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♪ Somewhere beyond the sea ♪
2
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♪ He's there watching for me ♪
3
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♪ If I could fly like birds on high ♪
4
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[clown laughing]
5
00:00:18,760 --> 00:00:20,520
♪ Then straight into his arms ♪
6
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Hey, guys.
7
00:00:21,440 --> 00:00:22,280
Hey.
8
00:00:22,280 --> 00:00:24,000
Did you hear about Trev?
9
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Injured himself slipping on a banana skin.
10
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In rehearsals?
11
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No, in Waitrose. Dislocated his shoulder.
12
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Humorous?
13
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Not for Trev.
14
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Oh!
15
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You ready for me, Carol?
16
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Stuff to do at the moment, Phil.
17
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Don't you dare!
18
00:00:40,560 --> 00:00:41,920
[Sarah] Who's the coffee for, Mum?
19
00:00:41,920 --> 00:00:43,240
[Carol] Deckchair Derek.
20
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Sorry, kid.
21
00:00:45,920 --> 00:00:47,000
Here you go, Derek.
22
00:00:47,000 --> 00:00:47,840
Cheers, Sarah.
23
00:00:47,840 --> 00:00:49,200
Nice to see you again, Phil.
24
00:00:49,200 --> 00:00:50,040
Yeah, you too, Des.
25
00:00:50,040 --> 00:00:51,840
I'll be over in five to
photograph your deckchairs.
26
00:00:51,840 --> 00:00:54,120
Ooh, smashing, Phil, I'll
get out the good ones.
27
00:00:57,840 --> 00:00:59,520
So how's the writing going, kid?
28
00:00:59,520 --> 00:01:01,680
Oh, I don't write anymore.
29
00:01:01,680 --> 00:01:02,520
Why not?
30
00:01:02,520 --> 00:01:04,160
I'm not good enough.
31
00:01:04,160 --> 00:01:05,040
Says who?
32
00:01:05,040 --> 00:01:06,000
Says me.
33
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You can't just give up, kid.
34
00:01:06,840 --> 00:01:08,560
Like you did, you mean?
35
00:01:08,560 --> 00:01:09,840
What did I give up on?
36
00:01:09,840 --> 00:01:10,880
Your marriage.
37
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After 20 years!
38
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You left Mum to bring me up on her own.
39
00:01:13,880 --> 00:01:15,000
You were at university.
40
00:01:15,000 --> 00:01:16,200
[Sarah] That's not the point.
41
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Yes, it is.
42
00:01:17,040 --> 00:01:20,440
Scuse I, pardon I, brought the modem.
43
00:01:20,440 --> 00:01:22,280
Sorry, Barry, can you remember
44
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to plug in the router this time?
45
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In God I trust.
46
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Cool, can you ask God to remember
47
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to plug in the router this time?
48
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God willing.
49
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Look, I can't talk now,
I've got stuff to do.
50
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Like mother, like daughter.
51
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What?
52
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I said, like mother, like daughter.
53
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I heard what you said.
54
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Why'd you say "what", then?
55
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You don't know what I'm like.
56
00:01:42,840 --> 00:01:44,400
I did try, Sar.
57
00:01:44,400 --> 00:01:45,200
How?
58
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Phone calls, postcards.
59
00:01:46,800 --> 00:01:49,120
You weren't gonna find out
much from a few poxy postcards.
60
00:01:49,120 --> 00:01:51,440
I'd have found out more
if you'd written back.
61
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Like I said, I don't write anymore.
62
00:01:54,560 --> 00:01:56,560
So what do you do?
63
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Waitress.
64
00:01:58,120 --> 00:01:58,960
Yah, can I order?
65
00:02:03,600 --> 00:02:04,680
What can I get you?
66
00:02:04,680 --> 00:02:08,640
Okay, yah, just a grande decaf
67
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single shot soya cap, one sweetener,
68
00:02:11,160 --> 00:02:14,760
no sprinkles, no syrups, no
cakes, no pastries on the side
69
00:02:14,760 --> 00:02:17,000
and I don't have a loyalty card.
70
00:02:17,000 --> 00:02:19,480
Neither do we. And we don't do soya milk.
71
00:02:19,480 --> 00:02:20,320
Rice milk?
72
00:02:20,320 --> 00:02:21,520
[Sarah] No.
73
00:02:21,520 --> 00:02:22,360
Goats' milk?
74
00:02:22,360 --> 00:02:23,200
[Sarah] No.
75
00:02:23,200 --> 00:02:24,040
What do you do?
76
00:02:24,040 --> 00:02:24,880
Semi-skimmed milk.
77
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Well, that then!
78
00:02:25,920 --> 00:02:27,000
Drink in or takeaway?
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Takeaway cup, no lid,
with cardboard sleeve.
80
00:02:29,840 --> 00:02:32,000
[Sarah] We don't do cardboard sleeves.
81
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Of course you don't.
82
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I'll bring it out to you.
83
00:02:37,200 --> 00:02:38,640
Tell your mum I'll start photographing
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inside in half an hour.
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Tell her yourself.
86
00:02:40,640 --> 00:02:43,960
I can't, she's got "stuff
to do" at the moment.
87
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See ya, kid.
88
00:02:46,560 --> 00:02:47,840
Thanks for the fag, mate.
