All language subtitles for Watch yourself(1971)

Hey, lady. Your wallet.
Lady. Lady. Hey, your wallet!

Ah, hope your dog dies, you snotty bitch.

Watch yourself, Gerry Austin.

Leslie Morris, that'll do me.

Just call me Les.

- Please talk. We can sort something out.
- We have talked, we've always talked about it...

...and it always stays the same.

- It's OK, we've cancelled.
- No, I want to go to the airport, please.

- Who ordered?
- I did.

- Who's paying?
- I am.

C'mon Sue, don't be silly. Pay him off.

- The rent's paid up until the end of the week.
- Oh, great. So I'm out on me bum.

- Well, get a job.
- I could always get a job?

Why don't I get a nice 9 to 5 job...

...wear a suit and a tie...
- Wear a clean shirt every day

... and a briefcase with my name on it.
- And a house in the country.

Oh, yes. And a gas barbecue pit in the backyard.

And a little house at St Harrowgate...

...we'll play stations every day...
- That's not what I want

...until we pass away.
- Oh stop it!

What the hell do you want?

Do you really want to know what I want?
- Yes!

Well, I suppose that's a start.

Hey!

I'll take care of it

Could I have a window seat please?
- What do you want? - Non-smoking.

What do you want me to do? Why?
- One window seat, non-smoking.

Give up smoking.

Your flight has been called, madam,
boarding gate 3. - Thanks.

What do you want me to do?
Cry, beg, promise something?

Dance? OK, I'll... bite

You want me to go.

Sue.

Sue, you can't just run out on 6 years.
You promised. I need you Sue.

I just want to see her off

- You can't go past here without a ticket.
- What do you think I'm gonna do, steal the bloody aeroplane?

Sue, wait!

You forgot your change.

Keep it.

Dear John.
That's original.

- I didn't know you were sitting here.
- Been here all night.

- Liar
- No one's perfect.

- I am.
- I'm not.

But I'm pretty good.

I'll get it.

Hello.

- John? - Hey Sue, I need those notes,
where'd you put them?

Behind your typewriter.

Six o'clock

Yeah, I know, sorry,
but I need those notes.

Hang on.

Yeah, got them. Thanks.

Is that all?

Hey... no.

Sue, I'm coming down.
- Look, I won't be here.

That's a shame.

'Cause I'm coming down anyway.

- Cuppa tea?
- Thanks.

You don't have to deal with it, Sue.
If he comes here I just won't let him in.

Don't worry. He won't get here.

Hey, you want a lift?
Or are you gonna walk?

Excuse me, mate.

Could you tell me the bus fare to Invercargill?
- Railways buses over there, mate.

Any idea?

Forty two bucks.

End of the motorway?

Couple of bucks maybe.

Top of Queen Street?

Look. 40 cents, alright?
- Thanks.

You, ah, didn't have your seat belt on.
- Yes, I did.

No, see, you weren't wearing one.
- Yes, I was.

Look at this.

So. You weren't wearing one.
- Oh, yes he was

You keep out of this, you weren't even there.
- Yes he was.

What's your name?
- Les Morris.

What's yours?
- Watch it. Yours?

Watchit Yours. Funny name.
- Must be a pom.

Name.
- Smith. Sir.

You wear your seatbelt next time.
And you, mind your own business.

Which way are you headed?
- Do you want a lift?

Where are you going?
- Where are you going?

Invercargill.
- Hop in.

Could you take me to a rental car office please?

Hitching all the way?
- I guess so.

Long way.
- About a thousand miles

Ooh, quite a way.

Nice car.
- Brand spanking. Did a deal.

Bloke I know.
- Funny deal. It's a rental.

Funny bloke.

Look, I don't seem to be able to find my license.

I'll take you as far as the next garage.
- Thanks.

He had a sort of silver jacket thing.

Yellow cap, about this tall?
- You know him then?

Curiosity. No worry.
He'll soon let us know where he is.

Where's your dunny?
- By the wall.

Fill her up, and get us some of
those flags over there. - Right.

Pokeno Motors.

Gidday. How are you?

Oh, well you're all set then.
- Yeah. Thanks.

Oh, look, hop in and I'll give
you a lift down the road a bit.

Bloody good of you.
- Thanks.

Well, what about tonight then?

You little bastard.

Eh? No, no, not you.
Alice? Alice? Oh, shit.

You didn't pay for the juice.
- You didn't pay for the juice.

I didn't pay for the juice.
- I didn't pay for the juice.

We didn't pay for the juice.

There's cops all down this road.

So? - So cops have got radios,
and this gas is stolen.

So is the car.

It's alright, he's queer and I'm driving.
- He's just a little crazy. Where are you going?

Oh, just a little quick drive.

Right, Wanganui it is.

Where are you two going?
- Wanganui - Invercargill.

Going far?
- I just left Auckland this morning.

Oh, you should've given us a ring,
we just left Auckland this morning.

I was at my sister's wedding.
Really neat. I was a bridesmaid.

Terrific.

You're not married, are you?
- Ah, no.

I can tell. I'm not married either.

Actually, I'm still a virgin.

That's nice.

I've got no future. You ask those jokers
at the Labour Department.

I'll say you haven't if you drive like that.

You sure can pick 'em.
- It's still a bird. Five bucks.

Ha, ha. Fucking bastard.
- You want to make it a hundred?

I thought you lost all your money.

Alright, I bet you 2 bucks I get it
hung out before we reach Wanganui.

I think you're making a mistake.
- My bank book, I've got to have it.

It's not that important, you could write.

I can lend you some money.

He's not answering.
- Probably out chasing with some woman.

Better pull in the next one.
- What do we use for money?

I got an account. Okay?

You're the boss.

Gidday. Where's your dunny?
- Down the side.

Fill her up, thanks.
And give us a couple of your flags.

Here we go. 10 dollars 50.
- Thanks, mate.

Ah. Get it off me mate, will you.

But I thought he said--

Ten fifty.

Hey, listen, have you got a distributor cap
that'd fit that thing? - Yeah, hang on.

Let's go.

Get in. Get in, you silly bitch,
what you think you're doing?

I'm going to the ladies if you don't mind.

Here, this is the one. $18.50 the lot.
- Let go.

What the hell were you doing?

Why didn't you try and stop her?
- I was trying to work out what you were doing.

He never paid! I'd have given you some money.
- If I take your money I have to listen to your talk.

He's after us. Step on it.
- Stop you'll kill us!

I can't stop, they'll have a report of the petrol.

To hell with the petrol, they'll have a
report of the car by now.

I'm in a stolen car?!
- Well, sort of.

I'm in a stolen car!
With two lunatic drivers! Help!

Stop the car! Stop the car!
- Go, you bastard.

Will everyone stop giving me orders?

Let me out! I demand you let me out!
- Shut your face!

Don't you talk to me like that!
- Get her off!

Oh, you mad bitch, let him go!

Let me go.

Let me out.
- Get back here!

Keep still.

Two bucks.

What's up?

- You didn't have to do that.
- One missed is one gone forever.

What's she doing now?
- I don't know.

You know your trouble Gerry?
You're too smart for your own good.

Hey, look. Don't you tell me what to do.
I just picked you up from the side of the road.

Remember?
It's my car.

If don't like what I do
I do, you can walk.

