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1
00:00:04,388 --> 00:00:06,765
[QUIETLY]: I can't believe he's
still in there getting tested.
2
00:00:06,790 --> 00:00:07,921
It's gonna be fine.
3
00:00:07,946 --> 00:00:10,854
He's a regular kid...
He's just a little weird.
4
00:00:10,878 --> 00:00:12,411
- I'm not worried.
- Really?
5
00:00:12,446 --> 00:00:14,149
Because it seems like
you're nervously fixing
6
00:00:14,173 --> 00:00:15,791
a perfectly good cabinet door.
7
00:00:15,816 --> 00:00:17,398
It is not perfectly good.
8
00:00:17,423 --> 00:00:21,062
It has actually been broken...
since I nervously ripped it off.
9
00:00:21,411 --> 00:00:24,492
Mr. and Mrs. Bennett, I have great news.
10
00:00:24,517 --> 00:00:26,740
Marc's IQ is off the charts.
11
00:00:26,765 --> 00:00:27,793
He's gifted.
12
00:00:27,818 --> 00:00:29,648
- No!
- Damn it to hell!
13
00:00:30,890 --> 00:00:33,699
I'm sorry, but did you
hear what I just said?
14
00:00:33,724 --> 00:00:35,414
Your son is a prodigy.
15
00:00:35,439 --> 00:00:36,781
This is wonderful.
16
00:00:36,806 --> 00:00:37,992
We know the drill.
17
00:00:38,017 --> 00:00:39,593
We've already been through this.
18
00:00:39,618 --> 00:00:40,750
Twice.
19
00:00:40,775 --> 00:00:42,820
[SPEAKING FRENCH]
20
00:00:42,845 --> 00:00:44,476
- English.
- Please tell your son
21
00:00:44,501 --> 00:00:47,435
you promised me the dining room
for my hyper-polyglot meeting,
22
00:00:47,460 --> 00:00:49,948
not for his juvenile food nonsense.
23
00:00:49,973 --> 00:00:52,803
Molecular gastronomy is not juvenile.
24
00:00:52,828 --> 00:00:54,298
It's science you can eat.
25
00:00:54,323 --> 00:00:57,101
The smoke in this jar is a
whole Thanksgiving dinner.
26
00:00:57,314 --> 00:00:58,679
No one cares!
27
00:00:58,704 --> 00:01:00,671
You can taste the yams.
28
00:01:00,696 --> 00:01:03,226
See? This is every day.
29
00:01:03,251 --> 00:01:04,687
Well, most people would see
30
00:01:04,712 --> 00:01:06,942
three gifted children as a blessing.
31
00:01:06,967 --> 00:01:10,060
Yeah, yeah. yeah.
Blessed with private school tuition,
32
00:01:10,085 --> 00:01:11,670
grant application fees,
33
00:01:11,695 --> 00:01:13,531
hazardous waste removal.
34
00:01:13,981 --> 00:01:15,399
Do you know what it's like to wake up
35
00:01:15,423 --> 00:01:16,801
in the middle of the
night and see your child
36
00:01:16,825 --> 00:01:18,828
drawing your blood for
a medical experiment?
37
00:01:19,353 --> 00:01:20,952
[WHISPERS]: 'Cause I do.
38
00:01:22,126 --> 00:01:24,132
Mother to future mother:
39
00:01:24,157 --> 00:01:27,320
you better hope that one
turns out more like this one.
40
00:01:27,612 --> 00:01:30,065
Noses are like mouths...
41
00:01:30,090 --> 00:01:32,203
that eat smells.
42
00:01:32,726 --> 00:01:33,726
[MIKE AND KAY CHUCKLE]
43
00:01:33,751 --> 00:01:35,757
She's our star.
44
00:01:36,096 --> 00:01:38,273
Okay. Well, you should also know,
45
00:01:38,298 --> 00:01:42,312
Marc actually had the highest
score that I ever tested.
46
00:01:42,718 --> 00:01:44,734
I see what's going on here.
47
00:01:46,222 --> 00:01:48,289
How much is it gonna
take to make this go away?
48
00:01:49,183 --> 00:01:51,086
Honey, honey, honey. Honey.
49
00:01:51,111 --> 00:01:53,445
It's too late. He's one of them now.
50
00:01:56,441 --> 00:01:58,775
I will see myself out.
51
00:02:01,386 --> 00:02:03,476
I guess this means I'm gifted.
52
00:02:05,256 --> 00:02:06,655
[KAY SIGHS]
53
00:02:10,912 --> 00:02:12,953
It's okay, buddy.
54
00:02:13,623 --> 00:02:15,531
We still love you.
55
00:02:17,334 --> 00:02:22,334
♪♪
56
00:02:25,043 --> 00:02:27,250
Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie
www.addic7ed.com
57
00:02:28,617 --> 00:02:31,567
Know what it means now that
Marc's officially gifted?
58
00:02:31,592 --> 00:02:33,890
We can no longer live in denial.
59
00:02:34,340 --> 00:02:36,540
The schools are so cheap in denial.
60
00:02:37,523 --> 00:02:40,125
No. We're gonna have to
pony up for private school.
61
00:02:40,150 --> 00:02:43,990
Or we keep him in public,
bump him up to 12th grade.
62
00:02:44,015 --> 00:02:45,508
It'll give us another year to save up.
63
00:02:45,532 --> 00:02:47,828
I mean, sure, he'll be a small senior...
64
00:02:47,855 --> 00:02:50,078
But that just means the
lockers he gets stuffed into
65
00:02:50,103 --> 00:02:51,903
will be extra roomy.
66
00:02:52,328 --> 00:02:55,440
Maybe we can tuck him in under
the sink tonight to practice.
