All language subtitles for Alone S03E10 Day 87

You're risking organ failure.

We need to pull you.

Wish I would have ate more.

I've got so much food.

Ever since the water's risen, I haven't
been able to catch a single fish.

I don't know how long I can keep going.

I'd love to be the first woman to win,
but I'm getting quite thin.

I have this pain in my tooth.

Even a small chip in your tooth can just
lead to the biggest problem.

This is the hardest terrain.

Patagonia is a different environment
entirely.

Everything out here is so harsh.

Patagonia's no joke.

Are you willing to give up who you are
for what you will become?

Patagonia for God's sake.

Patagonia! It's tougher than I ever
imagined.

I'm missing home right now. You get a
feeling of helplessness, like, why am I

doing this? Oh, my God!

The last person left wins $500,000 and
is a badass.

Bam!

Wow.

What is that?

It's just how far you can push yourself
and what you're able to do. You don't

have anyone to lean on.

Go to bed hungry, wake up hungry.

Can't believe we did that.

It's going to come down to mental
endurance and food deprivation.

First to be dead in a week at this rate.

Whoa, that's a big cat.

My tooth has been killing me.

The root just feels like it's really
constricted.

It's a constant pain.

I'm trying to keep my mind off of it,
but it's driving me crazy.

pouring outside right now and windy.

This reminds me of home.

We have a lot of blustery days like this
and you can look outside and see all the

trees moving and the wind and the rain.

Days like this get harder to be out here
alone.

I'm definitely thinking about my family
a lot.

And I miss my kids so much

and my husband.

I try to suppress thinking about them.

If I'm not busy, I get too into my head.

How long will I be out here? How many
baskets am I going to make?

I keep thinking about my family.

I have this guilt as a mother, leaving
my children for a very long time.

I didn't bring pictures of my children,
so I couldn't even think about my role

as a mother and a wife.

My kids don't even know where I am.

We don't want to tell them and worry
them.

They think I'm doing forestry field
work.

This guilt is so complicated for me.

The urge to go see my children and
husband and my health with my tooth are

pulling me away from staying out here.

The only pull left for me to stay is the
money.

See how my greens look here.

Some of these rehydrated greens.

First, I get my jacket to sit on.

Just a little self-comfort thing that I
do.

Because my butt's kind of bony these
days.

Getting so thin.

I'm guessing I'm down around 100 pounds.

Eating twice as much greens as I
normally do.

Hope that I can at least stop my weight
loss.

Maybe gain just a little bit.

Really want to stay in this.

My strategy at this point is trying to
outlive, outlast whoever else

has left.

I thought I could live on plants alone.

I guess I'm wrong.

I need more.

I have to try fishing again.

Should I keep on staying here?

The next mud check I'm pretty nervous
about.

I don't know if the doctor will think
I've lost too much weight.

I think it's necessary to pull me
without

extra calories.

I don't know how long I can go.

There's crow's feet kind of thing going
on.

So much weight loss, even my face is
skinny when I smile by my eyes.

Look at that.

Look at all those wrinkles.

I lost so much weight that even my
cheeks are thinner.

I'm getting wrinkles on my face.

Insane. Wild.

Wild in Patagonia.

Still losing weight continually.

I need fat.

I'm not getting that from fish.

All right. I see my line has sprung.

Eh, nothing.

I lose much more weight, and they're
going to pull me on a medical tap-out.

The doctor said that your body mass
index is dropping. If it does not go up,

you are at risk of being pulled.

I don't want to go.

Right now, I'm going to just keep
pushing forward.

Keep myself busy.

So I'm going to go cut some more bamboo
for chopsticks on my

weekend date.

Big projects are kind of out of the
question.

The best I can do is keep myself
distracted because I'm still really

hungry.

Running on empty.

Having a hard time not becoming
discouraged.

When you've been hungry like this for
this long, it's like it just keeps

coming to you.

Like, oh.

