Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,125 --> 00:00:04,362
[uplifting music]
2
00:00:05,799 --> 00:00:10,799
Subtitles by explosiveskull
3
00:00:10,801 --> 00:00:12,901
♪ Tonight let's hang
The colors ♪
4
00:00:12,903 --> 00:00:15,537
♪ String some white lights
All around me ♪
5
00:00:15,539 --> 00:00:18,442
♪ Merry fill the season
With cheer ♪
6
00:00:20,410 --> 00:00:22,643
♪ Do some
Secret Santa shopping ♪
7
00:00:22,645 --> 00:00:24,846
♪ Then we'll run out
Party hopping ♪
8
00:00:24,848 --> 00:00:28,252
♪ See friends
That we missed all year ♪
9
00:00:29,653 --> 00:00:31,854
♪ I can't recall a Christmas ♪
10
00:00:31,856 --> 00:00:33,856
♪ That was anything but magic ♪
11
00:00:33,858 --> 00:00:37,091
♪ But I just have a feeling ♪
12
00:00:37,093 --> 00:00:41,396
♪ It's gonna be
The best Christmas ♪
13
00:00:41,398 --> 00:00:45,502
♪ The best Christmas, yeah ♪
14
00:00:47,438 --> 00:00:50,939
♪ It's gonna be
The best Christmas ♪
15
00:00:50,941 --> 00:00:54,410
♪ The best Christmas, yeah ♪
16
00:00:58,749 --> 00:01:00,348
♪ Let's watch them
Light the trees ♪
17
00:01:00,350 --> 00:01:03,118
♪ Sing carols
Move in next to me ♪
18
00:01:03,120 --> 00:01:06,491
♪ While our candles glow
Like the stars ♪
19
00:01:07,824 --> 00:01:10,426
♪ Snow still falling
All around ♪
20
00:01:10,428 --> 00:01:12,593
♪ Let's make angels
On the ground ♪
21
00:01:12,595 --> 00:01:15,699
♪ Go sledding
In our neighbors backyard ♪
22
00:01:17,500 --> 00:01:19,635
♪ It's gonna fly by quickly ♪
23
00:01:19,637 --> 00:01:21,736
♪ So let's enjoy each moment ♪
24
00:01:21,738 --> 00:01:24,739
♪ 'Cause I just have a feeling ♪
25
00:01:24,741 --> 00:01:28,876
♪ It's gonna be
The best Christmas ♪
26
00:01:28,878 --> 00:01:32,883
♪ The best Christmas, yeah ♪
27
00:01:34,919 --> 00:01:38,620
♪ It's gonna be
The best Christmas ♪
28
00:01:38,622 --> 00:01:42,694
♪ The best Christmas, yeah ♪
29
00:01:46,229 --> 00:01:49,333
♪ Having you here with me ♪
30
00:01:50,734 --> 00:01:53,871
♪ There's no way
That it won't be ♪
31
00:01:55,538 --> 00:01:57,805
♪ The best Christmas ♪
32
00:01:57,807 --> 00:02:01,746
♪ The best Christmas, yeah ♪
33
00:02:03,646 --> 00:02:07,182
♪ It's gonna be
The best Christmas ♪
34
00:02:07,184 --> 00:02:11,556
♪ The best Christmas, yeah ♪
35
00:02:32,243 --> 00:02:35,844
♪ It's gonna be
The best Christmas ♪
36
00:02:35,846 --> 00:02:40,715
♪ The best Christmas, yeah ♪
37
00:02:40,717 --> 00:02:41,718
[jingles]
38
00:02:42,987 --> 00:02:43,988
[thuds]
39
00:02:45,788 --> 00:02:46,923
[jingles]
40
00:02:51,728 --> 00:02:52,729
[cracks]
41
00:02:54,798 --> 00:02:57,568
[indistinct chatter]
42
00:02:57,868 --> 00:02:58,870
[gasps]
43
00:03:01,771 --> 00:03:03,638
Nicky's gone crazy!
44
00:03:03,640 --> 00:03:05,541
[Fran] Oh.
45
00:03:05,543 --> 00:03:06,843
[Rudy]
This is the best Christmas ever.
46
00:03:07,644 --> 00:03:09,710
[jingling]
47
00:03:09,712 --> 00:03:12,280
Mommy, why is Nicky
killing Christmas?
48
00:03:12,282 --> 00:03:14,815
It's just something
teenage girls do.
49
00:03:14,817 --> 00:03:17,587
Nicky, you stop this behavior,
right now!
50
00:03:19,089 --> 00:03:20,956
[sighs]
[Nicky] Before you decide
51
00:03:20,958 --> 00:03:22,590
that I'm the bad guy here.
52
00:03:22,592 --> 00:03:26,695
Let me explain to you
about my childhood.
53
00:03:26,697 --> 00:03:29,030
[Fran] Be a little elf for us,
honey. Be a baby elf.
54
00:03:29,032 --> 00:03:31,099
[Chris] Please, princess,
just be an elf.
55
00:03:31,101 --> 00:03:32,567
- Nicky.
- [Fran] Oh!
56
00:03:32,569 --> 00:03:33,702
- Yeah... Oh! Get...
- Nicky...
57
00:03:33,704 --> 00:03:35,337
- [whines]
- Get on with it.
58
00:03:35,339 --> 00:03:36,838
It'll be just one moment.
59
00:03:36,840 --> 00:03:38,839
[Nicky] Even then,
my tiny baby brain knew
60
00:03:38,841 --> 00:03:39,975
I had to do something.
61
00:03:39,977 --> 00:03:41,142
[Nicky] No elf.
62
00:03:41,144 --> 00:03:43,744
Her first words.
She said her first words!
63
00:03:43,746 --> 00:03:44,980
Christmas words.
64
00:03:44,982 --> 00:03:46,280
No elf.
65
00:03:46,282 --> 00:03:47,715
[photographer chuckles]
66
00:03:47,717 --> 00:03:49,519
Sorry, kid, I can't help you.
67
00:03:50,920 --> 00:03:53,056
You're stuck with the family
you're born into.
68
00:03:55,893 --> 00:03:58,025
Your daddy has a very special
69
00:03:58,027 --> 00:03:59,994
Christmas surprise
for you, Nicky.
70
00:03:59,996 --> 00:04:01,329
A penguin?
71
00:04:01,331 --> 00:04:02,930
- [bellows]
- No, Nicky.
72
00:04:02,932 --> 00:04:06,767
It is a real live reindeer!
73
00:04:06,769 --> 00:04:08,337
- [bellows]
- Ah!
74
00:04:08,339 --> 00:04:10,005
Oh, no.
75
00:04:10,007 --> 00:04:12,874
Why is she wearing
her polar bear costume?
76
00:04:12,876 --> 00:04:15,743
Polar bears are
the natural enemies of reindeer.
77
00:04:15,745 --> 00:04:17,078
Everyone knows that.
78
00:04:17,080 --> 00:04:19,681
- No one knows that.
- It's common knowledge for him.
79
00:04:19,683 --> 00:04:20,816
- [Nicky] Ah!
- [bellows]
80
00:04:20,818 --> 00:04:23,150
[gasps and screams]
81
00:04:23,152 --> 00:04:24,987
[bellows]
82
00:04:24,989 --> 00:04:27,723
- [Chris] Bad, Blitzen!
- [Fran] Stop that reindeer!
83
00:04:27,725 --> 00:04:31,693
[Nicky] Even my first romance
was ruined by my dad's OCD.
84
00:04:31,695 --> 00:04:32,927
Obsessive Christmas disorder.
85
00:04:32,929 --> 00:04:34,799
[Nicky] Thanks for taking me
to the movie.
86
00:04:35,732 --> 00:04:36,733
[whirs]
87
00:04:38,936 --> 00:04:40,638
What's with all this
Christmas stuff?
88
00:04:41,337 --> 00:04:42,771
It's only September.
89
00:04:42,773 --> 00:04:44,508
Oh, this stuff?
[scoffs]
90
00:04:47,044 --> 00:04:49,377
I didn't really notice.
91
00:04:49,379 --> 00:04:50,680
You just ignore it.
92
00:04:51,948 --> 00:04:53,648
You're so pretty.
93
00:04:53,650 --> 00:04:55,049
[chuckles]
94
00:04:55,051 --> 00:04:56,785
Wanna kiss?
95
00:04:56,787 --> 00:04:58,153
Okay.
96
00:04:58,155 --> 00:04:59,890
Never kissed a boy before.
97
00:05:05,028 --> 00:05:06,061
Ho, ho, ho!
98
00:05:06,063 --> 00:05:07,496
[Hayden] Whoa!
99
00:05:07,498 --> 00:05:08,663
- Ho, ho, ho!
- Oh, watch out, his hands, uh...
100
00:05:08,665 --> 00:05:10,665
- Ho, ho, ho!
- Um, I mean,
101
00:05:10,667 --> 00:05:11,833
you can still kiss me.
102
00:05:11,835 --> 00:05:13,268
Not in front of Santa.
103
00:05:13,270 --> 00:05:15,871
- Ho, ho, ho!
- How do you turn this thing off?
104
00:05:15,873 --> 00:05:17,672
Ho, ho, ho!
105
00:05:17,674 --> 00:05:19,441
- Ho, ho, ho!
- [clicks]
106
00:05:19,443 --> 00:05:22,376
- [hums]
- [chugs]
107
00:05:22,378 --> 00:05:24,812
♪ Christmas things
Christmas things ♪
108
00:05:24,814 --> 00:05:25,946
♪ Christmas ring, ding, dong ♪
109
00:05:25,948 --> 00:05:27,951
- [whirring]
- Ho, ho, ho!
110
00:05:28,986 --> 00:05:30,184
I gotta go.
111
00:05:30,186 --> 00:05:31,787
Oh, curfew?
112
00:05:31,789 --> 00:05:33,958
- No.
- [Nicky] Oh, well, uh, text me!
113
00:05:34,691 --> 00:05:35,926
This was fun!
114
00:05:37,227 --> 00:05:39,427
- [grunts]
- Ho, ho, ho!
115
00:05:39,429 --> 00:05:41,095
Ho, ho, ho!
116
00:05:41,097 --> 00:05:43,398
Merry Christmas, everybody.
117
00:05:43,400 --> 00:05:46,100
- [groans]
- Ho, ho, ho!
118
00:05:46,102 --> 00:05:48,436
[Nicky] Yes, some kids
with difficult childhoods
119
00:05:48,438 --> 00:05:50,872
turn to drugs and crime.
120
00:05:50,874 --> 00:05:53,040
Instead, I found my refuge
121
00:05:53,042 --> 00:05:55,177
in the traditional instrument
of rebellion.
122
00:05:55,179 --> 00:05:56,711
The tuba.
123
00:05:56,713 --> 00:05:59,816
[tuba playing]
124
00:06:09,992 --> 00:06:11,759
- [clicks tongue]
- [clears throat]
125
00:06:11,761 --> 00:06:13,227
You know you're playing
the trumpet part,
126
00:06:13,229 --> 00:06:15,129
not the tenor tuba part, right?
127
00:06:15,131 --> 00:06:18,766
- Hm. I'm a musical maverick.
- [chuckles]
128
00:06:18,768 --> 00:06:19,900
[Stephanie] Playing the tuba
gives you those
129
00:06:19,902 --> 00:06:21,936
great looking upper arms, Nicky.
130
00:06:21,938 --> 00:06:23,405
And well-defined cheeks,
131
00:06:23,407 --> 00:06:26,475
but, uh, playing flute means
I get to tilt my head like this,
132
00:06:26,477 --> 00:06:29,076
which, uh, Josh,
that hot keyboard player,
133
00:06:29,078 --> 00:06:31,045
finds very attractive.
134
00:06:31,047 --> 00:06:33,114
Especially, when I go like this.
135
00:06:33,116 --> 00:06:36,218
[flute plays off-key]
136
00:06:36,220 --> 00:06:38,754
Or he thinks
you're having a seizure.
137
00:06:38,756 --> 00:06:40,287
Performing arts camp
is the best, right?
138
00:06:40,289 --> 00:06:41,622
- Hmm.
- [Stephanie] All right,
139
00:06:41,624 --> 00:06:42,723
I've put in my five minutes
of practice for the day,
140
00:06:42,725 --> 00:06:43,790
so let's go
before the cello girls
141
00:06:43,792 --> 00:06:46,127
- get all the guys.
- [Nicky] Ugh!
142
00:06:46,129 --> 00:06:47,362
God, those cello girls
are the worst.
143
00:06:47,364 --> 00:06:48,929
Look, I'm gonna have
to catch up with you.
144
00:06:48,931 --> 00:06:49,997
I gotta get this passage down.
145
00:06:49,999 --> 00:06:51,900
The double tonguing
is super tricky.
146
00:06:51,902 --> 00:06:53,104
[Stephanie] Mm. You know what?
147
00:06:54,203 --> 00:06:55,903
I'd like to double tongue Josh.
148
00:06:55,905 --> 00:06:56,937
- Oh...
- [bongo plays]
149
00:06:56,939 --> 00:06:58,105
God.
150
00:06:58,107 --> 00:07:00,040
[chuckles]
That was a good one, right?
151
00:07:00,042 --> 00:07:02,544
You should give me
more setups like that.
152
00:07:02,546 --> 00:07:04,780
Look, you can do this
whole focused-on-your-work thing
153
00:07:04,782 --> 00:07:08,917
all you want, but, uh,
we are sharing a closet here,
154
00:07:08,919 --> 00:07:10,985
and I've seen some
of the bras you brought.
155
00:07:10,987 --> 00:07:13,657
And some of them are super lacy.
156
00:07:14,323 --> 00:07:15,657
What's up with that?
157
00:07:15,659 --> 00:07:20,063
Well, surely you're not
suggesting something scandalous?
158
00:07:21,030 --> 00:07:22,032
Silly.
159
00:07:23,234 --> 00:07:26,936
Staying inside
on a summer day is so sad.
160
00:07:28,071 --> 00:07:29,674
[tuba plays off-key]
161
00:07:30,140 --> 00:07:31,807
Oi!
162
00:07:31,809 --> 00:07:32,943
Suit yourself.
163
00:07:33,977 --> 00:07:34,979
[Nicky sighs]
164
00:07:35,345 --> 00:07:36,410
Okay.
165
00:07:36,412 --> 00:07:38,814
- [clears throat]
- [retreating footsteps]
166
00:07:38,816 --> 00:07:40,885
[tuba playing]
167
00:07:43,320 --> 00:07:45,956
[trumpet plays]
168
00:07:50,224 --> 00:07:51,559
[tuba plays]
169
00:07:51,561 --> 00:07:54,064
[tuba and trumpet playing]
170
00:07:55,299 --> 00:07:58,234
[trumpet playing]
171
00:08:00,369 --> 00:08:02,937
[student] Who was playing
the trumpet song?
172
00:08:02,939 --> 00:08:04,741
[indistinct chatter]
173
00:08:05,309 --> 00:08:07,374
[tuba plays]
174
00:08:07,376 --> 00:08:10,881
[trumpet plays]
175
00:08:14,984 --> 00:08:18,119
[tuba plays]
176
00:08:18,121 --> 00:08:21,256
[trumpet plays]
177
00:08:21,258 --> 00:08:22,325
[Nicky chuckles]
178
00:08:23,861 --> 00:08:25,994
[tuba plays]
179
00:08:25,996 --> 00:08:29,133
[trumpet plays]
180
00:08:32,869 --> 00:08:34,205
[trumpet plays
"Shave and a Haircut"]
181
00:08:36,340 --> 00:08:38,274
[trumpet plays
"Shave and a Haircut"]
182
00:08:39,575 --> 00:08:41,075
Oh!
183
00:08:41,077 --> 00:08:42,812
[tuba plays "Two Bits"]
184
00:08:44,947 --> 00:08:46,950
[light music]
185
00:08:48,051 --> 00:08:49,820
[indistinct chatter]
186
00:08:53,023 --> 00:08:54,923
[Nicky] Thank for walking me
to class again.
187
00:08:54,925 --> 00:08:57,291
[Tanner] Walking you?
I thought you were walking me.
188
00:08:57,293 --> 00:09:00,027
[Nicky] This is a pretty tough
neighborhood.
189
00:09:00,029 --> 00:09:01,898
I'll do my best to protect you.
190
00:09:03,332 --> 00:09:05,032
- [Nicky laughs]
- I need a tough
191
00:09:05,034 --> 00:09:06,601
Santa Clarita girl
who would keep me safe.
192
00:09:06,603 --> 00:09:08,806
Santa Clarita?
How'd you know that?
193
00:09:09,639 --> 00:09:11,372
Someone's a clever boy.
194
00:09:11,374 --> 00:09:13,109
Actually, it was written
on your tuba case.
195
00:09:14,143 --> 00:09:15,910
Oh!
[chuckles]
196
00:09:15,912 --> 00:09:18,045
But I was clever enough
to learn to read when I was six,
197
00:09:18,047 --> 00:09:19,249
'cause I knew
this day would come.
198
00:09:20,683 --> 00:09:22,385
You wanna go on a date
some time, Nicky?
199
00:09:23,686 --> 00:09:26,221
Well, where would you take me?
200
00:09:26,223 --> 00:09:28,323
You know, I'm, uh, kind of
a fancy girl.
201
00:09:28,325 --> 00:09:29,723
Well, since there's only
a mess hall,
202
00:09:29,725 --> 00:09:32,327
I was thinking we could go
down there for a PowerBar?
203
00:09:32,329 --> 00:09:33,364
OG juice?
204
00:09:34,130 --> 00:09:35,131
Fancy enough.
205
00:09:37,066 --> 00:09:38,134
[chuckles]
206
00:09:42,104 --> 00:09:44,171
[Owen] Okay, class,
for this next improv
207
00:09:44,173 --> 00:09:46,073
let me have two volunteers.
208
00:09:46,075 --> 00:09:48,075
- Oh, oh.
- [Owen] Okay, Stephanie and...
209
00:09:48,077 --> 00:09:49,144
[fake coughs]
Josh.
210
00:09:49,146 --> 00:09:51,378
- Oh, Josh.
- [Nicky] Me. Pick me.
211
00:09:51,380 --> 00:09:52,948
And Josh.
212
00:09:52,950 --> 00:09:54,716
[Stephanie] Oh!
[giggles]
213
00:09:54,718 --> 00:09:57,084
[retreating footsteps]
214
00:09:57,086 --> 00:09:58,152
[Stephanie exhales]
215
00:09:58,154 --> 00:09:59,221
Slick move.
216
00:09:59,223 --> 00:10:00,389
- I respect a good wingwoman.
- Hi.
217
00:10:00,391 --> 00:10:02,958
That goes for both friends
and superheroes.
218
00:10:02,960 --> 00:10:04,025
[chuckles]
219
00:10:04,027 --> 00:10:05,392
Now we need a relationship
220
00:10:05,394 --> 00:10:06,962
- for these two.
- Married.
221
00:10:06,964 --> 00:10:08,496
- [Owen] And a location.
- Desert island.
222
00:10:08,498 --> 00:10:09,963
- And begin.
- [chuckles]
223
00:10:09,965 --> 00:10:12,700
Oh, honey, I can't believe
were stuck on a desert island
224
00:10:12,702 --> 00:10:15,002
for our tenth
wedding anniversary.
225
00:10:15,004 --> 00:10:16,737
It's not our anniversary.
226
00:10:16,739 --> 00:10:18,473
[Owen] Oh. Stop, stop, stop.
227
00:10:18,475 --> 00:10:22,376
People, the first rule of improv
is, yes, and.
228
00:10:22,378 --> 00:10:24,445
Any time a scene partner
says something
229
00:10:24,447 --> 00:10:26,982
you must agree and add on to it.
230
00:10:26,984 --> 00:10:30,150
Yes, and, is the most important
rule in the theater.
231
00:10:30,152 --> 00:10:31,453
And in life.
232
00:10:31,455 --> 00:10:33,190
- Try it again.
- [Stephanie] Okay.
233
00:10:34,124 --> 00:10:35,022
All right.
234
00:10:35,024 --> 00:10:37,992
[inhales]
Honey, help me!
235
00:10:37,994 --> 00:10:39,361
I'm... I'm downing,
I can't breathe.
236
00:10:39,363 --> 00:10:42,329
I need mouth to mouth
resuscitation. Save me, please.
237
00:10:42,331 --> 00:10:44,232
- [Owen] She's drowning.
- [Stephanie] No, I'm gonna die.
238
00:10:44,234 --> 00:10:45,400
You gotta kiss me
and give me mouth to mouth.
239
00:10:45,402 --> 00:10:46,501
Yeah, you just need to...
240
00:10:46,503 --> 00:10:47,972
Let's start our own improv.
241
00:10:48,537 --> 00:10:49,874
[smooches]
242
00:10:51,508 --> 00:10:53,274
Yes, and.
243
00:10:53,276 --> 00:10:54,277
[chuckles]
244
00:10:55,077 --> 00:10:58,081
[light music]
245
00:10:59,181 --> 00:11:01,149
[chuckles]
246
00:11:01,151 --> 00:11:02,516
Can't believe we gotta go home.
247
00:11:02,518 --> 00:11:03,984
Summer really flies by,
248
00:11:03,986 --> 00:11:05,786
especially when you're hanging
with girl who's beautiful,
249
00:11:05,788 --> 00:11:07,421
- and plays the tuba.
- [laughs]
250
00:11:07,423 --> 00:11:09,524
I am a rare combination.
251
00:11:09,526 --> 00:11:10,895
[Nicky chuckles]
252
00:11:12,061 --> 00:11:13,495
- [Tanner] Yes, you are.
- [chuckles]
253
00:11:13,497 --> 00:11:15,429
I hate that you live
in California.
254
00:11:15,431 --> 00:11:18,065
I hate that you live
in Connecticut.
255
00:11:18,067 --> 00:11:20,334
Maybe I can convince my dad
we should move to Cali.
256
00:11:20,336 --> 00:11:22,170
[laughs]
Okay.
257
00:11:22,172 --> 00:11:25,740
No one calls it Cali,
but it's cute when you do it.
258
00:11:25,742 --> 00:11:28,142
You know, I like this plan.
259
00:11:28,144 --> 00:11:30,045
I'll start making brownies
for your mom and dad
260
00:11:30,047 --> 00:11:31,415
as soon as I land.
[chuckles]
261
00:11:32,315 --> 00:11:34,516
Well, my mom's actually...
262
00:11:34,518 --> 00:11:36,818
She's not around, you know.
263
00:11:36,820 --> 00:11:39,286
- Oh, I...
- Oh, no. It's totally fine.
264
00:11:39,288 --> 00:11:41,256
Not like she died or anything.
265
00:11:41,258 --> 00:11:42,526
Really, it's no big deal.
266
00:11:43,325 --> 00:11:46,761
[somber music]
267
00:11:46,763 --> 00:11:49,133
Are your parents divorced?
268
00:11:51,067 --> 00:11:52,367
Yeah.
269
00:11:52,369 --> 00:11:55,038
My mom sorta left one day.
270
00:11:56,072 --> 00:11:58,238
- Wow.
- Yeah.
271
00:11:58,240 --> 00:11:59,475
It really hit my dad hard.
272
00:12:00,409 --> 00:12:01,444
I'm sorry.
273
00:12:02,611 --> 00:12:04,813
It's okay.
274
00:12:04,815 --> 00:12:06,450
Things don't seem so bad
when you're around.
275
00:12:12,288 --> 00:12:13,755
- Aww.
- [gasps]
276
00:12:13,757 --> 00:12:16,790
You guys are criminally adorable
but we're gonna miss our flight.
277
00:12:16,792 --> 00:12:19,126
Stephanie, how long
have you been standing there?
278
00:12:19,128 --> 00:12:21,398
No need to feel embarrassed,
your love gives me life.
279
00:12:23,233 --> 00:12:26,101
[chuckles]
I don't get it.
280
00:12:26,103 --> 00:12:27,468
[Tanner] I hope this isn't
just a summer fling,
281
00:12:27,470 --> 00:12:30,838
because I really
wanna come visit you.
282
00:12:30,840 --> 00:12:33,376
[Nicky] It isn't.
And you better.
283
00:12:35,177 --> 00:12:37,181
[tranquil music]
284
00:12:40,450 --> 00:12:41,451
[ornaments jingle]
285
00:12:42,619 --> 00:12:45,285
Jesus. Mom?
286
00:12:45,287 --> 00:12:48,122
- Dad, I'm home.
- [Chris] My baby!
287
00:12:48,124 --> 00:12:49,424
Oh!
288
00:12:49,426 --> 00:12:51,291
[Nicky] Mm. Missed you too, Dad.
289
00:12:51,293 --> 00:12:54,828
Oh, it is so difficult
being away from my daughter
290
00:12:54,830 --> 00:12:56,598
during the pre-Christmas season.
291
00:12:56,600 --> 00:12:58,599
- It's August.
- That's pre.
292
00:12:58,601 --> 00:13:01,269
[Chris] Come on.
Everybody, Nicky's home!
293
00:13:01,271 --> 00:13:02,636
You must be so excited.
294
00:13:02,638 --> 00:13:04,405
Don't hit the displays,
I worked really hard on those.
295
00:13:04,407 --> 00:13:06,274
Fam, fam, family.
296
00:13:06,276 --> 00:13:08,675
Time for our
pre-Christmas meeting.
297
00:13:08,677 --> 00:13:11,246
- Noelle?
- Daddy, I'm here.
298
00:13:11,248 --> 00:13:14,248
Of course you are, sugar plum.
Good job.
299
00:13:14,250 --> 00:13:17,385
Ho, ho, hold a minute
there, Nicky.
300
00:13:17,387 --> 00:13:19,489
It's meeting time,
you're not going anywhere.
301
00:13:21,423 --> 00:13:23,158
Hey, Dad. I am present,
302
00:13:24,224 --> 00:13:25,193
and ready to do
whatever is necessary
303
00:13:25,195 --> 00:13:26,627
to ensure
the best Christmas ever.
304
00:13:26,629 --> 00:13:28,295
Well, that's my boy.
305
00:13:28,297 --> 00:13:30,430
Are you sure it's your boy?
306
00:13:30,432 --> 00:13:31,534
[Fran] Mom!
307
00:13:33,570 --> 00:13:35,636
Really, we're going to...
We're gonna do this?
308
00:13:35,638 --> 00:13:38,305
And cut your hair,
you damn hippie.
