Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:01:16,210 --> 00:01:17,845
Where's Dad? It's almost time.
2
00:01:18,012 --> 00:01:20,981
Well, the shoe store closed
about five minutes ago.
3
00:01:21,148 --> 00:01:22,917
He's gotta count the day's receipts...
4
00:01:23,083 --> 00:01:25,352
...So he should be walking in any second now.
5
00:01:25,519 --> 00:01:27,755
The day has finally come.
6
00:01:27,922 --> 00:01:30,791
Perhaps the proudest day
in the history of the Bundy household.
7
00:01:30,958 --> 00:01:32,927
I want the whole family to share in this.
8
00:01:33,360 --> 00:01:34,595
Buck, you ready, boy?
9
00:01:38,098 --> 00:01:39,967
Calm down, Buck.
10
00:01:41,035 --> 00:01:42,670
- Where's Mom?
- She's out shopping.
11
00:01:42,837 --> 00:01:45,206
Good. Then the whole family is here.
12
00:01:46,240 --> 00:01:47,641
Man, what a day.
13
00:01:47,808 --> 00:01:49,643
After all the praying, the dreaming...
14
00:01:49,810 --> 00:01:52,680
...The saving of every penny,
the Bundys have finally arrived.
15
00:01:52,847 --> 00:01:54,381
Today...
16
00:01:54,548 --> 00:01:56,183
...We get cable TV.
17
00:01:56,350 --> 00:01:58,219
Yes. Yes.
18
00:02:00,855 --> 00:02:02,423
- Can I get a "whoa cable"?
- Oh, yeah.
19
00:02:02,590 --> 00:02:05,226
Whoa, cable!
20
00:02:07,328 --> 00:02:10,264
All right. Now, kids,
the cable should come on any minute.
21
00:02:10,431 --> 00:02:13,534
But to make every day our birthdays,
I have a very special gift.
22
00:02:13,701 --> 00:02:17,738
May I present the Cadillac
of television controls:
23
00:02:17,905 --> 00:02:21,408
The Channelmaster 2000.
24
00:02:21,876 --> 00:02:25,012
Hey, don't touch it, you swine.
It's mine.
25
00:02:26,080 --> 00:02:27,681
Man, this baby can do anything.
26
00:02:27,848 --> 00:02:30,084
Changes channels backwards,
changes them forward.
27
00:02:30,251 --> 00:02:32,319
It's like having a wife crouching by the TV...
28
00:02:32,486 --> 00:02:34,522
...Except I wouldn't mind sleeping with this.
29
00:02:37,258 --> 00:02:40,127
And it's got a half-a-mile radius.
30
00:02:40,294 --> 00:02:44,999
Why, I could control Marcie's TV
sitting right here by my command post.
31
00:02:45,165 --> 00:02:47,101
Matter of fact...
32
00:02:48,435 --> 00:02:51,071
- Oh, Dad, you shouldn't do that.
- Oh, Dad.
33
00:02:52,940 --> 00:02:57,278
All right, enough frivolity.
Kids, man the cable book.
34
00:02:57,444 --> 00:03:01,015
I am turning on the TV.
35
00:03:01,982 --> 00:03:03,617
What's this?
36
00:03:03,784 --> 00:03:06,387
It's the Japanese Channel, Dad.
37
00:03:07,922 --> 00:03:11,125
- What's this?
- It's the Polka Channel.
38
00:03:12,359 --> 00:03:16,163
- What's this?
- That's the Stained Glass Network.
39
00:03:17,131 --> 00:03:19,266
There doesn't seem to be much
on cable either.
40
00:03:19,433 --> 00:03:20,734
Kids, fear not.
41
00:03:20,901 --> 00:03:25,072
We still have 78 more channels to go.
42
00:03:27,708 --> 00:03:28,976
Well, what's wrong, Dad?
43
00:03:29,143 --> 00:03:32,980
I just never thought I could be
so happy sitting next to you two.
44
00:03:35,849 --> 00:03:37,985
All right, guys, get ready.