There. Big pile of chopsticks.

3, 64, 65, 66, 67, 68, 69, 70, 71. 71 so
far.

I don't think I've been so tired and so
hungry ever in my life.

I just want to go to sleep.

Being too weak and hungry to provide for
myself and keep going.

That's where it comes to an end for me.

Hi.

Greetings. Hey.

I really feel that I've done a lot here.
I really accomplished quite a bit of

what I wanted to do.

But my tooth is getting sore and sore.

And then there's family and, you know,
I'm missing them more and more every

day. I know it's the decision I have to
make right now.

There's things that happen outside your
control and you just have to be at peace

with that.

But I'll definitely miss this place for
sure.

I'm really appreciative that in the
middle of my life, I was allowed to have

this amount of time by myself to do a
bit of life reflection.

It's an immensely powerful thing to be
alone and be in solitude.

Nature has immense power to it.

And when you're fully immersed in it for
a significant amount of time,

You really get an appreciation for every
minute of the day and just how fragile

life is.

You have to live positively, and if you
have the right mindset, it's amazing

what can be accomplished.

Every second with my family after this
is going to be so profound.

I cannot wait to see my children and my
husband.

Little twig legs.

Twig self.

The whole thing.

Unbelievable.

I never thought you could get so small.

Little arms.

You're so tiny.

You're so tiny. What happened to you?

Not so much the forearms that are tiny.

Blows me away is my upper arms and just
everything.

A lot of ups and downs to get here to
day 80.

Holy cow.

All alone.

I've been going back and forth between
excited and nervous.

Now that I'm here, I think I'm just
nervous.

This is one tough place.

Arriving here in Patagonia, my strategy
for this was to see it as a homesteading

situation in a new location just like
the early settlers when they went out

west. I found myself a little area. This
is a temporary shelter, only like 15

feet from where I was dropped off.

But my choices are limited.

My place is 95% hill, and there's no
sun, so I got to explore my territory.

Look at this. I was thinking of
incorporating this big tree as the back

wall to my shelter.

I need more food.

Innovation and creativity are very
important out here because you need to

find ways to overcome your problems.

I want to make a duck trap.

And I'm going to try and build like a
little dock that I can walk out on and

launch my duck hunter boat.

We are fishing for birds.

My shelter took me almost a month, but
it was a consistent and persistent

effort until it was achieved.

The inner walls are done.

It is looking good.

Every day more that you push forward on
any goal, you've already achieved all

that is behind you.

I am done with my shelter.

Tomorrow, I'm moving in.

Make my bed. Oh, done.

If I spend too many days just doing
nothing, I get mighty antsy.

Downward dog into lotus.

Lotus eats the butterfly.

No, never done yoga.

Don't need my man card revoked.

I find that it's very important to keep
your mind busy, especially after 4 o

'clock.

4 o'clock, you're used to going home and
being with your family.

My new winding stick is done.

Bushcrafting gets you through the night.

Homesteading and making projects gets
you through the month.

And I had the Wizard's Tap. My Wizard's
Tap journal.

The story of my adventure here.

Whenever I'm not busy making stuff and
doing things, I am sick and tired of

being alone.

When you're out here by yourself, you
think about family

and how much they mean to you.

The weight, gravity on your chest is
just so

strong.

It's been 14 days with one fish.

And you get frustrated, and you're
hungry, angry.

That seems to come more and more as I'm
out here.

Man, this blows.

This freaking blows.

Things are not going well.

Grubs and roots for dinner.

I'm so hungry.

Three months now. Since I've seen my
family.

And that pull.

I swear today I can almost feel it.

Diminishing conditions that I'm in these
days.

I don't know how much more I got left in
me.

I'm thinking about food.

I'm thinking about all the things I look
forward to eating when I get home.

Someday, soon, I'll be able to go to
restaurants or eat a delicious home

-cooked meal.

Tyler makes an amazing salmon log.

