14:14,984
Would you sirs mind
just holding still
254
00:14:15,028 --> 00:14:16,856
for just a minute?
Okay?
255
00:14:24,559 --> 00:14:27,214
Easy, boy.
256
00:14:27,257 --> 00:14:30,130
Easy, boy.
I'm not gonna hurt ya.
257
00:14:30,173 --> 00:14:32,828
Attaboy.
Look what I got here.
258
00:14:32,872 --> 00:14:35,091
My name is Radar.
Radar O'Reilly.
259
00:14:38,312 --> 00:14:40,836
Yeah, you're
a nice horse, aren't ya?
260
00:14:42,751 --> 00:14:45,058
Would you like to take
a ride in a nice big truck?
261
00:14:45,101 --> 00:14:47,495
I'll sit right beside
you all the way.
262
00:14:49,149 --> 00:14:51,934
Here. Come on.
263
00:14:51,978 --> 00:14:55,155
Attaboy. Come on.
264
00:14:57,113 --> 00:14:59,768
If I could only do
that with nurses.
265
00:15:05,730 --> 00:15:08,908
POTTER :
"Just got back from
Rosie's Bar, dear.
266
00:15:08,951 --> 00:15:10,866
"A civilian joint
across the road.
267
00:15:10,910 --> 00:15:12,563
"Picked up a few beers.
268
00:15:12,607 --> 00:15:15,349
"Ran into Majors Burns
and Houlihan.
269
00:15:15,392 --> 00:15:19,092
"She's the head nurse.
He's the head twerp.
270
00:15:19,135 --> 00:15:23,139
"He's married,
but I think something's
going on between 'em.
271
00:15:23,183 --> 00:15:25,054
"Course,
it's none of my business.
272
00:15:25,098 --> 00:15:27,317
"Sometimes he has lip rouge
around his mouth,
273
00:15:27,361 --> 00:15:29,189
"and his lips
are all swollen.
274
00:15:29,232 --> 00:15:32,018
"But like I say,
that's none of my affair.
275
00:15:32,061 --> 00:15:34,672
"Seen her a few times with
whisker burns on her cheeks,
276
00:15:34,716 --> 00:15:37,153
"but that's of
no interest to me.
277
00:15:37,197 --> 00:15:40,635
"He did come into the O.R.
the other morning with
teeth marks on his neck.
278
00:15:40,678 --> 00:15:42,506
"Doesn't prove anything,
though.
279
00:15:42,550 --> 00:15:45,118
"He could have been rough
housing with the camp dogs.
280
00:15:45,161 --> 00:15:47,424
"But you know
how I am, Mildred.
281
00:15:47,468 --> 00:15:52,473
"What folks do
on their off duty hours
is no business of mine."
282
00:15:52,516 --> 00:15:56,172
Ah! Anniversary.
I understand.
283
00:15:56,216 --> 00:15:58,000
Many happy returns.
284
00:15:58,044 --> 00:15:59,959
I have just what
the major needs.
285
00:16:02,874 --> 00:16:04,746
William Holden.
286
00:16:04,789 --> 00:16:06,139
No. No, no.
287
00:16:06,182 --> 00:16:08,445
No, it isn't
his anniversary.
288
00:16:08,489 --> 00:16:09,925
It's the Colonel's.
289
00:16:09,969 --> 00:16:12,580
And we want to get him
something special.
290
00:16:12,623 --> 00:16:15,322
Oh.
291
00:16:15,365 --> 00:16:16,976
Yeah.
292
00:16:19,587 --> 00:16:21,371
One doorstop,
two dollars.
293
00:16:21,415 --> 00:16:24,418
Two bookends, a special,
four dollars.
294
00:16:24,461 --> 00:16:26,333
If you'll just shut up,
we'll tell you what we want.
295
00:16:26,376 --> 00:16:28,161
Okay, Joe.
296
00:16:28,204 --> 00:16:32,817
One of our sergeants
said you do wood carving.
