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1
00:00:20,080 --> 00:00:22,720
All right?
You ain't going to believe this.
2
00:00:22,720 --> 00:00:24,800
What? Mr Perkins.
3
00:00:24,800 --> 00:00:26,040
What about him?
4
00:00:26,040 --> 00:00:27,800
He's dead.
5
00:00:27,800 --> 00:00:30,600
He's dead?
6
00:00:30,600 --> 00:00:32,400
Are you joking?
7
00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:33,440
No.
8
00:00:35,200 --> 00:00:37,200
Way!
9
00:00:37,200 --> 00:00:39,040
BOTH: Way!
10
00:00:39,040 --> 00:00:40,400
Way!
11
00:00:40,400 --> 00:00:44,120
He's dead, he's dead,
he's dead, he's dead!
12
00:00:44,120 --> 00:00:48,160
He's dead! He is dead!
13
00:00:48,160 --> 00:00:51,960
He's dead, he's dead,
he's dead, he's dead!
14
00:00:51,960 --> 00:00:55,000
He's dead! He is dead!
15
00:00:59,480 --> 00:01:02,640
Basically, Mr Perkins was
our old woodwork teacher
16
00:01:02,640 --> 00:01:04,160
and he was a massive prick.
17
00:01:04,160 --> 00:01:07,320
Yeah. He used to be just
plain nasty, wasn't he, Kurts?
18
00:01:07,320 --> 00:01:09,760
Yeah. He always used to
say, "Oh, Kerry and Kurtan,
19
00:01:09,760 --> 00:01:12,160
"you'll do..."
"Nothing with your lives."
20
00:01:12,160 --> 00:01:15,240
Which is a bit rich, to be honest,
coming from him, who's now dead.
21
00:01:15,240 --> 00:01:16,280
Yeah.
22
00:01:16,280 --> 00:01:18,200
He's dead, he's dead,
he's dead, he's dead!
23
00:01:18,200 --> 00:01:22,320
I think it's disgusting, what yous
is doing, celebrating a man's death.
24
00:01:22,320 --> 00:01:24,000
Shut up, Len, you're boring.
25
00:01:24,000 --> 00:01:27,960
Yeah, well, I think it's disgusting
you not celebrating the man's death.
26
00:01:27,960 --> 00:01:31,240
Charming.
Hogwarts is that way, Dumbledore.
27
00:01:31,240 --> 00:01:32,760
Idiot man.
28
00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:36,320
He used to call us...
29
00:01:36,320 --> 00:01:37,520
Ren and Stimpy, didn't he?
30
00:01:37,520 --> 00:01:39,840
Yeah. Tweedledum and Tweedledee.
31
00:01:39,840 --> 00:01:41,040
Pinky and Perky.
32
00:01:41,040 --> 00:01:42,360
Asterix and Obelix.
33
00:01:42,360 --> 00:01:44,480
Noel Edmonds and Mr Blobby.
34
00:01:44,480 --> 00:01:45,920
The Neville brothers.
35
00:01:45,920 --> 00:01:48,960
He used to say I looked like
the puppet off the Dolmio advert.
36
00:01:50,560 --> 00:01:53,680
It's just, I...I knew this day
would come, but I just,
37
00:01:53,680 --> 00:01:56,040
I actually can't believe it's here,
do you know what I mean?
38
00:01:56,040 --> 00:01:58,960
All right, Mand?
No, I'm not all right,
39
00:01:58,960 --> 00:02:01,240
some little old blind man with
a guide dog walked into a bin
40
00:02:01,240 --> 00:02:02,360
outside my house.
41
00:02:02,360 --> 00:02:03,720
Shit, is he all right?
42
00:02:03,720 --> 00:02:05,760
He won't be when I've got
my hands on him.
43
00:02:05,760 --> 00:02:08,960
Poor Tyson was so scared, he's run
up a tree and ate a bird's nest.
44
00:02:08,960 --> 00:02:11,280
So I'm going to find him
and break his legs for him.
45
00:02:11,280 --> 00:02:12,640
See how he likes it.
46
00:02:12,640 --> 00:02:15,000
You see him,
you send him my way, yeah?
47
00:02:15,000 --> 00:02:16,960
All right, you fucking psychopath.
48
00:02:16,960 --> 00:02:19,160
Who's a psychopath?
49
00:02:19,160 --> 00:02:20,920
Er...
50
00:02:20,920 --> 00:02:22,000
The blind man.
51
00:02:24,400 --> 00:02:26,640
Yeah, I know.
Poor little baby birds
52
00:02:26,640 --> 00:02:28,960
got their guts sucked out
their arseholes cos of him.
53
00:02:28,960 --> 00:02:30,040
Evil bastard.
54
00:02:31,200 --> 00:02:32,680
Fucking weirdo.