309
00:13:38,307 --> 00:13:39,540
[Chris] Okay. Really?
310
00:13:39,542 --> 00:13:41,244
She's not in her right mind.
311
00:13:43,946 --> 00:13:45,914
[Noelle giggles]
312
00:13:45,916 --> 00:13:47,948
[Chris Clears throat]
Anyways,
313
00:13:47,950 --> 00:13:51,352
as you all know, our family
is known in this neighborhood
314
00:13:51,354 --> 00:13:54,722
for its Christmas spirit,
Christmas cheer,
315
00:13:54,724 --> 00:13:56,524
and having more boughs of holly
316
00:13:56,526 --> 00:13:59,327
than any other house
in the state.
317
00:13:59,329 --> 00:14:00,527
[Chris] And we are also known
318
00:14:00,529 --> 00:14:05,466
for having the most valuable
collectible item
319
00:14:05,468 --> 00:14:07,202
in all of Christmas land.
320
00:14:07,204 --> 00:14:08,670
I speak of course,
321
00:14:08,672 --> 00:14:11,506
of the very same hat
worn by Santa
322
00:14:11,508 --> 00:14:14,409
in the greatest film
of all time,
323
00:14:14,411 --> 00:14:17,212
Miracle on 34th Street.
324
00:14:17,214 --> 00:14:18,713
Not the remake,
but the original,
325
00:14:18,715 --> 00:14:20,615
way back in 1947.
326
00:14:20,617 --> 00:14:22,650
- Chills.
- [Chris] Mm-hmm. Yeah.
327
00:14:22,652 --> 00:14:25,319
I actually wore that hat
328
00:14:25,321 --> 00:14:26,987
the day I proposed
to your mother.
329
00:14:26,989 --> 00:14:28,455
What girl could say no to that?
330
00:14:28,457 --> 00:14:32,694
I was also wearing it on the day
when each of you kids were born.
331
00:14:32,696 --> 00:14:34,228
And conceived.
332
00:14:34,230 --> 00:14:35,997
[chuckles and mumbles]
333
00:14:35,999 --> 00:14:37,298
[clears throat]
334
00:14:37,300 --> 00:14:40,671
And I think you kids turned out
pretty darn good.
335
00:14:43,340 --> 00:14:47,677
Which makes that
one lucky hat. Hmm.
336
00:14:49,479 --> 00:14:51,545
And every year,
337
00:14:51,547 --> 00:14:55,384
I feel like we have to earn
the right to own this hat.
338
00:14:57,287 --> 00:15:00,290
[uplifting music]
339
00:15:03,627 --> 00:15:05,593
Oh, honey.
340
00:15:05,595 --> 00:15:07,163
Stay inside, tears.
341
00:15:07,663 --> 00:15:09,198
Stay inside.
342
00:15:12,335 --> 00:15:13,670
Okay, who wants muffins?
343
00:15:14,470 --> 00:15:15,471
[sighs]
344
00:15:16,773 --> 00:15:20,143
[light music]
345
00:15:25,382 --> 00:15:27,651
[leaves rustling]
346
00:15:34,324 --> 00:15:37,460
[jingle bells ringing]
347
00:15:43,399 --> 00:15:44,466
[computer alert beeps]
348
00:15:44,468 --> 00:15:46,000
[Nicky] Hello.
[chuckles]
349
00:15:46,002 --> 00:15:47,334
[computer beeps]
350
00:15:47,336 --> 00:15:48,969
Hey!
351
00:15:48,971 --> 00:15:50,737
[Tanner] I have a super
important question for you.
352
00:15:50,739 --> 00:15:54,344
Do you guys do like, uh,
you know, a big Christmas?
353
00:15:55,512 --> 00:15:57,745
What? No.
[nervous chuckle]
354
00:15:57,747 --> 00:15:59,847
It's totally low-key.
Very chill.
355
00:15:59,849 --> 00:16:01,848
In fact, it's a low-key version
of chill.
356
00:16:01,850 --> 00:16:03,684
Why, what have you heard?
357
00:16:03,686 --> 00:16:05,520
I was thinking,
358
00:16:05,522 --> 00:16:07,391
maybe me and my dad could
come out to Cali to see you.
359
00:16:09,058 --> 00:16:11,391
Really?
[chuckles]
360
00:16:11,393 --> 00:16:12,395
That's...
361
00:16:13,095 --> 00:16:14,862
That's amazing.
[gasps]
362
00:16:14,864 --> 00:16:16,229
I'm so excited,
363
00:16:16,231 --> 00:16:18,598
I'm gonna let the fact
that you called it "Cali" slide.
364
00:16:18,600 --> 00:16:20,333
I didn't really get into it,
365
00:16:20,335 --> 00:16:23,804
but, um, when my mom left us,
she actually left
366
00:16:23,806 --> 00:16:26,473
on Christmas day.
367
00:16:26,475 --> 00:16:28,477
It'd be good for my dad
to get outta here.
368
00:16:29,611 --> 00:16:31,245
Being around the snow,
369
00:16:31,247 --> 00:16:33,580
the decorations,
the trees in this town...
370
00:16:33,582 --> 00:16:35,348
it's not good for him.
371
00:16:35,350 --> 00:16:37,617
I mean, that Christmas morning
she left all those stockings
372
00:16:37,619 --> 00:16:39,319
just empty.
373
00:16:39,321 --> 00:16:43,357
You know, big Christmas tree,
no presents underneath.
374
00:16:43,359 --> 00:16:46,727
I think every ornament he sees
is like a stab to the heart.
375
00:16:46,729 --> 00:16:48,262
Stab.
[sighs]
376
00:16:48,264 --> 00:16:50,433
The main thing is,
I get to see you.
377
00:16:52,502 --> 00:16:54,368
[chuckles]
378
00:16:54,370 --> 00:16:55,536
Did you miss me?
[chuckles]
379
00:16:55,538 --> 00:16:57,872
- Uh, mostly the tuba.
- Mm.
380
00:16:57,874 --> 00:17:00,375
- But I guess I missed you too.
- [chuckles]
381
00:17:00,377 --> 00:17:02,010
This is gonna be great.
382
00:17:02,012 --> 00:17:04,447
I'm really looking forward
to a low-key Christmas.
383
00:17:05,782 --> 00:17:07,514
[Chris] Okay, okay.
Everyone set?
384
00:17:07,516 --> 00:17:11,519
Christmas family photo,
in three, two, one.
385
00:17:11,521 --> 00:17:12,723
[camera shutter clicks]
386
00:17:14,791 --> 00:17:17,825
[upbeat music]
387
00:17:17,827 --> 00:17:19,263
- [Nicky] Thanks.
- [Stephanie] Thanks.
388
00:17:22,799 --> 00:17:23,834
[Stephanie sighs]
389
00:17:24,801 --> 00:17:26,867
This is a disaster.
390
00:17:26,869 --> 00:17:29,305
Well, matzoh ball soup
fixes everything.
391
00:17:29,839 --> 00:17:31,905
See? Isn't that better?
392
00:17:31,907 --> 00:17:33,508
- Nope.
- [Stephanie sighs]
393
00:17:33,510 --> 00:17:34,841
Tanner's still flying
2,000 miles
394
00:17:34,843 --> 00:17:36,143
to get away from Christmas.
395
00:17:36,145 --> 00:17:38,445
And instead, he and his dad
are gonna wind up
396
00:17:38,447 --> 00:17:40,714
in the eye
of the Christmas tornado.
397
00:17:40,716 --> 00:17:43,784
My house is ground zero
for holiday horrors.
398
00:17:43,786 --> 00:17:45,619
It's a Christmas crap storm.
399
00:17:45,621 --> 00:17:47,821
I can't put the poor guy through
a Christmas version
400
00:17:47,823 --> 00:17:49,690
of A Clockwork Orange
401
00:17:49,692 --> 00:17:51,024
- [Nicky sighs]
- Don't...
402
00:17:51,026 --> 00:17:53,194
Maybe I can ask my dad
to tone it down this year,
403
00:17:53,196 --> 00:17:54,694
just this one time.
404
00:17:54,696 --> 00:17:56,196
[Stephanie] Maybe, I dunno.
405
00:17:56,198 --> 00:17:57,531
Hey, Nicky.
406
00:17:57,533 --> 00:17:59,700
[Danny] I thought I saw your dad
on the line at the mall
407
00:17:59,702 --> 00:18:00,934
to sit in Santa's lap.
408
00:18:00,936 --> 00:18:04,438
Is that a holiday thing
or a lifestyle change?
409
00:18:04,440 --> 00:18:05,507
[snickering]
410
00:18:05,509 --> 00:18:08,412
At least I know
who my father is, Danny.
411
00:18:08,911 --> 00:18:10,511
Ooh.
412
00:18:10,513 --> 00:18:11,615
[Danny sighs]
413
00:18:12,615 --> 00:18:15,482
I'm sorry.
414
00:18:15,484 --> 00:18:19,186
Oh, look at me, the stress
of this is turning me evil.
415
00:18:19,188 --> 00:18:20,722
[sighs]
I wish I could just be Jewish
416
00:18:20,724 --> 00:18:23,158
like you, and then I wouldn't
have to deal with any of this.
417
00:18:24,224 --> 00:18:25,760
Yes, because to be Jewish
is to live a problem-free life.
418
00:18:25,762 --> 00:18:26,961
I mean, historically,
419
00:18:26,963 --> 00:18:28,898
when have the Jews
ever had any troubles?
420
00:18:30,867 --> 00:18:32,599
Maybe I could ask Tanner
to come over
421
00:18:32,601 --> 00:18:33,835
spring break instead.
422
00:18:33,837 --> 00:18:35,802
I think that's much safer.
423
00:18:35,804 --> 00:18:38,239
[groans]
But his love might die by then.
424
00:18:38,241 --> 00:18:39,674
Better to chance
the slow death of his love,
425
00:18:39,676 --> 00:18:43,176
than he meets your family
and it just dies instantly.
426
00:18:43,178 --> 00:18:44,511
You're right.
427
00:18:44,513 --> 00:18:46,713
- I have to tell him now to come.
- [Stephanie] Mm-hmm.
428
00:18:46,715 --> 00:18:48,014
- [sighs]
- [spoon clinks]
429
00:18:48,016 --> 00:18:49,352
[thuds]
430
00:18:49,953 --> 00:18:51,388
Ow!
431
00:18:52,754 --> 00:18:54,957
No father, now this.
432
00:18:58,761 --> 00:18:59,926
[Nicky] I can do it.
433
00:18:59,928 --> 00:19:00,793
[Stephanie]
Let me hear you say it
434
00:19:00,795 --> 00:19:01,895
- I can do it.
- Okay.
435
00:19:01,897 --> 00:19:03,931
- Then let me hear you say it.
- [sighs]
436
00:19:03,933 --> 00:19:05,566
Tanner, I'm sorry.
437
00:19:05,568 --> 00:19:07,033
But I can't see you
at Christmas.
438
00:19:07,035 --> 00:19:09,703
Good. Now just stay strong.
439
00:19:09,705 --> 00:19:11,806
Let him know spring break
will be here before he knows it,
440
00:19:11,808 --> 00:19:15,512
and then, bam! Lovers reunite,
music swells, fade to black. Ha!
441
00:19:16,646 --> 00:19:17,748
[sighs]
Okay.
442
00:19:19,983 --> 00:19:21,685
[keyboard clacking]
443
00:19:22,752 --> 00:19:24,284
[computer beeps]
444
00:19:24,286 --> 00:19:26,220
- [Tanner] Hey!
- [Nicky chuckles]
445
00:19:26,222 --> 00:19:28,055
Hey! Uh, so...
446
00:19:28,057 --> 00:19:31,826
Uh, I was thinking about
what you said about coming,
447
00:19:31,828 --> 00:19:33,394
- And...
- [Tanner] I know,
448
00:19:33,396 --> 00:19:35,096
I can't stop thinking
about it either, I'm so excited.
449
00:19:35,098 --> 00:19:37,865
You know, my dad
is looking forward to it too.
450
00:19:37,867 --> 00:19:38,935
[inhales]
451
00:19:40,536 --> 00:19:42,235
- Well...
- [Tanner] Hold on.
452
00:19:42,237 --> 00:19:44,004
Something's wrong.
453
00:19:44,006 --> 00:19:45,542
You don't want me to come?
454
00:19:46,309 --> 00:19:48,041
Um...
455
00:19:48,043 --> 00:19:49,109
[Tanner] No, if you don't feel
the same way I do,
456
00:19:49,111 --> 00:19:49,976
I don't wanna pressure you.
457
00:19:49,978 --> 00:19:52,213
No, no. No, it's not about that.
458
00:19:52,215 --> 00:19:53,817
I... I don't feel
pressure at all.
459
00:19:54,817 --> 00:19:56,651
[sighs]
So...
460
00:19:56,653 --> 00:19:57,952
We both still really
like each other
461
00:19:57,954 --> 00:19:59,686
after all these months, huh?
462
00:19:59,688 --> 00:20:02,022
I guess this is pretty serious.
463
00:20:02,024 --> 00:20:03,724
[Tanner] To be honest,
464
00:20:03,726 --> 00:20:04,725
I'm just using you
because I need a tuba player
465
00:20:04,727 --> 00:20:05,427
for my death metal band.
466
00:20:07,062 --> 00:20:08,596
You shred a mean tuba.
467
00:20:08,598 --> 00:20:10,697
[chuckles]
468
00:20:10,699 --> 00:20:13,267
You probably say that tuba stuff
to all the girls.
469
00:20:13,269 --> 00:20:14,769
[Tanner] I got you something.
470
00:20:14,771 --> 00:20:15,802
It's a surprise.
471
00:20:15,804 --> 00:20:16,971
You wanna know what it is?
472
00:20:16,973 --> 00:20:18,239
- I...
- [Tanner] It's a present
473
00:20:18,241 --> 00:20:20,308
- I had made for you.
- [chuckles]
474
00:20:20,310 --> 00:20:21,876
Gold bass clef symbol.
475
00:20:21,878 --> 00:20:24,779
Because you know,
you rock the bottom.
476
00:20:24,781 --> 00:20:28,115
I mean, bottom musically.
Musically speaking.
477
00:20:28,117 --> 00:20:29,782
- Hmm.
- It's a bass clef
478
00:20:29,784 --> 00:20:33,687
and a treble clef upside down,
and it makes a heart.
479
00:20:33,689 --> 00:20:35,121
[Tanner] You sure it's okay
if we come out there?
480
00:20:35,123 --> 00:20:37,724
Uh, you made her
a musical heart,
481
00:20:37,726 --> 00:20:39,961
yes, yes, of course
you should come. Duh.
482
00:20:39,963 --> 00:20:42,062
Okay. What about you, Nicky?
483
00:20:42,064 --> 00:20:43,466
- [scoffs]
- Oh.
484
00:20:44,634 --> 00:20:45,732
[sighs]
485
00:20:45,734 --> 00:20:48,038
I would love to see you
at Christmas.
486
00:20:49,738 --> 00:20:51,038
["We Wish You a Merry Christmas"
playing]
487
00:20:51,040 --> 00:20:52,940
[Chris] And in conclusion,
488
00:20:52,942 --> 00:20:56,010
with the addition
of the extra power generator
489
00:20:56,012 --> 00:20:58,980
providing us with 500 more amps.
490
00:20:58,982 --> 00:21:04,050
[Chris] The power output
of our display comes to a total,
491
00:21:04,052 --> 00:21:06,654
one million watts.
492
00:21:06,656 --> 00:21:08,121
- [Rudy] Whoa!
- [Chris laughs]
493
00:21:08,123 --> 00:21:09,592
- Oh!
- [cell phone beeps]
494
00:21:11,727 --> 00:21:15,730
This may be the year
that our display
495
00:21:15,732 --> 00:21:17,764
- will be seen from space.
- [Fran gasps]
496
00:21:17,766 --> 00:21:19,835
[laughter]
497
00:21:20,936 --> 00:21:22,703
You got jingle balls, Dad.
498
00:21:22,705 --> 00:21:25,071
- Rudy!
- [laughs]
499
00:21:25,073 --> 00:21:27,074
Noelle, why are you laughing?
500
00:21:27,076 --> 00:21:29,876
I don't know.
[giggles]
501
00:21:29,878 --> 00:21:32,748
And the best part of all
502
00:21:33,182 --> 00:21:35,649
is, this.
503
00:21:35,651 --> 00:21:36,652
[beeps]
504
00:21:37,052 --> 00:21:40,387
Ha? Ah! See?
505
00:21:40,389 --> 00:21:41,489
- [sighs]
- [Chris laughs]
506
00:21:41,491 --> 00:21:45,662
You control
exactly how it moves.
507
00:21:46,728 --> 00:21:47,895
[Chris chuckles]
Now, uh...
508
00:21:47,897 --> 00:21:49,829
Nicky, obviously,
you're the only one
509
00:21:49,831 --> 00:21:51,165
in the family
with the dance moves
510
00:21:51,167 --> 00:21:53,867
who could do Santa's big number
at the end of the tour.
511
00:21:53,869 --> 00:21:57,070
So you're gonna have
to operate it all night.
512
00:21:57,072 --> 00:21:59,074
Can I talk to you and mom
for a smidge?
513
00:22:00,877 --> 00:22:01,942
Privately.
514
00:22:01,944 --> 00:22:03,242
- [Fran] Oh.
- Good.
515
00:22:03,244 --> 00:22:05,111
Because we actually wanted
to talk to you too.
516
00:22:05,113 --> 00:22:06,379
[Nicky] Hmm.
517
00:22:06,381 --> 00:22:08,883
We're gonna need the room
a minute, Noelle.
518
00:22:08,885 --> 00:22:09,983
You too.
519
00:22:09,985 --> 00:22:11,952
So that's how it's gonna be?
520
00:22:11,954 --> 00:22:13,154
[sighs]
Bye.
521
00:22:13,156 --> 00:22:15,222
[retreating footsteps]
522
00:22:15,224 --> 00:22:18,826
- What I wanted to say was...
- Thank you.
523
00:22:18,828 --> 00:22:20,094
- What?
- Thank you.
524
00:22:20,096 --> 00:22:21,194
Thank you?
525
00:22:21,196 --> 00:22:22,963
[Chris] For all
the great Christmases.
526
00:22:22,965 --> 00:22:24,130
You're welcome.
527
00:22:24,132 --> 00:22:25,464
But we really wanna
keep this on you.
528
00:22:25,466 --> 00:22:28,469
We want you to know that
as much fun as Christmas is,
529
00:22:28,471 --> 00:22:29,569
we also know it's a lot of work.
530
00:22:29,571 --> 00:22:30,937
- A lot of fun work.
- A lot of work
531
00:22:30,939 --> 00:22:32,205
that you didn't sign up for,
but you do it anyway.
532
00:22:32,207 --> 00:22:35,408
And we just wanted to say
thank you so much
533
00:22:35,410 --> 00:22:37,110
for being an amazing daughter.
534
00:22:37,112 --> 00:22:39,413
And allowing our family
to be who we are.
535
00:22:39,415 --> 00:22:40,580
Especially, this year.
536
00:22:40,582 --> 00:22:43,652
Yeah, about that.
Look, I was thinking...
537
00:22:44,920 --> 00:22:46,154
Wait. Why this year?
538
00:22:46,156 --> 00:22:48,923
- [Chris] Uh, because of Noelle.
- She's seven.
539
00:22:48,925 --> 00:22:51,157
Seven is the perfect age
to experience Christmas.
540
00:22:51,159 --> 00:22:52,792
You're young enough
to see the magic.
541
00:22:52,794 --> 00:22:54,462
Uh, some of us
never grow out of it.
542
00:22:54,464 --> 00:22:57,098
But old enough to understand
the deeper meaning.
543
00:22:57,100 --> 00:22:58,499
Christmas as a seven-year-old
544
00:22:58,501 --> 00:23:00,134
is a once
in a lifetime experience.
545
00:23:00,136 --> 00:23:02,435
[Fran] You and Rudy had yours.
546
00:23:02,437 --> 00:23:04,206
- This year belongs to Noelle.
- Hmm.
547
00:23:05,942 --> 00:23:07,942
Is there research
to back that up?
548
00:23:07,944 --> 00:23:08,945
Oh.
549
00:23:14,117 --> 00:23:16,850
Oh.
550
00:23:16,852 --> 00:23:18,220
[Fran] So what did you want
to talk to us about, sweetie?
551
00:23:19,921 --> 00:23:25,526
Just about how much
I love our Christmases.
552
00:23:25,528 --> 00:23:27,528
- Aww!
- [Nicky chuckles]
553
00:23:27,530 --> 00:23:28,628
- Get in here.
- Hey, come over.
554
00:23:28,630 --> 00:23:34,704
♪ And a Happy New Year ♪
555
00:23:35,871 --> 00:23:37,105
Steph, there's gotta be
another way.
556
00:23:37,107 --> 00:23:39,139
Noelle can still have
a magical Christmas
557
00:23:39,141 --> 00:23:41,776
without this massive
lighting display.
558
00:23:41,778 --> 00:23:44,177
And why didn't you
tell them that?
559
00:23:44,179 --> 00:23:47,114
Uh, you should've seen
the looks on their faces.
560
00:23:47,116 --> 00:23:48,782
You're stuck between
a Christmas tree
561
00:23:48,784 --> 00:23:49,817
and a hard place.
562
00:23:49,819 --> 00:23:50,984
If your dad makes
563
00:23:50,986 --> 00:23:52,752
a bigger lighting display
than before.
564
00:23:52,754 --> 00:23:56,156
Tanner and his dad will see it
before the plane even lands.
565
00:23:56,158 --> 00:23:58,492
No, I know. It's a hazard.
566
00:23:58,494 --> 00:23:59,393
[gasps]
567
00:23:59,395 --> 00:24:01,127
- [exhales]
- That's it!
568
00:24:01,129 --> 00:24:02,797
You're a genius.
569
00:24:02,799 --> 00:24:03,800
Aw!
[chuckles]
570
00:24:05,201 --> 00:24:06,533
I'm a genius.
571
00:24:06,535 --> 00:24:08,202
No, no, no!
572
00:24:08,204 --> 00:24:09,806
[store bell jingles]
573
00:24:13,141 --> 00:24:14,575
[gasps]
574
00:24:14,577 --> 00:24:18,181
[Nicky] Thank you so much,
for meeting with me, Councilman.
575
00:24:19,115 --> 00:24:22,515
This family must be stopped.
576
00:24:22,517 --> 00:24:25,251
This is the car crash
that happened three years ago
577
00:24:25,253 --> 00:24:28,121
because motorist were watching
the family's Christmas display
578
00:24:28,123 --> 00:24:30,158
in the front of the house,
instead of the road.
579
00:24:31,224 --> 00:24:33,059
And then,
12,000 homes lost power
580
00:24:33,061 --> 00:24:36,765
because this family's display
overloaded the grid.
581
00:24:38,935 --> 00:24:40,934
Well, that's not
a very good picture
582
00:24:40,936 --> 00:24:42,869
because all the lights were out.
[stammers]
583
00:24:42,871 --> 00:24:44,871
What about
all this wasted energy?
584
00:24:44,873 --> 00:24:47,140
What kind of a planet
are we leaving
585
00:24:47,142 --> 00:24:48,408
for Christmases in the future?
586
00:24:48,410 --> 00:24:52,078
So, Councilman Hecht,
as a concerned citizen
587
00:24:52,080 --> 00:24:54,147
who is in no way connected
to this family,
588
00:24:54,149 --> 00:24:58,351
I urge you to order the police
to enforce these existing laws
589
00:24:58,353 --> 00:25:01,924
that prohibit massive
Christmas displays like this.
590
00:25:03,192 --> 00:25:05,729
But polls show people
like Christmas.
591
00:25:06,896 --> 00:25:09,128
There's an obscure but valid law
592
00:25:09,130 --> 00:25:11,999
against this many lights
at one house.
593
00:25:12,001 --> 00:25:15,071
But also, people don't like it
when obscure laws are enforced.
594
00:25:16,138 --> 00:25:18,071
But it's the right thing to do.
595
00:25:18,073 --> 00:25:20,007
Polls show that
the right thing to do
596
00:25:20,009 --> 00:25:22,011
is not the popular thing to do.
597
00:25:23,279 --> 00:25:26,012
Why do you care so much
about polls?
598
00:25:26,014 --> 00:25:27,282
There's an election coming up.
599
00:25:28,951 --> 00:25:29,953
[sighs]
600
00:25:31,286 --> 00:25:32,955
I'll give you a hundred bucks...
601
00:25:34,623 --> 00:25:35,958
for your campaign.
602
00:25:41,898 --> 00:25:43,062
- Oh, no.
- [Fran] Why?
603
00:25:43,064 --> 00:25:44,665
[Nicky] Is everything okay, Dad?
604
00:25:44,667 --> 00:25:47,667
No. This is a court order
prohibiting us
605
00:25:47,669 --> 00:25:50,037
from doing our normal
Christmas display.
606
00:25:50,039 --> 00:25:52,106
It... It limits our wattage,
607
00:25:52,108 --> 00:25:54,674
- and the height of our tree.
- But why?
608
00:25:54,676 --> 00:25:58,111
Apparently, there some
obscure city ordinance about,
609
00:25:58,113 --> 00:26:00,313
"ostentatious
Christmas displays."
610
00:26:00,315 --> 00:26:03,051
I hate it when obscure laws
are enforced.
611
00:26:04,320 --> 00:26:05,552
And right when we're about
612
00:26:05,554 --> 00:26:07,421
to have Noelle's most special
Christmas ever.
613
00:26:07,423 --> 00:26:11,058
What kind of monster
would do this to us?
614
00:26:11,060 --> 00:26:13,193
[Chris] Oh, my...
615
00:26:13,195 --> 00:26:15,296
What kinda world
are we living in?
616
00:26:15,298 --> 00:26:16,329
You know what,
maybe we'll cut down
617
00:26:16,331 --> 00:26:17,998
- on the inflatables.
- Hey, Dad!
618
00:26:18,000 --> 00:26:19,199
Look.
619
00:26:19,201 --> 00:26:20,701
- Oh!
- It's your hat.
620
00:26:20,703 --> 00:26:23,203
Oh, thank you, sweetie.
621
00:26:23,205 --> 00:26:26,005
Oh, if ever I needed
a magical Santa hat
622
00:26:26,007 --> 00:26:28,008
now would be the time.
623
00:26:28,010 --> 00:26:30,344
Hey, buddy,
what have you got for me?
624
00:26:30,346 --> 00:26:31,945
Chris, it's gonna be okay.
625
00:26:31,947 --> 00:26:33,215
Shh! I'm talking to the hat.
626
00:26:34,215 --> 00:26:35,382
Tell me what to do.
627
00:26:35,384 --> 00:26:37,353
I hope this isn't hereditary.
628
00:26:38,654 --> 00:26:41,055
[Fran] Chris, are you all right?
629
00:26:41,057 --> 00:26:44,426
Actually, I'm better
than all right.
630
00:26:45,360 --> 00:26:46,726
Chris, what are you doing?
631
00:26:46,728 --> 00:26:49,996
[Chris] Uh, you remember
that thing I built in college?
632
00:26:49,998 --> 00:26:52,098
- What thing?
- [Chris] The Christmas thing.
633
00:26:52,100 --> 00:26:53,701
You've built a million
Christmas things.
634
00:26:53,703 --> 00:26:56,169
[Chris grunting]
635
00:26:56,171 --> 00:26:58,739
[Fran] Oh, that Christmas thing.
636
00:26:58,741 --> 00:27:00,707
Can you believe
I almost threw this away?
637
00:27:00,709 --> 00:27:02,444
Okay.
638
00:27:03,244 --> 00:27:04,914
Behold.
639
00:27:06,081 --> 00:27:07,513
The Christmas cave.
640
00:27:07,515 --> 00:27:09,384
- Cool, Dad!
- Mm-hmm.
641
00:27:10,285 --> 00:27:11,452
Pretty.
642
00:27:11,454 --> 00:27:12,686
Christmas cave?
643
00:27:12,688 --> 00:27:15,289
- That's not a thing.
- Yet. Not a thing yet.
644
00:27:15,291 --> 00:27:16,589
How do you think
a thing becomes a thing.
645
00:27:16,591 --> 00:27:18,325
If nobody ever did a thing
that wasn't a thing
646
00:27:18,327 --> 00:27:20,260
there would be no things.
647
00:27:20,262 --> 00:27:22,730
So we're gonna dig a hole
in the backyard?
648
00:27:22,732 --> 00:27:25,165
No. No, Nicky.
649
00:27:25,167 --> 00:27:27,467
We are going to build this.
650
00:27:27,469 --> 00:27:31,137
A huge outdoor ice cave.
651
00:27:31,139 --> 00:27:34,241
And we're gonna put our family
Christmas display inside
652
00:27:34,243 --> 00:27:36,510
with the hologram Santa
at the end.
653
00:27:36,512 --> 00:27:40,481
Absolutely zero wattage
will be seen from the outside,
654
00:27:40,483 --> 00:27:43,416
but when people
enter the cave...
655
00:27:43,418 --> 00:27:45,219
[Rudy gasps]
656
00:27:45,221 --> 00:27:48,422
[Chris] Oh, they will get
the full effect
657
00:27:48,424 --> 00:27:50,960
of our family's
Christmas spirit.
658
00:27:52,360 --> 00:27:54,228
[Noelle] Uh, is there gonna be
trolls in the cave?
659
00:27:54,230 --> 00:27:55,462
No, Noelle. No trolls.
660
00:27:55,464 --> 00:27:57,431
But trolls live in caves.
661
00:27:57,433 --> 00:27:59,098
Trolls live under bridges.
662
00:27:59,100 --> 00:28:00,567
You guys really need
to get more involved
663
00:28:00,569 --> 00:28:02,071
with her education.
664
00:28:04,305 --> 00:28:07,509
I was kicked out
of dental school.
665
00:28:09,445 --> 00:28:11,310
This city ordinance
is the best thing
666
00:28:11,312 --> 00:28:12,745
that ever happened to us.
667
00:28:12,747 --> 00:28:16,282
We start construction tomorrow.
668
00:28:16,284 --> 00:28:20,319
[all cheering]
669
00:28:20,321 --> 00:28:22,455
Okay, I'm gonna have you work
on the west wing first, okay?
670
00:28:22,457 --> 00:28:24,390
'Cause you're working
with hammers and nails.
671
00:28:24,392 --> 00:28:27,126
I'm going to eat this soup
and then I'm going to die.
672
00:28:27,128 --> 00:28:29,463
That's quite the to-do list.
673
00:28:29,465 --> 00:28:31,531
When Tanner and his dad
see the Christmas cave,
674
00:28:31,533 --> 00:28:33,032
his dad will get PTSD,
675
00:28:33,034 --> 00:28:35,435
Tanner will relive the horror
of his mom leaving at Christmas,
676
00:28:35,437 --> 00:28:37,203
and then I will murder
my family.
677
00:28:37,205 --> 00:28:39,306
So I should die first
to avoid all that.
678
00:28:39,308 --> 00:28:41,140
I can't argue with that logic.
679
00:28:41,142 --> 00:28:44,110
Why can't I just have
a normal family?
680
00:28:44,112 --> 00:28:45,280
- [grunts]
- [Danny] Oh!
681
00:28:46,415 --> 00:28:47,417
[sighs]
682
00:28:48,617 --> 00:28:49,953
[chuckles]
683
00:28:52,253 --> 00:28:55,257
[light music]
684
00:28:57,359 --> 00:28:58,360
[blows air]
685
00:29:01,397 --> 00:29:04,298
- Dad?
- Yes, my son.
686
00:29:04,300 --> 00:29:05,799
When I grow up
will I be responsible
687
00:29:05,801 --> 00:29:07,867
for Christmas, like you?
688
00:29:07,869 --> 00:29:10,104
Well, if that's what you want.
689
00:29:10,106 --> 00:29:12,806
And if you're lucky enough
to find a young lady
690
00:29:12,808 --> 00:29:14,444
that loves Christmas
like your mother.
691
00:29:15,811 --> 00:29:18,311
Well, then I should
know some stuff.
692
00:29:18,313 --> 00:29:21,181
Well, all right.
[clears throat]
693
00:29:21,183 --> 00:29:22,549
Ask me anything.
694
00:29:22,551 --> 00:29:24,651
Hm, you seem to spend
a lot of time on Christmas.
695
00:29:24,653 --> 00:29:26,552
Oh, you bet I do.
696
00:29:26,554 --> 00:29:28,291
But what about your job?
697
00:29:29,657 --> 00:29:32,526
Well, that has come up.
698
00:29:32,528 --> 00:29:35,361
But I tell them the season
is a priority to me.
699
00:29:35,363 --> 00:29:36,597
And they respect that.
700
00:29:36,599 --> 00:29:38,264
- Cool!
- Oh, sure,
701
00:29:38,266 --> 00:29:40,166
Stu gets a promotion even though
702
00:29:40,168 --> 00:29:43,136
I've been with the company
longer than him.
703
00:29:43,138 --> 00:29:44,404
- I got it...
- And Laura leapfrogged
704
00:29:44,406 --> 00:29:45,206
right over me.
705
00:29:46,407 --> 00:29:47,640
- Okay.
- I'm not even sure
706
00:29:47,642 --> 00:29:49,576
anyone there knows my name.
707
00:29:49,578 --> 00:29:54,580
But that's not important
because Christmas comes first.
708
00:29:54,582 --> 00:29:57,285
And exactly how much do we spend
on Christmas a year?
709
00:29:59,155 --> 00:30:00,521
Well, uh...
710
00:30:00,523 --> 00:30:02,655
I don't... I don't think
you need to know the exact...
711
00:30:02,657 --> 00:30:04,558
'Cause all this Christmas stuff
seems pretty expensive.
712
00:30:04,560 --> 00:30:05,759
Okay, you know what,
I don't think
713
00:30:05,761 --> 00:30:06,827
I really wanna talk
about this anymore.
714
00:30:06,829 --> 00:30:09,363
Are you saving money
for college?
715
00:30:09,365 --> 00:30:10,396
You've got three kids.
716
00:30:10,398 --> 00:30:12,465
And if you
keep asking me questions
717
00:30:12,467 --> 00:30:14,403
it's going to be two kids.
718
00:30:17,572 --> 00:30:20,174
[laughs]
719
00:30:20,176 --> 00:30:21,642
- I gotcha!
- [giggles]
720
00:30:21,644 --> 00:30:23,476
- Yeah, look at your face!
- [giggles]
721
00:30:23,478 --> 00:30:25,913
- You were like, "Ah!"
- [both laugh]
722
00:30:25,915 --> 00:30:28,315
- Good one, Dad.
- Oh, I know.
723
00:30:28,317 --> 00:30:29,484
Oh, hey.
724
00:30:30,418 --> 00:30:32,919
[chuckles and sighs]
725
00:30:32,921 --> 00:30:34,721
Why are you putting antlers
on a bat?
726
00:30:34,723 --> 00:30:37,657
Uh. Well, we're making
a Christmas cave, right?
727
00:30:37,659 --> 00:30:38,526
Right.
728
00:30:38,528 --> 00:30:41,197
And what animals live in a cave?
729
00:30:41,730 --> 00:30:42,930
Bears.
730
00:30:42,932 --> 00:30:44,932
Yes. And?
731
00:30:44,934 --> 00:30:46,332
Other bears.
732
00:30:46,334 --> 00:30:48,501
No. Not... not bears.
733
00:30:48,503 --> 00:30:50,537
[imitates bat]
734
00:30:50,539 --> 00:30:52,638
- Bats!
- Yes.
735
00:30:52,640 --> 00:30:54,907
Come on, Rudy.
You're in the fifth grade.
736
00:30:54,909 --> 00:30:57,411
And which animal
is most associated
737
00:30:57,413 --> 00:30:58,478
with Christmas?
738
00:30:58,480 --> 00:31:00,213
- Reindeer.
- Yeah!
739
00:31:00,215 --> 00:31:01,281
Uh, side question.
740
00:31:01,283 --> 00:31:02,482
What do you call
more than one reindeer.
741
00:31:02,484 --> 00:31:04,952
Reindeer. The plural is the same
as the singular.
742
00:31:04,954 --> 00:31:06,522
That's my boy. Hmm.
743
00:31:08,623 --> 00:31:11,224
[Rudy] So, this is going to be
a reindeer bat?
744
00:31:11,226 --> 00:31:12,326
[Chris] Exactly.
745
00:31:12,328 --> 00:31:14,360
The first one in the world.
746
00:31:14,362 --> 00:31:16,762
It's gonna make our cave
even that much more Christmassy.
747
00:31:16,764 --> 00:31:19,232
- Good thinking.
- Yeah.
748
00:31:19,234 --> 00:31:20,767
How about throw in
a Christmas bear, too?
749
00:31:20,769 --> 00:31:22,735
Okay. See,
here's the problem, Rudy.
750
00:31:22,737 --> 00:31:25,771
Bears hibernate
during the winter.
751
00:31:25,773 --> 00:31:27,507
Now we would look pretty stupid
752
00:31:27,509 --> 00:31:30,978
if we had an awake bear
in our Christmas cave.
753
00:31:30,980 --> 00:31:32,779
Right. Sorry, Dad. Of course.
754
00:31:32,781 --> 00:31:34,117
No worries.
755
00:31:35,384 --> 00:31:36,582
A Christmas wolf.
756
00:31:36,584 --> 00:31:39,418
Okay, Rudy, we're doing
reindeer bats this year.
757
00:31:39,420 --> 00:31:41,621
That's it. Okay?
758
00:31:41,623 --> 00:31:43,458
- Makes total sense.
- Yes, it does.
759
00:31:45,660 --> 00:31:46,859
- Dad?
- Hmm?
760
00:31:46,861 --> 00:31:48,595
Is this reindeer bat
like the Christmas cave,
761
00:31:48,597 --> 00:31:49,663
where it's not a thing yet
762
00:31:49,665 --> 00:31:52,432
but if we do it,
it does become a thing?
763
00:31:52,434 --> 00:31:54,401
Because if no one ever did
a thing that wasn't a thing,
764
00:31:54,403 --> 00:31:55,571
then there'd be no things.
765
00:31:58,006 --> 00:31:59,274
Yes, son.
766
00:31:59,975 --> 00:32:01,276
Yes, it is.
767
00:32:04,679 --> 00:32:05,715
Cool.
768
00:32:07,282 --> 00:32:09,385
[drill whirring]
769
00:32:10,819 --> 00:32:13,489
[Nicky] Do you see how quickly
they built this?
770
00:32:14,423 --> 00:32:16,556
- Hey, Dad.
- Hey.
771
00:32:16,558 --> 00:32:18,291
[Chris] Now where did I put
that tensile.
772
00:32:18,293 --> 00:32:21,528
[Nicky sighs]
Well, it's almost finished.
773
00:32:21,530 --> 00:32:23,562
As is my life.
774
00:32:23,564 --> 00:32:25,331
Tanner is gonna be here
in three days.
775
00:32:25,333 --> 00:32:26,700
What the hell am I gonna do?
776
00:32:26,702 --> 00:32:27,768
[Stephanie] You could always
tell them your parents
777
00:32:27,770 --> 00:32:28,969
are out of town
and meet them at Denny's
778
00:32:28,971 --> 00:32:30,703
- for your Christmas Eve dinner.
- [Nicky] Oh!
779
00:32:30,705 --> 00:32:31,805
That sounds depressing.
780
00:32:31,807 --> 00:32:34,640
Not as depressing as this.
781
00:32:34,642 --> 00:32:36,676
You want me to lie
to the boy that I love?
782
00:32:36,678 --> 00:32:38,212
Yeah.
783
00:32:38,214 --> 00:32:41,184
Well, I would, but he already
knows my parents are in town.
784
00:32:42,751 --> 00:32:44,350
[Nicky] Hi, Mrs. Franklin.
785
00:32:44,352 --> 00:32:46,819
- Hello, Nicky.
- [Parsley meows]
786
00:32:46,821 --> 00:32:48,722
Stephanie, you remember
our neighbor, Mrs. Franklin.
787
00:32:48,724 --> 00:32:50,156
Oh, yeah. Hi.
788
00:32:50,158 --> 00:32:51,625
Nicky, since thousands of people
will descend on our street
789
00:32:51,627 --> 00:32:55,431
to see your Christmas cave,
which by the way is not a thing.
790
00:32:56,064 --> 00:32:57,463
That's what I said.
791
00:32:57,465 --> 00:32:59,499
I'll be checking in to a hotel
'till after Christmas
792
00:32:59,501 --> 00:33:00,834
to preserve my sanity.
793
00:33:00,836 --> 00:33:03,736
That means I need you to catsit
little Parsley here.
794
00:33:03,738 --> 00:33:06,405
- [keys jingle]
- [Parsley purrs]
795
00:33:06,407 --> 00:33:08,375
[Patty] Please check on Parsley
twice a day.
796
00:33:08,377 --> 00:33:10,676
He has feline solitude
incontinence syndrome,
797
00:33:10,678 --> 00:33:13,480
so if you don't pay attention
to him he, you know...
798
00:33:13,482 --> 00:33:14,580
[snorts]
799
00:33:14,582 --> 00:33:16,616
Urinates everywhere.
Right. I know.
800
00:33:16,618 --> 00:33:18,751
[Patty] You always do
a good job, young lady.
801
00:33:18,753 --> 00:33:21,555
How are you the offspring
of that crazy father of yours
802
00:33:21,557 --> 00:33:23,423
- I'll never know.
- [Nicky] Hmm.
803
00:33:23,425 --> 00:33:25,358
I guess insanity
skips a generation.
804
00:33:25,360 --> 00:33:26,659
Let's hope.
805
00:33:26,661 --> 00:33:28,361
- See you in a week.
- [Parsley meows]
806
00:33:28,363 --> 00:33:29,829
[Stephanie] Oh, my god.
807
00:33:29,831 --> 00:33:31,431
That's the cat
you were telling me about,
808
00:33:31,433 --> 00:33:32,732
the one that pees on everything.
809
00:33:32,734 --> 00:33:34,100
Yup. That's Parsley.
810
00:33:34,102 --> 00:33:36,636
[chuckles]
He should be called Pissy.
811
00:33:36,638 --> 00:33:39,138
Well, the good news is,
he only pees when he's lonely,
812
00:33:39,140 --> 00:33:40,272
which is all the time.
813
00:33:40,274 --> 00:33:41,674
And then,
I have to clean it all up.
814
00:33:41,676 --> 00:33:44,144
You could always sneak him
into the neighbor's house.
815
00:33:44,146 --> 00:33:47,250
The Crenshaws seem pretty gross
and they might not notice.
816
00:33:48,850 --> 00:33:51,117
Steph...
817
00:33:51,119 --> 00:33:53,119
Do you know what I could do
with these keys?
818
00:33:53,121 --> 00:33:55,688
Let yourself into
a urine soaked house?
819
00:33:55,690 --> 00:33:58,625
I haven't given Tanner
my address yet.
820
00:33:58,627 --> 00:34:00,460
I could give him the address
of the next door.
821
00:34:00,462 --> 00:34:01,560
And we could have dinner there
822
00:34:01,562 --> 00:34:03,629
instead of here
with my crazy family.
823
00:34:03,631 --> 00:34:04,463
[Stephanie]
That is some seriously
824
00:34:04,465 --> 00:34:05,531
evil genius stuff, Nicky.
825
00:34:05,533 --> 00:34:07,800
- And I love it, but, um...
- What?
826
00:34:07,802 --> 00:34:10,704
Isn't Tanner expecting
to meet your parents?
827
00:34:10,706 --> 00:34:13,607
Well, maybe it's time we put all
those improv classes to use.
828
00:34:13,609 --> 00:34:16,409
We hire actors
to play my parents.
829
00:34:16,411 --> 00:34:17,777
We hire actors?
830
00:34:17,779 --> 00:34:19,413
Oh, that's brilliant.
831
00:34:19,415 --> 00:34:20,880
And we could use
our pro-improv skills
832
00:34:20,882 --> 00:34:21,982
to direct them.
833
00:34:21,984 --> 00:34:24,884
Yes! This is gonna be
so much fun.
834
00:34:24,886 --> 00:34:28,154
And we'll never see my crazy,
stupid Christmas family.
835
00:34:28,156 --> 00:34:30,157
Stephanie and Nicky
save the day.
836
00:34:30,159 --> 00:34:33,427
- All thanks to Pissy the cat.
- [chuckles]
837
00:34:33,429 --> 00:34:34,795
[Nicky] You're sure
your parents don't care
838
00:34:34,797 --> 00:34:36,429
if we use your house, Steph?
839
00:34:36,431 --> 00:34:38,498
[Stephanie] They might care
if they knew.
840
00:34:38,500 --> 00:34:40,770
[indistinct chatter]
841
00:34:42,638 --> 00:34:44,572
- [slapping]
- Mm!
842
00:34:48,610 --> 00:34:50,976
[Nicky sighs]
Quite an impressive turnout.
843
00:34:50,978 --> 00:34:53,447
I know right? I guess
we're the only thing casting
844
00:34:53,449 --> 00:34:54,713
in Santa Clarita
for Christmas Eve.
845
00:34:54,715 --> 00:34:56,516
Go figure, right?
[chuckles]
846
00:34:56,518 --> 00:34:57,884
Um, did you ever figure out
847
00:34:57,886 --> 00:34:59,284
how to work the hologram thing
without being there?
848
00:34:59,286 --> 00:35:01,855
Archie from computer club says
he can make a program
849
00:35:01,857 --> 00:35:03,456
that puts it on auto Santa.
850
00:35:03,458 --> 00:35:04,493
Great!
[giggles]
851
00:35:05,793 --> 00:35:08,462
[indistinct chatter]
852
00:35:08,464 --> 00:35:10,797
Steph, this is crazy, we're not
gonna have enough time.
853
00:35:10,799 --> 00:35:12,732
Hey, we totally got this.
854
00:35:12,734 --> 00:35:14,733
We'll plow through
the auditions,
855
00:35:14,735 --> 00:35:16,837
whip the actors into shape
while you spend Christmas Eve
856
00:35:16,839 --> 00:35:18,471
with your fam
in the Christmas cave.
857
00:35:18,473 --> 00:35:19,540
No one will be the wiser
858
00:35:19,542 --> 00:35:20,907
when Tanner and his dad
show up tonight.
859
00:35:20,909 --> 00:35:22,241
Honestly, I wish
860
00:35:22,243 --> 00:35:24,177
we had rash medicine commercial
to cast on the side
861
00:35:24,179 --> 00:35:25,881
because this just seems
too easy.
862
00:35:27,181 --> 00:35:28,248
[Stephanie sighs]
863
00:35:28,250 --> 00:35:29,616
All right.
864
00:35:29,618 --> 00:35:31,250
- Let's do this.
- Good.
865
00:35:31,252 --> 00:35:32,487
[chuckles]
866
00:35:34,922 --> 00:35:36,422
"Hello, Tanner.
867
00:35:36,424 --> 00:35:40,527
It is so nice to finally meet
the boy that my daughter met
868
00:35:40,529 --> 00:35:41,697
last summer."
869
00:35:42,897 --> 00:35:44,764
- That was great.
- Yeah.
870
00:35:44,766 --> 00:35:47,500
There's not going to be a script
for the actual performance
871
00:35:47,502 --> 00:35:48,934
just a lot of improv.
872
00:35:48,936 --> 00:35:50,369
[stammers]
Improv?
873
00:35:50,371 --> 00:35:52,838
Yeah, so why don't you go ahead
and improv with Stephanie
874
00:35:52,840 --> 00:35:55,509
right now, she'll pretend
to be Tanner's dad.
875
00:35:55,511 --> 00:35:59,447
So, Mrs. Winters, I hear
your daughter plays the tuba.
876
00:35:59,915 --> 00:36:01,449
[whines]
877
00:36:01,782 --> 00:36:02,916
Hello?
878
00:36:02,918 --> 00:36:04,985
[panting]
879
00:36:04,987 --> 00:36:06,820
[gasps]
880
00:36:06,822 --> 00:36:07,923
[grunts]
881
00:36:09,958 --> 00:36:12,962
[whimpers]
882
00:36:15,697 --> 00:36:17,264
- I'm gonna go with no on her.
- Mm.
883
00:36:17,266 --> 00:36:18,532
Yeah, okay.
884
00:36:18,534 --> 00:36:20,699
So I know the ad said
that it's a paid gig,
885
00:36:20,701 --> 00:36:22,936
but I can only afford
to pay 50 dollars.
886
00:36:22,938 --> 00:36:24,371
Pay us?
887
00:36:24,373 --> 00:36:26,739
Could maybe pay little bit more
if there was fight scene,
888
00:36:26,741 --> 00:36:29,074
I can even fight myself.
Here just... just watch.
889
00:36:29,076 --> 00:36:30,478
[Eustace] Just...
890
00:36:30,846 --> 00:36:31,911
[grunts]
891
00:36:31,913 --> 00:36:33,279
[groans]
892
00:36:33,281 --> 00:36:36,715
- [thwacks]
- Oh, my...
893
00:36:36,717 --> 00:36:39,552
Uh, it's a little something
I invented called
894
00:36:39,554 --> 00:36:40,753
a stop monologue.
895
00:36:40,755 --> 00:36:43,024
- [Eustace] It's copyrighted.
- [both] Ah.
896
00:36:43,958 --> 00:36:44,991
[whispers]
No.
897
00:36:44,993 --> 00:36:47,826
So, I think I can dance.
898
00:36:47,828 --> 00:36:48,962
[grunts]
899
00:36:48,964 --> 00:36:51,030
Oh, no! He's too hip-hop.
900
00:36:51,032 --> 00:36:54,800
No, um, there's no dancing
involved in this role.
901
00:36:54,802 --> 00:36:56,069
[chuckles]
902
00:36:56,071 --> 00:36:57,637
And then I was
in Fiddler on the Roof.
903
00:36:57,639 --> 00:37:00,574
The original production.
904
00:37:00,576 --> 00:37:02,978
And I play the fiddler
before he got out of the roof.
905
00:37:04,612 --> 00:37:07,646
Thank you so much for coming in.
906
00:37:07,648 --> 00:37:10,784
I wore the mat
that had played the roof.
907
00:37:10,786 --> 00:37:13,954
- That makes no sense.
- I know, I'm Jewish. It doesn't.
908
00:37:13,956 --> 00:37:15,721
Would you like to hear
my English accent?
909
00:37:15,723 --> 00:37:17,657
My father's not English.
910
00:37:17,659 --> 00:37:19,692
Uh, hello, guv'nor.
911
00:37:19,694 --> 00:37:20,726
What-o!
912
00:37:20,728 --> 00:37:22,996
Chim, chim, cher-ee!
[chuckles]
913
00:37:22,998 --> 00:37:25,067
Can you believe,
I've never even been to England.
914
00:37:27,768 --> 00:37:28,934
- Yes.
- Mm.
915
00:37:28,936 --> 00:37:32,507
I also sing
the greatest music of all.
916
00:37:35,009 --> 00:37:36,710
Campfire songs.
917
00:37:36,712 --> 00:37:40,346
♪ Oh, Susanna
Oh, don't you cry for me ♪
918
00:37:40,348 --> 00:37:42,648
How the hell
did a Broadway actor
919
00:37:42,650 --> 00:37:44,817
end up in Santa Clarita,
you may ask.
920
00:37:44,819 --> 00:37:46,554
- I really don't...
- [Ancient man] Go ahead, ask.
921
00:37:49,991 --> 00:37:51,824
[sighs]
922
00:37:51,826 --> 00:37:53,860
How did a Broadway actor end...
923
00:37:53,862 --> 00:37:55,895
Timing! You think timing.
924
00:37:55,897 --> 00:37:58,331
I interrupted you in the middle
of you asking me a question.
925
00:37:58,333 --> 00:38:00,936
Ask me again, it's always funny.
926
00:38:03,170 --> 00:38:05,371
Please, please, I need this.
All right.
927
00:38:05,373 --> 00:38:07,007
Look, let me be the understudy.
928
00:38:07,009 --> 00:38:09,175
Look, I... I'll be
a great understudy.
929
00:38:09,177 --> 00:38:11,143
Does the part require nudity?
930
00:38:11,145 --> 00:38:13,045
Because I prefer it.
931
00:38:13,047 --> 00:38:15,715
Full frontal if possible.
932
00:38:15,717 --> 00:38:18,050
And in conclusion,
I just want to tell you
933
00:38:18,052 --> 00:38:20,887
how pleased I am
to meet Nicky's boyfriend.