45
00:03:38,152 --> 00:03:40,955
In front of us lies all the entertainment...
46
00:03:41,121 --> 00:03:44,425
...That the great minds
of show business can provide.
47
00:03:54,802 --> 00:03:56,604
Well, Dad...
48
00:03:57,371 --> 00:04:01,075
...You've been sitting there
for 36 hours straight now.
49
00:04:01,575 --> 00:04:03,010
I will not give up.
50
00:04:03,177 --> 00:04:05,512
I am paying $60 a month to be entertained...
51
00:04:05,679 --> 00:04:09,783
...And I will be entertained
if I never enjoy another day in my life.
52
00:04:10,884 --> 00:04:12,586
Oh, now, this is better.
53
00:04:12,753 --> 00:04:16,223
Yeah, here's the
Sally Struthers Whining Channel.
54
00:04:16,857 --> 00:04:19,526
Oh, look at the starving children.
55
00:04:19,693 --> 00:04:22,596
Boy, man, now we're having fun.
56
00:04:23,263 --> 00:04:26,800
And stay tuned for Cagney & Lacey .
57
00:04:28,836 --> 00:04:31,372
Oh, Daddy, I have been so wronged.
58
00:04:31,538 --> 00:04:32,840
You have been so wronged?
59
00:04:33,007 --> 00:04:35,809
Look what I'm spending 60 bucks a month for.
60
00:04:35,976 --> 00:04:38,779
Well, at least I-- At least I got this.
61
00:04:44,284 --> 00:04:46,453
Now I feel lucky.
62
00:04:46,620 --> 00:04:51,258
Today on the Medical Channel,
Doctor Bob removes an ovary.
63
00:04:53,661 --> 00:04:55,896
Well, you may as well bore me
with your problems.
64
00:04:56,063 --> 00:04:57,364
Okay.
65
00:04:57,531 --> 00:05:01,135
Well, my whole modelling class went
down to be on public-access television.
66
00:05:01,301 --> 00:05:03,871
You know,
for our poise-and-personality tests.
67
00:05:04,038 --> 00:05:06,440
So, what'd you do?
Spin diaphragms on your fingers...
68
00:05:06,607 --> 00:05:08,942
...While singing "Somewhere in the Night"?
69
00:05:12,579 --> 00:05:14,014
Anyway...
70
00:05:14,181 --> 00:05:16,016
...Every girl was supposed to be on TV.
71
00:05:16,183 --> 00:05:19,219
But did I get a turn?
Ask me if I got a turn.
72
00:05:19,386 --> 00:05:21,522
Ask me. Just go ahead and ask me.
73
00:05:25,459 --> 00:05:28,128
No, I did not.
And you know why?
74
00:05:28,295 --> 00:05:31,031
Because my teacher, Mrs. Jones,
doesn't like me.
75
00:05:31,498 --> 00:05:34,301
Because one day she wore
a pair of jeans that said "Guess"...
76
00:05:34,468 --> 00:05:36,970
...And I guessed size 42.
77
00:05:42,142 --> 00:05:45,512
Instead of giving me a prize,
she cops an attitude.
78
00:05:45,679 --> 00:05:47,448
Anyway...
79
00:05:48,348 --> 00:05:50,084
So every girl got to be on TV...
80
00:05:50,250 --> 00:05:52,419
...But then they ran out of time
before my turn.
81
00:05:52,586 --> 00:05:55,823
Now I don't even have a tape
for when it comes time for my grade.
82
00:05:55,989 --> 00:05:57,424
Now, come on, Kel.
83
00:05:57,591 --> 00:06:01,161
There's gotta be plenty of
videotapes of you lying around.
84
00:06:03,931 --> 00:06:05,199
Now, what's wrong with...
85
00:06:05,365 --> 00:06:09,169
...The "I can make my dress go this
high" classic from the third grade?
86
00:06:09,803 --> 00:06:11,171
Gee, Bud, it's Friday night.
87
00:06:11,338 --> 00:06:15,175
Shouldn't you be taking a shower,
getting dressed up and going to bed?
