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1
00:01:17,077 --> 00:01:20,714
Oh, Al, please let me go with you.
2
00:01:20,881 --> 00:01:24,418
Come on, Al, please?
Please? I really, really wanna go.
3
00:01:24,585 --> 00:01:26,887
No! Now, let me explain this one more time.
4
00:01:27,054 --> 00:01:28,823
This is my vacation.
5
00:01:28,989 --> 00:01:32,092
I work hard all year long alone.
6
00:01:32,259 --> 00:01:34,829
I'm going on my vacation alone.
7
00:01:35,996 --> 00:01:39,033
Be brave, Peg. Be back in a week.
8
00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:42,069
- Goodbye, Al.
- Goodbye, Peg.
9
00:01:58,752 --> 00:02:00,688
Good to get away.
10
00:02:01,622 --> 00:02:03,691
Look at my itinerary.
11
00:02:03,891 --> 00:02:06,327
"Bundy World Tour '92.
12
00:02:07,161 --> 00:02:09,330
Day one: Arrive in New York."
13
00:02:09,497 --> 00:02:12,833
Courtesy of Escape From New York.
14
00:02:13,534 --> 00:02:18,439
Then it's on to the nation's capital
for Happy Hooker Goes to Washington.
15
00:02:20,941 --> 00:02:22,510
- Day two.
- Al...
16
00:02:22,676 --> 00:02:26,113
Peg, you're not allowed to "Al."
17
00:02:26,280 --> 00:02:29,216
There will be no "Al-ing"
for my entire vacation.
18
00:02:29,383 --> 00:02:30,751
I am not here.
19
00:02:31,785 --> 00:02:34,788
Day two: I shall Concorde over
to merry old England...
20
00:02:34,955 --> 00:02:38,325
...For British Babes Need Discipline.
21
00:02:39,093 --> 00:02:40,761
- But, Al...
- Peg, sorry...
22
00:02:40,928 --> 00:02:43,531
...The captain's turned on the "No Peg" sign.
23
00:02:45,666 --> 00:02:48,602
Dad, don't leave yet.
A terrible tragedy's befallen Kelly.
24
00:02:48,769 --> 00:02:51,572
Sorry. As you can see,
my seat is now in an upright position.
25
00:02:53,340 --> 00:02:57,411
I don't understand. Every time he goes
to the doctor, everything checks out.
26
00:02:57,578 --> 00:02:59,647
Well, it's like when you bring your car in.
27
00:02:59,813 --> 00:03:02,917
It never knocks and pings
when the mechanic is looking at it.
28
00:03:03,083 --> 00:03:04,385
The minute you get it home...
29
00:03:04,552 --> 00:03:09,123
...It is the same old piece
of backfiring junk it always was.
30
00:03:09,423 --> 00:03:13,060
- And what happened to Kelly?
- Her modelling school closed down.
31
00:03:13,227 --> 00:03:17,498
It seems they moved upstairs and most
of the models can't find it anymore.
32
00:03:20,401 --> 00:03:23,671
Poor Kelly. She must be crushed.
33
00:03:23,837 --> 00:03:26,073
She spent so much time learning the art...
34
00:03:26,240 --> 00:03:28,742
...Of rapidly undressing and dressing again.
35
00:03:29,977 --> 00:03:33,013
I don't think she learned that
at modelling school, Mom.
36
00:03:35,382 --> 00:03:38,419
Now, Bud, it is not nice
to talk about your sister.
37
00:03:38,586 --> 00:03:41,188
But she's not here,
so I guess it's all right.
38
00:03:41,789 --> 00:03:43,591
- Where is she?
- Where she always goes...
39
00:03:43,757 --> 00:03:45,392
...To contemplate during a crisis.
40
00:03:45,559 --> 00:03:49,196
She's at TV World,
Chicago's finest theme park.
41
00:03:49,363 --> 00:03:52,166
Yes, that's where she went
to contemplate the significance...
42
00:03:52,333 --> 00:03:56,470
...Of why Garfield can talk
while Odie speaketh not.
43
00:03:57,805 --> 00:04:00,207
That was a rough six months.
44
00:04:01,542 --> 00:04:04,411
She's probably wandering around Kung Fu Land.
45
00:04:04,645 --> 00:04:08,048
What if she tries to do
something rash, like think?
46
00:04:10,751 --> 00:04:14,054
Am I truly nothing?
Is this all there is to life?
47
00:04:19,059 --> 00:04:22,096
What's wrong, ducky?
You haven't touched a thing.
48
00:04:22,997 --> 00:04:25,499
I don't blame you.
I'm not hungry either.
49
00:04:26,266 --> 00:04:29,370
What should I do with my life?
I need a sign.
50
00:04:30,371 --> 00:04:31,672
Oh, there's one.
51
00:04:35,909 --> 00:04:39,413
Master, the modelling school's closed
and now I'm lost.
52
00:04:39,580 --> 00:04:41,882
Which path should I follow?
53
00:04:45,586 --> 00:04:49,623
Press button A for Eastern philosophy.
54
00:04:50,224 --> 00:04:54,094
Press B for last night's basketball scores.
55
00:04:55,029 --> 00:04:57,731
Press C if you'd like
your own personalized videotape...
56
00:04:57,898 --> 00:05:00,501
...Of you pressing C.
57
00:05:03,537 --> 00:05:07,675
You have pressed A, heavy Eastern philosophy.
58
00:05:07,841 --> 00:05:10,044
My child, remember...
59
00:05:10,210 --> 00:05:12,980
...The wise man can eat no more
with four chopsticks...
60
00:05:13,147 --> 00:05:14,948
...Than he can with two.
61
00:05:15,115 --> 00:05:18,318
- Unless he--
- Unless he what?
62
00:05:20,654 --> 00:05:22,256
What, master, what?
63
00:05:22,423 --> 00:05:25,059
Who keeps feeding this duck?
64
00:05:25,959 --> 00:05:28,996
Unless he what?
Tell me before I kill you!
65
00:05:29,163 --> 00:05:33,300
Excuse me. Are you from that
modelling school that closed down?
66
00:05:34,902 --> 00:05:36,203
Yeah, how did you know?
67
00:05:36,370 --> 00:05:40,674
Well, I saw the blonde hair and
the loaf of bread and took a wild guess.
68
00:05:41,175 --> 00:05:43,110
Listen, I have some advice.
69
00:05:43,277 --> 00:05:44,745
Oh, wait, here.
70
00:05:50,050 --> 00:05:51,518
Thank you.
71
00:05:51,685 --> 00:05:53,120
Get a job.
72
00:05:53,287 --> 00:05:54,788
But how, master?
73
00:05:56,557 --> 00:05:59,893
Look, you go to the Personnel office
and ask for an application.
74
00:06:00,794 --> 00:06:04,965
Thank you. You're so much wiser
than the other statue.
75
00:06:06,133 --> 00:06:09,970
That's why I've got a pointed stick
and this bag of doody.
76
00:06:17,377 --> 00:06:20,114
- Dad still on vacation?
- Yes.
77
00:06:20,280 --> 00:06:23,984
And not a postcard, not a letter, nothing.
78
00:06:31,225 --> 00:06:33,193
Okay.
79
00:06:35,996 --> 00:06:40,300
Dad, this was really cute
when I was about four.
80
00:06:40,734 --> 00:06:42,836
But after 18 years of your world cruises...
81
00:06:43,003 --> 00:06:46,406
...I can't help but feel maybe it's time
to stand on a freeway off-ramp...
82
00:06:46,573 --> 00:06:51,545
...With a sign that says, "Mindless.
Will embarrass my family for food."
83
00:06:53,046 --> 00:06:56,884
Bud, come here a second.
Let me explain something to you.
84
00:06:57,050 --> 00:07:00,154
You see, you know that
I'm just sitting here on the couch...
85
00:07:00,320 --> 00:07:02,589
...And I know I'm just sitting here
on the couch.
86
00:07:02,756 --> 00:07:07,127
But you see, son, the rest of the weeks
out of the year, I'm selling shoes.
87
00:07:07,861 --> 00:07:09,997
Ladies' shoes.
88
00:07:10,330 --> 00:07:12,232
Fat ladies.
89
00:07:12,399 --> 00:07:16,737
Very, very fat ladies.
90
00:07:17,671 --> 00:07:19,773
And you know what fat does best, son?
91
00:07:19,940 --> 00:07:21,441
Fat sweats.