89
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Yeah, no problem.
90
00:02:49,080 --> 00:02:51,680
No cardboard sleeves, we
really are in the sticks.
91
00:02:51,680 --> 00:02:52,800
I know.
92
00:02:52,800 --> 00:02:56,360
Excuse me, somebody's left something.
93
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Waitress, any danger?
94
00:03:01,280 --> 00:03:02,320
Of what?
95
00:03:02,320 --> 00:03:03,800
Our drink? Seriously?
96
00:03:06,120 --> 00:03:07,920
[Clown] Totes mare!
97
00:03:07,920 --> 00:03:10,400
[Clown] Yeah! Worse than super totes mare!
98
00:03:10,400 --> 00:03:13,240
[clowns laughing]
99
00:03:17,600 --> 00:03:19,800
Oof, those clowns make me feel funny.
100
00:03:19,800 --> 00:03:21,920
[Sarah] Someone's left
their wallet outside.
101
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Put it underneath the counter.
102
00:03:23,680 --> 00:03:24,960
Did you talk to your father?
103
00:03:24,960 --> 00:03:26,400
[Sarah] No.
104
00:03:26,400 --> 00:03:27,280
And what did he say?
105
00:03:27,280 --> 00:03:28,240
He's gonna start in half an hour.
106
00:03:28,240 --> 00:03:31,320
Half an hour?! I'm not nearly ready.
107
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I can't believe he's still smoking
108
00:03:35,160 --> 00:03:37,360
those disgusting cigarettes.
109
00:03:39,080 --> 00:03:41,840
Well, he can't take pictures of the cafe
110
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with that smell around,
they'll look awful.
111
00:03:45,280 --> 00:03:47,120
And that's got to go as well.
112
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Go and ask him how long he'll be.
113
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You ask him, I'm busy.
114
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Don't be ridiculous,
Sarah, you're never busy.
115
00:03:52,760 --> 00:03:54,880
And I think [indistinct]'s left him again.
116
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[Sarah] Hi Barry! Have
you nearly finished?
117
00:04:00,320 --> 00:04:02,360
Five minutes, God willing.
118
00:04:02,360 --> 00:04:04,320
Okay, thanks!
119
00:04:04,320 --> 00:04:08,240
[Barry singing "Morning Has Broken"]
120
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Well?
121
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Five minutes, God willing.
122
00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:14,240
Is he still single?
123
00:04:14,240 --> 00:04:16,280
No, I think he's remarried.
124
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Who?
125
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God.
126
00:04:19,800 --> 00:04:21,440
Oh, there's another one who missed out.
127
00:04:22,480 --> 00:04:23,920
Has he fixed the internet?
128
00:04:23,920 --> 00:04:25,640
Five minutes, God willing.
129
00:04:25,640 --> 00:04:27,160
He said that this morning.
130
00:04:27,160 --> 00:04:28,600
Have you emailed our orders yet?
131
00:04:28,600 --> 00:04:31,360
Five minutes, God willing.
132
00:04:31,360 --> 00:04:33,760
Don't fire at the middle man, Sarah!
133
00:04:33,760 --> 00:04:35,600
You're the one who said I had to upgrade.
134
00:04:35,600 --> 00:04:37,720
Progress is profit, unlimited broadband
135
00:04:37,720 --> 00:04:39,960
makes the world a brighter place.
136
00:04:39,960 --> 00:04:41,360
I've never said that.
137
00:04:41,360 --> 00:04:42,360
[Carol] Well, who did then?
138
00:04:42,360 --> 00:04:44,920
The little people who
live in the television.
139
00:04:44,920 --> 00:04:46,320
[Carol] The Borrowers?
140
00:04:46,320 --> 00:04:47,120
Adverts.
141
00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:50,080
Don't be ridiculous, Sarah,
I am not that impressionable.
142
00:04:52,080 --> 00:04:53,520
Bang! And the dirt is gone.
143
00:04:58,480 --> 00:05:00,320
All right, Scuttler?
144
00:05:11,280 --> 00:05:14,640
[plane engines roaring]
145
00:05:25,480 --> 00:05:28,200
All I remember is diving
on him outside the club,
146
00:05:28,200 --> 00:05:29,360
and then I punched him.
147
00:05:30,280 --> 00:05:33,680
Next thing I know, I'm banged
up in a cell with a tramp...
148
00:05:33,680 --> 00:05:35,440
[plane engines roaring]
149
00:05:35,440 --> 00:05:37,120
part-time prostitute won't
give me the time of day!
150
00:05:38,280 --> 00:05:42,040
[romantic piano music playing]
151
00:05:42,040 --> 00:05:45,280
When you're talking and nobody listens.
152
00:05:55,120 --> 00:05:57,520
Sorry, lad, what happened then?
153
00:05:57,520 --> 00:05:59,000
Keep the mulch around the root, lad.
154
00:05:59,000 --> 00:06:02,160
Next thing I know, I'm being
pulled away by the police.
155
00:06:02,160 --> 00:06:04,200
Keep the mulch round the root.
156
00:06:04,200 --> 00:06:05,520
What did you get charged with?
157
00:06:05,520 --> 00:06:06,520
GBH.
158
00:06:06,520 --> 00:06:09,360
Bloody hell! Don't wanna get
on the wrong side of you.