88
00:06:20,814 --> 00:06:22,649
Oh, Daddy, my life is over.
89
00:06:22,816 --> 00:06:24,818
I wish I was dead.
What should I do?
90
00:06:24,985 --> 00:06:28,021
Well, honey,
I'm glad you've come to me.
91
00:06:28,589 --> 00:06:30,924
- Because I have plenty--
- Look, Dad. Look. Hooters!
92
00:06:31,091 --> 00:06:33,894
- Where? Where?
- Right there.
93
00:06:34,828 --> 00:06:37,164
That's an elbow, son.
94
00:06:41,735 --> 00:06:44,505
Well, look whose word you were taking.
95
00:06:45,539 --> 00:06:47,307
Hi, Al.
96
00:06:50,778 --> 00:06:53,781
You know, the weirdest thing's
been happening over at my house.
97
00:06:53,947 --> 00:06:57,417
The channels on the TV
began changing all by themselves.
98
00:06:59,753 --> 00:07:01,155
Would you do me a favor?
99
00:07:01,321 --> 00:07:04,758
Could you turn on the Public Access
Channel? Marcie's gonna be on.
100
00:07:04,925 --> 00:07:08,262
Oh, great, even the old and boring
get on before me.
101
00:07:13,867 --> 00:07:17,504
Welcome back to
Short-Haired Women in Banking.
102
00:07:17,671 --> 00:07:21,875
And now for the question our financial
experts have been dying to ask:
103
00:07:22,042 --> 00:07:26,780
How does a short-haired woman
juggle a career, carry a baby...
104
00:07:26,947 --> 00:07:30,584
...And still manage
to sexually satisfy her man?
105
00:07:32,352 --> 00:07:34,488
Well, it's not easy.
106
00:07:34,655 --> 00:07:37,457
Actually my husband has
been feeling a little left out...
107
00:07:37,624 --> 00:07:39,193
...Because the baby's coming.
108
00:07:39,359 --> 00:07:43,030
So we've been playing out
my role as Mommy in bed.
109
00:07:43,197 --> 00:07:47,234
Sometimes he's a bad boy
and needs a good spanking.
110
00:07:53,273 --> 00:07:56,777
Well, I guess I was wrong.
Marcie's not gonna be on.
111
00:07:58,378 --> 00:08:01,248
As a matter of fact,
he used to have a little problem...
112
00:08:01,415 --> 00:08:04,384
...With, shall we say, hang time.
113
00:08:05,853 --> 00:08:08,922
But I told him not to worry, it's not him.
114
00:08:09,523 --> 00:08:13,393
"I just have some banking problems
on my mind."
115
00:08:18,565 --> 00:08:20,467
Hey, how'd she get on TV anyway?
116
00:08:20,634 --> 00:08:22,102
It's public access.
117
00:08:22,269 --> 00:08:25,906
Anyone with $35 and a pack of lies
to tell about her husband can get on.
118
00:08:26,073 --> 00:08:29,877
- Here we go.
- Can I have $35 to be on TV, please?
119
00:08:30,043 --> 00:08:32,212
Honey, we're not millionaires.
120
00:08:33,247 --> 00:08:35,549
Now, honey,
I know you're disappointed.
121
00:08:35,716 --> 00:08:38,919
But if this counts for anything,
you'll always be my little girl...
122
00:08:39,086 --> 00:08:41,355
...And I'll always have time for you.
123
00:08:41,521 --> 00:08:42,956
Oh, Daddy.
124
00:08:43,123 --> 00:08:46,026
Now that's a hooter.
You see what I mean?
125
00:08:46,226 --> 00:08:48,695
Oh, my gosh.
126
00:08:58,605 --> 00:09:03,443
And stay tuned for
The All White Guys Slam Dunk Contest.
127
00:09:05,078 --> 00:09:07,948
Dad, you haven't left the house
in three days now.
128
00:09:08,115 --> 00:09:10,317
Not that it would matter
if you lost your job...