92
00:07:21,608 --> 00:07:26,113
So after selling fat sweat all year,
one needs a little vacation.
93
00:07:26,280 --> 00:07:29,216
So you see, son, if I didn't
think I was enjoying myself here...
94
00:07:29,383 --> 00:07:33,220
...I might one day just run amuck and
destroy everyone and everything I see.
95
00:07:33,387 --> 00:07:35,422
Do I make myself clear?
96
00:07:35,589 --> 00:07:37,991
We'll discuss it when you get back, Dad.
97
00:07:43,597 --> 00:07:46,633
Hi, Mom. Hi, Bud. Is Daddy
back from vacation yet?
98
00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:50,103
Look around, honey.
Does it look like he's here?
99
00:07:52,472 --> 00:07:54,308
Honey, are you okay?
100
00:07:54,474 --> 00:07:56,410
We heard the modelling school closed.
101
00:07:56,577 --> 00:07:58,312
Several of the mothers have called.
102
00:07:58,478 --> 00:08:01,949
Their daughters are eating Cocoa Puffs
and salt-pork products...
103
00:08:02,115 --> 00:08:05,652
...Their weight, much like
their dreams, behind them.
104
00:08:06,620 --> 00:08:07,888
How are you bearing up?
105
00:08:08,288 --> 00:08:11,024
Well, I too was feeling lonely and lost.
106
00:08:11,191 --> 00:08:13,961
And I too almost buried
my troubles in pork rinds.
107
00:08:14,127 --> 00:08:19,099
But thanks to the advice of two
wise statues, I decided to get a job.
108
00:08:19,333 --> 00:08:21,034
A job?
109
00:08:23,871 --> 00:08:26,340
Oh, my God, the shame.
110
00:08:26,540 --> 00:08:29,076
What will I tell the girls
at the beauty parlor?
111
00:08:29,243 --> 00:08:33,714
Well, tell them if their husbands ever
have time to kill down by the airport...
112
00:08:33,881 --> 00:08:37,451
...They might wanna pop in and see
your little girl at the Nude-A-Teria.
113
00:08:42,623 --> 00:08:44,992
Bud, why don't you go on
and stand over by Dad...
114
00:08:45,158 --> 00:08:49,696
...So when he lands, you can be there
to yell, "Da plane, boss, da plane."
115
00:08:54,935 --> 00:08:59,006
Anyway, you'll be proud to know
that I am now a paid employee...
116
00:08:59,172 --> 00:09:01,108
...Of TV World Theme Park.
117
00:09:02,542 --> 00:09:04,745
Kel, I love TV World.
118
00:09:04,945 --> 00:09:07,281
Babes from everywhere
flock to Talk Show Land...
119
00:09:07,447 --> 00:09:09,549
...To see the binge-and-purge
Oprah statue...
120
00:09:09,716 --> 00:09:11,885
...That grows and shrinks on the half-hour.
121
00:09:12,286 --> 00:09:13,954
You have to get me in for free.
122
00:09:14,354 --> 00:09:17,758
Yeah, sure. I really wanna be
at my new job and hear screams of:
123
00:09:17,925 --> 00:09:21,128
"There's a goose monster loose in the park."
124
00:09:21,295 --> 00:09:23,497
Is it my fault that every time
I'm at the zoo...
125
00:09:23,664 --> 00:09:26,566
...10 girls happen to back into my hand?
126
00:09:28,302 --> 00:09:30,737
Anyway, Mom, I have
a really good feeling about this.
127
00:09:30,904 --> 00:09:33,907
I mean, this could be more than a job.
It could be a career.
128
00:09:34,074 --> 00:09:36,944
Finally, a chance to show what I can do.
129
00:09:37,210 --> 00:09:39,413
Thank you, come again.
Thank you, come again.
130
00:09:39,579 --> 00:09:42,983
Thank you, come again. Thanks again.
Come you--
131
00:09:43,817 --> 00:09:47,254
No. Thank-- No. Come--
132
00:09:47,421 --> 00:09:50,757
Oh, who cares? I hate this job.
133
00:09:50,924 --> 00:09:53,193
This isn't even a real job.
What am I--?
134
00:09:53,360 --> 00:09:55,228
"Thank you, come again.
Thank you--"
135
00:09:57,531 --> 00:10:00,100
Thank you, come again.