I'll get my gear.
- Suit yourself.

Yoohoo. Want a lift?
- Wake me up when we reach Wanganui.

You coming?
- Yeah, why not?

Why're you going to Invercargill?
- 'Cause I said I would.

Girl friend?

You gonna marry her?

Well?
- Well? Don't be so nosy.

You're not.

Well, I would like to know why she walked out.

I think I'll get married.

You could do it really well,
with wine and flowers....

...music, and all the trappings.
- Yeah, well not for me thanks.

Well, it seems to me that if you
never commit yourself to anyone...

...or treat anything as important then...
- Then you tell me, Shirl.

Then you're no better than an animal.

Well you just cost me 2 bucks, so what's that
make you? - What d'you mean?

Well, hotshot here reckoned you wouldn't
be a virgin by Wanganui

You didn't. You're disgusting.

What about the grubby way you two carry on?
Anyway, get your money back.

Hey, I got it. That bitch
I screwed back in Auckland...

Stole my dough.
- Well, she had to get something out of it.

You better give me that 2 bucks, mate.

He doesn't owe you anything. I know
what you're on about. You lost.

Whoah, get off the grass.
What was that back there then?

Snakes and ladders?
- That? That?

You couldn't count that.
-Oh, come on.

You forced your attentions on me.
- Oh, she was on top.

Anyway, it wasn't worth two bucks.
- Well, if that was rape, I'm a virgin.

Get down.
- What?

Police car.
- Shit.

What's happening?
- Get down, there's a cop after us.

What are we getting down for?
- Cause they'll be looking for 3 people in a car. OK?

There's no cop. What are you
trying to do, kill us?

Yahoo!
- Mad bitch, stop!

Hey. Where's Wanganui?
- Back there.

Right. See ya.

I think I'll go to Wellington.

What for?

Why not?

Hey, thanks a lot, you two.
- Hope to see you again

Well, bye.

Come on.

Hey, where's Mulvaney?
- Upstairs.

Hey. Up here.

Who's your friend?

Blondini. Mulvaney.

Gidday.
- How'd you be.

How's life.
- Good thanks.

Got some place to stay?

Thought you'd never ask.

You still work in the railway yards?
- Nah. Not after you got busted.

I've been meaning to talk with you about this.

214B.

Got taste.
- Really good to see ya.

Must be a couple of years.
- Has been.

Shall we go out on the piss, then?

What d'you reckon, Blondini?
- Sure thing.

There's only one sure thing in life, Blondini.
That's death.

I think.

Watcha up to Blondini?
- Seen the tomato sauce?

Shirl?

Harpo!

Harpo!

Harpo. Hey, come on.
Why don't you come home with me?

Brain food.
Want some?

What about you, Mulvaney? Eggs?

He's not here.

Mulvaney got up early.
- Yeah, I'll bet he did.

'Spose you can't count that one, either?
- 'Course not. I was drunk.

Got some spare for the ferry, man?
- Give me the cans and the jack and the spare tyre.

Twenty-five.
- You Leslie Morris, are you?

Fifteen.
- Fifteen with the wheel and dash trim

Nah, can't take it back without the dash trim.

You going to take it back?
- Twenty.

Twenty with the front carpet.

Alright then. Forty-five,
and you can have the radio.

The rug. The radio.

And the dash trim.
And the front carpet

What about the seats?
- No, I need the seats.

Come with me, Blondini.

Ooh, what's this?

Swap you those, plus $10.

Them, they're riddled.
- Like a bought one, mate.

Plus fifteen
- Ten.

Now let's see. Trim...

I'll make it $60.
- I'll make it $75.

Come on, it's not even your car.
It's not even your rental. You're bogied.

You can have the lot for that alloy head over there.
- You're joking. I wouldn't waste that in there.

Cops'd have you guys before
you got down the railway station.

Safest down by the ferry.

Seventy. No lower.
- No.

Here you are then.
Sixty. Take that.

Now is that a deal, or is that a deal.
- Yeah, it's a deal.

Jesus, Mulvaney, why aren't you a millionaire?
- Huh. Too generous, pal?

You still want a lift down the ferry? - Yeah!

Gerry?
- Where you going?

Dunno.
- Hop in

What a beautiful deal.
The money, the dope. All free.

Spot of paint, bit of boot polish
on the seats. They'll never notice.

Think they might.

I think they might.
- Yeah, they might.

Dope. Damn dope.
- It's good dope.

No, me. I'm a damn dope.

I was wearing this hat when I picked up the car.

Every cop in the country will
be looking for it now.

Settle down. It's just the dope.

You're getting paranoid.
- Nah, I've blown it.

Here. Blow on this.

Why didn't I take it back?
It's theft now. They'll put me inside.

It's like: now. Get down.
They're after us.

Cut it out Gerry, they're not even looking at us.
- They are, they're looking at us.

They're looking at us now.
You've crashed a red light, you goon.

Watch the road, you crazy prick!

Shit! He's turned his lights on.

That's cause they'll have checked the plates by now.

May as well pull over.

Hey, this is a one-way street!

I think I've lost it.

Well there goes my boat, Blondini.
- Like hell!

Ahh...I'll stop.

What's wrong, Blondini?
- I'm Gerry Austin.

Come on, Gerry, drive the car.
- Come on, what are you?

We're wasting our time.
- That was amazing quick thinking.

I don't think.
- Instinct.

I've got it.
Stay level with this carriage.

He's crazy.

It's empty. We'll stick the car in here.

There's a ramp about
half a mile up the track.

Get up there and line up.
- But I'll kill myself.

You can do it.

Come on Gerry.
- I'll kill you too, you silly bitch.

Go!

Think I'm crazy!

Cordoned off the railway yard.
They won't be getting out of here in a hurry.

And then, zap! Some pooftie joker
with wings and a nightie comes down....

...and the poor joker's gotta save the world.

So? - So how do you know
I'm not Groucho Blondini?

Oh, you're too good-looking.

Anyway, who'd have a name like Groucho Blondini?
- Who'd have a name like Jesus Christ?

What's wrong with Gerry Austin?
- Gerry Austin? Who's Gerry Austin?

Blondini!
- Gerry, you'll fall.

- Get down, you stupid prick.
- Ah, let go or I'll jump.

What's the matter?
Are you frightened?

Ya half-arse.

You want to rave, eh?
Jump up on the rail.

I'm taking that car to Invercargill.
All the way.

But you'll never make it.
You're a half-arse.

You didn't have to say that.
- Well, some one had to.

Careful, Blondini. You shoot one of those
albatrosses and they'll throw you overboard.

Ancient mariner. Poem.

You read poetry, Gerry?
- Sure.

You do not.
- Yeah, I do.

When do you read poetry?

- Oh, I read one downstairs on the dunny wall.

Shouldn't we try and find him?
- To hell with him, let him find us.

Mister Blondini, I presume.

Good afternoon sir, ma'am.

Could I have a look at your license, please?

Do you have the license?
What's the story?

Just a routine inspection, sir.

Shut up, you kids!
Cut it out! Cut it out! Stop it!

Thank you.

Finished? Look, we're in a bit of a hurry.
- Thank you.

Have a great holiday.
- Yeah, great.

"...the following description: goes by the name of Gerry Austin.
caucasian male, 5 foot 9 tall, aged approximately 19 years..."