129
00:09:10,484 --> 00:09:14,454
...But it's embarrassing having your
old Dodge parked out front all day.
130
00:09:15,522 --> 00:09:18,025
I mean, what if people
start thinking it's mine?
131
00:09:18,825 --> 00:09:21,862
I am not getting off the couch
until I find something to watch.
132
00:09:23,931 --> 00:09:27,467
Well, there you go,
Roger Ebert's Dance Party.
133
00:09:28,335 --> 00:09:31,271
It's almost time for Kelly's debut
on the Public Access Channel.
134
00:09:31,438 --> 00:09:35,175
Oh, good. That won't bring
any more shame to the family.
135
00:09:36,243 --> 00:09:37,611
What do you think she'll do?
136
00:09:37,778 --> 00:09:40,948
A scholarly discussion
of Ezra Pound's poetry?
137
00:09:41,114 --> 00:09:42,950
Or getting her hair stuck in her mouth...
138
00:09:43,116 --> 00:09:45,619
...And chasing it around
the way a dog chases its tail?
139
00:09:45,786 --> 00:09:47,521
Like a dog.
140
00:09:49,423 --> 00:09:51,959
Am I on yet? Am I on yet?
141
00:09:52,125 --> 00:09:55,629
- Is that me?
- It's a cartoon, honey.
142
00:09:57,464 --> 00:09:59,333
Oh, it's coming on. It's coming on.
143
00:09:59,499 --> 00:10:04,071
Everyone expected a piece of fluff, but
we wanted to do something important...
144
00:10:04,237 --> 00:10:06,606
...Something the youth of America
could relate to.
145
00:10:06,773 --> 00:10:09,509
You know, issue stuff.
146
00:10:17,150 --> 00:10:21,455
Today's topic: Cute butts
and the men they're attached to.
147
00:10:22,656 --> 00:10:25,125
Hi, welcome to my show. I'm Kelly.
148
00:10:30,063 --> 00:10:33,333
Now, as you all know,
it costs $35 to put on a show...
149
00:10:33,500 --> 00:10:37,871
...So I asked my Dad for the money,
but he's a shoe salesman.
150
00:10:38,839 --> 00:10:43,043
So I had to turn to my unemployed
teenage friends for the money.
151
00:10:43,243 --> 00:10:44,978
I just plugged you, Daddy.
152
00:10:45,145 --> 00:10:47,848
Yes, you did, pumpkin.
153
00:10:48,482 --> 00:10:50,917
And now I would like to introduce my guests.
154
00:10:51,084 --> 00:10:54,888
Cyndy, she gave $10. As did Roberta.
155
00:10:55,055 --> 00:10:59,760
And Samantha, who's rich because her
dad knocks off convenience stores...
156
00:11:00,560 --> 00:11:02,129
...Gave $14.50.
157
00:11:02,529 --> 00:11:05,999
And my very special guest,
who gave an eye-popping 50 cents...
158
00:11:06,166 --> 00:11:08,602
...Mr. Vinnie Verducci.
159
00:11:16,910 --> 00:11:19,079
So, what would you like
to talk about, Vinnie?
160
00:11:19,479 --> 00:11:23,016
Well, I'd like to take the pro or con side...
161
00:11:23,183 --> 00:11:24,918
...Whichever is against...
162
00:11:25,085 --> 00:11:28,722
...The enforcement of motorcycle helmet laws.
163
00:11:28,889 --> 00:11:31,591
I mean, say I pull up to some chick.
164
00:11:31,758 --> 00:11:36,730
Now, I'm doing a conservative 75
in a 30-mile-an-hour zone...
165
00:11:36,897 --> 00:11:41,368
...So of course I only have seconds
to seduce her with my eyes.
166
00:11:41,768 --> 00:11:43,737
You see this look?
167
00:11:46,706 --> 00:11:50,844
How are they supposed to see it
with Tupperware strapped to my head?
168
00:11:51,211 --> 00:11:54,848
I'd look like that dork the Rocketeer
for God's sakes...
169
00:11:55,015 --> 00:11:58,985
...Which, by the way,
was death at the box office.