And he came up with this, oh, So good,
amazing creamed halibut

dish.

Most of what I think about is fatty
foods.

Which I guess shows that's probably what
my body's craving.

Getting to be one lean machine here.

Finding protein has been a struggle
since day one.

Wow.

It's even more beautiful than I could
have imagined.

It's hard to put words to what this
place means to me.

Two deer just walked up on the beach.

That's pretty cool.

I have always wanted to really test my
survival skills.

I feel like my entire life has been
building me up to this point.

Always wanted to spend a long chunk of
time, up to a year, in the woods alone.

As a survival strategy, I wanted to
create a home. I didn't want to just

have a shelter that just barely met my
needs.

I wanted to be able to live inside what
I created.

Home sweet home.

Early on, there were some moments when
it was a struggle.

Missing Tyler, missing being able to
reach out and call my family and

friends.

I had a moment, but to be expected with
being out here on my own.

I think I've struggled the most with
fishing out here.

My body weight started dropping, so I
knew.

that I had to change what I'm doing.

I tried everything.

Oh, man.

Protein is critical in a survival
situation.

Yes! Come on.

If I could get more protein, I would
maybe be able to slow down my weight

loss. Oh, no.

Oh, damn it. Here, if I don't catch a
fish, I won't have anything to eat that

night.

And that stresses me out.

And so I went with what did work, which
was gathering plants.

Dandelions. What the doctor ordered. I
don't know where the strength came for

me to live out here as long as I have.

It's just, it's part of me.

I found metal.

This is awesome.

I am stubborn.

My attitude and my will and my spirit
have been key points for me being able

to be out here as long as I have.

To me, the difference between living and
survival is survival is just barely

being able to pull through something.

Living is being present and enjoying
each moment.

Big flakes of snow.

I really want to make a drum.

To live out here, I do need to keep
making things and try to stay busy all

the time.

I want with all of my being to stay out
here and enjoy living as long as I can.

However long that is, I'm going to keep
striving.

I'm going to keep going until I can't.

true of how I'm doing right now, at
least in this moment.

I feel scared, scared of all the future
unknowns,

scared of having to tap out or getting
pulled out.

Here comes a boat.

which worries me a lot.

Are they gonna pull me out?

I don't know.

I just step on it.

Sit down, please.

Open your mouth.

Thank you.

The doctor has found that you're in a
critical zone.

We're going to have to extract you for
medical reasons.

I was worried that this point might
come.

You know, I felt myself getting thinner,
and even though I feel in great spirits,

you know, I feel really good most of the
time, mentally, emotionally,

spiritually.

It's really disappointing.

I guess this is what's meant to be.

I truly am thankful.

And I've learned a lot while I've been
here.

I want to see Tyler.

I want to see my mom. I want to see my
dad.

Even though I've been alone.

I feel like I've been connected to them
the whole time.

That they've been there for me. They've
helped give me strength.

I don't feel like I've been surviving
and struggling.

I've been here living.

Not winning $500,000, it is
disappointing.

More so that I can't help others, that I
can't buy my mom property and build a

house, help some friends have a better
life.

And I was hoping to save for my life and
my children.

But my physical body can't do this
anymore.

And so it's not mine to have.

This place it's really become part of
who I am I Came out

more alive than I've ever been

One, two, three, four, five, six.

Day 87, like I thought.

I hear a boat.

I think that's not a good sign.

I think that means I got another med
check today.

And there was just one yesterday.

I don't think it's good news.

I think I lost another 20 pounds when
they put me on the scale.

It might be over for me.

I want it to be over, but I don't want
it to be over because I failed to

acquire enough food.

I have the energy to continue, the
mental and the physical fortitude.

Make it to 90 and then some maybe even
100

Very

nervous At least I won't have quit and

I will not have given up or surrendered

Last night I worked on a yarn thing for
Jamie to wind her yarn ball around.

I started thinking about the family and
talking about the girls and I kind of

broke down for a little bit there and
was just, you know, I just...