934
00:38:20,889 --> 00:38:22,925
And that, I too am not keen
on Christmas.
935
00:38:23,792 --> 00:38:24,724
[gasps]
936
00:38:24,726 --> 00:38:26,659
You nailed it.
[chuckles]
937
00:38:26,661 --> 00:38:27,793
[gasps]
938
00:38:27,795 --> 00:38:29,429
Thank you, you are too kind.
939
00:38:29,431 --> 00:38:31,197
Are you available
to be my dad full-time?
940
00:38:31,199 --> 00:38:33,933
[laughs]
Just kidding. Mostly.
941
00:38:33,935 --> 00:38:35,768
Anyway, you're hired.
942
00:38:35,770 --> 00:38:38,371
And you're all right
that this gig is for tonight?
943
00:38:38,373 --> 00:38:40,072
I know it's Christmas Eve.
944
00:38:40,074 --> 00:38:42,675
Are you kidding?
Christmas is here.
945
00:38:42,677 --> 00:38:43,679
Acting...
946
00:38:44,446 --> 00:38:45,648
is here.
947
00:38:47,748 --> 00:38:49,449
- Mm.
- Commitment to the craft.
948
00:38:49,451 --> 00:38:50,349
I like that.
949
00:38:50,351 --> 00:38:52,851
I humbly accept this position.
950
00:38:52,853 --> 00:38:54,186
Quick question though,
951
00:38:54,188 --> 00:38:55,121
will I have to be
drinking alcohol in this gig?
952
00:38:55,123 --> 00:38:56,588
- No.
- [Bradley] Oh, good.
953
00:38:56,590 --> 00:39:00,159
Wouldn't want to set off the old
alcohol monitoring bracelet.
954
00:39:00,161 --> 00:39:02,931
[quirky music]
955
00:39:03,964 --> 00:39:05,165
[whispers]
It's fine.
956
00:39:05,167 --> 00:39:07,069
I'm hired, right?
957
00:39:08,837 --> 00:39:10,804
I also need a ride home.
958
00:39:10,806 --> 00:39:12,237
No.
959
00:39:12,239 --> 00:39:15,241
Ms. James,
it is so great to see you.
960
00:39:15,243 --> 00:39:16,641
Well, it's great to see you...
961
00:39:16,643 --> 00:39:20,746
Do I... do I know you,
were you in one of my classes?
962
00:39:20,748 --> 00:39:23,882
Uh.
[laughs]
963
00:39:23,884 --> 00:39:26,719
That's so funny. Isn't it funny?
964
00:39:26,721 --> 00:39:28,154
She's not joking, is she?
965
00:39:28,156 --> 00:39:29,788
- Mm-mm
- Okay, yes. Yes!
966
00:39:29,790 --> 00:39:32,058
Yes, I'm in all of your classes.
967
00:39:32,060 --> 00:39:35,962
They're my favorite.
Took them last year, too.
968
00:39:35,964 --> 00:39:39,132
Yes, you showed great promise.
969
00:39:39,134 --> 00:39:40,733
I wanna say...
970
00:39:40,735 --> 00:39:42,168
Saaar...
971
00:39:42,170 --> 00:39:43,770
[mouthing]
Stephanie
972
00:39:43,772 --> 00:39:45,771
- Stephanie.
- Stephanie.
973
00:39:45,773 --> 00:39:47,040
Of course,
your name is Stephanie.
974
00:39:47,042 --> 00:39:49,808
Yeah. Yeah, I swept up
after every rehearsal.
975
00:39:49,810 --> 00:39:53,145
I actually, knitted that sweater
you're currently wearing,
976
00:39:53,147 --> 00:39:55,949
I started that
Facebook fan club for you.
977
00:39:55,951 --> 00:39:57,150
- Now it's coming back to me.
- [Stephanie laughs]
978
00:39:57,152 --> 00:39:58,317
I remember. You're the one
979
00:39:58,319 --> 00:39:59,619
who always wanted
to do the kissing scenes
980
00:39:59,621 --> 00:40:01,920
with all the handsome boys.
Uh, shame on you.
981
00:40:01,922 --> 00:40:03,822
- That's our Steph.
- That's me.
982
00:40:03,824 --> 00:40:05,157
I want you to know
that I've read the material,
983
00:40:05,159 --> 00:40:07,196
I have absorbed the character,
I am...
984
00:40:08,864 --> 00:40:10,764
very good at improv...
985
00:40:10,766 --> 00:40:13,766
The imagination is limitless.
986
00:40:13,768 --> 00:40:15,768
If you let it be ladies.
[clicks tongue]
987
00:40:15,770 --> 00:40:17,003
Great! Then let's improv.
988
00:40:17,005 --> 00:40:20,643
I'll be Nicky's boyfriend's dad.
Okay, got it?
989
00:40:22,076 --> 00:40:23,476
[inhales]
Let's all do a breath.
990
00:40:23,478 --> 00:40:25,945
[deep inhale]
991
00:40:25,947 --> 00:40:28,148
I have a deviated septum
so it's harder to get it in.
992
00:40:28,150 --> 00:40:30,753
[Ms. James] Don't breathe out.
Don't breathe out.
993
00:40:31,252 --> 00:40:32,951
No breathe out.
994
00:40:32,953 --> 00:40:34,052
- Breathe out.
- [exhales]
995
00:40:34,054 --> 00:40:37,956
Let's get ready to improv!
996
00:40:37,958 --> 00:40:39,925
[mumbling]
997
00:40:39,927 --> 00:40:41,561
- Okay. Yeah.
- Here we go.
998
00:40:41,563 --> 00:40:42,798
[inhales]
999
00:40:45,299 --> 00:40:47,199
Well, hello, gentlemen,
it's so nice to...
1000
00:40:47,201 --> 00:40:48,701
[snickers]
Nicky.
1001
00:40:48,703 --> 00:40:51,904
I can see where your boyfriend
gets all of his charms from.
1002
00:40:51,906 --> 00:40:54,940
Mrs. Winters, I heard
your daughter plays the tuba.
1003
00:40:54,942 --> 00:40:56,342
Uh, plays it? Mm, I dunno.
1004
00:40:56,344 --> 00:40:59,012
I think she rocks
the hizouse with it.
1005
00:40:59,014 --> 00:41:01,917
[imitates hip-hop beat]
1006
00:41:02,951 --> 00:41:04,050
[Ms. James chuckles]
1007
00:41:04,052 --> 00:41:05,451
Nice touch.
1008
00:41:05,453 --> 00:41:08,087
That actually gave me
legit embarrassing mom cringe.
1009
00:41:08,089 --> 00:41:09,989
- [both chuckle]
- Well...
1010
00:41:09,991 --> 00:41:11,123
I think you're perfect
for the role.
1011
00:41:11,125 --> 00:41:12,190
- Yeah.
- You're sure you're all right
1012
00:41:12,192 --> 00:41:14,259
with doing this
even though it's tonight
1013
00:41:14,261 --> 00:41:15,895
and it's Christmas Eve?
1014
00:41:15,897 --> 00:41:18,096
Christmas, uh, god.
I can't stand Christmas.
1015
00:41:18,098 --> 00:41:19,565
- Perfect!
- [chuckles]
1016
00:41:19,567 --> 00:41:21,534
What are the odds we find
an actress who hates Christmas
1017
00:41:21,536 --> 00:41:23,235
- as much as I do.
- Right?
1018
00:41:23,237 --> 00:41:26,206
[laughs]
I'm kidding! I love Christmas!
1019
00:41:26,208 --> 00:41:28,077
I'm just a really
talented actress.
1020
00:41:28,944 --> 00:41:29,978
Told ya.
1021
00:41:30,911 --> 00:41:32,011
Uh-huh.
1022
00:41:32,013 --> 00:41:34,079
Please, I need this
for my resume.
1023
00:41:34,081 --> 00:41:35,380
I'm a great understudy
1024
00:41:35,382 --> 00:41:36,616
and you won't even know
I'm around.
1025
00:41:36,618 --> 00:41:38,253
- [Stephanie] Mm-mm.
- Because I'm stealthy.
1026
00:41:41,255 --> 00:41:42,257
See?
1027
00:41:44,125 --> 00:41:45,291
Did I mention I can juggle?
1028
00:41:45,293 --> 00:41:46,228
- [Nicky] Oh, my god.
- [Stephanie] No...
1029
00:41:47,295 --> 00:41:48,330
[Stephanie sighs]
1030
00:41:49,197 --> 00:41:50,199
Actors.
1031
00:41:52,333 --> 00:41:55,134
♪ Kitty cat, kitty cat
I love you ♪
1032
00:41:55,136 --> 00:41:58,003
♪ Kitty cat, kitty cat
Yes, I do ♪
1033
00:41:58,005 --> 00:42:00,405
♪ Kitty cat, kitty cat
You're adorable ♪
1034
00:42:00,407 --> 00:42:03,342
♪ Life without you
Would be horrible ♪
1035
00:42:03,344 --> 00:42:06,012
♪ No one makes me work ♪
1036
00:42:06,014 --> 00:42:08,614
♪ Like my little bundle of fur ♪
1037
00:42:08,616 --> 00:42:14,052
♪ Kitty cat, kitty cat
I love you ♪
1038
00:42:14,054 --> 00:42:20,159
♪ Kitty cat, kitty cat
I love you ♪
1039
00:42:20,161 --> 00:42:22,898
[Bradley] Wow.
It really is a Christmas cave.
1040
00:42:25,667 --> 00:42:27,967
Okay. We need
to keep these closed.
1041
00:42:27,969 --> 00:42:29,168
[Nicky] That's the guy
you're pretending to be,
1042
00:42:29,170 --> 00:42:30,036
he can't see you.
1043
00:42:30,038 --> 00:42:32,237
Uh, Bradley, this is Ms. James.
1044
00:42:32,239 --> 00:42:34,907
- And Ms. James this...
- We've met.
1045
00:42:34,909 --> 00:42:37,043
We did West Side Story together.
1046
00:42:37,045 --> 00:42:39,244
You played Maria to my Tony.
1047
00:42:39,246 --> 00:42:41,346
You're Tony? You're Tony?
1048
00:42:41,348 --> 00:42:42,581
[Stephanie chuckles]
1049
00:42:42,583 --> 00:42:44,150
So you guys
have already played a couple.
1050
00:42:44,152 --> 00:42:45,585
For one night.
1051
00:42:45,587 --> 00:42:48,621
Until he was unmercifully
replaced by the understudy.
1052
00:42:48,623 --> 00:42:49,922
Was there a problem?
1053
00:42:49,924 --> 00:42:52,257
You're not supposed to use
a real switchblade.
1054
00:42:52,259 --> 00:42:54,192
I was acquitted
of all charges, okay?
1055
00:42:54,194 --> 00:42:56,663
And replacing me
with the understudy, not cool.
1056
00:42:56,665 --> 00:42:58,398
Not cool.
1057
00:42:58,400 --> 00:42:59,965
[Bradley] Still have nightmares.
1058
00:42:59,967 --> 00:43:02,101
Okay! So, um, moving on.
1059
00:43:02,103 --> 00:43:04,637
Uh, Bradley, you'll be playing
Nicky's dad, Chris.
1060
00:43:04,639 --> 00:43:07,940
And Ms. James, you'll be playing
Nicky's mom, Fran.
1061
00:43:07,942 --> 00:43:09,375
Fran. Got it.
1062
00:43:09,377 --> 00:43:10,775
[Stephanie chuckles]
1063
00:43:10,777 --> 00:43:13,445
Uh, we only have about
seven hours until they arrive.
1064
00:43:13,447 --> 00:43:15,081
So, uh, let's rehearse.
1065
00:43:15,083 --> 00:43:17,050
Uh, Nicky,
you be Tanner's dad, Lance,
1066
00:43:17,052 --> 00:43:18,217
and I'll be Tanner.
1067
00:43:18,219 --> 00:43:20,085
And action!
1068
00:43:20,087 --> 00:43:22,221
Lance, it is so nice
to meet you.
1069
00:43:22,223 --> 00:43:24,223
Yes, it's so nice to meet you.
1070
00:43:24,225 --> 00:43:27,025
And, Tanner, what a lovely name.
1071
00:43:27,027 --> 00:43:29,395
- What a lovely name.
- Wait, cut. Um...
1072
00:43:29,397 --> 00:43:32,498
Bradley, you're just repeating
whatever Ms. James says.
1073
00:43:32,500 --> 00:43:35,168
I was being a husband
in tune with his wife.
1074
00:43:35,170 --> 00:43:37,070
Okay, uh, well...
1075
00:43:37,072 --> 00:43:39,438
Let's maybe dial that back
just a little bit, okay?
1076
00:43:39,440 --> 00:43:41,974
[chuckles]
And action.
1077
00:43:41,976 --> 00:43:42,942
Lance, Tanner,
1078
00:43:42,944 --> 00:43:44,110
- how was your flight?
- Oh.
1079
00:43:44,112 --> 00:43:46,679
[chuckles]
That's a stupid question, honey.
1080
00:43:46,681 --> 00:43:49,117
And dial back on the harsh,
too, please.
1081
00:43:49,985 --> 00:43:51,317
Actors.
1082
00:43:51,319 --> 00:43:52,454
I know.
1083
00:43:53,388 --> 00:43:54,853
The flight was swell.
1084
00:43:54,855 --> 00:43:58,224
Great, great. Now, what part
of Connecticut are you from?
1085
00:43:58,226 --> 00:44:00,425
- [Stephanie] The nice part.
- [all laugh]
1086
00:44:00,427 --> 00:44:02,395
No, no, I cannot laugh at that.
1087
00:44:02,397 --> 00:44:03,496
- Why not?
- [Bradley] I don't think
1088
00:44:03,498 --> 00:44:05,498
that my character would
find it funny.
1089
00:44:05,500 --> 00:44:09,001
Can you stop whining
and just be professional?
1090
00:44:09,003 --> 00:44:10,737
- Oh, professional?
- Uh, yeah.
1091
00:44:10,739 --> 00:44:12,438
You're a drama teacher, okay?
1092
00:44:12,440 --> 00:44:15,440
You're a babysitter
with a scenery budget.
1093
00:44:15,442 --> 00:44:18,210
All right. I'll have you know,
I was on Law & Order.
1094
00:44:18,212 --> 00:44:19,779
[Bradley] Oh, I know.
1095
00:44:19,781 --> 00:44:21,780
Because you brought the DVD
to rehearsal
1096
00:44:21,782 --> 00:44:23,483
and made everybody watch it.
1097
00:44:23,485 --> 00:44:25,418
Your part was a member
of the jury.
1098
00:44:25,420 --> 00:44:27,119
[stammers]
Your whole part consisted
1099
00:44:27,121 --> 00:44:29,489
of nodding during the testimony.
This is it.
1100
00:44:29,491 --> 00:44:31,491
- Look, I can nod.
- [Nicky] Guys...
1101
00:44:31,493 --> 00:44:34,494
I'll have you know, I nodded
to S. Epatha Merkerson.
1102
00:44:34,496 --> 00:44:36,529
Who have you
ever nodded to, sir?
1103
00:44:36,531 --> 00:44:39,032
To whom have you nodded?
1104
00:44:39,034 --> 00:44:41,199
I rest my case, you alcoholic.
1105
00:44:41,201 --> 00:44:42,268
That's supposed to be anonymous.
1106
00:44:42,270 --> 00:44:44,404
Everyone can see
your ankle monitor.
1107
00:44:44,406 --> 00:44:46,505
Hope you guys hired
an understudy for this hack.
1108
00:44:46,507 --> 00:44:48,775
- [Bradley] You take that back.
- Okay, settle down...
1109
00:44:48,777 --> 00:44:49,909
We only have a few hours
1110
00:44:49,911 --> 00:44:51,177
until my boyfriend
and his dad get...
1111
00:44:51,179 --> 00:44:54,179
I refuse to go on
until this lumping lummox
1112
00:44:54,181 --> 00:44:57,083
apologizes to me
for mocking my resume.
1113
00:44:57,085 --> 00:44:58,351
Listen to me!
1114
00:44:58,353 --> 00:45:00,085
For the first time in my life
1115
00:45:00,087 --> 00:45:01,753
I might be able
to have the Christmas I want.
1116
00:45:01,755 --> 00:45:05,058
A Christmas where I can relax
and be normal.
1117
00:45:05,060 --> 00:45:07,462
Normal! I need to be normal!
1118
00:45:15,136 --> 00:45:17,072
I need to go help my mother now.
1119
00:45:19,273 --> 00:45:22,141
[retreating footsteps]
1120
00:45:22,143 --> 00:45:23,545
Hope she doesn't talk
to her mom that way.
1121
00:45:30,118 --> 00:45:32,451
Look at the way you manipulate
those cheeseballs.
1122
00:45:32,453 --> 00:45:33,853
How many other girls
can do that?
1123
00:45:33,855 --> 00:45:35,621
Mighty few I'd say.
1124
00:45:35,623 --> 00:45:37,623
I'm the envy of all my friends.
1125
00:45:37,625 --> 00:45:40,092
Oh, you sarcastic young woman.
1126
00:45:40,094 --> 00:45:41,460
There's gonna be a lot
of hungry visitors
1127
00:45:41,462 --> 00:45:43,596
to the Christmas cave
expecting their Christmas treats
1128
00:45:43,598 --> 00:45:46,567
in a few hours, and those balls
will not disappoint.
1129
00:45:47,802 --> 00:45:49,634
You don't hear it, do you, Mom?
1130
00:45:49,636 --> 00:45:51,572
There's no food
like Christmas food.
1131
00:45:52,840 --> 00:45:54,306
Christmas food.
1132
00:45:54,308 --> 00:45:55,509
Christmas food.
1133
00:45:56,578 --> 00:45:58,280
What the Blitzen
are you going on about?
1134
00:46:00,281 --> 00:46:02,514
Mom, I gotta go
check on Stephanie,
1135
00:46:02,516 --> 00:46:05,217
because she's Jewish
and it's Christmas,
1136
00:46:05,219 --> 00:46:06,585
so, you know,
1137
00:46:06,587 --> 00:46:08,621
it's a difficult time
for her people.
1138
00:46:08,623 --> 00:46:10,288
Why do you have to go
this minute?
1139
00:46:10,290 --> 00:46:12,159
Because reasons. Jewish reasons.
1140
00:46:13,527 --> 00:46:16,031
Gosh, it sounds like
so much work to be Jewish.
1141
00:46:17,364 --> 00:46:18,433
[sighs]
1142
00:46:19,366 --> 00:46:20,368
[gasps]
1143
00:46:22,270 --> 00:46:25,273
[playful music]
1144
00:46:33,214 --> 00:46:35,313
[window rattles]
1145
00:46:35,315 --> 00:46:37,282
Why are you coming in
through the window?
1146
00:46:37,284 --> 00:46:39,418
[Nicky] Rudy almost saw me
coming here, the little twerp.
1147
00:46:39,420 --> 00:46:41,186
But that's the least
of our problems.
1148
00:46:41,188 --> 00:46:43,588
Chill, woman. Your Hollywood
parents are doing great.
1149
00:46:43,590 --> 00:46:46,458
I am merely a vessel
for the spirit of the theater.
1150
00:46:46,460 --> 00:46:49,262
If by spirit, you mean vodka.
1151
00:46:49,264 --> 00:46:50,462
We're screwed.
1152
00:46:50,464 --> 00:46:53,299
Why, Captain Bummer
of the SS Bring Me Down?
1153
00:46:53,301 --> 00:46:54,866
Because it will be
kind of obvious
1154
00:46:54,868 --> 00:46:56,636
if Tanner and his dad
show up for dinner
1155
00:46:56,638 --> 00:46:58,373
and there's no dinner.
1156
00:46:59,574 --> 00:47:02,708
Uh, yeah. We forgot about that.
1157
00:47:02,710 --> 00:47:05,344
Just so you know, I don't cook.
1158
00:47:05,346 --> 00:47:07,612
But my character
1159
00:47:07,614 --> 00:47:09,315
doesn't either.
1160
00:47:09,317 --> 00:47:10,583
- Okay.
- Okay.
1161
00:47:10,585 --> 00:47:11,784
Can you save my life?
1162
00:47:11,786 --> 00:47:14,186
And go buy dinner
for six people? Done.
1163
00:47:14,188 --> 00:47:15,887
And remember,
nothing too Christmassy.
1164
00:47:15,889 --> 00:47:18,558
Double done.
No red or green foods.
1165
00:47:18,560 --> 00:47:20,429
[Nicky] Ugh. Wish I was adopted.
1166
00:47:21,295 --> 00:47:22,427
[Ms. James sighs]
1167
00:47:22,429 --> 00:47:23,730
Well, what are we supposed
to do now?
1168
00:47:23,732 --> 00:47:25,630
- Consider this intermission.
- [bracelet beeps]
1169
00:47:25,632 --> 00:47:27,333
Anybody have a screwdriver?
1170
00:47:27,335 --> 00:47:28,934
What would happen
if I poured alcohol
1171
00:47:28,936 --> 00:47:31,204
on that thing?
[snickers]
1172
00:47:31,206 --> 00:47:32,538
I would go to jail.
1173
00:47:32,540 --> 00:47:35,541
And worse, you'd be wasting
peppermint schnapps
1174
00:47:35,543 --> 00:47:36,909
[laughs]
1175
00:47:36,911 --> 00:47:38,580
[bracelet beeping]
1176
00:47:40,214 --> 00:47:41,348
[zipper rasps]
1177
00:47:44,585 --> 00:47:45,619
Oh, this?
1178
00:47:46,587 --> 00:47:48,622
Why, thank you.
[giggles]
1179
00:47:51,491 --> 00:47:53,458
You think the color
brings out my eyes?
1180
00:47:53,460 --> 00:47:56,197
[chuckles]
Oh, Tanner, stop.
1181
00:47:57,931 --> 00:47:59,167
Hmm.
1182
00:48:01,502 --> 00:48:04,270
Those cranberries cool yet, hon?
We should put them in the...
1183
00:48:04,272 --> 00:48:06,538
- [gasps]
- Oh!
1184
00:48:06,540 --> 00:48:09,241
- Oh, no. Honey.
- Oh, my god.
1185
00:48:09,243 --> 00:48:10,643
Your pretty dress.
1186
00:48:10,645 --> 00:48:13,712
[Fran] Oh, oh. I'm so sorry.
1187
00:48:13,714 --> 00:48:15,614
Oh, no.
1188
00:48:15,616 --> 00:48:18,016
Ugh, the one year I don't have
backup cranberries.
1189
00:48:18,018 --> 00:48:19,518
Seriously?
1190
00:48:19,520 --> 00:48:20,753
I'm sorry, go change.
1191
00:48:20,755 --> 00:48:21,853
You know what,
you're gonna have to go change.
1192
00:48:21,855 --> 00:48:23,655
You gotta work
that hologram Santa.
1193
00:48:23,657 --> 00:48:25,527
I'm so sorry, honey.
1194
00:48:26,728 --> 00:48:28,363
Go get yourself cleaned up.
1195
00:48:29,563 --> 00:48:32,297
[groans]
No backup cranberries.
1196
00:48:32,299 --> 00:48:33,799
Oh!
1197
00:48:33,801 --> 00:48:35,636
[Nicky] I can't believe this.
1198
00:48:37,505 --> 00:48:39,704
- Why the drama? You look great.
- [sighs]
1199
00:48:39,706 --> 00:48:41,741
That was the dress, Steph.
1200
00:48:41,743 --> 00:48:43,643
- Hey, no, no, no.
- [scoffs]
1201
00:48:43,645 --> 00:48:45,110
You look amazing.
1202
00:48:45,112 --> 00:48:48,413
And Tanner's gonna love you
even more than he already does.
1203
00:48:48,415 --> 00:48:50,715
Because I cannot live in a world
where Nicky Winters is not
1204
00:48:50,717 --> 00:48:53,286
with the man of her dreams.
1205
00:48:53,288 --> 00:48:54,688
That's kind of codependent.
1206
00:48:56,424 --> 00:48:58,690
- I love it.
- [chuckles]
1207
00:48:58,692 --> 00:48:59,659
You look great.
1208
00:48:59,661 --> 00:49:00,992
- This is gonna be great.
- Yeah?
1209
00:49:00,994 --> 00:49:02,661
And we got this, you know we do.
1210
00:49:02,663 --> 00:49:05,431
- Okay?
- Okay.
1211
00:49:05,433 --> 00:49:07,301
- Hm.
- You look good in yellow.
1212
00:49:11,438 --> 00:49:12,706
[indistinct chatter]
1213
00:49:16,777 --> 00:49:19,311
Hi, are you ready to go
inside the cave?
1214
00:49:19,313 --> 00:49:21,012
- Yeah.
- You're excited? Yeah.
1215
00:49:21,014 --> 00:49:22,581
- Yeah.
- Exactly. Excited.
1216
00:49:22,583 --> 00:49:24,583
George Bailey to Clarence?
1217
00:49:24,585 --> 00:49:26,585
George Bailey to Clarence?
1218
00:49:26,587 --> 00:49:27,853
Come in, Clarence.
1219
00:49:27,855 --> 00:49:29,355
[Rudy] This is Clarence.
1220
00:49:29,357 --> 00:49:30,489
Roger that.
1221
00:49:30,491 --> 00:49:31,956
How's the crowd?
1222
00:49:31,958 --> 00:49:35,328
Do we need additional security
or are they well behaved?
1223
00:49:35,330 --> 00:49:36,728
[Rudy]
I've got them under control.
1224
00:49:36,730 --> 00:49:37,829
But if there's any trouble,
1225
00:49:37,831 --> 00:49:39,465
I'll let the hot cider
do the talking.
1226
00:49:39,467 --> 00:49:42,804
[Chris] Roger that, Clarence.
Ho, ho, ho, hooraybell.
1227
00:49:44,471 --> 00:49:45,706
[sighs]
1228
00:49:48,476 --> 00:49:49,641
- That's pretty good.
- [hologram machine beeps]
1229
00:49:49,643 --> 00:49:51,744
Well, that's your everyday
Santa dance.
1230
00:49:51,746 --> 00:49:54,579
I kinda jailbroke this machine
and I put it on a loop,
1231
00:49:54,581 --> 00:49:56,648
so it should keep on running
for the rest of the night.
1232
00:49:56,650 --> 00:49:58,219
- All right.