170
00:11:59,152 --> 00:12:02,889
Now, I've fallen on my head 100 times...
171
00:12:03,056 --> 00:12:07,394
...And you don't hear me crying,
"I can't think. I can't think."
172
00:12:11,331 --> 00:12:13,567
What were we talking about?
173
00:12:14,968 --> 00:12:16,236
Men's butts.
174
00:12:17,070 --> 00:12:20,674
I'd like to see them try
and get a helmet on my butt.
175
00:12:23,210 --> 00:12:26,179
Thank you, Vinnie.
Your 50 cents is up. Get out.
176
00:12:34,020 --> 00:12:36,323
And now I would like to introduce our band:
177
00:12:36,490 --> 00:12:38,859
Joanie and the Slashettes!
178
00:12:42,095 --> 00:12:44,965
One, two, three, four.
179
00:12:46,099 --> 00:12:48,034
Soda!
180
00:12:52,906 --> 00:12:56,877
Do you believe that they wrote that
in the elevator coming up here.
181
00:12:57,978 --> 00:13:00,914
The mind wobbles, doesn't it?
182
00:13:02,449 --> 00:13:06,386
Okay. Now, as I recall, we were right
in the middle of men's butts.
183
00:13:06,586 --> 00:13:08,455
Cyndy...
184
00:13:09,356 --> 00:13:11,158
...Who do you think has the cutest butt?
185
00:13:11,324 --> 00:13:13,326
I do.
186
00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:15,962
No, we're talking about men's butts.
187
00:13:16,129 --> 00:13:17,731
Mel Gibson.
188
00:13:17,898 --> 00:13:20,467
Lethal Weapon...
189
00:13:22,202 --> 00:13:24,704
Okay. Okay, girls. Let's get serious.
190
00:13:24,871 --> 00:13:26,940
Two, three, four.
191
00:13:28,308 --> 00:13:29,776
Serious!
192
00:13:30,544 --> 00:13:32,846
Which brings us to a tragic story.
193
00:13:33,013 --> 00:13:35,815
A girl-- We'll call her Jeannie.
194
00:13:35,982 --> 00:13:38,218
--Got a bad perm.
195
00:13:43,823 --> 00:13:46,226
I know that this must be
very hard for you, Jeannie.
196
00:13:46,393 --> 00:13:49,729
Thank you for being here today.
Now...
197
00:13:50,297 --> 00:13:54,634
...What went through your mind
when you first saw your perm?
198
00:13:54,801 --> 00:13:56,036
{\an8}I screamed.
199
00:13:57,370 --> 00:13:59,739
{\an8}I cried. I ran the gamut.
200
00:14:00,073 --> 00:14:01,675
You poor thing.
201
00:14:01,841 --> 00:14:04,344
Remember, folks, it's up to you to help.
202
00:14:04,511 --> 00:14:07,948
You can make a difference.
Phone your pledges in now.
203
00:14:08,114 --> 00:14:10,684
Call 555-PERM.
204
00:14:13,720 --> 00:14:15,589
Ladies and gentlemen...
205
00:14:15,755 --> 00:14:18,525
...This could happen to you!
206
00:14:20,293 --> 00:14:23,663
And now another number from our band.
207
00:14:25,599 --> 00:14:27,601
Two, three, four.
208
00:14:29,169 --> 00:14:30,704
Spit!
209
00:14:35,141 --> 00:14:37,611
Makes you think, doesn't it?
210
00:14:38,144 --> 00:14:41,381
Okay, now it's time
for my favorite part of the show.
211
00:14:41,548 --> 00:14:44,784
We're gonna talk about girls
that we don't like.
212
00:14:45,986 --> 00:14:50,457
The Vital Social Issues N Stuff
with Kelly slut of the week is:
213
00:14:50,624 --> 00:14:53,093
Two, three, four.
214
00:14:54,227 --> 00:14:56,162
Slut!
215
00:14:56,997 --> 00:14:58,265
Thank you.
216
00:14:58,431 --> 00:15:00,767
Is Vicki.
217
00:15:12,379 --> 00:15:17,183
Now, not only is Vicki too cheap
to give $1.50 to be on the show...
218
00:15:17,350 --> 00:15:20,053
...But she also borrows clothes
and doesn't give them back.
219
00:15:20,220 --> 00:15:22,022
And if she does...
220
00:15:22,188 --> 00:15:24,658
...She doesn't give them back with the hanger.
221
00:15:24,824 --> 00:15:27,060
- She's trash.
- She's dirt.
222
00:15:27,227 --> 00:15:28,662
She gave me this perm.
223
00:15:34,334 --> 00:15:36,102
So for all these things...
224
00:15:36,269 --> 00:15:41,007
...We all give you, Vicki,
a big get-a-yeast-infection salute.
225
00:15:47,914 --> 00:15:51,351
And now on to career talk.
226
00:15:52,886 --> 00:15:55,355
- What?
- Ask me the question.
227
00:15:55,522 --> 00:15:57,757
Oh, right. Say, Kelly...
228
00:15:57,924 --> 00:16:00,894
...We understand that you go
to modelling school.
229
00:16:01,127 --> 00:16:04,064
Well, I'm glad that you
brought that up, Roberta.
230
00:16:05,198 --> 00:16:07,734
{\an8}My classmates are a bunch of skanks.
231
00:16:09,302 --> 00:16:10,837
{\an8}And my teacher stinks.
232
00:16:11,004 --> 00:16:14,174
{\an8}They wouldn't let me be on TV.
It's because they're jealous.
233
00:16:14,341 --> 00:16:16,710
{\an8}But I'm on now, aren't I?
234
00:16:17,944 --> 00:16:21,848
Well, I can see by the clock
on the wall that it's...
235
00:16:22,115 --> 00:16:24,484
Five, 10, 15, 20...
236
00:16:29,055 --> 00:16:30,757
But before we go...
237
00:16:30,924 --> 00:16:34,327
...I would like to do a number
with the band that I wrote myself.
238
00:16:39,499 --> 00:16:41,434
Ladies.
239
00:16:42,302 --> 00:16:43,636
Two, three, four.
240
00:16:44,104 --> 00:16:48,375
I'm on TV and you are not
Drop dead, Mrs. Jones
241
00:16:53,146 --> 00:16:54,381
Die!
242
00:16:54,547 --> 00:16:57,250
Size 42
243
00:17:01,621 --> 00:17:03,590
Two, three, four.
244
00:17:13,466 --> 00:17:15,168
So, what'd you think?
245
00:17:19,806 --> 00:17:22,175
I mean, it was great, right?
246
00:17:26,312 --> 00:17:28,214
Well, honey...
247
00:17:28,381 --> 00:17:31,084
...We're gonna have a little meeting over here.
248
00:17:33,686 --> 00:17:36,489
Kelly, you go over there.
249
00:17:39,092 --> 00:17:40,360
Now, she tried really hard.
250
00:17:40,527 --> 00:17:42,128
- We can't hurt her feelings.
- Yeah.
251
00:17:42,295 --> 00:17:44,564
We gotta think of something nice
to say to her.
252
00:17:44,731 --> 00:17:46,065
How about, "At least they didn't...
253
00:17:46,232 --> 00:17:48,902
...Send the Energizer Bunny through the show"?
254
00:17:52,138 --> 00:17:54,441
Let's be nice to her this one time.
255
00:17:54,607 --> 00:17:56,009
Now-- I know.
256
00:17:56,176 --> 00:17:59,913
Let's go over and say that we didn't see it.
257
00:18:05,518 --> 00:18:08,721
Honey, we have something to tell you.
258
00:18:08,922 --> 00:18:11,157
Well, I have something to tell you too.
259
00:18:11,324 --> 00:18:13,893
They love me.
I'm gonna be on every week.
260
00:18:14,060 --> 00:18:16,262
So, what were you gonna say?
261
00:18:19,466 --> 00:18:22,936
Dad's dramatic reading in a pathetic
attempt to get on Kelly's show.
262
00:18:25,104 --> 00:18:26,940
Take six.
263
00:19:10,750 --> 00:19:12,819
Thank you, Daddy. Thank you.
264
00:19:12,986 --> 00:19:15,221
Honey, now to help you choose...
265
00:19:15,388 --> 00:19:17,991
...Do you think I should do
"The Girl from Ipanema" again?
266
00:19:18,157 --> 00:19:20,093
No. Please, no, Daddy.
267
00:19:20,326 --> 00:19:25,298
Now, listen, I appreciate
whatever it was that you were doing...
268
00:19:25,465 --> 00:19:28,902
...But the station wants a show with me
and the girls. And I'm really having fun.
269
00:19:29,068 --> 00:19:30,803
Why can't you just be proud of me?
270
00:19:30,970 --> 00:19:35,074
Well, I am proud of you, pumpkin.
271
00:19:35,842 --> 00:19:40,146
I hope the show does even better
so that I can be more proud of you.
272
00:19:40,914 --> 00:19:43,316
Little untalented and ungrateful
flash in the pan.
273
00:19:43,483 --> 00:19:45,518
Out of the way!
274
00:19:47,520 --> 00:19:48,788
Oh, boy, that was painful.
275
00:19:48,955 --> 00:19:51,190
I'm glad I don't have
to go through that again.
276
00:20:31,831 --> 00:20:33,566
Kel...
277
00:20:34,100 --> 00:20:37,437
...You gotta picture the whole
thing in a pair of Speedos.
278
00:20:42,241 --> 00:20:43,476
That's what we think.
279
00:20:43,643 --> 00:20:47,347
Tell us what you think on the subject:
Briefs or boxers?
280
00:20:47,513 --> 00:20:50,383
Don't let it be his decision.
281
00:20:53,119 --> 00:20:55,989
Dad, it's been three weeks
and Kelly's show is still on.
282
00:20:56,155 --> 00:20:57,657
I think it's taken off.
283
00:20:57,824 --> 00:21:01,928
Can it be that we were wrong?
Can this be a success?
284
00:21:02,095 --> 00:21:04,597
Well, son, I don't know anything about TV...
285
00:21:04,764 --> 00:21:06,866
...Don't know anything about the world...
286
00:21:07,033 --> 00:21:10,269
...Don't know anything
about Siegfried & Roy's home life.
287
00:21:11,871 --> 00:21:14,107
But I do know that Kelly is a Bundy.
288
00:21:14,273 --> 00:21:18,177
And there's no way in the world
a Bundy will succeed at anything.
289
00:21:19,746 --> 00:21:21,381
Does that make you feel better, son?
290
00:21:22,048 --> 00:21:24,384
Oh yeah, Dad. I'm high as a kite now.
291
00:21:26,019 --> 00:21:30,590
Good. Because any time now, she's
gonna come through that door crying:
292
00:21:30,757 --> 00:21:35,261
"Daddy, Daddy, it's all over.
People realize my show stinks.
293
00:21:35,428 --> 00:21:37,630
I should have had you on.
294
00:21:38,264 --> 00:21:43,069
Only you, the mighty duke of Earl,
could have saved my show.
295
00:21:43,503 --> 00:21:46,172
But now it's too late and I failed."
296
00:21:49,208 --> 00:21:51,544
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
297
00:21:51,711 --> 00:21:53,112
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
298
00:21:53,279 --> 00:21:56,616
Well, pumpkin, what could have happened?
299
00:21:57,216 --> 00:21:59,585
They contacted me down at the station.
300
00:22:00,286 --> 00:22:01,988
And?
301
00:22:02,355 --> 00:22:04,557
A real network wants
to put my show on prime time.
302
00:22:04,724 --> 00:22:06,559
- I'm going to Hollywood!
- What?
303
00:22:06,726 --> 00:22:08,861
- Yes! Yes!
- Hollywood?
304
00:22:11,731 --> 00:22:13,199
Get on out of here!
23974
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof