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00:01:16,143 --> 00:01:17,878
Last week on Married With Children ...
2
00:01:18,045 --> 00:01:21,515
...Kelly got her own talk show
on public-access TV.
3
00:01:24,251 --> 00:01:26,020
Who do you think has the cutest butt?
4
00:01:26,220 --> 00:01:27,488
Mel Gibson.
5
00:01:27,655 --> 00:01:31,592
Lethal Weapon opening tomorrow!
6
00:01:31,759 --> 00:01:35,062
It was a success, and everyone auditioned.
7
00:01:53,280 --> 00:01:56,250
Kelly said she'd think about it.
8
00:01:57,284 --> 00:02:01,755
But she went it alone.
And that strategy paid off, because:
9
00:02:01,922 --> 00:02:04,158
A real network wants
to put my show on primetime.
10
00:02:04,325 --> 00:02:05,726
- I'm going to Hollywood!
- What?
11
00:02:05,893 --> 00:02:06,927
- Hollywood?
- Yes! Yes!
12
00:02:07,094 --> 00:02:11,265
And now,
Married With Children continues.
13
00:02:12,366 --> 00:02:14,635
I can't believe we're going to Hollywood.
14
00:02:14,802 --> 00:02:16,337
It's a dream come true.
15
00:02:16,537 --> 00:02:19,874
The place where any guy with a cheap
chain can call himself a producer...
16
00:02:20,040 --> 00:02:23,377
...To dumb babes getting off the bus
from Des Moines.
17
00:02:24,645 --> 00:02:28,916
Dad, your little boy's going home.
18
00:02:30,184 --> 00:02:34,922
I'm sure that Grumpy, Dopey, Sleepy
and Doc will be glad to have you back.
19
00:02:35,122 --> 00:02:38,559
Now, kids, before we go
to the land of broken dreams...
20
00:02:38,726 --> 00:02:42,863
...And cheap bikini love,
I want you to be prepared.
21
00:02:43,030 --> 00:02:47,001
Because Hollywood is not like
our quaint little hometown of Chicago.
22
00:02:51,739 --> 00:02:54,475
People in Hollywood are
always out for the quick buck.
23
00:02:54,642 --> 00:02:56,744
They're nothing but a bunch of brownnosers.
24
00:02:56,911 --> 00:02:58,279
Now, I want you to remember...
25
00:02:58,445 --> 00:03:03,617
...That the only people who really care
about you as a person is your family.
26
00:03:04,652 --> 00:03:08,455
Hi, everyone. I hear you're going to
Hollywood and I wanted to come by...
27
00:03:08,622 --> 00:03:11,825
...And give you my best wishes.
And I don't want anything.
28
00:03:12,026 --> 00:03:14,562
Well, that's nice,
but you're blocking the door.
29
00:03:15,696 --> 00:03:19,433
Oh, really? Oh, well, I didn't mean to.
30
00:03:21,268 --> 00:03:22,603
Goodbye.
31
00:03:23,103 --> 00:03:26,774
Oh, but before you go,
there's just one thing I wanna say.
32
00:03:28,309 --> 00:03:33,314
I am willing to leave my husband
if you will just take me with you.
33
00:03:33,514 --> 00:03:34,815
I will do anything for you.
34
00:03:34,982 --> 00:03:41,288
I will procure for your little brother,
I will brush your father's teeth.
35
00:03:41,455 --> 00:03:43,090
Hey, I will even be your bodyguard.
36
00:03:43,257 --> 00:03:45,759
Let me prove myself by killing someone.
37
00:03:45,926 --> 00:03:49,396
Just point to someone you don't like
and I'll happily kill him.
38
00:03:52,466 --> 00:03:55,903
- Kiss him goodbye.
- Now, Marcie, just a second, here!
39
00:03:56,103 --> 00:03:59,974
Now, why don't you just... out of here.
40
00:04:04,511 --> 00:04:06,413
I mean, we got a plane to catch.
41
00:04:06,614 --> 00:04:09,083
Oh, please, take me with you.
42
00:04:09,283 --> 00:04:13,787
I'm a pregnant banker jet-skiing
towards 40, for God's sake!
43
00:04:13,954 --> 00:04:16,390
I was voted Most Likely to Succeed
in high school...
44
00:04:16,557 --> 00:04:18,192
...And I have a reunion coming up.
45
00:04:18,359 --> 00:04:22,062
At least let me be able to say
that I slept with Chuck Woolery.
46
00:04:23,364 --> 00:04:26,634
Ease by her carefully, kids.
They say the mad have strength.
47
00:04:30,170 --> 00:04:32,272
Hey, hey, at least let me be
Slut of the Week.
48
00:04:32,439 --> 00:04:34,775
I'm already pregnant!
49
00:05:00,834 --> 00:05:04,471
Take a deep breath, kids,
and smell that show biz.
50
00:05:07,408 --> 00:05:10,544
I can't believe we're at the hub
of the NBS network.
51
00:05:10,711 --> 00:05:12,579
This is where it all happens.
52
00:05:12,746 --> 00:05:14,048
Did you see the bathroom?
53
00:05:14,214 --> 00:05:17,384
I tell you, I'm still giddy
with the thought that just possibly...
54
00:05:17,551 --> 00:05:20,754
...I might have sat on
the same toilet seat as Bob Hope.
55
00:05:21,622 --> 00:05:24,625
Yeah, Dad, but I'm sure Bob Hope
didn't walk out of the stall...
56
00:05:24,792 --> 00:05:28,762
...With his pants around his ankles
proudly singing "That's Entertainment."
57
00:05:29,697 --> 00:05:31,331
You loved it when you were three.
58
00:05:32,232 --> 00:05:36,303
I can't believe we're actually here.
And it's all because of my little girl.
59
00:05:36,770 --> 00:05:40,174
It's times like this that I wish
I'd stayed home nights and studied...
60
00:05:40,340 --> 00:05:42,776
...So I could make something
of myself, like Bud.
61
00:05:45,813 --> 00:05:47,848
Okay, kids, enough fun.
62
00:05:48,015 --> 00:05:49,850
We don't wanna miss the big picture here.
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00:05:50,017 --> 00:05:51,351
We are in the loop.
64
00:05:51,518 --> 00:05:53,153
Just look at those walls.
65
00:05:53,320 --> 00:05:55,656
Kids, we can be among the first...
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00:05:55,823 --> 00:06:00,060
...To see the new, exciting shows
on the fall schedule.
67
00:06:00,227 --> 00:06:01,829
Gaze proudly, kids.
68
00:06:01,995 --> 00:06:03,263
Oh, just think.
69
00:06:03,430 --> 00:06:07,201
Someday my picture will be hanging
next to such exciting shows as...
70
00:06:07,868 --> 00:06:11,038
{\an8}"Ellen and Her Dog"?
71
00:06:11,205 --> 00:06:14,775
{\an8}"Spike Le Bee,
New York City School Teacher"?
72
00:06:16,343 --> 00:06:19,413
"Art Allante, PI ."
73
00:06:20,347 --> 00:06:23,350
"Black Cop, White Girl ."
74
00:06:27,654 --> 00:06:30,224
"Me and the Shiksa"?
75
00:06:32,559 --> 00:06:35,629
"The Homeless Detective ."
76
00:06:38,632 --> 00:06:39,967
Oh, come on.
77
00:06:41,168 --> 00:06:43,303
Daddy, do they have to hang my picture here?
78
00:06:43,470 --> 00:06:45,572
- It's Gig!
- Gig, can I have your autograph?
79
00:06:45,739 --> 00:06:50,377
Oh, my God. It's Gig Fontaine,
star of Tugboat Danger.
80
00:06:50,577 --> 00:06:52,079
Gig, please, please.
81
00:06:52,246 --> 00:06:56,617
I love you. I love you all.
But I'll love you first.
82
00:06:56,817 --> 00:06:58,218
I can't believe this.
83
00:06:58,385 --> 00:07:00,788
- Give us a smile, Gig.
- Just an autograph, please?
84
00:07:00,954 --> 00:07:03,657
Gig! Gig!
85
00:07:05,259 --> 00:07:07,161
What's that guy got that I don't?
86
00:07:07,327 --> 00:07:10,197
Shall I start above or below the waist?
87
00:07:10,364 --> 00:07:13,100
Daddy, did you see how
those people were surrounding him...
