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1
00:00:06,860 --> 00:00:11,600
Woman! Are you referring to me?
2
00:00:11,600 --> 00:00:14,800
Well, it's a funny way
to be referring to me.
3
00:00:14,800 --> 00:00:16,880
I don't answer to woman.
4
00:00:16,880 --> 00:00:19,460
You could, if you did
yourself up a bit.
5
00:00:19,460 --> 00:00:22,720
If you went for a different look.
I don't do looks.
6
00:00:22,720 --> 00:00:25,020
What you see is what you get.
7
00:00:25,020 --> 00:00:29,000
It looks like what to wear
for your next depression.
8
00:00:29,000 --> 00:00:30,880
I don't put myself
about to attract men.
9
00:00:30,880 --> 00:00:33,240
Yes, we have noticed.
10
00:00:33,240 --> 00:00:36,760
And in that respect it must be
admitted you're doing a fine job.
11
00:00:36,760 --> 00:00:39,260
I never see a man
heading for your door.
12
00:00:39,260 --> 00:00:41,760
And if you did, he'd be on business.
13
00:00:41,760 --> 00:00:44,080
Have you never thought of one
for pleasure?
14
00:00:44,080 --> 00:00:46,540
What the Dickens is so
pleasurable about a man?
15
00:00:46,540 --> 00:00:49,820
We're built for it, woman.
16
00:00:49,820 --> 00:00:53,800
We're creatures of air and magic.
17
00:00:53,800 --> 00:00:56,560
Well, you're losing your hair
and I don't see much magic.
18
00:00:58,480 --> 00:01:02,360
Give us a chance woman.
I can't work it from next door.
19
00:01:02,360 --> 00:01:05,580
You'll have to come closer
if you want the full effect.
20
00:01:05,580 --> 00:01:08,920
Pass. Come and have a cup of tea.
21
00:01:08,920 --> 00:01:12,140
I haven't time to be
dawdling with you.
22
00:01:12,140 --> 00:01:13,820
Leave the brush...
23
00:01:13,820 --> 00:01:16,520
we're always a threesome.
24
00:01:16,520 --> 00:01:19,480
You're missing one of
the world's great dawdles.
25
00:01:54,500 --> 00:01:57,560
Fortunately I was out,
26
00:01:57,560 --> 00:02:01,240
but she left me some
home made brandy snaps.
27
00:02:01,240 --> 00:02:04,520
That's a bit frivolous isn't it...
brandy snaps at your age?
28
00:02:04,520 --> 00:02:08,040
It wasn't my idea.
I'm the innocent party.
29
00:02:08,040 --> 00:02:12,460
You can't go about recklessly
accepting brandy snaps.
30
00:02:12,460 --> 00:02:14,580
It could mean you're an item.
31
00:02:14,580 --> 00:02:17,800
I hardly know the woman.
32
00:02:17,800 --> 00:02:20,960
You weren't all that
familiar with your wife.
33
00:02:20,960 --> 00:02:26,340
I could beat her at dominoes.
Anyway I didn't actually accept it.
34
00:02:26,340 --> 00:02:28,540
She left it with Pearl.
35
00:02:28,540 --> 00:02:30,740
So now she's got a witness.
36
00:02:30,740 --> 00:02:35,940
Ah, you're trying to scare me. And?
37
00:02:37,040 --> 00:02:41,100
You're succeeding.
That's what friends are for.
38
00:02:57,940 --> 00:03:00,140
How's it going, Alvin?
39
00:03:00,140 --> 00:03:02,620
Fine. Yourself?
40
00:03:02,620 --> 00:03:04,700
Mustn't grumble. Nice to see you.
41
00:03:04,700 --> 00:03:06,660
Likewise.
42
00:03:06,660 --> 00:03:08,260
How's the family?
43
00:03:08,260 --> 00:03:10,260
Still bickering. Take care.
44
00:03:10,260 --> 00:03:12,020
And you.
45
00:03:12,020 --> 00:03:15,700
Who was that? I've no idea.
46
00:03:15,700 --> 00:03:17,040
They all look the same.
47
00:03:31,620 --> 00:03:32,740
Help yourself.
48
00:03:32,740 --> 00:03:36,800
You must be joking.
49
00:03:36,800 --> 00:03:42,600
That's not just brandy snap,
that's a - will you be my
Valentine brandy snap.
50
00:03:42,600 --> 00:03:47,020
We'll both have one,
there's safety in numbers.
51
00:03:47,020 --> 00:03:52,500
What's it like?