67
00:02:57,254 --> 00:03:01,523
Ah, yeah, we can't do any of that,
'cause we love him.
68
00:03:01,548 --> 00:03:04,429
And we don't want a true
crime podcast made about us.
69
00:03:04,952 --> 00:03:06,796
- Hey, Daddy.
- Oh, God.
70
00:03:06,821 --> 00:03:09,085
You look handsome.
What are you doing at work today?
71
00:03:09,110 --> 00:03:11,367
Building a window seat
for the Jasters' bedroom.
72
00:03:11,523 --> 00:03:12,668
Why?
73
00:03:12,693 --> 00:03:14,640
I'm just interested in you.
74
00:03:14,665 --> 00:03:16,695
But now that we're asking questions,
75
00:03:16,720 --> 00:03:18,720
when the tester said
that Marc's FISC score
76
00:03:18,745 --> 00:03:20,023
was the highest she's ever tested,
77
00:03:20,047 --> 00:03:22,445
that's only because she didn't test me.
78
00:03:22,837 --> 00:03:24,413
Right?
79
00:03:24,438 --> 00:03:26,687
Uh-uh, no. I-I am not playing this game.
80
00:03:26,712 --> 00:03:28,578
We don't tell any of you your IQs.
81
00:03:28,603 --> 00:03:31,954
It's okay. I already know my
score was higher than Brian's.
82
00:03:32,140 --> 00:03:35,062
Oh, God, I know
you're trying to trick me,
83
00:03:35,087 --> 00:03:37,093
but I don't know how. Kay?
84
00:03:37,118 --> 00:03:40,382
Kay! She wants to
know their FISC scores.
85
00:03:40,407 --> 00:03:42,398
No chance. There's already enough ego
86
00:03:42,423 --> 00:03:44,084
and competition in this house.
87
00:03:44,109 --> 00:03:46,312
Thanks a lot, Mike!
88
00:03:47,979 --> 00:03:49,515
It's not even 8:00 a.m.,
89
00:03:49,540 --> 00:03:51,117
and we've already been assaulted
90
00:03:51,142 --> 00:03:53,765
and lost our dining room
to a science experiment.
91
00:03:54,656 --> 00:03:56,218
This does not bode well.
92
00:03:56,243 --> 00:03:57,757
Right.
93
00:03:58,782 --> 00:04:00,803
- Because "bode" means...
- Look good.
94
00:04:00,828 --> 00:04:01,885
- It doesn't look good.
- I know what it means.
95
00:04:01,909 --> 00:04:03,157
- I know the word.
- You do not! You don't know
96
00:04:03,181 --> 00:04:05,101
- what it means.
- It's one of my favorite words.
97
00:04:06,283 --> 00:04:08,795
- Mommy, I have a question.
- Yeah, honey?
98
00:04:08,820 --> 00:04:11,546
If Brian's a genius,
and Nicole's a genius,
99
00:04:11,571 --> 00:04:15,106
and now Marc's a genius, am I a genius?
100
00:04:17,102 --> 00:04:20,843
Well, you have a lot of good qualities,
101
00:04:20,868 --> 00:04:24,369
but, um, do you want to be a genius?
102
00:04:25,409 --> 00:04:26,906
No.
103
00:04:26,931 --> 00:04:29,064
I want to be a waffle.
104
00:04:29,695 --> 00:04:31,632
You'd be delicious.
105
00:04:32,328 --> 00:04:34,054
Hey, buddy.
106
00:04:34,079 --> 00:04:35,379
What are you doing with that?
107
00:04:35,404 --> 00:04:37,773
I'm developing an opera
about Sacco and Vanzetti,
108
00:04:37,798 --> 00:04:41,433
two Italian anarchists in
1921 who were put to death.
109
00:04:42,096 --> 00:04:43,914
Neato.
110
00:04:45,040 --> 00:04:47,015
- Basement?
- Basement.
111
00:04:49,032 --> 00:04:50,788
I don't know what to do anymore.
112
00:04:50,821 --> 00:04:52,134
It's sad.
113
00:04:52,159 --> 00:04:54,250
I don't feel like I can
relate to our kids at all.
114
00:04:54,275 --> 00:04:56,171
- I know. They're so weird.
- Yeah.
115
00:04:56,196 --> 00:04:58,039
And they're only getting weirder.
116
00:04:58,064 --> 00:04:59,396
I mean, where does it end?
117
00:04:59,421 --> 00:05:02,511
Today it's opera, next it could be...
118
00:05:02,536 --> 00:05:04,039
I don't know what's worse than opera,
119
00:05:04,064 --> 00:05:05,446
but I'm worried our three
kids will invent it,
120
00:05:05,470 --> 00:05:06,703
and we'll have to go to it.
121
00:05:06,728 --> 00:05:08,617
And they've taken over the whole house.
122
00:05:08,642 --> 00:05:10,562
I mean, th-this is all
that we have left.
123
00:05:10,587 --> 00:05:13,656
Our monument to simpler, dumber times.
124
00:05:14,581 --> 00:05:17,671
Remember when I reeled
that guy in at Spencer's Gifts?
125
00:05:19,520 --> 00:05:22,656
I used to think this basement
is where our kids would
126
00:05:22,681 --> 00:05:24,514
sneak down to smoke pot.
127
00:05:26,026 --> 00:05:28,015
And now we do.
128
00:05:32,734 --> 00:05:34,570
Maybe we just did everything wrong.
129
00:05:34,595 --> 00:05:37,725
No, the problem is
we did everything right.
130
00:05:37,750 --> 00:05:39,593
We nurtured their gifts
131
00:05:39,618 --> 00:05:42,780
and encouraged their natural curiosity.