88
00:07:13,267 --> 00:07:16,436
...Just so he'd sign his name?
Do you think that'll happen to me?
89
00:07:16,837 --> 00:07:20,541
Well, probably not until
you learn how to spell your name.
90
00:07:20,741 --> 00:07:22,676
Well, I have something to say.
91
00:07:22,843 --> 00:07:24,211
If I become rich and famous...
92
00:07:24,378 --> 00:07:26,980
...I am gonna share it
with everyone that I love.
93
00:07:27,147 --> 00:07:29,383
Oh, and you guys too.
94
00:07:30,083 --> 00:07:34,087
Daddy, I am gonna get you a car
with door handles and a gas cap.
95
00:07:34,254 --> 00:07:36,089
And a rear-view mirror...
96
00:07:36,256 --> 00:07:39,393
...Not just one of Mom's old compacts
glued to the window.
97
00:07:39,593 --> 00:07:43,363
- And windshield wipers?
- You got it, big guy.
98
00:07:44,331 --> 00:07:46,600
And I'm gonna get Mom
what she's always wanted.
99
00:07:46,767 --> 00:07:49,269
Maybe that young guy
down the block who paints houses.
100
00:07:51,738 --> 00:07:54,942
And, Bud, get me a Coke, will you?
101
00:07:57,077 --> 00:08:00,547
Hi, I'm Jeff Littlehead. Now...
102
00:08:02,482 --> 00:08:05,352
Which one of you is Kelly Bundy?
103
00:08:06,019 --> 00:08:07,187
That would be I.
104
00:08:08,021 --> 00:08:12,526
Welcome to NBS, where we say quality counts.
105
00:08:12,693 --> 00:08:14,761
We don't believe it, but we say it.
106
00:08:16,663 --> 00:08:19,233
You reek of avocado.
107
00:08:19,399 --> 00:08:23,136
Now, be nice, Bud.
They eat vegetables in Hollywood.
108
00:08:23,303 --> 00:08:25,272
And we are a stranger in his land.
109
00:08:25,472 --> 00:08:27,374
Now, there are no strangers here at NBS...
110
00:08:27,541 --> 00:08:31,545
...If you don't mind me kissing
a little heinie for a moment.
111
00:08:31,712 --> 00:08:33,747
We're like a big family.
That's what we are.
112
00:08:33,914 --> 00:08:37,584
A big, happy family. Living, loving,
nurturing and supporting our talent.
113
00:08:37,751 --> 00:08:39,820
Here we never forget your name.
114
00:08:39,987 --> 00:08:41,688
Mr. Littlehead?
115
00:08:42,189 --> 00:08:44,558
- Who are you?
- Rock Turboman.
116
00:08:44,758 --> 00:08:47,828
Oh, glad to meet you.
I'll have a hamburger.
117
00:08:48,028 --> 00:08:51,198
No, I'm the star of your new series,
Young Ben Franklin.
118
00:08:51,398 --> 00:08:54,568
Yes, yes, I know.
Well, what can I do for you?
119
00:08:54,768 --> 00:08:56,637
Well, I know the ratings have been low...
120
00:08:56,803 --> 00:08:59,339
...But I'm kind of thinking
of buying a new house.
121
00:08:59,506 --> 00:09:02,042
You think I should?
We're not being canceled, are we?
122
00:09:02,276 --> 00:09:04,811
Oh, son, son, damn the ratings.
We love the show.
123
00:09:04,978 --> 00:09:07,180
America loves the show.
It'll be on forever.
124
00:09:07,347 --> 00:09:08,815
You, you buy that house.
125
00:09:08,982 --> 00:09:11,885
- Oh, thank you. Thank you.
- All right. All right, Ben Franklin.
126
00:09:12,052 --> 00:09:15,589
Electricity! Bifocals! Kites!
127
00:09:15,756 --> 00:09:18,825
He's gone.
I canceled him this morning.
128
00:09:19,593 --> 00:09:21,828
You'll have his time slot.
129
00:09:22,095 --> 00:09:24,698
Hey, Dad, are you thinking what I'm thinking?
130
00:09:24,865 --> 00:09:28,201
- That he can get both of us chicks?
- Yeah.
131
00:09:29,069 --> 00:09:31,238
Well, are you ready to see your set?
132
00:09:31,705 --> 00:09:34,207
Lead on, Mr. Littlething.
133
00:09:36,677 --> 00:09:42,149
Well, it's Littlehead,
but, well, you can call me anything.
134
00:09:42,316 --> 00:09:45,919
Just don't call me late
to a Dick Chamberlain miniseries.
135
00:09:51,325 --> 00:09:53,627
Oh, Daddy, we're gonna go look at my set.
136
00:09:53,794 --> 00:09:55,128
I really feel like a star.
137
00:09:55,329 --> 00:09:57,698
Pumpkin, to me you've always been a star.
138
00:09:57,864 --> 00:10:01,702
Oh, please. Just the other day you
were saying when you were a boy...
139
00:10:01,868 --> 00:10:04,871
...You used to water things smarter than her.
140
00:10:05,038 --> 00:10:08,608
Well, you said, "What's the difference
between Kelly Bundy and an elephant?
141
00:10:08,775 --> 00:10:12,079
One is gray, has four legs and a tail,
and the other's a moron."
142
00:10:13,046 --> 00:10:15,949
- Well, you told me that joke about--
- Okay, now, time-out, guys.
143
00:10:16,116 --> 00:10:20,120
Let's not fight. This should be
a happy moment. Okay?
144
00:10:21,488 --> 00:10:24,257
I'd like my checks sent to me directly.
145
00:10:24,458 --> 00:10:27,060
I'll deliver them personally.
146
00:10:31,565 --> 00:10:34,801
Right this way, Miss Bundy.
147
00:10:36,703 --> 00:10:39,239
Arigato, gentlemen.
148
00:10:41,708 --> 00:10:44,644
This, Miss Bundy, is all yours.
149
00:11:09,403 --> 00:11:11,238
Yes!
150
00:11:22,649 --> 00:11:28,688
Oh, God, I don't believe this.
I mean, all this for me.
151
00:11:29,056 --> 00:11:33,527
I just want you to know that if I become
a success, I will never change.
152
00:11:33,693 --> 00:11:35,429
Great.
153
00:11:36,630 --> 00:11:39,699
Are you really the guy in Home Alone?
154
00:11:45,839 --> 00:11:47,607
Yes!
155
00:11:47,774 --> 00:11:52,979
Now, listen, if you two lovely young
ladies would like to be in the sequel...
156
00:11:53,146 --> 00:11:55,949
...Home Alone With Sex Toy...
157
00:11:57,050 --> 00:12:00,053
...Just write down your names and numbers here.
158
00:12:02,522 --> 00:12:05,992
I also wrote down my special talents.
159
00:12:10,864 --> 00:12:14,167
There's five minutes to rehearsal,
Miss Bundy.
160
00:12:14,601 --> 00:12:16,870
Oh, God. Oh, God.
161
00:12:17,471 --> 00:12:20,273
- Daddy?
- Oh, just a second, pumpkin.
162
00:12:20,474 --> 00:12:22,008
Now, Jeff, I've been thinking.
163
00:12:22,175 --> 00:12:26,246
Just in case this new fall season,
you know, shall we say, blows...
164
00:12:26,413 --> 00:12:29,049
...I've been fooling around
with some ideas for new shows.
165
00:12:29,216 --> 00:12:32,319
Let's run this up the flagpole,
see if it waves. Stay with me here.
166
00:12:32,486 --> 00:12:33,854
There's this mystic guy...
167
00:12:34,020 --> 00:12:37,124
...Wandering across the West
in search of his long-lost brother.
168
00:12:37,290 --> 00:12:38,859
Now, instead of guns--
169
00:12:39,025 --> 00:12:40,460
Get this.
170
00:12:40,627 --> 00:12:44,564
--He's fitted with an assortment
of fighting footwear.
171
00:12:46,166 --> 00:12:48,568
It's called Kung Shoe.
172
00:12:54,541 --> 00:12:56,943
- Now, Daddy?
- Not quite yet, pumpkin.
173
00:12:57,110 --> 00:12:59,045
I think I got him hooked.
174
00:12:59,212 --> 00:13:00,847
Okay, here's another idea.
175
00:13:01,014 --> 00:13:03,650
Let's toss this in the oven, see if it bakes.
176
00:13:04,718 --> 00:13:11,324
Now, there's a shoe salesman
in the 23rd century, called Shoe Trek.
177
00:13:15,562 --> 00:13:16,963
Okay, I got another idea.
178
00:13:17,130 --> 00:13:20,467
Let's toss this in the bed with Madonna
and see if she sleeps with it.
179
00:13:21,401 --> 00:13:24,204
Now, this has nothing to do with shoes...
180
00:13:24,371 --> 00:13:27,807
...But it's a hot idea
and I'd like to be personally involved.
181
00:13:27,974 --> 00:13:30,143
It's called Breasts.
182
00:13:31,578 --> 00:13:33,547
I just don't feel it.
183
00:13:36,082 --> 00:13:38,418
What a surprise, huh?
184
00:13:39,386 --> 00:13:41,388
All right, pumpkin, I want a five.
185
00:13:41,755 --> 00:13:45,392
Daddy, I'm scared.
I mean, what if I'm not any good?
186
00:13:45,559 --> 00:13:47,294
What if my intellectual bons mots...
187
00:13:47,460 --> 00:13:51,498
...And witty little intersections
are only appreciated in Chicago?
188
00:13:51,665 --> 00:13:55,468
I mean, back there
I was a big fish in a small bottle...
189
00:13:55,635 --> 00:13:59,673
...But now I'm in Los Angeles, the Big Apple.
190
00:14:00,974 --> 00:14:02,209
What if I stink?
191
00:14:02,576 --> 00:14:06,646
Pumpkin, I want you to have
as much confidence in yourself...
192
00:14:06,813 --> 00:14:08,715
...As I had in my own self.
193
00:14:08,882 --> 00:14:11,451
Of course, my present lack
of faith is understandable...
194
00:14:11,618 --> 00:14:14,921
...Since your average parking meter
makes more a day than I do.
195
00:14:15,088 --> 00:14:16,656
But don't you worry.
196
00:14:16,823 --> 00:14:21,161
You can be a huge success because
you have what every Bundy has:
197
00:14:21,328 --> 00:14:22,929
Cute.
198
00:14:23,330 --> 00:14:25,465
We're irresistible.
199
00:14:27,067 --> 00:14:29,269
So you can succeed at anything.
200
00:14:29,469 --> 00:14:32,005
- Because I'm special?
- No! Because it's show business.
201
00:14:32,172 --> 00:14:34,274
You don't need talent or brains.
202
00:14:35,976 --> 00:14:38,111
Thank you, Daddy.
203
00:14:39,946 --> 00:14:41,848
We're ready for rehearsal,
Miss Bundy.
204
00:14:42,249 --> 00:14:45,785
- Wish me luck.
- Pumpkin, I wish you more than luck.
205
00:14:45,952 --> 00:14:49,756
I wish you satisfaction and success.
206
00:14:53,260 --> 00:14:55,829
Because if you are a success,
I'll be so rich...
207
00:14:55,996 --> 00:14:59,599
...I'll be able to hire somebody else to
put their hands down my pants for me.
208
00:15:04,971 --> 00:15:09,609
Rehearsal in three, two, one...
209
00:15:09,776 --> 00:15:12,612
Welcome to
Vital Social Issues N Stuff with Kelly.
210
00:15:12,779 --> 00:15:14,714
I'm Kelly.
211
00:15:15,915 --> 00:15:18,385
Okay, be cool. We're on TV.
212
00:15:18,551 --> 00:15:22,822
Now, as you know if you were watching
channel 99 in Chicago last week...
213
00:15:22,989 --> 00:15:25,158
...Our topic was men's butts.
214
00:15:25,325 --> 00:15:28,995
Now, we all felt that we didn't
explore men's butts sufficiently.
215
00:15:29,162 --> 00:15:32,932
In fact, one butt was left totally uncovered.
216
00:15:33,767 --> 00:15:35,201
So to make it up to him...
217
00:15:35,368 --> 00:15:39,339
...The Vital Social Issues N Stuff
with Kelly Butt of the Year is...
218
00:15:41,708 --> 00:15:43,410
...Jason Priestley.
219
00:15:43,576 --> 00:15:47,314
Beverly Hills, 90210!
220
00:15:49,215 --> 00:15:51,551
Two palms up.
221
00:16:01,328 --> 00:16:05,298
And if he is watching, we are staying
at the fabulous Motel Two...
222
00:16:05,465 --> 00:16:08,401
...On the corner of Ghetto and Gang.
223
00:16:08,968 --> 00:16:13,506
Oh, turn left at the hobo
who calls himself Moondoggie.
224
00:16:13,673 --> 00:16:17,444
And now, on to an issue and stuff
that really sticks in my drawer.
225
00:16:17,610 --> 00:16:19,412
Bad dates.
226
00:16:19,612 --> 00:16:22,682
Roberta, why don't you tell us
and the entire nation...
227
00:16:22,849 --> 00:16:26,519
...The story you told us after we all
swore that we would never tell anyone?
228
00:16:26,853 --> 00:16:28,788
Sure.
229
00:16:28,955 --> 00:16:32,726
Johnny DiBedetto.
He takes me to a movie...
230
00:16:32,892 --> 00:16:34,828
...And you know how he likes
to put his tongue in your ear?
231
00:16:35,028 --> 00:16:37,230
- Yeah.
- Yeah, that's right.
232
00:16:39,232 --> 00:16:42,001
Well, he goes at it,
and the next thing I know...
233
00:16:42,168 --> 00:16:45,105
...He sucked my earring down his throat.
234
00:16:46,106 --> 00:16:48,241
Not the blue ones with the chains that hang?
235
00:16:49,809 --> 00:16:54,013
He can't do anything right.
He once stuck his tongue in my eye.
236
00:16:54,781 --> 00:16:59,085
Me too. He swallowed my contacts.
237
00:16:59,486 --> 00:17:03,623
He missed my entire head
and got my dog, Wilbur.
238
00:17:04,124 --> 00:17:08,027
{\an8}Well, girls, what we've learned here is
that if you ever go out with Johnny...
239
00:17:09,496 --> 00:17:12,932
{\an8}...Don't wear anything that'll fit down
his throat. You stink, Johnny.
240
00:17:17,604 --> 00:17:20,640
- He is kind of cute, though, isn't he?
- Yeah.
241
00:17:20,807 --> 00:17:23,910
Okay. Now I would like to introduce our band:
242
00:17:24,077 --> 00:17:26,479
Joanie and the Slashettes.
243
00:17:29,115 --> 00:17:30,550
Girls?
244
00:17:30,717 --> 00:17:33,119
Two, three, four...
245
00:17:34,354 --> 00:17:36,222
Sex!
246
00:17:42,095 --> 00:17:44,097
Well, I'm jelly.
247
00:17:45,465 --> 00:17:49,569
We'll be right back with our resident
bad-perm victim, Jeannie.
248
00:17:54,040 --> 00:17:57,477
This week, Jeannie has agreed
to let us shave her head.
249
00:17:57,677 --> 00:18:00,547
Might as well. It's ruined.
250
00:18:03,583 --> 00:18:05,018
Cut!
251
00:18:06,319 --> 00:18:09,756
That was great. God, it was fabulous.
252
00:18:09,923 --> 00:18:13,293
It was now, brown cow.
253
00:18:13,493 --> 00:18:15,995
Thank you, Mr. Littlepants.
254
00:18:17,163 --> 00:18:19,499
And thank you for
letting me do my own vision.
255
00:18:19,666 --> 00:18:23,236
My own creation.
The fruit of my own loins.
256
00:18:23,403 --> 00:18:25,438
- You really liked it?
- Oh, it was great.
257
00:18:25,605 --> 00:18:28,408
You stepped up to the plate
in the bottom of the ninth...
258
00:18:28,575 --> 00:18:31,945
...With the bases loaded, trailing
4-1 in St. Louis on a hot afternoon...
259
00:18:32,111 --> 00:18:34,581
...100 degrees, 120 on the natural turf.
260
00:18:34,747 --> 00:18:37,317
And the wind-up,
and here's the pitch. It's a hit!
261
00:18:37,484 --> 00:18:40,520
That ball's going back, back,
way back, to the back of the wall.
262
00:18:40,687 --> 00:18:44,824
Grand slam! And look!
Some lucky fan's got the ball right now.
263
00:18:44,991 --> 00:18:48,294
And he wants your autograph!
Where's your pen?
264
00:18:57,103 --> 00:18:59,806
Daddy, what the hell is he talking about?
265
00:19:00,206 --> 00:19:03,142
Just smile at the suit, pumpkin.
266
00:19:04,110 --> 00:19:07,780
What I'm saying is, we love what
you're doing. Don't change a thing.
267
00:19:07,947 --> 00:19:12,519
But before you go on, we just have
a few tiny little suggestions.
268
00:19:16,956 --> 00:19:20,193
I can't believe they ruined
then canceled my show.
269
00:19:20,360 --> 00:19:24,597
Now, pumpkin, they just used research
and testing to mold the show...
270
00:19:24,764 --> 00:19:27,300
...Into something they felt
really related to the teens.
271
00:19:27,467 --> 00:19:29,636
As we shall see, research is never wrong.
272
00:19:33,673 --> 00:19:36,609
And now, here's Kelly Bundy.
273
00:19:38,077 --> 00:19:41,514
Hi. Welcome to my show. I'm Kelly.
274
00:19:41,681 --> 00:19:46,286
Today we're gonna talk about
making our parents' lives easier.
275
00:19:46,953 --> 00:19:49,923
- Neat.
- Keen.
276
00:19:50,089 --> 00:19:52,025
Dy-no-mite.
277
00:19:52,225 --> 00:19:55,194
You kids aren't just whistling Dixie.
278
00:19:55,361 --> 00:19:58,431
Now let's hear a number from our band.
279
00:20:00,199 --> 00:20:02,702
Two, three, four...
280
00:20:07,974 --> 00:20:09,576
Milk.
281
00:20:11,911 --> 00:20:15,114
Thank you, Joanie and the Hepcats.
282
00:20:15,281 --> 00:20:17,817
Now, let's talk seriously for a moment.
283
00:20:17,984 --> 00:20:19,719
We all wanna make our parents happy...
284
00:20:19,886 --> 00:20:22,689
...Because they gave us
this precious gift of life.
285
00:20:22,855 --> 00:20:25,325
Isn't that right,
fellow virgin teens just waiting...
286
00:20:25,491 --> 00:20:27,460
...For the right man to come along?
287
00:20:29,195 --> 00:20:31,598
- Neato.
- Right.
288
00:20:31,798 --> 00:20:36,736
We'll be right back with library books,
the perfect Friday-night date.
289
00:20:36,903 --> 00:20:38,237
Band?
290
00:20:44,510 --> 00:20:45,778
Book.
291
00:20:56,522 --> 00:21:00,560
- I didn't like my hair.
- Please.
292
00:21:00,727 --> 00:21:04,764
You know something?
There is a bright side to all of this.
293
00:21:04,931 --> 00:21:09,202
- What's that, Daddy?
- It's that nothing bad happened to me.
294
00:21:10,136 --> 00:21:13,539
I mean, it's possible
that the Bundy cloud of failure...
295
00:21:13,706 --> 00:21:17,877
...Passed through me onto my children,
as I only dared to dream.
296
00:21:18,344 --> 00:21:21,514
I mean, imagine, nothing bad happened to me.
297
00:21:22,081 --> 00:21:25,518
Next week, NBS presents
a new, exciting miniseries:
298
00:21:25,685 --> 00:21:29,122
Joe Piscopo in Shoe Trek .
299
00:21:31,824 --> 00:21:34,527
The shoe sizes are down, captain.
300
00:21:35,662 --> 00:21:39,132
Mr. Sock, heels on stun.
301
00:21:39,298 --> 00:21:43,102
Well, that's it. From now on,
nothing but cable for me.
302
00:21:43,269 --> 00:21:46,305
Send money for the children.
303
00:21:47,106 --> 00:21:51,577
Loofa the wrinkles away
the Ernest Borgnine way.
304
00:21:51,744 --> 00:21:57,316
Hey, senior citizens,
are you losing your hearing?
305
00:21:57,717 --> 00:22:01,854
Are you man enough for a penile implant?
25245
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