136
00:10:07,607 --> 00:10:08,942
Where's Dad now?
137
00:10:09,776 --> 00:10:14,982
Well, according to his itinerary,
he's in Casablanca.
138
00:10:16,516 --> 00:10:18,986
Here's looking at you, kid.
139
00:10:25,125 --> 00:10:27,227
I know this must be trying on you, Mom.
140
00:10:27,394 --> 00:10:30,797
When Dad gets back, I suggest
you take the couch and go on a cruise.
141
00:10:30,964 --> 00:10:36,436
That's okay, Bud. I choose to do
my fantasizing in other places.
142
00:10:38,472 --> 00:10:41,842
But, you know, the one we should
be worried about right now is Kelly.
143
00:10:42,009 --> 00:10:45,379
You know, ever since she's had
this job, she reminds me of someone.
144
00:10:45,545 --> 00:10:48,615
I just can't put my finger on who.
145
00:10:49,950 --> 00:10:54,988
Why doesn't the world explode
into a fiery, pus-filled death.
146
00:10:57,257 --> 00:10:59,493
A fat woman comes to the gate today...
147
00:10:59,659 --> 00:11:04,097
...Her muumuu covering what
must've been three or four heinies.
148
00:11:04,965 --> 00:11:09,469
Now, she could exit through a little,
itsy-bitsy turnstile or a huge gate.
149
00:11:09,636 --> 00:11:12,272
Guess which one she chooses.
150
00:11:13,240 --> 00:11:16,743
A line was forming.
So I had to do something.
151
00:11:16,910 --> 00:11:21,248
So I got a tub of butter from the
"Delta Burke Let's Get Big" exhibit...
152
00:11:23,116 --> 00:11:25,485
...And oiled her up.
153
00:11:25,852 --> 00:11:29,089
Then I went over to Star Trek Land,
hot-wired the Enterprise...
154
00:11:29,256 --> 00:11:33,393
...And sent it up where no man has gone before.
155
00:11:38,498 --> 00:11:42,836
She goes flying like a vegetable
out of Dad's mouth...
156
00:11:44,304 --> 00:11:47,908
...Right into The Facts of Life
Fan Club Pavilion.
157
00:11:48,075 --> 00:11:50,510
Thank God it's always empty.
158
00:11:50,677 --> 00:11:53,413
Can somebody give me a reason to live?
159
00:11:53,680 --> 00:11:56,683
Not a convincing one, no.
160
00:11:57,250 --> 00:11:59,486
Listen, Kel. I know
what'll make you feel better.
161
00:11:59,653 --> 00:12:01,755
You can get me into the park for free.
162
00:12:01,922 --> 00:12:04,424
I do nothing for you, niblet.
163
00:12:05,325 --> 00:12:06,993
I do nothing for anyone.
164
00:12:07,160 --> 00:12:11,231
All I wanna do is just sit and relax.
165
00:12:22,142 --> 00:12:25,512
Who is it she reminds me of?
166
00:12:25,846 --> 00:12:27,714
Thank you, come again.
167
00:12:27,881 --> 00:12:30,183
Thanks. Bye.
168
00:12:33,253 --> 00:12:35,489
- Goodbye.
- Goodbye. Come again.
169
00:12:37,591 --> 00:12:40,260
Kel. Kel. Get me in.
170
00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:43,497
I'm sorry, but the Shemp job
in Three Stooges Land...
171
00:12:43,663 --> 00:12:45,198
...Has already been taken.
172
00:12:45,999 --> 00:12:47,801
Vengeance shall be mine.
173
00:12:47,968 --> 00:12:50,370
Then vengeance can't be a woman.
174
00:12:52,105 --> 00:12:53,740
Now go away. Here comes my boss.
175
00:12:54,574 --> 00:12:58,145
- How's it going, Miss Bundy?
- Fine, Mr. Nielsen.
176
00:12:59,212 --> 00:13:03,316
Excuse me, sir. I just exited the park.
This young lady didn't say goodbye.
177
00:13:03,817 --> 00:13:08,388
The heck you say.
I'm sorry, young viewer.
178
00:13:08,555 --> 00:13:13,393
Just for that, we're gonna give you
a rerun. That's a free ticket back in.
179
00:13:13,560 --> 00:13:17,697
And it'll be a deduction
from Miss Bundy's paycheck.
180
00:13:18,431 --> 00:13:21,768
Well, that almost makes up for her rudeness.
181
00:13:22,736 --> 00:13:25,272
But I don't think she quite
looks sorry enough for me.
182
00:13:25,438 --> 00:13:27,841
But I do think that me
and the rest of the public...
183
00:13:28,008 --> 00:13:30,043
...Would like to see her head shaved.
184
00:13:31,945 --> 00:13:35,782
Well, the modelling school may
be closed, but its spirit must live on.
185
00:13:35,949 --> 00:13:40,253
I will follow its motto:
Smile as if your brain had wisdom.
186
00:13:40,420 --> 00:13:43,523
Smile and go on NutriSystem.
187
00:13:43,990 --> 00:13:47,227
Smile, something, something, smile.
188
00:13:47,394 --> 00:13:50,363
I will not let that wisdom go to waste.
189
00:13:52,199 --> 00:13:55,101
Hi, Kelly. What are you smiling at?
190
00:13:55,268 --> 00:13:56,870
Nothing. Life sucks.
191
00:13:58,238 --> 00:14:01,908
Well, I just love it here.
I try to come as often as I can.
192
00:14:02,075 --> 00:14:05,679
I just can't get enough
of that Cagney & Lacey exhibit.
193
00:14:06,379 --> 00:14:09,649
That show always made me
wanna cut my hair short...
194
00:14:09,816 --> 00:14:12,819
...And shoot at men with my big gun.
195
00:14:13,853 --> 00:14:16,389
But then again, so did Bewitched...
196
00:14:16,556 --> 00:14:19,192
...And Gilligan's Island
and Green Acres and That Girl.
197
00:14:19,359 --> 00:14:22,696
Excuse me, Mrs. D'Arcy, but if you
don't mind, I'm kind of working here.
198
00:14:22,862 --> 00:14:24,998
It takes all my concentration, okay?
199
00:14:26,166 --> 00:14:28,301
Goodbye. Goodbye.
200
00:14:28,768 --> 00:14:30,437
Pretty cool, eh?
201
00:14:30,870 --> 00:14:34,674
Nothing to be ashamed of. At least
you went out and got yourself a job.
202
00:14:34,841 --> 00:14:37,611
Some people don't even do that.
203
00:14:37,777 --> 00:14:39,279
Here comes one now.
204
00:14:39,446 --> 00:14:42,282
What was it like working on Happy Days?
205
00:14:43,116 --> 00:14:46,052
I'm telling you, kid,
I was not on Happy Days, okay?
206
00:14:46,219 --> 00:14:48,888
My name is D'Arcy. Jefferson D'Arcy.
207
00:14:49,055 --> 00:14:51,858
- Was that your name on Love Boat?
- Oh, beat it!
208
00:14:52,025 --> 00:14:54,728
Come on. Get out of here.
209
00:14:59,232 --> 00:15:03,103
Damn kids. I can hardly
go out in public anymore.
210
00:15:03,270 --> 00:15:05,305
Well, here she is.
211
00:15:05,472 --> 00:15:08,875
Gee, Kelly, it must be nice
to feel like a responsible adult...
212
00:15:09,042 --> 00:15:11,845
...To finally have a job.
Hey, Marcie, can I have some money?
213
00:15:12,012 --> 00:15:14,714
They have a really nice
TV World T-shirt.
214
00:15:15,348 --> 00:15:18,184
I thought you said the hat and nothing else.
215
00:15:18,351 --> 00:15:21,354
Well, you got two things.
216
00:15:21,554 --> 00:15:23,990
- Well, I'm paying.
- Well, if that's your attitude...
217
00:15:24,157 --> 00:15:27,060
- ...I wanna go home right now.
- Why should you go and ruin--?
218
00:15:27,227 --> 00:15:30,463
Wait a minute, Marcie.
If you guys are gonna whine like that...
219
00:15:30,630 --> 00:15:34,467
...Why don't you take it on over
to Thirtysomething Land, okay?
220
00:15:35,268 --> 00:15:37,771
Welcome. How are you enjoying the park?
221
00:15:38,672 --> 00:15:41,341
This young lady just snapped at us.