132
00:05:43,243 --> 00:05:45,366
- Man, that was dumb.
- Yeah.
133
00:05:46,106 --> 00:05:48,038
- I mean, look where it got us.
- Yeah.
134
00:05:48,063 --> 00:05:49,862
You know, at this point,
I would just settle
135
00:05:49,887 --> 00:05:51,366
for, like, a regular day
136
00:05:51,391 --> 00:05:53,554
where I don't need Google
Translate to find out
137
00:05:53,579 --> 00:05:54,679
if I've been insulted.
138
00:05:54,704 --> 00:05:57,305
Or where we bring
home an animal as a pet,
139
00:05:57,330 --> 00:05:59,397
- and not to dissect.
- Or to clone.
140
00:05:59,422 --> 00:06:02,030
Oh, the cloning's the worst.
When they look at you,
141
00:06:02,055 --> 00:06:04,640
you know that they
know they're a mistake.
142
00:06:04,665 --> 00:06:08,179
All I want is one day of normal.
143
00:06:08,204 --> 00:06:10,639
We need it. The kids definitely need it.
144
00:06:10,664 --> 00:06:12,330
I mean, I love them.
145
00:06:12,355 --> 00:06:14,321
I don't want them to
grow into super weirdos.
146
00:06:14,346 --> 00:06:16,118
All right, so let's do it.
147
00:06:16,143 --> 00:06:18,218
We just gotta think of a
way to get them on board.
148
00:06:18,243 --> 00:06:19,382
Oh...
149
00:06:24,846 --> 00:06:26,233
Are you even still...
150
00:06:26,258 --> 00:06:28,983
No, I was thinking we need
more snacks down here.
151
00:06:34,569 --> 00:06:35,805
I don't really get your problem.
152
00:06:35,829 --> 00:06:37,344
If you want your kids
to have a normal day,
153
00:06:37,368 --> 00:06:38,468
just force 'em.
154
00:06:38,493 --> 00:06:40,968
You can't force your kids to be normal.
155
00:06:40,993 --> 00:06:42,671
But you could bully 'em.
156
00:06:42,696 --> 00:06:45,139
You used to be a great
bully in high school.
157
00:06:45,164 --> 00:06:46,671
Yeah, but I'm different now.
158
00:06:46,696 --> 00:06:47,696
I've got 21.
159
00:06:47,721 --> 00:06:49,632
Oh, look who can count.
160
00:06:49,657 --> 00:06:51,905
Here, man. Dang.
161
00:06:52,598 --> 00:06:55,157
See? You still got it.
162
00:06:55,182 --> 00:06:57,116
Mike doesn't like it when
I bully people, though.
163
00:06:57,141 --> 00:07:00,155
It reminds him of his
bully in high school... me.
164
00:07:00,647 --> 00:07:02,530
But you're outnumbered over there now.
165
00:07:02,555 --> 00:07:04,195
You're gonna have
to do whatever it takes
166
00:07:04,220 --> 00:07:07,014
to tilt the odds back
into the house's favor.
167
00:07:07,039 --> 00:07:08,439
Yeah, I gotta stop being nice
168
00:07:08,464 --> 00:07:10,710
- about it for their own good.
- Thank you.
169
00:07:10,735 --> 00:07:12,202
- You know what I'm gonna do?
- What?
170
00:07:12,227 --> 00:07:15,811
Tomorrow, I am forcing them
to go somewhere that is fun,
171
00:07:15,836 --> 00:07:18,530
dumb and taught me everything I know.
172
00:07:19,079 --> 00:07:21,085
- The boardwalk?
- That's right.
173
00:07:21,110 --> 00:07:22,694
We're gonna do the Tilt-A-Whirl,
174
00:07:22,719 --> 00:07:25,280
and eat funnel cake
and ride the log flume
175
00:07:25,305 --> 00:07:27,913
until we throw up a
bunch of funnel cake.
176
00:07:27,938 --> 00:07:30,038
But I need the time to work on my opera.
177
00:07:30,063 --> 00:07:32,827
I've been a genius for a day
and have accomplished nothing.
178
00:07:32,852 --> 00:07:35,132
Tomorrow, you will
accomplish whacking moles
179
00:07:35,157 --> 00:07:36,741
and winning cheap stuffed animals,
180
00:07:36,766 --> 00:07:38,299
like we're a normal family.
181
00:07:38,324 --> 00:07:40,882
That doesn't sound
normal. It sounds trashy.
182
00:07:40,907 --> 00:07:44,257
We live in Atlantic City.
Normal is trashy.
183
00:07:45,017 --> 00:07:46,835
I think it sounds fun.
184
00:07:47,999 --> 00:07:49,398
Why?
185
00:07:49,691 --> 00:07:51,811
No, seriously,
is it okay if I bring a friend?
186
00:07:51,836 --> 00:07:53,303
Yes!
187
00:07:53,526 --> 00:07:55,726
Yes, of course.
188
00:07:55,751 --> 00:07:59,241
That's such a... normal thing to do.
189
00:07:59,266 --> 00:08:01,850
He's got a friend,
just like the kids in the movies.
190
00:08:01,875 --> 00:08:04,142
Hey, and if it gets you
guys more excited about it,
191
00:08:04,167 --> 00:08:06,701
you are welcome to bring friends, too.
192
00:08:06,726 --> 00:08:09,022
My best friend's already coming.
193
00:08:17,469 --> 00:08:18,585
Hey, Dad.
194
00:08:18,610 --> 00:08:20,319
No! Stay back.
195
00:08:22,336 --> 00:08:23,680
I know you're just gonna try to trick me
196
00:08:23,704 --> 00:08:25,249
into spilling your IQs.