159
00:06:09,360 --> 00:06:13,400
Keep the mulch round the
root, lad! How many times?!
160
00:06:13,400 --> 00:06:14,720
Right, that's it, I give up.
161
00:06:14,720 --> 00:06:17,440
Oh no you don't, not on my watch.
162
00:06:17,440 --> 00:06:18,720
Come on, get that bib off.
163
00:06:18,720 --> 00:06:20,520
You can't work with that thing on.
164
00:06:20,520 --> 00:06:22,800
No man, everyone will
think I chose to be here.
165
00:06:22,800 --> 00:06:24,040
You should've thought about that
166
00:06:24,040 --> 00:06:25,600
before you beat someone to a pulp.
167
00:06:25,600 --> 00:06:27,600
He was asking for it, Mr Astill!
168
00:06:27,600 --> 00:06:31,000
I'm sure he was, lad, but you
didn't have to give it him.
169
00:06:31,000 --> 00:06:32,640
Ooh, Spitfire!
170
00:06:32,640 --> 00:06:35,880
[plane engine roaring]
171
00:06:36,840 --> 00:06:38,800
Now come on, have another go.
172
00:06:38,800 --> 00:06:40,360
Then I'll treat you to a brew.
173
00:06:41,480 --> 00:06:44,200
If you're really good, I'll
let you pee on my compost.
174
00:06:45,520 --> 00:06:46,480
Rock and roll.
175
00:06:46,480 --> 00:06:49,400
Stick with me lad, I'm wild, brum!
176
00:06:50,800 --> 00:06:54,760
Now, come on, what you
wanna do is get that fork.
177
00:06:55,960 --> 00:06:58,840
[Kieran] All right, Stan, all right, bro.
178
00:06:58,840 --> 00:07:00,440
Excuse me, coming through.
179
00:07:00,440 --> 00:07:01,280
[Stan] I dread to think.
180
00:07:12,000 --> 00:07:14,200
Halitosis, that's awful.
181
00:07:14,200 --> 00:07:17,440
Yes, Jack gets that
terrible in the morning.
182
00:07:18,320 --> 00:07:19,160
B.O.
183
00:07:19,160 --> 00:07:21,480
Oh, yeah, that lingers.
184
00:07:21,480 --> 00:07:23,200
Oh, hello Richard!
185
00:07:23,200 --> 00:07:25,560
[people chatting]
186
00:07:25,560 --> 00:07:27,960
I'll tell you who is bad for that B.O.
187
00:07:27,960 --> 00:07:30,680
Dawn what delivers meals on wheels.
188
00:07:30,680 --> 00:07:32,520
The one who wears the vest?
189
00:07:32,520 --> 00:07:35,240
Even her salads taste
like steak and kidney pie.
190
00:07:37,720 --> 00:07:39,160
[Richard] All right?
191
00:07:39,160 --> 00:07:40,000
All right?
192
00:07:40,000 --> 00:07:40,840
[Ava] Hello!
193
00:07:40,840 --> 00:07:42,760
Oh, talk of the devil,
hello Richard, Ava love.
194
00:07:42,760 --> 00:07:44,200
You want your usual, yeah, good?
195
00:07:44,200 --> 00:07:45,600
-Yeah.
-[Carol] Good. Ava?
196
00:07:45,600 --> 00:07:47,120
No.
197
00:07:47,120 --> 00:07:48,840
Good, thank you Sarah.
198
00:07:50,160 --> 00:07:51,280
What's going on?
199
00:07:51,280 --> 00:07:53,480
Mum's gone mental, Nan and the Dobsons
200
00:07:53,480 --> 00:07:55,840
are discussing awful smells
and I can't send an email
201
00:07:55,840 --> 00:07:57,880
cause Aled Jones is fixing our broadband,
202
00:07:57,880 --> 00:08:00,040
but apart from that.
203
00:08:00,040 --> 00:08:01,120
Have you written a story?
204
00:08:01,120 --> 00:08:03,840
Has Pinocchio got a wooden willy?
205
00:08:03,840 --> 00:08:04,880
I don't know, Carol, probably.
206
00:08:04,880 --> 00:08:06,840
Oh, well, no she hasn't.
207
00:08:06,840 --> 00:08:08,120
I always forget you write.
208
00:08:08,120 --> 00:08:09,960
[Carol] Yeah, so does Sarah.
209
00:08:09,960 --> 00:08:11,320
[Richard] What's that smell?
210
00:08:11,320 --> 00:08:12,760
My dad's cigarettes.
211
00:08:12,760 --> 00:08:14,880
It's disgusting, isn't it, Richard?
212
00:08:14,880 --> 00:08:16,200
Oh, yeah, no I quite like it.
213
00:08:16,200 --> 00:08:17,600
We just saw your dad!
214
00:08:17,600 --> 00:08:19,840
He told us about cycling
through the backstreets
215
00:08:19,840 --> 00:08:24,080
of Kerala and helping out in
that orphanage, he's so cool!
216
00:08:24,080 --> 00:08:25,760
You talking to him yet?
217
00:08:25,760 --> 00:08:26,600
No.
218
00:08:28,200 --> 00:08:29,760
Oh.
219
00:08:29,760 --> 00:08:30,800
You okay?
220
00:08:30,800 --> 00:08:32,040
Yeah. Thanks.
221
00:08:35,920 --> 00:08:37,840
[Richard] That smell reminds
me of your fennel tea!
222
00:08:37,840 --> 00:08:39,120
-[Ava laughing]
-Fennel?
223
00:08:39,120 --> 00:08:42,640
To help my spastic
gastrointestinal afflictions.
224
00:08:42,640 --> 00:08:43,480
Your what?
225
00:08:43,480 --> 00:08:44,320
Her bloating.
226
00:08:44,320 --> 00:08:45,880
My farting!
227
00:08:45,880 --> 00:08:49,080
It's embarrassing on the bus,
but I always win a Dutch oven!
228
00:08:50,000 --> 00:08:51,720
She does!
229
00:08:51,720 --> 00:08:52,560
Cool.
230
00:08:53,480 --> 00:08:54,720
Sorry, excuse me!
231
00:08:58,960 --> 00:09:02,080
So, how's it going, Mr Engaged?
232
00:09:02,080 --> 00:09:03,240
Yeah, yeah, good.
233
00:09:04,360 --> 00:09:05,600
You wanna walk the dog later?
234
00:09:05,600 --> 00:09:07,680
Yeah, I'd love to!
235
00:09:07,680 --> 00:09:09,280
Give us a chance to catch
up, feels like ages.
236
00:09:09,280 --> 00:09:10,760
Oh yeah no, I won't be there.
237
00:09:10,760 --> 00:09:12,120
Oh.
238
00:09:12,120 --> 00:09:12,960
I've arranged for my fiancée and I
239
00:09:12,960 --> 00:09:14,480
to have a meeting with the priest
240
00:09:14,480 --> 00:09:15,840
at this amazing church
in the middle of nowhere.
241
00:09:15,840 --> 00:09:16,680
You'd love it.
242
00:09:18,640 --> 00:09:20,120
Is that okay?
243
00:09:20,120 --> 00:09:21,520
Doesn't matter what I think, does it?
244
00:09:21,520 --> 00:09:23,840
You're not marrying me, are you?
245
00:09:23,840 --> 00:09:25,600
I mean, you're not
religious, so I don't know
246
00:09:25,600 --> 00:09:26,800
why you'd want to get married in a church
247
00:09:26,800 --> 00:09:28,760
in the middle of anywhere,
let alone nowhere,
248
00:09:28,760 --> 00:09:30,440
but if that's what Ava
wants then that's that then.
249
00:09:34,200 --> 00:09:36,040
I meant is it okay to walk the dog.
250
00:09:38,720 --> 00:09:39,560
All right.
251
00:09:41,320 --> 00:09:42,760
Sure.
252
00:09:42,760 --> 00:09:44,800
As long as I'm back in
time for the circus.
253
00:09:44,800 --> 00:09:46,480
[Richard] Six thirty?
254
00:09:46,480 --> 00:09:47,320
-Cool.
-[Richard] Cool.
255
00:09:49,320 --> 00:09:52,800
Come on, we need to get to
Halfords before it closes.
256
00:09:53,920 --> 00:09:56,760
Ava's gonna release the
tension in my connecting rod.
257
00:09:56,760 --> 00:09:58,360
Lucky you!
258
00:09:58,360 --> 00:10:00,600
I know, she's a dab hand
at that sort of thing.
259
00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:01,720
Laters.
260
00:10:01,720 --> 00:10:02,880
-Laters.
-Bye.
261
00:10:02,880 --> 00:10:04,320
-Laters.
-Bye!
262
00:10:04,320 --> 00:10:06,760
[Mary] Bye Richard and Ava!
263
00:10:16,640 --> 00:10:17,480
What?
264
00:10:18,560 --> 00:10:20,480
I give up.
265
00:10:20,480 --> 00:10:21,800
On what?
266
00:10:21,800 --> 00:10:24,240
[Carol] You're not even trying!
267
00:10:24,240 --> 00:10:25,600
With what?
268
00:10:25,600 --> 00:10:30,000
The circus? Are you gonna
meet anyone at the circus?
269
00:10:31,600 --> 00:10:33,640
Maybe you'll fall in love with a clown.
270
00:10:35,840 --> 00:10:37,280
Been there, done that, Nan.
271
00:10:39,680 --> 00:10:43,320
[relaxed guitar music]
272
00:10:43,320 --> 00:10:45,480
[thunder]
273
00:10:49,120 --> 00:10:51,960
[seagulls cawing]
274
00:10:55,280 --> 00:10:57,440
Afternoon Temperance,
nice weather for ducks!
275
00:10:57,440 --> 00:10:59,520
-Hello Stanley!
-Talk of the devil.
276
00:10:59,520 --> 00:11:01,240
Get those wellies off, Stan!
277
00:11:01,240 --> 00:11:03,320
Phil's taking pictures in 10 minutes
278
00:11:03,320 --> 00:11:05,440
and I just washed the floor!
279
00:11:05,440 --> 00:11:07,320
[Stan] Sorry love, I only wanted to-
280
00:11:07,320 --> 00:11:09,080
I'm going to the internet
cafe to send the- Aah!
281
00:11:09,080 --> 00:11:11,480
[Carol and Sarah groaning]
282
00:11:11,480 --> 00:11:13,200
For God's sake, mother!
283
00:11:13,200 --> 00:11:15,640
I only wanted to introduce him, love.
284
00:11:15,640 --> 00:11:18,200
There's no need to throw
yourself at his feet.
285
00:11:18,200 --> 00:11:23,120
Now then, Carol, Sare, Mare, Alice, Jack.
286
00:11:23,120 --> 00:11:28,120
This is Jason, my new allotment volunteer.
287
00:11:28,120 --> 00:11:28,960
How'd you do?
288
00:11:28,960 --> 00:11:30,360
Hello.
289
00:11:30,360 --> 00:11:31,800
All right.
290
00:11:31,800 --> 00:11:33,600
[Carol] Are you the secret millionaire?
291
00:11:33,600 --> 00:11:34,400
No.
292
00:11:34,400 --> 00:11:35,320
Well, you have to ask, don't you?
293
00:11:35,320 --> 00:11:36,560
Why do you?
294
00:11:36,560 --> 00:11:39,680
A newcomer, do gooder, signs are right.
295
00:11:40,600 --> 00:11:42,760
[Barry singing loudly]
296
00:11:42,760 --> 00:11:44,360
Um, I'm doing community service.
297
00:11:46,720 --> 00:11:47,760
You a criminal?
298
00:11:47,760 --> 00:11:48,600
Yeah.
299
00:11:49,960 --> 00:11:52,720
Lovely! Would you like a cup of coffee?
300
00:11:52,720 --> 00:11:54,120
Yeah, that'd be great.
301
00:11:54,120 --> 00:11:58,920
White or... without milk?
302
00:11:58,920 --> 00:12:01,120
Mixed race, no sugar.
303
00:12:01,120 --> 00:12:02,880
[Sarah chuckles awkwardly]
304
00:12:02,880 --> 00:12:04,160
Nice to meet you.
305
00:12:04,160 --> 00:12:05,760
You too.
306
00:12:05,760 --> 00:12:06,600
[Carol] Make sure you're back in time
307
00:12:06,600 --> 00:12:08,280
to see your father, Sarah!
308
00:12:08,280 --> 00:12:11,120
You can't keep avoiding the situation.
309
00:12:11,120 --> 00:12:13,480
Carol, before Phil comes, I
really think we should talk.
310
00:12:13,480 --> 00:12:14,560
Yeah, absolutely Stan, not now.
311
00:12:14,560 --> 00:12:17,680
Out, out, I've told you before! Out!
312
00:12:20,360 --> 00:12:21,200
Sorry, Jacob.
313
00:12:21,200 --> 00:12:22,040
Jason.
314
00:12:22,040 --> 00:12:24,400
My doors are open to
anyone, but I absolutely
315
00:12:24,400 --> 00:12:28,240
will not tolerate bigots
or traffic wardens.
316
00:12:28,240 --> 00:12:30,320
Mixed race coffee, coming up.
317
00:12:30,320 --> 00:12:31,800
Carol, when you've got five minutes.
318
00:12:31,800 --> 00:12:33,840
Absolutely, Stan, give me 10.
319
00:12:33,840 --> 00:12:35,440
This smell's getting up my nose.
320
00:12:35,440 --> 00:12:36,640
Yeah, what is that?
321
00:12:36,640 --> 00:12:37,600
[Carol] Cherry tobacco.
322
00:12:37,600 --> 00:12:39,280
You used to love it, Carol.
323
00:12:39,280 --> 00:12:40,880
Well, things have changed, Mother.
324
00:12:40,880 --> 00:12:41,720
Carol.
325
00:12:41,720 --> 00:12:44,080
Absolutely, stench, I've just
got to get rid of this Stan.
326
00:12:45,080 --> 00:12:49,520
[Barry singing "Kumbaya" loudly]
327
00:12:49,520 --> 00:12:51,000
Friday and slap.
328
00:12:52,080 --> 00:12:54,560
[Barry] Oh Lord, Kumbaya!
329
00:12:57,760 --> 00:13:00,280
Welcome to the circus.
330
00:13:00,280 --> 00:13:02,280
[Barry] Someone's praying my Lord!
331
00:13:02,280 --> 00:13:05,080
-[Carol] Kumbaya!
-[Barry] Kumbaya!
332
00:13:05,080 --> 00:13:08,360
[Carol And Barry]
Someone's praying, my Lord!
333
00:13:08,360 --> 00:13:09,200
Kumbaya!
334
00:13:11,120 --> 00:13:14,800
[All] Someone's praying, my Lord, Kumbaya!
335
00:13:17,480 --> 00:13:18,920
Oh Lord, Kumbaya!
336
00:13:22,640 --> 00:13:25,840
Pesky clowns! I mean,
they aren't even local.
337
00:13:25,840 --> 00:13:28,080
Your dad's photographed
every single one of them
338
00:13:28,080 --> 00:13:29,840
and not taken any of me.
339
00:13:29,840 --> 00:13:31,120
Maybe he didn't see you.
340
00:13:31,120 --> 00:13:32,320
I'm bright chartreuse.
341
00:13:33,600 --> 00:13:35,400
Isn't that a liqueur that
tastes like cough mixture?
342
00:13:35,400 --> 00:13:36,880
Not if you mix it with gin and lime.
343
00:13:36,880 --> 00:13:37,840
Top tip.
344
00:13:37,840 --> 00:13:38,640
Totes top tip.
345
00:13:38,640 --> 00:13:39,600
Don't say "totes top tip".
346
00:13:39,600 --> 00:13:42,280
It's also the most noticeable
colour to the human eye.
347
00:13:42,280 --> 00:13:45,200
That's why miners took canaries
with them down the mine.
348
00:13:45,200 --> 00:13:46,360
No, it isn't.
349
00:13:46,360 --> 00:13:48,000
Why are you so desperate
to have your picture taken?
350
00:13:48,000 --> 00:13:48,880
I just wanna...
351
00:13:50,120 --> 00:13:52,320
My mum's therapist told
my mum I'm an anvil.
352
00:13:52,320 --> 00:13:54,720
A financial anvil.
353
00:13:54,720 --> 00:13:55,840
A finanvil.
354
00:13:55,840 --> 00:13:57,840
She's a bit upset, so I
thought me in the brochure
355
00:13:57,840 --> 00:13:59,120
might cheer her up.
356
00:13:59,120 --> 00:14:01,440
Your mum's therapist
doesn't sound very nice.
357
00:14:01,440 --> 00:14:04,600
No, but she's working
wonders for mum's bipolar.
358
00:14:04,600 --> 00:14:06,880
Half the time she's really happy.
359
00:14:08,680 --> 00:14:10,600
We still on for the circus later?
360
00:14:10,600 --> 00:14:11,600
You sure you wanna go?
361
00:14:11,600 --> 00:14:13,800
Yeah, see how the other half live.
362
00:14:14,720 --> 00:14:16,960
Six thirty at the Dragon?
363
00:14:16,960 --> 00:14:19,200
I'll be there after I've
walked Richard's dog.
364
00:14:19,200 --> 00:14:23,240
Her names Ava. Do you want some company?
365
00:14:23,240 --> 00:14:25,280
Don't you have a date with
your married estate agent?
366
00:14:25,280 --> 00:14:27,720
I should cancel. He's being a bit Roy.
367
00:14:27,720 --> 00:14:28,560
Who?
368
00:14:28,560 --> 00:14:29,400
Keen.
369
00:14:29,400 --> 00:14:30,520
Do you know who Roy Keane is?
370
00:14:30,520 --> 00:14:32,160
Yeah, hosted 'Catchphrase'.
371
00:14:32,160 --> 00:14:34,640
No he didn't. I better send that email.
372
00:14:34,640 --> 00:14:35,920
I'll walk with you.
373
00:14:35,920 --> 00:14:36,880
Coming?
374
00:14:36,880 --> 00:14:40,560
No, I'll stay here. Feel
a bit lost at the moment.
375
00:14:40,560 --> 00:14:42,440
Need some time to think.
376
00:14:45,080 --> 00:14:46,320
Really?
377
00:14:46,320 --> 00:14:47,160
Of course not!
378
00:14:48,720 --> 00:14:50,560
I'd forgotten how fit
your dad was, by the way.
379
00:14:50,560 --> 00:14:53,200
I know you hate him but I totes would.
380
00:14:53,200 --> 00:14:55,040
Don't say "totes would",
and I don't hate him.
381
00:14:55,040 --> 00:14:56,680
Put a word in.
382
00:14:56,680 --> 00:14:57,720
You make me sick.
383
00:14:57,720 --> 00:14:59,000
Can I have a hand, please?
384
00:15:01,920 --> 00:15:04,680
[Kieran panting]
385
00:15:07,600 --> 00:15:11,400
Oh, go away, clowns! Weston's my manor!
386
00:15:13,080 --> 00:15:16,880
Get back to the circus where you belong!
387
00:15:18,920 --> 00:15:19,800
Clooooowns!
388
00:15:24,200 --> 00:15:26,960
This is definitely a low point.
389
00:15:29,600 --> 00:15:31,560
[Stan] What was Cyril's smell, Mare?
390
00:15:31,560 --> 00:15:33,200
Brut and Old Spice.
391
00:15:33,200 --> 00:15:37,520
He wore Brut for everyday,
Old Spice on Sundays,
392
00:15:37,520 --> 00:15:40,040
and then both together
for special occasions.
393
00:15:40,040 --> 00:15:42,720
I can't stand that Brut,
it's an old man's smell.
394
00:15:42,720 --> 00:15:44,080
I wear Brut!
395
00:15:44,080 --> 00:15:47,760
Ah, Brut. The essence of Stan.
396
00:15:47,760 --> 00:15:50,520
[Stan chuckling]
397
00:15:51,480 --> 00:15:53,320
What's your most memorable smell, Jack?
398
00:15:53,320 --> 00:15:54,440
No point in asking Jack,
399
00:15:54,440 --> 00:15:56,320
he lost his sense of smell years ago.
400
00:15:57,440 --> 00:15:59,240
Lily of the valley.
401
00:15:59,240 --> 00:16:01,040
Lily of the who?
402
00:16:01,040 --> 00:16:03,040
The smell of my first love.
403
00:16:03,040 --> 00:16:05,040
I've never worn lily of the valley.
404
00:16:05,040 --> 00:16:06,720
I know.
405
00:16:06,720 --> 00:16:08,800
We had a brief encounter
over a garden fence
406
00:16:08,800 --> 00:16:10,960
and then I never saw her again.
407
00:16:10,960 --> 00:16:12,360
When was this Jack?
408
00:16:12,360 --> 00:16:16,040
One hazy afternoon in the summer of 1940.
409
00:16:16,040 --> 00:16:17,680
You were only nine!
410
00:16:17,680 --> 00:16:19,240
And three quarters.
411
00:16:19,240 --> 00:16:20,320
[Stan] How old was she?
412
00:16:20,320 --> 00:16:21,760
Ten.
413
00:16:21,760 --> 00:16:22,720
[Stan chuckles]
414
00:16:22,720 --> 00:16:23,560
The cradle snatcher!
415
00:16:23,560 --> 00:16:25,840
I shall never forget
her as long as I live.
416
00:16:25,840 --> 00:16:27,680
What was the name of this floozy?
417
00:16:27,680 --> 00:16:28,560
Can't remember.
418
00:16:29,560 --> 00:16:31,120
Shut up, Jack!
419
00:16:35,080 --> 00:16:36,720
Ooh, Carol, have you got...
420
00:16:38,520 --> 00:16:40,320
Oogy boogie, here I gogie.
421
00:16:41,440 --> 00:16:42,560
Scuse I, all.
422
00:16:46,160 --> 00:16:49,480
Doctor, doctor, my dog's got no nose.
423
00:16:49,480 --> 00:16:50,920
[Jack] How does he smell?
424
00:16:50,920 --> 00:16:53,040
[Mary] Horrible!
425
00:16:53,040 --> 00:16:55,440
Carol, I really need you to-
426
00:16:55,440 --> 00:16:57,160
Absolutely Stan, not now though.
427
00:16:58,200 --> 00:17:00,760
It's just, we haven't
talked since Phil came back,
428
00:17:00,760 --> 00:17:03,120
and well, there's something I want to-
429
00:17:03,120 --> 00:17:05,280
Oh, talk of the devil, hello Phil!
430
00:17:05,280 --> 00:17:06,560
[Phil] You all right, Stan?
431
00:17:06,560 --> 00:17:07,440
How's it going?
432
00:17:08,320 --> 00:17:10,280
It's amazing how much of
the place I still recognise.
433
00:17:12,400 --> 00:17:13,480
I bet it is.
434
00:17:15,480 --> 00:17:16,720
Nice socks.
435
00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:19,040
Thanks.
436
00:17:19,040 --> 00:17:21,720
Don't get cold feet. I'll be inside.
437
00:17:22,840 --> 00:17:26,200
Oh no, was that Phil? Oh, he's early!
438
00:17:26,200 --> 00:17:27,360
[Stan] Carol, I-
439
00:17:27,360 --> 00:17:29,400
Oh madam, your father's here.
440
00:17:29,400 --> 00:17:32,040
Argh! I can't talk to him now!
441
00:17:32,040 --> 00:17:33,760
I've got to meet Richard's stupid dog
442
00:17:33,760 --> 00:17:35,160
while he goes to meet a stupid priest
443
00:17:35,160 --> 00:17:36,360
for his stupid wedding!
444
00:17:36,360 --> 00:17:40,360
They're not even stupid religious,
stupid marriage! Stupid!
445
00:17:42,520 --> 00:17:45,400
Marriage, I wouldn't wish it on anyone.
446
00:17:45,400 --> 00:17:47,960
When did love stop being enough, Stan?
447
00:17:49,440 --> 00:17:51,080
I don't know, Carol.
448
00:17:51,080 --> 00:17:53,120
Sorry Stan, what was it
you wanted to ask me?
449
00:17:53,120 --> 00:17:54,440
Oh yeah no, it's gone.
450
00:17:54,440 --> 00:17:58,120
I just wanted to give you this.
451
00:17:58,120 --> 00:18:00,400
Ooh! Honeysuckle.
452
00:18:00,400 --> 00:18:04,560
From the old English
meaning... honey suckling?
453
00:18:04,560 --> 00:18:08,120
Bang on. Easy to love and
fairly indestructible.
454
00:18:08,120 --> 00:18:11,360
Well, I'd better get the
cafe sorted for the photos,
455
00:18:11,360 --> 00:18:12,480
so I'll see you tomorrow, Stan.
456
00:18:12,480 --> 00:18:15,640
You not coming round for
'Come Dine With Me' later?
457
00:18:15,640 --> 00:18:18,840
Oh yeah, absolutely, I wouldn't miss it!
458
00:18:18,840 --> 00:18:20,320
I'll bring you round some used
459
00:18:20,320 --> 00:18:22,800
coffee grinds for the compost.
460
00:18:22,800 --> 00:18:25,000
You spoil me Carol, you really do.
461
00:18:25,000 --> 00:18:26,240
Oh, goodbye you two.
462
00:18:27,560 --> 00:18:28,400
Goodbye all.
463
00:18:29,560 --> 00:18:32,160
She's not happy with him.
464
00:18:32,160 --> 00:18:37,040
Well, no one likes feeling
second best, do they Carol?
465
00:18:40,160 --> 00:18:42,600
[Stan sighs]
466
00:18:44,160 --> 00:18:46,360
[Carol] Have you emailed
that order yet, madam?
467
00:18:46,360 --> 00:18:47,200
Yes.
468
00:18:48,160 --> 00:18:49,000
I better go.
469
00:18:49,000 --> 00:18:49,840
Stuff to do?
470
00:18:50,880 --> 00:18:54,120
Yeah. Can I ask a favour?
471
00:18:54,120 --> 00:18:55,280
Anything.
472
00:18:55,280 --> 00:18:57,240
If you see a livid yellow clown on stilts,
473
00:18:57,240 --> 00:18:58,840
please will you take his picture?
474
00:18:58,840 --> 00:19:00,000
Sure.
475
00:19:00,000 --> 00:19:00,840
Thank you.
476
00:19:01,680 --> 00:19:03,920
Oh, did anyone hand in a tobacco pouch?
477
00:19:03,920 --> 00:19:05,680
I think I might've left
it on the table outside.
478
00:19:05,680 --> 00:19:07,120
Oh yeah, I didn't know it was yours.
479
00:19:07,120 --> 00:19:08,040
It's under the counter.
480
00:19:08,040 --> 00:19:09,760
[Phil] Oh great, cheers kid.
481
00:19:09,760 --> 00:19:11,960
[Sarah] See you!
482
00:19:11,960 --> 00:19:14,760
Your disgusting cherry tobacco.
483
00:19:14,760 --> 00:19:17,760
You never used to mind it.
We smoked these for hours.
484
00:19:17,760 --> 00:19:19,440
Times have changed.
485
00:19:20,520 --> 00:19:22,720
And it's been putting off the customers.
486
00:19:24,240 --> 00:19:25,120
Has it?
487
00:19:27,440 --> 00:19:31,200
No, just brought back
some memories, that's all.
488
00:19:31,200 --> 00:19:32,880
Well, they weren't all
bad, were they, love?
489
00:19:32,880 --> 00:19:34,400
No, not all of them.
490
00:19:39,400 --> 00:19:40,760
Hello, Martha.
491
00:19:43,520 --> 00:19:44,480
Hello, Tom Frost.
492
00:19:52,120 --> 00:19:52,960
Want a cuppa?
493
00:19:52,960 --> 00:19:53,760
Milk two sugars, but-
494
00:19:53,760 --> 00:19:55,760
Put the milk in first,
495
00:19:55,760 --> 00:19:57,560
because that's how George Orwell had it.
496
00:19:58,920 --> 00:20:00,840
[Phil laughs]
497
00:20:00,840 --> 00:20:02,000
Connection reestablished?
498
00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:03,560
What?
499
00:20:03,560 --> 00:20:05,760
Oh, talk of the devil, hello Barry!
500
00:20:05,760 --> 00:20:08,720
All done. My fees on next month's bill.
501
00:20:08,720 --> 00:20:10,480
Goodbye, God bless.
502
00:20:15,000 --> 00:20:16,680
You still painting, then?
503
00:20:16,680 --> 00:20:20,360
Painting? Oh, God no. I
gave that up years ago.
504
00:20:20,360 --> 00:20:21,240
Why?
505
00:20:21,240 --> 00:20:22,520
So I could bring up our daughter.
506
00:20:22,520 --> 00:20:24,360
[Phil] She was 20 and at university.
507
00:20:24,360 --> 00:20:25,200
That's not the point.
508
00:20:25,200 --> 00:20:26,360
Yes, it is.
509
00:20:26,360 --> 00:20:30,480
Okay, well... I can't talk now. I've got-
510
00:20:30,480 --> 00:20:31,640
Stuff to do, yeah I know, I know.
511
00:20:31,640 --> 00:20:33,320
[Carol] And you can stop
shamming now, Mother,
512
00:20:33,320 --> 00:20:34,520
the internet's back on.
513
00:20:35,640 --> 00:20:38,280
About time. Conversation's overrated.
514
00:20:38,280 --> 00:20:41,520
Steady on, Mark Zuckerberg.
Time for your photograph.
515
00:20:42,720 --> 00:20:45,920
Ooh, well, hang on then Philip.
516
00:20:45,920 --> 00:20:50,920
Let me give myself a squirt,
I'm like a sow in a sauna here.
517
00:20:52,520 --> 00:20:53,800
Ooh, that's potent, Mare, what is it?
518
00:20:53,800 --> 00:20:55,120
Lily of the valley.
519
00:20:56,040 --> 00:20:58,440
I'd steal my mother's when I was little,
520
00:20:58,440 --> 00:21:01,200
she used to go spare!
521
00:21:01,200 --> 00:21:04,000
I'd douse myself soggy and then I'd dance
522
00:21:04,000 --> 00:21:06,400
around the garden like Rita Hayworth.
523
00:21:07,320 --> 00:21:10,240
You could smell me coming from Bodmin!
524
00:21:14,400 --> 00:21:19,400
Okay. I'm ready for my
close up, Mr de Phil.
525
00:21:24,160 --> 00:21:25,360
Hold that pose, Mare.
526
00:21:32,560 --> 00:21:35,680
[camera shutter clicking]
527
00:21:35,680 --> 00:21:40,680
♪ Somewhere beyond the sea ♪
528
00:21:41,760 --> 00:21:46,760
♪ He's there watching for me ♪
529
00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:52,640
♪ If I could fly like birds on high ♪
530
00:21:53,720 --> 00:21:58,640
♪ Then straight to his
arms I'd go sailing ♪
36140
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