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1
00:00:54,880 --> 00:00:56,491
MAN :
Waltz a little faster, folks.
2
00:00:56,534 --> 00:00:58,188
New shipment of wounded
in 15 minutes.
3
00:00:59,407 --> 00:01:00,538
Haven't had wounded
4
00:01:00,582 --> 00:01:02,062
for at least half an hour.
5
00:01:02,105 --> 00:01:03,541
What is this? Anyway?
6
00:01:03,585 --> 00:01:05,108
We better take shifts.
7
00:01:05,152 --> 00:01:06,675
Margaret,
why don't you grab a nap?
8
00:01:06,718 --> 00:01:08,198
I think I'd better.
9
00:01:08,242 --> 00:01:09,721
-There's this little rest--
10
00:01:09,765 --> 00:01:11,245
...little restaurant
in Sausalito
11
00:01:11,288 --> 00:01:13,856
where a seagull
sits on the windowsill.
12
00:01:13,899 --> 00:01:15,901
You can tell by his expression
13
00:01:15,945 --> 00:01:18,948
he doesn't have any idea that
people shoot at each other.
14
00:01:18,991 --> 00:01:22,734
When I get outta here,
I'm going there every day
15
00:01:22,778 --> 00:01:25,650
until I get that same
expression on my face.
16
00:01:25,694 --> 00:01:28,131
I don't think we'll
ever get out of here.
17
00:01:28,175 --> 00:01:30,438
They've tattooed our brains
with this ugliness,
18
00:01:30,481 --> 00:01:32,048
and we'll never get it off.
19
00:01:32,092 --> 00:01:35,138
Well, I'm gonna
escape right now
20
00:01:35,182 --> 00:01:37,184
for exactly two hours.
21
00:01:37,227 --> 00:01:39,925
-Sweet dreams, Margaret.
-That's what I'm planning on.
22
00:01:39,969 --> 00:01:42,145
-You wanna make it
a double feature?
-No.
23
00:01:42,189 --> 00:01:44,060
You sure you don't wanna
see my selected shorts?
24
00:01:44,104 --> 00:01:46,758
I don't even wanna hear
your Looney Tunes.
25
00:01:46,802 --> 00:01:49,152
-Chilly.
26
00:01:49,196 --> 00:01:50,980
Mm.
27
00:03:35,998 --> 00:03:38,261
Abdominal wound.
Where do you want him?
28
00:03:38,305 --> 00:03:40,132
No place. We haven't got
a pair of hands free.
29
00:03:40,176 --> 00:03:43,266
-Hold it. U-turn.
-Where is the 8063rd
during all this?
30
00:03:43,310 --> 00:03:45,268
Why aren't they taking
some of this heat for us?
31
00:03:45,312 --> 00:03:46,878
They bugged out, Colonel.
32
00:03:46,922 --> 00:03:49,229
Well, eventually, they have
to "disembug" themselves.
33
00:03:49,272 --> 00:03:50,926
Find out where
they're bugging to,
34
00:03:50,969 --> 00:03:53,668
and we'll send them a few
neatly wrapped packages.
35
00:03:53,711 --> 00:03:56,236
Meanwhile, call for some
ambulances and clear out
post-op.
36
00:03:56,279 --> 00:03:58,238
We're getting
too many customers.
37
00:03:58,281 --> 00:03:59,500
I think it's time
to take down the sign
38
00:03:59,543 --> 00:04:01,066
that says
"No cover, no minimum."
39
00:04:01,110 --> 00:04:03,373
I'll be back before you
can say "baba ghanoush."
40
00:04:03,417 --> 00:04:06,594
Damn. I can't make
my fingers work.
41
00:04:06,637 --> 00:04:08,291
Slight case
of surgeon's cramp.
42
00:04:08,335 --> 00:04:10,772
-Somebody take over for him.
-I'm fine.
43
00:04:10,815 --> 00:04:12,077
Connie, how'd
you like to close?
44
00:04:12,121 --> 00:04:13,862
I thought you'd never ask.
45
00:04:15,777 --> 00:04:17,213
-Move.
-Come on.
46
00:04:17,257 --> 00:04:18,562
It's just a temporary spasm.
47
00:04:18,606 --> 00:04:20,869
Then take
a temporary hike.
48
00:04:20,912 --> 00:04:23,785
Sure, push a guy around.