222
00:15:41,508 --> 00:15:45,378
Well, here's two free passes.
It comes out of her salary.
223
00:15:45,545 --> 00:15:49,749
- Could I have a T-shirt too?
- Sure. Miss Bundy's paying.
224
00:15:51,651 --> 00:15:54,087
Let's come back later
and pick another fight with her.
225
00:15:54,254 --> 00:15:57,824
- I could really use some shorts.
- Well, why can't I have the shorts?
226
00:15:57,991 --> 00:15:59,859
I mean, I have the legs in the family.
227
00:16:03,563 --> 00:16:06,366
Can they walk home from here?
228
00:16:07,567 --> 00:16:11,071
Honey, look, let's not argue
here in Chicago's happiest park.
229
00:16:12,072 --> 00:16:14,140
You're right. Of course.
230
00:16:14,307 --> 00:16:19,145
I know. Let's go to Steven Bochco's
Hall of Failures.
231
00:16:19,679 --> 00:16:22,749
Listen, I hear they're just finishing
the Capitol Critters exhibit.
232
00:16:22,916 --> 00:16:26,686
- Oh, I wanna see Cop Rock.
- I wanna see Hooperman.
233
00:16:27,153 --> 00:16:32,926
Two viewer complaints.
"Tsk, tsk," as we say here in TV Land.
234
00:16:33,093 --> 00:16:36,262
Save your "tsk"
for some other idiot, Nielsen.
235
00:16:36,429 --> 00:16:41,368
I'm qualified for much more
than just standing by an-- Ex--
236
00:16:41,534 --> 00:16:43,670
Excite sign.
237
00:16:43,837 --> 00:16:47,374
I can say much more than just
"goodbye." I can say "hello."
238
00:16:47,540 --> 00:16:51,144
I can say "pretty bird." Why, I can say
about four or five different things...
239
00:16:51,311 --> 00:16:55,215
...If given the proper chance.
I want a better job.
240
00:16:55,382 --> 00:16:59,018
So I say to you
what many have said to me before:
241
00:16:59,185 --> 00:17:03,790
Put out or get out.
What do you have to say about that?
242
00:17:03,957 --> 00:17:08,661
Normally, two viewer complaints
would call for your cancellation...
243
00:17:08,828 --> 00:17:13,333
...But come to think of it, we do have
an opening for a vacuous blond.
244
00:17:13,833 --> 00:17:15,235
I'm your man.
245
00:17:17,937 --> 00:17:21,307
Can you feel the excitement, boys
and girls? Here we are at the last stop.
246
00:17:21,474 --> 00:17:24,344
Yes, Commercial Land.
247
00:17:25,412 --> 00:17:27,614
See the disgusting, filthy roaches...
248
00:17:27,781 --> 00:17:31,084
...About to devour that pie
Mom made with love?
249
00:17:32,685 --> 00:17:38,191
I said, see the disgusting, filthy,
yet easily replaced roaches?
250
00:17:38,458 --> 00:17:40,994
Roaches. Roaches.
251
00:17:46,866 --> 00:17:49,002
But hark, who do I hear?
252
00:17:49,169 --> 00:17:53,673
A reasonable facsimile of one of the
stars of your favorite TV commercial.
253
00:17:53,840 --> 00:17:56,676
Yes, kids, the Verminator!
254
00:18:03,583 --> 00:18:08,054
Breathe hot toxic, but safe
for the ozone. Vermin death.
255
00:18:13,526 --> 00:18:16,863
Hasta la vista, buggies.
256
00:18:19,199 --> 00:18:22,335
Hey, would one of you kids
like to ask the Verminator a question?
257
00:18:23,436 --> 00:18:25,138
I would.
258
00:18:26,339 --> 00:18:28,641
Excuse me, Verminator.
259
00:18:28,808 --> 00:18:32,111
Could you tell the kids which backseat
you'll be appearing in tonight...
260
00:18:32,278 --> 00:18:35,114
...Should they wanna further their education?
261
00:18:36,249 --> 00:18:41,154
Bud, please don't do this to me.
My wrath will be terrible.
262
00:18:41,321 --> 00:18:44,357
Does anyone else have a question
for the Verminator?
263
00:18:47,093 --> 00:18:49,963
I see you wear a cape but no underwear.