197
00:08:25,274 --> 00:08:28,175
No, I was just coming over
to borrow the sunscreen.
198
00:08:28,200 --> 00:08:29,772
Someone's paranoid.
199
00:08:29,797 --> 00:08:31,093
Sorry.
200
00:08:31,424 --> 00:08:34,926
It's a side effect of the
medication I'm... vaping.
201
00:08:36,913 --> 00:08:38,858
Yeah, no, we're all good.
202
00:08:38,883 --> 00:08:40,397
Mom told me Marc's score, so...
203
00:08:40,422 --> 00:08:41,929
Yeah. No chance.
204
00:08:41,954 --> 00:08:43,155
No, really, she did.
205
00:08:43,180 --> 00:08:44,655
She told me he scored a 142.
206
00:08:44,680 --> 00:08:48,147
See, I know that's not true,
'cause he scored a 156.
207
00:08:51,772 --> 00:08:53,804
Damn it. Kay!
208
00:08:53,829 --> 00:08:55,647
I love you, Daddy.
209
00:08:55,672 --> 00:08:57,155
- Hey, Mom.
- Hey.
210
00:08:57,180 --> 00:08:58,272
Can you believe it?
211
00:08:58,297 --> 00:09:00,429
All of the kids are actually ready.
212
00:09:00,454 --> 00:09:02,454
I even got Marc to wear swim trunks.
213
00:09:02,479 --> 00:09:04,218
I mean, he called them "water khakis,"
214
00:09:04,243 --> 00:09:05,976
but whatever, he's wearing them.
215
00:09:06,200 --> 00:09:09,280
So, as soon as Brian's friend
gets here, we can leave.
216
00:09:09,305 --> 00:09:10,999
It is such a relief.
217
00:09:11,024 --> 00:09:13,905
I am so happy to know this
family isn't so far gone
218
00:09:13,930 --> 00:09:16,444
we can't have one
normal day around here.
219
00:09:16,469 --> 00:09:18,452
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
220
00:09:21,071 --> 00:09:23,218
- Hi, Mrs. Bennett.
- Can I help you?
221
00:09:23,243 --> 00:09:25,975
- Stu-Stu!
- Bri-Bri!
222
00:09:29,078 --> 00:09:30,389
[BOTH SQUAWKING]
223
00:09:30,414 --> 00:09:32,047
BOTH: Dab!
224
00:09:34,780 --> 00:09:36,241
What is happening?
225
00:09:37,125 --> 00:09:39,780
I think we just met Brian's friend.
226
00:09:45,460 --> 00:09:47,919
So, you're the friend Brian is bringing
227
00:09:47,944 --> 00:09:50,654
on our "normal" family day.
228
00:09:50,679 --> 00:09:52,052
[CHUCKLES]
229
00:09:52,077 --> 00:09:53,977
How exactly do you two know each other?
230
00:09:54,002 --> 00:09:57,388
From the Astronomical
Society message boards.
231
00:09:57,413 --> 00:10:01,574
And I know what you're thinking.
"How are these two friends?"
232
00:10:02,368 --> 00:10:04,836
I mean, he does computational physics,
233
00:10:04,871 --> 00:10:06,894
and I do theoretical physics.
234
00:10:07,293 --> 00:10:08,879
Like, what?
235
00:10:08,904 --> 00:10:11,738
[LAUGHS] But I can't thank you enough
236
00:10:11,763 --> 00:10:13,574
for inviting me, Mr. and Mrs. Bennett.
237
00:10:13,599 --> 00:10:15,932
Mike and Kay would probably
be less awkward for everyone.
238
00:10:15,957 --> 00:10:17,504
- Well, Mike...
- I was wrong.
239
00:10:17,529 --> 00:10:18,855
[STU CLEARS THROAT]
240
00:10:18,880 --> 00:10:21,136
I've just been so stressed
waiting to hear about
241
00:10:21,161 --> 00:10:23,695
the application for the
Princeton Physics Fellowship.
242
00:10:23,720 --> 00:10:26,574
A day at the beach
is exactly what I need.
243
00:10:27,488 --> 00:10:30,397
If we're not leaving,
I'm taking off my ocean slacks.
244
00:10:30,422 --> 00:10:31,983
BOTH: Not in front of Stu!
245
00:10:32,740 --> 00:10:37,376
I mean, uh, yes, yes,
we are leaving, but, um...
246
00:10:37,802 --> 00:10:40,448
Your mom and I just need to talk
to Brian alone for a minute.
247
00:10:40,473 --> 00:10:44,342
Oh, FYI, I have a severe nut allergy.
248
00:10:44,367 --> 00:10:47,635
Here is my EpiPen.
It's better if you hold it.
249
00:10:47,660 --> 00:10:49,861
I always lose it, and I will need it.
250
00:10:56,338 --> 00:10:58,186
[SIGHS] Listen, Bri, about your friend.
251
00:10:58,211 --> 00:11:00,268
Stu can't come.
Your dad and I talked about it.
252
00:11:00,293 --> 00:11:02,248
I've been with you
two since he got here.
253
00:11:02,273 --> 00:11:03,709
How'd you "talk" about it?
254
00:11:03,734 --> 00:11:05,873
- With our eyes.
- We can do that.
255
00:11:06,180 --> 00:11:08,243
You're both such hypocrites.
256
00:11:08,268 --> 00:11:09,570
You're always telling
me that I should try
257
00:11:09,594 --> 00:11:10,626
and make more friends.
258
00:11:10,651 --> 00:11:12,718
We meant normal friends.
259
00:11:12,743 --> 00:11:15,451
The good kind who introduce
you to drugs and alcohol.
260
00:11:15,476 --> 00:11:16,985
People your own age.