"He's wanted in connection with stealing a rental..."

Hi!
- Gidday.

Starting to look good.
- Give us another one.

Lovely, aren't they?
- If you like that sort of wallpaper.

Gives the place a little class.

Good one.

Praps we'll see a UFO.
- Could be. They seem to like this coast.

You don't believe in all that bullshit, do ya?
- People do see them.

Yeah, and I got an auntie who sees pink elephants.
What d'ya reckon?

Christ only knows what's out there.

So I opened up the wallet. And there
it was. This license, see.

And some dough. But mainly this license.

Leslie Morris, 25 TennisCourt Road, Remuera.

So, I said to myself, I said to myself,
I mean, Gerry, I mean Les, my boy...

Here's a ticket to a lifestyle
you never had.

And I haven't, eh?
I never had nothing.

I reckon she's always had everything.

So, I'm just having a go.
Well, I reckon that's fair.

Say cheese.

Ah, ah, there's another one!

We're only humans, fuck!

No! It's the phantom wanker.
But we're the good guys.

Ahh! He got me!

Hey, you jokers!

You want some of this?

Good morning, Mister Blondini.

How's my beautiful virgin?

What's wrong?

I'm sorry, I think I'm going to have to count that one.

I'm the first.

Now - I'm gonna be - the second.

Hang on.

I've got something for you.
- Yeah, I know.

No, a present.

Ah, Shirl, I don't know what to say.

It's the first thing I've ever nicked.

You sure give a good head, Shirl.

What's happening?
- We're moving. - Moving.

They're making up the West Coast train.

Anyone for breakfast?

Oh, yeah.

She'll be going through to Middleton by 9 tonight.
- Oh good, that means we've got all day.

Blondini escapes again, eh?

I've told you before, they've got
my description. They'll recognize me.

Shall we get some disguises?

Where the hell is she?

Dunno. Shopping, she said.
- Yeah? Well she should be here by now.

You're missing her, do you?
- Oh, don't be stupid.

Yeah.

Hey, look.

Er, could you tell us the time?

Shit, let's get out of here.

It's gone.
Someone's stolen it.

No, it'll be part of the West Coast train.
Come on.

Hokatika, boy.
This is the one. Come on.

Greymouth.
This is us, boy.

Shirl? Shirl?

Thing, what?
Well, I'll be d-d-d-

Shit! She's only got a few minutes.

She can't find the damned thing.
I'll go back to where it was.

We're pulling out. You're gonna miss it.
- No, I won't.

Shirl.

Shirl?
- Pardon.

Shit!

Come on, Blondini.

You poncey half-witted pie-eyed
slob-gobbling slag-heap.

You missed the bloody train!

She missed it.

Very nice. Here's to Shirl.
- Silly bitch.

May be she lost her watch.

She's crazy, isn't she?

Like a pissed chook.

We've gotta get out of this thing, mate.
Gives me the creeps.

We're taking that car to Invercargill, boy.

I'll drink to that.

Thanks.

Hey, don't look now, but there's a chap
over there keeps looking at you.

Blue suit.

No, thanks.

With this new head she'll pull like a schoolboy.

Shirl, you're a beauty!

Isn't Shirl a beauty, eh?
- Sure
.

I'm the first, you know.

Hundred and first, more like.

No wonder your sheila left ya. You don't
understand the way they talk, I mean...

...can't you see she only counts the ones that count?

Hey! Hear that hooter!

I'm gonna get one of those.

Pull over, driver.
Pull over on the side of the road.

Name.
- What was I doing?

Speeding. 90 kays.
- That's not very fast.

Checked at one kilometer....

...and...

...faulty windscreen wipers.

Name?
- Annette Franklin.

Address?
- 17 Creswick.

Look. You don't have to
give me a ticket, do you?

Lady, I don't make the rules,
I just enforce them.

You break them,
I book you. Occupation?

But I've got lots of tickets at home.

Several dozen.

What'll I do, I'll lose my license at this rate.

You could try writing a letter of explanation.
- Please don't.

Isn't three a day enough for you?
- Damn that!

You know I'm hopeless if we
don't do the whole thing

Hurry up then.

Occupation: housewife

"Control 10-1 to all mobiles"

"Be on the lookout for the
following stolen rental mini"

"1978 model, colour yellow,
registration number: india zulu 6393."

"The vehicle was last seen
in Wellington railway yards."

"The occupants of the car
were wearing --"

Phil, it's hundreds of miles away.

Yeah

Right.

Stop!
- No, don't stop!

But that's it!
- No, it's not!

This is the Mini.

What the heck,
I've gotta have my hands.

Is that cop pulling out?

Nah.

Oh, yes he is.

Why do I bother?

Let him catch up a bit, eh?
- Yeah, then we'll be able to try this thing out on him.

What happened to him?

I dunno.

Why didn't he take that corner back there?

I put the seat belt through the steering wheel.

It's closed, mate.
- Hang on.

Come on.

If it's open, I want a cup of tea.

Tea.

Milk and sugar, dear?

"Meanwhile in the South Island police are investigating
a case with surprising developments."

"In Greymouth today a bizarre decorated railway goods wagon
was discovered by railway yardsmen."

"Police believe there may be some connection with an
unusual shoplift incident in Christchurch yesterday ."

"A young woman was arrested after walking out of the chemists shop
without paying for photographs she'd had developed."

"When police arrived she sat waiting...
- Shirl

"...in a taxi with $5000 worth of stolen goods"
- I love ya.

"After checking the photographs police discovered
what they believe to be her accomplices..."

"...in an apparent holiday of crime."

"Police also believe the young woman
arrested this morning..."

"...had spent a day on a shopping spree...
- That's us

"...to furnish the railway goods wagon found at Greymouth."
- Yeah, on tele.

Moan and complain all the bloody way.

Be quiet.

You'll get one in a minute.

Shop!

"...a dangerous driving incident
at the Wellington Railway station..."

Put that down!

Serve them. - What?
- Serve them. - OK.

Just can't be trusted with anything.
Doreen, look after them will ya.

There as bad as those
Blondini hooligans.

Alright?
- Ah yeah, um...

Where did you come from?

Aw, down the cellar, the dog made a mess,
had to clean it up, it's the third time this week.

Listen, um, could I have 3 ice creams in a cone...

...and, tea for two...
- 3 ice creams.

Oh, the bread's here.
Excuse me.

In there.

Are you the owner of that
yellow Mini out there?

Ah, no, it's hers.

Gerry.

Hey, Gerry. You stupid prick.

Gerry, you silly prick,
where are you?

I'm gonna die.

Hear that, Big Bird?
He's gonna die.

You reckon he oughta
learn to live first.

Oh, I guess that's it then

We're gonna crap out!

"Cold, Mike?"
Yeah, brass monkeys.

Any more? - "If they were coming they would have
been through about 4 hours ago."

"You might as well come in".
- No, I'm staying.

Suit yourself.

Gidday, how are ya?

Joy ride's over, fellers.

Mister Blondini to you.

I'm not moving.

-No?
-No.

So save yourself a lot of trouble.

No trouble.

No?

Forty seven?

Looks like I've got a bit of a chase on my hands.
Could you block off the road at Hawea? Out.

With these hills and corners
we'll rip the shit out of him.