- [hologram machine beeps]
1233
00:50:01,522 --> 00:50:02,523
[beeps]
1234
00:50:03,790 --> 00:50:05,123
You know,
my psychic just told me
1235
00:50:05,125 --> 00:50:07,125
that my spirit animal is a wolf.
1236
00:50:07,127 --> 00:50:08,395
You like wolves?
1237
00:50:12,567 --> 00:50:13,632
Sure.
1238
00:50:13,634 --> 00:50:15,467
Steph said something
about a tip?
1239
00:50:15,469 --> 00:50:16,768
[gasps]
Oh, right.
1240
00:50:16,770 --> 00:50:20,405
Um, here is 15 dollars.
1241
00:50:20,407 --> 00:50:21,710
You're sure this'll work?
1242
00:50:22,576 --> 00:50:23,744
I'm 15 dollars sure.
1243
00:50:24,545 --> 00:50:26,378
Huh. Okay.
1244
00:50:26,380 --> 00:50:27,514
[beeps]
1245
00:50:29,384 --> 00:50:30,683
[sighs]
1246
00:50:30,685 --> 00:50:33,255
[indistinct chatter]
1247
00:50:34,087 --> 00:50:37,292
[upbeat music]
1248
00:50:43,831 --> 00:50:44,866
[Nicky] Whoops.
1249
00:50:46,534 --> 00:50:47,800
[grunts]
1250
00:50:47,802 --> 00:50:48,634
[Nicky] Rudy finally took
a bathroom break,
1251
00:50:48,636 --> 00:50:50,536
so I could get over here.
1252
00:50:50,538 --> 00:50:52,505
Okay, so...
1253
00:50:52,507 --> 00:50:53,973
The Christmas trees
are good to go,
1254
00:50:53,975 --> 00:50:56,675
and the dancing Santa loop
should hold them 'till Easter.
1255
00:50:56,677 --> 00:50:58,280
[Parsley meows]
1256
00:50:58,746 --> 00:51:00,445
[purring]
1257
00:51:00,447 --> 00:51:02,415
Oh, shoot I forgot
about the cat.
1258
00:51:02,417 --> 00:51:03,750
- Calm down.
- [sighs]
1259
00:51:03,752 --> 00:51:04,851
[in high-pitched voice]
[Stephanie] Hello, Parsley.
1260
00:51:04,853 --> 00:51:07,753
We're gonna put you
in here, okay?
1261
00:51:07,755 --> 00:51:09,822
- Okay, let's go.
- [purring]
1262
00:51:09,824 --> 00:51:14,159
You are the weirdest cat
in the whole wide world.
1263
00:51:14,161 --> 00:51:15,527
- [Parsley purring]
- Here's your little bed.
1264
00:51:15,529 --> 00:51:18,831
And your food, and your toys,
and your litter box.
1265
00:51:18,833 --> 00:51:20,866
Remember how to use that, okay?
1266
00:51:20,868 --> 00:51:22,503
[Parsley purring]
1267
00:51:23,703 --> 00:51:26,572
- Okay.
- [cell phone beeps]
1268
00:51:26,574 --> 00:51:28,541
You're not gonna believe this,
but Tanner texted me,
1269
00:51:28,543 --> 00:51:30,875
his flight landed early.
So, he's on his way here, now.
1270
00:51:30,877 --> 00:51:32,445
As in, not later, now.
1271
00:51:32,447 --> 00:51:34,646
Uh. Well, dinner is served.
1272
00:51:34,648 --> 00:51:36,614
Or, as my people would say,
1273
00:51:36,616 --> 00:51:38,519
bon appétit.
1274
00:51:40,788 --> 00:51:42,791
[quirky music]
1275
00:51:43,757 --> 00:51:44,759
What is this?
1276
00:51:45,493 --> 00:51:46,692
They're latkes.
1277
00:51:46,694 --> 00:51:49,494
No, what is... What is all this?
1278
00:51:49,496 --> 00:51:51,864
Uh, where did you expect me
to find a full meal
1279
00:51:51,866 --> 00:51:54,166
on Christmas Eve?
It was either Jewish Deli
1280
00:51:54,168 --> 00:51:56,201
or China, China, China
on 14th Street.
1281
00:51:56,203 --> 00:51:58,503
And honey, that food
is bad, bad, bad.
1282
00:51:58,505 --> 00:51:59,904
[cell phone beeps]
1283
00:51:59,906 --> 00:52:01,942
Oh, crap, crap, crap. He's here!
[gasps]
1284
00:52:03,177 --> 00:52:06,744
[light music]
1285
00:52:06,746 --> 00:52:08,246
Get up. Get up, they're here!
1286
00:52:08,248 --> 00:52:09,348
[gasps]
Already?
1287
00:52:09,350 --> 00:52:10,416
I didn't get
to take my power nap.
1288
00:52:10,418 --> 00:52:11,750
[claps]
All right, listen up, cast.
1289
00:52:11,752 --> 00:52:14,253
You know what they say,
bad dress rehearsal, great show.
1290
00:52:14,255 --> 00:52:15,887
And I know that in my heart,
you guys can...
1291
00:52:15,889 --> 00:52:17,655
Stop! Steph.
1292
00:52:17,657 --> 00:52:19,257
- Enough with the pep talk.
- [Stephanie] Sorry.
1293
00:52:19,259 --> 00:52:20,726
[Nicky sighs]
1294
00:52:20,728 --> 00:52:21,730
This is it.
1295
00:52:22,529 --> 00:52:24,730
Okay.
1296
00:52:24,732 --> 00:52:26,601
Are you sure we can
actually pull this off?
1297
00:52:27,668 --> 00:52:29,735
It's not too late to back out?
1298
00:52:29,737 --> 00:52:30,969
[Stephanie]
You can tell them the truth,
1299
00:52:30,971 --> 00:52:32,570
and take the chances
with your real family.
1300
00:52:32,572 --> 00:52:34,907
Because once you open that door,
1301
00:52:34,909 --> 00:52:37,509
there's no turning back, okay?
1302
00:52:37,511 --> 00:52:39,677
You will fall down
the rabbit hole of deception
1303
00:52:39,679 --> 00:52:41,850
and trickery,
like nothing you've ever known.
1304
00:52:43,683 --> 00:52:44,484
Sounds good.
1305
00:52:46,888 --> 00:52:48,786
- [Tanner] Nicky!
- [Nicky] Tanner!
1306
00:52:48,788 --> 00:52:50,524
- [Tanner] I missed you.
- [Nicky] I missed you too!
1307
00:52:52,259 --> 00:52:54,626
Who's this boy
manhandling my daughter?
1308
00:52:54,628 --> 00:52:56,529
Oh.
1309
00:52:56,531 --> 00:52:58,596
Hah! I'm just kidding.
I'm the dad of this family.
1310
00:52:58,598 --> 00:52:59,931
- [laughing]
- [Tanner] I'm Tanner.
1311
00:52:59,933 --> 00:53:02,000
- This is my, uh, dad, Lance.
- [Bradley] Hi. Hey.
1312
00:53:02,002 --> 00:53:03,802
- [Lance] Uh, hello.
- Uh, nice to me you, Mr....
1313
00:53:03,804 --> 00:53:04,869
Uh, call me Lance.
1314
00:53:04,871 --> 00:53:06,808
[gasps]
This is my friend Stephanie.
1315
00:53:07,842 --> 00:53:09,041
Very nice to meet you.
1316
00:53:09,043 --> 00:53:11,744
[stammers]
Uh, what's going on next door?
1317
00:53:11,746 --> 00:53:14,679
[indistinct chatter]
1318
00:53:14,681 --> 00:53:16,949
[Nicky gasps]
Oh! it's, um...
1319
00:53:16,951 --> 00:53:17,985
Uh, Dad?
1320
00:53:20,253 --> 00:53:21,686
Dad?
1321
00:53:21,688 --> 00:53:23,255
- That's me!
- Hm.
1322
00:53:23,257 --> 00:53:25,623
Well, hello gentlemen!
[chuckles]
1323
00:53:25,625 --> 00:53:26,724
So good to see you!
1324
00:53:26,726 --> 00:53:28,893
Let's not keep
our guests waiting.
1325
00:53:28,895 --> 00:53:30,295
[Ms. James] Come on in, boys!
1326
00:53:30,297 --> 00:53:31,329
- [all chuckle]
- [Ms. James] Okay.
1327
00:53:31,331 --> 00:53:33,565
That's how
a professional does it.
1328
00:53:33,567 --> 00:53:34,701
Guys, welcome!
1329
00:53:38,306 --> 00:53:39,706
[both chuckle]
1330
00:53:49,583 --> 00:53:50,585
[crunches]
1331
00:53:51,886 --> 00:53:53,855
[chuckles, exhales]
1332
00:53:54,654 --> 00:53:55,554
Great bread!
1333
00:53:55,556 --> 00:53:57,559
- [Nicky] Mm-hmm.
- [laughs]
1334
00:53:58,726 --> 00:54:00,960
Yes. So...
[clears throat]
1335
00:54:00,962 --> 00:54:02,094
[crunching]
1336
00:54:02,096 --> 00:54:03,665
...dry.
[clears throat]
1337
00:54:04,998 --> 00:54:06,364
- Oh, um.
- [Lance sighs]
1338
00:54:06,366 --> 00:54:07,733
I'll go get you some water.
1339
00:54:07,735 --> 00:54:08,570
[Nicky] Okay.
1340
00:54:10,337 --> 00:54:12,036
- Are you Jewish?
- [Lance clears throat]
1341
00:54:12,038 --> 00:54:14,038
No.
[chuckles]
1342
00:54:14,040 --> 00:54:15,340
We just love matzo.
1343
00:54:15,342 --> 00:54:17,610
So dry. Goes down scratchy.
1344
00:54:17,612 --> 00:54:19,581
It's, it's kind of a Cali thing.
1345
00:54:20,047 --> 00:54:21,646
[both chuckle]
1346
00:54:21,648 --> 00:54:22,650
[munches]
1347
00:54:27,355 --> 00:54:28,887
[clears throat]
1348
00:54:28,889 --> 00:54:30,788
[stammers]
So, Tanner!
1349
00:54:30,790 --> 00:54:32,757
How do you like Santa Clarita?
1350
00:54:32,759 --> 00:54:33,925
It's a little warmer
than Boston, huh?
1351
00:54:33,927 --> 00:54:34,996
- [sighs]
- [chuckles]
1352
00:54:35,763 --> 00:54:36,996
Connecticut.
1353
00:54:36,998 --> 00:54:38,697
- What?
- Drunk, say "what?"
1354
00:54:38,699 --> 00:54:40,099
- What?
- [Nicky gasps]
1355
00:54:40,101 --> 00:54:41,467
[Nicky laughs]
1356
00:54:41,469 --> 00:54:43,902
- [Tanner and Bradley chuckle]
- Remember, Dad? I...
1357
00:54:43,904 --> 00:54:45,904
I swear his memory is going.
1358
00:54:45,906 --> 00:54:48,009
Tanner and his dad live
in Connecticut.
1359
00:54:49,677 --> 00:54:51,409
[Chris] This is George Bailey,
to Clarence.
1360
00:54:51,411 --> 00:54:52,344
George Bailey to Clarence.
1361
00:54:52,346 --> 00:54:53,411
Have you seen Nicky?
1362
00:54:53,413 --> 00:54:54,813
I'm about to open the cave,
1363
00:54:54,815 --> 00:54:57,282
and I can't do it without her.
Over.
1364
00:54:57,284 --> 00:54:58,817
[Rudy]
That's a negative, George.
1365
00:54:58,819 --> 00:55:02,121
She disappoints yet again. Over.
1366
00:55:02,123 --> 00:55:03,721
You know, how come
you never pronounce
1367
00:55:03,723 --> 00:55:05,090
the second C in Connecticut?
1368
00:55:05,092 --> 00:55:06,391
"Connect-ticut."
1369
00:55:06,393 --> 00:55:07,794
That would sound weird, right?
1370
00:55:09,063 --> 00:55:10,663
Makes you think, though,
doesn't it?
1371
00:55:10,665 --> 00:55:12,697
[chuckling]
Oh, no. It does not.
1372
00:55:12,699 --> 00:55:13,868
[chuckles]
1373
00:55:14,868 --> 00:55:16,201
It's great here, Mr. Winters.
1374
00:55:16,203 --> 00:55:17,936
It's nice to be in the sun
during Christmas time.
1375
00:55:17,938 --> 00:55:18,969
[Stephanie gasps]
Christmas time!
1376
00:55:18,971 --> 00:55:21,739
[chuckles]
Christmas time is here.
1377
00:55:21,741 --> 00:55:23,074
Right here!
[chuckles]
1378
00:55:23,076 --> 00:55:24,742
And also next door.
[chuckles]
1379
00:55:24,744 --> 00:55:27,378
Next door is having
a special time.
1380
00:55:27,380 --> 00:55:29,848
Right, in the nick of time,
[stammers]
1381
00:55:29,850 --> 00:55:31,585
you might say.
[chuckles]
1382
00:55:32,118 --> 00:55:33,153
[Nicky] Oh.
1383
00:55:33,821 --> 00:55:35,154
Oh!
1384
00:55:35,156 --> 00:55:38,157
I'm sorry, I have to go work
on the main course.
1385
00:55:38,159 --> 00:55:39,824
That matzoh can't ball itself.
1386
00:55:39,826 --> 00:55:41,393
- [Stephanie] Oh, right?
- [all chuckling]
1387
00:55:41,395 --> 00:55:42,728
Excuse me...
1388
00:55:42,730 --> 00:55:43,695
[all laugh]
1389
00:55:43,697 --> 00:55:45,963
- I'll be right back.
- Yeah.
1390
00:55:45,965 --> 00:55:48,132
[retreating footsteps]
1391
00:55:48,134 --> 00:55:49,703
We're having this stuff
for dinner, too?
1392
00:55:50,203 --> 00:55:52,003
[Stephanie laughs]
1393
00:55:52,005 --> 00:55:54,005
- [Bradley] Hm.
- [Stephanie awkward chuckle]
1394
00:55:54,007 --> 00:55:55,074
"Connect-ticut."
1395
00:55:55,076 --> 00:55:56,007
- Yeah.
- [Stephanie] Oh!
1396
00:55:56,009 --> 00:55:57,476
- [Stephanie laughs]
- Again!
1397
00:55:57,478 --> 00:55:58,811
- [laughing]
- Yeah.
1398
00:55:58,813 --> 00:56:00,846
[Nicky] I should take
all those genealogy tests.
1399
00:56:00,848 --> 00:56:02,683
Oh, god.
1400
00:56:03,484 --> 00:56:04,717
- Hey.
- Oh!
1401
00:56:04,719 --> 00:56:05,918
[Nicky scoffs]
1402
00:56:05,920 --> 00:56:07,219
What the hell
are you doing here, Doug?
1403
00:56:07,221 --> 00:56:08,987
Being an understudy.
1404
00:56:08,989 --> 00:56:11,023
I'm ready to go on,
at a moment's notice,
1405
00:56:11,025 --> 00:56:12,925
and play your dad.
1406
00:56:12,927 --> 00:56:15,728
[Doug] A great artist
never gives up.
1407
00:56:15,730 --> 00:56:17,996
J.K. Rowling
was rejected 12 times
1408
00:56:17,998 --> 00:56:20,132
before they published
Harry Potter.
1409
00:56:20,134 --> 00:56:21,866
[inhales sharply]
Right.
1410
00:56:21,868 --> 00:56:24,069
- Um.
- [branch snaps]
1411
00:56:24,071 --> 00:56:25,839
Expelliarmus, weirdo.
1412
00:56:27,808 --> 00:56:29,507
That's not a real spell.
1413
00:56:29,509 --> 00:56:33,145
[festive music]
1414
00:56:33,147 --> 00:56:35,750
- [indistinct chatter]
- [Nicky] Excuse me.
1415
00:56:37,016 --> 00:56:39,817
[Nicky chuckles]
Hey, look at you.
1416
00:56:39,819 --> 00:56:40,985
I'm a candy cane!
1417
00:56:40,987 --> 00:56:42,887
Yeah, and a real sweet one,
I'll bet.
1418
00:56:42,889 --> 00:56:45,056
[chuckles]
That's cute.
1419
00:56:45,058 --> 00:56:47,259
Excuse me.
Can I see your access pass?
1420
00:56:47,261 --> 00:56:50,094
Leave her alone, Rudy.
1421
00:56:50,096 --> 00:56:53,532
If you like unsecure areas,
then that's on you.
1422
00:56:53,534 --> 00:56:55,933
Your father's just about to open
the Christmas cave.
1423
00:56:55,935 --> 00:56:58,872
Okay, we are just about ready
for a...
1424
00:57:00,907 --> 00:57:02,241
- What?
- It's just...
1425
00:57:02,243 --> 00:57:04,208
You're not wearing your costume.
1426
00:57:04,210 --> 00:57:06,545
Dad, no. No costume, okay?
1427
00:57:06,547 --> 00:57:08,514
I'm... I'm the dancing hologram.
1428
00:57:08,516 --> 00:57:09,915
That's it.
[inhales]
1429
00:57:09,917 --> 00:57:12,152
Now, let's...
1430
00:57:12,987 --> 00:57:15,156
open the Christmas cave!
1431
00:57:17,023 --> 00:57:19,491
[chuckles]
Okay...
1432
00:57:19,493 --> 00:57:22,494
[indistinct chatter]
1433
00:57:22,496 --> 00:57:24,929
[woman #1]
She didn't put on her costume.
1434
00:57:24,931 --> 00:57:27,833
Why is this lady
stopping Christmas?
1435
00:57:27,835 --> 00:57:29,067
[woman #2]
Where's her Christmas spirit?
1436
00:57:29,069 --> 00:57:31,069
Why do you hate America?
1437
00:57:31,071 --> 00:57:33,204
[people murmuring]
1438
00:57:33,206 --> 00:57:36,743
Nicky, it's not really the same
if you're not in a costume.
1439
00:57:40,014 --> 00:57:42,181
[man #1] Doe she even care
about this holiday?
1440
00:57:42,183 --> 00:57:43,184
[sighs]
1441
00:57:43,884 --> 00:57:44,916
Okay.
1442
00:57:44,918 --> 00:57:46,250
- [crowd cheers]
- Come on, sweetie.
1443
00:57:46,252 --> 00:57:47,219
I'll you put it on.
You can't put it on by yourself.
1444
00:57:47,221 --> 00:57:49,288
- [Fran] Here we go.
- Okay.
1445
00:57:49,290 --> 00:57:51,290
Slight delay, but not to panic!
1446
00:57:51,292 --> 00:57:54,125
The gate's opening
is moments away!
1447
00:57:54,127 --> 00:57:55,960
[cheers and applause]
1448
00:57:55,962 --> 00:57:57,798
[Chris] It take...
It takes a team.
1449
00:57:58,331 --> 00:58:00,232
It was mostly me.
1450
00:58:00,234 --> 00:58:01,567
And then the Sherpa said,
1451
00:58:01,569 --> 00:58:04,235
"I've never seen a white guy
with calves like yours."
1452
00:58:04,237 --> 00:58:05,536
[laughs]
1453
00:58:05,538 --> 00:58:07,905
[Ms. James laughing]
1454
00:58:07,907 --> 00:58:09,710
Hm.
[chuckles]
1455
00:58:11,011 --> 00:58:13,978
So, is that your only move?
Nodding, huh?
1456
00:58:13,980 --> 00:58:15,313
West Side Story was my big break
1457
00:58:15,315 --> 00:58:17,983
and you ruined it for me,
you booze-back loser.
1458
00:58:17,985 --> 00:58:19,384
Oh, honey!
1459
00:58:19,386 --> 00:58:21,253
You don't have to whisper
sweet nothings in my ear.
1460
00:58:21,255 --> 00:58:22,353
I know how much you love me!
1461
00:58:22,355 --> 00:58:23,521
[all chuckle]
1462
00:58:23,523 --> 00:58:26,027
I know it!
I know how much you love me.
1463
00:58:27,194 --> 00:58:28,360
So much.
1464
00:58:28,362 --> 00:58:30,596
- [Ms. James sighs]
- [Bradley clears throat]
1465
00:58:30,598 --> 00:58:32,833
[chattering]
1466
00:58:33,601 --> 00:58:35,300
[gasps]
1467
00:58:35,302 --> 00:58:37,902
[Chris] Oh! Beautiful.
1468
00:58:37,904 --> 00:58:41,174
You are the ornament that makes
this Christmas complete.
1469
00:58:44,110 --> 00:58:45,576
- [thuds]
- [crowd gasps]
1470
00:58:45,578 --> 00:58:48,148
[Nicky] Ow! Concrete. Hurting.
1471
00:58:49,917 --> 00:58:50,985
You're weird.
1472
00:58:53,052 --> 00:58:55,022
[Fran] Oh, honey.
Let me help you up. Come here.
1473
00:58:55,355 --> 00:58:56,554
Oh, baby.
1474
00:58:56,556 --> 00:58:59,023
[Nicky] It takes more than that
to keep me down.
1475
00:58:59,025 --> 00:59:00,994
Okay guys,
Dad's gonna open the cave.
1476
00:59:01,895 --> 00:59:03,895
The time has come!
1477
00:59:03,897 --> 00:59:06,431
I now pronounce
the Christmas cave
1478
00:59:06,433 --> 00:59:09,034
officially open!
1479
00:59:09,036 --> 00:59:10,668
[crowd applauding]
1480
00:59:10,670 --> 00:59:13,206
[crowd cheering]
1481
00:59:17,911 --> 00:59:19,312
[crowd yells]
1482
00:59:21,114 --> 00:59:23,283
[crowd applauding]
1483
00:59:24,051 --> 00:59:27,054
[festive music]
1484
00:59:28,922 --> 00:59:31,657
I know. Pretty awesome, right?
1485
00:59:31,659 --> 00:59:35,797
Now, you need get to your post
at the end of the tour.
1486
00:59:36,663 --> 00:59:38,195
[Nicky sighs]
1487
00:59:38,197 --> 00:59:39,596
[Chris] Well, come on!
1488
00:59:39,598 --> 00:59:41,699
All right, all right.
One at a time, one at a time.
1489
00:59:41,701 --> 00:59:44,201
Merry Christmas, everybody.
Merry Christmas!
1490
00:59:44,203 --> 00:59:45,302
[Chris] Right after you.
Make your way.
1491
00:59:45,304 --> 00:59:48,373
Take your time.
Enjoy all the sights.
1492
00:59:48,375 --> 00:59:51,242
Good, good, good.
No pushing, now. No pushing.
1493
00:59:51,244 --> 00:59:53,277
We've got plenty of room
in the cave.
1494
00:59:53,279 --> 00:59:55,346
Come around a second lap,
if you want.
1495
00:59:55,348 --> 00:59:58,317
It's Christmas time
for crying out loud.
1496
00:59:58,319 --> 01:00:00,485
So, then I had to learn to...
1497
01:00:00,487 --> 01:00:01,786
to walk again.
1498
01:00:01,788 --> 01:00:03,253
[inhales sharply]
And just as I was able to stand,
1499
01:00:03,255 --> 01:00:06,724
I fell in love with Chris here,
and he swept me off my feet.
1500
01:00:06,726 --> 01:00:07,925
[laughs]
1501
01:00:07,927 --> 01:00:11,096
But then he had to go
fight in the war.
1502
01:00:11,098 --> 01:00:12,297
That's so inspiring,
Mr. Winters.
1503
01:00:12,299 --> 01:00:14,201
- [Bradley] Yeah.
- Which war did you fight in?
1504
01:00:16,170 --> 01:00:19,040
Canada, in Canadian War.
[stammers]
1505
01:00:21,241 --> 01:00:23,507
Hmm. People don't really
talk about it much.
1506
01:00:23,509 --> 01:00:25,011
- Eh?
- No, they don't.
1507
01:00:27,014 --> 01:00:27,880
They don't.
1508
01:00:27,882 --> 01:00:29,350
They don't, they don't talk.
1509
01:00:30,250 --> 01:00:31,315
[thuds]
1510
01:00:31,317 --> 01:00:34,855
[festive music]
1511
01:00:36,255 --> 01:00:37,290
It's cool!
1512
01:00:38,257 --> 01:00:40,227
[indistinct chatter]
1513
01:00:40,994 --> 01:00:41,929
[chuckles]
1514
01:00:43,998 --> 01:00:45,230
- [Nicky] Okay...
- [computer beeping]
1515
01:00:45,232 --> 01:00:47,264
[keyboard clacking]
1516
01:00:47,266 --> 01:00:48,400
[computer beeps]
1517
01:00:48,402 --> 01:00:50,302
[computer chimes]
1518
01:00:50,304 --> 01:00:53,307
[upbeat music]
1519
01:00:54,107 --> 01:00:55,408
[giggling]
1520
01:01:00,748 --> 01:01:02,081
So, it was
the Battle of Winnipeg, right?
1521
01:01:02,083 --> 01:01:04,449
And it was brutal,
because it was covered in snow
1522
01:01:04,451 --> 01:01:06,351
- and maple syrup...
- [Tanner] Whoa.
1523
01:01:06,353 --> 01:01:07,652
[distant thud]
1524
01:01:07,654 --> 01:01:09,121
Is Nicky all right in there?
It's been a while.
1525
01:01:09,123 --> 01:01:10,422
Oh, no, no, no.
1526
01:01:10,424 --> 01:01:11,523
[chuckles]
She was probably just...
1527
01:01:11,525 --> 01:01:12,724
- Oh.
- ...wrangling
1528
01:01:12,726 --> 01:01:14,393
- an extra-large matzoh ball.
- Okay. Heh, heh.
1529
01:01:14,395 --> 01:01:16,194
Too proud to ask for help.
1530
01:01:16,196 --> 01:01:18,262
[chuckles]
You stay there, I'll go check.
1531
01:01:18,264 --> 01:01:20,400
And don't let them leave, okay?
1532
01:01:22,036 --> 01:01:23,436
[retreating footsteps]
1533
01:01:24,438 --> 01:01:26,304
♪ Oh, Canada ♪
1534
01:01:26,306 --> 01:01:27,308
No!
1535
01:01:28,475 --> 01:01:29,541
[chuckling]
1536
01:01:29,543 --> 01:01:30,741
Yay!
1537
01:01:30,743 --> 01:01:32,076
Stephanie!
1538
01:01:32,078 --> 01:01:34,179
- [Stephanie] There are no words.
- The words are help!
1539
01:01:34,181 --> 01:01:35,579
[Bradley] Stephanie!