It's getting harder and harder to think
about

them.

Miss those girls so much.

alone for so long and have that family
there all by their, you know, I'm just

missing them.

I'm thinking all the stuff I wanted to
do with them, you know, and as they get

older, they got little sharp elbows and
knees. I'd even take a sharp elbow to

the gut right now, you know, just to be
with them again.

I've wanted a family my whole life, and
it's the best thing in the world.

And I just miss it.

You know, and I just,

you know, as long as I have strength in
me and I feel like I can push through

it, I do.

And I don't give up.

Because of them.

It's getting harder and harder. or think
about them.

Miss those girls so much.

You know, and as long as they have
strength in me and I feel like I can

push through it, I do.

And I don't give up because of them.

Oh, my God.

Look, so amazing.

I can't believe it. It's over.

Thank you. Thank you, Lord.

You won. You won.

You can go home.

For real. For real.

This is tough.

Every day I would add my story to the
poll. And then it's even got our story

up here. There's the car broke down, and
I had to leave you guys on the side of

the road, and I fished for every fish I
caught.

And each day I had achievement, and then
my physical achievement, and then my

emotional.

And so there's quite a few emotional
ones where little yurts and missing you

guys and stuff.

And so each day I worked my story all
the way down.

So I got the whole thing. So beautiful.

I'll show you the inside.

All right, come on in.

It's a little messy because I just
brought the firewood in.

It was so cozy in here.

The shelter worked so well.

It was unreal.

All right, got the hose.

And I'll put all the spoons and stuff
into it.

There we go.

Needles. That's 50.

Another 50.

There's another 100 chopsticks.

Look at all of them. I know what your
family's getting for Christmas. Yeah.

Everybody's getting food.

really consider myself a survivalist.

Some people, they just want to take a
knife, go out into

the woods, see how long they can make
it.

That was never one of my interests.

I wanted to be able to survive any
situation.

If there's something that you want, it's
not something you accomplish in one

night. It doesn't matter your pace. It
doesn't matter your strengths, your

weaknesses.

As long as you just keep pushing
forward, you're achieving something.

This is special.

It doesn't get much more special than
going to Patagonia and surviving in the

outback.

One of the most beautiful things I've
ever seen.

Right? That's what I felt when I saw you
and I turned around.

Aww!

This has been the best experience of my
life.

and not having thought about much else
besides getting home and hugging my

girls.

It was hard sometimes to think about the
things I missed out on while I was gone.

A whole summer of stuff I missed.

Every day felt like two or three days
out there.

It's my favorite road.

The $500,000 means freedom to my family.
Freedom to build our off-grid homestead

the way we want to.

I'm home.

home sweet home oh my goodness
everything is so green

Hey,

Sparrow. Hey.

I miss you super, super, super much.

Yeah, I missed you too. And Mom and
Sparrow.

Hi. Welcome home.

I miss you. I miss you too.

Don't go away like that again, I
promise, all right?

I lived in the woods.

You lived in the woods? Yeah, this whole
time I've been living in the woods.

This is the whole story of my adventure.
And down here is a snowman for the day

that I made a snowman for you.

Sprinkle it on.

You want to help, girl?

Want to put a little cheese on?

Alone is kind of the culmination of
everything my family's been working

towards.

The adventure that we want to have
together.

Me doing this and succeeding means that
we can spend more time together.

Being alone isn't something I think I
will ever pursue again.

I love my wife, my little girls.

In the end, I think, after this
adventure, I know my place is at home

with my family.

You want to come to me? Aw.

Arriving in Patagonia, I wanted to have
an adventure like I had been reading

about my whole life.

This was my chance to have my real
adventure.

But as time went on, I realized being
alone long-term is not how life is meant

to be enjoyed.

We need human contact.

For me, going forward, it's very simple.

Have your family.

Love them.

Make stuff.

Be happy.

Sounds good to me.

Felder out.