49
00:04:23,828 --> 00:04:26,570
Boy, if I could make a fist,
50
00:04:26,614 --> 00:04:28,311
I'd be shaking it
in the air right now.
51
00:04:28,355 --> 00:04:30,226
Have yourself
a nice long rest
52
00:04:30,270 --> 00:04:32,315
and be back here
in 12 minutes.
53
00:04:40,628 --> 00:04:41,585
Hi.
54
00:04:43,239 --> 00:04:44,588
You come here often?
55
00:04:45,763 --> 00:04:47,287
Band's not great,
56
00:04:47,330 --> 00:04:49,550
but some of these kids
can really cut a rug.
57
00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:52,901
Good night, Peg.
58
00:04:55,164 --> 00:04:57,340
Oh, don't be jealous.
It's just my wife.
59
00:06:50,366 --> 00:06:52,716
No ambulances, Colonel.
60
00:06:52,760 --> 00:06:54,849
Some lieutenant at Battalion
says he signed out for them,
61
00:06:54,892 --> 00:06:56,328
and he won't send them up here
62
00:06:56,372 --> 00:06:57,808
where they're liable
to get shot at.
63
00:06:57,852 --> 00:06:59,941
I think he's
a very new lieutenant.
64
00:07:02,030 --> 00:07:04,728
Pierce, get somebody
on this patient.
65
00:07:04,772 --> 00:07:06,077
Right. Charles?
66
00:07:06,121 --> 00:07:07,862
I think not.
67
00:07:07,905 --> 00:07:10,865
Suture. After this,
I am taking a nap.
68
00:07:10,908 --> 00:07:12,823
Who's gonna work on
that patient over there?
69
00:07:12,867 --> 00:07:15,522
I presume, as you are
chief surgeon,
70
00:07:15,565 --> 00:07:16,523
chiefly you.
71
00:07:17,872 --> 00:07:20,178
Lieutenant,
with all due respect,
72
00:07:20,222 --> 00:07:22,659
what are you using for brains,
chopped liver?
73
00:07:22,703 --> 00:07:27,011
Colonel, I personally signed
out for those ambulances.
74
00:07:27,055 --> 00:07:29,710
If they get blown up,
it'll be coming out
of my paycheck
75
00:07:29,753 --> 00:07:31,059
for as long as I live.
76
00:07:31,102 --> 00:07:32,321
You ninny,
77
00:07:32,364 --> 00:07:34,105
the army expects them
to be destroyed.
78
00:07:34,149 --> 00:07:36,107
That's what they
give them to us for.
79
00:07:36,151 --> 00:07:38,588
That's not what
they told me, Colonel.
80
00:07:38,632 --> 00:07:40,068
Why don't you give me a call
81
00:07:40,111 --> 00:07:41,548
when the shooting
lightens up a bit.
82
00:07:41,591 --> 00:07:46,683
Lieutenant, I am gonna
go over your head
83
00:07:46,727 --> 00:07:49,120
just barely over your head,
84
00:07:49,164 --> 00:07:51,645
so you better hang on
to your skull.
85
00:07:52,994 --> 00:07:55,257
Klinger,
get me General Imbrie.
86
00:07:59,740 --> 00:08:01,655
I'm too old for this.
87
00:08:03,831 --> 00:08:07,356
I've got children telling me
I can't play with their toys.
88
00:08:57,798 --> 00:09:00,844
WOMAN:
Sherman! Sherman Potter!
89
00:09:00,888 --> 00:09:03,455
Dinnertime. Dinner!
90
00:09:03,499 --> 00:09:06,284
Colonel, Colonel,
things are getting worse.
91
00:09:06,328 --> 00:09:09,723
General Imbrie is doing
bar duty in Tokyo,
and I can't reach him.
92
00:09:09,766 --> 00:09:12,116
The guy with the ambulances
won't even answer the phone.
93
00:09:12,160 --> 00:09:13,596
And post-op is so jammed,
94
00:09:13,640 --> 00:09:15,424
they're piling
the wounded in my office.
95
00:09:15,467 --> 00:09:17,426
I don't know what to do.
We can't put 'em outside
96
00:09:17,469 --> 00:09:19,733
because the thermometer
just took another nosedive.
97
00:09:19,776 --> 00:09:21,778
Sorry I had to
wake you, Colonel.
98
00:09:21,822 --> 00:09:24,172
I wish you could have
given me one more minute.
99
00:09:24,215 --> 00:09:28,045
It's been a long time
since I tasted one of
her home-baked muffins.
100
00:09:38,273 --> 00:09:41,363
MAN: Okay, put him down
right here. Easy. Easy.
101
00:10:24,580 --> 00:10:26,495
-Bravo!
102
00:10:28,279 --> 00:10:30,499
-Oh, me.
-Oh, let me put some in.
103
00:12:21,784 --> 00:12:22,959
Ohh!
104
00:12:29,836 --> 00:12:31,054
Damn.
105
00:12:31,098 --> 00:12:34,188
Oh, over here, Father.
106
00:12:34,231 --> 00:12:36,886
-Oh!
-Let's see how cold they are.
107
00:12:36,930 --> 00:12:39,106
Ooh, that's frozen.
108
00:12:39,149 --> 00:12:41,021
If we put this stuff
in those kids' veins,
109
00:12:41,064 --> 00:12:42,544
it would jolt them
right off the table.
110
00:12:42,587 --> 00:12:44,589
-Yeah, you're right.
-Here.
111
00:12:44,633 --> 00:12:47,462
Let's start 'em on these.
I'll heat up a new batch.
112
00:12:47,505 --> 00:12:49,464
Klinger, you're
a warm human being.
113
00:12:49,507 --> 00:12:53,120
It's the code of the desert,
Father. Share the heat.
114
00:12:53,163 --> 00:12:55,862
All right.
115
00:12:55,905 --> 00:12:58,473
Be gentle with me.
116
00:12:58,516 --> 00:13:00,954
No rude shocks.
117
00:13:00,997 --> 00:13:03,695
A little
coolness is all right,
118
00:13:03,739 --> 00:13:07,090
but nothing sudden.
119
00:13:07,134 --> 00:13:08,700
Ready?
120
00:13:10,311 --> 00:13:12,356
Ohh! Ohh!
121
00:13:19,276 --> 00:13:21,583
Hey. Hey!
122
00:13:21,626 --> 00:13:25,500
What the hell kind of hotel
are you guys running here?
123
00:13:25,543 --> 00:13:27,023
-Tie that other
side down, will ya?
-Sure.
124
00:13:27,067 --> 00:13:28,851
Haven't been able to sleep
since I got here.
125
00:13:28,895 --> 00:13:30,461
Sorry, General.
This time of year,
126
00:13:30,505 --> 00:13:32,159
we get a lot of
convention business.
127
00:13:32,202 --> 00:13:34,161
You like a room with a view?
We can put you up top.
128
00:13:34,204 --> 00:13:36,903
I want to see
your commanding officer.
129
00:13:36,946 --> 00:13:38,556
Yeah, well, right now
he's operating.
130
00:13:38,600 --> 00:13:40,863
We'll send him in
as soon as he wakes up.
131
00:13:40,907 --> 00:13:43,126
-Sorry.
132
00:13:45,607 --> 00:13:47,870
I don't want
anyone else to hear
my confession, Father.
133
00:13:47,914 --> 00:13:49,872
If I talk like this,
can you hear me?
134
00:13:49,916 --> 00:13:52,222
Oh, certainly, son.
Go right ahead.
135
00:13:52,266 --> 00:13:54,703
Bless me, Father,
for I have sinned.
136
00:13:54,746 --> 00:13:56,792
It's been six months
since my last confession.
137
00:13:56,836 --> 00:13:58,881
And since that time,
I've committed three sins
138
00:13:58,925 --> 00:14:01,188
against
the Sixth Commandment.
139
00:14:01,231 --> 00:14:03,190
The first occasion
was a bar in Seoul
140
00:14:03,233 --> 00:14:05,932
in which I trove sobbert
in farley quince
141
00:14:05,975 --> 00:14:07,847
to civilar falamaries
142
00:14:07,890 --> 00:14:10,675
with closive infilches
and depationary farven.
143
00:14:10,719 --> 00:14:12,895
Then, about a month later,
144
00:14:12,939 --> 00:14:15,506
we'd been up on the line
for 28 days.
145
00:14:15,550 --> 00:14:17,813
Everybody was
real fatigued.
146
00:14:17,857 --> 00:14:21,121
We all wanted to go out
and just try to forget,
you know.