1540
01:01:35,581 --> 01:01:36,748
[Stephanie] Someone's coming!
With you in a second.
1541
01:01:36,750 --> 01:01:37,815
[body thuds]
1542
01:01:37,817 --> 01:01:39,483
[Bradley] Stephanie?
1543
01:01:39,485 --> 01:01:40,819
Hey, do you have ice tongs?
1544
01:01:40,821 --> 01:01:42,487
I feel like my character
would have ice tongs.
1545
01:01:42,489 --> 01:01:43,491
No!
1546
01:01:44,391 --> 01:01:46,027
[pants]
1547
01:01:50,264 --> 01:01:51,966
[chuckles]
It's fine.
1548
01:01:53,232 --> 01:01:54,498
[Stephanie sighs]
1549
01:01:54,500 --> 01:01:56,802
[retreating footsteps]
1550
01:01:56,804 --> 01:01:59,603
[Nicky] Stephanie! Stephanie?
Stephanie!
1551
01:01:59,605 --> 01:02:01,338
Come in this window.
It's bigger.
1552
01:02:01,340 --> 01:02:03,076
- Yeah.
- [Stephanie] Come on.
1553
01:02:03,509 --> 01:02:05,076
Okay.
1554
01:02:05,078 --> 01:02:06,378
[Nicky grunts]
1555
01:02:06,380 --> 01:02:08,145
[both groan]
1556
01:02:08,147 --> 01:02:09,614
- [Nicky yelps]
- [thuds]
1557
01:02:09,616 --> 01:02:11,215
[Bradley]
You guys okay in there?
1558
01:02:11,217 --> 01:02:12,416
- [Stephanie panting]
- [Nicky] Ow.
1559
01:02:12,418 --> 01:02:13,884
Nicky, someone's coming.
1560
01:02:13,886 --> 01:02:15,454
- [Nicky] Who? Hey, why...
- [Stephanie] Someone's coming.
1561
01:02:15,456 --> 01:02:16,554
Someone's coming!
1562
01:02:16,556 --> 01:02:18,623
- [Nicky sighs]
- Should I even ask?
1563
01:02:18,625 --> 01:02:21,226
How is everything going
with Mr. and Mrs. Fake Parent?
1564
01:02:21,228 --> 01:02:22,694
Yeah, it's fine.
Everything's fine.
1565
01:02:22,696 --> 01:02:24,161
- [Ms. James] No, no, no, no!
- [Bradley] It's just eggnog!
1566
01:02:24,163 --> 01:02:25,329
Okay.
1567
01:02:25,331 --> 01:02:27,232
- [bracelet beeping]
- It's just eggnog!
1568
01:02:27,234 --> 01:02:29,400
I can hear
your ankle monitor beeping!
1569
01:02:29,402 --> 01:02:30,569
It could be better.
1570
01:02:30,571 --> 01:02:31,936
That's it.
1571
01:02:31,938 --> 01:02:33,304
- I can't act with this woman.
- You can't act, period.
1572
01:02:33,306 --> 01:02:34,373
- Oh, I can't act? You're the...
- Oh, oh, I'm this guy...
1573
01:02:34,375 --> 01:02:37,108
- [Nicky] Guys.
- [both clamoring]
1574
01:02:37,110 --> 01:02:38,112
Guys.
1575
01:02:40,346 --> 01:02:42,015
That boy in there loves me.
1576
01:02:43,150 --> 01:02:44,416
Please, do not ruin this.
1577
01:02:44,418 --> 01:02:46,520
He said I'm his Kate Middleton.
1578
01:02:47,888 --> 01:02:49,422
He said I'm his Kate!
1579
01:02:51,558 --> 01:02:52,560
Okay.
1580
01:02:53,360 --> 01:02:54,525
Fine.
1581
01:02:54,527 --> 01:02:56,527
Thank you.
1582
01:02:56,529 --> 01:02:58,362
- Who's Kate Middleton?
- She's the princess!
1583
01:02:58,364 --> 01:02:59,366
[Nicky] Oh, my god.
1584
01:03:00,366 --> 01:03:01,201
[sighs]
1585
01:03:02,869 --> 01:03:04,636
- [Bradley] Hm.
- [Ms. James chuckles]
1586
01:03:04,638 --> 01:03:06,406
- [Ms. James clears throat]
- [Nicky gasps]
1587
01:03:07,306 --> 01:03:08,672
Who is ready for soup?
1588
01:03:08,674 --> 01:03:10,410
- [Lance] Ah, um.
- [Bradley clears throat]
1589
01:03:12,545 --> 01:03:13,411
[Bradley] Hm.
1590
01:03:13,413 --> 01:03:15,413
Watch and see how it's done.
1591
01:03:15,415 --> 01:03:17,148
I was just gonna ask Tanner
to tell us the story
1592
01:03:17,150 --> 01:03:18,418
about how you guys met at camp.
1593
01:03:19,319 --> 01:03:20,521
You forgot to nod.
1594
01:03:23,190 --> 01:03:25,422
Once I heard Nicky on that tuba,
1595
01:03:25,424 --> 01:03:27,127
the rest is pretty much history.
1596
01:03:28,161 --> 01:03:29,397
[chuckles]
1597
01:03:30,297 --> 01:03:32,299
[tapping on window]
1598
01:03:38,371 --> 01:03:40,172
[bat screeching]
1599
01:03:40,174 --> 01:03:42,373
Is that a bat?
1600
01:03:42,375 --> 01:03:44,308
Is it wearing reindeer antlers?
1601
01:03:44,310 --> 01:03:46,378
- Oh!
- Hey!
1602
01:03:46,380 --> 01:03:48,179
Hey, guess what.
1603
01:03:48,181 --> 01:03:49,581
Let's play
a fun party game called,
1604
01:03:49,583 --> 01:03:50,982
"No one look out the window."
1605
01:03:50,984 --> 01:03:53,418
Oh, I'm going outside
to get a picture of that bat.
1606
01:03:53,420 --> 01:03:55,954
Oh, no. You don't wanna do that.
1607
01:03:55,956 --> 01:03:58,190
Why not?
1608
01:03:58,192 --> 01:04:00,592
Here's that thing, the family
that lives next door is nuts.
1609
01:04:00,594 --> 01:04:01,960
- Bonkers.
- Every year,
1610
01:04:01,962 --> 01:04:04,628
that sad family puts on
some insane Christmas display
1611
01:04:04,630 --> 01:04:05,963
that is totally over the top.
1612
01:04:05,965 --> 01:04:08,333
[Stephanie] Oh, criminally.
Like, over the top.
1613
01:04:08,335 --> 01:04:10,534
And the kicker is,
the city actually passed a law
1614
01:04:10,536 --> 01:04:12,603
to try and stop them
from making more disturbing
1615
01:04:12,605 --> 01:04:14,072
and dangerous lighting displays.
1616
01:04:14,074 --> 01:04:16,340
- Oh, my god, they did! Yeah!
- So, they built a huge cave,
1617
01:04:16,342 --> 01:04:18,375
and they put the display
inside of that.
1618
01:04:18,377 --> 01:04:20,344
- Inside the cave!
- And what's a Christmas cave
1619
01:04:20,346 --> 01:04:21,746
without Christmas bats?
Am I right?
1620
01:04:21,748 --> 01:04:23,415
- [chuckles]
- That's what you saw.
1621
01:04:23,417 --> 01:04:25,319
Mm-hmm. That's what you saw.
1622
01:04:26,587 --> 01:04:28,219
- Wow.
- Mm-hmm.
1623
01:04:28,221 --> 01:04:29,622
Isn't that so, "Huh?"
It's crazy.
1624
01:04:30,590 --> 01:04:32,523
That seems rather extreme.
1625
01:04:32,525 --> 01:04:35,594
[Nicky] Extreme doesn't begin
to describe it.
1626
01:04:35,596 --> 01:04:38,563
They also make their children
dress up as ornaments.
1627
01:04:38,565 --> 01:04:39,663
Ornaments!
1628
01:04:39,665 --> 01:04:41,733
And that's just child abuse.
1629
01:04:41,735 --> 01:04:43,367
Mm-hmm.
1630
01:04:43,369 --> 01:04:44,603
Uh, if these people
are so horrible.
1631
01:04:44,605 --> 01:04:47,005
- No joke, trust me, they are.
- Huh, yeah.
1632
01:04:47,007 --> 01:04:48,375
Why don't you guys just move?
1633
01:04:49,375 --> 01:04:50,377
Oh.
1634
01:04:51,612 --> 01:04:52,811
- [Nicky inhales deeply]
- Uh...
1635
01:04:52,813 --> 01:04:56,648
- We feel sorry for them.
- We feel sorry for them.
1636
01:04:56,650 --> 01:04:58,315
- Sorry for them.
- Right, Mom and Dad?
1637
01:04:58,317 --> 01:04:59,352
Mm-hmm.
1638
01:05:00,353 --> 01:05:01,753
We pray for them nightly.
1639
01:05:01,755 --> 01:05:03,587
And drink to their salvation.
1640
01:05:03,589 --> 01:05:04,655
Amen.
1641
01:05:04,657 --> 01:05:05,726
[glass shatters]
1642
01:05:09,029 --> 01:05:10,462
Um...
1643
01:05:10,464 --> 01:05:12,029
Please excuse me for a moment.
1644
01:05:12,031 --> 01:05:13,234
[Lance clears throat]
1645
01:05:15,002 --> 01:05:17,605
[retreating footsteps]
1646
01:05:18,471 --> 01:05:20,005
Is, is your dad okay?
1647
01:05:20,007 --> 01:05:21,239
[Tanner] Uh, he'll be fine.
1648
01:05:21,241 --> 01:05:23,708
Just, uh, tough for him
to talk about anything
1649
01:05:23,710 --> 01:05:26,344
Christmas related is all,
you know?
1650
01:05:26,346 --> 01:05:27,411
- I understand.
- [Tanner] Yeah,
1651
01:05:27,413 --> 01:05:29,047
it was a tough time
for both of us.
1652
01:05:29,049 --> 01:05:31,284
I wish he could move on
for his own sake.
1653
01:05:32,485 --> 01:05:34,585
[Tanner clears throat]
1654
01:05:34,587 --> 01:05:36,820
[Chris] All right, everyone.
Calm down, calm down.
1655
01:05:36,822 --> 01:05:38,558
The gates are
gonna be opening soon!
1656
01:05:39,326 --> 01:05:40,759
[clamoring]
1657
01:05:40,761 --> 01:05:42,429
[woman #1]
We've been waiting for hours.
1658
01:05:43,663 --> 01:05:46,030
Stephanie, will you help me
in the kitchen
1659
01:05:46,032 --> 01:05:48,500
with something
with which I need help with?
1660
01:05:48,502 --> 01:05:50,302
Oh, certainly, Nicky.
1661
01:05:50,304 --> 01:05:51,305
[chuckles]
1662
01:05:54,574 --> 01:05:57,074
Let me tell you about the time
I carried a Sherpa on my back
1663
01:05:57,076 --> 01:05:58,043
at 30,000 feet.
1664
01:05:58,045 --> 01:05:59,444
- Okay.
- You're, you're nodding.
1665
01:05:59,446 --> 01:06:01,579
I... No, I am, I am.
'Cause I'm... I'm good at it.
1666
01:06:01,581 --> 01:06:03,551
I got... I got paid to do it.
1667
01:06:04,351 --> 01:06:07,518
Law & Order.
1668
01:06:07,520 --> 01:06:09,688
[Chris] George Bailey
to Clarence, what's the hold up?
1669
01:06:09,690 --> 01:06:11,822
[Rudy] Something must be wrong
with the dancing Santa.
1670
01:06:11,824 --> 01:06:14,058
I told you
Nicky can't be trusted.
1671
01:06:14,060 --> 01:06:15,259
- [Nicky] I gotta go back!
- Okay.
1672
01:06:15,261 --> 01:06:16,360
- Come on!
- [Stephanie] Come on, come on.
1673
01:06:16,362 --> 01:06:17,094
[Nicky]
It really does take two people
1674
01:06:17,096 --> 01:06:19,797
to put this costume on.
1675
01:06:19,799 --> 01:06:21,065
You'd think whoever designed
this thing would have realized
1676
01:06:21,067 --> 01:06:22,800
anybody who bought it
would have no friends.
1677
01:06:22,802 --> 01:06:25,704
- Yeah. Pull down.
- Come on. Okay.
1678
01:06:25,706 --> 01:06:27,338
- One, two, three.
- [Nicky] Okay.
1679
01:06:27,340 --> 01:06:28,405
[groans]
1680
01:06:28,407 --> 01:06:29,741
[both grunting]
1681
01:06:29,743 --> 01:06:31,342
- Good to go. Got it.
- Good?
1682
01:06:31,344 --> 01:06:32,612
Go, team.
[sighs]
1683
01:06:35,614 --> 01:06:36,616
[gasps]
1684
01:06:37,583 --> 01:06:38,752
Sorry, folks.
1685
01:06:40,087 --> 01:06:41,585
[keyboard clacking]
1686
01:06:41,587 --> 01:06:44,655
[suspenseful music]
1687
01:06:44,657 --> 01:06:46,458
- [hologram whirs]
- [gasps]
1688
01:06:46,460 --> 01:06:48,360
[gasps]
Oh, my... No.
1689
01:06:48,362 --> 01:06:51,128
Not Satan. Santa!
1690
01:06:51,130 --> 01:06:52,230
[man #1]
That one scared me, and you?
1691
01:06:52,232 --> 01:06:54,766
- [chattering]
- [Chris] Excuse us.
1692
01:06:54,768 --> 01:06:56,436
Sorry. One sec.
1693
01:06:57,436 --> 01:06:58,503
Nicky!
1694
01:06:58,505 --> 01:06:59,737
What is going on?
1695
01:06:59,739 --> 01:07:01,505
We're backed up all the way
to the elves!
1696
01:07:01,507 --> 01:07:03,875
Just, uh, working out
a leg cramp.
1697
01:07:03,877 --> 01:07:05,076
- [chuckles]
- Oh.
1698
01:07:05,078 --> 01:07:06,478
Okay.
[chuckles]
1699
01:07:06,480 --> 01:07:07,679
[clears throat]
Hey, everyone.
1700
01:07:07,681 --> 01:07:09,581
Sorry about the delay.
1701
01:07:09,583 --> 01:07:11,882
But, I now present,
1702
01:07:11,884 --> 01:07:14,619
the dancing Santa!
1703
01:07:14,621 --> 01:07:17,822
- [upbeat music]
- [applauding]
1704
01:07:17,824 --> 01:07:20,125
This is the best Christmas
ever, Dad!
1705
01:07:20,127 --> 01:07:21,494
Oh, honey.
[chuckles]
1706
01:07:24,431 --> 01:07:27,534
[upbeat music]
1707
01:07:28,701 --> 01:07:31,603
Ha! Oh, my god.
1708
01:07:31,605 --> 01:07:34,608
[festive music]
1709
01:07:36,409 --> 01:07:38,678
[chattering]
1710
01:07:40,514 --> 01:07:43,947
[Chris] And we have now come
to the main event!
1711
01:07:43,949 --> 01:07:45,483
Ah, yeah!
1712
01:07:45,485 --> 01:07:46,918
I know what you're thinking.
1713
01:07:46,920 --> 01:07:50,422
It can't be. But it is.
1714
01:07:50,424 --> 01:07:53,491
[Chris] I give you,
the Santa hat
1715
01:07:53,493 --> 01:07:56,927
from the single greatest
Christmas movie ever made!
1716
01:07:56,929 --> 01:07:58,762
Die Hard?
1717
01:07:58,764 --> 01:08:00,764
- No.
- Elf?
1718
01:08:00,766 --> 01:08:02,766
- No.
- Christmas with the Cranks?
1719
01:08:02,768 --> 01:08:03,701
What? No.
1720
01:08:03,703 --> 01:08:06,137
- Polar Express.
- Uh, no.
1721
01:08:06,139 --> 01:08:07,438
A Christmas Story.
1722
01:08:07,440 --> 01:08:08,540
Ooh! Wrong!
1723
01:08:08,542 --> 01:08:09,875
- Bad Santa.
- What? No!
1724
01:08:09,877 --> 01:08:11,909
- Scrooge?
- Oh, it's not even close.
1725
01:08:11,911 --> 01:08:13,445
Christmas Vacation?
1726
01:08:13,447 --> 01:08:14,545
No.
1727
01:08:14,547 --> 01:08:16,480
- Gremlins!
- Seriously? No!
1728
01:08:16,482 --> 01:08:17,815
Ernest Saves Christmas.
1729
01:08:17,817 --> 01:08:19,117
No!
1730
01:08:19,119 --> 01:08:21,752
I'm almost ready to ask you
to leave the tour.
1731
01:08:21,754 --> 01:08:23,720
Santa Claus Versus The Martians.
1732
01:08:23,722 --> 01:08:24,988
Nobody saw that!
1733
01:08:24,990 --> 01:08:26,858
Nobody saw that!
1734
01:08:26,860 --> 01:08:28,493
I saw it.
1735
01:08:28,495 --> 01:08:31,528
Miracle on 34th Street!
1736
01:08:31,530 --> 01:08:32,596
- [Chris] Aha?
- [man #2] Great movie!
1737
01:08:32,598 --> 01:08:33,801
First released in...
1738
01:08:34,935 --> 01:08:36,568
[Chris] Oh, seriously?
1739
01:08:36,570 --> 01:08:40,537
Ugh. Oh. Ah! Dang kids!
1740
01:08:40,539 --> 01:08:43,774
Who'd put chewing gum
on my Christmas hat display.
1741
01:08:43,776 --> 01:08:45,943
[sighs]
Dad, I need to go rest.
1742
01:08:45,945 --> 01:08:47,878
I'm cold and I'm tired.
1743
01:08:47,880 --> 01:08:49,646
Oh, you deserve a rest, honey.
1744
01:08:49,648 --> 01:08:53,751
You did a great job.
Noelle loved it, didn't you?
1745
01:08:53,753 --> 01:08:55,755
I gotta go get this gum
off my display.
1746
01:08:57,223 --> 01:08:58,422
Actually.
1747
01:08:58,424 --> 01:09:01,259
Why don't you wear the hat,
in the meantime.
1748
01:09:01,261 --> 01:09:02,159
Hmm?
1749
01:09:02,161 --> 01:09:03,927
- Hm.
- [Chris chuckles]
1750
01:09:03,929 --> 01:09:05,766
[gasps]
Oh!
1751
01:09:06,932 --> 01:09:08,399
Will you look at that.
1752
01:09:08,401 --> 01:09:11,769
The two most precious things
to me, in the entire world.
1753
01:09:11,771 --> 01:09:14,671
That Santa hat
and my beautiful daughter.
1754
01:09:14,673 --> 01:09:16,707
- Daddy...
- Not now, Noelle.
1755
01:09:16,709 --> 01:09:17,742
Okay, where was I?
1756
01:09:17,744 --> 01:09:19,610
Oh, yes.
Two most precious things.
1757
01:09:19,612 --> 01:09:20,979
- [chuckles]
- [Nicky] Hm.
1758
01:09:20,981 --> 01:09:23,515
Okay. Continuing on
with our tour now, everybody.
1759
01:09:23,517 --> 01:09:24,750
[Chris] We're coming up to our
1760
01:09:24,752 --> 01:09:27,784
build-your-own-snowman
portion of the cave.
1761
01:09:27,786 --> 01:09:30,787
And here's something I made
in my workshop.
1762
01:09:30,789 --> 01:09:32,924
It's a bat with antlers.
1763
01:09:32,926 --> 01:09:34,626
A reindeer bat.
1764
01:09:34,628 --> 01:09:36,994
[people chattering]
1765
01:09:36,996 --> 01:09:40,467
[festive music]
1766
01:09:47,973 --> 01:09:49,607
Don't let me fall.
1767
01:09:49,609 --> 01:09:50,808
Don't let me fall.
Don't let me...
1768
01:09:50,810 --> 01:09:52,543
- I know!
- [both shriek]
1769
01:09:52,545 --> 01:09:53,610
[Nicky] You let me fall.
1770
01:09:53,612 --> 01:09:55,712
I hate Christmas
1771
01:09:55,714 --> 01:09:56,881
- so much.
- Is this the hat...
1772
01:09:56,883 --> 01:09:58,114
[Nicky] That hat
from the stupid, old movie
1773
01:09:58,116 --> 01:10:00,685
my dad spent
my college education money on?
1774
01:10:00,687 --> 01:10:01,952
Yeah, it is.
1775
01:10:01,954 --> 01:10:03,153
[Stephanie] Well, you got back
just in time.
1776
01:10:03,155 --> 01:10:05,023
Because I think
Tanner and his dad are starting
1777
01:10:05,025 --> 01:10:06,724
- to get suspicious.
- [sighs]
1778
01:10:06,726 --> 01:10:08,626
I know.
1779
01:10:08,628 --> 01:10:10,862
[Stephanie] It's a miracle
they haven't figured it out yet.
1780
01:10:10,864 --> 01:10:13,598
If I ever hire actors
to play my parents,
1781
01:10:13,600 --> 01:10:14,765
it will not be those two.
1782
01:10:14,767 --> 01:10:16,067
[gasps]
1783
01:10:16,069 --> 01:10:18,769
But, if I had a boyfriend
as awesome as yours,
1784
01:10:18,771 --> 01:10:20,270
I too would hire a fake family
1785
01:10:20,272 --> 01:10:21,672
to have Christmas dinner
with them.
1786
01:10:21,674 --> 01:10:22,873
[gasps]
1787
01:10:22,875 --> 01:10:23,975
[Bradley]
Sure, you can see the kitchen.
1788
01:10:23,977 --> 01:10:26,043
- Oh!
- [Nicky] Go ahead, go, go, go.
1789
01:10:26,045 --> 01:10:27,912
[both panting]
1790
01:10:27,914 --> 01:10:29,450
[Nicky] Okay.
1791
01:10:30,683 --> 01:10:31,716
[sighs]
1792
01:10:31,718 --> 01:10:33,487
- [Nicky] Go, go.
- Okay, okay, okay.
1793
01:10:34,654 --> 01:10:36,320
[Bradley imitates bird cooing]
1794
01:10:36,322 --> 01:10:37,590
[approaching footsteps]
1795
01:10:40,727 --> 01:10:41,826
Everything all right in here?
1796
01:10:41,828 --> 01:10:43,961
- Yeah, I was starting to worry.
- Yeah.
1797
01:10:43,963 --> 01:10:45,665
Yeah, everything's fine.
We were just...
1798
01:10:46,865 --> 01:10:47,998
Just doing the dishes.
1799
01:10:48,000 --> 01:10:48,899
Doing the dishes.
1800
01:10:48,901 --> 01:10:50,635
[Ms. James] Doing the dishes.
1801
01:10:50,637 --> 01:10:51,970
- Okay, all done.
- [Stephanie sniffs]
1802
01:10:51,972 --> 01:10:53,104
Come on, shall we?
1803
01:10:53,106 --> 01:10:55,607
[Nicky] Come on, let's go.
[chuckles]
1804
01:10:55,609 --> 01:10:57,041
- Latke.
- [Nicky chuckling]
1805
01:10:57,043 --> 01:10:58,943
[Nicky] That was close.
1806
01:10:58,945 --> 01:11:01,112
- [walkie-talkie beeps]
- Clarence to George Bailey.
1807
01:11:01,114 --> 01:11:02,913
Clarence to George Bailey.
1808
01:11:02,915 --> 01:11:04,851
It's not such
a wonderful life, after all.
1809
01:11:05,951 --> 01:11:07,118
- Oh, boy.
- [walkie-talkie beeps]
1810
01:11:07,120 --> 01:11:08,885
And that's how
you make a chicken napkin.
1811
01:11:08,887 --> 01:11:10,654
[laughs]
Chicken napkin!
1812
01:11:10,656 --> 01:11:11,855
[both chuckling]
1813
01:11:11,857 --> 01:11:14,058
- [laughing]
- Stupidest thing I've ever seen.
1814
01:11:14,060 --> 01:11:15,960
Oh! I just realized.
I haven't done my impression
1815
01:11:15,962 --> 01:11:16,964
of Abraham Lincoln.
1816
01:11:17,998 --> 01:11:19,663
[Ms. James scoffs]
No one knows
1817
01:11:19,665 --> 01:11:20,832
what he sounds like, honey.
1818
01:11:20,834 --> 01:11:22,899
And is therefore,
immune to criticism.
1819
01:11:22,901 --> 01:11:23,904
[clears throat]
1820
01:11:25,871 --> 01:11:28,072
"Four score
and seven years ago."
1821
01:11:28,074 --> 01:11:30,041
Um, sorry.
Lincoln's from the south.
1822
01:11:30,043 --> 01:11:31,044
Immune to criticism!
1823
01:11:33,146 --> 01:11:36,180
Well, as they say in Cali,
it's time for Latkes!
1824
01:11:36,182 --> 01:11:37,381
- [both giggle]
- [door slams]
1825
01:11:37,383 --> 01:11:38,649
Nicky?
1826
01:11:38,651 --> 01:11:39,684
[plate shatters]
1827
01:11:39,686 --> 01:11:40,752
What's going on?
1828
01:11:40,754 --> 01:11:42,923
Mrs. Franklin?
What are you doing back?
1829
01:11:43,990 --> 01:11:45,922
Bed bugs at the hotel.
[stammers]
1830
01:11:45,924 --> 01:11:49,060
Who are these people?
Why are they in my house?
1831
01:11:49,062 --> 01:11:50,927
Your house?
1832
01:11:50,929 --> 01:11:52,130
[Rudy] She's in here.
1833
01:11:52,132 --> 01:11:54,666
See, Dad. This is ugly.
1834
01:11:54,668 --> 01:11:56,167
The only upside
of this situation is that
1835
01:11:56,169 --> 01:11:58,168
I'm going to be getting
the bigger room.
1836
01:11:58,170 --> 01:12:00,807
Since, Nicky's going away
for a long, long time.
1837
01:12:03,810 --> 01:12:05,208
- Go home, Rudy.
- [Rudy] But...
1838
01:12:05,210 --> 01:12:06,547
I wanna...
1839
01:12:11,851 --> 01:12:13,818
What's going on?
1840
01:12:13,820 --> 01:12:16,089
Yeah, Nicky.
What exactly is going on?
1841
01:12:18,223 --> 01:12:20,123
You guys live here?
1842
01:12:20,125 --> 01:12:22,025
No! Just me.
1843
01:12:22,027 --> 01:12:24,394
Nicky's dad lives next door.
1844
01:12:24,396 --> 01:12:25,829
Nicky's dad?
1845
01:12:25,831 --> 01:12:26,900
Yes?
1846
01:12:29,803 --> 01:12:31,101
Then who are you?
1847
01:12:31,103 --> 01:12:33,837
I'm Chris, I'm Nicky's dad.
1848
01:12:33,839 --> 01:12:35,073
[Bradley] I'm Chris.
1849
01:12:35,075 --> 01:12:36,207
I'm Nicky's dad.
1850
01:12:36,209 --> 01:12:37,975
[Doug shouting]
No!
1851
01:12:37,977 --> 01:12:39,746
I'm Nicky's dad!
1852
01:12:40,213 --> 01:12:41,845
Damn, understudy.
1853
01:12:41,847 --> 01:12:43,980
Understudy?
No, no, no. Not again!
1854
01:12:43,982 --> 01:12:46,152
Aw, I thought you'd be
used to it by now.
1855
01:12:47,853 --> 01:12:49,923
No, this can't be happening.
I will not be replaced!
1856
01:12:51,191 --> 01:12:52,489
I've been listening
through the vents.
1857
01:12:52,491 --> 01:12:55,993
And I believe your acting,
is missing the mark.
1858
01:12:55,995 --> 01:12:58,762
Oh, yeah?
[chuckles]
1859
01:12:58,764 --> 01:13:00,497
[screams]
Missing the mark, huh!
1860
01:13:00,499 --> 01:13:01,701
- [Bradley groans]
- [plates shatter]
1861
01:13:02,736 --> 01:13:04,167
- Yeah.
- [Bradley yells]
1862
01:13:04,169 --> 01:13:05,869
- Understudies!
- [Doug screaming]
1863
01:13:05,871 --> 01:13:07,137
Stop! Stop, right now!
1864
01:13:07,139 --> 01:13:08,805
[all screaming]
1865
01:13:08,807 --> 01:13:09,873
Cut!
1866
01:13:09,875 --> 01:13:10,908
[both sigh]
1867
01:13:10,910 --> 01:13:13,243
[exhales sharply]
Please note.
1868
01:13:13,245 --> 01:13:15,715
That I did all my own stunts.
1869
01:13:18,151 --> 01:13:19,152
[Doug sighs]
1870
01:13:20,754 --> 01:13:21,918
[door closes]
1871
01:13:21,920 --> 01:13:23,520
You're all done here.
1872
01:13:23,522 --> 01:13:24,389
[Ms. James inhales sharply]
1873
01:13:24,391 --> 01:13:26,056
And scene!
[chuckles]
1874
01:13:26,058 --> 01:13:27,524
- Please.
- I feel good. You know.
1875
01:13:27,526 --> 01:13:28,826
Normally,
I am my harshest critic.
1876
01:13:28,828 --> 01:13:30,260
But I feel like tonight
was some of my best work.
1877
01:13:30,262 --> 01:13:33,029
And now, if you'll allow me
to give you a few pointers
1878
01:13:33,031 --> 01:13:34,064
on your "performance."
1879
01:13:34,066 --> 01:13:35,532
- Okay...
- I would start with the...
1880
01:13:35,534 --> 01:13:36,466
- [Bradley and Ms. James yell]
- [ankle bracelet beeping]
1881
01:13:36,468 --> 01:13:38,269
- You're gonna be singing
- No!
1882
01:13:38,271 --> 01:13:39,170
- in Rikers!
- No!
1883
01:13:39,172 --> 01:13:40,237
- No!
- [Ms. James] Yes!
1884
01:13:40,239 --> 01:13:41,471
- [Bradley] No!
- [Ms. James] Yes!
1885
01:13:41,473 --> 01:13:43,940
[Bradley] Can we talk
about this over a drink?
1886
01:13:43,942 --> 01:13:45,176
Where is my Parsley?
1887
01:13:45,178 --> 01:13:47,310
[stammers]
Oh, he's in here.
1888
01:13:47,312 --> 01:13:48,880
[Patty gasps]
1889
01:13:48,882 --> 01:13:49,913
I...
1890
01:13:49,915 --> 01:13:50,950
Nicky, what's going on?
1891
01:13:51,918 --> 01:13:53,551
[sighs]
Please, I...
1892
01:13:53,553 --> 01:13:55,118
[panting]
1893
01:13:55,120 --> 01:13:58,322
Tanner, I swear I can explain.
1894
01:13:58,324 --> 01:14:01,024
[Lance] Yes.
We'd all like to hear that.
1895
01:14:01,026 --> 01:14:02,061
Is it true?
1896
01:14:02,896 --> 01:14:04,128
Huh, what Rudy says?
1897
01:14:04,130 --> 01:14:08,064
That you're so ashamed of us,
you hired actors
1898
01:14:08,066 --> 01:14:09,833
so that your boyfriend
and his father
1899
01:14:09,835 --> 01:14:11,002
wouldn't have to meet
your real family?
1900
01:14:11,004 --> 01:14:12,403
Christmas has caused
Tanner and his Dad
1901
01:14:12,405 --> 01:14:14,939
nothing but heartache.
And I couldn't let them suffer
1902
01:14:14,941 --> 01:14:16,239
through your insane version
1903
01:14:16,241 --> 01:14:17,809
- of this holiday!
- Oh, Nicky.
1904
01:14:17,811 --> 01:14:19,210
You are in big trouble.
1905
01:14:19,212 --> 01:14:21,011
All this fighting.
1906
01:14:21,013 --> 01:14:22,145
I hate Christmas.
1907
01:14:22,147 --> 01:14:24,247
Oh. Hate?
[stammers]
1908
01:14:24,249 --> 01:14:27,818
Oh! Oh, is this the boy
who turned you against me?
1909
01:14:27,820 --> 01:14:29,019
I didn't ask her to do anything.
1910
01:14:29,021 --> 01:14:31,956
Oh, right,
she just magically transformed
1911
01:14:31,958 --> 01:14:34,859
into a liar who happens to hate
Christmas, just like you.
1912
01:14:34,861 --> 01:14:36,193
That's enough!
1913
01:14:36,195 --> 01:14:37,894
We don't have to stand here
and listen to this.
1914
01:14:37,896 --> 01:14:39,229
We're leaving. Vamos.
1915
01:14:39,231 --> 01:14:40,232
Dad.
1916
01:14:40,999 --> 01:14:42,002
Now.
1917
01:14:43,969 --> 01:14:45,036
Why does Christmas
1918
01:14:45,038 --> 01:14:47,107
always have to ruin
everything good.
1919
01:14:49,075 --> 01:14:52,079
[somber music]
1920
01:14:54,079 --> 01:14:55,081
[door opens]
1921
01:14:58,618 --> 01:14:59,684
- Tanner, Tanner!
- [door closes]
1922
01:14:59,686 --> 01:15:01,618
No, no, no, sweetheart.
Just let him go.
1923
01:15:01,620 --> 01:15:03,119
I really, really like him.
1924
01:15:03,121 --> 01:15:05,389
They're not even
Christmas people!
1925
01:15:05,391 --> 01:15:06,858
You're right.
1926
01:15:06,860 --> 01:15:07,958
They're normal.
1927
01:15:07,960 --> 01:15:10,094
I've never had
a normal Christmas!
1928
01:15:10,096 --> 01:15:11,628
Do you have any idea
how good it felt
1929
01:15:11,630 --> 01:15:14,265
to sit down with my fake dad
and my fake family
1930
01:15:14,267 --> 01:15:15,565
on Christmas Eve?
1931
01:15:15,567 --> 01:15:17,969
A feeling of peace came over me,
1932
01:15:17,971 --> 01:15:20,304
like, I have never known
in my entire life.
1933
01:15:20,306 --> 01:15:23,875
Okay. You don't even know
what you're saying right now.
1934
01:15:23,877 --> 01:15:25,111
[approaching footsteps]
1935
01:15:28,047 --> 01:15:30,282
That cat really
should have been called Pissy.
1936
01:15:32,951 --> 01:15:34,652
It's my magic hat!
1937
01:15:34,654 --> 01:15:35,886
[gibbers]
1938
01:15:35,888 --> 01:15:36,956
Ugh.
1939
01:15:37,389 --> 01:15:38,758
[Chris sighs]
1940
01:15:44,129 --> 01:15:45,164
Ruined.
1941
01:15:47,933 --> 01:15:49,101
[door opens]
1942
01:15:50,003 --> 01:15:51,036
[door closes]
1943
01:15:53,306 --> 01:15:56,343
[somber music]
1944
01:15:57,377 --> 01:15:58,378
[clatters]
1945
01:15:59,312 --> 01:16:00,781
[door opens]
1946
01:16:04,182 --> 01:16:05,284
[Nicky] Tanner!
1947
01:16:07,320 --> 01:16:08,822
Tanner, wait.
1948
01:16:10,088 --> 01:16:11,354
Tanner, wait!
1949
01:16:11,356 --> 01:16:12,792
Wait, please.
1950
01:16:13,226 --> 01:16:14,326
[gasps]
1951
01:16:15,194 --> 01:16:16,196
[Nicky sighs]
1952
01:16:28,240 --> 01:16:31,243
[ominous music]
1953
01:16:49,462 --> 01:16:52,833
[ominous music continues]
1954
01:17:03,109 --> 01:17:04,110
[inhales deeply]
1955
01:17:05,410 --> 01:17:06,445
[sniffs]
1956
01:17:10,249 --> 01:17:11,284
[sighs]
1957
01:17:13,686 --> 01:17:16,519
[people chattering]
1958
01:17:16,521 --> 01:17:19,325
[panting]
1959
01:17:20,692 --> 01:17:23,096
Die, you stupid Christmas tree!
1960
01:17:23,730 --> 01:17:25,031
[gasping]
1961
01:17:26,432 --> 01:17:27,998
[thuds]
1962
01:17:28,000 --> 01:17:30,033
[jingles]
1963
01:17:30,035 --> 01:17:31,270
Nicky's gone crazy!
1964
01:17:32,504 --> 01:17:34,372
[Rudy]
This is the best Christmas ever.
1965
01:17:34,374 --> 01:17:35,439
Mom, can I have her room
1966
01:17:35,441 --> 01:17:38,042
once you put her
in the insane hospital?
1967
01:17:38,044 --> 01:17:38,943
[ornament clinking]
1968
01:17:38,945 --> 01:17:40,110
- Oh.
- [crowd murmuring]
1969
01:17:40,112 --> 01:17:43,046
Mommy, why is Nicky
killing Christmas?
1970
01:17:43,048 --> 01:17:46,117
Honey, it's just something
teenage girls do.
1971
01:17:46,119 --> 01:17:47,318
- [thuds]
- [grunts]
1972
01:17:47,320 --> 01:17:50,153
Nicky, you stop this behavior,
right now!
1973
01:17:50,155 --> 01:17:52,288
No, Dad. I need to do this.
1974
01:17:52,290 --> 01:17:54,391
'Cause Christmas ruins
everything.
1975
01:17:54,393 --> 01:17:58,162
I hate this stupid decoration.
1976
01:17:58,164 --> 01:18:00,564
And stupid Santa Claus.
1977
01:18:00,566 --> 01:18:04,100
And all the stupid songs.
1978
01:18:04,102 --> 01:18:06,470
And the stupid trees
every damned year!
1979
01:18:06,472 --> 01:18:08,305
[Nicky] Why do you do this
to us, Dad?
1980
01:18:08,307 --> 01:18:11,375
Why do you shove Christmas down
everyone's throats?
1981
01:18:11,377 --> 01:18:13,176
Why can't you be a normal dad?
1982
01:18:13,178 --> 01:18:14,377
If you were a normal dad,
1983
01:18:14,379 --> 01:18:15,813
I never would have had
to lie to Tanner,
1984
01:18:15,815 --> 01:18:17,047
and gone through all this.
1985
01:18:17,049 --> 01:18:18,282
And Tanner never
would have found out about it
1986
01:18:18,284 --> 01:18:20,317
and gotten mad at me.
But, because of you,
1987
01:18:20,319 --> 01:18:23,119
Tanner will never talk me again.
1988
01:18:23,121 --> 01:18:25,055
Why are you such
a Christmas freak?
1989
01:18:25,057 --> 01:18:26,457
Because that's
what you are, Dad.
1990
01:18:26,459 --> 01:18:27,494
A freak.
1991
01:18:29,328 --> 01:18:30,795
- [tree cracks]
- [crowd gasp]
1992
01:18:30,797 --> 01:18:33,596
- [man #1] Oh, my god.
- [tree cracking]
1993
01:18:33,598 --> 01:18:35,166
- [crowd gasps]
- [ornaments shatter]
1994
01:18:35,168 --> 01:18:36,369
[ornaments clinking]
1995
01:18:37,335 --> 01:18:39,539
[indistinct chatter]
1996
01:18:42,174 --> 01:18:43,342
[woman gasps]
1997
01:18:44,509 --> 01:18:47,112
[indistinct chatter]
1998
01:18:48,380 --> 01:18:50,282
- [approaching footsteps]
- Oh. Ah.
1999
01:18:52,852 --> 01:18:54,054
[sighs]
2000
01:18:55,120 --> 01:18:58,123
[somber music]
2001
01:19:03,463 --> 01:19:07,363
♪ Something's wrong ♪
2002
01:19:07,365 --> 01:19:11,534
♪ Where is our love song ♪
2003
01:19:11,536 --> 01:19:16,107
♪ Show me where does it say ♪
2004
01:19:16,109 --> 01:19:20,577
♪ Your love just fades away ♪
2005
01:19:20,579 --> 01:19:23,180
♪ I've always been ♪
2006
01:19:23,182 --> 01:19:25,248
♪ Oh ♪
2007
01:19:25,250 --> 01:19:28,284
♪ The kind who holds it in ♪
2008
01:19:28,286 --> 01:19:29,452
♪ Oh ♪
2009
01:19:29,454 --> 01:19:33,157
♪ I used to pass love but ♪
2010
01:19:33,159 --> 01:19:38,895
♪ Now I know I dedicate ♪
2011
01:19:38,897 --> 01:19:43,502
♪ A walk away from me ♪
2012
01:19:46,172 --> 01:19:52,379
♪ There to guide
Your walk away ♪
2013
01:19:55,447 --> 01:19:59,350
♪ Oh ♪
2014
01:19:59,352 --> 01:20:03,456
♪ Oh ♪
2015
01:20:05,624 --> 01:20:09,159
♪ Baby, baby ♪
2016
01:20:09,161 --> 01:20:12,197
♪ Baby don't ♪
2017
01:20:14,432 --> 01:20:16,300
♪ Dedicate ♪
2018
01:20:16,302 --> 01:20:20,604
♪ A walk away from me ♪
2019
01:20:20,606 --> 01:20:23,306
♪ To where I belong ♪
2020
01:20:23,308 --> 01:20:27,443
♪ There to guide
Your walk away ♪
2021
01:20:27,445 --> 01:20:30,049
♪ To walk away ♪
2022
01:20:33,386 --> 01:20:37,057
♪ Please take off you're lying ♪
2023
01:20:40,459 --> 01:20:42,525
♪ To walk away ♪
2024
01:20:42,527 --> 01:20:44,228
- [keyboard clacking]
- [knocks on door]
2025
01:20:44,230 --> 01:20:45,231
[Fran] Honey?
2026
01:20:49,602 --> 01:20:51,471
Why don't you come downstairs
and open presents?
2027
01:20:52,737 --> 01:20:54,037
Seriously?
2028
01:20:54,039 --> 01:20:56,207
Despite what's going on
between you and your dad,
2029
01:20:56,209 --> 01:20:57,341
we're a family.
2030
01:20:57,343 --> 01:20:58,708
And it's Christmas Eve,
2031
01:20:58,710 --> 01:21:00,480
and that's when
we open presents.
2032
01:21:01,246 --> 01:21:02,248
Okay?
2033
01:21:04,282 --> 01:21:05,351
All right. Come on.
2034
01:21:06,686 --> 01:21:08,351
[retreating footsteps]
2035
01:21:08,353 --> 01:21:09,485
[sighs]
2036
01:21:09,487 --> 01:21:10,589
[computer clacks]
2037
01:21:16,294 --> 01:21:17,496
[Fran sighs]
2038
01:21:22,567 --> 01:21:24,103
[sighs]
2039
01:21:33,346 --> 01:21:35,248
Why is everyone so sad?
2040
01:21:38,383 --> 01:21:39,617
Oh, no.
2041
01:21:39,619 --> 01:21:41,784
Oh. Mom? Mom, what's wrong?
2042
01:21:41,786 --> 01:21:43,188
My chest.
2043
01:21:46,292 --> 01:21:48,492
- Fran Sienna Winters?
- Yes, yes.
2044
01:21:48,494 --> 01:21:50,327
[Dr. Hari] I have the good news
to tell you,
2045
01:21:50,329 --> 01:21:51,662
she did not have a heart attack.
2046
01:21:51,664 --> 01:21:52,796
[both] Oh!
2047
01:21:52,798 --> 01:21:54,297
What was it then?
2048
01:21:54,299 --> 01:21:55,765
Well, according
to the test we made,
2049
01:21:55,767 --> 01:21:59,336
your mother
is as healthy as a...
2050
01:21:59,338 --> 01:22:02,275
You know, you're not a horse,
you're not a donkey, it's...
2051
01:22:03,342 --> 01:22:04,742
- You're a mule?
- [Dr. Hari] Yes.
2052
01:22:04,744 --> 01:22:06,277
Your mother is mule.
2053
01:22:06,279 --> 01:22:07,312
- Mm-hmm.
- Oh.
2054
01:22:09,981 --> 01:22:11,649
[Fran] So mom's gonna be okay?
That's wonderful.
2055
01:22:11,651 --> 01:22:14,417
So, what exactly
did happen to her?
2056
01:22:14,419 --> 01:22:16,586
[Dr. Hari] We see this sometimes
during the holidays,
2057
01:22:16,588 --> 01:22:18,055
cause is stress.
2058
01:22:18,057 --> 01:22:21,558
Is there something stressful
happening in the family now?
2059
01:22:21,560 --> 01:22:23,562
Something that would upset her?
2060
01:22:26,031 --> 01:22:29,535
Any what, she said she wants
to speak to someone named Nicky.
2061
01:22:32,405 --> 01:22:34,773
- [door opens]
- [EKG beeping]
2062
01:22:38,311 --> 01:22:40,313
[approaching footsteps]
2063
01:22:42,481 --> 01:22:44,250
[EKG beeping]
2064
01:22:45,750 --> 01:22:47,186
Grandma?
2065
01:22:49,054 --> 01:22:50,589
Are you alone?
2066
01:22:51,456 --> 01:22:53,056
- Yup.
- Oh.
2067
01:22:53,058 --> 01:22:54,292
Good.
2068
01:22:54,294 --> 01:22:57,528
I didn't know how much longer
I could fake it.
2069
01:22:57,530 --> 01:23:00,564
Grandma, you were pretending?
2070
01:23:00,566 --> 01:23:02,599
I can't breathe.
2071
01:23:02,601 --> 01:23:04,068
Oh, help me.
2072
01:23:04,070 --> 01:23:05,536
Help me.
2073
01:23:05,538 --> 01:23:07,537
[laughs]
2074
01:23:07,539 --> 01:23:09,340
I should've been
an actress, huh?
2075
01:23:09,342 --> 01:23:10,407
Hmm.
2076
01:23:10,409 --> 01:23:12,743
Screw you, Faye Dunaway.
2077
01:23:12,745 --> 01:23:14,478
Who's Faye Dunaway?
2078
01:23:14,480 --> 01:23:16,346
Exactly.
2079
01:23:16,348 --> 01:23:18,549
Why would you pretend
to have a heart attack?
2080
01:23:18,551 --> 01:23:21,452
The tension between you
and your dad
2081
01:23:21,454 --> 01:23:24,555
was sticker than molasses
on neck hair.
2082
01:23:24,557 --> 01:23:26,055
We were all worried about you.
2083
01:23:26,057 --> 01:23:28,227
Oh, let me have some fun.
2084
01:23:28,861 --> 01:23:30,627
Plus,
2085
01:23:30,629 --> 01:23:33,363
I wanted to give you some time
2086
01:23:33,365 --> 01:23:36,500
to make things right
between you and your dad.
2087
01:23:36,502 --> 01:23:40,570
Fine,
I'll just apologize to him.
2088
01:23:40,572 --> 01:23:41,807
Will you mean it?
2089
01:23:42,674 --> 01:23:43,676
No.
2090
01:23:50,415 --> 01:23:51,482
- [slaps]
- Ow!
2091
01:23:51,484 --> 01:23:53,716
- Ow!
- You...
2092
01:23:53,718 --> 01:23:55,918
- idiot.
- You're strong for an old woman.
2093
01:23:55,920 --> 01:23:59,422
- [grunts]
- He's gonna know if you fake it.
2094
01:23:59,424 --> 01:24:02,626
Clark Gable knew
when I made love to him.
2095
01:24:02,628 --> 01:24:04,927
And let me tell you,
he did give a damn.
2096
01:24:04,929 --> 01:24:06,863
- [Nicky retches]
- [laughs]
2097
01:24:06,865 --> 01:24:08,599
Grandma, please.
2098
01:24:08,601 --> 01:24:09,768
Oh, sweetie.
2099
01:24:15,540 --> 01:24:19,643
If you don't make things right
between you and your dad,
2100
01:24:19,645 --> 01:24:22,512
things will never be
the same again.
2101
01:24:22,514 --> 01:24:24,549
[EKG beeping]
2102
01:24:26,685 --> 01:24:27,850
[sighs]
2103
01:24:27,852 --> 01:24:30,586
[approaching footsteps]
2104
01:24:30,588 --> 01:24:32,488
[Fran] She's okay?
She's talking?
2105
01:24:32,490 --> 01:24:34,757
You know Grandma,
she says what she says.
2106
01:24:34,759 --> 01:24:36,126
[Nicky chuckles]
2107
01:24:36,128 --> 01:24:37,927
She's feeling good though.
2108
01:24:37,929 --> 01:24:39,162
You can all go in now.
2109
01:24:39,164 --> 01:24:41,899
Okay. Come on kids,
let's go see Grandma.
2110
01:24:41,901 --> 01:24:43,367
[Fran] Wait. Nicky, honey,
2111
01:24:43,369 --> 01:24:45,638
just, um, sit down for a second,
I wanna show you something.
2112
01:24:46,638 --> 01:24:47,706
[Nicky] Okay.
2113
01:24:50,442 --> 01:24:51,444
[sighs]
2114
01:24:54,446 --> 01:24:55,878
Oh, my god.
2115
01:24:55,880 --> 01:24:58,448
Yeah, not a pretty picture,
is it?
2116
01:24:58,450 --> 01:25:01,486
What happened to his face,
the poor kid.
2117
01:25:02,554 --> 01:25:03,655
That's your father.
2118
01:25:04,456 --> 01:25:05,458
[gasps]
2119
01:25:06,491 --> 01:25:08,591
[Fran] When he was
five years old.
2120
01:25:08,593 --> 01:25:10,226
Some neighborhood bullies
threw him in a patch
2121
01:25:10,228 --> 01:25:13,197
of poison ivy
and rubbed his face in it.
2122
01:25:13,199 --> 01:25:14,933
As you can see
it swelled up pretty bad.
2123
01:25:16,735 --> 01:25:17,870
That's awful.
2124
01:25:18,904 --> 01:25:20,503
It was a few weeks
before Christmas
2125
01:25:20,505 --> 01:25:21,637
and even though
he looked like that
2126
01:25:21,639 --> 01:25:24,006
he still really wanted
to see Santa.
2127
01:25:24,008 --> 01:25:26,643
When your grandparents
took him to the mall
2128
01:25:26,645 --> 01:25:28,845
all the kids in line
were pointing at his face
2129
01:25:28,847 --> 01:25:30,747
and making fun of him,
2130
01:25:30,749 --> 01:25:31,851
and he started crying.
2131
01:25:32,852 --> 01:25:34,818
And then as they turned to go,
2132
01:25:34,820 --> 01:25:38,790
that mall Santa picked him up,
sat him down on his lap,
2133
01:25:39,725 --> 01:25:40,793
and your dad...
2134
01:25:41,694 --> 01:25:42,859
stopped crying,
2135
01:25:42,861 --> 01:25:44,894
and told that wonderful Santa
2136
01:25:44,896 --> 01:25:46,832
everything he wanted
for Christmas.
2137
01:25:48,200 --> 01:25:49,867
[Fran] See, that Santa
2138
01:25:49,869 --> 01:25:51,534
took a kid who believed
in Christmas
2139
01:25:51,536 --> 01:25:53,237
and made him feel like
a little boy again,
2140
01:25:53,239 --> 01:25:54,574
instead of a freak.
2141
01:25:55,039 --> 01:25:56,375
[sighs]
2142
01:25:56,775 --> 01:25:57,777
Mom, I...
2143
01:25:59,645 --> 01:26:01,644
I had no idea.
2144
01:26:01,646 --> 01:26:03,980
He just wants you guys to feel
2145
01:26:03,982 --> 01:26:05,849
loved and magical,
2146
01:26:05,851 --> 01:26:07,887
like he did that day
when he was five.
2147
01:26:10,255 --> 01:26:11,988
So now you know.
2148
01:26:11,990 --> 01:26:14,993
[somber music]
2149
01:26:26,804 --> 01:26:27,940
[sighs]
2150
01:26:33,945 --> 01:26:35,947
[ambulance siren wails]
2151
01:26:41,053 --> 01:26:43,856
They just wanna observe her,
she's gonna be fine.
2152
01:26:44,789 --> 01:26:46,622
[inhales]
2153
01:26:46,624 --> 01:26:49,693
♪ Jingle bells poo-poo smells ♪
2154
01:26:49,695 --> 01:26:52,328
Come on, Noelle,
I don't wanna sing by myself.
2155
01:26:52,330 --> 01:26:55,565
- ♪ Jingle bells poo-poo smells ♪
- ♪ Jingle bells poo-poo smells
2156
01:26:55,567 --> 01:26:57,868
- ♪ 'Till you flush it down ♪
- ♪ 'Till you flush it down ♪
2157
01:26:57,870 --> 01:27:00,770
- ♪ And when you go number two ♪
- ♪ And when you go number two ♪
2158
01:27:00,772 --> 01:27:03,707
[all] ♪ Better not fall in
And drown ♪
2159
01:27:03,709 --> 01:27:04,808
♪ Hey ♪
2160
01:27:04,810 --> 01:27:06,577
[laughing]
2161
01:27:06,579 --> 01:27:08,711
[knocks on door]
2162
01:27:08,713 --> 01:27:09,880
- Hello, boys and girls!
- [Noelle] Ooh!
2163
01:27:09,882 --> 01:27:11,348
Oh, and Grandma.
2164
01:27:11,350 --> 01:27:13,716
I'm a Jelf, a Jewish elf.
2165
01:27:13,718 --> 01:27:16,052
And I brought Christmas with me.
2166
01:27:16,054 --> 01:27:17,820
Christmas!
2167
01:27:17,822 --> 01:27:19,456
♪ Making spirits bright ♪
2168
01:27:19,458 --> 01:27:21,891
♪ What fun it is
To ride and sing ♪
2169
01:27:21,893 --> 01:27:23,327
♪ A sleighing song tonight ♪
2170
01:27:23,329 --> 01:27:24,694
- ♪ Oh, jingle bells ♪
- [Chris] What?
2171
01:27:24,696 --> 01:27:25,998
- ♪ Jingle bells ♪
- Are you serious?
2172
01:27:27,066 --> 01:27:28,431
- ♪ Jingle all the way ♪
- This is...
2173
01:27:28,433 --> 01:27:30,234
- Oh, can I get in?
- ♪ Oh, what fun ♪
2174
01:27:30,236 --> 01:27:33,103
- ♪ It is to ride ♪
- ♪ It is to ride ♪
2175
01:27:33,105 --> 01:27:33,871
- ♪ In a one-horse open sleigh ♪
- ♪ In a one-horse open sleigh ♪
2176
01:27:33,873 --> 01:27:34,671
Wait, what's missing?
2177
01:27:34,673 --> 01:27:35,404
- I know!
- [Noelle gasps]
2178
01:27:35,406 --> 01:27:37,674
Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!
2179
01:27:37,676 --> 01:27:38,942
[Noelle] Santa!
2180
01:27:38,944 --> 01:27:40,010
[Santa chuckles]
2181
01:27:40,012 --> 01:27:41,744
And har-dee-dar-har.
2182
01:27:41,746 --> 01:27:45,616
What's this?
I see kids with no presents.
2183
01:27:45,618 --> 01:27:47,783
Ho, ho, this cannot be.
2184
01:27:47,785 --> 01:27:48,851
Ho, ho, ho.
2185
01:27:48,853 --> 01:27:50,623
Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho!
2186
01:27:51,022 --> 01:27:53,323
[Noelle gasps]
2187
01:27:53,325 --> 01:27:54,890
And one more thing.
2188
01:27:54,892 --> 01:27:56,359
♪ Oh, what fun it is ♪
2189
01:27:56,361 --> 01:27:57,193
- [tinkles]
- ♪ To ride in a one-horse ♪
2190
01:27:57,195 --> 01:27:58,831
♪ Open sleigh ♪
2191
01:28:00,098 --> 01:28:02,735
- [Noelle gasps]
- Ho, ho, ho!
2192
01:28:03,835 --> 01:28:05,368
[all humming "Jingle Bells"]
2193
01:28:05,370 --> 01:28:06,905
Ho, ho, ho, ho!
2194
01:28:08,106 --> 01:28:11,109
[all humming "Jingle Bells"]
2195
01:28:16,749 --> 01:28:19,649
♪ Oh, jingle bells
Jingle bells ♪
2196
01:28:19,651 --> 01:28:21,784
♪ Jingle all the way ♪
2197
01:28:21,786 --> 01:28:23,653
♪ Oh, what fun it is to... ♪
2198
01:28:23,655 --> 01:28:25,055
- You did it.
- [chuckles]
2199
01:28:25,057 --> 01:28:26,792
Everyone's so happy.
2200
01:28:27,892 --> 01:28:29,359
You saved Christmas.
2201
01:28:29,361 --> 01:28:31,028
Thanks for doing all this.
2202
01:28:31,030 --> 01:28:32,328
- I'm here for you, girl.
- [chuckles]
2203
01:28:32,330 --> 01:28:34,898
Right by your side.
Sticking to you like glue.
2204
01:28:34,900 --> 01:28:36,065
[giggles]
2205
01:28:36,067 --> 01:28:37,069
[Jason] Wow!
2206
01:28:37,870 --> 01:28:38,938
Cute elf.
2207
01:28:40,039 --> 01:28:41,805
Um...
2208
01:28:41,807 --> 01:28:44,207
My little brother's getting
his tonsils out.
2209
01:28:44,209 --> 01:28:45,912
You wanna hang with me
in the waiting room?
2210
01:28:47,745 --> 01:28:49,080
Laters.
[giggles]
2211
01:28:51,717 --> 01:28:54,016
Now that's a Christmas miracle
I can get behind.
2212
01:28:54,018 --> 01:28:54,953
- [elevator dings]
- [chuckles]
2213
01:28:57,021 --> 01:28:58,788
[doctor] There's a party
in Room 220.
2214
01:28:58,790 --> 01:28:59,922
[cheering]
2215
01:28:59,924 --> 01:29:01,824
[man #1] Merry Christmas,
everybody!
2216
01:29:01,826 --> 01:29:02,928
Nicky!
2217
01:29:04,228 --> 01:29:05,697
Did you arrange that?
2218
01:29:08,834 --> 01:29:10,100
Thank you.
2219
01:29:10,102 --> 01:29:12,171
I wanted everyone
to have a great Christmas.
2220
01:29:13,705 --> 01:29:15,104
Yeah.
2221
01:29:15,106 --> 01:29:18,140
Uh, the... the carolers
were a nice touch.
2222
01:29:18,142 --> 01:29:19,177
[Chris chuckles]
2223
01:29:20,913 --> 01:29:22,045
Nicky...
2224
01:29:22,047 --> 01:29:23,883
Okay, look, honey.
2225
01:29:25,116 --> 01:29:26,118
[sighs]
2226
01:29:27,252 --> 01:29:30,252
A father often forgets
2227
01:29:30,254 --> 01:29:34,157
that his little girl
will eventually grow up,
2228
01:29:34,159 --> 01:29:37,696
and become their own person.
2229
01:29:38,864 --> 01:29:41,601
[Chris] I mean, look at you.
You... you have.
2230
01:29:42,234 --> 01:29:45,034
And... and I'm sorry,
2231
01:29:45,036 --> 01:29:48,641
I didn't recognize that before
but I... I do now.
2232
01:29:50,008 --> 01:29:52,978
And I would love it
if you would join us.
2233
01:29:54,512 --> 01:29:56,848
On one condition.
[inhales]
2234
01:29:58,816 --> 01:30:01,152
It's something
you actually want to do.
2235
01:30:08,960 --> 01:30:10,029
Oh.
2236
01:30:10,862 --> 01:30:13,865
[light music]
2237
01:30:18,070 --> 01:30:19,336
[sighs]
2238
01:30:19,338 --> 01:30:23,006
Sorry I hired an actor
to pretend to be you.
2239
01:30:23,008 --> 01:30:25,775
I'm sorry I yelled
at your boyfriend.
2240
01:30:25,777 --> 01:30:27,713
I'm sorry I called you a freak.
2241
01:30:30,081 --> 01:30:31,782
Well, I kinda am.
2242
01:30:31,784 --> 01:30:33,183
- But I get it.
- [chuckles]
2243
01:30:33,185 --> 01:30:35,252
[laughs and sniffles]
2244
01:30:35,254 --> 01:30:37,790
And I'm sorry
I smothered you with Christmas.
2245
01:30:39,792 --> 01:30:42,125
Thanks, Dad. I...
I appreciate you saying that.
2246
01:30:42,127 --> 01:30:45,095
Mm-hmm. But, someday
2247
01:30:45,097 --> 01:30:47,197
when you have kids of your own,
2248
01:30:47,199 --> 01:30:48,864
- you will...
- Never,
2249
01:30:48,866 --> 01:30:50,867
do anything like that to them.
2250
01:30:50,869 --> 01:30:52,068
- Ever.
- [Chris chuckles]
2251
01:30:52,070 --> 01:30:53,673
- [giggles]
- Okay.
2252
01:30:55,139 --> 01:30:56,806
But they're sure gonna love
going over
2253
01:30:56,808 --> 01:30:58,209
to Grandpa's house
for Christmas.
2254
01:31:01,213 --> 01:31:03,212
[chuckles]
2255
01:31:03,214 --> 01:31:04,850
- [Chris] Hey, come on.
- [Nicky] Mm-hmm.
2256
01:31:05,851 --> 01:31:07,186
[Nicky chuckles]
2257
01:31:08,219 --> 01:31:10,353
♪ Open ♪
2258
01:31:10,355 --> 01:31:12,922
- ♪ Sleigh ♪
- ♪ Jingle bells, jingle bells ♪
2259
01:31:12,924 --> 01:31:14,927
♪ Jingle all the way, hey ♪
2260
01:31:15,828 --> 01:31:17,163
[cell phone beeps]
2261
01:31:20,231 --> 01:31:21,700
[cell phone vibrates]
2262
01:31:26,871 --> 01:31:28,039
[vibrating continues]
2263
01:31:33,579 --> 01:31:34,780
[knocks on door]
2264
01:31:35,246 --> 01:31:37,249
[dog barking]
2265
01:31:38,249 --> 01:31:39,850
[Chris] Okay, everyone.
2266
01:31:39,852 --> 01:31:41,350
- [Grandma] Oh.
- It's Christmas.
2267
01:31:41,352 --> 01:31:44,119
Which means it's hat time!
2268
01:31:44,121 --> 01:31:45,889
- [all] Ooh!
- Huh?
2269
01:31:45,891 --> 01:31:47,357
- [Grandma chuckles]
- It looks like new.
2270
01:31:47,359 --> 01:31:50,226
Be careful with that, Dad.
It's my inheritance, you know,
2271
01:31:50,228 --> 01:31:52,263
if something tragic happens
to Nicky.
2272
01:31:53,331 --> 01:31:55,265
Ahem. Who wants to go first?
2273
01:31:55,267 --> 01:31:57,069
- Me!
- Oh, come on up here, princess.
2274
01:31:58,570 --> 01:31:59,938
[Chris] There we go.
2275
01:32:00,338 --> 01:32:02,338
And...
2276
01:32:02,340 --> 01:32:04,407
I'm grateful that
my grandma's okay.
2277
01:32:04,409 --> 01:32:07,042
And now the hospital
can see my grandma,
2278
01:32:07,044 --> 01:32:09,011
and I love her,
and she's the only one
2279
01:32:09,013 --> 01:32:10,180
who knows that I'll sing
2280
01:32:10,182 --> 01:32:11,881
the "Jingle Bells Poo-poo"
song right.
2281
01:32:11,883 --> 01:32:13,884
- [laughs]
- Thank you.
2282
01:32:13,886 --> 01:32:15,051
[Grandma laughing]
2283
01:32:15,053 --> 01:32:16,385
[Fran] Yes.
2284
01:32:16,387 --> 01:32:18,153
All right.
2285
01:32:18,155 --> 01:32:21,123
Um, I am grateful
that Mom is okay.
2286
01:32:21,125 --> 01:32:23,426
And that Patty from next door
is not going to sue us
2287
01:32:23,428 --> 01:32:24,894
for Nicky borrowing her house.
2288
01:32:24,896 --> 01:32:26,262
- Here, here.
- [chuckles]
2289
01:32:26,264 --> 01:32:27,898
Nicky?
2290
01:32:27,900 --> 01:32:29,232
- [cell phone vibrates]
- Oh, Um...
2291
01:32:29,234 --> 01:32:30,302
Me first.
2292
01:32:31,602 --> 01:32:32,903
- Hon.
- Okay.
2293
01:32:32,905 --> 01:32:34,170
[chuckles]
Um...
2294
01:32:34,172 --> 01:32:35,174
[clears throat]
2295
01:32:36,642 --> 01:32:38,675
[stammers]
I'm grateful
2296
01:32:38,677 --> 01:32:41,912
that I have a family
who understands
2297
01:32:41,914 --> 01:32:44,413
my passion for Christmas.
2298
01:32:44,415 --> 01:32:48,318
Christmas can do magic,
if you believe.
2299
01:32:48,320 --> 01:32:50,153
I believe, Daddy.
2300
01:32:50,155 --> 01:32:51,253
- Aw.
- [Nicky chuckles]
2301
01:32:51,255 --> 01:32:52,792
- [clears throat]
- [Fran] Sweetie? Yes.
2302
01:32:54,026 --> 01:32:55,259
- Ah.
- [Nicky sighs]
2303
01:32:55,261 --> 01:32:57,661
- [Chris] Huh?
- Why are you giving me that?
2304
01:32:57,663 --> 01:32:58,729
We just wanted you to play
2305
01:32:58,731 --> 01:32:59,962
a little Christmas music
for us, sweetie.
2306
01:32:59,964 --> 01:33:02,332
Mom, I can't even look
at that thing right now.
2307
01:33:02,334 --> 01:33:04,067
You're so good at it.
2308
01:33:04,069 --> 01:33:05,702
Playing the tuba
reminds me of Tanner,
2309
01:33:05,704 --> 01:33:09,005
and how I messed up
and lost him forever.
2310
01:33:09,007 --> 01:33:10,006
[cell phone vibrates]
2311
01:33:10,008 --> 01:33:11,942
- Hmm.
- [Chris clears throat]
2312
01:33:11,944 --> 01:33:13,710
Nicky, actually
why don't you go next?
2313
01:33:13,712 --> 01:33:14,944
Okay.
[chuckles]
2314
01:33:14,946 --> 01:33:16,011
There you go.
2315
01:33:16,013 --> 01:33:17,646
[Chris sighs]
2316
01:33:17,648 --> 01:33:19,185
- And, uh, remember...
- [inhales deeply]
2317
01:33:20,419 --> 01:33:22,217
It can do magic.
2318
01:33:22,219 --> 01:33:23,822
Right.
[chuckles]
2319
01:33:25,190 --> 01:33:26,025
[sighs]
2320
01:33:29,160 --> 01:33:31,396
[trumpet plays
"Shave and a Haircut"]
2321
01:33:33,365 --> 01:33:34,433
[Nicky] What?
2322
01:33:38,503 --> 01:33:39,839
[gasps]
2323
01:33:43,275 --> 01:33:45,110
[giggles]
2324
01:33:49,246 --> 01:33:51,049
[trumpet plays
"Shave and a Haircut"]
2325
01:33:53,118 --> 01:33:54,253
[tuba plays "Two Bits"]
2326
01:33:56,221 --> 01:33:57,423
- [Nicky] Tanner!
- [Tanner sighs]
2327
01:33:58,190 --> 01:33:59,255
[Nicky chuckles]
2328
01:33:59,257 --> 01:34:02,759
[uplifting music]
2329
01:34:02,761 --> 01:34:04,330
That hat's magic.
2330
01:34:07,132 --> 01:34:10,332
So which one
of my 400 texts convinced you?
2331
01:34:10,334 --> 01:34:13,269
Actually, a very nice man
came over this morning,
2332
01:34:13,271 --> 01:34:15,137
told me about
all the crazy things he's done
2333
01:34:15,139 --> 01:34:17,474
to his family at Christmas
over the years.
2334
01:34:17,476 --> 01:34:19,208
Once he got to that part
about you being attacked
2335
01:34:19,210 --> 01:34:21,043
- by a reindeer...
- Mm-hmm.
2336
01:34:21,045 --> 01:34:22,914
...started to understand
why you did what you did.
2337
01:34:23,548 --> 01:34:25,084
[chuckles]
2338
01:34:27,518 --> 01:34:28,887
Thanks, Dad.
2339
01:34:30,454 --> 01:34:32,154
- [Lance] I wanna thank you.
- Oh!
2340
01:34:32,156 --> 01:34:33,523
I needed to see
Christmas like this.
2341
01:34:33,525 --> 01:34:35,058
[Chris] Ah!
2342
01:34:35,060 --> 01:34:37,027
- It's what I do.
- [Lance chuckles]
2343
01:34:37,029 --> 01:34:38,062
[metal rattles]
2344
01:34:39,129 --> 01:34:40,430
- [clacking]
- [Stephanie giggles]
2345
01:34:40,432 --> 01:34:42,001
Is someone in the cave?
2346
01:34:44,035 --> 01:34:45,036
Sup?
2347
01:34:46,137 --> 01:34:47,438
[Chris chuckles]
2348
01:34:52,410 --> 01:34:54,413
Maybe Christmas
isn't so bad after all.
2349
01:35:00,384 --> 01:35:01,453
[chuckles]
2350
01:35:05,589 --> 01:35:07,426
- [Nicky] Give me a hand?
- Sure.
2351
01:35:08,826 --> 01:35:10,092
[Nicky] Steph?
2352
01:35:10,094 --> 01:35:11,193
Dad?
2353
01:35:11,195 --> 01:35:12,261
[Chris] Okay.
[grunts]
2354
01:35:12,263 --> 01:35:14,064
- [Fran] Okay.
- [Chris] On three.
2355
01:35:14,066 --> 01:35:15,434
One, two, three.
2356
01:35:16,334 --> 01:35:18,337
[ornaments clinking]
2357
01:35:20,771 --> 01:35:23,073
[giggles and claps]
2358
01:35:23,075 --> 01:35:25,277
- [Rudy] Come on, Dad.
- [Chris] That's better.
2359
01:35:34,218 --> 01:35:37,221
[uplifting music]
2360
01:36:01,245 --> 01:36:04,248
[upbeat music]
2361
01:36:11,289 --> 01:36:12,921
♪ Gonna dance with baby
Gonna shake it ♪
2362
01:36:12,923 --> 01:36:16,126
♪ Gonna be the best dressed
Tonight ♪
2363
01:36:16,128 --> 01:36:17,760
♪ Wanna sing
While the jingle bells ring ♪
2364
01:36:17,762 --> 01:36:20,630
♪ 'Cause I'm looking
For a wonderful time ♪
2365
01:36:20,632 --> 01:36:22,599
♪ Get close girl because ♪
2366
01:36:22,601 --> 01:36:25,635
♪ 'Cause there's enough time
To ride around the corner ♪
2367
01:36:25,637 --> 01:36:27,670
♪ Get cozy as we move
Into the mistletoe ♪
2368
01:36:27,672 --> 01:36:29,872
♪ Thinking what
A colorful life ♪
2369
01:36:29,874 --> 01:36:34,644
♪ 'Cause it sure feels like
The holidays ♪
2370
01:36:34,646 --> 01:36:39,149
♪ Get on your feet
And let's celebrate ♪
2371
01:36:39,151 --> 01:36:41,051
- ♪ It's gonna be joyful ♪
- ♪ Joyful ♪
2372
01:36:41,053 --> 01:36:42,853
- ♪ Yeah that's the feeling ♪
- ♪ That's the feeling ♪
2373
01:36:42,855 --> 01:36:45,854
- ♪ Oh, yes indeed ♪
- ♪ Oh, yes indeed ♪
2374
01:36:45,856 --> 01:36:49,425
- ♪ It's gonna be joyful ♪
- ♪ It's gonna be joyful ♪
2375
01:36:49,427 --> 01:36:51,394
- ♪ Joyful ♪
- ♪ Joyful ♪
2376
01:36:51,396 --> 01:36:53,261
- ♪ 'Cause it's the season ♪
- ♪ It's the season ♪
2377
01:36:53,263 --> 01:36:55,864
- ♪ I got a feeling ♪
- ♪ I got a feeling ♪
2378
01:36:55,866 --> 01:36:58,637
♪ It's gonna be joyful ♪
2379
01:37:03,642 --> 01:37:06,309
♪ Cinnamon whiskey
Warming up the coffee ♪
2380
01:37:06,311 --> 01:37:08,243
♪ Everybody fire a side ♪
2381
01:37:08,245 --> 01:37:11,180
♪ Hanging up the stockings
Tearing off the wrapping ♪
2382
01:37:11,182 --> 01:37:13,616
♪ See my Secret Santa tonight ♪
2383
01:37:13,618 --> 01:37:15,551
♪ Yeah, the blizzard
Got us all snowed in ♪
2384
01:37:15,553 --> 01:37:18,488
♪ Ain't nobody going nowhere ♪
2385
01:37:18,490 --> 01:37:20,223
♪ Once you're here
Bring the cheer fill my cup ♪
2386
01:37:20,225 --> 01:37:22,658
♪ With the holly
And the jolly all right ♪
2387
01:37:22,660 --> 01:37:27,564
♪ 'Cause it sure feels like
The holidays ♪
2388
01:37:27,566 --> 01:37:31,701
♪ Get on your feet
And let's celebrate ♪
2389
01:37:31,703 --> 01:37:34,304
- ♪ It's gonna be joyful ♪
- ♪ It's gonna be joyful ♪
2390
01:37:34,306 --> 01:37:36,105
- ♪ Yeah that's the feeling ♪
- ♪ That's the feeling ♪
2391
01:37:36,107 --> 01:37:38,942
- ♪ Oh, yes indeed ♪
- ♪ Oh, yes indeed ♪
2392
01:37:38,944 --> 01:37:42,278
- ♪ It's gonna be joyful ♪
- ♪ Joyful ♪
2393
01:37:42,280 --> 01:37:44,247
- ♪ Joyful ♪
- ♪ Joyful ♪
2394
01:37:44,249 --> 01:37:46,114
- ♪ 'Cause it's the season ♪
- ♪ It's the season ♪
2395
01:37:46,116 --> 01:37:48,585
- ♪ I got a feeling ♪
- ♪ I got a feeling ♪
2396
01:37:48,587 --> 01:37:51,623
♪ It's gonna be joyful ♪
2397
01:38:01,432 --> 01:38:03,332
- ♪ Joyful ♪
- ♪ Joyful ♪
2398
01:38:03,334 --> 01:38:04,934
- ♪ Yeah that's the feeling ♪
- ♪ That's the feeling ♪
2399
01:38:04,936 --> 01:38:07,703
- ♪ Oh, yes indeed ♪
- ♪ Yes indeed ♪
2400
01:38:07,705 --> 01:38:10,340
- ♪ It's gonna be joyful ♪
- ♪ Joyful ♪
2401
01:38:10,342 --> 01:38:12,309
- ♪ Ooh, joyful ♪
- ♪ Joyful ♪
2402
01:38:12,311 --> 01:38:14,176
- ♪ 'Cause it's the season ♪
- ♪ It's the season ♪
2403
01:38:14,178 --> 01:38:17,412
- ♪ I got a feeling ♪
- ♪ I got a feeling ♪
2404
01:38:17,414 --> 01:38:19,681
- ♪ It's gonna be joyful ♪
- ♪ Joyful ♪
2405
01:38:19,683 --> 01:38:22,252
- ♪ It's gonna be joyful ♪
- ♪ Joyful ♪
2406
01:38:22,254 --> 01:38:24,554
- ♪ Yeah that's the feeling ♪
- ♪ That's the feeling ♪
2407
01:38:24,556 --> 01:38:26,989
- ♪ Oh, yes indeed ♪
- ♪ Oh, yes indeed ♪
2408
01:38:26,991 --> 01:38:30,359
- ♪ It's gonna be joyful ♪
- ♪ Joyful ♪
2409
01:38:30,361 --> 01:38:32,328
- ♪ Joyful ♪
- ♪ Joyful ♪
2410
01:38:32,330 --> 01:38:34,197
- ♪ 'Cause it's the season ♪
- ♪ It's the season ♪
2411
01:38:34,199 --> 01:38:36,966
- ♪ I got a feeling ♪
- ♪ I got a feeling ♪
2412
01:38:36,968 --> 01:38:39,337
- ♪ It's gonna be joyful ♪
- ♪ Joyful ♪
2413
01:38:43,374 --> 01:38:45,742
♪ Kitty cat, kitty cat
I love you ♪
2414
01:38:45,744 --> 01:38:48,543
♪ Kitty cat, kitty cat
Yes, I do ♪
2415
01:38:48,545 --> 01:38:51,381
♪ Kitty cat, kitty cat
You're adorable ♪
2416
01:38:51,383 --> 01:38:54,384
♪ Life without you
Would be horrible ♪
2417
01:38:54,386 --> 01:38:56,618
♪ No one makes me work ♪
2418
01:38:56,620 --> 01:38:59,421
♪ Like my little bundle of fur ♪
2419
01:38:59,423 --> 01:39:04,195
♪ Kitty cat, kitty cat
I love you ♪
2420
01:39:05,496 --> 01:39:06,996
♪ When you're down ♪
2421
01:39:06,998 --> 01:39:10,733
♪ And feeling blue ♪
2422
01:39:10,735 --> 01:39:12,534
♪ Here's that thing ♪
2423
01:39:12,536 --> 01:39:16,305
- ♪ That you must do ♪
- ♪ Gotta do it ♪
2424
01:39:16,307 --> 01:39:18,507
♪ Make a B-line ♪
2425
01:39:18,509 --> 01:39:21,476
- ♪ For the nearest feline ♪
- ♪ Kitty cat ♪
2426
01:39:21,478 --> 01:39:25,381
♪ Then your trouble
Will be through ♪
2427
01:39:25,383 --> 01:39:26,881
♪ Cheeseburger ♪
2428
01:39:26,883 --> 01:39:28,350
♪ Kitty cat, kitty cat
I love you ♪
2429
01:39:28,352 --> 01:39:31,586
♪ Kitty cat, kitty cat
Yes, I do ♪
2430
01:39:31,588 --> 01:39:34,424
♪ Kitty cat, kitty cat
You're adorable ♪
2431
01:39:34,426 --> 01:39:36,792
♪ Life without you
Would be horrible ♪
2432
01:39:36,794 --> 01:39:39,628
♪ No one makes me work ♪
2433
01:39:39,630 --> 01:39:42,398
♪ Like my little bundle of fur ♪
2434
01:39:42,400 --> 01:39:47,603
♪ Kitty cat, kitty cat
I love you ♪
2435
01:39:47,605 --> 01:39:52,343
♪ Kitty cat, kitty cat
I love you ♪
2436
01:39:54,411 --> 01:39:55,480
[cat meows]
2437
01:39:55,482 --> 01:39:57,274
Subtitles by explosiveskull
174065
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof