Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:01:11,325 --> 00:01:13,075
There you go, Charlie.
2
00:01:13,077 --> 00:01:15,705
- Sorry...
- It's fine.
3
00:01:21,169 --> 00:01:27,506
- So, where are you going again, UCLA?
- UC Santa Barbara.
4
00:01:27,508 --> 00:01:29,133
Is that where Shawn goes?
5
00:01:29,135 --> 00:01:32,471
No. He goes to Westmont.
It's, like, close.
6
00:01:33,639 --> 00:01:35,598
I don't know.
7
00:01:35,600 --> 00:01:39,935
I just wanna get off the East Coast.
I, like, need to be in California.
8
00:01:39,937 --> 00:01:41,397
Yeah, totally.
9
00:01:45,526 --> 00:01:47,860
It's cashed.
10
00:01:47,862 --> 00:01:49,488
We should go.
11
00:01:50,573 --> 00:01:52,781
- You can keep it.
- Really?
12
00:01:52,783 --> 00:01:55,494
Yeah. I don't need it.
I have a ton.
13
00:02:26,454 --> 00:02:31,454
Subtitles by explosiveskull
www.OpenSubtitles.org
14
00:02:45,002 --> 00:02:50,007
- Hey. Do you want this?
- Nah. Goodwill.
15
00:02:58,391 --> 00:02:59,976
What about this one?
16
00:03:01,519 --> 00:03:03,853
Yeah, keep that one.
She liked it.
17
00:03:03,855 --> 00:03:08,774
Actually, I'm going to take that one
back with me if that's cool.
18
00:03:08,776 --> 00:03:10,486
- Sure.
- Cool.
19
00:03:27,128 --> 00:03:29,714
Hey. You wanna smoke this?
20
00:03:31,007 --> 00:03:33,924
- I don't think you should be doing...
- Oh, my God!
21
00:03:33,926 --> 00:03:39,180
It's, like, not a big deal. Okay?
I'm still sober, I promise.
22
00:03:39,182 --> 00:03:42,560
This is the only thing
that I do now. Okay?
23
00:03:46,939 --> 00:03:49,064
Okay.
24
00:03:49,066 --> 00:03:52,778
- I'm sorry.
- It's fine. I appreciate your concern.
25
00:03:54,822 --> 00:03:56,741
Oh, my God. Look at this.
26
00:03:58,534 --> 00:04:01,162
- It's from my God phase.
- Oh, wow.
27
00:04:05,416 --> 00:04:08,167
You know, it was cool
she let you do that.
28
00:04:08,169 --> 00:04:13,841
Yeah. She was definitely
exceptionally tolerant of me.
29
00:04:44,872 --> 00:04:47,206
You don't know
if you could use the money?
30
00:04:47,208 --> 00:04:49,085
It's just weird. I mean...
31
00:04:50,795 --> 00:04:53,671
Do we have to sell it?
32
00:04:53,673 --> 00:04:55,466
We could wait a little while.
33
00:04:57,218 --> 00:05:02,765
Yeah, I mean, we can like,
totally wait if you want, but...
34
00:05:04,141 --> 00:05:06,936
...I'm definitely not moving back here.
35
00:05:10,147 --> 00:05:15,442
- Did you wanna live here?
- Yeah. Maybe.
36
00:05:15,444 --> 00:05:17,238
Really?
37
00:05:20,741 --> 00:05:22,785
That's a super long commute.
38
00:05:44,682 --> 00:05:48,144
Yay!
39
00:05:51,105 --> 00:05:53,232
Fuck. I'm going on my break.
40
00:05:56,027 --> 00:05:58,196
- Do you have a light?
- Oh, sure.
41
00:06:00,615 --> 00:06:02,658
Thanks.
42
00:06:10,416 --> 00:06:13,125
I mean, literally,
there's not a single server in here.
43
00:06:13,127 --> 00:06:16,629
Could you do that one more time,
'cause I didn't have the camera on,
44
00:06:16,631 --> 00:06:20,174
and I really want to get that.
Hang on. Okay.
45
00:06:20,176 --> 00:06:23,469
Bill just wants to drink his beer.
46
00:06:23,471 --> 00:06:26,055
I like that reading.
Oh, wait. Here's one.
47
00:06:26,057 --> 00:06:29,391
Hello? Hello?
48
00:06:29,393 --> 00:06:32,937
Do you see me?
Hello? Hi, hi, hi.
49
00:06:32,939 --> 00:06:35,397
- Oh! I'm so sorry about that.
- Hi!
50
00:06:35,399 --> 00:06:37,316
I can take care of this
whenever you're ready. No rush.
51
00:06:37,318 --> 00:06:40,152
No, no. You delivered his beer
with the lid still on,
52
00:06:40,154 --> 00:06:42,112
so if you could just pop that off
for us, that would be great.
53
00:06:42,114 --> 00:06:43,699
My God, I am so sorry!
54
00:06:44,992 --> 00:06:48,287
No worries. Thank you.
Oh, with the lighter.
55
00:06:51,666 --> 00:06:54,252
- That's clever.
- Yeah.
56
00:06:59,841 --> 00:07:02,091
- Thank you.
- Of course.
57
00:07:02,093 --> 00:07:04,802
Could I get one more strawberry
margarita before we go?
58
00:07:04,804 --> 00:07:07,555
But we would like to drink
together, though.
59
00:07:07,557 --> 00:07:09,807
Okay. Right away.
60
00:07:09,809 --> 00:07:11,976
- So sorry, again.
- No, thank you. What was your name?
61
00:07:11,978 --> 00:07:13,686
- Dana.
- Dana. Thank you, Dana.
62
00:07:13,688 --> 00:07:15,398
Of course.
63
00:07:17,275 --> 00:07:20,776
- You should have recorded that.
- Come on. Being a server's hard.
64
00:07:20,778 --> 00:07:23,362
- You've never done it, and she's cute.
- You could smell the cigarettes on her.
65
00:07:23,364 --> 00:07:26,532
She took like a 12-minute break.
What is this, like Ruby Tuesday?
66
00:07:26,534 --> 00:07:28,369
They have excellent bread.
67
00:07:30,288 --> 00:07:32,204
Sarah Michelle!
68
00:07:32,206 --> 00:07:34,584
And I'm keeping this.
Thank you very much!
69
00:07:36,002 --> 00:07:37,543
Here she comes.
70
00:07:37,545 --> 00:07:44,383
So this, and the margarita,
are on the house.
71
00:07:44,385 --> 00:07:46,260
So sorry, again.
Hope you have a good night.
72
00:07:46,262 --> 00:07:49,180
- Could you put that in a to-go box?
- Of course.
73
00:07:49,182 --> 00:07:51,017
Thank you so much, Dana!
74
00:07:54,145 --> 00:07:56,937
- Okay, that was nice.
- Dana.
75
00:07:56,939 --> 00:07:59,356
Date night.
We do it every Friday,
76
00:07:59,358 --> 00:08:04,945
14 years strong, and... it works.
Now...
77
00:08:04,947 --> 00:08:06,697
This week, it wasn't a bust.
78
00:08:06,699 --> 00:08:10,409
We went to see Birdman,
and finally got to see Michael Keaton
79
00:08:10,411 --> 00:08:12,870
do something more than Batman.
80
00:08:12,872 --> 00:08:14,455
Although I did love him in Mr. Mom.
81
00:08:14,457 --> 00:08:18,167
- Bill, company! Thank you.
- I'll get it.
82
00:08:18,169 --> 00:08:22,463
From there we took a risk to a new
neighborhood joint, called Gianara's.
83
00:08:22,465 --> 00:08:24,924
And, look, I thought
the place was lovely,
84
00:08:24,926 --> 00:08:28,302
but Bill really,
he thought it was a little,
85
00:08:28,304 --> 00:08:30,804
spotty in the service area. Hi!
86
00:08:30,806 --> 00:08:34,391
- Hi, how are you?
- Dealerista! God, look at those shoes.
87
00:08:34,393 --> 00:08:37,978
Will you please,
please tap those toes for me?
88
00:08:37,980 --> 00:08:39,690
Ignore him.
89
00:08:41,359 --> 00:08:43,776
- Peggy Sawyer!
- Thank you.
90
00:08:43,778 --> 00:08:47,154
- What can I get for you gentlemen?
- You can solve an argument for us.
91
00:08:47,156 --> 00:08:49,031
We're in a fight.
Can you please...
92
00:08:49,033 --> 00:08:50,574
- Really?
- Yes.
93
00:08:50,576 --> 00:08:53,577
We just wanna see if this tiramisu
will take a restaurant review
94
00:08:53,579 --> 00:08:55,496
from a "meh" to a "yeah."
95
00:08:55,498 --> 00:08:59,752
- You can say "no".
- I won't turn down a tirami-susie.
96
00:09:04,048 --> 00:09:07,466
- Thoughts?
- So-so.
97
00:09:07,468 --> 00:09:09,802
- So, so good.
- Ah, see?
98
00:09:09,804 --> 00:09:13,180
You heard it here first, YouTube!
99
00:09:13,182 --> 00:09:15,891
- I don't want my face on YouTube.
- No? But...
100
00:09:15,893 --> 00:09:18,686
- Please, no.
- No? But you're such a natural!
101
00:09:18,688 --> 00:09:21,190
- No.
- You're like a young Elliott Gould.
102
00:09:23,818 --> 00:09:27,236
What movie?
The flavors are awesome.
103
00:09:27,238 --> 00:09:30,823
The sponge, perfect.
I give it five fingers.
104
00:09:30,825 --> 00:09:32,783
Oh, five fingers! Heavens!
105
00:09:32,785 --> 00:09:35,369
Well, thank you!
You heard it here first.
106
00:09:35,371 --> 00:09:37,955
Until next time,
this is Ted and Bill signing off.
107
00:09:37,957 --> 00:09:41,333
- We'll see you around the campus.
- What campus?
108
00:09:41,335 --> 00:09:45,923
- Well? What do you think?
- Well, I think it's...
109
00:09:47,383 --> 00:09:50,386
...sort of unsettling,
but maybe that's good.
110
00:09:52,805 --> 00:09:54,515
And he's kind of hot.
111
00:09:58,853 --> 00:10:00,728
I wish he didn't use that voice.
112
00:10:00,730 --> 00:10:02,855
Yeah, I'm not sure that's
one's gonna win the Webby.
113
00:10:02,857 --> 00:10:04,398
Well, if you would've played
along and tasted the cake,
114
00:10:04,400 --> 00:10:06,817
- it would've been totally cute.
- I'm tired.
115
00:10:06,819 --> 00:10:09,069
Ooh, girl, my ass is dragging...
116
00:10:09,071 --> 00:10:11,572
It'll be fine.
Just let me find a lighter.
117
00:10:11,574 --> 00:10:13,282
I just need to sterilize the pin.
118
00:10:13,284 --> 00:10:15,576
No, I can do it.
You can't even reach the cyst.
119
00:10:15,578 --> 00:10:17,119
- Yes, I can.
- You can't reach the cyst.
120
00:10:17,121 --> 00:10:19,496
- Leave it alone. Get back!
- Well, just breathe.
121
00:10:19,498 --> 00:10:22,124
If you don't hold still,
it's gonna hurt worse...
122
00:10:22,126 --> 00:10:25,211
That's way too much to pay
for some fucking splash back.
123
00:10:25,213 --> 00:10:27,671
That's what they cost,
and you're calling it a splash back.
124
00:10:27,673 --> 00:10:30,132
- And it's called a backsplash.
- Jesus Christ!
125
00:10:30,134 --> 00:10:34,512
Will you please stop breathing down
my neck for one fucking second?
126
00:10:34,514 --> 00:10:36,388
I'm not anywhere near your neck...
127
00:10:36,390 --> 00:10:39,975
They always have the neatest
flower arrangements on the table,
128
00:10:39,977 --> 00:10:41,519
candles are lit for you.
129
00:10:41,521 --> 00:10:44,563
Oh, and always try and sit
in Geoffrey's section.
130
00:10:44,565 --> 00:10:47,858
He is the most spectacular server.
131
00:10:47,860 --> 00:10:49,944
- Jesus!
- I'm sorry, what did you say, Bill?
132
00:10:49,946 --> 00:10:52,071
- Nothing. I didn't say anything.