That big tanker is designed for the long Aussie straight.

Then you'd better tell him that.

That big Aussie tanker
seems to be doing OK.

Where is he? Where is he?
- He'd be up your exhaust if he could fit.

Alright, sonny, pull over.

Come on, forget it, pull over.

Oh, boy, is he good? Come on.

Come on, sonny, you're not doing yourself any good.

Come on, pull over, we don't want you to come to any harm.

Christ! We've got a cowboy here.

Christ! He's gonna kill us.

I knew it. I told you we were gonna crap out.

This guy's too good.

Well you're good too, Blondini, so don't talk.
Just drive. Come on.

Down the bank!
- You've done it this time, boy.

You OK?
- Piss off.

No, come on, I want to know if you're hurt.
Don't be a bloody hero, are you hurt?

I think my leg's broken.

He's OK. Only a busted leg.

Hey, you can really hold the wheel.
You really pushed it.

"Come in, 47"

Hey! Gidday.

"Who's this?
47?"

Blondini.
- "Your call sign please."

Hey, one of your guys is
out here with a busted leg.

"Whereabouts are you?"
- Oh, Christ, I dunno. - Lake Hawea road.

Lake Hawa road

Hey, you're really good.

"Come in please, 47."
I'll see ya.

In court.
- Not me.

Come on.
- Look after him, will ya.

I know you. You're the Blondini gang.

Hey Groucho, d'you hear this?
The Blondini gang.

Everybody knows about you blokes.

They'll get your boy. You got no hope.

Yeah. Well, how much for the doors?
- Five dollars.

Hey, Groucho, how much are these doors worth?
- Take the money!

Alright, 5 bucks. Each.

How much for all this lot?
- Six dollars.

And the grill?
- Five dollars for the grill.

Hey, steady on, we're gonna need that.
- S'alright, we'll crash start the bitch.

Ten dollars. Is that the lot.
- Here, don't leave yourself short.

That'll be...
- Thirty one bucks.

Thirty one. Make it thirty?
- That's big of you.

Come on, take the money. Hurry up.

Mean bugger, I bet his arse
sqeaks when he walks.

It's full, too.

Hello, Sue. It's me.

I called in at Uncle Tony's today.
How have you been? - OK.

Got an interview this afternoon.

Oh, that's a surprise, which one?
- Louis' secretary. Hold on, I'll turn this down

"A police officer was taken to hospital this morning
suffering from a broken neck after his patrol car..."

"...left the Lake Hawea road. His car was pushed off
the road by the Blondini gang, who are now believed..."

"...to be enclosed in the Alexandra Terrace region."

"A large police contingent has sealed off the area....".

- Sue, are you alright?
"...and are confident of an early arrest."

"There will be a further news update
on our 3 o'clock news."

He won't be able to pester you now.

Alexandra Terrace.

Where's Alexandra Terrace?
- Way back there.

Gee, how do we do it?

Is he waving at us?

Hey, hey. It's the Blondini gang, innit?

Hey, hey. Listen, I'm on your side, eh?

Do we want him on our side?
- Well, he doesn't look like a cop.

Are you a cop?
- Me, a cop? No way, man.

No, listen, I just want to help you, eh?

Ah, he wants to help us.

Stop the car, will ya. Stop it.

Shit, you guys had me worried.

How'd you know it was us?
- Saw you on telly.

With the greatest disguise you can just sorta tell.

Hey, the cops are waiting for you
further up - on the motorway.

How do we get past?

I'll show you.

I'll just get me bike.

Fantastic, man.
Me with the Blondini gang. Too much.

Hey, you've really got this thing souped
up like this. Beautiful. Beautiful.

Hey, I'd really like a piece
of this for my wall. Eh?

Hey! Sell me a piece for my wall, eh?

Hey, you guys are heros now.

No, no, straight up.
The whole country's watching you.

Hey. Which of you is Blondini?

He is - He is.
- Too much. Fantastic!

Where's my bike?
You broke up my bike.

No worry. I've got plenty. I've got plenty.

Hey. Sell me a piece of the car?
Sell me a piece?

Beer? Beer! Ah.

Hey. I'm Snout.

C'mon, c'mon. Here. Come here.

This. Hey this. Is Alice.

You can have the bonnet.
- The bonnet, that's terrific.

I'll stick it up there.
With the others. Eh?

How much?
- Expensive.

What? Fifty? Sixty?

A hundred, man. I gotta have it.
I'll stick it right up there. Eh?

You got that kind of dough?

Ah, come on man, have I got that kind of dough?
With all this shit?

It's yours.
- It's mine!

Hey, Alice!

Hey, Alice. I got it. For a hundred bucks.
Isn't that great, eh?

Isn't it great? Say it's great. Say it's great,
or I'll blow your bloody brains out.

Take it easy.
- Or dead.

Click.

I haven't got any more bullets.
What do you think I am, eh, crazy?

Hey, hey. Sorry, man. Sorry.

Sit down, sit down.

Hey, the Blondini gang eh?
I'm with you. Ah, ah.

Hey look, I'm sorry, sorry.

What say we deal, huh?

I don't want to give you a sticker.

Don't wanna give ya-
Don't wanna give you a sticker.

Alice?

Alice? Alice want the pretty flags, eh?

How much?

Nah, I'm not selling them

$250

Nah.

Three!

What d'you say, Groucho?

Four!

Plus the gun.

What's your problem, Gerry?

The flags. When we stop
getting the flags, we're finished.

Five. Now that's my last offer.
- They're his flags.

Hey. What're you doing, man?

Now don't hassle me.
Alice wants those flags.

And don't be uncool. Huh?

I been good to you guys.

OK, OK. Plus. Plus...

Plus the Red Baron.

(Hell, I don't like it)

Oh, what the hell.
Give him what he wants.

Oh, that's too much!
Alice! Alice! That's far out!

Say it's great, or I'll blow your brains out.

What's eating you?
- Snout. I know him.

Sunday school.

He's on a picture on the wall.
- Jesus Christ.

No. Judas. I know I used
to study that bastard

Forget him. He's crazy.
- He's evil. He took our flags.

Yeah, he took our flags.
And he gave us this money.

You're getting paranoid again. Gerry.

Just drive. Okay?

Okay.

That's it, the Blondini gang.
Yeah, yeah.

Eh? No shit, man.

Invercargill. Yeah.

Yeah, they had a 44 magnum lever action repeater. Yeah.

Hey? Yeah.

It's no good, I can't.

I feel it here.
- Where?

You take the money, hitch.
I'll decoy. You'll make it.

Cut 'em off at the pass, eh?

There's only two ways to fix your guts, Blondini.

One, ditch the car.
- No way.

Then drive it to Invercargill.

Right.

Well, we'll have to get rid of the exhaust.

Blondini...

Through what, eh?

What a way to go.

I wanna go to the dunny.
That oughta get rid of some weight.

How long d'you reckon they'll be.
- Oh, dunno. Don't reckon they'll even get this far.

You'll go blind.

Gidday.

Er, give us a banana milkshake.
With an egg in it. And a Gold Pack.

Banana?
- Thanks.

Hi George.
- 'Day.

By the way this came for you about an hour ago.

Hey! Hey stop!

There he goes.

C'mon, Gerry, the cops are here.

Oh. Sorry.

Gerry!

Let's break.
Here you are.

And now I musn't reveal my secret identity.

Are you Gerry Austin.
No. Blondini.

Must be the other one.
Here we've got one of them.

You hang onto him,
I'll get the car.

I told ya we shouldn't sell the flags.

Where's your mate going?
- Ahh, that way.

Like that, is it?

They got a gun in that car. Down!

Blondini!

After them!

Let's go!

Get in!

What?

Get in you stupid bastard, I can't get
any speed with you up there.

No, man, I'm riding the bitch.

You're gonna break your stupid bloody neck.

Come on, you buggers.
Wankers, wankers, wankers.

Oh, Gerry, your stupid fantasies.

Stop.
- You hit the car!

Did.
- Come here!

He's still breathing.
Get on the radio and call an ambulance.

Go on.
- Move it!

So long, Blondini.

Gerry. Come on, don't mess me about.

I hate to interrupt,
but your car's on the run.

Piss off.

Goodbye pork pie.

Hi! Bring the car up.

Quick! Help me with the body.
- Hands off this boy, he's not dead.

Shift the truck!

Shift the truck!

Come on, shift the truck.

Lighten up.

Fast!

It's overweight.
Only one of us now.

I'm taking this bloody car....

...to Invercargill, boy.

Like you say, Groucho...

...nothing half-arsed.

I think there's only one of them now.
- What happened?

I think one of them caught it.
- Oh, shit.

Right, take your positions.
You there, you over there.

Travel right back.
We must have this area clear.

First kill, asshole?
- Everybody right back, please.

Break to four.
- Come in.

Bird on 4 with a word on some accident to Bird turnoff

The cops are aiming to bury the Blondini gang.

Everybody get right back.

All you people are gonna move now.

Move, move, move!

You gonna splatter his brains all over the car, son?
- Just get out, will ya?

Come on, keep on going.
Keep on moving back.

Come on now

Okay.

Ready.

Aim.

Fire!

Put a speed on.

Let him through, let him through!

He's here.

Gidday.

What have you done?
- She heard some noise out the back.

Surprised?

Pleased?

Ah, boy.

He's not in the car.
He's gotta be here somewhere.

You take that place.

That man is in there with my sister.

God, he's got a hostage in there.

You men, hold your positions.

Alright, Blondini.

We know you're in there.

We have the building surrounded.
There are police at every exit.

Put down your weapon
and come out immediately.

Gotta be coming.

Come on Blondini. Release your hostage, and
come outside with your hands over your head.

Don't make things any worse for yourself.

Hey, Sue. We've got visitors.

Are you decent?

I love you.

No, not you. You're a nice looking boy though.

Hang on, hang on, ladies first.

Er, Sue?

I guess I'll be paying for this ride.

No, no, no.

You don't like the Bruins
because you don't understand the Bruins.

You wanna watch people skate on ice?

You watch Tai and Randy.
You want hockey?

You wanna see guys
messing each other up with sticks.

That's what people
pay to see, primal shit.

That's not hockey, that's violence.

When the game's played right,
it's about movement, just like dance.

What are you, Bambi?
We live in a jungle.

We gotta have outlets for our aggression.

Look, I don't wanna argue with you
this morning, okay?

Hey, Bill, loosen up the sphincter, huh?

You're all bottled up.

- Morning, Andrew.
- How you doing, Joey?

Hang in there, Joe.

Yeah, we're creative, but I gotta tell you,

word's already out
on the street it's too late.

That one I got 1291/2.

Donny. Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Hold on!
You think I'm an octopus?

I only got two hands here.

Hold on.

Lunch would be good.

No, wait, not this week, though.

Marty, you want security?
I'll get you a blanket.

You want big bucks?
You're gonna have to trust me.

Yeah. No, I wouldn't touch it.

What they all do and not do?

Mary. Yes. Can you get me...

Yeah.

Don't trust that guy.
He's a Harvard asshole.

Yeah, I gotta get back to this. Okay.

Hold on.

Yeah. No, no...

This is getting very weird.

Jesus Christ!

Point that thing the other way!

- What has gotten into you?
- It's not safe, Andrew.

I just got it off the news wire.

They're delaying the trial another 30 days.

If we have to wait that long, forget it.

- We're dead meat.
- Come on.

What do you think Kapados is gonna do?
Is he gonna kill us? Come on!

He's a businessman.
It's just business.

That's what we thought
when we took his bullshit bonds.

You don't pass off that much
in counterfeit paper on your own.

I'm telling you, we were chumped.

He had us laundering money for the mob.

Bill, Bill...
Okay, go make some money.

You'll feel better, okay?
That's what I'm gonna do.

Now, please, hide that thing
before you blow your balls off.

If you wanna testify against Kapados, fine.

- Not me.
- What is the big deal?

You stick your hand on a Bible,

you swear to tell the truth,
they find the bastard guilty.

And they find us incompetent

for having done business with him
in the first place.

Look, my Uncle Fred's
got a dealership in Springfield.

I'm gonna be selling used Pintos, man.

Yo, Morenski, back me up here.

Tell him, man.

Bill, Bill, this whole thing's
gonna blow over.

And meanwhile, the three of us
can get back to what's important in life.

Forget it.

- Andrew. Andrew.
- What?

You see this curly one at the bar?

The one in the green?
She's been checking you out.

Do you know her?
What's her name?

She trades for First Boston.

Yeah. Janie... something.

Irish.

Listen, I heard Eddie Deckler
on the phone today.

He's working a leverage buyout:
American Drainpipe.

- that's more money down the drain.
- Not if you get in today.

This won't be on the street
for five or six weeks.

What's her last name, guys?
Janie McSomething.

Closed out today at 45/8.

The day this hits,
it's gonna go right through the roof.

If it goes through the roof,
the roof leaks,

you're gonna need a new drainpipe.

Rooney. Janie Rooney.
There you go.

Drainpipe. American Drainpipe.

But keep it under your hat, huh?

Let's go, guys.
Tokyo market's just waking up.

We gotta fire up the modem.

Listen, Ahern, I think...
I think I'm gonna stay here a little while.

But could you do me a favor and make sure
Quick Draw here gets home in one piece?

Am I the only one here that sees reality?

- We're screwed.
- Andrew sees reality.

It never stopped him from trying.

Go for it, Tiger.

Come on, Wyatt Earp, we're history.

So I'm a little on edge.

A little?

Look at that.
We're gonna have to swim home.

Hey, yo! Taxi! Cab!

Hey! Hey! Yo!

Hey, you can't park your car over there!

You need a ticket!

Did you hear me?
Don't you see the sign?

- You need a ticket!
- Back off!

- I said back off.
- Mr. Morenski?

What?

Agent Pratt, FBI.

- This is my associate, Agent Bakey.
- FBI?

Why don't we go back upstairs
and pack you a suitcase.

A suitcase?
What are you talking about?

It's for your own protection.

Come on.

Ahern.

Ahern, what the hell's going on here?

- Morenski!
- What happened?

Where's Bill?
Where's Rodriguez, Ahern?

Will someone please tell me
what's going on here?

What took place at Yasgur's farm?

Guys...

I gotta use the phone.

I swear to God,
I won't tell my clients where I am.

But it's been two weeks.

The other brokers are gonna
be stealing them away from me.

You're stalling again.
Can you believe this?

Every question it's the same thing with you!

Give me a break!
I'm tired, okay?

Yasgur's farm, Andrew.
What happened?

We've covered the same territory
over and over.

We're not getting anyplace like this.

Now let's have it.
What happened?

- A farm, right?
- Right.

Okay...

Does it have anything to do
with Charlie Manson?

The category is Entertainment.

Okay, guys, I'm not stalling now.

I'm quitting. That's it.

Got a bad case of the trivia DTs.

Yasgur's farm.

Andrew, it's where they held Woodstock.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, I knew that.

Where do you think you're going?

I'm going out to mail
a birthday card to my grandma.

Is that okay with you?

Any of you guys got a stamp?

Sorry, pal. No way.
We can't let you out.

I don't believe this!
Kapados is the criminal!

He's out on bail!

I'm stuck here like
some kind of axe murderer!

Where do you guys have Ahern?

Does he have the same kind
of deluxe accommodations?

You want luxury or you wanna be kept alive?

Give me a day to think about that.

Listen, it's nothing personal, guys,
but I gotta get some fresh air.

No, you're not going out,
and you're not making any calls.

Come on!

Hell, I could use some real food.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

No.

Morrill specifically said...

Morrill's nads have been
tied to a desk for 20 years.

I know the street.

This hour of the day, buried this deep,

I'm with Richie Rich.

Let's go.

Hey, hey, hold up, hold up.

No calls, all right?

That's something that we can't
be flexible about.

This book is just my clients.

You know, it's my people.

If I don't have it with me,
I get tense, okay?

Ain't that cute?
It's like his little teddy bear.

You guys have no idea how hard it is

for a broker to line up quality clientele.

- Quality clientele?
- Quality clientele?

Like Kapados?

Morenski, just go for the pancakes.

Go for something.
We don't got all day.

The waffles.

It says here that they're golden brown.

Is that really true?

Okay, I'll have the number 5
waffle breakfast

with the bacon extra well done.

How about a nice glass of milk?

That they can make golden brown.

No, actually.
I'd like a Scotch, please.

Do her straight up. Thank you.

Baby doll, it's 6 in the morning.

Then make it a double, please.

Let's see some I.D.

I don't believe this.

Let me show you mine, huh?

Figures.

You don't identify yourself,

not to anybody, not anywhere, period.

I don't know if you're aware of this,
but once you testify,

they're probably gonna get you relocated.

It's Uncle Sam's way of keeping you alive
after you've spilled the beans.

You get a new name,
you get a new town,

you get a new everything.

Yeah, a lot of guys end up
living in national parks.

They become forest rangers.

Trust me, you'll love it.

Bakey, I already got a name, okay?

I got a job and a Maserati.

I got a two-bedroom co-op in Cambridge.

Come on, I'm located.

That's it. End of discussion.

Hey, they're really into plastic surgery.

I'm getting hip to you, Bakey.

I can tell when you're bullshitting.

Yeah, right.
I'm gonna let the FBI relocate my nose.

- You guys are nuts.
- I gotta take a wicked dump.

Classy individual.

Classy joint.

I almost forgot.
I found you a stamp.

Oh, thanks.

The way I figure it, at least
you don't have a wife and kids.

That's when it gets really tough.

No.

No calls.

If I wasn't on duty, I'd join you in a round.

Pratt!

Pratt!

Son of a bitch!

Down the alley. Block him off.

Get out of the way!

Hey!

Dark hair, kinda tall.

Oh, yeah, and he had this hairdo...

Some kind of Dracula hairdo.

We put or best manpower
into finding Morenski.

Was your best anything like Bakey?

Pathetic. He's an embarrassment.

He's a solid agent, for Christ's sake.

25 years experience with the Bureau.

Doesn't show.
Now I'm short two witnesses.

Well, at least Morenski got out alive.

You hope.

Morrill, please don't let them
take me off the case.

I'm to blame.
I know I'm responsible...

Bakey, for Christ's sake,
I bought you some time.

But you can't blame that guy.

His whole case is going down the drain.
Kapados will walk.

That son of a bitch of a bastard
killed my partner.

You just find me Morenski.

If he's hiding, smoke him out.

If he's dead, bring him back to life.

But find the man.

- I will do everything...
- I don't wanna hear nothing.

- Thanks a million.
- Anytime.

And is there some reason
that you left the trash can...

- I'll get it.
- Make it fast.

Can I help you?

- Who's this?
- Who's this?

Your cousin Andrew.

Patrick, is that you?

Yo, Cuz!

Hey, kid! What a relief!
I thought I had the wrong number.

- Patrick...
- How you doing?

- Well, I'm alive.
- Yeah?

I heard you were in some kind of jam,
something with the FBI.

Patrick, Aunt Lucy, is she around?

Oh, yeah.
Hey, guess what.

I really don't have the time.

I'm days away from my learner's permit.

As a matter of fact,
we were just going out to practice.

Wow, that... that's terrific.

Can I speak to your mom, please?

Hey, where are you calling from?

Well, beats the shit out of me.

It sounds like you're calling
from the Maserati, huh?

Can you please put your mom
on the phone, Patrick?

Maybe you'll let me drive it sometime.

I've been practicing day and night.

Left turns suck, but other than that...

Patrick, put your mother
on the frickin' phone!

- Are we a little tense?
- Yes!

Nurse, it's the stool pigeon.

Hey, I'll go pull the car out.

Andrew, that picture of you
in the paper was awful.

Oh, my God.

Patrick, my God.

I'll clean it up later, Mom.

Your cousin Andrew...

Your cousin Andrew's coming
to stay with us for a little while.

- Really?
- Yeah.

He's meeting me tomorrow
in the school office.

Now that's just between you and me.

Not a peep word.

Okay. Be careful.

- Patrick!
- Sorry.

Nosebleed.

Major nosebleed.

Holy shit.

The mellow spot on the dial, WMLO.

The metal never gets heavy,
and the rock never gets hard.

Yo, mister! Mister!

May I have a cigarette, please?

Yeah, sure.

Wait.

That's a real nice coat you got there.

You wouldn't...

You wouldn't want to trade it
for this one, would you?

No, I don't want that coat.
I just want a cigarette.

Are you crazy?
This is $500 Italian-made coat.

I bought this in Milan.

You paid five Cs for that,
and you're asking me if I'm crazy?

- Okay, I'll give you the coat...
- No.

the shirt and a pack of cigarettes.

No... It's a deal.

Wait, wait.

For my grandmother.

Thanks a lot. Enjoy it.

Have a pleasant day.

Hey, hey!

Hey, guys, look what I got!

Cigarettes!

Excuse me.

Can I possibly get a cigarette from you?

Thank you.

Got a light?

Come on. Anyone got a light?

A reminder from Mrs. Billings,

there is absolutely no smoking
on the school grounds.

This includes all faculty,
fellow students...

Take a seat.
It'll be a minute.

Dude! Humbuckers!

Five-position rotary switch, 24 frets,

nickel-plated bridge, and it's black!

Man, that's pretty serious.

You three, sit up!

Come on inside.

It's okay.
I didn't call your parents, yet.

No, I think you're making a real mistake.

And taking a blowtorch to the couch
in the teachers' lounge?

Was that also, perhaps, a real mistake?

- But l...
- Hey, man, you did it...

and now you're, what, sorry?

Maybe depressed a little?

Hey, I am not the enemy.

Why don't you just come on in... Sean?

Go ahead and call up my parents, dude.

I didn't do shit.

Come on in, Sean.

Go ahead and call them, man!

I didn't so shit!

Attention students.
All students.

The second bell is not a warning bell.

It is a late bell.

Young man, are you supposed
to be in this office?

Let me see your pass.

I don't...

I don't have one.

I'm new here.

Have you been to the registrar's office?

- No.
- Well, here.

Here's a pass.

Go down to the end of the hall,

take a left,
then up the stairs and turn left.

Thank you.

Warning: get to class.

The second one says you're late.

If you don't hear the second bell,

see the nurse right away
about having the wax

taken out of your ears.

Edna, my nephew,
he's supposed to meet me here.

I'm running a little late.

First name first, last name last.

Andrew...

- Are you all right?
- Oh, yeah.

My name?
You want my name?

Maxwell.

Maxwell what?

Haus... er.

Hauser.

H-A-U-S-E-R.

- Last school attended?
- Cornell.

High School! In Texas.

A small... small town in Texas.

My records could take weeks.

Everything takes weeks.

All right.

Here is the spectrum of human sexuality.

- Oh, hi.
- Hello.

Maxwell... Am I pronouncing this
correctly? Hauser?

- Yeah.
- All right.

There's a seat for you.

You just make yourself at school.

And who would like to tell Maxwell
what we've been talking about? Mike?

Alternative lifestyles.

And specifically the area of...

Homosexuality.

No!

No, sexual preference.

Maybe this is an area
you touched on previously, Max?

Well, I've touched on it,
but a refresher never hurt.

All right. At one end,
we have heterosexuality.

And at the other end, homosexuality.

I know this is not a subject that we feel
free to discuss easily and openly, but...

Patrick.

- I have to remind you...
- Patrick.

that if we don't share,
if we don't communicate,

then we can't begin
to understand who we are.

At one time or another,

whether you choose
to acknowledge it or not,

every one of us...

every one of us...

has experienced feelings
at all points along this spectrum,

including homosexuality.

Patrick.

I don't expect anyone to stand up
in this room and proclaim their gayness,

- but on the...
- Patrick.

Max.

That is really courageous of you.

Kevin.

Oh, no...

Move it, please.

Wait up!

Attention, sophomores.

Drama Club tryouts
will take place next Friday

in the band practice room.

Rape! Rape!

Get back!

Don't make me have to hurt you.

Look, bub, here's the spectrum, okay?

On this side, we got homo.

And over here, here's hetero.

And here's me, way the fuck over here.

Now, what other people do,

different lifestyles, stuff like that,

that's all fine and dandy with me...

But, Patrick, I love you.

- Oh, God.
- Like a cousin.

Cousin.

Andrew! Oh, Andrew!
Thank God!

Max.

Max?

Oh, jeez.

What happened to your head?

Long story.

Jesus Christ.

This is not how I remember
high school girls looking.

Half these girls look like they're 35
and just got divorced.

Hey, yo, Clinton, my man!
How you doing?

What's up, man?

That guy's a friend of mine.

What the hell are you...
Don't breathe!

Nice day.

Cocksucking fascist Ayatollah.

Mr. Morenski, may I ask
what's under your foot?

Linoleum?

I'm sorry.

I was smoking and...

It's my first day.

No smoking on the school grounds!

Understand?

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Sorry.

"Sorry" doesn't cut it here.

Understood?

All right, Max, let's get something straight.

You left the outside world.

We got to orient your thinking.

You gotta think repression, think limits,

think humiliation and despair.

You're in high school, for Christ's sakes.

Patrick?

- Patrick, wait up.
- Patrick.

The acid test...
you'll never get away with it.

- You wanna make a bet?
- How much?

If she doesn't recognize me,

you do my homework
the whole time I'm here.

If she does?

You still do my homework,
only I pay a hundred bucks.

No, I'll do your homework.
$100 if I lose, two if I win.

- Oh, come on!
- I'm trying to save up for a car.

- Okay.
- Easy money.

- Patrick.
- Hi, Mom.

- Mom, I want you to meet Max.
- He just started here today.

Honey, I wanna get home
and check the machine.

I'm concerned about your cousin.

- He never showed up.
- No? You're kidding.

- Are you sure?
- Patrick, come here.

He was in all the papers today.

Somebody's trying to kill him.

I just hope Grandma's not freaking out.

You know how she is about Andrew.

So, Mom... Mom!

You definitely didn't see him today?

Patrick, now didn't I just say that?

I'm going now.
You wanna practice driving?

You can take me home.

No. I think me and Max here,
we'll just hang out a while.

Max, say good-bye to my mom.

- Mom, this is Max.
- Nice meeting you, Max.

Honey, your dinner's in the freezer.

I have class tonight.

Mom!

So what is this?
Someone's trying to kill you?

- I need a stiff drink.
- Yeah, so do I.

Son of a bitch.
It even made the papers here.

Watch it, Patrick.
Don't bust my stool.

Okay, we got two
wild cherry slush buckets.

Mega for you, and colossal
for Goldilocks over here.

Did you ever ask yourself,
"How did I get here?"

I used to.

Now I just asked myself,
"How the hell do I get out?"

So, who wants to kill you?

This money guy, Victor Kapados.

He came to our company with a lot
of bonds he wanted us to handle.

Millions of dollars worth.

The whole was set up
to look legit, but it wasn't.

What's up, dork?

So? That's not your fault?

Yeah, but I'm a witness.

And the Justice Department
wants me to testify

that I accepted the paper.

So that's you, huh?

Me, Ahern, and Rodriguez.

Now, Rodriguez has an excuse.

He's dead.

But, Ahern they still have in custody,

so he can testify.

What they did to Pratt, though.

I've never seen anything like it.

Is that gonna be cash or cash, huh?

Let me consult
with my accountant here.

Yo, Max, old pal,
can I borrow your wallet?

Hey, and, Gertie, while you're at it,

could you throw in a bag of potato chips,

a tube of Bazooka, and a Snickers bar?

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Thanks.

Let's get out of here.

Where do they put the comic
in a tube of Bazooka?

- Hey, Gertie.
- Yeah?

Patrick left this behind.

Yeah, yeah, we'll mail it, yeah.

Hey, Patrick!

This one isn't too bad.
Can I wear it tomorrow?

- Sure.
- Thanks.

Patrick!

Just a second!

You said she wasn't here.

I made a mistake. Stay calm.

Quick! Hide in here.
Down in here.

Patrick!

Mom! Mom, this is my room, my sanctum.

I knocked, but who could hear?

I thought you left.

I did.

But then it occurred to me,
I really should call the FBI.

Mom, you called the FBI?

Oh, my God!

Why are you so upset about that?

Upset? Do I look upset?

Me? Upset? No.

I've been trying for the last half hour
to get through, then, finally, I did.

I got a recording.

Mom, I say we don't
tell the feds anything, huh?

I mean, maybe the cuz just...

maybe he just needs
a little breathing room.

- Patrick.
- What?

What are these?

Garments?

Mom! I wouldn't
touch those if I were you.

Please. Please.
I'll wash them, I promise.

I thought we had a deal.
Think about it.

If you don't have
any underwear tomorrow,

who are you gonna complain to?

Mom, I didn't have any underwear today.

Did you hear me even make a peep?

This sanctum is worse
than the Black Hole of Calcutta.

She's always saying that.
Has she ever been to Calcutta?

No.

It's okay, Max.
It's safe.

Max? Max?

I am dismayed.

I am deeply, deeply dismayed.

Now, can anyone guess why?

Ethan.

Would you care to hazard a guess?

I didn't think you would.

Your essays, class, were execrable.

All right!

I am likening your work
to human bodily waste.

With one notable exception.

Impressive work, Mr. O'Roarke.

Momentarily forgetting
your impoverished vocabularies,

your misinterpretation
of historical facts...

Allow me to cite an example.

I will, however,

spare the unfortunate author.

In selecting for a topic the Nixon years,

our author shows a stunning naivet�.

Now, none of you are
old enough to remember,

as I do, how Nixon's
countrymen betrayed him.

But was Richard Nixon

really to blame?

No.

He was a target.

A victim.

Campus radicals needed a scapegoat

to justify their own shoddy idealism.

Mr. Hauser.

You appear to be writhing in your seat.

Is this a nervous condition?

Yes, it is.
It's a nervous condition.

What? No.

No. It's not a nervous condition.

Mrs. Billings, I don't mean
to be rude, but...

no one destroyed President Nixon.

The man destroyed himself.

The secret bombings in Cambodia.

He rigged a presidential election.

The media didn't create that.

He put it down on tape.

You're not old enough
to know who did what.

That's my job.

And the one thing I will not have

in my classroom is anarchy.

Anarchy? The man lied.

He resigned in disgrace.

Is it anarchy to discuss the facts?

Mr. Hauser, this is my classroom.

I decide what are and are not facts.

You, sir, are in my class.

Please sit down.

Mrs. Billings, we're all adults here...

I mean, you seem like
a fairly reasonable person.

I mean, really, is it your class

or is it our class?

It's her class, dick-brain.

Sean?

I didn't expect to see you
back in here so soon.

Thank you.

Thanks.

It was that guy Max that did it.

- Hey, Max.
- Yo, Max. What's up?

Make a move, Morenski, and you're dead.

What do you want?

Your car keys and your credit cards.

Patrick, that's not funny.

Man, relax. I was just kidding.

Max, how you doing?

I don't get it, Patrick.

People I don't know are talking to me.

Hey, you asked for it.

I mean, word is out.

Hey, noble move, Maxwell.

The man has definite potential.

We should talk.
Know what I'm saying?

Yo, bust a move, fellas.

I wish I could walk like that.

Potential? What's he talking about?

It's no wonder young girls
are turning to bulimia.

What is this stuff?

You don't wanna know.

- Hi.
- Hi.

Oh, hi.

Andrew...

- Max.
- Max.

This is Chloe, and this is Ryan.

Well, hello, Chloe and...

- Ryan.
- Ryan.

I heard you had to go see Dr. Gusick.
I'm really sorry about that.

It's my fault.
It's my big mouth.

No, but I still owe you one.

Why's that?

You were defending my essay.

So you're the unfortunate author.

That's me. Better be careful.

Please, sit down, sit down.

Well, it sounded like
a really interesting essay.

I'd love to read it sometime.

Yeah.

He father was a pilot in Vietnam.

I hear his side of it all the time.

Well, Maxwell, gotta motor.

There's a Dodge Aries K
out there with my name on it.

Hey, you stay off the streets, all right?

- See you later, Ryan.
- Bye.

Thanks, Patrick.

Hi.

If you'll excuse us.

Come on, Ryan.
I gotta go.

Can I meet you later?

No, I have practice later.

And after that I have
a campaign meeting. Come on.

I'll be there in a little bit, okay?

Yeah, sure.

I'm outta here.

Kevin.

Me, too.

I'll see you later, Ryan.

Wait up, Kev.

Did you really mean it,
that you want to read my essay?

Oh, yeah.
Yeah, I did.

Here. But you have
to ignore all the red ink.

Billings kinda had a field day
with the comments.

Wow.

Wall Street Journal?

Not the usual literature
for an anarchist.

Well, I'm not the usual anarchist.

I kinda sensed that.

- Bye, Max.
- Bye-bye, Ryan.

Both hands.

Two hands at all times.
Two hands.

Slow down.

Making a left. What's the drill?

Signal, check the mirror,

then when it's clear, make the move.

Give me a left.

We're gonna be killed!

Step on the brake!

Stop it!

Pull over!

Look out for that car!

Dude, man, let me out.

Me, too, man.
I can't take any more of this.

What? What?

That wasn't even close.

Patrick, just pull over!

Senior class elections coming up.

I'd like to remind you all
the nominations must be in

by no later than this Friday.

Check with Ms. Billings...

Maxwell!

Check this out.

I'm running your campaign, man.

You're gonna take down O'Roarke.

You know what I'm saying?

Yeah.

He's overwhelmed.

I knew you'd dig it.

No. No, I don't dig it.

Check it out.
These posters are only the beginning.

You know what I'm saying?

Yo, bust it!

Now, vote for the man

The man is Mad Max

Yes, he'll give us justice

Abolish the tax

He'll make lunch longer

And make the class shorter

- We'll get Perrier
- Instead of water

Now the dickhead O'Roarke
has been two years standing

- Not listening to a word
- Of what we're demanding

- So the thing to do
- If you want big fun

Just vote for Mad Max
'cause he's down with Clinton

I did mention that you might
not be interested.

Check it out.
We already put up half the posters.

No, you can just take them down.

You should have asked me.

I can get a little ahead of myself,
but that's me, that's the way I am.

You know what I'm saying?

I have an idea.
Why don't you run?

Nah, man.
That's not my thing.

My thing's behind the scenes.

See, I'm a mover, a motivator.
You know what I'm saying?

That's me. That's the way I am.

This is me declining the nomination.

I'm really honored, guys,
but, you know, that's me.

- That's the way I am.
- You're a natural.

And just think of how good this gonna look
on your college application.

And the girls... the girls
will be on you like white on rice.

You know what I'm saying?

The power thing... it's a turn on.

Check it out.
Before you say no, answer me this.

You ever run before?

You've run before, Max, haven't you?

Recently, in fact.

Listen, Kevin O'Roarke
been president for two years now.

This school needs some fresh blood.

Believe me, my blood is not that fresh.

You'd be surprised.

Hey, that's my man Lamar in the gym
working on a pom-pom squad.

You see, I'm a mover, a motivator.

I'll catch you later.

That's him That's the way he is.

I'm absolutely not running.

Check it out.
Save it for your campaign speech.

Yo, bust a move, fellas.

- Tom P
- Deeski

And Damien-D

We make up the force of Clinton's party

How do those guys do that?

This is getting worse by the minute.

The last time I picked up a girl
at her parents' house,

I can't even remember.

That's how long ago it was.

Same as me.

I can't believe you set up a date with Ryan.

I didn't. She set it up.

How do I look?

Well... here, try this.

Patrick, I haven't the slightest idea

what high school girls like to talk about.

You're on your own there, Max.

They don't like to talk
to me about anything.

Patrick, maybe this tie is why.

Nah, I'm kidding. They will.