55
00:02:32,680 --> 00:02:33,720
Who's a weirdo?
56
00:02:36,520 --> 00:02:38,280
Er...Kurtan.
57
00:02:42,040 --> 00:02:43,080
Yeah, I know.
58
00:02:44,800 --> 00:02:47,080
Come on, Tyson, you fucking prick.
59
00:02:47,080 --> 00:02:48,880
How the fuck did she hear all that?
60
00:02:48,880 --> 00:02:49,920
Erm...
61
00:02:51,000 --> 00:02:52,240
She's like a fucking bat.
62
00:02:53,960 --> 00:02:56,160
People are scared of Mandy,
but I ain't.
63
00:02:56,160 --> 00:02:58,920
Because we're both on
the same level of hardness.
64
00:02:58,920 --> 00:03:01,400
It's, like, Kane isn't scared
of The Undertaker
65
00:03:01,400 --> 00:03:04,120
because they're both
Brothers of Destruction.
66
00:03:04,120 --> 00:03:06,320
There's a kid crying over there.
67
00:03:06,320 --> 00:03:09,160
Do you want me to...? I can tell him
to shut the fuck up if you want?
68
00:03:09,160 --> 00:03:10,880
She belongs in a nuthouse, mate.
69
00:03:10,880 --> 00:03:13,360
She is fucking nuts.
70
00:03:13,360 --> 00:03:14,960
A very bad egg.
71
00:03:16,400 --> 00:03:17,720
I like Kerry. Her mum's...
72
00:03:17,720 --> 00:03:21,040
Mum's a good fighter, her mum,
down the pub and that.
73
00:03:21,040 --> 00:03:23,440
If you was in trouble,
you can always rely on her mum.
74
00:03:23,440 --> 00:03:25,560
Kerry's all right. Kurtan's a...
75
00:03:25,560 --> 00:03:27,080
He's a fucking moron.
76
00:03:41,760 --> 00:03:44,240
Our old prom photo, yeah?
77
00:03:44,240 --> 00:03:45,720
Ten minutes after that was taken,
78
00:03:45,720 --> 00:03:48,240
Kurtan vommed all the way down
his ivory tie.
79
00:03:48,240 --> 00:03:51,480
Yeah, only cos I kept spiking
my own drinks. Yeah.
80
00:03:51,480 --> 00:03:54,360
Oh, Kerr, our old detention cards
from Mr Perkins.
81
00:03:55,600 --> 00:03:57,560
"Kerry and Kurtan,
lunchtime detention
82
00:03:57,560 --> 00:04:00,360
"for making crass song
in woodwork class."
83
00:04:00,360 --> 00:04:03,760
Wait...I'll get it.
KEYBOARD PLAYS TUNE
84
00:04:05,840 --> 00:04:08,600
Five, six, seven.
85
00:04:08,600 --> 00:04:11,000
Mr Perkins is a prick
86
00:04:11,000 --> 00:04:13,360
Mr Perkins is a prick
87
00:04:13,360 --> 00:04:15,280
Mr Perkins is a prick
88
00:04:15,280 --> 00:04:17,520
Mr Perkins is a prick
89
00:04:17,520 --> 00:04:19,600
Mr Perkins is a prick
90
00:04:19,600 --> 00:04:21,680
Mr Perkins is a prick
91
00:04:21,680 --> 00:04:23,880
Mr Perkins is a prick
92
00:04:23,880 --> 00:04:26,320
All day long.
93
00:04:26,320 --> 00:04:28,560
How is that crass?
How is that crass?
94
00:04:29,760 --> 00:04:34,480
Disruption, yeah, defiance, yeah,
abusive language, fucking yeah.
95
00:04:37,440 --> 00:04:39,040
Listen to this.
96
00:04:39,040 --> 00:04:41,080
"Kerry and Kurtan,
lunchtime detention
97
00:04:41,080 --> 00:04:42,560
"for making Robert Robinson
98
00:04:42,560 --> 00:04:44,360
"ask the teacher what rimming is."
99
00:04:44,360 --> 00:04:46,240
Who's Rob Robinson?
100
00:04:46,240 --> 00:04:48,320
You don't remember Robert Robinson?
101
00:04:48,320 --> 00:04:49,800
No.
102
00:04:49,800 --> 00:04:51,320
He was in our class in Year 6
103
00:04:51,320 --> 00:04:53,200
for, like, two terms
and he just vanished.
104
00:04:53,200 --> 00:04:54,640
No-one ever heard of him again.
105
00:04:57,160 --> 00:04:59,240
He had...
Instead of a rucksack, yeah,
106
00:04:59,240 --> 00:05:01,120
he had a suitcase on wheels.
107
00:05:01,120 --> 00:05:04,960
And you started his nickname,
which was Terminal Three.
108
00:05:04,960 --> 00:05:07,440
You started that.
That was brilliant.
109
00:05:07,440 --> 00:05:08,760
You don't remember that?
110
00:05:08,760 --> 00:05:10,600
Robert Robinson.
111
00:05:10,600 --> 00:05:11,640
You don't remember?
112
00:05:18,160 --> 00:05:21,760
Year 6 camping trip,
he brought in an old army camp bed
113
00:05:21,760 --> 00:05:23,280
and it had blood on it.
114
00:05:23,280 --> 00:05:24,320
No.
115
00:05:25,560 --> 00:05:26,920
We used to bog-wash him so much,
116
00:05:26,920 --> 00:05:29,320
the bleach in the toilet actually
turned his hair white.
117
00:05:29,320 --> 00:05:30,680
No. Oh, my God!
118
00:05:31,800 --> 00:05:34,200
He had about three unruly
deaf brothers, yeah?
119
00:05:34,200 --> 00:05:36,720
And he used to get picked up after
school in a dirty old Land Rover
120
00:05:36,720 --> 00:05:38,680
full of flailing arms. No.
121
00:05:38,680 --> 00:05:39,920
You don't remember that?
122
00:05:39,920 --> 00:05:42,640
No. He used to write everything out
in that calculator font
123
00:05:42,640 --> 00:05:45,320
cos he thought
it was really cool.
124
00:05:45,320 --> 00:05:49,280
No. We made him eat a fucking
bark sandwich, for fuck's sake.
125
00:05:49,280 --> 00:05:51,480
No. You don't remember that?
126
00:05:51,480 --> 00:05:53,600
No. Nothing? Nothing.
127
00:05:53,600 --> 00:05:54,640
Fuck.
128
00:05:57,440 --> 00:06:00,240
Right, I'm going to get Slugs over,
he was in our class, he'll remember.
129
00:06:00,240 --> 00:06:03,080
Please don't get Slugs over.
Yes, I am! He'll never leave.
130
00:06:03,080 --> 00:06:05,000
Me and Kurtan have known
Slugs since school
131
00:06:05,000 --> 00:06:07,120
and I've never met anyone
who outstays their welcome
132
00:06:07,120 --> 00:06:08,600
more than him.
133
00:06:08,600 --> 00:06:09,960
Like, you'll say, "Sorry, Slugs,
134
00:06:09,960 --> 00:06:12,160
"I can't stop and chat I've got
to go and have my dinner."
135
00:06:12,160 --> 00:06:14,320
And he'll go, "What we having?"
136
00:06:14,320 --> 00:06:15,600
Robert Robinson, yeah?
137
00:06:15,600 --> 00:06:18,200
He had a fat woman's arse and tiny,
short little legs like a troll.
138
00:06:18,200 --> 00:06:20,240
Yeah, you sure you're not
talking about Slugs?
139
00:06:20,240 --> 00:06:22,440
Positive. He genuinely
looked like a Moomin.
140
00:06:22,440 --> 00:06:23,640
Yeah, so does Slugs.
141
00:06:23,640 --> 00:06:25,400
I know, but it ain't Slugs.
142
00:06:25,400 --> 00:06:26,640
His school jumper, yeah,
143
00:06:26,640 --> 00:06:28,480
was the most faded
out of everyone's.
144
00:06:28,480 --> 00:06:30,760
He used to chew
his sleeves into threads.
145
00:06:31,720 --> 00:06:35,200
No. He brought in a bit of meteorite
once, yeah, for show and tell,
146
00:06:35,200 --> 00:06:37,120
and Darren Lacy called him
Apollo 13.
147
00:06:37,120 --> 00:06:39,960
No. Oh, my God.
148
00:06:39,960 --> 00:06:42,480
He was obsessed with salamanders,
yeah?
149
00:06:42,480 --> 00:06:43,880
And we saw him at the school fete
150
00:06:43,880 --> 00:06:46,720
and he was carrying around
a little bank bag full of coppers
151
00:06:46,720 --> 00:06:48,400
and his face was painted
like a salamander
152
00:06:48,400 --> 00:06:49,920
and he was hissing at dogs.
153
00:06:52,600 --> 00:06:55,000
How do you not remember
Robert fucking Robinson?
154
00:06:55,000 --> 00:06:56,880
Oh, my God, there's this website
155
00:06:56,880 --> 00:07:00,800
that allows you to watch a loaf
of bread slowly going stale.
156
00:07:00,800 --> 00:07:03,360
Fucking hell, man!
157
00:07:03,360 --> 00:07:04,760
Stop it.
158
00:07:05,960 --> 00:07:09,080
What's it called? Loaf of bread cam.
159
00:07:09,080 --> 00:07:10,120
Seriously?
160
00:07:16,000 --> 00:07:17,160
He's not on Facebook.
161
00:07:18,360 --> 00:07:20,400
How can he not be on Facebook?
162
00:07:20,400 --> 00:07:21,480
Everyone's on Facebook.
163
00:07:21,480 --> 00:07:23,560
That doesn't make any sense.
164
00:07:23,560 --> 00:07:26,640
Maybe he changed his name
cos he got married.
165
00:07:26,640 --> 00:07:30,840
What? Maybe he's not on Facebook
because he doesn't exist.
166
00:07:30,840 --> 00:07:31,960
What about that tea towel?
167
00:07:35,920 --> 00:07:36,960
Where is it?
168
00:07:41,200 --> 00:07:42,760
This is it. Got it.
169
00:07:42,760 --> 00:07:45,760
I've got it. This is it.
170
00:07:45,760 --> 00:07:47,040
There.
171
00:07:47,040 --> 00:07:48,520
That's him. Let me see. He's here.
172
00:07:48,520 --> 00:07:51,600
Rob Robinson. I got it.
173
00:07:51,600 --> 00:07:53,360
You see? Right there.
174
00:07:53,360 --> 00:07:55,480
Rob Robinson.
175
00:07:55,480 --> 00:07:57,320
And that was him. And I was...
176
00:07:57,320 --> 00:07:59,560
I knew it, didn't I?
177
00:07:59,560 --> 00:08:00,920
And that looks like him, as well.
178
00:08:00,920 --> 00:08:02,120
That looks exactly like him.
179
00:08:09,160 --> 00:08:11,160
There's a massive pond
in the back of there
180
00:08:11,160 --> 00:08:14,040
and two summers ago,
it got really bad algae.
181
00:08:14,040 --> 00:08:16,520
32 grand's worth of Koi carp
just dead in a day.
182
00:08:17,920 --> 00:08:20,960
And the algae was thick,
like a pint of cheese.
183
00:08:21,960 --> 00:08:23,640
And down there is karate club.
184
00:08:23,640 --> 00:08:26,160
On my first day of karate club,
karate master goes to me, "Kerry,
185
00:08:26,160 --> 00:08:28,760
"I don't know why you're here
because I can't teach you anything."
186
00:08:28,760 --> 00:08:30,440
"If anything, you should be
teaching me."
187
00:08:30,440 --> 00:08:31,720
And just gave me his black belt.
188
00:08:35,040 --> 00:08:36,840
All right, Mand?
189
00:08:36,840 --> 00:08:39,200
No, I'm not all right. You know
that little old blind man?
190
00:08:39,200 --> 00:08:41,760
Yeah. Yeah, when I was
punching him in his face,
191
00:08:41,760 --> 00:08:44,320
the lens from his glasses broke
and cut my knuckle.
192
00:08:44,320 --> 00:08:46,320
Oh, right.
193
00:08:46,320 --> 00:08:48,440
Do you want a tattoo, by the way?
194
00:08:48,440 --> 00:08:50,920
Why's that? Oh, I'm a qualified
tattoo artist now,
195
00:08:50,920 --> 00:08:52,760
I've got my certificate
this morning.
196
00:08:52,760 --> 00:08:54,320
Nice one.
197
00:08:54,320 --> 00:08:57,240
Do you want one, then?
Well, yeah, I've always wanted one
198
00:08:57,240 --> 00:08:58,640
but I've just got no money.
199
00:08:58,640 --> 00:09:01,080
I've been saving up.
No, no, I'd do it for free.
200
00:09:01,080 --> 00:09:02,320
Are you serious?
201
00:09:02,320 --> 00:09:04,960
Yeah, helps me build up
my portfolio and that. Oh!
202
00:09:04,960 --> 00:09:07,000
Why don't you come round
tomorrow afternoon, then?
203
00:09:07,000 --> 00:09:08,480
That'd be amazing.
204
00:09:08,480 --> 00:09:10,200
All right.
Aw, nice one, Mand, cheers.
205
00:09:10,200 --> 00:09:12,000
I'll see you later.
206
00:09:12,000 --> 00:09:13,560
Tyson, fuck off!
207
00:09:14,560 --> 00:09:16,800
So, there's a house over there
208
00:09:16,800 --> 00:09:19,240
that we used to cherry knock at
all the time.
209
00:09:19,240 --> 00:09:21,720
But since Graham's wife died,
we don't do it any more
210
00:09:21,720 --> 00:09:23,280
cos we don't take the piss.
211
00:09:27,520 --> 00:09:30,040
I'm going to do whatever it takes
to find out what happened
212
00:09:30,040 --> 00:09:32,200
to Robert Robinson.
213
00:09:32,200 --> 00:09:36,240
My theory is...is that he died
but they just kept it from us
214
00:09:36,240 --> 00:09:39,320
cos we was just little,
innocent children.
215
00:09:39,320 --> 00:09:42,400
This is where Robert Robinson lived.
216
00:09:45,640 --> 00:09:47,800
I can see him,
I can just see him now,
217
00:09:47,800 --> 00:09:49,560
just playing in the garden.
218
00:09:51,880 --> 00:09:56,520
Summer evening, having so much
fun and laughter.
219
00:09:56,520 --> 00:09:59,040
Cos he loved life.
220
00:09:59,040 --> 00:10:02,680
And then his mum comes out,
"Robert, dinner's ready."
221
00:10:02,680 --> 00:10:05,400
And he's like,
"Mum, I don't want to eat,
222
00:10:05,400 --> 00:10:07,160
"I'm having too much fun playing."
223
00:10:07,160 --> 00:10:09,800
She goes, "You have to eat
something, Robert."
224
00:10:09,800 --> 00:10:11,920
And he goes,
"No, seriously, I'm fine."
225
00:10:11,920 --> 00:10:14,560
She goes, "Right, that's it."
226
00:10:14,560 --> 00:10:18,800
So she grabs him by the neck,
like this, pulls him in,
227
00:10:18,800 --> 00:10:20,240
and he's crying,
228
00:10:20,240 --> 00:10:22,720
and he's putting his heels in
but she's kicking him.
229
00:10:24,920 --> 00:10:26,920
Thumping him on the back.
230
00:10:26,920 --> 00:10:29,440
And so he gets sent up to his
bedroom without any tea.
231
00:10:30,480 --> 00:10:32,720
Kurtan? Cos he did have
abusive parents.
232
00:10:32,720 --> 00:10:34,760
What? There's a pair of
old Spider-Man pants here
233
00:10:34,760 --> 00:10:36,440
with some skidders in them.
234
00:10:37,680 --> 00:10:39,760
Yeah. Those will be his.
235
00:10:42,960 --> 00:10:47,200
It's just like one day he was here,
and then the next, he was gone.
236
00:10:48,400 --> 00:10:52,040
I can se... I can feel, I can feel,
Kerr, I can feel him here.
237
00:10:52,040 --> 00:10:54,680
I'm getting this weird feeling,
I swear to God.
238
00:11:02,760 --> 00:11:03,800
You all right, Kurts?
239
00:11:04,880 --> 00:11:07,360
Can you just give me a minute?
240
00:11:07,360 --> 00:11:09,360
He's loving this.
241
00:11:09,360 --> 00:11:12,720
He gets very much too obsessive
with things -
242
00:11:12,720 --> 00:11:15,720
like, last week he was obsessed
with finding out what happened
243
00:11:15,720 --> 00:11:17,600
to the cast of The Queen's Nose.
244
00:11:17,600 --> 00:11:20,520
It's, like, an old kids' programme
that was on TV.
245
00:11:22,080 --> 00:11:25,080
And a lot of them are
still acting, actually.
246
00:11:25,080 --> 00:11:29,120
And then he got obsessed with
the...the Fuse bar.
247
00:11:29,120 --> 00:11:31,120
He had to write a letter
to Cadbury's
248
00:11:31,120 --> 00:11:33,280
asking what happened
to the Fuse bar.
249
00:11:33,280 --> 00:11:36,400
And they wrote back saying,
"The sales weren't great
250
00:11:36,400 --> 00:11:39,000
"but thank you so much for taking
the time to write in."
251
00:11:49,080 --> 00:11:53,000
Thanks again so much for this,
Mand, honestly, I can't believe it.
252
00:11:53,000 --> 00:11:54,480
So, do you know what you want, then?
253
00:11:54,480 --> 00:11:57,800
I just can't decide at the moment.
254
00:11:57,800 --> 00:12:00,080
Why don't you have a look through
one of these books, then?
255
00:12:00,080 --> 00:12:02,640
Choose something from there.
Cheers, Mand.
256
00:12:05,720 --> 00:12:07,360
So, what's that one?
257
00:12:07,360 --> 00:12:08,440
That's a pig.
258
00:12:08,440 --> 00:12:10,120
All right.
259
00:12:10,120 --> 00:12:11,600
Sorry, who's that?
260
00:12:11,600 --> 00:12:13,280
That's Friends.
261
00:12:13,280 --> 00:12:15,800
And that one? Harry Styles.
262
00:12:15,800 --> 00:12:17,760
Tasmanian.
263
00:12:17,760 --> 00:12:19,360
That's Justin Bieber.
264
00:12:19,360 --> 00:12:21,320
Fred Flintstone. Spock.
265
00:12:21,320 --> 00:12:23,280
Stig of the Dump.
266
00:12:23,280 --> 00:12:25,640
All right. Who did these?
267
00:12:25,640 --> 00:12:27,520
Me. Oh, right.
268
00:12:29,920 --> 00:12:31,440
They're really good.
269
00:12:31,440 --> 00:12:32,480
I know.
270
00:12:35,800 --> 00:12:37,520
Who's that one?
271
00:12:37,520 --> 00:12:38,880
That's Grant from EastEnders
272
00:12:38,880 --> 00:12:42,160
but also it could be
that bloke off MasterChef.
273
00:12:42,160 --> 00:12:44,320
Oh, right. If you put glasses on it.
274
00:12:46,440 --> 00:12:50,280
Do you know what? I think
I'm going to have to just
275
00:12:50,280 --> 00:12:52,160
go home and just have
a think about it.
276
00:12:52,160 --> 00:12:53,600
Why?
277
00:12:53,600 --> 00:12:59,800
Cos...well, they're just so good,
I can't choose which one.
278
00:12:59,800 --> 00:13:01,880
So, you're wasting my time?
279
00:13:01,880 --> 00:13:04,000
Cos I've booked the whole afternoon
off for this.
280
00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:06,120
And I'm giving you one for free.
281
00:13:06,120 --> 00:13:07,880
No, I... You're taking the piss,
aren't you?
282
00:13:07,880 --> 00:13:10,200
I do really want one,
it's just, I...
283
00:13:10,200 --> 00:13:12,840
I do, yeah, I do really want one,
yeah. What?
284
00:13:12,840 --> 00:13:16,240
I just don't know which one to have
yet, that's the only thing.
285
00:13:17,760 --> 00:13:20,400
Do you do, like, really small ones?
286
00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:22,720
Like I literally just want, like,
a K.
287
00:13:22,720 --> 00:13:25,240
I don't do small ones,
I only do massive ones.
288
00:13:25,240 --> 00:13:26,960
Right.
289
00:13:26,960 --> 00:13:28,400
You wanted one? Nah.
290
00:13:40,000 --> 00:13:42,480
Do you know what? I am going to
go home and think about it, Mand.
291
00:13:44,560 --> 00:13:45,760
Mand...
292
00:13:45,760 --> 00:13:47,720
Mandy?
293
00:13:47,720 --> 00:13:48,760
Mandy?
294
00:13:50,920 --> 00:13:52,640
Brilliant, she's dead.
295
00:13:52,640 --> 00:13:54,800
MANDY SNORES
296
00:13:54,800 --> 00:13:56,000
No, she's sleeping.
297
00:13:56,000 --> 00:13:57,880
Oh, what the fuck...
What, with her eyes open?
298
00:13:59,000 --> 00:14:01,720
Yeah, my nan does it, it's like
a weird condition or something.
299
00:14:03,840 --> 00:14:06,760
Look, watch this. Mandy?
300
00:14:06,760 --> 00:14:09,000
Your tattoos are shit.
301
00:14:09,000 --> 00:14:10,160
Oi.
302
00:14:12,560 --> 00:14:14,360
That's the whole day away.
303
00:14:14,360 --> 00:14:15,400
She's sleep talking.
304
00:14:17,080 --> 00:14:18,720
Oh.
305
00:14:18,720 --> 00:14:21,400
(Fuck this,
I'm getting out of here.)
306
00:14:27,280 --> 00:14:28,600
(Go, let's get out.)
307
00:14:41,440 --> 00:14:43,520
Oh, my God.
308
00:14:43,520 --> 00:14:46,200
She's going to be so livid that
we just, like, legged it.
309
00:14:46,200 --> 00:14:48,080
Well, yeah, but... Oh...
310
00:14:48,080 --> 00:14:49,880
You'd rather get a punch
in the face, yeah,
311
00:14:49,880 --> 00:14:52,920
than a giant tattoo for the rest of
your life, so, just... Oh, my God.
312
00:14:54,920 --> 00:14:57,200
Oh, for fuck's sake.
DISTANT SHOUTING
313
00:14:57,200 --> 00:14:59,560
Oh, well, don't stop,
let's keep walking.
314
00:14:59,560 --> 00:15:02,800
All right.
Pretend we haven't seen him.
315
00:15:02,800 --> 00:15:04,760
Kerr, wait!
316
00:15:04,760 --> 00:15:05,800
What is it?
317
00:15:07,360 --> 00:15:08,400
God!
318
00:15:09,600 --> 00:15:11,920
Look at him, he's waddling
like he's shat himself.
319
00:15:11,920 --> 00:15:12,960
What is it, mate?
320
00:15:19,760 --> 00:15:20,800
Well, what is it?
321
00:15:23,320 --> 00:15:24,520
Kerr, come on, let's just go.
322
00:15:27,160 --> 00:15:28,320
What? What?
323
00:15:29,720 --> 00:15:31,600
Rob Robinson? Well, what about him?
324
00:15:32,680 --> 00:15:33,840
What? What is it?
325
00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:37,040
No, what about him?
What is it? Rob Robinson?
