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And in perhaps the most monumental
Supreme Court decision...
2
00:01:18,946 --> 00:01:21,415
...In over 100 years--
3
00:01:21,582 --> 00:01:25,719
And the missiles of this small Mideast
country remain pointed at the--
4
00:01:25,886 --> 00:01:28,656
So until further information is uncovered...
5
00:01:28,823 --> 00:01:31,659
...Scientists will continue
to sift through the giant hole...
6
00:01:31,826 --> 00:01:35,596
...That was, until yesterday,
the Republic of France--
7
00:01:35,763 --> 00:01:38,666
Snidely Whiplash, unhand that now.
8
00:01:40,468 --> 00:01:45,039
Well, they must have had a fine round
of Pin the Tail on the Shoe Salesman...
9
00:01:45,206 --> 00:01:47,208
...Up in heaven today.
10
00:01:48,709 --> 00:01:51,145
Middle-aged woman comes into the shoe store.
11
00:01:51,312 --> 00:01:53,647
She's wearing a blossom hat--
12
00:01:53,814 --> 00:01:57,651
You know, the
"I'm just a cute young girl of 45" look.
13
00:01:58,185 --> 00:02:00,488
--And she's looking
for something cool to wear...
14
00:02:00,654 --> 00:02:03,958
...To a Crosby, Stills & Nash reunion concert.
15
00:02:04,124 --> 00:02:09,296
So I suggest a nice, recyclable
paper bag to put over her face.
16
00:02:09,830 --> 00:02:13,133
You know, so she can
save the planet two ways.
17
00:02:13,667 --> 00:02:16,003
So she maces me.
18
00:02:16,637 --> 00:02:17,972
But as I lash out blindly...
19
00:02:18,138 --> 00:02:21,408
...I think I clipped her a good one
in the teeth.
20
00:02:21,742 --> 00:02:23,978
So from now on, she'll be gumming the words...
21
00:02:24,144 --> 00:02:26,146
...To "Teach Your Children."
22
00:02:27,114 --> 00:02:28,516
How was your day, pumpkin?
23
00:02:29,884 --> 00:02:32,686
Daddy, when did you get home?
24
00:02:32,920 --> 00:02:34,221
How was your day?
25
00:02:34,522 --> 00:02:37,057
Well, a-- A middle-aged woman
came to the shoe store...
26
00:02:37,224 --> 00:02:38,959
...Wearing a blossom hat--
27
00:02:39,126 --> 00:02:42,863
Snidely Whiplash, unhand that horse.
28
00:02:45,366 --> 00:02:47,268
- Hi, honey.
- Oh, hi, Peg.
29
00:02:47,434 --> 00:02:49,637
I wasn't talking to you.
30
00:02:49,970 --> 00:02:51,505
- Hi, Mom.
- Hi, honey.
31
00:02:51,672 --> 00:02:53,474
When's your Daddy getting home?
32
00:02:54,141 --> 00:02:58,112
Oh, hi, honey. Guess what
we're gonna do this evening.
33
00:02:58,445 --> 00:03:02,917
Get naked and try to figure out where
our interesting parts used to be?
34
00:03:04,518 --> 00:03:07,755
Shoes got you down, bunky?
Well, this should cheer you up.
35
00:03:07,922 --> 00:03:11,759
I've invited Marcie and Jefferson over
for a game of Ethical Dilemma.
36
00:03:11,926 --> 00:03:15,129
Oh, a dream come true, by gum.
37
00:03:15,296 --> 00:03:17,731
I actually get the opportunity
to play a board game...
38
00:03:17,898 --> 00:03:20,935
...With two people I can't stand and Jefferson?
39
00:03:24,004 --> 00:03:26,740
Pardon me while I boogaloo.
40
00:03:27,141 --> 00:03:30,144
Well, it's better than our usual
Friday-night fare...
41
00:03:30,311 --> 00:03:32,212
...Sitting around watching you and Buck...
