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1
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Last week on Married... With Children :
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The Bundys thought they won
a free trip to England.
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00:01:20,448 --> 00:01:23,751
Whoa, England!
4
00:01:23,918 --> 00:01:26,387
And the D'Arcys decided to go along.
5
00:01:26,554 --> 00:01:28,289
But there's a catch for the Bundys...
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...An ancient English curse
that dates back to 1653.
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And so that ye and all your male descendants...
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...Will be hated in this place forever...
9
00:01:38,766 --> 00:01:43,471
...Lower Uncton shall always be in darkness.
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The only way the curse can be lifted...
11
00:01:45,773 --> 00:01:49,176
...Is if Al and Bud are killed within
the town limits of Lower Uncton.
12
00:01:49,343 --> 00:01:51,479
That is the job of these two men.
13
00:01:51,779 --> 00:01:53,814
But if Lower Uncton gets the sun back...
14
00:01:53,981 --> 00:01:57,218
...The neighboring town of Upper
Uncton will lose their tourist trade.
15
00:01:57,384 --> 00:02:01,121
So these two men
have to kill the Bundys in London.
16
00:02:01,288 --> 00:02:03,491
And these two
want to kill the Bundys anywhere...
17
00:02:03,657 --> 00:02:06,126
...Since they drove off
with their luggage and money.
18
00:02:06,494 --> 00:02:10,097
They have only one friend,
the dog they left behind.
19
00:02:10,264 --> 00:02:15,102
I don't care who kills them,
as long as they come back in a box.
20
00:02:15,269 --> 00:02:17,738
And now Married... With Children continues.
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Boy, is that good.
22
00:02:28,916 --> 00:02:30,584
Gentlefolk?
23
00:02:32,186 --> 00:02:35,122
Listen, when we said "all expenses paid"...
24
00:02:35,289 --> 00:02:39,026
...We didn't really mean
a river suite at the Savoy.
25
00:02:39,226 --> 00:02:43,464
I'll have you know, sir, that we are
accustomed to the finer things in life.
26
00:02:43,631 --> 00:02:46,734
- Mom, what's this?
- It's a fork, honey.
27
00:02:46,901 --> 00:02:49,036
Oh, cool.
28
00:02:55,743 --> 00:03:00,848
I guess somebody should have
told that toilet the Yanks were coming.
29
00:03:03,183 --> 00:03:06,086
You know, family, Salem here--
30
00:03:06,253 --> 00:03:11,325
- Winston. The name is Winston.
- Like it matters.
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00:03:11,492 --> 00:03:15,429
Anyhow, we are guests
in his lovely little country...
32
00:03:15,596 --> 00:03:17,231
...And since he is paying the tab...
33
00:03:17,398 --> 00:03:20,501
...Let's go easy on the guy
and curb our expenses.
34
00:03:20,668 --> 00:03:23,237
Thank you very much, young philistine.
35
00:03:28,742 --> 00:03:31,912
You know, honey, except for the fact
that you and the kids are here...
36
00:03:32,079 --> 00:03:34,481
...This is like a second honeymoon.
37
00:03:34,648 --> 00:03:37,751
Come look at the view with me, sweetheart.
38
00:03:40,120 --> 00:03:43,691
There is something so infectious
about this country.
39
00:03:43,857 --> 00:03:47,728
I can just feel the class rubbing off on us.
40
00:04:03,844 --> 00:04:05,245
Hey.
41
00:04:05,613 --> 00:04:07,648
It's a vegetable.
42
00:04:14,922 --> 00:04:19,927
Listen, you like rolls, do you? Or what
do you folks call them, "humma"?
43
00:04:20,094 --> 00:04:24,932
Is that it? Listen, Lower Uncton
is the home of humma.
44
00:04:25,132 --> 00:04:27,267
Who's with me? Yeah?
45
00:04:30,137 --> 00:04:31,271
Hey, now.
46
00:04:31,472 --> 00:04:35,109
All right, Bundys, you're dead.
47
00:04:37,311 --> 00:04:38,512
What?
48
00:04:42,616 --> 00:04:45,853
- Room service.
- Well, we didn't order anything.
49
00:04:46,053 --> 00:04:48,288
This is compliments of the house...
50
00:04:48,455 --> 00:04:51,358
...For spending £5000 in one day.
51
00:04:53,293 --> 00:04:57,231
This is a delicate French dessert
called A-bomb.
52
00:05:01,702 --> 00:05:06,573
You must eat it very slowly,
particularly the males.
53
00:05:15,049 --> 00:05:17,351
The Savoy. At last, we found the Bundys.
54
00:05:17,518 --> 00:05:20,487
Now we can get our luggage
and our money and enjoy the trip.
55
00:05:20,654 --> 00:05:21,889
Yeah, come on!
56
00:05:24,124 --> 00:05:26,760
Here you go, my good man.
57
00:05:48,782 --> 00:05:51,251
So once again,
I'd just like to thank you...
58
00:05:51,418 --> 00:05:55,222
...For being so very, very careful
amongst all these valuable antiques.
59
00:05:55,422 --> 00:05:57,758
Hey, look here, kids,
my hand is stuck in a vase.
60
00:05:57,925 --> 00:06:02,129
Oh, my hand's stuck in the vase.
Help me, help me-- Just kidding.
61
00:06:06,233 --> 00:06:08,802
Hey, hey. Look, here's a place
we haven't been yet:
62
00:06:08,969 --> 00:06:12,072
"The London Dungeons."
I wanna see something scary.
63
00:06:12,239 --> 00:06:14,541
Well, then take a look at this.
64
00:06:16,577 --> 00:06:17,945
Hey, Menthol...
65
00:06:19,947 --> 00:06:22,683
...Where in this burg
can a man get a copy of Big Uns?
66
00:06:23,617 --> 00:06:25,486
Big Uns?
67
00:06:27,421 --> 00:06:32,860
Yes, well, in this country we call them
booby rags.
68
00:06:33,026 --> 00:06:34,495
There you go.
69
00:06:38,232 --> 00:06:40,134
Well, let's go see some sights.
70
00:06:40,300 --> 00:06:43,837
But first, since we have to get
some gifts for the people back home...
71
00:06:44,004 --> 00:06:47,040
...Everybody loot something valuable.
72
00:06:48,408 --> 00:06:51,645
Let's go, come on. Oh, I like this.
73
00:07:30,884 --> 00:07:33,020
Killed a fish, let's go.
74
00:08:03,383 --> 00:08:06,153
We're just Americans.
Why'd they run?
75
00:08:06,320 --> 00:08:09,990
They must have been French.
Takes so little.
76
00:08:24,471 --> 00:08:27,808
Hey, it's Jack the Ripper.
77
00:08:28,742 --> 00:08:30,577
I think it's moving.
78
00:08:30,744 --> 00:08:34,414
Of course he's moving, Kel, he sees a harlot.
79
00:08:35,916 --> 00:08:38,585
Daddy, I think the statue's moving.
80
00:08:39,286 --> 00:08:43,490
No, it's not. Now, don't be scared.
Here, watch this.
81
00:08:47,895 --> 00:08:51,665
See that? If it were alive,
I would have just broken its neck.
82
00:08:51,832 --> 00:08:53,967
No man could have taken that
without screaming.
83
00:08:54,134 --> 00:08:56,036
Come on, pumpkin, let's go.
84
00:09:01,441 --> 00:09:04,645
I'm bored. Let's go spend
some more of Winston's money.
85
00:09:04,811 --> 00:09:06,513
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
86
00:11:51,912 --> 00:11:55,182
Excuse me, sir, that will be £5000, please.
87
00:11:55,348 --> 00:11:57,617
- For the--
- I didn't forget to pay, did I?
88
00:11:57,784 --> 00:11:59,853
- Easily done, sir. Easily done.
- Sorry. Right.
89
00:12:00,020 --> 00:12:02,422
Where's that £5000 then?
Got it here somewhere.
90
00:12:02,589 --> 00:12:05,225
- Here's the money from the village.
- Brilliant. Well done.
91
00:12:05,392 --> 00:12:07,994
- Where did you get the money?
- We sold your farm.
92
00:12:08,161 --> 00:12:09,963
You what?!
93
00:12:10,997 --> 00:12:14,000
We're ready to go to Lower Uncton now.
94
00:12:20,474 --> 00:12:25,011
Well, mole-boy, "arevadouche."
Here's where I leave you.
95
00:12:25,178 --> 00:12:27,914
What are you talking about?
We're going to Lower Uncton now.
96
00:12:28,081 --> 00:12:30,717
Not me. I didn't come all this way
to spend my vacation...
97
00:12:30,884 --> 00:12:35,422
...In a one-whore town. I'm a city girl,
and I'm staying right here in--
98
00:12:35,589 --> 00:12:38,058
Wait, where are we?
99
00:12:38,225 --> 00:12:40,160
- London.
- Exactly.
100
00:12:40,327 --> 00:12:42,863
And you don't think Mom and Dad
will notice you're gone?
101
00:12:43,029 --> 00:12:46,032
Nope, it's all been taken care of.
102
00:12:52,172 --> 00:12:54,808
Well, pumpkin, what do you
think of London now, huh?
103
00:12:54,975 --> 00:12:57,144
Good, good.
104
00:13:20,367 --> 00:13:24,171
Here we are.
This is where you'll be staying.
105
00:13:29,209 --> 00:13:31,645
Our own castle.
106
00:13:32,078 --> 00:13:34,881
Isn't it awfully dark for noon?
107
00:13:35,348 --> 00:13:37,851
No, not for England.
108
00:13:38,018 --> 00:13:43,056
Oh, Al, our own castle.
It's just like out of a storybook.
109
00:13:43,223 --> 00:13:45,692
- Isn't it romantic?
- Yeah, sure, babe.
110
00:13:46,226 --> 00:13:50,597
Listen, Smokey,
I want separate rooms...
111
00:13:50,764 --> 00:13:54,267
...And I'd like a guard
outside of mine, please.
112
00:13:54,434 --> 00:13:59,072
Don't worry, sir, we know
exactly where to put you.
113
00:14:01,841 --> 00:14:06,279
- You hear that, kids?
- We hear you, Dad. Right, Kel?
114
00:14:07,414 --> 00:14:08,982
I sure hope this place is heated...
115
00:14:09,149 --> 00:14:13,053
...Because it'd be a damn shame to
come all this way to catch our deaths.
116
00:14:13,653 --> 00:14:15,355
You get it?
117
00:14:18,024 --> 00:14:20,460
Follow me, please,
and I'll show you to your quarters.
118
00:14:20,627 --> 00:14:21,895
Let's go, kids.
119
00:14:22,062 --> 00:14:25,966
- Al, have you seen Kelly?
- Bud's carrying her.
120
00:14:29,069 --> 00:14:32,005
Bad news.
We can't hang them until tomorrow.
121
00:14:32,172 --> 00:14:34,541
- Why not?
- The scaffolding's not here.
122
00:14:34,708 --> 00:14:38,111
We had to sell some of the wood
to buy nooses.
123
00:14:38,311 --> 00:14:43,183
Oh, yes. And what do you plan
to hang the nooses from?
124
00:14:43,350 --> 00:14:45,151
Well, we've thought of that.
125
00:14:45,318 --> 00:14:48,688
We're gonna have two
of our taller fellas hold them.
126
00:14:51,191 --> 00:14:54,728
I don't wanna hear any more. Right,
we're just gonna have to stab them.
127
00:14:54,928 --> 00:14:57,931
But the village children
were so looking forward to a hanging.
128
00:14:58,131 --> 00:15:02,669
Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Oh, the children.
129
00:15:03,603 --> 00:15:05,972
I think I'll buy one.
130
00:15:06,139 --> 00:15:07,974
What is this thing, Dad?
131
00:15:08,174 --> 00:15:11,344
Well, son, this being England and all,
I believe it's--
132
00:15:11,511 --> 00:15:14,314
And correct me if I'm wrong, Igor.
133
00:15:15,181 --> 00:15:17,617
--Stonehenge.
134
00:15:19,319 --> 00:15:21,955
Blimey, you nearly had it there, sir.
135
00:15:22,122 --> 00:15:26,059
Actually, this is the speaker's podium
for the festival tomorrow...
136
00:15:26,226 --> 00:15:31,631
...At which you and your son
will be our honored guests.
137
00:15:31,798 --> 00:15:33,433
You see that, son...
138
00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:37,337
...Even the English know that men are better.
139
00:15:39,873 --> 00:15:41,474
Yes, right this way, please.
140
00:15:43,610 --> 00:15:48,214
You know, I feel right at home here.
I think I could stay here forever.
141
00:15:48,381 --> 00:15:50,383
Me too, Dad.
142
00:16:12,472 --> 00:16:18,712
You know, Al, since we're in a castle,
crown me, baby.
143
00:16:18,878 --> 00:16:22,148
What the hell, it's the first thing
I had to pay for the whole trip.
144
00:16:22,315 --> 00:16:24,851
All right, Peg, go ahead and say it.
145
00:16:25,018 --> 00:16:28,955
- What am I, baby?
- You're the king, baby.
146
00:16:29,122 --> 00:16:33,360
- Make me believe it.
- Well, who's gonna make me believe it?
147
00:16:33,526 --> 00:16:35,462
Oh, all right.
148
00:16:35,628 --> 00:16:39,032
You're the king, baby.
149
00:16:39,199 --> 00:16:41,101
Good enough.
150
00:16:45,138 --> 00:16:48,908
Excuse me. Some of the area children
would like to have...
151
00:16:49,075 --> 00:16:51,978
- ...Their pictures taken with you.
- With me?
152
00:16:52,145 --> 00:16:56,116
But I'm just a regular joe
that played high school football...
153
00:16:56,282 --> 00:16:58,385
...Scored four touchdowns in one game.
154
00:16:58,551 --> 00:17:01,721
Last city championship
Polk High ever won.
155
00:17:01,888 --> 00:17:05,125
I understand.
Bring those starstruck young'uns in.
156
00:17:10,363 --> 00:17:11,931
Come on, kid.
157
00:17:13,633 --> 00:17:17,370
There we go.
See how they love me, Peg?
158
00:17:17,537 --> 00:17:19,839
Say your prayers.
159
00:17:21,541 --> 00:17:23,643
All right, out we go. Come on.
160
00:17:23,843 --> 00:17:25,712
There we go.
161
00:17:29,382 --> 00:17:32,252
You see, Peg, you gotta give something back.
162
00:17:33,253 --> 00:17:35,755
Can you feel the history in the room, Peg?
163
00:17:35,922 --> 00:17:37,190
Oh, I know.
164
00:17:37,357 --> 00:17:41,361
You know, Igor was telling me
that they say Bud's room is haunted.
165
00:17:41,528 --> 00:17:43,930
I didn't tell him, though.
You know how jumpy he is.
166
00:17:44,097 --> 00:17:46,900
Well, good, because what he
doesn't know won't hurt him.
167
00:17:53,973 --> 00:17:59,712
Good evening, Bud.
We are the ghosts of your ancestors.
168
00:17:59,879 --> 00:18:04,951
- Beware.
- You will die in the morning.
169
00:18:05,151 --> 00:18:06,619
Run.
170
00:18:09,522 --> 00:18:14,494
- Run while you still can!
- Wanna buy some shoes?
171
00:18:18,565 --> 00:18:20,733
Just a moment, gentlemen.
172
00:18:23,403 --> 00:18:26,339
Hey, how come only you
get to eat the candy bar?
173
00:18:26,506 --> 00:18:27,774
I was the one who found it.
174
00:18:27,941 --> 00:18:31,044
Yeah, well, I'm the one who pointed out
the baby who was holding it.
175
00:18:31,211 --> 00:18:34,781
Well, maybe next time you'll have
the guts to do something about it.
176
00:18:40,053 --> 00:18:42,455
Well, at least we'll be warm tonight.
177
00:18:42,622 --> 00:18:44,090
Warm and entertained...
178
00:18:44,257 --> 00:18:47,460
...Thanks to these free theater tickets
those nice people gave us...
179
00:18:47,627 --> 00:18:50,763
...Instead of food or money or lodgings.
180
00:18:50,930 --> 00:18:52,866
Hey, I've never heard of this show before.
181
00:18:53,032 --> 00:18:55,969
They say it's the longest-running show
in London's history.
182
00:18:56,135 --> 00:18:59,472
Tickets, please. Thank you.
183
00:19:07,380 --> 00:19:10,049
Bad Americans.
184
00:19:11,284 --> 00:19:14,220
Must be Shakespeare.
Taming of the Shrew, I believe.
185
00:19:15,021 --> 00:19:17,490
Would you like a drink or a spanking?
186
00:19:36,109 --> 00:19:38,878
They say there's a girl in there
with the prince.
187
00:19:41,381 --> 00:19:42,982
Miss?
188
00:19:45,985 --> 00:19:48,688
- Hey!
- You're not allowed to wear it out there.
189
00:19:48,855 --> 00:19:51,090
Only with me.
190
00:19:51,925 --> 00:19:55,094
Miss, there's a gentleman
wishes to speak with you.
191
00:19:55,395 --> 00:19:57,931
Well, I'm kind of busy with the prince.
192
00:19:58,131 --> 00:20:01,167
Well, he says it's about your family.
193
00:20:03,236 --> 00:20:05,605
I never should have had parents.
194
00:20:23,022 --> 00:20:25,792
Miss Bundy,
I felt I should warn you...
195
00:20:25,959 --> 00:20:29,262
...About a dastardly plot against your family.
196
00:20:32,065 --> 00:20:36,169
- "Dastardly," "dastardly."
- It means "bad."
197
00:20:36,336 --> 00:20:38,504
"Real bad thing."
198
00:20:38,671 --> 00:20:41,107
"Family go bye-bye"?
199
00:20:43,943 --> 00:20:46,779
You must get them out
of Lower Uncton before sunrise...
200
00:20:46,946 --> 00:20:50,283
...Or a terrible fate will befall them.
201
00:20:50,450 --> 00:20:54,787
- "Befall them."
- They will die.
202
00:20:56,522 --> 00:21:00,593
Then I must run like the stocking.
How can I thank you, kind stranger?
203
00:21:00,760 --> 00:21:03,963
By bringing your family to Upper Uncton.
204
00:21:04,130 --> 00:21:06,766
You don't have to tell me twice.
205
00:21:08,501 --> 00:21:09,802
Where?
206
00:21:10,536 --> 00:21:13,206
Upper Uncton.
207
00:22:09,629 --> 00:22:14,434
Will Kelly ever find her family?
Will the male Bundys survive?
208
00:22:14,600 --> 00:22:17,670
Was Brooklyn Bridge really worthy of an Emmy?
209
00:22:19,005 --> 00:22:23,643
We'll answer two of these questions
next week on Married... With Children.
17027
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