264
00:18:59,339 --> 00:19:02,542
Is that so you can more easily change
into your secret identity...
265
00:19:02,709 --> 00:19:06,279
...Of a mild-mannered sex toy for the Navy?
266
00:19:11,518 --> 00:19:14,420
Who would like to be deputy Verminators?
267
00:19:14,587 --> 00:19:16,122
Me! Me!
268
00:19:16,489 --> 00:19:20,793
Well, I see one last roach
that I just can't quite reach.
269
00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:25,498
He's disguised as a dateless,
bitter little troll.
270
00:19:26,366 --> 00:19:29,002
- That's him.
- Yes, that's right.
271
00:19:29,168 --> 00:19:30,870
Send him to Valhalla!
272
00:19:34,574 --> 00:19:37,911
That's right, kids.
Destroy his evil tentacles.
273
00:19:40,380 --> 00:19:43,683
Tentacles, kids, I said tentacles.
274
00:19:48,187 --> 00:19:50,790
- So how was work, honey?
- Oh, it was great.
275
00:19:50,957 --> 00:19:53,026
You have no idea of the power of television.
276
00:19:53,192 --> 00:19:55,328
I could get those kids to do anything.
277
00:19:55,495 --> 00:19:57,830
First, I had them beat up Bud.
278
00:19:57,997 --> 00:20:00,433
Then I had them bring me a burger.
279
00:20:00,600 --> 00:20:02,902
Then I had them beat up Bud again.
280
00:20:03,369 --> 00:20:08,174
The best part is that TV World asked
Bud to come back as King Roach.
281
00:20:19,586 --> 00:20:22,789
Well, here's Bud. My little man.
282
00:20:22,956 --> 00:20:25,858
He looks just cute as a bug.
283
00:20:27,560 --> 00:20:31,164
Isn't it grand? I get to command
his death every day.
284
00:20:31,331 --> 00:20:33,232
Oh, and twice on Saturday.
285
00:20:33,399 --> 00:20:38,271
I have finally found my calling,
to have my brother beaten.
286
00:20:39,672 --> 00:20:41,274
It's just for the summer.
287
00:20:41,441 --> 00:20:44,410
That's what your father said 20 years ago.
288
00:20:46,045 --> 00:20:48,181
Hey, Bud, you know, if you had one more arm...
289
00:20:48,348 --> 00:20:51,150
...You would have a date
for every night of the week.
290
00:20:57,790 --> 00:20:59,759
That's it. Come on, put them up. Let's go!
291
00:21:01,628 --> 00:21:04,530
- Come and get it, roach boy.
- Oh, now, kids, please.
292
00:21:04,697 --> 00:21:07,500
Don't you think your father
gives me a big enough headache?
293
00:21:08,201 --> 00:21:12,205
What are you saying, Mom?
That I should just accept this?
294
00:21:12,372 --> 00:21:14,707
That I should just let it ride?
295
00:21:14,874 --> 00:21:19,612
I am a college man
and I demand the respect I deserve.
296
00:21:27,520 --> 00:21:31,991
Well, look, we cannot discuss this now.
We've gotta go pick up your father.
297
00:21:47,006 --> 00:21:48,474
Family, I'm home.
298
00:21:48,641 --> 00:21:49,876
- Daddy.
- Hi, Al.
299
00:21:50,043 --> 00:21:52,612
- We missed you.
- Hi.
300
00:21:53,813 --> 00:21:56,783
You know, it was great. But I haven't
showered in about a week...
301
00:21:56,949 --> 00:21:59,052
...So I think I ought to get right to bed.
302
00:21:59,552 --> 00:22:02,388
But before I do,
I wanna tell you something.
303
00:22:02,555 --> 00:22:04,857
Let's sit down. Come here a second.
304
00:22:05,024 --> 00:22:07,360
I miss my couch.
305
00:22:07,727 --> 00:22:10,830
That's it. Come on over here.
306
00:22:11,097 --> 00:22:15,134
Now, guys, I had it all.
307
00:22:15,301 --> 00:22:19,739
Romance, intrigue, adventure,
but I learned one thing.
308
00:22:19,906 --> 00:22:22,308
And it's the same the world over.
309
00:22:22,475 --> 00:22:27,480
There's nothing like being home
with a nice normal family.
25873
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