297
00:16:32,861 --> 00:16:34,776
Oh! Sergeant Kowalski.
298
00:16:34,819 --> 00:16:38,606
I made a naked lady
radiator cap for his
father's Chrysler.
299
00:16:38,649 --> 00:16:40,042
Oh, now we're
getting somewhere.
300
00:16:40,086 --> 00:16:41,913
You do carve.
301
00:16:41,957 --> 00:16:43,480
I show you.
302
00:16:47,180 --> 00:16:49,051
Used to be round.
303
00:16:50,487 --> 00:16:52,837
-Looks like a two-by-four.
-Thank you.
304
00:16:56,319 --> 00:16:58,452
Look at these.
305
00:16:58,495 --> 00:16:59,975
That's Colonel Potter.
306
00:17:00,019 --> 00:17:02,021
Front view.
Side view.
307
00:17:02,064 --> 00:17:03,892
-Two views.
-Check.
308
00:17:03,935 --> 00:17:05,241
No checks.
Strictly cash.
309
00:17:06,503 --> 00:17:09,419
No, the major
will pay in cash.
310
00:17:09,463 --> 00:17:13,467
We would like a bust carved
of Colonel Potter.
311
00:17:13,510 --> 00:17:16,122
-I thought you were
gonna pay half.
-All right!
312
00:17:16,165 --> 00:17:18,472
Can you carve a bust?
313
00:17:18,515 --> 00:17:21,475
-Wood or stone?
-Wood.
314
00:17:21,518 --> 00:17:24,521
Hmm. Lotsa work.
Two assistants.
315
00:17:24,565 --> 00:17:28,612
Electric light at night.
Overtime. Hmm.
316
00:17:28,656 --> 00:17:30,179
Six bucks.
317
00:17:30,223 --> 00:17:32,660
-Well...
-Frank.
318
00:17:32,703 --> 00:17:34,792
These people have
no "espect-ray"
319
00:17:34,836 --> 00:17:37,186
unless you "aggle-hay"
over the "ice-pray."
320
00:17:42,887 --> 00:17:44,715
-Five dollars.
-Seven-fifty.
321
00:17:44,759 --> 00:17:46,630
Sold.
322
00:17:46,674 --> 00:17:48,502
"Umb-day"!
323
00:17:49,720 --> 00:17:51,418
You just
take it easy, pal.
324
00:17:51,461 --> 00:17:53,768
This isn't gonna hurt,
not a bit.
325
00:17:53,811 --> 00:17:56,249
These guys are
terrific doctors.
326
00:17:56,292 --> 00:17:58,077
Don't build him up
too much, Radar.
327
00:17:58,120 --> 00:18:00,122
This is my first
horse-ectomy.
328
00:18:00,166 --> 00:18:01,906
Didn't you guys' own pets
ever get sick?
329
00:18:01,950 --> 00:18:04,300
The only pet I ever had
was a stuffed owl.
330
00:18:04,344 --> 00:18:06,041
A very true
and loyal bird.
331
00:18:06,085 --> 00:18:07,129
Give 'em a little cotton,
and they're yours for life.
332
00:18:08,739 --> 00:18:10,654
Don't you listen.
They're just kidding.
333
00:18:10,698 --> 00:18:13,004
-Ready, Doctor?
-As ready as I'll ever be.
334
00:18:16,399 --> 00:18:17,922
-Oh-oh.
335
00:18:17,966 --> 00:18:19,098
-Easy. Nice, nice fella.
-Nice, nice.
336
00:18:19,141 --> 00:18:20,099
Like that.
337
00:18:20,142 --> 00:18:22,840
Boy-y-y.
Good. Good.
338
00:18:22,884 --> 00:18:24,494
Easy, pal.
339
00:18:24,538 --> 00:18:26,105
They're just gonna swab
your behind in the back.
340
00:18:26,148 --> 00:18:27,584
That's all.
341
00:18:27,628 --> 00:18:29,543
How bad is it?
