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00:00:01,369 --> 00:00:03,237
ANNOUNCER:
These parents are Outmatched.
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00:00:03,271 --> 00:00:05,406
How did I give birth
to Wikipedia?
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00:00:05,439 --> 00:00:06,774
ANNOUNCER:
All-new episodes Thursdays.
4
00:00:06,874 --> 00:00:09,110
And watch other Fox shows
like Last Man Standing.
5
00:00:09,210 --> 00:00:10,744
-Bingo.
-Only on Fox.
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00:00:16,884 --> 00:00:19,320
Well, we did it.
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00:00:19,353 --> 00:00:21,055
It took three geniuses
and 16 years,
8
00:00:21,089 --> 00:00:23,491
but we finally got our first
call to the principal's office.
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00:00:23,524 --> 00:00:24,858
Mm.
10
00:00:24,892 --> 00:00:27,495
Being here
really brings back memories.
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00:00:27,528 --> 00:00:29,497
I almost feel
like that class-skipping,
12
00:00:29,530 --> 00:00:32,733
whippet-doing 16-year-old again.
13
00:00:32,766 --> 00:00:35,169
Yeah. Now you're
just the work-skipping,
14
00:00:35,203 --> 00:00:37,571
whippet-doing mom
of a boy who gets bullied.
15
00:00:37,605 --> 00:00:39,507
(chuckles softly)
Honestly, I'm surprised
16
00:00:39,540 --> 00:00:41,509
it took Marc this long
to get picked on.
17
00:00:41,542 --> 00:00:43,010
I mean,
he's a weird, gifted kid
18
00:00:43,043 --> 00:00:44,878
in an Atlantic City
public school.
19
00:00:44,912 --> 00:00:46,214
I wonder
what finally did him in?
20
00:00:46,247 --> 00:00:48,516
Oh. Could have been
a hundred things.
21
00:00:48,549 --> 00:00:50,084
I mean, he says,
"Good morrow."
22
00:00:50,118 --> 00:00:52,753
He's a vocal advocate
for thyroid health.
23
00:00:52,786 --> 00:00:56,257
He runs like his arms are trying
to get away from his torso.
24
00:00:56,290 --> 00:00:57,725
Yes. Yes.
25
00:00:57,758 --> 00:00:58,892
Mr. and Mrs. Bennett?
26
00:00:58,926 --> 00:01:01,028
Oh, my God.
Sweetie, are you okay?
27
00:01:01,061 --> 00:01:03,264
Who did this to you?
Just give me a name.
28
00:01:03,297 --> 00:01:05,866
Kids fall off the jungle gym
all the time.
29
00:01:05,899 --> 00:01:08,102
No, I think
you both misunderstood.
30
00:01:08,136 --> 00:01:10,904
Marc wasn't the victim.
He was the bully.
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00:01:10,938 --> 00:01:13,541
No. No, that can't be right.
32
00:01:13,574 --> 00:01:15,376
I mean,
Marc couldn't hurt anybody.
33
00:01:15,409 --> 00:01:19,213
Last night, he got trapped
under his weighted blanket.
34
00:01:19,247 --> 00:01:22,716
Technically,
it was just a top sheet.
35
00:01:22,750 --> 00:01:24,552
Marc didn't use his fists.
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00:01:24,585 --> 00:01:26,887
He has a way of making people
who aren't as bright as him
37
00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:28,222
feel inferior.
38
00:01:28,256 --> 00:01:31,259
Sweetie, you can't make fun
of other kids
39
00:01:31,292 --> 00:01:32,760
because they're not
as smart as you.
40
00:01:32,793 --> 00:01:35,229
Actually,
the victim wasn't a student.
41
00:01:35,263 --> 00:01:38,766
You didn't tell me
he was going to be here.
42
00:01:41,135 --> 00:01:44,071
-Marc bullied his teacher?
-No.
43
00:01:44,104 --> 00:01:46,274
I simply correct him
when he is wrong.
44
00:01:46,307 --> 00:01:47,741
Which is all the time.
45
00:01:47,775 --> 00:01:50,110
(sighs)
He has repeatedly undermined me.
46
00:01:50,144 --> 00:01:52,112
I've lost the respect
of the whole class.
47
00:01:52,146 --> 00:01:54,748
You lost that yourself when
you said you went to Dartmouth.
48
00:01:54,782 --> 00:01:56,750
It's an Ivy!
49
00:01:56,784 --> 00:01:59,487
Sweetie, you can't treat
your teacher like this.
50
00:01:59,520 --> 00:02:00,821
You have to apologize.
51
00:02:00,854 --> 00:02:02,423
All I did was tell the truth.
52
00:02:02,456 --> 00:02:04,425
Apologizing would be lying.
53
00:02:04,458 --> 00:02:06,160
Connie, you promised
you'd make him stop.
54
00:02:06,194 --> 00:02:08,296
Connie can't help you now.
55
00:02:10,698 --> 00:02:13,634
*
56
00:02:21,675 --> 00:02:23,977
I can't believe
Marc bullied his teacher.
57
00:02:24,011 --> 00:02:25,479
Brains and cruelty?
58
00:02:25,513 --> 00:02:29,116
I may have finally found
a running mate.
59
00:02:29,149 --> 00:02:33,120
I talked to him about it;
he wasn't trying to be a bully.