- Yeah, you ruined a take. I heard you.
133
00:10:52,073 --> 00:10:54,698
Did you?
Talk about Geoffrey some more.
134
00:10:54,700 --> 00:10:57,535
Oh, my God, you're exhausting.
Take a yoga class or something.
135
00:10:57,537 --> 00:11:00,120
I mean, meditate, breathe. Jesus...
136
00:11:00,122 --> 00:11:02,873
I just want us
to constantly be evolving.
137
00:11:02,875 --> 00:11:05,668
Evol... Okay.
This is not about us evolving.
138
00:11:05,670 --> 00:11:09,630
This is about... all about you
wanting to suck Geoffrey's dick.
139
00:11:09,632 --> 00:11:12,216
You know, I want to suck a lot
of dicks before I die, Bill.
140
00:11:12,218 --> 00:11:14,593
I don't wanna end up miserable,
like my parents.
141
00:11:14,595 --> 00:11:16,470
I don't think it's crazy
after 18 years...
142
00:11:16,472 --> 00:11:18,391
So you're miserable? That's...
143
00:12:14,280 --> 00:12:16,324
You put it on your head.
144
00:12:19,076 --> 00:12:22,286
Nah, kid. That thingamajig.
145
00:12:22,288 --> 00:12:24,957
It's a head massager.
Come here.
146
00:12:27,793 --> 00:12:29,504
Come on. It ain't like that.
147
00:12:31,047 --> 00:12:33,090
Go ahead.
148
00:12:42,850 --> 00:12:46,395
There you go.
All right, have a good one.
149
00:12:56,322 --> 00:12:59,657
You even gotta pay
for a baby to be born.
150
00:12:59,659 --> 00:13:01,825
Hospital won't let you leave
unless you pay.
151
00:13:01,827 --> 00:13:04,578
Don't be stupid,
you can pay in installments!
152
00:13:04,580 --> 00:13:07,581
Or on a credit card,
so you could get points.
153
00:13:07,583 --> 00:13:09,250
Or you could pay for it with points!
154
00:13:09,252 --> 00:13:12,169
- You can't pay for a baby with points.
- Give me that paper clip!
155
00:13:12,171 --> 00:13:14,423
My brother was born in a parking lot.
156
00:13:15,591 --> 00:13:18,094
Yo, what the fuck!
I almost had it.
157
00:13:27,562 --> 00:13:31,730
Three... four... five...
158
00:13:31,732 --> 00:13:34,443
six... seven...
159
00:13:36,070 --> 00:13:37,488
Seven seconds.
160
00:13:45,496 --> 00:13:48,038
One...
161
00:13:48,040 --> 00:13:51,834
two...
162
00:13:51,836 --> 00:13:54,714
- three...
- Come on! Y'all are counting too slow!
163
00:13:57,258 --> 00:13:58,718
Shut up.
164
00:14:00,678 --> 00:14:02,180
Seven seconds.
165
00:14:06,934 --> 00:14:08,559
He pissed himself!
166
00:14:08,561 --> 00:14:11,437
- He pissed himself.
- Damn!
167
00:14:11,439 --> 00:14:14,567
Yo, man, it's okay.
It's okay, it's okay.
168
00:14:27,705 --> 00:14:29,081
Yeah?
169
00:14:36,380 --> 00:14:40,301
No, no, no. No, you...
You go ahead. Go ahead.
170
00:14:43,179 --> 00:14:44,597
Yeah?
171
00:14:50,102 --> 00:14:51,479
Stop playing!
172
00:15:33,646 --> 00:15:35,565
Shit.
173
00:15:39,652 --> 00:15:41,277
Mama's coming. Hold on.
174
00:15:41,279 --> 00:15:43,404
- Yo, I'm sorry about the baby.
- No.
175
00:15:43,406 --> 00:15:46,115
The sitter, canceled on me
at the last minute.
176
00:15:46,117 --> 00:15:48,661
- It's good. It's good, it's fine.
- All right.
177
00:15:52,540 --> 00:15:56,208
- She kind of looks like you.
- You think so?
178
00:15:56,210 --> 00:15:59,461
I always figured
she must look like her daddy.
179
00:15:59,463 --> 00:16:04,717
- Who's her daddy?
- Donor X2X00752. Yeah.
180
00:16:04,719 --> 00:16:09,180
I don't know, but they told me that,
he got a 1500 on his SATs,
181
00:16:09,182 --> 00:16:13,893
and that he was a cello prodigy,
so, clearly, she's gonna be a genius.
182
00:16:13,895 --> 00:16:17,815
She's gonna be our nation's second
black female president after Oprah.
183
00:16:19,734 --> 00:16:23,652
So, what about Joey?
Seen some pictures on Facebook, yo.
184
00:16:23,654 --> 00:16:26,238
- He looked kind of...
- Fat. Yeah.
185
00:16:26,240 --> 00:16:28,240
- What happened?
- Diabetes.
186
00:16:28,242 --> 00:16:30,494
Diabetes. Shit!
187
00:16:32,038 --> 00:16:34,872
This is good.
I need all this gossip.
188
00:16:34,874 --> 00:16:36,499
You know,
I'm a good four years behind
189
00:16:36,501 --> 00:16:39,502
ever since I had to block
your whole damn fool family.
190
00:16:39,504 --> 00:16:42,880
You want one of these?
We should toast.
191
00:16:42,882 --> 00:16:44,548
- To what?
- To what?
192
00:16:44,550 --> 00:16:47,218
Your mama said you got a full ride to
the University of Chicago, that's what.
193
00:16:47,220 --> 00:16:49,303
It's not official,
so I don't want to jinx it.
194
00:16:49,305 --> 00:16:51,972
- Pre-law, yes?
- Yes.
195
00:16:51,974 --> 00:16:54,475
- That's the plan.
- So that's what we'll toast to.
196
00:16:54,477 --> 00:16:58,646
You representing my black ass
in a court of law, ASAP.
197
00:16:58,648 --> 00:17:02,691
- Wait, no, I don't... I'm good.
- You sure? I got a beer in the fridge.
198
00:17:02,693 --> 00:17:06,737
I'm not supposed
to drink 24 hours before, so...
199
00:17:06,739 --> 00:17:10,910
No. No, you are not. Good girl.
You're right. You're right. My bad.
200
00:17:12,537 --> 00:17:15,079
Let's get the energy
right up in here.
201
00:17:15,081 --> 00:17:18,916
So, your appointment is
at 10 tomorrow.
202
00:17:18,918 --> 00:17:23,464
So we should definitely roll out
by, like, 9:30, at the latest.
203
00:17:24,549 --> 00:17:27,049
- That's bad luck.
- What's bad luck?
204
00:17:27,051 --> 00:17:30,469
- The white ones.
- White lighters? Says who?
205
00:17:30,471 --> 00:17:32,682
Says everybody.
206
00:17:34,767 --> 00:17:37,770
Bring it on. I ain't scared.
207
00:17:39,355 --> 00:17:43,315
- And you got to eat something.
- My stomach is all like...
208
00:17:43,317 --> 00:17:45,486
Yeah, that makes sense, too.
209
00:17:52,201 --> 00:17:55,913
- You smoke weed?
- Sometimes.
210
00:18:12,180 --> 00:18:14,305
Is Mo around?
You want me to talk to her?
211
00:18:14,307 --> 00:18:16,098
No, I think she's...
212
00:18:16,100 --> 00:18:18,559
like, getting the baby ready,
or something, so...
213
00:18:18,561 --> 00:18:21,729
How's her place? Is she... drinking?
214
00:18:21,731 --> 00:18:24,148
- No.
- Okay, well...
215
00:18:24,150 --> 00:18:26,066
Tell her I said, "Hey,"
and give her a hug.
216
00:18:26,068 --> 00:18:28,861
- Okay.
- Okay.
217
00:18:28,863 --> 00:18:31,490
- I gotta run to work. I'm sorry, baby.
- It's okay.
218
00:18:32,950 --> 00:18:34,992
I'm sorry I'm not there.
219
00:18:34,994 --> 00:18:38,704
But you know what?
We're doing the right thing.
220
00:18:38,706 --> 00:18:41,415
Call me when it's done?
221
00:18:41,417 --> 00:18:43,961
- I love you, baby.
- Love you, too.
222
00:18:45,338 --> 00:18:48,088
Okay, baby girl. Come on.
223
00:18:48,090 --> 00:18:51,091
All right. Sondra is gonna be here
any minute.
224
00:18:51,093 --> 00:18:54,386
Would you please let her in
so I can get ready?
225
00:18:54,388 --> 00:18:56,432
Thank you.
I'll be right back.
226
00:19:00,061 --> 00:19:02,353
I know, sweet love.
Mama's right here. Just a minute.
227
00:19:02,355 --> 00:19:05,316
Hey. Hey.
228
00:19:08,110 --> 00:19:09,737
She just went in there.
229
00:19:12,031 --> 00:19:13,449
Hey.
230
00:19:14,742 --> 00:19:16,283
Do you wanna cry?
231
00:19:16,285 --> 00:19:18,285
- Get down!
- I'm sorry, Hailey. I'm almost done.
232
00:19:18,287 --> 00:19:21,622
- Down! Down, down, down!
- Down?
233
00:19:21,624 --> 00:19:24,959
- Is that Miss Sondra?
- It's me! I'm coming in!
234
00:19:24,961 --> 00:19:27,002
- Hey, Miss Sondra!
- Hey!
235
00:19:27,004 --> 00:19:29,129
- I'll be right out!
- What you all doing to this baby?
236
00:19:29,131 --> 00:19:31,257
- Look at you. What's wrong?
- That's my cousin Hailey
237
00:19:31,259 --> 00:19:32,967
visiting from back home.
238
00:19:32,969 --> 00:19:35,845
Hailey, that's Miss Sondra.
She's come to save us.
239
00:19:35,847 --> 00:19:38,889
- Oh, yeah!
- Thank you so much, Miss Sondra.
240
00:19:38,891 --> 00:19:42,476
We are fed, bathed, pooped, peed.
241
00:19:42,478 --> 00:19:44,520
- She's good to go.
- Okay.
242
00:19:44,522 --> 00:19:47,898
Lighter... Thank you so much!
243
00:19:47,900 --> 00:19:50,276
- Say, "Bye, Mommy."
- Bye, baby girl.
244
00:19:50,278 --> 00:19:52,905
I'm so sorry.
I love you. Be good.
245
00:19:54,615 --> 00:19:58,158
Don't cry. Say "Bye-bye."
Wave bye-bye.
246
00:19:58,160 --> 00:20:01,747
Bye-bye. Bye-bye.
Hurry back, Mom. Yeah.
247
00:20:05,501 --> 00:20:07,837
Yeah. Ooh, yeah.
248
00:20:10,798 --> 00:20:14,008
Sweatshirts, jackets, hats off.
Have your bags open.
249
00:20:14,010 --> 00:20:17,136
Empty your pockets onto the table.
250
00:20:17,138 --> 00:20:20,224
- Any weapons, knives, or mace?
- Nothing like that.
251
00:20:21,809 --> 00:20:23,477
Okay, go on through.
252
00:20:26,480 --> 00:20:28,564
Go on through.
253
00:20:28,566 --> 00:20:32,276
You don't have to, like, wait with me.
You can go do something else.
254
00:20:32,278 --> 00:20:35,237
Girl, please.
We gonna get you checked in.
255
00:20:35,239 --> 00:20:37,198
And then I was thinking
I'd walk over to Junior's,
256
00:20:37,200 --> 00:20:42,745
and get us two big old hunks of
the world's most fabulous cheesecake.
257
00:20:42,747 --> 00:20:45,166
Okay. Do you have anything
in your pockets?
258
00:20:46,542 --> 00:20:48,836
- Go on through.
- Thank you, sir.
259
00:21:02,433 --> 00:21:03,935
She's winking at me.
260
00:21:05,186 --> 00:21:06,562
Yeah, forever.
261
00:21:07,772 --> 00:21:09,357
Let's go, baby.
262
00:21:15,571 --> 00:21:17,406
Hey, man. You got a light?
263
00:21:28,417 --> 00:21:31,295
Shit is tight! Thanks, man.
264
00:22:08,165 --> 00:22:10,293
Thank you. Thanks.
265
00:23:34,595 --> 00:23:39,595
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