342
00:18:29,586 --> 00:18:31,153
-From point of entry,
343
00:18:31,197 --> 00:18:33,242
it looks like one piece
of shrapnel.
344
00:18:33,286 --> 00:18:34,591
He'll be fine, Radar.
345
00:18:34,635 --> 00:18:37,028
You can bet him
to win, place and live.
346
00:18:37,072 --> 00:18:38,682
Ya got anything
to calm him down?
347
00:18:38,726 --> 00:18:40,162
I'm trying to give
him a sedative.
348
00:18:40,206 --> 00:18:41,772
You got anything
to calm me down?
349
00:18:41,816 --> 00:18:43,252
Radar, will you
hold on to him?
350
00:18:43,296 --> 00:18:45,167
I am holding him!
351
00:18:47,082 --> 00:18:48,301
Radar.
352
00:18:48,344 --> 00:18:49,780
Easy, boy--
easy, easy.
353
00:18:49,824 --> 00:18:51,913
Watch it, watch it,
watch it! Radar!
354
00:18:58,180 --> 00:18:59,616
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa!
355
00:19:05,579 --> 00:19:08,234
You're in business
for yourself, Radar!
356
00:19:08,277 --> 00:19:09,322
Did he kick you?
357
00:19:09,365 --> 00:19:11,062
No. He just missed
the lavaliere.
358
00:19:11,106 --> 00:19:12,542
He's all
calmed down now.
359
00:19:12,586 --> 00:19:14,196
-You forget it.
He's crazy.
-He's crazy.
360
00:19:14,240 --> 00:19:16,024
Well,
he's only human.
361
00:19:16,067 --> 00:19:19,070
Anyway, the sedative worked.
His eyes are all glazed over.
362
00:19:19,114 --> 00:19:21,160
That's not the end
we're worried about.
363
00:19:21,203 --> 00:19:22,639
But, he needs you!
364
00:19:22,683 --> 00:19:24,772
-N-no. Radar--
-Oh, please?
365
00:19:24,815 --> 00:19:25,947
No, no.
366
00:19:25,990 --> 00:19:27,688
Come on.
He needs ya. Please?
367
00:19:27,731 --> 00:19:29,646
MAN :
Attention.
368
00:19:29,690 --> 00:19:32,301
Here's a bulletin from
the truce talks in Panmunjom.
369
00:19:32,345 --> 00:19:34,651
After six weeks
of negotiation,
370
00:19:34,695 --> 00:19:36,653
the U.N. And North Korea
have agreed
371
00:19:36,697 --> 00:19:38,655
that flagpoles
in the peace compound
372
00:19:38,699 --> 00:19:42,224
are to be 32 feet,
6 1/4 inches high.
373
00:19:42,268 --> 00:19:44,139
World leaders
hail this agreement
374
00:19:44,183 --> 00:19:47,011
as an important step
toward lasting peace.
375
00:19:47,055 --> 00:19:49,013
HAWKEYE: Radar, you know,
the longer you keep him,
376
00:19:49,057 --> 00:19:51,233
the more attached
you're gonna get.
377
00:19:51,277 --> 00:19:52,800
Maybe some farmer down
in the village can take him.
378
00:19:52,843 --> 00:19:54,367
Are you kidding?
379
00:19:54,410 --> 00:19:57,021
Have him pull some heavy wagon
full of rocks and junk?
380
00:19:57,065 --> 00:19:58,719
I'm keeping him.
381
00:19:58,762 --> 00:20:00,329
B.J.: I don't think you can.
382
00:20:00,373 --> 00:20:02,070
Colonel Blake used to
let me keep pets.
383
00:20:02,113 --> 00:20:03,593
He let me keep
Black Beauty.
384
00:20:04,681 --> 00:20:06,509
Black Beauty
was a hamster.
385
00:20:06,553 --> 00:20:07,684
Potter's not Blake.
386
00:20:07,728 --> 00:20:09,382
He'll never even know.
387
00:20:09,425 --> 00:20:10,644
The man's ex-cavalry.
