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Last week on Married With Children:
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Al and Bud were being hunted
by killers from two different towns...
3
00:01:21,982 --> 00:01:25,953
...Each wanting to kill them
in their respective villages.
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00:01:26,153 --> 00:01:28,756
Bud was warned by some new friends.
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00:01:28,956 --> 00:01:31,225
You will die in the morning.
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00:01:31,425 --> 00:01:36,063
And if things aren't bad enough,
their only hope of rescue is Kelly.
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00:01:39,066 --> 00:01:41,502
Marcie and Jefferson have sought
salvation elsewhere.
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00:01:41,669 --> 00:01:44,104
Bad Americans.
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00:01:44,305 --> 00:01:46,474
And for you Buck fans...
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00:01:46,674 --> 00:01:50,511
Would it have killed them to pay
an extra dollar so I could eat?
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00:01:50,678 --> 00:01:53,881
And now,
Married With Children continues.
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00:01:54,048 --> 00:01:56,517
Hang them high
Hang them high
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00:01:56,684 --> 00:01:59,053
Hang them till they thirst and die
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00:01:59,220 --> 00:02:01,422
Hang them high
Hang them high
15
00:02:01,589 --> 00:02:04,058
Hang them till they thirst and die
16
00:02:05,593 --> 00:02:11,232
I welcome you all here on this
wonderful Lower Uncton afternoon...
17
00:02:11,398 --> 00:02:16,437
...To witness the deaths
of the hated Bundy males.
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00:02:18,272 --> 00:02:21,442
Their excruciating deaths will usher in...
19
00:02:21,609 --> 00:02:26,146
...A new era of prosperity and sunlight...
20
00:02:26,313 --> 00:02:29,016
...On this peaceful village.
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00:02:29,216 --> 00:02:31,919
Kill! Kill! Kill!
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00:02:32,119 --> 00:02:34,788
Kill! Kill! Kill!
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00:02:34,955 --> 00:02:36,323
Listen to them, Peg.
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00:02:36,490 --> 00:02:41,061
They're chanting "Al, Al, Al."
Just like my old Polk High School days.
25
00:02:41,228 --> 00:02:43,564
These people have been so nice.
During my speech...
26
00:02:43,731 --> 00:02:45,599
...I'm throwing in an old football story.
27
00:02:45,766 --> 00:02:48,269
Why don't you tell them about
your 3.25 an hour?
28
00:02:48,435 --> 00:02:50,504
That'll wow them.
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00:02:50,671 --> 00:02:53,140
You're just jealous because
I'm a god here.
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00:02:53,307 --> 00:02:55,676
Watch this.
31
00:02:59,213 --> 00:03:01,382
How do you like that, babe?
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00:03:01,549 --> 00:03:06,554
They'll stop screaming when you lower
your arms, Al. Most people do.
33
00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:09,323
Heavy is the head that
wears your mother, son.
34
00:03:09,490 --> 00:03:12,393
Dad, don't you sense
there's something wrong here?
35
00:03:12,560 --> 00:03:15,396
I'm not talking about the ghosts
who danced around my room...
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00:03:15,563 --> 00:03:17,865
...Removing their heads
and telling me to get out.
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00:03:18,032 --> 00:03:21,535
I mean, haven't you noticed
it's daytime and yet there's no sun?
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00:03:22,836 --> 00:03:24,738
Time to go.
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00:03:25,539 --> 00:03:27,875
Sorry, madam, no women allowed.
40
00:03:28,709 --> 00:03:32,646
Well, thank God they don't have
that attitude in Paris.
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00:03:34,348 --> 00:03:37,284
Son, I could die a happy man right now.
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00:03:37,451 --> 00:03:42,089
Al Bundy, have you any words
for the assembled villagers here?
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00:03:50,531 --> 00:03:53,000
My people...
44
00:03:53,601 --> 00:04:00,207
...Today I feel like the luckiest man
on the face of the earth.
45
00:04:01,508 --> 00:04:05,279
As you know,
I played high school football.
46
00:04:05,579 --> 00:04:07,915
I was great.
47
00:04:08,082 --> 00:04:13,387
And I know you kids out there would
like to be just as great as I was...
48
00:04:13,554 --> 00:04:15,222
...But beware.
49
00:04:15,789 --> 00:04:19,560
There's a killer out there.
A temptation.
50
00:04:19,727 --> 00:04:22,796
It infests your country the same as mine.
51
00:04:22,963 --> 00:04:27,334
It'll eat up your money
and your will to live.
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00:04:27,501 --> 00:04:32,473
I know you've heard about it before,
but you can't hear about it enough.
53
00:04:32,640 --> 00:04:38,145
Kids, please just say no to marriage.
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00:04:39,013 --> 00:04:41,882
Dad, I've got a gut feeling
they're gonna kill us.
55
00:04:42,049 --> 00:04:43,550
I'm trying to talk here, son.
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00:04:43,717 --> 00:04:48,155
- Football builds men.
- Enough of this football drone.
57
00:04:48,322 --> 00:04:49,423
Kill them!
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00:04:49,590 --> 00:04:54,495
Kill them. Kill them.
Kill them. Kill them.
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00:04:54,662 --> 00:04:57,331
Son, I'm beginning to think you were right.
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00:04:59,533 --> 00:05:02,936
Forsooth, woodsmen, spare those men.
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00:05:03,103 --> 00:05:07,341
Fear not, Daddy, there's no business
like show business.
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00:05:07,508 --> 00:05:11,011
Hi-yo Silverware, away!
63
00:05:23,123 --> 00:05:25,359
Well, I just saved your worthless hides...
64
00:05:25,526 --> 00:05:28,796
...And I think I deserve a hearty
"Good job, Kelly, thank you."
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00:05:28,962 --> 00:05:30,798
You might have gotten a nice thank you...
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00:05:30,964 --> 00:05:34,068
...If you didn't say we'd travel faster
if we lightened the load...
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00:05:34,234 --> 00:05:36,003
...Then unhitched the horse.
68
00:05:36,170 --> 00:05:38,272
Well, he did go faster, didn't he?
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00:05:38,439 --> 00:05:41,709
So should we, because here they come.
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00:05:44,545 --> 00:05:48,148
Kill the Bundys! Kill the Bundys!
Kill the Bundys! Kill the Bundys!
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00:05:48,315 --> 00:05:52,119
Kill the Bundys! Kill the Bundys!
Kill the Bundys! Kill the Bundys!
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00:06:09,803 --> 00:06:11,572
They've stopped.
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00:06:11,739 --> 00:06:13,307
We must be safe.
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00:06:13,474 --> 00:06:17,144
Well, we are safe.
A man told me to bring you here.
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00:06:17,678 --> 00:06:19,279
What man?
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00:06:19,613 --> 00:06:21,482
That man...
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00:06:21,882 --> 00:06:26,019
...Holding a gun and pointing it at us
with a whole load of townspeople.
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00:06:29,923 --> 00:06:31,191
Don't worry, Al.
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00:06:31,358 --> 00:06:34,094
Whatever happens,
I'll be right by your side.
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00:06:34,294 --> 00:06:37,431
The women are free to go.
We only want to kill the men.
81
00:06:37,898 --> 00:06:40,134
Have a nice life, Al.
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00:06:40,601 --> 00:06:44,972
I hope your death is less painful
than your life. Bye, Daddy.
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00:06:45,773 --> 00:06:47,307
Hey.
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00:06:48,242 --> 00:06:51,945
Come over to our side.
Your death will be quicker.
85
00:06:52,146 --> 00:06:54,214
No. Come to our side.
86
00:06:54,381 --> 00:06:57,017
At least we won't eat you afterwards.
87
00:06:57,217 --> 00:07:01,522
That is an ugly rumor
started by people who are jealous.
88
00:07:01,922 --> 00:07:04,358
Besides, it's dark over here.
89
00:07:04,525 --> 00:07:07,928
We couldn't tell.
It's hard to know what we're eating.
90
00:07:09,329 --> 00:07:12,766
- Why aren't they killing us, Dad?
- I don't know, son.
91
00:07:13,300 --> 00:07:15,803
We must be on the borderline.
92
00:07:16,003 --> 00:07:18,372
Right, then. I'll settle this.
93
00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:24,611
Now then, come over here
or your wife and daughter are through.
94
00:07:27,648 --> 00:07:31,418
You fool, that didn't work
with the other Bundys, either.
95
00:07:31,585 --> 00:07:34,288
All right, we'll just wait them out.
96
00:07:37,457 --> 00:07:39,326
Thank you.
97
00:07:40,294 --> 00:07:43,797
It was really nice meeting you. Thanks.
98
00:07:44,665 --> 00:07:46,433
Thanks.
99
00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:48,969
Thanks for such a good time.
100
00:07:49,136 --> 00:07:53,140
Now, you really must come to America
and experience our theater.
101
00:07:53,307 --> 00:07:55,042
Jefferson, come on.
102
00:08:00,848 --> 00:08:04,585
I'm sick of the theater, Marcie.
Let's go get something to eat.
103
00:08:04,785 --> 00:08:07,354
There's a place across the street.
The Whipped Puppy.
104
00:08:08,255 --> 00:08:10,190
Sounds good to me.
105
00:08:10,357 --> 00:08:12,593
Now listen, I have wired my mother for money...
106
00:08:12,759 --> 00:08:14,695
...But this was the only address I had...
107
00:08:14,862 --> 00:08:16,964
...So I guess we'll just have to sit and wait.
108
00:08:17,130 --> 00:08:21,134
But that could take hours. What are
we gonna do in the meantime?
109
00:08:21,335 --> 00:08:23,270
Bad Americans?
110
00:08:24,238 --> 00:08:25,839
Bad Americans.
111
00:08:38,318 --> 00:08:40,988
Dad, I just want to say
it was brave of you to say:
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00:08:41,154 --> 00:08:43,657
"Take me and let the boy go free."
113
00:08:44,358 --> 00:08:46,193
I didn't say that, son.
114
00:08:46,360 --> 00:08:49,463
Don't you think it would be
a good time to do it?
115
00:08:49,763 --> 00:08:51,398
Why would I say that?
116
00:08:51,565 --> 00:08:54,868
What better way to die than with my only son?
117
00:08:55,168 --> 00:08:56,803
I love you, Dad.
118
00:08:57,571 --> 00:08:59,439
Yeah, right.
119
00:08:59,606 --> 00:09:03,410
But I feel this is the right time
for a final father-son chat.
120
00:09:03,577 --> 00:09:07,848
Great. Much better than
my dream of dying in the saddle.
121
00:09:08,015 --> 00:09:11,251
Don't make me push you off the borderline.
122
00:09:11,418 --> 00:09:13,320
I won't be able to die in peace...
123
00:09:13,487 --> 00:09:17,824
...Until I've been able to pass down
the accumulated wisdom of my lifetime.
124
00:09:17,991 --> 00:09:20,894
So listen, son, and listen good.
125
00:09:23,797 --> 00:09:25,565
Never mind.
126
00:09:25,766 --> 00:09:27,567
We're getting nowhere.
127
00:09:27,734 --> 00:09:31,204
Let's just beat them with clubs and
see which side they collapse on.
128
00:09:31,405 --> 00:09:36,877
Oh, no. What if one of them fell your
side and one of them fell our side?
129
00:09:37,044 --> 00:09:39,046
Be in a fine pickle then, wouldn't we?
130
00:09:39,746 --> 00:09:42,816
I'm sure we could work out
something mutually beneficial.
131
00:09:43,016 --> 00:09:44,418
Oh, right.
132
00:09:44,584 --> 00:09:47,587
We have them killed on your side
and you promise to share.
133
00:09:47,754 --> 00:09:51,425
But you won't, will you?
You can't trust a light-dweller.
134
00:09:51,625 --> 00:09:54,361
- Moon people.
- Sun people.
135
00:09:54,561 --> 00:09:57,197
Maybe we're taking rather
a narrow view of this.
136
00:09:57,364 --> 00:10:02,269
Maybe we should be looking at it from
the point of view of true entrepreneurs.
137
00:10:02,436 --> 00:10:04,972
All right, look, it's the grave of the Bundy...
138
00:10:05,138 --> 00:10:09,776
...Whose death ended a 400-year-old curse.
139
00:10:10,610 --> 00:10:12,312
That's gotta be worth a little bit.
140
00:10:12,479 --> 00:10:14,181
- Custard sales.
- Right.
141
00:10:14,381 --> 00:10:16,116
Banners.
142
00:10:16,283 --> 00:10:20,354
"My Dad saw Al Bundy killed and all
I got was this lousy T-shirt" T-shirts.
143
00:10:20,520 --> 00:10:21,989
I love it.
144
00:10:22,155 --> 00:10:24,791
- Partners.
- Partners.
145
00:10:26,727 --> 00:10:30,664
Peace has been found after all these years.
146
00:10:30,831 --> 00:10:32,532
Kill them.
147
00:10:33,734 --> 00:10:38,005
Wait, wait, guys, before you shoot,
I just want to say one thing.
148
00:10:38,171 --> 00:10:39,706
The blond over there is a boy.
149
00:10:41,375 --> 00:10:44,611
Come on.
It's not that dark over here, lad.
150
00:10:45,579 --> 00:10:47,414
Well, excuse me.
151
00:10:47,581 --> 00:10:51,885
While we're all in such a jovial mood,
may I offer just a little suggestion?
152
00:10:52,052 --> 00:10:53,787
See, I think a great idea would be...
153
00:10:53,954 --> 00:10:56,189
...Pretending to have killed the last Bundy.
154
00:10:56,390 --> 00:10:59,926
Yes, well, I'm sure something
could be worked out.
155
00:11:00,093 --> 00:11:02,062
I mean, we're not barbarians.
156
00:11:02,229 --> 00:11:04,031
We're not the French.
157
00:11:04,231 --> 00:11:05,799
Well, I demand vengeance.
158
00:11:05,966 --> 00:11:09,069
Shamus McBundy insulted
my great-great-great-grandmother...
159
00:11:09,236 --> 00:11:12,305
...And I want revenge.
160
00:11:12,873 --> 00:11:16,176
Hey, I'll buy you an Orange Julius
in London, buddy.
161
00:11:16,376 --> 00:11:17,744
That's a brilliant idea. Okay.
162
00:11:17,911 --> 00:11:23,350
Igor, you kill the big one and in a
typical rush of English bloodlust...
163
00:11:23,517 --> 00:11:26,686
...We all kill the rest of them.
164
00:11:28,055 --> 00:11:30,290
Wait a second. That's not fair.
165
00:11:30,457 --> 00:11:33,994
I was once a mighty athlete
and I demand to go out like a man.
166
00:11:34,194 --> 00:11:37,497
All right. What about a medieval joust?
167
00:11:37,664 --> 00:11:40,901
Just think of the promotional possibilities.
168
00:11:41,068 --> 00:11:45,305
Buttons. Fanny packs.
Videotapes for the spectators.
169
00:11:45,505 --> 00:11:50,677
Hey, Igor. Before you kill him,
try and do something funny with him.
170
00:11:50,844 --> 00:11:53,613
Then we can sell a separate
wacky blooper reel.
171
00:11:53,780 --> 00:11:57,384
Oh, Al, do it. I love those.
172
00:11:57,584 --> 00:12:00,353
A medieval joust it is then.
173
00:12:01,221 --> 00:12:04,157
They will fight to the death in Upper Uncton.
174
00:12:05,325 --> 00:12:07,027
Why Upper Uncton?
175
00:12:07,227 --> 00:12:11,331
Well, we could hardly film ever
in your village, now could we?
176
00:12:13,066 --> 00:12:14,501
Was that another "dark" crack?
177
00:12:14,701 --> 00:12:18,705
Let's not get testy.
We've got a man to kill.
178
00:12:22,242 --> 00:12:25,445
- Al, I'm afraid.
- Don't worry, babe.
179
00:12:25,612 --> 00:12:28,682
This Igor don't look too tough to me.
180
00:12:28,849 --> 00:12:31,017
Well, it's not him I'm worried about.
181
00:12:31,218 --> 00:12:36,056
They're gonna be filming and I left
my bright-sun makeup in the castle.
182
00:12:39,126 --> 00:12:41,628
And you guys thought you were cursed.
183
00:12:47,934 --> 00:12:51,738
I can't believe my life depends
on Dad's ability to joust.
184
00:12:51,905 --> 00:12:54,774
Well, it's better that than
his ability to earn a living.
185
00:12:54,941 --> 00:12:58,578
And besides, who says
Igor's any good at this jousting stuff?
186
00:13:28,909 --> 00:13:31,611
So long, Tiny Toon.
187
00:13:32,579 --> 00:13:36,016
Come on, Al. It's time to go.
188
00:13:36,183 --> 00:13:38,218
What could that man be doing in there?
189
00:13:38,385 --> 00:13:40,754
I think he's getting into his battle gear.
190
00:13:51,798 --> 00:13:53,733
Let's joust.
191
00:14:08,682 --> 00:14:12,185
Al, honey, before your death...
192
00:14:12,686 --> 00:14:15,589
...I mean, certain victory...
193
00:14:15,755 --> 00:14:18,491
...There's really something
that I must say to you.
194
00:14:18,658 --> 00:14:20,460
What is it, babe?
195
00:14:21,228 --> 00:14:23,196
Do you have our return tickets?
196
00:14:23,363 --> 00:14:27,601
You know, just in case you lose them
during your victory dance.
197
00:14:28,368 --> 00:14:31,638
Don't worry about me, babe,
I played high school football.
198
00:14:31,805 --> 00:14:33,540
Besides, if I should die...
199
00:14:33,707 --> 00:14:37,410
...It will comfort me greatly to know
you'll be stuck here for life.
200
00:14:39,079 --> 00:14:40,380
Wish me luck, kids.
201
00:14:40,814 --> 00:14:43,216
What good would it do?
202
00:14:43,416 --> 00:14:45,252
Pumpkin, what do you have to say?
203
00:14:46,486 --> 00:14:49,055
Daddy's dying.
204
00:14:50,257 --> 00:14:52,292
Well, that's comforting.
205
00:14:52,792 --> 00:14:55,929
Let the tournament commence.
206
00:15:02,035 --> 00:15:03,837
Pennants. Get your Igor pennants.
207
00:15:04,004 --> 00:15:07,274
Get your "I saw Al Bundy die"
T-shirts.
208
00:15:07,440 --> 00:15:10,243
Here you are, sir, one for the lady wife.
Here you go.
209
00:15:10,410 --> 00:15:12,312
A couple for the kiddies.
Lovely, smashing.
210
00:15:12,479 --> 00:15:14,047
That's it.
211
00:15:16,516 --> 00:15:21,187
Ladies and gentlemen...
212
00:15:21,354 --> 00:15:26,326
...Let's get ready to rumble!
213
00:15:29,029 --> 00:15:33,233
Welcome to the thumping in Upper Uncton.
214
00:15:34,901 --> 00:15:37,470
On my left...
215
00:15:37,637 --> 00:15:44,210
...Five-time all-European
undefeated jousting champion...
216
00:15:44,377 --> 00:15:46,413
...Going by the name of...
217
00:15:46,579 --> 00:15:52,285
...Igor "The Truth" Deathshire.
218
00:15:58,258 --> 00:15:59,759
And on my right...
219
00:16:00,760 --> 00:16:04,364
...From the Windy City of Chicago...
220
00:16:04,731 --> 00:16:06,900
...USA...
221
00:16:07,767 --> 00:16:13,373
...Al "Stink-foot" Bundy.
222
00:16:18,912 --> 00:16:22,749
When I say begin, begin.
223
00:16:23,116 --> 00:16:24,384
Begin.
224
00:16:46,039 --> 00:16:48,942
Go back to England, Igor.
225
00:17:35,088 --> 00:17:39,025
- I can't look. How's he doing?
- He's doing great.
226
00:17:42,228 --> 00:17:44,531
What do you mean,
Dad's doing great?
227
00:17:44,697 --> 00:17:47,734
Dad? I thought you meant Igor.
228
00:17:49,936 --> 00:17:51,438
Okay.
229
00:17:53,173 --> 00:17:55,275
Enough Rope-a-Dope.
230
00:17:56,209 --> 00:17:57,377
Let's rock.
231
00:18:02,615 --> 00:18:06,719
Now for the death blow.
232
00:18:10,523 --> 00:18:16,529
Next time you play a man's game,
wear a man's uniform.
233
00:18:19,132 --> 00:18:22,168
And the next time you insult an American...
234
00:18:22,335 --> 00:18:25,438
...Make sure he didn't play
high school football.
235
00:18:33,213 --> 00:18:35,648
Now let's rock.
236
00:18:43,857 --> 00:18:46,292
You stink, Bundy.
237
00:19:05,879 --> 00:19:09,749
You did it! You did it!
It was so great.
238
00:19:10,783 --> 00:19:13,486
- Oh, Al.
- Well, this is a fine how-do-you-do.
239
00:19:13,653 --> 00:19:14,954
What do we do now?
240
00:19:15,121 --> 00:19:19,292
Well, I suppose we'll just have to flip
a coin to see which side we kill him on.
241
00:19:19,492 --> 00:19:24,330
Look, it's the sun.
It's coming out over Lower Uncton.
242
00:19:29,802 --> 00:19:33,840
The curse must have been lifted
when Bundy defeated Igor.
243
00:19:34,040 --> 00:19:36,709
Hooray for Al Bundy!
244
00:19:37,410 --> 00:19:39,379
Oh, Al.
245
00:19:42,315 --> 00:19:44,050
This is terrible.
246
00:19:44,217 --> 00:19:47,253
We've always prospered
as a tourist attraction.
247
00:19:47,420 --> 00:19:51,090
"The town next to the land
of darkness." Now we have nothing.
248
00:19:51,291 --> 00:19:53,726
What about us? I mean, now you can see. Look.
249
00:19:53,893 --> 00:19:57,497
We've got no crops.
There's no paint on the stores.
250
00:19:57,697 --> 00:20:00,667
We're just a couple of little burgs
in the middle of nowhere.
251
00:20:00,833 --> 00:20:02,902
We can't sell any T-shirts now.
252
00:20:03,069 --> 00:20:07,340
We can't even sell the bloody video we made.
253
00:20:07,574 --> 00:20:09,208
He's ruined everything, he has.
254
00:20:09,442 --> 00:20:12,045
- Let's kill him.
- Why not?
255
00:20:12,211 --> 00:20:14,781
Let's kill the whole bloody lot of them.
256
00:20:16,616 --> 00:20:18,718
Vacation's over.
257
00:20:24,057 --> 00:20:25,558
Thank your father, kids.
258
00:20:25,725 --> 00:20:27,827
- Thanks, Dad.
- Thanks, Dad.
259
00:20:36,569 --> 00:20:40,039
Americans coming through.
Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse us.
260
00:20:40,206 --> 00:20:41,674
- Americans coming through.
- Move.
261
00:20:41,841 --> 00:20:43,376
- Excuse us. Excuse us.
- Move.
262
00:20:43,543 --> 00:20:45,178
- Excuse us.
- Excuse me, pardon me.
263
00:20:45,345 --> 00:20:48,514
Americans coming through.
Excuse us-- Oh!
264
00:20:48,681 --> 00:20:50,850
- Hi, you made it.
- Hi.
265
00:20:51,017 --> 00:20:54,120
- So how did you enjoy London?
- Oh, it was great, Peggy.
266
00:20:54,287 --> 00:20:58,958
We managed to take in a lot of... theater.
267
00:21:09,802 --> 00:21:11,537
Oh, my goodness.
268
00:21:11,704 --> 00:21:13,306
Someone has switched our luggage...
269
00:21:13,473 --> 00:21:16,576
...And given us many
erotic forms of punishment.
270
00:21:18,344 --> 00:21:23,349
But rather than hold these good people
up, we'll be glad to pay the duty.
271
00:21:31,824 --> 00:21:33,459
Do you have anything to declare?
272
00:21:33,660 --> 00:21:37,063
Yes. My husband is an idiot.
273
00:21:39,599 --> 00:21:42,301
- Come on, kids.
- Mom, what happened to Dad?
274
00:21:42,468 --> 00:21:47,640
He got caught stealing a hotel towel.
Like he'll ever use it.
275
00:21:47,807 --> 00:21:51,511
- What do you think they'll do to him?
- Oh, please, it's a hotel towel.
276
00:21:51,678 --> 00:21:53,279
What can they do?
277
00:21:59,619 --> 00:22:01,054
What are you in for?
278
00:22:01,220 --> 00:22:04,824
Stole an ashtray from the Ritz.
279
00:22:06,826 --> 00:22:10,229
- You?
- Towel from the Savoy.
280
00:22:13,599 --> 00:22:17,403
- What do they feed you in here?
- Bread and water.
281
00:22:19,939 --> 00:22:23,643
Then it's truly the best vacation
I've ever had.
22236
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