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00:02:33,153 --> 00:02:35,022
I think he's just acting out
because he's bored
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00:02:35,055 --> 00:02:36,857
and not being challenged
at school.
62
00:02:36,890 --> 00:02:39,960
You know, you guys acted out,
too, but in different ways.
63
00:02:39,993 --> 00:02:42,296
Like when you grew human ears
on the backs of mice
64
00:02:42,330 --> 00:02:44,332
so you could "play God."
65
00:02:45,366 --> 00:02:48,569
Funny story,
most of those mice went insane.
66
00:02:49,703 --> 00:02:51,138
This is a problem.
67
00:02:51,171 --> 00:02:52,973
I don't know how we can keep
sending Marc to that school.
68
00:02:53,006 --> 00:02:54,642
So, send him to ours.
69
00:02:54,675 --> 00:02:58,312
They'll accept anyone
related to me sight unseen.
70
00:02:58,346 --> 00:03:00,814
We can't afford a third kid
in private school.
71
00:03:00,848 --> 00:03:04,818
Money doesn't just grow on the
backs of mice like ears, Nicole.
72
00:03:04,852 --> 00:03:07,488
If he's bored, can't you just
skip him a few grades
73
00:03:07,521 --> 00:03:09,022
so he'll be more challenged?
74
00:03:09,056 --> 00:03:11,492
Oh, he is not emotionally
mature enough for that.
75
00:03:11,525 --> 00:03:13,527
And how's he gonna
reach the urinals?
76
00:03:14,562 --> 00:03:17,231
I guess he could stand back
and arc it.
77
00:03:17,265 --> 00:03:19,500
What about sending Marc
to Marlboro Charter?
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00:03:19,533 --> 00:03:21,168
They have a gifted program.
79
00:03:21,201 --> 00:03:23,404
Jason Berger went there
after our school kicked him out
80
00:03:23,437 --> 00:03:26,740
for using the robotics lab
to build a girlfriend.
81
00:03:26,774 --> 00:03:28,709
Oh, we have dinner with them
on the 24th
82
00:03:28,742 --> 00:03:31,111
to celebrate their anniversary.
83
00:03:32,446 --> 00:03:35,215
What's Marlboro Charter?
Sounds expensive.
84
00:03:35,249 --> 00:03:36,517
No, it's free.
85
00:03:36,550 --> 00:03:38,519
It's like a public school
with a specialized...
86
00:03:38,552 --> 00:03:41,188
He stopped listening
after "free."
87
00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:43,724
I stopped listening after
you said you have a dinner date
88
00:03:43,757 --> 00:03:46,727
with a pervert
and his robot girlfriend.
89
00:03:46,760 --> 00:03:50,731
From what he says,
she's the pervert.
90
00:03:54,067 --> 00:03:56,437
And we think Marlboro Charter's
gifted program
91
00:03:56,470 --> 00:03:58,238
would be perfect for Marc.
92
00:03:58,272 --> 00:04:00,541
He wrote his first concerto
when he was four
93
00:04:00,574 --> 00:04:02,576
and then self-published
a magazine
94
00:04:02,610 --> 00:04:04,378
that gave it a rave review.
95
00:04:04,412 --> 00:04:06,447
Well, it's quite impressive.
96
00:04:06,480 --> 00:04:08,716
And while my little
academic sandbox
97
00:04:08,749 --> 00:04:11,218
is open to all qualified
children in the district,
98
00:04:11,251 --> 00:04:14,955
I'm concerned about
Marc's history of bullying.
99
00:04:14,988 --> 00:04:16,424
I understand.
100
00:04:16,457 --> 00:04:18,225
But that was just
a one-time thing.
101
00:04:18,258 --> 00:04:20,227
The class is a little slow
for him,
102
00:04:20,260 --> 00:04:22,129
so he's bored and acting out.
103
00:04:22,162 --> 00:04:25,433
Interesting.
"He's bored and acting out."
104
00:04:25,466 --> 00:04:28,235
Tell me, was that also
your excuse
105
00:04:28,268 --> 00:04:30,838
back when you bullied me?
106
00:04:32,105 --> 00:04:35,275
Uh... I'm sorry, when I...?
107
00:04:35,309 --> 00:04:37,578
I could tell
you didn't recognize me.
108
00:04:37,611 --> 00:04:39,647
Ventnor High,
we graduated together?
109
00:04:40,981 --> 00:04:44,585
Oh, my God!
Yes, yes, of course.
110
00:04:44,618 --> 00:04:47,588
Dr. Walker. How are you?
111
00:04:47,621 --> 00:04:49,757
You were the architect
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00:04:49,790 --> 00:04:51,992
of the most humiliating moment
of my life.
113
00:04:53,527 --> 00:04:56,129
Well, how have you been
since then?
114
00:04:56,163 --> 00:04:59,099
I can't believe Marc's bullying
was a one-time thing.
115
00:04:59,132 --> 00:05:01,835
The apple rarely falls
far from the tree.
116
00:05:01,869 --> 00:05:03,504
Are you kidding me?
117
00:05:03,537 --> 00:05:05,172
That apple fell so far
from the tree,
118
00:05:05,205 --> 00:05:07,274
I wouldn't believe
it's our apple
119
00:05:07,307 --> 00:05:10,644
if I didn't see the tree
push it out with my own eyes.
120
00:05:11,979 --> 00:05:14,114
Marlboro appreciates
your interest.
121
00:05:14,147 --> 00:05:16,817
I'll pass Marc's application
on to my colleague.
122
00:05:23,657 --> 00:05:27,027
Well, thank you both
for your time.
123
00:05:32,733 --> 00:05:34,635
Well, there goes any shot
of getting into Marlboro.
124
00:05:34,668 --> 00:05:37,805
That guy really hates you.
125
00:05:37,838 --> 00:05:40,808
I mean, that shredder
was brand-new.
126
00:05:40,841 --> 00:05:44,311
I feel like he bought it
just for that meeting.
127
00:05:44,344 --> 00:05:46,514
I don't even know
what he was talking about.
128
00:05:46,547 --> 00:05:48,148
I wasn't a bully in high school.
129
00:05:48,181 --> 00:05:49,983
I played a few pranks.
130
00:05:50,017 --> 00:05:52,553
I was voted class clown.
131
00:05:52,586 --> 00:05:55,389
Sure, but clowns
aren't always funny.
132
00:05:55,423 --> 00:05:58,158
I mean, the most popular ones
terrorize Gotham
133
00:05:58,191 --> 00:05:59,860
or live in the sewer
and eat children.
134
00:06:03,196 --> 00:06:04,331
Hey.
135
00:06:04,364 --> 00:06:05,899
How did it go at the school?
136
00:06:05,933 --> 00:06:09,202
Uh, great, buddy. Yeah.
We-we should hear soon.
137
00:06:09,236 --> 00:06:10,871
I'm hopeful it works out.
138
00:06:14,708 --> 00:06:16,343
Did you see that?
139
00:06:16,376 --> 00:06:18,178
I've never seen him
that amped up about anything.
140
00:06:18,211 --> 00:06:20,013
Yeah.
141
00:06:20,047 --> 00:06:22,850
I know.
I got to fix things with Walker.
142
00:06:22,883 --> 00:06:24,585
So we'll-we'll just call him
and apologize.
143
00:06:24,618 --> 00:06:26,019
That's perfect.
144
00:06:26,053 --> 00:06:28,556
Except for I have no idea
who he is or what I did to him.
145
00:06:29,723 --> 00:06:30,924
I got to figure this out.
146
00:06:30,958 --> 00:06:32,693
Someone has to remember him.
147
00:06:32,726 --> 00:06:33,927
I don't remember him.
148
00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:37,230
Wait. Was this the guy
149
00:06:37,264 --> 00:06:39,032
you stapled into
the mascot outfit?
150
00:06:39,066 --> 00:06:41,401
-No, that was John Norwood.
-Oh.
151
00:06:41,435 --> 00:06:43,771
What about the dude
whose deodorant
152
00:06:43,804 --> 00:06:45,405
you switched for spray glue?
153
00:06:45,439 --> 00:06:48,075
Ryan Farley.
154
00:06:48,108 --> 00:06:51,745
And how was I supposed to know
he sprayed deodorant down there?
155
00:06:51,779 --> 00:06:53,380
Who does that?
156
00:06:53,413 --> 00:06:55,082
-What?
-(scoffs) No one.
157
00:06:55,115 --> 00:06:56,884
That's crazy.
158
00:06:56,917 --> 00:07:00,554
Okay, okay... Oh! What was
the name of the flat-assed guy
159
00:07:00,588 --> 00:07:02,422
you shoved into the locker
during homecoming?
160
00:07:02,456 --> 00:07:05,092
Oh-oh-oh, oh.
Uh, uh, his name was Mike.
161
00:07:05,125 --> 00:07:07,260
(clears throat)
Mike Bennett. She married him.
162
00:07:07,294 --> 00:07:08,929
(chuckles)
163
00:07:08,962 --> 00:07:11,899
You know, the more we talk
about all the stuff I did,
164
00:07:11,932 --> 00:07:15,068
it sounds more mean than fun.
165
00:07:15,102 --> 00:07:17,070
Was I just a bully
in high school?
166
00:07:17,104 --> 00:07:19,306
No... no, babe.
167
00:07:19,339 --> 00:07:21,909
You just-- you did some...
168
00:07:21,942 --> 00:07:25,145
cruel things at the expense
of other people's confidence
169
00:07:25,178 --> 00:07:26,947
in their white jean collection.
170
00:07:27,948 --> 00:07:30,250
Wow, Mike.
You found the only thing
171
00:07:30,283 --> 00:07:32,786
that a white guy
can't get away with.
172
00:07:34,955 --> 00:07:36,590
So Walker was right.
173
00:07:36,624 --> 00:07:38,258
I am the jerk tree,
174
00:07:38,291 --> 00:07:40,961
and Marc is the apple
that didn't fall far from me.
175
00:07:41,995 --> 00:07:45,465
Maybe you were a tree
on the jerky side,
176
00:07:45,499 --> 00:07:47,668
but you're
a different person now.
177
00:07:47,701 --> 00:07:49,703
Pancake-Ass is right.
178
00:07:51,639 --> 00:07:54,141
Why don't you just show this
Walker guy that you changed.
179
00:07:54,174 --> 00:07:55,943
Uh, invite him over
for dinner or something.
180
00:07:55,976 --> 00:07:58,612
Yeah, or do what you did to us:
181
00:07:58,646 --> 00:08:00,280
invite him over for beer
and pizza,
182
00:08:00,313 --> 00:08:02,449
and then talk about stuff
he can't even contribute to
183
00:08:02,482 --> 00:08:04,852
because he went to
a different high school, Kay!
184
00:08:04,885 --> 00:08:06,954
All right, you know what?
Let's give it a try.
185
00:08:06,987 --> 00:08:08,822
We'll roll out the red carpet.
186
00:08:08,856 --> 00:08:12,025
Oh! Was Walker the guy
you rolled in that carpet?
187
00:08:12,059 --> 00:08:13,661
MIKE:
No-no-no-no-no.
188
00:08:13,694 --> 00:08:16,063
Uh, buh-buh-buh-buh, also me.
189
00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:22,870
Walker just e-mailed back.
190
00:08:22,903 --> 00:08:24,872
He is in for dinner tomorrow.
191
00:08:24,905 --> 00:08:27,174
But he said his "girlfriend"
can't make it.
192
00:08:28,542 --> 00:08:31,745
Weirdly, he's the one
who put "girlfriend" in quotes.
193
00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:34,848
Great. Did he mention
any food allergies?
194
00:08:34,882 --> 00:08:36,717
'Cause we throw a couple nuts
in his salad,
195
00:08:36,750 --> 00:08:38,385
next thing you know,
we're saving his life
196
00:08:38,418 --> 00:08:40,821
and he owes us.
197
00:08:40,854 --> 00:08:42,990
-Ha!
-Oh. Hey, buddy.
198
00:08:43,023 --> 00:08:45,225
What did we say about you
and lurking?
199
00:08:45,258 --> 00:08:47,828
Don't get caught.
200
00:08:47,861 --> 00:08:50,230
Maybe now's a good time
to talk to your apple.
201
00:08:50,263 --> 00:08:52,399
Hey, sweetie.
202
00:08:52,432 --> 00:08:54,868
Here. Sit.
203
00:08:54,902 --> 00:08:56,536
You know,
204
00:08:56,570 --> 00:08:58,839
I've been thinking
about all the stuff I did
205
00:08:58,872 --> 00:09:01,508
when I was in school,
and you know what I realized?
206
00:09:01,541 --> 00:09:03,911
It is never okay to bully.
207
00:09:03,944 --> 00:09:07,848
-Well, actually...
-I hate when they start
sentences like that.
208
00:09:07,881 --> 00:09:10,684
I recently read an article
that I wrote
209
00:09:10,718 --> 00:09:13,020
that highlights
the sociopolitical benefits
210
00:09:13,053 --> 00:09:15,723
of diminishing the weakest
among us.
211
00:09:15,756 --> 00:09:19,359
From an evolutionary standpoint,
ineptitude should be ridiculed,
212
00:09:19,392 --> 00:09:22,029
as to discourage that trait
from the species.
213
00:09:22,062 --> 00:09:26,366
Does everything have to be
a nature documentary?
214
00:09:26,399 --> 00:09:30,738
Just be kind to people,
even if they're dumber than you.
215
00:09:31,772 --> 00:09:33,607
So, based on that premise,
216
00:09:33,641 --> 00:09:36,209
I should be extra nice to Brian.
217
00:09:36,243 --> 00:09:39,713
What a beautiful sentiment
from my brilliant
218
00:09:39,747 --> 00:09:41,548
and symmetrically-featured
sister.
219
00:09:41,581 --> 00:09:44,117
In case your lackluster
intelligence isn't following,
220
00:09:44,151 --> 00:09:46,620
it is I who am
being nice because...
221
00:09:46,654 --> 00:09:49,422
because of what Mom said.
222
00:09:49,456 --> 00:09:51,558
Interesting.
223
00:09:51,591 --> 00:09:54,962
They're being nice to be mean.
224
00:09:56,764 --> 00:09:59,232
-No, no-no-no-no-no,
don't learn this.
-MIKE: Guys,
225
00:09:59,266 --> 00:10:02,069
niceness is not a weapon, okay?
226
00:10:02,102 --> 00:10:04,437
It makes the world
a better place,
227
00:10:04,471 --> 00:10:06,573
and also, it's a great way
to hedge your bet
228
00:10:06,606 --> 00:10:08,008
in case there really is
a heaven.
229
00:10:09,677 --> 00:10:11,311
So just put your egos aside
and-and just,
230
00:10:11,344 --> 00:10:14,414
you know... be good.
231
00:10:14,447 --> 00:10:15,983
Forever.
232
00:10:16,016 --> 00:10:17,417
Yes!
233
00:10:17,450 --> 00:10:21,088
Definitely forever.
But especially tomorrow.
234
00:10:21,121 --> 00:10:23,490
Because Marc's academic life
hangs in the balance,
235
00:10:23,523 --> 00:10:25,258
and we have to prove
236
00:10:25,292 --> 00:10:27,627
that we are a warm,
loving family,
237
00:10:27,661 --> 00:10:29,462
and not just a bunch of bullies.
238
00:10:29,496 --> 00:10:32,099
Hey, Dad, can I borrow
your hammer?
239
00:10:32,132 --> 00:10:34,968
My imaginary friend
needs to be taught a lesson.
240
00:10:41,641 --> 00:10:43,643
Hey, what do you think?
241
00:10:43,677 --> 00:10:45,012
Pretty clean, right?
242
00:10:45,045 --> 00:10:47,447
I mean, I had to
drill the closet door shut
243
00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:50,350
'cause it wouldn't stay.
But that's for tomorrow us.
244
00:10:50,383 --> 00:10:52,152
Nice. Look what I got.
245
00:10:52,185 --> 00:10:55,689
Nothing says "warm, kind home"
like a welcome mat.
246
00:10:55,723 --> 00:10:57,691
Good news, it was on sale.
247
00:10:57,725 --> 00:11:02,295
Bad news, it says
"Welcome to our ho ho home."
248
00:11:02,329 --> 00:11:03,964
That's perfect. He's gonna think
249
00:11:03,997 --> 00:11:05,465
we're year-round
Christmas people.
250
00:11:05,498 --> 00:11:07,334
Those freaks
are nice to a fault.
251
00:11:07,367 --> 00:11:09,169
BRIAN:
Mom,
252
00:11:09,202 --> 00:11:10,704
your deceitful daughter
plagiarized
253
00:11:10,738 --> 00:11:12,706
my look for the night.
254
00:11:12,740 --> 00:11:16,176
Plagiarized? You took that
turtleneck out of my drawer.
255
00:11:16,209 --> 00:11:18,145
What happened to you two
out-nice'ing each other?
256
00:11:18,178 --> 00:11:20,180
That tiresome charade
ran its course.
257
00:11:20,213 --> 00:11:23,183
Yeah, it got weird when Nicole
tried to draw me a bath.
258
00:11:23,216 --> 00:11:25,218
Okay, Walker is going to be here
any minute.
259
00:11:25,252 --> 00:11:26,887
I don't have time
for your your fighting
260
00:11:26,920 --> 00:11:28,822
and competing right now.
261
00:11:28,856 --> 00:11:30,557
Nicole gets the turtleneck,
Brian gets the khakis,
262
00:11:30,590 --> 00:11:32,359
no one gets a bath.
263
00:11:35,863 --> 00:11:37,731
Why can't they ever
just make anything easy?
264
00:11:37,765 --> 00:11:39,399
Isn't it obvious?
265
00:11:39,432 --> 00:11:41,869
I was a bully, and now
I'm raising an army of bullies.
266
00:11:41,902 --> 00:11:44,337
Well, I don't know
about an army.
267
00:11:44,371 --> 00:11:46,907
I'd say maybe
an elite task force.
268
00:11:46,940 --> 00:11:49,709
I was just worried about Marc,
but it's all of them.
269
00:11:49,743 --> 00:11:53,513
It's like my mean DNA
combined with their brains
270
00:11:53,546 --> 00:11:56,850
makes them
bullying supersoldiers.
271
00:11:56,884 --> 00:11:59,853
Well, we can't count on
the kids, so it's just gonna be
272
00:11:59,887 --> 00:12:03,256
up to us tonight to make sure
that-that we're nice.
273
00:12:03,290 --> 00:12:05,258
Okay, you know you're already,
like, professionally nice,
274
00:12:05,292 --> 00:12:07,094
so you're just saying that
to remind me.
275
00:12:07,127 --> 00:12:08,929
-What?
-Do you not think I'm nice?
276
00:12:08,962 --> 00:12:11,198
Yeah, of course
you're nice, babe.
277
00:12:11,231 --> 00:12:13,867
Yeah-- I'm just, I'm saying,
you know, it never hurts to, uh,
278
00:12:13,901 --> 00:12:15,936
-be more nice.
-What the hell is more nice?
279
00:12:15,969 --> 00:12:17,370
-Not this.
-(doorbell rings)
280
00:12:17,404 --> 00:12:19,372
Great.
281
00:12:19,406 --> 00:12:21,541
Now I'm all in my head
about "more nice."
282
00:12:21,574 --> 00:12:24,211
You know, I'm gonna "more nice"
your head right up your...
283
00:12:24,244 --> 00:12:26,246
(gasps)
Hey, you!
284
00:12:26,279 --> 00:12:28,381
Get in here.
285
00:12:28,415 --> 00:12:30,383
-I'm a hugger.
-Oh.
286
00:12:30,417 --> 00:12:32,119
Careful, I have a soft spine.
287
00:12:33,653 --> 00:12:35,889
This is a very quaint home.
288
00:12:35,923 --> 00:12:37,390
Shoes on, I assume.
289
00:12:37,424 --> 00:12:40,460
Dr. Walker,
thank you for coming.
290
00:12:40,493 --> 00:12:42,629
We're sorry your girlfriend
couldn't make it.
291
00:12:42,662 --> 00:12:45,632
Ah. Yes, well, actually,
we broke up.
292
00:12:45,665 --> 00:12:47,400
My decision.
293
00:12:47,434 --> 00:12:49,436
And don't try calling her;
she doesn't have a phone.
294
00:12:49,469 --> 00:12:52,639
Please come in. Let me
introduce you to the family.
295
00:12:52,672 --> 00:12:55,075
Um, t-this here is Leila.
296
00:12:55,108 --> 00:12:56,609
And of course, this is Marc--
297
00:12:56,643 --> 00:12:58,946
come here, buddy--
the man of the hour.
298
00:12:58,979 --> 00:13:01,081
-Enchanté, Marc.
-Enchanté, aussi.
299
00:13:01,114 --> 00:13:04,084
Oh, French.
(chuckles)
300
00:13:04,117 --> 00:13:07,454
The language of France.