388
00:20:10,687 --> 00:20:12,254
If he spots four flies
having a meeting,
389
00:20:12,298 --> 00:20:14,256
he knows they're talking
about a horse.
390
00:20:14,300 --> 00:20:17,216
I'm not giving him up.
391
00:20:17,259 --> 00:20:20,523
Look at his eyes.
He loves me.
392
00:20:20,567 --> 00:20:23,265
You don't
even know his name,
background, family.
393
00:20:23,309 --> 00:20:24,919
There's a difference
in your ages.
394
00:20:36,235 --> 00:20:37,845
Spit on the tips, Frank.
395
00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:42,719
Well, where is that
wood carver?
396
00:20:42,763 --> 00:20:44,939
He promised to deliver
the bust this morning.
397
00:20:44,982 --> 00:20:49,683
I told you not to pay
in advance.
398
00:20:49,726 --> 00:20:52,686
I told you to pay half
when we ordered it,
399
00:20:52,729 --> 00:20:55,341
and half on delivery.
400
00:20:55,384 --> 00:20:56,690
Oh, I didn't know.
401
00:20:56,733 --> 00:20:57,952
My wife usually handles
these dumb things.
402
00:21:00,346 --> 00:21:02,652
Frank, you mention
that person's name
403
00:21:02,696 --> 00:21:04,263
in this tent once more,
404
00:21:04,306 --> 00:21:06,700
and you'll never spit
on my boots again.
405
00:21:06,743 --> 00:21:08,658
Sorry, Margaret.
406
00:21:10,443 --> 00:21:11,879
MAN:
Cho Man Chin.
407
00:21:15,796 --> 00:21:18,842
-Hello, lady and man.
-Well, it's about time!
408
00:21:18,886 --> 00:21:21,410
-You like rope around box?
-Yes, yes, it's fine.
409
00:21:21,454 --> 00:21:24,108
Gift wrapped.
I did a first-class job.
410
00:21:24,152 --> 00:21:25,414
How do I look?
411
00:21:25,458 --> 00:21:27,286
You have a little
dandruff.
412
00:21:27,329 --> 00:21:28,939
That's none of
your business.
413
00:21:28,983 --> 00:21:30,637
I'm also
a hairdresser.
414
00:21:35,990 --> 00:21:38,122
You don't have any
dandruff, Margaret.
415
00:21:38,166 --> 00:21:40,081
You got rid of
most of it.
416
00:21:40,124 --> 00:21:42,562
-Where are you going?
-I hate to miss the big moment.
417
00:21:42,605 --> 00:21:44,259
You've been paid,
so push off!
418
00:21:44,303 --> 00:21:46,696
Please. An artist's life
has so few rewards.
419
00:21:46,740 --> 00:21:48,959
Frank, I go on duty
in ten minutes.
420
00:21:49,003 --> 00:21:52,180
-What's in the box, Frank?
-None of your beeswax.
421
00:21:52,223 --> 00:21:54,835
A present for the
Colonel's anniversary.
422
00:21:54,878 --> 00:21:57,707
We should've
gotten him something.
423
00:21:57,751 --> 00:22:00,667
Watches.
Ballpoint pens.
424
00:22:00,710 --> 00:22:04,018
Look at this.
Very valuable.
425
00:22:04,061 --> 00:22:06,150
Hitler's pencil box.
426
00:22:09,763 --> 00:22:11,112
POTTER :
"And so, Mildred dear,
427
00:22:11,155 --> 00:22:13,680
"I come to the end
of this long letter.
428
00:22:13,723 --> 00:22:16,204
"Sorry we can't be together
on our anniversary,
429
00:22:16,247 --> 00:22:18,946
"but my heart is always
with you.
430
00:22:18,989 --> 00:22:20,948
"Your ever loving Sherm."
431
00:22:25,387 --> 00:22:27,215
Come in.
432
00:22:27,258 --> 00:22:29,086
BOTH:
Happy anniversary, Colonel!
433
00:22:29,130 --> 00:22:31,480
Well!
This is indeed a surprise!
434
00:22:31,524 --> 00:22:33,395
B.J. and I
didn't know, Colonel.
435
00:22:33,439 --> 00:22:34,918
Yeah. We'd have
gotten you something.
436
00:22:34,962 --> 00:22:37,573
World Series ring?
437
00:22:37,617 --> 00:22:39,227
You really shouldn't
have done this.
438
00:22:39,270 --> 00:22:40,402
Oh, it was nothing.
439
00:22:40,446 --> 00:22:42,752
Oh, this is from
me and Major Burns.
440
00:22:42,796 --> 00:22:44,450
They had nothing
to do with it.
441
00:22:47,453 --> 00:22:48,628
Can't figure
what this is.
442
00:22:48,671 --> 00:22:50,456
Well, uh, may I, sir?
443
00:22:50,499 --> 00:22:51,935
The moment of truth.
444
00:22:51,979 --> 00:22:53,937
Remember the day we took
your picture, sir?
445
00:22:53,981 --> 00:22:56,331
-Well...
-Voila!
446
00:22:57,419 --> 00:22:58,377
Hey, I like that!
447
00:22:58,420 --> 00:23:01,162
Hey, that's nice!
448
00:23:01,205 --> 00:23:02,424
FRANK:
It doesn't look
like the Colonel.
449
00:23:02,468 --> 00:23:04,470
It looks like you.
450
00:23:04,513 --> 00:23:05,993
It gives the Colonel
a little class.
451
00:23:09,692 --> 00:23:12,391
Well, I'm overwhelmed.
I think it's a dandy likeness.
452
00:23:13,783 --> 00:23:15,350
Come.
453
00:23:15,394 --> 00:23:16,830
Ah, sir?
454
00:23:16,873 --> 00:23:18,701
I have a present
for your anniversary.
455
00:23:18,745 --> 00:23:21,400
Well, this is turning
into a real party!
456
00:23:21,443 --> 00:23:23,402
-Can I bring it in, sir?
-POTTER: Please.
457
00:23:25,708 --> 00:23:27,754
Wish Mother were here
to enjoy all this.
458
00:23:38,199 --> 00:23:40,201
Oh... my!
459
00:23:42,682 --> 00:23:44,292
It's a horse, sir.
460
00:23:44,335 --> 00:23:46,294
Here's the keys.
461
00:23:47,426 --> 00:23:49,123
A beautiful horse.
462
00:23:52,518 --> 00:23:54,694
I don't know
what to say, Radar.
463
00:23:54,737 --> 00:23:56,609
I want my money back.
464
00:23:56,652 --> 00:23:58,393
In American, and not
that stuff I paid you.
465
00:23:58,437 --> 00:23:59,699
Shh.
466
00:24:03,746 --> 00:24:05,835
He can't be more
than four years old.
467
00:24:05,879 --> 00:24:07,620
Pretty nice, Radar.
468
00:24:07,663 --> 00:24:09,883
At least I'll get
to take care of him.
469
00:24:11,537 --> 00:24:12,886
This calls for a drink.
470
00:24:12,929 --> 00:24:14,017
At least.
471
00:24:16,759 --> 00:24:17,934
RADAR:
Sorry about that, sir.
472
00:24:17,978 --> 00:24:19,588
That's disgusting!
473
00:24:19,632 --> 00:24:22,461
Son, to me,
that's a tip-toe
through the tulips.
474
00:24:26,290 --> 00:24:27,770
Good boy.
475
00:24:33,384 --> 00:24:36,387
MAN :
Attention, all personnel.
Incoming wounded.
476
00:24:36,431 --> 00:24:38,041
Both shifts to O.R.
on the double.
477
00:24:38,085 --> 00:24:40,217
Incoming wounded.
478
00:24:40,261 --> 00:24:41,697
Let's get 'em,
boys and girls!
479
00:24:41,741 --> 00:24:43,220
Let's get 'em!
34481
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