42
00:03:32,379 --> 00:03:35,416
...Play Don't Blame Me, It Was Him.
43
00:03:37,351 --> 00:03:40,254
Now, I'm going over to Marcie's
to steal some potato chips...
44
00:03:40,421 --> 00:03:42,556
...So we have something to serve them.
45
00:03:45,492 --> 00:03:48,362
Gee, Daddy,
I guess it's true what they say:
46
00:03:48,529 --> 00:03:51,165
Life really does begin at 40.
47
00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:56,403
Well, at least I'm not the only one
with no life around here.
48
00:03:56,604 --> 00:03:58,806
Where is your brother, anyway?
49
00:03:58,973 --> 00:04:00,341
He's out with a girl.
50
00:04:00,507 --> 00:04:04,211
No, I said your brother. You know--
You know, Bud.
51
00:04:04,378 --> 00:04:06,347
I know. He's out with an actual girl.
52
00:04:06,513 --> 00:04:09,416
- No, I was asking about Bud.
- I know.
53
00:04:09,583 --> 00:04:13,787
You could have knocked me over
with the weather, but I tell you...
54
00:04:13,954 --> 00:04:16,457
...It was a real girl. Honest.
55
00:04:16,624 --> 00:04:19,793
There was no blow-up tube
in the back or anything.
56
00:04:30,337 --> 00:04:31,538
Son.
57
00:04:32,239 --> 00:04:34,742
Look, he was out with a real girl.
58
00:04:35,576 --> 00:04:36,710
I'm hurt, Dad.
59
00:04:36,877 --> 00:04:41,081
Well, son, that's what happens when
you lay the Bundy on some babe.
60
00:04:41,615 --> 00:04:46,020
The natural result of 30 seconds
of crazed abandon.
61
00:04:46,353 --> 00:04:47,788
Come on, tell Dad all about it.
62
00:04:49,690 --> 00:04:52,993
- I am totally done with women.
- What?
63
00:04:53,160 --> 00:04:55,095
What, did you get married?
64
00:04:57,598 --> 00:04:59,600
- No, Dad.
- Well, don't worry, son.
65
00:04:59,767 --> 00:05:02,102
Remember, it gets better each time...
66
00:05:02,269 --> 00:05:05,005
...As long as it's never with the same woman.
67
00:05:06,173 --> 00:05:08,909
Wipe your chin and listen to me, Dad.
68
00:05:09,243 --> 00:05:12,646
As you know, I've been laying this
Grandmaster B thing on all the babes.
69
00:05:12,813 --> 00:05:15,616
Well, finally one bought it
and she took me to this rap club.
70
00:05:15,783 --> 00:05:19,053
Well, I got my hat turned around
and all, and I'm cool, I'm cool.
71
00:05:19,219 --> 00:05:22,523
Until she said, "Hey,
that guy over there is looking at me.
72
00:05:22,690 --> 00:05:24,658
Waste him for me, B."
73
00:05:24,825 --> 00:05:27,594
So I go up to him
and I look him right in the eye.
74
00:05:28,228 --> 00:05:29,496
So, what happened then, son?
75
00:05:29,663 --> 00:05:31,432
Then he stood up.
76
00:05:33,300 --> 00:05:35,502
Next thing I know,
I'm in the tunnel of light...
77
00:05:35,669 --> 00:05:38,005
...With Grandma and Elvis at the other end.
78
00:05:41,108 --> 00:05:44,411
Grandma and Elvis? You die and go
to International House of Pancakes?
79
00:05:47,047 --> 00:05:50,350
I wish. Instead she brought me home
to meet her dad.
80
00:05:50,517 --> 00:05:53,120
She told him I was a tough
street rapper. He hates rap...
81
00:05:53,287 --> 00:05:56,156
...So suddenly,
there was that tunnel of light again.
82
00:05:56,323 --> 00:05:58,492
I'm telling you, Dad,
I am through with women.
83
00:05:58,892 --> 00:06:02,629
Oh, no. Who's gonna fill them shoes?
84
00:06:04,465 --> 00:06:08,635
Gee, Kel, it's 7:00. Shouldn't you
be cuffed to a radiator by now?
85
00:06:13,240 --> 00:06:17,177
Oh, father,
I have angered the Grand Bastard.
86
00:06:18,712 --> 00:06:21,148
That's Grandmaster.
87
00:06:23,383 --> 00:06:26,153
Or at least it was Grandmaster.
88
00:06:26,320 --> 00:06:28,088
From now on, I'm Bud.
89
00:06:28,255 --> 00:06:31,759
Bud Bundy. Take me for what I am.
90
00:06:39,399 --> 00:06:43,771
Yo, girlie. My bedroom's upstairs.
Word to your mother.
91
00:06:44,738 --> 00:06:47,741
Oh, B, thank you for not hurting my father.
92
00:06:48,175 --> 00:06:52,613
Well, from the foetal position
I can kill in three different ways.
93
00:06:53,614 --> 00:06:55,582
Word to your father.
94
00:06:55,916 --> 00:06:57,718
You should have seen him,
Mr. Bundy.
95
00:06:57,885 --> 00:07:02,289
All rolled up in a little ball
in the corner, ready to strike.
96
00:07:02,523 --> 00:07:04,391
Anyway, I've got some great news.
97
00:07:04,591 --> 00:07:07,628
What, Mike Tyson was looking at you funny?
98
00:07:08,362 --> 00:07:09,863
I booked us on a rafting trip.
99
00:07:10,030 --> 00:07:13,233
Down a river the Indians used to call
Kiss Your White Ass Goodbye.
100
00:07:17,805 --> 00:07:23,143
- If you think I'm kissing my white ass--
- Oh, please, B. I'd be so grateful.
101
00:07:28,215 --> 00:07:29,716
Let's do it.
102
00:07:30,951 --> 00:07:33,220
Daddy, aren't you gonna say anything to him?
103
00:07:33,387 --> 00:07:35,022
Well, who am I to give advice?
104
00:07:35,189 --> 00:07:38,659
Another hour, I'll be saying,
"Marcie, it's your spin."
105
00:07:39,927 --> 00:07:42,563
Marcie, it's your spin.
106
00:07:46,633 --> 00:07:49,803
I've landed on Childhood Trauma.
107
00:07:51,071 --> 00:07:55,175
Come on, Marcie.
Share or go to Denial.
108
00:07:57,477 --> 00:07:59,446
Oh, all right.
109
00:07:59,613 --> 00:08:02,616
I remember my puppy Winkums.
110
00:08:03,183 --> 00:08:06,053
Winkums was tied to the back of my bike.
111
00:08:07,621 --> 00:08:11,658
Hey, Al, another Friday night
and I got a keg of beer in the back.
112
00:08:11,825 --> 00:08:14,228
Let's go beat the hell out of somebody...
113
00:08:14,394 --> 00:08:16,463
...Pick up a couple of private-school girls...
114
00:08:16,630 --> 00:08:19,800
...And rock the pleats right off their skirts.
115
00:08:22,436 --> 00:08:24,538
Will it always be like this, Al?
116
00:08:24,705 --> 00:08:28,208
You bet. The boys'll never die.
117
00:08:31,778 --> 00:08:35,282
Al, it's your turn to move your thimble.
118
00:08:41,255 --> 00:08:44,591
"Get in touch with your feminine side."
119
00:08:48,896 --> 00:08:49,997
Tough break, buddy.
120
00:08:50,631 --> 00:08:53,967
Oh, I'll tell you, Al. It's Friday night...
121
00:08:54,134 --> 00:08:57,337
...I got a cup of herb tea...
122
00:08:57,504 --> 00:08:59,539
...We're with the girls we love...
