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1
00:01:18,746 --> 00:01:20,414
How long are we gonna be gone, Mom?
2
00:01:20,581 --> 00:01:22,850
Oh, until this thing blows over, honey.
3
00:01:23,017 --> 00:01:25,886
Your father's wrath
is gonna be just terrible.
4
00:01:26,053 --> 00:01:27,822
Come on, Buck, what's keeping you?
5
00:01:32,993 --> 00:01:37,231
I misplaced my dead bird, if you don't mind.
6
00:01:39,800 --> 00:01:42,670
Look, we can get another dog on the road.
7
00:01:43,170 --> 00:01:46,340
I just do not wanna be here when
Daddy finds out the awful truth:
8
00:01:46,507 --> 00:01:49,276
That we can no longer afford a TV Guide.
9
00:01:50,244 --> 00:01:52,046
He just might run amok again.
10
00:01:52,213 --> 00:01:56,851
I think we all remember the great
toilet paper scare of '86.
11
00:01:58,385 --> 00:01:59,854
Where was I?
12
00:02:00,020 --> 00:02:02,323
Well, let's see, '86.
13
00:02:02,490 --> 00:02:05,059
All your friends were
discovering girls, so I believe...
14
00:02:05,226 --> 00:02:07,461
...You were up in your room, trying to decide...
15
00:02:07,628 --> 00:02:09,430
...Which shirt goes with nothing to do.
16
00:02:11,232 --> 00:02:13,534
You are lucky you weren't here.
17
00:02:13,701 --> 00:02:18,138
The market ran out of Aurora white,
and I had to buy the house brand.
18
00:02:18,305 --> 00:02:21,141
I even put it in the old Aurora wrapping...
19
00:02:22,076 --> 00:02:24,478
...But he knew at first touch.
20
00:02:25,513 --> 00:02:27,548
God, it was terrible.
Him running around...
21
00:02:27,715 --> 00:02:30,050
...With his pants down around his ankles...
22
00:02:30,217 --> 00:02:32,286
...Screaming to the heavens.
23
00:02:32,453 --> 00:02:36,090
That was the last bridge party
I ever had.
24
00:02:37,658 --> 00:02:39,860
They still talk about
his great doodie strike...
25
00:02:40,027 --> 00:02:42,162
...Wherever fine toilet paper is sold.
26
00:02:44,565 --> 00:02:47,434
I hear the sound of a muffler
scraping ground. Dad's home.
27
00:02:48,168 --> 00:02:50,337
What do we do? What do we do?
28
00:02:50,504 --> 00:02:52,873
Just act calm.
29
00:02:53,040 --> 00:02:55,676
I know. We'll put out an old TV Guide.
30
00:02:55,843 --> 00:02:57,811
Maybe it'll buy us some time.
31
00:02:57,978 --> 00:02:59,580
Maybe we're worried about nothing.
32
00:02:59,747 --> 00:03:02,683
I mean, maybe he'll come home in a good mood.
33
00:03:02,850 --> 00:03:05,553
Why doesn't the world die?
34
00:03:14,695 --> 00:03:16,864
So far so good.
35
00:03:17,565 --> 00:03:20,334
There was a fire in the mall today.
36
00:03:20,501 --> 00:03:24,705
Twenty stores went up, but guess
where they were able to stop the fire?
37
00:03:27,107 --> 00:03:29,543
Yes, the shoe store.
38
00:03:29,710 --> 00:03:32,746
So I don't get any days off,
but I should be raking it in...
39
00:03:32,913 --> 00:03:36,517
...Because it's well known women love
to tromp through burned-out malls...
40
00:03:36,684 --> 00:03:40,821
...Just to buy shoes that used to be cats
from a guy that used to be a man.
41
00:03:42,356 --> 00:03:46,760
All I wanna do is curl up on
the couch with a nice TV Guide.
42
00:03:47,428 --> 00:03:50,164
Oh, man, they put
Starsky and Hutch back on the air.
43
00:03:54,034 --> 00:03:57,204
Finally, my letters mean something.
44
00:03:59,773 --> 00:04:02,409
The little dark-haired one got fat.
45
00:04:03,611 --> 00:04:06,447
Oh, man, that's Roseanne.
46
00:04:08,182 --> 00:04:09,650
What madness is this?
47
00:04:09,850 --> 00:04:11,885
Honey, we have a confession to make.
48
00:04:12,052 --> 00:04:16,023
They raised the cost of heating, and we
can't afford to buy a new TV Guide.
49
00:04:25,833 --> 00:04:28,202
See, he can deal with it.
50
00:04:28,369 --> 00:04:32,940
Honey, it'll be okay. We could steal
a newspaper and use their TV section.
51
00:04:33,140 --> 00:04:35,709
Are you insane? It's not the same.
52
00:04:35,876 --> 00:04:38,078
Does a newspaper fit snugly in your hands?
53
00:04:38,245 --> 00:04:40,848
Does it jeer? Does it cheer?
54
00:04:43,984 --> 00:04:46,053
Are there articles about
William Conrad...
55
00:04:46,220 --> 00:04:49,456
...And what he'll be doing on
Circus of the Stars? I think not.
56
00:04:51,392 --> 00:04:54,428
Now, look, for years the only
reason we had heat was for the kids.
57
00:04:54,595 --> 00:04:55,863
Now they're both over 18.
58
00:04:56,030 --> 00:04:58,432
I say, let them freeze.
I want my TV Guide.
59
00:05:02,036 --> 00:05:05,506
Al, be reasonable.
It's 79 cents a week.
60
00:05:10,778 --> 00:05:13,113
I'm sorry, honey,
here I thought it was a quarter.
61
00:05:15,282 --> 00:05:18,485
Are you gonna throw a fit now, sweetie?
62
00:05:18,652 --> 00:05:20,487
Yes, I am.
63
00:05:21,021 --> 00:05:23,123
Well, kick some booty, honey.
64
00:05:23,290 --> 00:05:25,559
How long have we got?
65
00:05:25,726 --> 00:05:29,563
I'd say five, four...
Come on, kids.
66
00:05:29,730 --> 00:05:34,735
Three, two, one.
67
00:05:43,911 --> 00:05:47,314
Oh, mighty one who created
the heavens and the earth...
68
00:05:48,248 --> 00:05:51,251
...And you who created my wife and kids...
69
00:05:52,152 --> 00:05:54,488
...Why doth thou torment me with a TV...
70
00:05:54,655 --> 00:05:57,891
...But not a TV Guide to enjoy it with?
71
00:06:01,228 --> 00:06:02,463
I have nothing.
72
00:06:02,629 --> 00:06:04,698
Nothing, nothing.
73
00:06:04,865 --> 00:06:07,534
Nothing, nothing, nothing.
74
00:06:08,535 --> 00:06:11,538
Excuse me, Mr. Woodpecker...
75
00:06:12,473 --> 00:06:14,808
...But have you seen a middle-aged
shoe salesman...
76
00:06:14,975 --> 00:06:17,311
...With no reason to live?
77
00:06:17,478 --> 00:06:18,946
Jefferson, do you have 79 cents?
78
00:06:19,146 --> 00:06:21,915
Why, you paying off the house?
79
00:06:25,152 --> 00:06:29,256
This is for a necessity. Now, what do
you say? Do you have 79 cents?
80
00:06:30,390 --> 00:06:34,294
Nope. Nope, nothing
but large-denomination bills.
81
00:06:34,461 --> 00:06:36,797
I did have some quarters a few hours back...
82
00:06:36,964 --> 00:06:39,533
...But I used them to feed the ducks.
83
00:06:41,068 --> 00:06:43,904
If they eat enough of them, they sink.
84
00:06:46,073 --> 00:06:47,574
Sometimes I name them first.
85
00:06:49,343 --> 00:06:52,146
- It's good you have a hobby.
- Yeah, well, I have no job.
86
00:06:52,312 --> 00:06:54,548
- You gotta fill the hours, you know.
- Yeah.
87
00:06:54,715 --> 00:06:58,285
- Yeah.
- Yeah, that's why I do the shoe thing.
88
00:07:00,821 --> 00:07:03,857
Jefferson, let me ask you something:
how come you always have money?
89
00:07:04,024 --> 00:07:06,527
And I just have a 1972 TV Guide...
90
00:07:06,693 --> 00:07:10,931
...Which, if CBS hadn't brought back
All in the Family, wouldn't be any use.
91
00:07:12,132 --> 00:07:14,168
Well, there's no trick to it, Al.
92
00:07:14,334 --> 00:07:17,137
Did you ever see the ad,
"Madam Zelda can make you rich...
93
00:07:17,304 --> 00:07:19,239
...With your personal lucky numbers"?
94
00:07:19,439 --> 00:07:21,375
Madam Zelda sends you lucky numbers?
95
00:07:21,575 --> 00:07:24,678
No. I'm Madam Zelda.
96
00:07:24,845 --> 00:07:26,346
I sell the numbers.
97
00:07:26,814 --> 00:07:28,182
- You?
- Yeah.
98
00:07:28,348 --> 00:07:30,584
How can you take money
from unsuspecting people?
99
00:07:31,018 --> 00:07:34,388
I'm a thief. Love me for what I am.
100
00:07:34,855 --> 00:07:36,757
But this is just between us, right?
101
00:07:37,257 --> 00:07:39,193
I'm a squealer.
102
00:07:39,626 --> 00:07:42,062
Love me for what I am.
103
00:07:46,533 --> 00:07:48,135
Or cut me in.
104
00:07:54,241 --> 00:07:58,278
"Mr. Brown, your lucky day is Wednesday.
105
00:07:59,813 --> 00:08:02,382
Signed, Madam Zelda."
106
00:08:03,984 --> 00:08:06,520
Well, here's this morning's take.
107
00:08:06,687 --> 00:08:08,522
How you doing, Al?
108
00:08:08,689 --> 00:08:13,393
How am I doing?
I got two TV Guides, baby.
109
00:08:15,062 --> 00:08:18,131
Yeah. Got one on the table
and one in the bathroom.
110
00:08:18,298 --> 00:08:22,903
I'm rich. Oh, God, I've arrived.
You know, I just love the feeling...
111
00:08:23,070 --> 00:08:25,472
...Of suddenly being able
to provide for my family.
112
00:08:25,639 --> 00:08:28,108
- So you told them?
- Hell, no.
113
00:08:28,275 --> 00:08:30,677
It's just good knowing
I can provide for them.
114
00:08:30,844 --> 00:08:34,047
- What if they find out?
- How? They're morons.
115
00:08:34,581 --> 00:08:37,484
They might suspect something,
but how are they gonna catch me?
116
00:08:46,660 --> 00:08:48,428
Buck, boy.
117
00:08:50,797 --> 00:08:53,033
- Al.
- You know, I may as well admit it...
118
00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:55,869
...I'm the only smart one in the family.
119
00:08:56,036 --> 00:08:57,838
I mean, we got a woman so lame...
120
00:08:58,005 --> 00:09:00,440
...That she actually thinks
when I groan during sex...
121
00:09:00,674 --> 00:09:02,709
...It has anything to do with her.
122
00:09:04,811 --> 00:09:07,114
And Bud wouldn't know the house was on fire...
123
00:09:07,281 --> 00:09:09,449
...If it wasn't on Nick at Nite.
124
00:09:10,751 --> 00:09:14,922
And the only reason that Kelly got
a head is to keep rain out of her neck.
125
00:09:19,760 --> 00:09:21,728
Hey.
126
00:09:24,564 --> 00:09:28,902
But they are my family,
and I really should tell them...
127
00:09:29,069 --> 00:09:31,939
...Because I do love them.
If only they were home.
128
00:09:32,139 --> 00:09:34,541
All right, Al, can it.
129
00:09:34,708 --> 00:09:36,910
We just have three simple words for you.
130
00:09:37,077 --> 00:09:39,079
We want in.
131
00:09:39,246 --> 00:09:41,515
What's the third word, Mom?
132
00:09:43,951 --> 00:09:46,186
Take Buck for a walk, honey.
133
00:09:46,353 --> 00:09:49,156
Come on, boy, we're going
for a walkie-walkie.
134
00:09:51,291 --> 00:09:52,626
Now, look here, Al.
135
00:09:52,793 --> 00:09:54,962
When I married you
it was for richer or poorer.
136
00:09:55,128 --> 00:09:58,765
Now, I thought we would try one,
then the other, and then choose.
137
00:09:58,932 --> 00:10:02,035
Well, I believe we've gone just about
as far as we can with poor.
138
00:10:02,202 --> 00:10:05,539
So if you think that you are
moving on to rich without me--
139
00:10:05,706 --> 00:10:07,808
Without us.
140
00:10:08,408 --> 00:10:10,410
Without me.
141
00:10:11,611 --> 00:10:15,882
--Then you are cheaper and
stupider than the shoes you sell.
142
00:10:18,585 --> 00:10:21,188
Let me confab with my partner.
143
00:10:25,559 --> 00:10:27,294
No, no, no.
144
00:10:30,163 --> 00:10:33,233
Then they might go to the cops,
and we could both get in trouble.
145
00:10:37,971 --> 00:10:41,208
Well, you owe me one, honey.
I talked Jefferson into it.
146
00:10:42,642 --> 00:10:44,845
You're in. Actually, it's a pretty good idea...
147
00:10:45,012 --> 00:10:48,448
- ...Because I'm thinking of expansion.
- What kind of expansion?
148
00:10:48,615 --> 00:10:51,218
The kind of expansion
I'm thinking about will allow me...
149
00:10:51,385 --> 00:10:55,455
...To dress my woman in ermines
and pearls, like she deserves.
150
00:10:55,622 --> 00:10:57,224
And I won't forget you either, Peg.
151
00:11:06,566 --> 00:11:08,368
- Hello.
- Hello.
152
00:11:08,735 --> 00:11:12,773
Madam Zelda Incorporated.
How may the stars help you?
153
00:11:12,973 --> 00:11:15,876
Hello. Lucky days, $2.
154
00:11:16,043 --> 00:11:19,212
Lucky numbers, $5.
155
00:11:19,379 --> 00:11:23,183
Or you can get lucky with me for 50.
156
00:11:24,351 --> 00:11:27,421
Well, let me consult my crystal ball.
157
00:11:29,189 --> 00:11:32,859
It seems that your lucky day is Thursday.
158
00:11:33,026 --> 00:11:35,295
Your husband died on Thursday?
159
00:11:35,462 --> 00:11:37,764
Gee, I'm better than I thought.
160
00:11:42,269 --> 00:11:44,471
The spirits are about to speak.
161
00:11:44,638 --> 00:11:47,908
Your lucky number is C.
162
00:11:51,778 --> 00:11:53,346
This is better than women, D'Arcy.
163
00:11:53,513 --> 00:11:55,882
I mean, we are bigger than U.S. Steel.
164
00:11:56,049 --> 00:11:57,417
We are not.
165
00:11:57,584 --> 00:12:00,520
Well, the way the economy's
going, we just might be.
166
00:12:00,987 --> 00:12:04,424
I don't like it. We should have kept
it simple. You get in, you get out.
167
00:12:04,591 --> 00:12:06,293
Like sex.
168
00:12:06,593 --> 00:12:08,862
- Anyway.
- You're just mad...
169
00:12:09,029 --> 00:12:11,264
...Because my father took over the operation.
170
00:12:11,465 --> 00:12:13,900
We're making more in a week
than we made in a month.
171
00:12:14,067 --> 00:12:16,303
I'm worried about the attention
we're attracting.
172
00:12:16,470 --> 00:12:19,439
And most of all, I'm worried
about your father. He's changed.
173
00:12:19,606 --> 00:12:22,809
I can't put my finger on it,
but he's different somehow.
174
00:12:32,552 --> 00:12:37,157
Let it be noted the stars say
I'm handsomer than yesterday.
175
00:12:38,125 --> 00:12:39,493
Let's get those phones going.
176
00:12:39,659 --> 00:12:42,929
I want to see lines lit.
I want to see people fleeced.
177
00:12:43,096 --> 00:12:46,833
Come on, my little fortune cookies,
Daddy needs a new pair of everything.
178
00:12:48,468 --> 00:12:51,638
- How we doing?
- Everything's fine, but the West Side.
179
00:12:51,872 --> 00:12:53,140
That's okay.
180
00:12:53,306 --> 00:12:56,510
The West Side is Madam Inga's turf.
And you don't wanna mess with her.
181
00:12:56,676 --> 00:13:00,480
Damn Madam Inga and her army
of psychic Swedes.
182
00:13:00,647 --> 00:13:02,749
I want the West Side,
I'll have the West Side.
183
00:13:02,916 --> 00:13:06,720
I'll have all sides.
Inside, outside, East Side, West Side.
184
00:13:06,887 --> 00:13:10,223
Matter of fact, I'll have a hamburger
with a side of onion rings...
185
00:13:10,390 --> 00:13:12,359
...Paid for by the pensions of old ladies.
186
00:13:12,659 --> 00:13:16,062
Can I get a "whoa, stealing
old ladies' pensions"?
187
00:13:17,731 --> 00:13:21,935
- Whoa, stealing old ladies' pensions.
- Whoa, stealing old ladies' pensions.
188
00:13:26,573 --> 00:13:28,842
I can't believe your father
has called together...
189
00:13:29,009 --> 00:13:31,411
...The heads of Chicago's five
psychic families.
190
00:13:34,014 --> 00:13:38,318
I think the greed has finally
sent him into insanity.
191
00:13:39,319 --> 00:13:43,223
You don't talk about family business
in front of strangers.
192
00:13:44,291 --> 00:13:46,092
My father knows what he's doing.
193
00:13:47,527 --> 00:13:49,396
Silence.
194
00:13:51,932 --> 00:13:55,001
Put your hands together
for the sultan of psychics...
195
00:13:55,168 --> 00:13:58,672
...The king of clairvoyance,
the Pharaoh of fraud.
196
00:13:58,838 --> 00:14:01,274
Ladies and gentlemen,
let's give him a big welcome.
197
00:14:01,441 --> 00:14:04,844
He's my daddy,
Al "Madam Zelda" Bundy.
198
00:14:18,058 --> 00:14:20,427
You are my people.
199
00:14:20,594 --> 00:14:22,696
I'd like to introduce now...
200
00:14:22,862 --> 00:14:25,632
...The king of the Ouija boards
on the South Side:
201
00:14:25,799 --> 00:14:27,400
Big Bob Barruth.
202
00:14:28,635 --> 00:14:31,171
My friends call me Huggie.
203
00:14:32,405 --> 00:14:37,777
And the man who controls the palms on
our North Shore, Zelmo the Toad.
204
00:14:37,944 --> 00:14:40,880
I can kill with my tongue.
205
00:14:41,681 --> 00:14:44,084
And the man who controls
the crystals in the Loop:
206
00:14:44,251 --> 00:14:48,088
- Mad Thursday Markowitz.
- Don't hate me because I'm beautiful.
207
00:14:49,856 --> 00:14:51,625
And king of the tarots...
208
00:14:51,791 --> 00:14:54,194
...Who came all
the way from southern Wisconsin:
209
00:14:54,361 --> 00:14:59,266
- Hakbar the Beast.
- I'll paint any car for 19.95.
210
00:15:01,434 --> 00:15:03,470
And last, but not least...
211
00:15:03,637 --> 00:15:06,940
...Although by far the ugliest and hairiest...
212
00:15:07,107 --> 00:15:10,243
...The virtuoso of the crystal ball:
213
00:15:10,410 --> 00:15:11,978
Madam Inga.
214
00:15:12,178 --> 00:15:16,383
The spirits tell me you
have not bathed today...
215
00:15:16,916 --> 00:15:19,052
...Or yesterday.
216
00:15:19,419 --> 00:15:21,888
Please, you could have heard that anywhere.
217
00:15:23,923 --> 00:15:26,593
Friends and charlatans...
218
00:15:26,926 --> 00:15:31,698
...Our city is divided like a pizza
with five different toppings.
219
00:15:31,865 --> 00:15:36,403
The only thing holding it together
in a cohesive unit is the cheese.
220
00:15:38,471 --> 00:15:41,574
- Daddy, the crust too.
- Leave Daddy alone, sweetheart...
221
00:15:41,741 --> 00:15:43,710
...He's kingpinning.
222
00:15:43,910 --> 00:15:46,513
So, what I'm trying to tell you is...
223
00:15:46,680 --> 00:15:49,115
...We shouldn't be fighting
each other like jackals...
224
00:15:49,282 --> 00:15:53,920
...But instead come together
under a benevolent cheese.
225
00:15:54,087 --> 00:15:56,656
I am that cheese.
226
00:15:57,424 --> 00:15:59,959
Oh, Al, the cutest thing just happened.
227
00:16:00,126 --> 00:16:03,463
And here comes the anchovy
no one wants to touch.
228
00:16:05,231 --> 00:16:07,934
- What is it, Peg?
- Honey, I got the sweetest letter.
229
00:16:08,101 --> 00:16:12,339
This lady that I picked a lucky number
for just won $12 at bingo.
230
00:16:12,505 --> 00:16:14,240
Do you know what this means?
231
00:16:14,441 --> 00:16:18,478
That in a room full of loons
you still manage to stand out?
232
00:16:18,845 --> 00:16:21,948
No. It means I really do have a gift.
233
00:16:22,115 --> 00:16:24,484
Oh, Al, I've been touched.
234
00:16:24,684 --> 00:16:26,853
Certainly not by me.
235
00:16:27,987 --> 00:16:29,823
Now, I am serious, Al.
236
00:16:29,989 --> 00:16:32,926
Give me your palm.
I'll read your future.
237
00:16:33,526 --> 00:16:36,363
Better give me the other one.
That one says nothing.
238
00:16:37,497 --> 00:16:42,702
So, what I'd like to do is form a lean,
mean psychic machine...
239
00:16:42,902 --> 00:16:45,572
...With me as your leader
for a mere 50 percent.
240
00:16:45,739 --> 00:16:48,708
- Are you with me?
- This is ridiculous.
241
00:16:48,875 --> 00:16:53,179
I share nothing with you,
you psychic-less shoe salesman.
242
00:16:53,346 --> 00:16:56,349
My gift is real, and so is my curse.
243
00:16:57,484 --> 00:16:58,752
Oh, help me.
244
00:16:58,918 --> 00:17:01,788
Save me, Peg, before the hairs
on her very lip reach out...
245
00:17:01,955 --> 00:17:04,624
...And strangle me like the mighty octopus.
246
00:17:05,325 --> 00:17:07,660
I'll ask my spirits what to do.
247
00:17:07,827 --> 00:17:09,796
You do that, baby.
248
00:17:10,563 --> 00:17:14,601
In the meantime, Inga, baby, doll, crone...
249
00:17:15,335 --> 00:17:18,371
...Now, this is not an order,
but a mere suggestion.
250
00:17:18,538 --> 00:17:22,442
If you don't want in,
then you're free to leave.
251
00:17:25,044 --> 00:17:26,913
Inga...
252
00:17:27,714 --> 00:17:29,849
...You forgot something.
253
00:17:35,021 --> 00:17:37,157
It slipped.
254
00:17:40,860 --> 00:17:44,164
You will pay for busting my ball.
255
00:17:45,565 --> 00:17:47,867
May you...
256
00:17:48,034 --> 00:17:49,969
It's too late.
257
00:17:51,004 --> 00:17:53,039
May your wife...
258
00:17:53,606 --> 00:17:55,575
No sense in that.
259
00:17:56,409 --> 00:17:58,077
May your children...
260
00:18:04,551 --> 00:18:09,656
Oh, well, I'll think of something.
But cursed you shall be. This I vow.
261
00:18:14,494 --> 00:18:16,763
Anyone else want out?
262
00:18:17,497 --> 00:18:19,799
Good, then it's settled.
263
00:18:19,966 --> 00:18:21,768
Kelly.
264
00:18:34,013 --> 00:18:35,682
It's rolling in.
265
00:18:35,849 --> 00:18:37,817
Curse, my heinie.
266
00:18:38,518 --> 00:18:42,789
Can you imagine people in this day and
age still believe that mumbo jumbo?
267
00:18:53,233 --> 00:18:56,503
You know, after I milk Chicago dry,
I'm thinking about heading west.
268
00:18:56,669 --> 00:18:59,772
Yeah, where all a guy needs is guts
and a bad Hungarian accent...
269
00:18:59,939 --> 00:19:02,175
...To fleece the beautiful people.
270
00:19:02,675 --> 00:19:04,277
Al, I'm scared.
271
00:19:04,444 --> 00:19:07,547
You are meddling with powers
which, much like a woman's body...
272
00:19:07,714 --> 00:19:10,083
...You don't understand.
273
00:19:10,617 --> 00:19:12,252
Madam Inga is real.
274
00:19:12,418 --> 00:19:14,621
Didn't you feel her power when she walked by?
275
00:19:14,954 --> 00:19:16,656
Peg, the only power I sensed...
276
00:19:16,823 --> 00:19:20,326
...Was that of the mighty forces
unleashed by beans.
277
00:19:27,534 --> 00:19:31,738
But, Daddy, what if her powers are real?
What if she turns one of us into a frog?
278
00:19:40,079 --> 00:19:42,148
You're laughing now.
Let's see how you feel...
279
00:19:42,315 --> 00:19:45,952
...When you've been turned
into a thick-thighed waitress.
280
00:19:47,153 --> 00:19:49,122
And that's just the curse of time.
281
00:19:49,289 --> 00:19:52,125
Wait till Madam Inga's through with you.
282
00:19:53,393 --> 00:19:57,096
They're magically delicious.
They're magically delicious.
283
00:19:58,965 --> 00:20:00,466
Al.
284
00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:02,602
Al, word's out on the street.
285
00:20:02,769 --> 00:20:06,406
Madam Inga has called together all the
dark forces of Sweden against you.
286
00:20:07,407 --> 00:20:10,977
What's gonna happen? I wake up
one morning owning a Volvo?
287
00:20:12,679 --> 00:20:15,181
Spend the rest of my life as a skier?
288
00:20:15,348 --> 00:20:16,816
Or worse, wake up one morning...
289
00:20:16,983 --> 00:20:19,586
...Next to a long-legged Nordic
beauty with big honkers?
290
00:20:19,752 --> 00:20:21,521
Oh, no.
291
00:20:22,322 --> 00:20:25,558
Yeah, well, I'm pulling out because
anyone around you is gonna get it.
292
00:20:25,758 --> 00:20:29,429
We're all gonna walk the Earth
forever as undead masseuses.
293
00:20:29,596 --> 00:20:31,164
Thank your father, kids.
294
00:20:31,331 --> 00:20:33,399
- Thanks, Dad.
- Thanks, Dad.
295
00:20:34,233 --> 00:20:36,669
Now, what's wrong with you people?
296
00:20:36,836 --> 00:20:38,671
How many times do you come whining to me:
297
00:20:38,838 --> 00:20:40,807
"Why can't we have a summer home?
298
00:20:40,974 --> 00:20:45,345
Why can't we have a boat?
Why can't we have heat like cavemen?"
299
00:20:45,945 --> 00:20:48,815
Well, now that you're up to your
little heinies in TV Guides...
300
00:20:48,982 --> 00:20:51,284
...And I'm bringing home the bacon,
what do I hear?
301
00:20:51,451 --> 00:20:55,188
"Somebody put a curse on us.
Let's blame Daddy."
302
00:20:55,355 --> 00:20:57,757
Well, there's no such thing as curses.
303
00:20:57,924 --> 00:21:00,627
This is the 20th century, people.
304
00:21:00,793 --> 00:21:03,329
There's no such thing as curses.
305
00:21:26,753 --> 00:21:30,223
Well, Al, once again
you've enriched our lives.
306
00:21:30,390 --> 00:21:31,858
Thank your father, kids.
307
00:21:32,225 --> 00:21:34,560
- Thanks, Dad.
- Thanks, Dad.
308
00:21:35,795 --> 00:21:40,433
Hey, we sent Inga all our money,
against my wishes, by the way.
309
00:21:40,600 --> 00:21:42,235
And the curse should be lifted soon.
310
00:21:42,402 --> 00:21:45,438
If, in fact, there is
such a thing as a curse.
311
00:21:46,005 --> 00:21:48,474
Dad, what if she never got the money?
312
00:21:49,842 --> 00:21:52,679
Buck has never let us down before.
He won't let us down now.
313
00:21:54,247 --> 00:21:55,882
Here he comes now.
314
00:22:02,055 --> 00:22:03,089
How you doing, Buck?
315
00:22:03,256 --> 00:22:04,924
Did you send the money, boy?
316
00:22:05,124 --> 00:22:08,528
Well, I had to use it for bail.
No one bothered to tell me...
317
00:22:08,695 --> 00:22:13,199
...That when humans meet a girl, it's
considered impolite to sniff her butt.
318
00:22:19,205 --> 00:22:21,140
Damn dog.
319
00:22:22,108 --> 00:22:25,078
Well, I guess we're monkeys.
320
00:22:25,244 --> 00:22:27,413
Yeah, big difference.
25693
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