147
00:14:21,164 --> 00:14:23,253
So, of course,
we started drinking,
148
00:14:23,297 --> 00:14:24,864
and then I--
I sorgen staven
149
00:14:24,907 --> 00:14:26,866
in tusiflia thurgis.
150
00:14:26,909 --> 00:14:30,043
In frawl with
sagullery purchel.
151
00:14:30,086 --> 00:14:32,654
But franges are gurvel,
you know.
152
00:14:32,697 --> 00:14:35,135
Iskeep perobic tondo.
153
00:15:47,947 --> 00:15:49,644
MMARGARET:
Watch the sponge count.
154
00:15:50,950 --> 00:15:52,168
Father?
155
00:15:53,474 --> 00:15:55,171
Father.
156
00:15:55,215 --> 00:15:57,260
Oh, I'm sorry, son.
157
00:15:57,304 --> 00:15:59,959
I haven't slept for two days.
158
00:16:00,002 --> 00:16:02,091
Do I have to say
all that again?
159
00:16:02,135 --> 00:16:04,746
Well, you can
skip the details
160
00:16:04,789 --> 00:16:07,967
and just give me
the highlights.
161
00:16:08,010 --> 00:16:09,794
Bless me, Father,
for I have sinned.
162
00:16:13,233 --> 00:16:14,756
How are you feeling,
General?
163
00:16:14,799 --> 00:16:17,019
I'd feel better if
I had a little privacy.
164
00:16:17,063 --> 00:16:18,629
Sorry, General. Right now,
165
00:16:18,673 --> 00:16:21,154
privacy is anything less
than three to a bunk.
166
00:16:21,197 --> 00:16:24,331
There's no reason these boys
have to be crowded together.
167
00:16:24,374 --> 00:16:26,507
Why can't you evacuate
some of them?
168
00:16:26,550 --> 00:16:27,899
Because down at Battalion,
169
00:16:27,943 --> 00:16:29,771
some yahoo of
a first lieutenant
170
00:16:29,814 --> 00:16:32,295
won't send us
any ambulances.
171
00:16:32,339 --> 00:16:34,036
Why the hell not?
172
00:16:34,080 --> 00:16:35,516
He says there's a lot
of shooting going on
173
00:16:35,559 --> 00:16:38,606
and he doesn't want
the ambulances to get hurt.
174
00:16:38,649 --> 00:16:41,043
Damn jackass.
175
00:16:41,087 --> 00:16:45,047
If I had 30 seconds with
that pimple-headed lieutenant,
176
00:16:45,091 --> 00:16:47,919
I'd boil his bars for him.
177
00:16:47,963 --> 00:16:49,921
Well, I think
we can put that through,
178
00:16:49,965 --> 00:16:51,923
person-to-pimple.
179
00:16:51,967 --> 00:16:53,795
-Lieutenant?
-Yes, sir.
180
00:16:53,838 --> 00:16:55,797
Get Klinger in here.
We got a call to make.
181
00:16:55,840 --> 00:16:56,928
Right away, sir.
182
00:17:09,941 --> 00:17:13,162
MAN:
Toledo. Toledo, next stop.
183
00:18:14,093 --> 00:18:17,008
Klinger! Klinger!
184
00:18:17,052 --> 00:18:19,228
Klinger! You better
run a phone line
185
00:18:19,272 --> 00:18:21,143
to post-op in
the next two minutes,
186
00:18:21,187 --> 00:18:23,058
or you're in big trouble.
187
00:18:23,102 --> 00:18:25,974
Oh, thank you, Lieutenant.
188
00:18:26,017 --> 00:18:28,803
Those are the sweetest words
I've ever heard.
189
00:18:28,846 --> 00:18:31,632
I'm alive. I'm alive!
190
00:18:31,675 --> 00:18:33,677
Oh, Lieutenant-- Mmm!
191
00:18:35,244 --> 00:18:36,767
Lieutenant, I'm sure
192
00:18:36,811 --> 00:18:38,856
you have a very sound reason
193
00:18:38,900 --> 00:18:41,598
for not sending those
ambulances into combat.
194
00:18:41,642 --> 00:18:43,992
-Yes, sir.
-So why don't you come up here
195
00:18:44,035 --> 00:18:47,038
right now, in the flesh,
196
00:18:47,082 --> 00:18:50,694
-and tell me what it is.
-I-In the flesh, sir?
197
00:18:50,738 --> 00:18:52,609
Or what's left of it...
198
00:18:52,653 --> 00:18:53,871
Lieutenant?
199
00:18:53,915 --> 00:18:55,351
They're on their way
up now, sir.
200
00:18:55,395 --> 00:18:58,180
That's fine, Lieutenant.
201
00:18:58,224 --> 00:18:59,529
Thank you.
202
00:19:00,704 --> 00:19:02,663
You see, Colonel?
203
00:19:02,706 --> 00:19:05,318
He'll let us have
those ambulances.
204
00:19:05,361 --> 00:19:07,494
He just wants
to save his caboose.
205
00:19:07,537 --> 00:19:09,626
Thank you, General.
206
00:19:09,670 --> 00:19:14,544
Well, it's over.
211 patients in 33 hours.
207
00:19:14,588 --> 00:19:16,546
Well, it's good to know
we could do it.
208
00:19:16,590 --> 00:19:19,332
Why couldn't they
just choose up sides
and thumb wrestle?
209
00:19:19,375 --> 00:19:22,335
A couple of good manicurists
could handle the whole thing.
210
00:19:22,378 --> 00:19:24,250
Mornin', cousins.
How y'all?
211
00:19:24,293 --> 00:19:26,034
Well, you came
through it all right...
212
00:19:26,077 --> 00:19:27,340
for a dead man.
213
00:19:27,383 --> 00:19:28,558
Are you kidding?
214
00:19:28,602 --> 00:19:30,386
I thrive on collapse.
215
00:19:32,693 --> 00:19:34,651
Air-conditioning your meat?
216
00:19:34,695 --> 00:19:36,958
No, I'm deciding
whether or not to eat it.
217
00:19:37,001 --> 00:19:40,918
I think not. I've seen
one too many livers today.
218
00:19:42,311 --> 00:19:45,140
Is this liver,
or am I changing a tire?
219
00:19:45,184 --> 00:19:47,751
Why don't you go on back
to the Swamp and go to sleep?
220
00:19:47,795 --> 00:19:51,190
I don't know.
That sounds like
too much trouble.
221
00:19:58,197 --> 00:20:00,199
Now then, Dr. Pierce...
222
00:20:02,244 --> 00:20:04,768
how do you reattach a limb?
223
00:20:04,812 --> 00:20:08,337
I'm sorry.
I was-- I was sleeping.
224
00:20:08,381 --> 00:20:09,512
Did we cover that?
225
00:20:17,477 --> 00:20:19,305
Your left arm, please.
226
00:20:23,439 --> 00:20:25,267
Twist it.
227
00:20:35,843 --> 00:20:37,061
Pull.
228
00:20:42,980 --> 00:20:44,373
May I have it?
229
00:20:58,257 --> 00:21:00,476
This young man
wants his arm back.
230
00:21:02,043 --> 00:21:04,350
Do you know the procedure?
231
00:21:04,393 --> 00:21:07,701
I was sleeping. I don't know.
232
00:21:16,623 --> 00:21:18,494
Your right arm, please.
233
00:21:22,933 --> 00:21:24,500
If you would.
234
00:22:34,657 --> 00:22:35,702
No!
235
00:22:59,900 --> 00:23:01,249
Well, it's been
a miserable, grueling,
236
00:23:01,292 --> 00:23:03,164
rotten couple of days.
237
00:23:03,207 --> 00:23:06,428
A little shut-eye
would go down great
right about now.
238
00:23:06,472 --> 00:23:09,126
You can say that again.
Even my teeth are dozing off.
239
00:23:09,170 --> 00:23:10,519
Compared
to the way I feel,
240
00:23:10,563 --> 00:23:13,000
Rip Van Winkle
was an insomniac.
241
00:23:13,043 --> 00:23:14,741
Well, good night, folks.
242
00:23:14,784 --> 00:23:16,699
If you need me,
I'll be unconscious.
243
00:23:16,743 --> 00:23:18,614
Ah, to sleep,
244
00:23:18,658 --> 00:23:20,616
perchance to dream.
245
00:23:23,053 --> 00:23:25,099
On the other hand, maybe I'll
have another cup of coffee.
246
00:23:25,142 --> 00:23:27,188
-Good idea.
-Help keep us warm.
247
00:23:27,231 --> 00:23:29,146
-I'll pour.
-A big shot of that, Father.
17910
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