52
00:03:54,100 --> 00:03:58,040
It's very seductive.
53
00:03:58,040 --> 00:04:01,780
Life is full of these
tricky situations.
54
00:04:01,780 --> 00:04:03,700
KNOCK AT DOOR
55
00:04:03,700 --> 00:04:06,420
And here comes another.
56
00:04:06,420 --> 00:04:08,440
I'm glad I've caught you, Cleggy.
57
00:04:08,440 --> 00:04:12,080
Me too. Pull up a mouth
and have some brandy snaps.
58
00:04:12,080 --> 00:04:17,300
He doesn't count.
He's not available. For what?
59
00:04:17,300 --> 00:04:19,500
Romantic purposes.
60
00:04:19,500 --> 00:04:23,380
I wouldn't go as far
as to say not available.
61
00:04:23,380 --> 00:04:25,740
You've enough on your plate.
62
00:04:25,740 --> 00:04:27,960
And on his side plate.
63
00:04:31,140 --> 00:04:33,880
We just love that way of life.
64
00:04:33,880 --> 00:04:37,080
The different customs.
The different foods.
65
00:04:37,080 --> 00:04:39,540
Of course, we don't
touch the garlic.
66
00:04:39,540 --> 00:04:42,120
Neville would be up all night.
67
00:04:42,120 --> 00:04:45,020
But he is quite adventurous
with a chilli.
68
00:04:47,500 --> 00:04:51,120
We sometimes talk
about buying over there.
69
00:04:51,120 --> 00:04:53,780
Property values aren't like ours.
70
00:04:53,780 --> 00:04:56,840
Of course, they're all dirt poor.
71
00:04:56,840 --> 00:05:00,240
But one can find the odd
sanitary enclave.
72
00:05:02,820 --> 00:05:04,660
That was delicious coffee.
73
00:05:04,660 --> 00:05:06,600
I could drink it all day.
74
00:05:06,600 --> 00:05:09,920
We're not doing bad.
Of course, it's a simpler life.
75
00:05:09,920 --> 00:05:12,800
There's really only
poverty and golf.
76
00:05:12,800 --> 00:05:16,880
You just hope they don't spoil it
with a lot of economic development.
77
00:05:16,880 --> 00:05:21,020
When they're poor, foreigners
are so much nicer we always find.
78
00:05:22,880 --> 00:05:26,060
I suppose I really ought to
let you get on with your chores.
79
00:05:27,640 --> 00:05:32,100
I always tell Neville...
you can rely on Glenda's coffee.
80
00:05:32,100 --> 00:05:34,180
Would you like another one?
81
00:05:34,180 --> 00:05:36,220
Or did you ought to be going?
82
00:05:36,220 --> 00:05:37,840
Yes, I ought to be going.
83
00:05:37,840 --> 00:05:40,300
I mustn't keep you.
Oh, well, in that case.
84
00:05:40,300 --> 00:05:42,060
I can see you're busy.
85
00:05:42,060 --> 00:05:43,780
Always a job.
86
00:05:43,780 --> 00:05:46,620
I know the feeling.
87
00:05:46,620 --> 00:05:49,060
Perhaps I'll just have a small one.
88
00:06:02,060 --> 00:06:03,800
She's going.
89
00:06:03,800 --> 00:06:06,880
Tell me she's going.
She'll just have a small one.
90
00:06:06,880 --> 00:06:10,700
Why do you keep offering stuff?
It's not like you have much choice.
91
00:06:10,700 --> 00:06:13,440
I've just been through a
fortnight's holiday with her.
92
00:06:13,440 --> 00:06:16,340
You're supposed to
come back refreshed.
93
00:06:16,340 --> 00:06:19,020
Glenda, I want you to
start being nasty with her.
94
00:06:19,020 --> 00:06:20,680
I can't be nasty with the woman.
95
00:06:20,680 --> 00:06:23,180
You'll have to learn.
I'll get you private lessons.
96
00:06:23,180 --> 00:06:25,340
She's not really bad.
97
00:06:25,340 --> 00:06:27,360
She just doesn't know when to go.
98
00:06:27,360 --> 00:06:31,400
That's bad.
No, it isn't, it's just thoughtless.
99
00:06:31,400 --> 00:06:35,460
She doesn't realise she's
being a pain. Tell her.
100
00:06:35,460 --> 00:06:37,600
Oh, listen at Mr Big.
101
00:06:37,600 --> 00:06:41,120
You wouldn't tell her either.
It's not in your nature.
102
00:06:41,120 --> 00:06:44,460
How can you stand it? What do
you talk about all this time?