123
00:09:02,342 --> 00:09:05,946
...And we're playing a game that's sure
to become the next middle-aged craze.
124
00:09:06,113 --> 00:09:08,081
Will it always be like this, Al?
125
00:09:08,348 --> 00:09:11,151
No. No, one day it'll be just like this...
126
00:09:11,318 --> 00:09:14,755
...Only we'll be wearing
Depend's undergarments.
127
00:09:16,657 --> 00:09:19,326
That's not your feminine side speaking.
128
00:09:19,493 --> 00:09:22,262
No, my feminine side
is on the couch watching Oprah...
129
00:09:22,429 --> 00:09:26,667
...And occasionally pushing
aside a breast to scratch my knee.
130
00:09:30,370 --> 00:09:32,105
Bitch.
131
00:09:32,272 --> 00:09:34,508
Now it's my turn.
132
00:09:34,942 --> 00:09:37,544
Oh, please don't let her land
on Sexual Intimacy.
133
00:09:37,711 --> 00:09:40,480
Sexual Intimacy.
134
00:09:40,847 --> 00:09:42,115
Okay.
135
00:09:42,282 --> 00:09:47,087
"If your lover suddenly
was unable to perform anymore...
136
00:09:51,358 --> 00:09:54,094
...And was a shoe salesman...
137
00:09:56,730 --> 00:10:01,201
- ...And named Al--"
- Oh, come, give me this now.
138
00:10:01,368 --> 00:10:05,405
It couldn't possibly say that.
Oh, my God, it does.
139
00:10:08,575 --> 00:10:11,011
"--And an old lover came back to town--"
140
00:10:11,178 --> 00:10:13,180
I guess they mean Jim.
141
00:10:13,947 --> 00:10:16,316
"--Would you have a sleazy affair with him?"
142
00:10:20,487 --> 00:10:22,222
Yeah.
143
00:10:28,428 --> 00:10:32,132
Well, I did it. I survived the river.
144
00:10:32,299 --> 00:10:35,202
I never felt so alive.
The rush of the water...
145
00:10:35,369 --> 00:10:38,505
...The feeling of flight
as you're launched out of the boat...
146
00:10:39,639 --> 00:10:41,575
...And the good, clean crack of a pelvis...
147
00:10:41,742 --> 00:10:44,344
...As it meets one of nature's
finest pointy rocks.
148
00:10:45,979 --> 00:10:49,549
And as I lay there clinging for
dear life, I couldn't help but notice...
149
00:10:49,716 --> 00:10:54,321
...The beauty of nature as it sat
on my chest, pecking at my eyes.
150
00:10:56,223 --> 00:10:59,893
It thought it could carry me to
its young ones, but the joke was on it...
151
00:11:00,060 --> 00:11:02,195
...Because I was too heavy and it dropped me...
152
00:11:02,362 --> 00:11:06,166
...In part of the river the Indians
used to call Nutcracker Falls.
153
00:11:07,934 --> 00:11:10,070
But at least you weren't with them.
154
00:11:12,339 --> 00:11:14,374
Yeah, but you people are old.
155
00:11:14,574 --> 00:11:16,209
I still have needs.
156
00:11:16,376 --> 00:11:18,078
From now on, it's life without girls.
157
00:11:18,245 --> 00:11:20,781
I'm through with them.
I mean it this time.
158
00:11:24,184 --> 00:11:25,852
Hello.
159
00:11:26,019 --> 00:11:27,687
Yeah.
160
00:11:28,288 --> 00:11:29,990
Of course.
161
00:11:32,626 --> 00:11:35,062
Well, that was Kara.
162
00:11:35,595 --> 00:11:39,299
She asked me to jump out
of an airplane tomorrow and I said yes.
163
00:11:40,100 --> 00:11:41,601
Good night.
164
00:11:51,111 --> 00:11:52,879
Oh, good.
165
00:11:57,284 --> 00:12:00,854
Daddy, why are you standing up
against the wall?
166
00:12:01,655 --> 00:12:04,724
Well, it's a--
It's an adult thing, pumpkin.
167
00:12:04,891 --> 00:12:07,694
You-- You wouldn't understand.
You see, I--
168
00:12:07,861 --> 00:12:10,464
I landed on the Loneliness Of Adolescence.
169
00:12:10,630 --> 00:12:14,768
So your mother yelled at me
and took my wallet, and I sassed her...
170
00:12:14,935 --> 00:12:18,839
...And well, here I am
stuck in Shame on You Land.
171
00:12:19,806 --> 00:12:20,941
Really cool, Dad.
172
00:12:21,808 --> 00:12:23,477
Pumpkin...
173
00:12:23,643 --> 00:12:27,848
...Before you go out and spread this
all around, can I ask you something?
174
00:12:28,281 --> 00:12:30,484
What's it like to have a life?
175
00:12:30,851 --> 00:12:35,255
Well, people think being young and
beautiful is exciting and everything...
176
00:12:35,422 --> 00:12:36,990
...But actually it's pretty boring.
177
00:12:37,157 --> 00:12:38,725
I mean, take today for example.
178
00:12:38,892 --> 00:12:40,694
There I am in the mall, and this guy...
179
00:12:40,861 --> 00:12:43,396
...Some geezer rock star, steps on my foot.
180
00:12:43,563 --> 00:12:45,031
You know, that Springsteen guy?
181
00:12:45,532 --> 00:12:46,533
The Boss?
182
00:12:46,700 --> 00:12:48,101
Well, I don't think so, Daddy.
183
00:12:48,268 --> 00:12:50,504
His wife seemed to be the one in charge.
184
00:12:51,371 --> 00:12:53,940
Well, anyhow, it was downhill from there.
185
00:12:54,107 --> 00:12:56,977
There I am, hitching a ride,
and who should pick me up?
186
00:12:57,144 --> 00:12:58,945
The Swedish bikini team.
187
00:13:00,447 --> 00:13:04,017
They wanted to drive me home, come in
for a beer, but I've heard you say...
188
00:13:04,184 --> 00:13:07,187
...You didn't like people drinking your beers.
189
00:13:07,554 --> 00:13:09,156
Your time's up, Al.
190
00:13:10,790 --> 00:13:12,592
I know.
191
00:13:13,059 --> 00:13:14,294
So then Ernie Banks comes--
192
00:13:14,761 --> 00:13:17,697
Pumpkin, could you go wait for the mail?
193
00:13:18,098 --> 00:13:20,133
Okey-dokey.
194
00:13:24,771 --> 00:13:27,541
Oh, Daddy, if it makes you feel any better...
195
00:13:27,707 --> 00:13:31,478
...You're a lot younger than the guy the
bikini team ended up going home with.
196
00:13:35,715 --> 00:13:37,417
Your spin, Al.
197
00:13:40,820 --> 00:13:42,255
Al landed on Caring.
198
00:13:42,422 --> 00:13:44,224
I mean-- I mean, I'm trying to win...
199
00:13:44,391 --> 00:13:48,161
...But I keep landing on
Date a Kennedy, Lose a Turn.
200
00:13:52,232 --> 00:13:55,001
Tell us what you care about, honey.
201
00:13:57,637 --> 00:14:00,440
"I Care" by Al Bundy.
202
00:14:02,442 --> 00:14:05,145
When hooters jiggle around
203
00:14:08,582 --> 00:14:11,952
And I find nickels on the ground,
I care
204
00:14:12,118 --> 00:14:17,157
When a Mustang engine purrs
And the bathroom is not hers
205
00:14:17,324 --> 00:14:19,059
I care
206
00:14:19,226 --> 00:14:23,630
When the pitcher's on the mound
And the wife is underground
207
00:14:25,632 --> 00:14:27,267
I care
208
00:14:27,434 --> 00:14:29,369
But when I've been playing this for days
209
00:14:29,536 --> 00:14:33,240
I will kill anyone who stays,
I swear.
210
00:14:40,547 --> 00:14:45,452
And if you really want a scare
Check out his underwear
211
00:14:46,620 --> 00:14:49,189
If you dare
212
00:14:50,357 --> 00:14:53,326
Well, I'm going to jump
out of an airplane now...
213
00:14:53,493 --> 00:14:55,462
...And plummet to my death.
214
00:14:55,629 --> 00:14:57,464
Basically for nothing.
215
00:14:57,631 --> 00:14:58,898
Just wanted to say goodbye.
216
00:15:03,270 --> 00:15:05,038
Hey.
217
00:15:05,472 --> 00:15:08,241
Hey, Al's not moving his thimble
down the Path to Intimacy.
218
00:15:08,842 --> 00:15:11,177
Gee, that's a first.
219
00:15:11,378 --> 00:15:14,581
I'm using my
Get-Out-of-Sexual-Intimacy card free.
220
00:15:15,915 --> 00:15:18,418
You have to say it before you spin.
221
00:15:18,585 --> 00:15:20,287
- Drop dead.
- Bite me.
222
00:15:22,455 --> 00:15:24,758
I'm glad I caught you,
Thumb-sucker B.
223
00:15:24,924 --> 00:15:28,928
Listen, it's time that we had
a little boy-girl talk.
224
00:15:29,095 --> 00:15:30,964
Now, let's pretend that you're the boy.
225
00:15:31,131 --> 00:15:32,966
Okay. Okay, I'm number 27.
226
00:15:33,133 --> 00:15:35,835
Do I get in line
behind the sailors over there?
227
00:15:37,304 --> 00:15:40,473
Look, I'm just trying to help you, drippy.
228
00:15:41,408 --> 00:15:42,876
Now let me tell you about women.
229
00:15:43,043 --> 00:15:44,911
I already know about women, Kel.
230
00:15:45,078 --> 00:15:48,648
Yes, but there's more to us than just
"Inflate until feet start to plump."
231
00:15:50,684 --> 00:15:54,154
Now, as we both know,
you are doing this for sex.
232
00:15:54,321 --> 00:15:55,955
But let me tell you something.
233
00:15:56,122 --> 00:15:59,993
It doesn't matter what a guy does
or says or how he treats us.
234
00:16:00,160 --> 00:16:03,663
The second we see a guy, we already
know whether or not he's gonna get sex.
235
00:16:03,830 --> 00:16:07,367
Which, by the way, explains
why you've never gotten any.
236
00:16:08,268 --> 00:16:09,803
If that was even close to true...
237
00:16:09,969 --> 00:16:12,539
...Do you think
I could still hold my head up?
238
00:16:15,542 --> 00:16:20,480
Look, all I'm saying is that if she hasn't
let you touch her yet, she never will.
239
00:16:20,647 --> 00:16:23,183
If you still feel the need
to do something dangerous...
240
00:16:23,350 --> 00:16:25,452
...Throw out your Clearasil.
241
00:16:27,954 --> 00:16:29,956
Like I'm gonna take the advice of someone...
242
00:16:30,123 --> 00:16:33,393
...Who's fooled by every single
disguise of the Trix rabbit.
243
00:16:37,897 --> 00:16:42,369
Yeah, like you know who he is
until his ears flop out.
244
00:16:44,571 --> 00:16:45,972
But I do know this.
245
00:16:46,139 --> 00:16:49,142
You can jump out of a plane
and go hurtling to your death...
246
00:16:49,309 --> 00:16:50,610
...But mark my words.
247
00:16:50,777 --> 00:16:53,980
You will not even get
a cheap feel out of this.
248
00:16:54,147 --> 00:16:57,384
You will die a flat virgin.
249
00:16:58,351 --> 00:17:01,221
Kel, you're wrong. And besides...
250
00:17:01,388 --> 00:17:04,624
...If jumping out of a plane with
almost no training was dangerous...
251
00:17:04,791 --> 00:17:07,360
...Don't you think my parents
would have stopped me?
252
00:17:07,527 --> 00:17:11,097
Hey, everyone, Al got a Cuddle card.
253
00:17:14,434 --> 00:17:17,704
I played high school football,
for God's sake.
254
00:17:24,544 --> 00:17:26,946
So does anybody have any questions...
255
00:17:27,113 --> 00:17:29,549
...In case we get tangled up in power lines?
256
00:17:34,020 --> 00:17:35,422
Yes?
257
00:17:35,588 --> 00:17:38,091
Is there any way to get out of them
and still live?
258
00:17:38,258 --> 00:17:42,562
No, not with the piddly training
you guys have had.
259
00:17:44,364 --> 00:17:45,999
That's how I like it.
260
00:17:46,166 --> 00:17:50,270
You're so brave, Grandmaster B.
You're all I ever wanted in a man.
261
00:17:50,437 --> 00:17:54,474
My last boyfriend was so boring.
All we did was make love.
262
00:17:54,641 --> 00:17:56,776
What a loser.
263
00:17:59,546 --> 00:18:01,448
Oh, I'm definitely not doing this.
264
00:18:01,614 --> 00:18:04,818
No way, no how, never.
Not for anything.
265
00:18:07,187 --> 00:18:09,189
Oh, Daddy.
266
00:18:10,290 --> 00:18:12,625
Look at those hooters.
267
00:18:15,962 --> 00:18:17,964
I'm doing it.
268
00:18:18,598 --> 00:18:21,067
Well, we're just about ready to go.
269
00:18:21,234 --> 00:18:23,470
Remember,
I'll be jumping out with you...
270
00:18:23,636 --> 00:18:26,306
...And we'll be in radio contact
all the way down.
271
00:18:26,473 --> 00:18:28,708
You know, so I can give you instructions.
272
00:18:28,875 --> 00:18:30,243
Just in case.
273
00:18:30,410 --> 00:18:32,378
Any questions?
274
00:18:32,679 --> 00:18:34,514
Yes.
275
00:18:34,681 --> 00:18:36,449
Just in case of what?
276
00:18:36,616 --> 00:18:39,953
Like if your parachute doesn't open.
If it gets tangled up in itself.
277
00:18:40,119 --> 00:18:41,421
If there's a hole in it...
278
00:18:41,588 --> 00:18:44,991
...Or if we just forgot to put one in the pack.
279
00:18:45,458 --> 00:18:47,660
Well, let's go.
280
00:18:47,827 --> 00:18:49,329
Wait. Wait a minute.
281
00:18:49,496 --> 00:18:51,931
Now, aren't these guys gonna go first?
282
00:18:52,098 --> 00:18:54,434
Oh, they backed out.
283
00:18:55,134 --> 00:18:57,437
They're not with girls.
284
00:18:58,204 --> 00:18:59,639
This is so exciting.
285
00:18:59,806 --> 00:19:02,909
My whole body feels like it's on fire.
286
00:19:03,510 --> 00:19:07,714
Well, before mine is, upon impact...
287
00:19:07,881 --> 00:19:10,283
...How about just one last kiss?
288
00:19:10,450 --> 00:19:13,152
Which means one first kiss.
289
00:19:13,920 --> 00:19:17,624
Which means one last kiss for luck.
290
00:19:18,157 --> 00:19:20,960
All right, one kiss for my hero.
291
00:19:22,228 --> 00:19:24,230
All right, Bundy.
292
00:19:35,975 --> 00:19:38,244
How you doing, Bud?
293
00:19:39,979 --> 00:19:42,515
Bud, this is Kara. How are you?
294
00:19:42,682 --> 00:19:46,953
Couldn't be calmer, babe. Could you
put the instructor back on, please?