301
00:13:07,487 --> 00:13:09,622
Okay.
(clears throat, chuckles)
302
00:13:09,656 --> 00:13:11,959
KAY:
And these are our other two
303
00:13:11,992 --> 00:13:14,995
gifted children
Brian and Nicole.
304
00:13:15,028 --> 00:13:16,830
-Enchanté.
-Enchanté.
305
00:13:16,864 --> 00:13:19,666
-Enchanté.
-Enchanté.
-NICOLE: Actually,
306
00:13:19,699 --> 00:13:21,268
I think you can help us.
307
00:13:21,301 --> 00:13:23,636
My brother and I were having
an intellectual debate.
308
00:13:23,670 --> 00:13:25,939
Is there any other kind?
(laughs)
309
00:13:25,973 --> 00:13:28,441
How droll.
310
00:13:28,475 --> 00:13:31,011
As an academic evaluator,
you are uniquely qualified
311
00:13:31,044 --> 00:13:32,779
to settle something for us.
312
00:13:32,812 --> 00:13:34,347
Uh, we don't need
to bother Dr. Walker with...
313
00:13:34,381 --> 00:13:36,449
We could show you
our résumés, drone on
314
00:13:36,483 --> 00:13:39,819
about our commendations, but
let's dismiss the formalities.
315
00:13:39,853 --> 00:13:41,288
You've seen enough.
316
00:13:41,321 --> 00:13:44,958
Decide: who is drawing
whom a bath?
317
00:13:44,992 --> 00:13:47,027
Come again?
318
00:13:47,060 --> 00:13:48,661
Who is drawing whom...
319
00:13:48,695 --> 00:13:51,131
(laughs): Okay.
Why don't, why don't we, uh,
320
00:13:51,164 --> 00:13:54,667
go upstairs and, uh, and change
our clothes... (clears throat)
321
00:13:54,701 --> 00:13:57,637
...and our personalities?
322
00:13:57,670 --> 00:14:00,307
Okay. So the kids
enchantéd the bed.
323
00:14:00,340 --> 00:14:02,809
I think it's time to pull the
trigger and say you're sorry.
324
00:14:02,842 --> 00:14:05,712
(whispers): Ah, yeah. There's
one problem-- same problem--
325
00:14:05,745 --> 00:14:07,847
-I don't remember him.
-Right.
326
00:14:07,881 --> 00:14:10,817
Okay. Okay, I-I got this.
(clears throat)
327
00:14:10,850 --> 00:14:13,987
So, Dr. Walker,
tell me about yourself.
328
00:14:14,021 --> 00:14:16,389
D-Did you play any sports
in high school?
329
00:14:16,423 --> 00:14:18,825
(chuckles)
No, I was not a sporting man.
330
00:14:18,858 --> 00:14:22,162
The only team I cheered for
was the team of physicians
331
00:14:22,195 --> 00:14:24,397
trying to rectify
my calcium deficiency.
332
00:14:24,431 --> 00:14:26,399
I drank an obscene amount
of milk.
333
00:14:26,433 --> 00:14:31,338
Cool, cool. That seems like
a memorable characteristic,
334
00:14:31,371 --> 00:14:34,908
just a sick dude
chugging milk all the time?
335
00:14:36,376 --> 00:14:38,011
What is this?
336
00:14:38,045 --> 00:14:39,879
No, no, no.
Uh, we're-we're not...
337
00:14:39,913 --> 00:14:41,848
I had my reservations
about tonight.
338
00:14:41,881 --> 00:14:45,218
Now I see you brought me here
only to mock me.
339
00:14:45,252 --> 00:14:47,854
My girlfriend was right.
I shouldn't have come.
340
00:14:47,887 --> 00:14:48,888
I thought you broke up.
341
00:14:48,922 --> 00:14:50,757
This is a new one.
342
00:14:52,125 --> 00:14:55,195
She also has no phone.
I should be going.
343
00:14:55,228 --> 00:14:57,564
No-- Dr. Walker, wait.
344
00:14:57,597 --> 00:15:01,368
I realize now that I was not
a good person in high school.
345
00:15:01,401 --> 00:15:04,371
I feel terrible about the things
I did back then,
346
00:15:04,404 --> 00:15:06,773
and I wish I could apologize
347
00:15:06,806 --> 00:15:09,943
for what I did to you.
348
00:15:09,977 --> 00:15:12,545
But the truth is, I don't
even remember what it was.
349
00:15:12,579 --> 00:15:16,383
Well, I appreciate your candor.
350
00:15:16,416 --> 00:15:18,385
I wish it were only
so easy for me
351
00:15:18,418 --> 00:15:20,720
to forget about
that election speech.
352
00:15:20,753 --> 00:15:23,556
Election speech.
353
00:15:23,590 --> 00:15:26,793
You're Andy Walker.
354
00:15:29,129 --> 00:15:30,763
(high-pitched):
And I owe you an apology.
355
00:15:30,797 --> 00:15:32,265
(regular voice):
Oh.
356
00:15:33,433 --> 00:15:36,569
Would you, um...
357
00:15:36,603 --> 00:15:39,439
excuse me?
358
00:15:39,472 --> 00:15:41,808
Uh, I'm just gonna go help her
for a minute.
359
00:15:41,841 --> 00:15:43,410
(clears throat)
360
00:15:43,443 --> 00:15:45,612
-What is going on?
-I remember Walker.
361
00:15:45,645 --> 00:15:48,982
Senior year, right before
his student council speech,
362
00:15:49,016 --> 00:15:52,419
I slipped a bottle of laxatives
into his prescription soup.
363
00:15:52,452 --> 00:15:54,754
Walker was the kid that dumped
out in front of the school.
364
00:15:54,787 --> 00:15:57,090
I remember that.
365
00:15:57,124 --> 00:15:58,758
They had to replace
the whole stage.
366
00:15:58,791 --> 00:16:00,960
But this is great.
Now you can really apologize.
367
00:16:00,994 --> 00:16:05,598
No, I can't. I will never ever
apologize to that guy.
368
00:16:05,632 --> 00:16:08,001
Well, drink up.
Usually after the second glass,
369
00:16:08,035 --> 00:16:10,337
you're more up to try things
you first said no to.
370
00:16:16,309 --> 00:16:18,111
-Why won't you tell this guy
you're sorry?
-Look,
371
00:16:18,145 --> 00:16:20,447
I feel bad about a lot of stuff
I did back then, but not that.
372
00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:23,016
That was not bullying,
it was standing up for a friend.
373
00:16:23,050 --> 00:16:25,518
My only regret
is I didn't use more laxatives.
374
00:16:26,719 --> 00:16:30,190
But I needed to fit
into my prom dress.
375
00:16:30,223 --> 00:16:33,326
-But again...
-The guy was a huge creep.
376
00:16:33,360 --> 00:16:36,129
He had a crush on my friend
Heather, and she just
377
00:16:36,163 --> 00:16:39,499
didn't like him back, so he lied
about her cheating off him
378
00:16:39,532 --> 00:16:41,701
and got her kicked
out of school.
379
00:16:41,734 --> 00:16:43,636
Whoa, that guy did that?
380
00:16:43,670 --> 00:16:45,172
Okay, they might get
the bullying from me,
381
00:16:45,205 --> 00:16:46,739
but they get
the lurking from you.
382
00:16:48,041 --> 00:16:49,676
Yes.
383
00:16:49,709 --> 00:16:51,844
Your mom needs to say
she's sorry to this guy.
384
00:16:51,878 --> 00:16:53,813
But it sounds
like she was right.
385
00:16:53,846 --> 00:16:55,215
She shouldn't have to apologize.
386
00:16:56,883 --> 00:17:00,353
Ugh, I have to be a parent
right now, don't I?
387
00:17:01,554 --> 00:17:04,391
Your dad has a point.
388
00:17:04,424 --> 00:17:07,160
What I did was wrong,
and it is never okay
389
00:17:07,194 --> 00:17:08,728
to treat someone like that.
390
00:17:08,761 --> 00:17:10,997
So I should own up to it.
391
00:17:11,030 --> 00:17:13,733
(whispers): Even though I was
right and I don't want to.
392
00:17:15,735 --> 00:17:19,406
And then Neil deGrasse Tyson
said, "Give me some time."
393
00:17:19,439 --> 00:17:24,511
And I said, "What is time?"
and, oh, did we laugh.
394
00:17:24,544 --> 00:17:26,346
Well, I laughed.
395
00:17:26,379 --> 00:17:29,682
He was very far away.
396
00:17:29,716 --> 00:17:31,218
Can I go to bed?
397
00:17:32,919 --> 00:17:36,256
Dr. Walker, I just want to
finish what I was saying before.
398
00:17:36,289 --> 00:17:38,191
Oh.
399
00:17:38,225 --> 00:17:39,692
KAY:
I am...
400
00:17:39,726 --> 00:17:42,862
sorry for what I did to you.
401
00:17:42,895 --> 00:17:44,531
It was, uh...
402
00:17:44,564 --> 00:17:47,234
Cruel, childish and unjustified?
403
00:17:47,267 --> 00:17:51,238
Those are three things.
404
00:17:51,271 --> 00:17:55,275
And for whatever reasons I
thought I had, I see now that...
405
00:17:55,308 --> 00:17:56,909
You did it because
you were jealous
406
00:17:56,943 --> 00:17:59,446
of my success and intelligence.
407
00:17:59,479 --> 00:18:03,750
The important thing
is that Marc is a great kid.
408
00:18:03,783 --> 00:18:06,286
All of my kids are great kids,
409
00:18:06,319 --> 00:18:10,390
and I have done my best to set
a good example for all of them.
410
00:18:10,423 --> 00:18:13,226
Well, at least you have
the self-awareness
411
00:18:13,260 --> 00:18:15,795
to make yourself a cautionary
tale for your children.
412
00:18:17,930 --> 00:18:20,567
Though you must
appreciate the irony.
413
00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:25,472
You, once so powerful
and popular, now reduced
414
00:18:25,505 --> 00:18:29,409
to working at a second-rate
casino, pleading for my help
415
00:18:29,442 --> 00:18:31,911
like a squirrel trapped
in a garden rake.
416
00:18:31,944 --> 00:18:36,115
Okay. Okay, ho--
That is my squirrel.
417
00:18:36,149 --> 00:18:38,751
-Mike, it's fine.
-It is fine.
418
00:18:38,785 --> 00:18:42,755
I graciously accept
your apology.
419
00:18:42,789 --> 00:18:44,457
Justice has been served.