103
00:06:44,460 --> 00:06:50,820
I don't know.
All I can remember is Mr Mace is
quite adventurous with a chilli.
104
00:06:50,820 --> 00:06:52,940
Well, good for him.
105
00:06:52,940 --> 00:06:54,760
How did we ever miss out on that.
106
00:06:54,760 --> 00:06:57,540
We could have gone on for
years not knowing that.
107
00:06:57,540 --> 00:07:00,180
I'm doing my best, Barry.
108
00:07:00,180 --> 00:07:02,080
Tell her we're on fire.
109
00:07:02,080 --> 00:07:05,240
Tell her there's something
smouldering somewhere.
110
00:07:05,240 --> 00:07:08,000
There is... It's you.
111
00:07:16,200 --> 00:07:18,780
He's got a gullet
like a major drain.
112
00:07:18,780 --> 00:07:20,560
Tell me about it.
113
00:07:20,560 --> 00:07:23,980
I once watched him
eat a whole bicycle.
114
00:07:23,980 --> 00:07:26,380
A bicycle?
115
00:07:26,380 --> 00:07:28,920
Maybe it wasn't a bicycle.
116
00:07:28,920 --> 00:07:32,600
Maybe it was two pork pies
and a sausage roll.
117
00:07:32,600 --> 00:07:34,780
But the way he went at it...
118
00:07:34,780 --> 00:07:36,960
it could have been a bicycle.
119
00:07:36,960 --> 00:07:41,380
I must say she does
a good brandy snap.
120
00:07:41,380 --> 00:07:47,380
Unlicensed females who do
good brandy snaps have no
business bringing them here.
121
00:07:47,380 --> 00:07:53,040
She should know that nobody who wears
two vests is looking
to come out of his shell.
122
00:07:53,040 --> 00:07:56,980
Two vests and a woolly jumper.
Exactly!
123
00:07:56,980 --> 00:08:01,400
If that doesn't say 'No Trespassing',
I can't imagine what would.
124
00:08:01,400 --> 00:08:06,880
Speaking of trespassing, I have
my own troubles in that direction.
125
00:08:06,880 --> 00:08:09,660
You have your troubles in
just about every direction.
126
00:08:09,660 --> 00:08:11,300
And I think I know why.
127
00:08:11,300 --> 00:08:13,360
We all know why.
128
00:08:13,360 --> 00:08:15,780
I think I know where
I've been going wrong.
129
00:08:15,780 --> 00:08:18,980
Behind the Bingo Hall...
in the trees down the valley...
130
00:08:18,980 --> 00:08:20,900
among the bushes in the park.
131
00:08:20,900 --> 00:08:23,780
I mean deception-wise.
132
00:08:23,780 --> 00:08:30,640
Tactically speaking,
I think my little attempts at escape
have been too elaborate.
133
00:08:30,640 --> 00:08:34,220
I'm beginning to think
simplicity might be best.
134
00:08:34,220 --> 00:08:36,980
Being simple?
135
00:08:36,980 --> 00:08:40,520
Somehow, I believe you could do that.
136
00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:42,760
I have a plan.
137
00:08:42,760 --> 00:08:46,760
Would either of you two
gentlemen happen to have
any racing cycle gear?
138
00:08:46,760 --> 00:08:53,000
Racing cycle?
I never got beyond bicycle clips.
139
00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:57,040
Mind you,
they were very fast bicycle clips.
140
00:08:57,040 --> 00:09:00,340
I've got a book on traffic
regulations you could borrow.
141
00:09:08,385 --> 00:09:11,445
What are you looking for?
142
00:09:11,445 --> 00:09:16,945
Romance. Myths and Legends...
far shelf.
143
00:09:19,045 --> 00:09:20,745
Oh, dear!
144
00:09:20,745 --> 00:09:23,605
You sound under-used excitement-wise.
145
00:09:23,605 --> 00:09:26,125
You mustn't give up hope.
146
00:09:26,125 --> 00:09:29,825
How many times does one
have to be disappointed?
147
00:09:29,825 --> 00:09:32,685
The more the merrier, I always think.
148
00:09:32,685 --> 00:09:36,265
You like being disappointed?
149
00:09:36,265 --> 00:09:40,645
No, but I quite like the
bits till you get there.
150
00:09:42,925 --> 00:09:44,885
I admire your stamina.
151
00:09:44,885 --> 00:09:47,045
You're an optimist. I am.
152
00:09:47,045 --> 00:09:49,905
Somewhere out there is a Mr Right.