326
00:15:38,040 --> 00:15:39,080
What is it?
327
00:15:40,040 --> 00:15:42,160
He's alive? How do you know?
328
00:15:45,080 --> 00:15:46,760
Yeah?
329
00:15:46,760 --> 00:15:48,240
Oh, yeah!
330
00:15:48,240 --> 00:15:49,280
Seriously?
331
00:15:50,320 --> 00:15:52,240
Seriously?
332
00:15:52,240 --> 00:15:55,800
Kerr, this is...this is...
This is serious now.
333
00:15:55,800 --> 00:15:57,520
That is amazing.
334
00:15:57,520 --> 00:15:58,560
Thanks for that, mate.
335
00:15:59,960 --> 00:16:01,720
Thank the Lord for Slugs.
336
00:16:02,720 --> 00:16:03,760
That's brilliant, that.
337
00:16:04,760 --> 00:16:07,600
Come on.
I can't believe it, that is...
338
00:16:07,600 --> 00:16:10,440
That's great news.
The plot thickens, Kerr.
339
00:16:16,160 --> 00:16:18,040
Mum, what's for tea?
340
00:16:20,440 --> 00:16:21,480
What?
341
00:16:27,840 --> 00:16:28,880
Can I have a word, Kerr?
342
00:16:30,000 --> 00:16:31,520
(She's going to fucking kill us.)
343
00:16:31,520 --> 00:16:33,480
(Not me, I'm going home.)
344
00:16:33,480 --> 00:16:36,120
(You're coming in with me.)
345
00:16:36,120 --> 00:16:38,040
(She'll fucking....)
346
00:16:38,040 --> 00:16:39,680
(Don't you fucking dare.)
347
00:16:49,720 --> 00:16:51,720
All right, Mand?
348
00:16:51,720 --> 00:16:53,440
Look, I'm sorry about earlier.
349
00:16:53,440 --> 00:16:55,560
I don't want you to think I sleep
on the job or nothing.
350
00:16:55,560 --> 00:16:58,120
I'm a professional.
No, honestly, you're fine,
351
00:16:58,120 --> 00:16:59,560
I reckon what we should do
352
00:16:59,560 --> 00:17:02,800
is just forget about
the whole thing, to be honest.
353
00:17:02,800 --> 00:17:05,480
No, I brought all my tattooing stuff
round now.
354
00:17:08,200 --> 00:17:11,240
Yeah, but you're really tired,
though, aren't you?
355
00:17:11,240 --> 00:17:12,280
No.
356
00:17:13,520 --> 00:17:15,520
Erm...
357
00:17:15,520 --> 00:17:20,560
But I don't really know...what
I want to have done yet,
358
00:17:20,560 --> 00:17:21,920
that's the thing.
359
00:17:21,920 --> 00:17:24,080
That's all right,
I'll make it up as I go along.
360
00:17:24,080 --> 00:17:25,120
Sit down.
361
00:17:26,800 --> 00:17:29,720
Yeah, I could have said "no"
to Mandy, but...
362
00:17:29,720 --> 00:17:31,800
I want to support a local business,
don't I?
363
00:17:31,800 --> 00:17:33,200
Because that's who I am.
364
00:17:35,160 --> 00:17:38,720
And when a tattoo removal company
starts up round here,
365
00:17:38,720 --> 00:17:41,280
I'll be supporting that, as well.
366
00:17:41,280 --> 00:17:43,760
Take your top off. Yeah.
367
00:17:43,760 --> 00:17:45,960
TATTOO GUN BUZZES
368
00:17:51,200 --> 00:17:53,680
So, we're just outside the village.
369
00:17:53,680 --> 00:17:55,480
It's been years
since I've come up here.
370
00:17:55,480 --> 00:17:57,800
Like, it's a long walk from my
house,
371
00:17:57,800 --> 00:17:59,880
but I think it's all going
to be worth it
372
00:17:59,880 --> 00:18:03,840
because I'm seeing Robert Robinson.
373
00:18:03,840 --> 00:18:05,640
Slugs found out that he works
in this garage
374
00:18:05,640 --> 00:18:06,960
just outside the village.
375
00:18:06,960 --> 00:18:09,640
I don't know what's going to happen.
Like, anything could happen.
376
00:18:09,640 --> 00:18:10,880
He might not want to see me.
377
00:18:10,880 --> 00:18:12,920
He might just punch me in the face,
and if he does,
378
00:18:12,920 --> 00:18:14,960
I'm just going to stand there
and take it
379
00:18:14,960 --> 00:18:16,720
cos that is the least he deserves.
380
00:18:17,960 --> 00:18:21,800
He might not even be the same lad
I once knew, like...
381
00:18:21,800 --> 00:18:24,120
He might not even be into
salamanders any more.
382
00:18:25,080 --> 00:18:27,840
But one thing I do know
is that I lost him once
383
00:18:27,840 --> 00:18:30,240
and I ain't ever going
to lose him again.
384
00:18:33,320 --> 00:18:34,720
I think that's him.
385
00:18:34,720 --> 00:18:39,000
I am pretty sure, yeah,
that is Robert fucking Robinson.
386
00:18:40,160 --> 00:18:41,200
Right there.
387
00:18:58,120 --> 00:18:59,400
Robert? Yeah?
388
00:19:03,080 --> 00:19:07,120
You are...you are exactly
how I remembered, it's so weird.
389
00:19:07,120 --> 00:19:08,480
All right.
390
00:19:08,480 --> 00:19:10,400
It's me, Kurtan.
391
00:19:10,400 --> 00:19:11,440
OK.
392
00:19:15,120 --> 00:19:17,480
Like, no-one else remembers
who you were, right?
393
00:19:17,480 --> 00:19:19,120
But I never forgot who you were,
Robert.
394
00:19:21,360 --> 00:19:23,200
Sorry...sorry, who are you?
395
00:19:23,200 --> 00:19:25,120
Kurtan.
396
00:19:25,120 --> 00:19:27,760
You were in my class, yeah,
in Year 6 for, like, two terms,
397
00:19:27,760 --> 00:19:29,920
I bullied you relentlessly.
398
00:19:29,920 --> 00:19:33,600
Right. You don't remember...?
399
00:19:33,600 --> 00:19:35,560
What happened to you?
400
00:19:35,560 --> 00:19:37,640
Well, I moved schools.
401
00:19:37,640 --> 00:19:39,720
Right. And now I work here.
402
00:19:42,600 --> 00:19:44,400
Why aren't you on Facebook?
403
00:19:44,400 --> 00:19:45,440
I am on Facebook.
404
00:19:47,160 --> 00:19:49,600
I changed my name to Salamander.
405
00:19:51,680 --> 00:19:53,040
Of course.
406
00:19:53,040 --> 00:19:55,120
I should... That is so you, as well.
407
00:19:58,440 --> 00:20:00,960
What time do you finish here?
408
00:20:00,960 --> 00:20:02,720
Ten minutes. Why?
409
00:20:06,800 --> 00:20:08,000
I don't know.
410
00:20:12,560 --> 00:20:14,920
What sort of broom is that?
411
00:20:14,920 --> 00:20:15,960
I don't know.
412
00:20:27,840 --> 00:20:29,680
All right, well,
look after yourself, yeah?
413
00:20:44,200 --> 00:20:45,440
Absolute waste of time.
414
00:20:47,240 --> 00:20:49,880
So fucking boring. Jesus.
415
00:20:49,880 --> 00:20:50,920
Nothing about him.
416
00:20:53,440 --> 00:20:55,320
How are we going to get home
from here, as well?
417
00:20:57,680 --> 00:20:59,520
I've got to walk through
this fucking shit.
418
00:21:00,640 --> 00:21:03,520
Some things are just best left
in the past, where they belong.
419
00:21:03,520 --> 00:21:05,120
You've just got to live
in the moment
420
00:21:05,120 --> 00:21:06,720
and appreciate what's around you.
421
00:21:06,720 --> 00:21:09,200
Because while you're pining for
Noel Edmond's House Party,
422
00:21:09,200 --> 00:21:11,720
you're missing out on
Alan Carr's Chatty Man.
423
00:21:11,720 --> 00:21:13,640
It's just shits and roundabouts.
424
00:21:27,360 --> 00:21:28,560
Let's see it, then.
425
00:21:28,560 --> 00:21:30,040
No. Come on, please.
426
00:21:30,040 --> 00:21:32,480
No, I ain't showing you.
Please, Kerr, come on.
427
00:21:32,480 --> 00:21:34,840
Oh. Yeah, fine, but don't touch it.
428
00:21:34,840 --> 00:21:37,000
I won't touch it.
Cos it's still really painful.
429
00:21:42,560 --> 00:21:44,560
That looks like a dog
sniffing a bumhole.
430
00:21:44,560 --> 00:21:48,760
Piss off! It's a wolf howling
at a moon, thanks.
431
00:21:48,760 --> 00:21:50,840
Oh... Dick.
..this'll cheer you up, yeah?
432
00:21:50,840 --> 00:21:53,040
I spoke to Mr Perkins'
grieving wife earlier...
433
00:21:53,040 --> 00:21:55,360
Oh, yeah.
And he's definitely still dead.
434
00:21:55,360 --> 00:21:58,800
I know.
435
00:22:01,440 --> 00:22:02,480
He's dead!
436
00:22:04,680 --> 00:22:05,720
He's dead!
437
00:22:06,960 --> 00:22:08,000
The bastard's dead.
31794
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