295
00:19:47,120 --> 00:19:48,721
Sure.
296
00:19:48,888 --> 00:19:50,657
Bud?
297
00:19:53,693 --> 00:19:56,296
That's right. Just enjoy the free fall.
298
00:19:56,462 --> 00:19:58,531
I'm watching you all the way.
299
00:19:58,998 --> 00:20:00,934
Oh, man, what fun.
300
00:20:01,100 --> 00:20:04,837
Okay, I've had enough now.
Listen, this is Grandmaster one here.
301
00:20:05,004 --> 00:20:07,373
Should I be concerned
I'm plummeting to my death...
302
00:20:07,540 --> 00:20:08,975
...Over Lake Michigan? Over.
303
00:20:09,142 --> 00:20:10,710
Yes.
304
00:20:10,877 --> 00:20:12,645
But stay calm. I'll talk you in.
305
00:20:12,812 --> 00:20:16,983
Alls you have to do is--
Say, Kara, you're cute.
306
00:20:17,150 --> 00:20:19,586
Thank you. You're cute too.
307
00:20:19,752 --> 00:20:23,222
The second I saw you,
I knew we were going to have sex.
308
00:20:27,026 --> 00:20:29,462
Instructor, Grandmaster one here.
309
00:20:29,629 --> 00:20:33,266
Listen, I seem to be heading
towards the smokestack of a tugboat.
310
00:20:33,433 --> 00:20:36,235
Could use some last-minute advice.
Over.
311
00:20:36,402 --> 00:20:39,839
Take me, Biff. Take me now.
312
00:20:40,006 --> 00:20:42,442
But I thought we were gonna jump.
313
00:20:42,609 --> 00:20:46,245
Can you look at these
and still think of jumping?
314
00:20:48,348 --> 00:20:51,651
Instructor? Kara?
315
00:20:51,818 --> 00:20:54,621
Mommy!
316
00:20:57,056 --> 00:21:02,028
His eyes, his chest, his butt.
317
00:21:02,629 --> 00:21:05,064
What else would you change about him?
318
00:21:06,966 --> 00:21:10,103
Well, certainly you wouldn't want him
to keep those teeth.
319
00:21:10,269 --> 00:21:14,641
Please, Jefferson,
he's sitting right in front of us.
320
00:21:14,807 --> 00:21:17,644
But I would like to change
that birthmark on his tush...
321
00:21:17,810 --> 00:21:20,346
...Shaped like Woody Allen.
322
00:21:20,880 --> 00:21:23,816
Death can't be this busy.
323
00:21:28,488 --> 00:21:31,090
The sparrow has landed.
324
00:21:31,257 --> 00:21:32,892
Did you get any?
325
00:21:33,559 --> 00:21:37,664
Yes, if you count mouth-to-mouth
from a drunken sea captain.
326
00:21:38,297 --> 00:21:40,833
But I've learned a couple of things
from all this.
327
00:21:41,000 --> 00:21:44,604
One, there's nothing a pelican won't eat.
328
00:21:46,239 --> 00:21:50,176
And two, I am finally, totally,
completely finished with women.
329
00:21:51,010 --> 00:21:53,079
Wait, let us not forget number three.
330
00:21:53,246 --> 00:21:55,248
That I was right. Say it.
331
00:21:55,415 --> 00:21:58,017
- No.
- That's all I needed to hear.
332
00:21:59,285 --> 00:22:00,286
But I tell you this:
333
00:22:00,453 --> 00:22:03,056
Next time a girl comes to me
and wants me to do something stupid--
334
00:22:03,222 --> 00:22:05,525
- You'll do it?
- You betcha.
335
00:22:12,465 --> 00:22:16,235
You know what? For a million dollars
I'd never jump out of an airplane.
336
00:22:16,402 --> 00:22:19,038
Al, you landed on Kiss the Neighbor.
337
00:22:21,874 --> 00:22:25,211
Don't you want your last-minute instructions?
26867
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