153
00:09:49,905 --> 00:09:53,685
Very well hidden behind
a multitude of Mr Wrongs.
154
00:09:53,685 --> 00:09:55,905
I won't listen.
155
00:09:55,905 --> 00:09:59,085
You're in a bad mood.
What's the matter?
156
00:09:59,085 --> 00:10:00,825
It's not just a bad mood.
157
00:10:00,825 --> 00:10:06,805
It's a philosophical weariness
of the dark side of existence...
158
00:10:06,805 --> 00:10:10,545
of the sheer weight of sorrow.
159
00:10:12,285 --> 00:10:15,105
We all have days like that.
160
00:10:15,105 --> 00:10:19,605
I find it helps if you
paint your toenails.
161
00:10:19,605 --> 00:10:23,805
Don't you find life
to be endlessly bleak?
162
00:10:23,805 --> 00:10:26,945
I wouldn't say endlessly.
163
00:10:26,945 --> 00:10:29,705
You've got being dead
to look forward to.
164
00:10:31,105 --> 00:10:36,085
Art...poetry...music...I wonder
if any of it really matters.
165
00:10:36,085 --> 00:10:38,365
What's brought this on?
166
00:10:38,365 --> 00:10:41,045
The futility of things...
167
00:10:41,045 --> 00:10:43,665
the human predicament...
168
00:10:43,665 --> 00:10:48,205
the struggle all creatures
have just to survive...
169
00:10:48,205 --> 00:10:53,285
and the phone call at the very last
minute to say sorry,
but he couldn't make it.
170
00:10:57,445 --> 00:11:00,065
I know just what you want.
171
00:11:00,065 --> 00:11:03,445
You want these.
You'll be in cycling heaven.
172
00:11:03,445 --> 00:11:05,305
I'd like to see them on.
173
00:11:05,305 --> 00:11:06,885
I'd like to see how they look.
174
00:11:06,885 --> 00:11:09,125
A fitting. That can be arranged.
175
00:11:09,125 --> 00:11:13,725
I don't want any customer
leaving these premises unless
they're completely happy.
176
00:11:13,725 --> 00:11:15,725
SNIGGERING
177
00:11:18,085 --> 00:11:19,725
Slip them on.
178
00:11:19,725 --> 00:11:26,085
You'll go in as a caterpillar
and, when you look in the mirror,
you'll be pure butterfly.
179
00:11:26,085 --> 00:11:29,665
Try them on.
You can't really tell from inside.
180
00:11:29,665 --> 00:11:33,325
I'd like to see how they look from
another person's point of view.
181
00:11:33,325 --> 00:11:37,205
I think I'd know better
if I saw somebody else wearing them.
182
00:11:38,825 --> 00:11:41,925
It's going to be a long day...
I can see that.
183
00:11:41,925 --> 00:11:46,185
It's beginning to feel
like one of those days
when your paper money goes damp.
184
00:11:47,905 --> 00:11:50,525
Don't just stand there,
slip into these.
185
00:11:50,525 --> 00:11:56,005
Male model. I always felt
I had the profile for it.
186
00:11:56,005 --> 00:11:58,025
Just put them on.
187
00:11:58,025 --> 00:12:00,565
You don't have to go
all Naomi about it.
188
00:12:02,945 --> 00:12:05,005
PHONE RINGS
189
00:12:05,005 --> 00:12:06,645
Hello?
190
00:12:06,645 --> 00:12:08,805
It's me.
191
00:12:08,805 --> 00:12:10,825
Is that woman leaving yet?
192
00:12:10,825 --> 00:12:13,985
If not I'm coming in in two
minutes with a water cannon.
193
00:12:13,985 --> 00:12:19,885
That's true. But, thank you, no,
we don't need any double glazing.
194
00:12:19,885 --> 00:12:21,585
Are you keeping her prisoner?
195
00:12:21,585 --> 00:12:23,865
Do we have
to wait while she digs a tunnel?
196
00:12:25,485 --> 00:12:29,005
Come back to me, Glenda. It seems so
long since we were alone together.
197
00:12:29,005 --> 00:12:31,845
No, even with 40% discount.
198
00:12:31,845 --> 00:12:33,645
I don't think so, thank you.
199
00:12:33,645 --> 00:12:35,265
I'm afraid I'll have to go.
200
00:12:35,265 --> 00:12:40,225
Not you. Don't you go. This is
the only way I get to talk to you.
201
00:12:40,225 --> 00:12:44,145
Get rid of her.
She's more at home than we are.
202
00:12:44,145 --> 00:12:48,965
I'll keep it in mind, but, no, we
don't need a conservatory either.
203
00:12:48,965 --> 00:12:52,065
Thank you for calling.
204
00:12:53,805 --> 00:12:56,345
They're a nuisance, aren't they?
205
00:12:56,345 --> 00:12:59,825
You'd think people could see
when they're being a nuisance.
206
00:13:02,565 --> 00:13:04,005
You see.
207
00:13:04,005 --> 00:13:05,705
Was I wrong?
208
00:13:05,705 --> 00:13:07,565
Is that butterfly or what?
209
00:13:07,565 --> 00:13:11,305
Can I see him with the helmet?
210
00:13:11,305 --> 00:13:15,005
You're really rushing
this decision, aren't you?
211
00:13:15,005 --> 00:13:17,665
Show him with the helmet on.
212
00:13:17,665 --> 00:13:21,205
You have the profile, then
somebody puts a bucket on your head.
213
00:13:21,205 --> 00:13:23,185
Put the helmet on.
214
00:13:23,185 --> 00:13:27,685
I wouldn't mind, but he doesn't
even have a racing bike.
215
00:13:27,685 --> 00:13:30,125
I have my reasons.
216
00:13:30,125 --> 00:13:32,145
No racing cycle?
217
00:13:32,145 --> 00:13:35,125
Don't go buying one before you've
seen my selection.
218
00:13:35,125 --> 00:13:38,245
MUMBLING
219
00:13:41,345 --> 00:13:47,125
Say again. Ask him why he needs
this gear when he doesn't race.
220
00:13:47,125 --> 00:13:52,405
Never question the motives
of a customer unless he's
trying to return something.
221
00:13:54,545 --> 00:13:57,765
Now then, this splendid outfit
comes with a free gift...
222
00:13:57,765 --> 00:14:00,205
a nearly free gift...
223
00:14:00,205 --> 00:14:05,785
a substantial reduction
on your own tin of wax for keeping
the helmet in tip top condition.
224
00:14:05,785 --> 00:14:12,905
It looks all right in the shop, but
could he demonstrate it at my place?
225
00:14:12,905 --> 00:14:17,065
I'd like to see
how it looks in my own surroundings.
226
00:14:18,865 --> 00:14:22,185
You've never really got the
hang of impulse buying, have you?
227
00:14:27,365 --> 00:14:29,245
Have you decided yet?
228
00:14:29,245 --> 00:14:32,165
What? What is it we're doing here?
229
00:14:32,165 --> 00:14:33,985
We're showing a police presence.
230
00:14:33,985 --> 00:14:37,985
We're bringing comfort to the
law-abiding residents of the area.
231
00:14:37,985 --> 00:14:42,485
That bloke wasn't very comforted
when we pinched his parking space.
232
00:14:42,485 --> 00:14:45,485
I think he was basically anti-police.
233
00:14:45,485 --> 00:14:48,745
He was anti-us I noticed that.
234
00:15:00,725 --> 00:15:04,845
Racing gear and helmet
for driving a milk float?
235
00:15:04,845 --> 00:15:06,505
It'll be Health and Safety.
236
00:15:06,505 --> 00:15:09,965
They won't rest till they've
us all confined to bed.
237
00:15:13,205 --> 00:15:19,365
I thought Glenda would be here.
She's coming as soon as she can
escape from a Mace. What's a Mace?
238
00:15:19,365 --> 00:15:25,905
Something that sticks to your
furniture by the sound of it. She
drops in and forgets when to go.
239
00:15:25,905 --> 00:15:28,645
Oh, we had one like that.
240
00:15:28,645 --> 00:15:32,465
I used to bring Travis in
in the hope that he'd drive
her away.
241
00:15:32,465 --> 00:15:35,345
He's usually very good
at driving people away.
242
00:15:35,345 --> 00:15:37,265
How does he manage that?
243
00:15:37,265 --> 00:15:39,145
I've often wondered.
244
00:15:39,145 --> 00:15:41,165
He just sits there.
245
00:15:41,165 --> 00:15:46,505
You never see anything move,
but people start getting uneasy.
246
00:15:46,505 --> 00:15:49,045
You can't drive some people away.
247
00:15:49,045 --> 00:15:52,745
And some you can't keep at home.
248
00:15:52,745 --> 00:15:57,925
Why is it the ones who stay longest
are the ones you tire of quickest?
249
00:15:57,925 --> 00:16:00,285
Audrey Moxon was like that.
250
00:16:00,285 --> 00:16:03,245
You have to be firm. But how?
251
00:16:03,245 --> 00:16:05,385
You can't just throw them out.
252
00:16:05,385 --> 00:16:10,765
You set a one-cup limit, and as soon
as they finish it, you wash it up.
253
00:16:10,765 --> 00:16:12,525
And if that doesn't work?
254
00:16:12,525 --> 00:16:15,185
You put your hat and coat on.
255
00:16:16,945 --> 00:16:20,265
All right for you. There's something
intimidating about your hats.
256
00:16:27,005 --> 00:16:29,425
You dozy beggar!
257
00:16:45,165 --> 00:16:46,585
Here, hang on.
258
00:16:52,265 --> 00:16:53,905
You see the beauty of it?
259
00:16:53,905 --> 00:16:57,625
Pearl has just seen Tom dressed
like this,
260
00:16:57,625 --> 00:17:01,445
so when I leave dressed like this,
she still thinks it's Tom.
261
00:17:01,445 --> 00:17:04,485
What a sneaky mind the man has!
262
00:17:04,485 --> 00:17:07,445
I see it as a gift.
263
00:17:07,445 --> 00:17:09,485
Have you got a Plan B?
264
00:17:09,485 --> 00:17:11,185
I shan't need a Plan B.
265
00:17:11,185 --> 00:17:13,025
Best of luck, Howard.
266
00:17:13,025 --> 00:17:15,525
Have you made your will?
267
00:17:15,525 --> 00:17:17,545
It can't fail.
268
00:17:17,545 --> 00:17:20,805
That's what they said
about Bradshaw's braces.
269
00:17:20,805 --> 00:17:22,745
It has the virtue of simplicity.
270
00:17:22,745 --> 00:17:25,825
The simplest plans are the best.
271
00:17:25,825 --> 00:17:29,125
Whilst you're swanning-off
for an hour, what about me?
272
00:17:29,125 --> 00:17:34,985
You can stay here and have
a cup of tea. Is that so bad?
273
00:17:34,985 --> 00:17:37,165
It used to be just Howard -
274
00:17:37,165 --> 00:17:39,365
now I get his dependants.
275
00:17:39,365 --> 00:17:41,845
What happened to Bradshaw's braces?
276
00:17:41,845 --> 00:17:45,385
He was renovating
a chapel in Heckmondwyke
277
00:17:45,385 --> 00:17:48,685
when they gave way
and let his trousers came down.
278
00:17:48,685 --> 00:17:52,265
He was holding some
roofing slates at the time,
279
00:17:52,265 --> 00:17:55,825
too expensive to let fall.
280
00:17:55,825 --> 00:17:59,465
So he was looking
for somewhere to put them
281
00:17:59,465 --> 00:18:02,825
when 14 ladies
arrived for choir practice.
282
00:18:02,825 --> 00:18:04,805
I don't believe this.
283
00:18:04,805 --> 00:18:06,885
Do you believe this?
284
00:18:06,885 --> 00:18:09,025
Then, quick as a flash,
285
00:18:09,025 --> 00:18:14,585
he stood behind a tombstone, where
fortunately the inscription read...
286
00:18:14,585 --> 00:18:17,305
"Lift Up Thine Eyes."
287
00:18:24,005 --> 00:18:26,185
Pearl's out there.
288
00:18:26,185 --> 00:18:28,465
It doesn't matter.
289
00:18:28,465 --> 00:18:30,305
I'm not me any more.
290
00:18:30,305 --> 00:18:31,945
I'm Tom.
291
00:18:39,945 --> 00:18:42,805
Goodbye, Tom.
292
00:18:42,805 --> 00:18:45,925
Have a nice day, Tom.
293
00:18:45,925 --> 00:18:47,825
Ta-ra, Tom!
294
00:18:52,305 --> 00:18:55,065
What a wonderful grasp of optimism
the man has.
295
00:19:07,045 --> 00:19:10,125
I'm looking for one of my workforce.
296
00:19:10,125 --> 00:19:11,765
Have you seen a milk float?
297
00:19:11,765 --> 00:19:14,685
You want lift? I shall need a lift.
298
00:19:14,685 --> 00:19:16,365
I can't climb up there.
299
00:19:16,365 --> 00:19:18,105
Have no fear.
300
00:19:18,105 --> 00:19:22,305
Ladies in distress
are my speciality.
301
00:19:27,305 --> 00:19:31,325
Very small ladies in
distress his speciality.
302
00:19:31,325 --> 00:19:38,445
Oh, frame yourself, lad.
Well, it's not as if you
come complete with handles.
303
00:19:38,445 --> 00:19:42,185
I daren't grab her just anywhere.
You'll think I'm
stealing your wallet.
304
00:19:42,185 --> 00:19:45,585
There are few unexplored
places left on this planet.
305
00:19:45,585 --> 00:19:48,745
But one of them is
where I hide my wallet.
306
00:19:48,745 --> 00:19:51,545
I think Aunty needs pair of steps.
307
00:20:00,885 --> 00:20:03,665
Wife says,
"Where you get this bruise?"
308
00:20:03,665 --> 00:20:05,945
I say, "Old lady trod on me."
309
00:20:05,945 --> 00:20:08,645
Does this sound plausible to you?
310
00:20:08,645 --> 00:20:10,865
No.
311
00:20:33,285 --> 00:20:35,945
It's me, it's me!
312
00:20:37,145 --> 00:20:40,285
Howard?! Oh...
313
00:20:40,285 --> 00:20:43,085
I thought I was being mugged.
314
00:20:43,085 --> 00:20:47,225
I thought, "What if he won't
accept money?"
315
00:20:57,065 --> 00:21:01,705
Oh, Howard! Oh, Marina!
316
00:21:01,705 --> 00:21:05,025
Now, girl.
317
00:21:05,025 --> 00:21:08,585
Let go of that Tom.
I don't pay him for holding hands.
318
00:21:08,585 --> 00:21:10,345
He's got work to do.
319
00:21:19,505 --> 00:21:24,305
Now go and hammer on that door
and give him this invoice.
320
00:21:25,945 --> 00:21:28,425
Where are you going?
321
00:21:28,425 --> 00:21:31,745
It's that way.
322
00:21:33,705 --> 00:21:35,505
I'll be here if he gets nasty.
323
00:21:38,125 --> 00:21:39,825
DOORBELL RINGS
324
00:21:47,505 --> 00:21:50,065
It's no use -
I shall have to go with him.
325
00:21:56,985 --> 00:21:59,245
Right, before we start,
let me warn you.
326
00:21:59,245 --> 00:22:02,865
Do not, repeat not,
mess with my man here.
327
00:22:02,865 --> 00:22:05,585
It's taking me all my time to hold
him back.
328
00:22:57,825 --> 00:22:59,165
That's fast for Tom.
329
00:22:59,165 --> 00:23:02,485
That was fast for anybody.
330
00:23:02,485 --> 00:23:05,405
Maybe express delivery.
331
00:23:05,405 --> 00:23:08,005
You'd think she'd buy him a bike.
332
00:23:08,005 --> 00:23:11,505
Maybe she thinks with racing
outfit you don't need bike.
333
00:23:13,325 --> 00:23:15,985
He's just like his father.
334
00:23:15,985 --> 00:23:19,045
They have this instinctive
gift for unemployment.
335
00:23:19,045 --> 00:23:21,965
A bloke's entitled to a break.
336
00:23:21,965 --> 00:23:23,805
Well, your father thought so.
337
00:23:23,805 --> 00:23:26,425
He made one last for 60 years.
338
00:23:30,885 --> 00:23:33,245
How did you do that? What?
339
00:23:33,245 --> 00:23:35,325
Get here so fast.
340
00:23:35,325 --> 00:23:37,685
You just passed us up Wilton Hill.
341
00:23:37,685 --> 00:23:41,105
I did? Well, somebody did.
342
00:23:41,105 --> 00:23:43,025
Smell of boot leather burning.
343
00:23:43,025 --> 00:23:45,425
Wait a minute...
344
00:23:45,425 --> 00:23:48,765
was this racing person
wearing cycling gear?
345
00:23:48,765 --> 00:23:51,005
Yes. And moving like a rocket.
346
00:23:51,005 --> 00:23:53,485
Sounds like he does need a Plan B.
347
00:23:53,485 --> 00:23:56,565
He's a credit to lunacy.
348
00:24:06,325 --> 00:24:08,205
Like the man said.
349
00:24:08,205 --> 00:24:10,525
The simple plans are the best.
350
00:24:12,085 --> 00:24:15,185
His visor's all steamed up.
351
00:24:15,185 --> 00:24:18,305
Met Marina in park.
Yes, that would do it.
352
00:24:21,445 --> 00:24:25,525
Doesn't anybody care if I'm dying?
353
00:24:25,525 --> 00:24:28,825
Don't let him die on my hearth rug.
354
00:24:28,825 --> 00:24:32,645
I'll never be able to look at
it without thinking of him
355
00:24:32,645 --> 00:24:34,665
and being tempted to laugh.
356
00:24:37,765 --> 00:24:39,645
Hey, where's the other glove?
357
00:24:41,245 --> 00:24:43,625
I had it a minute ago.
358
00:24:43,625 --> 00:24:47,165
Go and find it.
Aunty notices these things.
359
00:24:57,805 --> 00:25:01,785
Tom...
360
00:25:01,785 --> 00:25:04,245
give us a hand to
shift something, will you?
361
00:25:04,245 --> 00:25:06,025
I don't know where Howard's got to.
362
00:25:08,845 --> 00:25:10,385
Well, come on.
363
00:25:23,425 --> 00:25:26,345
Relax. Her husband's here to take
her home.
364
00:25:26,345 --> 00:25:30,225
You're not just saying that? Promise
me you're not just saying that!
365
00:25:39,685 --> 00:25:41,785
Wait!
366
00:25:41,785 --> 00:25:45,405
You're not going yet.
Come and sit down.
367
00:25:45,405 --> 00:25:51,265
I'm not having you leaving and
telling people I couldn't even offer
you a cup of tea and a biscuit.
368
00:25:51,265 --> 00:25:53,725
Well, aren't you going
to take that thing off?
369
00:26:11,905 --> 00:26:17,685
Ah! It's for Mr Mace. He's just got
time for a small one.
370
00:26:19,525 --> 00:26:21,485
Glenda!
371
00:26:23,805 --> 00:26:27,065
Oh, it's wet!
372
00:26:27,065 --> 00:26:30,985
Have you tried drinking
tea with a helmet on?
373
00:26:30,985 --> 00:26:34,445
Who was it said the
simple plans are the best?
374
00:26:34,445 --> 00:26:36,785
I still say it was a good idea.
375
00:26:36,785 --> 00:26:40,045
You got some exercise.
We'll give you that.
376
00:26:40,045 --> 00:26:43,145
How did you get on with Pearl, then?
377
00:26:43,145 --> 00:26:47,045
She's nicer to him
than she is to me.
378
00:26:47,045 --> 00:26:49,385
We can understand that.
379
00:26:49,385 --> 00:26:52,965
You went a funny colour.
It would never have suited Marina.
380
00:27:06,125 --> 00:27:07,705
Oh, hello, Tom.
381
00:27:14,205 --> 00:27:16,565
She thinks it's me!
382
00:27:16,565 --> 00:27:19,685
Look at him - he's not being honest!
383
00:27:24,565 --> 00:27:27,385
Wasn't she in the WI?
384
00:27:27,385 --> 00:27:32,125
How would you know that? Have you an
interest in the Women's Institute?
385
00:27:32,125 --> 00:27:34,345
Of long-standing.
386
00:27:34,345 --> 00:27:38,525
I'm very partial to solid,
steady women in their best hats.
387
00:27:40,105 --> 00:27:43,205
I think you're supposed
to concentrate on one.
388
00:27:43,205 --> 00:27:46,785
Women don't usually come wholesale.
389
00:27:46,785 --> 00:27:49,165
They don't know
what they're missing.
390
00:27:49,165 --> 00:27:56,205
Being half in love with the entire
Women's Institute has been a source
of quiet pleasure to me for years.
391
00:27:56,205 --> 00:27:57,845
Ah...!
392
00:28:04,745 --> 00:28:07,925
Thank you both
for rushing to my assistance.
393
00:28:07,925 --> 00:28:09,625
We knew you'd be all right.
394
00:28:09,625 --> 00:28:13,045
You're far too gobby
for serious injury.
395
00:28:13,045 --> 00:28:14,965
Now, where were we?
396
00:28:14,965 --> 00:28:17,345
We were talking about Mrs Thing.
397
00:28:20,105 --> 00:28:23,485
Didn't she have a
tortoise called Cyril?
398
00:28:23,485 --> 00:28:25,165
I think I met him.
399
00:28:25,165 --> 00:28:26,965
He put me new window in.
400
00:28:26,965 --> 00:28:28,445
Took him a fortnight.
401
00:28:30,325 --> 00:28:33,005
This Cyril ate a gas bill.
402
00:28:33,005 --> 00:28:34,685
Mine just ate money.
403
00:28:37,225 --> 00:28:40,805
She said that's why
she hadn't paid her bill.
404
00:28:45,605 --> 00:28:48,405
You never see a tortoise these days.
405
00:28:48,405 --> 00:28:51,685
You don't think
they've all been cut off?
31214
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