420
00:18:44,491 --> 00:18:47,927
All is right in the world.
421
00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:49,796
You're a dick.
422
00:18:52,332 --> 00:18:54,667
-Leila.
-NICOLE: She's right.
423
00:18:54,701 --> 00:18:56,603
No one can talk
to our mother like that.
424
00:18:56,636 --> 00:18:59,272
Especially not some
pedantic pseudo-intellectual.
425
00:18:59,306 --> 00:19:03,176
Pseudo? I have an IQ of 135.
426
00:19:03,210 --> 00:19:04,611
(both laugh)
427
00:19:04,644 --> 00:19:07,180
I can't believe
you'd admit that.
428
00:19:08,881 --> 00:19:12,285
So, you're just a whole family
full of bullies.
429
00:19:12,319 --> 00:19:14,287
I guess some things
never change.
430
00:19:14,321 --> 00:19:15,688
You should know.
431
00:19:15,722 --> 00:19:17,857
Becoming an educator
is a transparent attempt
432
00:19:17,890 --> 00:19:21,328
to wield power in an environment
where you once felt so impotent.
433
00:19:21,361 --> 00:19:23,530
What know you of my impotence?
434
00:19:24,997 --> 00:19:26,299
Your words mean nothing.
435
00:19:26,333 --> 00:19:28,301
"Let them speak lewdly of me,
what am I the worse?"
436
00:19:28,335 --> 00:19:29,969
-Sir Thomas More.
-(scoffs)
437
00:19:30,002 --> 00:19:32,472
More like Sir Thomas Snore.
438
00:19:32,505 --> 00:19:34,241
(both laugh)
439
00:19:40,847 --> 00:19:42,315
I'll be going.
440
00:19:42,349 --> 00:19:46,519
Marc, it seems like you're the
only decent one of the bunch.
441
00:19:46,553 --> 00:19:48,521
Wait.
442
00:19:50,523 --> 00:19:52,525
(whispering indistinctly)
443
00:19:55,695 --> 00:19:58,665
(crying softly)
444
00:19:58,698 --> 00:20:02,535
Sir Thomas More
was a damned fool.
445
00:20:02,569 --> 00:20:05,705
(door opens, closes)
446
00:20:05,738 --> 00:20:07,507
What did you say to him?
447
00:20:07,540 --> 00:20:09,376
Just enough.
448
00:20:12,044 --> 00:20:15,382
Again, I am so sorry for all
of the mean things I said
449
00:20:15,415 --> 00:20:18,351
and did to you in high school.
450
00:20:18,385 --> 00:20:22,188
Thanks. It was nice
talking to you, too.
451
00:20:22,221 --> 00:20:25,024
Jerry Weenus accepted
my apology.
452
00:20:25,057 --> 00:20:27,360
Another burned bridge rebuilt--
453
00:20:27,394 --> 00:20:30,697
-And what are you wearing?
-Oh. These?
454
00:20:30,730 --> 00:20:33,232
Well, I figured,
now that we are officially
455
00:20:33,266 --> 00:20:37,704
a bully-free ho ho home,
I am free to be me.
456
00:20:37,737 --> 00:20:40,873
And I can't say
anything about it.
457
00:20:40,907 --> 00:20:42,875
No, you cannot.
458
00:20:42,909 --> 00:20:46,279
You just got to watch me walk.
(chuckles)
459
00:20:46,313 --> 00:20:48,881
Okay, the jeans don't want
to sit. (clears throat)
460
00:20:48,915 --> 00:20:51,083
Announcing entrance.
461
00:20:51,117 --> 00:20:53,920
Sweetie, we are so sorry
about Marlboro.
462
00:20:53,953 --> 00:20:56,956
But don't worry, we are gonna
come up with another plan.
463
00:20:56,989 --> 00:20:59,726
It's okay. I'm going
to apologize to my teacher.
464
00:20:59,759 --> 00:21:01,794
-You are?
-If you could be nice to a jerk
465
00:21:01,828 --> 00:21:05,231
like Dr. Walker for me, I can
be nice to my teacher for you.
466
00:21:05,264 --> 00:21:07,400
It's not his fault
he went to Dartmouth.
467
00:21:07,434 --> 00:21:09,068
(chuckles)
468
00:21:09,101 --> 00:21:11,237
Wow, that is really mature
of you, buddy.
469
00:21:11,270 --> 00:21:12,639
Yeah.
470
00:21:12,672 --> 00:21:16,576
Maybe even like
seventh grade mature.
471
00:21:16,609 --> 00:21:19,512
-Then we'd have two drop-offs.
-Sixth it is.
472
00:21:20,613 --> 00:21:22,281
Hey, jelly bean,
what are you doing?
473
00:21:22,315 --> 00:21:23,983
I'm going to dig
in the backyard.
474
00:21:24,016 --> 00:21:26,419
Oh, y-you planting something?
475
00:21:26,453 --> 00:21:29,088
Sort of. Let's just say
that you won't be seeing
476
00:21:29,121 --> 00:21:31,624
my imaginary friend
around here anymore.
477
00:21:35,495 --> 00:21:37,464
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
478
00:21:40,533 --> 00:21:42,902
Jason Biggs and Maggie Lawson
are Outmatched.
479
00:21:43,002 --> 00:21:44,971
See all-new episodes
Thursdays on Fox.
36426
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