261
00:11:17,017 --> 00:11:19,670
People my own age are boring and vapid.
262
00:11:19,695 --> 00:11:22,223
All they do is make penis jokes
and Rick and Morty references.
263
00:11:22,248 --> 00:11:24,684
God, people his age sound awesome.
264
00:11:24,709 --> 00:11:28,853
We're just trying to have
one normal day around here.
265
00:11:28,878 --> 00:11:31,795
Yeah, and-and Stu
seems like a lot of things,
266
00:11:31,820 --> 00:11:34,369
but normal ain't one of them.
267
00:11:34,631 --> 00:11:35,897
Sorry, Bri.
268
00:11:35,922 --> 00:11:37,701
Well, then, I'm sorry, too,
'cause if Stu can't go,
269
00:11:37,725 --> 00:11:39,391
then I don't go, either.
270
00:11:39,666 --> 00:11:41,943
Oh, no, no.
271
00:11:42,225 --> 00:11:44,268
We make the threats
in this house, buddy.
272
00:11:44,293 --> 00:11:47,030
And you are coming or else...
273
00:11:47,403 --> 00:11:50,451
... I will walk in there
and taint your results.
274
00:11:50,725 --> 00:11:52,610
Do not make me taint.
275
00:11:52,635 --> 00:11:55,023
[CHUCKLES]
276
00:11:55,048 --> 00:11:57,715
Oh, come on, man.
Your mom just said "taint."
277
00:11:57,740 --> 00:11:59,907
Laugh. Be a kid.
278
00:12:00,272 --> 00:12:03,287
Go on, Mom. Might as well.
279
00:12:03,647 --> 00:12:06,919
Who needs to prove a quantum
vacuum in the universe...
280
00:12:06,944 --> 00:12:09,303
when there's one right here in my heart?
281
00:12:13,526 --> 00:12:15,194
What are we doing about Stu?
282
00:12:15,219 --> 00:12:16,686
Look, I am happy Brian
283
00:12:16,711 --> 00:12:17,968
has a friend, but we are not bringing
284
00:12:17,992 --> 00:12:20,772
a random 35-year-old
man to the boardwalk.
285
00:12:21,274 --> 00:12:22,912
You're supposed to meet
286
00:12:22,937 --> 00:12:25,615
random 35-year-old men at the boardwalk.
287
00:12:25,640 --> 00:12:28,374
We were different in high school.
288
00:12:28,399 --> 00:12:30,792
Will you help me problem-solve?
289
00:12:30,959 --> 00:12:32,550
You do what you do to think,
290
00:12:32,585 --> 00:12:34,412
I do what I do to think.
291
00:12:36,350 --> 00:12:38,215
Maybe we just bring him.
292
00:12:38,240 --> 00:12:40,791
This way we can drink,
and he'll drive us home.
293
00:12:40,816 --> 00:12:42,616
Yeah. Drive us home.
294
00:12:42,641 --> 00:12:44,036
Carry us upstairs.
295
00:12:44,061 --> 00:12:46,030
Take off our skin.
296
00:12:46,350 --> 00:12:50,615
Okay, there is no way that
guy can carry us upstairs.
297
00:12:52,238 --> 00:12:53,694
Just trying to find the upside here.
298
00:12:53,719 --> 00:12:56,654
We don't need an upside.
We need a solution.
299
00:12:57,444 --> 00:13:00,077
And he gave us the solution
300
00:13:00,428 --> 00:13:03,030
when he gave us the EpiPen.
301
00:13:06,397 --> 00:13:09,233
Hello, my deadly, honey-roasted friend.
302
00:13:09,905 --> 00:13:12,553
Okay, we are not murdering Stu.
303
00:13:12,578 --> 00:13:16,037
You know what? [CLEARS THROAT]
I think I might know a way
304
00:13:16,062 --> 00:13:17,862
where Stu doesn't come
305
00:13:17,897 --> 00:13:19,428
and Brian doesn't hate us for it.
306
00:13:19,453 --> 00:13:21,853
- What are you doing?
- Avoiding a murder charge for my wife.
307
00:13:21,878 --> 00:13:23,881
[CLEARS THROAT] Hello, Stu? Hi.
308
00:13:23,906 --> 00:13:26,073
This is Doctor, uh, Doctorman
309
00:13:26,098 --> 00:13:28,342
from the Princeton Physics Fellowship.
310
00:13:28,367 --> 00:13:30,358
Excellent news. You've been accepted.
311
00:13:30,383 --> 00:13:32,998
STU: Oh, my God, it's happening!
312
00:13:33,944 --> 00:13:35,928
Uh, we need you to come down
313
00:13:35,953 --> 00:13:37,486
to the campus as soon as possible...
314
00:13:37,511 --> 00:13:39,144
No time to say bye.
315
00:13:39,169 --> 00:13:40,756
You have a lovely home.
316
00:13:40,781 --> 00:13:42,481
I got a dream to live.
317
00:13:46,538 --> 00:13:47,623
I know it's kind of weird,
318
00:13:47,648 --> 00:13:50,139
but I'm actually kind of happy for him.
319
00:13:51,252 --> 00:13:53,428
[CLASSICAL PIANO MUSIC PLAYING]
320
00:13:53,453 --> 00:13:56,030
All right, everybody. Boardwalk ti...
321
00:13:56,055 --> 00:13:57,662
What the hell's going on here?
322
00:13:57,687 --> 00:13:59,654
I'm helping Marc with his Oprah.
323
00:14:00,035 --> 00:14:02,584
So, what, now you're
too smart for paper?
324
00:14:02,609 --> 00:14:04,537
Big ideas require a big canvas.
325
00:14:04,562 --> 00:14:05,929
What if someone had told Michelangelo
326
00:14:05,953 --> 00:14:07,586
he couldn't draw on the ceiling?
327
00:14:07,969 --> 00:14:10,267
That's ridiculous. He lived in a sewer.
328
00:14:12,698 --> 00:14:15,135
We're not talking about
the Ninja Turtle, are we?
329
00:14:16,456 --> 00:14:19,041
We're never talking
about the Ninja Turtle.
330
00:14:19,066 --> 00:14:20,965
- You should get Nicole.
- Yep.
331
00:14:21,221 --> 00:14:23,494
You had to drag your
poor sister into this?
332
00:14:23,519 --> 00:14:25,051
It's a privilege for the proletariat
333
00:14:25,076 --> 00:14:26,553
to service the needs of the elite.
334
00:14:26,578 --> 00:14:29,741
[SIGHS] How did I give
birth to Wikipedia?
335
00:14:31,453 --> 00:14:33,710
I'm a proto lariat.
336
00:14:35,328 --> 00:14:36,889
MIKE: Nicole!
337
00:14:36,914 --> 00:14:38,733
Come on, we're...
338
00:14:40,316 --> 00:14:42,991
"Question six: Fluid Reasoning."
339
00:14:43,016 --> 00:14:45,405
Young lady, are you taking
a test behind our backs?
340
00:14:45,772 --> 00:14:48,100
Yeah, I found a site
online to take the FISC.
341
00:14:48,125 --> 00:14:50,483
I know Marc's score.
Now I need to crush him.
342
00:14:50,508 --> 00:14:51,866
No, you don't.
343
00:14:51,891 --> 00:14:53,428
- Now turn that off.
- No!
344
00:14:53,453 --> 00:14:55,483
This is the only way
for me to credibly exert
345
00:14:55,508 --> 00:14:57,522
intellectual dominance over this family.
346
00:14:57,547 --> 00:14:59,780
I will not be a Salieri in my own home.
347
00:14:59,805 --> 00:15:02,205
I don't know what any of that means!
348
00:15:02,230 --> 00:15:04,225
- I'm taking this.
- Uh...
349
00:15:10,244 --> 00:15:12,536
[CLEARS THROAT] I was
gonna storm off with this,
350
00:15:12,561 --> 00:15:14,397
but it's probably
easier if you just leave.
351
00:15:14,422 --> 00:15:16,139
[NICOLE SCOFFS]
352
00:15:17,038 --> 00:15:18,936
Slam the door behind you.
353
00:15:20,336 --> 00:15:22,036
Thank you.
354
00:15:24,545 --> 00:15:27,726
Okay. I tried bullying,
but I don't think it worked.
355
00:15:27,751 --> 00:15:30,444
Can you go talk to her and
get her to like me again?
356
00:15:30,866 --> 00:15:32,444
We got bigger problems.
357
00:15:32,469 --> 00:15:34,374
Stupid Princeton.
358
00:15:34,399 --> 00:15:36,420
I applied to the same fellowship as Stu,
359
00:15:36,445 --> 00:15:38,256
which means he got in and I didn't.
360
00:15:38,281 --> 00:15:40,397
I'm never leaving this house again.
361
00:15:40,422 --> 00:15:42,866
Uh, I-I'm sure Princeton just hasn't
362
00:15:42,891 --> 00:15:44,389
gotten around to calling you yet.
363
00:15:44,414 --> 00:15:46,139
They're probably calling alphabetically.
364
00:15:46,164 --> 00:15:48,225
His last name is Zycam.
365
00:15:49,630 --> 00:15:51,960
- Yeah, I can see that.
- If the EpiPen fits.
366
00:15:52,585 --> 00:15:55,452
KAY: Look, Brian, here's the truth...
367
00:15:57,233 --> 00:15:59,600
Y-You got into the program! [LAUGHS]
368
00:15:59,625 --> 00:16:01,639
- What?
- Yeah.
369
00:16:01,664 --> 00:16:03,363
Wait. Are you guys just saying that
370
00:16:03,388 --> 00:16:04,835
so I'll go to the boardwalk?
371
00:16:04,860 --> 00:16:06,392
How come I never got a call?
372
00:16:06,417 --> 00:16:08,984
Because they sent a letter.
373
00:16:09,009 --> 00:16:10,522
I want to see it.
374
00:16:10,640 --> 00:16:12,014
Of course.
375
00:16:12,056 --> 00:16:13,289
Honey?
376
00:16:14,178 --> 00:16:15,940
Sure.
377
00:16:15,965 --> 00:16:17,764
I'll go get it.
378
00:16:17,789 --> 00:16:21,524
It was, uh, Dr. Doctorman, was it?
379
00:16:22,717 --> 00:16:23,944
And in the meantime,
380
00:16:23,969 --> 00:16:25,647
why don't you go and get changed...
381
00:16:25,672 --> 00:16:27,572
MARC: Viva l'anarchia!
382
00:16:27,597 --> 00:16:29,936
- I'm just gonna ignore that.
- [LOUD CLATTERING]
383
00:16:29,961 --> 00:16:31,764
Okay, that I can't ignore.
384
00:16:32,674 --> 00:16:33,674
MIKE: Oh, my God.
385
00:16:33,699 --> 00:16:35,381
Why are you destroying everything?
386
00:16:35,406 --> 00:16:38,178
I'm teaching Leila the
concept of anarchy.
387
00:16:38,324 --> 00:16:39,960
Oh... No, no, no.
388
00:16:40,342 --> 00:16:43,147
- And I'm learning!
- No... Okay.
389
00:16:43,172 --> 00:16:44,905
All right, enough anarchy.
390
00:16:44,930 --> 00:16:46,155
Time to clean up. Come on.
391
00:16:46,180 --> 00:16:48,788
- NICOLE: 151?
- Oh, God, what now?
392
00:16:48,813 --> 00:16:51,581
I scored five points lower than Marc?
393
00:16:51,850 --> 00:16:54,242
We unplugged your computer.
How did you even finish the test?
394
00:16:54,266 --> 00:16:57,335
I know how to build a computer.
I'm not an idiot.
395
00:16:57,728 --> 00:17:00,686
I am so sorry, but your father
accidentally shredded the...
396
00:17:00,711 --> 00:17:02,881
Oh, my God, what is happening now?
397
00:17:03,024 --> 00:17:04,350
How could you?
398
00:17:04,375 --> 00:17:07,444
You've known for years I'm
just a 151 and never told me?
399
00:17:07,469 --> 00:17:08,694
She took a FISC test.
400
00:17:08,719 --> 00:17:10,485
Okay. Okay, relax.
401
00:17:10,510 --> 00:17:12,092
That test isn't even right.
402
00:17:12,117 --> 00:17:15,030
When you took the test the first time,
you got a 153.
403
00:17:15,055 --> 00:17:17,077
So I'm getting stupider?
404
00:17:17,102 --> 00:17:20,210
- No, no, that's not what I'm saying...
- What is this? This is not my letter.
405
00:17:20,235 --> 00:17:22,538
This is lyrics for some lame song.
406
00:17:22,563 --> 00:17:24,764
Hey. "Closing Time" is not lame.
407
00:17:25,081 --> 00:17:27,139
- Come here, come here. Stop...
- So you lied to me?
408
00:17:27,164 --> 00:17:29,842
There's no letter?
I-I don't know what's real anymore.
409
00:17:29,867 --> 00:17:33,045
Exactly. We're all in a simulation
410
00:17:33,070 --> 00:17:35,295
or something that gets me out of this.
411
00:17:35,538 --> 00:17:37,092
Just face it.
412
00:17:37,116 --> 00:17:39,014
We're both dumb and it's their fault.
413
00:17:39,039 --> 00:17:41,780
They're destroying our brain
cells with funnel cake.
414
00:17:41,805 --> 00:17:43,839
I am not going to the boardwalk.
415
00:17:43,864 --> 00:17:46,131
Me, neither. Me, either. Me, either.
416
00:17:46,156 --> 00:17:47,764
Look what you did!
417
00:17:48,511 --> 00:17:50,577
- Hey, come back!
- No, it's fine.
418
00:17:50,602 --> 00:17:51,819
Let them go.
419
00:17:51,844 --> 00:17:54,288
This whole thing was
a stupid idea anyway.
420
00:17:54,313 --> 00:17:58,327
I'm just gonna go downstairs
and take a long, sad bath.
421
00:17:58,352 --> 00:17:59,818
Oh, babe.
422
00:17:59,843 --> 00:18:01,928
W-We don't have a bathtub downstairs.
423
00:18:01,953 --> 00:18:04,217
That's what makes it so sad.
424
00:18:06,666 --> 00:18:08,299
I'm learning!
425
00:18:16,756 --> 00:18:20,529
I can't believe I got outfoxed
by two boardwalking simpletons.
426
00:18:20,554 --> 00:18:22,505
Hey, show some respect.
427
00:18:22,530 --> 00:18:23,953
Two of you were
conceived at the boardwalk.
428
00:18:23,977 --> 00:18:26,075
I am not gonna say which two.
429
00:18:26,100 --> 00:18:27,905
Under the pier, back of the tramcar.
430
00:18:30,184 --> 00:18:32,847
- We're not talking to you.
- Yeah, I-I know.
431
00:18:32,872 --> 00:18:35,238
We shouldn't have lied
to you about Princeton.
432
00:18:35,263 --> 00:18:36,457
And, Nicole, maybe you're right.
433
00:18:36,481 --> 00:18:38,886
Maybe we should've told you
your IQs a long time ago.
434
00:18:38,911 --> 00:18:41,644
Honestly, I don't know.
435
00:18:41,669 --> 00:18:42,887
There aren't many books written
436
00:18:42,911 --> 00:18:45,519
about how to raise three genius kids.
437
00:18:45,544 --> 00:18:49,051
Well, a-actually there are.
They're just super long.
438
00:18:51,949 --> 00:18:54,879
All your mom and I can do
is wing it and try our best.
439
00:18:54,904 --> 00:18:57,996
We sacrifice our time, our money,
440
00:18:58,165 --> 00:19:00,324
our walls... [SIGHS]
441
00:19:00,551 --> 00:19:04,396
... to give you guys every chance
to make the most of your gifts.
442
00:19:04,916 --> 00:19:09,596
And today, all Mom wanted
in return was four hours.
443
00:19:10,468 --> 00:19:13,932
And I actually thought you guys
were mature enough to do it.
444
00:19:15,336 --> 00:19:16,969
I guess not.
445
00:19:19,780 --> 00:19:24,096
You know, for as smart as you guys are,
446
00:19:24,392 --> 00:19:26,612
you're just a bunch of dummies.
447
00:19:30,748 --> 00:19:33,182
- [DOOR CLOSES]
- Is he mad?
448
00:19:33,397 --> 00:19:36,947
It feels like he's mad,
but he didn't yell.
449
00:19:36,993 --> 00:19:38,369
It doesn't make sense.
450
00:19:38,394 --> 00:19:40,901
It's just the beach.
What's the big deal?
451
00:19:40,926 --> 00:19:42,510
I guess Mom just wanted to do something
452
00:19:42,535 --> 00:19:45,487
she likes for a change,
since it's her birthday.
453
00:19:45,512 --> 00:19:48,018
- What?
- It's Mom's birthday?
454
00:19:48,043 --> 00:19:49,088
Uh-huh.
455
00:19:49,113 --> 00:19:50,980
I-I thought it was in March.
456
00:19:51,005 --> 00:19:52,905
Or October?
457
00:19:52,930 --> 00:19:55,580
I didn't even know Mom had a birthday.
458
00:19:56,460 --> 00:19:58,541
She has one every year.
459
00:19:58,566 --> 00:20:00,947
Stars, they're just like us.
460
00:20:01,465 --> 00:20:03,690
How could we not remember this?
461
00:20:03,715 --> 00:20:05,565
We're so self-obsessed
we can't even remember
462
00:20:05,590 --> 00:20:07,276
our own mother's birthday.
463
00:20:07,301 --> 00:20:08,711
Except for Leila.
464
00:20:08,736 --> 00:20:10,838
I'm a proto lariat.
465
00:20:12,357 --> 00:20:14,502
So, what do we do now?
466
00:20:17,840 --> 00:20:20,510
You know, I actually thought
today was going to be fun.
467
00:20:21,299 --> 00:20:23,190
Maybe we'll try again at some point.
468
00:20:23,504 --> 00:20:26,158
Think the boardwalk will
still be there in ten years?
469
00:20:26,465 --> 00:20:28,979
Not if Brian's climate
change models are right.
470
00:20:29,446 --> 00:20:32,354
But this might make you feel better.
471
00:20:33,096 --> 00:20:35,190
Look who I got working again.
472
00:20:35,215 --> 00:20:37,112
[SINGING "TAKE ME TO THE RIVER"]
473
00:20:37,137 --> 00:20:39,401
Oh! Holy hell!
474
00:20:40,793 --> 00:20:43,426
[DISTORTING]:
♪ Take me to the river... ♪
475
00:20:46,971 --> 00:20:49,254
I lost the only son I ever understood.
476
00:20:50,778 --> 00:20:52,324
LEILA: Mommy!
477
00:20:52,349 --> 00:20:54,282
Marc was standing on the
chair writing his Oprah
478
00:20:54,307 --> 00:20:56,613
and then he fell and is screaming a lot.
479
00:20:56,638 --> 00:20:58,238
Can we get a new brother?
480
00:21:03,618 --> 00:21:05,199
What happened to the tarp?
481
00:21:05,224 --> 00:21:09,465
[PIANO PLAYING]
482
00:21:09,490 --> 00:21:12,707
This is opera? It's not so bad.
483
00:21:15,262 --> 00:21:16,962
[KAY GASPS]
484
00:21:17,474 --> 00:21:18,972
What is all this?
485
00:21:18,997 --> 00:21:20,520
We know we screwed up
and missed the chance
486
00:21:20,544 --> 00:21:23,512
to go to the boardwalk,
so we brought the boardwalk here.
487
00:21:23,537 --> 00:21:25,121
And we ordered funnel cakes.
488
00:21:25,146 --> 00:21:27,527
Luckily, I already had the
UV lights for my experiment,
489
00:21:27,552 --> 00:21:29,434
so we're getting the same
amount of cancer we'd get
490
00:21:29,458 --> 00:21:31,125
from being outside.
491
00:21:33,010 --> 00:21:34,977
We're sorry about the
way we acted today.
492
00:21:35,002 --> 00:21:37,534
- Happy birthday, Mom.
- We love you.
493
00:21:37,559 --> 00:21:41,261
[LAUGHS]: Thank you, this is so sweet.
494
00:21:42,186 --> 00:21:43,752
This is so bizarre.
495
00:21:43,777 --> 00:21:45,476
Why do they think it's my birthday?
496
00:21:45,501 --> 00:21:47,793
[WHISPERS]: Daddy told me to tell them.
497
00:21:48,480 --> 00:21:50,426
It's called a scheme.
498
00:21:51,927 --> 00:21:55,254
You outsmarted the smart ones.
499
00:21:55,279 --> 00:21:57,504
Score one for the dummies.
500
00:21:57,529 --> 00:21:59,729
Yep. I used guilt.
501
00:21:59,754 --> 00:22:01,421
It's bullying from the heart.
502
00:22:02,027 --> 00:22:05,152
But I did not expect
them to do all this.
503
00:22:05,177 --> 00:22:07,402
Well, I love it.
504
00:22:07,427 --> 00:22:08,958
I just don't know how
you're gonna top this
505
00:22:08,982 --> 00:22:09,982
for my real birthday.
506
00:22:10,007 --> 00:22:11,449
Oh, no, this is your birthday now.
507
00:22:11,474 --> 00:22:13,980
- Oh.
- [PHONE RINGING]
508
00:22:14,005 --> 00:22:15,730
- Who is that?
- No clue.
509
00:22:15,755 --> 00:22:17,473
It's been the same
number calling for hours.
510
00:22:17,497 --> 00:22:20,613
It's probably spam.
I am just gonna turn it off.
511
00:22:21,995 --> 00:22:23,629
KAY: Okay, my turn!
512
00:22:27,527 --> 00:22:29,894
Hey, it's Mike, leave a message.
513
00:22:30,410 --> 00:22:33,824
Hi, Doctor Doctorman,
this is Stu, again.
514
00:22:33,857 --> 00:22:37,511
Uh, I've been outside the physics
building for a few hours.
515
00:22:37,807 --> 00:22:38,807
It's locked,
516
00:22:38,832 --> 00:22:41,683
but I won't move until I hear from you.
517
00:22:44,026 --> 00:22:46,027
Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie
www.addic7ed.com
38045
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